"TED"
Story by Seth MacFarlane
Screenplay by Seth MacFarlane
And
Alec Sulkin & Wellesley Wild
Thunder Buddies, LLC C/O MEDIA RIGHTS CAPITAL 1800 CENTRUY PARK EAST, 10TH FLOOR LOS ANGELES, CA 90067
This material is the property of THUNDER BUDDIES, LLC and is intended solely for use by its personnel and other authorized persons. Distribution or sale to any unauthorized persons or duplication in whole or in part is strictly forbidden.
As the Universal logo completes itself, we begin to slowly push in on the East Coast of the United States. The camera glides down through the atmosphere, through the clouds, closer and closer, until we begin to see large patches of snow covering the upper coastline. It’s winter. We continue to push in, until we arrive at one small suburban neighborhood. Over the push-in, we hear the following narration, delivered by Patrick Stewart.
We see a GROUP OF KIDS laughing and tossing snowballs at each other in the street.
Another little kid walks out of his house with a sled, and starts walking up the street. One of the snowball- throwing kids points at the sled kid.
KID #1 Hey, Greenbaum!
KID #1 It’s Jesus’ birthday tomorrow! You know what I’m gonna get him?
KID #1 My fist in your fuckin’ face!
KID #2 Get him!
The kids all chase Greenbaum up the street, and tackle him. Another boy, JOHN BENNETT (about 8 years old, shy and innocent-looking) approaches the melee.
The kids all look at him.
KID #1/#2/#3 Get outta here! / Get outta here, Bennett! / Get lost, Bennett!
The Jewish kid, his face bloodied, looks angrily at John.
The kids go back to beating up Greenbaum, as John sadly walks back toward his house.
John sadly sits by his window with his chin in his hands, looking outside. John’S POV - We see the other kids all playing in the snow: building snowmen, throwing snowballs, etc. At one point, a BLACK KID IN A WHEELCHAIR wheels up. The other kids welcome him with open arms, and he immediately joins in the fun.
A LITTLE GIRL opens a present as her parents look on, smiling. Inside is a My Little Pony. She smiles with delight.
A LITTLE BOY opens a present as HIS PARENTS look on, smiling. Inside is a G.I. Joe Hovercraft. The boy is overjoyed.
ANOTHER LITTLE BOY opens a present as his parents look on, smiling. Inside is a “Darth Vader head” action figure case. The boy opens it up, revealing that it’s full of “Star Wars” action figures. The boy jumps around ecstatically.
John sits amidst unwrapped gifts. We see him opening a present. Inside is a plush, adorable-looking teddy bear. The boy holds it with delight.
HIS MOM AND DAD hug him.
JOHN’S DAD I guess Santa paid attention to how good you were this year, huh?
JOHN’S MOM (kissing him) Merry Christmas, John.
John hugs the teddy bear. It makes a cutesy, high- pitched “I wuv you” sound. John gasps with delight.
John giggles happily, squeezing the bear to make it talk, as his mom and dad exchange a smile.
John sits on the floor watching the 1980 film “Flash Gordon” on TV. He eats Twizzlers with Ted sitting next to him. Occasionally he gives Ted a “bite.”
Teddy looks back at him, expressionless.
He squeezes Ted, who once again makes the “I wuv you” sound.
John gets into bed with the teddy bear, and snuggles with it.
John drifts off to sleep. The camera moves toward the window, and drifts outside. It pulls back from the house slowly.
The camera pivots around to face the sky. We see the snow falling from moonlit clouds. At the center of the clouds, there is a small patch of open air through which we can see stars. Suddenly, a shooting star whizzes by through the opening.
SLOWLY PUSH IN on the teddy bear’s face as John lies sleeping next to it.
The house and yard are covered with snow.
John slowly opens his eyes. He turns over to face Teddy, but we see that Teddy is no longer next to him. John bolts upright and looks around, frantically.
John looks under the covers, but the bear is not there. He jumps out of bed and looks around the bed’s perimeter, assuming that Teddy must have fallen off during the night. Finally, he checks underneath the bed. ANGLE FROM UNDERNEATH THE BED we see John looking around.
John sits up again and freezes, looking right into the camera, wide eyed. ANGLE ON JOHN’S P.O.V.: We see the face of Teddy staring right at him. Teddy blinks once.
John yelps and stumbles back, falling over. He stares at Teddy, breathing heavily.
A huge grin spreads across John’s face. He gets up, runs to Teddy and hugs him.
John’s Dad sits at the breakfast table, reading the paper as John’s Mom prepares eggs and bacon, putting it on their plates.
JOHN’S MOM Well, I think we had a wonderful Christmas this year.
JOHN’S DAD One of the best. (slyly) And I particularly enjoyed the gift you gave me last night.
John runs into the kitchen.
John’s Mom and Dad look at each other and smile.
JOHN’S MOM (playing along) Really, sweetie? Well, that’s exciting.
Teddy walks in and stands next to John.
John’s Dad scrambles to his feet, knocking plates off the table. John’s mom screams.
JOHN’S DAD Jesus H. Fuck!
JOHN’S MOM Oh my god...
JOHN’S DAD John, get away from that thing! Come over here, right now!
JOHN’S DAD GET OVER HERE!
John reluctantly walks over to his dad, who grabs him and protectively pulls him aside.
JOHN’S DAD (CONT’D) Helen, get my gun.
JOHN’S DAD Helen, get my gun, and call the police!
JOHN’S MOM (astonished whisper) My god, Steve... it’s a miracle. A Christmas miracle.
They stare at Teddy for a beat.
We see an 80’s NEWSCASTER behind the news desk. A graphic of the bear is over his left shoulder.
We see an 80’s FEMALE NEWSCASTER. A graphic of the bear is over her left shoulder.
AA18 INT. ANOTHER NEWSROOM - DAY (ON TV) AA18
We see a ‘70S SOUTHERN NEWSCASTER with a CHYRON that says “ACTION NEWS GEORGIA”. He points manically at the graphic of the bear above his left shoulder.
A MALE JAPANESE NEWSCASTER and FEMALE JAPANESE NEWSCASTER sit behind the desk. Between them, at the top of the screen, is a picture of the bear.
The male newscaster turns sharply to her.
He strikes her for an unclear reason. She buries her head in her hands, in shame.
We see REAL FOOTAGE of “The Tonight Show” from the ‘80’s, with Johnny Carson talking to Teddy, who is sitting in the guest chair (If appropriate footage is accessible, will include Teddy walking out on stage, shaking hands with Johnny and sitting down.)
REST OF CARSON SCENE TBD BASED ON ARCHIVE FOOTAGE
John and Teddy are in bed, under the covers with a flashlight.
ANGLE UNDER THE COVERS - we now see them.
Another thunder clap.
They hug as we PULL BACK SLOWLY, dissolving through the covers.
Over the following, we continue to pull back from the room to the outside of the moonlit house...
We PAN ACROSS the Boston skyline as the opening titles roll. CUT TO various shots of the city throughout.
PAN DOWN to the streets below: several shots of the everyday bustle of the city, then we CUT TO:
Young John and Ted lie on the floor as they both grin at the camera, chins resting on their hands.
Young John and Ted wave to the camera from up in a treehouse.
A NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE COVER SLIDES BY - It shows Ted shaking hands with Reagan. The headline reads: “America’s Little Miracle”. Smaller headlines read, “Goodbye Heart Disease, Here Comes Oat Bran!” and “The Future of Entertainment: The Laserdisc.”
A US NEWS COVER SLIDES BY - It shows Ted standing in front of an American flag. The headline reads, “Ted, White, and Blue”. Smaller headlines read, “Oliver North Draws the Heat” and “Will Your Town Soon Have Its Own ‘Robocop’?”
