"HORRIBLE BOSSES 2" (2014)

HORRIBLE BOSSES 2

by

Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley

April 20, 2012

From overhead, we see a Toyota Prius chugging along down the highway.

Suddenly, a brand new, shiny black Porsche Boxster convertible ZOOMS around the Prius, leaving it in the dust.

As we move in, we see the driver of the Porsche is NICK HENDRICKS. Sunglasses. Top down. Wind in his hair. He looks pretty cool.

Nick pulls into the lot and takes a reserved spot near the entrance with a sign that reads “NICK HENDRICKS, PRESIDENT.” He gets out of the Porsche and removes the dealer’s paper floormat from under the pedals.

Nick heads toward the building, passing several parking spots with much more expensive sports cars (Ferrari, Porsche 911 Turbo, Mercedes SLR McLaren) each with a sign bearing a name and the title “PRESIDENT.”

Nick enters to find his more senior COLLEAGUES in their morning meeting.

The others all react, impressed. PETER, 40’s, squat, gnome- like, heads to the window which looks down at the parking lot.

Another colleague, ARTHUR, 60’s, joins them at the window.

A sallow-looking woman, JEANINE, 50’s, chimes in.

The others all laugh derisively.

GLEN, 50’s, hairpiece and jowls, steps up.

They all laugh again. Nick grits his teeth.

Nick stares at her.

The presidents turn back to the piles of paperwork on the table in front of them and resume their dreary work. As they talk, the sound drops down and we PUSH IN on Nick as he stares at his colleagues.

FREEZE ON Nick’s forlorn expression as the words appear over him:

We find KURT BUCKMAN sitting poolside on a chaise lounge, reading US Weekly and sipping a can of beer.

He puts the magazine over his face and is about to take a nap.

WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.) Kurt! Refill!

Kurt sets the magazine aside and springs to his feet.

Kurt enters, carrying three glasses of mojitos. Sitting on the couch is RHONDA HARKEN and her friends, NIKKI, late 30’s, a lot of work done, and HEIDI, early 40’s, even more work.

The girls cackle. Kurt quietly sets the glasses on the coffee table and turns to go.

He puts a coaster under each glass.

Kurt grins, flattered.

Kurt’s smile fades.

Resigned, Kurt takes his shirt off. He’s in pretty good shape.

She grabs what belly fat Kurt has, pinching and jiggling it.

As the other women begin to poke and prod Kurt’s abdomen, he sighs heavily.

FREEZE ON Kurt as the words appear over him:

DALE ARBUS opens the front door of his tiny house. His VERY pregnant wife, STACY, bids him goodbye. Dale leans in to kiss her, but her enormous belly makes it hard to reach her face.

Dale crosses to his car and pulls out of the driveway.

Dale pulls into the parking lot, passing a sign that reads “DR. HARLEN SLOCUM, PEDIATRIC DENTIST” above an image of a cartoon TOOTH having its own tooth pulled by another TOOTH dressed as a dentist.

Dale walks down a hallway, passing framed photos of DR. SLOCUM in his dental scrubs at age 35... 45... 55... 75... 80-something.

Dale enters a world of CHAOS populated by screaming KIDS and a handful of exhausted PARENTS. Toys lie strewn everywhere. A group of TODDLERS tear the upholstery out of a sofa cushion. A RECEPTIONIST sits at a desk, oblivious.

Dale takes a step and TRIPS over something off-camera. He looks down and picks up the CRYING INFANT he stumbled on.

A harried MOTHER takes the baby from him as he carefully picks his way across the kid-covered floor.

Dale enters to find a 4 YEAR-OLD BOY, GABE, hollering miserably as DR. SLOCUM, 80’s, sits slumped asleep with dental tools still inside Gabe’s open mouth.

Dale hurries over and nudges the dentist awake.

Dale gently removes the tools from Gabe’s mouth. Gabe stops yelling.

Dale escorts the boy out.

Dale leads Gabe to the bathroom door.

Dale looks around furtively.

Dale and Gabe enter. Dale locks the door behind them and starts uncomfortably undoing Gabe’s pants.

He gets the pants open and heads for the door.

Gabe shakes his head.

Gabe does a desperate pee pee dance.

Dale takes a latex glove from his dental scrubs and pulls it on his hand. With his arm outstretched and looking the other way, he helps Gabe aim (off-screen). We hear the sound of peeing.

A mortified Dale leads Gabe back to the exam room. Dale peels off his glove and tosses it in a bin.

Dale peers through the blinds and sees Gabe getting in a car with his MOTHER.

The car pulls out of its parking spot and drives forward fifty feet or so, then SCREECHES to a halt, SLAMS into reverse and ZOOMS back into the parking lot.

Dale looks like he’s going to puke as Gabe’s mother exits the car and marches toward the building.

He hurries to the waiting room to head her off.

Dale bursts through the door to find Gabe’s mother walking up to the receptionist.

GABE’S MOTHER (to Receptionist) I completely forgot to schedule Gabe’s next appointment.

Dale lets out an enormous sigh of relief.

We FREEZE on Dale’s face as the words appear:

Nick, Kurt and Dale sit at a table with drinks. Like Nick, most of the PATRONS wear business attire. Many are older. A PIANIST plays soft jazz in one corner.

KURT/NICK Yeah./Uh huh.

A WAITER sets down a fresh dish of olives, removing the old dish full of pits. Dale eagerly begins eating the new ones.

Kurt and Nick grimace as Dale roots through the olive dish.

We stay on NICK. It’s pretty clear that he is not happy.

From the hallway outside the bar, they suddenly hear MUSIC blaring over a loudspeaker. It’s “I GOTTA FEELING” by The Black Eyed Peas, accompanied by CHEERING from what sounds like a decent-sized crowd.

