"HOT FUZZ" (2007)

by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright

POLICE CONSTABLE NICHOLAS ANGEL bursts through the entrance of a eity police station and [U+FB02]asheshis warrant card.

ANGEL strides down a corridor. His collar number reads 777.

INSERT: ANGEL at training college standing amongst dopey looking trainees. They wear navy tee shirts and shorts.

INSERT: ANGEL running in riot gear down an alley, dodging petrol bombs, storming a fake hostage situation, finishing an exam and holding the paper aloft.

INSERT: ANGEL surrounded by the same dopey faces as before, this time in full uniform, at a graduation parade.

INSERT: ANGEL talking with elderly people, a Chinese family in their native tongue, young offenders in a hall.

INSERT: ANGEL doing an elaborate skid in a police car.

INSERT: ANGEL doing an elaborate skid on a police bike.

INSERT: ANGEL pinning up various notices in bright colours; they read ’BIKE SHED’, ’CANTEEN’, ’HATE CRIMES’.

INSERT: ANGEL fencing, doing judo, playing chess, bursts through a finishing tape at speed.

INSERT: ANGEL bursts into a stairwell of an apartment block as part of a heavily armed response team.

INSERT: ANGEL storms a room where a wild eyed CRACKHEAD holds a family hostage with a KALISHNIKOV. ANGEL responds fast, firing a short burst. His expression is one of shock.

INSERT: We see [U+FB02]ashesof framed commendations, multiple cuffing and a violent altercation with a wild eyed St. Nick.

POLICE CONSTABLE NICHOLAS ANGEL bursts through the entrance of a city police station and [U+FB02]asheshis warrant card.

ANGEL sits opposite a jovial SERGEANT of the same age.

An equally jovial INSPECTOR sits alongside the SERGEANT.

The jovial CHIEF INSPECTOR (50’s) enters. ANGEL stands.

INSPECTOR & SERGEANT Still a bit stiff.

ANGEL exits the office and is greeted by every officer in the force, clasping plastic glasses. A makeshift sign made from colour photocopied sheets reads ’GOOD LUCK NICHOLAS’.

A group of Crime Scene Investigators dressed in white protective suits, face masks and goggles, work in a blood spattered room. A mobile rings. One of the CSI’s picks up.

JANINE turns to see ANGEL outside the window on his mobile.

ANGEL disappears. Beat. He re-enters moments later and approaches the hallway door. He sees JANINE.

A cough. ANGEL turns to find JANINE standing to his right.

Another CSI walks past and waves to ANGEL.

JANINE whips off her goggles for emphasis. We are still no wiser as to what she looks like.

We see BOB dusting for prints.

She gestures to an identical CSI. He waves to ANGEL.

ANGEL looks down and stares at the [U+FB02]oor.JANINE softens.

The CSIs look to the broken window. JANINE hangs her head.

We prowl down the corridor of a dormitory to a tiny bedroom. ANGEL packs a large red suitcase and takes down photos from the wall; a blonde child in a toy police car, an article reading ’HERO GUN COP SAVES FAMILY’. Three FRESH FACED RECRUITS appear at the door.

ANGEL leaves the section house, striking a lonely figure on the pavement with his suitcase and pot plant under his arm...

...ANGEL cradles his POT PLANT on a crowded TUBE TRAIN...

...ANGEL reads The Guardian on an INTER-CITY TRAIN and eats tofu from a lunch box. Urban landscapes whisr by...

...ANGEL and his POT PLANT at a deserted train station...

...ANGEL sits on a connecting shuttle train. The reception bars on his mobile deplete. Street lights whizz by...

...ANGEL sits in a minicab in semi darkness. Out of the window a sign looms: ’WELCOME TO SANDEORD’, ’THE COMMUNITY THAT CARES’. It features a picture of castle ruins.

...Signs whizz by; one pointing to the ’MODEL VILLAGE’, a large [U+FB02]oraldisplay reading ’SANDFOED, VILLAGE OF THE YEAR’, a NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH sign. We see a local church surrounded in scaffolding. Rain spots the cab window.

The minicab pulls away, leaving ANGEL, a lonely figure on the pavement, the pot plant under his arm.

ANGEL comes in to the reception of an up-market guest house, with twee living room furnishings in the foyer. A VERY OLD MAN snores in an armchair.

We see a poster for a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. An ornamental sword is mounted above a front desk where a MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN presides. She doesn’t look up.

MRS. COOPER motions to the crossword she’s been doing.

She motions to the OLD MAN in the foyer. For a moment he looks dead but a prodigious snore proves otherwise.

ANGEL approaches a door marked CASTLE SUITE. He unlocks it and enters. The room is quaint but identical in dimension to his previous accomodation. ANGEL takes off his jacket and places his POT PLANT on the windowsill. It’s deathly quiet. ANGEL grabs his jacket again.

The rain now stopped, ANGEL walks the empty streets. He hears signs of life from the pub. He heads towards it, passing the village fountain, where a group of young children gather. Chatting, leaning on skateboards, they all wear hooded tops.

ANGEL frowns and glances at his watch. As he passes, the HOODIES all stare after him.

ANGEL cautiously enters a lively pub, complete with rustic farming equipment and a cheery landlord and landlady.

ANGEL points to a ’SANDFORD CITIZEN’ on the bar.

ANGEL sits on a stool at the bar reading the paper - (Headlines read ’MYSTERY SURROUNDS PROPOSED EIPASS’)

A suspiciously young laugh draws ANGEL’s attention. Some drinkers at the bar look very fresh faced. Others drink beer through straws. Another drinker guffaws, his BRACES glint.

ANGEL is dazzled. He looks to a sign reading ’IT IS ILLEGAL TO SELL ALCOHOL TO ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18’.

ANGEL strides over to the table of straw drinkers.

JUMPCUT. ANGEL talks to the YOUNGSTER with terrible acne.

JUMPCUT. A high voiced YOUNGSTER with braces.

MARY PORTER/ROY PORTER Oh.

A grumbling group of teens stomp out of the pub.

ANGEL is sat back at the bar. The pub is now almost empty. The PORTERS are not so cheery now.

ANGEL strolls out of the pub and walks past the fountain. He tosses a coin in and takes time to observe the plague; ’This fountain was generously’restored with funds raised by Mr F. Butterman, Mrs J. Cooper, Mr R. Hatcher, Miss A. Paver...’

A metallic scratching distracts ANGEL. He sees the ROTUND DRINKER trying to put his key in the lock of an ASTRA.

The ROTUND ERINKER stumbles away from the car. ANGEL turns back and notices that the plague has been vandalised with a marker pen graffiti tag which appears to be a ’G’.

An engine revs behind ANGEL. He jumps back as the ASTRA reverses into the fountain with a resounding crash. He storms over to the driver’s door and hauls the ROTUNO DRINKER out, who immediately and loudly throws up.

ANGEL escorts the ROTUND DRINKER by the collar. Up ahead, the underage drinkers pisses in the street. ANGEL coughs.

ANGEL strides in with the ROTUND DRINKER and the UNDERAGE DRINKER. He has also picked up three other underage drinkers, two scuffed from brawling and one with a traffic cone on his head. He [U+FB02]asheshis card to a cheery DESK SERGEANT.

The DESK SERGEANT looks to the ROTUND DRINKER and laughs. The ROTUNE DRINKER stumbles over to a connecting door.

ANGEL retrieves two pens from his pocket. Cue ELASHCUTS of detainees being processed, fingerprints taken, heights measured; (the TRAFFIC CONE kid, unable to remove his headgear is recorded as 8’ 2").

ANGEL lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

JUMP CUT to the next morning. The bed is empty.

ANGEL in sweats, jogs out of the hotel. In the daylight, Sandford looks beautiful and idyllic.

JOYCE COOPER is up a ladder, watering her hanging baskets. She greets ANGEL cheerily. He passes other early birds who do the same; a FEMALE NEWSAGENT setting out her paper stand, a EOOKISH WOMAN on a bicycle, a cheery VICAR, a dishy DOCTOR.

ANGEL sees the crashed ASTRA being towed away by a removal vehicle operated by two GRUFF LOOKING MEN. They nod to him.

Another jogger stops by ANGEL. He has a ready smirk and a confident air. He wears a ’SANDFORD FUN RUNNERS’ t-shirt.

SIMON SKINNER nods to a supermarket named SUMMRAISLES.

Pop in some time, my discounts are criminal. Catch me later.

SKINNER accelerates into a sprint, leaving a bemused ANGEL at the door of his hotel. ANGEL strides inside.

ANGEL strides into the station, now in full uniform. The same DESK SERGEANT is there as before. Although he is now sour faced and has curly hair. ANGEL is a tad confused.

ANGEL walks over to Cell Four and looks through the observation hatch. Panic spreads across his face.

