"SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER" (1993)

FADE IN:

OPEN ON:

MONTAGE OF VARIOUS SHOTS OF SAN FRANCISCO - DUSK

Over this we hear a recording of Jack Kerouac's poem, San Francisco which is accompanied by a BE-BOP trio. Kerouac's poetry coincides with the various shots of San Francisco. We come to a sign for Jack Kerouac Street. We PAN OVER to "THE CITY LIGHTS BOOKSTORE" and continue along to the ALLEYWAY where there is a large high-contrast black and white sign depicting Jack Kerouac in his famous "I'm looking into the distance, having a brilliant thought" pose...

CHARLIE MACKENZIE, in his late twenties, wearing a flannel shirt and torn jeans, walks INTO THE FRAME, right in front of the picture of Jack Kerouac and inadvertently strikes the exact same pose. We PULL BACK to reveal that Charlie has a bag of garbage in his right hand, which he deposits in the alleyway. We FOLLOW Charlie into...

We FOLLOW him through the store. By day he is the Assistant Manager, by night he is a poet.

A MAN in his fifties, wearing a beret and a goatee is reading, Charles Bukowski's, Playing The Piano Like a Percussive Instrument, Until Your Fingers Begin To Bleed A Bit.

Charlie takes his place behind the cash register and resumes writing in his handsome leather-bound poetry journal.

CUSTOMER approaches.

Every day there is a steady stream of tourists who come in to get copies of On The Road. Charlie is use to this and without looking up he points to a huge, well marked display of thousands of copies of On The Road. Another TOURIST COUPLE approach.

Again not looking up, Charlie just points.

Charlie puts the "CLOSED" sign on the door and proceeds to walk home.

The sights and the sounds of the city are accentuated by the BEBOP as he sees life, warts and all. As the streets become less populated, he can now hear the sounds of his own FOOTSTEPS and, a COUPLE BICKERING. The streets become even more deserted. The night is closing in on him. A cat darts out from an alleyway and startles him. He quickens his pace. RUMBLINGS make him cross the street to avoid the danger. Headlights of a slow moving car approach from the distance. Charlie, frightened, turns another corner onto:

HIS STREET

He approaches a 3-story Victorian home, in which he has an apartment on the second floor, he notices a light on in his window. A CRASHING sound from within.

HANDS

taking papers out of a desk drawer.

CHARLIE

carefully opening the front door and then gingerly closing it. He reaches for a baseball bat in a nearby umbrella stand. Sound of BREAKING GLASS from his apartment upstairs.

SHATTERED PICTURE FRAME

with a photo of Charlie and an angelic blonde.

CHARLIE

finishing off the last two steps nearing the front door of his apartment, bat raised above his head ready to swing.

clasp a jewelry box on the top of the dresser and stuff them into a dufflebag; the jewelry is followed by CD's.

CHARLIE

pushing open his apartment door in a mock SWAT maneuver, then stealthily stalking toward the sound of the intruder in the bedroom. He stubs his toe on a spring loaded doorstop making a loud metal VITTSWINGGGG's sound. He freezes, terrified.

where the HANDS, freeze.

CHARLIE

Like a coiled jungle cat ready to pounce, waits two beats... then springs Samurai style into...

He freezes.

that the HANDS belong to the angelic blonde in the broken picture. It's Charlie's girlfriend, SHERRI.

She continues to pack. Charlie tries to unpack her things.

She leaves.

Charlie and his best friend, TONY SPILETTI, are out for a night on the town.

Tony is second generation Italian-American with very Mediterranean features. They're listening to Teenage Fan Club. They pass Ghierardeli Square.

Tony is doing three-sixties, scoping out beauties, when suddenly his roving eyes lock on a police car directly behind them. He slouches down into his seat.

The police car passes.

Tony and Charlie enter. There is a poet on stage. The club is full of art tarts and college bohemians. They are greeted by the club's owner, GIUSEPPI, an Italian man in his fifties.

Tony's uncle shows them to a table.

Charlie checks out the girls in the coffee bar.

The waitress arrives with two cappuccinos in extremely large cups like they have in France.

Two girls at a nearby table, laugh. Charlie and Tony exchange, "This could be promising." looks.

The girls laugh again.

The girls come over.

Tony grabs him and pulls him aside.

He leaves. Tony is left with the two girls.

The girls try to comfort him.

Three quarters of the furnishings and items have disappeared with Sherri. Charlie sits dejectedly on the floor over his Poetry Journal. He is missing Sherri. We see...

CHARLIE'S FACE

He looks out and is struck by an idea and begins to write.

I AM LONELY

CHARLIE'S FACE

Again he looks out, finds his inspiration and continues to write

IN THE JOURNAL

IT'S REALLY HARD

CHARLIE'S FACE

A gentle tear rolls down his left cheek. He pauses, then finishes off the stanza.

IN THE JOURNAL

Charlie is driving in his car. He drives slowly looking for an address. Finds it, slips in to a parking spot in front.

Adorning the front are a "GRAND OPENING" sign and miniature flags of the world. Charlie goes inside.

It's a small, hip shop selling specialty meats from around the world. Charlie looks around. Suddenly, an attractive woman in her late twenties, wearing a blood-stained smock enters. It is HARRIET MICHAELS. She has a cleaver in one hand and something bloody in the other.