They exchange a curious look.

Nick, Kurt and Dale open the door find a motivational seminar in progress. An audience of around 100 PEOPLE sit in rows of seats as the music BOOMS from a PA. On a riser at the front of the room, an energetic 40-something man claps along to the song.

Dale points behind them to a sign featuring a headshot of DENNY PAUL beneath the title “YOU DA BOSS!”

Denny picks up a mic as the music fades out.

Nick and Kurt start to go.

Most of the crowd raises their hands.

Only a few hands go up. Denny “scans” the crowd.

He puts up his own hand and points at it.

NICK KURT

Nope. Don’t care.

ANGLE ON Nick and Kurt who are actually listening now.

Denny drops the mic to the floor. The crowd applauds appreciatively. After a moment, Denny picks up the mic again.

A HOTEL EMPLOYEE approaches the guys.

Nick, Kurt and Dale all shake their heads and wander out of the ballroom.

The guys are back in the bar.

ANGLE ON Denny Paul drinking a whisky at the bar.

Nick and Kurt grimace. Denny shrugs, downs his drink, signals the bartender for another one, and ambles over to them. He looks fairly drunk.

The Waiter sets down Denny’s drink. He downs it in one gulp and gestures for another.

Denny looks at them and considers for a beat.

Dale signals the waiter.

He fumbles for his wallet, taking it out and handing them a business card.

Denny notices a WOMAN in a pencil skirt walk past.

The guys look horrified.

He stumbles off with the prostitute. Kurt and Nick watch him go, incredulous. Dale stares at the business card.

Nick, Kurt and Dale enter from the front door.

They head into the living room.

Relieved, Nick sits on the sofa. As he does, a CAT leaps onto his shoulder from behind with a YOWL and darts away.

Kurt pours drinks from a wet bar and they all sit. Dale sets his drink on the table.

They sit there and think for a minute.

There’s a beat.

They turn to Nick for his reaction.

The guys stand around a laptop computer. On the screen is a Google search for “showerhead with built-in soap.”

Kurt does.

They all cringe and recoil at what appears on screen.

Rhonda enters in a bathrobe.

Kurt hastily slams the laptop shut on Dale’s hand.

She shuts him down with a look.

Rhonda looks confused. Kurt herds Nick and Dale toward the door.

Nick and Dale exit. Rhonda heads for the stairs.

Kurt sighs, then slumps out after her.

MUSIC CUE: “Modern Man” by Arcade Fire

Nick walks to his Boxster and stops abruptly when he sees a BUMPER STICKER has been stuck to his rear bumper that reads:

“My Other Car is a Porsche”

Nick tries to peel it off, but only part of the top layer comes off. Pissed, he looks around and notices his fellow PRESIDENTS watching from a window and laughing their asses off at him.

Kurt stands at the checkout counter as a CUTE FEMALE CASHIER rings up his purchases. He gives her a flirty smile which she returns... until she sees what he’s buying: Secret deodorant, Oil of Olay, and an enormous value pack of tampons.

He hands her a credit card. INSERT the card: it belong to Rhonda Harken and has her photo on it.

The cashier looks at him dubiously. Kurt shrugs sheepishly.

Dale sits on his stool making detailed, yet crudely drawn, sketches on a steno pad of the proposed “Shower Buddy” device. He smiles, pleased, then looks up to see Dr. Slocum has fallen asleep and the dental chair is empty.

He looks around frantically and gasps when he spots the PATIENT, a five year-old girl, who has climbed halfway out the window. Dale hurries over to rescue her.

Dale’s car pulls up to a sleek, modern building.

Dale wears a slightly tattered business suit. He takes out of his pocket the International Venture Partners card that Denny Paul gave them and double checks the address.

Dale sits on a couch in a well-appointed office and finishes his pitch to someone offscreen. Beside him stands an easel with his Shower Buddy sketch tacked to it.

REVERSE ON ALEX NAGOPIAN, 40’s, well dressed, confident and slightly intimidating (think Liam Neeson). Beside him sits JOYCE, 30’s, an attractive colleague. Nagopian considers Dale’s pitch for a beat.

Dale stares at him for a beat.

Nagopian looks mildly annoyed. He nods to Joyce, who tears a piece of paper off a pad and hands it to Dale.

Dale scribbles on the paper and slides it across the coffee table. Nagopian looks at it.

Nagopian stands and shakes Dale’s hand.

Dale sits at a desk in another room as Joyce places a large stack of documents in front of him.

She sits down as Dale begins to read the first page.

Two pages into the stack, Dale is BORED OUT OF HIS MIND and fighting to stay awake.

He flips to the last page and in an INSERT we see him sign first his own name, then forge the signatures of “Nick Hendricks” and “Kurt Buckman.”

Nick, dressed for work, joins Dale, still in his suit, and Kurt at an outdoor table.

Kurt and Nick exchange a grave look.

He pulls a check from his jacket pocket and gingerly holds it up for them to see.

INSERT CHECK in the amount of ONE MILLION DOLLARS made out to Nick Hendricks, Kurt Buckman and Dale Arbus.

He grabs the check and examines it.

Nick gets up.

Nick points across the street at a bank.

Dale scurries after him. Kurt grabs his burger and follows.

Nick, Kurt and Dale huddle around the window of a BANK TELLER who types the check information into her computer. After a beat,

Nick takes the check and the three move away.

He turns to go but Kurt stops him.

NICK KURT

(to Dale) (to Dale) Stop it. Shut up.

He high-fives Kurt.

Off Nick’s ambivalence,

Having returned to work, Nick joins his colleagues for another board meeting.