An OFFICER opens the cell. ANGEL walks in to find it empty.

We see that the OFFICER is the ROTUND DRINKER.

A jovial man enters the cell in senior officer’s garb.

FRANK’s office is adorned with CERTIFICATES, including ’VILLAGE OF THE YEAR’ plagues, along with a POLICE a glass case and two mounted ANTIQUE PISTOLS.

We also see a photo of a younger FRANK and DANNY dressed as cowboys and a middle aged woman dressed as a sguaw.

FRANK shows ANGEL the locker room. DANNY lags behind.

FRANK opens a door on a musty collection of riot gear.

A HEDGEHOG is startled by the rare intrusion. FRANK approaches another door with a security keypad.

FRANK opens the evidence locker. It’s surprisingly empty.

FRANK leads them to a door marked ’C.I.D’. Inside are two thirty something plain clothes officers with cropped hair, and tashes. On their small desk are two plates of cake.

CARTWRIGHT and WAINWRIGHT stare back at ANGEL with disdain.

They leave and continue down the corridor.

A wastepaper basket sails out of the Andes office and hits Eanny on the head.

A battered tin reads ’SWEARBOX’. DANNY dreps a quid in.

FRANK shows ANGEL into the operations room, where uniformed officers bunch together at oramped desks.

We hear a solitary Apple start-up chime.

The rosy faced officer winks lewdly at a blushing ANGEL.

The office erupts into bawdy cheers. ANGEL is keen to move on. He points to a door marked ’N.W.A’.

A little besuited man opens the door. On the table of his tiny, folder crammed office is a plate of chocolate cake.

WEAVER opens a connecting door to a room full of monitors.

Chuckling WEAVER cues up CCTV footage of ANGEL’s run-ins. We also see footage of HOODIES huddled around the fountain.

WEAVER looks at ANGEL and lets out a huge guffaw.

WEAVER [U+FB02]icksthrough CCTV printouts of a street performer dressed as a STATUE. They are all identical.

They leave. FRANK scrunches up the printouts into a hall, and throws it to DANNY, who heads it into the bin.

He nods to office furniture sat out front of the station.

FRANK opens a door to reveal a damp, bare tiny office.

FRANK shuts the door. They move back to the main of[U+FB02]oe.

The officers cheer. ANGEL visibly sags.

Another cheer from the assembled officers.

ANGEL is sat at a pub table with the other offieers (only he wears a stab vest). DANNY brings pints to everyone but ANGEL, who has a cranberry juice. SAXON laps at a bowl of lager

There’s a murmur of agreement. ANGEL is a little oonfused.

WAINWRIGHT swigs Guinness, the head collects on his lip.

DANNY’s ears prick up, he looks to ANGEL with awe.

CARTNRIGHT nods to a tall, ruddy, farmer at the bar.

DANNY pulls his chair closer to the bemused ANGEL.

A glum ANGEL sits at his desk. Two men manoeuvre a filing cabinet into the office. A man appears from under his desk, placing a phone in front of him. It rings. ANGEL answers.

ANGEL steps out of Frank’s office. He gets the attention of the assembled officers. They stop eating their cake.

There’s a vague affirmative murmur from the other officers.

ANGEL turns his back. A WASTE PAPER BASKET hits him hard on the head. The officers snigger.

ANGEL re-enters FRANK’s office. FRANK looks concerned.

A glum cap wearing ANGEL and chirpy helmet wearing DANNY, walk the streets. Village folk greet them with ’Afternoon’.

A sign reads ’ONLY ONE SCHOOL CHILD AT ANY TIME’. ANGEL waits as DANNY buys a pasty from a FEMALE NEWSAGENT. A walkie talkie crackles to life on the counter.

EXT/INT. SQUAD CAR - DAY

ANGEL and DANNY sit in the parked squad car; ANGEL is on the radio, watching with disdain as DANNY retrieves ketchup sachets from his top pocket and squirts them onto a pasty.

ANGEL and DANNY walk the quiet streets again.

ANGEL and a pumped DANNY change out of their uniforms.

ANGEL opens his locker. Hundreds of apples tumble out. Inside a note reads ’WELCOME SERGEANT’.

The other officers appear, sniggering; the ANDES, FISHER and THATCHER, who is in her bra. We hear a round of applause.

The applause continues over a sign reading ’N.W.A - 7pm’. TOM WEAVER introduces ANGEL to a large group of Village folk, including JOYCE COOPER and the PORTERS. FRANK is also present, as is a snoring BERNARD. WEAVER introduces the BOOKISH CYCLIST glimpsed that morning.

SIMON SKINNER beams at ANGEL, who is a little unnerved. A middle aged woman fusses over a [U+FB02]oraldisplay reading ’WELCOME SERGEANT’.

WEAVER introduces the tall, ruddy, farmer from the bar.

A ripple of polite laughter as the group gather round and sit at a large circular table. SKINNER stares at ANGEL, grinning.

More laughter. WEAVER nods to a tweedy, bearded doctor.

DR. HATCHER smiles at ANGEL. More laughter.

A huge laugh. JOYCE COOPER brings the meeting to order.

WEAVER affects a deadly earnest tone of voice.

An image of the LIVING STATUE on an overhead projector. There are mumbles of "irritating". ANGEL stifles a yawn. FRANK smiles and pats him on the back.

ANGEL listens to the radio and waters his POT PLANT.

Later: A dejected ANGEL is on the phone. We hear the recorded voice of the MET SERGEANT, from the first scene.

Later: ANGEL lies awake on his bed. His [U+FB02]oraltribute appears almost funereal against the wall.

We see ANGEL is talking to a group of young school kids. DANNY sits cross legged with them. He puts his hand up.

Later: ANGEL and DANNY talk to headmistress AMANDA PAVER. A wiry young reporter approaches with a camera.

Later: ANGEL poses awkwardly with the schoolkids.

ANGEL looks at a sweet BLOND HAIRED BOY next to him.

FLASH. We see the newspaper article; ’SHORT ARM OE THE LAW: TOP COP ANGLE TELLS IT TO THE KIDS’. ANGEL circles the typo as he sits in a vast dining room. JOYCE approaches with tea.

ANGEL laughs it off bashfully.

ANGEL opens his locker. It is plastered with photocopies of the article. The ’ANGLE’ typo is underlined in red.

ANGEL makes his way to his office. Sniggering officers greet him with ’Sergeant Angle’, including the now straight haired DESK SERGEANT.

WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT

Morning Angle. Morning Angle.

ANGEL feigns good humour but looks irritated. His phone rings. He picks up.

ANGEL looks around at his fellow officers to see who is on the other end of the phone. He realises that no-one is.

ANGEL and DANNY talk to an OLD MAN IN A CAR by a moat.

DANNY and ANGEL close in on a swan which waddles through a park. However it evades them every time they draw near.

DANNY buys a Cornetto from a smirking ANNETTE ROPER. ANGEL stands nearby, whilst looking elsewhere.

ANGEL and DANNY sit in their usual parking space. Sandford life drifts by. The LIVING STATUE is also present.

ANGEL nods to an ANCIENT MAN in a heavy winter overcoat.

ANGEL nods over to a man in a PURPLE SHELL SUIT with his cap pulled down low over his face.

Changing tack, ANGEL nods to a HULKING MAN, clad in denim.

As DANNY delves in a video bargain bin full of action films, ANGEL loiters in organic produce. He spots two GRUFF LOOKING BUTCHERS behind a meat counter. They nod ’hello’.

ANGEL strides into an office where SIMON SKINNER reads the ’Top Cop’ story in the SANDFORD CITIZEN. A slutty CHECKOUT GIRL lounges beside him. One wall is lined with sketches of a drive thru supermarket, the other with security monitors. A ’fun running’ trophy sits conspicuously on the shelf.

The now uniformed LURCH lumbers past the doorway.

SKINNER turns to leak at the CCTV. On one screen we see a small, well dressed man climbing out of a Range Rover.

ANGEL paints to a different screen. We see a SHOPPER rather obviously stuffing biscuits into his trousers.

ANGEL strides straight up to the shopper. It is THE MAN IN THE PURPLE SHELL SUIT from the square.

The SHOPLIFTER freezes for a moment. Then scarpers.

DANNY reads the cover of Jackie Chan’s SUPERCOP when ANGEL explodes into life, chasing the SHOPLIFTER down the aisle. He throws the video back in the bin and fellows suit.

The SHOPLIFTER bursts onto the street with ANGEL in hot pursuit. The usual friendly greetings from folk are bestowed on ANGEL as he sprints by. It sounds surreal.

They race past shopkeepers, who report into their radios. They also pass the LIVING STATUE. He doesn’t budge.

