"NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION" (1985)

EXTREME CLOSE-OP - CLARK W. GRISWALD'S FACE I

We HEAR an AUDIENCE CHANTING in the b.g. as we gaze on Clark's countenance flashing a phoney smile.

CAMERA POLLS BACR revealing Clark wearing a pig costume. CAMERA CONTINUES PULLBACK:

Clark is standing in a stylized pig pen along with his wife, ELLEN, and his two children, seventeen-year-old RUSTY, and sixteen-year-old AUDREY. All of them are in full-length• pig costumes. The Audience continues their chanting:

NEW ANGLE 3

The Show's host, .KENT CARTER, a jovial, cynical, wise- cracking sort in a tacky three-piece suit roams the midground area of the set between the pig pen the Griswald's inhabit and another empty pig pen opposite it. A garish electronic scoreboard takes up the space between the two pig pens •

(holding up hands for silence) Well, then, Clark, it's time for your big decision. Are you going to keep what's in the poke ••• or are you going to ris~ everything and go for the big prize? Johnny, remind the good folks what they already have won.

We HEAR JOHNNY'S oily, announcer's voice list the prizes. As he does so, we cut to CLOSE-OPS of Ellen, Rusty, and Audrey to see how much they love the prizes they've already won.

Cont.

CENT Thanks Johnny. Well Clark, you've won some fantastic prizes.,.do you want to keep them all, or do you want to risk everything and be a pig?

SHOT OF CLARX . 4 thinking it over.

SHOT OF ELLEN RUSTY- AND AUDREY 5

pleading with Clark.

SHOT OF AUDIENCE 6

Frenzied, chanting:

BACK TO WIDE SHOT 7

Kent silences the Audience again. Clark leans in to the microphone. The Family is relaxed and happy to have what they've seen. They even begin to cross to the prizes.

7 Cont

The family stop dead in their tracks. We can see their disappoint and shock. They are ready to kill him.

Kent crosses to Ellen to offer her his trademark "good luck" kiss. Ellen offers him her cheek. Kent takes her mouth. All of it. Ellen is shocked as Kent traces her jawline with his finger as he kisses her. Clark watches with a puzzled smile. Kent moves on to Audrey a.~d gives her nearly the same. Finally:

The Audience goes beserk. The Griswalds, including Clark, go pale.

NEW ANGLE 8

The FROEGER FAMILY, Father, Mother, Son and Daughter, trots out from the wings. They, too, are in pig costumes. Two· pretty HOSTESSES, dresses as farmer's daughters, lock the Froegers into their pig pen. They look like the drab, egg- heads they are. Kent crosses to the Pig pen to meet them. Mrs. Froeger puckers, Kent shakes her hand. The Daughter puckers, Kent shakes her hand too. He also shakes hands with the Father and Son.

Cont.

8 Cont. KENT O.K. now Audience, you remember that last year the Froegers, possessors of two Nobel Prizes, and sixteen degrees between them, had a perfect score for twenty- nine consecutive weeks. so, it's them against tonights winners, the Griswalds.

DELETE SCENES 9 - II Inc.

SHOT OF GRISWALDS I2

Ready to kill themselves ••• or Clark.

NEW ANGLE I3

,- '-- The Audience goes bananas. Clark is thrilled. The rest of the family is not.

SHOT OF ELECTRONIC BOARD I4

Four categories flash across the board: CHRONOLOGY OF THE PHAROHS, HISTORY OF EARLY HUNGARIAN CABINET MAKING, PHARMOCOLOGY, THE GEOGRAPHY OF THE BRAIN.

SHOT OF GRISWALDS IS

They look at the board with dread.

DELETE SCENES I6 - 20 inc.'

Kent points to the board.

SHOT O~ GRISWALDS 23

Dying again. The tension is too great. Sweat is running off Clark's forehead.

WIDE SHOT - STAGE 24

Cont.

24 Cont.

The MUSIC starts. The Audience is hushed. The clock ticks against total silence.

SHOT OF FROEGER FAMILY 25

They are smiling. They know the answer.

SHOT OF GRISWALDS 26

Tense. Nervous. 'Clark and Ellen look at each other helplessly, Rusty is blank. Audrey is thinking. The clock ticks out. No one has a clue, until suddenly we HEAR Audrey's barely audible voice.

WIDE SHOT - STAGE 27

Kent is dumbfounded. He looks at the card in his hand.

The scoreboard explodes with lights and buzzers. Music comes up. Rusty and Audrey scream and jump up and down. Ellen embraces Clark. Kent signals for the Hostesses

him while the audience cheers. Kent grabs Ellen, who spontaneously throws her a:rms around hi.~. Kent plants his hands on her ass as she jumps up and down in his a:rms. Clark and Audrey grab hands and jump up and down, too.

THE CAMERA MOVES IN on Clark who i's smiling like an idiot, As the description is given we CUT to various SLIDES which illustrate the locations and the accommodations. In the slides, everything is first rate and very nice.

Cont.

27 Cont JOHNNY'S VOICE {o.s.) That's right ••• we'll fly the whole family on Boeing jets to London England, where you'll start off on a two week vacation extravaganza you'll never forget. While in London, you'll stay in deluxe accommodations at the sumptuous Royal Imperial Windsor Lancaster, Stratford Arms Court Hotel and Inn, only steps from Picadilly Circus ••• and then it's on to France ••• where you'll stay at the newly renovated •••

{FADE UNDER SCENE IN BACK YARD - SC. 28)

Marie Antoinette Hotel, a favorite ~topping place of E=ope's elite ••• Then it's l\ctung! On to Germany, where you'll stop and enjoy a fine mean at Oskars on the Ruher ••• and dance to the gay music of Esther and the Black Forest Girls ••• then it's aufweidersehn and on to •••

The Griswalds are having a barbeque. Clark is at the outdoor grill with Ellen, putting the last of the coals into the pit. The kids are seated at the table. Rusty is talking into a phone. Audrey is in. the arms of her boyfriend, Jack, a good-looking kind of smarmy kid. They are entwined in a hot kiss. A table cloth lays in a heap on the table, along with a pile of knives, forks and cups.

Clark i~ applying the lighter flu+d on to the coals.

Cont.

28 Cont.

Clark squeeze~ in a huge squirt of fluid. Ellen is looking ·at Audrey and Jack. Clark looks up too.

He glances over to Audrey and Jack. They've entwined again, gazing soulfully into each other's eyes.

He walks to the house.

Cont.

Rusty is off the phone. He walks by the fire, picks up the can and squeezes in an extra-large dose of fluid, then another. Clark comes in from the kitchen with the burgers. He squeezes on more fluid, then puts on the burgers.

Clark strikes a match.

He nods and puts in some more, and drops the match onto the coals, immediately an eight foot flame roars into the sky, engulfing the hamburgers.

The family and Jack are seated around the backyard table. A package of American sheese is on the table and they're eating the cheese on hamburger buns, except Audrey who is just munching on a piece of cheese. Clark's face is black from the fire. His hair is singed.

cont.

II 28 A Cont.

Audrey stands up. Still holding Jack's hand.

Cont.

Everyone vocally agrees.

He hands everyone a slip of paper.

Everyone, save Jack, writes a name on the ballo~. They fold it and hand it back to Clark.

Cont.

Ellen opens each ballot and reads. Clark writes as she reads.

They all turn to Audrey.

I4

Clark enters SHOT carrying a video-tape camera on his shoulder as he maneuvers down the hallway. He stops in front of Rusty's room and opens the door.

Rusty is at his desk looking at a book on European culture. He is startled to see his father coming into the room with the video-pack. Rusty closes the book quickly.

CLARl< Wave, Rusty. I'm just trying out this new video camera I got for the trip. Pretty neat, huh?

Rusty reluctantly waves at the camera.

Clark backs out of the roorni Rusty quickly opens the book again. CAMERA MOVES IN to reveal a sex magazine article titles "Weird Sex•, between the pages of the book.

IS

There are pictures of Jack everywhere. The lights are off. Audrey is under the covers, talking.

The door opens as Clark ENTERS with the video camera and points it at the lump in the bed.

C'mon, Audrey ••• off the ~hone.,. you've said your goodbyes to Jack ••• big trip tomorrow.

Audrey sticks her head out from under the blankets.

(,

Clark exits the room, always keeping his eye in the camera. Audrey sighs. She lifts the covers and looks under them.

Ellen is stepping out of the shower asClark enters with the video camera. She is embarrassed. She trys to cover herself, then grabs a towel.

Cont.

Ellen decides what the hell. She st.arts to improvise a- "lady in the shower" scene with a towel.

She sings song, and dances sexily. Clark keeps shooting with the camera while beckoning with his finger for Ellen to follow him into the bedroom. Ellen, still singing and· being provocative, follows Clark into their bedroom. Clark keeps shooting Ellen as she crosses to the bed and reclines on it, striking a sexy pose as she sings.

