"CLERKS II" (2006)

“CLERKS II”

As ever, the block of stores. The steel shutters are closed. Dante’s shit-box pulls into his usual spot. DANTE emerges from the car, sunglasses in place.He shuffles through his keys, finds the master, and inserts it into the large padlock of the right window shutter. The lock snaps open, and Dante reaches down to grab the shutter handle. He rolls the shutter up, revealing the large, plate-glass window. It takes him a second or two to notice the ENORMOUS FUCKING FIRE ablaze within the store, on the other side of the glass, licking at the window, eager to emerge.

Quickly, Dante slams the shutter closed again, and takes a beat to look around. Did he really see what he just say? Unsure, he slowly rolls the steel shutter up.Yup - the store’s on fire inside. He closes the steel shutter again, pulls out his cell phone, and dials 911, ducking debris.

Two fire trucks are now parked outside the burning husk of the store. A Fireman rolls up a still-wet hose as smoke drifts from the shattered front windows and dislodged door of the store. Into this subsiding chaos strolls RANDAL, who doesn’t really notice the disaster until he’s on top of it. He looks around, a bit underwhelmed, and spots...

Dante, sitting on the curb across the street, head in hands, staring at the OC mess, stunned. Randal enters the shot, standing beside Dante. He looks up and down the street.

Dante slowly shakes his “No.” Randal nods, then thinks, then comes to a realization.

Dante slowly nods affirmatively, as the opening chords of the Talking Heads’ “(Nothing But) Flowers” kick in.

CREDITS - under which we lay out our new world...

A hood-mounted, drive-by shot of the various local colors of tri-town suburbia ends with a whip-pan to Dante, driving, sunglasses in place. He’s wearing a MOOBY’S uniform shirt, looking out the window at his world - the world he’s about to leave behind.

Dante pulls up, laying on the horn. After a beat, Randal exits, carrying a paper and a Slim-Jim. He does a hood-slide across Dante’s car, and jumps into the passenger seat. The car pulls out.

Dante drives. Randal opens his Slim-Jim while eating some gum.

Randal takes a bite of his Slim-Jim. Dante offers him a scowl. Then...

More shots of the local color, intercut with the boys looking out at their surroundings.

Dante’s car pulls up across the street. The building’s now a condemned, abandoned husk. There’s a “KEEP OUT” sign on it.

Randal eyes the store. He offers a non-committal shrug. Dante puts the car in drive.

They pull out, leaving us holding on the former Stop.

A few quick glamour shots of the fast food eatery that will be our setting.

Standing in the parking lot, Dante and Randal stare up at the side of the building - across which the words “EAT PUSSY” are spray-painted in huge letters.

Randal stares up at the OC letters, smiling. Dante looks at him and shakes his head.

WIDE on the restaurant, as the lights snap on.

CLOSE ON the coffee pot being turned on.

CLOSE ON eggs being poured onto a grill. Tilt up to Randal, who absently fries the eggs.

CLOSE ON breakfast sandwiches being wrapped. Tilt up to reveal Dante doing the wrapping.

CLOSE ON the clock, indicating 7:00am - opening time.

WIDE ON the restaurant, with Randal cooking in the kitchen and Dante jockeying the register.

With the opening ritual complete, the day’s about to begin.

We’re looking at a wall outside the restaurant. All is quiet. Suddenly, a VAN wipes the frame. We jump cut, and as the van clears, music kicks in, and we reveal JAY AND SILENT BOB leaning against that same wall. The shorter haired Jay starts air-boxing Silent Bob, ‘til Silent Bob reaches into his coat and pulls out a Red Bull. Jay cracks it open, downs it, then crumples the can, drop kicks it across the street, and screams at the top of his lungs...

BLACK CARD: (The new and improved) Jay and Silent Bob.

Jay talks to Silent Bob.

Bob does nothing but roll his eyes.

Bob gestures a sarcastic “oh, yeah” with a shrug.

Bob reacts, shocked.

Two TEENS approach them. Jay spots the potential customers.

Teen 2 looks to Teen 1, a bit lost.

The Teens stare at Jay and Bob, confused.

Jay nudges Silent Bob, who then holds a pocket Bible aloft.

