"NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION" (1983)

A 1977 sedan with serious trunk and minor front fender damage pulls up in front of a large suburban car dealership. CLARK

W. GRISWOLD and his twelve year old son, RUSTY, get out. Clark is mid-thirties, handsome, fatherly. He's wearing hornrim glasses and a summer-weight suit. He's excited and happy to pick up his new car. Rusty is in jeans and a Lacoste shirt.

. RUSTY Yeah, Dad.

A CAR HIKER in greasy. overalls strolls up. Clark shakes his hand and tosses him the car keys.

The hiker jumps into Clark's old car and blasts out of the dealership driver and shoots across the street.

Clark's SALESMAN, a slick, fast-talker in a polyester hound's tooth sportcoat, comes out of the showroom squeezing a tennis ball.

The Salesman puts the ball in his pocket and shakes Clark's hand.

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Yep. Couldn't wait. Look at hin.

Rusty, playing with a tiny portable pac-man, is uninterested. Clark gives Rusty an affectionate squeeze.

‘SALESMAN Let's get it then! You bring your trade-in?

The Salesman smiles.

Come on around back.

They walk around the dealership.

Where?

\/ ae.

CONTINUED :

Clark steps over to the car.

/ CLARK Take it easy, Rusty. This isn't the car I ordered, Ed. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue, Super Sportswagon with C.B. and the optional Rally fun-pack.

_ CLARK Antartic blue. The sportwagon. This isn't even the right model.

SALESMAN

You know, I think you're right, Claud. This is the new wagonqueen family Truckster. A damm fine automobile. Beats the hell outta the Sportswagon, but I want you to be happy. Davenport!!

(hands on hips, looks

down angrily. To himself:) I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

A middle-ages BLACK MAN, dressed in greasy over-alls, appears wiping his hands on a rag.

. DAVENPORT ‘Yes, Mr. Ed?

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e (OU CLARK Ed, I'm not your ordinary everyday fool. Now, if you can't-give me/ the antartic blue sportswagon right . now, I'm taking my business elsewhere!

‘on The jaws close on Clark's old car.

The orange wagon pulls in the drive. Clark shuts off the engine. It runs on, shivering and chugging. Rusty gets out. Clark restarts the engine, guns it and turns it off again. It continues to run on. ELLEN and AUDREY come out of the house to inspect the new car.

AUDREY

An orange station wagon?

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An air bag inflates as a sudden forward and final jerk of the

car stops the engine. Clark is all but suffocating as he

tries to extricate himself and the ignition key from a con- fusion of shoulder-harness release buttons, deceptively conceiled air bag valve releases and a special steering column key release button; all amidst a constant cacophony of various buzzer noises.

Ellen is rinsing dishes. Clark is absent-mindedly drying them and loading them into the dishwasher.

ane

Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen. Clark kisses her on the cheek and starts for the family room.

- Clark changes Rusty's program to map os USA by punching some buttons on small console.

On screen an "X" flashes in Southern California.

I knew you 'd be interested in this, Russ. L've got the whole thing broken down into: total miles, miles per gallon, miles per hour, cost per nile, cost per hour, cost per day, and... hours pee day.

A readout shows up on ‘lower right corner of screen; "Total miles, miles per gallon, miles per hour, cost per mile, cost per hour, cost per day, hours per day.’

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CONTINUED :

A red dot appears in Chicago as Clark punches a button.

A small pac man appears on the screen and pursues the car, already progressing down Route 55.

Rusty punches in from his remote control unit some attacking space ships as Clark tries to avoid by moving red dot.

Clark is trying to keep car out of trouble.

. CLARK | That's the whole point of us driving across our own country. I want you to experience first hand your roots, your heritage. . . Not fly over it. And you’ re growing up so darn fast. Where'd you learn about the Concord? (affectionately) Come on over here.

He tries to lift her up by her waist.while he is seated, pulling. out his back and pushing Audrey's sweater just above her training

bra. She doesn't budge. Clark registers pain as Ellen sees

this strangeness through the kitchen door,

a, INT. GARAGE - LATER C)

Luggage is neatly stacked behind the wagon. hands in anticipation of a well-planned operation.

are:watching.

Clark rubs his

The kids

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He tries to open the rear door of the wagon. There is a handle on the side indicating the door swings open. But there is also a handle at top center indicating that the door drops down to open. He tries the handle on the side. It won't open. He tries the handle at top center. It won't open either. He steps back, thinks and then tries both at the same time. The door swings open and drops down. It hangs dangerously on a single bottom hinge.

Clark finishes lashing luggage to the roof rack and climbs down. He proudly checks out his work. The car is completely loaded down, clearing the ground by six inches.

He gets in the car and backs into the garage. He hasn't anticipated the height of the luggage on the roof. The. suitcases are ripped off the rack and tumble down and open on the drive.

It's still dark. Clark and the kids are in the car. He's trying to start the car. Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Ellen walks to the car thinking, rumning over her mental checklist of things to do before leaving.

. ELLEN

Turn off the water, stove, heat and

air. Lock the doors, notify the

police, stop the newspapers, call to

get the grass cut, put the timer on

the living room lights...

She smiles. Everything's in order. Clark gets the engine Started. Ellen gets in.

. CLARK Are you ready for the best vacation ever?

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The car pulls out but Clark fails to notice the garden hose is caught on the bumper. As he drives off down the street, the hose is stretched to its limit and finally rips several feet

of pipe out of the wall, causing a geyser of water that starts flooding the garage. .

The station wagon rolls along the interstate. It's a beatiful day. Ail are singing merrily.

Clark and Ellen are singing. The kids are staring at them like they're crazy. .

CLARK AND ELLEN) Yeu got me rockin' and a rollin' Rockin’ and a reelin' Barbara Ann Ba-ba~ba-ba-barbara Ann

Clark turns to the kids as Ellen continues with the ba-ba's.

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The song ends.

f AUDREY We don't know any of your songs.

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The three kids look at each other. They silently agree on a tune.

- To death /\ A Work that sucker to death...

Clark interrupts.

CLARK

Wait a minute. That isn't a song! AUDREY

‘It is too! ELLEN

Daddy means. a sing-a-long song.

Clark clears his throat. He leads the family in a rousing rendition of the Marty Moose theme, the wally World theme park's cartoon figurehead's song.

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Ellen joins in.

is plugging her headphones into the same Walkman and grimacing. Rusty turns up volume.

CROSS FADE Clark and Ellen singing to the rock song the kids are listening to.

leaving Chicago in B.G.

whizzing past cornfields. We hear Clark singing. CLARK (0.C.)

".,.are the luckiest people in the - ) world..." C'mon, kids!

moving along another section of highway. CLARK (0.C.) ".,.Michael row your boat ashore..." Everybody!

cuT TO:

- CLARK ".,.Hallelujah..."

Ellen appears to be asleep. She opens one eye and interrupts:

CLARK

Okee dokee, my little darling. Got to stop for gas anyway. ‘Oh, little darlin’, dum dumbee doobie doobie darlin'..."

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Clark pulls into the left of the pumps. Ellen and the kids get out and head for the restrooms. Clark removes the pump, but immediately notices there is no gas tank on that side of the car. He returns the nozzle, gets-into the car and pulls around to the other side of the pumps. There is general confusion and honking of horns as Clark cuts off other cars waiting in line. He pulls into the other side of the pump, removes nozzle and discovers that there is no gas tank on that side either. Looking to the right he sees a man filling a tank at the back of a station wagon under the license plate. Clark confidentally grabs the top of the license plate with his left hand and pulls sharply and dramatically, ripping

the plate at its hinges. He looks up with the license plate in his left hand and the nozzle in his right hand, just as Ellen and the kids approach the car. The kids get in and Ellen points to the right front fender. With her finger, she opens the little gas tank door.

ELLEN

Isn't this the gas tank, Clark? CLARK

Get inside, honey. I'm just fixing

the plates.

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As the car approaches St. Louis, the Gateway Arch is seen in the distance.

Ellen is perusing the map. The kids are leaning over the front seat, interested in the view.

CLARK

See that, kids? That's the St. Louis Arch. The Gateway to the West. It's over six hundred feet tall and has an elevator that goes all the way to the top. That's sixty stories to you and me.

The car cruises into the Martin Luther King Memorial Bridge.

Clark begins

RUSTY : What river are we crossing over, Dad?

singing. CLARK (continuing) "Ole man ribber, dat ole man ribber." ELLEN

. (looking at the map) Clark, I think you're on the wrong bridge.

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ae Well, when we get across the river, , we'll be on the wrong highway, honey. | CLARK

. Oh look. There's the old courthouse. _ That's a real laridmark, kids. That's where they made the Dredd Scott Decision.

seven. — | AUDREY (OO Did he go free, Daddy? CLARK

Nope. Went back to work. "You load sixteen tons and what do you get..."

The station wagon crosses the MacArthur Bridge, heading the opposite direction it was traveling across the King Bridge.

Russ.

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The station wagon cruises slowly down a street in the bowels of the inner city and stops at an intersection. A red ; Cadillac pulls up alongside of the wagon. Six adult BLACK MEN are in the car. as

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He rolls down his window.

Clark quickly rolls up the window.

The station wagon creeps down a dank, dark alley.

Clark is hunched over the wheel. Ellen is terrified, slumped down in the seat.

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The station wagon pulls out of the alley into a street and stops. People are sitting on porches, hanging out of windows. A young BLACK man roller skates past the car. Clark rolls down the window.

_ CLARK Excuse me, bros.

The young man twirls around and skates to the car. He looks in the window. .

The young man looks at the station wagon and the luggage.

Sure,

CLARK

I'm not giving you five dollars for directions.

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On Ellen's side of the car a group of GANG MEMBERS are leering at Ellen and Audrey through the window.

She hands him a ten dollar bill. Clark gives the man the ten dollar bill.

