"BEING JOHN MALKOVICH" (1999)

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH

by

Charlie Kaufman

FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY

Converted to PDF by ScreenTalk™

The room is bare, dusty. A ceiling fan turns. The wall clock ticks. Craig, 30 years old and small, sits at a collapsible card table. The only item on the table is a book. Craig picks it up, looks at the jacket. It's entitled "Sit." Craig opens the book. It reads: "sit sit sit sit sit..." over and over, page after page. Craig closes the book. He begins to stand, but thinks better of it, sighs. He looks at the book again. It is now entitled "Die." He opens it up. "die die die die die..." A rooster crows.

Craig jolts awake. A rooster stands on Craig's chest, crowing. Lotte, also 30, in the middle of dressing for work, hurries in and pulls the bird from Craig's chest.

Lotte leans down and kisses Craig on the forehead.

The place is a mess. Vivaldi blasts through cheap speakers. A small marionette stage stands in the back of the garage. The stage is lit and on it is a finely sculpted puppet version of Craig. The "Craig" puppet paces back and forth, wringing its hands with incredible subtlety. We see Craig, above and behind the stage. He is manipulating the puppet. His fingers move fast and furious. The puppet breaks into a dance, a beautiful and intricate balletic piece. Soon the puppet is leaping and tumbling through space, moves that one would think impossible for a marionette. Sweat appears on the real Craig’s brow. His fingers move like lightning. The puppet moves faster and faster. Sweat appears on the puppet's brow. We see that the sweat is being piped from a special device that the real Craig controls. The Craig puppet collapses on the floor of the stage. It puts its hands up to its face and weeps. Craig hangs the puppet, and comes down around the front of the stage. He is heaving. He switches off the music, picks up a beer and takes a swig.

The room is filled with penned and unpenned animals of all kinds: snakes, lizards, birds, a dog, cats, etc. Craig sits on the couch and looks at the want ads, the TV is on in the background. Elijah, the monkey, sits next to Craig holding his stomach and moaning weakly. On the TV, Derek Mantini is working a 60 foot high marionette from the top of a water tower. The assembled crowd is enthralled.

Charles Nelson Reilly floats by in a hot air balloon.

Craig switches off the TV. He comes across an ad for a female puppeteer to teach at a girls school. Craig rubs his chin in thought, then stands with great determination.

MUSIC IN: TRIUMPHANT

Craig searches through Lotte's closet, looking for the right dress.

Craig waxes his body, shaves his face.

Craig paints his nails while he chats on the phone. Craig pulls stockings and underwear from Lotte's drawer. Craig picks a wig from a mannequin head on Lotte's dressing table.

Craig, at the sewing machine, is sewing padding to go onto his chest and around his hips.

Craig applies make up in the bathroom mirror.

Craig, now looking very much like a woman, admires himself in the full length mirror.

Craig hails a taxi in his get-up. Men on the street turn and leer at him.

Craig and the headmistress chat over tea. Craig is quite animated and charming. The admiring headmistress smiles and nods her head in approval.

Craig instructs a class of uniformed girls. He draws complex diagrams of puppets on the blackboard. The students are transfixed, except for one troubled girl who eyes Craig sullenly from the back of the room as she plays with a switchblade.

Craig guides the hands of the troubled teenage girl, who is trying to manipulate a marionette. The girl looks up at Craig. Her tough facade crumbles and she smiles. Craig smiles back.

The girls carry Craig on their shoulders. Everyone is joyous.

Craig leads the girls in a bike race. Everyone is laughing and screaming. One of the girls notices that Craig is riding a man's bike.

MUSIC OUT.

Craig sits in a holding cell with several other men. He is still in the dress, but the wig is in his lap and the make- up is smeared off. Lotte appears with a cop outside Craig's cell. The door is opened, and Craig, Lotte, and the cop head down the hall.

Lotte drives. Craig looks out the window. Both are silent.

More silence.

They drive in silence.

Craig sits on the couch in his bathrobe and studies the want ads. He sees an ad for a company called "WOMYN-TEERS", looking for "an African-American, Lesbian Separatist Puppeteer for Community Outreach."

Craig rubs his chin in thought, stands with determination.

MUSIC IN: SAME AS BEFORE.

Craig applies a dark pancake make-up to his face.

Craig pulls an afro-style wig off a mannequin head on Lotte's dressing table.

Craig, now made up to look like a black, lesbian separatist, hails a cab. Women look at him longingly.

Craig, dressed as the black lesbian and beaten to a pulp. sits in the passenger seat. Lotte drives.

Craig reads the paper. He comes across an ad: "Female puppeteer wanted for nudist colony marionette staging of 'Oh, Calcutta!'" Craig rubs his chin.

Craig sits in the passenger seat. He is made up as a woman and wears a full-body rubber "naked woman" suit. Lotte drives.

Craig sees a personal ad: "Male puppeteer looking for attractive female puppeteer for friendship, travel, and much much more." Craig rubs his chin, then thinks better of it and sighs. He finds a want ad calling for a “short-statured file clerk with unusually nimble and dexterous fingers needed for speed filing." Craig writes down the address.

Craig. in sport coat and tie, studies the business listings board. He finds LesterCorp, and sees that it is located on floor 7 1/2. Craig presses the elevator button and waits. Another man comes and waits next to him. The doors open, and Craig and the other man get in.

The other man presses "9." Craig studies the buttons. There is no "7 1/2."