They chuckle.

Everyone but Nick laughs again.

They laugh.

They all look at him for a beat. Is he joking?

He starts to gather his things in his briefcase.

He suddenly stops loading his case.

He dumps the files out, shuts his case and exits. There’s a stunned silence, then

Dale sits across a desk from Dr. Slocum.

REVERSE ANGLE to reveal Slocum is, in fact, fast asleep at his desk.

He quietly opens the door to the office, but it stops halfway, banging into something in the hall.

SFX: BABY CRYING

Dale reaches down and picks up another unhappy BABY.

Rhonda, Nikki and Heidi lounge by the pool.

From inside we hear the sound of something being dragged across the floor.

The dragging sound gets louder and the women look up to see the BUBINGA WOOD COFFEE TABLE emerge from the house, being shoved outside by Kurt.

He gives the table a final push RIGHT INTO THE POOL. The water splashes Rhonda and her friends who gasp in disbelief.

He takes a coaster from his pocket and tosses it into the pool.

And with that, Kurt turns, smiles and goes.

MUSIC CUE: “Move On Up” by Curtis Mayfield

STARTING THE BUSINESS MONTAGE

Nick, Kurt and Dale stand with a REALTOR in the large, empty space. Looking pleased, Nick and Kurt shake the Realtor’s hand. Dale goes in for a hug. The Realtor looks uncomfortable.

We go into a TIME LAPSE sequence as the warehouse is transformed into a production/office space with manufacturing equipment.

The guys watch as a WORKER on a cherrypicker installs a sign that reads NICKURDALE INDUSTRIES -- Home of the “Shower Buddy”! Nick and Kurt shake hands. Dale goes in for a hug.

The three guys stand with a LAB TECH observing a male TEST SUBJECT in a bathing suit trying out prototypes of the Shower Buddy in a glass shower stall.

QUICK SERIES OF POPS as the prototypes malfunction:

-- The pressure builds up in the shower head and bursts in the subject’s face.

-- The subject, now a bit more nervous, turns on the water and nothing but soap oozes from the shower head.

-- The shower head sprays the perfect combination of water and soap. Our guys look pleased until the shower head inexplicably stops spraying. The subject cautiously inspects the device and suddenly the shower head bursts in his face again.

-- Our guys follow the bruised and pissed off subject to his car, apologizing profusely. They manage to convince him to go back into the building.

-- Fearing for his life, the same subject gingerly turns on the shower which has a new model Shower Buddy installed. This time it actually works as it should. Nick and Kurt high- five. In the test chamber we see Dale yank open the shower stall and hug the subject.

The guys shake hands and say goodbye to a SEXY YOUNG WOMAN they’ve just finished interviewing. She hands over her resumé and goes. Nick and Dale shake their heads, unimpressed. Kurt, on the other hand, gives them an enthusiastic thumbs up.

The guys shake hands and say goodbye to an average-looking MIDDLE AGED WOMAN they’ve just finished interviewing. Nick and Dale nod approvingly. Kurt gives them a thumbs down and tears up her resumé.

The guys shake hands and say goodbye to an EXTREMELY HANDSOME MAN they’ve just finished interviewing. The guys all look at each other self-consciously. No one is sure how to react.

The guys stand at the end of a production line manned by about a dozen WORKERS as the very first consumer-ready Shower Buddy rolls off the line. Nick, Kurt and Dale proudly hold the device up as a PHOTOGRAPH is taken.

FREEZE on the image. PULL BACK to see the picture is on the cover of “FORTUNE” Magazine. Then PULL BACK further to see the cover is on Dale’s laptop screen. Dale is showing Nick and Kurt what he Photoshopped. He gives them a look: “wouldn’t that be cool?” They shake their heads at him.

The guys smoke cigars as they cruise down the fairway in a golf cart, enjoying a mid-week outing.

In QUICK POPS we see Nick, Kurt and Dale each tee off.

Then three more QUICK POPS as each tries to recover their ball, still smoking their cigars:

Nick uses his club to try and knock his ball down from a tree where it’s wedged.

Nick and Dale hold onto Kurt’s belt as he leans over a pond searching for his ball.

Dale knocks on the door of a house. A pissed off GUY opens the door and hands him his golf ball. WIDEN to reveal a golf ball-sized hole in one window of the house. Dale smiles sheepishly, takes the ball and hurries away.

Kurt shows Nick and Dale around his new apartment. Moving boxes are scattered around, but it’s a cool pad. A DOG follows them around. Just then, the Sexy Young Woman they interviewed comes out of the bedroom in one of Kurt’s shirts. Nick and Dale give Kurt a disapproving look.

Covering Stacy’s eyes, Dale leads her outside to surprise her with a brand new minivan wrapped in a bow in the driveway. He presses a button on the remote and the side door opens, revealing two car seats installed in the back seat and one in the front passenger seat. Stacy kisses him... then points to the car seat in the front and shakes her head.

CLOSE ON our three guys toasting themselves with glasses of champagne on the deck of a rented 40-foot sailboat. Wind in their hair, white linen pants, etc. Suddenly, they are violently jolted to the side.

PULL BACK to show their boat is in the harbor and has DRIFTED sideways into another docked sailboat. Their sails are in disarray-- clearly none of them knows the first thing about sailing. Panicked, Dale begins winching a line which only TEARS the mainsail down the middle. Kurt and Nick step onto the dock and head off, leaving Dale to deal with the mess.

END OF MONTAGE

The guys sit with GREG and NANCY, the handsome guy and middle- aged woman they interviewed earlier.

Nick holds up his empty coffee mug.

Dale crosses to a coffee pot and refills Nick’s cup.