Jay and Bob tilt their heads back and close their eyes, and begin praying. Bob holds up the Bible.

Jay and Bob continue to pray for a couple of moments. Jay finishes, but notices that Bob continues. Jay looks uncomfortable, nudges Silent Bob.

Bob opens the Bible, flips through a few page, and points to a passage. They both look at the Bible and read.

Randal types furiously at the Mooby-Net kiosk.Dante’s behind the counter, trying to put together an order.

Randal half moves away from the terminal and half stays. He taps a few last keys and then heads for the kitchen.

The horrified, tattooed, and pierced customer grabs her bag, yanks her similarly tatted and pierced husband by his extended earlobe, and drags him out of the joint.

Randal offers a particularly offensive impression of a blind, deaf, and dumb youth.

Randal eyeballs Dante, kinda threateningly.

The drive-thru register beeps O.C. Randal walks over and picks up the headphones, holds them to his ear.

A car pulls up, and EMMA emerges. She looks at the “Eat Pussy” tag on the building - beside which lean Jay and Silent Bob. They smile at her. Jay nods to the tag.

Emma offers them a “dream on” look and heads inside. Jay nudges Bob, and he gets the Bible out of his pocket. They tilt their heads back and close their eyes.

Bob opens up the Bible to a random page and points to a passage. Jay and Bob look at it.

Bob shrugs.

Dante’s at the counter, helping someone. Emma approaches.

Emma climbs atop the counter, sits her ass on the kitchen closest edge, wraps her legs around Dante, and starts making out with him. The Customer watches, a bit flabbergasted. Randal saunters over, holding the customer’s order. He looks at the making out Dante and Emma, and nods to the customer.

The Customer extis. Randal looks at Dante and Emma, who still make out.

Breaks kiss, shocked. She lightly hits Dante.

Emma’s finally done with Randal for now, she turns back to Dante.

EMMA is sitting on Dante’s lap, making out with him, as the pair ride a swing in the Mooby’s playground.She grinds him.

Dante smiles. They kiss. Then...

Dante and Emma break their kiss to see Randal staring at them.

Emma and Dante stare at Randal for a beat, waiting for him to move along. Instead, he just adds...

Emma pulls her top up and down quickly, flashing Randal. Randal’s stopped dead in his tracks.

Emma unbuttons her jeans.

Randal rushes off. Emma takes her seat on the swing. Dante looks at Emma, disapprovingly.

Jay and Silent Bob race up, joining Emma and Dante.

Emma gestures at Dante, sighs.

Jay and Bob sulk away, seeking solace in their pocket Bible.

Emma teasingly pushes Dante, laugs. She gets ready to leave.

She kisses Dante.

Emma heads off. Dante watches her go. Randal re-joins Dante outside. They watch Emma pull out. Then...

Dante sighs in frustration and walks off.

A station wagon pulls up, packed with a mother, father and son, whistling happily. A somewhat dweeby, maybe borderline retarded ELIAS emerges, dressed in a Mooby’s uniform. He goes around to the driver’s side and kisses the driver, his MOTHER, goodbye. As she pulls away, he heads into the restaurant.

As Elias enters, still whistling, Randal’s standing there, eyeballing him.

Elias notices the “Funployee of the Month” picture - his - with a Randal-added word balloon that reads “I eat cock.” He takes the word balloon down, crumpling it up.

Randal replaces the removed word balloon with a drawing of a cock, exploding with a fireworks-display-like helping of cum.

Dante swings open the bathroom door, where he’s taking his morning dump, reading a paper.

That’s when Dante notices the family sitting across from the open bathroom door, staring at him, aghast. The Father covers his kids’ eyes.

Dante quickly closes the bathroom door.

Elias smiles smugly at Randal as he pulls on the drive- thru headphones. Randal shakes his head.

Just then, Jay and Silent Bob pop up in the drive-thru window, chiming in with the song.

As Jay climbs through the window into the restaurant, Randal switches gears, singing The Invisible Guests instead.

Elias runs off, screaming, forgetting that he’s still wearing the connected drive-thru headphones. He gets a few feet then is suddenly yanked backwards, landing on the floor. Randal, Jay and Silent Bob stare at him as he lays there, groaning.