MAN #1 Seven and a half, right?

MAN #1 I'll take you through it.

The man picks up a crowbar leaning in the corner. He watches the floor numbers light up in succession. After "7" and before "8", the man hits the emergency stop button. The elevator slams to a halt. The man pries open the doors with the crowbar. Revealed is a standard office building hallway, except that from floor to ceiling it is only about four feet high. Everything is scaled down accordingly. The number on the wall across from the elevator is 7 1/2.

MAN #1 Seven and a half.

Craig climbs out onto the 7 1/2 floor.

Craig, hunched-over, makes his way down the hallway looking for LesterCorp. He passes a hunched-over man walking in the other direction. They nod to each other. Craig finds a door marked "LesterCorp - Meeting America's Filing Needs Since 1922." He enters.

All furniture is scaled down to fit into this low-ceilinged space. A few other short men sit reading tiny magazines. Craig approaches Floris, the receptionist.

Craig takes a seat next to the other applicants.

The intercom buzzes. Floris picks it up.

Craig stands, opens Lester's door, and enters.

Craig enters. Lester, a giant of an old man, sits hunched behind his tiny desk.

Lester flips an intercom switch.

Lester hands Craig a bunch of index cards. Craig orders them with amazing speed and dexterity. Lester watches, eyes wide.

It's a small screening room with red velvet seats. There are a few people scattered about the squat theater. Craig is among them. He looks around the room and his eyes rest momentarily on Maxine. She is in her late 20's with close cropped black hair. Her eyes are opaque, her face expressionless, her countenance trance-like.

She glances over at Craig, then turns back to the screen. The lights dim. A projector whirs and the screen is illuminated.

We tilt up the building.

MUSIC: Perky Industrial Film Music.

TITLE: THE 7 1/2 FLOOR

Don and Wendy, two office workers, crouch in the hall and chat. Both hold cups of coffee.

OLD FOOTAGE OF CONSTRUCTION CREW WORKING.

An actor playing Mertin sits at a desk and writes with aquill. He appears very stern and has mutton chop sideburns.

There is a knock at the door.

A tiny woman enters.

Mertin wipes a tear from his eye.

Don And Wendy crouch and talk.

TITLE: The End

The screen goes dark. The lights go up. Craig looks over at Maxine. She stands and walks past him.

Maxine walks away.

Lotte chops onions. A parrot sits on her head. Craig stirs a pot on the stove. A monkey leaps from the top of the cabinet to the top of the refrigerator to the kitchen table. A dog watches the monkey and barks at it.

The dog continues to bark.

An offscreen neighbor pounds the wall.

Lotte grabs the parrot off her head and leaves the room.

Lotte reenters.

The doorbell rings. The dog barks. The parrot screams. The neighbor pounds on the wall.

The dining room table is set up. Craig and Lotte and their friends Peter and Gloria are seated and eating dinner. There is an obvious lull in the conversation.

There is another lull. Everyone eats.

Gloria and Peter drive in silence.

Craig washes the dishes. Lotte dries them. They don’t look at each other.

Craig in a cream colored suit, pours over the file cabinets. Floris watches from the doorway.

Craig turns.

Floris shrugs, shakes her head.

Craig pours himself a cup of coffee. Maxine approaches with an empty cup.

Craig fills her cup.

Maxine walks away.

Craig is at his workbench, painting the finishing touches on a new puppet. It is beautiful. It is Maxine. Lotte watches quietly from the door. A Lotte puppet hangs from a hook, tangled and dusty.

Craig is surprised, caught.

Craig hangs the puppet, stands, and switches off the light.

The room is dark. Lotte snores lightly. Craig lies there with his eyes open. Quietly, he gets up and leaves the bedroom. Lotte watches him go.

Craig stands above the puppet stage. He is working both the Craig puppet and the Maxine puppet at the same time. The two perform a beautiful and graceful pas de deux. They finish in a passionate embrace.

Craig files. Floris watches him from the doorway. Dr. Lester watches Floris from behind a cabinet.

Floris laughs long and hard. Too long and too hard.

Floris runs from the room. Lester pokes his head out from behind the cabinet.

Lester exits.

Craig squats next to a payphone.

Maxine walks by. Craig grabs her arm, signals for her to wait a minute. She waits.

Craig hangs up.

Craig walks down the hall. A tiny smile flits across Maxine's face.

Lester and Craig sit at a table. There are several emptied glasses of carrot juice in front of Lester. Craig nurses one glass, and keeps checking his watch.

Craig hurries to the door. Lester downs Craig's juice, signals the waiter for more.

Maxine sits at the bar, watching her watch. Craig rushes into the room, frantic, out of breath. He spots Maxine and plops himself next to her.

Maxine laughs. The bartender approaches.

The bartender walks away.

The drinks arrive. Maxine's is in an enormous fishbowl of a glass. It's bright blue, with fruit and marshmallows swimming in it. Paper umbrellas stick out of it, an plastic monkeys hang from the rim.

Maxine downs it like a shot of whiskey. She pushes the empty glass to the bartender.

The bartender walks away with the empty glass.

Maxine gets up.

Maxine's second drink comes. She downs it, pushes the glass toward the bartender.

The bartender comes back with Maxine's drink.

Lotte is combing Elijah. Craig enters.

There is a silence. Lotte continues to comb out Elijah. Finally:

Lotte exits.

Craig works the Craig and Maxine puppets. The puppets sit on the edge of the small stage and chat. Craig does a pretty fair impersonation of Maxine's voice.