Kurt slaps a SkyMall catalogue down on the table.

ANGLE ON Greg and Nancy, who exchange a look that says, “Who the hell are we working for?”

We follow Nick as he heads out into

Nick crosses a second floor walkway that overlooks the modest assembly line below. He passes an UNDERLING.

Nick heads into an office with a sign on the door that reads:

“NICK HENDRICKS, CO-CEO”

Nick crosses to his desk, but before he gets there he’s startled by a voice.

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.) Nice suit.

Nick whirls around to see Mr. Nagopian sitting on the sofa. Off to the side stands a LARGE MAN in a suit.

He stands and shakes Nick’s hand.

Nick nods at the big guy in the corner.

Ghoukas shrugs.

He pats Nick on the cheek and starts to exit. Ghoukas heads out right on his heels.

Ghoukas stops walking. Nagopian exits. Ghoukas stands there, unsure what to do.

Ghoukas heads out.

Nick slumps in his chair and distractedly grabs a Nickurdale stress reliever ball. He squeezes the hell out of it for a beat.

Dale and Kurt enter.

In the blink of an eye, Nick grabs Dale and slaps him across the face.

Kurt steps between them.

Nick reaches past Kurt and smacks Dale again.

Kurt turns to Dale and looks at him for a moment. Then he also smacks him across the face.

Nick slaps Dale again.

Nick’s assistant, JENNIFER, pops her head in.

She goes.

The guys exchange tense looks.

Nick, Kurt and Dale are mid-pitch. They look FRAZZLED and SWEATY as they stand across from two seated SkyMall reps, DAN and CLAIRE, 40’s.

Behind the guys is a large schematic drawing on an easel along with a PORTABLE SHOWER STALL with a Shower Buddy attached.

KURT NICK

What Dale is trying to say Dale means that we waste a is, the Shower Buddy lot of time showering and the eliminates the wasted time Shower Buddy helps to and streamlines your shower streamline that process. process.

There’s an awkward silence.

Kurt hurries out.

Dale crosses to the shower stall and begins fiddling with a portable water pump attached to a tank.

Kurt ushers in a 20-something model, BROOKE, in a bathrobe.

Brooke drops her robe. She’s in a bikini.

Brooke steps into the stall.

Dale kneels beside the stall and begins rhythmically jerking the water pump.

Brooke stands awkwardly in the dry shower.

There’s an uncomfortable beat as they all watch Dale. There’s no getting around how much it looks like he’s jerking off on his knees beside a woman in a shower.

Just then, a GOB OF LIQUID SOAP dribbles out of the Shower Buddy, landing on Brooke’s face.

The model does her best to work with the limited amount of water dribbling on her. She spreads the soap on her chest.

Kurt joins Dale and the two of them begin working the pump together.

She fumbles with the showerhead.

Nick reaches into the stall and tries to adjust the showerhead.

Creamy soap runs down his and Brooke’s arms, as Dale and Kurt, on their knees and dripping with flop sweat, continue to pump away.

ANGLE ON DAN and CLAIRE who look appalled.

Drenched and disheveled from the demonstration, the guys wave goodbye as Dan and Claire’s car drives away.

There’s a beat.

They give him a withering look.

The guys sit around Kurt’s desk. Denny Paul is on the speaker phone.

INTERCUT WITH:

Denny wears no pants. Just a long “You Da Boss” T-shirt. He looks haggard.

The guys look at each other. Huh?

Kurt pulls his car up to a suburban house. Nick is in the passenger seat, Dale in back.

They exit the car. Kurt notices Dale is carrying a grocery bag.

Across the street, Denny steps out his front door and waves to them as they approach.

BOOM!!

An ENORMOUS EXPLOSION tears through the house, engulfing Denny in a FIREBALL and RIPPING HIM TO SHREDS!

The windows of Kurt’s car SHATTER. Car alarms go off. Nick, Kurt and Dale scream and drop to the ground as debris rains down around them. They hold their ears which are ringing from the blast.

As NEIGHBORS begin to come outside to see what happened, Nick and Kurt suddenly notice something on Dale. They look horrified.

A FLESHY MOUND of some sort has landed on Dale’s shoulder.

Dale looks at his shoulder and reacts.

He frantically wiggles his shoulder, trying to knock off the unidentified body part.

Fire trucks and police cars surround the now smoldering remains of the house.

Nick, Kurt and Dale, wrapped in blankets, are being treated for cuts and scratches at an ambulance.

DETECTIVE HAGAN approaches.

NICK/KURT/DALE No!/Oh no!/No, no!

Hagan looks at his watch and sighs.

Kurt’s WINDOWLESS car pulls up to the Venture Partners International building followed by Hagan’s unmarked car.He and the guys get out.

Hagan and the guys ride in the elevator. There’s an awkward silence. Then,

Hagan just gives him a contemptuous look.

The doors open and they all step out into

What was Venture Partners International is now the west coast corporate headquarters of Quiznos Sandwiches.

Dale points to the room we saw earlier, but it’s now occupied by a middle-aged executive, TIM, at a desk.

Hagan shakes his head and goes to leave. The guys hurry after him.

It’s dark now and it’s begun to drizzle as Hagan crosses to his car with the guys on his heels.

Hagan climbs into his car.

Hagan slams the door and drives off.

Kurt puts a hand over Dale’s mouth and keeps it there.

Kurt drives. Nick is up front and Dale in the back. Without the benefit of a windshield or a sunroof, WIND-DRIVEN RAIN soaks the guys as they drive. Kurt shields his eyes with his hand so he can see. They yell over the wind.

The windshield wipers flop ridiculously across the dashboard.