- YOUNG. aN

Okay, man, ya see? Okay, like you see da way you pointing? Okay, man, well, dat's good ‘cause, you see, dat place? Dat place, follow your finger, hold it out... :

Clark holds out his finger. The man aims it out the window, down the street.

People start to gather around the car, sliding off car hoods, coming down off porches. Some guys are spraying graffiti on the rear end of Ellen's side of the station wagon. It reads:

"Honky lips'' and various other expressions.

Ellen smiles nervously at the faces staring in the window at her.

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Several older BLACK MEN have joined the young. man and are pointing down the street.

Clark rolls up the window and sighs. He puts the car in gear. -

As they pull away we see the hub caps are missing and the

Spray graffiti on the car.

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The station wagon rolls down the lonely highway.

The kids are asleep. Clark's driving. Ellen's staring out the window. Clark looks at her out of the corner of his eye and smiles.

Ellen looks at him and smiles. She slides over next to him. Clark puts his arm around her.

Ellen giggles.

with the memory) Remember how I laid back and you sat on my lap and drove?

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| 22. CLARK Want to relive a fond memory? Ellen laughs.

She can tell by the look on his face that he's very serious. _

No.

ELLEN

We're not nineteen and on our way to Ft. Lauderdale, Clark. We have

two kids.

Ellen starts to move back across the seat. Clark holds his arm around her.

_ CLARK Okay, we'll wait. And I'm gonna pick the best one on the road. Wanna put your head in my lap?

Ellen looks suspiciously at hin.

CLARK © That's not what I was thinking, honey.

She smiles at him and kisses him on his chin.

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She starts to lower her head.

Clark hits the little button on the side of the steering icolum to lift the tilt wheel. Ellen slips under it. Once she's got

her head in his lap, he lowers the wheel. He settles back and

pats her head.

Clark?

Clark looks down with a horney smile.

faint Clark hits the little button again. It won't work. He jerks (A on the wheel.

ELLEN (0.C.)

Clark! Quit kidding around! It hurts! CLARK

It's stuck! ELLEN (0.C.)

Cut it out!

He pulls on the wheel. ELLEN (0.C.) (continuing)

I know what you're trying to do and I think it's sick!

He grits his teeth and gives a powerful yank. The wheel lifts up and locks in the extreme uppermost position so that it's like the steering wheel of a city bus. Ellen sits up angrily.

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Clark rattles the steering wheel trying to get it back to a more megsonable height.

He rattles the wheel.

The car cruises past a roadside motel.

CLOSE - RUSTY

He's sound asleep. PAN UP to Audrey. She's asleep against the door. PULL BACK to Ellen, she's sleeping. PAN ACROSS

to Clark. He looks perfectly normal, but his eyes are closed. Obviously he has dozed off.

Car drifts down an off ramp and past a freeway sign reading "Gas, food, lodging".

The station wagon roars down the street, through a red light, and across the intersection.

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' The Griswolds are still asleep.

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In the window behind inches from the glass.

Patrons at a counter are drinking coffee. them we see the station wagon roar past,

The station wagon crashes through a swing set as it roars across the playground. “a

A MAN is in his bathrobe waiting for his dog to finish his

late night duty. An engine drones 0.C. The man cocks his | head, wondering where the sound's coming from. He turns and

dives out of the way as the station wagon tears between the houses dragging a clothes line. The car drives down the Lawn | and into the street.

The RADIO has drifted off the station and is CRACKLING WITH STATIC. Ellen starts to talk._in her sleep.

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Ellen and the kids wake with a start as Clark grabs the steering wheel and jumps on the brake.

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The station wagon skids across the street, does a 180° turn. and shoots backwards through the narrow drive-through entrance to a motel. The astonished desk clerk looks up as the car flies past the motel office.

Ellen and the kids scream as the car careens out of control into the motel's central parking lot.

The car spins around narrowly missing parked cars on all sides, as luggage flies off the roof rack in all directions. Finally, the car skids to a stop perfectly parked between the white lines in front of one of the motel rooms. There are ten inches on either side between the Griswold's car and two other parked ones.

The kids have tumbled into the. front seat with Ellen and they are staring straight ahead in shock. . GLARK Up and at ‘em! We're here.

Audrey and Rusty are eating Pioneer Chicken on separate beds. The television is on in B.G. We see Clark through adjoining bedroom door and out the front door, tying down extraneous luggage and entering his and Ellen's room with a couple of night bags.

oe Clark has closed the outside door and now appears at the ss adjoining door.

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CLARK

You kids sack out as soon as you finish eating. Okay? You know what tomorrow is...

_ CLARK Nooo... Dodge City! "Wyatt Earp, Wyatt Earp, brave, courageous, bold. Long live his fame..."

He closes the door. As he does so, we see in REVERSE ANGLE

the T.V. screen in B.G. On it is a title: "Motelavision presents a special "X"-rated feature - DONKEY LUNCH. AUDREY

I think Dad's a little over-excited. RUSTY Over-excited? He's totally manic.

Ellen is in a small shower; the water is barely running.

He's undressed. He gets in.

right in. | CLARK Want me to do your back? ELLEN I already did my back. CLARK Want me to do your front? ELLEN Go do your own front. I'1l be right in.

Clark exits. Ellen gets out of the shower and starts toweling ee off. a4 ELLEN

(looking at herself

in the mirror) Maybe you should call Catherine and Eddie to let them know we'll be there tomorrow afternoon.

Clark is in bed. Ellen enters and sits beside him.

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‘Lf CLARK (Wu Relax? I'm way ahead of you. | He produces two plastic wine glasses and an open bottle of wine. ELLEN ' (surprised) - When did you get that?

He starts pouring the wine.

He finishes pouring and hands her a glass. He sets the bottle on the floor next to the bed.

. CLARK Wait. Don't drink yet. Ready for this? oo He drops a quarter into a "Magic Fingers" coin slot on the a) nightstand. The bed begins to vibrate gently. - CLARK (continuing)

Here's to a relaxing vacation, a renewed love affair, a time of joy with our babies, a time for... I know I don't tell you this much anymore, Ellen, but the years we've spent...

As they're about .to toast, the bed erupts and quakes violently, causing the wine to spill and making a loud banging noise against the wall.

He embraces her, trying to maintain the mood.

( ) The phone RINGS.

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ms CLARK ( ) . (continuing; answering _ the phone) j Hello. What d'ya mean what are we : doing in here? It's the-bed. Don't f be ridiculous. Why would I pound on /

the wall with a baseball bat? Look, Fd I'm sorry for the noise. It should ’ mi stop momentarily.

Ellen, stegting, gets out of bed and stuffs a pillow behind the bed muffling the sound. Clark gets out of bed, grabbing an extra pillow and the bedspread. He turns off the light and they lie down on the carpet.

They begin cuddling on the floor.

The pillow behind the headboard slips to the floor. The noise starts up again. The door opens and the kids look in. The lights behind them show Clark and Ellen on the floor.

Clark leaps up, throwing the bedspread over Ellen, her underpants in his hand.

something.

Rusty calmly unplugs the "Magic Fingers” box. The noise abates.

(as they exit) Weirdo rama! —

_, The kids exit, closing the door. Clark rejoins Ellen under the a bedspread. They begin kissing. Suddenly, there is a violent banging coming from the wall adjoining Rusty and Audrey's room.

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The station wagon cruises down the cheap commercial street.

SUPER: DODGE CITY, KANSAS

The Griswolds are watching out the windows.

The car passes "WYATT EARP FORD CITY, HOME OF SIX-GUN DEALS SEVEN DAYS A WEEK!" .

. ' CLARK Ellen, the Old West was dirty. It was wild and untamed. This is just a modern version of the way it used to be. Everything isn't like home. If it were, there'd be no reason to leave home. Enjoy the contrasts, honey.

The car pulls up in front of the Long Branch Saloon. The family gets out. A listless COWBOY in a cheap cowboy suit

is standing on the sidewalk. He pulls a six-gun on the family, and fires a few rounds of blanks into the air.

The family complies.

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car roof) () I just broke a nail.

The family lowers their arms, GreappemrTse, at the blatant sales pitch. _

It's empty. The "Bonanza" theme plays on the P.A. COWBOYS and COWGIRL WAITRESSES stand around smoking and chatting. A

YOUNG MAN in a cheap Wyatt Earp outfit: walks up to the family.

. WYATT EARP Howdy, city slickers. Welcome to the Long Branch. No fightin no

cussin', no gun-slingin’. Y' all can mosey up to the bar and have yourselves a Red-Eye fruit punch.

vp peel . (breaks out of the , routine to address. Clark)

Our beer tap's clogged, sorry. (back to the routine)

But watch what you say to our

bartender, he's an ornery cuss.

Give me five, pardner.

Rusty slaps him five. Wyatt winks. The family moves to the bar. Clark tousles Rusty's hair.

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Clark chuckles and slaps his hand on the bar. the BARTENDER, who has his back to the family.

The Bartender doesn't move a muscle.

He calls to

Hey, tenderfoot! Move your chicken

wings, turkey!

. ELLEN Clark? That isn't nice.

The Bartender whirls around and levels a six-gun at Clark. He FIRES. BLAM! The tremendous blast ECHOES in the saloon. The girls scream. Clark falls backwards to the floor, thinking he's

been gunned down.

Clark. That kind of noise can really

impair the kids' hearing.

CLARK

Oh, c'mon. It looked real, didn't it?

Hell, I thought it was a real first. Didn down, Audrey?

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t it look real when I fell

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Oh, what's the difference. It was fun anyway. C'mon, let's pay for these and get out of here.

Ellen looks up from the map.

Oh, it's only the largest free-standing mud dwelling every built. That's all. You see, the pioneers didn't have any bricks, so they used mud.

RUSTY © A lot of times they used sod, Dad.

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ELLEN | Dodge City was enough for one day. And besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.

that's fine. Personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud, than Eddie.