The puppets kiss.

Craig waits at the coffee machine. Checks his watch. Finally Maxine approaches.

Craig grabs Maxine's hand and drags her into an empty office.

Craig pulls Maxine in closes the door.

Maxine heads for the door. Craig sits on a box. He puts his head in his hands and sighs. Across the room he notices a very small door with a two by four nailed across it.

Craig pries the two-by-four off and opens the door. It's a dark and wet membranous tunnel inside.

Craig lets go of the door and it slams shut.

Lester sits at his desk studying an instruction manual for a juicer. The spanking new juicer sits on his desk. There is an urgent knocking at the door.

Craig rushes in.

Craig exits. Lester waits a moment. then dials the phone.

Craig sits in the otherwise empty screening room. The lights dim, the film begins.

TITLE: THE LITTLE DOOR IN THE VACANT OFFICE

Wendy crouches in the vacant office and studies the closed little door. Don enters. smiling.

An old man toils away in the dusty office.

They laugh.

TITLE: THE END

The lights go up. Craig sits there for a moment. An usher pushes a broom down the aisle.

Craig exits. The usher mumbles something into a walkie-talkie.

Craig opens the little door and climbs into the membranous hallway. The door slams shut behind him.

It's dark and wet. The walls are soft and membranous. There is a dripping sound. Craig crawls along. Soon something starts to pull Craig as if he is being sucked through a straw. There is a flash of light.

The POV of someone reading a newspaper. The person lifts a cup of coffee to his mouth. There is a slurping sound. The person puts down the coffee cup and the newspaper, and stands up.

We're still in POV. The person walks across the room, picks up his wallet from a coffee table. looks in a mirror and checks his teeth for food. It's John Malkovich.

Malkovich walks to the front door, opens it, exits his apartment.

Maxine sits at her desk, eats a sandwich. looks at a fashion magazine, and chats on the phone.

John Malkovich's POV from the back seat of the cab. The cab pulls away from the curb.

The cabbie studies Malkovich in his rearview mirror as he drives.

The cabbie hands a pad back over the seat. Malkovich reaches for it. There is a slurping sound.

The image starts to fade, then suddenly goes black.

It’s on the side of Jersey Turnpike. There is a “pop” and Craig falls from nowhere into the ditch. He is soaking wet, and now dirty from the ditch. He stands, looks confusedly around, sees a N.J. Turnpike sign. After a moment, he goes to the side of the road and sticks out his thumb.

Maxine sits behind her desk with her feet up, and talks on the phone.

Craig walks in disheveled and exhausted. Maxine sees him, keeps talking.

Maxine stands, puts some stuff in her purse.

Maxine heads for the door. Craig grabs her arm.

Craig sits Maxine down in a chair, lets go of her arm.

Maxine reaches over and squeezes his lips affectionately between her thumb and forefinger.

Craig and Lotte are getting into evening clothes.

Craig holds open the small door as Lotte climbs in.

The door slams shut.

Craig hurries out the door.

Malkovich is in the shower. We watch from his POV as he soaps himself. He does this in a sensual manner.

Malkovich steps out of the shower, slowly towels himself dry.

Lotte lands in the ditch. She is wet and ragged. Traffic whizzes by. Craig turns on the headlights in his parked car. They shine on Lotte. Craig steps out of the car.

Craig helps Lotte up and toward the car.

Craig drives. Lotte looks distractedly out the window.

It's a posh place with flocked wallpaper and candelabras. Lester, Craig, and Lotte sit around an elegantly appointed table with all different sorts of juices in front of them. Lotte is still wet. Lester sits quite close to her.

Lotte smiles, and heads down the hall.

Lotte walks down the ritzy hallway. She is counting closed doors in search of the bathroom. She opens a door, looks inside, gasps, then enters the room.

Lotte enters the room. It is dark. At the far end there is what amounts to a candle-lit shrine to John Malkovich. The centerpiece of the shrine is an enormous photograph of

Malkovich bordered by a garland of flowers. Lotte stares at it for a moment, then drops to her knees in front of it.

Lotte has just taken a shower. She towels herself dry in much the same way as Malkovich. Her eyes are closed. She opens them slowly and sees herself in the mirror. Disappointedly, she drops the towel and heads out of the bathroom.

Craig sits at his work table. He is pulling the heads off of the Craig and the Maxine puppets. He puts the Maxine head on the Craig puppet. He sighs.

Maxine sits at her desk composing an ad. Craig stands behind her, ostensibly looking over her shoulder, but actually studying the back of her head. He sighs.

Maxine dials the phone. Lotte enters.

Lotte and Maxine shake hands.

Lotte enters. Craig closes the door. stands there.

Maxine tosses Craig his car keys. He heads out the door. Maxine dials the phone.

Malkovich's POV. He sits on the couch. drinks coffee, and reads a copy of Awake and Sing. Bach plays on the stereo in the background.

The phone rings. Malkovich puts down the script, and picks up the phone.

Malkovich hangs up the phone.

Malkovich goes back to his script.

Malkovich picks up a pen and writes: Bernardo's 8:00.

Craig waits. Lotte pops into the ditch. She's wet and slimy.

Malkovich's POV. It's a busy Italian restaurant. Malkovich looks around, checks his watch: 8:03. A guy walks up to him.

The guy walks away. Malkovich scans the room. Maxine enters the restaurant. We see her, but Malkovich doesn't single her out of the crowd. She looks around.