This is a section under glass flying a Scottish flag, with haggis and various cuts of Scottish meat.

Harriet rounds the counter and wraps up the haggis. Behind her is the large "PRUSSIAN VENISON" sign.

Charlie's charmed.

Charlie is driving along listening to Kerouac. We absorb the flavor of San Francisco as he drives down Lombard Street.

An old crappie apartment building in San Francisco. Charlie's car pulls up. We hear "SATURDAY NIGHT" by the Bay City Rollers.

Charlie approaches a door.

The apartment is a shrine to Scotland. Scottish paraphernalia, miniature Scotty dogs, shortbread tins and, on wall, framed pictures depict famous Scotsmen, Sean Connery, Jackie Stewart, Alexander Graham Bell, James Doohan (Scottie from "Star Trek"), Sheena Easton, Billy Connolly.

CHARLIE'S POV - AS WE ENTER THE LIVING ROOM

We see STUART, MAY, TONY, and little WILLIAM, Charlie's fourteen year old little brother all singing:

The group are eating dinner on TV trays. Charlie walks over and turns off the record.

STUART MACKENZIE is in his late fifties, a butcher, with Coke bottle glasses and thick head of black hair. His red- haired wife, MAY, is in her fifties, attractive with a soft, but tough appearance. Little WILLIAM, has a very large head and a skinny neck. Like Charlie, he was born in America.

Charlie gives his Mom a hug, his father a kiss.

On the television, Stuart's team, Glasgow Celtic, has scored.

We see the re-play of the goal on TV. Tony sits down and May brings over a plate of stew and three types of potatoes, piled very high.

Charlie notices Tony reading some papers. He realizes it's literature from the Lyndon H. LaRouche Society.

William gets the National Enquirer and brings it back.

There's another goal on the TV set.

Time passes. The TV set

CROSS FADES:

TO THE END OF THE GAME

The two teams are shaking hands. And the final scores chyron shows Celtic beating Rangers three nothing. We see Charlie and Tony are leaving. Stuart is blind drunk.

She meets Charlie and Tony at the door and kisses him good- bye. She turns to kiss Tony, and holds on the kiss far too long.

Charlie and Tony leave and enter...

where they find William sitting on the stairs waiting for them.

Charlie's drives by and notices Harriet, who's unwinding the store awning in Dutch national costume. The banner announces "DUTCH WEEK." "MEATS OF THE WORLD SALUTES DUTCH MEAT."

Charlie slows down to look at her. She looks great in her little Dutch costume.

Charlie is again writing at the counter. Another PERSON enters.

Charlie again points to the Kerouac section without looking up.

ON THE PAD

Charlie writes...

OH MEAT MAID, IF THE CATTLE HAD HAD A CHOICE, THEY WOULD HAVE SLAUGHTERED THEMSELVES WILLINGLY FOR A CHANCE TO BE TOUCHED BY YOUR FINGERS

CHARLIE'S FACE

She's on his mind.

Charlie's car pulls up. The sign reads, "WELSH WEEK" "MEATS OF THE WORLD SALUTES WELSH MEATS"

The store is very busy. There is a line at the meat counter seven people deep. Charlie takes his place at the end of the line.

We see a montage of a persons hands chopping a rack of lamb into lamb chops, and carving meat with surgical efficiency.

Harriet laughs.

Charlie puts on a very stylish butcher smock and crosses behind the counter.

Time passes we see a montage of Harriet and Charlie serving customers. Ending on a customer's POV of Charlie.

We see Charlie's POV of an Eskimo with a "lower forty-eighth" accent.

The Eskimo exits, there are no customers left.

Charlie and Harriet are eating hot-dogs. As Charlie puts the relish on, he smells the relish.

Next to them is a German couple, speaking German, looking through a coin-operated binocular. He says something which causes her to cry.

She lifts her soda to toast them.

The man and woman smile and nod.

He smiles at her.

The lights turn on, and then they enter a very bohemian apartment. There is artists paraphernalia strewn around. A small bar separates the living area from the kitchen. She smiles and walks off into the kitchen.

He checks out her apartment. On the wall there is a huge poster of the BOARDWALK IN ATLANTIC CITY.

On his way out, he peeks into the bedroom, where he finds a bed that is facing neither parallel nor perpendicular with the wall. It is just kind of "there".

He looks at her and then at the "Oddly-placed" bed.

Harriet starts laughing. Then so does Charlie. They lean into each other. Pretty close. Too close even, and when it seems like they're going to kiss, Charlie suddenly gets uncomfortable and looks at his watch.

She gets him his coat. He starts to leave.

They are both fast asleep. She is curled up in his arms. Suddenly, she begins to speak.

Charlie's eyes open. He smiles.

Charlie's smile fades. He sits up and looks at her. She is lying completely still on the bed, her eyes closed, and still sleep-talking.

Charlie is sleeping alone in the bed, and the sound of RUNNING WATER is heard off in the distance. His eyes slowly open, he looks around, remembers where he is. He puts on his shorts and walks towards the bathroom.

Through the steam we can just make out Harriet in the shower washing her hair. Charlie walks over.

