"SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER" (1993)

,.

so I married an axe murderer

SO I MARRIEDAN AXE-MURDERER

FADE IN:

OPEN ON:

Over this we hear a recording of Jack Kerouac'spoem,~ Francisco which is accompaniedby a BE-BOP trio. Kerouac's poetry coincides with the variousshots of San Francisco. We come to a sign for JackKerouac Street. We PAN OVER to "THE CITY LIGHTS" BOOKSTORE"and continue along to the ALLEYWAY where there is a large high-contrast blackand white sign depicting Jack Kerouac in hisfamous "I'm looking into the distance, having a brilliantthought" pose ..

CHARLIE MACKENZIE, in his late twenties,wearing a flannel shirtand torn jeans, walksINTO THE FRAME, right in frontof the picture of Jack Kerouacand inadverten~ly strikes the exact same pose. We PULL BACK to reveal that Charliehas abag of garbage in his right hand,which he deposits in,the alleyway. We FOLLOW Charlie into ...

We FOLLOW him through the store. By day he is the Assiscant Manager, by night he is apoec.

A MAN in his fifties, wearinga beret·. andagoatee is reading, Charles Bukowski's, Playing Ibe PianoLike a Percussive Instrument,until Xour FingersBec;ioIo Bleed A Bit.

Charlie takes his placebehind the cash register and resumes writing in his handsome leather-bound poetryjournal.

3 A CUSTOMER approaches

Everyday there is a steady stream of touristswho come in to get copies ofon The Road. Charlie isuse to this and without lookingup he points to a huge,well marked display of thousands of copies ofOn 7he Road. Another TOURIST COUPLE approach.

(CON'I'INUED)

3 CONTINUED:

Again notlooking up, Charlie just points.

Charlie puts the"CLOSED" sign on thedoor and proceeds to walk home.

The sightsand the sounds of the city are accentuatedby the BE- BOP ashe sees life, warts and all. As the streets become less populated,he can now hear the sounds of hisown FOOTSTEPS and, a COUPLEBICKERING. The streetsbecome even more dese~ted. ~he night is closing inon him. A ca~ darts out from an alleywayand startles him. He quickens his pace. RUMBLINGS make him cross the street toavoid the danger. Headlights of a slowmoving car approach from the distance. Charlie, r-- frightened,turns another corneronto:

6 HIS STREET

He approachesa 3-story Victorianhome, in which he has an apartmenton the second floor, heno~ices a light on in his window. A CRASHING sound from within .

7 HANDS

taking papers out ofa desk drawer.

CUT TO: ·

8 CHARLIE

carefully opening the frontdoor and then gingerly closing it. He reaches fora baseball bat in a nearby umbrella stand. Sound of BREAKINGGLASS from his apartment upstairs.

9 A SHATTERED PICTURE FRAME

with a photo of Charlieand an angelic blonde.

10 CHARLIE

finishing off the lasttwo steps nearing the front door of his apartment, bat raisedabove his head ready to swing.

ll THE HANDS

clasp a jewelry box on the top cf the dresserand stuff~hem into a dufflebag; the jewe:ryis .followedby CD's.

CUT TO!

12 CHARLIE

pushing open his apartmentdoor in a mock SWAT maneuver,then stealthily stalking towardt~e sound of the intruder in the bedroom. He stubs his toeon a spring loaded doorstopmaking a loud metal VITTSWINGGGG'ssou~d. He freezes, terrified.

13 THE BEDROOM

where the HANDS, freeze.

14 CHARLIE

Like a coiled jungle cat readyto pounce, waits two beats .•. then springs Samurai sty.l~into ..

15 THE BEDROOM

He freezes.

16 REVERSEANGLE TO REVEAL

that theHANDS belong to the angelic blonde in the broken picture. It's Charlie's girlfriend,SHERRI.

(CO~TINUED)

16 CONTINUED:

She continues to pack. Charlie tries tounpack her thi~gs.

16 CONTINUED: ( 2)

(CONTINUED)·.

16 CONTINUED: (3)

She leaves.

Charlie and his best frienc,TCNY SPIL~:::, Areout for a night on the town.

Tony is second generationItalian-American withvery Mediterranean features. They're lis~eni~g toTeenage Fa~ Club. They pass GhierardeliSquare.

(C:>NTINUED).

'7

18 CONTINUED:

Tony isdoing three-sixties, scoping out beauties,when suddenly hisroving eyes lockon a police car directly behind them. He slouches down into his seat.

cHAJL~IE Tony, you a.r.eacop.

The police car passes.

Tonyand Charlie enter. There is a poet on stage. Theclub is :ullof art tarts and collegebohemians. They are greetedby the club's owner, GIUSEPPI,an Italian man in his fifties.

Tony's uncle shows them toa table.

TONY• You know, it'sfunny I don't even feel related tomy parents anymore. I feel like your mom and dad aremore like my parents. I feelmore Scottish than Italian. '~•Ill!. CHARLIE Tony Spiletti,I don't think you could getmore Italian than that. Unless of courseyour name was Tony ItalianGuy.

Charlie checks out the gir~sin the coffee bar.

19 CONTINUED:

The waitress arrives withtwo cappuccinosin extremely large cups like theyhave in France.

Two girls ata nearby table, laugh. Charlie and Tony exchange, "This could be promising."looks.

The girlslaugh again.

TONY· Join us in a cup ofcoffee? There's enough room?

The girlscome over. ,1.-....

lC.

19 CONTINUED: (2)

Tony grabs himand pulls him aside.

He leaves. Tony is left with thetwo girls.

The girls try tocomfort him.

Three quarters of the furnishingsand items have disappeared with Sherri. Charlie s~ts dejectedly on the floorover his Poetry Journal. He is m~ssing Sherri. We see .•.

21 CHARLIE'S FACE

He looks out and is struckby an idea and begins to write.

22 ANGLE ON THE JOURNAL

IAM LONELY

,, -....

23 CHARLIE'S FACE

Again he looksout, finds tis inspiration and continues to write

24 IN THE JOURNAL

ITIs REALLY HARD

25 CHARLIE'S FACE

A gentle tear rollsdown h:s left cheek. Hepauses, then finishes off the stanza.

26 IN THE JOURNAL

THIS POEM SUCKS

After the last linehe scr~t=hes out the entirepoem. He closes the bookand turns on the TV set to CNN toveg out. The show is "What'scaaking'" With Burt Wq 1 f"

Charlie is driving in his car. He drives slowlylooking for an address. Finds it,slips :n co a parki~g spot in front.

Adorning the frontare a "GR.~NDOPENING" signand miniature flags of the world. Charl:e goes inside.

It's a small, hipshop selling specialty meats fromaround the world. Charlie looksaround. Suddenly, an attractivewoman in her late twenties,wearing a blood-stained smock enters. It is HARRIET MICHAELS. She~has a cleaver in one hand and something bloody in the other.

29 CONTINUED:

This isa section under~lass flyinga Scottis~ flag,with haggisand various cuts of Scottish meat.

Harrietrounds the counter and wrapsup the haggis. Behind her is the large"PRUSSIAN VEN!SON" sign.

29 CONTINUED: ( 2) ~'

Charlie's charmed.

Charlie is driving along l:steni~;to Kero~ac. Weabs~~b the flavorof San Francisco as te drivesdown ~ombard Street.

An old crappie apartment bt:ilding inSan Francisco.Charlie's car pulls up. We hear "SA":"URDAYNIGHT"bythe Bay City Rollers.

Charlie approaches a door.

The apartment isa shrine to Scotland. Scottish paraphernalia, miniature Scotty dogs, shortbread tinsand, on wall, framed pictures depictfamous Scotsmen,Sean Connery, JackieStewart, Alexander Graham Bell, James Doohan (Scottiefrom "Star Trek''), Sheena Easton,Billy Connolly.

We seeSTUART, MAY, TONY, and littleWILLIAM, Charlie's fourteenyear old little brother allsinging:

(CONTINUED)_

33 CONTINUED:

The group are eating dinneron TV trays. Charlie walksover and turns off the record.

STUART MACKENZIE is in his late fifties,a butcher,with Coke bottle glasses and thickh~ad of black ~air. His red-haired wife, MAY, is in her fiftie:!S,att::::-ac:.ivewitha soft,buttough appearance. LittleWILLIAM, has a very largehead and a skinny neck. Like Charlie,he was born in America.

Charlie gives his Moma hug, his father 3 kiss.

On the television, Stuart'steam, Glasgow Celtic,has scored.

33 CONTINUED: (2)

We see there-play of the~cal ~n TV. Tony sits down a~~May bringsover a plate of ste~and three types of potatoes,piled very high. •

MAY • · (taking it) I'll put itin the frig.

Charlie noticesTony readingsome papers. He realizes it's literaturefrom the Lyndon· H.LaRouche Society.

CHAAJ;;IE Dad, what are·youdoing to Tony now? Why doyou abuse his mind like this?

(CONTINUED).

33 CONTINUED: (3)

33 CONTINUED: ( 4)

STU~R! But it's not just the poetry is itson? You're afraid if you get married you'll lcse your muse. Look atme, I was a strapping young butcher,at the height of my creative powers. When itcame to de-boninga side of beef, therewas nobody that could touch me. Then I married your mother. And people would still stand in awe asI filleted a shoulder of lamb.