(Insert existing soapbox racer bit here)
Ted and young John blow out the candles on a birthday cake at John’s ninth birthday party.
Larry Bird stands with young John, who has Ted standing on the top of his head. They are still nowhere near as tall as Larry.
A TV GUIDE COVER SLIDES BY: It shows a smiling Ted with the headline “TV’S NEW FAVORITE GUEST STAR!” Smaller headlines read, “Inside: The Best Show You’re Not Watching!” and “The Unstoppable Phil Hartman!”
WE CUT TO TBD FOOTAGE OF “WHO’S THE BOSS?” INTO WHICH TED HAS BEEN INSERTED.
Young John and Ted sit on the couch smiling and laughing as they watch the show.
Young John wears a hooded sweatshirt as he pedals his bike up the street. Ted sits in the front basket, like E.T.
ANGLE ON a People magazine from 1992 that reads, “UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH ‘TERMINATOR 2’s ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!” Down below in smaller print it says “Plus, we talk to Ted the bear”.
Teenage John and Ted lean against a car. Teenage John looks indifferent and a bit jaded now.
John’s high school graduation.
ANGLE ON A TV - The nightly news is in progress. A news anchor addresses the camera. A graphic next to her reads “FORMER CELEBRITY BUSTED AT AIRPORT”, with an unflattering photo of Ted.
We see Ted getting hauled away by security. A caption below reads “Ted caught with mushrooms at airport security”. He’s putting up a bit of a fight, and gives the “finger” to the camera (the finger is pixilated).
We see 20 year-old John sitting on his bed, laughing. Ted sits by his side, also laughing at the incident.
(Insert existing “Phantom Menace” bit)
(Insert existing Chuck E. Cheese bit)
ANGLE ON A FACEBOOK PAGE FOR JOHN BENNETT: PAN DOWN to the status indicator. It reads, “In a Relationship With Lori Collins.” An arrow clicks on her name, going to her page. On her wall, it reads “Lori has added 3 new photos in the album Mobile Uploads”.
Lori and John smile as Lori holds a big stuffed bear that John has won for her at a booth. Ted stands nearby, arms crossed, with a deep, disapproving scowl.
In the photo, presumably taken by John, Lori stands laughing as Ted stands behind her (standing on something) covering her eyes with his paws.
John and Lori are set for a trail ride. They are both on horses, wearing helmets. WIDEN TO REVEAL Ted, who also wears a helmet, but rides a smiling golden retriever.
John, Lori, and Ted play miniature golf. Lori putts the ball, which rolls to the lip of the cup. She reacts, disappointed. Ted makes a graceful leg sweep, pushing the ball into the cup “accidentally”. Lori smiles. John smiles back at her. Ted winks.
(Insert “Jeter sucks” bit)
John, Lori and Ted sit outside at a table, each holding an ice cream cone. They stare deadpan at the camera, each with a dab of ice cream on their noses, and a dab of ice cream on their upper lips.
John and Lori paint the apartment walls. Lori sneaks up behind John, and paints his back. John turns around and grabs her. They scuffle playfully, and then kiss. We ANGLE ON Ted, who stands on a little stepladder hammering a “Home Sweet Home” picture into the wall. He steps back, but realizes he has nailed his hand to the wall. He tugs, slips, and the ladder falls. Ted hangs there like an idiot.
John, Lori, and Ted sit on the couch. All three sit with their legs crossed, faux-pretentiously raising glasses of Jorian Hill Syrah to camera in identical poses, the wine bottle on the table in front of them.
We see a photo Ted has taken of himself. In the background are John and Lori, playing Scrabble. Ted is in the foreground, smiling at the camera as he holds up his letters. He has spelled out the word “DOUCHE”, with an extra B and G to spare.
John, Ted, and Lori watch a horror movie on the couch.
(Insert existing John/Lori swan boat footage.)
CLOSE ON a bong. PULL OUT TO REVEAL Ted, who inhales, his snout inside the tube. Ted sits on the sofa, and for the first time, we see Ted in his present day form: he is ratty, patched-up, and worn-looking. He has a couple stains, some small spots of exposed stuffing, and there’s evidence of some half-assed sewing. It’s obvious he’s been around for three decades. He and John, who sits next to him, are both clearly stoned as we join them. John, for his part, looks far too comfortable in the too- worn Red Sox T-shirt he wears. He eats directly from a box of Fruity Pebbles. Reaching in for a last handful, he finds the box almost empty. He raises it to empty the remainder into his mouth, and accidentally pours Fruity Pebbles all over his face. It doesn’t faze him much, though, as he brushes them off. It’s quite obvious that this is a guy who has never really given up his childhood... and has never given up his teddy bear. Ted passes the bong to John.
John takes a hit from the bong over Ted’s next line.
Ted takes a hit from the bong.
John gets up, and hurries into the other room to get dressed.
We see two shots of John’s car driving through the city: We see John in the passenger’s seat putting Visine into his eyes, with only Ted’s ears and eyes showing as he drives (his paws grip the wheel). We then cut to an overhead pull-back shot as we move away from the car to reveal it crossing Boston’s huge suspension bridge.
John’s car pulls up the street and into the parking lot, scraping its side against the corner headlight of one of the rental cars.
JOHN/TED Aw, Jesus. / Fuck.
ANGLE ON Ted’s feet. There are wooden blocks attached to the pedals so that his feet can reach them. He slams on the brakes. ANGLE OUTSIDE THE CAR. John gets out, and looks at the damage.
ANGLE ON THE RENT-A-CAR OFFICE - THOMAS, the branch manager, an intense, middle-aged man, is standing in the doorway.
Thomas dryly waves back. Ted pulls forward, scraping the car again. He abruptly pulls out into traffic, and another car swerves a bit to get around him, honking.
Ted drives away.
Thomas sits at his desk facing John.
Thomas takes out a framed picture of himself with Tom Skerritt.
John exits.
John emerges from Thomas’ office, and walks out into the front desk area.
We see his coworker, Guy (a burly Patrick-Warburton type), handing a car key and a rental envelope to a pleasant-looking couple. He looks tired, disheveled, and a little bruised.
HUSBAND/WIFE Thank you./Thanks so much.
The couple exits. Guy turns to face John.
Guy starts to leave, when ALIX, a foreign guy with a vague European accent, long dark hair, and a great tan walks up.
GUY/JOHN Hey Alix. / Hey, how was the club last night?
We see TANYA, an unbelievably gorgeous salesgirl, enter from the back with a set of keys.
Over the following, Tanya puts the keys away, walks over to her station and sits.
John and Ted sit on the couch, in the same exact spots we saw them earlier, bookending the day. John drinks a beer as they watch TV. Ted lights up a bong and inhales. The TV blares the opening titles of the 1980 film “Flash Gordon.” As “Flash’s Theme” plays:
Ted jumps on John, and starts playfully punching him in the face.
He throws Ted off of him.
ANGLE ON TV - We see Flash Gordon facing Ming the Merciless.
The front door opens and LORI, an attractive girl in her mid to late 20’s, enters holding several grocery bags.
John gets up and gives Lori a kiss.
TED/JOHN Whoa!!!
We see Lori roll her eyes. She’s heard this before.
JOHN/TED Ohhhh, that doesn’t work!/Come on, don’t ruin it, yeah, that doesn’t work.
It’s raining, with an occasional roll of thunder.
Lori lies in bed holding an iPad, reading a gossip news site, with the TV on. John comes out of the bathroom, and cozies up next to her.
She laughs.
She leans over and kisses him again. He kisses her back.
