"THE HANGOVER" (2009)

THE HANGOVER

Written by

Jon Lucas & Scott Moore

September 30, 2007

It’s a beautiful spring morning in the Palisades. High atop the cliffs, looking out over the Pacific Ocean, sits the exclusive BEL AIR BAY CLUB. Workers bustle about the lawn, setting up a high-end wedding.

A STRING QUARTET warms up. A team of FLORISTS arrange centerpieces. CATERERS set the white linen tables...

A simple, classic wedding dress hangs on a closet door in this sun-drenched bridal suite. Sitting at the makeup table, surrounded by her bridesmaids, is the beautiful bride, TRACY TURNER, 20’s. She’s busy doing her makeup.

Just then, Tracy’s rich, stern FATHER, 50’s, blows in.

The way he spits out “Doug” tells us all we need to know about how Mr. Turner feels about his future son-in-law.

Just then, Tracy’s CELLPHONE rings. She quickly answers it.

INTERCUT WITH:

Heat-waves rise off the Mojave. Standing at a lone, dust- covered payphone in the middle of the desert is

VICK LENNON

He’s in his late 20’s, tall, rugged -- and currently a mess. His shirt is ripped open, his aviator sunglasses are bent, his lip is bloodied, and he clearly hasn’t slept in days.

Parked on the dirt road behind Vick is his near-totalled 1967 Cadillac Deville convertible; it’s scratched, dented, filthy - - and missing its passenger side door.

Slouched inside are TWO OTHER GUYS, also looking like hell.

Vick squints at the rising sun.

TITLE OVER BLACK: 40 HOURS EARLIER

The top down, The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” blasting from the stereo, Vick’s pristine Cadillac convertible rockets down Highway 10 towards Nevada.

At the wheel is Vick, looking as sharp as his Caddy in a half- open shirt and mint condition aviators.

Sitting shotgun is the groom, DOUG BILLINGS, late 20’s, handsome, barefoot, crunchy -- an all around great guy.

Behind Vick sits ALAN MERVISH, late 20’s, an anal tax attorney from Connecticut, his Izod shirt tucked into his khakis. He’s currently applying sun screen to his forehead.

Next to Alan is STU PRYCE, late 20’s, former high school linebacker and lovably dimwitted father of two. He drums the back of the frontseat to the music, totally pumped, like this is his first time out of the house in years. Because it is.

Stu fishes pictures out of his wallet and eagerly shows them to Doug in the front seat. Doug is clearly the core of this group, the glue that holds these childhood friends together.

Doug shows the photos to Vick; he nods, impressed.

Stu protectively snatches the photos back, muttering:

Stu glances over and sees un-rubbed-in sunscreen all over Alan’s face.

But before Alan can answer--

The guys try not to laugh; Alan scowls.

The guys wince, oooo.

Doug and Stu nod, impressed; only Alan looks skeptical.

Alan just shakes his head, unbelievable.

Vick and Alan quiet. Stu is still drumming the seat.

They rocket off into the desert, LAUGHING...

TITLE CARD: “FRIDAY, 5:12 PM”

As the last rays of sun fade, the Cadillac crests the final hill to reveal LAS VEGAS in all its illuminated splendor...

The Caddy rolls down the famed Strip. We are again reminded of the absurd scale of Las Vegas. The 5,000 room hotels, the eight lane roads, the 60 foot billboards...

The Caddy rolls up to the Mandalay Bay. The guys hop out, exhilarated. Vick throws the key to the VALET...

The guys enter the glittering casino four men-wide, all smiling, all exuding vibe. Passing WOMEN sneak glances. Vick slides a drink off a nearby waitress’s tray as they make for

THE FRONT DESK

A perfectly pressed LEBANESE MAN waits behind the front desk. Vick strides up, smiling, sunglasses still on.

The man types into his computer.

Vick glances at the man’s nametag; it reads “ATASHIR.”

Atashir looks confused. Alan looks embarrassed.

Atashir looks like, sort of...? Vick reaches over the counter and touches his arm, simpatico.

Atashir frowns...but types away at his computer.

Vick turns to the guys:

The guys stammer, too stunned to speak.

Atashir looks up to accept the card. After a beat, Vick turns to Alan:

Alan stammers.

Alan stammers some more -- then angrily pulls out his card.

The guys enter the room, jostling; Stu has Doug in a headlock. Then they freeze: the Dean Martin Suite is massive, complete with lounge area, two flat screen TVs, full bar and multiple bedrooms. The guys just gape.

Vick blows past them, totally unfazed.

Stu and Doug race off to find their bedrooms, leaving Alan standing alone, just staring at the decadent suite.

Vick enters the bedroom, drops his bag, and starts changing his shirt -- when his cell phone RINGS. He answers.

Vick listens -- then grows a bit panicked:

When Stu walks past, Vick turns away and covers the phone, trying to keep the call confidential:

Vick hangs up, looking uncharacteristically stressed...

Doug brushes his teeth while, at the next sink over, Alan selects a facial wash from his highly organized toiletries kit and begins washing his face.

Alan nods, impressed.

Alan smiles, yeah, there’s that. Doug spits out his paste.

Alan gestures towards his toiletries kit. Doug picks it up, starts looking for the floss. Then Alan remembers something -- but it’s too late. Doug has found the RING BOX inside Alan’s kit, and opened it to reveal a HUGE DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING.

Alan quickly reaches for the ring--

Just then, Stu wanders in, wearing only his COLORADO STATE BOXER SHORTS. His gut is sizable.

Stu grabs the ring from Doug.

Just then Vick blows in, singing, effeminate:

Vick studies it in the light. Alan just rubs his temples.

Doug throws his arm around Alan, happy for him.

TITLE CARD: “FRIDAY, 6:10 PM”

The guys, dressed to the nines, open the steel rooftop door and file out onto the flat tar roof of the Mandalay Bay; Vick is carrying a bottle of Patron and four hotel glasses.

Bringing up the rear, Alan slides a wood block between the door and the frame so they aren’t locked up here.

The guys step out onto the dark, windy roof and take in the stunning panorama...the Strip...the mountains...the countless stars... It’s breathtaking.

Vick starts refilling everyone’s glasses.

Stu just stares at the guys, glassy-eyed. Beat.

ALAN & DOUG & VICK YES!

Doug laughs and raises his glass for a toast, heartfelt:

The guys chuckle, hear-hear.

The guys raise their glasses, touched.

ALAN & STU & VICK No, no. / We’ll be good. / Totally, dude.

Doug lowers his glass, laughing, completely unconvinced.

ALAN & DOUG & VICK “Respect me!”

They all laugh. Stu throws his arm around Doug, nostalgic.

Doug looks at them, highly dubious, then hoists his glass.

They CLINK glasses, shoot their shots, and

THE NEXT MORNING

Shafts of white desert sunlight pour into

THE DEAN MARTIN SUITE

THE CAMERA follows a LIVE CHICKEN as it walks through the totalled suite.