:8.

33 CONTINUED: ( 5}

William gets the National~~guirer and brings it back.

There's another goalon the TV set.

Time passes. The TV se~

CROSS FADES

34 TO THE ENDOF THE GAME

The two teams areshaking hands. And the finalscores chyron shows Celtic beating Rangers three nothing.We see Charlie and Tony are leaving. Stuart :s blind drunk.

34 CONTINUED:

She meets Charlie andTony at the door and kisseshim good-bye. She turns to kiss Tony,and holds on the kiss fartoo long.

Fine. Go! Ycu've stayed your hour.

Charlie and Tony leave and enter ...

35 THE HALLWAY

where they find William sittingon the stairs waitingfor them.

Charlie's drives by and notices Harriet,who's unwinding the store awning in Dutch nationalcostume. The banner announces "DUTCHWEEK." "MEATS OF THEWORLD SALUTES DUTCH MEAT."

Charlie slows down to look at her. She looks great in her littleDutch costume.

Charlie is again writing atthe counter. Another PERSON enters.

Charlieagain points to the Kerouacsec~ion without looki~gup.

38 ON THE PAD

Charlie writes ...

OH MEAT MAID, IF?HE CATTLE HAD HAD A CHOICE, THEY WOULD HAVE SLAUGHTER.EDTHEMSEL'\"ES WILLINGLY FOR A CHANCE TO BE TOUCHED BY YOUR FINGERS

:UT TO:

39 CHARLIE'SFACE

She's on hismind.

Charlie's car pullsup. The sign reads,"WELSH WEEK" "MEATS OF THE WORLDSALUTES WELSH MEATS"

The store is very busy.:There is a li~eat the meat counter seven people deep. Charlie takes hisplace at the end cf the line.

We see a montage ofa persons handschc?ping a rack of lamb into lamb chops,and carvir.gmeat with surgical efficiency.

2:.

41 CONTINUED:

CHARL!E Itwas a big hit.

Harriet laughs.

HARRIE':' (to thenext ~usto~er) Can Ihelp you? (to Charlie) Sorry,I'm really busy.

CHARL!E Look,um, my dad's a butcher,do youneed a hand?

HARRIE~ Well,actually, Yes.

Charlie puts on a very sty:ish butchersmock and crosses behind the counter.

HARR•IET-(Cont'd) Can you getme fcur Belgian porterhouses? De you know what a porterhouselocks like?

CHARL!E I'm meat literate.

Time passes we see a moritaoeof Harrietand Charlie serving customers. Ending on a customer'sPOV of Charlie.

CUSTOME~ (0.S.) Yes, doyou have any fresh blubber'?

(C~NTINUED)

41 CONTINUED: (2)

CUSTOME~ Yeah.

we see Charlie's POV ofan Eskimo with a "lower forty-eighth" accent.

The Eskimo exits, there areno c~stornersleft.

Charlieand Harriet are eatinghot-doas. As Charlie puts the relishon, he smells the relish.

42 CONTINUED:

CHARLIE

~- Well, I'vebeen in fighcs. :et

me think.

Really evil.,.: (thinks) Like how many pecplehave you · brutally murdered?

(CONTINUED)•.

42 CONTINUED: ( 2)

Next tothem is a German co~ple,speaking German, looking througha coin-operated b:no=ular. He says something which causes her to cry.

CHARL::::E This just reminded her of that scene in "Brian'sSong".

She lifts hersoda to toast them.

HARRIE:' P!"OSt.

Theman and woman smile a:1c::10d.

CHARL:E You're very smar~. I~'s a shame I'm going tohave ~o destroy yo~.

CHARL:E No, not at all.

HARRIE':' Really, whatdo y~u look for in women you date?•

He smiles at her.

The lights turn on, and then they entera·very bohemian apartment. There is artists paraphernaliastrewn around. A small bar separates the living area~remthe kitchen. She smilesand walks off into the kitchen.

He checks out her apartment. On the wall there isa huge poster of the BOARDWALK IN ATLANTICC!TY.

HARRIE:' I used to livett~re. ihat's where I hadmy first super~arket job.

On his way out, he peeks i~to thebedroom, where he finds abed that is facing neither par2llelnor ?erpendicu~ar with the wall. It is just kind of "there".

He looks at herand then at the "Oddly-placed" bed.

43 CONTINUED:

Harriet startslaughing. ~hen so does Charlie. They lean into each other. Pretty close. Too closeeven, and when it seems like they'regoing to kiss, Charlie s~ddenlygets uncomfortable and looks at hiswatch.

CHARL::'.:E Who for then what?

She gets him his coat. He starts to :eave.

_,,...,..,........__ They are both fastasleep. She is curledup in his arms. Suddenly, she begins tospeak.

Charlie's eyesopen. He smiles.

Charlie's smilefades. He sits uP and looks at her. She is lying completely stillon the bed: her eyes closed,and still sleep-talking.

Charlie is sleeping alonei.nthe bed, and thesound of RUNNING WATER is heard off in the cistance. His eyes slowlyopen, he looks around, rememberswh,;:•rehe is.He putson his shorts and walks towards the bathroom.

,.

Through the steamwe can ~~sc ~ake out Harrietin the shower washing her hair. Charlie walks ever.

CHARLI:: You know ... with:hisdro~ghtin California total strangers are urged to shower together.

He opens the curtain. It's not Harriet. The woman, ROSE, calmly looks athim and clcses che curtain.

CHARL:::

Excuse me.

He backs out ofthe roo~.

The door opens anda hurr:~dly ~ressedCharlie emerges. Before he gets to the doorhe onci aga!n encountersRose. She's completely dressed. Eve~ ~er ~ai= is dry.

CHARL:E Hi. I'm really s~rry. :~ust have scared the...~•mHarriec's friend,Charlie, and youmust be ... (hopefully) Ralph?

He reaches for it,but she reads it aloud tohim.

ROSE·-.;_ (reading): 'Dear Charlie,! didn't want to

thanksfor makinc me smile.' Harriet. ~

(CO~TINUED)

47 CONTINUED:

Charlie and Rose sit att~e tableeach ea:ing a bowl ofdry cereal.

CHARL:E Hey, that stuff':lkill yo~ ~~~-e Fruit Loops are lightand probably reasonatlyhigh i~ Fiber. I likeA;?le :acks t:c.

Rose startssketching Charlie.

(C:)NTINUEO)

.....

48 CONTINUED:

He standsup.

CHAR't:IE But ... nothing didhappen.

(CON-TINUED)

48 CONTINUED: ( 2)

She leaves. Charlie isba:fled.

As Charlie walks by, FRED,a la~ky c~stomer in his late teens is buyinga book.

CHARL:::: Geed. Good. Lo~k, F=.ed.. (leaningir.l You gota lot o: ;:=l:r:encs, right? You know a~y gi=ls ~amed Ralph?

Charlie catches the store~a~ager, PE~NY, on her way into her office.

Shewalks into her office tctallyco~fused.

Tonyand Charlie are wait:rgin line.

51 AERIAL VIEW OF BOAT

as they travel to the islar.d.

52 ALCATRAZ

We open on the LOUDBANGING of a CELL DOOR. We findour tour group in the holding area. The PARK ~.ANGERis a beefyman in his late fifties and talks withemotio~less, military precision.

?ARK RA'JGER Hello,everyone~•~ a F~=k ==~ge= and I willbe leaj!ng yo~ c~ =he tour. All the pa=K ran9ers ~ere at Alcatrazwere at one time guards,myself ir.::luded.t-!yname isJohn Johnson, o~t everyone here callsme Vicki. Will you pleasefollow me?

They are led out. We see that Alcat=az is a sinister place. Cold and unforgiving. The Park Ranger leads them to the center of a cell block.

The Park Ranger leadsthem past the :amous visiting rooms,the mess hall, all the way to thesolitary confinement area.

53 A CELL

Tony and Charlie are at the backof the tour group.

PARK RA~-JGER Now this is sometningnone of the other tour guides willtel: you. In this particular cellblock Machine Gunn Kellyhad, what we call in the priscn~ystem, a "bitch." And oneday, in a jealous rage, Kelly took a makeshift knife,or "shiv," and cut out his "bitch's"eyes.

53 CONTINUED:

Tony and Charlie look ate~ch ether. ~hey're a little queasy.

They are eating Bay burrit~s.

HARR-lET Rose, Idon't really--

54 CONTINUED:

Rose shows the sketch to Harrie~.

54 CONTINUED: ( 2) '~-

Charlie entersthe buildins, holdinga handful of poetry books. He passes aUNIFOR.111EDDELI'-.ERYGUYcorning out.Theguy:-iods and Charlienods back.

Charlie gets threefeet dovT the haL_way. Stops in his :racks and headsback to the fro~t door. Heoper.srt and yells tothe delivery guy:

She opens thedoor enough ~o see that sheis wearing only a blouse thatgoes below her hips. Sh~ looks fantastic. He hands her the poetry books.

He follows her insideand puts the bookson the bureau. He goes over and kisses her.