SHOT THROUGH VIDEOCAMERA LENS 33

as Clark would see it looking through the lens. The CAMERA moves into an ECU of Ellen's face. She looks incredibly sexy. we BEAR a gutteral response from Clark. he's into it.

BACK TO SHOT 34

Clark, now standing next to the bed, puts the videocarnera on. the nightabl e so it is aiming at Ellen, ~:ho slowl!' stops singing, then he leans over and gives her a very tender kiss. She grabs him.

CLOSE UP - VIDEOCAMERA 35

The tape is running.

They're still kissing; and then some.

They continue making love as CAMERA pans over to the running videocamera.

An establishing SHOT of O'Hare.

As it takes off.

The Griswalds are crammed into four seats across. Clark

is at the window. Next to him is Ellen, then Audrey and Rusty on the aisle. Clark is fiddling with a pocket

translator.

Cont.

Clark pushes the button. The computer repeats what Clark said, but with an Italian accent.

Ellen gives Clark a look. He examines the computer more closely.

He puts away the computer and takes out some printed itinerary and schedules. He hands them out to the Family.

Cont.

39 Cont.I

RO~Y I 'rn 'jOin<'! to l.:!.1':e this c:enocracy stuff.

A stewardess pushing the refreshment cart stops at their row.

cont.

2I 39 Cont. 2

Everyone but Clark shakes his head.

The stewardess hands Clark the drink and moves on.

SHOT OF ELLEN 40

She is smiling, relaxed. She snuggles up to Clark and puts her head on his shoulder. (She is having a reverie) A smile plays across her face.

A grand and elegant reception is being given at the Queen's Palace. CAMERA PANS a reception line stretching up to a point where the QUEEN herself is standing alongside LADY DI. (NOTE: We will use celebrity look-a-likes where we can.) A CONSUL announces the names of the guests to a very bored Queen Elizabeth.

The DUKE bows and the DUCHESS curtseys in front of the Queen who is stifling a yawn. Ladi Di looks just as bored. Only Prince Charles smiles throughout.

Again, the ritual bow is delivered. This brings a big yawn from the Queen and Lady Di. Finally, the Queen spots Ellen and Clark as the next couple in line. Her face lights up.

Cont.

4I Cont.

The Queen throws open her axms and embraces Clark. Lady Di is giving Clark the once over.

Ellen is pleased with Clark's response. He dances away with Ellen. Lady Di grabs his leg and hangs on, crying hy~terically. Charles keeps smiling.

BACK SHOT OF ELLEN 42

sleeping. She moves closer to Clark. CAMERA PANS over to Rusty,also asleep, wearing headphones as he listens to stereoon his seat console.

BACK TO RUSTY 44

A huge, satisified smile on his face. CAMERA PANS to Audrey, her eyes also closed.

MUSIC UP: Scarey, ominous.

Audrey is seated at tile end of a long table, eating pasta. Her arms grow fatter. She keeps eating. Waiters continue to carry fattening European food. She looks ho=ified but keeps eating. Her cheeks blow up, her thighs grow fatter. They start to bring on the deserts. She can't stop herself from eating. Buttons on her blouse pop open.

SHOT OF AODREY 46

tossing her head wildly as she sleeps. CAMERA PANS TO Clark.

SHOT OF CLARK 47

dreaming some wonderful thi_ng that has brought a smile to his face.

MUSIC OP: "The Sound of Music"

through filtered sunlight comes dancing and singing over a hill and into CAMERA, the Trapp Family? No, it's the Griswalds and they are having the best time any family ever had in Europe. They are all wearing lederhosen and dirndles as they prance hand in hand across the screen. CAMERA MOVES into a close up of Clark's smiling face-.

Cont.

:.!5

The plane lands and taxis up to the te:rminal.

A taxi cruises down a narrow lane.

SHOT OF ADDRESS SIGN SI

It reads 8 Pennychip Lane. The taxi stops.

SHOT OF CLARK 52

The Royal Imperial Windsor Lancaster, Stratford A:rms Court Hotel and Inn is not quite the beauty as described in the pamphlet. It might have been, but obviously that was was at least a hundred and fifty years ago.

The Driver hops out and opens the back door. Clark hops out and accidentally raps the cab driver in the groin with his bag. Among the many items they are carrying, are "Pig in A Poke" tote bags.

TAXI IllRIVER Oof!

He is followed in rapid order by Ellen, Audrey and Rusty. Each of them, slams into the driver with another piece of luggage, each hitting him in exactly the same place. The driver is doubled over as Clark opens his hand and gives him a shilling.

Cont.

2b 53 Cont.

They all head into the hotel.

A sloppy middle aged man, MR. HJU,SEY, is. engrossed in a T.V. Show on rna.kin<J cheese. The Griswalds tramp in and drop their luggage.

In a vecy strong·Cockney accent, Mr. Halsey explains that they're all booked up but he has a mate who has another hotel, unless they'd like to pay a little more for the Royal Suite. Clark (and any other American} doesn't know what he's talking about. He pulls out his pocket translator

Ellen fishes through her purse and pulls out some paper.

Cont.

54 Cont. Mr. Halsey looks inquisitively at them. Clark and the kids try to help by making pig's faces and going "oink, oink" for Mr. Halsey. Elie.~ is embarrassed.

His tiny, elderly Mother starts to carry the luggage.

They follow Mr. Halsey out of the lobby.

It's a tiny room with barely enough space for Ellen and Clark to tu= around. What little space theJ:e is, is now taken up by all the luggage. Ellen reads the.hotel brochure.

Cl1'1:-:k lie'! c~m nn the bed Md sinks do~m in the mattress so that only his nose is showing. CLARK The bed is nice and soft.

Cont.

55 Cont.

Ellen opens a door. It's a shallow closet. Clark struggles up frcm the bed.

Be opens a door and a murphy bed falls on his head.

CLARl< Hmmm ••• maybe not.

Audrey is taping a picture of Jack to the wall. PULL BACK to reveal that the whole wall is covered with photos of Jack. Rusty is fiddling with the T.V.

28A

56 Cont.

He looks at the T.V. with dread and disbelief.

As small as the restof the rooms. Clark, in pajamas is brushing his teeth. Ellen is relaxing with a bubble bath. She has a wash clothover her eyes.

Cont.

Clark finishes brusing his teeth. He whistles 57 Cont a SONG as he gathers his belongings. As he leaves a MALE GUEST enters and starts to whistle the same song. He looks in the bathtub and is delighted to see E1len. He starts to wash up while whistling.

Clark cheerfully walks down the hall. He gets confused by the doors without numbers and opens a few in to wrong rooms.

Then he tries a door which is stuck. He pushes harder. Still nothing. He backs off a few steps, lowers his shoulder and runs at the door. It opens as he hits it.

The Halseys are still watching TV as Clark comes crashing through the door, which opens on to the lobby. Clark tries to be nonchalant, even though he's standing there in his pajamas.

Clark EXITS. The Halseys look at each other and shrug.

Clark enters the dark bedroom.

He climbs in to bed.

SHOT OF WOMAN IN BED 6I It isn't Ellen. It's another HOTEL GUEST. Clark snuggles up to the Woman, who is turned away_ from him. The Woman is alai:med but silent.

Clark nibbles on the woman's ear.

The= stares at her.

He is happily surprised.

SHOT OF CLARK AND THE WOMAN 63 He snuggles her.

Something isn't right.

The Male Guest finishes with his teeth.

The man starts to peel off his pajama top.

Ellen peels the wash cloth off her eyes. She sinks down in the tub, trying to cover herself. The confused man hurriedly exits.

Clark and the Woman are frozen in their positions.

Cont.

3I WOMAN GUEST 65 Cont. No.

He tries to move away. She won't let him go.

He fights his way out of the bed and runs out.

( Clark crashes in. \..

As Clark comes back in Ellen rushes down t."le hall to him. They hug each other.

66 Cont.

Still in a slight panic, Clark and Ellen enter what they believe to be their room.

It's pitch dark. We HEAR the springs of the bed as Clark and Ellen get into it. A moment's silence, then:

A yellow, four door English-type Sedan is right in front of the hotel.

He waves key.

Clark and the Family jump in. Clark is in what he thinks is the driver's seat, but, of course, it being Great Britain, the steering wheel's on the other side.

He sticks the key into the ignition that's not there and grabs the empty air where the steering wheel's supposed to be.

Clark and Ellen get out of the car and trade places.

As clark and Ellen settle into their seats. Clark starts up the little beauty and automatically uses his left hand to signal that he's pulling out, but since Ellen is on his left, she gets a light smack in the face.

Clark now sticks out his right hand as he steps on the gas and pulls into the street.