Furniture is broken, the minibar ransacked, and the floor is covered with remnants of the night before: empty beer cans, platefuls of room service food, a cowboy hat, the Gideon Bible, half-eaten skinless mangos, a bra, a battle axe, etc.

SNORING on the couch, wearing only his jeans and one shoe, the word ASSHOLE written in Sharpie across his chest, is Stu.

TITLE CARD: “SATURDAY, 11:15AM”

The chicken struts across the top of the couch, until it reaches a plastic coin cup from Bellagio blocking its path. Beat. Then the chicken pecks it off...onto Stu.

The cup hits Stu in the face, and stale beer splashes all over him. Stu spastically jerks awake and flips off the couch, onto a pile of newspapers.

Confused, Stu clambers off the pile of newspapers -- to find Vick sleeping underneath, on the floor, fully dressed. Vick pulls himself onto the couch, clearly in pain.

Both men are ragingly hungover.

A long beat as both of them rub their faces, then:

Stu does, in fact, have a mullet haircut. But he’s too hungover to understand.

Stu still looks confused. This is excruciating for Vick.

Stu touches his hair. Then he stumbles into the bathroom. After a beat, we hear his voice:

Then we hear ALAN’S VOICE in the bathroom, groggy:

Beat, then Stu pokes his head out of the bathroom.

Stu disappears back into the bathroom. We hear the SHOWER turn on. Beat. Then we hear Alan slowly awaken:

There’s a THUD as Alan falls out of tub. Beat.

Then Stu and a very confused, very hungover, very wet Alan stumble out of the bathroom.

Alan appears to be wearing his polo shirt from the night before. Only, as we PULL BACK, we see that his shirt is cut off at his chest -- he’s naked from there down.

Alan looks down at his hairy nakedness, totally bewildered.

Alan looks back up again, squinting, hungover.

The guys, now dressed, stagger out of their suite moments later. Stu walks incredibly bow-legged, like an aging cowboy.

Looking like crap, the guys silently descend in the elevator.

BING! The elevator opens to expose a NICE-LOOKING COUPLE waiting to get on. They see the guys and immediately step away from the elevator.

The doors close. The guys continue to descend. Beat.

The guys shake their heads, yeah, no.

The guys slouch in a booth, shoveling masses of buffet food into their mouths, washing it down with huge mugs of coffee.

The guys nod, right. They keep eating. After a long while:

The guys all slowly look around. Then Stu points at Alan:

They continue eating. Alan looks up again, still troubled.

Vick nods at Stu as he stuffs food in his mouth.

Stu shakes his head, no. Vick takes it, packs it into his already stuffed mouth. Then Alan realizes:

The guys look around. Hunh.

Vick pulls out his cell phone, starts dialing.

Then a phone RINGS in Stu’s pocket. He answers:

Then Stu realizes. Oh.

Vick nods, ya. He’s already dialing another number.

Vick nods, uh-huh. He lets it ring, rubbing his temples. Then he hangs up.

Vick goes back to eating. Alan frowns.

Vick just looks at both of them, his mouth full of food:

Stu nods, and they slowly slide out of the booth.

Alan and Stu saunter off. Vick yells after them, mouth full:

Vick scowls, and angrily takes Alan’s last cruller.

Alan weaves through the totalled suite, half-awake.

Alan enters the bedroom where Doug slept, and stops. It takes him a second to realize what’s wrong:

THE BED IS MISSING

There are four indentations on the carpet where it once lay. Alan scratches his head.

Stu, walking bow-legged, squinting painfully in the bright sun, tries to inspect everyone lying around the huge pool. Doug? Doug? Several HOT WOMEN in bikinis sit up, disgusted!

Alan stumbles through the gym, looking for Doug. The place is packed with fit people, working out. Alan mumbles to himself:

Stu wanders through the casino, calling out, incredibly loud:

Two GAY MEN in identical tank tops pass by, holding hands.

Then Stu registers what just happened. He stops and turns around -- enh? -- but the gay men are gone.

Before he can comment, however, he sees Vick and Alan talking to Atashir at

THE RECEPTION DESK

He slowly bow-legs himself over.

Stu shakes his head, no. Then Atashir hangs up his phone.

The guys frown, starting to grow worried.

The guys just look at him like: you’re an idiot.

The guys wince, trying to remember. It’s painful to think.

Stu throws up his arms, already giving up.

Vick rubs his temples, trying to fight through the hangover.

The guys nod, okay, okay.

They guys frown. Shit. Stu puts his hands into his pockets, thinking... Then he feels something. A matchbook.

He pulls it out. It’s from The Flamingo Nightclub.

A long beat of silence...

Then the guys hurry to an empty BLACKJACK TABLE and start emptying their pockets of the detritus from the night before. They find matchbooks, receipts, room keys, a valet ticket...

The guys wince, jesus...

The guys exchange a look, alarmed.

They frown, then stare at all the clues lined up on the blackjack table.

Stu shifts uncomfortably, tenderly adjusting his ass.

Vick and Alan unhappily stand in the lavish, gold-ensconsed men’s room, watching Stu painfully undo his jeans.

Stu’s jeans fall to the ground -- and everyone freezes.

He’s wearing a snug FLUORESCENT PINK G-STRING with “I< ROGER” written vertically down the front. In glitter.

Stu covers his mouth, horrified!

Alan tries to think of one.

Stu grows increasingly frantic.

Everyone stops. Vick most of all.

Vick is just looking at him, stunned.

Just then, a FATHER and his YOUNG SON enter the men’s room and see Stu standing there, pants down, in his G string...

...the FATHER and SON wheel right back around and exit.

The guys head for the door. Stu quickly pulls up his pants.

Stu looks highly confused as he follows them out onto

THE CASINO FLOOR

The guys power through the crowded casino, towards the exit. Stu tries to keep up, genuinely concerned.

Alan’s hand accidentally hits a brass railing and CLINKS...

Alan’s hand CLINKS against the railing again, and this time it registers. Alan looks down -- and stops cold.

Alan holds up the source of his CLINKING: on his ring finger is a huge, tacky, silver WEDDING RING with a unicorn on it.

Vick, however, recognizes the implications of the ring, and starts back towards Alan.

Alan steadies himself against a SLOT MACHINE, and shakily takes off the massive unicorn ring.

The guys eyes bulge, oh shit!

Vick takes the ring and reads the rest of the inscription:

They guys exchange a look.

Beat. Then Alan turns and THROWS UP all over the slot machine. Nearby OCTOGENARIAN SLOT PLAYERS look over, disgusted -- but continue playing their nickels.

The three guys exit the hotel looking like crap. Vick hands his ticket to the valet. Alan chews mint gum.

No one laughs. Tense SILENCE as they wait for the car.

Stu points over at a huge stone GRIFFIN in front of the hotel with an ENTIRE BED impaled upon its ear.