(CJ.NTINUED)-

57 CONTINUED:

She drops the skirt and stands there. She"s fantastic.

HARRIE':' (smiling;wal~ingawa~l Comeo~ we're reee:ingyourbest friend. I wanna look good. The secondI go to the ladi~s=oom he'sgonna tell you wha:he really thinks of~e.

He follows her to thebed=com doc=, :onstantly trying to kiss her.

She closes the door on his face.

Rost"·;co.s., I thought of callingyou.

Charlie turns on his heel. Rose has appeared out of nowhere.

57 CONTINUED: (2)

Harrietwalks in the room, fully dressed,and fully dazzling.

Harriet hugsRose and then standsright next to her.

(CONTINUED).

57 CONTINUED: ( 3)

HA~RIET She's just being kind. Show Char-:ieone o: y:-·;::-p:-:ot8g:::-a?hs, Rose. Rose is a ;:-ea~a:::-~:s~.

He-turns it overand there is a pict:Jre there.A collage of unrelated images put together. And it is beautiful.

But it's very abstract. Violent perhaps. Confused definitely. He likes it.

C~L"IE What isit?

(CONTINUED)"

57 CONTINUED: ( 4)

Charlielooks at it again,then at Rose, then at Harriet. It's alla little bizarre, but ina funny way he feels for Rose. A hidden talented overshadowedbyher sister's beauty.

Charlieand Harriet walk01:t.•

Charlieand Harriet wait ir.linewith bohemian types and poetry loversfrom the suburbs, a~dall walks of life. Directly behindthem are TWO OLD•LAr!ES. The marquee reads: "POETRY FESTIVAL- TONIGHT ALLEN G:NSBERG."

HAaRlET Oh, I know ai~about him.

Tony is getting out ofa ceb accompaniedby Susan, the girl from Spiletti's CoffeeHouse. He approaches Charlie.

<CONTINUED) ..

58 CONTINUED:

Tony throws hisarms wide cpen and hugsone of the Little Old Ladies on the other side of Charlie.

Then sheGIGGLES. The gir:s star~ i~side,Tony lags back with Charlie.

ALLEN GINSBERG ison stage. He i3 brilliant. Tony, Charlie, and Harriet are allamused. Susan is bored stiff. Charlie is looking at Tony. Tony glar.cesover at Susanand gives Charlie an "Oh, well." look. Then he loo~s at Harrietand nods in approval of her ..

•.

The four of them walk alona thewharf. Charli~ is at one of those arcade games where you throwbean ~ags at the puppets and try and knock them down. Charlieknocks two down.

The arcade man turns arounc :owa:ch. Harriet wi~ds up a~d throws the bean bag direcc:y ir.:ot.isneck.

ARCADE ·1.:...N Hey!

They both startlaughing. He puts hisarm around her. In the b.g. the wounded arcade man is being ledaway by a co-worker.

They continueddown the bobrdwalk stand in frontof a House of Horrors.

It lookssomewhat run down and Harrietlooks questioningly at Charlie.

Tor.ynods agreement. Susar.looks bored. They go inside the

61 HOUSE OF HORRORS

it's as low rent as Charliedescribe~. The "KEEPEROF THE THRESHOLD" so described ina poorly written sign,is an overweight man in his latetwenties, wearing jeansand a denim jacket and a little bitof scary makeup. He looks likea roadie for the band,KISS. He stands at a podium,smoking and reading a paper. AsCharlie, Tony, Harriet andSusan pass the Threshold Keeper, he takesa casual drag of his cigarette,lets out a little smoke and wittzero commitment utters:

THRESHO~D KEEPER Boo.

Harriet and Char 1ieenterF.:.ll's:-:axt<~seu~.:'heJ,r:·::::::<-"::he wax museum greets them.

They walk over to theexhir.:.cs.The~e are exhibits:f Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jacksonar.dDelly Parton. As they :ook more closely they notice thattr.~faces a~e exactlythe same as Bill's. They laugh.

Pouring rain. THUNDER. Charlie and-Harriet,wrapped in each others arms, walking throu0hthe rain.

~.·.«.

64 TIGHT SHOT OF RAIN HITTINGCHARLIE'S PANIC-STRICKENFACE

65 THE REFLECTION OF RAIN ONCHARLIE'S PANIC-STRICKENFACE

PULL BACK to see Charlie ir.bed. He lies awake on his side, his back up to Harriet's. She issonnd asleep. Suddenly:

CONTINUED)

4 4.

-~ 65 CONTINUED:

HARRIE':' (sleeptalkin~) Ralph! No, Ralph!

Charlie sighs, thenjust s~rugs and ~riesto fall asleep. What can he do.

FADE IN:

Charlie and Harrietwai: outside his parents'door.

CHARL:::: Well, t~is is i:.

HARR.I='.:' It ' 11befine .

They enter the door.

We again move along theha:lNay. Wepass :he Scottish wall, of fame, Scottie from"Star -=-~·ek",SirlvalterScott,SirHarry Lauder, Sheena Easton,Al :·f.~in~,Bi:lyConnolly,then the CAMERA BACKTRACKS to Pacin(,w~ere i~HOLDS MOMENTARILY.

CHARLI:S Mom, Dad, we're ~ere.

May comes up, wearinga fancy country and western outfit.

When he comes up, Stuart i:wearing only a shirtwith his boxer shorts.

67 CONTINUED:

William comes around the ccrner with his pants.

STU.?.R'I' Oh, that'sfor T-::-:-:-,-.s.-,::harlie tellsme you're~ 8Ut=h~:. ~et's talk meat.

Stuart getshim in a half-~·elson.

Charlie struggles tofree~imseif. Stuart turnsto greet Harriet. As he reaches out hishand.

Totally instinctively,~irrietgrabs Stuart's hand andt~ists itbehind his back. Charlie isstar~led, as his datehas just gotten Stuart intoa Half-felson.

67 CONTINUED: ( 2)

CHARLIE: (whisperir.g~oHar~iet) I'm gonna use thebathroom. Ycu be okay alone wi~hthem?

HARRIS:' (kissing) Fine. Don't worryabout it. Hurry.

They smile ashe leaves the room.

Charlie picks up thepace, scared of whathe might hear next.

He closes thedoor, and shakes his head. What·can he do? Those are his parents. On the wallopposite the toilet is a well-used dartboard with pictures of theQueen Mother and ColonelSanders. Hooked to the magazinecaddie is a small containerof darts.

May excitedlyshows Harriet familyphoto albums.

70 CHARLIE INTHE BATHROOM

He doesn'tseem in any hurry to leave either. He listens through thedoor to Harriet enthusiastically looking through old photos.

Charlie glancesdown at a stack of National Enquirerson the magazine rack. He flips through a few.

He sees one of the absurd headlines:"ALIENUFO SEX DIET" Charlie shakes hishead.

ST~~T (0. S.) (througfi:door) You okay in there, Charlie? You didn't fall in, did you?

Charlie then looksdown at another article in the Enquirerand reads:

70 CONTINUED:

"wHo' sNEXTEOB r"RS x - THE HONEYMOONKILLER?"

It is the article aboutMrs. X -- the axe-mu:.dererwho kills her husbands on theirhoneymoons and then marries againunder a different identity.

71 IN THE LIVING ROOM -

May is quickly flipping througha photo album,pointing out pictures of relativesas she goes:

72 CHARLIE IN THEBATH~OOM

With Harrie: speaking int~e b .g., Charlie continuesreading, now absorbed in theart:cle abo~t the 3 vi=tims:

HARRIE':'(0. S.l (throughdoer) Youhave the same smile. ::•s so incredible.

"VICTIM tl - THE GERMANMARTIAL ARTS EXPERT FROMMIAMI"

"VICTIM 12 - THE LOUNGESH:GER FROM ATLANTIC CITY"

"VICTIM #3 - THE SANFRANCISCO PLUMBER - RA:.PHELLIOT"

Sitting i~ the front seat cf Charlie's car,smiling,con~ent, a great meal, a greatnight out with Charlie and anice evening with his parents.

Slowly PAN across the frontseat to Charlie. A nervousanxious "what the hell am I getting myself into"look on his face.

(COt.JTINUED)

73 CONTINUED:

He looks straightahead, trying to act unfazed. But, he's very phased -- his expressionis covered in it.

He keeps driving.

Charlie walks through therrecincc to~ards Tony's office, holding the NationalEnquirer in his hand.

DESK SE~GEANT Hey Charlie!

The Sergeant nods andChar:ie heads back to the office.

(CONTINUED)..

75 CONTINUED:

CAPTA:N Well, as you may ~now,To~~- I don't report to a comrnissicner. I report to a corr~ittee,some of whom are appointed, some e:ected and the remainder co-opcedon a bi-annual bas~s. A quorum--

CAP-TAI~~ Well Tony, r•~e never seen it that way. For me policework is all about following procedureand remaining accountable to the general public.

s:.

75 CONTINUED: (2)

Charlie enters.

CH.?I.RLIE Hey, Tony, Igot:~ ta:k ~o you.

The Captain exits.

Charlie pulls out theNatic·~alEnqui~er(the one on MRS.X, the Honeymoon Killer).