Clark's driving. Ellen is staring out the window.

them. Clark is giving a history lecture.

Suddenly Audrey yells.

Ellen turns angrily in her seat.

Rusty, behave yourself!

Rusty defends himself.

The mood is somber and quiet. The long haul is beginning to wear on

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_ RUSTY Audrey's eating peanut butter cups and smiling with it stuck all over

her teeth.

CLARK

No eating in the car! ELLEN

Share the peanut butter cups! AUDREY

I paid for them with my babysitting

money ! . CLARK

No eating in the car!

Nerves are raw and tempers hot. The fight grows with everybody yelling. Ellen is hanging over the seat pointing her finger

in the children's faces. Clark turns his attention back and forth from the road to the backseat.

Stop it! Both of you! . Rusty, watch your language.

Rusty blows up.

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Ellen swings at Rusty. | He blocks her hand.

Did you/hear him?! Do something!

Clark turns in the’seat to belt Rusty. Above the ROAD SOUNDS and the family SHOUTING, we hear the WHINE OF A HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. Clark turns back in his seat and looks out his outside mirror.

A red Ferrari gains on the station wagon. COLD, SEXY EUROPOP blends with the HUM OF THE ENGINE. os .

_ ELLEN Audrey, give me the cups. AUDREY Ma? Why? | RUSTY

Because she says so, Audrey. Clark is watching the Ferrari, oblivious to the mayhem around hin. . HIS POV

At the wheel of the Ferrari is a young GIRL in her early twenties. Her blonde hair blows in the wind. Her lips glisten.

A tight, white t-shirt reveals. her contours: She glances over

at Clark with a sexy smirk.

HER POV

Ellen is hanging over the seat trying to separate Rusty and Audrey. Clark tries to look cool with the steering wheel in

the extreme uppermost position.

HIS POV

The girl smiles at Clark and shifts gears, The car lurches ahead.

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Clark hits the gas in a futile effort to keep up with the Ferarri. The eingine KNOCKS and PINGS, sounding as if it's going to explode.

Ellen turns back in her seat, a peaceful settlement finally worked out between the kids. She takes a deep breath and then recoils as she reatizes how fast Clark's driving.

The wagon gains on a slow-moving car. The wagon veers around the other car.

Clark pretends as though nothing's happening. Ellen leans over and looks at the speedometer. , ELLEN You're going eighty miles an hour! .

Clark glances at the instrument panel.

. CLARK - Doesn't seem like it, does it? ELLEN Slow down! | CLARK

Why? We're making good time.

He leans forward slightly, hitting harder on the gas pedal. The car is vibrating dangerously. Clark puts his arm on the back of the seat, ignoring the vibration and the horrible

SCREAMING ENGINE.

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CLARK'S POV

Through the windshield, Clark reads the California license phate on the back of the Ferrari - LUV ME.

“Love me tender..."

The station wagon lunges ahead, leaving a puff of sooty black smoke hanging in the air.

The station wagon pulls into the drive of a shabby split-level house on a treeless tract of land surrounded by cornfields.

Up on blocks by the side of the house is an aging Ford pick-up with some miidewed furniture in the back.

SUPER: COOLIDGE, KANSAS

A couple in their late thirties comes out of the house, The woman waves. She is carrying a baby. A toddler, wearing only a tee-shirt, clings to her skirt. A boy and a girl in their | early teens come around the side of the house, followed by an eight year old sister. The station wagon stops and the family

‘gets out, except for Rusty. They are a mess. Clothes are.

rumpled and wrinkled, hair is windblown and dirty.. Ellen's

hair, as a result of trying to make it look better, stands

nearly on end. CATHERINE, a plumper version of Ellen, embraces her. EDDIE, a wiry, nervous guy with jet-black hair glicked back and a pencil mustache, juts out a trembling hand. Clark shakes it. Eddie winks and slaps him on the back. He's drinking a cheap beer. Two others are hanging at the end of a plastic looped six-pack holder.

ELLEN | Clark, you remember Catherine and the kids. God how they've grown. Rusty, get out of the car and say hello to your second cousins. (MORE)

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Rusty gets out. He's just finishing up a portable game. He leaves it in the back seat, making video game noises.

Rusty and Audrey, you remember Vicki and Dale. This is Eddie junior and this is Junior. And this little moppet on my skirts is Daisy-Mable.

Catherine and Ellen head toward the house.

He admires the car, walking around ‘to the front and studying the lines.

- EDDIE Yeah. I don't know for how long, though. Bank's been after me like flies on a ribroast.

PS eouweeeeey ery Re et

CLARK

Now you're talkin'...

Eddie hands Clark the can he's been drinking from. He opens one of the remaining cans for himself. Clark grabs some luggage.

Eddie goes in the house.

BACKYARD

There is a picnic table and a barbeque in B.G. Also in B.G., Rusty watches Dale terrorizing Eddie Jr. with worms. Vicki and Audrey are sitting on an old see-saw talking as they go up and down.

old) I'm going steady and I French kiss. AUDREY So? Everybody does a VICKI Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best

at it. Her side of the see-saw, which was elevated, drops to the ground suddenly.

WORM FARM

Rusty is watching as Dale and Eddie Jr. tie worms in knots.

ARSE RRRSEREEP RECEP ESS STEERER RGR EEE WU a a Sn Ne NE DR i

You got Asteroids?

Rusty's mouth drops open.

DINGY KITCHEN

Catherine is loading a tray with paper plates, ketchup and hamburger buns. Junior is under the kitchen table eating a dog biscuit and paint chips from the wall. Ellen is tearing off paper towels.

ELLEN

I guess we're eleven, aren't we? CATHERINE

No... We're twelve with Aunt Edna. ELLEN

Aunt Edna? She's still alive?

CATHERINE

Oh, yes. She came to help out when Eddie ruptured his spleen, and she's been with us ever since. She wanted to go back to Lake Havasu aver «4 year ago, but Eddie wouldn't let her. Frankly, without her social security, we'd never be able to live like this.

Ellen hands Catherine two boxes of Hamburger Helper, and starts absentmindedly folding paper towels as she watches Catherine pour the contents of the boxes into a big bowl, add a small amount of hot tap water, and begin kneeding the contents in the bowl with her hands.

BACKYARD - LATER

Eddie is turning hamburger buns on a barbeque.

Clark is waiting for Vicki to finish mixing up some Kool-Aid. He's holding an empty Styrofoam cup.

EDDIE

No, your bun. Light or dark?

ELESAZEERAREZRARABR ESE SBME ES EE

ANGLE - VICKI

She's got her hand in the pitcher up to her elbow fishing for something.

ANGLE - EDDIE

handing Ellen plates of buns for herself and Clark. Catherine dishes out Hamburger Helper patties on the buns. Ellen brings Clark his.

Eddie. Ellen hands Clark the ketchup.

Nothing but the best.

ANGLE - EDDIE

aR SE RETA SETPSRERBRERSZAZARE OB Gd aa a a a aaa |

HOO SMM, SEMEezk Higinvawet

ANGLE - CLARK

ANGLE - DOOR

Edna appears carrying a walker in front of her that she doesn't really need. She sets it aside after a couple of steps, looks at Clark and Ellen and heads for the picnic table. Ellen embraces her gently.

~EDNA I thought you did. Well, am I eating, or am I supposed to starve to death?

as Se Te ee I ee eee ee a

ANGLE - CLARK

Eddie fixes Edna a plate while Catherine seats her at the picnic table. Audrey and Vicki move up to Ellen.

Audrey and Vicki go inside.

Rusty and Dale exit. There's a silence at the table. EDNA Catherine? Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?

Ellen smiles pleasantly.

ce

a: Ge here:

It is a typical girl's room, perhaps a bit too young for a girl Vicki's age. Audrey and Vicki are in frilly, long nightgowns, sitting on the beds talking. Audrey is studying a small bronze trophy.

_ . AUDREY You won this for raising a pig? VICKI (proudly) A blue ribbon. AUDREY Does anybody know about it? VICKI

Everybody knows.

Vicki gets up and goes to the closet and reaches up on a shelf for a shoe box.

Vicki sets the shoe box on the bed.

Audrey's eyes bulge as Vicki pulls out a handful of strong, sticky weed.

a pe Se

(LAR ESRER SE

AE BRERBRE RSD ERE RA ZAK BBD Ge

The room is large and for the most part unfurnished. It is depressing, with mismatched dresser and trundle bed. Rusty is in his pajamas , sitting on the bed, hungrily thumbing through Dale's men's magazines. Dale is in his underwear flexing his muscles in the mirror on the back of the door.

Dale hops in bed and clicks off the light.

‘DALE I was getting to that. The guy showed me something real neat last year. (sly grin) You ever bop your baloney?

SHABBY LIVING ROOM

Catherine, Edna, Eddie, Clark and Ellen are sitting or standing around. Eddie has the last beer in his hand. The plastic holders are still attached to the can.

He clanks the can against the side of his head spilling a little beer as he does so.

(MORE)

ain en — inact ln A As A A A i a A A AE

I OTA OTE

a lk

~

CLARK : | I wanted to very badly, Eddie. This friggin' tennis elbow...

Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie. He sure as hell can't take a hint.

_. CLARK How much do you need, Eddie.

Clark takes out his wallet.

The two families are standing on the porch saying their farewells. Clark holds out his hand to shake with Eddie. Eddie produces a shoebox snd proudly hands it to Clark.

Clark is puzzled.

22S RRR EEE ERREBRAZERRE . TET BR Ei oll ith A Bi

EDDIE

Go on, open it.

Clark takes the lid off the box. He looks up at Eddie with a. strange smile. He looks at Ellen. She shrugs not knowing what to make of it either. eee

Clark pulls a pair of white patent-leather loafers with gold chains out of the box.

Edna adds her two cents.

Clark looks daggers at Edna.