He opens the curtain. It's not Harriet. The woman, ROSE, calmly looks at him and closes the curtain.

He backs out of the room.

The door opens and a hurriedly dressed Charlie emerges. Before he gets to the door he once again encounters Rose. She's completely dressed. Even her hair is dry.

He reaches for it, but she reads it aloud to him.

Charlie and Rose sit at the table each eating a bowl of dry cereal.

Rose starts sketching Charlie.

He stands up.

She leaves. Charlie is baffled.

As Charlie walks by, FRED, a lanky customer in his late teens is buying a book.

Charlie catches the store manager, PENNY, on her way into her office.

She walks into her office totally confused.

Tony and Charlie are waiting in line.

as they travel to the island.

ALCATRAZ

We open on the LOUD BANGING of a CELL DOOR. We find our tour group in the holding area. The PARK RANGER is a beefy man in his late fifties and talks with emotionless, military precision.

They are led out. We see that Alcatraz is a sinister place. Cold and unforgiving. The Park Ranger leads them to the center of a cell block.

The Park Ranger leads them past the famous visiting rooms, the mess hall, all the way to the solitary confinement area.

Tony and Charlie are at the back of the tour group.

Tony and Charlie look at each other. They're a little queasy.

They are eating Bay burrites.

Rose shows the sketch to Harriet.

Charlie enters the building, holding a handful of poetry books. He passes a UNIFORMED DELIVERY GUY coming out. The guy nods and Charlie nods back.

Charlie gets three feet down the hallway. Stops in his tracks and heads back to the front door. He opens it and yells to the delivery guy:

HARRIET'S DOOR - MOMENTS LATER

She opens the door enough to see that she is wearing only a blouse that goes below her hips. She looks fantastic. He hands her the poetry books.

He follows her inside and puts the books on the bureau. He goes over and kisses her.

She drops the skirt and stands there. She's fantastic.

He follows her to the bedroom door, constantly trying to kiss her.

She closes the door on his face.

Charlie turns on his heel. Rose has appeared out of nowhere.

Harriet walks in the room, fully dressed, and fully dazzling.

Harriet hugs Rose and then stands right next to her.

He turns it over and there is a picture there. A collage of unrelated images put together. And it is beautiful.

But it's very abstract. Violent perhaps. Confused definitely. He likes it.

Charlie looks at it again, then at Rose, then at Harriet. It's all a little bizarre, but in a funny way he feels for Rose. A hidden talented overshadowed by her sister's beauty.

Charlie and Harriet walk out.

Charlie and Harriet wait in line with bohemian types and poetry lovers from the suburbs, and all walks of life. Directly behind them are TWO OLD LADIES. The marquee reads: "POETRY FESTIVAL - TONIGHT ALLEN GINSBERG."

Tony is getting out of a cab accompanied by Susan, the girl from Spiletti's Coffee House. He approaches Charlie.

Tony throws his arms wide open and hugs one of the Little Old Ladies on the other side of Charlie.

Then she GIGGLES. The girls start inside, Tony lags back with Charlie.

ALLEN GINSBERG is on stage. He is brilliant. Tony, Charlie, and Harriet are all amused. Susan is bored stiff. Charlie is looking at Tony. Tony glances over at Susan and gives Charlie an "Oh, well." look. Then he looks at Harriet and nods in approval of her.

The four of them walk along the wharf. Charlie is at one of those arcade games where you throw bean bags at the puppets and try and knock them down. Charlie knocks two down.

The arcade man turns around to watch. Harriet winds up and throws the bean bag directly into his neck.

They both start laughing. He puts his arm around her. In the b.g. the wounded arcade man is being led away by a co-worker.

They continued down the boardwalk stand in front of a House of Horrors.

It looks somewhat run down and Harriet looks questioningly at Charlie.

Tony nods agreement. Susan looks bored. They go inside the

HOUSE OF HORRORS

it's as low rent as Charlie described. The "KEEPER OF THE THRESHOLD" so described in a poorly written sign, is an overweight man in his late twenties, wearing jeans and a denim jacket and a little bit of scary makeup. He looks like a roadie for the band, KISS. He stands at a podium, smoking and reading a paper. As Charlie, Tony, Harriet and Susan pass the Threshold Keeper, he takes a casual drag of his cigarette, lets out a little smoke and with zero commitment utters:

Harriet and Charlie enter Bill's Wax Museum. The OWNER of the wax museum greets them.

They walk over to the exhibits. There are exhibits of Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jackson and Dolly Parton. As they look more closely they notice that the faces are exactly the same as Bill's. They laugh.

Pouring rain. THUNDER. Charlie and Harriet, wrapped in each others arms, walking through the rain.

TIGHT SHOT OF RAIN HITTING CHARLIE'S PANIC-STRICKEN FACE

THE REFLECTION OF RAIN ON CHARLIE'S PANIC-STRICKEN FACE

PULL BACK to see Charlie in bed. He lies awake on his side, his back up to Harriet's. She is sound asleep. Suddenly:

Charlie sighs, then just shrugs and tries to fall asleep. What can he do.

FADE IN:

Charlie and Harriet wait outside his parents' door.

They enter the door.