(CC,NTINUED)

75 CONTINUED: ( 3)

75 CONTINUED: (4)

76 COMPUTER ROOM AT POLICE.-:.'•·.r..ST.t-.TIONMINUTESLATER

Charlie and Tony arein the back with KATHY,a stocky black woman in uniform,who work: in the filesdepartment.

76 CONTINUED:

CHARL!E AndRalph Elliot, too?

Charlieknocks on the door. Rose a~swers.

She then starts to slowly close thedoor. He props it~pen with his hand.

CHARL~S Inside? I was ~:?:~g...

CHAF..IiIE Look, ifyou have work to do, you go rightahead. ("ah,here's an angle") I mean, to tellyou the truth, I'd love tosee your work.

__.,...,..,.___,_

77 CONTINUED: ( 2)

78 CLOSE ON PHOTOGRAPHS -

There are two kinds. Beaut:ful~=ave: p~ctures and very~rotic black and white portraitscf yo~~? rn~~a~d women. Allwi~h a slight sadomasochistic qua2ity. At ~te bottom of every?hoto issays: "Seasons Greeting~".

Thesound of a key in the dooras Harriet enters the apartment.

(CONTINUED) ..

78 CONTINUED:

Sh~ takes him in herarms ~nd giv~s-~im a ~neebuckling kiss.

79 TV SET PLAYING THEEVENING KEWS

NEWS AN,::iOR~-~;(CNTV) In thenews tonight, regarainga Beverly Hills Jeweler,Morris Cohan,who died last week, poli=e are now suspecting thatMorris's partner,Lawrence Sachs, may have murderedhim with an un~raceable poison.

(CONTINUED).

79 CONTINt:ED:

Reveal: we are in ...

Charlie is on a Stair Master,as Harriet walksin wearing a robe. The TV is on in the b.g.

Harriet drops her robe,ano frc~ ~ver her shoulderwe see that Charlie prefers whathe sees tc working out.

She pulls out a milkshakefrom behind her back .

What isit?

81 THE TV SET

continues on about poisonsand poisoners. Charlie glances at it.

Charliewatches the TV, lockinga bit disturbed. Harriet offershim the shake.

(CONTINUED).

81 CONTINUED:

CHARL:E Oh, look, I'm full. Dinner and ... No ...

HARRIE':' You'll like it Charlie.

He takes it. Lifts it tor.ismo~-:::....then puts iton-:he table.

Charlie goesinto the bathroom.

82 CHARLIE'S BATHROOM

Harriet comes into thebattiroom andlaysthe empty glassdown on the counter.

Charlie notices theempty 9lass on the counter.

With her in theshower, he sneaks back into thebedroom and checks the trash can. Nothing. Thenhe runs around the bed to the other trash can. Nothing.

(CONTINUED)·.

6C.

82 CCNTINUED:

He looks thoroughly confused asshe enter thebedroom, wearing atowel. She takes thetowel cff as she slipsunderneath the covers. He gets into bednext to her. She giveshim a kiss.

C~arlie and Harriet arewarching :he ~ews show. DOCTOR SHOW is patched in via the Anchorm~~•s=l~se =irc~it TV.

NEWS AN::-fOR'.'-!.AN(CNTV) Doctor, is it possible~hat ~ne could be poisonedwith no trace at all?

DOCTOR s~ow (CNTV) Certainly. There are plantsthat grow verycommonl 1in our cw:1 backyard thatco~ld easily be fermentedir.topcison. Take for instance the ...

NEWS AN•:~ORMAN(ONTV) Really? And how easy it that to do?

CHARLIE: (blocking out the7V again) Maybe we shouldt~rn the light back on. Yeah that's better.

(CONTINUED).

f'

,.. 0-.

82 CONTINUED: ( 2)

CHARL:;:E Nothing.

_CHARLIE Well, it'sjust ... (re:the TV) The TV. You can't even watch the news thesedays without getting depressed.

Charlie turns over on his side,she cuddles up behind him.

(CONTINUED)·

82 CONTINUED: ( 3)

HARRIE':' I'mjust making a poi~t Jf~~at a good relat:icnsr.i?we·:·.3vi:='.. Goodnight, sweett~art.

He looks very uneasy. She kisses ~i~ a~d shuts off the light. The moon gives theroom an eerie glow.

CHARL!E Good night.

She doesn't close her eyes. He's scar~d toclose his. Pause.

HARR~ET (smiling) Good night.

They both look over ateach other. She closes her eyes. He takes a deep breathand thrn closes his eyes.

And covers his earwit11_.J;ii~hand.

Charlie is on the crowded platform. Next to him isan old lady with a lot of shoppingbag~;. Three ~ids on skateboardswhiz by and accidentally knockbags out o! her hands. Cat toys and cans of cat food go everywhere. :harlie bendsdown and starts to help her gather her stuff.

83 CONTINUED:

Cha::-lie.

Charlie looksuc and sees Earriet wa~ing tohim from the subway stairs. He wav~sback and ~otions. "I'llbe there in a second", and continuesto ~elp ~he old lady. She watcjes from the stairs.

Two train headlights areseen off in the distance.

Charlie glances overa~_-..Ha:·riet.,·.;hoslowlymakes herwaydown the platform towardshim.

The train is getting closerand closer, and so is Harriet..

(CJNTINUED)

83 CONTINUED: ( 2)

Har=iet moves forwarda step, Charlie moves backa step.

As Harriet seems to get closer Charlie continues tobackup, picking up cat toys. Charlie realizes he has nowhere else to turn. so he side stepsdown the platform, never stopping his conversation with thelady.

Harriet is moving inon hir. Charli~ steadilymakes his way down the plat form,feignin~:accici~nt.=.::y~:.ekingcat!"ocddown the pla:form. T~e oldlad~-is unsur~ ~ha: is goingen, she tries to keep up withhim.

Charlie runs out ofplatfo~m. Harri~t is very close tohim. The train is closer, so isEarrie~. Char:ie letsout a scream.

Charlie is standing at theedge of the p~a:form,Harriet is a good six or seven feetaway as th~ t~ain passesby. Charlie is safe. People are all star:ngat Charlie curiously,including Harriet and the old lady. Charlie is embarrassed.

No one knows what is goingon.

LArN: I'm sorry,I did~'t know it mea~t so much toyou.

DIFFERENT SIGNS THAT RE~D;BIRTHS, D~A7HS, AND MARRIAGES.

We find Charlie at the ~arriagecounte=.

ASSISTAN:' Yes, Sir,can I telp you?

I'd liketo put in an announcementof my parents ~c=ty- fifth weddingar.r.iversary.

ASSISTA~r-:i Sure, it's$4.SC ;:er·...,.o:-d,a::::i you'vegot a c~ci=e of.3~a~ja:-::i or bold.

CHA~.:..:;::: Bold, and here,I'~e wr~~t~::!t out.

Charlie looks over to t~eneaths =ou~ter. He overhearscwo obituary assistants hav:.ng~conv~rsat!cn.

OBI7UAR1 ASSISTANT•l Hi, Frank,busy ~~ek?

OBITUARI ASSISTAK7i2 I've only gottwc. It's da:1 around here.

Both assistants laugh. Ch,1rlieis m:.:.d:.yoemused.

OBITUAR~ ASSISTANT42 Well, I'vegot this one guy, a tourist. He had a heart attack on a cable car.

OBITUAR: ASSISTANT tl You're right,I'rrsorry.

85 CONTINUED:

OBITUARY ASSIS:ANT #2 Well, there's thisother guy Elliot, Ralph. Plumber, disappearedfour months ago. Body foundin a sewer. (pause)

OBITUARY ASSIS~ANT #1 (despite himself) I guess hetook his work too seriously,and his life we~t down the drain.

OBITUAR: AS2:~·:AK~#1 (crestfalle:1l You're right,I f~el bad. ?o::..n~ taken. I'mmean, 1:hesea.::-Ee.::-ea~ people we're talkingabout.

OBITUAR! ASS!S~ANTil You made your point. I was wro~g to make a jokeatout a person's life.

OBITUAR"lASSIS7ANT #1 (cryingand shouting) O.K., youwin. I'm a bad, bad person.

OBF-I'UAR"fASSISTANT#2 Frank take it~asy.

OBITUARY ASSISTAKT #1 No, he's right! (pounding hishead with his fists) I'm for shit, I'rroneinsensiti?e asshole.

(C:>NTINUED)'

85 CONTINUED: ( 2)

OBITUARiASS:S7ANT #1 NO! THERE'S NO ~SNTIONOF THE WIFE! YOU HAPPY'.?

Charlie exits.

Charlie stands outside theannouncement office,terrified.

Harriet is talking toa C~f7OMER.

HARRIE:- Hi.

CHARLI":: I'm sorry. (beat) I think you're c :-:rrificF-omar;. (beat) I just don't th~~~we snou:d see each other anymc:~.

She moves around toCharl:~. She lifts hischin so t!".atheis looking directly into her~yes.

HARRIE:' Why not? And te:lme the truth.

She is so close tohim, a~c so very beautiful, it's distracting.