He slips his shoes off and puts on the loafers.

They all head for the car, Eddie helping Edna along. Rusty and Dale come around the corner of the house. Dale has the ugliest dog in the world on a leash. It looks just like Aunt Edna.

XS BE BD BE a pence lin allan tcc tt Bln A fis ln A A A

A ES _e

. - «BDDEE- You folks didn't get to meet Dinky last night. He had the runs so he slept in the barn.

Clark takes the leash and leads Dinky around behind the car. He ties the leash to the bumper. Catherine and Ellen help Edna into the car. The kids climb in. Clark picks up Dinky and

tosses him in the back window.

Clark gets in and starts the engine. Dale leans in Rusty's window. DALE (whispers) Remember, keep your thumb up on top.

Rusty nods. Vicki waves to Audrey with a sneaky smile. Audrey returns the smile and carefully opens her purse, revealing a

‘dozen flat joints. Clark BLOWS THE HORN and pulls out.

Aunt Edna is sitting in the middle. On her left is Rusty. On her right is Audrey. They have their arms drawn in close to their bodies to avoid touching Aunt Edna. She is breathing loudly in and out of her nose.

as we — 2 eet py at lar tt tina lle ceradtnite motto nha

AUDREY | Aunt Edna! Dinky's licking my head!

Tracy crouches forward out of tongue reach of the dog. Aunt Edna opens her purse and begins pulling stuff out and placing it in Rusty and Audrey's laps. They are disgusted by it. She finds. a pill box and opens it.

_ AUDREY Oh, P.U.! EDNA What's the matter with you, child? AUDREY Your pills stink! EDNA Don't be ridiculous! (to Ellen)

Ellen, may I suggest you get this child's teeth fixed? She looks like a horse.

Edna takes out a tablet the size of a grape, sets the pill on the tip of her tongue and grimaces as she swallows it. The. kids watch in horror as she chortles and gurgles. She strokes her throat to force the pill down. The choking sounds get louder and more terrible. Ellen quickly draws Edna a>drink- from the cooler. ;

Clark, she's choking! Auntie, drink this.

(revolted)

Spit the goddam thing out!

The kids begin to gag from the horrible sounds and Aunt Edna's contortions. Ellen hands the drink over the seat. Edna takes it and, making wetter and even more horrible sounds, washes it down. She lays back, exhausted.

4 Se a tl al ll

Clark looks over at Ellen. She shrugs, "what can we do?"

A roadside picnic area. Ellen has spread a paper tablecloth on the picnic table. The kids and Edna are seated around it. Ellen is passing out sandwiches from a wicker picnic basket.

SUPER: LA JUNTA, COLORADO SEMI TRAILER

Clark is eating a sandwich, trying to get a look at the girl.

HIS POV

The red Ferrari is parked between two semis. The Girl is sitting on the hood of one of the trucks stradling the familiar Mack

bulldog hood ornament drinking beer and talking to the truckers.

fae ee her head back and laughs, grabbing the bulldog with oth hands.

- ANGLE - CLARK

He swallows hard as he watches the Girl and chews sensuously on his sandwich.

PICNIC AREA

Aunt Edna digs into her sandwich. The kids stare at theirs.

Ellen opens hers. She touches it. She smells it.

Fs FSR FSSEBERBPEREEERARAAAA EE BBA BS 44 -

54, Clark spits out the sandwich and gags. The kids gag and rear back from the table. Edna looks up with a bulging

mouthful of contaminated Bencweeh shrugs and continues eating. =.

The family comes out having just eaten and gets in the car.

She robustly breaks wind without realizing it. Audrey explodes with giggles.

Edna tears off another one.

A final, thundering volley.

wh tart aire Sacer ec ee a a a Te

Dal.

The station wagon pulls into Kamp Komfort. It's a dumpy three-acre site dotted with rented pup tents, above-ground septic tanks decorated as deer and moose, a swimming pool and a cinder block office.

SUPER: WALSENBURG, COLORADO The kids jump excitedly out of the car.

Rusty, take care of Dinky.

Rusty takes Dinky from Aunt Edna and runs around the office to the pool. Audrey follows.

Clark and Ellen are at the registration desk. A middle-aged

CLERK pulls himself up out of a chair behind the counter.

They're nice tents and that price includes scenery and wildlife fun.

The Clerk smiles and slides a room contract across to Clark.

Audrey and Rusty are standing disconsolately at the edge of a small pool filled with mucky green water. There is a mallard duck sitting in the middle and cattails growing in the shallow end. Dinky looks over the edge and leaps in, splashing them.

The family trudges up the hill to their tents. Aunt Edna is grumbling about the accommodations.

They reach the tents and Clark sets down his golf clubs and the luggage. Ellen looks into the first tent.

Clark holds the tent flap open. CLARK This is your tent, Edna.

Audrey and Rusty step into the tent. There are two cots and a lantern. Audrey turns up her nose.

2S SSS ERPRSBRBERERRAAR BA Bt itt - a i ~ ee eee

~

Audrey snorts and opens her suitcase.

Rusty quickly pops open his suitcase, reaches underneath the clothes and pulls out one of Dale's men's magazines.

A few lanterns burn in tents. It's late; most people are asleep.

Clark and Ellen are in one sleeping bag attempting to make love.

They roll around zippered into the bag.

ie A: A SR

Dinky appears. Seeing them rolling around, he begins barking and chewing on Clark's foot through the bag.

here!

He kicks at Dinky, violently throwing Ellen about, because their feet barely fit. in the end of the bag.

Dinky runs off barking.

Rusty and Audrey are asleep in sleeping bags on the tent floor. We HEAR the BLEAT of a moose. Audrey stirs and sits bolt upright. In silhouette across the front of the tent we see the head of

a moose.

Clark and Ellen are now passionate. We HEAR another MOOSE CALL. Ellen looks up from Clark's embrace.

22302 SS = Se ae

She gasps. Clark looks over his shoulder.

CLARK'S POV

We see the outline of the moose at the door of the tent.

CLARK

He quickly unzips the bag and gets out in his underwear. He opens the tent flap. The moose's head is directly behind the flap.

. ELLEN Shhh! Maybe he'll go away, Clark.

Clark carefully slips the driver out of his golf bag and stands ready with it. The moose BLEATS again and sticks its head in the tent. Clark lets loose with a baseball swing and smacks the moose across the head. The moose YELPS and grabs his head with its front hooves.

Clark rears back in surprise. The moose shakes its head and then the hooves grab the horns and off comes the head. We see the Clerk from the office. He's dazed and seeing stars. He rubs his jaw.

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EE £8 8 SS SD 8 ee Se SSA SEHR EA ER EBA KE SAAB Bi en :. a anne. Ee ee a an nit rT

The clerk storms away. Clark puts his golf club back.

, ELLEN

You don't think he'd sue us,

do you? . CLARK

What's he going to do? Haul me off to moose court?

Clark crawls in the bag head first as she giggles.

Clark is putting the last of the luggage in the car. He's cheerful and refreshed. Ellen hands him her vanity case. She puts her arms around his waist.

Ellen thinks for a moment.

The kids are refreshed and perky. They run to the car. Rusty runs Dinky on his leash, as the dog continues to GROWL and snap at Rusty's ankle.

Aunt Edna shuffles to the car, putting on a great display of discomfort. Clark takes the dog leash from Rusty.

Rusty, give Edna a hand. I'll take the leash. Rusty tries to steady Edna.

ANGLE - CLARK

He ties the leash to the rear bumper and starts loading the luggage.

ANGLE - EDNA AND RUSTY

He helps her into the car.

AUDREY

No way, Jose. RUSTY Audrey... (he mimes smoking a joint) Ellen approaches. ELLEN

What's the problem?

ft SE EE Se

Clark hears the ruckus and intercedes.

He shoves them in - Audrey first.

| C | 2 ae (continuing) .or perhaps you don't want to see the second larges ball of twine on the face of the earth... which is less than four short hours away.

He closes the door, winking at Ellen, kisses her on the forehead,

helps her in, closes her door and skips jauntily around to the driver's side. He gets in and starts the car.

[eS EE ERE EE EES.

The car winds its way through the high mountains.

The family is fresh, the day is new. Audrey's listening to the walk-man. Rusty's playing pac man. Edna is changing her dress shields. It is quiet except for an annoying RATTLE somewhere in the car.

‘CLARK Do you hear that rattle?

A highway patrol motorcycle is behind the station wagon with its lights ablaze. He blows his HORN, hits the SIREN. The wagon continues on oblivious to the cop.

The motorcycle pulls up alongside Clark's window. He doesn't notice. The COP waves for him to pull over.

Out of the corner of his eye he catches the motorcycle.

Audrey's eyes bulge. The dope! Someone found out and called the cops! She looks at her purse with dread. The car slows down and eases off the road. The car stops. The Cop gets out of the car and walks back to the station wagon. Audrey hands her purse to Aunt Edna.

— 4 ae en a ee a eS ee

Vu

Clark rolls down his window and smiles pleasantly.

The Cop is tough and angry. He's ready to kill. His helmet and glasses have small droplets of dried blood on them.

Clark swallows hard and gets out.

Clark is puzzled as to why the Cop is so mad.

Clark is baffled. CLARK Officer, w-whatever I've done, I'm sure I can expalin...

The Cop drags him around to the right rear bumper and

. 64.

points to the ground. In the background a small amount

of dried blood is splattered on the motorcycle wind- shield.

Clark's mouth drops open, his eyes bulge.

pPEEE SD 8 S52 ees = KEEBLE EE EH. ae a ST ER a Tet tr OE eee

CONTINUED: 65.

() Rusty's face is plastered in the back window of the wagon.

He bends down and picks up the end of a frayed leash.