Just then the Valet drives up in

VICK’S DESTROYED CADILLAC

The exterior is scratched and filthy, like it’s been off- roading. The hubcaps are gone, as is the front passenger side door. A wisp of STEAM trails up from under the hood.

The guys just stand there, agape.

Vick dons his sunglasses and heads for his destroyed car...

THE GUYS ROLLING DOWN THE STRIP

in their ridiculous car. Cars full of FAMILIES, cute GIRLS, even NUNS, point and stare. Our guys just face forward, each quietly suffering in their own personal Hell.

Alan glowers at the city going by... Then he sits up--

The guys turn to see a HOMELESS GUY weaving down the sidewalk in Doug’s DISTINCTIVE ORANGE SHIRT from the night before.

Once they pass, the guys exchange a look.

Alan doesn’t look so sure. They drive in silence. Then:

Stu, sitting shotgun, braces against the empty doorframe so as not to fall out of the car as they turn left...

Sitting in an East Vegas strip mall, sandwiched between a laundromat and a pawn shop, is the pink Now & Forever Wedding Chapel. The Cadillac parks in the lot out front.

Everything in the small, tacky wedding chapel is white plastic. White plastic plants, white plastic cross, white plastic chairs. The guys enter.

The guys turn to find the hirsute owner of the chapel, STEVE GIANOPOLUS, 40’s, in a tight white suit, his arms spread wide. Steve is all Vegas, by way of Long Island.

He warmly hugs the guys. They have zero memory of him, and it shows as they hug back weakly, unfamiliar...

Alan starts to decline, when--

Steve CACKLES and guides them over to a table; Alan scowls.

They all sit on white plastic chairs.

Alan looks ill. Laughing, Steve retrieves a folder and starts laying out a series of WEDDING PHOTOS on the table. Vick eagerly peruses them, enjoying this.

The guys look at the photos of Alan’s wedding from the night before. They’re typical wedding shots, only the guys are all wearing MEDIEVAL COSTUMES, swords, bows, tights, even armor. They look incredibly happy -- and incrediblydrunk.

The next photo is of Alan and his BUSTY BLONDE BRIDE. She’s having a blast in a white medieval gown and tiara.

Alan just closes his eyes, oh God.

But Alan is too busy gaping at the next photo, of him and Chastity atop a UNICORN in the chapel. (It is, of course, a rented pony with a lame horn strapped to its head.)

Alan just rubs his temples, oh no.

Alan closes his eyes. Stu and Vick exchange a look, no way!

Beat. Then Alan pounces across the table at Vick!

Stu hops up and starts pulling Alan off of Vick.

The guys straighten like schoolboys as Steve’s wife CARLA, 40’s, enters. She’s wearing a toga, smoking a menthol, and dollying in several large CARDBOARD BOXES. Then she grins:

She lowers the dolly and hurries over for hugs.

Stu and Alan force smiles, no idea who this woman is. Vick, on the other hand, steps forward and hugs her tightly.

Carla begins unloading things from the cardboard boxes.

She unpacks 24 COMMUTER MUGS with Alan and Chastity’s photo emblazoned on them. Alan winces, oh god. Stu grabs one:

She lays out the stacks of DVDs. Vick nods at Alan:

Alan just clenches his jaw, I fucking hate you.

She pulls out a six foot air-brushed velvet WALL HANGING of Alan and Chastity riding the unicorn together in outer space.

Vick and Stu do a DRUMROLL on the table, excited...

Then Carla pulls out a FOUR FOOT BRONZE SHIELD with a bas- relief of Alan and Chastity MAKING OUT on it. Alan just closes his eyes.

Alan scowls. Then his cellphone RINGS. He angrily answers it without looking at the Caller ID.

We hear someone YELLING AT HIM. Alan’s eyes bulge.

He steps away to take the call. Vick explains to Carla:

Vick and Stu go back to looking at the wedding photos as Alan tries to talk to his furious girlfriend.

INTERCUT WITH:

BECKY

in her Laura Ashley bedroom, angrily packing up her suitcase. She’s beautiful and preppy in pearls and a sweater set.

Then Vick calls over from the white plastic table, pissed:

Alan waves at them, shut the hell up!But Becky has heard.

Alan furiously flips them off, shut up!

But Alan is just staring at the BRONZE SHIELD of him making out with his blonde bombshell wife...

Becky hangs up, rolling her eyes, unbelievable.

STAY WITH ALAN as he closes his cellphone. Exhales.

Off of Alan’s hate-filled glare, we

STEVE AND THE GUYS SCHLEPPING ALL OF THE WEDDING CRAP

through the strip mall parking lot, back to their car. Alan sullenly carries the GIANT BRONZE SHIELD.

The beatup Caddy is packed with wedding crap. Vick is busy trying to reverse the overloaded car out of the parking spot. Stu’s in the backseat with the huge shield, while Alan seethes up front.

Alan looks off, lost, sick. Vick stops the car short.

Alan opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. Vick nods, chew on that, and continues slowly reversing the car.

SMASH!

A baseball bat SHATTERS the windshield! The guys all jump! Vick slams on the brakes!

They look up to see two MASSIVE SAMOAN MEN in loud Hawaiian shirts, KALOLO FANALUA and KIKIOLANI, 30’s, standing on either side of the car. And they look pissed.

Stu and Alan recoil in terror.

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

Kikiolani starts viciously smashing the car!

Vick undoes his seatbelt and reaches for his door handle. Kikiolani lowers his bat -- and Vick throws the door open, right into his nuts! The huge Samoan staggers back, OWWW, and Vick slams his door shut and

FLOORS IT OUT OF THERE IN REVERSE!

The Caddy sideswipes a car, hops the curb, and lands on the street! They SQUEAL AWAY, the huge bronze shield flying out of the backseat as they do! It CLATTERS on the pavement...

Vick drives like the wind, trying to see around the huge SPIDERWEB in the windshield. Alan and Stu are freaking out.

Vick angrily takes a harder-than-necessary left turn. Alan hangs on tight, almost flying out of the car.

TITLE CARD: “SATURDAY, 2:26 PM”

The boys hurry into their room, stressed.

Alan quickly checks the room phone.

Alan starts wading through the crap in the living room, while Vick and Stu head off to check the bedrooms...

Stu brushes aside beer bottles and room service dishes, looking for anything relevant. He spots a LEGAL CONTRACT on the ground. Picks it up.

Vick calls from the other bedroom.

Stu opens the closet door -- and freezes.

Vick enters a moment later to find Stu staring into the closet. Vick follows his gaze and sees a SEXY WOMAN snoring away on the closet floor, her blonde hair obscuring her face.

Stu covers his mouth, oh shit! Vick produces the wallet- sized photos from Alan’s wedding, compares them, and nods.

A second later Alan enters, what’s up?

Alan looks down, sees Chastity SNORING on the closet floor, her body all contorted, and freezes. Oh my God.