Jay suddenly gets excited, turns to Randal.

Randal says nothing, he just looks at Jay and Bob for a moment. Then...

Jay is totally confused.

Jay doesn’t get a chance to finish before Randal pushes him from behind the counter. Randal then waves at Silent Bob to get him away from the window.

Dante cleans the front windows. Thought the window, we see BECKY pull up and get out of her car outside.Dante waves to her and she waves back, collecting her purse. Randal rockets up to Dante.

Dante is stunned and disgusted.

Becky enters. She’s dressed in a managerial variation of the standard Mooby uniform.

He heads off. Becky and Dante watch him go.

Beck shakes her head and enters the kitchen, leaving the stunned Dante standing there, mouth agape.

Jay and Silent Bob ride their wall. After a beat, Jay says to Silent Bob...

Silent Bob studies Jay for a beat, then exits the frame. He comes back with a boom box, sets it down and presses play. Q Lazsurus’ “Goodbye Horses” begins playing (that’s the song from “Silence of the Lambs” that Buffalo Bill dances and tucks to). Jay starts doing his best Buffalo Bill dance, pulling out Chapstick and applying it like lipstick.

Becky’s at her desk, looking at an un-Mooby looking, medical paperwork. She’s a bit stressed about what she’s reading.

There’s a knock at the door, and Dante enters. Becky shoves the paperwork in her purse and smiles up at him.

Becky reaches into her desk drawer and extracts some nail polish. She holds it up smiles at Dante.

Elias plays with an order, from while he pulls an onion ring. Randal stocks a napkin holder.

Randal looks up. Elias extends the onion ring toward him.

A CUSTOMER enters and approaches the counter. Elias puts on his customer service hat.

Elias punches the order into the register, quietly adding...

Elias and the Customer hold up “Ring” replicas to one another and high five. Randal shakes his head, disgusted.

With feigned purpose, Randal walks a few feet, looking to some imaginary Mount Doom in the distance.

He does it again, though he suddenly stops and side- steps, as if something has fallen next to hime.Then, he continues his walk cycle anew.

Randal walks again, then stops and pull an imaginary ring off his finger, tossing it into the imaginary lava. He shrugs, turns, and walks again, in the opposite direction.

A pair of diners who’ve been watching this display chime in from the sidelines.

Completely distressed, the Customer suddenly vomits.

The laughing Randal suddenly bursts into the office, where Dante paints Becky’s toe-nails. She quickly puts her feet down and Dante hides the nail polish.

Randal closes the door, leaving Becky and Dante.He then re-opens the door, looking at them suspiciously.

Randal eyeballs Becky, then turns his glare on Dante.

Dante reacts as Randal slowly closes the door, nodding at him.

The pair crack up. There’s a long beat of silence in which the two eyeball one another, smiling. Then...

Becky mock gasps, simultaneously moving to smack Dante. He flinches, and snaps his eyes shut.

They laugh, followed by a long beat during which they look at one another.

Beck looks at him, really touched. Both want to say something. Suddenly, Randal enters again, and both look up, trying not to look “caught”. Randal eyes them, then...

Randal slowly closes the door. Dante closes the nail polish and excuses himself. Becky watches him go.

Dante emerges from the kitchen to see Emma hopping excitedly. She rushes forward and grabs Dante’s arm.

Emma leads Dante out the door.

Silent Bob smokes as Jay (pants and boxers down around his ankles, dick tucked back) does the full-on Buffalo Bill. Dante and Emma emerge.

Emma drags Dante OC, as Jay continues his performance.

Randal’s at the Mooby internet terminal, typing away. Elias saunters up, joining him.

Randal doesn’t react or engage him in return.

Elias half-nods. Randal removes his hand.

Elias scurries to see the non-existant image, and Randal lightly slaps him in the head, as if to say, “You idiot.”

Elias hands Randal his cell. Randal dials.

Elias crosses his fingers.

Elias absently reaches for his pants. Randal stops him

Emma’s sitting cross-legged on the back of her car, a box of envelopes in front of her. Dante’s beside her. We’re moving toward them in a POV that Becky steps into.

She opens it to see a wedding invitation.

Emma pets Dante’s head a bit condescendingly. Becky looks really uncomfortable with the whole scene.