The Griswalds are on the road for a few yards when it becomes very apparent that something is amiss.

I

Another car coming at them swerves to get out of the way, but Clark is also swerving, which causes Clark to hit the other car. He rips the fender completely off. Both cars come to a halt.

NEW ANGLE 73

As Clark and the other DRIVER roll down their windows to talk to each other. In the b.g. we HEAR CARS HONKING, etc. Unlike an American driver, the Englishman is very understanding and polite.

ENGLISH !"l!".IVE~ Oh no trouble. Please don't mention it. It's fine. I had a scratch on that fender anyway. Now I'll have a reason to get it fixed.

Clark and the English Driver exchange licens~s.

73 Cont. ENGLISH DRIVER Please, don't worry. In fact I should thank you •••

Licenses re-exchanged, the English Driver drives off as Clark puts the car in gear again.

CRASH! Clark has gone about two feet before managing a not- ver-serious "head-on" with yet another ENGLISH DRIVER.

NEW ANGLE 7 4 . Steam rises from the other car's radiator. The bumper falls off.

Clark gets out of his car, license in hand as the Second English Driver gets out of his car as well. This guy makes the First Driver seem rude.

• Tsk tsk ••• looks like we' Vii! had a bit of a run in. Rotten iuck.

Ellen and the Kids watch as Clark and the Driver exchange licenses, laugh good naturedly at some remark, and the Second Driver gives Clark a pat on the back as he sends him back to his car.

Clark drives off.

JS

The same street as Clark steers the car towards a corner. Approaching the intersection, Clark puts his hand out to signal and happens to knock a BIKE RIDER flat off his BICYCLE.

The Biker slowly gets to his feet, a wan smile on his face, but also some blood; His clothes are also badly torn, his knee scraped and bloodied, but still he's very polite. Clark and Ellen rush out of the car.

ELLE~! Oh my god let me help you!

She tries to dress his wounds with a "wash and dri".

Clark trys to give the Biker money. He refuses it.

E~"N Clark, ask him how to get to the hotel.

cont.

77 Cont.

He raises his a:rm to point and globs of blood roll down his body.

He limps off, dragging one leg.

The Bike Rider waves off Clark's offer. He slowly picks up the bike which is bent almost in half.

NEW ANGLE 78

Clark drives down to the corner and makes a left turn into a heavily congested traffic circle.

CAMERA FOLLOWS the Yellow Rental as Clark gets caught up in the flow of the fast-moving traffic.

The Yellow Car makes a complete circle,.

We see that the Car is completely blocked by the heavy traffic. Again it has to go around the circle.

The Yellow car is still going around in circles. Traf!ic is still very heavy.

,. Cont.

It is pouringon the hotel sign. Nobody is on the streets.

We find the Griswalds standing in the lobby looking out the window as rain pours down. They are all dressed in rain gear.

Clark gets tham all out the door. · CAMERA HOLDS on door a beat. The door opens and the completely soaked Griswalds 'trudge back inside. CLARK ••• so it's unanimous, then. We wait for the rain to stop.

ROOM - DAY 82 A

There is snow on the T.V. and Rusty and Audrey sing T.V. commercial jingles to cheer themselves up. Audrey is lying in bed with a head shot of Jack and pillows stuffed under the covers.

She starts to cry.

RUSTY 82 A Cont. Well why don't you call him?

She looks through the phone pamphlet.

She punches a number on the phone.

She finishes dialing and waits. He answers.

Rusty reacts like a guy who hates mushy stuff. He puts his

wallanan on so that he won't have to listen.

DELETE SCENES 83 and 84

The window. The rain is thick; The fog thicker. A distraught Clark and Ellen stare vacantly out the window.

Cont.

85 Cont.

Ellen is delighted she's finally got him excited.

Clark joins her. They start to disrobe when Clark senses something. He sits up and points to the window. The rain has stopped and the sun is starting to peek through.

Clark gets up and starts dressing. He's all excited. Ellen is left hanging.

DELETE SCENES 86 - 88

4I

* P A G E * * D E L E T E D *

SCENES 89 - 9I - DRIVE-BYS WITH V.O.

RUSTY What's that old building over there Dad?

They drive by.

They pass some people with very punk hairdos.

Theygo by the Speaker's Corner.

An establishing shot as the Griswalds ENTER FRAME and head for the entrance.

Clark approaches a TICKET SELLER sitting on a bench.

Rusty and Audrey exchange an embarrassed look.

Audrey and Rusty look at each other •.

NEW ANGLE 94

The Griswalds wander among the various wax exhibits. Each one portraying some te=ible crime. Rusty and Audrey are laughing and enjoying the place. They pass an exhibit depicting a man being boiled in oil.

A skeleton is hanging in a body sized cage. The family approaches.

She gives him a look. They move on.

An ELDERLY COOPLE walk through the museum and stop at a scene depicting the guillotine. There is no wax model i.'l the guillotine at the moment. The Elderly Man suddenly clutches his chest and collapses to the floor next to the guillotine. The Elderly Woman bends over and beats on his chest trying to revive him. Unable to do so, she removes a cape from one of the wax models, and covers the man to keep him warm while she i:ushes out of the scene in search of help.

Clark bends over and grabs the Elderly Man under the shoulders ~inking it's a wax dummy.

Cont.

96 Cont.

No, no, Ellen. We're American tourists. We don't want people to think we have no respect for art. (he gives a tug) Heavy son of a bitch.

Rusty notices that the guillotine is empty,

Rtl'STY It must've ~lipped out of the guillotine, Dad.

I believe you're right, Russ.

After much difficulty, Clark manages to drag the Old Man into the tableau and lay him over the guillotine so his head rests in the notch,

Clark starts to •mold' the Old Man's face into a more agreeable expression. Finally satisfied, Clark steps back to admire his work.

The Griswalds admire Clark's work. Clark begins to check our how the guillotine works. He handles the control that releases the blade. Nothing happens. Be pulls on it; still nothing. It's stuck. In the meantime, the Elderly Lady returns with several Mtl'SEUM OFFICIALS. She points to the spot on the floor where she last left her husband. The Officials exchange a look. The Old Lady is confused. Finally she sees her husband in the Guillotine and points him out to the dismay of the Museum Officials just as Clark and the Family move off. The Woman and the Officials remcve the ma.n·from the guillotine just as the blade falls from Clark's playing with the controls. It strikes the base with a loud frightening and ominous thud.

,._

DELETE SCENES 97 - IO4

Clark and the Family drag their luggage down the stairs to the lobby, as a new GUEST checks in and goes upstairs.

AtrDREY Thank God I don't have to eat any more English food. I feel like a blimp. · Jack won 't look at me.

cont.

IOS Cont.

Clark is getting annoyed at Mr. Halsey who is still adding up the bill.

Audrey starts to look scared and anxious. In the background Mr. Halsey's Mum, struggling• as she carries a steamer trunk on her back up the stairs.

The yellow rental car speeds along the road.

EU....~ Audrey, your father didn't mean what he said.

Cont.

I06 Cont. AUDREY (sobbing) Yes he did.

Rusty is listening to his walkman so he yells when he speaks. 1

He continues his dialogue on American history, confusing the family.

Cont.

P.o.v. SHOT - STONEHENGE IOS

BACK TO CAR INT. I09

A LONG SHOT establishes the famous structure. The yellow car is parked near one of the supports. Clark and the' family are walking through Stonehenge, Clark shooting some video-tape. He also holds a little book which obviously he has looked at in reference to Stonehenge.

Cont.

49 (A)

IIO Cont.

Rusty poses.

Rusty does. Audrey looks at a horizontal slab.

Ellen goes to c.lark.

so

IIO Cont.I

Everyone piles back in the car. Clark starts it up.

Clark backs the yellow car up.

SHOT II2

The back bumper barely nicks one of the stone columns.

BACK TO SHOT II3

The yellow car pulls away and drives off. Th~ bump causes the column to start to totter, then it falls onto the next column, creating a domino effect until the entire Stonehenge is laying in a•pile of rubble and dust.

( \. STOCK SHOT OF PARIS FROM THE SKY

STOCK SHOT OF PLANE landin~.

DELETE SCENE IIS

OVERHEAD SHOT follows the Griswalds now driving a blue rental car crossing a bridge.

Cont.

The blue car is parked nearby. Clark is posing the family at the base of the fountain, taking -ictures again with the video camera. A small CROWD is watching the production. Ellen, Rusty and Audrey are embarrassed by Clark's insistence on posing them.

Cont.

