"WEDDING CRASHERS" (2005)

THE WEDDING CRASHERS

by

SteveFaber

&

Bob Fiber

August1,2003

I N T .LAWFIRMOF BECKWITH AND KLEIN - DAY

A s m a l l Bostonlawf i r m .Afewlawyersand c l i e n t sm i l l a b o u t .Wez e r oi n on one door with a p l a q u et h a tr e a d s"John Beckwith." JOHN BECKWITH, an a t t o r n e y ,e a r l y t h i r t i e s ,is s i t t i n g a th i sd e s ki na w e l la p p o i n t e do f f i c et a l k i n gont h e phone a n g r i l y .

J o h n ' sa t t e n t i o n i sc a p t u r e d by a h o ts e c r e t a r y walking by.

John hangs up t h e phoneand p u t sh i sf e e tupon t h edesk.

JEREMY K L E I N ,aDivorcelawyer,e a r l y3 0 1 s ,s i t sa tad e s k w i t haWOMAN, a l s oi n h e rt h i r t i e s .H i se y e s wandert ot h e same h o ts e c r e t a r y now walking by h i so f f i c e .

J e r e m y ' sa t t e n t i o n i sj o l t e db a c k t ot h ewoman.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you s a y t h e " i n s t i t u t i o n ? "No,no.The Boston Red Sox are an i n s t i t u t i o n . P a s t r a m i onr y e i s ani n s t i t u t i o n . Y r .Rogers i sani n s t i t u t i o n . Marriage i s a c u r s e .Our punishment f o r o r i g i n a ls i n .

The woman i s t a k e naback.

Jeremy s h a k e s h i shead.

H es h a k e s h e rhandand t h e womane x i t s .Hes e e sJohn down t h e h a l land m o t i o n sf o rhim t ocome by.Johne n t e r s and p l o p s down on t h ecouch.

Jeremy r e a c h e si n t o h i sd e s k d r a w e rand p u l l so u tab o t t l eof \. s i n g l e m a l ts c o t c h w i t har i b b o naround itand hands itt o John.

... JEREMY Happy Anniversary.

John l o o k s p e r p l e x e d

- JEREMY You think it's gay, don't you? The anniversary thing ...

Jeremy looks at his daytimer.

Jeremy walks t oh i sd o o r and g r a b sac l o t h i n g bag.They e x i t .

J o h n andJeremy,i n t u x e d o s ,e n t e r t h eSynagogueand i n t r o d u c e t h e m s e l v e st ot h eu s h e r s .

They b o t h p u ton t h e i ryarmulkes.

I N T .SYNAGOGUE-A LITTLE LATER

The s e r v i c e i si n f u l lswing.The Rabbi i sc h a n t i n g .John g l a n c e sa tap r e t t yyoung womans i t t i n g downt h ea i s l efrom him. S h e ' schoked up.Shel o o k sa tJohnand s m i l e s .John t a k e so u tah a n d k e r c h i e fanddabsaf a k e t e a rfrom h i se y e . The woman t a k e sab r e a t h ,s h e ' ss m i t t e n . I tt a k e sar e a l man t oc r y a tawedding.CLOSE ON: J o h n ' shand.H e ' sc o n c e a l i n g a s m a l l t u b eof" B a u s c handLaumbHypoT e a r s . "

Jeremy makes e y ec o n t a c t w i t ha n o t h e r woman.She r e t u r n st h e e y ec o n t a c t .Jeremys m i l e s and t u r n saway.S h e ' sn o tt h eone He l o o k st oh i sl e f tand c a t c h e s t h eg a z e o fayoung blonde woman. She b r i e f l yr e t u r n sh i sg l a n c e and h a l f - s m i l e s .Jeremy smiles. S h e ' st h eone.

The Rabbi c o n c l u d e s ,t h eGroom s t e p s on t h eg l a s s ,t h ecrowd i n c l u d i n go u rguyss h o u t ,"Maze1Tov!"

The r e c e p t i o n i si nf u l lswing.A sas o r to fh i p~ l e z m e rband p l a y s ,we see John a n d Jeremyp r a c t i c i n g t h ef i n ea r tof wedding c r a s h i n g :

John does a-magic t r i c kf o rsomek i d s .

Jeremy dances w i t h t h eb r i d e l s . m o t h e r .S h e ' s b l u s h i n g .

John s l a p ssomeo l d guyon t h e backa sJohn s h a r e s w i t hhim a d i s i n g e n u o u sl a u g h .