The SHOPLIFTER avoids being hit by REAPER’s 4x4. ANGEL vaults ever the bonnet. The shoplifter runs into an alley. ANGEL fellows, but comes to a stop at the alley entrance.

Several YOUNG MOTHERS with push chairs clog up the alley. DANNY catches up with ANGEL. He’s very out of breath.

ANGEL leaps over a garden fence, then the next one, then the next. It’s an amazing acrobatic feat. DANNY gasps and follows ANGEL, but trips and crashes through the fence.

ANGEL lands back in the alley, when suddenly he spots-

The SWAN. Waddling past the mouth of the alley. ANGEL is torn for a split second, then resumes the SHOPLIFTER chase.

ANGEL runs into the HOODIES, spraying a graffiti tag reading ’G’ on a wall. Upon seeing ANGEL, the HOODIES immediately scatter like roaches, dropping their spray cans on the [U+FB02]oor.

ANGEL scoops up the spray can and hurls it through the air. It hits the SHOPLIFTER on the head. He crashes to the [U+FB02]oorhard. ANGEL picks the SHOPLIFTER up. DANNY approaches.

We see FLASHCUTS of PETER COCKER being processed; mugshot, prints. ANGEL fills out arrest paperwork. FISHER ambles over.

ANGEL turns to see SKINNER distributing the stolen biscuits to officers, including a curly-haired DESK SERGEANT.

ANGEL turns to see FRANK at the doorway, eating ice cream.

ANGEL sits with a speed gun recording passing cars, DANNY has his feet up and is eating some of the stolen biscuits. Behind is a sign reading ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’.

ANGEL

ANGEL

A MEGANE speeds past them. DANNY and ANGEL exchange a look.

ANGEL [U+FB02]icksthe siren on. They peel out at speed. The MEGANE pulls over, ending the chase before it begins.

They walk over to the MEGANE. The smartly dressed DRIVER winds down his window. ANGEL can see a NERVOUS YOUNG WOMAN in the passenger seat. The DRIVER hands over his license.

ANGEL starts speedily scribbling in his notebook.

ANGEL continues to write. DANNY watches this with interest.

ANGEL hands him a ticket.

ANGEL and DANNY get back into their CAR.

ANGEL waves his pocket book in DANNY’s face.

DANNY produces his pocketbook. ANGEL [U+FB02]ipsthrough the pages. We see a [U+FB02]ick-illustrationof cops shooting someone dead with red ink for blood. ANGEL shakes his head.

ANGEL and DANNY stride out of the station in their civvies.

ANGEL glares at DANNY. The now straight haired DESK SERGEANT calls after him.

ANGEL calmly rips up both tickets in front of a deflated DANNY. ANGEL makes to leave again, just as FRANK enters.

ANGEL’s expression is one of abject horror, Danny is asleep.

On stage, BLOWER in cod Bar Luhrmann, Romeo gear, complete with suit of armour, [U+FB02]oppyfringe and revolver, leans over EVE DRAPERS’s Juliet, who lies in state on a prop alter. He uncaps a large bottle of poison, marked with a skull and cross bones and holds it aloft.

He drinks the poison, just as JULIET awakes with an exaggerated yawn. ROMEO and JULIET look at each other in horror.

They kiss. With tongues. It goes on far too long. ROMEO goes limp. JULIET picks up his gun and shoots herself with a click. The stage goes to black.

The lights come up again to reveal the whole cast performing a ’Knees Up Mother Brown’ version of The Cardigan’s ’Love Fool’.

The audience applaud. A relieved ANGEL joins in, DANNY wakes up. On stage the cast take their bows. LESLIE TILLER walks on stage with a bouquet of [U+FB02]owers.

In the packed bar, DANNY downs a pint and ANGEL downs a cranberry juice. A beaming TIM MESSENGER sidles over.

SKINNER swoops in and leads ANGEL away from MESSENGER.

SKINNER nods to an OLDER COURLE who wave back at him. A still made up MARTIN BLOWER and his FEMALE LEAD rush over.

EVE DRAPER snorts an alarmingly high pitched laugh.

EVE lets out another snort. GEORGE MERCHANT approaches.

ANGEL spots the BLONDE SCHOOLKID from his school talk, in the other room, sipping Coke and staring at him.

ANGEL spits out his cranberry juice.

Theatregoers spill out onto the street as BLOWER closes up.

ANGEL and DANNY turn away and walk home. DANNY chuckles.

ANGEL smiles. Be and DANNY walk off, revealing-

A FIGURE swathed in a BLACK CLOAK. We cannot see its face. It darts into the alley behind the Playhouse building!

In FLASHCUTS we see an axe blade glint...a door pane smash...a gloved hand finds the door handle...

MARTIN BLOWER rips the foil from a bottle of champagne. There’s a knock at the door. BLOWER coos back.

The door opens...It’s EVE DRAPER...BLOWER grins...

EVE grins...A champagne cork pops...Bubbly foams...

There’s another knock at the door. BLOWER shouts, worried.

BLOWER INCHES THE DOOR 0PEN...AN AXE SMASHES DOWN INTO BLOWER’S NECK...THE CHAMPAGNE DROPS...EVE SCREAMS...

A call button [U+FB02]ashesred in the darkness...ANGEL picks up.

TWO DECAPITATED HEADS lie surrounded by pieces of metal.

FISHER addresses ANGEL, DANNY, THATCHER and WALKER. Behind is a blood splattered ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’ sign.

FISHER points to where BLOWER’s MEGANE has come to a violent stop. The top half of the car has been shaved off.

FLASHCUTS; a cordon unfurled, tents erected, cones set out.

ANGEL and DANNY wave on the morning traffic past the crash site. JAMES REAPER leans out of his 4X4.

A RED MG slows to a stop. SKINNER leans out of the window.

SKINNER goes to pull off. ANGEL stands in front of his ear.

SKINNER pulls away fast. ANGEL watches his MG go and makes a note of the personalised numberplate ’SS1’. Behind AMANDA PAVER pulls up on her bicycle and talks to DANNY.

The ANDES sit in their office eating ice-cream. DANNY enters with another bowl, which ANGEL declines.

DANNY slams his [U+FB02]ston the table. ANGEL jumps.

DANNY [U+FB02]ashesa grin at a bemused ANGEL.

For the [U+FB02]rsttime, the ANDES do not have an answer.

FRANK pops into the office. He’s also eating ice cream.

WAINWRIGHT & CARTWRIGHT Yes they are.

DANNY drives a pissed off ANGEL up a dirt road. P.C. BOB WALKER is in the back. SAXON drools on ANGELS shoulder.

A White haired Did farmer, ARTHUR WEBLEY stands at his door with a shotgun broken over his arm.

DANNY/WALKER/WEBLEY S’alroight.

ANGEL and DANNY peer in as WEBLEY opens the door to a huge outbuilding. The daylight illuminates...an enormous arsenal of antique firearms; RIFLES, SHOTGUNS, PISTOLS, BLUNDERBUSSES. It’s a museum of firepower.

WEBLEY DANNY

Foundum. Found ’em.

ANGEL points to an enormous spiky sphere in the corner.

DANNY WEBLEY

Sea mine. Seemoine.

WEBLEY strikes the SEA MINE with his walking stick. ANGEL and DANNY’s faces go white. There is a resounding clang...

ANGEL, DANNY and WEELEY come bursting out of the shed. They run in heroic slow motion towards a nearby hedge. All three dive over the hedge and land with an enormous crunch.

Seconds pass...Nothing...ANGEL and DANNY stand. They peer over the hedge. More seconds pass... Nothing.

ANGEL is sat in the squad car on the radio. Behind, WEBLEY and DANNY stand with the sea mine.

FLASHCUTS; ANGEL and DANNY march in with armfuls of guns, the curly haired DESK SERGEANT tags them, the evidence room is filled (with the SEA MINE is stored on a high shelf}.

The pub is heaving with a huge cross section of people; Neighbourhood Watch, off duty police, even FRANK.

ANGEL spies the ANDES at the bar and wanders over.

ANGEL and DANNY sit down. ANGEL scribbles in his notebook.

ANGEL laughs. It’s the first time we have seen him do this.

DANNY sticks a fork in his eye, scarlet squirts everywhere.

DANNY reveals a TOMATO KETCHUP sachet. ANGEL laughs.

FLASH CUTS. The night wears on. The glasses on the table multiply. DANNY and ANGEL are both tipsy and enjoy each other’s company. DANNY beats ANGEL at bar skittles.

LATER. ANGEL finds his way to the bar. He sees a beaming SIMON SKINNER sitting at the bar with another gentleman.

GEORGE MERCHANT is drunk and morose. ANGEL sits at the bar.

MERCHANT gets off his stool. He is remarkably short.