117 Cont.

Clark this time accompanies his request with gestures showing the Man how to use the camera. The Man nods in understanding and takes the video camera from Clark, who now joins the Family in front of the fountain. The Man with the camera gestures for Clark and the Family to remove their shoes and stand in the water. Clark thinks it's a great idea and convinces the rest. They reluctantly remove their shoes and step into the fountain, Clark and Rusty rolling up their pants to their knees. The Man with the camera nods his approval, then grabs all their shces and takes off down the street with the camera. Clark is in no position to give chase. Ellen, Rusty and Audrey stand open mouthed.

She does. a brief pantomime of her towel and shower bit to get her point across.

...

At the front desk an affectionate, YOUNG, AMERICAN COUPLE is checking in.

They smile at each other and start to make out as the DESK CLERK looks for t_heir reservation.

The Griswalds enter, schlepping their own luggage. Ellen notices the couple.

The Garlands glance over at the Griswald~.

Rusty and Audrey look disgusted at being called "children". Rusty makes a negative snorting sound.

Cont.

· The Garlands start to make out again. Pg. 54 DESK CLERK Mr. Garland. II8 Cont. No reply from lovers. DESK CLERK Mr. Garland! They break for a moment. DESK CLERK You're in room four eighteen, and please hurry.

The Garlands take their key and rush to.the elevator.

Bonjour.

He consults his pocket computer. He speaks with an American accent.

Clark and the kids make their "Pig" faces and "oink, Oink". In the b.g. the Garlands cannot wait another moment for the elevator so they run up the stairs. '

Clark gives him the passports. C.C. PASSPORTS - Clark looks unintelligent, Ellen looks slutty, Audrey looks heavy, and Rusty looks like he's on heroin. The Desk Clerk looks at the pictures and starts chuckling to himself. Eventually, he can't help himself and he laughs out loud. He shows the pictures to ANOTHER CLER.TC and they talk about them in French. In their excitement to share the joke, they also show the passports to the CASHIER, and some PEOPLE IN THE ,LOBBY. Everyone has a good laugh at.the Griswald's expense.

nrr. PARIS HOTEL ROOM - DAY II9

The Bellhop opens the door and enters the room. The Griswalds follow, carrying all their luggage. The Bellhop points.

They put down the luggage. The Bellhop holds out his hand for a tip.

Clark hands the Bellhop a franc. The Bellhop gives him a look of disdain and leaves.

II9 Cont.

It's another room the size of a closet. Clark eyes the bed.

He opens the curtains to see Paris. His P.O.V. of a very close, ugly building.

CLA.~ It's quaint. Isn't it? Europe is quaint.

She EXITS the room. Clark removes his shoes and gives the bed a light tap. He leaps onto the bed, expecting to sink into tl:!e same sort of soft mattress he experienced in London. No such luck. The mattress doesn't give an inch as Clark lands with a dull thud and then rolls off thebed in pain. Ellen returns with Rusty. They do not see Clark because he's lying on the floor on the far side of the bed.

The Family cross the room to where Clark is still lying on the on the floor.

Cont.

II9 Cont.I CLARK Louder! Who are we?

Clark remains on the floor.

·RUSTY Yeah, Paris sucks. They steal your cam.er a..c; •••

Rusty does. Clark opens a suitcase and pulls out four berets.

Clark pulls his on. His name is stitched across the front of the beret. So are the rest of the Family's names on theirs.

Cont.

II9 Cont.2

Audrey tries her's on and sees that she looks good in it.

Ellen knows how much this will mean to Clark. She picks up the beret with her name on it and puts it on. She then picks up Rusty's beret and puts it on his head, pulling _it down over his eyes, affectionately.

A typical outdoor cafe; small tables, rude waiters. CAMERA FINDS the Griswalds crowded around a table suitable for one small perspn. They are all wearing the berets with their names· sewn across the front. Rusty is embarrassed.

A WAITER passes by in the b.g. bringing a bottle of wine to a table with a COUPLE and their TEN-YEAR-OLD-SON.

Cont.

Clark and Ellen exchange a •look" •

Clark and Ellen look at what Rusty is referring to, the Young Boy drinking wine at his table.

The Waiter comes over to the table. Clark fiddles with his pocket translator.

Clark and the Waiter's French is translated in SUBTITLES. Clark's accent leaves much to be desired.

Cont.

120 Cont,l CLARK (We would like to order lunch,)

The Waiter makes a face at Clark's attempt at French,

(The kids will have hamburgers and fries.)

The Waiter walks away. Clark is unaware of what's been said to him.

'- CLARK Nice guy, huh? You see, kids, people appreciate tourists making an effort to speak their language.

6I

The Waiter enters the kitchen. THREE CHEFS are at work preparing the "haute cuisine• from frozen dinners cooked in microwave ovens. The Waiter yells out his order in French. A chef prepares a plate, emptying a frozen dinner from it's tray and sticking a paper French flag in it.

The food and wine have been served and Clark is relaxing with a glass of wine. He has his eye on the Young Boy at the other table with his parents. The Young Eoy pickz u~ his glass of wine and drains it. Clark gives him a look, then drains his glass. The Young Boy fills his glass again and drains it. Clark does the same.

NEW ANGLE I23 The Boy, looking at Clark, once more fills his glass and drinks it in one gulp. Clark, not to be out-done, does the same. Rusty notices the Two girls with.the dog about to go up the Eiffel Tower. The Grandmother has swept the dog up and is carrying him. He snaps and growls at people as they leave.

Clark looks up at the tOP, of the Tower. He grows pale.

The Symbol of France rises above the city. We see Cla~k's P.o.v. (after his wine contest with the Young Boy) of the Eiffel Tower. It's wobbly and curvy and then there are two of them.

TWO CUTE FRENCH GIRLS are nearby. They are with a fat, vicious looking old lady, obviously their Grandmother and a dog just as ugly and vicious. The girls are throwing a frisbee and urging the little dog to go after it but he won't budge. Instead he sits and snarls and yaps. The Girls occasionally look at Rusty in a flirty way. Rusty gives them his coolest smile, forgetting the "Rusty• beret on his head.

The Griswalds join the other tourists.

DELETE SCENES I25 - I27 Inc.

Ellen and Audrey get off the elevator and rush to the railing. Rusty is more casual, the better to impress the young girls. Clark walks out, still tipsy. He turns and faces the tower instead of the view.

Ellen turns from the railing.

, ELLEN

( Clark?

NEW ANGLE I29

Clark is holding onto the framework for dear life, edging slowly on rubbery legs to the railing. Still woozy, he's facing away from the city view.

Clark reaches the railing, grips tight and pulls himself up. His back is still to the citv.

ELLE?. Clark, what are you looking at?

Clark slowly turns until he is facing the view out towards the city. He smiles.

Cont.

I29 Cont.

NEW ANGLE I29 A

Russ has folloued the ::>pwager and the TEENAGE Girls to another -~art of the Tower.

As_"Last Tango In Paris" music plays,

Rusty leans on the railing and looks at the girls cooly.

The Girls look at him and smile.

The dog looks at him and growls.

Rusty smiles at the girls 'and raises his eyebrows questionably.

One Girl winks at Rusty, then they both look at each other and giggle.

The dog barks. One of the girls tries to quiet him, but he tries -to bite her. The Dowager tries to calm him, but he is even nasty to her.

The Girl looks back at Rusty and suppresses a laugh.

He smiles cockily and tries to brush his hair back with his hand. He ~ecomes sick with embarrassment as he feels the beret on his head and remembers, all too clearly, that it says "Rusty• on it.

The Girls wh~sper and burst out laughing together.

The dog yaps annoyingly.

Clark sees by the look on Rusty's face that all is not well with him. Clark puts an a= around Rusty's shoulder.

I29 A Cont.

Rusty indicates the two cute French Girls standing nearby. The dog is in the old lady's arms still nipping and barking at everyone. The girls are still giggling at the embarrassed Rusty.

RUSTY

mad me wear is making me look like an idiot.

Clark immediately sympathizes with Rusty.

Clark plucks it off Rusty's head and sails it ove~ the railing like a frisbee.

NEW ANGLE I30

i

The dog leaps out of the woman's arms over the railing after the beret. CUT TO shocked reactions on everyone's faces. The Old Lady faints.

BACK UP SHOT I30 A Some people are picnicing near a lake. The dog plummets through the air and lands in the water. He swims to shore and runs'away, still clutching the "Rusty" beret between his teeth.

Ellen, in a bathrobe, stands in front of a mirror and shyly sneaks looks at what she's got on underneath. Clark yells from the shower. 1

Cont.

NEW ANGLE I32 ·Clark comes out in a bathrobe.

She opens her robe revealing very sexy lingerie.

She kisses his neck.

A big, raucous nightclub along the lines of a Follies or Le Crazy Horse. There is a floor show going on featuring a line of half-naked women al_l dressed in articles exactly like the lingerie Ellen was trying to turn Clark on with. Clark is enjoying the show, clapping enthusiastically. Ellen throws him angry looks, fuming. She glances at her watch impatiently.