They continue to kiss, becoming more and more intimate. She starts to pull his T-shirt off, when there is a thunder clap from outside.
We hear another thunderclap. Ted runs into the room with no warning and leaps into bed, right between Lori and John.
JOHN/TED (singing) WHEN YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF THUNDER, DON’T YOU GET TOO SCARED / JUST GRAB YOUR THUNDER BUDDY AND SAY THESE MAGIC WORDS: FUCK YOU THUNDER, YOU CAN EAT MY ASS / YOU CAN’T GET ME THUNDER, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE JUST GOD’S FARTS.
Lori rolls over and goes to sleep with a groan.
Lori enters the building.
Lori gets off the elevator, where we see several signs that read “PLYMOUTH PUBLIC RELATIONS.” Lori goes to her desk, looking exhausted. Lori’s office friends, GINA, MICHELLE, and TRACY approach.
Lori’s boss REX (asshole handsome, mid-30’s, expensive suit) walks into the office, and approaches the gathering of female employees.
Lori follows Rex and gives the girls a “help!” look.
Short beat.
GINA/MICHELLE Like once./I was drunk.
Lori sits across from Rex, who sits at a large desk.
Rex takes a framed picture out of a drawer, and shows it to her.
Lori exits Rex’s office. Rex casually gets up, strolls over to her chair, nonchalantly brushes his hand on the cushion where she was sitting, and nonchalantly smells his hand.
NIGHT
John and Lori sit across from each other at a romantically set table. They’ve just finished their meal. John has the remains of a lobster shell on his plate.
A WAITRESS approaches.
John holds up the front portion of the lobster shell, which has the face and eyes on it.
The waitress walks away.
Another WAITER approaches with a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and some chocolate-covered strawberries.
We see Lori out on the dance floor, amidst a sea of dancing clubgoers. Nearby, we see John dancing with a girl, and doing it very badly. He’s putting too much into it, obviously trying to impress her. The girl is gamely tolerating it, but is clearly not digging the moves. John thrusts his butt back in one move, accidentally bumping a girl behind him with enough force to send her sprawling on the floor. As the crowd reacts to this, we see that it is Lori. She starts to get up, when John turns and rushes to help her to her feet.
She sits down. He reaches into a nearby glass, pulls out a handful of ice, and wraps it in a napkin. He puts it against her head. She inhales sharply for a moment.
They smile at each other...
We see John leaning against the bar, wearing a white Navy officer’s uniform, a la Ted Stryker in “Airplane!” as “Stayin’ Alive” blasts from the jukebox. ANGLE ON LORI, who is up on the dance floor, done up like Julie Hagerty. John takes his hat off, and tosses it O.S. coolly. He struts up to the dance floor, locks eyes with Lori. They circle one another for a beat. John suavely takes off his jacket, twirls it in the air a few times, and tosses it O.S. He then strikes a “finger up” disco pose, with a bullet SFX. He and Lori begin disco dancing simultaneously. He jumps up, locking his legs around Lori, who spins him around in circles, as we cut back to:
They clink glasses, and take a sip.
John reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small box. Lori looks excited.
John slides the box over to Lori. She picks it up.
Lori unwraps the box and opens it. Inside is a pair of nice, but not-super-expensive-looking earrings.
She opens up the card, which we see as John describes it. It says, “Happy 4 year anniversary! Love you.”
Lori hands John a small box. He opens it up, revealing a very nice watch.
He puts it on his wrist.
She reacts a bit to this.
She laughs. So does he.
They both laugh hard.
Their car pulls up. They start to get out.
Lori punches his number on her cellphone. After a beat, we hear The Imperial March from “The Empire Strikes Back.”
He reaches under the seat, fishing for the phone, as she goes inside.
He continues digging for the phone, as she walks inside.
Lori walks toward the apartment, but stops as she hears loud music coming from inside. She approaches the door cautiously and opens it, revealing...
Lori enters a haze of pot smoke, and a very much trashed apartment (empty bottles, wrappers, etc.). Ted sits on the sofa with a small group of trashy-looking women. They’re watching “Romancing the Stone,” which plays very loudly on the TV.
The girls ad-lib “Hello,” “Nice to meet you,” etc.
Lori glances around the room, then SCREAMS as she sees something in the corner.
Lori is speechless with rage. At that moment, we see the lobster head poke in aggressively from behind the door.
At that moment, John enters, holding his cell phone.
He stops, seeing everyone there.
Ted and John walk slowly down the ramp circling the massive see-through tank, occasionally stopping to observe some of the more bizarre varieties of fish. John is oddly restrained. Something is on his mind. As they stroll, we see a nearby man keeping an eye on them. He seems much more interested in them than in the fish. This, we will find out later, is DONNY...
Ted turns and stares at John for a beat.
Ted sits down on a bench, a little stunned and dazed.
John looks heartbroken at this response.
Ted and John sit side-by-side on a bench next to the penguin habitat.
Lori is staring at the O.S. poop in the corner. She is trying to pick it up with a shoebox. In the background, we can see an almost panicky, grossed-out John peering out from behind the bathroom door.
John hugs Ted. Ted hugs him back. We hear a squeak, and a high-pitched recorded voice saying “I wuv you.” John and Ted pull away from each other uncomfortably.
TED (CONT’D) JOHN
That was the-- the thing-- The old-- Yeah-- no, I know- that doesn’t mean-- I’m not - gay.
John and Ted head toward the store. Ted is dressed in a coat and tie, and looks very uncomfortable.
They pause as John straightens Ted’s tie.
John discreetly pulls out a baggie of weed.
Ted sits opposite FRANK, the grocery store manager. We see his name and title on a desk nameplate. Frank sits at the desk, staring at Ted.
(Over music:) John and Ted walk across the Common, passing various park-goers. The occasional person notices and points with a “Hey, isn’t that...” sort of look. They passes three cute girls who flag Ted down. Two pose with him as the third takes their picture with her cellphone. Ted poses for the photo with one hand on the girl’s breast. She laughs hard. Ted waves goodbye, and he and John make their way over to a park bench. They sit. John takes out the weed, looks around for a beat, then starts to discreetly roll a joint.
John and Ted react, startled. John stuffs the weed in his pocket, accidentally dropping the buds in the rolling papers on the ground.
ANGLE ON a creepy-looking man glancing at them repeatedly. This is Donny, the fat kid we saw in the prologue. He has grown up into a thinner but no less creepy man.
ADJUST TO REVEAL his son, who looks exactly like fat young Donny from earlier.
BRIEF ANGLE ON the ground, where a pigeon is pecking at the dropped weed.
JOHN/TED Huh? / Excuse me?
He writes on a slip of paper and hands it to John. John smiles awkwardly and puts it in his wallet.
Donny and Robert walk off. Donny turns and steals a glance back at Ted as they move off.
John tugs on one of Ted’s arms trying to creep him out. He then breaks into a creepy falsetto.
They exit. After a beat, the pigeon flies into frame, slamming right into a fucking tree.
John and Ted walk into the building. John carries two cardboard boxes, and Ted carries one smaller one.
There’s a couch, a coffee table, and a couple of boxes. John and Ted put down their boxes, and stand just inside the doorway.
They awkwardly nod to each other, both knowing that John must leave soon.
They regard each other for a moment, then John slowly turns and walks off down the hall. He turns back to smile and wave. From John’s POV, we see a diminutive- looking Ted give a wan wave back. He looks very alone as the camera recedes.
John sits on the couch, putting his tie on as he watches TV. Lori comes over and sits down next to him.
She gives him a kiss, and starts to undo his tie.
She laughs, and they kiss.
They kiss.