SKINNER moves off. ANGEL watches him go, swivelling on his stool. It’s a cool mement. Until ANGEL slips off his seat.

FRANK points to GEORGE MERCHANT who stands in the corner, with his nob out, pissing into the coin tray of a fruit machine.

ANGEL and DANNY carry GEORGE MERCHANT along the street. He is unconscious, his feet not touching the ground.

ANGEL spies the HOODIES huddled round a village map. He gestures for DANNY te be quiet and sneaks ever.

The HOODIES spin around and freeze. A freshly sprayed grefitti tag is en the village map. ANGEL holds out his hand.

A SPRAY CAN sails past ANGEL’s head and hits GEORGE MERCHANT full in the face. He and DANNY fell to the [U+FB02]eor.

The HOODIES scatter. ANGEL steams over, grabbing HOODIE 1 and pulling him back into a neerby bin. ANGEL grabs HOODIE 2 and spins him round, pulling the hood off his face.

ANGEL finds himself face to face with the BLONDE SCHOOLKID. HOODIE 1 meanwhile, clambers out of the bin and runs off.

A thrown ANGEL looks on, as the BLONDE SCHOOLKID [U+FB02]ips his hood back up and runs off.

ANGEL and DANNY pick MERCHANT up and carry him eff.

DANNY stops, looking up at the monstreus piece ef architecture.

MERCHANT is suddenly awake. His eyes glazed.

MERCHANT gives DANNY £20 guid. ANGEL gives it back.

MERCHANT disappears inside. ANGEL and DANNY walk away.

They walk out of shot, revealing...A CLOAKED FIGURE!

A light [U+FB02]ickson. We see GEORGE MERCHANT stumbling around his hall. We also the CLOAKED FIGURE watching, waiting...

DANNY and ANGEL arrive at DANNY’s front door.

A fridge opens...We see a number of bottled beers...

GEORGE MERCHANT grabs a beer and swigs it as he staggers to the toilet. Outside the CLOAKED FIGURE watches.

MERCHANT put his beer on the cistern and has a piss...He [U+FB02]ushes,zips up and retrieves his beer from the cistern. As he stands back up, behind him we see...

The CLOAKED EIGUEE. Who strikes him with a cudgel. Bang!

ANGEL drops down onto DANNY’s sofa and surveys the untidy room. DANNY appears to be living out of cardboard boxes.

DANNY enters from the kitchen with two cans of beer.

DANNY opens a cupboard that is stacked full of alphabetized VHS tapes. It’s the most ordered area of the entire [U+FB02]at.

DANNY carefully selects two tapes.

MERCHANT is dragged by his feet and dumped into a kitchen chair...GLOVED HANDS empty beans into a pan... Bacon is fried...Gas taps are turned on full...Gas hisses...

Static hisses as the video [U+FB02]ickersto life.

Hiss...GLOVED HANDS light a candle in the living room. Hiss...MEECHANT lies motionless in the chair....Hiss...

DANNY and ANGEL are on the sofa. ’Point Break’ ends.

KA-BOOOOOOM. MERGHANT’s [U+FB02]amingbody [U+FB02]iesthrough the air.

DANNY’s head rests on ANGEL as they sleep on the sofa. Daylight fills the room as ’Bad Boys 2’ blares from the TV.

The phone rings. They open their eyes at the same time.

The Sandford Police survey the smoking black husk of Merchant’s house. His twisted and burnt cadaver is covered up by DR. HATCHER. Paramedics carry him off on a gurney.

THATCHER and WALKER laugh at this. WALKER mumbles ’Cocks’.

FISHER looks to a spectacularly groggy ANGEL and DANNY.

ANGEL spots a crew of workmen on the periphery, waiting to clear the scene. TIM MESSENGER appears, notebook in hand.

FISHER leads MESSENGER away. ANGEL sees SIMON SKINNER amongst a crowd of onlookers. SKINNER waves ’hello’.

The ANDES collapse with into sniggers.

TOM WEAVER spools through footage on his CCTV monitors. ANGEL, DANNY, FRANK and the ANDES look on.

WEAVER shows a replay of the drunken HOODIE fight and whoops with delight. The ANDES snigger. ANGEL fumes.

WEAVER pauses the tape on a blurred shot of the BLONDE KID.

FRANK leaves. ANGEL looks up to the photo on the wall. It is of an officer with a big bushy beard; ’Sgt, Popwell’.

ANGEL runs excitedly over to WEAVER’s office. The ANDES follow suit, as do DANNY and FRANK. They see CCTV footage of the SWAN waddling past Merchant’s house.

A bored ANGEL patrols at a bustling fete. We see impressive [U+FB02]oraldisplays and banners reading ’SAVE THE CHURCH RGQE’ and promoting Sandford for ’VILLAGE OF THE YEAR’. REV. SHOQTER sidles up to ANGEL with a tray of drinks.

ANGEL takes a glass and downs it, to SHOOTER’S delight.

ANGEL slumps into a nearby chair and surveys the fete. He sees a child messily eating a ice lolly. He looks up to see the father, SGT. FISHER doing the same.

He sees DORIS THATCHER standing with two burly men, giggling at a pig being spit roasted. He sees WALKER feed candy [U+FB02]ossto SAXON.

BONG. A bell rings as LURCH plays a ’TEST YOUR STRENGTH’ game. SKINNER lurks nearby, manning a ’BASH THE RAT’ stall and staring into the distance. Thunder rumbles.

ANGEL follows his gaze over to TIM MESSENGER having an animated discussion with LESLIE TILLER, the [U+FB02]orist...

ANGEL jumps. The ANDES appear, clutching cans of Cider.

FRANK and DANNY approach dressed in wild west gear.

The ANDES slope off, swigging their cider.

ANGEL follows DANNY through the crowd until they come to a stop at an AIR RIFLE RANGE, run by a smiling DR. HATCHER.

ANGEL grudgingly takes an air rifle. DANNY smiles expectantly. ANGEL fires, hitting every can dead centre with amazing speed. He lowers the rifle, feeling excited and unclean at once. The ANDES watch, swigging their cider.

ANGEL hands the ri[U+FB02]e to an awedDANNY, who inspects it.

DANNY accidentally pulls the trigger. We hear an agonized yelp. DR. HATCHER drops on the [U+FB02]oorclutching his leg.

ANGEL and DANNY walk away from the stall: ANGEL clutching the CUDDLY MONKEY, DANNY in shock. Behind a Saint John’s Ambulance team attend to DR. HATCHER, who’s in some pain.

ANGEL spies SKINNER talking heatedly with TIM MSSENGER.

Thunder rumbles. Before ANGEL can answer, a YOUNG BOY runs right into him. We see that it is the BLONDE SCHOOL KID. He and ANGEL lock eyes. The boy looks terrified.

ANGEL turns to see the grandfather.

GABRIEL looks extremely anxious. His eyes go wide.

WEAVER and GABRIEL walk off. GABRIEL looks back at ANGEL, his expression of confusion and relief.

Before ANGEL can answer...a breathless TIM MESSENGER appears, slamming into ANGEL.

MESSENGER nods to ANGEL’s giant CUDDLY MONKEY.

ANGEL watches MESSENGER scurry off, passing SIMON SKINNER.

ANGEL gives the CUDDLY MONKEY to DANNY and walks off.

A distracted ANGEL takes to a makeshift stage where the REV. SHOOTER stands with a tombola and a microphone.

A buzz of feedback from the mic. ANGEL eyes the clock. It’s 3pm. The tombola spins...

...MESSENGER waits in the churchyard, looks at his watch. ...ANGEL picks a name from the tombola.

Laughter from the crowd. Thunder rumbles...

...We see a BLACK GLGVED HAND on a church door handle...

...The tombola spins. ANGEL looks at the clock...

...We see BLACK EOOTS race up belfry steps...

...MESSENGER still waits. Sweat forms on his brow...

...ANGEL picks another name.

There’s much hub-bub. Thunder rumbles. Closer this time. ANGEL looks in the crowd frantically...

...Unseen a CLOAKED EIGURE steps onto the church roof...

...ANGEL jumps down off the makeshift stage.

...ELACK GLOVED HANDS push on a loose turret stone.

...TIM MESSENGER stands directly below...

...ANGEL strides through the crowd...

...The gloved hand presses on the turret. The stone cracks...

...ANGEL breaks into a run. He reaches the churchyard...

...The stone breaks away from the roof and falls down.

...ANGEL runs in the churchyard, sees TIM MSSENGER-

SPLAT. The tip of the stone CRUSHES MESSENGER’S head!

ANGEL jerks back in horror. TIM MESSENGER now looks utterly surreal, with an upside down cone where his head should be.

The off duty police arrive on the scene, along with many of the NWA. SIMON SKINNER runs over from a chemical toilet.