Emma kisses Dante, and then hugs him in such a way that Becky and Dante can lock eyes.

Dante’s look to Becky as she leaves, giving us the impression, for the first time, that the guy might feel a bit trapped.

Randal’s on Elias’ cell. Elias listens to the convo.

Randal hangs up and tosses Elias his cell phone.

Elias absently nods, heading into the kitchen. Randal eyes him for a beat. Then catches on, following Elias.

Elias looks at Randal like he should know.

Elias tries to weigh the seriousness of Randal’s words. He then relents, looks around, and quietly says to Randal.

Randal stares at Elias, perplexed. Elias is frustrated by Randal’s lack of understanding.

Randal’s dumbfounded.

At a loss, Randal offers a half-nod to the deluded Elias.

Randal stares at Elias for a long beat. Then...

Randal rushes from behind the counter over to Dante, who’s manning a register, waiting on a customer.

Randal looks at the smiling, arrogant-looking customer and deflates slightly.

Randal and dante stare at Lance dead-eyed. This is the nightmare: having to serve an old classmate.

Elias sneers at Randal and heads off. Lance looks up at the menu board.

Jay enters and looks up to the menu board, as Dante goes to enter Lance’s order. Lance stops him, patronizingly.

Almost humiliated, Dante covers, almost sounding like Randal.

Lance digs in his wallet for a second. He pulls out a bill, looking almost frustrated.

Tight on a urinal filled with piss-ice. A Mooby’s cup is thrust into the piss-ice, scooping up a cup-full.

Tight on a fly strip as fingers pull dead flies from it.

The flies are pressed into a sizzling burger patty by a spatula. Cheese is laid over the burning bugs.

Randal hands Lance his bag and cup of soda.

Randal looks caught. Jay takes the food and drink excitedly.

Dante and Randal are confused.

Randal and Dante grin as Jay heads out.

After a confused beat, Lance smiles at Dante and Randal.

Stung, Dante and Randal watch Lance go. He fires a pair of imaginary guns at them, then blows off the imaginary smoke.

He exits, laughing. Dante and Randal stand there, quietly. After a long beat, Randal hops over the counter.

Randal exits. Dante sighs and hops over the counter, following.

Elias starts worriedly complaining as Dante goes.

With Dante trailing, Randal storms past Jay and Silent Bob.

Bob’s sucking down the drink and Jay’s digging into the burger. After a beat, both slowly stop drinking/chewing, grimaces on their faces

They go back to drinking/chewing

Tight on Dante and Randal.

We cut out to reveal Dante and Randal positioned in go- karts at a shittle little round-about track. They both floor it and start tearing ass around the course. (MUSIC: Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head)

Randal’s in Heaven. His face is pure joy, as he cuts off little kids and Dante, leaving them in his dust. Dante, too, is having a pretty good time - smiling, and shaking his head at his friend’s antics. For the moment, all is right in the world

Dante’s car motors down the highway.

Dante is in a state of disbelief.

Dante says nothing, averts his gaze.

Dante isn’t even surprised at this point.

Dante’s beginning to have enough of this.

Randal laughs triumphantly.

Dante tries to think of something to say, but can’t. They drive in silence.

Dante and Randal enter to see Becky behind the counter, taking an order form a mid-’50’s black HUSBAND and WIFE. Two other people are in line behind them. This is the Mooby’s “rush”.

Quickly, Dante hops behind the counter and starts prepping the order, as Randal heads into the kitchen.

Elias lifts the fry basket out of the fryer, revealing blackened, overcooked fries.

CONTINUED: (2)

CONTINUED: (3)

The Husband and Wife stop chatting amongst themselves and stare, wide-eyed, at Randal. Beck and Dante go wide- eyed. Randal looks around perplexed.

CONTINUED: (4)

Randal recoils, ready for a fight. The Husband pulls the Wife back.

The Wife starts smacking her Husband with her purse.

CONTINUED: (5)

She starts moving toward the door.

The Wife rushes her Husband, slaps the bag of food out of his hands, and storms out. The Husband drags after her.

As they exit, Becky calls after them.

Becky rears on Randal.

CONTINUED: (6)

Becky heads into her office and slams the door. Dante turns on Randal.