John pulls the Flash Gordon gun out of his pocket and shows it to her. She cracks up.
Ted is at his station, finishing checking out a customer.
The customer exits. Ted sighs with boredom. He turns to ELLEN, the large African-American woman at the next station.
ANGLE ON A VERY ATTRACTIVE blonde girl bagging groceries a few aisles away (This is TAMI-LYNN).
Ted waves to the girl. She waves back. He makes a kissy face at her. She giggles and blows him a kiss back. He pantomimes hard, thrusting, standing-up sex. Her eyes widen for a beat, as she stares, then smiles. He grabs an Oh Henry bar, and pantomimes fellatio. The girl laughs hysterically. CLOSE ANGLE on Ted, as white liquid sprays all over his face from one side, then from the other. WIDEN to reveal he’s squirting two bottles of pump hand soap on either side of him. The girl laughs and shakes her head “no.”
John sits at his workstation, playing a TBD video game on his iPhone. Tanya approaches.
John’s phone rings the theme from “Knight Rider.” He sees Ted’s name pop up, with a photo of Ted smiling open- mouthed at the camera, with his arms outstretched and a bra on his head. John picks up.
Ted sits in the tub, talking on the phone. He has suds in his hair, and there are a couple of little toy boats in the water. From here, we intercut back and forth from him and John.
John turns and looks back at Thomas in his office.
John stands in front of Thomas, who sits at his desk.
John smiles wanly, and exits.
ANGLE ON THE TV - Ted Danson sits in a chair, being interviewed.
ANGLE ON Ted and John watching. They have a bong.
ANGLE BACK ON TV -
ANGLE BACK ON John and Ted -
John takes a hit off the bong, then glances around.
John, Ted, Lori and Ted’s dolled-up and sort of trashy date Tami-Lynn (the bag girl from the grocery store) eat dinner.
Tami-Lynn laughs heartily at this, as does John. Lori isn’t quite as delighted.
Lori stares at him for a beat, then:
TED/JOHN Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! / What the hell happened? We’re havin’ a friendly meal here!
Ted and Tami Lynn exit leaving John and Lori at the table.
A beat. She sighs.
Lori can’t help but let a small laugh escape. She softens a bit...
He kisses her.
She smiles at him, then:
WIDER ANGLE on the restaurant. For a moment, nothing happens.
Then, a guy at a table on the right (sitting with a couple other men and women) screams into his napkin, followed by his dining companions.
GUY #2 AT TABLE (furious) God dammit! I’m here on business!
Ted’s boss, Frank, emerges from the back, writing on a clipboard. He looks up, and his expression turns to confused anger as he sees an unusually long line at Ellen’s register.
He walks over to the line. A GUY IN LINE turns and notices him.
He looks around, aggravated, for a moment, then storms off toward the back. He looks around the butcher’s counter and produce area, then walk into the back storeroom.
Frank opens the door, and reacts with shock. REVERSE ANGLE where we see Ted on top of Tami Lynn, who is almost naked. He is doing a very close approximation of banging her wildly. We see his furry bear butt pumping away, with its little tail on the end. Frank screams in shock and horror.
Frank sits at his desk, addressing Ted.
We see the “CLOSED” sign on the door. Ted exits, finishing off a bottle of beer. He walks around to the dumpster alley, and lines up for a Kareem-style sky hook shot into a trash can. He takes the shot:
The bottle smashes off the side of the can, and shatters.
We hear a soft footstep somewhere O.S. Ted turns and looks around. There appears to be no one in the darkness.
No answer. He looks around for a beat, and finds nothing. He turns... and finds himself facing Donny, who stands eerily lit by a single outdoor wall bulb.
Tami-Lynn approaches.
Ted hurries off. ANGLE ON DONNY, who looks eerily determined.
John and Lori walk up to the fabulously expansive house in Cambridge. It’s a very impressive estate with no expense spared.
Rex throws open the door.
The party is a very costly-looking event: uniformed servers walking around with trays of cocktails and hors d’ouvres, tables laden with lavish-looking food displays and floral arrangements, a 20-piece big band, and hundreds of guests. A large banner reads “Happy 20th Anniversary, Plymouth Public Relations.”
Gina, Michelle, and Tracy approach. Everyone adlibs their hellos to John and Lori. A waiter walks by with a tray of champagne. Lori and the girls each take a glass.
Rex and John are walking up the stairs to the second floor of his house. Rex points out various items bought at auction. John is visibly unenthused. He does not like this guy, and definitely does not trust him.
Rex indicates a small, bronze-colored item on a stand.
John quickly pulls his hand away.
John is a bit surprised, not unpleasantly so, to hear this.
They stand there for a beat, looking at Lance Armstrong’s nut. John’s phone rings the “Knight Rider” theme. John answers it.
INTERCUT PERIODICALLY BETWEEN JOHN AND TED, who stands in the foreground with one finger in his ear. In the background, we see a party in full swing.
John looks down at the main area of the party, and sees Lori happily chatting with her co-workers.
John hangs up.
John races O.S.... and Rex raises his scotch glass to his mouth.
The “Football Fight” music from “Flash Gordon” starts playing, as John bolts O.S.
John sprints out of the house and runs down the walkway. He leaps over a hedge toward the parking area. He slides across the hood of Lori’s car, gets in, quickly starts the car, and backs out.
CUT TO various shots of John racing through the city on his way to Ted’s. Finally, he pulls up to Ted’s apartment.
John throws open the door. The place is as lively as it can be. The party is packed with people, including Alix and Tanya, John’s co-workers from Liberty. There are also a large number of booze-swilling guys and hot chicks. Ted runs up, wearing a blazer.
John turns to look in the direction Ted is indicating. The shot slows down into slo-mo as John’s eyes widen, and he sees...
OPPOSITE ANGLE - Across the room, SAM J. JONES turns in slo-mo to face John. He is inexplicably still sporting the same hairstyle he had in the “Flash Gordon” movie. We hear the theme from “Flash Gordon.” We INTERCUT back and forth from him to John:
ON JOHN - He stands frozen in awe.
ON SAM - He smiles as he begins to walk toward the camera, in John’s POV.
ON JOHN - He continues to stare in frozen awe.
ON SAM - Still slowly walking toward camera in John’s POV, but he is now dressed in the Flash Gordon costume.
ON JOHN - He continues to stare in frozen awe.
Sam J. Jones flies on the flying Jetski from the movie. John stands behind him on the back, with his arms around Sam’s chest, as if on the back seat of a motorcycle. John has a huge, elated smile on his face.
ON John - He still stares in awe.
ON SAM - He smiles and offers an outstretched hand for a handshake.
BACK TO NORMAL SPEED - Sam walks up to John with Ted by his side.
Sam passes out shots of Southern Comfort.
John and Ted look at each other, squealing with delight. Everyone then does their shots.
John and Ted don’t answer for a beat. They look at each other nervously. It’s clear neither one has any experience with this sort of thing.
John, Ted, and Sam emerge from the bathroom. John’s eyes are wide and enthusiastic. Ted has a little bit of powder on his nose, and his ears are flattened back. And Sam is just playing it cool.
John and Ted sit staring at each other intensely across the table.
Ted stands opposite a group of party guests who sit on the couch. He holds a knife.
GUY #1 Shut up.
GUY #2 Let him try it, man.
GUY #1 Fuck it, all right.
Guy #1 puts his hand down on the coffee table and Ted starts doing the knife trick from “Aliens”. He gets it right for a few seconds, then stabs the guy right through the hand. The guy screams in pain.
John stands with a pair of fake bear ears on his head, doing an impression of Ted as a small group of partygoers (Ted included) watches, laughing hysterically.