There’s much hub-bub and murmurs of the word ’accident’ from the crowd. FISHER steps in, not having seen the body.

ANGEL grimaces, looks to the church roof and races off.

ANGEL runs up the church steps to the roof. He [U+FB02]ings the door open and peers out. There’s no-one there.

He comes back down to find all the off duty police waiting at the door, along with a troubled REV. SHOOTER.

ANGEL and DANNY sit in the rain at the crime scene. DANNY still wears his cowboy outfit and clutches the MONKEY.

PC WALKER passes with SAXON.

The ANDES wander past. ANGEL and DANNY get up and approach.

The ANDES walk off into the night. DANNY holds up the CUDDLY MONKEY.

A furious ANGEL puts his head in his hands.

ANGEL stalks back to his stool and again guards the cordon. He sits alone in the rain, soaking to the skin.

ANGEL approaches his door. He unlocks it and enters. On the bed is the sodden CUDDLY MONKEY and a card reading -

’This was left for you at reception. Regards Joyce’

ANGEL slumps into a chair, picks up the phone and dials-

ANGEL spies the Sandford Citizen featuring him on the cover. He sees the byline ’Words and Pictures by Tim Messenger’.

ANGEL hangs up and [U+FB02]icksthrough the paper, past mundane stories; ’Bypass Still Unannounced’, ’Sandford Family Trees’.

He stops at a feature entitled ’Sandford People’ with an accompanying photo of George Merchant. A quote reads "This is just the beginning; I have big plans for Sandford". ANGEL looks inspired. He grabs his pen and notebook.

EXT/INT. LIERARY - MORNING

ANGEL sits at a table surrounded by archived volumes of the Sandford Citizen. He [U+FB02]ipsthrough the pages at speed.

We see FLASHCUTS of ANGEL scouring articles, photocopying relevant pages, highlighting crucial sentences and even correcting the odd typo. It’s a blizzard of information.

We see ANGEL highlight a sentence reading ’Mr. G. Merchant has applied for planning permission...’ We see another headline, ’George Of The Jungle: Merchant Buys Scrubland’.

We see a photo of MARTIN BLOWER outside the Sandford Playhouse. The headline reads ’From Bar to Verse: Solicitor Finances Drama Sociecy’.

The pages [U+FB02]ipfaster, the words start to blur. There has never been a more exciting scene in film history.

A glum DANNY sits at a desk. ANGEL enters. DANNY doesn’t look up. ANGEL struggles with a guilty greeting.

ANGEL slaps a thick bundle of photocopies on the table.

DANNY looks touched. The ANDES breeze past their desk.

The ANDES leave. ANGEL smiles at DANNY.

FISHER pokes his head out of his office, a note in hand.

DANNY and ANGEL walk their beat, striding in perfect time.

ANGEL and DANNY neglect their speed gun duty.

ANGEL and DANNY walk the beat again.

ANGEL and DANNY drive back to the sation.

Back in the office, the energy [U+FB02]ags.DANNY has his head on ANGEL the table, ANGEL [U+FB02]icksendlessly through his notes.

ANGEL puts his head on the table too. FRANK swings by.

DORIS produces a cake with a single candle stuck in it. The other officers gather round, singing ’Happy Birthday’. ANGEL then notices cards and banners that have clearly been there the whole day. All reading ’Happy Birthday Danny’.

ANGEL is ashamed of himself. He slinks away to the door.

The squad car races along a street, lights [U+FB02]ashing.

ANGEL pulls up outside ’mourns as LESLIE’ and puts his notebook emphatically on the dashboard.

ANGEL arrives at the door as LESLIE TILLER is shutting up.

LESLIE TILLER cuts wrapping paper with large garden shears.

ANGEL spies packing crates and boxes on the [U+FB02]oor.

LESLIE TILLER seems a little edgy. ANGEL is intrigued.

ANGEL pats his pockets for his note book.

ANGEL leaves the [U+FB02]orist.He runs back to the car to get his pocketbook. In the background we can see LESLIE TILLER wrapping the [U+FB02]owers- but we can also see -

The CLOAKED FIGURE slips in from the back room of the shop, grabs the shears and plunges them into LESLIE TILLER’s throat. Blood spurts all over the counter and front window.

ANGEL turns back to see...TILLER dead. Shears in her neck. The blood. A SHADOW disappearing into the stock room...

ANGEL runs towards the [U+FB02]orist,throwing his trunoheon at the window. It shatters a second before he jumps through.

ANGEL runs into the stock room, to see the CLOAKED FIGURE running through the aisles of the stock room. He gives chase.

SMASH. The CLOAKED FIGURE jumps through a greenhouse window, catching their leg on the frame.

ANGEL is almost on top of him and jumps through the newly smashed window. Landing, he looks up to see the FIGURE now a good 50 metres ahead, running towards a greenhouse and knocking garden furniture in its wake.

ANGEL sprints off again, bursting into the greenhouse and gaining on the CLOAKED EIGUEE. Both knock plants asunder.

The CLOAKED EIGURE slices through a mesh door with a knife and disappears over a hedge at the nursery perimeter.

ANGEL reaches the final hedge to find the CLOAKED FIGURE, now 100 metres away, sprinting across a cricket pitch.

A breathless ANGEL stands at the hedge, confused and amazed.

Back at the [U+FB02]orist.ANGEL and FISHER stare at LESLIE TILLER who lies dead, shears protruding from her neck.

The assembled officers look at ANGEL as if he is insane.

ANGEL scrawls on a piece of paper the word ’YES’.

DANNY pops a coin in the swearbox.

CARTWRIGHT pops a coin in the swearbox for WAINWRIGHT.

Everyone laughs. ANGEL crumples against the nonsense.

FRANK ushers ANGEL into his office and shuts the blinds.

ANGEL and co. burst into SKINNER’s office to find the CHECKOUT GIRL chewing gum. She intones into the tannoy.

The cops are all crammed into the office. ANGEL stands purposefully. Various employees look through the office window.

ANGEL throws a pen at FISHER’s head. He yelps.

The following is illustrated with oodles of FLASHCUTS. It looks pretty damn cool, for a British film.

ANGEL finishes his summation, by resting his hand on a ’fun run’ trophy. The room is astonished. SKINNER claps slowly.

ANGEL slaps down a photocopied sheet of a family tree article from the ’Sandford Citizen’. Highlighted are Skinner and Tiller’s connected names. SKINNER scoffs.

SKINNEE gesticulates to his gormless minions outside.

ANGEL points to the sketch of a new store on the wall.

ANGEL points to the GRUFF LOOKING BUTCHERS. They are the same GRUFF LOOKING MEN from the removal vehicle earlier.

ANGEL awkwardly pulls back SKINNER’s trouser legs. Nothing.

A frustrated ANGEL spools a huge pile of VHS tapes. We see CCTV images of SKINNER stagily strolling the shop [U+FB02]oor.The other officers drift out of the office, grumbling.

Soon only DANNY and FRANK remain. FRANK slaps a hand on ANGEL’s shoulder and leaves. DANNY picks up another tape.

DANNY leaves as SKINNER apprcaches with LURCH.

ANGEL eats alone, a broken man. JOYCE serves him wine.

ANGEL and DANNY are getting into uniform. Retrieving his cap, ANGEL sees the word ’TWAT’ written on the inside.

DANNY and ANGEL sit in their usual spot, as the high street is being decorated with bunting. DANNY leeks at ANGEL, whe stares off intc space.

DANNY buys two ice-creams from a smirking ANNETTE ROPER. ANGEL watches on morosely.

DANNY throws some change into the fountain. They get into the squad car, licking their ice creams. ANNETTE’s words echo in ANGEL’s head; ’No luck catching them killers then?’

Licking his ice cream; ANGEL ponders DANNY’s response; ’It’s just the one killer actually’. The words resonate.

ANGEL stops eating his ice cream, his eyes go wide.

NANNY starts the car, whilst trying to finish as much of his ice cream as he can. He clutches his head in pain.

The squad car screeches to a halt in the car park.

ANGEL visibly sags. He becomes listless and compliant.

ANGEL leaves the station. DANNY follows, confused.

ANGEL walks off, feeling guilty. DANNY looks forlorn.

ANGEL trudges home, the street is festooned with bunting.

ANGEL slopes through the hotel reception. It is empty. A new ROMEO AND JULIET poster shows understudies, Greg and Sherry, smiling as the male and female lead.

ANGEL takes out his key. He notices his door is ajar.

The door [U+FB02]iesopen...A huge CLOAKED FIGURE lifts ANGEL off the ground, throws him inside and slams the door behind.