The girls complete their number with a flourish. Clark explodes with applause.

He sits. As time marches on, Clark relishes and Ellen suffers through a "Women Behind Bars" number.

The girls trot.,out again in topless gym outfits and do sexual aerobics.

He finally notices she's angry.

Cont.

I35 Cont. As Ellen puts on her wrap she notices something and stops dead in her tracks.

Clark looks. From his P.O.V. we see a sexy hooker at a table.

Clark's P.o.v. pans over to reveal Rusty. Clark's face changes from the sophisticated French culture buff to the puritanical American Father. He marches over to Rusty's table. Rusty is lighting two cigarettes at once. His Bic lighter flame is too big and he adjusts it as he chuckles.

He hands the cigarette to the Hooker, and is about to propose a toast when the heavy hand of his Father .lands on his shoulder. A tipsy Rusty looks up, still in character.

Th~n suddenly and horribly, Rusty realizes that he is in deep shit. The cigarette falls from his lip.

The-Griswalds walk through to the elevator.

Cont.

I36 Cont.

· ROSTY Same thing that gave you the same idea.

They enter the room and Rusty puts awayhis key. CLARK You still didn't say whereyou got the money, Rusty squirms. ROSTY I sold my electric train set.

Cont.

This sets Clark off. He grabs him by the collar.

I37 Cont. CLARK You sold your electric train set to get a hooker!

Obviously Clark liked them.,

Clark sits on the bed on a letter

Your daughter, Audrey Griswald."

Cont.

ELLEN I37 Cont.I Clark, she doesn't know Paris. We.'ve got to find her.

Audrey is shlepping her belongings through the airport. She is trying to figure out signs in French and getting scared and frustrated. Then she looks at one of her 'Jack' pictures.

Clark's car drives up to Air France (or whatever) he (double) sets out and runs in.

Audrey looks at her ticket and looks around.

She starts to leave. Clark spots her and runs over.

Cont.

7I I40 Cont.

C

He sits on the baggage carousel (which is still). She puts her bags and guitar down on it and stand:: next to him.

Cont.

The carousel slowly starts to move. Clark is looking down and doesn't notice. He has moved away from her and is essentially talking to himself. She watches him and the absurdity of his situation and his sincerity touches her. She smiles.

As he sa:.,..; "I love you" he. looks upand sees a bun looking at him. He's embarrassed. He quickly hops off the carousel.

He helps her carry ~er bags out.

They leave. As they exit, we hear Clark say

2.7 .9. 84- MONTAGE SEQOENCE n I4r As. a: great new SONG plays we SEE •.••

EX'l'. NOTI!E DAME DAI I42

The Griswalds rush. oat of their r.ented car and pose for

·· ·· ·· ..·;·k~!i~~i~5i:~.,s: ,;,:;~;;:.:,~;;_;~~ · ·-,-:;They•,h=r.f :to·'.,a:_:·spot..where ..Ciark .takes ·another p.iature. > ·.. ~·.,,;;;.;:;.

'?~~;r~;~i~;~~~~~1~f~1~~~-~;~{:~~~;.._~;~:c·;:,~;~::~·~:~:~::·::.. ;.' ·,:::~;,~~~; t~'t!.~\~t:';::ii} ·:"•.,t.En':.. ~.DE' LA.CONCORDE' - DAY-·:,·:-..:·,.•.,:.,:; ,..,_ --:;'"'.'";~'- :I:44· : ..... cc_-;-~:!:. -~!.: _.. :. ..::. ~ · - ~~~:;?;!:~-: ~~i--( ~-:~.:-~~5-;~,-~f~_':q~~·-#~\~·::7~7.u.~~~<--.; -~- :~-~i:/. · i<;~_-·?~::-z:·-~;:£t~-..:·:'-r;~~:!~>!~~;- ••' · ... ·..;•,.:·.:·._:-..,As.'.the- Family poses. iti'_front of ·a £ountain, the. Temp1e ·. ~~:;.:/JF· ,,-_;,· · · .. :· ~ _~,~Made.l.aine.. an Odelesque,· anothel:. fountain with- the-. Eif£d :,.' >·:;.'Ji!

I · ,;•' .. ·,~•.Tower behind it.:anci a. gold .fence··.nth a· Ge"da:crne ·in front,-.:-·:::i-'.½' ·· -.- · --._. ...... -. · · - · · - · - ""~ rd ~,.:,:->''-· i•':weuiotice·.that- their: poltinc;r be=es- less. inspued and. they: · ~:/:~~-~

,:-?1~1ftlfl~!!if~;~:1~~lfg74\ll _(·· .. .: .,, .: ·."·,,,·~poses with:a,_naked.. lady statuer but: ~en:,_ and Audrey_ ,,., ~·"-'·