Ted sits on the couch drawing a pair of Garfield eyes on a topless girl. Below the eyes he has drawn the muzzle and the mouth, and above them the ears.
Ted stands by the TV, singing a karaoke version of “I Only Want to be with You” by Hootie and the Blowfish.
Sam, John and Ted stand by the wall.
Sam punches the wall a couple times, and his fist goes right through.
SAM/TED/JOHN Holy shit! / Ha! / Wow! / Etc.
Immediately we see half an Asian face dart into frame through the hole. He screams in Cantonese, then,
The neighbor sticks a knife through the hole. John, Ted, and Sam scream. Sam and John jump around and scream as they frantically try to get the knife.
Sam grabs the arm, and it darts back inside.
There’s an angry pounding on the door. One of the party guests opens it, and the Asian guy runs in, screaming in Cantonese. He holds a wooden spoon in one hand, and a live duck in the other. John, Sam, and Ted run back out into the living room. The Asian guy runs toward them, screaming first in Cantonese, then:
JOHN/TED Dude, we’re sorry! We’re sorry!
SAM’S POV - We see the Asian man dressed as Ming the Merciless.
Sam charges the Asian man, tackling him. They both tumble over the back of the couch, nearly knocking it over. The duck flies out of his arms, landing on the floor. It immediately goes after Ted, who screams. ANGLE ON SAM, who chokes the Asian man on the floor. John struggles to pull him off.
ANGLE ON TED - who circles confrontationally with the duck, as in an Irish bar fight. ANGLE BACK ON THE GUYS FIGHTING - The Asian man jabs Sam in the eye with the other end of the spoon, and Sam goes staggering backward, falling into John. They land on the table, smashing it in half. They fall to the floor on top of each other.
The duck charges at Ted and slaps him across the face a few times with its wings.
The Asian man calls to the duck from the door.
The duck takes one last whack at Ted and waddles over to the Asian man, fluttering up into his arms.
He exits, slamming the door.
John sits on the couch as Guy enters, holding hands with another man.
He and Jared walk off.
ANGLE ON JOHN, who sits on the couch, looking zoned out and drained. Sam Jones approaches.
John looks at the clock. His eyes widen in panicked realization.
John scrambles to his feet, and runs for the front door.
John opens the door and runs down the hall. He runs partway down the stairwell, and stops short as he sees Lori at the bottom, coming partway up the stairs. They stare at each other for a beat. She looks as hurt, angry, and betrayed as a woman can be.
He throws up all over the floor.
Lori storms out into the street. After a beat, John runs out after her.
She hastily pays the cabbie who waits outside. John catches up to her and grabs her arm, but she shakes him off. She is clearly hurt, and on the verge of tears.
He reluctantly hands her her keys. She turns and walks toward her car.
She gets in the car and drives away with a screech. Angle on Ted, who is walking out the door.
Ted pauses, realizing John is serious.
John turns and walks away.
Ted pushes his own stomach in. We hear his soundbox squeak out the words “I wuv you.” John does not turn around. Ted looks after him, then slowly lowers his head sadly. He sits down on the sidewalk, dazed and defeated.
MONTAGE: SET TO MUSIC - SONG TBD
John pulls up in his car, and sadly goes inside.
John sits on the bed and turns on the TV. He flips through the channels, seeing various clips of shows. Eventually, he shuts off the TV. He opens his wallet, and takes out a picture of Lori. He looks at it sadly.
John and Lori play mini-golf. She putts, and the ball stops just short of the hole. John walks up to it, and “looks the other way” as he taps it in with his foot. She smiles warmly at him.
John and Lori are on a swan boat ride, throwing bread to the ducks. They’re both leaning over the side with their hands on the rail. His hand moves partway on top of hers. They look at each other, and share a slow, romantic kiss.
Lori sits on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, her face wet with tears. ANGLE ON the TV screen, where a Bridget Jones film is playing. ANGLE BACK ON Lori, who is looking at the screen, but is really looking inward...
ANGLE ON a partially full moon. PAN DOWN to John and Lori, walking along the beach, holding hands. He kisses her on the cheek, then looks down, noticing something O.S. He leans down and picks up a dead horseshoe crab. He dangles it in Lori’s face. She freaks out, and runs into the water. They both laugh.
ANGLE ON A BIRTHDAY CARD ON THE TABLE - We pull out to reveal Lori sitting at the table, with a couple of candles in front of her. John comes out of the kitchen wearing an apron, and holding an entire turkey with a candle in it. She smiles and puts her hands over her mouth with delighted hilarity. He sets the turkey down, and she gives him a big, laughing smile as she shakes her head.
SLOW PAN ACROSS TED’S APARTMENT - The party is now over. Everyone has gone, and the place is a mess. ANGLE INTO TED’S BEDROOM - He lies alone in his bed, flipping through channels with his remote. He turns and stares at a picture in a frame next to his bed. ANGLE ON THE PICTURE It shows John and Ted as kids, standing in the snow, smiling at the camera. They stand next to a soapbox car that they have built and painted.
8-year-old John and Ted are at the top of a hill with the soapbox racer. Ted is in the racer, wearing a helmet. John gives the racer a push, and Ted speeds off down the hill. At the bottom, he smashes into a tree, shattering the racer, and sending him flying out of it onto the ground. A dog runs into frame, snatches Ted up, and runs off with him. John sprints after the dog.
ANGLE ON a TV Guide cover that reads, “Simpsons Reaches 5th season!” ANGLE ON 17 year-old John and Ted watching TV, laughing hysterically.
The marquee out front reads “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.” We pan down a line of moviegoers, eventually getting to 22 year-old John and Ted. John is dressed as Darth Maul, and Ted is dressed as Yoda. They excitedly wait in line.
John and Ted share a pizza. Ted has sauce all over his mouth and fur. John hands him a napkin and he wipes it off. Ted looks O.S., then excitedly gives John a “hang on, check this out” gesture. He runs O.S. ANGLE ON the stage, where the animal band play their instruments. Ted is there among them, stiffly playing the banjo and looking very animatronic. A couple little kids walk up to watch. After a beat, Ted gets in their faces, scaring the shit out of them. They run away, crying and traumatized. ANGLE ON John, who laughs hysterically.
John and Lori paint the walls of their then new apartment. They start to playfully splatter paint on each other. ANGLE ON Ted, who watches from the other side of the room, where he leans against the wall. He shakes his head in a “whatever” fashion, and walks toward the door. When he turns, we see there is a white stripe of paint going down his back.
Ted exits the apartment, holding a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He pulls one cigarette out with his mouth and goes to light it.
He then notices something out of the corner of his eye. He reacts with a take, and sprints O.S., dropping the cigarette and the lighter. After a beat, a skunk shuffles through frame after him.
ANGLE ON a TV Guide cover that reads, “Simpsons Reaches 20th season!” ANGLE ON present-day John and Ted watching TV, expressionless and bored-looking.
Rex sits at his desk and stares out the window.
It’s raining outside.
John sulks on the bed, leafing through a Tintin comic book. There’s a knock at the door.
John ignores him. A few beats go by, then the window slides open from the outside, and Ted tumbles in, landing on the floor, soaked.
Ted shakes the water off himself like a dog. John flinches back, trying not to get wet.
John glares at him.
Ted stares at him for a beat, then lunges at him, wrapping his whole body around John’s face and head, like the facehuggers from “Aliens.” John stumbles around the room, trying to pry Ted off. Eventually, he stumbles into the bathroom, and crashes through the shower door, shattering it. He and Ted exchange punches to the face. John lands a particularly hard one, which sends Ted flying across the room, and slamming into the wall. Ted hits the floor, and runs out of the bathroom. John stumbles to his feet. Ted scrambles across the bed, reaches into the bedside drawer, and pulls out a Bible. John staggers out of the bathroom, just in time to be pelted in the head as Ted throws the Bible at him.