Scowling, Alan slowly crouches down. Then, a little scared, he nudges her. Nothing. He nudges her harder.

Alan shakes her a bit harder and -- BRRAPPPP -- the girl lets out a massive burp and awakens, COUGHING. Alan jumps back up, terrified. The woman, CHASTITY, looks around, disoriented.

Then she notices the guys staring down at her. She smiles, recognizing them:

She shakily climbs to her feet to expose a skimpy skirt, a snug tube top, and mascara smeared all over her face.

The guys have no idea what to say. She kisses Alan on the cheek, very intimate -- like, well, a husband and wife.

She exits into the living room, picking her wedgie.

Beat. Alan is speechless.

Chastity gathers her belongings -- jacket, purse, G string -- from around the totalled living room. The guys file in.

Alan braces, please say no, please say no...

Vick braces, please say yes, please say yes...

Alan slumps, his life over. Vick pumps his fist, YES!

Alan GROANS.

Chastity smiles, sweet, as she straps on her 6 inch heels.

Alan breaks into a COUGHING FIT.

Alan leans against a wall, dizzy.

Stu turns and tries to open a window. No luck.

She smiles, a little saddened. Stu whispers to Alan:

STRIPPERS

Dozens of ‘em, dancing, grinding, shimmying on poles.

Chastity leads the guys through Vegas’s Most Notorious Strip Club, The Crazy Horse. It’s bacchanalia writ large, complete with throbbing music, flashing strobe lights, and six stages of spinning flesh. The place is mobbed with PATRONS.

Alan follows after Chastity, horrified.

Behind him, Vick SLAPS FIVE with Stu, psyched.

She stops at a pole, around which a BRUNETTE STRIPPER currently spins. Alan looks ill.

She holds up her hand, showing off ALAN’S GRANDMOTHER’S RING to the stripper currently upside-down on the pole.

She hurries off, but Alan can’t move.

Alan just stares into space. Vick takes him by the shoulder.

Just then Chastity runs back over with two BLONDE STRIPPERS.

Just then a SPOTLIGHT finds Chastity and Alan, and the SLEAZY PONYTAILED DJ up in the booth comes over the P.A. system:

The entire club CHEERS! Chastity holds up her wedding ring and dances around, WOO HOO! Alan waves meekly. Thanks.

The DJ puts on Nine Inch Nails’ “I Want to Fuck You Like An Animal” and the club gets hopping again.

Alan closes his eyes.

He glances over at Vick and Stu -- but they’re gone.

VICK AND STU TOASTING SHOTS OF JAGERMEISTER

and downing them. PULL BACK to see that they are sitting in

THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM

getting lapdances from STARR and ANASTASIA. The Champagne Room is a dark, plush private suite in the back of the Crazy Horse where strippers ply their craft; the room is half full.

Vick watches Starr lean over and make out with Anastasia.

Then Alan hurries in with Chastity; he looks pissed.

She nods. Vick nods, pensive, scientific.

Stu looks between them, torn.

Chastity pushes Alan onto the red leather banquette and starts dancing for him. He tries to squirm away:

ALAN SITTING ON THE BANQUETTE, LOOKING AWESTRUCK

as Chastity works a wildly erotic lapdance on him. She crawls onto his lap, she whips him with her long hair, she puts her tongue in his ear. Next to him, no longer getting lapdances, Vick and Stu just sit, staring at Chastity, entranced.

They continue watching on in silence.

More watching in silence.

Then both of their heads angle the same way.

They continue staring, amazed. Just then, the door is kicked open and KIKIOLANI and KALOLO FANALUA burst into the Champagne Room, peering through the darkness, looking for our guys. Vick and Stu see them immediately.

They both hop up. Alan remains sitting, however, hypnotized by Chastity. Vick grabs him.

Vick literally yanks Alan up from the banquette.

Finally, the Guamians spot the guys and lumber for them!

Thinking fast, Chastity grabs her clothes and darts over to a darkened, unlabeled FIRE DOOR.

The guys race after her...

Chastity and the guys sprint through the bright, crowded back hallways of the Crazy Horse, weaving through strippers, cocktail waitresses, and barbacks.

Behind them, the two massive Samoans try to follow, but are slowed by all the foot traffic. Strippers SCREAM as they’re bowled over by the obese Islanders.

A spotlight holds on a CLOSED CURTAIN covering the main stage. Some sort of techno Limp Bizkit song is playing.

All the patrons turn their attention to Stage One -- then Stu blows through the curtain, out of breath. Beat. The patrons look at Stu, confused. Stu looks at them, equally so.

The patrons start to BOOO, just as Vick, Chastity, and Alan blow through the curtain after Stu.

Chastity, in six inch leucite heels, sprints down the main runway, leaps over the patrons sitting at the end, and hits the floor running!

The guys all follow suit, sprinting down the runway and leaping over the patrons!

Then the Guamians blow through the curtain, panting, very upset. They lumber down the stage -- and the patrons at the end of the runway clear the hell out of the way.

CHASTITY AND THE GUYS RACE THROUGH THE STRIP CLUB

Upsetting cocktails, hopping onto stages and then off again, leaping over chairs, spinning around stripper poles, and, finally, sprinting out the front door!

The massive Guamians give chase, leaving a wide trail of destruction behind them, like two elephants trampling through a forest. Just as they’re blowing out of the door, however,

THEY’RE CLOTHESLINED BY TWO CHAIRS

being swung into their chests! SMASH! They both stumble backwards, and then four roided-up STRIP CLUB SECURITY GUARDS pounce on them, wrestling them to the ground.

Chastity and the guys hurry around the corner from the Crazy Horse, laughing, exhilarated from the chase.

Everyone laughs. Vick puts his arm around Alan.

Vick smiles -- just as a LAS VEGAS POLICE CAR hops the curb, lights flashing, and cuts them off! Two mustachioed COPS get out and hurry for them, pointing, intense.

The two LVPD cops, OFFICER MERRIWEATHER and OFFICER BLADEN, 40’s, pace about this bare interrogation room, while Vick, Alan and Stu sit behind the cold metal table.

Vick looks tense, but in control. Stu and Alan are sweating, terrified. They’ve clearly been here a while.

Officer Bladen SLAMS the table with his fist.

Merriweather scowls and nods at Bladen, who steps over to a TELEVISION and turns it on. Merriweather, meanwhile, pulls out a photograph of a slick ASIAN MAN in a red suit, slides it onto the table.

Vick flinches ever-so-slightly, clearly knowing something. Stu and Alan just look at the photograph, confused.

ON THE TELEVISION, grainy surveillance camera footage of a birthday party starts playing. In the video, JIMMY LANG sits in an upscale restaurant, in front of a BIRTHDAY CAKE, as a table full of hip ASIAN GUYS serenade him with “Happy Birthday To You.”