CONTINUED: (7)

CONTINUED: (8)

Dante stares at Randal, open-mouthed and aghast.

CONTINUED: (9)

Dante storms away, leaving Randal alone at the counter. Randal calls after him

Just then, a Mother and her little Kid approach the counter. Randal rubs the Kid’s head, smiling.

Off the Mother’s agog look.

Becky sits at her desk, staring at the wedding invitation, thinking. She looks at her desk and sees a framed picture of her, Dante, Elias, and Randal.Dante has his arms around Becky. She eyes this for a beat, then heads out.

Dante sits at a table, reading the paper. Becky joins him.

Just then, Randal walks by, carrying a bag of trash.

He exits.

Becky’s at a loss. Dante switches gears back.

Becky laughs.

Dante nods. Beck studies Dante’s face for a beat.She shakes her head and gets up, dragging Dante with her.

Becky’s face pops over the roof ledge, looking down at us.

Jay, who leans against the build with Silent Bob, looks up, a bit caught off-guard.

Jay moves away from the building and looks up at the roof, spotting Beck peering down at him.

Silent Bob appears next to the looking-up Jay. He extends the boom-box skyward for Becky to see.

She disappears back onto the roof, only to pop over again.

Jay looks to Silent Bob, who shrugs. He holds the boom- box out to Jay to pick a tune.

Becky preps Dante to dance.

Suddenly, King Diamond’s “Welcome Home” blasts into their air, mid-song (at the “Grandma, what was it like” lyrics). Becky and Dante startle.

Jay and Silent Bob rock out.

Without moving, Becky calls out...

Suddenly, the music stops.

Dante and Becky offer one another relieved eye-rolls. Then, The Jackson Five’s “ABC” fills the air.

Becky nods, starting to dance, forcing Dante to follow her moves. It’s clear Dante really can’t dance.

Becky releases Dante, who steps back and watches Becky dance. We move in on Dante, captivated by Becky as she moves to the beat. This is who he should be with.

Alone in the frame, Silent Bob starts dancing along with the music. Suddenly, Jay does the “Worm” through the frame.

At their seats the CUSTOMERS start slightly boogying.

At the drive-thru window, Elias - headset in place - does a little DJ dancing bit, air-spinning records.

Even Randal starts to bust a subtle move.

Becky pulls Dante back into her arms and gets him dancing.

At the 1:44 break in the song (”Sit down, girl! I think I love ya’!”) we start tight on a lip-syncing Silent Bob, then gradually pull back and crane up to reveal...

A parking lot full of backup dancers (roughly twenty) behind Jay and Silent Bob, all following the pair in a choreographed series of dance moves. It’s a surreal, joyous release, communicating the idea that, if he wasn’t before, Dante’s really in love with Becky now.

Elias dances almost spastically now. Randal does the Randal/Wrangler across the front counter.

In a high wide, we see the ebullient Dante and Becky dancing, the dance troupe in the parking lost below.

As the song ends, Dante spins Becky into his arms, gazes down into her eyes, and says...

Dante drops Becky to the rooftop with a thud.

Randal sits at a table playing solitaire. Across the back of his Mooby’s smock are scrawled the words “Porch- Monkey 4 Life.” Dante sits in the seat across from Randal.

Randal looks at Dante. There’s a beat of hopefulness. Then, Randal slips back into Randal-ness, as he shuffles the cards.

Dante tries to decide if he should share his news with Randal. He sighs. Then...

Randal loses control of the cards in his hands, spraying them out into the aisle, hitting a passing PATRON in the face, throwing the person, and their tray of trash, backwards over another table.

Jay takes a leak by the dumpster, with Bob keeping watch.

Suddenly, the backdoor swings open, slamming into Jay.

Randal drags Dante outside and slams the door behind him.

Suddenly, just as Jay’s getting back up, the back door swings open again, slamming him into the wall anew.

Becky’s standing there. She’s looking at Dante and Randal. They both look caught. After a beat...

Beck looks at Randal, shocked, then to Dante, hurt.She rushes back inside. Dante turns on Randal.

Not listening to him, Dante swings at Randal. Randal ducks, and Dante winds up punching the drive-thru menu board.