Ted throws other objects at him, including beer cans and the phone. John and Ted stare at each other for a beat, each one breathing heavily (Ted is now on the floor). John charges at Ted, sailing across the bed, and tackling him, knocking over the side table and lamp in the process. John and Ted scuffle on the floor, engaging in a realistic-as-possible fistfight. Each one gets a number of blows in. John throws Ted off him, and back onto the bed. Ted taunts him.
John jumps at Ted, throwing a jab at him. But Ted dodges, and John’s fist goes into the wall above the headboard. He struggles to pull free as he flails about with his other hand, grabbing at Ted. Ted dodges again, and scrambles up John’s head, jumping up and grabbing the chain on the ceiling fan, turning it on, and causing Ted to swing back and forth. John pulls free, and stumbles backward off the bed. He notices a tall, free-standing lamp in the corner. He pulls the plug out of the wall, and uses the lamp to take a swing at Ted. Ted swings out of the way. John takes a second swing, but the lamp cord catches on the fan’s motor. The lamp is ripped from John’s grasp, it swings around through the air, and cracks him in the side of the head. John goes down, whacking his head a second time on the baseboard of the bed. He howls in pain as he lies on his stomach, clutching his head. Ted takes advantage of this. He jumps down from the cord, and pulls the antenna off the clock radio next to the bed. He jumps down to the floor, yanks John’s pants partway down, and starts whipping his bare ass with the antenna. John yells in fury, and kicks blindly at Ted. He turns over, kicking ted in the face, and kicking the cabinet that the TV is on.
The TV wobbles, and falls off the cabinet, landing with a crash, right on his groin. John lies there, with the TV on his crotch and his pants down, and breathes heavily. Ted, still dazed from the kick to the face, crawls over to him. Both breathe heavily. John’s breathing deteriorates into sobs.
John continues to sob. Ted climbs down off the table and up onto the bed. He pushes the TV off John, then lies down next to him. Ted starts to sob himself.
John hugs Ted, who hugs him back.
A huge crowd has gathered for the Norah Jones concert. They cheer as she sings “Come Away With Me,” backed by a large string section. ANGLE ON Rex and Lori, who cheer in the audience along with everyone else. They seem to be having a fantastic time.
Norah finishes the song.
The crowd cheers.
ANGLE ON a dressing room sign which reads NORAH JONES. We move inside the dressing room as Norah enters and pours a drink.
She hugs him.
ANGLE ON the doorway, where John enters, a little nervous.
The crowd is cheering. Norah is back out on stage at the piano.
The crowd applauds dutifully as John walks out onstage. ANGLE ON Lori and Rex. Lori reacts, shocked.
John takes center stage, and looks down at Lori.
The band begins playing. “All Time High”. Inexplicably, Norah is playing the saxophone with a pair of shades on.
ANGLE ON Lori and Rex. Rex is visibly derisive, but we see that Lori is softening. It’s working...
The crowd starts to take the cue.
ANGLE ON Ted in the wings.
ANGLE ON a crazed audience member, who rushes the stage, racing toward John.
John flinches as he raises the mic stand off the floor at the last second, so the base is sticking out horizontally. The crazy guy runs right into it, bashing himself in the face. He goes down, unconscious and bleeding. Everyone gasps as the music stops.
A few concert personnel rush out to check the guy.
The crowd is now shouting angrily at John. But he is only focused n one spot in the crowd. He sees that Lori and Rex are gone. Almost oblivious to the rest of the frenzy, he sighs, heartbroken. A couple of concert security personnel haul him offstage.
Rex escorts Lori to his car.
She walks away.
As she disappears out of earshot, Rex closes his eyes and releases a fart.
Lori gets out of the shower, and begins towelling off, still reeling with disgust from her encounter with Rex. After a few moments, there’s a knock at the door. Lori sighs with annoyance, and walks to the door, still in her towel. She looks through the peephole, but there’s no one there. She opens the door cautiously, and looks out into the hall. There’s no one there.
She looks down with a start, and sees Ted standing there. He’s blocking his view with one hand.
There’s a beat. She reluctantly considers.
Lori, now in a robe, sits down on the couch, facing Ted.
She rolls her eyes.
We can see Lori starting to soften a bit.
Lori emerges from the bedroom, dressed, and heads for the door. Ted is on the couch watching TV.
The door shuts and she’s gone. Ted gets up and walks into the kitchen. He opens the fridge.
He opens up a crisper drawer, and looks at a six-pack of beer bottles.
He shakes his head as he opens the beer, and walks into the other room. He settles down in a recliner, and watches the game. After a moment, there’s a knock at the door. Ted sighs with annoyance, and gets up.
He walks to the door, and opens it up.
He freezes, and looks up. We reveal Donny, the creepy man from earlier, with his son Robert.
Donny throws a sack over Ted, trapping him.
Lori’s car pulls up, and she gets out.
Lori enters, and looks around. She spots John, who looks up from a menu. He is surprised to see her. She sighs and walks over to him.
A beat. John smiles slightly.
She does. There’s a beat. A busboy brings them each a water.
He takes out some money, and puts it on the table, paying the check. He smiles at her and walks out. She sits there for a beat.
Donny’s car pulls up. The house is a low-class, creepily shabby-looking Boston home (think Buffalo Bill in “Silence of the Lambs”). It’s close to one end of the base of a bridge.
Donny carries the sack inside, and unceremoniously dumps Ted onto the floor. Ted looks around. It’s just as shitty on the inside as on the outside. On the walls, there are a disturbing number of newspaper clippings, photo spreads, etc. Most are from press from Ted’s media heyday, but some are photographs of Ted and John out in public that Donny clearly took himself.
Ted is led into Robert’s room. It’s a fairly sparse room with some toys strewn about. A wooden rocking horse with a wig stands in the corner.
Robert sits down on the floor, smiling at him. Donny stands in the doorway.
Ted flinches nervously. Donny moves back.
Donny shuts the door. Robert stares at Ted.
Ted scrambles for the window and tries to open it. It doesn’t budge. He takes a running leap at it, but just bounces off like a plush toy, and lands on the floor.
Robert stands over him.
Robert grabs Ted with one hand, and gets a grip on one of Ted’s ears with the other hand. Robert pulls on the ear as hard as he can, and rips the ear off. Ted screams as loud as he can. Robert looks at him, holding the ear.
There’s a beat. Robert stares blankly at him, then:
Robert sits down, covers his eyes and starts counting.
Ted grabs a chair and starts sliding it over toward the door.
Ted reaches the door, climbs up onto the chair, and turns the doorknob. He opens the door, and exits out into the hallway. After a beat, he re-enters, grabs his severed ear, and exits again.
Ted nervously moves down the hallway toward the front door. He has it in sight on the far end of the living room, but when he gets closer to the living room doorway, he sees that Donny is sitting in an armchair, watching The Incredible Hulk (the old TV show). Ted darts back into the hallway before he’s seen, but in the process, bumps into a small table with a lamp and a couple knick knacks on it. One of them, a small ceramic penguin, falls over, making a sound. Donny turns and looks in the direction of the hallway.
Robert’s hands still cover his eyes.
Ted looks panicky, not knowing what to do. After a beat, Donny leans forward as if he’s about to get up.
Ted breathes a sigh of relief, and walks the other way down the hall. He passes a door. He opens it, but it’s just a storage closet. He’s about to shut it, but notices a stapler amidst the odds and ends. He hastily begins stapling his ear back on.