CHARL::!:E Okay ... the truth is thatI'm afraid you're goi~g toki ... leaveme.

(CQNTINUED).

87 CONTINUED:

A single tear runsdown he: cheek. ~hebrushes it away quickly.

Charlie goes.

Charlie lies on the barhe~d down. ·~onyrushesin, looks around and sees Charlie.

88 CONTINUED:

(CJNTINUED).

88 CONTINUED: ( 2)

Charlie liesin bed. He's writingin h.:.sjournal. He stares out intospace. Inspired, hewri'Ces...

90 A~GLEON THE JOURNAL

DON'T BE DISILLUSIJNEDEY T~E SCO7TISH SON AS HE FLIES, INBAI-LIKE ~N:so~ •

91 CHARLIE

pausesa moment to reflec-c,ther,,;-r.:.·:€:s...

92 ANGLEON THE JOURNAL

93 CHARLIE

Thinks ofsomething else ard writes ...

94 ANGLEON THE JOURNAL

Hishand reaches across·~nciscratches it out. ·

Charlie is exitinga vinta~e reco~dstore. Suddenly he finds himselfface to face with ~herri. She's accompanied by a handsomeyoung man.

..,.

95 CONTINUED:

He walksover to a magaz:~. s:a~d.

SHERR::: I'm teaching him.

For a moment,Charlie is t00 stunned torespond. Then ...

He's on the Stair Master,~tepFing v"=rYlet.hargically..The TELEPHONE RINGS: He goes tc answer.

Tony hangs up. Charlies:.cpspedaling on :hebike. Now he really feels like shit ..f.e,r_:-iet.'snota killer.Sherri's not a cheater.

He races out of thebedroor.

Moments later he appears,ruts ~n a oair of pantsover his exercise shorts, thenrace~ :,utt~e 2~or again.

Charlie races along towardrHarriet's house.

He races up to the dooran,:starts to bang and knockand ring ...

(CC>NTINUED)

98 CONTINUED:

The chain opens on thedoo~.

CHARLIE: I'llmake it up== you,ca~ ~eat leastta:.k.

HARRIE':' Sure,talk.

Rose steps up behind Charlie.

Once again, baffled byRos~,,Charlie touches his hair,shakes it off and looks Harrietr:?ht in the eye.

(CJNTINUED).

98 CONTINUED: (2)

HARRIE~ (aftera le;-.;pa·.:sE1 I loveyou. Bu: ;ou ble~ Charlie,you ble~ ~:..

She goes into the house. ::r.ar::.es-:a:-.dstheredejected.He knows he's blown it ..

Harriet is doing a load of:au~jry =~~sistingof bloodied work clothes. Suddenly shecan hear t~e scund ofMUSIC, very loudly.

Annoyed, she goes outher ;!'"Ontdn!":.o tellher neighbors off. Just as she's about toknoc·ko~ t~e deer, she realizes it's not the source of the music. ~t that ~oment her neighbor,who is a STEWARDESS, comes outin nigt-:clothes.

STEWARD5·SS I don'tmean to be a oain,but I'm a stewardess,and·I havean early flightout in the morning. Can you pleasekeep your music down?

HARR:iET I thought itwas coming from here.

STEWARD~SS But someonekeeps shouting your name overand over.

Puzzled, Harriet rushesback to her o...:nbalcony.

Harrietrushes out and smi:esas she sees the source of the noise. Charlie serenadesharriet in the s:reet below, acccmpaniedby a TRUMPETER witha MU7E, a JOUBLE BASSPLAYER ANDA GUY ON A SNARE.

A crowdhas gathered in thEstree-:a~c spe=tatcrs groupon their balconies. They bre~kout into ~??LAUSE~ Charlie proudly takes theapplauseand bows ~c Harriet. Shethrows him a fl~wer. He's won her ~ark.

Romantic with candlessurr~undingthe -:ub. Harriet andCharlie are bathing together. Whe~everone of then moves, thewater extinguishesa candle andCr.arlieligt.-:si-:.This iskeeping him pretty busy.

CHARLI:: You were close··$lskids?

101 CONTINUED:

HARRIE':' He hated it. Trudging off to those weddings everySaturday night. Other pecple's celebrations he called::. He said sometimes tr.eydidn'teven offer him a glass ofscda. He had a small studio,and every year at Christmas he'dtake a picture of me andRose and put it in the window on a littlecard that said "SeasonsGreetings." Awful pictures. It.'slike... I could see his pain inmy face. Anyway, me and m~ sis:erwcrked with our "childhc.:dissues"in different ways. 3'."lebe::3.ffiE·3. p::otographe!:'ar.c.Ibe::a:·1-2f:-::,i::i:: about having my Fi=:~=e:a~e~. r~•s quite a fam:!;.

HARRIE~ Dead. Car accident.

There isa RING at the door.

Charliecomes out of the bethrocm ina robe.

A plain lookinglady in he: thirties,RALP:-i,issitting by the window.

(C(?NT INUED ).

102 CONTINC'EC:

He rushes over tohug he=.

CHARLI~ Oh,Ralphie, ! :c~~ ya~.

Swept up in his enthusiasrI"is-::-·'1~2.fallsoff.Harrie-:is shocked, but amused.

Charlie realizes he isnak~ci. His arms are stillwrapped around Ralph.

He hurriedly puts histowe: back ·:::1,bolts to thebedroom door. Just before he enters,he f•eusesand turns to Ralph.

He leaves. ·-

(C~-.JTINUED)

102 CONTINUED: ( 2)

103 A KITCHENDOOR OPENS ...

and Charlie'smother, MAY, sh~ulderster way t~rough thedoor, carryinga HAPPY ANNIVERSA~Y CAKEwith a big 45 written on it.

PULL BACK toreveal we are in:

May and Stuart's45 year arrivers3ry;arty. u~:LE A~GUS isat the piano playing"Happy _;r.r.:.·,e:s=:.:-y"as::~.arl:.e'sparents,all their friendsand Harriet i,:lsitaro~~d t~e piano SING~NG:

THE GR0-J? Happy Anniversar-y-:-::;0 11... (Etc.)

The song ends. May and Stt:a:-tblow the candles.

Stuart looksup, and Charlie getshim in a headlock and pins him to theground.

(C:)!{TINUED)

104 CONTINUED:

They kissand everyone APPlAUDS. Uncle Angus breaks int~, "StandBy Your Man." Mayar.dStuar:.star: to dance. Ctarlie looks atanother young courlewho are touched by this si::cere display oflove. He looksover a:.Harriet. Stuart and ~ay feedeach other cake. Charlieapproaches Harriet.

HARRIE':" Boy, you really!:::-::i~s:::·,·= impress:.onwitr,::::.:.p:-...3:-.-:-0.l---I•'- get over you.

CHARLIE: (stal 1i::g;n-~:-•.,0 1.!Sl I'm just sohapp~ ~or y~~ r: have friends likeRaiF~- NhA:.~ ;reat friend tohave.

(C'JNTINUED)

104 CONTINUED: (2)

Harriet flinches slightlyat t~e word "Wife",but Charlie is too wrappedup in the mo~e~t tc ~::i:~. S:uart addresses the gro,_;p.

People clapand smile. Ha::ie: :~=~~ at:ha!":ie. He has tears in his eyes.

At first it doesn'tregistfr. :'hi:n.·-:

She smiles.

They kiss.

-· MAYi.---- (from across rooM) Harriet, come here a minute. I want you and Uncle Angustc play a song together.

Harriet and Charlie kissore lase :i:~~and snegoes co che piano.

Charlie stays in thecorne:, anj Ton~ ccmes over.

(CJNT::NUED)

8:.

104 CONTINUED: ( 3)

CHJ..RL::: And secondly ...:~a= ~=~an =~er there ... (Re: Harriet1 That's Harriet, =~1 we•=~ ~~~ting married.

And then Harriet beginssir0ing a~ t~~ pia~o.

HARRIE':' (singing) ONLY YOU ... CAN MAKE THIS WOR~::.SEEr~RIC::i:'••• ONLY YOU ... CAN MAKE THIS DARKNESS LIGH':'... "

Tony and Charlielook at e~ch ether. "Only you?"Then Charlie looks at his bride withcor!idenc~.

He walks over and joinsj·•~e1.Shesi:1gsto him. It's a moment.

Charlie and Harrietpick ov: a ::iamo:--.::rin?.

Charlie and Harriet pointt: broc~u=~=-of the different cities they could go to on theirtcney~c~n. They decideon a picture of the "DRY CREEK LODGE"ir Clre,;o:'i.

s:.

They are getting theirblocc tests back. Harrietlooks at hers, casually. Charlie i~ nervous. Reluctantlyhe oce~s the file and looks at it. He :s pleased with the resultsa~d does a victory dance.

Charlie and Harriet arebe:.~;married. Harriet isi~ a beautiful weddinggown. Cr,arlieis wearing a kilt. To:-.yis the best man. He alsowea~s a kilt. Stuart,also kil-:.ej,May, the whole familyalong ·t1:.:~a~.:.::-:~~e~·1w·e::.-wishe::-sa::-e=-~- attenda.:;ce.The SCOTT:S~'.·:->i!:~:-r=:::.:=::::-E·s:.ces.Rose:.s::-.a ki.lt.