Maxine spots Malkovich. and heads over. He focuses on her.

Maxine holds out her hand. She is charming. Malkovich takes her hand.

Craig drives. Lotte is soaking wet. She stares out the window.

Craig, Lotte, and Maxine are seated at the table and eating lasagna. Lotte eyes Maxine. Craig eyes Maxine. There is an awkward silence.

There is another silence.

Maxine laughs. There is another silence. Suddenly, at the same moment, both Craig and Lotte lunge for Maxine and start kissing her passionately about the face and neck. They stop just as suddenly and look at each other.

Lotte looks away.

Lotte strokes Maxine's face. Craig clears dishes from the table.

Maxine exits. Craig and Lotte look at each other.

It is deadly silent. Craig and Maxine sit at their desks. The wall clock ticks. Craig whistles tunelessly, every once in a while looking up and discreetly checking out Maxine. Eventually there is a knock at the door.

Erroll, a sad, fat young man enters meekly.

Erroll sits in a chair in front of Craig's desk. He glances nervously over at Maxine.

Erroll takes out his wallet.

Craig waits by his car, checks his watch. "Pop!" Erroll plops into the ditch, wet and unkempt. He looks around, sees Craig, charges him with a yell and gives him an enormous bear hug.

The hall outside Craig and Maxine's office sports a long line of crouching fat people, all clutching cash in their hands.

Craig kneels at the door and peeks out through the mail slot. Maxine sits at her desk and files her toenails.

Craig unlocks the door. Lester steps in, closes the door behind him, locks it.

Lester exits. Craig looks at Maxine. There is a moment of tension. Finally:

Craig opens the door. The first few fat people move noisily into the room.

Many cloaked people in the room kneeling with candles in hand before the lit photo of Malkovich. Lotte kneels in the back row. They chant:

The worshippers mill about, chatting, drinking coffee, nibbling on cookies.

A stunned hush falls over the group.

Craig is putting stuff in boxes. Lotte enters in her cloak.

Craig looks up from his packing. He and Lotte stare at each other for a long while.

They hug.

They look at each other and laugh, them fall back into the embrace. They both get faraway looks in their eyes.

The clock reads 3:00 AM. Craig, in his pajamas, is working the Craig and Maxine puppets. They make love on the bare puppet stage. Craig seems possessed.

The phone rings. Maxine sleepily picks it up.

Maxine checks her alarm clock. The time is 3:11 AM.

Lotte drives.

The doorbell rings. Maxine, in a sheer black nightgown, answers it. John Malkovich stands there.

Maxine gestures for him to enter. As Malkovich passes by her, she checks the wall clock. The time is 3:50.

Lotte sits on the floor in the dark. She leans, out of breath, against the wall next to the portal and checks her watch. The time is 4:10. She pulls open the door.

Maxine and Malkovich sit a bit awkwardly next to each other on the couch.

The digital clock on the VCR clicks over to 4:11 AM. Maxine's look softens, and she kisses Malkovich hard on the lips. He seems surprised, but quickly warms to it. We shift top

Malkovich's POV as Maxine begins to unbutton Malkovich's shirt.

They get back to it.

A sweaty and spent Craig sneaks back into the bedroom. He sees that the bed is empty.

With a gasp and a wail of release, Lotte pops into the ditch. She is soaking wet and breathes heavily. She just lies there.

Craig is hunched over a cup of coffee. The front door can be heard to open. After a moment Lotte appears in the kitchen doorway. She is caked with dirt. Craig looks up at her.

Craig looks down at his coffee.

Craig enters with red-rimmed eyes. Maxine sits at her desk, actually looking kind of radiant.

Craig turns and walks out the door.

Craig hurries past a long line of fat people, all looking eager, all clutching cash.

Lester sits at his desk. The intercom buzzes.

Craig is at the counter buying a pistol.

Lester and Lotte sit at a table. They both have really large glasses of carrot juice in front of them.

Craig stands still and tense, with gun in hand. We hear the front door unlock. Lotte enters. She does not see Craig. He grabs her from behind as she passes. Lotte screams. Craig holds the gun to her head.

Lotte is stunned. She feels the muzzle against her forehead. She shuts up. Keeping the gun trained on Lotte, Craig dials the phone. He hands the receiver to her. He holds his ear to the receiver also.

Craig cocks the pistol.

Maxine hangs up. Lotte hands the phone to Craig, who hangs it up. Craig opens up the big cage where Elijah is housed, and motions with the gun for Lotte to enter.

Craig slaps Lotte hard. She looks at him, almost sadly.

Craig tapes Lotte's mouth, ties her hands and feet. Elijah watches him tie her. He becomes somewhat agitated, and holds his stomach.

Malkovich is rehearsing some business on stage. Maxine watches from the house. She anxiously checks her watch, then points to it so Malkovich can see.

Malkovich and Maxine are having sex on the make-up table, against the mirror.

We now watch the scene from Malkovich's POV.

Craig is toweling himself off, hurriedly combing his hair. Maxine enters.

Maxine sits. Craig smiles to himself.

Craig is feeding the various caged animals. He puts two plates of food in Elijah's cage. Lotte is ungagged and unbound now. She eats as Craig slumps down next to the cage, gun in hand.

Craig picks up the phone and dials. He smiles as he holds the receiver up to Lotte's face.

Malkovich and Maxine are having sex on Maxine's couch.