Dante rushes inside, quickly followed by Randal. Slowly, Jay and Silent Bob pop their heads from behind the dumpster.

Dante rushes in through the kitchen, holding his fist. He passes Elias, who’s desperately trying to wrap a bunch of poorly-made burgers, as three Customers wait.

Dante rushes out of the restaurant just as Becky’s car screeches out of the parking lot.

But she’s gone. Randal joins Dante. After a beat...

On cue, a pickup truck towing a single-hole horse trailer pulls into the parking lot. Randal goes wide- eyed.

Randal pushes Dante into his car and slams the door closed. Bewildered, Dante starts the car and backs out. Randal waves at him as he pulls out of the parking lot, then saunters over to the trailer-towing pickup truck just in time to meet the DRIVE.

To the Smashing Pumpkins’ “1979”, we check in on all of our main characters, at this last moment before all their lives change forever.

Dante drives around town, looking for any sign of Becky, but more lost in thought about his future.

Becky pulls up in front of a Women’s Clinic, weighing her options.

As the Driver sets up a stage, Randal sits on a table top, staring out the restaurant windows. Alone with his thoughts, this is the most contemplative we’ve ever seen Randal Graves.

Outside, Jay dances to an unheard song playing on the boom-box while Bob looks on, smoking.

Emma frosts a cake, all in love.

Elia mops up.

Dante again. He rolls to a stop at a red light and glances out his driver’s side window, spotting...

A RESTAURANT - like a diner. Through a window, we see a familiy sitting around a table, eating: Mom, Dad, and Toddler. The Toddler is leaning tummy-side against the booth, looking out the window at...

Dante - who stares back. We cut back and forth between the two, getting in closer and closer on their faces. Finally, the Kid presses her face into window and smiles at Dante. Dante smiles back, warmly - no so much at the kid, as the idea of a kid. Dante waves. The Kid waves back.

And with that, his decision is made.

Dante’s car pulls into the parking lot. He gets out and starts heading toward Mooby’s when we hear the music: pulse-pounding techno. He looks to the restaurant and sees...

The windows fogged up by smoke coming from inside.

Dante pulls his cell phone and dials 911 as he races toward the building.

Dante rushes in to see a decidedly different Mooby’s tahn he left: pink silks are hung from the ceiling to give a harem environment-like effect. There’s a flashing light display and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. The hallway by the bathrooms/kitchen door is curtained off. A small smoke machine creates “atmosphere.” Jay and Silent Bob wave at Dante from across the room, party favors in their mouths.

The excited-as-a-school-kid Randal joins Dante. He holds two beers.

A piss-drunk Elias pops up from behind Jay and Silent Bob.

The inebriated Elias falls of the table.

Jay and Silent Bob blow into their party horns.

Dante looks at the unlikely trio, flabbergasted.Randal shoves a beer into Dante’s hand.

Randal heads over to the curtained off area and pokes his head in, shares a few words, then pulls it out again.

Dante suddenly starts piecing it together.

Randal snaps his fingers and an insane lighting display bathes the restaurant in a blue/purple haze.

Randal quickly heads off, and the Driver and a DONKEY trot out from behind the curtain. The Driver is dressed in hardcore gay leather gear, and gyrates to the music. The donkey looks around vacantly.

Dante looks to the smiling Randal.

As the Driver dances seductively at the donkey, Randal, Dante, Jay, Silent Bob, and Elias watch with varied expressions. Slowly, realization starts to set in, and Randal’s smile starts to drop a bit, as he puts it together.

The Driver starts air-grinding at the donkey’s face, thrusting suggestively.

Elias still wears a drunken grin. Jay looks at Silent Bob, then at Randal. Dante looks to Randal too.

Randal rushes the Drive, tring to talk to him while the Driver continues to boogie sexually at the mule.

Randal stares at the Driver as he boogies off, then shugs in agreement, rejoining the group.

All look OC.

The Driver drops to his knees under the donkey, mouth heading for the donkey dick.

All assembled look on, horrified yet transfixed.All except Elias, who’s still smiling.

Suddenly, BECKY enters the restaurant. She looks around then sees the donkey show. She goes wide-eyed.

Dante spots Becky and races over to her.