SCOTTIS~ MINISTEF Now, Mr. MacKenzie, if ;Ju~ill take this woman-:.:be yourwife, through thick anc -:.hin,for better or for wars~, pl~as~say: "Ido" ...

SCOTTIS~ MINISTER Now Harriet, if you will take this man, throug~ good ti~esand bad, for ever anc ever, as your husband, please say"'! Do" ...

Harriet starts to speak;·t:~right b~fore thewords come out, she stares into Charlie's~~·esand STOPS. Charlielooks nervous. So does theScot~ish Minis~er. So doesTony. So does everyone.

HARRIE: (aftera lon; paus~; finally·::, Ido.

SCOTTIS, MINISTER Now Charlie ...Kissthe becutiful bride!

Charlie and Harriet kiss. ~e can se~ (though Charliecan't) Harriet has a strange uns1..::·f:e>:pr-=ss:.cnen herface.Tcny notices it though and can'Tfiguro:i-:.out.

(C:iNTINUED)

aJ.

109 CONTINUED:

The weddingmarch kicks ~n ~eing p!ayejby a drunken Scotsman on BAGPIPES.

A Scottish accordionistand a Drummerplay SCOTLAND THE BRAVE. Some OLDERSCOTTISH AUNTIE~ are C~APPINGand HOOTING LOUDLY along with thetune. Some r~ung girlCOCSINS in traditional Scottish costume,dance thE sword dancealong to SCOTLANDTHE BRAVE.

We pass the buffetwhich we see is cateredby "Meats Of The World."Then we pass aver~ dr~nkenSt~art in a heated discussionwith fo~r other feJFle.

sru;_r\7 You kf"l.owGolder.:::.:.ec::-:<,.-·:s designed by a Sc::sma~, MacClaren, which isw~8 Xa~c:ar~n park was named a::~r.

The othersagree heartily.

May and Tony are dancing. :'-'..~y~s::ianc.:.:-:g·.rncomfortably=lose. She keeps sliding herhand G~wn c: h~~ass, which he then has ~ to move back to hissho~ldEr.

Then we come toWilliam, ~~-=•sre~~c~anc:yat the children's table. All his little co';~·:.nsar~q·1euingupfora chance to feel hishead.

We find Charliein a corne1·. Cne oft~e hooting Scottish aunties is trying to geth:~ tc haveanother Scotch.

Tony joins them.

She's in the cornerby her!~lf :00kin; weirdand ominous. She has enough food in fronto: her f~r ~tree people.

(CJNTINUED)

110 CONTINUED:

She eatsravenously and incessantly. Charlie goes over to her.

At thatmoment, a FLASH goes off. Harriet looks up angrily.

Then she realizes it'sRos~. Shecalms down and smiles. Charlie looksat her, a little peculiarly,but Harriet regains her composure.

HARR!E::' Sorry. The flas~ jus~...

The bar.d kicks:.:-:tc,ane,i~:cince.A·.:c:.;r;c;30~comes~Pt~the bagpipeman w:.tha shot o~ whis~eya~d whispers int: his ear. The bagpipeman s~ops the ~cng, d~wnsthe whiskey and then breaks intoRod Stewart's '':FYO~ ~H:~K!'~ SEXY." From across the roomwe hear Stuart sin9ing. ·

Stuart gives theBagpiper tr.et~1.Enbsup.The young people in the room start tojam, and then oneby one the oth;r guests start gettinginto the swi~g of things. The bagpipe man continues playing. It is clear thathe is far too drunk to play. He slowly keelsover, drunk. And as he falls over face first, he landson his oagpipes. Thebagpipes let out an ATONAL DEFLATINGSOUND likf the lastdying throes of a tortured animal. TheBAGPIPE WAIL extends in~othe next scene.

CHARtIE (V. 0.) Wait 'til you~ee this place, Harriet.

They drive along thebeaut:ful coast. Harriet is still eating. They' re listening toTEENA(,EFANCLU3.

(C0NTINUED)

112 CONTINUED:

CHARLI:: We'll have the ~~~:elodge to ourselves practically.

HARR::::- It sounds wonder~~--

CHARL::: Do you think tha:~ould tea go~d line for a poem:

HARRIE'r Honestly? It so~~1sa ~ittle Hallmark.

CHARL:E: Yeah, it's a 1it:1'=Si::a ..s2-.:-:d Croft.

Tony is at his desk. The captain kicksopen the door, knocking Tony's feet off thedes~: !he captainis now dressed in suspenders, a loosened tie,and a shirt withpit stains.

(CJ:-J':'INUED)

113 CONTINUED:

CAPTAH: I can'tbelieve:•~ d~i~g :~.:.s, but that girl whc :onfusedto Ralph Elliot's mcrjera:so confessed to othermurdRrs.

CAPTAir~ Yeah, apparently shealso confessed to killingAbe Lin:oln, Julius Caesar, andWarren G. Harding. She's a nut,Spi}etti!

TONY'· (getting up) Oh, my god! I gottago!

Tony exits for a beat,ther pokes his head in thedoorway.

·-

113 CONTINUED: ( 2)

CAPTAI~J (nice agair:) You think so? Well,:hank you very much.

Tony hurries to his car.

They stop ata gas static~ with a s~allmi~i-mart. As Charlie is filling thetank he n::::ces:-:a:-:-:.--=:t.sli?Fi~gt.hekeyouto: the ig:-.itionbe.:o:-eshe,...-,,,·r:s::-.:.-::::;:i.:-.i-:-:-.ar:for:ncre:::,ed.

HARRI::: You want anytti~c?

CHAR:.!E: Lamb chops, crearr-:dS?:.:·,act,, stuffed tomatces a~d aHer~hey Bar.

Harriet arrives at thel:.:t:e~a and :a ~rpemini-mart and smiles to Charlie.

CHJ>..RL::: If they don't r.c':-=aL.:.:;a:.,I'l:. justtake the Hershey bdr.·

Tony stands at thedoor, buzzing the buzzer tono response.

They are stilldriving,.a,,lor0thecoast. Charlie is eating his Hershey Bar. Harriet's:eyf:sarebec~ming a bit glazednow, her movements a little static. She keeps lookingbehind them and out the window.

<C~NTINUED).

117 CONTINUED:

CHARLIE:. What do youmea:-.'.1Jt.;,a~·:.n~?':'-:u didn't payhim t:r :he ~as:

~- CHAP.LIE

So, you just lef:.

HARRIS':' Yes. And you're~n a=co~p:i=e.

He stops mid-biteon his Hfrshey3ar. He's confused.

I'm not sure Iu~derstand.

CHARt;IE (going with it) I can play thatg3me. ~•1J get the next gas station. ~ike Bonnie & Clyde.

He and Bonnie continueon the winding~oad and pass a sign that reads: "DRYCREEK LODGE - .:oMILES"

Tony knocks. No answer. r:epicksthe lock and ente-rs.

Rose is tied up and lying1n a oool of blood. Tony stopsfor a beat, draws his gunand slowly wal~s over to her. Jus~ as he gets there~ a SHUTTERCL:crs.

(CJI-.JTINUED)

119 CONTINUED:

Rose pulls out a photograpr.-~ha::-liP.andHarriet.Looking young and in love.

A beautiful old Colonia:.;-:.:.sic:--.,ne:,tled.:.:-:themour.ta.:.:-:sand forests of t~e North-West. Ro,.5~·::cer.d:=o~anotherday. Charlie and Harrietpul.:..•··:..n==~.:--.tcfit.

The Valets open the door ....._..::...,...

HARRIE':' It 'sl i keacast:-=,c~.a:-.:..iE·• It'sso beaut.:.f~:.

As they deal with thelugg~ge, Harriet starts towalk away from the hotel, away from thec,,r,rain falling on her head. She walks straight at theCAMEFA, so only we can see her expression. Her expressior isone o~ simply "losing it".

Harriet turns around andsriles a: Chorlie. He smiles back.

Charlie and Harriet stand~t the ~esk. Harriet isnot quite paying attention. Her attn,tior..:;panhasslipped tonone. She's fidgety. She looks~ r~unj~usoiciously at everythingand everyone.

(C'J!i,TINUED)

121 CONTINUED:

DESK CL:::KK Welcome,Sir. We have you with us for four nights,Mr. MacKenzie. Dinner reservations are ateight-thir:J.

DESK Cl.."::?.K Also, youmight ~~~na p~ep~re some candlesby t~e bed. ~e•re expecting therai~stcrm :o get even worse. We ~i;ht even lose the powertoni?r:.

CHARLIE: Did youhear t~a:, Harr~et: A storm. I can't:~i~k c~ a~y:hing more romanticth3~ tte :~cc! us trapped inour r::m i~ :.~emiddle of a rainstorm. (noticinghe~1 You okay,Harriet:

HARRIE':" Just a littleheaj-ac~e. (to clerk) Excuseme, is ther~ a d~~g store in the hotel? I ~ant to get some aspirin.