Donny’s hears something, and turns to look. We think he’s about to get up, but he then settles back in.
ANGLE BACK ON TED, who puts on last staple in. Satisfied, he exits the closet and continues down the hall.
Ted looks around, and spots a phone on the counter. He jumps up, grabs the handset, and jumps back down. He dials John’s number.
John is walking back to the Midtown Hotel. After a beat, Lori’s car pulls up slowly alongside him. She leans over.
He pauses, then gets into the car and sits down next to her. She prepares to speak, but John’s phone rings. He shuts it off without looking at it.
Ted nervously holds the phone to his ear.
John’s phone rings. He looks down at it, annoyed. It reads “Unknown caller.” He silences it.
John’s phone rings again. Exasperated, he answers it.
INTERCUT BACK & FORTH BETWEEN TED AND JOHN:
Lori sighs, slightly annoyed.
Lori turns, slightly curious, but still annoyed.
Suddenly, a hand grabs the phone away from Ted. He gasps and looks up. It’s Donny, who slams the phone back down in its cradle.
John scrambles for his wallet. He opens it, and pulls out the address given to him earlier by Donny at the Common. He looks at it, then points out the window.
Lori’s car peels out and races off.
Donny stands over Ted.
Ted runs through Donny’s legs, and out into the hall. He races for the living room and the exit, but Robert steps in front of the door, blocking him.
Robert turns the deadbolt on the door, locking it. Ted turns and bolts in the other direction back down the hallway, but sees Donny heading for him. Ted ducks into the dining room, as Donny lunges for him and misses.
Donny pursues Ted around the table. Ted ducks under the table, under the chairs, etc. trying to escape Donny (and Robert, who has entered the room). Ted slips past them and back out into the hall.
He races for the door, but the deadbolt is too high to reach. He runs into the living room, and pushes open a door.
Ted tumbles down the dark stairs into the basement, which is lit only by a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. He lands, gets his bearings, then freezes in shock, as he sees that the basement is loaded with ripped and mutilated teddy bears.
Donny and Robert move in to frame behind him.
Ted whirls around in shock, as we cut to:
John and Lori race through the streets of Boston.
The car makes a hard left.
John finishes punching numbers into his cellphone.
Lori’s car speeds away.
Donny and Robert emerge from the house. Donny clutches the sack. We can see it move as Ted struggles to get free. Robert gets in the back seat of the car as Donny opens the way back door, and dumps Ted inside.
Ted tumbles out of the sack and into the way back. Donny slams the door. He gets into the car.
Robert buckles up.
Donny pulls away down the alley.
Ted scrambles to his feet.
John looks around frantically, then spots something out of the passenger’s side window.
JOHN’S POV - They pass the alley, where we see Donny’s car heading out of the alleyway.
The car slows down, and John sees Donny’s car make the turn out onto the street. Ted is looking out the back.
Robert and Donny both hear this. Donny looks in his side- view mirror, just in time to see Lori’s car swing a U- turn to pursue them. Donny speeds up, and races off up the street. Lori’s car speeds up in pursuit.
We do several quick cuts as the chase blasts its way through the Boston streets, avoiding traffic and pedestrians.
Donny’s car races through the tunnel. Lori’s car pursues.
Ted continues to stare out the back. He then notices a crowbar on the floor in the way back. He grabs it, and takes a hard swing at the rear window. It does not break. Robert sees this, and scrambles to undo his seat belt.
Lori speeds up.
Ted takes another swing at the window. The glass does not break. Robert undoes his seat belt, and scrambles back. He grabs Ted, who drops the crowbar. He starts to pull Ted back over into the back seat, but Ted manages to wriggle free.
The chase continues.
Ted grabs the crowbar, and again takes a swing at the window. This time, it shatters. He drops the crowbar, and climbs up onto the edge of the window.
They see Ted in the window.
Ted gets one leg and one arm up onto the edge of the window, when suddenly he is whacked hard in the side of the head, sending him tumbling onto the floor. We see that Robert has struck him hard with the crowbar.
They continue watch with held breath, as they keep up.
Ted shakes himself off, still a little dazed, and climbs back up. Robert climbs into the way back and grabs one of his legs.
Ted reaches down and grabs the crowbar with one arm, and brandishes it threateningly at Robert.
Robert backs off in fear. Ted climbs out onto the rear of the car, and positions himself to make the jump. He tosses the crowbar away into the tunnel. John and Lori speed up, getting closer to him, so he can make the jump.
Lori’s car moves closer to Donny’s. There’s a tense moment with some back and forth cutting... and then Ted makes the jump! He lands on the hood of Lori’s car, and slides across, grabbing the windshield wiper to avoid falling off. He pulls himself back up. John and Lori breathe energetic sighs of relief.
John and Lori laugh.
Donny sees what’s happening in his side mirror. He puts his foot on the brakes, and the car screeches as it drastically reduces speed. John’s car slams into Donny’s causing Ted to go flying back through open rear window of Donny’s car, past Robert (who is still in the way back) and tumbling into the back seat.
Ted gets his bearings, and notices the sack that Donny captured him in, lying on the floor. He looks up at Donny for a beat, then grabs the sack.
ANGLE ON Donny driving. Suddenly, Ted jumps up from behind, and throws the sack over Donny’s head, bracing himself against the back of the front seat. Donny yells in anger, and pulls at Ted, trying to get him off.
Donny’s car scrapes against the side of the tunnel, sending sparks flying.
Donny grabs Ted and flings him off his face, onto the floor on the passengers’ side. Donny rips the sack off his head, and reacts as he looks out the front window. He’s approaching the end of the tunnel, and there is opposing traffic moving in the other direction.
Donny swerves past the traffic, narrowly avoiding clipping one of the cars. A moment later, John and Lori come racing out of the tunnel. However, a truck drives through the intersection, stopping them in their tracks.
She pounds on the steering wheel, frantically willing the truck to get out of the way. Finally it does, and they continue on into the city.
Donny’s car races through the streets, pursued by John and Lori, who are catching up again, but are still a ways behind.
Ted is still on the floor on the passenger’s seat side. He looks around, and spots a “Club” underneath the seat. He glances at Donny, whose eyes are on the road. Ted grabs the club, and scrambles up the seat, taking a swing at Donny. Donny ducks out of the way, and tries to slap Ted away as Ted continues to takes swings at him. A few of them land, eventually drawing blood. Donny smacks Ted away. Ted tumbles back onto the passenger’s seat. Then, with determination, he grabs the Club again, scurries in front of Donny, and locks the Club onto the steering wheel with a snap! Donny’s eyes widen as Ted scrambles into the back seat. Donny tries to turn the wheel, but can’t.
Donny’s car swerves out of control, veering up the street, and crashing into a lamppost, fishtailing as it impacts. The airbags go off as the car comes to a stop. Taking advantage of the situation, Ted scrambles out the back window. He catches his fur on a jagged shard of glass, slightly ripping his side. He hangs and struggles for a bit, then drops to the ground. He sways a bit. TED’S POV - We see that his vision is swimming slightly. That little rip has done something... He shakes it off, and runs up the sidewalk. ANGLE ON DONNY, who scrambles out of the wrecked car, followed by Robert. They chase Ted up the street. Ted spots a garage with the door slightly open. He squeezes himself underneath, and disappears inside.
ANGLE ON JOHN AND LORI - They screech to a stop behind Donny’s car. They hurry out, just in time to see Donny and Robert duck underneath the door. They run up the sidewalk after them.