:fftirfil&r~t&l~J~if~l.rt •.-,':'.,:c;::-;-.·:0j'", \,Jt.'.\TT:!'!??'.)'iq::tas_ her:)1:igh; h~ ~ h~ f;!et- are 1i:fit1ng:- hi=-.... :~;'.!~μ.,,

~~~,~JRf«~S~~i~:Q~~~?~~~1~. ~., ..· · ,,...:;:-,:-::. -:~".Clark:;cuns. up.' ana:·.sets·:his. shot;:.'waving them over. •.ltudrey;:· ·:,;,:"_.::;·~ · .¥.:,-_.:,~: ....~~,.\;-•:§'~~"'Rlisty.·· an:&-E::μen. drag. ·thems,.l.ves over like the ·walla.ng: dead~-~"i;;f::;'.·

,,..•.;.;;-·· ·::":~...,~-::,c;:c:t~~-'<"'',....,. ·-·-·~- .....-t•, ~- =k· r_.........,,,. ...,...,..en ...,~·-.,..--...u.. th.e · ~a.--.r.·~- ~.... .-.~-~~ -ont cf the... :•-ld,....,..., 1·p·,_._ · .. :·:-;;;,,;..... , __ . ,_ • :~~~ ,:,:;_:,·~i':i~~;~~~-foremost museitm~ ·: ClaJ:k· u:. a.:.brmdle of energy&. Ellen and· ~~·.:: '·

;;_~t ··,·1t7tt -..;__.;--?=1:

_,

MONTAGE SEQUENCE 73 I4I As a great new SONG plays we SEE •••

The Griswalds rush out of their rented car and pose for Clark to take a !'Olaroid picture.

They hurry to a spot where Clark takes another picture.

As the Family poses in front of a fountain, the Temple Madelaine an Odelesque, another fountain with the Eiffel Tower behind it and a gold fence with a Genda=e in front, we notice that their posing becomes less inspired and they are not as enthusiastic.

• Rusty poses with a naked lady statue, but Ellen and Audrey sit it out.

Clark is still energetic but the family is definitely tired.

Ellen holds her high heels and her feet are killing her.

C

Clark runs up and sets his shot, waving them over. Audrey, Rusty and Ellen drag themselves over like the walking dearl.

Clark, Ellen and the Kids are in front of the world's foremost museum. Clark is a bundle of energy, Ellen and the kids are dragging.

Cont.

I45 Cont.

Clark takes off in a rush for the entrance. The Family exchange weary looks.

In a STOP-MOTION SEQUENCE we will see the Griswalds tour the Louvre. As our foursome continues we CUT to pictures on the wall which start to bombard them until we only see very QOICX CUTS of pictures.

NEW ANGLE I47

Clark hurries down a seemingly endless gallery. The Family struggles to keep up with him. He comments at high speed.

Fabulous, incredible, beautiful pallette, fantastic brushstrokes, vibrant colors, stupendous lighting.

The Garlands are trying to eat breakfast while holding hands and kissing. ·

The Griswalds limp into the dining room and sit. Audrey is missing.

ELLEN

\

The Left Ejank is charming.

He turns back to his family.

Cont.

CLARK I48 Cont. Boy, what a waste. We've seen ten times as much as they have.

Ellen raises an eyebrow.

The Garlands are into some heavy making out. A WAITER comes over to the Griswalds.

Audrey comes over and sits down.

The Waiter leaves. Audrey opens a letter.

Audrey reads her letter. We HEAR Jack's voice over.

Cont.

I48 Cont. AUDREY THAT BITCH!

NEW ANGLE I49

Audrey's outburst draws looks from everyone in the room.

She continues reading.

Audrey looks suspicious.

Clark and Ellen exchange a look.

In the b.g. the Garlands have disappeared under the table.

Audrey bursts into tears and ieaves the room.

DELETE SCENES ISO -ISS inc. 78

Out in Wine Country; huge expanses of grape fields and stately mansions. The blue rental car with the Griswalds ba=els along.

Audrey nods weakly.

The car drives past a sign that says "BATTENBERG" and enters a quaint village.

DELETE SCENES ISB - I69 inc.

Pg. 78 (Al

The car travels down the streets.

It reads: DIPPLESTRASSE

BACK TO SHOT I73

•s- .,. ___ - , __ ··- ·····~-- -- -------~-- -~- ,.,. -~- ____ ,, ___ "'"

* ~AGES 79 - 83 INCLUSIVE DELETED *

(

NEW ANGLE 17 4

They continue down the street. Some of the homes have 111mbars. Others are unmarked. Clark stops in front of a small house and gets out of the car. The Family also get out and follow him to the front door.

The door chimes sound and a hefty GERMAN COOPLE cross to the front door and open it. Clark is standing on their doorstep.

CLOSE OP ON COOPLE 176

They look at each other with alarm. ~hey slam the door in Clark's face.

NEW ANGLE 177

They all cross to thehouse next door. The Number Six is on the side of thedoor.,ay. V,ines are growing around the doorway as well. Clark gets a smile,

He knocks on the door.

A Couple in their 60's, JOACHIM and HELGA SPRITZ waddle to the front door. Joachim pulls open the heaven wooden door and sees the Griswalds on the porch.

Helga and Joachim look at each other with bewilderment,

Cont,

I78 Cont. Clark enters and slaps Joachim on the back.

He chuckles at his own joke.

\

As the door closes, a vine falls down, revealing a •ene• in front of the •six".

~e Spritzs' talk amongst themselves in German, trying to find the icgical solution to who these people are.

Cont.

ISO Cont.

EU.:.:.""N Just like in Grandma's pictures. It's so quaint.

,- \

Everyone is eating dinner. Joach.im and Helga are speaking in German, each accusing the other of being connected to the Griswalds. Clark and Ellen are showing Joach.im snapshots. Audrey is confiding in Helga, and Rusty eats and listens to his walkman, every now and then singing out a phrase from a song.

Joachim looks at it blankly. He picks up his pipe and Rusty lights it for h.im.

Cont.

86 CA) I8I Cont

Joachim shrugs with confusion. Uark translates this as agreement.

ANGLE ON ACDREY AND HELGA

Helga shakes her head w:i,th bafflement.

I

·c~ Audrey, what are you talking about?

Elelga puts ablanket and pillow on the couch for Audrey to sleep on. Audrey reaches out and gives her a goodnight kiss.

Clark has been watching them with pride. He picks a basin up off the floor, fills it with water, and uses it to brush his teeth.

Rusty walks in with a basin identical to the one Clark is brushing his teeth in.

Clark reacts to the bedpan, then violently spits out all the toothpaste •

Clark, Ellen and the kids kiss and hug the S?ritz's as they sadly take their leave.

They climb into the car.

Cont.

I83 Cont. CLARK Bye! we had a great time. We'll be sure to write.

'l'hey drive off. Joachim and Helga look at each other. Finally we see SUBTITLES of what they're saying.

An ELDERLY COUPLE walk by.

The car cruises down the narrow streets until it arrives at an area festively decorated for an Oktoberfest celebration. The square is filled with people dressed in native costumes for the

'· occasion.

Cont.

I86 Cont.

Rusty happens to spot an incredibly pretty young GERMAN GIRL walking past the car. She smiles at Rusty.

There are none. Clark pulls the car over to the side of the road and they all get out.

Audrey and Clark are eating local delicacies. Ellen is buying handicrafts. An "oom pah pah•I band is playing, very Ge:cnan looking characters, young and old are having fun. A stage is set up where some men are doing traditional dances of the area.

·--- ---- ---- -- ------ --- --- _______.,---~-

Meanwhile, Ru.sty walks around with his walkman, looking for the Ge=an Girl. We hear the rock music in his head, and it provides a contrast to the old world visuals around him.

He finally spots the girl behind the counter of a booth that sells some sort of food. He stops dead in his tracks, shuts off his tape deck, and goes over. She sees him and is pleasantly surprised.

Hi.

She will speak h~oken English with a very heavy German accent,

What?

She smiles and gives him a piece. He looks at it with trepidation.

She gestures "go ahead". He takes a cautious bite, then realizes he likes it. She laughs knowingly. RUSTY It's good.

She looks confused. He mimes •you• and •me" and "walking.". She l'!nnf',:ar~ wi +-h ;ii wnm::an ; " +-h.e. 'J,,,l'V'l+-h r.; .... ,....,..._,._, •\.,,-- ...... 1.-- -.1:~ \..--

Pg. 90 (A)

EXT, SOUVENIR STAND - DAY I88 A

Audrey and Ellen are buying typical souvenirs. Clark comes over in tyrolean shorts, leederhosen, funny hat with feather etc.

Ellen and Audrey are speechless. Then they burst out laughing.

They walk towards the booths with games.

90 (Bl

BOOTH WITH GAME - DAY I89

Clark is teasing er sheeting things to get a prize.Ellen sees Rusty walking with the girl. She signals to him toget going before Clark sees them. Rusty signals "thanks" a.,dhe leaves the festival area with the girl. ·

The three Griswalds sit near the stage, watching the dancers. Ellen leeks at her new souvenirs as Clark eats a huge sausage and a mug of beer. He can't surpress a burp.

(

Shouldn't we find him. He'll get lest. He can't speak German. I ELLEN Clark, I'm sure he'll make himself understocd.

C

The German girl leads Rusty towards a barn. She opens the door and pulls Rusty in after her.

90 (Cl

The Girl leads Rusty up a ladder to a platform covered with straw.

"RUSTY Excellent.

She digs through some straw and finds a few cassette tapes. She shows them to him with pride. He looks at them.

No good?

The local dancers are about to start another traditional dance. An ELDERLY MAN selects SEVEN huge, strong MEN to

C participate in the dance. As Clark, Ellen and Rusty watch,

it becomes evident that the Elder needs one more man for the dance. He asks several locals who turn him down. The Elder spots Clark and coaxes him j:o join the other mez:i in the dance. With a •yes• vote from Ellen and Audrey, Clark good-naturedly joins the male dancers.

Cont.

9I I9I Cont.

The band begins to play. Clark watches as these huge men take

little dainty steps to the left ••• then to the right ••• then they

square off as one of the men dances into the square and then dances up to one of the other men forming the square. All the

time keeping their feet moving, the men in the square move

around the man in the middle and GENTLY SLAP HIS FACE. This continues until all the dancers have slapped the man :!,.n the middle. Then the man in the middle does a bow and backpedals back to his place with the other men. The Elder asks with a shrug if Clark understands. Clark assures him that he does and takes his pace alongside the other dancers.

NEW ANGLE I92