Jeremy r a i s e sh i sg l a s st o t o a s tt h e happyc o u p l e .

John r a i s e sh i sg l a s s t ot o a s tt h ehappyc o u p l e .

Jeremy does magic t r i c k sf o r t h ek i d s .

John dances w i t ht h e b r i d e ' smother.

Jeremy dances w i t ht h esecond woman he made eyec o n t a c t w i t h .

John dances s l o w l y w i t ht h ewoman whosaw him c r y .

Jeremy, i na s e c l u d e da l c o v e ,i saboutt ok i s st h e womanhe was d a n c i n g w i t h .

John, i na s e c l u d e da l c o v e ,i s a b o u tt ok i s st h e womanhe was d a n c i n gw i t h .

SMASH CUT:

John and Jeremy walk up t h es t e p so fa C a t h o l i c Church.

I N T .ST.MARY'SCHURCH - CONTINUOUS

John and Jeremy e n t e randi n t r o d u c e t h e m s e l v e s t ot h eu s h e r s .

John and Jeremy e n t e randi n t r o d u c et h e m s e i v e st o t h eu s h e r s

%L_ Jeremy i s d a n c i n g w i t hared-head.

Wow. Operation Desert Storm.

jZREMY Don't r e a l l y l i k e t o t a l k about it. We l o s tal o t ofgood meno u t t h e r e .

She m e l t si n t o h i sc h e s t .

I N T.DIFFERENT RECEPTION

John i sdancinq with a BLONDE.

She m e l t si n t o h i sc h e s t .

I N T.DIFFERENT RECEPTION

Geremy i sdancing w i t h anI N D I A NWOMAN.Geremy i s wearing t h e t r a d i t i o n a lb i n d i( d o t ) on h i sf o r e h e a d .

I N D I A NWOMAN Wow. The Peace Corps.

She m e l t si n t oh i sc h e s t

John i s dancing w i t haBRUNETTE

... JOHN (recovering) What? Oh! The fans got unruly...and there were trades...it was ugly.

An OLD COUPLE look toward John who's at full-throttle, dancing, having a good time.

Another OLD COUPLE watch Jeremy dancing and dipping the bride.

I N T .JEWISK- WEDDING RECEPTION

J o h na n d Jeremy arej u s t b e g i n n i n gt od a n c et o ,t h e p e r e n n i a l wedding r e c e p t i o nsong,"Shout!"Theg u e s t ss i n ga l o n g .C l o s e on John and Jeremy as t h e ys i n g a n dd a n c e .

J O H N AND JEREMY ( s i n g i n g ) "Gee-fun-chee-na-to Snout! Choy- eng-to-uh-see-ho S h o u t !SM-i-no- gong-a-to S h o u t ! "

John a n doneo ft h ewomen we've s e e nf r o m aweddingjumpi n t o bed a s"Shout" c o n t i n u e st o p l a y .

Jeremy and o n eo ft h ewomenwe've s e e nf r o m aweddinga l s o jump i n t o b e da s"Shout"k e e p s p l a y i n g .

We i n t e r c u tb e t w e e nDIFFERENT WOMENw i t hJ o h na n dJeremy jumping i n t o b e d ."Shout"s t i l l p l a y s .

The m u s i cg e t sl o u d e ra n dl o u d e r .Ar a p i ds e q u e n c eofd a n c e f l o o r s ,r e c e p t i o n s ,w i n k s ,n o d s ,k i s s e s ,t o a s t sa st h e m u s i c c r e s c e n d o s .Whenw e h e a rt h ef i n a l" s h o u t , "t h e m u s i cs t o p s a n dw ec u tt oJohna n dJeremye a c hr o l l i n go f fo ft h e i r r e s p e c t i v ewomen.Jeremys i g h sc o n t e n t e d l y .Johns t a r e s o f f p e n s i v e l y :s o m e t h i n g ' sm i s s i n g .

;ohn i s a th i sd e s k ,w o r k i n g .Jeremyw a l k sr i g h ti na n d s i t s down, h o l d i n g an e w s p a p e r .

Jeremy stares at him.

I wasn't s u l k i n g ! I t w i s t e d my a n k l e .

... JEREMY A couple of words mixed up?! You told the entire wedding party that the bride was very lucky because her new husband smelled like the anus of the cobra!

john grabs the paper from Jeremy and reads the announcement.