When the guys sitting next to Jimmy lean forward to help him blow out the candles on his cake, however, we see that it’s Vick, ALAN, STU, DOUG, and some BLACK GUY, all very drunk!

VICK & ALAN & STU & DOUG (ON TAPE) HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JIMMMMY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO YOOOOU!

Everyone applauds. Vick drunkenly hugs Jimmy Lang.

Merriweather FREEZES FRAME on Vick kissing the top of Jimmy Lang’s shaved head.

In the interrogation room, Vick, Stu and Alan sit, frozen.

Silence.

Everyone stops, looks at Vick.

Merriweather gets in Vick’s face, intense.

Stu shakes his head, unbelievable.

The cops look at each other, scowling. Beat.

Stu and Alan quickly hop to their feet and make for the door.

Day has turned to night. Vick, Stu, and Alan descend the steps of the police station. The mood is grim.

They reach the curb, and Stu starts trying to hail a cab. Desperation is setting in.

The guys shake their heads, I don’t know.

Vick steps towards Alan, heated.

Vick scowls; this is actually hitting home...

Vick swallows, furious.

Alan recoils, whoa, stung. This is clearly news to him.

Stu gestures, uncomfortable, enh, who’s to say? Alan nods, I see, his face reddening.

Too late: Alan charges Vick and TACKLES him onto the lawn! They roll on the ground, trying to punch each other, but it ends up being a mess of half-chops, pulled hair, and hands in each other’s faces...

Stu runs over and jumps in, trying to break them apart.

THUNK! Stu is accidentally kicked in the face and goes down.

Alan and Vick continue rolling on the lawn, trying to beat the crap out of each other. They could be kids again. Then, just when it starts getting way too intense,

A CAR HORN SOUNDS

And all three of them look up to see Vick’S BEAT-UP CADILLAC parked on the curb, Chastity at the wheel.

Vick and Alan look over at the huge LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT sign right next to them. They frown...

Vick’s car sits parked in front of a country bar.

The guys sit at a booth, their hair a mess, their faces bruised, their clothing ripped, ravenously chowing down on TACOS. Stu’s mouth is full of food:

The guys exchange a quick look.

Chastity smiles, a little confused. Alan is quick to retort:

Alan and Vick angrily continue eating their tacos. Then Stu’s PHONE rings. He pulls it out, reads the caller ID.

VINCE ALAN *

Don’t answer it. Answer it.

INTERCUT WITH:

It’s Tracy. She’s sitting in her living room, on the phone. Her STERN FATHER sits nearby, as do other FAMILY MEMBERS.

His eyes bulging, Stu covers the phone and hisses:

Vick glares at Alan. Alan looks away, shit.

Stu turns back to the phone, rattled.

Tracy just looks really confused.

Exasperated, Vick rips the phone away from Stu.

Alan flips him the bird.

Vick hangs up and nods confidently.

Back in her bungalow, Tracy hangs up the phone, frowning.

Her stern father is standing there, frowning.

Mr. Turner backs off. Tracy, however, looks a bit rattled...

The guys get up from the booth and head for the door, grim.

They pass a DOORMAN on their way out, who’s standing with a stamp and a UV light reader.

Everyone waves, no thanks -- except for Stu, who shrugs, why not, and stops, holding out his hand.

Stu holds his hand under the UV light -- it’s covered in STAMPS from all the clubs they’ve been to the night before!

Stu yanks up his sleeve to reveal his ENTIRE FOREARM GLOWS, completely covered with stamps!

The guys hurry back and slide their forearms under the UV light, too: they all have the same stamps! Their eyes alight:

The guys look at each other, hope returning to their faces!

TITLE CARD: “SATURDAY, 9:10PM”

The guys rocket down the Strip, weaving in and out of traffic! All the stamps on Stu’s arm are now labelled in regular ink. MUSIC blares, and the mood is high.

Stu grins over at the car next to them. Then he stops.

The guys look over to see that the DRIVER of the next car over is, in fact, wearing the DISTINCTIVE FEDORA-STYLE HAT Doug was wearing last night. The guy turns off the Strip.

Stu nods, yeah, I guess...

TIGHT ON: STU’S HAND

The first bar written on it is “GhostBar.”

Chastity and the guys blow in, each with a photo of Doug (in medieval armor) from Alan’s wedding. As they move into the club, every single waiter, bartender, and busboy sees them and throws open their arms, heyyyy, remembering them!

They flash the picture of Doug to anyone who’ll look -- waiters, maitre d’s, thugs, bachelorettes, fetishists, bikers, swingers, brides and grooms -- but all of them shake their heads, we have no idea where Doug is...

Stu crosses off “GhostBar” from his arm...

The guys and Chastity enter and disperse. Again, everyone recognizes them and hugs them like returning heroes -- and again, no one remembers where they were taking Doug...

Stu crosses off another stamp from his arm...

The BOUNCER recognizes the guys from the night before and unclips the rope, letting them in past the immense line...

The BOUNCER recognizes the guys from the night before and unclips the rope, letting them in past the immense line...

The BOUNCER recognizes the guys from the night before and unclips the rope, letting them in past the immense line...

The guys race through a shadier, more industrial area of town, their hopes dimming...

Vick rolls to a stop in front of...

CHAPS NIGHTCLUB

It takes a moment for the guys to realize that everyone in line is male, buff, and wearing erotic cowboy gear.

Then they look up at the marquee. It reads “CHAPS: HOME OF THE GOLDEN PONY ALL MALE REVUE.”

But Vick is already shoving Stu out of the car.

The guys walk into the massive nightclub and stop. It’s got a kitschy barn theme, and hosts 200 TOPLESS DUDES in cowboy hats and short-shorts grinding on each other.

The guys turn to see numerous pairs of MEN’S UNDERWEAR nailed to the wall nearby. A sign above it reads “CHAPS WALL OF FAME.” We recognize Stu’s COLORADO STATE BOXERS.

Just then, a BUFF WAITER in assless chaps blows by, smiling.

The guys look at each other, eyes wide.

The guys move through the throng of undulating, sweaty men, uncomfortable. Alan takes Chastity’s hand tightly.

She smiles and dances through the crowd.

They reach a HUGE MALE BOUNCER guarding the backstage area. He sees the guys and unclips the VELVET ROPE, kissing each of them on the cheek as they pass.

The guys reach the dressing room door and stop. They inhale.

Stu nods, focussed, nervous, like before a big game.

Stu nods, right. Then, after steeling himself, he enters...

The dressing room is packed with muscular, tan, buck-naked men, walking around, rubbing baby oil on themselves, donning chaps and codpieces, getting ready for the next show.

Chastity and the guys move through the mob of beefcake, staying ridiculously close together. Vick stops at one dancer, trying not to look down at his junk:

He points to a really hot, really naked guy with a funky mullet, stretching out in front of his mirror. The guys shuffle over to him. Vick tries to be supportive with Stu:

Stu shrugs, yeah, I guess...? As they draw close, Roger sees them, and smiles.