Again the music starts. This time Clark imitates the huge men taking their dainty clog steps as the same procedure is repeated. The dancer to the rightof Clark goes into the middle and does a few steP.S. Then he presents himself to the first dancer who slaps his 'face. The square of dancers, including Clark, circle around the man in the middle and GENTLY slap his face, except Clark who unknowingly slaps the man harder than is necessary. This draws a serious look from the other dancers. The music conti.nues as the first part is repeated. This time it is Clark's turn to step into the middle of the square. He dances in, presents himself to the first man, who lays back and SLAPS CLARK'S EARS OFF. The next dancer does the same, as do the rest. Clark is slapped so hard so-. many times he can barely find his way back to his spot in the square. The Townspeople love it. They cheer for more. The dance continues. Once again Clark finds himself as the guy who has to dance into the middle. Reluctantly he staggers in, only to receive the same treatment as before. This time, Clark retaliates and in a blink of the eye the dance turns into a full-fledged riot.

Rusty and the German Girl are lying in the hay together. They finish singing along with a tape.· They look at each other for a few beats, then lean in and kiss. Rusty starts to move his hand slowly towards her breast. Suddenly CHURCH SELLS RING OtJT. The Girl gets up, worried.

RtJSTY What's the matter?

RtJSTY What do they mean?

Cont.

I93 Cont.

Clark, Ellen, and Audrey run for their lives, being chased by some slap dancers on a horse drawn beer wagon. Rusty catches up to them.

The Griswalds race to the car and pile in, still being chased.

Clark is fumbling with the keys as Rusty sees the men gaining on them through the back window.

The car starts just in time. Clark puts it in gear and starts down the narrow streets. The walls close on each side. Clark drives like a maniac.

With the men still pursuing him, Clark steers the car -through the even narrower streets.

CLOSEUP OF DOOR HANDLES 198

They clear a wall by a quarter of an inch.

J:NT. CAR - OAY 199

Ellen and the kids are terrified.

Clark, these streets look awfully narrow.

( EXT STREET - OAY 200

The na=ow lane makes a slight bend. The car comes speeding into SHOT and slams into the buildings on both sides becoming stuck.

· '!hey all look out the rear window and see the gang of men

,__ _ coming after them.

Clark reaches up and hits a button on the dash. The sunroof slides open.

NOPE!

EX'l'. STREET - DAY 202

~ne by one, the Griswalds climb out of the sunroof and run £or it. They get away just as the irate men near. The time it .takes the men to climb over the car gives the Griswalds the time they need • ...

Pg. 94

The Griswalds run to the train station just as a train is.pulling out. They run and hop on it.

They settle in and breathe a sigh of relief.

The train rides through Germany.

Some time has passed. Clark looks through his maps.

Rusty groans.

Cont.

Pg. 94 (A) ROSTY 206 Cont. I vote we don't talk about Jack anymore.

They all agree. They all find things to do without talking. Audrey defaces her photos of Jack. Rusty listens to his walkman and snaps his fingers. Ellen meticulously washes her hands with a "Wash and Dri", Clark fiddles with his change.

The train continues towards Italy.

They are now getting on each other's nerves even more. The little sounds of finger snapping, pencil scraping and change jingling becomes blaringly loud to them. On top of J.t all Ellen has started to read a paper (loudly folding and turning) and Audrey is chewing and popping her gum.

They give each other dirty looks, as if to say •cut it =t•, but out of spite they continue deliberately jangling, snapping, chewing, and folding. Clark gets an idea of how to make peace. He hops up.

DELETE SCENE 209

Establishing shot of the Italian Branch.

Kneeling behind the counter two local thieves, PIETRO and SA!JTINO are cour..ting money. Next to them is a tied and gagged U.S. Express Agent. In the b.g. we see that the safe has been blown open. Santino is very good looking and although his upbringing was low class, he has developed refined tastes in clothing and women.

PIE,TRO Hey, what are we going to do with him?

'The U.S. Express Man looks inquisitive.

The U.S. Express Man gives them a look which says •sure you can".

l

The U.S. Express Man looks horrified and shakes his head •No".

The U.S. Express Man sighs with relief.

The U.S. Express Man nods in agreement with new idea.

Pg, 95 (A)

Clark and the Family walk towards the office.

Santino, Pietro, and the U.S. Express Man are still behind the counter.

The Griswalds enter.

Santino and Pietro exchange a look. 'l'he Griswalds approach the counter.

She stoos near the counter. Her legs are right near Santino-and he likes what he sees.

He bangs on the counter and Santino pops up. Santino talks to Clark but is usually looking at Ellen.

Ellen blushes at his attentions. SANTINO One moment please. He ducks down and takes some money. He whispers to Pietro.

Santino hands Pietro the car key.

Santino and the Griswalds are next to a Fiat Sedan. Santino gives Clark the keys.

CLAR.'< (getting in the car) Isn't this great. I never heard of U.S. Express renting cars.

The Griswalds wave and drive off.

Clark finishes checking in and is given a key.

They start to leave through the revolving doors when Ellen suddenly remembers something.

She turns around in the revolving doors and goes the other way. Clark follows her. In doing so, a MAN who was entering the revolving doors get crushed.

Clark (who is outside) moves the doors and pulls the.man, who is wedged between the doors, out. It is our old friend the ENGLISH BICYCLIST. He has a cast on his leg. He reaches for his cane which is broken in ti'o and has been thrOlm to the sidewalk.

• ENGLISH BICYCLIST

Fine, fine, couldn't be better. still on holiday then? Hope the children are enjoying themselves as well.

Rusty and Audrey smile and nod.

99 (Al · ENGLISH !3ICYCLIST 2I4 B Cont. This little thing? Hardly notice it at all. Nothing"more than a big sock really.

He enters the hotel and Ellen comes out.

(.

In a MONTAGE to MUSIC we see them try on articles of clothing.

The Griswalds exit the clothing shop in their new Italian clothes. They look ridiculous, but feel like a million.

Cont.

''. ,,·,,, ..----·--·--·-· ,_, •·•- ...• , .-•C'.•.•:• .• n.

The Giswalds walk to the fountain near the Rotunda. CLARX You know kids, there's one great thing about fountains, they don't close at night. Even with all that time we lost shopping, we'll still be on schedule according to our Pig In A Poke itinerary.

Clark crosses off the "Rotunda Fountain" from his Pig In a Poke fountain list.

AUDREY ) I forgot. / TOGETHER RUSTY ) Grizbys or something. ) )

Cont.

The Griswalds walk on as the CAMERA PANS up to a statue in the fountain. H~s face is exactly like Clarks.

* PAGES ror - ro2 AND ALL SCENE NUMBERS THEREIN ARE NOW DELETED.

IOJ

Clark leads the family around the crowded Piazza. There are m.my teenagers in the cafes .md around the fountains.

He continues talking about the points of interest in the Piazza. Audrey is by his side but she's not listening. She sees a BOY, who resembles Jack, kissing a girl.

When the Boy stops kissing, Audrey can seeit's not him, but the image has shaken her up nevertheless.In the middle of Clark's lecture Audrey starts to cry.

l col~sium. I want to see

,Jack!

Cont •

.. -- --••-•--•-~ . .,.,_,_, .. ,_,._ •·,- .. o••·"'·•··-•···-·-··• ~---.. ·_••-..•.··"·····:•., .• ,._,_,,, _____ , ~ •••· -- ••• ···• ·· .- ··.,--_- ___ - ···-. · •. ••• , ..._·,;c";-;-occ-·c .•••--:..~---...,-,c,o-,.~

She walks away from him.

Rusty spots a YOUNG GIRL sketching the fountain. She notices him too and smiles.

But we're ieaving the day after tomorrow. Can't we just spend this last little bit of time together like a family?

Cont.

RUSTY Pg. I03(B) I al!l_i;go. _ - I.1-m sixteen years222 Cont.I ol"d.. I work part-time. I'm a world traveller. I want my independence. I ~ a man. He starts to walk away. They look at Rustyshocked. Then he returns. RUSTY Can I have an advance on my allowance?

Ellen tries to gather up the family.

We see what Ellen is screaming at. A row ofposters are pasted up on the wall. On the poster is an ad for the film, •ta Donna Nella Doccia" (Woman In The Shower), and the picture shows a semi-nude Ellen in her shower cap. The Griswalds look stunned. Clark tries to calm Ellen down.

Cont.

Pg. I03 (C) CI.A.RX 222 Cont.2 Now, hon, take it easy •••

The kids don't know how to react. Rusty backs away,

Cont.

Pg. I03(D)

Ellen storms off. Clark goes after her. 222 Cont.3

But she is ~one. Clark goes back to Audrey. He looks at the poster.

Clark doesn't notice Audrey walk away.

He turns to Audrey but she's not there.

Clark looks around. From a HIGH ANGLE we see that he is all alone in the Piazza.

Rusty approaches the Girl trying desperately to be nonchalant.

She looks at him. He examines her-picture.

She starts to smile. He speaks slowly so she'll understand.

Be is tr.rilled and delighted.

They walk towards an outdoor cafe.

Cont.

C Rusty is stunned as they enter a cafe.

* PAGE DELETED*

I07

The Fiat drives up and parks. Ellen gets out and enters the hotel.

Ellen gets her key from the front desk, starts for the elevator, then changes her mind and walks to the .bar. She sits and calls over a WAITER.

A glass of wine is .brought over to a tearful Ellen. She raises it to her lips. ~ hand comes down and stops her from'drinking. She looks up and sees Santino.

Be sits, calls over a waiter, and asks for a good wine.

Cont.

Pg. IO8

ELLEN 226 A Cont. What are you doing here?.

She thinks for a moment. The screen goes wavy. We see •••

ELLEN'S MEMORY 226 B c.u. Clark, in Pig costu:ne, on the Pig In A Poke show.

Clark smiles proudly. Back to scene.

Ellen looks angry 226 C