We again move along the hallway. We pass the Scottish wall, of fame, Scottie from "Star Trek", Sir Walter Scott, Sir Harry Lauder, Sheena Easton, Al Pacino, Billy Connolly, then the CAMERA BACKTRACKS to Pacino, where it HOLDS MOMENTARILY.

May comes up, wearing a fancy country and western outfit.

When he comes up, Stuart is wearing only a shirt with his boxer shorts.

William comes around the corner with his pants.

Stuart gets him in a half-Nelson.

Charlie struggles to free himself. Stuart turns to greet Harriet. As he reaches out his hand.

Totally instinctively, Harriet grabs Stuart's hand and twists it behind his back. Charlie is startled, as his date has just gotten Stuart into a Half-Nelson.

They smile as he leaves the room.

Charlie picks up the pace, scared of what he might hear next.

He closes the door, and shakes his head. What can he do? Those are his parents. On the wall opposite the toilet is a well-used dart board with pictures of the Queen Mother and Colonel Sanders. Hooked to the magazine caddie is a small container of darts.

May excitedly shows Harriet family photo albums.

CHARLIE IN THE BATHROOM

He doesn't seem in any hurry to leave either. He listens through the door to Harriet enthusiastically looking through old photos.

Charlie glances down at a stack of National Enquirers on the magazine rack. He flips through a few.

He sees one of the absurd headlines: "ALIEN UFO SEX DIET" Charlie shakes his head.

Charlie then looks down at another article in the Enquirer and reads:

"WHO'S NEXT FOR MRS. X - THE HONEYMOON KILLER?"

It is the article about Mrs. X -- the axe-murderer who kills her husbands on their honeymoons and then marries again under a different identity.

IN THE LIVING ROOM

May is quickly flipping through a photo album, pointing out pictures of relatives as she goes:

With Harriet speaking in the b.g., Charlie continues reading, now absorbed in the article about the 3 victims:

"VICTIM #1 - THE GERMAN MARTIAL ARTS EXPERT FROM MIAMI"

"VICTIM #2 - THE LOUNGE SINGER FROM ATLANTIC CITY"

"VICTIM #3 - THE SAN FRANCISCO PLUMBER - RALPH ELLIOT"

Sitting in the front seat of Charlie's car, smiling, content, a great meal, a great night out with Charlie and a nice evening with his parents.

Slowly PAN across the front seat to Charlie. A nervous anxious "what the hell am I getting myself into" look on his face.

He looks straight ahead, trying to act unfazed. But, he's very phased -- his expression is covered in it.

He keeps driving.

Charlie walks through the precinct towards Tony's office, holding the National Enquirer in his hand.

The Sergeant nods and Charlie heads back to the office.

Charlie enters.

The Captain exits.

Charlie pulls out the National Enquirer (the one on MRS. X, the Honeymoon Killer).

COMPUTER ROOM AT POLICE STATION - MINUTES LATER

Charlie and Tony are in the back with KATHY, a stocky black woman in uniform, who works in the files department.

Charlie knocks on the door. Rose answers.

She then starts to slowly close the door. He props it open with his hand.

CLOSE ON PHOTOGRAPHS

There are two kinds. Beautiful travel pictures and very erotic black and white portraits of young men and women. All with a slight sadomasochistic quality. At the bottom of every photo is says: "Seasons Greetings".

The sound of a key in the door as Harriet enters the apartment.

She takes him in her arms and gives him a knee buckling kiss.

TV SET - PLAYING THE EVENING NEWS

Reveal: we are in...

Charlie is on a Stair Master, as Harriet walks in wearing a robe. The TV is on in the b.g.

Harriet drops her robe, and from over her shoulder we see that Charlie prefers what he sees to working out.

She pulls out a milkshake from behind her back.

continues on about poisons and poisoners. Charlie glances at it.

Charlie watches the TV, looking a bit disturbed. Harriet offers him the shake.

He takes it. Lifts it to his mouth... then puts it on the table.

Charlie goes into the bathroom.

CHARLIE'S BATHROOM

Harriet comes into the bathroom and lays the empty glass down on the counter.

Charlie notices the empty glass on the counter.

With her in the shower, he sneaks back into the bedroom and checks the trash can. Nothing. Then he runs around the bed to the other trash can. Nothing.

He looks thoroughly confused as she enter the bedroom, wearing a towel. She takes the towel off as she slips underneath the covers. He gets into bed next to her. She gives him a kiss.

Charlie and Harriet are watching the news show. DOCTOR SHOW is patched in via the Anchorman's close circuit TV.

Charlie turns over on his side, she cuddles up behind him.

He looks very uneasy. She kisses him and shuts off the light. The moon gives the room an eerie glow.

She doesn't close her eyes. He's scared to close his. Pause.

They both look over at each other. She closes her eyes. He takes a deep breath and then closes his eyes.

And covers his ear with his hand.

Charlie is on the crowded platform. Next to him is an old lady with a lot of shopping bags. Three kids on skateboards whiz by and accidentally knock bags out of her hands. Cat toys and cans of cat food go everywhere. Charlie bends down and starts to help her gather her stuff.

Charlie looks up and sees Harriet waving to him from the subway stairs. He waves back and motions. "I'll be there in a second", and continues to help the old lady. She watches from the stairs.

Two train headlights are seen off in the distance.