He hugs all of them. The guys make sure to keep their asses arched back to avoid genital contact.

Stu shakes his head, wide-eyed, scared...

The guys all freeze. A beat. Then Vick pats Stu’s shoulder, supportive.

Stu WHIMPERS. Vick and Alan exchange a look, holy shit!

Now it’s Alan’s turn to look stunned.

The guys look at each other, nauseous.

Finally, Chastity starts LAUGHING.

Roger breaks into a smile and slaps five with Chastity. The guys all exhale, incredibly relieved.

The guys look at each other, confused.

The guys nod, right.

Roger nods and presses PLAY on a little VCR/TV combo sitting in front of his mirror. ON THE TV a very Brokeback, Chippendale’s-style male revue starts playing. Stu GASPS. Roger fast forwards.

ON THE TV we see Stu, wearing only his “I< ROGER” g-string and assless chaps, grinding on stage with the Golden Pony dancers. He is way fatter, paler, and hairier than the greased young studs. The guys look away, oooo.

ON THE TV Stu gets on all fours on the stage, and eagerly gestures for the dancers to take turns “riding” him.

Stu’s face drops.

ON THE VIDEO Stu clutches onto Roger from behind as they ride a LAVENDER MECHANICAL BULL together. The crowd goes wild.

The guys look at each other, confused.

Just then, Vick’s cellphone rings. The caller ID reads “MANDALAY BAY.” He answers:

INTERCUT WITH:

Atashir is on the phone at the reception desk.

Vick’s jaw drops.

Vick SLAMS his phone shut, overjoyed.

The guys all laugh, a massive weight lifted.

They keep laughing and hug each other, heartfelt. Vick even hugs Roger.

Chastity and the guys bound out of Chaps, jubilant. Stu is carrying a box of TWO DOZEN VIDEOTAPES.

They get into Vick’s clunker.

They drive off into the night, grins all around.

Vick drives, Stu sits shotgun. Alan sits in the back with Chastity. The cool night air washes over them. They look happily exhausted.

Alan’s smile flickers slightly.

She looks out at Vegas as it flies by.

Alan hesitates; suddenly she seems a lot more...human.

Alan tries not to laugh. She smiles, a twinge sadly.

Chastity proudly shows Alan a photo from her purse of a cute little toddler. Alan smiles.

Alan shows her a photo of Becky on his cellphone.

Stu turns around, unable to keep quiet any longer:

Chastity tries to stymie her laugh.

Chastity laughs. Alan does too, shaking his head.

Alan looks off, stoic. Chastity pats his hand, proud.

She smiles at Alan, impressed, pulling her hair from her face. Alan looks at her anew... It’s a sweet moment...

Lamborghini’s, Ferrari’s and Hummer limos clog the valet stand. Vick rolls up in his clunker. The guys hop out.

Chastity and the guys hurry down the hallway to their suite. Vick unlocks their door and pushes inside.

Instead of finding Doug, however, they find KALOLO FANALUA, sitting on their couch, pissed. He’s got a huge WHITE CAST on his right arm, courtesy of the strip club bouncers.

The guys freeze.

The door SLAMS behind them, and they whip around to see KIKIOLANI standing in front of the door, blocking their exit. He has an identical CAST on his right arm.

Just then, a toilet FLUSHES and an immensely large man in a red suit exits the bathroom, drying his hands. We recognize him from his police photo as crime boss JIMMY LANG, 50’s.

Alan and Stu glance at Vick, confused.

Vick stammers, trying to find the words...

Alan and Stu look at Vick, shocked and hurt.

Vick looks away, ashamed.

He draws a huge, red-plated .357 MAGNUM.

The guys jump back, whoa! Vick holds up his hands:

The guys all look sick.

Jimmy nods and heads for the door. The Samoans follow him.

Alan and Stu pace about the suite, beyond stressed. Vick stands, looking out the window. Chastity gets them all water.

Vick just stares out at the city, not denying it.

Stu drops onto the couch, deeply disillusioned...

Vick spins around, furious:

Vick swats a lamp off a nearby end-table -- it SMASHES against the wall!

The guys freeze. Tense silence. Vick grows emotional.

Tears threaten in his eyes. He wipes at them, angry.

Alan and Stu exchange a look. They’ve never seen brash, cocky Vick this vulnerable before. Stu can’t help but give in.

Vick looks down, deeply touched...

Tears trail down Vick’s cheeks. He crosses and gives Stu a hug. Stu hugs back, emotional.

They hug tight. For a while.

Vick pulls away.

Vick stammers at Stu, speechless.

Vick desperately tries to clear the image from his mind. Alan just frowns at his watch, stressed.

The guys nod, frowning, back on point.

The guys frown at each other.

The guys’ eyebrows all rise, you think...?

ALAN THROWING DOWN BLACKJACK AT A BLACKJACK TABLE

The guys erupt in CHEERS around him, YAAA! The dealer slides over a large pile of CHIPS.

CHASTITY THROWING CRAPS AT A CRAPS TABLE

Again the guys erupt! Alan hugs Chastity. Their pile of CHIPS grows...

STU YELLING “BINGO” AT A BINGO TABLE

The guys jump up, slapping ten, YELLING! Stu points at a table full of OLD LADIES nearby:in your face!

ALAN, STU, VICK AND CHASTITY SITTING AT A PAI GOW TABLE

looking lost. Then they take their large stack of chips and quietly leave. No one knows how to play Pai Gow poker.

VICK JUMPING UP FROM A WAR TABLE

having just won! Chastity and the guys aggressively hug him. Stu drinks from his glass, hands shaking, wired.

Alan quickly counts the chips...

Alan finishes counting the chips -- and frowns.

The guys wince, damn.

They all exchange a knowing look...

$100,000 WORTH OF CHIPS BEING PLACED ON BLACK

at a roulette table. The guys sweat, tense. Stu is insane.

The Croupier drops the ball into the wheel. It bounces, hops, spins... Vick crosses himself. Stu looks away.

The ball lands. Dead silence.

Stu turns, ecstatic--

The ball has stopped on green, DOUBLE ZERO. Stu clutches his chest, like he’s having a seizure. Vick inhales, grim. Alan slowly drops to his knees. Chastity closes her eyes.

Their HUGE PILE OF CHIPS is raked off the table...

The guys pack their bags into Vick’s beat-up Caddy. The mood is as dark as the pre-dawn sky. When the car is loaded, Chastity takes Alan’s hands, gentle.

He trails off. Chastity nods.

Awkward silence. The cold desert wind blows.

Alan looks genuinely sad.

They both smile weakly.

Alan nods, okay. Another awkward pause.

She smiles a bit sadly, kisses him on the cheek, and walks off. TIGHT ON Alan’s Grandmother’s ring still on her finger.

Alan doesn’t remember the ring, however; he’s too busy watching her walk out of his life, and feeling a real sense of loss...