DESK c1:;:?.K Right beyondtho~~ tr~e~, Ma'm. Anything youn~ec.-

Harrietwalks off to the lobbystore, backwards, looking at Charlie. Charlie watches t,erwalkoff. The Desk Clerk sits staring at Charlie. ,

DESK CL~RK You think she'sr~ally aot a head- ache?

DESK CL-~RK Ah, nothing. Here's yo,irJ.:ey. You're in the Oak~oo~.

(CQNTINUED)

121 CONTINUED: ( 2)

Charlie looksback at the cr~g st~.::.-e,where Harriet is shopping. She waves to hir. Cha.::.-:.:.elooksback atthe~esk Clerk and grabs thekey.

122 FAX OF THEPHOTO OF CHARLIE & HARR:E7-

coming out ofa fax machinE.

WALTER, theowne.::.-ofthe:=·:.;;\:::-.:.:-.'""'.s::·!e,j.::.-essedinc•.rer-alls takes theFax C\.:.Candt:-1e:--.;:..c~s·.....,-.r.e~:--,:,ne.

MASTER CHO,the new owner ~· :r.-=,::..:--::o,::i.::.-essedinagee, looks at thesame fax.

MASTER ::-!O {into phone) Mrs. Richter gai~much ~ei~h: since then, but it'sdef:n:tely her.

RANDY ROMANO,the owner, t,.11.icsintotl"',ephone,holdingupthe faxed photo of Charlieand P.arriet.

Tony is on the phone. Kat~~-,see~ beforeat the police station, stands withhim.

(C'.)NTINUED)

126 CONTINUED:

Tony get st ot hepo licest,.t.:.o:-::::J:irandopensit:•Kat:1i' follows him.

The Police Captain enters.

'!'onydashesoutof the po:~~--~~:..::•~io:·.ar.dinto hiscar.

A beautiful suite,with a 1ireplace burninga big stack of wood, with another stacknf:-:-:toit,withan AXE in it. Music is playing softlyon the stereo. And Charlieand Harrie:.have just finished makinglov~ ~rderne3th the covers,illuminated just by the light of the::replace.

Harriet doesn't respond. re:::-:--.eadistu::-nedfrom his.

He pulls the sheets awayf::~ ~er face to see thatshe is crying.

(C0NTINUED)

127 CONTINUED:

CHAR:..IE (wipingr.er:ears) What? What are :/::·Jc:::-y:.:1g?What is it?

CHAE:..IE So do I. Look, t~ere's :1o~hing more I'd liket) jJ t~a~ h~ve, kids, or ...

:-iJ..R?.:E-:- It 'sjust,I get 3c:ared~hc.t certainthir1gsw:.::ha;:;:.:-:n,)r...

CHAR:.IE What areyou talki:1g3b)~t: You'regonna tea ;reat MoF. I know you will.

HARF.:E-:- It 'snotthat, ~r~~:i~.

CHA?.LIE What then?

CHARLit Tell me. Of cours~ I'm not gonna laugh. Kids is C big t~in~. It's hard. I'm s~re I have the same fears.

Charlie stops to thinkabot.t. this.;vebbedfeet?

<C~>JTINUED)

127 CONTINUED: ( 2)

CHARLIE: No, I'm not la~gri~g.

CEAR.L:~ (auit:ecor.f:_;.S-=C) Well, look, tte}·:-:3~1e,-~:c:..::-s-- I assume-- t.hat::::~":11,:)<.ywi:.r-., webbed feet. A~c, God ?Jrbid, and I'm talkina s:ric:.l~ hypothetically; s~J~l~~hat happen, we'll fi~=one.

A small plane fliesthrougt the c.~ouds.It's just Tony and DENNIS the pilot.

Dennis never reallyreallzr~ this ismore chan·a sightseeing tour, and constantlypoint~ out scenicpoints along the way.

Charlie is dressed verysh~rply in spcr: coat and tie. He yells into thebathroom w~~re we can see par: cf Harrietfrom behind.

CHARL::::2 You almost ready? The first seating is in five minu:es.

Harriet turns thecorner, ·..,:•ari:-;ca:,.:.=edress.He::-hairlooks okay. She's wearingperf~~-~- Tf~ o~:y pr~blemis, she ~as two l ine sofma s ca r ar unni.n9::::·,.'n:-.-=!.:::h•::E:<s .S!'".e ' sbeer::::::ying . Charlie looks curious.

Charlie pointsto his own ~ye.

CHARL,IE Nothing. You kir,jof look l~ke Tammy Faye Baker right now.

She looks in the mirror.

She goes back into thebatLroom.

The plane descends towards therunway. The rain comesdown hard.

(C')NTINUED)

9r.

130 CONTINUED:

The plane touchesdown.

Rain pours fantasticallyor the gothic castle. Wind blows hard.

MAN'S V)ICE (VO) A toast to our ne~ ~r~e~~s, Charlieand Harr_~~-..

A beautiful diningroom witt.a s~3ll cance !loor. Charlie sits at an intimate tablefor tvc wit.!-.Ha:::-riet.Asmallbandplays in the b.g., as theBAND LF-~JERis making thetoast. The five or six other couplesin thf ::-es:aJra:1talsotoldup their glass.

BAND LE.\:-':'.R ... we'rehonored:::be :·:,~n:er thisvery specia~ jay i: ....

The CONCIERGE at thispoint inter~up·~·stobringCharlie a TELEPHONE. Everyonestops and watches and waits.

CONCIERG'.:: I'm sorry tointerrupt, Sir. There'sa phone c3ll fo:::-youfrom town. (Charlietakes phone) Theysay it's quite urgAnt.

The toast, as well astha ~~tire :::-oom,stoos--almost likeanE. F. Hutton commercial,w~iting fo:::-Charlie·•sphone call to finish.

Tony speaks into the phon~!ranti=ally.

(CJNTINUED)

133 CONTINUED:

INTERCUT PHONECALL

Charlie looksup across the tab:e atHarriet who is completely caught up inthe event C>::E-=i,.-::-·-~:,,,..:::-.gshecankeep::--.erhand in the candle beforeit.h~::s.

She puts i: in,smiles :he~ :.are-=~'-~.--Sr.eshakes he:-hand, and repeats the process.

CHARL!S (talking sof::..y) Look, that's gre~: -- 1-~ s: s~ happens though, :~a:: ~et... (louder than he~ac hoped) Ralph, and much:: ~y jA:i~::--.:, ~ot only is she al~·.·e,h·""ts:-.e•.~ female. I thoug~: I :=:d~-c~.

Harriet looks at Charlie,,·e:rysu~pi~ic~sly.He looks back at her, and tries tosmile, !)!E·:e:-.:-:i·,g··.:-.at.:;eishavi:"\ga pleasant, andcompletely i:::ele•.•a:1tc:,r-.versatio:1.

Charlie waves "OneMinute" to !-:ar:-ie-:,asshewatches.

(C).J-lTINUED).

133 CONTINUEC: ( 2)

The line goes DEAD.

CONC~ES';:: That'scruiteccmr:-:1,:·;,.~',.. sureth~ lines'l2 be:~: whole city't.:..l::::1c!:.::::·•:. yourmeal, Sir.

The Conc.:.ergetakes theph(r,e2:.wa·1.:~ar.:.:.etu·rnsslowlyto Harriet, genuinely scared.

HARRIE':' Whathappened, C~ar:ie?

Suddenly, the band leaderc0n-:i:--.,.;~s·.-:.th:-.:.sc.oast.

BAND'LE.!\:)ER (overmicrop~one) ... so to thesetw::youngpecple, we wish thema lcng and happy life togetherand would like tc play theirsong. The Platters "OnlyYou". ~a~•~

The band starts to play 0r.:.yY·:>UII.

People APPLAUD. Harrietar,dCriarlie~ust stare ateach other. He knows.

The olde::-couple at thene:'.ttabl~,~-~--&~-1RS.LEVENSTEIN,lean over to their table.

MR. LEVS~!STEil'! How about thetraditi~n~l Er!de & Groom dance?

:oc.

133 CONTINUED: ( 3)

Another couple walksby anc1pulls th~m literally outof t~e their seats and onto thed~~=e fl')Or.

OTHER C;·JP!..S Comeon. It.'sa :.:::-ad.:.t.:.on.

Charlie finds himselfin the middle of thedance floor dancing slowly with Harriet. He's scared out.of hismind. The m~sic plays in the background. Harriet smiles strangely atnim. He tries to smile back,check:r.gall th~ Sxits,planning an escape.

Then suddenly, call itluckily, MR. :EVENSTEIN,interrupts:

Excuseme. Cc1-::..8:c·.::..:.r.:::1 yourdance?

CHARL!E Of course. Sure ...

Charlie gives herhand awa::·:.o:··:r.!..,1vensteir..HetakesMrs. Levenstein' shand andstar1!"'t~'.i.1nc,,.t.m,;ardstheEXIT,when suddenly the ELECTRICITYG;Es =~7. ~heMUSIC is out. The LIGHTS ARE OUT.

In the dimmest of 1ights!=)rc-videdfr•')f'T1thecloud coveredmoon outside, Charlie n.::-isac:::-o~=-t!"'.e-~anc::efloor,fight ir.gfo:::-an exit to the outside.

He arrives in someone'sa!'-r·:.erhis·-,ay.