CLARK

| (quivering voice)

My God, you can't think I'd do that

on purpose! I tied him to the bumper ‘when I packed the car. It was confusing.

cae I forgot. Jesus, I'm sorry. I feel ay, _ terrible. COP How do you think the dog feels, sir? CLARK I told you I'm sorry. It was an accident. The Cop relents. COP

All right, I can buy that, sir. But it's a shame.

(shakes his head sadly) I had a pooch like that when I was a kid.

He unhooks the leash from the bumper.

ee a ea i ea ee ee ee ae ee Hae Seer RR Ea Bed

rr a

Clark's face is drawn and pale. Ellen is biting a knuckle.

Ellen turns quickly to cut Rusty off.

Cop appears at Clark's window on his motorcycle. He hands Clark the leash.

EDNA ~ CLOSE

Her eyes show a shocking realization. As we zoom slowly to her full face, tears well up in her. MUSIC builds with the moment. She takes a gasping breath, sheds a tear, and belches.

SUPER: DURANGO, COLORADO

er ie ah ewe Series «SE aoe sae «ce _—— te a fe, 5 i a8 A SSS DEBE EER . > 4 _ So 2

() The car is parked in a drive-in restaurant. A Nd WAITRESS approaches the car, struggling under the

weight of a heavy tray loaded with food baskets and root beer mugs. Clark rolls his.window down halfway ’ to accommodate the clip-on tray. f /

a f

a WALTRESS Uh, huh...

She hooks the tray on the window and lets go of it. The tray SNAPS THE WINDOW glass in half and CRASHES

im, to the pavement.

The car is back on the highway headed for Cortex.

It is quiet once-again. Ellen is asleep in the front seat. Aunt Edna is asleep in back, snoring and gurgling. Audrey is reading a book: and eating shoestring licorice which she has threaded up through her shirt collar, behind her ear and into her mouth so that Rusty won't see.

Clark is driving, it's boring and his mind is wandering.

The erotic moan of the Ferrari engine in the distance

perks him up. Then as if out of nowhere, the Ferrari appears in his mirror. he glances over quickly to see

that Ellen's asleep. Then he whips out his comb and adjusts his hairstyle, combing it forward. He wipes his mouth and adjusts his shirt. He puts his arm up and flexes his biscep.

cen tna yl tr a A A

CONTINUED :

The Ferrari zooms up beside the car. Clark glances over, thinking he's Robert Mitchum. The Girl waves to him. He

winks at her. She lifts up her left leg and puts her foot

up on the seat. Her skirt falls off her knee, exposing

the full leg. |

Clark swallows hard, beads of sweat begin to form‘on

his forehead. The girl puts the Ferrari in neutral

and revs the engine. Clark laughs to himself. He can

play her game. He puts his car in neutral and revs his

cheesy six cylinders. She revs hers.again, a sexy grow-

ling high-performance MOAN. Clark floors the station

wagon.. It Buzzes like a vacuum cleaner and dies. The

Ferrari HORN BEEPS and the car surges ahead. '

The station wagon coasts down the road. Clark tries the engine. No go. He finds it next to impossible to steer it. It rolls off the road in a big lazy arc.

The silence awakens the family. They look around, get their bearings. Ellen looks at Clark, puzzled.

‘ELLEN What happened?.

He tries the starter RRRRR! .RRRRR! Ellen notices his hair. She notices the sweat and the flush in his face. ELLEN What happened to your hair? Why are you sweating? You're blushing?

The engine kicks in and Clark puts it in gear.

a ball.

FSSFFESRFERSEREFFFEEFFRESSLESER ES. cee eee Tom er ern ent Rn RE RE a

CONTINUED :

se As dusk approaches, Ellen cuddles up next to Clark.

ae ee ELLEN

Come on, Clark. Look at those

mountains. Smell this air. Could

you put on a happy face for me? )

| Clark breaks down. He puts his arm around her and chuckles.

Fr ~~

; 7

4 : N,

They kiss tenderly.

Two suitcases slide off the back and hit the pavement as the car goes over a small bump. The car continues into the sunset.

Everybody is in the car except Clark and Ellen, who are approching from the entrance.

A

or

‘She gets in the car.

Clark That hurt, Ellen.

Ellen is looking at the map. Aunt Edna is clipping her nails. Rusty is listening to the walk-man. Audrey is hit in the eye by a flying nail. Clark is shaving with a portable electric razor plugged into the cigarette lighter.

Through the rear window we see a view of the Eiffel Tower.

ELLEN

But Clark, the highway we were on said Grand Canyon.

Ce ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee

ree CONTINUED :

. AUNT EDNA Watch your language, Clark. Where were you brought up? In the jungle?

Clark starts engine and pulls away, revealing a bill- board advertising a Las Vegas hotel revue with a collage of dancing girls, the Eiffel Tower, etc...

The station wagon is speeding down an unmarked, unimproved road leading from nowhere to nowhere.

i.

wt be ELS Se SE

a

Clark is hunched over the wheel looking out across the wasted landscape.

. AUDREY Ma. I saw some detour signs.

He looks back at the road breifly.

We see horrified faces of the family as the car flies past a huge "Road Closed" sign, and flies off a five foot cliff.

The the

pop the

road ends abruptly at awash. The car sails off cliff and lands in the wash. The hood and doors open, the front tires EXPLODE. The luggage atop car goes flying, Clark's golf clubs scatter.

CAR ~ QUICK CUTS IN SLOW MOTION

Clark's glasses fly off his face.

The luggage inside the car slides forward and a suitcase

smacks Aunt Edna in the back of the head.

her dentures.

Rusty, who had his finger in his nose at impact, drives

the digit up his nose to mid-knuckle.

She spits out

ee ee ne Se ee

ee ee oe ee oe eo oe ee ee BO a ee i eR oO a geese ae

() The radiator HISSES and sprays. The family sits stunned for a moment. Then all hell breaks loose!

- RUSTY (finger in his nose) I stabbed my brain!

Clark retrieves the broken halves of his glasses. They've Split at the nose bridge. He reaches down on the floor and picks up Edna's dentures.

eed Here's somebody's teeth.

As he gets out, the air bag inflates again.

Clark is standing on the roof of the car. He is wrapping his glasses with adhesive tape. He carefully slides them onto his head. :

SUPER: MONUMENT VALLEY Ellen helps Audrey out of the car. She walks bow-legged.

Rusty staggers out and up on the roof with a huge plug of Kleenex in his nose and. head held back. ‘He looks back over his shoulder.

? ae?

a a nena

It's nothing to be proud of... (to himself, with 2 some wonderment) / 50 yards... I'd say we're about three hundred miles from the near-

ya | oa

Aunt Edna pulls herself up off the seat. Ellen puts a hand on her head and shoves her back in.

. ELLEN Edna, sit down and shut-up. Move out of that seat again and I'll split your lip!

He sees that Rusty is already there.

CLARK — (continuing) Oh} Russ, I'm going to have to hike down the road and find a service station. I want you to take care of things here.

) | | (CONTINUED)

~ 75.

Oh, sure. Listen, I haven't had much chance to talk man-to-man with you.

Clark smiles proudly and tousles Rusty's hair. They. sit.

CLARK

You're growing up so damn fast.

I've spent fifteen years of my life at the lab developing newer and better food additives and I guess I've missed an awful lot. You know, at first I didn't want to take this vacation, but I'm glad now that I did. Because it's let me spend a lot of time with you and Audrey.

_ RUSTY I won't, Dad. Maybe she'd be a nicer person if she had a family of her own that she lived with instead of always having to glom onto somebody else's.

(continuing) You know what I'd like to do?

Nae! (CONTINUED)

aot

a A — I I A Dect eee ee

voter et A na a li te tt a cae a ee Oe Oe ee ee ee ee

CONTINUED :

Clark gets down off the car taking Rusty with him. de reaches into the car, pulls out a can of beer and leads Rusty to a natural scenic fockeue.

He pops the top, sips the beer and hands it to Rusty. Rusty chugs it.

He takes the can from Rusty. CLARK

(continuing; sadly) -.-.We never had fun.

a a ee

He puts the empty can to his lips. He realizes it's empty.

He looks at it, shakes it and looks at Rusty.

- CLARK (continuing)

But now I have my own family and

we're on our vacation and you know

what? RUSTY What? CLARK (determined)

We're going to have fun.

He crushes the empty beer can.

Don't let your mother catch you with that beer on you breath. She'll take it out on me. Well, I better get a move on if I'm going to get us out of here before dark.

a ee eae ae ee ee

CONTINUED : He slaps Rusty on the back.

Clark goes back to the car. Ellen is sitting in the front looking at the map. Audrey is lying on a blanket in the sun listening to the walk-man. Edna is in the back seat with a wet towel on her head. The doors are still open.

CLARK

There's got to be a phone or a gas station somewhere around here.

Clark hugs her. CLARK I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm sure this happens all the time

and a patrol car will be along in minutes.

He jogs off toward Monument Valley.

Clark is walking jauntily, and singing to keep up his spirits.

Big Bz EZ =... . 2 B23 BE REESE Ee SEE eT ES ESE 2 = si priprenenaicton: nace: eee a ae

Clark is babbling happily as he staggers foward with his shirt tied around his head, and his pants rolled up to his knees. . A MESA

Two Indians sitting motionless on horseback watch him pass without him noticing them.

What an asshole.

Clark still staggers, throws his shirt and watch away as if they were slowing him down. His mouth is parched. He babbles incoherently.

CLARK - CLOSE —

He stares straight ahead, squints, rubs his eyes, as if he sees something in the distance.

CLARK'S POV

Through the shimmering heat we see a distant mirage of T.E. Lawrence riding toward him on camel back. MUSIC of Lawrence of Arabia builds in background.

Clark is running now. His pants are on his head. It's easily 125°.

CLARK'S POV

The camel is getting closer and at a full gallop.

DESERT - SAME TIME

Clark is falling, getting up, staggering, and falling again.

Clark gets up and runs on shouting. CLARK'S POV

The camel is within 200 yards of him.