She starts sobbing. Santino holds her and comforts her.

Audrey enters and plops her Pig In A Poke bag down on the front desk near a pay phone. She pulls out her plane ticket. She tries to call the airport on the pay phone but she is having troubl_e. AUDREY Hello, can I have information please. I want the number of the airport. Infor:nationie du Aerporto - uh nurnero, pleaseo •••

She grows more and more upset. AUDREY "Teo wo ao •••

Clark finishes a coffee while reading his guidebook. He is cheerful and ready for his solitary tour. He gets up and the lightweight chair falls down behind him and knocks over another chair. As he tries to pick them up, he topples other chairs. Annoyed WAITERS scramble behind him to straighten the chairs. He leaves while apologising.

Clark looks at the Pantheon and nods his approval. He takes a picture. Then, not sure what else there is to do, he decides to take a picture of himself in front of it, He holds his camera at arms length, smiles and shoots himself.

3; EXT. CROWDED STREETS (near our clothing store) - DAY

Clark walks down the street through a sea of people. There are MONKS, SOLDIERS, YOUNG COUPLES, etc. All the faces seem to be looking· at him. In his Chicago Cl.lbs cap, he appears out of place and alien.

A JAPANESE FAMILY are enjoying themselves. The Mother and Children pose obediently in front of, the fountain, as the Father takes a picture. Clark watches them jealously.

5. -EXT. SOUVENIR STAND AT TREVI FOUNTAIN - DAY

Clark is trying to'buy a present for Ellen. The PEDDLER is arguing with him and Clark is having a hard time figuring the value of liras to dollars.

Clark is in £rent of a statue. He reads his guidebook out loud, points and explains things about the statue. But in a LONGER SHOT we see that he is alone. Passers hy react to him as if he is a weird character.

IIO

Santino is pouring Ellen more wine. The~r bottle is '8111pty. She is tipsy as she shows him some snapshots.

Santino is staring at her intensley. She becomes uncomfortable.

She rises, knocks over a glass with her purse and walks into a chair.

He throws some money on the table and leads her out.

III

Rusty and the Girl are eating sundaes.

RUSTY . : That's for sure. Boy you've got a great way of looking at stuff.

<.IRL Rea·lly.

They smile, then continue with their sundaes.

···~-"· .• ,.,.------·-· ____ ,. _____ ,....... --- _________ ,,_ ,.... --·----------~•-- - .. • •., • •• ••·• • •·• < • < • «~, ••• •-• • • <o• • • • • •• •·••·• • •• • •• • sv• • • •• ss·, •·• •·•• •• • •• ••• • • •-• ••·•• • ,, •·• • • ••• •

III(A) 230 A A sad Clark Griswald sits near some statues of ROlllall heres. A statue of Julius Ceasar opens its stoney eyes and looks at him.

Clark?

Clark looks up.

CAESA.'l. Clark Griswald? ••• Pig In A Poke?

~SAR You and the troops enjoying Europe?

(sadly) Uh, sure, it's O.K. I lost my luggage in France, I was run out of Germany, my family's deserted me. I guess I can safely say things haven't gone according to plan. CAESA~ Clark, travel and adventure ••• well ••• they test a man's mettle. The end- less hours on the road, hearing foreign languages, eating strange foods, I remember what it was like. But the worst obstacle is dealing with disgrunt~ed troops, isn't it?

CAE~~'l. Griswald, you have what it takes to conquer new territories, but you're surrounded by traitors. You can't be held back by the naysayers. Don't let them stop you from fulfilling your destiny.

Cont.

III(Bl 230A cont.

Clark storms out as another TYPICAL TOORIST enters. Ceasar sees him.

CAESA"! Mark ••• Mark Canton? Tic Tac Dough?

II2

Ellen is collapsed on the bed. Santino canes in with a wet cloth and places it on her head. With her eyes still shut, she moa..~s with relief.

He sits.on the bed, next to her. She reaches out, grabs his tie, pulls him over and kisses him. Then she opens her eyes, sees it's not Clark, and reacts with Shock.

Oh my God! I take that back!

SAi.'ITINO Fortunately, he's not here.

· ELLEN Lcok, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

l

Santino backs away and glances out the window.

SHOT FROM SANTINO'S P.o.v. 232

Several POLICE CARS are converging on the hotel. The police get out and talk for a moment, pointing to the hotel, then split up and head for the front and rear entrances of the hotel.

Santino smiles; He abruptly pulls out a gun- and aims it at Ellen. She almost has a heart attack.

Pietro waits 1nth the tied U'.'.' tr.s. Exr,ress !1an:. The PHONE :uNGS.

Pietro Yes?

SANTINO

I The police are here. Meet I.... me at the car.

Santino hangs up and =osses to Ellen.

He pulls her off the bed and, keeping the gun in her side, leads her out of the room.

II4

Audrey ~s still trying to make arrangements. She's practically in tears.

Pietro has stuffed the agent in the trunk, and is just closing the lid as he hears the police.

(

Audrey has finally gotten through to someone.

Santino holds a gun to Ellen's side as he marches her through the lobby. Audrey (doesn't see the gun) sees her Mother leaving with a man.

ELLEN

C (As she's whisked o~t)

Audrey!

rrs

Santino gets in hiscar with Ellen (Volkswagen convertable). Audrey rushes out.She sees Ellen struggling with Santino as they drive off.

but he's not sure what's going on.

Clark runs to their Fiat (with the man inside) and slams into ot?er cars as he pulls out of his parking spot.

Audrey·runs over and lets herself in the car. Clark has a near miss with another driver as he peels out and follows Santino.

Clark and Audrey drive down the street looking for Santino.

Audrey spots Santino's car. Both cars are stuck in traffic •.

Clark drives up onto the sidewalk, overtakes the other cars and smashes into a religious artifacts stand. As he gets to Santino's car the light changes. They drive off and Clark drives back into the street in pursuit.

II6

Santino's car races past with Ellen screaming for help. Clark's car whips by and we PAN with it and reveal .the Collesium.

Rusty and the Girl are in an outdoor cafe.

In the b.g. ~ SEE the TWO CARS racing into the Piazza.

A.'lOTHER ANGLE 242

The Cars race through, dii.rupting tourists, artists, and pigeons. Two OLD MONKS are caref\llly CarJ:Ying a large

c expensive, stained glass window, towards the cafe. As

Santino's car buzzes by them, they nimbly move away and save their glass. They continue on until Clark's car races past, but once again they avoid contact and they continue walking across the square.

II7

Rusty and the Girl at the cafe.

Santino and Ellen shoot past the cafe. Rusty doesn't notice.

At that moment Clark~s car =ashes through the cafe. Clark sees Rusty and slams on the brakes.

The Girl and Rusty run over and get in the car. The CAFE OWNER is so disgusted that he picks up a chair and throws it. The Two Monks were approaching and the chair sails through their stained glass window.

Clark's car leaves the Navona Piazza. 243 A

(_

been kidnapped by the Traveller's Checks guy.

A WEDDING GROOP is posing for pictures. Santino's car <:0111es down a narrow street into the circular Church Square. Clark is on his tail. They scatter the Wedding Party as they drive in circles around the top. Santino sees an escape route. The shallow staircase is driveable and he goes down the stairs to the road. He has to spin out to miss a car. Clark is trying to follow when he gets a flat on his front tire.

He goes to the trunk and opens it. A crowd has gathered outside. They look at h:iltl.

The U.S. Travellers Checks Man stares up at him. Clark stares back.

(_

Clark closes trunk lid.

Clark goes over to the Kids.

Clark spots something on the street below them.

Santino struggles with Ellen as he tries to drive through traffic.

Clark is enraged. He grabs a bicycle away from a rack. The nearby OWNER yells at him.

Rusty, Audrey, and the Girl get out of the car and open the trunk. Rusty shouts to Clark before he leaves.

Clark leaves. The Kids help the Man out of their trunk.

Cont.

We're innocent bystanders in this. We won a vacation on Pig In A Poke. Please don't think we're bad people. This is our first kidnapping.

Clark rides down the bumpy stairs.

Santino takes off as Clark reaches the bottom and has a near miss with a car. Clark chases them on the bicycle.

Santino's car is slowed by t~affic, Clark has a chance to catch up and grab on and ride alongside as they all struggle.

Clark makes a western style transfer into the back of their car. He dives in and his feet are up i..n the air.

Santino and Ellen struggle. Clark's feet are still seen. The car is out of control. It drives towards a street with a fountain. • Tourists and locals hang around the fountain

C

when suddenly Santino's car comes flying by and lands in the fountain. Clark falls out of the· car and lies, stunned in the fountain. some by-standers near the fountain have fallen or scattered. Clark comes to and sees a man struggling to get up in the water. Be rushes over and proceeds to beat up the man {who appears to be Santino). The Man is beaten and collaPses. Clark lifts h.il:t up out of the water. lle SEE that it is NOT Santino, hut the ENGLISE !IICYCLIST.

He helps him up.

cont.

We HEAR POLICE SIRENS. Meanwhile Santino struggles out of the car on the other side of a fountain. He comes after Clark with a gun, but he doesn't notice Ellen behind him. She grabs a broken piece of statue and hits him over the head. Just as Clark turns around to see what's happening, Santino collapses in his arms.

Clark doesn't know why but he accepts the compliment. Ellen runs into his arms and they embrace lovingly. In the b.g., Police, the family with the travellers checks man, etc. arrive. Santino is pulled out by the Police and arrested.

NEW ANGLE on Rusty and the Girl 250

ANGLE on Audrey.

MUSIC comes up as we CUT TO Clark and Ellen. They kiss as

the MUSIC SWELLS and we PULL BACl< to see the whole square and Rome.

FADE OUT: MAJOR NEW SONG WITH CREDITS.

ENO