Dante drags Becky outside, as she stares back at the Donkey show over her shoulder

Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, and Elias watch the OC donkey show as well, and all tilt their heads in unison at the same angle to get a better, horrified view of the action.

Dante and Becky emerge. Becky’s still looking back at the weirdness as the doors close behind them.

Becky’s attention snaps to Dante. She’s unable to speak.

Becky won’t let herself speak. She just looks at Dante.

We’re on Randal, Jay, Silent Bob and Elias, kinda staring just below frame. Then, the Driver pops up into the frame as if he’s just gotten up, facing us. He wipes his mouth, still gyrating to the music.

Randal follows Jay’s stunned gaze back to the OC Driver.

Below frame, the Driver seems to be pulling his cock out of his leathers. He spits forcefully into his hand, dipping his hand below frame to rub it into his unseen cock.

Jay and crew are starting to catch on.

The Driver dances around to the back of the donkey. Sexily, he grabs the donkey’s hips.

Jay bursts out of the restaurant, addressing Dante and Becky.

Jay rushes back inside.

Becky rushes back inside, quickly followed by Dante.

Dante and Becky enter, staring at the OC show, wide- eyed.

In beat with the music, the Driver, is doing pelvic thrusts behind the donkey.

A drunken Elias smiles.

Dante and Becky stare, shocked, at the OC weirdness.

Dante looks up to Becky. Becky looks at Dante. The pair kiss, urgently.

Jay, Silent Bob and Randal stare agog at the OC Dante and Becky.

A horrifed Silent Bob nudges Jay and points to OC.

Elias spanks below the frame, staring hungrily at the OC donkey show, crying.

Becky and Dante continue to kiss. We pan over to reveal EMMA standing in the restaurant doorway holding the cake she made, mouth agape.

Dante and Becky break their kiss to see Emma. They’re so fucking caught.

The Driver, also, looks at the OC Emma.

Emma looks disgustedly at the donkey show for a moment, then to Dante and Becky, hurt. Suddenly, Jay joins her, slapping her on the back.

Emma looks at him, confused.

Jay looks to Dante and Becky, then looks down, sort of embarrassed, realizing he’s spoken when he shouldn’t have.

Emma’s attention suddenly snaps to Dante and Becky. Both look a little more caught. Emma goes wide-eyed, grabbing her stomach. She hands the cake off to Jay and slowly crosses to Dante, who holds her by the shoulders, ashamed.

Exploding, Emma knees Dante in the balls. Dante drops to his knees, holding his groin in agony. Jay hands her the cake.

For good measure, Emma smashes the cake into Dante’s face, knocking him backwards. Jay eyes Emma.

Emma rolls her eyes, then her attention snaps to Becky.

Emma throws her engagment ring at Becky and storms out. Dante tries to move to follow her, but as Emma exits, he sees through the windows...

A fire truck and a cop car pulling up.

The Driver, mid-thrust, sees them pulling up - goes wide- eyed.

Jay also sees this and reacts, racing over to Silent Bob and Randal.

Silent Bob hops off the table and tries to drag Randal away with him and Jay, to avoid arrest.

Becky, too, heads off.

As Dante looks on wide-eyed, Firemen race into the restaurant, followed by two Cops, one of whom is black. They screech to a stop, horrified as they take in the scene.

Elias runs through the frame, pants down, screaming...

An establishing shot.

Dante and Randal are in one cell. Jay and Silent Bob are in another. The sleeping Elias and the Driver are in separate cells.

A FEMALE COP walks by, clattering her baton on the bars. She stops at Jay and Silent Bob, who lean against the bars. She pokes them, they don’t move. She whacks her baton against the bars, Jay and Bob jump back. The cop moves on.

Jay and Silent Bob look around the cell, then at each other.

Silent Bob nods.

Randal studies the cell he’s in with Dante. Dante looks shell-shocked.

Randal looks to Dante for some kind of response.Dante says nothing; he just stares forward, blankly. From the next cell, Jay obliges.

Dante leaps at Randal, slamming him against the prison bars, his hands around Randal’s neck.

On “ruined”, Randal uses all his might to push Dante off him, throwing him backwards into the prison bars.Jay hangs off his prison bars like a monkey, watching excitedly.