LARP EPE SERS SSE SESEESRPESESEBZEZ EEE. Ge

a CONTINUED: At \ A DESERT - SAME TIME ~ WIDE SHOT Clark runs with his arms open, as a man on a camel continues speeding past him, brushing him and knocking him over. Clark falls. MUSIC subsides. CLARK - CLOSE Clark is on the sand breathing heavily. He looks up and sees lying next to him, a human skeleton with a rusted gas can still in its hand. He gets to his feet, starts singing and jogging with a renewed vigor. - CLARK (singing) “Work that sucker to death..."

Clark stumbles up to the door. Ellen is coming out of the ladies room. — So ELLEN (CO Clark! Where were you? We were

worried to death. Some very nice Indians and a man on a camel calied a tow truck for us.

Are you all right?

Sitting from left to right with blank, exhausted expressions are Ellen, Audrey, who's holding her stomach, Aunt Edna with her broken dentures upside down in her mouth, and Rusty playing a pinball machine in the back. Clark is fooling with a salted nut dispenser. We hear MEN LAUGHING and

TOOLS CLANGING on the floor in the repair bay.

Clark fishes out a dime, drops it in the coin slot and turns the knob. Nothing comes out. He lifts the slot cover and a looks in. He sticks his fingers in and gives up. As he é \ turns away, his dime's worth of nuts drops out on the floor. acca He walks to the repair bay.

ta nip acl nan lin, eaten ol cal, al all a ln wll aR ln a TO i a ll lin te to

There is a roar of 0.S. LAUGHTER. A giant,/ox-like,

6'5" MECHANIC with greasy coveralls appeafts in the door, wiping his nose with a filthy grease rag. He gives Clark a toothless grin and puts his greasy hand on his shoulder.

MECHANIC | We're slow as tar, but like I say, you can take your business. to the next filling station down the road.

EBER EEE Fd t os

He turns back to the other men in the bay. He smiles and winks at them and turns back to Clark.

He takes his hand off Clark's shoulder and walks back into the repair bay. He has left a greasy handprint on Clark's shirt.

sccene.

The station wagon peels out. of the bay, whips around to the front of the station and SCREECHES to a halt. The two front tires have been replaced with two worn snow tires. The size of the tires causes the car to sit at a slight incline. The family walks out and gets into the car. The Men in the repair bay saunter out and surround the car. Clark pulls out his wallet to pay the Mechanic for the repairs.

One of the Men, an assistant mechanic, steps forward and addresses Clark.

They Men roar with laughter. Clark forces a smile.

The Men laugh again. CLARK

(continuing; perturbed) Come on, come on. How much?

ee SD tS RE RRR RSS ES ee ES Ee Bee ee ed PR he Rm <i KS WO) i RE a GS SyeneEAe 2 — en a iS

££

again.

The Mechanic puts his greasy hand on Clark's shoulder

MECHANIC

How much ya got? I'm asking how much the repairs are.

” MECHANIC

And I m asking how much ya got.

Clark is outraged.

The Mechanic twirls a monkey wrench in his hand.

What's your sheriff have to say about your business practices?

There is a huge roar of laughter. The Mechanic holds - out his hand and uncurls his greasy fingers. He reveals i * a grimy sheriff's badge in his palm.

’ The car is quiet except for the annoying RATTLE. Aunt Edna is snoring.

ee a ee

) v4 re f

CONTINUED :

Ellen gasps.

nei et ER RMR REE RRERE RRR EERE SR ERER MB. fete ee

Nothing except it cost me five hundred dollars for two bald snow tires and a tow!

How would you know unless you went through my purse, you rotten sneak!

Clark turns around in the seat and shouts at Rusty.

: CLARK Look! iS

Rusty carefully extracts the purse from under Aunt Edna's arm. He opens it and pulls out wads of Kleenex, glasses, pill boxes, a dinner roll, photos, dog biscuits and at the very bottom, a

coin purse.

Clark pounds the steering wheel.

ELLEN

Won't a motel take a check? CLARK

Maybe, but we're almost out of

«gas.

eee SS DL SR SS RR SSE RER SSR OSB SK ee.

a En SO SO

AN The station wagon creeps slowly into the drive of a franchise motel complex. As the car passes, we see _ Clark, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey pushing the car.

How come Aunt Edna gets to ride?

i ey They push the car into an empty parking space.- The { family steps back from the car, exhausted. CLARK

That was fun. Old fashioned hard working fun.

They all look at Clark with growing concern.

it and now the computer's saying I lost my cards which I obviously haven't.

ae eee ee a a ee Bnecnsalless clan eicanaie Et EE ET EERE ES Se GL.

Well, you'll have to straighten . that out with your bank.

| CLARK Will you take a personal check?

“\ Clark starts to write out a check.

The Clerk looks at the check and shakes his head.

CONTINUED: 87.

CLARK .

/ I'll write the check for one thousand

dollars. You give me three hundred

in cash and keep seven hundred dollars for doing nothing more than acting like a prick.

Clark turns away from the desk, seething and bubbling with anger and frustration. The office PHONE ‘RINGS and the Clerk leaves the desk to answer it. Clark pounds his fist on the counter in anger. The cash register CLICKS, WHIRRS and the cash drawer opens.

Clark looks over. the counter into the open cash drawer.

An excruciating moment of decision grips him. He takes

the check out of his pocket and looks at it.

Clark runs out of the motel lobby and across to the parking lot.

BES ARABRARRSESEPAREP EA te ee ne eee oe .

Rusty! Get your butt in the car!

Clark jumps in and GUNS the engine: He backs out with the back doors still open. Ellen screams.

. ELLEN Clark! What's gotten into you?!

Rusty runs over and hops into the car. It SQUEALS out of the parking lot.

_ EXT. CAR - LATER

The car speeds down the desert highway.

Clark is checking the rearview mirror every few seconds. Ellen is troubled.

A SIREN WAILS in the distance. Clark slams down the accelerator.

_ CLARK Hold your hats!

Rusty looks out the back window.

He's gaining on us, Dad!

im al ee cn ati

a a ee Se

\

The police car pulls up close and then cuts over into the passing lane. A truck forces it back-into the right lane.

Clark barks an order at Rusty. CLARK Get in back and start throwing stuff out!

Rusty hops over the back seat.

ELLEN

Don't you dare! (to Clark)

What are you doing?!

z

I robbed the motel! Ellen SCREAMS. . RUSTY

Dad! He's passing! I can't get hin!

The police car cuts sharply around the station wagon and continues on down the highway.

Clark eases off the gas. He looks at Ellen.

Rusty is standing in the footwell, looking over the front seat.

A couple of State of Arizona Agriculture Department cars

sit on either side of the road. A sign in the middle of

the road reads -- EMERGENCY AGRICULTURAL INSPECTION STATION. It isn't a criminal roadblock at all. The uniformed Agricul- ture Department agents see the approaching station wagon

and step into the road, waving their arms casually to warn them. The station wagon barrels ahead, blowing its HORN.’ The agents look at each other with terror and dive out of

the way.

The station wagon smacks the sign and speeds across the border.

Steere tee lee a a a eS Se ee ae

(an EXT. GAS STATION - LATER ve The car pulls in and stops at the pumps. Ellen gets out

and heads toward the station. A young ATTENDANT approaches the car as Clark gets out and stretches.

Say, any state troopers been through here lately?

Me? Why, hell no. Why would I rob a motel?. Me? Hey, Russ, would I rob a motel?

Rusty looks out. of the car.

You know, it's funny you would say that because just yesterday I said to my wife... where is my wife?

(calls) Ellen! 22 (to Attendant) _ I'll let her tell you. It's, ah...

Rt ee ee ee kl

He clears his throat and pats the pump.

The Attendant goes inside and Clark speeds away without paying for the gas.

The car cruises through the desert.

Clark looks back over the seat.

Rusty stirs and wakes. Edna is leaning against him. He's as crabby as everyone else and pushes Edna over on Audrey.

RUSTY | (grouchy) What?

Ellen turns in the seat.

om E BSS Bo ee ee ee =

LEDGER RRESEER ERE ES ey

| Cu CONTINUED:

_ ELLEN ) She's been quiet as a church mouse a since we left the motel. rf / Audrey wakes up. She shoves Aunt Edna off her and into” Rusty.

- AUDREY I'm sick of her laying on me all the time.

Ellen reaches around and swats Audrey's leg. She starts to cry.

fr (looks at Aunt

Edna) Auntie!

in a few hours. Let her be! She's fine.

Ellen shakes Aunt Edna's knee. ELLEN (worried) She's not fine! Don't be silly. | ELLEN She's not fine, Big Mouth! She's dead!

eb ee a ace AE Ee I MK Se ee ee =

Rusty and Audrey scream. Clark loses control of the car. Clark yells. It's chaos. Rusty and Audrey scramble over the seat into the front. Clark slams on the brakes.

The car jerks onto the highway shoulder and GRINDS to ahalt. The luggage flies off the roof. The emergency | flashers go on.

SUPER: GRAND CANYON

The family flies out of the car. Audrey and Rusty are shrieking.

They begin. furiously rubbing their hands and arms. Clark comes around the side of the car and kicks up a cloud of dust. He pounds his fist on the car hood.

Ellen gets out of the car.

_ ELLEN She must have passed away somewhere near Tuba City. What are we going to do , Clark?

He smiles, pleased with the suggestion. Ellen turns to him viciously scolds him.

S22 Dt Se LG. S 2 2 DB BB DS BD SS SS. AE SS... SSW DE ten — thn ~ a [a + +. = Sid Be isi.

EN CONTINUED :

. / C.- ELLEN You are the coldest, meanest...

Clark glares at Ellen. He breathes heavily and shakes a finger at her.

‘ (thinking aloud)

She can't weigh more than a hundred pounds...