Malkovich clumsily, awkwardly moves his hand across Maxine's breast.

Maxine kisses Malkovich hard on the lips. There is a sucking sound.

There is a pop and Craig lands in the ditch.

A panicked Malkovich is pulling on his clothes.

He leaves. Maxine falls back on the couch and sighs contentedly.

A wet, mess Craig sits next to Lotte's cage. Lotte is bound and gagged.

Malkovich paces nervously, a glass of whisky in his hand. Kevin Bacon sits on the couch and fiddles with a Rubic's Cube.

Malkovich, in a baseball cap and sunglasses, leans against the wall. After a moment, Maxine emerges from the building and walks down the block. Malkovich follows at a safe distance.

The elevator doors are pried open. It's packed. Maxine and a few other people climb out. The last to emerge is Malkovich. He is astounded by the dimensions of the floor. He turns the corner and sees the long line of crouching fat people. Maxine goes into the office and closes the door. Maxine sees "J.M. Inc." stenciled on the office door. He turns to the first fat man and line.

Malkovich pounds on the door.

Several fat people jump on Malkovich, and start beating him. Craig steps out of the office.

The fat people climb off Malkovich. His glasses and cap have been knocked off and everyone recognizes him.

Craig and Malkovich enter. Maxine looks up, startled, but controlling it.

Craig ushers Malkovich to the portal door, opens it.

Malkovich climbs in. The door closes.

Malkovich crawls through. It's murky. He's tense. Suddenly there is a slurping sound.

PSYCHEDELIC MONTAGE

We see Malkovich hurtling through different environments. It's scary: giant toads, swirling eddies of garish, colored lights, naked old people pointing and laughing, black velvet clown paintings.

Malkovich pops into a chair in a swakn night club. He's wearing a tuxedo. The woman across the table from him is also Malkovich, but in a gown. He looks around the restaurant. Everyone is Malkovich in different clothes. Malkovich is panicked. The girl Malkovich across the table looks at him seductively, winks and talks.

Malkovich looks confused. The Malkovich waiter approaches, pen and pad in hand, ready to take their orders.

Malkovich looks down at the menu. Every item is "Malkovich." He screams:

The waiter jots it down on his pad.

Malkovich pushes himself away from the table and runs for the exit. He passes the stage where a girl singer Malkovich is singin sensuously into the microphone. She is backed by a '40's style big band of Malkoviches.

Malkovich flies through the back door.

Malkovich lands with a thud in the ditch. Craig is waiting there with his van. On its side is painted "See The World in Malk-O-Vision" followed by a phone number. Malkovich is huddled and shivering and soaking wet.

Malkovich trudges off along the shoulder of the turnpike.

Cars whiz by Malkovich. Someone yells from a passing car.

Malkovich looks up. A beer can comes flying out of the car and hits him on the head.

Craig is feeding the animals. His gun is stuck in his pants. He gets to Lotte's cage. She is bound but ungagged. She looks haggard.

She dials her phone, opens her cage, puts phone to her ear.

Craig hangs up, tapes Lotte's mouth.

Craig exits. Lotte fiddles with the ropes on her hands Elijah, slumped in the corner of the cage, blankly watches her moving hands. Suddenly his eyes narrow. Something is going on in his brain. We move slowly into his eyes.

It is a memory: blurry and overexposed, the color washed out. We see a weathered wooden sign which reads "Africa." The sound of running feet, huffing frantic breathing. We watch from up in a tree (Elijah's POV) as two men in safari suits chase a couple of chimps across the jungle floor. The chimps are screaming as the safari men tackle them and tie them up. The safari men laugh.

The safari men leave the chimps on the ground. We descend from the trees to the ground next to the bound chimps. One of the chimps looks at the camera. He grunts and squeals.

A small pair of chimp hands enter into the frame and struggle to untie the ropes, but to no avail. Chimp two speaks.

Elijah is wrestled to the ground amidst much screaming.

Elijah shakes off the memory and looks determinedly at the ropes on Lotte's hands. He attempts to untie the knot. He works furiously and succeeds. Lotte pulls the tape from her mouth.

Elijah beams and screams for ecstatic joy. Lotte unlocks the cage, and dials the phone.

Maxine hangs up. Lotte, visibly shaken, dials the phone.

The doorbell rings. Malkovich answers it. Maxine stands there, dressed in an evening gown.

Malkovich tenses up, then shakes his head in an awkward, puppet-like manner. When Malkovich speaks, it seems to be against him will.

Malkovich begins undressing, and does a lewd bump and grind while looking mortified. Maxine giggles. Malkovich (Craig) laughs wildly.

Lester's hand is in a bloody bandage. The juicer sits on hi desk. Lotte sits across from him looking nervous and hollow- eyed.

Lotte site next to Lester in the darkened auditorium. The projector whirs. The screen lights up.

TITLE: SO YOU WANT TO BE JOHN MALKOVICH

A much younger Lester addresses the camera in this black and white film, which seems to have been made in the 50's.

We see a shot of a newborn.

We see a photo of another infant, this one with a ribbon in her hair.

Lester points to his ear and shrugs.

Malkovich and Maxine lie naked on the bed, looking quite relaxed.

Malkovich leans over and kisses her, then gets up.

Malkovich performs the same dance that the Craig pupper did at the beginning of the film. It is exactly the same, complete with impossible somersaults and perspiring brow. He finishes by falling to his knees and weeping.

Malkovich kisses Maxine. She snuggles close to him.