Dante and Randal square off opposite one another defensively for a beat.

The Driver sighs heavily as he sinks back down to the floor. He leans his head back, sadly.

Randal looks at Dante, stung. After a long beat...

Randal shakes his head, stifling a depressed chuckle.

Randal turns away from Dante, maybe trying not to choke up. Dante’s flabbergasted. Then, out of the silence, comes...

Jay mean-mugs Dante, then looks to Silent Bob.

Silent Bob thinks for a beat, then...

Silent Bob tries once more for a beat, then...

Dante’s attention snaps to. Holy shit: the closet nihilst harbors a dream.

Dante and Randal deflate, reality creeping back in.All is quiet. Then...

Dante and Randal stare at Jay and Bob, perplexed.

Dante and Randal are speechless, confused. Jay is frustrated with their lack of understanding.

Silent Bob shakes his head “No” to Jay. Jay rethinks his offer.

Beat, Dante says nothing.

Jay and Bob cover their ears.

A much different, much more serious Randal looks to Dante. He swallows hard. Then...

We hold on Dante for a long beat. Then...

Dante and Randal head inside.

A DEED is stamped.

The BANKER pushes the Deed across the desk to Dante and Randal, who look at it, smile. Randal extends his hand to Dante for a handshake, and Dante pulls Randal into a hug.

Dante and Randall pull down the boards that cover the burnt-out store, then head inside.

A sweaty Dante and Randal work on re-building the store.

A car pulls up and Becky opens the window, plopping an order on the ledge without looking up.

Reading off the receipt, Beck doesn’t look at her customer.

Beck absently sticks her hand out the window for payment.

Tight on the opened ring box sporting a modest engagement ring that’s placed in her palm.

Beck looks to her hand, momentarily perplexed, until she sees the box and its contents. She quickly looks up to see who’s responsible.

Dante sits in the driver’s seat, smiling at her.

Becky starts to tear up.

Becky dives through the drive-thru window, hanging into Dante’s car, kissing him big time. They break for a beat.

The pair go back to kissing.

Leaning on the drive-thru window, Elias watches them, smiling. Then...

Tight on an application being slid across the counter.

We go wide to reveal Elias standing opposite the counter of Dante and Randal in the nearly complete video store. The pair study the application for a beat, then look at one another, then to Elias, then back at each other. Dante shakes his head “yes” but Randal shakes his head “no.” Dante offers him a “C’mon...” kinda look.Randal look Elias up and down, then shrugs and nods. Elias leaps across the counter, hugging Randal. Randal’s trying to back him off.

The stores complete, Dante and Randal are on ladders, hanging another sign over the windows that reads, “I Assure You, We’re Open.” A starting-to-show Becky is down below, directing them how to hang the sign straight, standing beside Elias. Dante and Randal climb down from their ladders, step back, and admire their handi-work. Becky gives Dante a hug. Randal pats Dante on the back.

It’s quiet. Then, Jay and Silent Bob enter. They find their position against the RST wall and try to settle in, unsuccessfully. Then, Silent Bob exits the frame and returns with a boom-box. He sets it down and presses play. “Goodbye Horses” fills the air.

Jay starts to dance, pulling out his Chapstick and applying it like lipstick.

A FAMILIAR-LOOKING CUSTOMER looks around the Quick-Stop, almost appreciatively. He turns to Dante, in his classic position, and hands him some cash.

Dante grabs a pack and hands it to the guy, puts the cash in the register.

Randal takes his place behind the counter in the standard two-shot, munching on a Slim-Jim. Satisfied with all the work they’ve done and accomplished, the pair settle into their positions, sighing with a smile.

Dante smiles. Randal cracks open a Slim-Jim.

The pair nod, then relax, looking around the store with a smile. Soul Asylum’s “Misery” starts to play.As we slowly pull back, Dante and Randal’s smiles start to drop as they realize what they’ve done, and the color in the shot drains to BLACK & WHITE. Somehow, amazingly, these guys are right back where they started.

We continue to pull back through the store, eventually settling on the cold-cases, where the MILK MAID from the first film, still clad in the tracksuit, is going through all the cases of milk. We finally CUT TO BLACK, and CREDITS ROLL.