Just then, a wet PLASTIC BAG flies through the open windshield and sticks to Kurt’s face. The car VEERS wildly as he tries to pull the bag off. Nick and Dale scream.

Still damp, the guys exit the car and head for the stairs. Kurt absentmindedly locks his windowless car. BEEP.

They head for the stairs to Kurt’s loft.

The door to Kurt’s loft opens and the guys enter.

Kurt flips on the lights and they all gasp as they see Nagopian’s thug, Ghoukas, sitting on the sofa, pointing a gun at them. Another armed THUG appears behind them in the hall.

Ghoukas and the other thug usher them back out.

An SUV pulls up to a construction trailer which is set up beside an unfinished 10-story office building. Ghoukas and the other thug open the door and escort the guys toward the trailer.

Kurt notices a sign reading “Nagopian Construction.”

Nick, Kurt and Dale stand across from Nagopian who sits at a metal desk covered in blueprints. Ghoukas and the other thug hover nearby.

Ghoukas snickers.

KURT NICK

Jesus. So specific.

Ghoukas takes out his gun and gestures them toward the door. The guys exchange a dire look.

Nagopian’s Thug snorts and chimes in.

Ghoukas stops the guys.

The SUV driven by Ghoukas heads off, leaving Nick, Kurt and Dale standing on the curb.

A block away from them is a seedy, unwelcoming club with a neon sign that reads “PUTAS DESNUDAS.”

They walk closer to the club and notice around the corner is a fenced-in parking lot with an 18-wheeler parked inside. TWO heavily tattooed HISPANIC GUARDS stand nearby. Our guys quickly back up into the shadows.

There’s a long beat.

He starts furiously typing into his smart phone.

Kurt swats the phone out of Dale’s hand.

Dale scrambles after it. Kurt turns back to Nick as if nothing happened.

The guys sit in their regular booth across from MOTHERFUCKER JONES.

Nick rolls his eyes and gives Motherfucker the watch.

They all ad lib “no’s” as they usher him out of the booth.

The guys stand with Motherfucker across from the strip club parking lot.

He turns and starts to walk away.

NICK/KURT/DALE No, no!/That’s not--/Oh boy.

Motherfucker just stares at Dale.

Nick scoffs.

Motherfucker turns and starts to walk away.

As they split up, Motherfucker turns to Kurt.

Kurt and Motherfucker enter the dimly-lit club which is populated by dozens of Araña Pandilla GANG BANGERS who greet them with hostile looks. On a stage, a STRIPPER works the pole.

They take a seat at a table near the stage and eye their surroundings nervously.

Kurt stands, knocking his chair down. Motherfucker does the same. A few heads turn. It’s hard for other people to hear what they’re yelling over the music.

Motherfucker grabs Kurt by the shirt.

Kurt gives Motherfucker a little shove.

Motherfucker shoves Kurt back.

Motherfucker grabs a bottle and breaks it on the edge of the table.

Motherfucker sets the bottle on the table. By now, most of the bar patrons are watching this “fight.”

Kurt winds back and PUNCHES Motherfucker in the face, but instead of missing him, he accidentally NAILS HIM RIGHT IN THE NOSE. Motherfucker falls back and clutches his face.

Motherfucker looks at his hand and sees that his nose is bleeding.

Now angry for real, Motherfucker punches Kurt.

The patrons regard this scuffle with little interest. Motherfucker lunges for Kurt, who tries to fend him off with a chair. But instead of hitting Motherfucker with it, he swings it into a table where TWO GANG MEMBERS sit.

The gang members stand up and grab the chair from Kurt.One of them HURLS it at him but Kurt DODGES at the last second and the chair flies into another GANG MEMBER who looks pissed.

All at once, the club ERUPTS IN A FRENZY of chair-throwing, punching and brawling.

Nick and Dale stand in the shadows, watching the club’s parking lot. Nick notices a THUG come out of the club and gesture for the two guards to come inside. They leave their posts and head in.

They sneak over to the 10-foot chain-link fence, topped with barbed wire, that encloses the parking lot.

Dale takes off his jacket.

Dale tosses his jacket up... and right over the fence where it lands on the ground on the other side. Nick gives him a look.

Dale tries to fish his jacket through a link in the fence but it’s too thick and he only manages to wedge it halfway through.

Nick takes his jacket off puts his over his shoulder, then carefully climbs up the fence.

Nick reaches the top and drapes his coat over the barbed wire. He delicately clambers over the top.

He reaches the ground.

Nick holds out his hands which are flecked with bloody scratches.

Kurt and Motherfucker cower next to the stage as COMPLETE CHAOS surrounds them.

A stripper falls off the stage and lands on them.

Motherfucker stands.

He scurries toward the exit.

We’re seeing the chaos from above, through an interior window.

REVEAL OSCAR, 30’s, a tough as nails Araña Pandilla member, with the word “JEFE” tattooed across his forehead (think Javier Bardem). He smokes a cigarette and maintains an eerie calm, even under the most extreme circumstances.

As he looks out a window onto the floor of the club, two GANG MEMBERS bundle stacks of cash behind him.

Oscar notices the two guards who came in from outside are among the fighters.

Oscar puts the cigarette in his mouth and heads out of the office.

Oscar goes down the stairs and into the war zone of the club. As he heads for the back door, he is completely unfazed by the violence around him. He’s like Robert Duvall in “Apocalypse Now,” but instead of explosions, he walks through flying chairs and bottles.

The 18-wheeler sits in the lot. A very faint light can be seen coming from inside the cab.

Nick and Dale crouch on the floor of the truck. Nick holds a handful of wires from under the steering column while Dale follows instruction on his smartphone.