Charlie glances over at Harriet, who slowly makes her way down the platform towards him.

The train is getting closer and closer, and so is Harriet.

Harriet moves forward a step, Charlie moves back a step.

As Harriet seems to get closer Charlie continues to back up, picking up cat toys. Charlie realizes he has no where else to turn. so he side steps down the platform, never stopping his conversation with the lady.

Harriet is moving in on him. Charlie steadily makes his way down the platform, feigning accidentally kicking cat food down the platform. The old lady is unsure what is going on, she tries to keep up with him.

Charlie runs out of platform. Harriet is very close to him. The train is closer, so is Harriet. Charlie lets out a scream.

Charlie is standing at the edge of the platform, Harriet is a good six or seven feet away as the train passes by. Charlie is safe. People are all staring at Charlie curiously, including Harriet and the old lady. Charlie is embarrassed.

No one knows what is going on.

WE SEE A LONG DESK WITH DIFFERENT SIGNS THAT READ; BIRTHS, DEATHS, AND MARRIAGES.

We find Charlie at the marriage counter.

Charlie looks over to the deaths counter. He overhears two obituary assistants having a conversation.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 Hi, Frank, busy week?

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #2 I've only got two. It's dead around here.

Both assistants laugh. Charlie is mildly bemused.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #2 Well, I've got this one guy, a tourist. He had a heart attack on a cable car.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 Looks like he left his heart in San Francisco.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 You're right, I'm sorry.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #2 Well, there's this other guy Elliot, Ralph. Plumber, disappeared four months ago. Body found in a sewer. (pause)

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 (despite himself) I guess he took his work too seriously, and his life went down the drain.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 (crest fallen) You're right, I feel bad. Point taken. I'm mean, these are real people we're talking about.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 You made your point. I was wrong to make a joke about a person's life.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 (crying and shouting) O.K., you win. I'm a bad, bad person.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #2 Frank take it easy.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 No, he's right! (pounding his head with his fists) I'm for shit, I'm one insensitive asshole.

OBITUARY ASSISTANT #1 NO! THERE'S NO MENTION OF THE WIFE! YOU HAPPY!?

Charlie exits.

Charlie stands outside the announcement office, terrified.

Harriet is talking to a CUSTOMER.

She moves around to Charlie. She lifts his chin so that he is looking directly into her eyes.

She is so close to him, and so very beautiful, it's distracting.

A single tear runs down her cheek. She brushes it away quickly.

Charlie goes.

Charlie lies on the bar head down. Tony rushes in, looks around and sees Charlie.

Charlie lies in bed. He's writing in his journal. He stares out into space. Inspired, he writes...

DON'T BE DISILLUSIONED BY THE SCOTTISH SON AS HE FLIES, IN BAT-LIKE UNISON

CHARLIE

pauses a moment to reflect, then writes...

UNTRUST-ING UNKNOW-ING UNLOV-ING

CHARLIE

Thinks of something else and writes...

THIS POEM SUCKS

His hand reaches across and scratches it out.

Charlie is exiting a vintage record store. Suddenly he finds himself face to face with Sherri. She's accompanied by a handsome young man.

He walks over to a magazine stand.

For a moment, Charlie is too stunned to respond. Then...

He's on the Stair Master, stepping very lethargically. The TELEPHONE RINGS: He goes to answer.

Tony hangs up. Charlie stops pedaling on the bike. Now he really feels like shit. Harriet's not a killer. Sherri's not a cheater.

He races out of the bedroom.

Moments later he appears, puts on a pair of pants over his exercise shorts, then races out the door again.

Charlie races along towards Harriet's house.

He races up to the door and starts to bang and knock and ring...

The chain opens on the door.

Rose steps up behind Charlie.

Once again, baffled by Rose, Charlie touches his hair, shakes it off and looks Harriet right in the eye.

She goes into the house. Charlie stands there dejected. He knows he's blown it.

Harriet is doing a load of laundry consisting of bloodied work clothes. Suddenly she can hear the sound of MUSIC, very loudly.

Annoyed, she goes out her front door to tell her neighbors off. Just as she's about to knock on the door, she realizes it's not the source of the music. At that moment her neighbor, who is a STEWARDESS, comes out in nightclothes.

Puzzled, Harriet rushes back to her own balcony.

Harriet rushes out and smiles as she sees the source of the noise. Charlie serenades Harriet in the street below, accompanied by a TRUMPETER with a MUTE, a DOUBLE BASS PLAYER AND A GUY ON A SNARE.

A crowd has gathered in the street and spectators group on their balconies. They break out into APPLAUSE. Charlie proudly takes the applause and bows to Harriet. She throws him a flower. He's won her back.

Romantic with candles surrounding the tub. Harriet and Charlie are bathing together. Wherever one of them moves, the water extinguishes a candle and Charlie lights it. This is keeping him pretty busy.

There is a RING at the door.

Charlie comes out of the bathroom in a robe.

A plain looking lady in her thirties, RALPH, is sitting by the window.

He rushes over to hug her.

Swept up in his enthusiasm his towel falls off. Harriet is shocked, but amused.

Charlie realizes he is naked. His arms are still wrapped around Ralph.