ANGEL hits the wall with a thud. He gets up and throws several punches at his attacker, but stops, clutching his injured hand. The FIGURE picks ANGEL up in a bear hug. ANGEL struggles, pulling the assailant’s hood off to reveal-

LURCH. They look at each other for a second. ANGEL brings his [U+FB02]stsdown on either side of LURCH’s head. LURCH drops ANGEL, holding his ears. ANGEL kicks LURCH in the balls. He barely winces before hurling ANGEL across the room into a painting of the castle. His notebook drops to the [U+FB02]oor.

LUNCH lumbers towards him. ANGEL grabs the CUDDLY MONKEY and looks throws it in LURCH’s direction. LUNCH catches it and is momentarily charmed, hypnotised by the monkey’s cute eyes.

A whistle from offscreen. LURCH turns to see ANGEL upright, brandishing his beloved POT PLANT.

SMASH. ANGEL hits LURCH across the head, destroying his Peace Lily in the process. LURCH drops. His walkie-talkie clatters to the [U+FB02]oor,crackling to life.

ANGEL speaks into the Walkie-talkie in a thick brogue.

ANGEL looks to a castle painting on the wall. He pulls out his phone and dials.

ANGEL turns to see DANNY at the door and jumps a mile. DANNY looks at LURCH sprawled among the pot plant debris.

Danny picks up ANGEL’s notebook and puts it in his pocket.

ANGEL runs down the high street past a National Trust sign pointing toward ’SANDFORD CASTLE’.

EXT/INT. CASTLE RUINS - NIGHT

ANGEL approaches Sandford Castle ruins, a dilapidated l2th Century Castle. It looks spooky in the dark. ANGEL hears voices coming from inside. We hear chanting-

ANGEL peers into the main hall. He sees several BLACK CLOAKED FIGURES standing around a large circular stone tablet. They hold torches under their faces.

ANGEL makes out familiar faces under the hoods. We see TOM WEAVER, whose words echo in ANGEL’s head; "I can see what the entire village is up to..."

ANGEL looks to see 12 walkie talkies on the stone tablet - "Got everyone linked up with a walkie so we can keep each other abreast of any misadventure."

ANGEL sees SKINNER under one of the hoods. Words echo; "How can I be in several places at once?"...

We see ELASHCUTS of the [U+FB02]oristchase, now with angles that we didn’t see previously; a second CLOAKED FIGURE outside the greenhouse, a third CLOAKED EIGUEE behind the hedge.

ANGEL spies some of the other faces - JOYCE COOPER, ANNETTE ROPER, JAMES READER, REV. SHOOTER, DR. HATCHER, AMANDA PAVER - "We’re basically a group of volunteers who strive to keep the village just so..."

ANGEL’s thoughts [U+FB02]ashback to the fountain. We see DANNY throw some change in. The penny drops. We see the plaque; ’This fountain was generously restored with funds raised by F. Butterman, J. Cooper, R. Hatcher, A. Paver...’ As the CLOAKED FIGURES stop chanting and sit at the tablet, ANGEL is even more horrified by what he hears next...

The CLOAKED FIGURES all swing their torches to WEAVER.

All torches to DR. HATCHER. There are mild chuckles.

All the torches spin to the direction of the voice.

ANGEL walks into the torch beams, warrant card aloft.

There’s a murmur of "appalling".

We see FLASHEACKS of MARTIN ELOWER’s dressing room murder.

Now, we see new angles with MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES.

SKINNER points to an OLDER COUPLE in cloaks who wave back.

We see FLASHBACKS of EVE’s murder by MULTIPLE KILLERS.

There’s a murmur of ’annoying’.

There’s a murmur of "awful".

We see FLASHBACKS of MERCHANT’S ’accidental’ explosion. Now, with MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES engineering it.

FLASHBACK of MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES pushing the turret.

The NWA simultaneously spit on the ground.

VOICE (O.S.) Oh I wouldn’t say that.

All torches move to the voice. To ANGEL’s horror, it is FRANK. He wears the era FASHIONED POLICE CAPE.

REV. SHOOTER REAPER

-the shoplifters- -the shirtlifters-

WEAVER AMANDA PAVER

-the punks, the drunks- -the thugs, the mugs-

SKINNER REV. SHOOTER

-the hams, the shams- -the drifters, the

grifters-

DR. HATCHER JOYCE COOPER

-the dodgers, the bodgers- -the hawkers, the stalkers-

ROY PORTER MARY PORTER

-the gypsies, the tramps- -and thieves-

There’s a murmur of "very normal".

There’s a murmur of "bliss".

The NWA reveal an array of weapons from under their cloaks; axes, scythes, pitchforks, knives etc.

Out of the shadows, a bruised and angry LURCH slaps a hand on ANGEL’s shoulder. ANGEL is shocked. Another hand lands on his other shoulder. he turns to see-

DANNY is silent. He and LURCH wield knives and torches. With lightning speed ANGEL ducks out of their grip, grabs LURCH’s blade, spins behind DANNY and holds it to his throat. He takes DANNY’s torch and shines it at the NWA.

The NWA continue to close in. FRANK laughs.

They close in further.

Shit.

ANGEL throws DANNY to the ground and runs into the woods. The NWA give chase. A hoard of cloaked figures run through the trees. ANGEL sprints into the darkhess-

Suddenly ANGEL trips and falls through a hole in the path.

ANGEL crashes to a dusty [U+FB02]oor,winded. He picks up his torch and shines it around. He seems to be inside an old GYPSY CARAVAN buried in the ground. His torch picks out a SKELETON IN GYPSY CLOTHING.

ANGEL backs up frantically, colliding with an ENTIRE FAMILY OF GYPSY SKELETONS, complete with children and dog.

ANGEL staggers to the door which bursts open into a cave. His torch picks out many more bodies. The most recent addition, in a PURPLE SHELL SUIT is a dead PETER COCKER.

ANGEL jumps back and finds himself staring at a skeleton in a police sergeant’s uniform. It has a BIG BUSHY BEARD.

ANGEL [U+FB02]eesthe cave and sees one other corpse; that of the LIVING STATUE, now frozen in a final expression of terror.

ANGEL slams straight into DANNY at the cave mouth.

The other NWA members gather behind, an ominous mass of shadow. DANNY produces his blade.

DANNY plunges the knife into ANGEL’s chest. We see ANGEL stagger back. His torch drops and smashes.

A sign looms in the night - ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’.

A grim DANNY pulls into a dark layby in his Astra. The brake lights illuminate the sign with a hellish glow.

A car boot opens. DANNY stands over a bloodied ANGEL, the knife protruding from his chest.

ANGEL slowly opens his eyes and looks at DANNY with confusion. DANNY slowly opens his hand to reveal a number of empty ketchup sachets.

DANNY yanks the knife out of ANGEL’s chest. ANGEL produces the notebook from his breast pocket.

DANNY hauls ANGEL out of the car boot.

A tearful DANNY pulls out his car keys. ANGEL takes them, limps to the car and drives off. In his rear view, ANGEL can just make out the figure of DANNY standing in the road.

ANGEL drives down the M4. Rain lashes his windscreen. His fuel light blinks low. He reaches ’HESTON SERVICES’.

A CLERK eyes ANGEL, who is covered in grime and ketchup.

ANGEL’s gaze has been drawn to a bargain bin full of DVDs. He scans the titles - ’OUT FOR JUSTICE’,’THE ENFDRCER’, ’LETHAL WEAPON’, ’WALKING TALL’, ’HARD T0 KILL’.

ANGEL grabs a pair of shades, a [U+FB02]stfulof car spray paints and some bubble gum. He slams down some crumpled money.

We see the ’WELCOME TO SANDFORD’ sign.

It’s morning outside JAMES REAPER’s farm. His GREEN 4X4 pulls over to the roadside. He gets out and walks to some horses at a gate. They snort, restless. REAPER looks behind him. The ASTRA is sitting right in the middle of the road.

REAPER squints. It’s not DANNY. Sitting behind the wheel, wearing shades and revving the engine, is ANGEL.

Reaper runs to his 4X4...ANGEL screams towards him...Reaper grabs his car radio..

SMASH. ANGEL crashes his car directly into the 4X4...REAPER is left clutching the radio and snapped cable...ANGEL springs from the ASTRA and charges towards REAPER.

ANGEL punches REAPER out cold. BANG...Buckshot rips into the 4X4 next to ANGEL’s head...

REAPER’S MUM brandishes a shotgun from the other side of the gate. She breaks the shotgun and goes to reload.

ANGEL runs towards the gate, jumps into the air and launches into a [U+FB02]yingkick. REAPER’S MUM snaps the shotgun shut, ANGEL lands on her, with maximum force.

JAMES REAFER and his MUM are tied to the fence.

ANGEL glides through the quiet front office, past the straight haired DESK SERGEANT who barely looks up.