Suddenly, they hear a door bang shut outside.

Dale peeks up out the window and sees Oscar emerging from the club and looking around suspiciously.

Nick yanks Dale down below the window.

Oscar notices Dale’s jacket wedged into the bottom of the chain-link fence. He tosses away his cigarette as he crosses to the back of the truck. He takes out his keys, unlocks the rear door and opens it. He checks out the contents of the trailer (we don’t see what’s inside).

Nick and Dale huddle together, terrified.

Just then, they hear the rear door slam shut.

CLOSE ON the jumble of exposed wires. The slight movement of the cabin from the door slamming causes the red wire to make contact with a brown one. The two wires SPARK and we hear:

SFX: Truck ignition starting

Oscar reacts startled to the sound of the truck starting up.

He crosses to the driver’s side door and pulls it open revealing...

No one.

Oscar climbs into the driver’s seat and examines the ignition. As he does, we REVEAL Nick and Dale cowering in the backseat directly behind Oscar.

Oscar is about to turn in their direction when Dale spots a six-pack of Coke on the floor. Without thinking, he grabs a can and BASHES Oscar over the head with it.

Oscar crumples over in the front seat. Nick and Dale exchange a look of shock.

Before Dale can reply, Oscar sits up.

Dale hits him again. Coke spritzes out of the dented can.

CLONK! Dale slams him again.

CLONK!

Nick and Dale can’t believe this guy is still awake.

Nick grabs a fresh can of Coke and clocks Oscar over the head. But still Oscar fails to fall unconscious.

Nick and Dale both start BASHING Oscar over the head with their respective cans. Coke sprays everywhere.

At long last, Oscar slumps over, out cold. Nick and Dale catch their breath.

There’s a beat. Dale takes a sip from his battered can.

REVERSE to see several THUGS exiting the club and hurrying toward the truck.

Nick and Dale scramble into the front seat.

Dale drags Oscar off the front seat as Nick slams the door shut and grabs the gearshift.

ACTION MUSIC crescendoes as Nick stomps on the gas pedal... but the truck doesn’t move. Instead, we hear a horrible GRINDING SOUND from the engine.

A GUNSHOT rings out, shattering the driver’s side window. Dale and Nick duck down.

Nick continues to grind the gears and the noise gets even uglier. By now, the gang members are almost upon the truck.

Finally, he grinds it into gear and the truck slowly lurches forward toward the fence.

A THUG manages to leap onto the side of the cab. He climbs up to the window and points his gun at Nick. Just as he’s about to fire, the truck rumbles through the fence -- not fast, but with enough speed to bust through. The torn fence scrapes along the sides of the truck and YANKS the thug from his perch.

Kurt runs out the front door of the club just as the truck clumsily barrels around the corner, the trailer jumping the curb and taking out a parking meter.

Kurt hurries over as Nick slows down for him to climb aboard.

Kurt slams the door shut as he takes a seat behind Nick and Dale.

Kurt finds some bungee cords and proceeds to tie Oscar’s hands behind his back.

SFX: Dale’s cell phone rings

INTERCUT WITH:

Flushed and out of breath, Stacy is on all fours on the floor of the kitchen.

She glances over at a huge puddle of water on the floor next to her.

Kurt and Nick exchange a look.

He hangs up.

He holds a Coke can and glares at Nick threateningly. Nick glances over at Kurt who shrugs.

Nick takes a hard left. The trailer SCRAPES against a parked car, nearly totalling it.

Dale and Kurt carefully help Stacy to the truck.

Dale helps Stacy recline in the back seat as Kurt climbs in the front and Nick pulls away from the curb.

He is drowned out by a DEAFENING GRINDING SOUND as he struggles to shift gears.

All of a sudden, Stacy lets out a SCREAM.

She points to Oscar who lies unconscious at her feet.

As they speak, Nick notices something out his side-view mirror.

Kurt checks his mirror and sees two cars speeding up on the truck’s tail. Inside can be seen several of the Araña Pandilla members.

Nick floors it and the truck picks up speed. At the same time, Stacy begins to MOAN as her contractions get worse.

Dale glances out his window and sees one of the gang cars has caught up and pulled alongside. A GANG MEMBER leans out his window and aims a 9MM pistol at them.

He SWERVES SHARPLY to the right, putting some distance between the truck and the gang car.

CLOSE ON the speedometer which reads 90 MPH.

Kurt checks his mirror again and sees another GANG MEMBER aiming his gun at them.

SMASH! The mirror SHATTERS as a bullet strikes it.

Nick can see that the cars have taken positions on either side of the truck. Thinking fast, he swerves first left, then right, causing the trailer to JACKKNIFE just enough to impact each car. The gang cars go into a spin, driving off the road and onto the shoulders.

The truck increases its distance from the pursuers.

SFX: POLICE SIREN

Sure enough, a PATROL CAR has pulled out and is speeding up behind the truck.

Nick slows down and pulls over to the side of the road.The squad car stops behind the truck and a PATROLMAN steps out.

Several hundred yards back, the two cars full of gang members have stopped and turned off their lights, waiting to see what happens.

The Patrolman approaches Nick’s window.

The Patrolman reacts to the disembodied voices.

Just then, Stacy lets out a pained MOAN.

He steps up on the running board and peers into the cab. From his POV he sees Dale tending to Stacy. Oscar isn’t visible.

Stacy moans again.

Suddenly, Oscar MOANS as he begins to regain consciousness.

The Patrolman looks puzzled for a moment. Stacy moans again and he shakes it off and hurries back to his car.

As soon as the cop is gone, Dale grabs a fresh can of soda and CLOCKS Oscar over the head with it. Oscar slumps over.