Ted runs down a ramp, looking frantically around for an escape route. He darts off to the left, sprinting up a ramp, followed by Donny and Robert. Ted stops at a red metal fence, and squeezes through, rushing up the stairs on the other side. Donny reaches the fence, but with his larger size he has to climb over the top, which slows him down a bit.
ANGLE ON JOHN AND LORI - We catch them ducking in through the garage door, and running inside. They look around for a beat. ANGLE ON ROBERT, who turns and sees them (Donny has already made it over the fence). ANGLE BACK ON JOHN.
John and Lori turn just in time to see Robert charging at them!
When Robert reaches John, John knocks him down with one punch to the face. Robert collapses. Lori and John look down at him.
John and Lori run up the ramp, leaving a stunned Robert behind. When they reach the red fence, they look around, but it’s unclear which way Ted and Donny have gone. John continues up the ramp (in the wrong direction) with Lori just behind him.
Ted runs as fast as his stubby legs will carry him. Donny is in pursuit, and getting closer. The chase moves past a concession area, and up a few flights of stairs.
Ted runs out onto the upper level, and stops. The camera PIVOTS 180 DEGREES and ascends to reveal the expanse of FENWAY PARK down below. A few lights are on, and one lone maintenance man sweeps the dirt. Donny emerges from the stairwell, which snaps Ted out of it. Ted sprints past the front row of seats, and comes to a dead end. He has nowhere else to go. With Donny closing in, Ted scurries out onto the ledge, and pulls himself up onto the lighting tower. He looks down. From TED’S POV, it’s a long drop. Donny reaches out to grab him, but can’t quite reach. Donny glances down at the drop for a beat, then pulls himself out onto the ledge to go after Ted. Ted climbs farther up the tower.
John and Lori emerge and continue to look around frantically. They run up the walkway.
Donny pursues Ted up the tower.
John and Lori emerge into the lower seating section, and run down the aisle, looking around with desperation.
John turns and sees the drama playing out on the distant lighting tower.
He turns and runs back up the aisle, toward the concession area.
Ted is starting to gain ground, but he slips, and falls back down. He’s about to pulls himself up again, when Donny grabs one of his legs.
John continues up the aisle as fast as he can move.
Ted struggles to pull himself from Donny’s grasp, but he can’t. CLOSE UP ON TED’S SIDE - The small rip from earlier begins to tear again. CLOSE UP ON TED’S FACE - His eyes go wide, and for a moment, his face freezes with fear. TED’S POV - His vision swims a bit more. He knows this is not good...
John reaches the top of the lower seating area, and sprints past the concession bar, heading for the stairs.
The struggle continues. As Ted tries to pull himself free, the rip gets bigger. He reacts again, and again we see his vision swimming even more.
John runs up the stairwell.
The struggle continues. Ted tries to pull himself up, but he’s visibly weakened and his hands are slipping.
John continues up the stairwell.
Ted manages to pull free from Donny. He uses all his depleted strength to pull himself farther up.
John runs past the top of the stairwell, and sprints over toward the lighting tower, just in time to see...
Donny makes one final reach for Ted. He grabs Ted by the foot again, and pulls hard. With one great RRRIIIIIIP, Ted tears into two pieces. As John watches in shock, Ted falls through the air in SLO-MOTION, a shower of white stuffing descending with him. Lori watches with a hand over her mouth. The two halves of Ted land, along with the scattered white stuffing. Donny, still hanging, stares down at the fallen teddy bear. He starts pulling himself back over the ledge.
We lead and follow John as he runs back down through the stadium with desperate numbness. Lori climbs over the edge of the seating area, and runs toward him as well. ANGLE BACK ON DONNY, who pulls himself back over into the upper seating area. He hears the sound of a cop siren, and peers over the edge of the stadium. Seeing a cop car pull up far below, he makes a break for it.
Down below, Ted’s top half lies on the grass, looking around in a daze, like a badly wounded soldier for whom there is not much hope. John and Lori race to his side, and kneel down.
Ted looks glassy-eyed for a beat. John starts to frantically gather up the chunks of stuffing.
Lori starts helping him, desperately grabbing chunks of the white cotton.
John leans back over Ted.
Ted closes his eyes... and dies. ANGLE DIRECTLY ABOVE TED as we pull away, and it starts to rain...
The rain is pouring now. Lori’s car pulls up. She and John hurry out, John holding the remains of Ted. They race inside.
John and Lori burst in with the remains of Ted. They’re both drenched from the rain. Lori frantically searches drawers for sewing materials. She finds a needle and thread, and John puts Ted on the table. Lori starts to sew him up as John watches intently.
She continues sewing, until she is all finished. They wait. Ted still does not move. John and Lori lower their heads.
John sits on the couch, head in hands. Ted still lies on the coffee table. Lori enters with a blanket, and drapes it around him. She sits down next to him, bringing part of the blanket around herself. She places a hand on his shoulder.
She gently puts an arm around him. There is a thunderclap outside. John does not react.
John is asleep, but we see that Lori is still lying awake. She sighs restlessly, and gets up. She walks over to the window, and looks out.
ANGLE UPWARD - We see a cloudy sky, much like the one from that night when John was a child. As before, there is a small clear patch in the center. A shooting star whizzes by through the opening.
Lori’s eyes widen a bit in recognition. She stares at the shooting star for a beat, then closes her eyes and makes a wish...
John wakes up, looks around groggily, then remembers. He gets out of bed, and walks toward the living room.
He pauses for a beat... and walks in. The blanket is where it was left. John slowly removes it. Ted is still motionless. John lowers his head sadly. Suddenly, Ted’s eyes snap open.
John stares at him, confused.
John grabs him and hugs him. Lori enters. She sees what’s happening, and a huge smile crosses her face.
John turns to Lori, and realizes...
She smiles at him.
John goes to her, and kisses her passionately.
John and Lori kiss as we pull away...
We hear the Flash Gordon Wedding March as we ANGLE ON Sam J. Jones standing in robes at the altar. Ted, in a tux, stands in the best man’s position. John stands on the steps smiling and looking out as we cut to...
ANGLE ON Lori, walking down the aisle in a wedding dress, smiling warmly. TIME CUT to shortly after, as Sam Jones addresses the two of them, standing at the altar.
John and Lori kiss each other. They turn and wave to the cheering crowd. Ted waves happily to John, who waves back. John and Lori run down the aisle joyfully, passing pews full of people from the movie: Lori’s co-workers, John’s co-workers, (Guy sitting with HIS BOYFRIEND, Alix and Tanya, etc.).
John and Lori come running out of the church, as the crowd throws rice at them. They run to a waiting limo with a “Just Married” sign on the back. John gets in, and Lori turns to throw the bouquet toward Gina, Michelle, Tracy, and Tanya. Tanya catches it. She turns and smiles at Alix. Then suddenly, Tami-Lynn bursts into frame, punching Tanya in the jaw. Tanya goes down as Tami-Lynn tackles her, and the crowd tries to pull her off. ANGLE ON the limo as it pulls away...
Ted stands next to Sam J. Jones, watching with a smile as his best friend heads off.
One... two... three.
DOWNSHOT Ted and Sam Jones leap into the air at the same time...
TED/SAM JONES YEAH!!!
They freeze frame in mid-air, as the Flash Gordon theme kicks in. Over the music:
INSERT: footage of Ted and Tami-Lynn from their double date.
INSERT: footage of Sam Jones, walking toward John in slow motion.
INSERT: photo of BRANDON ROUTH.
INSERT: footage or Rex at the office.
INSERT: footage of Donny dancing in his living room.
INSERT: footage of Robert, talking to Ted in his bedroom.
INSERT: photo of TAYLOR LAUTNER.