ANGEL glides through the locker room. No-one spots him. He opens his locker, and retrieves a uniform and a stab vest.

’999’ is punched into the keypad. The door opens on the arsenal of weaponry. ANGEL grabs all he can carry. RIFLES and SHOTGUNS round his shoulders, PISTOLS in his belt.

The room is now completely empty, save for the sea mine.

FRANK looks at paperwork and eats ice cream. In the outer office ANGEL stands looking in. FRANK becomes aware of someone watching. He looks up but ANGEL has gone.

ANGEL glides past the DESK SERGEANT, who finally pipes up.

ANGEL scowls back at him, chewing gum, armed to the teeth.

ANGEL nods and walks out. The DESK SERGEANT watches him go.

VOICE (O.S.} What’s that?

The voice’s owner joins DESK SERGEANT in peering after ANGEL.

It’s his curly haired twin brother.

An armed ANGEL trots down the street on a FUCKING HORSE. He rides past a bus shelter where GABRIEL WEAVER and the HOODIES sit in their usual formation, albeit in school uniform. They stare at ANGEL, their young mouths agape.

ANGEL throws a holdall to GABRIEL. It’s full of spray cans.

WEAVER reads the paper and daintily eats ice cream. He does not see the CCTV screens slowly turn black behind him.

Sandford. As it was that first morning. Idyllic, bustling, happy. Among the morning folk we see smiling NWA members going about their business as if nothing has happened.

We see WORKMEN putting up a banner across the middle of the street reading ’GOOD LUCK SANDFORD: VILLAGE OE THE YEAR’.

ANNETTE ROPER is putting out a display in front of her shop. Her walkie-talkie crackles to life.

WEAVER hears this RADIO message and finally realises that all his precious CCTV cameras have been sprayed black.

DR. HATCHER peers through his surgery window, his eyes wide. ANGEL is re[U+FB02]ected passingon horse back.

JOYCE COOPER waters the hanging baskets outside the hotel, she spots ANGEL riding up the middle of the high street.

The PORTERS peer out of the Crown, mouths agape.

REV. SHOOTER is talking to the understudies GREG and SHEREE. All three stop and stare. AMANDA PAVER skids to a stop on her bicycle and gawps. MR. TREACHER in his heavy coat looks on in terror.

SKINNER and his staff stare from the window of SUMMERAISLES.

DANNY is sat in the squad car in the usual parking spot. He sees ANGEL and is terrified, not knowing what to do.

WEAVER bursts into FRANK’s office, panic stricken. FRANK looks up. His cheery expression dissipates immediately.

The village has come to a stop. The NWA watch as ANGEL dismounts. Beads of sweat glisten. Eyes [U+FB02]ickthis way and that. The ordinary folk are unnerved by the hush.

MR. TREACHER [U+FB02]ingsopen his winter coat revealing a shot gun. ANGEL dives behind the fountain just as he fires.

The village erupts into chaos. The innocent run for cover.

The NWA mobilise. The PORTERS scurry inside. DR. HATCHER emerges from his surgery with a number of guns.

ANNETTE ROPER runs into her shop. Moments later an upper window smashes and the barrel of a gun protrudes.

DANNY sits in the car, his face a mixture of awe and panic.

ANGEL takes a look at MR. TREACHER’s position. He is standing next to a truck loaded with BEER BARRELS. ANGEL jumps up and fires blasting the catch holding the BEER BARRELS in place. They tumble off the back of the truck, knocking TREACHER off his feet.

ANGEL is pinned down by fire from ANNETTE ROPER. He looks up to see ROPER’S gun poking out of her shop.

ANGEL sees the HOODIES hiding behind a car. He motions to the newsagent. The HOODIES stampede into the shop. The door slams. We see the notice; "ONLY ONE CHILD AT ANY TIME".

In the window, ROPER’S gun is suddenly yanked backwards. We hear muffied screams and blows.

Shots ring out, a hail of bullets narrowly missing ANGEL. Pedalling towards him on her cycle, firing a ri[U+FB02]e is AMANDA PAVER. ANGEL dives out of the line of fire.

DANNY sees AMANDA PAVER in his wing mirror. His face hardens. He [U+FB02]ingsthe door wide open and sends AMANDA PAVER [U+FB02]yingthrough the air into a crumpled heap.

DANNY runs over to join ANGEL. ANGEL throws him a shotgun. DANNY catches it in mid air.

Shots ricochet off the fountain. GREG and SHEREE reign fire on the two officers. ANGEL and DANNY, without a moments pause, return fire, shooting GREG in his gun hand and SHERRE in the shoulder. Both fall dramatically.

JOYCE COOPER opens fire with an antique Winchester. DANNY dives for cover. ANGEL rolls across the [U+FB02]oor,pulling two pistols from his belt, still rolling he fires at JOYCE. One of JOYCE’s hanging baskets drops directly on her head.

There’s a piercing yell. ANGEL turns to see BERNARD baring down fast with the ORNAMENTAL SWORD. ANGEL barely manages to draw his baton to block the attack. BERNARD swipes, slicing the baton in half. ANGEL takes out BERNARD’s legs with a foot sweep. BERNARD crashes down.

Then from behind ANGEL.

REV. SHOOTER pulls a pistol from his cassock and fires. The bullet takes ANGEL by surprise, grazing his shoulder.

DANNY returns fire at SHOOTER hitting him in the shoulder.

DANNY runs over to ANGEL who is lying winded in the road.

CLICK. They turn to see DR. HATCHER pointing a shotgun.

DANNY does so. His shotgun hits the [U+FB02]oor.BLAM! It fires into HATCHER’s leg. His knee explodes in a shower of blood.

DR. HATCHER clutches his knee, wailing in pain.

A shot blasts from the windows of THE CROWN.

ANGEL eyes the board outside the pub; reading ’COME ON IN!’

SMASH. The pub board comes smashing through the window.

The PORTERS fire wildly from behind the bar, before a sign reading ’TWO SHOOTERS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE’. They stop.

Then - the pub doors [U+FB02]yopen. DANNY and ANGEL burst in, jumping through the air whilst both firing two guns.

They land and roll, grabbing tables to form a barricade. The PORTERS open fire again. Tables and chairs splinter.

ANGEL pops up and fires at a bear trap on the wall. It falls and clamps its jaws around ROY PORTER’s head.

The entire Sandford police burst in, wearing RIOT GEAR and clutching batons. WALKER holds a growling SAXON on a leash. FRANK leads them, aiming his ANTIQUE PISTOLS at ANGEL.

SAXON stops growling. BOB WALKER pipes up.

WALKER/DANNY S’alroight.

FRANK rounds on the officers, raising his pistols at them.

The officers look on in confused disbelief at the manic FRANK, who realises he is brandishing his weapons.

FRANK snaps, shooting his pistols up in the air. He hits a rustic light fitting, which crashes to the ground.

ANGEL and the other officers dive out of the way, as glass explodes across the main bar. Everyone scatters.

In the confusion, FRANK makes a bid for freedom through the back of the pub. ANGEL jumps up. The other officers stare after FRANK, then look to ANGEL, their new leader.

FLASHCUTS; the police tool up, cuff people. PC WALKER and SAXON guard the already incapacitated NWA members. ROY PORTER still has the bear trap on his head.

ANGEL leads his new recruits as they approach the car park. They take cover behind recycling bins, armed and ready.

Before Angel can answer-

A grim SKINNER and his gormless minions watch the CCTV.

The Sandford police gather near the entrance.

ANGEL goes into SUMMERAISLES through the automatic door.

KRAAASSSHHHH! ANGEL comes [U+FB02]yingthrough the front window of the shop and lands in a heap on the ground. He gets up.

WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT

Eh? Eh?

LURCH strides out of the shop.

WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT

Oh. Oh.

DANNY leads the officers in, as ANGEL faces up to LURCH.

ANGEL runs at LUNCH and headbutts him in the face.

The OFFICERS make their way through the supermarket aisles. WAINWRIGHT peers round a corner. One of the GRUFF BUTCHERS throws a large meat cleaver. It shatters a tomato sauce jar next to his head. CARTWRIGHT shrieks, assuming it’s blood.

Meanwhile ANGEL is being swung around by LURCH, his arms clamped tightly around LURCH’s neck. ANGEL [U+FB02]ailing legs knock produce off shelves as he clings on tight. LURCH begins to lose consciousness. He staggers past a ’WET FLOOR’ sign, slips and both fall hard into a chest freezer.

ANGEL scrambles out covered in frost. LURCH is out cold.

ANGEL joins the other officers, who crouch behind shelves as they shoot at the two GRUEE EUTCHERS.

Another cleaver whizzes by, smashing more sauce bottles.