The patrol car turns on its siren and pulls out. The truck follows.

The gang members watch, pissed off, as the truck leaves with the cop.

GANG MEMBER #2 (Spanish with subtitles) Don’t worry. We’ll get to them.

The truck ZOOMS down the road following the patrol car.

The truck and the patrol car pull to a stop at the emergency room entrance. Dale jumps out.

No one comes.

He hurries inside. Kurt and Nick help Stacy out of the truck as the cop joins them.

Dale runs back out pushing a wheelchair and Stacy sits.

Dale and Stacy go.

Nick and Kurt exchange a fearful look.

Nick lets out a sigh and slowly leads the Patrolman toward the rear door of the trailer. He and Kurt stand there, staring at the door for a beat.

Nick unlatches the door and slides it up, revealing the trailer’s interior. The patrolman shines his flashlight inside.

REVERSE ANGLE to reveal stacked boxes labeled “DORA THE EXPLORER PLUSH DOLLS.”

Kurt and Nick exhale, relieved.

Kurt hops onto the trailer and tears open a box. He hands a Dora doll to the cop.

He hands the cop another doll.

Kurt and Nick look a bit disgusted.

Nick and Kurt climb back into the cab.

Nick GRINDS the truck into gear.

Before Nick pulls out, they see Dale running up.

He climbs aboard and they pull out.

He shows them a photo on his phone.

INSERT: Stacy struggling to hold THREE NEWBORN BABIES

INSERT: the same photo. The one on the right is smaller and goofier looking than his siblings.

He sits back. Nick leans toward Kurt.

The guys jump, startled. Oscar has regained consciousness, his hands still tied.

Oscar smiles calmly.

Nick JAMS ON the brakes and the truck SQUEALS to a stop.

Dale leans forward to listen.

They all look to see the rear truck door is open and Oscar is gone.

Dale and Kurt get out of the truck and look around.

We hear horrible GRINDING SOUNDS from the transmission and Kurt and Dale climb in as the truck jerks forward.

The sun is just rising as the 18-wheeler pulls up to Nagopian’s office trailer. Nagopian and Ghoukas exit the trailer as Nick, Kurt and Dale step down from the truck.

Ghoukas crosses to the back of the truck.

Ghoukas returns with a Dora the Explorer doll and hands it to Nagopian.

Nagopian yanks the head off the doll and pulls out a baggie filled with powder.

They shake hands with Nagopian just as a car pulls up, driven by a WOMAN. Nagopian hands the Dora doll to Ghoukas who takes it away.

The woman steps out of the car. Dale looks at her. Why does she look familiar?

Dale looks even more uneasy.

The woman opens the rear passenger door and out steps Gabe, THE BOY WHO DALE HELPED GO TO THE BATHROOM. Dale’s jaw drops.

Nagopian gives his wife a kiss and lifts up his son for a hug.

GABE’S MOTHER (noticing Dale) Hey, don’t you work for Gabe’s dentist?

GABE’S MOTHER Yeah, you work with Dr. Slocum.

There’s a stunned silence. Nick and Kurt exchange a look of disbelief. Dale forces a laugh.

Mrs. Nagopian gasps. Nagopian’s expression turns stone cold as he glares at Dale.

They grab Dale’s arm and take off RUNNING toward the exit of the construction site.

As they approach the exit, two cars speed onto the construction site.

Oscar hangs out the passenger window of one car, holding a gun. He rides with a half dozen of his tattooed GANG MEMBERS.

Oscar aims and FIRES his gun, narrowly missing them. Gravel flies up beside them.

Nick, Kurt and Dale retreat back the way they came. But before they get far, they see Nagopian, Ghoukas and another THUG leave the office trailer carrying weapons.

Nagopian’s thug aims his Uzi at the guys, but before he can fire, he is SHOT IN THE ARM by one of the Dominicans.

Caught in the crossfire, our guys duck and scramble for cover. Kurt spots the main entrance to the unfinished 10- story office building.

As the two gangs take pot shots at each other, Nick, Kurt and Dale scurry into the building.

ANGLE ON Nagopian and Ghoukas, who see them go in and hurry after them.

Nick, Kurt and Dale race up the emergency stairs. The higher they go, the more unfinished the building is. They stop on the third floor to catch their breath. They can hear gunfire from outside. Nick pulls out his cell phone and dials.

Dale peers down the open area of the staircase.

P-TING! A bullet RICOCHETS off the railing beside Dale.

REVEAL Nagopian and Ghoukas at the bottom of the stairs aiming up at them.

P-TING! Another bullet flies past.

The guys continue up the stairs.

An SUV pulls up and unloads four ARMENIAN MOBSTERS, all carrying automatic weapons. They take cover as the Araña Pandilla turn their fire on them.

Oscar slips into the unfinished building and heads for the stairs.

Nick, Kurt and Dale are now at the top floor. Nick’s still on the phone. They leave the stairwell and take cover behind a stack of drywall. There are no outside walls or windows, only plastic sheets which flutter in the wind.

SFX: BEEP

Nick looks at his phone to see an incoming call. The caller ID reads: “SKYMALL INC.”

Nick hesitates. Kurt grabs the phone from him and answers the call, putting 911 on hold.

BANG! A shot overhead showers the guys with drywall pieces. Kurt peeks out from his cover to find Nagopian and Ghoukas scanning the room for them. A piece of plastic blows in from the wind. Ghoukas FIRES at it.

INTERCUT WITH:

Claire is on the phone at her desk.

As Claire speaks, the three crawl behind various piles of construction equipment to avoid being found by the Armenians.

BANG! Hearing Kurt’s voice, Nagopian fires in his direction. Nick, Kurt and Dale hustle for a new hiding spot.