Then Vick fires up the car next to him.

Alan nods, yeah, and gets in the car...

Vick’s car races down a dark, abandoned desert highway. The guys look tired, stressed, and most of all, scared.

The guys all frown.

Vick skids onto Highway 12 -- a barely labelled dirt road. Things are quickly going from bad to worse...

THE FIRST RAYS OF DAWN

streaking across Venice Beach.

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 6:04AM”

Tracy exits her bedroom in her jammies, looking like she barely slept. Her father is up, and making breakfast.

Tracy frowns, overwhelmed with stress.

VICK DELICATELY LAYING CASH INSIDE HIS DUFFEL BAG

on top of his dirty clothing, fruitlessly trying to create the appearance of a bag full of money. He’s using some $20 bills, but also some $5’s and $1’s.

The guys frown at their empty wallets, yeah. We are

The Caddy is parked next to MILE MARKER 26 in the middle of the windy desert. The Las Vegas skyline is just barely visible in the distance.

Vick very delicately zips up his duffel bag so as not to disturb the bills, and places it on his lap.

They all look up to see a WHITE YUKON approaching on the far horizon, kicking up a trail of dust. The guys tense up.

Stu opens the glovebox, pulls out a bottle of Patron. He opens it, takes a swig, then passes it to Vick, who takes a pull and passes it to Alan, who also drinks.

They all watch the white Yukon draw ever closer.

The Yukon pulls up about ten yards away. No one moves.

The Yukon’s doors open... The Cadillac’s doors open...

TIGHT ON the Jimmy Lang’s RED BOOT as it hits the road...

TIGHT ON Vick’s LEATHER SHOE, then Alan’s SAILING TOPSIDER, then Stu’s FLIP-FLOP, as they all hit the dusty road...

The two parties stand by their respective cars, facing off.

Somewhere in the desert, a rattlesnake RATTLES.

Vick gently holds up his duffel bag.

Jimmy Lang nods to Kalolo, who opens the back door of the Yukon and pulls out a GUY with his hands tied behind his back and a plastic RALPH’S BAG over his head; he struggles a bit.

The guys look a bit alarmed.

Jimmy yanks the bag off of the guy’s head to reveal

IT’S NOT DOUG

It’s some black dude. Vick, Stu, and Alan look confused.

He pushes the guy forward.

Jimmy Lang and the thugs look exasperated.

Vick and the guys start backtracking towards their car.

Vick freezes, duffel in hand, as Stu and Alan slink from view. Jimmy reaches Vick, gun calmly trained at his head.

All eyes on Vick, anxiously clutching the bag in his hand... Sweat beads on his brow...

Then Vick throws a hard left hook, SLAMMING Jimmy square in his massive stomach! And

NOTHING HAPPENS

Jimmy is built like a tank. Vick freezes, oh shit. Then Jimmy PISTOL-WHIPS Vick -- his lip explodes with blood and he falls to the ground.

Then Jimmy picks up the duffel bag. Hefts it. Feels wrong. He goes to open the zipper when he hears:

Jimmy looks up to see Stu insanely charging him like the linebacker he once was! Jimmy raises his gun, but

STU TACKLES JIMMY TO THE GROUND FIRST!

The gun flies free and they wrestle for it! Dust flies!

BACK BY THE YUKON

The two Guamians fumble for their guns -- but it’s difficult with huge CASTS on their shooting hands!

ON BLACK DOUG

He sees what’s going down, and, his hands tied behind his back, takes off sprinting towards Vegas!

BY THE CADDILAC

Alan looks around, what should I do?! What should I do?!Then he spots the keys in the ignition of the car. He hops in and fires up the engine! Just then

THE TWO GUAMIANS OPEN FIRE

Bullets pound into the Cadillac! Alan ducks down, terrified, and floors the gas!

UP AHEAD

Jimmy Lang throws Stu off of him and recovers his gun, panting. He cocks it, aims it at Stu on the ground.

Then WHAM! Alan drives the car into Jimmy Lang at 25mph!

The obese mobster is pitched off his feet, and lands a good ten yards away, in a heap of dust!

The guys freeze, shocked.

The Guamians freeze, shocked.

Alan floors the car while Stu and Vick SPRINT and DIVE in! The caddy peels the hell out of there, kicking up rocks and dust! The Guamians FIRE after them!

BULLETS IMPACT ALL ALL OVER CAR

taking out the tail-lights, the windshield, the headrests. The guys duck down til they’re sufficiently far away. Then they sit up, amazed, out of breath.

Alan drives, his eyes as big as saucers.

BACK ON JIMMY LANG

The huge mobster lies face-down on the desert floor. His two henchmen waddle up, highly concerned.

Jimmy sputters into the dirt, furious.

The guys race down the dusty highway in traumatized silence.

Vick frowns and blots his split lip with his sleeve.

The guys pull up at a lone, dusty payphone in the middle of the desert. They all look at the phone.

Beat. Then Vick reaches for his nose, odd man out. Stu and Alan immediately reach for their noses, too. It’s close.

Alan looks shocked -- and impressed -- by Vick’s newfound sense of responsibility.

Vick grabs the bottle of Patron, takes a long swig. Beat.

Vick hands the bottle to Alan, gets out, and makes for the pay phone...

Tracy is putting on her makeup in the bridal suite. Her stern dad blows in.

The way he spits out “Doug” tells us all we need to know about how Mr. Turner feels about his future son-in-law.

Just then, Tracy’s CELL PHONE rings. She quickly answers it.

INTERCUT WITH:

VICK

In the desert, on the pay phone, looking through his busted aviators into the rising sun.

BACK IN THE CAR

Alan starts to take a pull of Patron -- when he freezes, realizing something!

BACK TO VICK

on the phone with Tracy, being genuinely contrite.

Suddenly, Alan flies out of nowhere and snatches the receiver out of Vick’s hand!

Alan gets on the phone with Tracy, his heart racing.

Vick looks like: what?!

Alan hangs up and races back to the car. Vick follows.

Tracy stands in her bridal suite. Then she just BREAKS DOWN SOBBING. Her father hurries over, concerned...

Alan floors the car back onto the 15 towards Vegas, amped!

Stu looks confused, the roof?

The guys peel up to the valet and sprint out of the car.

The guys race through the lobby at top speed.

The guys burst out of the steel door, onto the massive black tar roof. It’s empty.

But Doug is nowhere to be seen. The guys start to despair...

Then...stepping out from behind an air-conditioning vent, naked except for tighty-whities, his entire body bright pink from sunburn...

IS DOUG!

And he looks furious. The guys run to him, overjoyed!

Before they can hug him, though, Doug holds up his hand, and whispers, nasty, parched:

The guys stop short.

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 7:05AM”

The guys gingerly rush Doug, now in a Mandalay Bay bathrobe and clutching an arm-full of BOTTLED WATERS, through the hotel lobby. Alan is arguing into his cellphone.

As they pass ATASHIR at his desk, Vick yells over:

They blow out of the hotel...

...where their beatup Caddy is waiting. Alan slams his cellphone shut, frowning.

Beat. Then Vick, Stu and Alan exchange a look...a smile slowly creeps across their faces.

THE TOTALLED CADILLAC ROCKETING DOWN I-15

Vick is at the wheel, leaning on the HORN, keeping the three- doored Caddy at 110 miles per hour. When traffic gets thick, he doesn’t hesitate to drive in the shoulder.

In the backseat, Doug chugs bottled water, still simmering.

Doug just stares out at the desert in stony silence.

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 9:15AM”

Workers bustle about the grand lawn of the Bel Air Bay Club, putting the last touches on the outdoor wedding site.

It’s beautiful: the royal palms, the expansive views of the Pacific, the white chairs in perfect rows, the altar adorned in roses. A HARPIST begins to warm up as well-heeled GUESTS filter in, finding their seats...

Tracy checks her watch as a HAIRSTYLIST works on her hair. Then she checks her watch again...

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 9:47AM”

A GARY’S TUXEDO VAN speeds up alongside the Caddy as they fly down the 10 freeway. A very nervous TEENAGER opens the van’s sliding door and, wind whipping his face, throws a huge PACKAGE over to Alan, who stands and catches it! Vick nods at the van driver and shouts over the wind:

The driver gives Vick a thumbs up, and heads off. Alan rips open the package -- inside are four TUXEDOS. The guys start taking off their tattered clothes...

All the seats at the wedding are filled. Everyone is there. Except the Groomsmen. Or the Groom. The harpist still plays, though she’s starting to look a little pissed.

Looking beautiful in her wedding gown, Tracy gazes out of the window at the perfect wedding arranged below...

Then she notices guests whispering,is something wrong? Where’s the groom? She turns away, trying to hold it together...

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 10:03AM”

The guys, now in their tuxes, rocket down the freeway, primping. Alan brushes his teeth, Doug tries to comb his hair, Stu flosses, and Vick shaves with an electric razor as he weaves in and out of traffic...

TITLE CARD: “SUNDAY, 10:19AM”

Tracy paces in the bridal suite. Then Mr. Turner enters.

Tracy stops short, speechless.

Just then, we hear a car SQUEALING UP outside...

The Bridesmaids sit around the posh lobby, waiting, anxious. Just then, the doors blow open and

VICK, ALAN, STU, AND DOUG

stride inside! Their tuxes are wrinkled, their hair is a mess, and the groom is bright pink -- but they’re here.

The bridesmaids sit up, stunned.

TRACY AND HER FATHER

walking down the aisle, arm-in-arm, as Mozart plays. Tracy looks tentative. Her father frowns, not at all happy...

IN THE AUDIENCE

Everyone smiles, AHHS, and snaps photos...

AT THE ALTAR

The groomsmen smile as well. Vick whispers to Doug:

Doug still doesn’t speak to him.

TRACY

reaches the altar, then turns to her dad. His face is a mess of emotions. They hug.

Tracy’s Dad shoots Doug a nasty look before taking his seat in the first row.

Then Tracy approaches Doug at the altar, and whispers to him, angry, hurt:

Tracy studies his face, searching...

All the guests wait with bated breath...

The groomsmen wince, come on come on come on...

Then, unable to be mad at Doug, Tracy smiles and kisses him. He kisses her back. The guests all SIGH in relief. The groomsmen exhale, whew. Vick and Alan covertly knock fists.

The Minister clears his throat.

But Doug and Tracy just keep on kissing...

DOUG AND TRACY STILL KISSING

at the reception. The entire wedding party is applauding.

CHAMPAGNE IS UNCORKED

and the WEDDING BAND kicks in. We are now down on the lawn, where white tables and a dance floor have been set up.

STANDING IN THE BACK OF THE RECEPTION

Vick, Stu, and Alan aggressively APPLAUD and WHISTLE for the bride and the groom.

They LAUGH. Alan smiles, more relaxed than we’ve ever seen him. They sip champagne and watch Doug and Tracy enjoy their first dance on the dance floor.

Then Stu sees someone approaching over Alan’s shoulder.

The guys all look over to see

BECKY

Alan’s girlfriend of 14 years, bearing down on them, irate.

Alan shrinks down, back to being the chastised boyfriend.

Then there’s a WOMAN’S VOICE behind them.

WOMAN’S VOICE Alan?

They all turn to see

CHASTITY

standing behind them in a very sexy, very elegant dress, her hair back. She cleans up nicely. Alan swallows,whoa.

Chastity smiles that he called her by her real name.

She hands Alan his GRANDMOTHER’S HOLOCAUST RING. Becky watches on, stunned.

Alan looks back and forth between Becky and Chastity...

It’s the moment of truth. The fork in life’s road...

And in that moment, it all becomes so clear. Alan turns:

Becky’s jaw drops. Chastity smiles slightly. Stu and Vick grin, oh shit!

Alan looks at Becky, sincere, honest. Beat.

Alan shakes his head, sadly, no.

Chastity smiles, takes his arm, and they walk off together towards the bar.

BACK ON BECKY

She finally recovers enough to speak:

But Alan just keeps walking away with Chastity. Vick and Stu wave him on, go dude! Go!

Then Becky turns on them. Beat. They both scatter, terrified.

STAY WITH STU

as he hurries off through the crowd. After a moment, he hears:

VOICE Daddy?!

Stu turns to see his TWO ANGELIC DAUGHTERS in sundresses racing through the crowd towards him! They leap into his arms, so excited to see him! He scoops them both up.

Beat.

And then Stu just starts BAWLING. Tears everywhere.

His lovely wife ERIN appears, harried, a diaper bag over her shoulder, and sees him crying. She rolls her eyes.

Stu shakes his head, no, and keeps SOBBING as he pulls her into a big family hug...

Vick, a cocktail in hand, his tie undone, heads into the men’s room and approaches a urinal. Then KIKIOLANI and KALOLO FANALUA walk in behind him, still in their huge arm casts, still very pissed. Vick inhales, scared.

Then JIMMY LANG enters the bathroom on RED CRUTCHES.

Vick nods, resigned, and starts towards him. Then Jimmy extends his hand for Vick to shake.

Vick looks blown away.

The three injured mobsters exit. Vick remains standing there, overwhelmed, his life literally saved...

VICK, STU, AND ALAN

standing on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific, drinks in hand, as the wedding reception rages on behind them.

They all LAUGH.

The guys turn to see Doug approaching, smiling. They grin as he falls in with them, looking out at the calm blue ocean.

Doug nods, I know. Vick raises his cocktail.

The guys LAUGH.

They nod, heartfelt, hear-hear.

The guys all nod reassuringly.

The guys exchange a sly smile, CLINK glasses, then

CUT TO BLACK.