The two GRUFF BUTCHERS wait, knives drawn, ready to throw. Suddenly a terrific clattering rumble fills the store. A battering ram comprised of several trollies handcuffed together bursts into view, hurtling toward the GRUFF BUTCHERS. The ANDES ride the front of the trolley-ram, yelling like Vikings.

The trollies crash into the meat counter, knocking the GRUFF BUTCHERS to the [U+FB02]oor.The ANDES leap off the makeshift battering ram and deck the [U+FB02]ooredbad guys.

A PIERCING SCREAM. The officers turn to see the sluttish CHECKOUT GIRL running towards them.

DORIS THATCHER grabs the ’WET FLOOR’ sign and slams it into the CHECKOUT GIRL’s face. She slides across the [U+FB02]oor.

SPLAT! The officers duck for cover. Gangly SHELF STACKERS appear, throwing a volley of melons and pineapples.

ANGEL and DANNY burst in. The office is deserted, the window open. They see SKINNER in the car park climbing into a SQUAD CAR, driven by FRANK.

ANGEL and DANNY jump through the open window and land in a skip full of cardboard boxes, as FRANK’s car peels off.

ANGEL and DANNY sprint down an alley, burst back into the square and race towards DANNY’s SQUAD CAR.

ANGEL slides over the bonnet to the passenger side. FRANK’s car screams past. DANNY gets in and [U+FB02]ickson the siren.

They screech off. Behind them we see the once picturesque square bullet riddled and blood splattered. The banner reading ’Village of the Year’ [U+FB02]uttersto the ground.

Three official looking types holding clipboards stand gobsmacked amid the debris.

FRANK’s car races past a ’KILL YOUR SPEED’ sign.

Behind, ANGEL and DANNY gain on them. They take turns shooting at FRANK’s car as they go. It’s COP ON COP.

FRANK’s car hits the brow of a hill at 100mph and gets air. As it hits the road again, SKINNNR spots something.

FRANK panics. Swerves. Big mistake. The car careers off the road and smashes right into a sign for the ’MODEL VILLAGE’.

A beautiful blue sky. The sun beams down on a perfect vista of Sandford. The idyllic shot is quickly ruined however as-

A GIGANTIC SQUAD CAR [U+FB02]iesover what we reveal to be a miniature version of Sandford. A small GINGER HAIRED KID stares in awe as the SQUAD CAR brie[U+FB02]yblocks out the sun.

ANGEL and DANNY’s SQUAD CAR reaches the brow of the hill.

DANNY brakes with expert timing. They screech to a stop by the waddling SWAN. ANGEL opens the door and grabs the SWAN.

The SWAN now sat in the back seat, DANNY takes the SQUAD CAR into the Model Village. Ahead is a scene of devastation.

FRANK’s SQUAD CAR lies upturned in a water feature, a damaged sprinkler rains water down onto the model village. FRANK is motionless at the wheel.

SKINNER limps away from the crash. ANGEL jumps from the car and runs toward him. DANNY runs over to his injured father. SKINNER swipes up the GINGER HAIRED KID and holds a pistol to his head. ANGEL freezes, stopping dead in his tracks.

The KID thinks fast, sinking his teeth into SKINNER’s hand.

SKINNER drops the kid. Before he has a chance to recover, ANGEL pounces and they both crash down into the tiny village. SKINNER’s pistol skitters down a miniature street.

ANGEL and SKINNER spring back up. The sprinkler rains down as they trade blows. The low angle in the model village makes them look like GODZILLA and KING KONG.

ANGEL hits SKINNER twice hard in the face. Reaching out SKINNER grabs ANGELS’s hand. ANGEL winces in pain. SKINNER sees he has discovered a weakness and exploits it. He twists ANGEL’s hand whilst raining blows down on his face.

ANGEL straightens himself like T2 and shakes his head.

WHAM. ANGEL [U+FB02]attensSKINNER with one punch. SKINNER sprawls across a mini village sguare. ANGEL looks over to the GINGER KID, who is agog at the coolness of events.

The KID’s eyes go wide. ANGEL spins around. Behind is a maniacal SKINNER, holding a box cutter knife and running full pelt at ANGEL through the tiny streets.

SKINNER trips on a model Someraisles truck. His legs slip from under him, sending him [U+FB02]ying.He spins in the air.

SPLAT. SKINNER falls hard onto the miniature church roof. A model turret has embedded itself beneath SKINNER’s chin and protrudes through his mouth.

ANGEL looks to DANNY who pulls FRANK from the SQUAD CAR.

SKINNER is not actually dead. He speaks, even though his neck and tongue are now pierced by the turret.

ANGEL turns to see FRANK holding a gun to DANNY’s head.

He points his gun at ANGEL. DANNY leaps on FRANK wrestling the gun from him. FRANK sprints off towards ANGEL’s car.

DANNY aims the gun at him and is about to pull the trigger. He can’t. Instead he points the gun in the air and fires.

FRANK jumps in the car and peels off, wheels screeching.

FRANK looks in his rear view. No one pursues him.

However he is not alone in the car. Behind, the long slender neck of THE SWAN rears up. FRANK turns. It pounces.

ANGEL and DANNY watch as the CAR veers wildly and crashes into a tree. We hear the sound of distant swan battle.

Rehind them cars screech up and the rest of the Sandford police run over. The two officers look up to see a METROPOLITAN POLICE HELICOPTER coming to land in a field.

FRANK sits handcuffed in the back of an ambulance, wearing a neckbrace.

SKINNER is carried through shot on a stretcher, the model church spire still sticking through his face. The HOODIES record this sight on their mobiles.

We see the Swan cuffed to a car door by the neck. The OLD MAN IN A CAP approaches to retrieve him.

ANGEL and DANNY sit with blankets around them. They are addressed by the three ofificers from the start of the film.

ANGEL looks to DANNY, then back at the model Sandford.

FASTCUTS of forms being filled, various NWA members processed; prints, mug shots etc. ROY PORTER still has the bear trap on his head. He is measured as 7 feet 5 inches.

The entire Sandford force, including both DESK SERGEANTS sit guietly scribbling away. DANNY is particularly hard at work, the Peace Lily now has pride of place on his desk.

Everyone laughs. Whoops and catcalls fill the office. ANGEL is for once the office joker.

A WASTEPAPER BASKET hits him hard on the head.

Another huge laugh. ANGEL grins at DANNY, who appears suddenly grave. He follows DANNY’s gaze to see TOM WEAVER. Aiming a BLUNDERBUSS at ANGEL, his face full of hate.

WEAVER fires. DANNY lunges at ANGEL, pushing him off his chair and taking full force of WEAVER’s blast in the chest.

With lightning speed ANGEL slips his feet into a wastepaper basket and kicks it at WEAVER’s face.

WEAVER staggers back into the evidence ream. He hits the back shelf. The sea mine teeters, rolls forward and drops between WEAVER’s legs, narrowly missing his crotch.

KA-BOOM. The sea mine gees off. The evidence room door blasts outwards. ANGEL [U+FB02]iesbackwards thrcugh the air.

SANDFORD POLICE STATION EXPLODES.

In the clearing smoke, paperwork [U+FB02]uttersto the fioor. From under the rubble, we see movement. A hedgehog crawls out, blinking in the light.

Then the Sandford Police Service, blackened but intact, miraoulcusly get to their feet. A frantic ANGEL hurries over to find DANNY who lies among the debris, barely alive.

The offieers gather round ANGEL cradling DANNY in his arms.

CAPTION - ’One Year Later’. We see ANGEL leaving a cottage and walk by a garden yath.

We see ANGEL, now an Inspector, suiting up at the station. His uniform is different however. It’s more modern. Cooler. He is else armed with an automatic revolver.

ANGEL strolls down a station corridor. Familiar looking brightly coloured notices are pinned all around the walls.

ANGEL walks out of the newly built station, and gets into his new SQUAD CAR. It’s mere modern. Cooler.

ANGEL drives along, his passenger seat conspicuously empty. He passes a skate yark where GABRIEL WEAVER and friends congregate, their heeds down. His mobile rings. He answers.

ANGEL comes out of the florists, now called LESLIE’S GARDEN, with a bouquet of [U+FB02]owersand gets into his car.

He walks through the graveyard to a single headstone. We see that it reads BUTTERMAN.

VOICE (O.S.) Yeah they’re lovely.

DANNY is revealed, standing next to ANGEL. He kneels down and places the [U+FB02]owerson a grave. ANGEL steps back, revealing the full headstone. It reads, ’IRENE BUTTERMAN’.

DANNY and ANGEL are in their car. The radic crackles.

We cut to the exterior of the SQUAD CAR. ANGEL pulls a spectacular handbrake turn, spinning the car 180 degrees. Accelerating with a roar, the car hurtles towards us, filling the frame.

CRASH TO BLACK