The LIGHTS GO BACKON and Charl:e is in HARRIET'SARMS again. Her face is near menacingnow. She smilesa very disturbed gr in. He doesn't knowwhat. tosay.

Charlie and her are squarecioff. Ne~ther speak. Suddenly both of them are lifted intoth~ air. Th~y loo~~own and see the waiters and busboys pickincthem JP 1nto cnairs,throwing them up in the air again andag,-in. 7i1e!•1tTSIC!=)laysalongloudly.

Harriet watches Charlieve:·yclos~ly, as Charlielooks scared. Then, the people start tocarry t~em cut of theroom and down the hallway.

(C:>NTINUED)

133 CONTINUED: ( 4)

CONCIER::;::: Yeah, I'm sure t~~y•ve~ad enough of these crowds =~= onen:ght.

Tony is talking toan att:-:c-:i',·'9·;o:..::~~g:.:-.:.behindtheairport Rent-A-Car booth.

RENT-A-:.;R~::=:.. I'm sorry,Sir. T'"le:-:;,.isar-e all closed. We =3n't r~ntany cars this evenin~.

The other hotel gueststh~:v them inside. The room is allmade up, the sheets are pulledr:cwn,:.:1e:::rewood iscut,theAXE is in the wood.

CONCIER;E Havea good night, yo~ ~wo.

CHAI\L'lE Comeon in. Stay for a nightcap.

(CJNTINUED)

135 CONTINUED:

The bellboy is frightened ~~d ru~saway.

Harriet pu11 sCha=li eba c~_..._'-.:.·,::,··com,:rig ht en e dt::.a-:::e ' s leaving.

HARRIE:- Don't go,Charl~~-

Tonyruns out cf the airpor~ ~er~ina_where he sees a ma~ in his fortieswho's just en~E~edhi3 :1ur wheel drive jeep.

70NY (flashinghi2 badg~) Excuse me,Sir, : 'mwich t~e San Francisco PoliceJ~partmen~. I'M on officialbusiress and I'm afraid I have to=~mmanrteeryour vehicle.

/"""-·. (CJNTINUED)·

136 CONTINUED:

MAN · I'm uncomfortable~ith ~hat.

Charlie & Harriet are all,,:Jne. Th~ voices trail off down the hallway until they disappe~r. :h~rl~e and Harriet stare at each other. Harriet block~~he d:or. Charlie looks around the room. The Axe. The CorkscTew. The letter opener. The fountain pen. At this poirt,eve~yt.~ingin the room looks like a potentialweapon. Harrifttakes t~e axe.

(C)NTINUED)

137 CONTINUED:

HARRIE:' About my !:"lusba:-.c:iE?

HARRIE: (screams) AAAhhhhhhh!

Suddenly the power goesof· agai~~ ~~ey're both inthe dark. A scuffle. Charliehas re~tra:~~-;H,rriet, throwsher in a walk-in closet and locksit . E"::-.:::r.b•~r.ind:hedoor,wehear Harriet WAILING. WhichCO:'"tinues.

Charlie picks up the axe,:ooks a~ i~, relieved at hislucky escape. He rushes to thec:cort.oescape. He opensit and standing there is Rose.·

Rose smiles. Charlie putsdown t:ie,u:e. The lights flicker back on. ,._.....

He listens for a dial tone. Beside ~he phone he sees a note. He starts to read is:

(C'JNTINUED)

1 C5.

137 CONTINUED: (2)

leaving you. Si~r.ed,'Cr,2rl.ie.'

And behind him Rose approacheswith the axe raised.

And at that moment he turn~ to fi~d:te AXE BEING FLUNG THROUGH THEAIR AT his head. He dt:cksjt.:.3:.:..n.ti:::e.

CHA?.!:..!:'. What the :uck:!

She takes another swirigan·.3he~.~:s:he deskand the room is in complete ~A~~~ESS.

We stay in Charlie's hip pcc·kecash~ tries to get away from what he can't see. He sta~·sverysiLent.

ThenRose strikes a match. She liqh:sa candle and comes towardhim. He looks arcurd. The-w:r.dowisopen. And Charlie isgone.

r-

Tony and the commandeeredr.andri·1e:hrough the swampy,hi~ding road on the way up to thet.ote!. 7o~y is drummingon t~e dash.

Charlie tightropes along theledge o: :he building. The storm continues. Rose comesout on the leice and starts:o c~:se him. He rounds the bend. Charlie :~c~s into one room~~d sees MR. & MRS. ~EVENSTEIN ther~. The~e•s :oud OPERAMus:c ~:aying in the room

CH.;Rr..:::: Call the police:

The Levensteins prepare fo:·bed. Char!ie rac~s bytheir window. Then Rose racesb).

Mr. Levenstein closes thef1:r-:~'..:--,.:-=eca:1'thear.

Charlie races along the sl:ppery:ect ◄ e,al~ostfallinga: several points. Rose t~en~ppear3 o~ :he roof holdingt~e Axe, still.

(CJNTINUED)

141 CONTINUED:

Charlie turnsand runs. R0se chaseshim.

Tony breaks into theroom withhis gun drawn.

HARE<-IE: (from cl:::,se:i ':'ony,isthat yo,.:?--I:;,..c·, Harriet. I'm ir.~~re.

Carefully,Tony opens the close:

HARRIE':" Tony, Rose istryi~g ~i:: Charlie. They'recu: c~ tte ledge.

Harriet willingly goeso~ ~h~ floor.

Tony slaps cuffson her anc,takeshe.:to the window.

Tony is standing with histack :oth~ wi~dow, between it and Harriet. Shelooks out of the ~i~do~and screams.

From Harriet'sPOV we see Ch3rlieon the ledge edging along. He stops in horrorwhen he sees H~rr:et,glances back to the pursuing Rose,and rushes, f:.

<CJN,TINUED)·

lC:.

143 CONTINUED:

Tony looks behindhim out the window. Nobody is there.

Rose looks into theroom, v·iththe a:-:ein herhand.

There is operamusic play!:~:. :~~r:.~ =~s~esby, past :~e window. There isa beat ar~ hE c:~e~ back,staring inside in amazement.

REVERSE ANGLE

Mr. Levenstein is ·inaVi~~ng c~tfit. Mrs.Levenstein is in full Norse Regalia.

Charlie gulps and rusheson, hastily pursued byRose.

Rose pulls the Axeback anc s~ings, ~nd t~emomentum of :he swing pulls her feetout f:·c-:nur1de:r:1er,andon the slippery icy roof she fallsand starts :o -~li-1e:.

Just as she's about togo c•fft~e fi:ty foothigh roof, Charlie climbs down the roof. He f:tands·:>ve.:.-her.She's about:o slip. Her hands arelosin~:stren1th. Her fingersare slipping. The rain isfal:ir1g~a~de~ and harder.

Charlie walks over to the,c:ge·•:r.-~re:he'shanging·.onf:rlife.

(C3NTINUED)

14 6 CONTINUED:

He leans down to help her'-.;p,butjustas he grabson to her hand, the drainpipe she's~clding onto slips.

She is now dangling fromtr:erc:,f,t::erain falling harderand harder. Charlie now isnm•·r,erenearr:er. He then getsdown on his knees on the roofand ;~arts :o climb down the side of the drainpipe to get her.

··Rose looks up helplessly athim. Not really asking for his help. Not denying it. She's accept~d her fate.

Policemen, ambulancesand ~:pectatorshave gathered below in bunches as Charlie climbscicwnthe drainpipe, he himself hanging on for dear life.

He just reaches out faren:t:;:::::srr-1therhand,and jus:as he does, her drainpipe tears=~j ~~:~s ~~:o t~e crowd below. Charlie, then with allh.:.s;:re:-,0·::--.--his"wherehasthis stre::gthbeen my whole:::~''s::--e:~.;rt:·.--p·..1.:!sher~Ptothe roof next to him.

Several policemen makethe:~ way :nto :he roof and comeover to where Charlie is detaining~ose. ~h~ ool.:.cetakeher,handcuff her and cart her away. Fr:~ the ::irne~c~ the roof appears Tony.

Charlie looks beyondTony ~rd sees HArriet standing in the doorway. He goes overand ruts :-.ls.'ir:nar:iundHarriet.

Below, Rose is put intoa fOlice car and taken off. The SIRENS disappear. So do the cro•..;c:s.

147 THE SOUND OF A CROWD IN Ac::.UB

Charlie is on stage lookin(rverybea:nik. He's reading his poetry, but we can't hear it. He nods to someone off stage. Harriet is in the audience,also looking very beatnik with their three year old son,STUART, a miniature beatnik version of Charlie.

SOUND UP on Charlie's poe::~.

CHARLI:, MARRIED ~.AN MOST MERRY AND IN CONCLUSror:

CROWD ~-1~CHAFLI! THIS POEMSUCKS.

The crowd goes crazy.

HOUSE MUSIC kicks on. It' fSat-i:rjaytagbtby theBay City Rollers.

BAY CIT"{RO:.LF.RS S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y'. NIGHT

Charlie comes off stage and joinshis wife and child at their table. He is very happy.

FAD~ OUT.

•.