He peeks out from his hiding spot and sees Oscar and four of his thugs run in with weapons drawn.

Nagopian and Ghoukas take cover as Oscar and his men turn their attention to them.

They open fire on each other. BANG, BANG, BANG! Kurt, Nick and Dale cower.

One of the Araña Pandilla members is SHOT multiple times.He collapses directly over where Kurt is hiding, dropping his gun and BLEEDING DOWN ONTO KURT’S HEAD.

Kurt spits blood out of his mouth that has dripped down from the fallen gang member above him.

CLAIRE) Okay, good. And tell me about your replenishment lead time.

More of Nagopian’s men have joined the battle on the top floor. It’s an all-out gang war.

Struggling to see despite the blood that has dripped into his eyes, Kurt spots an Armenian THUG heading in his direction.

Kurt tosses the phone to Nick and scrambles for cover on his hands and knees. As Nick speaks, he “army crawls” under a tarp.

BANG! A bullet rips through the tarp just over Nick. He flinches.

Nick holds up his left hand which we see has a BULLET HOLE IN IT.

Freaking out, Nick spots Dale hiding nearby.

Nick throws the phone at Dale and grabs his hand in agony.

Dale hasn’t the slightest idea what Claire’s talking about.

Claire shrugs and hangs up. Dale pumps his fist victoriously.

He looks over at Kurt who is disgustedly wiping blood from his face, then at Nick who is frantically wrapping his bloody hand.

They turn to see Oscar stalking straight toward them, his gun drawn.

BLAM! A bullet blasts right through Oscar’s head, SPLATTERING ONLY KURT’S FACE WITH BLOOD.

Oscar falls, revealing Nagopian standing behind him, his own gun drawn.

Nagopian takes aim directly at Dale. Dale cringes. Nick spots a wheelbarrow filled with POWDERED CONCRETE. He grabs a handful and TOSSES it into Nagopian’s face, momentarily blinding him.

They take off running in the direction of the stairs but stop when they see Ghoukas blocking their path.

They head off in another direction. By now, Nagopian has recovered and is hunting them down.

Our guys find themselves at the edge of the building with a HUNDRED FOOT DROP IN FRONT OF THEM.

Kurt points to a construction debris chute (like a waterslide) that leads to a dumpster below.

Nagopian and Ghoukas are closing in.

Kurt jumps feet first into the slide and disappears. Nick and Dale look at each other for a beat. Dale shrugs and jumps into the slide.

Nick sighs.

He follows his friends down the chute.

Kurt BARRELS down the dusty slide.

Right behind him, Dale speeds along.

Bringing up the rear is Nick.

From Kurt’s POV, we see the bottom of the chute rapidly approaching. A LONG, SHARP piece of REBAR juts into the slide, pointing directly up toward Kurt’s oncoming testicles.

He desperately splays out his legs and hands, slowing himself down on the walls of the chute. He manages to stop his descent a MERE FOOT from the pointy end of the steel bar...

UNTIL DALE SLAMS INTO HIM from behind, shoving him six inches closer to the bar.

KURT (CONT’D) DALE

Ahh! Oof!

Just then, Nick SLIDES INTO THE TWO OF THEM, shoving Kurt’s crotch down to within AN INCH of being impaled.

Kurt takes a deep breath, then kicks the rebar to the side.

Filthy, bloody and exhausted, the three guys climb out of the dumpster only to find a half dozen GUNS pointed at them.

The guys realize they are surrounded by COPS, including Hagan. A couple SWAT team vans unload and take up positions around the building.

He gestures for the cops to lower their guns. An OFFICER steps up to Hagan.

Hagan gives him a look.

Nick’s cell phone rings. It’s SkyMall again.

A RECEPTIONIST picks up the phone.

PULL BACK to reveal the NEW COMPANY NAME on the wall behind her: “DANICKUR INDUSTRIES”

TRACK THROUGH the now bustling office, filled with activity. We pass a stack of SkyMall catalogues on a coffee table, the Shower Buddy is on the cover.

We continue down to the factory floor where WORKERS are producing and packaging hundreds of Shower Buddy’s.

We FOLLOW one unit as it moves down the production line.A worker picks it up and we

OVER CREDITS:

CLOSE ON a Shower Buddy in use. REVEAL Nick taking a shower. He turns the dial from “shampoo” to “conditioner” and smiles as the showerhead performs perfectly.

Kurt lathers up happily under his own Shower Buddy.

Dale is loving life as he showers with his three BABIES in his arms. One of them looks a little wonkier than the other two.

Motherfucker dials his Shower Buddy to “soap.” Two hands reach into frame and soap his back. It’s his ASIAN WIFE. They start to make out under the water. Soap gets in their mouths and they spit it out.

Nagopian looks unhappy as he adjusts his Shower Buddy. PULL BACK to see he is showering with a DOZEN OTHER NAKED MEN in the PRISON SHOWER BLOCK.

ANGLE ON THE FLOOR of the shower where the Shower Buddy has left a thick and DANGEROUSLY SLIPPERY accumulation of soap, shampoo and conditioner. Nick shifts his weight and his feet SLIP out from under him. He goes down hard.

Kurt turns and also falls on his ass, pulling the shower curtain down with him.

Dale, still holding his three babies, slips. From outside the shower, we hear him hit the floor, followed by the sound of THREE BABIES CRYING.

Motherfucker and his wife are already on the floor, struggling to stand but having no luck in the slippery mess.

It’s total chaos as naked INMATES slip and slide on the cement floor, trying desperately to get their footing. A couple GUARDS try to help, but wind up falling into the writhing mass of nude criminals.