He hurriedly puts his towel back on, bolts to the bedroom door. Just before he enters, he pauses and turns to Ralph.

He leaves.

and Charlie's mother, MAY, shoulders her way through the door, carrying a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CAKE with a big 45 written on it.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL WE ARE IN:

May and Stuart's 45 year anniversary party. UNCLE ANGUS is at the piano playing "Happy Anniversary" as Charlie's parents, all their friends and Harriet all sit around the piano SINGING:

The song ends. May and Stuart blow out the candles.

Stuart looks up, and Charlie gets him in a headlock and pins him to the ground.

They kiss and everyone APPLAUDS. Uncle Angus breaks into, "Stand By Your Man." May and Stuart start to dance. Charlie looks at another young couple who are touched by this sincere display of love. He looks over at Harriet. Stuart and May feed each other cake. Charlie approaches Harriet.

Harriet flinches slightly at the word "Wife", but Charlie is too wrapped up in the moment to notice. Stuart addresses the group.

People clap and smile. Harriet looks at Charlie. He has tears in his eyes.

At first it doesn't register. Then...

She smiles.

They kiss.

Harriet and Charlie kiss one last time and she goes to the piano.

Charlie stays in the corner, and Tony comes over.

And then Harriet begins singing at the piano.

Tony and Charlie look at each other. "Only you?" Then Charlie looks at his bride with confidence.

He walks over and joins her. She sings to him. It's a moment.

Charlie and Harriet pick out a diamond ring.

Charlie and Harriet point to brochures of the different cities they could go to on their honeymoon. They decide on a picture of the "DRY CREEK LODGE" in Oregon.

They are getting their blood tests back. Harriet looks at hers, casually. Charlie is nervous. Reluctantly he opens the file and looks at it. He is pleased with the results and does a victory dance.

Charlie and Harriet are being married. Harriet is in a beautiful wedding gown. Charlie is wearing a kilt. Tony is the best man. He also wears a kilt. Stuart, also kilted, May, the whole family along with a hundred well-wishers are in attendance. The SCOTTISH MINISTER presides. Rose is in a kilt.

Harriet starts to speak; but right before the words come out, she stares into Charlie's eyes and STOPS. Charlie looks nervous. So does the Scottish Minister. So does Tony. So does everyone.

Charlie and Harriet kiss. We can see (though Charlie can't) Harriet has a strange unsure expression on her face. Tony notices it though and can't figure it out.

The wedding march kicks in being played by a drunken Scotsman on BAGPIPES.

A Scottish accordionist and a Drummer play SCOTLAND THE BRAVE. Some OLDER SCOTTISH AUNTIES are CLAPPING and HOOTING LOUDLY along with the tune. Some young girl COUSINS in traditional Scottish costume, dance the sword dance along to SCOTLAND THE BRAVE.

We pass the buffet which we see is catered by "Meats Of The World." Then we pass a very drunken Stuart in a heated discussion with four other people.

The others agree heartily.

May and Tony are dancing. May is dancing uncomfortably close. She keeps sliding her hand down to his ass, which he then has to move back to his shoulder.

Then we come to William, who's reluctantly at the children's table. All his little cousins are queuing up for a chance to feel his head.

We find Charlie in a corner. One of the hooting Scottish aunties is trying to get him to have another Scotch.

Tony joins them.

She's in the corner by herself looking weird and ominous. She has enough food in front or her for three people.

She eats ravenously and incessantly. Charlie goes over to her.

At that moment, a FLASH goes off. Harriet looks up angrily.

Then she realizes it's Rose. She calms down and smiles. Charlie looks at her, a little peculiarly, but Harriet regains her composure.

The band kicks into a new dance. A YOUNG BOY comes up to the bagpipe man with a shot of whiskey and whispers into his ear. The bagpipe man stops the song, downs the whiskey and then breaks into Rod Stewart's "IF YOU THINK I'M SEXY." From across the room we hear Stuart singing.

Stuart gives the Bagpiper the thumbs up. The young people in the room start to jam, and then one by one the other guests start getting into the swing of things. The bagpipe man continues playing. It is clear that he is far too drunk to play. He slowly keels over, drunk. And as he falls over face first, he lands on his Bagpipes. The bagpipes let out an ATONAL DEFLATING SOUND like the last dying throes of a tortured animal. The BAGPIPE WAIL extends into the next scene.

They drive along the beautiful coast. Harriet is still eating. They're listening to TEENAGE FAN CLUB.

Tony is at his desk. The captain kicks open the door, knocking Tony's feet off the desk. The captain is now dressed in suspenders, a loosened tie, and a shirt with pit stains.

Tony exits for a beat, then pokes his head in the doorway.

Tony hurries to his car.

They stop at a gas station with a small mini-mart. As Charlie is filling the tank he notices Harriet slipping the key out of the ignition before she walks to the mini-mart for more food.

Harriet arrives at the little Ma and Pa type mini-mart and smiles to Charlie.

Tony stands at the door, buzzing the buzzer to no response.

They are still driving along the coast. Charlie is eating his Hershey Bar. Harriet's eyes are becoming a bit glazed now, her movements a little static. She keeps looking behind them and out the window.

He stops mid-bite on his Hershey Bar. He's confused.