He looks up at the roof of the car, then at Edna. Ellen watches and catches on to what he's thinking of doing.

i AUDREY Bee" Yes, he can!

(KU

SSS 8 A — a ee eee eee SS a

om

be fine. It's not like it's going to rain or anything.

The car approaches and PASSES CAMERA. We see a familiar form sitting on top of the luggage with a blanket wrapped over it.

The kids are in the back seat, pressed against the doors so as not to sit where Edna had been sitting. Clark tries to cheer up the family.

Clark turns his head back quickly and feigns fear. CLARK

(great drama) Listen... shh! Hear it?

Ah! It's footsteps on the roof!

The kids scream and try to jump in the front seat. Clark is bumped and the car swerves. Oncoming headlights flood the car and HORNS BLAST.

i a EI ELD Bk —

97/98.

i SUPER: LAKE HAVASU CITY

Rain pours down in sheets as the station wagon creeps along

a subdivision street. Lightning flashes, silhouetting the draped figure of Aunt Edna on the roof. She looks like a ghost riding on the luggage rack. Clark hangs out his broken window, trying to read house numbers.

The station wagon pulls in the drive of a small adobe tract house. Clark gets out and runs up to the porch. Ellen follows, holding the map over her head to protect what's left of her hairdo. Clark RINGS the doorbell.

How about if I ask him to play ‘Twenty Questions?‘

(cc He RINGS the doorbell again. He waits a moment and then KNOCKS. Then he POUNDS. CLARK (continuing) Aw, for Christ's sake! He's not home! ELLEN Maybe the neighbors know where he is. CLARK

(disgusted; angry) The moron knows we're coming and he isn't even home!

He's always been a jag-off. ELLEN

i Will you watch your mouth! S/S (CONTINUED)

Nf

ce ml ee A le ll cl I a ll cal cr

Clark finds a note taped to the door.

Clark kicks the front door and storms off the porch.

Clark caries the bundled form between the houses to the patio. Ellen shepherds the kids behind, holding a golf umbrella over them.

Clark sets the grisly bundle down in a patio rocking chair and then realizing what he's just done, shivers with revul- sion. He lifts the blanket that's wrapped around Edna and gives it to Ellen. He ties Edna to the chair with a clothesline with Rusty's help.

_ ELLEN ~ Clark, it's raining all over her.

ES SR EE et ete aii EE Be ET ERE RE RF oI

a CONTINUED:

a ~

The family bows their heads. The rain pours down. The } wind STIRS and rocks the rocking chair. Clark leads the brief service in the only way he-knows how.

} CLARK Dear Gawd, ease our suffering in this our moment of deepest despair. Yea! Admit into your heavenly paradise this good and descent member of thy flock who never swerved from the path of righteousness.

‘The family looks up at Clark as he delivers the prayer. They're puzzled and confused by what's gotten into him.

| CLARK

(continuing)

She who lived by the example set forth

by your dear son, Jesus, during his brief tenure on this our beloved planet Earth. Yea! The Hindus speak of Karma...

, Clark?

_ Clark turns to her, his arms still raised to the sky. Ellen takes a step forward. She's peeved.

Ellen sighs. and takes over for him. She looks heavenward.

a : . a, (CONTINUED)

i

CONTINUED: |

f t

They run to the car and leave.

Clark is puffing on a cigarette. Rain is pouring in the broken window on him. He holds the cigarette out of the spray.

He turns back to the kids.

Ellen looks back at them. Audrey starts to cry. AUDREY I don't want to be in the car

anymore. I want to go home. I don't want to go to Walley World!

() (CONTINUED)

cin ll a RE A A IIA A I I enema

oe CONTINUED:

scams. AUDREY

Maybe we can try it again some other time. Walley World's over- rated anyway.

Clark guns the engine.

rw I think you're all fucked in the (CO head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out! Well, I'll tell you something! This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm going to have fun and you're going to have fun, too. We're all going to have so much fucking fun, we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! Your gonna be whistling zippitty do-dah out of your assholes.

He throws the wagon in gear and pulls out. The car vibrates and wobbles from the four different size tires.

to himself) I gotta be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.

(laughs) Praise Marty Moose! . : ; (continuing; to Ellen) ( } Honey? Remind me to hang. myself hat when we get home. I'll be having

so much fun I'll probably forget...

eee ee nN ne uneeiieneaitiaieas on rece Ties aR en _ ee a oe oe ok ee ee ee ee ad

. -_ CONTINUED: — Silence. Ellen stares in horror at Clark. Audrey lights a joint. RUSTY Dad? Do you want an aspirin or

something?

The car wobbles:-vtolently down the highway. We hear a THUNDERCLAP.

There is a lightning flash, rain pours down on Edna's face. Suddenly her eyes open. She wakes up and realizes she's tied to a chair.

Another chain motel.

Clark is laying on the bed smoking a cigarette. Ellen is in the bathroom starting to run a bath.

| CLARK What are you talking about?

a Aes AS See Nee” OO WS NO NS Se OO SONOS NT NSE EO Se) aS See SO SO EES

CONTINUED :

our way to see the world's largest ball of mud.

Clark stands up and grabs the ugly white shoes Eddie gave him off the bed and slips them on.

You wouldn't know a good time if it came up and bit you!

Ellen stares icily at him. He walks to the door.

What do you care?_

He walks out and slams the door.

Clark closes their door. The next room door opens and an obvious hooker wearing a halter, underpants and garter belt peaks out at Clark.

He walks on toward the bar, leaving her baffled. She closes her door.

Clark is sitting at one of the half dozen booths. A LOCAL GIRL is singing and accompanying herself on the electric piano. Clark's nursing a beer and feeling sorry for himself. He looks up and jumps.

CLARK'S POV

The Girl, the mystery woman with the Ferrari, is standing at his table. She gives Clark: a sexy smile.

Clark regains his composure. He makes a quick decision.

The Girl slides into the booth with Clark.

(laughs nervously) It would appear so, wouldn't it? The truth is. (makes up something) This is highly confidential.

The Girl nods, going along with what she rightly perceives as a big lie.

RO a pore

oN CONTINUED: ( GIRL Oh. I thought you were going to say you were working for the CIA. Clark chuckles.

- But that was many years ago. I don't talk about it much. I'm more interested in my motels, really... And my airline.

ie Se ae Oe ee ee ee fe ce cee eee i a te rr ee = a ttt 8 en ttt tend

—_~ CONTINUED :

like an ordinary jerk. Stop at all the stupid sights, look like a fool.

, GIRL Basically be like you are.

Clark and the Girl walk across the courtyard, continuing their conversation.

The Girl stops at the edge of the pool and without hesitation, yanks off her top, drops her jeans and dives into the pool. Clark's eyes bulge as suddenly six or seven fond fantasies come to life.

She pulls her hair back and takes an exhilerated breath.

Clark is faced with the challenge of living up to his lies.

(oo) For starters, sure. What's wrong? Ve Don't you swim?

eee!

TT re Saar eon smear ts rere eA eerste we ime tee ali 9 Be al. ale A ell wilioe - ae ~ ht te SO ££ A Ee 2 oe Be RE

CONTINUED :

He starts to unbutton his shirt. CLARK I'm proficient in a number of strokes and...

He whips off the shirt and kicks off the white loafers.

aspirations. He drops his drawers, revealing big boxer shorts.

(continuing) I'll be right there.

He turns away from her and drops his shorts.

ANGLE - CLARK

He stands at the edge of the pool, one hand protecting his modesty, the other over his head. He makes a one-handed dive into the pool. A beat and he bursts out of the water.

a a ih A

His booming voice echos in the closed courtyard. Lights go on all over. People come out of their rooms to see what the screaming's all about.

INI. MOTEL ROOM

Ellen's reading in bed. She sits up with a puzzled look on her face.

She gets out of bed and hurries to the door.

Ellen opens the door, walks to the balcony rail and looks own.

ANGLE - CLARK

He's at the side of the pool trying to reach his clothes without getting out of the water. The Girl's laughing. Clark turns and waves to Ellen.

~ CLARK (big, guilty smile) Swimming?

He thinks of an excuse as quickly as he can.

OwEE) (CONTINUED)

me - Rn

CONTINUED :

I was so surprised. You can imagine. Can't you? Ellen? Hon?- : i ci

0.S. the motel room door slams. Clark realizes what he's done. He turns to the Girl.

He pulls himself out of the water and duck walks over to his

._ Clothes.

Clark slips on his boxers.

He heads for the balcony~stairs: The Girl waves goodbye.

Audrey and Rusty are leaning over railing watching as Clark dresses. Audrey is wearing dark, round sunglasses and smoking a joint.

os CONTINUED : RUSTY

Audrey, you're a dork. Put that out. You're not even inhaling.

She turns and bumps’ into. the door to their room. She takes off the glasses, opens it, and goes in. Rusty, alone now, glances to his left and sees the Hooker looking him over.

HOOKER

Hey, Cowboy. Wanna have a party? RUSTY Where? HOOKER In my Bed. RUSTY Who's coming? HOOKER Just you.

Rusty disappears into her room just as Clark rounds the corner. { : f

Clark peeks in. Ellen's in the bed. Clark feels miserable, He steps in and closes the door.

. CLARK ; Ellen? Honey? Are you mad?

Ellen looks up. She looks hurt.

and stroking her hair) Oh no, no, no, no, honey, You, you. think I could like a girl like that?’ I love you. I‘*m sorry about everything. I was mad because you were right and. I knew it. I was hurt.

(CONTINUED) |

aca eet

NH

fn a ll A on ee ee ee Se ee ee ee ~ et

CONTINUED :

He wraps his arms around her and holds her tight.

She takes his hand and leads him out of the room.

-EXT. MOTEL COURTYARD, POOL

Ellen has lead Clark to the edge of the pool. She starts disrobing.

She is naked and goes to the edge.

very...