The worshippers are assembled. Lotte stands before them.

MAN #2 W-w-what's it like on the inside?

MAN #2 Oooh, I wanna go. I wanna go. I say it's time.

Everyone cheers.

Maxine and Malkovich are furiously filling the portal with cement. Suddenly Malkovich stops and runs to the office door screaming a bloodcurdling scream. He stops just as suddenly, begins to strangle himself.

They go back to filling the portal. There is the sound of many shuffling feet in the hallway. The door flies open and

the Malkovichians led by Lester and Lotte burst in. Malkovich and Maxine turn with a start.

Lotte lunges for Malkovich. Lester grabs her arm, holds her back.

Craig laughs somewhat maniacally. Maxine slips her arm through Craig's, joins him in his laughter, and glances triumphantly over at Lotte.

The Malkovichians grumble and let Malkovich and Maxine exit.

The Malkovichians converge on the sealed portal, and begin clawing desperately at the quick-drying cement.

Fingers are scraped raw, and we see smears of blood and skin on the rough gray surface.

A slick-looking agent answers a buzzing phone.

Malkovich and Maxine enter. The agent stands, holds out his hand.

The agent shakes Maxine's hand.

Malkovich and Maxine sit.

Maxine and Malkovich shake their heads "no."

The cult members are still there, now with picks shovels. They are worn out and sweaty. The portal is excavated, but it seems ragged and destroyed. Man #2 emerges from the hole, a rope tied around his waist.

MAN #2 That's the last of it, boss.

Lester peers through the door.

Lester crawls into the tunnel, the door slams behind him.

Lester crawls through. There is a slurping sound and a flash of light.

The scene is in black and white. Bombs are dropping. There is a blonde in forties clothes there. Lester views the scene through somebody's POV.

The person walks past a mirror. It's Hitler.

We look over to see a director and camera crew.

There is a popping sound.

Lester pops into the ditch. One of his cult members is waiting with a car, and looking hopeful. Lester sadly shakes his head "no."

The cult members mill about, drinking coffee, chatting. Lester enters with the cult member who picked him up at the ditch. All quiet down and look over at him.

MAN #3 (raises hand) Oooh, I got an idea! What if we build another portal to Malkovich, like around back, and sneak in that way?

MAN #4 Only Captain Mertin knew how to build a portal, dummy, and he's dead!

The members fall into a stunned silence. Lester takes some refrigerator magnets and spells out L-E-S-T-E-R on a board. He then rearranges them for a while.

Lester continues to rearrange the letters, getting a little tense now.

Several members check their watches.

L-E-S-T-E-R has been left as E-L R-E-S-T as Lester turns from the board to face the congregation.

MAN #3 How can this be? I thought you were only one hundred and five years old.

MAN #3 Mertin would have to be...

WOMAN #1 (flirtatiously) You don't look a day over one hundred and five, Captain. What's your secret?

There is a lot of murmuring in the room now.

MAN #2 So what exactly are you saying? Are we in cahoots with the Dark Master here?

The cultists get tense, start to leave en masse.

People stop in their tracks.

MAN #3 That's the only difference?

The cultists think about is, then shrug and stay put.

Lotte stands.

Lotte heads for the door.

Lotte stops and turns.

She exits.

WOMAN #1 Do we get to wear a crown?

WOMAN #1 Count me in.

Mr. Flemmer, a silver-haired gentleman in turtleneck and blazer, scratches his head. The cultists patiently watch him.

The cult members ad-lib "same here, sir."

Lotte site in the living room, in her pajamas, softly sobbing. The caged animals watch her.

Lotte opens the windows and the front door, then unlocks all the cages. The animals scurry and fly out of their cages, and out of the house. Lotte watches silently until she is alone.

A hand reaches for hers. She looks down. Elijah is still there and holding her hand. She smiles.

We see the menagerie of animals on the otherwise deserted street, dispersing into the night. A lone dark figure turns

the corner, and walks slowly up the street to Craig and Lotte's building.

Lotte and Elijah see the dark figure coming up the steps. The buzzer rings. Lotte and Elijah jump.

Elijah looks at her sweetly, a great sadness in his eyes. Then he leads her by the hand out the window.

The marquee reads: World's Greatest Puppeteer Craig Schwartz and his Magical Puppet John Malkovich.

Malkovich sits in a tuxedo and watches himself in the dressing table mirror. Maxine, in a tight black number, reclines on the couch.

Malkovich jerks a bit, gets it under control.

The house is filling with formally dressed audience members. The cultists and Lester, also in tuxes and gowns, are among them. The lights go down.

The orchestra starts up. The curtains part.

Malkovich tap dances out onto the stage. He is amazingly nimble and the audience "oohs" and "aahs."

Malkovich does an amazing triple somersault, lands on one knee and, with spread arms, begins singing: "Kiss Today Goodbye." in a beautiful tenor. The orchestra catches up with him. The audience goes wild. A pretty-boy young man with a big tousle of black hair and a shiny, tight suit appears at the back of the house. An usher glances over at him.

The usher looks nervously around for someone to boot. Martini waits in the back. On stage, Malkovich is now performing the "back of the car scene" from "On The Waterfront." He alternates between the Marlon Brando part and the Rod Steiger part, moving back and forth from one stool to the another. He performs it magnificently. We see Lester in the audience wiping a small tear from his eye.