He and Bonnie continue on the winding road and pass a sign that reads: "DRY CREEK LODGE - 40 MILES"

Tony knocks. No answer. He picks the lock and enters.

Rose is tied up and lying in a pool of blood. Tony stops for a beat, draws his gun and slowly walks over to her. Just as he gets there, a SHUTTER CLICKS.

Rose pulls out a photograph -- Charlie and Harriet. Looking young and in love.

A beautiful old Colonial Mansion, nestled in the mountains and forests of the North-West. Romantic and from another day. Charlie and Harriet pull up in front of it.

The Valets open the door for them.

As they deal with the luggage, Harriet starts to walk away from the hotel, away from the car, rain falling on her head. She walks straight at the CAMERA, so only we can see her expression. Her expression is one of simply "losing it".

Harriet turns around and smiles at Charlie. He smiles back.

Charlie and Harriet stand at the desk. Harriet is not quite paying attention. Her attention span has slipped to none. She's fidgety. She looks around suspiciously at everything and everyone.

Harriet walks off to the lobby store, backwards, looking at Charlie. Charlie watches her walk off. The Desk Clerk sits staring at Charlie.

Charlie looks back at the drug store, where Harriet is shopping. She waves to him. Charlie looks back at the Desk Clerk and grabs the key.

FAX OF THE PHOTO OF CHARLIE & HARRIET

coming out of a fax machine.

WALTER, the owner of the Plumbing store, dressed in overalls takes the Fax out and then picks up the phone.

MASTER CHO, the new owner of the studio, dressed in a gee, looks at the same fax.

RANDY ROMANO, the owner, talks into the phone, holding up the faxed photo of Charlie and Harriet.

Tony is on the phone. Kathy, seen before at the police station, stands with him.

Tony gets to the police station door and opens it. Kathy follows him.

The Police Captain enters.

Tony dashes out of the police station and into his car.

A beautiful suite, with a fireplace burning a big stack of wood, with another stack next to it, with an AXE in it. Music is playing softly on the stereo. And Charlie and Harriet have just finished making love underneath the covers, illuminated just by the light of the fireplace.

Harriet doesn't respond. Her head is turned from his.

He pulls the sheets away from her face to see that she is crying.

Charlie stops to think about this. Webbed feet?

A small plane flies through the clouds. It's just Tony and DENNIS the pilot.

Dennis never really realizes this is more than a sightseeing tour, and constantly points out scenic points along the way.

Charlie is dressed very sharply in sport coat and tie. He yells into the bathroom where we can see part of Harriet from behind.

Harriet turns the corner, wearing a nice dress. Her hair looks okay. She's wearing perfume. The only problem is, she has two lines of mascara running down her cheeks. She's been crying. Charlie looks curious.

Charlie points to his own eye.

She looks in the mirror.

She goes back into the bathroom.

The plane descends towards the runway. The rain comes down hard.

The plane touches down.

Rain pours fantastically on the gothic castle. Wind blows hard.

A beautiful dining room with a small dance floor. Charlie sits at an intimate table for two with Harriet. A small band plays in the b.g., as the BAND LEADER is making the toast. The five or six other couples in the restaurant also hold up their glass.

The CONCIERGE at this point interrupts to bring Charlie a TELEPHONE. Everyone stops and watches and waits.

The toast, as well as the entire room, stops -- almost like an E.F. Hutton commercial, waiting for Charlie's phone call to finish.

Tony speaks into the phone frantically.

Charlie looks up across the table at Harriet who is completely caught up in the event of seeing how long she can keep her hand in the candle before it hurts.

She puts it in, smiles then takes it out. She shakes her hand, and repeats the process.

Harriet looks at Charlie, very suspiciously. He looks back at her, and tries to smile, pretending that he is having a pleasant, and completely irrelevant conversation.

Charlie waves "One Minute" to Harriet, as she watches.

The line goes DEAD.

The Concierge takes the phone away. Charlie turns slowly to Harriet, genuinely scared.

Suddenly, the band leader continues with his toast.

The band starts to play "Only You".

People APPLAUD. Harriet and Charlie just stare at each other. He knows.

The older couple at the next table, MR. & MRS. LEVENSTEIN, lean over to their table.

Another couple walks by and pulls them literally out of the their seats and onto the dance floor.

Charlie finds himself in the middle of the dance floor dancing slowly with Harriet. He's scared out of his mind. The music plays in the background. Harriet smiles strangely at him. He tries to smile back, checking all the Exits, planning an escape.

Then suddenly, call it luckily, MR. LEVENSTEIN, interrupts:

Charlie gives her hand away to Mr. Levenstein. He takes Mrs. Levenstein's hand and starts to dance towards the EXIT, when suddenly the ELECTRICITY GOES OUT. The MUSIC is out. The LIGHTS ARE OUT.

In the dimmest of lights provided from the cloud covered moon outside, Charlie runs across the dance floor, fighting for an exit to the outside.

He arrives in someone's arms on his way.

The LIGHTS GO BACK ON and Charlie is in HARRIET'S ARMS again. Her face is near menacing now. She smiles a very disturbed grin. He doesn't know what to say.

Charlie and her are squared off. Neither speak. Suddenly both of them are lifted into the air. They look down and see the waiters and busboys picking them up onto chairs, throwing them up in the air again and again. The MUSIC plays along loudly.