She dives in giggling, surfaces faster than she entered, and screams. .

Once again, lights go on all over. People come out of their rooms to see what the screams are all about. Clark looks up at them angrily.

You've never seen anybody swim before?! Go back to your rooms! Leave us alone!

He jumps in. The people leave, muttering.

LS s

Audrey, Rusty and the Hooker watch in-total amazement as Clark and Ellen splash around in the pool yelling expletives.

The car creeps along in rush hour traffic. SUPER: ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA CLARK (V.0.)

Almost there. Everybody ready? Any

minute now. Whoopee! The car turns at an off-ramp where a sign reads: "Walley World Next Three Exits".

The spires of the Moose Castle rise from the vast amusement park. The wobbling, wounded station wagon limps into frame

heading for the park.

The Griswolds are invigorated. The journey suddenly seems worth the sacrifice and suffering.

The kids lean over the seat and kiss their parents. Clark takes Ellen's hand.

a family.

ne eee ee ee ee ne ee et cn =. ti oe ee ee ee Se ee ee ee ee

The station wagon rolls into the massive, empty parking lot, makes a sweeping turn and parks in the last row of spaces,

a good six hundred yards from the entrance. The family gets | out.

They get out. Clark looks up. He looks at Rusty, and with an impetuous twinkle in his eye, he slaps Rusty on the back in a challenge.

Clark and Rusty take off in a sprint.

CLARK AND RUSTY: SLOW MOTION

They pound across the pavement to the music from "Chariots of Fire". As they approach the park entrance, their expressions of joy turn first to puzzlement, then to shock.

CLARK'S POV

Standing before the gate is a huge, larger-than-life statue of Marty Moose in overalls with a tool belt, holding a sign: "Sorry Folks! We're Closed For Two Weeks To Clean And Repair America's Favorite Family Fun Park!!"

in Clark as he pushes a button on Marty Moose which reads, "Push Me".

‘115. MARTY MOOSE

A recording of Marty Moose's cheerful voice plays repeating the exact same message we have just read. Clark's fist smashes into Marty's adorable face, tearing off his head.

/

The station wagon flies out of the parking lot into the street, bottoms out, turns hard and roars off, dragging the muffler.

Ellen and the kids are staring at Clark as he speeds.

The station wagon flies into a gas station and grinds to a

halt. Clark jumps out.

Clark races across the street, dodging cars, and dashes into a

sporting goods store. BRAKES SCREECH, HORNS HONK.

ia 2 Ne eee ee ne —

The station wagon barrels down a palm tree-lined street.

SUPER: BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA

An old pickup truck is parked at the curb. A wooden sign reads -- "MAPS TO THE STARS HOMES $3.00." The station wagon pulls up fast behind it and locks up the brakes. The OLD MAN who owns the truck jumps out of the way.

OLD MAN

Ah, sorry, no checks.

Clark reaches into a white store bag and pulls out a pistol with a price tag dangling from it. He trains it on the Old Man.

The Old Man hands the map to Clark. CLARK (continuing) Thanks much.

The station wagon peels away.

Clark spreads the map out across his knees and traces down the streets with the barrel of the gun.

See

ft at NR ae ee a ee

Ellen is figuring the final reading on the gas mileage.

ree ELLEN Honey? I figured out our gas mileage. Clark looks up from the road and the map. ELLEN (continuing)

Three point nine miles per gallon.

Clark stares blankly.

CLARK

You sure? ELLEN

It might be a little lower... CLARK

Close your eyes!

Clark reaches the gun under the dash and fires. "PING!" There's an elLectusceas short.

A stately Beverly Hills mansion, iron gate, winding drive, meticulous grounds. The station wagon pulls up to the gate and a Security Guard steps out to greet them.

Yes. We're here to see Mr. Walley. Mr. Roy Walley.

sinc nl a AR a ile al la tem

i a, CLARK The Clark W. Griswolds. GUARD Pardon me? CLARK (suddenly cold and businesslike) . Pardon you. Clark W. Griswold. GUARD One moment, sir. The Guard steps into the guard house and picks up a phone.

ELLEN (whispering) Clark. This is way off. I'm begging you. Please don't do this. ‘pai CLARK ive, (quietly controlled now) Kids?? Don't you want to meet Roy Walley? AUDREY Sure, Dad. You bet.

The Guard returns.

Clark takes the card politely.

Ne (CONTINUED)

ft en i ce

, oe He floors it and the car blasts through the iron gates.

The windshield blows out, iron shrapnel flies. The wagon grinds up the winding drive, scraping the brick wall alongside the drive in a shower of sparks ripping up plantings, toppling flower urns.

ROY WALLEY, a rotund man in his late sixties, in suit and tie, is having a business meeting on the patio with several of his ASSOCIATES. They look up and toward the side of the house. Suddenly a pair of guard dogs and a GARDNER break through the hedge, rips through the garden and heads for the Men. They scatter. The wagon SCREECHES to a halt on the patio, the ENGINE GROWLING. Clark jumps out and drops to his knees with the pistol held in two hands.

(nods in terror) Y-yes. Please don't shoot.

Ellen gets out of the car and waves politely.

a es acess ase ep nc eee, re cee ee eee ese : a LRG ERE ERE REE TE

120,

a CLARK And my kids, Audrey and Rusty. Okay, we're from Chicago and we've just been through hell to get out here and visit your fun park.

Clark pulls the hammer back. Walley shuts up.

We al WALLEY is e always... a : 4 CLARK Shut your face! So, I figure you owe me. WALLEY Name your figure, sir. . (to an Associate) Hank, get Mr. Griswold a check -- _ CLARK I don't want money, pal. I want what we came for! Family entertainment, Roy Walley-style. So, you fellas put your creative heads together and give us a little or you're going to remember Clark Griswold each and every time you take a leak! Walley looks to his Associates. The terrified Men are thinking as fast as they can. WALLEY Okay, uh... how about, ah.., os, (starts to talk like i J Marty Moose, silly i falsetto) (MORE)

an A, ttre Be pil ain at

cia, WALLEY (continuing) ... Uh, uh, howdy boys and girls, moms and dads, uh, uh, welcome to _ Walley World!

Clark scoots up on the hood of the car. Ellen and the kids scoot up as Walley and his Men start to dance.

Walley's four Associates start to sing and dance around the pool. Walley follows singin as well. Grown Men acting like r

cartoon moose to save the ives. ASSOCIATES 'M' is for merry. We're merry, you see! WALLEY 'O' is for Oh, gosh! Oh, golly! ‘'9! ; gee! ASSOCIATES 'S' is for super~swell family glee! WALLEY 'E’ is for everything you want to be! ASSOCIATES

What’s that spell? On cue the family shouts; |

Beverly Hills police CARS ROAR up the drive. SWAT TEAMS jump out. The police spread out around the house.

ed

\

—— i. hl

Walley and his Associates have their pants rolled up to their knees. Their jackets are on their heads, sleeves tied in the shape of antlers. They are standing in line with their hands on. each others hips singing excellent four-part harmony in chipmonk-like voices. They actually seem to be enjoying themselves, as are one or two Servants and Security People. When they finish, there is applause, and Roy excitedly suggests another tune.

He starts humming to himself in a cartoon voice.

Everyone freezes, including Roy and the Boys. The Cop looks at Clark, who no longer is holding the pistol, and then at Walley and his Associates, and finally choose the latter.

Other Cops start moving toward then. CLARK No, no! Hold on there. It's me you want, not Mr. Walley. He takes the gun from his pocket and hands it to the Cop.

~ mB BR RB BS et ~ _ te ee oe

CONTINUED :

i) ~ CLARK

(continuing) I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Walley. It's probably hard for you to believe, but we' re big fans of yours . - It's just that we've had kind of a. disappointing trip. I guess I went a little haywire.

The Cop handcuffs Clark.

a

Clark walks back to the family. He kisses Audrey and Ellen and shakes Rusty's hand with his hands shackled behind his back. CLARK I just hope you had at least a

ee 3 few minutes of fun. I know I lost (am my temper, But it was for you guys.

can N

do anything for you. I just want you to know that.

Pete, show these good men around for some Roy Walley chocolate moose, and whatever they*d like to drink.

he winks ) (CONTINUED)

ae CONTINUED:

Nd The Cops release Clark, exit, and Roy joins the Griswolds.

The family laughs. Roy claps Clark on the back and roars with laughter.

. WALLEY

(continuing) I want to tell you about the vacation my wife and I took with our kids in 1958. Let me send for a car. I want to take you folks over to the park. I'm opening it up special for you.

The biggest smile breaks across their faces.

The family is reunited in the non-smoking section of a DC-10. They are clean and in fresh clothes. A new spirit. They are all wearing antler hats.

. ELLEN We'll have to put Mr. Walley on our Christmas card list.

Ellen and Clark kiss. Rusty and Audrey are in the seats behind them listening to inflight music. A-STEWARDESS addresses the Passengers over the PA.

‘ York's LaGuardia airport. Our

flying time will be...

me ree meer meee me ems 5 Ry nee res i An al A = A a I A I NT

CONTINUED :

Clark looks at Ellen with alarm as the plane shoves off.

Ellen looks at Clark.

The plane taxis into position and begins takeoff. Clark shouts above the ROAR OF THE ENGINES.

The plane takes off into the sunset.

THEME COMES UP.

END CREDIT SEQUENCE: END CREDITS ROLL OVER VACATION SNAPSHOT PORTRAITS.

-- Family standing next to the station wagon, in front of their house.

ABB dE & E fii

Family with Eddie, Catherine, Edna and the cousins. Family with Wyatt Earp in Dodge City. Dinky with his head out the window.

Family with the mechanic and friends at the desert gas station.

Family with two indians and a man on a camel. Family with Roy Walley and Beverly Hills Cops. Rusty with Audrey and the Hooker. A big smile on his face.

Clark with his arm aound Ellen.