Mantini is now sitting in a good aisle seat next to a beautiful woman. Her boyfriend is being hauled toward the exit by the usher. The beautiful woman watches, with some concern, as the boyfriend is taken away. Then she turns and smiles flirtatiously at Mantini. Mantini smiles back. On stage Malkovich is dressed in a ringmaster's outfit and juggling chainsaws.

At this point the entire audience stands and gives Malkovich a spontaneous standing ovation. All except Mantini. Even the cultists get up.

Lotte sits sadly in the wet tunnel. She is scrunched-up against the damp cold. A small fire smolders in front of her. We hear footsteps approaching. It is Elijah, carrying supplies: food and blankets. He covers her with a blanket and sits down next to her.

Elijah sighs, then holds his stomach. The ulcer is returning.

It's a conservatively furnished upper westside apartment. Looks like it belongs to a Columbia professor. The walls are lined with books. Mr. Flemmer sits at his desk, his head in his hands, deep in thought. The doorbell rings.

The door opens and Lester pokes his head in.

Lester enters with a greasy white paper bag.

Malkovich sits on the floor in silk pajamas. He is surrounded by newspaper clippings. He is drinking champagne from the bottle. Maxine is at a dressing table, brushing her hair.

But Malkovich is already passed out on the floor on top of his clippings. Maxine smiles maternally, gets up and puts blanket over him. We stay on Malkovich's face.

Craig wanders across a jagged, rocky landscape. Geysers of flame shoot up around him. The sky is red. He is frightened. He arrives at a desk. The man behind the desk is facing away from him. He swivels to face Craig. It is Flemmer, looking the same as usual except for little red horns and a sinister grin.

Malkovich awakes with a start. Maxine looks over at him.

Flemmer crouches behind a bureau and listens. He is pleased with himself.

There is a knock at the door. Maxine opens it, angry.

Mantini enters. Maxine is suddenly interested. Mantini and Maxine give each other the once over.

Lester is watering Flemmer's plants. A key is heard in the door. Flemmer enters, a small carry-on bag slung over his shoulder.

Lester shrugs.

Lotte and Elijah, now dirty and drawn, are talking. Elijah uses sign language.

Lotte turns away, shaken. A tear rolls down her face.

The Marquee reads: Derek Mantini's sixty-foot Harry S. Truman puppet and Craig Schwartz's actual-size John Malkovich puppet in Peter Shaffer's "Equus."

The house is packed. On stage is a minimalist set: wood planks and metal poles. Six guys in brown turtlenecks and stylized wire horse heads mill about. The 60 foot Harry S. Truman puppet is pacing, his strings extending up into the flyspace and out of sight. Malkovich sits on a bench. Truman and Malkovich both take stabs at British accents.

We see the audience fidgeting in their seats, coughing.

The dialogue drones on as Maxine watches coolly from the wings. She drags on a cigarette. Mr. Flemmer, dressed as a stagehand, stands behind Maxine. He also watches the actors, with an occasional sideways glance at Maxine.

It's intermission. The lobby is crowded. Maxine moves through the crowd listening to snippets of conversation. Flemmer, now in a tuxedo, moves about also. First couple:

THEATERGOER #1 That Truman puppet is downright boring as the psychiatrist.

THEATERGOER #2 It's a wooden performance, really. Get it? Wooden?

Second couple:

THEATERGOER #3 What's with the Malkovich puppet? He was much better in Vegas when he played the piano with his feet.

THEATERGOER #4 I hate it when they try to stretch. It's like Woody Allen.

Third couple:

THEATERGOER #5 They both stink! I'm going across the street to second act Miss Saigon.

Malkovich watches himself in his dressing table mirror. Maxine enters, flops herself down on the couch and lights up a cigarette.

Malkovich continues to watch himself in the mirror, nods his head.

Mantini leans against a rail and smokes a cigarette. Charles Nelson Reilly, in a tuxedo, confers with him in hushed tones.

Flemmer materializes behind Mantini

Mantini spins around to face Flemmer. Reilly makes a break for it. Flemmer points a finger and Reilly freezes in mid- strut. Flemmer then points a finger at Mantini, and he, too, freezes. Flemmer picks up the giant wooden controls for the marionette, and pulls a copy of the play from his pocket.

We watch the second act in progress. The Truman puppet pace as he delivers a monologue. Somehow he doesn't even seem to be a puppet anymore, so subtle and graceful are his movements and the changes in his facial expressions. It's as if there's a giant actual Harry Truman on stage.

Malkovich watches impressed and a little scared by this bravura performance. He glances out into the audience and sees a silent, rapt crowd.

Malkovich is delivering a monologue. Acting up a storm. During Malkovich's speech, Truman repeatedly attempts to upstage him, nodding his head, looking thoughtful, raising his ten foot eyebrows in surprise...

A man hole cover is pushed off. Lotte climbs out onto the street. She is dirty but determined.

Malkovich is in convulsions on the floor. Big dramatic convulsions. Truman scoops him up, and places him on the bench. Malkovich continues with the convulsions, milking it. Truman speaks.

Malkovich is breathing insanely now, trying to keep the focus on himself. Flemmer is in the catwalks, watching the crowd. The audience is watching Malkovich.

Malkovich and Truman on the stage. Truman is pacing, swirling, dancing, juggling enormous bowling pins as he talks.

Malkovich has upPed his convulsions now. He watches Truman out of the corner of his eye while writhing tormentedly on the bench. He levitates. Spins in mid-air. Falls on all fours and does an uncanny impression of a yelping dog. Truman watches Malkovich, continues to speak. But now, when he talks, fire comes out of his mouth.