Harriet watches Charlie very closely, as Charlie looks scared. Then, the people start to carry them out of the room and down the hallway.

Tony is talking to an attractive young girl behind the airport Rent-A-Car booth.

The other hotel guests threw them inside. The room is all made up, the sheets are pulled down, the firewood is cut, the AXE is in the wood.

The bellboy is frightened and runs away.

Harriet pulls Charlie back into the room, frightened that he's leaving.

Tony runs out of the airport terminal where he sees a man in his forties who's just entered his four wheel drive jeep.

Charlie & Harriet are all alone. The voices trail off down the hallway until they disappear. Charlie and Harriet stare at each other. Harriet blocks the door. Charlie looks around the room. The Axe. The Corkscrew. The letter opener. The fountain pen. At this point, everything in the room looks like a potential weapon. Harriet takes the axe.

Suddenly the power goes off again. They're both in the dark. A scuffle. Charlie has restrained Harriet, throws her in a walk-in closet and locks it. From behind the door, we hear Harriet WAILING. Which continues.

Charlie picks up the axe, looks at it, relieved at his lucky escape. He rushes to the door to escape. He opens it and standing there is Rose.

Rose smiles. Charlie puts down the axe. The lights flicker back on.

He listens for a dial tone. Beside the phone he sees a note. He starts to read is:

And behind him Rose approaches with the axe raised.

And at that moment he turns to find the AXE BEING FLUNG THROUGH THE AIR AT his head. He ducks just in time.

She takes another swing and she hits the lamp off the desk and the room is in complete DARKNESS.

We stay in Charlie's hip pocket as he tries to get away from what he can't see. He stays very silent.

Then Rose strikes a match. She lights a candle and comes toward him. He looks around. The window is open. And Charlie is gone.

Tony and the commandeered man drive through the swampy, winding road on the way up to the hotel. Tony is drumming on the dash.

Charlie tightropes along the ledge of the building. The storm continues. Rose comes out on the ledge and starts to chase him. He rounds the bend. Charlie looks into one room and sees MR. & MRS. LEVENSTEIN there. There's loud OPERA MUSIC playing in the room

The Levensteins prepare for bed. Charlie races by their window. Then Rose races by.

Mr. Levenstein closes the curtains. He can't hear.

Charlie races along the slippery ledge, almost falling at several points. Rose then appears on the roof holding the Axe, still.

Charlie turns and runs. Rose chases him.

Tony breaks into the room with his gun drawn.

Carefully, Tony opens the closet door.

Harriet willingly goes on the floor.

Tony slaps cuffs on her and takes her to the window.

Tony is standing with his back to the window, between it and Harriet. She looks out of the window and screams.

From Harriet's POV we see Charlie on the ledge edging along. He stops in horror when he sees Harriet, glances back to the pursuing Rose, and rushes off.

Tony looks behind him out the window. Nobody is there.

Rose looks into the room, with the axe in her hand.

There is opera music playing. Charlie rushes by, past the window. There is a beat and he comes back, staring inside in amazement.

Mr. Levenstein is in a Viking outfit. Mrs. Levenstein is in full Norse Regalia.

Charlie gulps and rushes on, hastily pursued by Rose.

Rose pulls the Axe back and swings, and the momentum of the swing pulls her feet out from under her, and on the slippery icy roof she falls and starts to slide.

Just as she's about to go off the fifty foot high roof, Charlie climbs down the roof. He stands over her. She's about to slip. Her hands are losing strength. Her fingers are slipping. The rain is falling harder and harder.

Charlie walks over to the cage where she's hanging on for life.

He leans down to help her up, but just as he grabs on to her hand, the drainpipe she's holding onto slips.

She is now dangling from the roof, the rain falling harder and harder. Charlie now is nowhere near her. He then gets down on his knees on the roof and starts to climb down the side of the drainpipe to get her.

Rose looks up helplessly at him. Not really asking for his help. Not denying it. She's accepted her fate.

Policemen, ambulances and spectators have gathered below in bunches as Charlie climbs down the drainpipe, he himself hanging on for dear life.

He just reaches out far enough to grab her hand, and just as he does, her drainpipe tears and falls into the crowd below. Charlie, then with all his strength -- his "where has this strength been my whole life" strength -- pulls her up to the roof next to him.

Several policemen make their way onto the roof and come over to where Charlie is detaining Rose. The police take her, handcuff her and cart her away. From the corner of the roof appears Tony.

Charlie looks beyond Tony and sees Harriet standing in the doorway. He goes over and puts his arm around Harriet.

Below, Rose is put into a police car and taken off. The SIRENS disappear. So do the crowds.

THE SOUND OF A CROWD IN A CLUB:

Charlie is on stage looking very beatnik. He's reading his poetry, but we can't hear it. He nods to someone off stage. Harriet is in the audience, also looking very beatnik with their three year old son, STUART, a miniature beatnik version of Charlie.

SOUND UP on Charlie's poetry.

The crowd goes crazy.

HOUSE MUSIC kicks on. It's Saturday Night by the Bay City Rollers.

Charlie comes off stage and joins his wife and child at their table. He is very happy.

FADE OUT: