"NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION" (1983)

DRAFT FOURTH

Hughes·Joh~

by Wr~tten

hand.

Clark's pocket and shakesthe ball in his The Salesman puts

Ed! there,Hi, (continuing) CLARK

ball. showroom squeezing a tennisout of thecomestooth sportcoat, fast-talker in a polyester hound'sa slick,SALESMAN,Clark's

the street. and shoots across dealership driver The hiker jumps into Clark's old car and blasts out of the

guzzler. old gas Say good-bye to theaway. Take her Trade-in. Clark Griswold! CLARK

him the car· keys.hand and tosses Clark shakes hisup. A CAR HIKER in greasy overalls strolls

Dad. Yeah, RUSTY

can you? Can't wait, Picking up the new car. CLARK

What? RUSTY

Russ? Pretty exciting, isn't this, (proud) CLARK

a Lacoste shirt.and Rusty is in jeansnew car.pick up his He's excited and happy tosuit.summer-weightand aglasses He's wearing hornrimfatherly.handsome, is mid-thirties,

Clark get out.RUSTY, twelve year old son,GRISWOLD and hisW. CLARK up in front of a large suburban car dealership.pulls damage fender A 1977 sedan with serious trunk and minor front

AFTERNOONLATE- CAR DEALERSHIPSUBURBAN-EXT.

IN: FADE

'82 VACATION

,i,; -----••·W ■ W ■ W·W'WW&·•·W-1,1••····•---·

....J. ------------······

Where? (puzzled) CLARK

she is!There SALESMAN

GARAGE DEALERSHIP-INT.

Clark. CLARK

Claud. Sounds exciting, SALESMAN

Walley World. The big vacation. the whole family. Takin' California.for in the morning We're leaving come in on time.to wasn't goingcar We were afraid the CLARK

They walk around the dealership.

Come on around back. SALESMAN

The Salesman smiles.

ago. seconds A guy took it away a couple CLARK

your trade-in? You bringthenl Let's get it SALESMAN

squeeze. Rusty an affectionateClark gives playing with a tiny portable pac-man, is uninterested.Rusty,

Look at him. Couldn't wait.Yep. CLARK

Rusty. RUSTY

right? "Billy", How you doing, (to Rusty) Griswold.Mr. Good to see you, SALESMAN

come in.didn't It know what must've happened.IOh, (moment of discovery) SALESMAN

I don't know, sir. DAVENPORT

Where is it? Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.Mr. SALESMAN

Ed? Mr . · Yes , DAVENPORT

on a rag.hands wiping his

appears dressed in greasy over-alls,BLACK MAN,A middle-ages

I'm going to get to the bottom of this. To himself:)an:grily.down looks on hips,(hands Davenport!! want you to be happy.but I Beats the hell outta the Sportswagon, A damn fine automobile.Truckster. the new wagonqueen familyThis is Claud. think you're right,IYou know, SALESMAN

even the right model.isn't Th.is The sportwagon. Antartic blue. ClARK

Orange? You didn't order it in Florida SALESMAN

Rally fun-pack. and the optional Sportswagon with C.B. · Super ordered the Antartic Blue, I distinctlyEd.ordered, the car I This isn'tRusty. Take it easy, CLARK

the car. over to Clark steps

Dad. not• the car you ordered,That's RUSTY

The wagon. Right there. SALESMAN

~- --.--.-... l:L.O¼LJL~...t....L-...~i....i..Ul.ut.ti..A.L.t......._........________..........i'"L.1ii..i<;_;i;._;i;Lil::::t:L1·tu·t:utt:.tA:.;ll:A·t:t:tlU·&:Ultt..ltA:.&A·a>tttLitLtt...1..-1...t.:...::._...:L..i.~

L___

orange station wagon?An AUDREY

block! ··, They crushed our old car into a RUSTY

Changed my mind.No, it isn't. CLARK

right car?theIs thatClark? ELLEN

of the house to inspect the new car. come outAUDREY ELLEN and It continues to run on.again. guns it and turns it off Clark restarts the engine,out. Rusty gets shivering and chugging.on,It runsengine. Clark shuts off the The orange wagon pulls in the drive.

EVENINGEARLY- HOUSE GRISWOLD-EXT.

old car. The jaws close on Clark's

CRUSHERAUTO-YARD JUNK AUTO- EXT.

I'm not falling for this bit. my old car back.Give mefine.Okay, CLARK

buzzers ... warning safety features, air cushions, push-button radio, all the newest FM Truckster is your.automobile. the Wagonqueen Familywhole tribe, you're going cross-country with the Tell you what ... IfGriswold.Mr. It's going to take a good six weeks, SALESMAN

e1sewhere!businessmy I'm takingnow, ;Lght the antartic blue sportswagon mev Now, if you can't- givefool. every~y I'm not your ordinaryEd,

CLARK

..1..:--=•••========------=-.1.1<•""";......=....:.

honey. long ride, But it's an awfully ELLEN

You learn.honey. You share impressions, you meet the people. you see the country, you sing, you talk,carIn a worlds. own and they're off in theirheadphones on their everybody puts get on a plane, You a family. spend time together as The idea of a family vacation is to CLARK

cross-country. EspeciallyClark. Lots of families fly, ELLEN

sweetie pie. through that again,gonot·Let's CLARK

two weeks.have We only to fly out to California. too late it's notClark, You know, ELLEN

them into the dishwasher.and loading

them Clark is absent-mindedly dryingEllen is rinsing dishes.

LATER- KITCHENINT.

cacophony of various buzzer noises.a constantbutton; all amidst

key releasecolutm1 and a special steering air bag valve releases

deceptively conceiled fusion of shoulder-harness release buttons, to extricate himself and the ignition key from a con-tries Clark is all but suffocating as hecar stops the engine. and final jerk of thesudden forwarda An air bag inflates as

do that. All new cars CLARK

Why is it still running? ELLEN

one. on this got a great dealI arrive in time. The car we ordered didn'tNothing. CLARK

What happened? ELLEN

•=t.."••>J WTfflPPPfflPpfflppfflfflfflrrzzz; '!,,- ~,.....-'!'"••..••i

hours per day."cost per day,per hour,

cost cost per mile, miles per hour, miles per gallon,miles, "Total lower right corner of screen:shows up onA readout

hours per day....and cost per day, cost per hour,mile, cost per miles per hour,per gallon, down into: total miles , milesbroken thing whole I've got theRuss. knew you'd be interested in this,I _ (continuing) CLARK

screen an "X" flashes in Southern California.On

the way. missing any of the good stuff along time at Walley World withoutfun get the maximum amount ofwesure wanna makeI the old apple here. on figured out the whole tripI Audrey, sit next to Dad.Russ, CLARK

on small console.buttons by punching someUSA program to map of Clark changes Rusty's

ROOM FAMILYINT.

you wanna turn off the pac-man?Russ, who wants to see the triptic?Kids, continuing)(_ CLARK

Clark kisses her on the cheek and starts for the family room.

Ellen.easy, Nothing worthwhile is CLARK

to fly. I just thought it might be easier ELLEN

Then what? babies are all grown up. littlemy and realize thatdays I'm going to turn around-one of these on the weekend.h~ursfewnight and a a few minutes at in the morning, few minutesthem aseeItime.the You see the kids alllong ride. an awfully I'm looking forward to CLARK

-------...---·- '-

through the kitchen door.this strangeness

sees Clark registers pain as EllenShe doesn't budge.bra.

sweater just above her training out his back and pushing Audrey's by her waist.while he is seated, pullingto lift her upHe tries~--) \.·. Come on over here . (affectionately) Where'd you learn about the Concord? And you're growing up so darn fast. Not fly over it. your heritage ... hand your roots, to experience first want youI own country.ouracross That's the whole point of us driving ·cl.ARK

Switzerland for their vacation. Con·cord toon the them first class dad flew Jessica Forsken'sYeah. AUDREY

Clark is trying to keep car out of trouble.

Dad. forgot why we're not flying,I car) devoured the(having

to avoid by moving red dot.as Clark triesspace ships some attacking remote control unit Rusty punches. in from hisC_'.)

explain the old trip here. I'm trying tod'ya mind?Rusty, (continuing) CLARK

down Route 55. already progressing

the car, on the screen and pursuesA small pac man appears

on in here! come I'm doing day one ...Honey, day one ... me just punch uplet Now ... here's the old truckster. continuing)( CLARK

a button. Clark punches A red dot appears in Chicago as

... And (indicating "X") Walley World. There'skids? With me so far, (continuing) CLARK

·••• :f<·J'!N~·::e'-?t::'1£14·A•-..••••••••••••t;&.l.t.I.t...1.1.1_!!.....11111

J

C)

are~.w.atching.

The kids operation. well-plann~d hands in anticipation of a

Clark rubs his Luggage is neatly stacked behind the wagon.

LATER- GABAGEINT.

Yeah! FAMILY

ever? Are you ready for the best vacation CLARK

Ellen gets in.started.

engine Clark gets the Everything's in order.She smiles.

room lights ...livi~gthe on put the timer get the grass cut, to stop the newspapers, callpolice, notify the Lock the doors,air. and stove, heat Turn off the water, ELLEN

do before leaving.tothings running over her mental checklist ofto the car thinking, Ellen walksRrrr!RrrrlRrrr! trying to start the car.

He's Clark and the kids are in the car.It's still dark.

DAWNOF CRACK DRIVEWAY -EXT.

on the drive. down and open suitcases are ripped off the rack and tumble

The- the roof.on anticipated the height of the luggage

He hasn't He gets in the car and backs into the garage.

never go wrong. you to plan, If you take the time CLARK

clearing the ground by six inches.down,loaded

completely The car is He proudly checks out his work.down.

the roof rack and climbslashing luggage toClark finishes

LATER- GARAGEINT.

hinge:-- dangerously on a single bottomIt hangs

down. open and drops The door swingssame time.both at the

and then triesthinks He steps back, won't open either.

It It won't open:- He tries the handle at top center.

on the side. He tries the handleopen.down todoor drops top center indicating that thethere is also a handle at

But open. swings on the side indicating the doorhandle a There is the_wagon. open the rear door ofHe tries to

a science. Properly packing a car is

CLARK

... Ba-ba-ba-ba-barbara to the kids)(sings Singl Come on! CLARK

as Ellen continues with the ba-ba's.to the kidsturnsClark

... Barbara Ann handmy Take Barbara Ann Barbara Ann ELLENAND CLARK

chance ontake a thought I'dso IAnn Saw Barbara romance dance looking foraWent to CLARK

Ba-ba-ba-ba-barbara Ann Barbara Ann and a reelin'Rockin' and a rollin'me rockin'You got ELLENAND CI.AIU{

Barbara A-a-ann Ta-ake my ha-a-and A-a""'.annBarbara (falsetto) CLARK

like they're crazy.

them The kids are staring at Clark and Ellen are singing.

CAR IN't.

Ba-ba ba-ba-barbara Ann. (joins in)

Ba-ba-ba-ba-barbara Ann.

(VO) CLARK

are singing merrily.A~lbeatiful day.

a It's along the interstate.station wagon rollsThe

MORNINGLATE HIGHWAY -EXT.

garage. flooding the causing a geyser of water that startsof pipe out of the wall, limit and finally rips several feetitshose is stretched to

the he drives off down the street,Ason the bumper.caught

to notice the garden hose ispulls out but Clark failscarThe

···------------•••••«:t..LL'!.1-...:...........·-,..1.~-.:.. · -WdtrRr••m:mre:

the moosiest moose we know?Who's (sings) CLARK

song. cartoon· figurehead'spark's the Wally World themetheme, rendition of the Marty Moose He leads the family in a rousingClark clears his throat.

national anthem of Walley World! the It's We all know it.got one.I CLARK

a sing-a-long song.Daddy means ELLEN

It is tool AUDREY

song! That isn't aa minute.Wait CLARK

Clark interrupts.

Work that sucker to death ...u deathTo Work that sucker to death death Work that sucker to (hand-clapping chant) KIDS

tune.a They silently agree onlook at each other.The three kids

start. You We'll sing one of yours.Okay. CLARK

Daddy.up, sound kind of made They ' em up? Are you making RUSTY

don't know any of your songs.We AUDREY

song ends.

Ann. (limp) ELLEN

leaving Chicago in B.G.

CAR EXT.

are listening to. FADE Clark and Ellen singing to the rock song the kidsCROSS

volume.up Rusty turns same Walkman and grimacing. is plugging her headphones into the

Audrey Sony Walkman;from· a on headphones has already putRus··ty

/hi.,';\.' SEAT..~-,BACK

Ellen joins in.

a dear ... ""Doehoney. one, 'bout thisHow we're talkin'. Now huh. Huh, That's me!H-yuck ! CLARK

1· What's that spell CLARK

"E" is for everything you want to be! RUSTY

"S" is for super-swell family glee! AUDREY

I gee "O"; gollyt"O", goshl "O" is for "O", ELLEN

you see! we' re merry,merry,"M'' is for CLARK

Marty Moose! FAMILY

show? favorite the star of ourWho's ELLEN

Marty Moose! FAMILY

-·---~ ~-----···■"-'•--"-•~• ■■-..J----•■L.aa..A.■WL.O._..._..•-•----••._.•-~----..--~-~-~---~-....-..••,_-,-..--....,.............._•,.._.,.._...._,.._.,............._,_.._,•,._.-'--''..._.------~-'-•~•

" ... Rollin' rollin' rollin' ... " CLARK

Clark? ELLEN

darlin' ... " dum dumbee doobie doobiedarlin, "Oh, littleanyway.for gasstofto Got little darling.mydokee,Okee CLARK

will you? give it a rest,honey,Clark, ELLEN

one eye and interrupts:She opensto be asleep.Ellen appears

... " " ... Hallelujah CLARK

CAR INT.

I.

Everybody! " ... Michael row your boat ashore ... " (0-. C.)CLARK

moving along another section of highway.

CAR EXT.

C'mon, kids!world ... " " ... are the luckiest people in the (O.C.) CI.ARK

hear Clark singing.We whizzing past cornfields.

CAR EXT.

TO: DISSOLVE

«➔ ~-t-....!........l:.•••••••--•••s·amnerea••••••••••••••rWi_:....._,..

u

the plates. I'm just fixinghoney.Get inside, CLARK

Clark?tank, the gas Isn't this ELLEN

tank door. the little gasopens

she With her finger,fender. Ellen points to the right front

The kids get in and approach the car. Ellen and the kids in his left hand and the nozzle in his right hand, just as up with the license platelooksHe the plate at its hinges. ripping sharply and dramatically,and.pullshis left hand top of the license plate withthegrabsClark confidentally tank at the back of a station wagon under the license plate. a man filling a Looking to the right he seesside either. gas· tank on thatnothat there isd:J.scovers removes nozzle and He pulls into the other side of the pump,line..inwaiting Clark cuts off other cars confusion and honking of horns as There is generalpumps. around to the other side of the the nozzle, gets·into the car and pullsHe returnscar.the tank on that side of but immediately notices there is no gas

the pump, Clark removes get out and head for the restrooms.

Ellen and the kids Clark pulls into the left of the pumps.

STATIONGAS SELF-SERVICEEXT.

-,..

the river. get across you long asso What's the difference, CLARK

bridge. on the wrong think you'reIClark, (looking at the map). ELLEN

dat ale man ribber.""Ole man ribber, (continuing) CLARK

Clark begins singing.

the old man. the old Miss,Mississip, the mighty That's the Mississippi, CLARK

Dad? river are we crossing over,What RUSTY

The car cruises into the Martin Luther King Memorial Bridge.

CAR EXT.

... Nope CLARK

on it? Can we go upDad.Geez, KIDS

you and me.to That's sixty storiestop. elevator that goes all the way to the an and has over six hundred feet tall It's Gateway to the West.TheArch. Louis That's the St.kids?See that, CLARK

interested in the view.seat, The kids are leaning over the frontEllen is perusing the map.

CAR INT.

in the distance.

seen the Gateway Arch isLouis, the car approaches St.As

AFTERNOONLA.TE-LOUIS EAST ST.EXT.

J

Russ. I believe that's still the Mississippi, , (V.O.)CLARK

river are we crossing now?WhatDad? (V. O.)RUSTY

is wrong with me?What on the wrong bridge.Of course, we're O.}(V. CLARK

way we just came? Isn't California back theClark? (cautiously) (V. 0 . )ELLEN

opposite direction it was traveling across the King Bridge. heading the The station wagon crosses the MacArthur Bridge,

LATER- ANOTHER BRIDGEEXT.

do you get ... "and whatsixteen tons "You load Went back to work.Nope. CLARK

Daddy? Did he go free, AUDREY

seven. famous decision back in eighteen something judge heard his case and made that courthouse where thethis is theWell, haven't you kids?War, heard of the Civil You've Louis. freedom right here in St. took his master to court to gain his negro slave whofamousawasScott Dredd kids? American history anymore, Don't they teach You mean who was he? CLARK

Who's he? AUDREY

where they made the Dredd Scott Decision. That's kids. landmark,a realThat's There's the old courthouse.Oh look. CLARK

honey. we'll be on the wrong highway, when we get across the river,Well, ELLEN

16:.

--·--······,i,&.J., ■ AP:e·eemmeeeae••e..¼...l....dc.....:f:.~-~-ea&...±......Ll.!...±.L.Lii-··

good! That's ELLEN

of America that we never see. a part This is Look at it this way. CLARK

business being in an area like this. We have no so dangerous!This is ELLEN

Will you relax? CLARK

you going?areWhereClark! ELLEN

down in the seat.

slumped Ellen is terrified, hunched over the wheel.Clark is

CAR INT.

dark alley. down a dank, The station wagon creeps

ALLEYWAYSLUMEXT.

Thank you. CLARK

the window.up Clark quickly rolls

Mama! Fuck yo' BLACK VOICE

expressway? how to get back on theme I wonder if you could tellPardon me! ( continuing) CLARK

down his window.He rolls

back on the expressway. how to get I better ask these fellas (to Ellen) CLARK

B~CK Six adult up alongside of the wagon.Cadillac pulls / A red of the inner city and stops at an intersection.

The station wagon cruises slowly down a street in the bowels

EVENING SLUM STREET -EXT.

for directions. I'm not giving you five dollars CLARK

dollars.Fi' MAN YOUNG

Sure. (smiles) CLARK

For free?What? MAN YOUNG

the ·expressway. me how to get back oncould tell I'd really appreciate it if you CLARK

man. No shit, MAN YOUNG

luggage. The young man looks at the station wagon and the

We're from out of town. (continuing) CLARK

in the window.

looksHe around and skates to the car.twirlsmanThe young

Excuse me, bros. CLARK.

down the window.Clark rolls BLACK man roller skates past the car.A youngwindows. hanging out of People are sitting on porches,stop's.

and a street The station wagon pulls out of the alley into

STREETEXT.

have. This' 11 make us appreciate what we CLARK

plight? Are you noticing all thisKids! _ (to· the kids.) cities. our eyes to the plight of the can't closeWe that's bad.No, CLARK

Don't make eye contact, kids. ELLEN

her. staring in the window atnervously at the facessmilesEllen

CAR INT.

and various other expressions."Honky lips"

It reads: end of Ellen's side of the station wagon.the rear

Some guys are spraying graffiti oncoming down off porches. sliding off car hoods, People start to gather around the car,

Dat's where you turn. MAN

Right. CLARK

place say currency exchange? See da too far.dat's dat far, you don't wanna gofuck it,Okay, MAN

Right. CLARK

See, it say rib tips?See? MAN YOUNG

down the street. aims it out the window,mariThe Clark holds out his finger.

hold it out ...finger, follow yourDat place, dat place? you see,'cause,good dat's well, man, Okay, da way you pointing?see like youOkay, ya see?man,Okay, MAN -YOUNG

Keep the change. CLARK

bill. dollar the man the tenClark gives him a ten dollar bill.She hands

Clark. think that's fair,I ELLEN

at Ellen and Audrey through the window. MEMBERS are leeringGANGgroup of On Ellen's side of the car a

car. spray graffiti on the caps are missing and the As they pull away we see the hub

baby. Walley World, CLARK

do we go?Where ELLEN

gear. He puts the car in the window and sighs.upClark rolls

CAR INT.

Louis?St. CLARK

what the fuck you got? man, If peoples can't help peoples, MAN YOUNG

You've been very helpful. (sarcastically) CLARK

I'm vacationin'. da west side of Chicago. I'm from my neighborhood,this ain't 'causeman, don't wanna know from me, 'Cause you to where you wanna be. he tell you how to getandfriendmy and you is Y'all tell him you is loss Jackie. my cousin, In dat Terrine is gonna see a Torino wiffout no wheels. You man. about half of a block, go all the way downYou turn le££, MAN YOUNG

pointing down the street. MEN have joined the young. man and areBLACKSeveral older

CAR EXT.

CotQillodores? )....~' know theguys wonder if theseI (\

AAA·4:&-&-&8AAA·AW"JJ'!r~A,8!"'......._~"f4.~.,A11,-,,,;,.__.....i...........-...........

Got pregnant with Audrey. (lowers her voice) how I ... think that's I I never said anything to·you, but ELLEN

and drove? sat on my lap Remember how I laid back and you with the memory) (turning himself on

accident. amazing we didn't get in anIt's ELLEN

Ellen giggles.

back?went Remember the seats that we did in the car?Whatno.No, CLARK

swam and drank and ...We ELLEN

Do you remember what we did? CLARK

years. I haven't thought about that for recollection) (laughs at the ELLEN

Lauderdale in my Austin Healy.Ft. down to college when we drove me of the time inThis reminds (continuing) CLARK

arm around her .Clark puts his She slides over next to him. Ellen looks at him and smiles..

,.

next to me? Why don't you scoot overEllen? CLARK

and smiles. corner of his eyethe Clark looks at her out ofthe window. Ellen's staring outClark's driving. kids are asleep.The

NIGHT HIGHWAY -EXT.

Mfflifflme:Mtt((-.- •.

J

chin. him on his She smiles at him and kisses

honey. thinking,wasI That's not what CLARK

Ellen looks suspiciously at him.

lap?my Wanna put your head in pick the best one on the road. And I'm gonnawe'll wait.Okay, CLARK

Let's wait 'til we get to a motel. ELLEN

arm around her. Clark holds histhe seat. Ellen starts to move back across

little fun. That doesn't mean we can't have a CLABK

We have Clark. Lauderdale,Ft. We're not nineteen and on our way to ELLEN

The kids are asleep. CLARK

that's why! Because, why not? do you mean,What ELLEN

Why not? CLARK

No. (continuing)I ELLEN

\. face that he's very serious. She can tell by the look on his

Are you serious? ELLEN

Ellen laughs.

fond memory? Want to relive a CLARK

up angrily. Ellen sits like the steering wheel of a city bus.

and locks in the extreme uppermost position so that it'sup The wheel lifts a powerful yank. He grits his teeth and gives

The wheel's stuck! CLARK

think it's sick!and I do know what you're trying toI (continuing) (O.C.)ELLEN

on the wheel.He pulls

Cut it outt (O.C.)ELLEN

It's stuck!

It hurts! Quit kidding around!Clark! (O.C.) ELLEN

1. on the whee

JerksHe It won't work. Clark hits the little button again.

head's stuck.My C.)(0. ELLEN

Hmm? CLARK

with a homey smile.downClark looks

Clark? (troubled) (O.C.)ELLEN

pats her head. He settles back and he lowers the wheel. her head in his lap, Once she's got Ellen slips under it. to lift the tilt wheel. steering:column Clark hits the little button on the side of the

Wait a second. CLARK

lower her head.She starts to

family vacation. a Let's not forget this is ELLEN

•'••-u ~--------------------

J

and across the intersection. a red light,through the street,down, The station wagon roars

BUSINESS DISTRICTTOWN,SMALLEXT./___\_,

lodging" .food,"Gas , a freeway sign readingand pastan off rampdownCar drifts

HIGHWAYEXT.

dozed off. Obviously he has eyes are closed.but his looks perfectly normal,Heto· Clark.

ACROSSPAN she's sleeping.to Ellen,BACKPULLdoor.the

She's asleep againstto Audrey.UPPANsound asleep.He's

RUSTY- CLOSE

CAR INT.

The car cruises past a roadside motel.

LATER HIGHWAY -EXT.

He rattles the wheel.

No problem. hundred miles. could go anotherI I'm not tired. CLARK

don't want you dozing off.I let's just find a motel, please.No, ELLEN

I'll get this wheel fixed in a second.

you get tired. when weird You get getting tired. You're Let's just find a motel. ELLEN

i; screwed up ! damn wheel ' sThe

/,. height. re~onablea more Clark rattles the steering wheel trying to get it back to I / a dirty trick!That was (rubbing her neck) ELLEN

... ····--------------------------------····

_li_

Holy shit!

SCREAMS.andeyes opens hisradio,. reaches for theher,He kisses

CLARK- CLOSE

Coo Coo.Okay, CLARK

off and cuddle with me.turn the T.V. don't youWhy Honey, it's late. ELLEN (__~). talk_in her sleep .

to staTtsEllen STATIC."WITH CRACKLINGis the station and

RADIO has drifted offThe The Griswolds are still asleep.

TIME SAME CAR - INT.

and into the street.

lawn down the The car drives dragging a clothes line.houses

out of the way as the station wagon tears between thedives

and He turns coming from. wondering where the sound'shead,

The man cocks hisO.C. An engine drones late night duty. dog to finish his is in his bathrobe waiting for hisMANA

HOUSE STREET, RESIDE?q!¥.EXT.

across the playground. swing set as it roarsthrough a The station wagon crashes

SCHOOLYARDEXT.

from the glass.inches them we see the station wagon roar past, In the window behind Patrons at a counter are drinking coffee.

-DINER ALL NIGHTINT.

Ji'!,-',_~_,..._,-~~-~,--------~--*._...al!'......_._._.,."'-"Iii...._.,_.__,•._......--.--------------•--••.._......■&.I■■ -LWLIIP'-A£..JA■..IL•t...L'-'t...__,--~·---.......___·~·.............i.....:.._.i•.!t...~-i_,.1...

adjoining door. and now appears at the closed the outside doorClark has

Pioneer Chicken box) (reaching for her have your breasts?Can I RUSTY

night bags. room with a couple ofand Ellen's luggage and entering his tying down extraneousdoor, bedroom door and out the front We see Clark through adjoiningon in B.G.The television is Audrey and Rusty are eating Pioneer Chicken on separate beds.

ROOM MOTELINT.

We're here.'em!and atUp CLARK

in shock.ah.ead are staring straight tumbled into the.front seat with Ellen and theykids haveThe

' CAR INT.

ones. on either side between the Griswold's car and two other parked There are ten inches lines in front of one of the motel rooms. to a stop perfectly parked between the whitethe car skids

Finally, luggage flies off the roof rack in all directions.as

on all sides, missing parked carsnarrowlyaroundThe car spins

LOT PARKINGMOTELEXT.

into the motel's central parking lot. the car careens out of controlscream asEllen and the kids

CAR INT.

flies past the motel office. as the carup clerk looksdesk The astonisheda motel.to drive-through entrancenarrowthrough the and shoots backwards

turn 180°a does The station wagon skids across the street,

TIME SAME STREET -EXT.

on the brake. steering wheel and jumps_)___( Clark grabs the Ellen and the kids wake with a start as/'"·"'\

J

He gets in. He's undressed.

Clark! ELLEN

eeekl ...eeek,Eeek, CLARK

She's briefly startled.sound from "Psycho".screeching Clark is imitating the drawn back suddenly.Shower curtain is

POV ELLEN'S

the water is barely running. Ellen is in a small shower;

ROOM ELLEN'SANDCLARK BATHROOM -INT.

He's totally manic.Over-excited? RUSTY

excited... think Dad's a little overI AUDREY

LUNCH. DONKEY- a special "X"-rated featurepresents "Motelavis-ion it is a title:On screen in B. G.the T. V.

ANGLE REVERSE we see in As he does so, He closes the door.

fame ... " Long live his bold. courageous,brave, Wyatt Earp, "Wyatt Earp ,Dodge City lNooo . . .

Ten more hours in the car? AUDREY

tomorrow is ... You know whatOkay? finish eating. soon as you sack out asYou kids CLARK

1. sake. for Christ's my damn wings,gave herI RUSTY

a little fast.up You're growingRusty.easy,Hey, CLARK

my breasts alonelLeaveGet off! AUDREY

J__,___"Lf-1+1rIf•a•■■•ee r:w•-=--=-•=•••••• ■·*•••,

_j

us if you'd just try to relax. d be easier on all ofthink itand I way to Walley World,lon~aBut it's time. want us all to have a great know youand Iyou, trip means to know how much thisIhoney.Clark, ELLEN

and sits beside him.Ellen entersClark is in bed.

BEDROOMINT.

very carefully. I've planned by lunch on Thursday. Grand Canyon No way we'll make the fucked. our schedule is10:00 a.m. not there bywe'reIf Afternoon? CLARK (.O.C.)

tomorrow afternoon.there them know we'll beEddie to let Maybe you should call Catherine and in the mirror) (looking at herself ELLEN

off.

toweling Ellen gets out of the shower and startsexits.Clark

in. I'll be rightown front.do yourGo ELLEN

do your front?me toWant CLARK

back.my I already did ELLEN

do your back?Want me to CLARK

right in. I' 11 be you big hunk.me,and scare don't you hide under the coversWhy (enticingly). already .cold, the water's starting to getClark, ELLEN

CLARK

------~--"-'...._,~.•,.....,...._.*■■ ..IL«UL•"'-"·.-...e•..._•.._.,._..•..._.________________....._-..._•....,•-Lat•~•..i..a..._•■.L...J..lL&..£.....&...t....i.•.i....i.._~.......,_...li....li...-·-·------~___--·

_j

-··..~- RINGS . The phone,(

trying to maintain the mood.He embraces her,

second. It'll stop in a CLARK.

Something's wrong here.Clark? shaking) (spilling and ELLEN

against the wall. a loud banging noise causing the wine to spill and making and quakes violently,the bed erupts they're about.to toast,As

spent ... but the years we'veEllen,anymore, don't tell you this muchknow I I time for ...ababies,ourwith time of joya renewed love affair, a Here's to a relaxing vacation, ( continuing) CLARK

to vibrate gently.The bed beginsnightstand. coin slot on the a quarter into a "Magic Fingers"He drops

for this? Ready drink yet.Don' tWait. CLARK

on the floor next to the bed. He sets the bottle pouring and hands her a,glass.He finishes

a nice thought.What ELLEN

He starts pouring the wine.

got the chicken.IWhen

When did you get that? (surprised) ELLEN

and an open bottle of wine.two plastic wine glassesHe produces

I'm way ahead of you.Relax? CLARK

__J

banging coming from the wall adjoining Rusty and Audrey's room.

a violentthere is Suddenly, They begin kissing.bedspread.!

i' Ellen under thereJoinsClark closing the door.The kids exit,

Weirdo ramal they exit)(as AUDREY

'bed. Go back to I'm under here, kids. ELLEN

Mom? Where's AUDREY

The noise abates.box.Fingers""Magicthe Rusty calmly unplugs

something. We thought.you were fighting or RUSTY

Don't you knock anymore?

in his hand.

her underpants throwing the bedspread over Ellen,up,Clark leaps

Geez, what's that noise?

lights behind them show Clark and Ellen on the floor.

The look in. and the kidsopensThe door up again.starts The noise The pillow behind the headboard slips to the floor.

They begin cuddling on the floor. \ · time. long done this in aWe haven't ELLEN

down on the carpet.and they lie He turns off the light an extra pillow and the bedspread.

grabbing Clark gets out of bed,sound.muffling.thethe bed

a pillow behind gets out of bed and stuffsgiggling,Ellen,

stop momentarily .I. It should the noise. I'm sorry for

/

Look, the wall with a baseball bat?

/

pound onIwouldWhy be ridiculous.

/ Don't the-bed.It's doing in here?

What d' ya mean what are weHello .

/

the phone) answering (continuing; CLABK

•'-··'•:f...f..!.1...1.1.t.._.,.IIIJ.~.t.I-t

Far-fetched. AUDREY

Far out! RUSTY

The family complies.

you hombres! Reach for the stars, COWBOY

few rounds of blanks into the air.aand fires

family, a six-gun on theHe pulls is standing on the sidewalk.

cowboy suitcheap COWBOY in a A listless family gets out.

The up in front of the Long Branch Saloon.The car pulls

SALOON BRANCHLONG EXT.

honey. Enjoy the contrasts,leave home. d be no reason tothereIf it were, isn't like home.Everythinfto be. a modern version of the way it used This is just was wild and untamed. It the Old West was dirty.Ellen, CI.ARK.

looks sort of dirty and touristy .It (troubled) ELLEN

DAYS A WEEK!"SEVEN

DEALS SIX-GUNOFHOME FORD CITY,EARP"WYATT The car passes

his cars! And there's where he used to buy AUDREY

law and order on.used to keep This is the very street Wyatt Earp CLARK

The Griswolds are watching out the windows.

CAR INT.

KANSASCITY, DODGE SUPER:

commercial street.down the cheapwagon cruisesThe station0

NOON- STREETMAIN SLEAZYEXT.

--------·----'------------_..t.._.i..__--""......___...............lli...._olih,..;.,.....i.~a.....,.....·....--+;e;....---•-----,es-·r-PIft.-.-.-a-ft·-ff....4-_±_....l..-'..£:....i_~A-·IJ4-4LIIA~&-'LA-·•a..,A-.J:..._--_._...:_.._~:·.:.

_:ll

Clark tousles Rusty's hair.bar. The family moves to theWyatt winks. Rusty slaps him five.

pardner. Give me five, (to Rusty) No sweat. EARP WYATT

Sorry. CLARK

Marshal. EARP WYATT

Sheriff.Thanks,

an ornery cuss. bartender, he's But watch what you say to our (back to the routine) sorry. clogged, Our beer tap's Clark) routine to address C, (breaks out of the punch.fruit Red-Eyea yourselves can mosey up to the bar and have Y'all g,m-slingin.nocussin', no fifhtin',No the Long Branch. Welcome to Howdy, city slickers. EARP WYATT

the family. walks up tooutfit-: cheap Wyatt Earpin aMANYOUNG A COWGIRL WAITRESSES stand around smoking and chatting.and COWBOYSP.A. theme plays on the"Bonanza"Theempty.It's

SALOON BRANCHLONGINT.

~-~._.,.. · sales pitch. disappointed at the blatantlowers their arms,The family

imported treasures.finestWest'sOld Gift Ranch and pick up some of the Bat Masterson's mosey on over to I'm giving you till sundown to (:more animated) COWBOY

I just broke a nail. car roof) on (hitting fingers ELLEN

Jie·eearmwewweee■ ■ aaaeaee;wswaaewmIA.A...a.f:...3...:!.._L.._.,_"1

What? AUDREY

Audrey?down, look real when I fellDidn titfirst. a real gun atit wasthouJhtIHell, didn't it? looked real,Itc'mon.Oh, CLARK

hearing. impair the kids' That kind of noise can reallyClark. I don't think that was very funny, ELLEN

CASHIERSHOT BRANCH GIFTLONGINT.

been gunned down.

thinking he's backwards to the floor,Clark fallsscream.girls The ECHOES in the saloon.tremendous blastTheBI.AM!FIRES. He at Clark.s.ix-guna around and levels The Bartender whirls

move your ...underpants,Hey, hon ... It's all part of the act, CLARK

nice. isn'tThat Clark? ELLEN

turkey! wings, Move your chickentenderfoot!Hey, (continuing) CLARK

He's going along with the game.Clark winks at Rusty.

you. I'm talking toyellow belly,Hey, (continuing) CLARK

The Bartender doesn't move a muscle.

with four red-eyes! up Set us you knuckle-head.Hey, CLARK

who has his back to the family.BARTENDER,the

to He calls Clark chuckles and slaps his hand on the bar.

He's wearing jogging shoes. crummy Wyatt Earp.aThat guy was RUSTY

L..L.~.--.~~7&•••-&a.a.a.,•'"•·wotm-·-=-=-•••••••>•4,•,•

\~--)

they used mud . \ .,. And when they ran out of sod,Right! CLARK

Dad. they used sod,timesofA lot RUSTY

so they used mud.bricks, the pioneers didn't have anyYou see, That's all. mud dwelling every built. Oh, it's only the largest free-standing CLARK

Mud? the House ofWhat's AUDREY

House of Mud.The CLARK

for? What ELLEN

down to Liberal.zip 54 and I'm going to shoot over to CLARK

Catherine said we just stay on 50. ELLEN

from the map. Ellen looks up

LATER CAR -INT.

batteries.d1.1racelAAsix one Wyatt Earp contact lens case and the giraffe, one Wyatt Earp,six gun, one Wyatt Earp Starblasterthat'sOkay, CASHIER

and get out of here. C'mon, let's pay for thesefun anyway. It was what's the difference.Oh, CLARK

What? AUDREY

Sw.eeti.e? look real, Didn't it CLARK

_j

Rusty defends himself.

behave yourself!Rusty, CLARK

tell Rusty to behave himself.Clark; Clark}(to Rusty! ELLEN

touching me with it! Rusty's licking his hand and AUDREY

going on?What's ELLEN

Ellen turns angrily in her seat.

OFF! KNOCK IT AUDREY

Suddenly Audrey yells.

Kids, alfalfa!Really? CLARK

Clark. think that's alfalfa,I ELLEN

make our bread from. That's what we you'll see wheat. If you'll look out the windows, kids, CLARK

Clark is giving a history lecture.them.

on The long haul is beginning to wearsomber and quiet.is The mood Ellen is staring out the window.Clark's driving.

LATER-CAR INT.

than Eddie. see a pile of mud, Personally, I'd ratherthat's fine. if you'd rather see your cousins, But It's living history, Ellen. CLABK

are expecting us. Catherine and EddieAnd besides, one day. enough for Dodge City was ELLEN

J't·t ee1mc..-e■•·••••_........._._.._••.~.L.I...L.a....I...I....___.___......_.1_...~__.....·

Rusty blows up.

Snothead fag! (to Rusty) AUDREY

road! I'm trying to concentrate on the CLARK

watch your language.

ELLEN

Retard! (to Rusty) AUDREY

You suck. (to Audrey) RUSTY

drivelto tryingI'm (continuing) CLARK

the backseat. from the road toforth Clark turns his attention back andfaces.in the children's

fingerher Ellen is hanging over the seat pointingyelling.

grows with everybodyThe fight Nerves are raw and tempers hot.

earlthe No eating in CLARK

moneyl babysittingmythem with paid forI AUDREY

Share the peanut butter cups! ELLEN

No eating in the earl CLARK

Eat with your mouth closed.Audrey! ELLEN

her teeth. and smiling with it stuck all over Audrey's eating peanut butter cups RUSTY

ahead. The car lurchesgears.shi.fts smiles- at Clark andThe girl

POV HIS

the extreme uppermost position. Clark tries to look cool with the steering wheel inAudre~ hanging over the seat trying to separate Rusty andisEllen

POV HER

at Clark with a sexy smirk.· She glances over white t-shirt reveals her contours;tight,A• Her lips glisten . Her blonde hair blows in the wind.twenties. a young GIRL in her early At the wheel of the Ferrari is

POV HIS

him. oblivious to the mayhem around Clark is watching the Ferrari,

Audrey. Because she says so, RUSTY

Why? Ma? AUDREY

give me the cups.Audrey, ELLEN

CAR INT.

ENGINE.THEOFHUM blends with the

EUROPOPSEXY COLD, A red Ferrari gains on the station wagon.

HIGHWAYEXT.

mirror. Clark turns back in his seat and looks out his outsideENGINE.

PEBFOBMANCEOF A HIGHWHINE hear the SHOUTING,.we and the family SOUNDSROAD Above the to belt Rusty.th/seat Clark turns in

something IDo hear him?!yowDid

Clark){to DID ;YOU SAY?!WHAT ELLEN, ✓ ••••••••~, •{;,--) Ellen swings at Rusty./ He blocks her hand.

..J

We're making good time.Why? CLABK

Slow down! ELLEN

does it? seem like it,Doesn't CLARK

Clark glances at the instrument panel.

hour! an You're going eighty miles ELLEN .

looks at the speedometer.over and Ellen leans though nothing's happening.Clark pretends as

CAR INT.

CLARK! (screams) (O.C.)ELLEN

the other car.

around The wagon veers slow-moving car.on a The wagon gains

HIGHWAYEXT.

how fast Clark's driving.realizesshethen recoil·s as deep breath andaShe takeskids. worked out between the a peaceful settlement finallyseat,back in herEllen turns

you. Not another word out of any of ELLEN

explode. going to sounding as if it'sKNOCKS and PINGS,The eingineFerarri. up with the Clark hits the gas in a futile effort to keep

CAR INT.

(MORE) hello to your second cousins. and say get out of the carRusty, grown. they~ve God how the kids. you remember Catherine andClark, ELLEN

You look great!age! It's been an to see you folks! are we ever gladmy goodness,Oh, CATHERINE

looped six-pack holder.

a plas·ticofend Two others· are hanging at thecheap beer.a drinkingHe.~sback. him on theslapsandwinksEddie shakes it. Clark trembling hand.a a pencil mustache, juts outback and

hair slicked•black...jetguy withnervousa wiry,EDDIE,her.

embraces plumper version ot Ellen,aCATHERINE,nearly on end. stands· better.,lookitmaketo trying a result ofashair, Ellen• s... rumpled and wrinkled, hair is windblown and dirty are· Clothesmess·.a Th.ey are except for Rusty.gets out,·

The station wagon stops· and the familyeight year old sis·ter. followed by anhouse, the side of thearoundcomeearly teens a girl in theirandboy-Askirt.hertoclings a tee-shirt, wearing only·A toddler,bao-y. carryi;-i.g ais·She woman waves.

The hous·e... comes out of the A couple in their late thirties

KANSAS· COOLIDGE,SUPER:

· some mildewed furniture in the back.with

on blocks by the side. of the hous·e is an aging Ford pick-upUp cornfields.oy o.f land surrounded on a treeless· tracthouse

s-pli.t..-levelshabbya The station wagon pulls into the drive of

AFTERNOONLATE- FARMHOUSEEXT.

smoke hanging in the air.black a puff of sootyleaving The station wagon lunges ahead,

HIGHWAYEXT.

"Love me tender ... " himself)(to CLARK

LUV ME.- plate on the back of the Ferrari Clark reads the California licenseThrough the windshield,

POV CLARK'S

...... ----···-·-:-::::-;:-·.-:"::--~-·····.---·--·-·-·-·•·-·-···-··-····-J..-ll....L..t.-".-".I.IIa;aaa.a■ a•••&•.-.J.I.tl'•

know the feeling.I CLARK

a ribroast.onflies Bank's been after me likethough. how long,forknowdon'tI Yeah. EDDIE

huh? homestead, So this is the old looking really fit.You'reYeah. CLARK

the lines. and studyingthe frontaround.towalking the .car, He admires

What a beaut! Look at the brand new car!Hooboyl (whistles) EDDIE

toward the house. Catherine and Ellen head

out back and show them your worm farm. don't you take your little guestsWhy CATHERINE

like a bird and eats like a horse. Whistles though. about her,worry Don~t Clark. tongue, Born without a EDDIE

how old are you, little one?Well, Daisy-Mable) (bending down to CLARK.

Daisy-Mable.skirts_ ismymoppet on And this little this is Junior. is Eddie junior andThisand Dale. you remember Vicki Rusty and Audrey, CATHERINE

litter. to the few more mouthsAnd added a EDDIE

weight.lost you've Cathy, Golly, (continuing) ELLEN '\-:-----' n making video game noises. leaves it in the back seat,

He a portable game. He's just finishing upRusty gets out.

.......·•.~~AA:;•■~•_•■■e-e·r:e••••UMu~,cm·rn:ee·w1:,e--,t:e'titaw11s,:..t......1.......1.......&...1......;.....J...---'----~·---------·---··---'----------.........;....!.

Dale and Eddie Jr. tie worms in knots.Rusty is watching as'"'--··)

FARM WORM

ground suddenly.

to the drops elevated, which.was Her side of the see-saw,

at it. Daddy says I'm the bestbutYeah, VICKI

Everybody does that.So? AUDREY

French kiss. I'm going steady and I old) for fourteen years is well-endowed(who VICKI

and down.up

they go and Audrey are sitting on an old see-saw talking as Vicki with worms. Dale terrorizing Eddie Jr.Rusty watches

Also in B.G., a picnic table and a barbeque in B.G.There is

BACKYARD

.. Eddie goes in the house

ahead. You go No problem, I'll get it. CLARK.

been taking it easy . took the kidney, I'vesince they but I'd help you with those bags, Come on in and see the guest room. EDDIE

luggage.

some Clark grabs cans for himself.remainingone of the He opens Eddie hands Clark.the can he's been drinking from.

Now you' re talkin' ... CLARK

huh? a cool one,use Bet you couldFuck it ...mortgage ... I never should've taken that second EDDIE

'. j·K PPftftftftftft ■ ftftppp·911'55p■.&..AAW.&..:ll.A......,t;,...&....JL.•·-·"-·-"'-·~...L..1,..__..,,....:_..,;..•i-L---=-----=--

She's still alive?Aunt Edna? ELLEN

twelve with Aunt Edna.We'reNo ... CATHERINE

guess we're eleven, aren't we?I ELLEN

towels. off paper Ellen is tearingfrom the wall. dog biscuit and paint chips Junior is under the kitchen table eating ahamburger buns. ketchup and loading a tray with paper plates,Catherine is

DINGY KITCHEN

some video games?Want RUSTY

open. Rusty's mouth drops

eye. than an elephant' s got a stack of nudie books higherI DALE

you do?do So what RUSTY

some days. the toilet dad can't even sit onmyButNo. DALE

You got Asteroids? RUSTY

.. Nope DALE

You got Space Invaders? RUSTY

Nope. DALE

Pac-Han?You got No thanks. RUS'rY

Want a worm? DALE

dark? Light or your bun.No, EDDIE

pink inside. a littleMedium, medium rare ...Oh, CLARK

cup. empty.Styrofoam He's holding an some Kool-Aid. Clark is waiting for Vicki to finish mixing up

Clark? How do you like yours, EDDIE

Eddie .is turning .hamburger buns on a barbeque.

LATER- BACKYARD

the bowl with her hands. and begin kneeding the contents inamount of hot tap water, add a small pour the contents of the boxes into a big bowl,

Catherine she watchestowels as absentmindedly folding paper and startsHelper, Hamb~ger Catherine two boxes ofEllen hands

Hamburger Helper? Wanna hand me thenight jobs . one of thecan quitIcomes, the baby Eddie says when Oh, it's not so bad. CATHERINE

huh? hands full, You really got yourCathy.Gee, ELLEN

to live like this.ablewe'd never be without her social security,Frankly, but Eddie wouldn't let her.year·ago, ,:;·,;·;:r'.-,- to go back to Lake Havasu a She wanted been with us ever since. and she·' s Eddie ruptured his spleen, to help out whencameSheyes.Oh, CATHERINE

hears that. wait to see Clark's face when he I can'twell. Well, My goodness. (a little worried) ELLEN

you betlOh, CATHERINE

EDDIE- ANGLE

Nothing but the best. (O.C.)EDDIE

Eddie?! tomato ketchup,This realboy!Um, (loudly)

Have the ketchup.polite. Be honey. enough meat,You eat (whispering) ELLEN

No meat in this? Ellen)(to CLARK

Clark the ketchup.Ellen hands

Eddie. here, around You're the gourmet

Clark? don't you,myself, like it better than Tuna Helper,I ( 0 . C. )EDDIE

Clark his. Ellen brings on the buns. dishes out Hamburger Helper patties

Catherine handing Ellen plates of buns for herself and Clark.

EDDIE- ANGLE

by itself. stuff does just fine This Helper. Hamburger they call it why know don' tImm. mm, Uno1111011111, (0. C.)EDDIE

something. She's got her hand in the pitcher up to her elbow fishing for

VICKI- ANGLE

Please? Kool-Aid? help you with thatcan IVicki, good. uh ... Either way isOh, ... CLARK

supposed to starve to death?am Ior eating,am IWell, you did.thoughtI EDNA

Clark. CLARK

Claud? minutes, every five You enjoy throwing up EDNA

enjoyed fruitcake. We thought youI'm sorry.Oh, ELLEN

so long. Christmas that made me so sick for me the fruitcake forwho sentones Weren't you the remember you.I EDNA

Edna. Hi there, CLARK

don't you? remember Clark, You You're looking so well! All these years.Aunt Edna. ELLEN

embraces her gently.

Ellen the picnic table. at Clark and Ellen and heads for looks She sets it aside after a couple of steps,really need.

carrying a walker in front of her that she doesn'tEdna appears

DOOR- ANGLE

door. Clark covers his plate with ketchup while looking toward back

Eddie? Your Aunt Edna,Edna? control) (shocked, but in CLARK

CLARK- ANGLE

getting cold! Helper's Come on down.Edna! EDDIE

Ellen smiles pleasantly.

was just about to.INo, CATHERINE

Ellen the good news? Did you tell Clark andCatherine? EDNA

a silence at the table.There's

Rusty and Dale exit.

Wash your feet first. CATHERINE

Okay. EDDIE

Dad. We're going upstairs, DALE

Can't you see I'm eating? EDNA

Aunt Edna.Hello, (to Edna) RUSTY

Audrey and Vicki go inside.

See ya. (to Edna) Aunt Edna.torespects come and pay yourRusty,Hi. AUDREY

First say hello to your Aunt Edna. ELLEN

to Vicki's room? Can we go we're finished.Ma, AUDREY

Audrey and Vicki move up to Ellen.picnic table. Edna a plate while Catherine seats her at theEddie fixes

two.- I'll go with number (aside to Ellen) CLARK

Cl.ARK ANGLE -

l.•,:i&■ *·',;,,"#i--L#-#A-&a&•••••••1•-•·twi:'ftie:tt21ti'ltr:f:-e-e:•iii1t:a5.",..,

sticky weed. Audrey's eyes bulge as Vicki pulls out a handful of strong,

How cool is this?yeah?Oh, VICKI

the shoe box on the bed.Vicki sets

you know. too cool, being;·;a farmer is not but don't get oftended,Vicki, AUDREY

shoe box.afor

on a shelf and goes to the closet and reaches upupVicki gets

Eve-rybody knows . VICKI

Does .anybody know about it? AUDREY

A blue ribbon. (proudly) VICKI

E!&? You won this for raising a AUDREY

a small bronze trophy.

studying Audrey is nightgowns, sitting on the beds talking. long Audrey and Vicki are in frilly,age.girl Vicki's

a bit too young for aperhaps It is a typical girl's room,

LATER BEDROOM -VICKI' SINT.

Arizona. EDDIE

Norm live?Where's No problem. (after a pause)

house. Normie's You're driving me to EDNA

What's the good news? ELLEN

(~ORE)

so. does beer as he \ head spilling a little He clanks the can against the side of his\

big enough. head wasn'tmy they said the plate in 'cause disability pensionmycutsV.A. now the and wouldn't you know it, they closed the asbestos factory, got laid off-whenIClark.for you, I'm glad things are going so good EDDIE

the can. holders are still attached to The plastichand. Eddie has the last beer in hisaround. Clark and Ellen are sitting or standingEddie,Edna,Catherine,

ROOM SHABBY LIVING

You ever bop your baloney? (sly grin) last year. guy showed me something real neat The was getting to that.I ·DALE

a magazine?you~ How do RUSTY

use them a lot.and I cherish those thingsIno!Shit, DALE

Dale hops in bed and clicks off the light.

some of them?to sell Would you want These are great. RUSTY

He got me the nudie magazines. me lots of cool stuff.he tells and up in August to pick melons comes guy who We got this DALE

flexing his muscles in the mirror on the back of the door. underwear Dale is in his through Dale's men's magazines.

- thumbing hungrilybed~ pajamas, sitting on theis in his Rusty with mismatched dresser and trundle bed.dep'ressing, It is The room is large and for the most part unfurnished.

TIME SAME BEDROOM -DALE ' SINT.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••L>~I -J1 ■■ ••••·&!IL&r&llww••••••••..~·•••·

is it?What CLARK

Clark is puzzled.

is for you.This EDDIE

shoebox snd proudly hands it to Clark.aEddie produces Clark holds out his hand to shake with Eddie.farewells. are standing on the porch saying theirtwo familiesThe

MORNING- PORCH, HOUSEEXT.

How much have you got? EDNA

Clark takes out his wallet.

Eddie. How much do you need, CLARK

little loan, just to tide us over.A cash? could you spare a little extra But, Clark.ask, I didn't want to EDDIE

we'd be insulted if you didn't ask. can help in any way,If Clark and I why didn't you tell me?C~therine, ELLEN

can't take a hint. He sure as hellEddie.money, don't you just ask him for theWhy EDNA

It's interesting.No. CLABK

hear about our troubles. Clark and Ellen don't want toEddie, CATHERINE

... elbow tennis friggin' This Eddie. wanted to very badly,I CLABK i. Clark? did you, You never served, 1 (continuing) I EDDIE I

-·...::--..•.·· ) ·\. . Edna . \ looks just like AuntIt ugliest dog in the world on a leash. Dale has the come around the corner of the house·.and Dale

Rusty Eddie helping Edna along.the car,They all head for

we better get going.Well, ELLEN

about how much you liked mine. time you remarkedwere here last knew you did because when youI EDDIE

on the loafers. shoes off and putsHe slips his

Eddie.'em,loveI CLARK

daggers at Edna.Clark looks

Eddie.them, knew he wouldn't likeI EDNA

Edna adds her two cents.

them dirty. don't want to getI CLARK

'em on.Try EDDI.E

chains out of the box. Clark pulls a pair of white patent-leather loafers with gold

really shouldn't have. mean youI You shouldn't have. CLARK

what to make of it either.

~n_owing..not She shrugs He looks at Ellen.strange smile.

up at Eddie with alooksHe the lid off the box.Clark takes

open it.Go on, EDDIE

Eddie. You didn't have to buy me a gift, CLARK

A gift. EDDIE

loudly in and out of her nose. She is breathing avoid touching Aunt Edna.totheir bodies drawn in close to They have their arms her right is Audrey.

On On her left is Rusty. Aunt Edna is sitting in the middle.

LATER CAR BACKSEAT -INT.

come! here we Walley World, CLARK

and pulls out.HORNTHEBLOWSClark dozen flat joints.

a revealing the smile and carefully opens her purse,returns Aud~ey sneaky smile.a waves to Audrey withVickiRusty nods.

on top. thumb up keep your Remember, (whispers) DALE

window. Dale leans in Rusty's Clark gets in and starts the engine.

and thanks!Adios (continuing) CLARK

him in the back window.tosses up Dinky andClark picksin.climb The kids into the car. Catherine and Ellen help Edna He ties the leash to the bumper. Dinky around behind the car. Clark takes the leash and leads

it. I better make space in the back for

slept in the barn. so he He had the runslast night. meet Dinkyto You folks didn't get

'Family Feud!'He watches Dinky. name isHis Edna's.AuntIt's DALE

A dog? is that?What CLARK

and everything. All walked Uncle Clark.Here he is, DALE

I s1.

,7 ...................

exhausted. She lays back,down.

washes it making wetter and even more horrible sounds,and,it Edna takes Ellen hands the drink over the seat.contortions.

and Aunt Edna'ssoundsthe horriblefrom kids begin to gagThe

Spit the goddamn thing out.I (revolted) CLARK

this. drink Auntie,·I choking Clark, she's (panicked) ELLEN

from the cooler.

a::-.drinlc.-.7_draws EdnaEllen quickly louder and more terrible.

choking sounds getThedown. her throat to force the pill

She strokes and gurgles. she chortles kids watch in horror as The. she swallows it. the tip of her tongue and grimaces as

grape, sets the pill ona Edna takes out a tablet the size of

a hors.e. She looks like child's teeth fixed? suggest you get thismay IEllen, (to Ellen) Don't be ridiculous! EDNA

Your pills stink! AUDREY

child? the matter with you,What's EDNA

l P.U.Oh, AUDREY

finds. a pill box and opens it.

She They are disgusted by it.laps. it in Rusty and Audrey's

Edna opens her purse and begins pulling stuff out and placing

Aunt dog. tongue reach of theoiforward outTracy crouches

hair balls. He'll get Don't let him do that. (sweet but firm)- EDNA

head!my Dinky's lickingAunt Edna! AUDREY

- it·•~ ''Fea•·••·•tiww·aw-1:ill··•ffi·:if®ii'i·m;;:s-

picnic basket! on the The dog wentGod!Oh, ELLEN

She smells it. She touches it. Ellen opens hers.

So is mine!yuck!Oh, AUDREY

My sandwich is all wet!Mom? RUSTY

The kids stare at theirs.sandwich. Aunt Edna digs into her

AREA PICNIC

sensuously on he watches the Girl.and chewsHe swallows hard as

CLARK- .i\l~GLE

both hands . grabbing the bulldog with throws her head back and laughs,She

the truckers. and talking to bulldog hood ornament drinking beer

on the hood of one of the trucks stradling.the familiar Mack The Girl is sitting The red Ferrari is parked between two semis.

POV HIS

the girl.look ata trying to getsandwich, Clark is eating a

SEMI TRAILER

COLORADO LA JUNTA,SUPER:

from a wicker picnic basket.sandwichesis passing out

Ellen and Edna are seated around it.The kidsthe picnic table. on spread a paper tableclothEllen has A roadside picnic area.

STOP REST ROADSIDEEXT.

do?" "what can weShe shrugs, over at Ellen.looksClark

the moon. go to blood pressure'llmyeat soon, don't Now, if Ia day. seven times do this a senior citizen and have to Wait'll you get to bethere!Ah, (relieved) EDNA

in the slightest.Not EDNA AUNT

thundering volley.A final,

huh? Didn't bother your stomach at all, (continuing) CLARK

Edna tears off another one.

So much for the new car smell! CLARK

And the kraut was out of this world. (continuing) EDNA AUNT

explodes with giggles. Audrey She robustly breaks wind without realizing it.

splendid!It was You should have had the knackwurst. EDNA AUNT

made the worst burger I've ever eaten. They Edna. was just being honest,I CLARK

something to you? do Did they I'm just curious. you were so rude to the Johnsons?, inquire as to whyMay IClark? EDNA AUNT

CAR- INT.

comes out having just eaten and gets in the car.The family

_/~TERSOLE DOVEROF HOUSEEXT.

/ eating. and continuesshrugssand~ch, mouthful of contaminated Edna looks up with a bulgingrear back from the table. gag and The kids Clark spits out the sandwich and gags.

includes scenery and wildlife fun. and that price They're nice tents CLERK

tents? For three Thirty-seven dollars? CLARK

dollars. All rightee, that's thirty-seven CLERK

need three tents for the night.I CLARK

the counter.behind pulls himself up out of a chairCLERK A middle-aged Clark and Ellen are at the registration desk.

TIME S.AME OFFICE -INT.

Audrey follows.the pool. around the office to Dinky from Aunt Edna and runsRusty takes

Bite him back. ELLEN

tried to walk him. he bit me last night when IDad, RUSTY

take care of Dinky.Rusty, CLARK

Clark.bath, a long walk and aDinkums needs EDNA

aren't the woods beautiful?my,Oh ELLEN

They have a pool. ···-- RUSTY

jump excitedly out of the car.The kids

COLORADOI WALSENBURGSUPER:

cinder block office.aand a swimming poolmoose, decorated as deer andseptic tanks above-groundtents, three-acre site dotted with rented pup

dumpya It's Kemfort. into~ The station wagon pulls

EVENING CAMPGROUND -ROADSIDEEXT.

even cruddier than you.It's AUDREY

a cool tent.Itts RUSTY

up her nose. Audrey turnsa lantern.

and two cots There are Audrey and Rusty step into the tent.

TENT INT.

Edna. your tent,This is CLARK

open. the tent flapClark holds

this tent smells!Clark, ELLEN

Ellen looks into the first tent.luggage.the

and down his golf .clubssetsand Clark They reach the tents

Clark? room, motela Too· cheap to pay for EDNA

accommodations·. grumbling about the Aunt Edna is up the hill to their tents ..The family trudges

LATER- CAMPGROUNDEXT.

splashing them.and leaps in, Dinky looks over the edgeend. growing in the shallow duck sitting in the middle and cattails

a mallard small pool filled with mucky green water._ There is

are standing disconsolately at the edge of aRustyAudrey and

F°OOL SWIMMINGE-XT.

Clerk smiles and slides a room contract across to Clark.The

All right. (gives in) CLARK

and everything. a pool It's got a nice place. looks likeThisClark. Come on, ELLEN

__, They roll around zippered into the bag .J·\,.. --\,I

Huh? CLARK

This isn't very romantic.Clark? ELLEN

Clark and Ellen are in one sleeping bag attempting to make love.

AND ELLEN I s TENTCLARKINT .

most people are asleep.It's late; few lanterns burn in tents.A

NIGHT LATE- CAMPGROUNDEXT.

and pulls out one of Dale's men's magazines.clothes reaches underneath the Rusty quickly pops open. his suitcase,

Mom you're bugging me!I'm telling AUDREY

and runs out of the tent. Audrey pushes past Rusty

to kill you.navegoing to and I'm You mention that to anyone, RUSTY

saw you and Dale doing!I Mom what I'll just tellGo ahead. AUDREY

saw in your purse?Iwhat Dad How 'bout if I tellyeah?Oh, RUSTY

immature!soYou're AUDREY

Audrey snorts and opens her suitcase.

Try me! RUSTY

You wouldn't dare! AUDREY

crap out of you. easy to beat the Audrey, it'd be realknow,You RUSTY

I'm going for it!can't help it!I (:misunderstands) CLARK

A wild animal! ELLEN

embrace. from Clark'sup Ellen looks

CALL. MOOSE HEAR anotherWe Clark and Ellen are now passionate.

TENT AND ELLEN'SCLARKINT.

Look! Rusty, it's a moose! AUDREY-

a moose. the front of the tent we see the head ofIn silhouette across Audrey stirs and sits bolt upright.BLEAT of a moose.HEAR theWe on the tent floor. Rusty and Audrey are asleep in sleeping bags

TENTI KIDS INT.

Dinky runs off barking.

smelly mutt! you Get out of here,kill him. going toItm doing it.Dinky's CLARK

are cutting me. Your toenailsStop it!Clark! ELLEN

feet barely fit: in the end of the bag.

because their He kicks at Dinky, violently throwing Ellen about,

here! Get out of Bad dog!Not Ouch! continuing)( CLARK

through the bag. and chewing on Clark's foot he begins barking them rolling around,SeeingDinky appears.

two. one heart beating for now we're one person,Honey, right CLARK

· bag. in this two There isn't enough room for·~---£ ✓~.. (;. ELLEN

talk invas·ion of privacy IIi Letts You wanna talk litigation? CLARK

oughta sue you!Iclubbed me! son of a bitch that everthe first and you're Twenty-two yearsyears. twenty~two I've been doing it for you jerkl the wildlife fun,This is CLERK

midnight?-attentmy head peeking in What are you doing with a moos·e CLARK

me for? Whatdja hit!Chri.stJesus CLERK·

jaw. He rubs his He's dazed and seeing stars. see the Clerk from the office.

We the head. and off comeshornsthegrab then the hooves

shakes its head andThe moose back in surprise.Clark rears

You asshole! MOOSE

grabs his head with its front hooves.

and YELPS The moose the moose across the head.and smacks

loose with a baseball swingClark letshead in the tent. BLEATS again and sticks itsTh.e moosestands ready with it. of his golf bag andout Clark carefully slips the driver

Clark. Maybe he'll go away,Shhh! ELLEN

flap. The moose's head is directly behind theopens the tent flap.

He He quickly unzips the bag and gets out in his underwear.

CLARK

door of the tent. We see the outline of the moose at the

POV CLARK'S

shoulder. Clark looks over hisShe gasps.

a ... There's Clark.no,No, ELLEN

Audrey's sleeping bag. on Right He took a big one!· RUSTY

You walk him? (continuing) CLARK

at Rusty's ankle.

and snapGROWL dog continues totheasleash, Dinky on hisrtms Rusty the car.to They run The kids are refreshed and perky.

daylight. re burningWe' a move on! Let' s get kids) theto (calls CLARK

fresh hope. But with every new day there'sNo. (with a smile) ELLEN

Ellen thinks for a moment.

fun, isn't it?isit really Despite all the little problems, CLARK

She puts her arms around his waist. him her vanity case.Ellen hands cheerful and refreshed.

He's luggage in the car.of thel~st Clark is putting the

SUNRISE KOMFORT -KAMPEXT.

she giggles. Clark crawls in the bag head first as

come back to bed.Clark, ELLEN

off to moose court? me Haul do? he going toWhat's CLARK

do you? You don't think he'd sue us, ELLEN

Clark puts his golf club back.away.The clerk storms

-++,,--a::aa:ice:ili::·-:½::d::iiaava.--...-~a;;;;a--a,,ElF+::isarz:=

his underpants last night. Rusty slept in For your information, AUDREY

It's Audrey's turn! She smells like mothballs.last time. next to Aunt EdnasittohadI RUSTY

the problem?What's ELLEN

Ellen approaches.

a joint) smoking (he mimes Audrey ... RUSTY.

Jose .way,No AUDREY

next.·reyou Audrey,

(to Audrey) RUSTY

flesh!my You're tearingOwl EDNA

He helps her into the.car.

RUSTYAND EDNA- ANGLE

luggage. He ties the leash to the rear bumper and starts loading the

CLARK- ANGLE

cups. China My bones are likeDon't trip me! EDNA

Rusty tries to steady Edna.

take the leash. I'll give Edna a hand.Rusty, CLARK

of {~:~;.display~~o! ~~k~!et~:rdo~ui;;~f!~~~o!~;t~h1f;;~Q

Let's ride! CLARK

CAR INT.

ca-r.the He gets· in and startsdriver' s side.

to the around clos·es her door and skips jauntilyhelps her in,

kisses her on the forehead,winking at Ellen,door,He closes the

away. than four short hoursless which is... the face of the earth on of7:wine the second larges ball see want·to ... or perhaps you don't (continuing) CLARK

Audrey first.them in -He shoves

minutes.two Boat leaves inin. Everybody Cut it out.kids 1-Ea-sy,

and intercedes. Clark hears the ruckus

,-·...... · You asked for it .Audrey! ((;. RUSTY

+..:,.. A:A-iiir¼-E::·iE::::itt:·::¼::::i:-::±ii:::½::·½:½:::ilf::::'lt::5:½½¼.,-.,A·•·•·-------:::X-:¼:Z¼=i:¼it*---·--.·-·-=-- ._·-··---··

Audrey hands her purse to Aunt Edna.

station wagon.the·toback Cop gets out of the car and walks The The car stops. down and eases off the road.car slows The She looks at her purse with dread.called the cops! and found outSomeone The dope! Audrey's .eyes bulge.

Now what did we do?shoot!Oh, (continuing) CLARK

Out of the corner of his eye he catches the motorcycle.

Huh? CLARK

Dad! RUSTY

him to pull over.COP waves forThe doesn't notice.

He window. up alongside Clark's The motorcycle pulls

CAR INT.

cop. on oblivious to the The wagon continuesSIREN.

HORN, hits theHe blows his with its lights ablaze. A highway patrol motorcycle is behind the station wagon

TIME SAME- HIGHWAYEXT.

driving me crazy. It's looking for it since we left. I've been heck out of me.Beats the CLARK

from? coming Where's it ELLEN

you hear that rattle?Do ·CLARK

somewhere in the car.RATTLEannoying

an It is quiet except for changing her dress shields.

Edna is Rusty's playing pac man.to the walk-man. Audrey's listeningnew.the day is The family is fresh,

CAR INT.

The car winds its way through the high mountains.

MORNINGLATE- HIGHWAYEXT.

{CONTINUED)

open, his eyes bulge.Clark's mouth drops ',..._,,~..--,,/· (( a bitch. you son of Explain that, COP

shield. of dried blood is splattered on the motorcycle wind-

amount a small backgroundIn the points to the ground. and him around to the right rear bumperCop dragsThe

can expalin •.•Isure I'm w-whatever I've done,Officer, CLARK

Clark is baffled.

police brutality.s~ythan you could my revolver fasterwith the butt of in uniform, I'd split your skull I wasn'tIf Shut your mouth, sir. COP

weaving or something?IWas speeding •.•wasI I don't think CLARK

so mad.Cop is Clark is puzzled as to why the

CAR EXT.

and gets out. Clark swallows hard

Out of the .car. COP

on them. have small droplets of dried bloodhelmet and glasses

His He's ready to kill.tough and angry.The Cop is

Officer? What's the problem, {innocently) CLARK

pleasantly.smiles down his window andClark rolls

Huh? EDNA

you hold my purse?Will AUDREY

64..

little bowser. tough a mile or so •..with you. for up guy kept I'd say the poor little (continuing) COP

from the bumper. He unhooks the leash

a kid. wasI pooch like that whenahadI head sadly) (shakes his shame.a But it's can buy that, sir.IAll right, COP

Cop relents.The

accident. an It was told you I'm sorry.I CLARK

sir? you think the dog feels,How do COP

terrible. feelI I'm sorry.Jesus,forg.ot.I It was confusing.packed the car.Iwhen bumper I tied him to theon purpose! you can't think I'd do thatMy God, (quivering voice) CLARK

It's probably pretty stiff.Well •.• (long pause) COP

No, sir. (in shock) CLARK

cruelty is in this state? animal You know what the penalty for COP

frayed leash.a up the end of down and picksHe bends

my God.Oh CLARK

face is plastered in the back window of the wagon.Rusty's

COLORADO DURANGO,SUPER:

LATER DRIVE-INEXT.

Clark. That's one, lack of care) a noticable(with EDNA AUNT

and belches.a tear,sheds a gasping breath,She takesmoment.thebuilds with

MUSIC up in her. tears well slowly to her full face,

zoomwe As shocking realization.show aHer eyes

CLOSE- EDNA

carcass off the road. rest of theget theand to go back I'm going Here's the leash, sir. COP

hands Clark the leash.

He Cop appears at Clark's window on his motorcycle.Cb

the police stopped us. and we can be thankful thatmaniac a was driving likeI was speeding. I Listen to your mother!Russ! CLARK

... he wasn'tNo, RUSTY

Rusty. He was speeding, ELLEN

Ellen turns quickly to cut Rusty off.

cop stopped us because ••. The Aunt Edna. Dad wasn't speeding, RUSTY

for thousands of miles. You've been exceeding the speed limit was afraid you'd get pulled over.I EDN~ AUNT

knuckle. Ellen is biting adrawn and pale.face isClark's

LATER CAR -INT.

arm up and flexes his biscep.He puts hisadjusts his shirt. He wipes his mouth andcombing it forward.his hairstyle, comb and adjusts Then he whips out his that Ellen's asleep. he glances over quickly to seeappears in his mirror. the Ferrari as if out of nowhere,Thenhim up.perks moan of the Ferrari engine in the distance~retieThe mind is wandering. Clark is driving, it's boring and his

see. behind her ear and into her mouth so that Rusty won't up through her shirt collar,which she has threaded book: and eating. shoestring licoriceaAudrey.is reading snoring and gurgling. Aunt Edna is asleep in back,seat. Ellen is asleep in the frontIt is quiet once-again.

LATER CAR -INT.

highway headed for Cortex.The car is back on the

LATER CAR -EXT.

to the pavement. CRASHESand WINDOW glass in halfTHESNAPSThe tray go of it. window and lets She hooks the tray on the

huh •••Uh, WAITRESS

Got it? (to waitress) CLARK

Edna. fine, I'm sure the food's ELLEN

dog killer? good restaurant,a This your idea of EDNA AUNT

and heavy tray loaded with toed basketsaweight of

struggling under the WAITRESS approaches the car, A a drive-in restaurant.parked inThe car is

··-···--·-::::::P:::::it: -----~UL.~~:.-:::...:a..A:.~.:.t.:&.-;a:a-.A::..lk-A:tAA::A:&:t:A:;A;-A:-:A::ft::ft:ft-........·-~~---.--····~------

a ball. Having Fine. Oh, hell yes.Me? CLARK

Clark? Are you alright, ELLEN

Don't be silly. CLARK

The engine kicks in and Clark puts it in gear.

You're blushing? are you sweating? Why happened to your hair?What ELLEN

and the flush in his face.She notices the sweathair. Ellen notices his.RRRRR!RRRRR! He tries the starter

died on me. The engine justknow.I don't CLARK

·ELLEN

puzzled. Ellen looks at Clark,their bearings.

get They look around,family.awakens theThe silence

CAR INT.

a big lazy arc. It rolls off the road init. He finds it next to impossible to steergo.Noengine. Clark tries the The station wagon coasts down the road.

BEEPS and the car surges ahead.HORNFerrari

The cleaner and dies.vacuuma It Buzzes likewagon.

the station Clark floorsMOAN. ling high-performance

sexy grow-a.a-_gain,..her.sShe revs cheesy six cylinders.

He puts his car in neutral and revs hisplay her game.

He can Clark laughs to himself.•.and revs the engine

The girl puts the Ferrari in neutralforehead.his

form·on beads of sweat begin toClark swallows hard,

the full leg.

exposing Her skirt falls- off her knee,up on the seat.

up her left leg and puts her footShe liftswinks at her.

He The Girl waves to him.Robert Mitchum.thinking he's

Clark glances over, up beside the car.zoomsThe Ferrari

\_) and we've still got plenty of cash •••cardsj "'\ B, I've got my where they fell off. them when we don't knowwe'd find no chance Number one, there'sEllen. CLARK

cards are in them. My credit least look for those bags. and at we've gotta go backClark, ELLEN

from the entrance.are approching

who Everybody is in the car except Clark and Ellen,

MORNINGNEXT- MOTEL WIGWAMEXT.

into the sunset. The car continuesbump.smalla as the car goes over pavement and hit the Two suitcases slide off the back

CAR EXT.

d They kiss tenderly.

hope not.I ELLEN

could happen to us. guess there isn't much more thatI CLARK

chuckles. arm around her andHe puts hisdown.Clark breaks

me? happy face foryou put on a Could Smell this air.mountains. Look at thoseC1ark.Come on, ELLEN ~..-:--..-.-

Looks like cheap wallpaper. (shrugs) CLARK

a beautiful sunset?Isn't that ELLEN

up next to Clark.Ellen cuddles As dusk approaches,

said Grand Canyon. highway we were ontheBut Clark, ELLEN

look out!·Canyon,

"Grand down, it's: engine cools soon as theAs me do the driving. Please let We're not lost, Ellen. CLARK

Tower. view of the Eiffela Through the rear window we see

think we're lost.IClark. ELLEN

My eye. Ouch! AUDREY

the cigarette lighter. a portable electric razor plugged intoshaving with Clark is a flying nail. Audrey is hit in the eye by Rusty is listening to the walk-man.her nails. Aunt Edna is clipping Ellen is looking at the map.

LATER CAR -INT.

Ellen. That hurt, Clark

She gets in the car.

me to the you don't tielong asAs ELLEN

trust me honey? Don't you check down the road.a can always cashIanddiaphragm, we can't replace except for your luggage There's nothing in that CLARK

as you figured out. much has cost twice as"safari" this •..~n and everything$500, You gave Eddie No we don't. ELLEN '········' '((~)

Rusty. Thank you, CLARK

knows where he's going? You don't think DadShut-up Audrey. RUSTY

an hour. haven't seen a car forIDad, AUDREY

from nowhere to nowhere.road leading

unimproved The station wagon is speeding down an unmarked,

ROAD DIRT EXT.

the Eiffel Tower, etc .•of dancing girls,

a collage Las Vegas hotel revue withaboard advertising a bill- revealingaway, Clark starts engine and pulls

CAR EXT.

Audrey. Shut-up, CLARK

already? Can we just go, AUDREY

Make that the second biggest. CLARK

jungle?In the were you brought up? Where Clark. Watch your language, EDNA AUNT

goddamn hole in the world! It's only the biggestJesus. CLARK

off this road. going to find the Grand Canyon honestly do not think you'reI ELLEN

the computer. ago ontime long worked out aI a short cut said this isIAnd CLARK

,1,,::,~t11'Iij1ifflii'1:AW&5tISt·t::ff:ff·f.....zt··ffi•Bl-.ff:t#ti...&._.1..3...L.~..&•..&...I..X...4.-"....__.,._;,._...L....------·-·---.~-...:.·-···.lo---"'--

nose to mid-knuckle.the digit up his

drives nose at impact, had his finger in hiswhoRusty,

her dentures. She spits out Aunt Edna in the back of the head.smacks

a suitcaseandforward luggage inside the car slidesThe

Clark's glasses fly off his face.

MOTIONSLOWIN CUTS QUICK-CAR INT.

Clark's golf clubs scatter.the car goes flying, luggage atopTheEXPLODE. the front tirespop open, and doorshoodThe the cliff and lands in the wash. The car sails offa wash. The road ends abruptly at

foot cliff.

a five and flies offsign, "Road Closed"hugeapast

family as the car flies We see horrified faces of the

••• Like this one. (continuing) CLARK

back at the road breifly.looksHe

put up big signs ••• a road they when they closeAudrey, (turning around) CLARK

trying to fold the map. Mom wereand saw them when youI AUDREY

I didn't. CLARK

some detour signs.sawIMa. AUDREY

You're lost! EDNA AUNT

wasted landscape. hunched over the wheel looking out across theClark is

50 yards.about jumped this thingYouDad.Gee, RUSTY

back over his shoulder.

looks'He and. head held back.noseof Kleenex in his huge plug Rusty staggers out and up on the roof with a

a bush. We're going to find (to Clark) ELLEN

bow-legged.She walks Audrey out of the car.Ellen helps

VALLEY MONUMENTSUPER:

onto .his head.

them He carefully slides his glasses with adhesive tape.

He is wrapping Clark is standing on the roof of the car.

CAR EXT.

the air bag inflates again.he gets out,As

somebody's teeth.Here's CLARK

up Edna's dentures.and picks down on the floorHe reaches split at the nose bridge.

They've Clark retrieves the broken halves of his glasses.

my period.just gotI AUDREY

Ellen? my glasses?areWhere CLARK

my brain!stabbedI (finger in his nose) RUSTY

my nose!brokeIthinkI ELLEN

My bones! My bones! yammer) (toothless EDNA AUNT

Then all hell breaks loose!moment.afor

stunned The family sitsand sprays. The radiator HISSES

Dad? You'll be okay, won't you, RUSTY

want you to take care of things here.I a service station. down the road and find I'm going to have to hikeRuss,Oh! (continuing) CLARK

He sees that Rusty is already there.

up here. Came on Rusty? CLARK

split your lip! out of that seat again and I'll Move and shut-up. Edna, sit down ELLEN

and shoves her back in.hand on her head

a Ellen puts Aunt Edna pulls herself up off the seat.

should be behind bars! You an automobile!to operate a license You shouldn't even have yammer) toothless crazy (continuing; should have taken an airplane. I come on this trip.never have shouldI want!I do whatI'll me what to do!you tellDon't EDNA AUNT

dangerous out here! and It's hot Stay in the car! ELLEN

me out of here, will you.helpEllen, EDNA AUNT

tow truck.est from the near- three hundred miles I'd say we're aboutSO yards ••• some wonderment) (to himself, with ... It's nothing to be proud of/ CLARK

t-~aa•• •a•-.■••••••■•■■e•••as-&&aa&"'g.,,;li,*"'""~..,._..._..,_....:...._,._~.,1,,..~..,...;i.,_.

do? You know what I'd like to (continuing) CLARK

Rusty.hugsand a little too hard, cries,He laughs

!!!!!.· Excuse me, a pretty smart little guy.You're CLARK

somebody else's.onto glom instead of always having to of her own that she lived with familya nicer person if she had a· Maybe she'd beDad.I won't, RUSTY

Let's not let her spoil our fun. rump, that's just the way she is. a pain in thebe She doesn't mean to CLARK

Except for Aunt Edna.Dad. too, fun for me,been realIt's RUSTY

lot of time with you and Audrey. spend a Because it's let medid. I now that vacation, but I'm glad I didn't want to take thisat first You know, I've missed an awful lot. guessIand better food additives and at the lab developing newer my life fifteen years ofa.pentI've You're growing up so damn fast. CLARK

sit.

They. and tousles Rusty's hair.Clark smiles proudly

Dad. days, fewa a man for I've only been RUSTY

with you. chance to talk man-to-manmuch haven't hadIListen,sure.Oh, CLARK

CONTINUED.)(

before dark. going to get us out of here I better get a move on if I'm Well, She'll take it out on me. with that beer on you breath. Don't let your mother catch you (continuing) CLARK

He crushes the empty beer can.

fun. We're going to have (determined) CLARK

What? RUSTY

what? on our vacation and you knowwe're and own familymyhaveI But now (continuing) CLARK

shakes it and looks at Rusty.Be looks at it, He realizes it's empty. empty can to his lips.Be puts the

••• We never had fun. sadly) (continuing: CLARK

from Rusty. He takes the can

know, in eighteen years .•• And you we'd take a vacation. summerevery boy,a wasI When (continuing) CLARK

Rusty chugs it. sips the beer and hands it to Rusty.pops the top,He

in the world. it was just about the best thing thoughtI shared a beer with me and my dad was about your age,IWhen (continuing} CLARK

Rusty to a natural scenic lookout. reaches into the car, pulls out a can of beer and leads

He down off the car taking Rusty with him.Clark gets

his spirits. )__,\."

up keep and singing to Clark is walking jauntily,

·. I MIDDAY- DESERTEXT.

He jogs off toward Monument Valley.

minutes. and a patrol car will be along in I'm sure this happens all the time You'll be fine. I'll be fine. CLARK

Clark hugs her.

I'm gonna ••• not back in an hour, But if you'rehoney. All right, ELLEN

His eyes scan a barren wasteland.

POV CLARK'S

gas station somewhere around here. phone or a There's got to be a CLARK

Where are you going?Clark? (perplexed) ELLEN

here. You'll be in good handsRusty.. good talk withhad ajustI (to Ellen) CLARK

still open. The doors are on her head.a wet towel back seat with Edna is in thewadk-man. in the sun listening to the Audrey is lying on a blanketlooking at the map.front Ellen is sitting in the Clark goes back to the car.

TIME SAME CAR - DESERTEXT.

son. Good talk, (continuing) CLARK

He slaps Rusty on the back.

· PKff·tt'fl::rtr•'■P■t■t#:tSStPtt9PP~

The camel is within 200 yards of him.

POV CLARK'S

on shouting.and runsup Clark gets

again. and falling staggering, getting up, Clark is falling,

TIME SAME- DESERT

The camel is getting closer and at a full gallop.

POV CLARK'S

Awrence! Awrence! CLARK

easily 125°.

It's head. His pants are on his Clark is running now.

of Lawrence of Arabia builds in background.

MUSIC Lawrence riding toward him on camel back.T.E~

a distant mirage of Through the shimmering heat we see

POV CLARK'S

something in the distance.he sees

as if rubs his eyes,squints, He stares straight ahead,

CLOSE- CLARK

He babbles incoherently. His mouth is parched. as if they were slowing him down. throws his shirt and watch awayClark still staggers,

LATER A LITTLE DESERT -EXT.

What an asshole. (to the other one) INDIAN

pass without him noticing them. Two Indians sitting motionless on horseback watch him

A MESA

to his knees. and his pants rolled up his shirt tied around his head, foward with he staggers Clark is babbling happily as

LATER DESERT -EXT.

He walks to the repair bay. away, his dime's worth of nuts drops out on the floor.turns

As heup. fingers in and giveshisHe sticksin.looks

He lifts the slot cover andNothing comes out.the knob. drops it in the coin slot and turnsClark fishes out a dime,

be okay?IWill my rear touched the ground.Mom, (whispers to Ellen) AUDREY

CLANGING on the floor in the repair bay.TOOLS LAUGHING andMENWe hear with a salted nut dispenser. Clark is fooling playing a pinball machine in the back. and Rusty her broken dentures upside down in her mouth, Aunt Edna with who's holding her stomach,Audrey,E~len,are exhausted expressions from left to right with blank,Sitting

DUSK- STATIONGAS DESERT RON-DOWNINT.

Are you all right? tow truck for us.a camel called and a man on aIndians Some very nice worried to death. We were Where were you?Clark! ELLEN

room. the ladies coming out ofEllen is up to the door. Clark stumbles

DUSK- STATIONGAS DESERT RON-DOWNEXT.

"Work that sucker to death ••• " (singing) CLARK

renewed vigor. jogging with asinging and He gets to his feet, startshand.gas can still in its human skeleton with a rustedasees lying next to him,

up and He looks Clark is on the sand breathing heavily.

CLOSE- CLARK

MUSIC subsides.Clark falls. brushing him and knocking him over.speeding past him, camel continuesaa man ona~arms open, Clark runs with his

SHOT WIDE TIME -SAME DESERT - ,)_____..l_\ \ ,,q CONTINUED: ,,,•.:.:--....,.

( CONTINUED)

the road. to the next filling station down you can take your businesssay, I but liketar, We're slow as MECHANIC

shoulder. Clark a toothless grin and puts his greasy hand on his He gives nose with a filthy grease rag.wiping his MECHANIC with greasy coveralls appe¢s in the door,6'5" giant,/.,-~x-like,LAUGHTER. A There is a roar of o.s.

How much longer? (calling to a mechanic) CLARK j___,.lr>

much?Row come on. Come on, perturbed) (continuing; CLARK

The Men laugh again.

the bill.tswhat So, from out of town.I'mWell! CLARK

a smile. Clark forceslaughte-r. They.Men roar with

your brains! fer manure You musta got·road. driving off ayou all stupid as s·o shit- I never heard of no one ASSISTANT

Clark. addresses steps· forward and an assis:tant mechanic,One of the Men,

owe you?do IWhat CLARK

repairs·.thefor Mecnantcthe wallet to pay Clark pulls out hisca-r.thesurround bay s·aunter out and Men in the repairThe family walks out and gets into the car.

The a slight incline. caus·es the car to sit atof the tires The size worn snow tires.two tires have been replaced with fronttwoThe to a halt.SCBEECHES front of the station and thet.o around whips station wagon peels .out of the bay,The

LATER STATION -GASEXT.

shirt. He has left a greasy handprint on Clark'sthe repair bay. He takes his hand off Clark's shoulder and walks back into

boys?so, think Don't you forty days!thirty,in be able to walk thereOUfhtaHe (continuing) MECHANIC

Clark. them and turns back towinks at He smiles and He turns back to the other men in the bay.

Edna is snoring.

Aunt RATTLE. annoying The car is quiet except for the

NIGHT-CAR INT.

palm. grimy sheriff's badge in hisa He reveals and uncurls his greasy fingers.handout his The Mechanic holds a huge roar of laughter.There is

about your business practices? What's your sheriff have to say CLARK

Nope. MECHANIC

You take credit cards? CLARK

a monkey wrench in his hand.The Mechanic twirls

boy. All of it, firm) (serious , MECHANIC

owe you?I much do How have time to play around. I don't You're out of your mind! CLARK

Clark is outraged.

all the money you got. I'm going to charge you'Cause (grins) MECHANIC

a couple tires?and fix tow a car how much it costs to What does that have to do with CLARK .

And I'm asking how much ya got. MECHAN:EC ·.'!'"'"'•"•f'-- are. I'm asking how much the repairs CLARK

How much ya got? MECHANIC

again. The Mechanic puts his greasy hand on Clark's shoulder

Rusty. Look in her purse, CLARK

Clark. She's asleep, ELLEN

How much do you have?Edna! Wetieeaiioney!what!·throug~went who don't give a frog's· fat assI CLARK

private property? Did you go through herRusty! ELLEN

you rotten sneak!purse,mythrough How would you know unless you went AUDREY

She has forty dollars! RUSTY

five. thirty ...•••Um AUDREY

Audrey? How much, '.((¢., (.continuing) CLARK

Ellen gasps .

tow! and a tires two bald snow hundred dollars for fiveme Nothing except it cost CLARK

What's the matter? ELLEN

much?!How (barks) CLARK

· How come?

(nervously) AUDREY

do you have? how much babysitt_ing moneyAudrey, CLARK

gas. almost out ofwe'rebutMaybe, CLARK

check? Won't a motel take a ELLEN

the steering wheel.Clark pounds

Dad. She's got eleven cents, RUSTY

coin purse.

a dog biscuits and at the very bottom,photos,dinner roll,a

glasses, pill boxes, He opens it and pulls out wads of Kleenex, Rusty carefully extracts the purse from under Aunt Edna's arm. - Lookl CLARK

Rusty.at Clark turns around in the seat and shouts

Clark!

obviously haven't.my cards which I saying I lost it and now the computer's had to reportIand cards in Colorado my wife lost herYou seeno.No,Oh! CLARK

lost. been reported The computer says it's CLERK DESK

not?Why CLARK

credit card. I can't take thisI'm sorry sir. CLERK DESK

MORNING-LOBBY MOTEL- INT.

look at Clark with growing concern.They all

fun. working Old fashioned hardfun.That was CLARK

exhausted. from the car,back family steps

The empty parking space.·an They push the car into

she missed. fun But look at the And she refused. CLARK

Because she's old.

How come Aunt Edna gets to ride? (crabby) RUSTY

cars into. They didn't have motels to push their AUDREY

been for the pioneers. better now how difficult it must have think you•kids understand a littleI CLARK

Clark, Ellen,Rusty and Audrey pushing the car. we see As the car passes, franchise motel complex.

a The station wagon creeps slowly into the drive of

NIGHTLATE- MOTEL- EXT.

work something out with you. I'm going to have toSo,cents. and thirteen have six dollarsI CLARK

much trouble. Having fun is too damnno.Hell, CLERK

vacationing? I don't suppose you do a lot of CLARK

Not without a major credit card. CLERK

The Clerk looks at the check and shakes his head.

I'd appreciate it.a hard place.and and I'm between a rockThat's right CLARK

Walley World? CLERK

on our way to California. my cash and we'reI lost allLook, CLARK

I can't do that, sir. CLERK

$300? how aboutWell, CLARK

For how much? CLERK

Clark starts to write out a check.i•· '

you take a personal check?Will CLARK

that out with your bank. Well, you'll have to straighten CLERK

,1•.,..,L.,,;>t;t;Ii,I,LI:IIf■a•9t■t11;·JE,..·..kiifc-,.L,;g;...L

lot. and across to the parkinglobby Clark runs out of the motel

MOTELEXT.

the check out of his pocket and looks at it.

He takeshim. An excruciating moment of decision grips

Clark looks over. the counter into the open cash drawer.

and the cash drawer opens.WHIRRS The cash register CLICKS, on the counter in anger.fist Clark pounds his the Clerk leaves the desk to answer it. PHONE ·RINGS andThe office with anger and frustration. seething and bubblingfrom the desk,awayClark turns

here until the check clears. have you stayiscan.do Only thing I CLERK

a prick.like for doing nothing more than acting in cash and keep.seven hundred dollars You give me three hundreddollars. one thousandfor I'll write the check _ CLARK / I ••• I told you before CLERK

Dad! He's gaining on us, RUSTY

damn delays!No more Not on your life! CLARK

Clark! Pull over, ELLEN

RUSTY

Rusty looks out the back window.

your hats!Hold CLARK

down the accelerator.Clark slamsin the distance.WAIISA SIREN

don't you try Sanka?Why it's the coffee you're drinking. Maybe You seem awfully keyed up. you feeling all right?AreClark? ELLEN

is troubled.

Ellen every few seconds.mirror checking ·the rearviewClark is

CAR INT.

down the desert highway.The car speeds

LATER CAR -EXT.

parking lot.

out of theSQUEALSIt Rusty runs over and hops into the car.

What's gotten into you?!Clark! ELLEN

Ellen screams. back doors still open.

the with He backs outengine.GUNS the Clark jumps in and

Get your butt in the earlRusty!

earl She's in the ELLEN

' s Edna?WherelCome onIgo Let' s CLARK

( CONTINUED)

Have you lost your mind? ELLEN

But we can't let our guard down. description of our getaway car. He must have gotten an inaccurate , CLARK

He looks at Ellen.gas. Clark eases off the

CAR INT.

highway. on down thecontinues police car cuts sharply around the station wagon andThe

HIGHWAYEXT.

him! I can't get He's passing 1Dad 1 RUSTY

robbed the motel!I CLARK:; ,.

What! $ -SELLEN

lawlthe from I'm running

What are you doing?l (to Clark) Don't you dare! ELLEN

Rusty hops over the back seat.

stuff out! ••• Get in back and start throwing CLARK

order at Rusty.anClark barks

CAR INT.

A truck forces it back_- into the right lane.passing lane. over into thecuts The police car pulls up close and then

ZRF■aA'f■■■"''-tl-il&W

border. The station wagon smacks the sign and speeds across the

the way. look at each other with terror and dive out ofThe agents

HORN.· blowing its The station wagon barrels ahead,them.

waving their arms casually to warnand step into the road, ture Department agents see the approaching station wagon The uniformed Agricul- It isn't a criminal roadblock at all.

STATION. INSPECTION AGRICULTURALEMERGENCY--reads the road

A sign in the middle of sit on either side of the road. A couple of State of Arizona Agriculture Department cars

ROADBLOCKEXT.

it! run We'll CLARK

Roadblock! CLARKAND RUSTY

oh! Uh, CLARK

what that is? You-know Look way up there!Dad! RUSTY

seat. looking over the front Rusty is standing in the footwell,

white collar crime. a It was It wasn't armed robbery. CLARK

Clark? could you,How get to prison. it until wehold You'll have to ELLEN

go again.have toIMom! AUDREY

...ah It's, I'll let her tell you. (to Attendant) Ellen! (calls) my wife? where is my wife ...to that because just yesterday I said funny you would sayYou know, it's (cuts Rusty off) CLARK

... You saidDad. I don't know, RUSTY

the car.o.f Rusty looks out

rob a motel? would IRuss,Hey, Me? a motel? rob would IWhy hell no.Why,Me?

Did you rob a motel? (suspicious) ATTENDANT

a guy who robbed a motel. say, for, here lookingthr.oughwere thought maybe theyInolNo, (nervous)~

You expecting one? A'l'TENDANT

through here lately? any state troopers beenSay, CLARK

the tank. Clark is chatting with the Attendant as he fills

PUMPSGAS EXT.

no-lead. Fill 'er up, CLARK

out and stretches.~etsClarkthe car as ATTENDANT approachesA young toward the station.and heads Ellen gets out The car pulls in and stops at the pumps.

LATER STATION -GASEXT.

to her all the way to Lake Havasu. up and we'll have to listenWake.her for Christ's sake!Let her sleep, CLARK

She needs to eat and take her pill. can you wake her up?Rusty,Auntie. including one for everybody,There's ELLEN

Ellen turns in the seat.

station. could eat a sandwich from a gasI I'm so hungry at the gas.station. gotI Crack open those sandwiches CLARK

What? (grouchy) RUSTY

everyone else and pushes Edna over on Audrey.crabby asas

He's leaning against him.Edna isand wakes.Rusty stirs

eml Up and atRusty! I CLARK

Clark looks back over the seat.

CAR INT.

car cruises through the desert.The

for the gas.

payilng away without Attendant goes inside and Clark speedsThe

Sure thing. ATTENDANT

do you? radials, steel-belted__ You don't have anySay 1 (continuing) CLARK

He clears his throat and pats the pump.

-'-----------------------'~~----'----'--'----"--.............1.............__._____..__.A.....A...&..&...Jls....~::I!.r-··:..::.......:.:.~~-2:.

dead! She's Big Mouth! She's not fine, ELLEN

Don't be silly. CLARK

J She ' s not fine (:worried) ELLEN

Ellen shakes Aunt Edna's knee.

fine. She's Let her be! few hours.in a we 're going to be in Tucson··Ellen,

Auntie! Edna) (looks at Aunt be quiet!Oh, ELLEN

cry. She starts to Ellen reaches around and swats Audrey's leg.

- time.tlhe I'm sick of her laying on me all AUDREY

Aunt Edna on me. Audrey to quit pushing1TellMom RUSTY

Get off mel AUDREY

Rusty. into/ She shoves Aunt Edna off her andAudrey wakes up.

;'

since we left the motel. mouse chg.rcha She's been quiet as

I ELLEN

him viciously scolds him. Ellen turns to pleased with the suggestion.He smiles,

come and get her. and he canNormie, your cousin, we can call phone we pass,first her here and the We could leave (thinks) CLARK

Clark? to do, What are we going near Tuba City. somewhereawaypassedhave She must ELLEN

Ellen gets out of the car.

anyway! goddammit,Well, CLARK

on the car hood. He pounds his fistdust.

a cloud ofup comes around the side of the car and kicks Clark They begin.furiously rubbing their hands and arms.

already! She's stiff Her hand touched me! RUSTY

breathed on me! A dead personon me!BreathedShe AUDREY

shrieking. Audrey and Rusty are The family flies out of the car.

CAR EXT.

CANYONGRAND SUPER:

go on. flashers The emergency The luggage flies off the roof.a halt. GRINDS to The car jerks onto the highway shoulder and

CAR EXT.

Clark slams on the brakes.seat into the front.theover

scramble Rusty and AudreyIt's chaos. Clark yells.car.

Clark loses control of the Rusty and Audrey scream.

_

he can!Yes, AUDREY

her up on the roof. put ~an'tYou Clark.No,no.Oh, ELLEN

doing. on to what he's thinking ofand catcheswatches Ellen then at Edna. up at the roof of the car,He looks

pounds ••• a hundred She can't weigh more than (thinking aloud) days. Three days at Walley World, at best. straight through, we'd have three If we drove I'm being practical. Don't say anything you'll regret. CLARK

a finger at her. He breathes heavily and shakesClark glares at Ellen.

most selfish scum. You are the lowest, ELLEN

and inquests and all that crap. don't want to get caught up in funeral justI Normie's for Pete's sake. Then let's take her toWell, hell. CLARK

look for the buzzards. All he'd have to do isto find her. for cousin NormieeasyIt would be (looking up) RUSTY

we don't. say ,.~lease·we·?do a dead person,- we don't have to ride withMom, (pleads)- AUDREY

Federal Express? What do you want me to do, call CLARK

meanest ••• You are the coldest, ELLEN

BLAST.HORNS car and Oncoming headlights flood the bumped and the car swerves.

Clark is jump in the front seat.scream and try tokidsThe

on the rooff It's footstepsAh! (pause) Shh! CLARK

What? eyed}..(wide RUSTY

Hear it?shhl... Listen drama) (great. CLARK.

Clark turns his head back quickly and feigns fear .

Show some respect!it!StopRustyl ELLEN

wagon? s-tationhaunted a as such a thingce for there to possibleit•s. you thinkDoDad?Hey, RUSTY

me sick!makingIt's can still smell Aunt Edna.IMom? AUDREY

you spy?what How can we seedark.It'sDad? RUSTY

Let•s play 'I Spy!'guyslHey, CLARK

up the family. Clark tries to cheer to sit where Edna had been sitting..not

so as pressed against the doorsthe back seat,inThe kids are

CAR INT.

with a blanket wrapped over it.luggagesitting on top of the see a familiar formWeCAMEBA. The car approaches and PASSES

NIGHT-CAR EXT.

rain or anything. going to It's not like it'sbe fine. She'll What's the difference.hood? You want me to strap her to the

----···

Will you watch your mouth! ELLEN

£. ag•ofj always been aHe ' s

Normie's always been flighty. ELLEN

even· home!isn' t coming and hewe"reknowsThe moron· angry) (.disgusted;

Maybe the neighbors know where he is. ELLEN

home! He's notI for Christ's sakeAw, (.continuing)

POUNDS. Then he

KNOCKS. a moment and thenHe waits doorbell again.·He RINGS the

•· Questions?'Twenty him to playaskIif How about (sarcastic) CLARK

about Edna dying. Don't just blurt it outClark? ELLEN

Clark RINGS the doorbell.hairdo. holding the map over her head to protect what's left of her Ellen follows, up to the porch. Clark gets out and runshouse. The station wagon pulls in the drive of a small adobe tract

it islThere

numbers. trying to read housewindow, Clark hangs out his broken ghost riding on the luggage rack. She looks like a draped figure of Aunt Edna on the roof. silhouetting the Lightning flashes, a subdivision street.

along the stat;on wagon creepsdown in sheets asRain pours

CITY HAVASULAKE SUPER:

RESIDENTIAL STREETEXT.

97/98.

bow our heads.Let's CLARK

from Edna. Clark steps back

home. somebody's Don't die unlessYeah. AUDREY

death. thing about life and ••• some- hope you kids have learnedI (sniffles) ELLEN

Mom. a cold now, She can't catch RUSTY

Clark, it's raining all over her. ELLEN

clothesline with Rusty's help. Edna to the chair with aHe tiesgives it to Ellen. He lifts the blanket that's wrapped around Edna andsion. shivers with revul-he's just done,what and then realizing a patio rocking chair Clark sets the grisly bundle down in

home? deposit box at the funeral I slip her in the nightShould (loud whisper) CLARK

patio! can't leave Aunt Edna on theWe whisper)(loud ELLEN

a golf umbrella over them. holding Ellen shepherds the kids behind,the patio. form between the houses to Clark caries the bundled

LATER- PATIO NORMIE'SEXT.

Clark kicks the front door and storms off the porch.

on Monday. Be back Have gone to Flagstaff. (reading aloud) CLARK

a note taped to the door.Clark finds

'\1IT .......-..al:#i.3[,&i1.u...,,;....~.a..u..J...1.1....___..,_-·------·~-...w-~~---~--

Mom. Let's not go overboard, AUDREY

soul. hope that you have mercy on her woman and we We loved thisLord? ELLEN

looks heavenward.Shehim. Ellen sighs. and takes over for

best. my But I'm doinghoney.minister, I'm sorry that I'm not an ordained CLARK

do it myself. I'll a serious matter.This is (continuing) ELLEN

She's peeved. a step forward.Ellen takes arms still raised to the sky.Clark turns to her, his

Clark? (interupts) ELLEN

speak of Karma •••The HindusYea! tenure on this our beloved planet Earth. during his.brief by your dear son, Jesus, She who lived by the example set forth (continuing) CLARK

They're puzzled and confused by what's gotten into him. he delivers the prayer.up at Clark aslooksfamilyThe

from the path of righteousness.swerved of thy flock who nevermemberand descent good into your heavenly paradise this

Admit Yea! our moment of deepest despair.

ease our suffering in thisDear Gawd, CLARK

how. brief service in the only way he-knows Clark leads the wind STIRS and rocks the rocking chair.

The The rain pours down.bows their heads.familyThe

don't want to go to Walley World! I home.go want toI anymore. I don't want to be in the car AUDREY

cry. Audrey starts tothem. Ellen looks back at

the morning. night and then we'll start fresh in somewhere to stay for theWe'll find It's all over and done with.Look. CLARK

He turns back to the kids.

sure he won't mind.

I'm backy'-rd;. lawn chair in hisato

You left his dead Mother tiedstand? What's not to under-Sure, Clark. ELLEN

· sleeve. he reads the note we pinned on Edna'a think Normie'll understand whenI CLARK

spray. He holds the cigarette out of thebroken window on him. Rain is pouring in the Clark is puffing on a cigarette.

LATER-CAR INT.

They run to the car and leave.

go. Amen, let's CLARK

his soul. on mercyHave hope you understand. I family to have their vacation.,, Walley World in time for his beloved/1 because my husband wants to get to/ can givewe this but this is all/ know she deserves better than/We (continuing) ELLEN )___\. r~-"

so much fun I'll probably forget ••• I'll be having when we get home. me to hang.myselfRemindHoney? to Ellen) (continuing; Moose! Marty Praise (laughs) to see a moose, I'm on a pilgrimage I gotta be crazy. to himself) (babbling angrily CLARK

tires.size from the four differentand wobbles The car vibrates gear and pulls out.in He throws the wagon

out of your assholes. Your gonna be whistling zippitty do-dah remove our goddamn smiles!surgery to fucking fun, we'll need plastic all going to have so muchWe'retoo. goirig to have fun,and you'refun I'm going to havefun!quest for a It's guest!aIt's vacation. no longer aThis is something! I'll tell youWell,bail out! fun park and you want tofucking ~- from thehoursten We' re he·ad. (~ fucked in theyou're allthinkI around)(snaps CLARK

you think?WJiat do (nervously) ELLEN

Clark guns the engine.

rated anyway. Walley World's over-other time. some Maybe we can try it again AUDREY

Dad. It's been a drag, RUSTY

been one disaster after another. It's a pretty bad idea driving_out. seems like In retrospect ithome. went just I wouldn't mind if we Under the circumstances,Clark? ELLEN lcO

--.· ..-.....-.................-··-.~·--

What are you talking about? CLARK

kids!your some consideration foryou'd have outbursts, I'd appreciate it if Next time you have one of your (angry) ELLEN

BATHROOMINT.

a bath. is in the bathroom starting to run

Ellen Clark is laying on the bed smoking a cigarette.

TI.MESAME- ROOM MOTELINT.

Another chain motel.

EVENING-MOTELEXT.

Clark.two, That's the clothesline) (she struggles against EDNA AUNT

a chair.totiedshe's up and realizesShe .wakes Suddenly her eyes open.face. rain pours down on Edna'sa lightning flash,There is

PATIO NORMIE'SEXT.

THUNDERCLAP.a We hear highway. down the wobbles··v~olentlyThe car

HIGHWAYEXT.

something? Do you want an aspirin orDad? RUSTY

joint.a Audrey lightsClark.at Ellen stares in horrorSilence.

1..L.....L.~~--------------II:I:I"EJit:·I:IIl.J.,.&.~..&..&.A.a...&.....&..~a..tJ.:..!.__

honey. You couldn't afford it,

You' re looking fine tonight.party? You wanna have aCowboy.Hey, HOOKER

peaks out at Clark. underpants and garter belt obvious hooker wearing a halter,

and an next room door opensThe Clark closes their door.

TIME SAME.. WALKWAYMOTELEXT.

you·care?doWhat CLARK

you going?Where're ELLEN

He walks to the door. Ellen stares icily at him.

and bit you!came up a good time if itknowYou wouldn •· t (_continuing)

them on. him off the bed and s·lips shoes Eddie gavewhite up and grabs the uglyClark stands

problem.whole That's· your at the dark s:ide of things , Ellen. You have an uncanny knack for looking CLARK

ball of mud. largest world's our way to see the thousand miles out ofand drive us a hold up a McDonaldsthe desk clerk, Tomorrow.you'll killof family fun. know your brandIClark.Spare me,

family to a little fun.myto treat bestrrrJ I'm tryingknow is,All I CLARK

You don't know?

how the operation is running. to see incognito, across the country, Once a year I traveltwo hundred units. Twenty• nationwide. the whole chain, ownI In fact, own this motel.I (.continuing). CLARK

a big lie.as perceivesrightly going along with what sheThe Girl nods,

up something}()Dakes

It would appear so, wouldn't it? (.laughs nervously). . CLARK

vacation?family Having a nice little (teases him) GIRL

Clark.with Girl slides into the boothThe

You.

makes a quick decision.Hecomposure.Clark regains his

Waiting for someone? GIRL

Clark a sexy smile.givesShehis table. standing atts the mystery woman with the Ferrari,Girl,The

POV CLARK'S

and jumps . He looks up and feeling sorry for himself.beerClark.' s nursing apiano. GIRL is singing and accompanying herself on the electric

A LOCAL Clark is sitting at one of the half dozen booths.

LOUNGE MOTELINT.

her door. She closes leaving her baffled.on toward the bar,He walks

them. fun forIt's They sort of complete the disguise. them on these inspection tours of mine. borrowI s family.bx·othermyThat's I I•m-with? those peopleOh,Married? CLARK

She finishes his beer.

the mood for some fun. in I'·m too bad you're married.It's GIRL

I'm just trying to have a little fun. CLARK

great. That's- GIRL

Motels. CLABK

You have hotels in the Orient? GIRL

in L.A. Corporate·jet's waitingThe Orient. CLARK

l\eaded::.ee:x:t:?you::-re· ·'Where GIRL

And my airline. motels, really ...myin I'm more interestedit much.abouttalk --r-don't But that was many years ago. was.r CIA. I'm not with theNo,

Really. GIRL

huh? That's an old bit, CLARK

Clark chuckles.

CIA.the__ say you were working for thought you were going toIOh. GIRL

swim?you Don' t wrong? What~s sure. starters.For GIRL

Here?•••Umm

lies.his challenge of living up tothefaced·withClark is

it?''for Hgo Are you going toWell? (.continuing) GIRL

an exhilerated breath. her ·hair back and takesShe pulls

This feels· great.Wow! GIRL

come to life. eyes bulge as suddenly six or seven fond fantasiesClark's jeans and dives into the pool.herdrops·top,yanks off her The Girl stops at the edge of the pool and without hesitation.

once. round...go...merrycrazythis go around onlyWe it.,.for"'gois·, credo, to have ahave My credo, if I

conversation. continuing their Clark and the Gir'l walk across· the courtyard.

LATER... COURTYARDMOTELEXT.

disguise?myLikeYean. CLARK

Basically be like you are. GIRL

like a fool.looksights. the stupid Stop at all like an ordinary jerk. look and acttohave convincing Ibe To of it.partbiga Well, that's CLARK

station wagon effect. I like the It's a good disguise. GIRL

beat and he bursts out of the water.Ainto the pool. a one-handed diveHe makes. modesty,- the other over his hea one hand protecting hispoodl,of the~dgeHe stands at the_)___(\ \ / CI.ABK ANGLE -

Exhilirating. GIRL

the water?How's CLARK

She watches Clark with amusement and a concealed smile.

GIRL ANGLE -

crazy. This is is crazy.Thiscrazy. This is to himself) (continuing; CLARK

away from her and drops his shorts.He turns

I'll be right there. (continuing) CLARK-

revealing big boxer shorts.drawers,He drops his

.. aspirations had Olympic divingIdive.I...

He whips off the shirt and kicks off the white loafers.

... strokes and I'm proficient in a number of

He starts to unbutton his shirt.

in water.ease I'm completely at it) (talks himself into swim.I sure, Yeah, school. senior year-in highsemi-finals, took third in the stateIsure.Oh, CLARK

(MORE) can. He thinks of an excuse as quickly as he

Swimming? (big, guilty smile). CLARK

DOING!YOUARE WHAT ELLEN

honey!Hi,

and waves to Ellen. Clark turns Th.e Girl's laughing. getting out of the water. clothes withouthisreacntotrying He's at the side of the pool

CLARK- ANGLE

CLARK!! ELLEN

down. rail and looks walks to the balconydoor,theopensEllen

DOOR ROOM, MOTELEXT.

and hurries to the door.~edShe gets out of

Clark? ELLEN

She sits· up with a puzzled look onEllen's reading in bed.

ROOM MOTELINT.

about. screaming's all come out of their rooms to see what thePeopleon all over.

go Lights His booming voice echos in the closed-courtyard.

FUCK! COLD! COLD! JEEEEE-SSSSSUSI

BWi&IA+:·iii·■a■■ Paw«■:tlffi£JfKlf9:

I can't believe this. AUDREY

a joint. round sunglasses and smokingAudrey is wearing dark,dresses. Audrey and Rusty are leaning over railing watching as Clark

BALCONYMOTELEXT.

too. You, GIRL

The Girl waves goodbye.balcony···statrs;;He heads for the

rest of your trip. Enjoy the Good night.evening. spoil yourdidnttIhopeIam.I ,. d stay, butImarried,weren' tIf I CLARK

Clark slips on his boxers.

this. aboutbad shouldn't feel very attractive and youYoutre CLARK

clothes. He pulls himself out of the water and duck walks over to his

If you gotta go. GIRL

me? Can you excuse CLARK

He turns to the Girl.

done. Clark realizes what he's the motel room door slams.O.S.

•--~·.-- Hon·? Ellen? Can't you?

You can imagine. was so surprised.I this person and that's why I yelled. see didn·' t was in here and I... (points to the Girl) This person, here ...And guess what? the car just to get a bathing suit. I didn't want ·to unpackmuscles. thought a swim would relax the I My back's been killing me. (CONT'D)CLABI<

,,..L.I'>'•t••••••·•,,.••••■•■•■••• --------..L....L....L....L..i~·................LJLI_Jl.L.~~f.L.i....£~

(.CONTINUED).

was· hurt.I knew· it.I and right you werebecausemadwas-I everything.aooutsorryr~m love you.I could like a girl like that?think I ...you You, honey,no,no,no, Oh no, and stroking her.hair) next to her(~itting CLARK

what you want? Is that you like that girl?Do ELLEN

hurt. She looks Ellen looks· up.