The audience "ooohs" at the flames. Malkovich rips off his clothes and convulses into the dying swan-bit from "Swan Lake." The audience applauds. Truman continues his speech, now transforming himself into an actual 60 foot swan and flying around the auditorium as he speaks.

The audience watches the giant swan overhead, necks craned, in awe. Malkovich sighs. He is out of his league. He goes into a remarkable tap dance routine and sings "Mr. Bojangles", but nobody even looks at the stage. The giant swan bursts into flames, flies back onto the stage, burns to a crisp, then rises from his ashes as the actual Harry S. Truman. Truman looks confused and disoriented, as if just raised from the dead.

Truman grows and grows until he is again just a giant puppet. The audience bursts into applause, then delivers a standing ovation. Truman bows. Flemmer laughs wildly in the catwalks. Malkovich walks dejectedly from the stage.

Malkovich walks past Maxine. She doesn't even look at him. Thunderous applause is heard in the background.

Malkovich drops limply to the floor. He lifts his head.

Flemmer watches Malkovich from above. He pulls out a walkie- talkie.

Lester is surrounded by all the Malkovichians. He holds the walkie-talkie, has just received word. He nods, and the Malkovichians crawl in single file into the portal, while shrieking a war cry.

Maxine watches as Malkovich pulls himself up off the ground. Suddenly, he is again possessed, first by one person, then by two, then by three, his body jerking and pulsating with each new occupant. It's almost like popping corn, starting out slowly, then going faster and faster, until Malkovich is possessed by all fifty Malkovichians. He shrieks a war cry and runs out onto the stage.

The Truman puppet now hangs limply from the catwalks. Malkovich hovers just above the stage and addresses the audience.

The audience scoffs at first, but then are compelled to their knees.

Malkovich laughs, gives the thumbs up sign to Flemmer in the catwalks. Flemmer gives the thumbs up sign back.

Lotte appears in the back of the theater, an out-of-breath figure in shadows. It is too late. She runs from the theater.

Maxine watches, somewhat amused. She turns and heads for the exit.

A dejected Craig walks along the shoulder. He is wet and cold. We hold on him for a long while until he eventually merges with the landscape.

CHYRON: LATER THAT WEEK

Something is wrong. It's a typical midtown street, but everything is painted gray: the buildings, the streets, the sidewalks, the cars. People walk along the streets, carrying gray briefcases, wearing gray jumpsuits. Nobody talks, nobody smiles. Gray birds fly silently in the sky. There is no noise whatsoever. There are several movie theaters on the block. All marquees advertise John Malkovich movies. Around the corner comes Malkovich. He is floating about ten feet off the ground on an enormous, bright red, jeweled throne. He wears a gold crown and purple silk robe and smiles condescendingly, majestically. Floris sits on his lap. She is dressed in an orange satin gown. Nobody on the street looks up.

Floris shrugs, picks at her finger nails.

Without pause the entire street of gray clad people breaks into a meticulously choreographed production number. Totally silent, totally joyless, but exquisitely executed. We see that Maxine is one of the anonymous dancers. Her face is void of expression. Malkovich laughs.

The crowd dances faster and faster. Older people fall over, exhausted, clutching their hearts. Nobody stops dancing to help, nobody dares.

Bird's eye view of the park. It's all painted gray. Every tree, every leaf. There's no sign of life. The camera moves in, through some gray trees and gray brush to:

A LUSH GREEN OASIS CAMOUFLAGED ON THE TOP AND SIDES WITH GRAY PAINT

This place is filled with life: Colorful birds, lizards, cats, a rooster. All the animals are active, happy, but totally silent, as if they know the precariousness of their position. Lotte and Elijah sit among them. These are the animals that she freed earlier. Lotte and Elijah hold hands and look into each other's eyes. We see that they both wear gold bands. They are husband and wife. Elijah signs.

Lotte slips into a gray jumpsuit. She stuffs a homemade bomb on her pocket. She and Elijah kiss passionately, then embrace.

Lotte turns quickly. This is too much to bear. She descends into a storm drain. The animals stop what they're doing.

A man-hole cover lifts. Lotte pokes her head out. The coast is clear. She emerges. Assumes the dead-eyed expression of the others, and enters the building.

Lotte watches the floors change. After seven, she presses the emergency stop button. The elevator jerks to a halt. She picks up the crow bar in the corner, pries open the door. The 7 1/2 floor is gone. Nothing is there but pipes and wires and beams. She climbs out onto the floor.

Lotte searched the floor for some sign of the portal. It is nowhere to be found. There is a noise behind her. She turns with a start. It's Craig, ragged and ill-shaven.

Craig's eyes well up with tears. Lotte looks at him sweetly.

She puts her arm around him and leads him toward the elevator.

We come on very close to Craig's arm as he lifts it to put it around Lotte. We see a thin almost invisible filament. We follow it up, and discover that Craig is now a marionette being controlled from above by an emotionless Mantini in a gray jumpsuit.

Now we see filaments attached to Mantini's arms, and w follow them up to find that Flemmer is controlling Mantini.

Flemmer throws his head back and laughs. The camera moves into his mouth and down his throat, which, oddly enough, looks exactly like the membranous John Malkovich portal tunnel.

MUSIC IN: "Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head" by They Might Be Giants. It plays throughout the credits.