Are you mad?Heney?Ellen?

door.the closes. steps in and

He Clark feels miserable.the bed.inEllents Clark peeks in.

ROOM MOTELINT.

the corner. Clark roundsasjus-t into her roomdisappe~rsRusty

Jus·t you. HOOKER

coming?•~sWho RUSTY

ROOKER

Where? RUSTY

a party?haveWanna Cowboy.Hey, HOOKER

looking him over.Hookerthe glances to his left and sees alone now,Rusty,in.goesand opens it, glas-ses,off the

She takes door to their room.into-thebumpsandturnsShe

want to.don~tImaybeSo So? AUDBEY

inhaling.evennot You~reout. Put that a dork.you':re Audrey, RUSTY·

CONTl:NUED:

lll.

muttering. The people leave,He jumps in.

alone! Leave us to your roomslbackGo before?!swim anybodyseen You've never the matter with you people.What's CLARK

them angrily.at Clark looks up rooms to see what the s·creams· are all about. People come out of theirgo on all over.lightsOnce again,

Cooldl Chris·t,Jeesus, ELLEN

screams.

and surfaces faster than she entered,She dives in giggling,

... very s the water'-Ellen,1 Please don't CLARK

She is naked and goes to the edge.

some fun together. to have:!:!!. I just wantClark.No, ELLEN

Really. honey!me, prove anything to have todon•tYou no, Ellen.Oh, CLARK

disrobing. She starts Ellen has lead Clark to the edge of the pool.

POOL COURTYARD,MOTELEXT.

hand and leads him out of the room.takes hisShe

Come on. to prove it.going t•m and to have fun,howdo knowI going to try too.•mAnd Itrying. know you•reand I all your fault·, it's notknowI Clark. I'm sorry, _ ELLEN

arms around her and holds her tight.He wraps his

"' "We're here because we're here ... (.singing) ALL

a family. are one hell of•·sThe Griswold CLARK

takes Ellen's hand.

Clark kiss their parents.and kids lean over the seatThe

to Walley World. made itWe dammit! made it,We (tears) it. madeWe (proudly}

worth the sacrifice and suffering. The journey suddenly seems The Griswolds are invigorated.

CA,JlINT.

· heading for the park. wounded station wagon limps into framewobbling,Thepark. The spires of the Moose Castle rise from the vast amusement

MORNING...CASTLEMOOSE WORLD·,WALLEYEXT.

... Exits Next Three "Walley World The car turns at. an off-ramp where a sign reads:

Whoopee! minute now. Any Everybody ready?Almost there. (V. 0.)CLA1U{

CALIFORNIACOUNTY,ORANGESUPER:

The car creeps along in rush hour traffic.

MORNINGEARLY- FREEWAYEXT.

and Ellen splash around in the pool yelling expletives. Rusty and the Hooker watch in-total amazement as ClarkAudrey,

BALCONYMOTELEXT.

·.. ( ''V I I I Me".

"Push in Clark as he pushes a button on Marty Moose which reads,

An insane rage is building Their faces are frozen in disbelief.

FAMILYTHE- ANGLE

Park!!., America's Favorite Family Fun Weeks· To Clean And RepairTwQ_Closed ForreWe'l"Sorry Folks a tool belt, holding a sign:witnMarty Moose in overalls

statue of larger•than•life Standing before the gate is a huge,

POV CLABK'S

then to shock.~uzzlement, of joy turn first to their expressions they approach the park entrance,AsFire".

of '"'Chariotsfrommus·ic They pound across the pavement to the

MOTIONSLOW RUSTY:AND CLABK

Rusty take off in a sprint.andClark

Race you to the entrance?! (continuing)

in a challenge. he slaps Rusty on the backin his eye,twinklean impetuous

and with He looks at Rusty,Clark looks up.They get out.

the Griswolds.we'reBecause Why? first one's out.thewe'll be to get out of here at the same time, fighting everyoody•s of cars and this lot is fullwhenandRight,

Clark.away, We're so far (puzzled) ELLEN

out. The family gets from the entrance. a good six hundred yards last row of spaces,th~ sweeping turn and parks inmakes a empty parking lot, The station wagon rolls into the massive,

PARKING LOTWORLD,WALLEYEXT.

,.___.-~------------1_..____..__...__..__.•.__.•L.J•.i.-...........--~-.........................................;·-~.........,._-............----~

HONK. HORNS SCREECH,BRAKES sporting goods store. and dashes into adodging cars,the street, Clark races across

2! !.:ll mleage. Figure the Ellen) -(to - ~J •·er Fill (to the attendant) CLABK

Clark jumps out.halt. The station wagon flies into a gas station and grinds to a

STATIONGASEXT.

s all.,.that Walley, out of Mr. worth of entertainmentbuck•s·to get our just goingW.etre Don't be scared. CLARK

me. s·car~ngYou' re Clark? What are you going to do, (worried) ELLEN

us! he owes Fuckin-A·rightRight? (to Ellen) GriswoldslW. He owes the Clark He owes us. to his shit movies. We go cheap merchandise.buy his We program every Sunday night . goddamn televisionhiswatchWe (to himself)

Ellen and the kids· are staring at Clark as he speeds.

CAR INT.

dragging the muffler. turns hard and roars· off,bottoms out, The station wagon flies out of the parking lot into the street,

/ off his head.eearing into Marty's adorable face,

smashes Clark's fistjust read.have the exact same message we

A recording of Marty Moose's cheerful voice plays repeating

MOOSE MARTY

the streets with the barrel of the gun.

down the map out across his knees and tracesClark spreads

CAR INT.

away. The station wagon peels

Thanks much. (continuing) CLARK

hands the map to Clark.ManThe Old

sporting a third nostril. Give me the map or you'll be (continuing) CLABK

Man. He trains it on the Old with a price tag dangling from it. Clark reaches into a white store bag and pulls out a pistol

Okay. CLARK

no checks.sorry,Ah, MAN OLD

check? Take a CLARK

l Sure do MAN OLD

your map? house on Walle.y..'.sYou got Roy CLARK

way. the truck jumps out of theownswhoMAN

OLD The pulls up fast behind it and locks up the brakes. wagon The station HOMES $3.00."STARSTHETO"MAPS--reads

A wooden sign old pickup truck is parked at the curb.An

CALIFORNIA,HILLSBEVERLY SUPER:·

down a palm tree-lined street.The station wagon barrels

LATER- HILLS BEVERLYEXT.

__.~~--'---------------------------·----L-:::_.............a...a.'"'-"'--".........._..a...ai...a.--~~-~....L.....,......i..!.J....L...1.-----·---~

And your names, sir? GUARD

Roy Walley.Mr. Walley. We're here to see Mr.Yes. (ultra•polite) CLARK

sir? Can I help you, GUARD

out to greet them.steps- and a Security Guard The station wagon pulls up to the gatemeticulous grounds. winding drive,iron gate, stately Beverly Hills mansion,A

TIME SAME ESTATE•WALLEYROY EXT.

an electrical short.There's "PING!" Clark reaches the gun under the dash and fires.

Close your eyes! CLARK

It might be a little. lower ... ELLEN

You sure?

Clark stares blankly.

Three point nine miles per gallon. (continuing) ELLEN

Clark looks up from the road and the map.

mileage. figured out our gasIHoney? ELLEN

mileage. Ellen is figuring the final reading on the gas

a pretty good dent in your ass. but it'll put A real pellet gun, CLARK

Dad? Is that a real gun, RUSTY

Thank you. CLARK

politely.card Clark takes the

a card with the numbers .Here's working day from nine to five-thirty. Roy Walley Enterprises on anyconta~t have toYou'll a private residence. This is Griswolds .Mr. I'm sorry, GUARD

CAR EXT.

You bet.Dad.Sure, AUDBEY

Roy Walley? Don't you want to meetKids?? now) (quietly controlled CLARK

do this. Please don't begging you. I'm This is way off.Clark. (whispering) ELLEN

CAR !NT.

The Guard steps into the guard house and picks up a phone.

One moment, sir. GUARD

Griswold.W.Clark Pardon you. businesslike). (suddenly cold and

Pardon me? GUARD

Griswolds.W. The Clark CLARK

"'--'-'............_--'--~~-'---~~-..................................L.-A..J...........J._JL.JL.L~..i...L...--~'

television. seen you onttve do you do.How

Ellen gets out of the car and waves politely.

... wife, Ellenmyis This Griswold, Jr.W.I'm Clark CLARK

Please don't shoot.Y-yes. terror)in(~ods WALLEY

You Walley? (continuing)

raises his hand.Wall~y

Walley?Roy (.continuing) CLARK

Walley and his Associates freeze in their tracks.

Freeze! CLARK

the pistol held in two hands. to his knees with Clark jumps out and dropsGROWLING.ENGINE

the SCREECHES to a halt on the patio,The wagonscatter. They through the garden and heads for the Men.hedge, rips

break through theGARDNERdogs and a~rd Suddenly a pair of and toward tl;le side of the house.They look upASSOCIATES. several of hiswith is having a business meeting on the patio in suit and tie, a rotund man in his late sixties,ROY WALLEY,

TIME SAME WALLEY PATIO -EXT.

flower urns .

toppling sparks ripping up plantings,ofthe drive in a shower

scraping the brick wall alongsidegrinds up the winding drive, The wagon iron shrapnel flies. The windshield blows out,

GATES WALLEY MANSIONEXT.

through the iron gates. He floors it and the car blasts

(MORE) falsetto) Marty Moose, silly (starts to talk like ah .. ,,-abouthowuh. . .Okay, WALLEY

as fast as they can. The terrified Men are thinking Walley looks to his Associates.

· take a leak I Clark Griswold each and every time you a little or you're going to remember together and give us your creative heads you fellas putSo, Roy Walley-style. Family entertainment,what we came forl wantI don't want money, pal.I CLABl{

Griswold a check-·get Mr.Hank, (to an As.sociate) ·sir. Name your figure, WALLEY

owe me. figure youISo, Shut your facet· CLARK

We always ... WALLEY

fun park, it was closed!friggin' Entertainment, when we got to your King of FamilyMr.point is,The damn shoulder.on yourcrygoing to But I'm not threatened.robbed, We were cheated, clubs and an aunt. luggage, golf a dog, lost clothes, ruined a brand new car, killedWe

Walley shuts up .back.hanmer Clark pulls the

guests ...mybe Please, WALLEY

park. get out here and visit your fun to hell we've just been through we' re from Chicago andOkay, Audrey and Rusty.kids ,myAnd CLAIUC

120,t

The police spread out around the house.out.

jump TEAMSSWAT the drive.upROARCARS Beverly Hills police

MANSIONOF THE FRONTEXT.

mel That's H-yuckl (cartoon voice) WALLEY

Marty Moose! FAMILY.

cue the family shouts:On

spell? What's that ASSOCIATES

is for everything you want to be!'Et WALLEY

family glee! super~swellis for'S' ASSOCIATES

geel 'O' , golly!Oh, gosh!Oh., 'O' is for WALLEY

see!you merry, We're is for merry.'M' ASSOCIATES

their lives.save cartoon moose to Grown Men acting like Walley follows singing as well.pool. four Associates start to sing and dance around theWalley'·s

Around.' •Moosein' new motion picture, this is a routine for ouruh,Uh, (continuing) WALLEY

scoot up as Walley and his Men start to dance .. Ellen and the kids up on the hood of the car.Clark scoots

welcome touh,. uh, and dads,moms and girls, howdy boysuh,Uh,. . . (.continuing) WALLEY

from his pocket and hands it to the Cop.gunHe takes the

Walley. not Mr. you want, me It's on there.Holdno!No, CLARK

Other Cops start moving toward them.

spread!legs down with your on the ground face Lie go! Let~s you guysJOkay, (continuing} COP

the latter.clioos·e and finally As·sociates-, Walley and his and then at holding the pis·tol,iswho no longerat Clark,

Cop looksThe and the Boys,Royincludingfreezes·.Everyone

Freeze! COP

on the scene.burs·t A small group of Police Commandos

TEAM SWAT

You start it.Freddy? (continuing} WALLEY

in a cartoon voice.himself He starts humming to

go? that the hell doesRow "Moosefeathers?"'· Remember the one from000 1Ooo, (to his Associates) WALLEY

tune. another and Roy excitedly suggeststhere is applause,they finish,When and Security People..S-ervants themselves, .as are one or two actually seem to be enjoyingTheychipmonk-like voices. singing excellent four-part harmony inhipson. each others are standing in line with their handsTneyshape of antlers·. sleeves tied in the Their jackets are on their heads,knees. Walley and his Associates have their pants rolled up to their

TIME SAME.. PATIO EXT.

_l..

(he winks) like to drink.they•dwhatever and s·ome Roy Walley chocolate moose, show these good men around forPete, Guard) (to head Security any charges. pressingbe•·11 don't think IIhere·. there's been a little misunderstanding thinkI Officer. Wait a minute, WALLEY

He embraces the bunch.

in jail.•re good while youextrabe promise I'llIDaddy. love you,I AUDREY.

excellent vacation . a guy couldn•t want a moreDad, RUSTY

all that counts.that•sandknow, We society will think.whatcare I don't You're a wonderful father. ELLEN

you to know that. I just want do anything for you. t•d heart andmy love you with allI it was for you guys.buttemper,~ lost know II of fun. few·minutes a I just hope you had at least CLARK

and shakes Rusty's hand with his hands shackled behind his back. He kisses Audrey and Ellen Clark walks back to the family.

Make it short. COP

family?my Can I have a word with Cop)to (continuing; CLARK

Cop handcuffs Clark.The

a little haywire.

had kind of a ...tve It's just that we believe, but we're big fans of yours. to you It's probably hard for Walley.Mr. I'm terribly sorry, (continuing)

...be flying time will Our LaGuardia airport .sYork,. New with continuing service to to Atlanta morning on our flight Thank you for joining us this (O. C. ) · STEWARDESS

over the PA.Passengers A·STEWARDESS addresses themus-ic. them listening to infligh.t Rusty and Audrey are in the seats behindEllen and Clark kiss.

an idiot. I feel like suchthese tickets. he,. s paying forbelieve.can• tI

on our Christmas card lis·t. Walley We'll have to put Mr. ELLEN

all wearing antler hats·.

They are A new spirit. They are clean and in fresh cloth.es.

The family is reunited in the non-smoking section of a DC-10.

MORNING AIRPLANE -INT.

The biggest smile breaks across their faces.

special for you. I'm opening it up over to the park. want to take you folksIa car.for me sendLet our kids in 1958. took with wife and Imyvacation ·the I want to tell you about (.continuing) WALLEY

with laughter. Roy claps Clark on the back and roarsThe family laughs.

fine.be Monthly payments•11 WALLEY

ever repay you? How can wenice~ You're soof you. so understandingThat•sWalley.Mr. - ELLEN

and Roy joins the Griswolds. The Cops release C1ark, exit,

',.

their house. in front of Family standing next to the .station wagon,

SNAPSHOT PORTRAITS.OVER VACATIONROLLCREDITSEND

SEQUENCE:CREDITEND

OUT. FADE

UP. COMES THEME

Over. Roger, will do. (O.C.) TOWER VOICE

Over. ground authorities. Notify cabin disturbance.awith we'r·e eastbound to AtlantaCenter, This ls 191 heavy to Los Angeles tower) to the the radio ;(over (O.C.) PILOT

The plane takes off into the sunset.(((~

Turn this son-.of-a-bitch around I CLARK

ENGINES·.THEOFROAR above the

Clark shouts into position and begins takeoff.taxisThe plane

RUNWAYEXT.

goddamn airplane! We' re on the wrong.tLadyHey I (frantic) CLARK

She did say Atlanta! ELLEN

Ellen looks at Clark.

Did she say Atlanta? CLARK

Clark looks at Ellen with alarm as the plane shoves off.

'-.,\_,_) r·----)

'I I

END THE

Clark with his arm aound E·llen.

A big smile on his face. Rusty with Audrey and the Hooker.

Cops. Family with Roy Walley and Beverly Hills

camel. two indians and a man on aFamily with

station. Family with the mechanic and friends at the desert gas

Dinky with his head out the window.

Ci~y. Wyatt Earp in Dodgewith-- Family

Edna and the cousins.Catherine, Family with Eddie,