John and Jeremy are standing outside John's car in front of a very nice old Catholic church on the Cape. They're in their tuxes, both putting on their cufflinks, combing their hair, etc. We see guests milling about in front of the church.

John reaches in the car and hands him a folder

- JOHN A few articles on Secretary Cleary's economic policy. Skim them quickly. Also a roster of the key family members. A glossary of sailing terms. Sailing's like sex to these 'people.

Jeremy looks over the folder.

John and Jeremy walk toward the church confidently. They see two men checking names as the guests enter the church. John and Jeremy stop abour twenty feet from the cnurch. They see men in suits with earpieces.

Yeah. So?

- J O H N So t h e yd o n ' tmessaround.T h e y ' r e t r a i n e dt ot a k e b u l l e t s .

John l o o k s t ot h e p a r k i n gl o tbehindJeremy ands e e s al a r g e mini-van p u l lup.A B I G GROUP ofp e o p l eg e to u to ft h e mini- van. Probably some s o r tofextendedf a m i l y .

A r u s h ? !You wantt o do ar u s h ?

The b i ggroup walkstoward t h echurch.

A member of t h e b i g group p o i n t st o anameont h e listand t h eb i ggroups t a r t st o f i l ei n t o t h echurch.

John pushes Jeremy i n t o t h e b i g group andt h e ys u c c e s s f u l l y e n t e r t h echurch undert h e i rcover.

I N T .CHURCH-CONTINUOUS

John and Seremy e n t e rt of i n da ' b e a u t i f u lo l d church.John n o t i c e san a t t r a c t i v e WOMANI NABLUEDRESS t a l k i n g t oa f r i e n d .They'rep o i n t i n g t o v a r i o u ss e a t s t r y i n g t o makea d e c i s i o n .

The woman i n t h e ' b l u e d r e s ssmiles a thim.

... J O H N( c o n t ' d ) You d o n ' twantt h a t .I t ' s awkward. F i f t hrow back,second s e a ti n . T r u s tme.

WOMAN I NT3E BLUE DRESS T h a t ' sg r e a t .Thank yous o much.

She s m i l e s a tJohnand walks t ot h es e a t h e recommended.

Jeremy f i n d ss e a t sa sJohnheadst c t h e bathroom.

The GROOM i sl e a n i n g a g a i n s tau r i n a l ,h y p e r - v e n t i l a t i n gand dry-heaving b e f o r et h es e r v i c e a sJohne n t e r s .J ~ h nh a ss e e n t h i s many timesb e f o r e .Hes t a n d s a t t h en e x tu r i n a l .

The groom s t a r t l e d ,t u r n saround.

The groom nods.

The groom s t a r t sr e t c h i n ga g a i n .

... JOHN ( c o n t i n u i n g ) Well, y o u ' r ewrong.I t ' s notl i k e t h a t .Yous e e ita st h e beginning of t h eend.No, my f r i e n d !I t ' s t h eendof t h e beginning...

The groom looks up, encouraged.

The groom nods.

The groom t a k e sadeep b r e a t h .

No problem. ( p a i n t i n gt at h e d o o r ) Now, go g e t'em.

John watches t h egroom start t o e x i t .Butb e f o r er e - e n t e r i n g t h echurch,t h egroom s t o p sand t u r n saround.

The groom l o o k sp e r p l e x e da sJohn e x i t s

I N T .CHURCH-A MINUTE LATER

John k n e e l s down n e x tt oJeremyi n t h e pew,who'sp r e t e n d i n g t o bei n p r a y e r .They b o t hp r e t e n dt o b ei n p r a y e ra st h e y s t a r t s c o p i n g p o t e n t i a lwomen.They s i t backdown.

People t u r na r o u n d .Johns m i l e s a p o l o g e t i c a l l y .

A COUPLE i n t h e i rf i f t i e s s i tdown n e x tt o John.The man r e a c h e so u th i shandt oJohn.

... JOHN ( s h a k i n g h i shand) John Ryan. This is my b r o t h e r Jeremy.

Jeremy nods.

Jeremy l e a n so v e r .H e ' shadt o do t h i s b e f o r e

Franks s m i l e s and t u r n saway.

The groom cones o u tunto t h ealtar.The g u e s t s t u r ntoward t h ebackof t h echurch. John and Jeremy t u r nt os e e a groomsmen e s c o r taveryo l dl a d y t oh e rs e a t .

T h i s i sMAR!iCLEARY,t h egrandmother oft h eb r i d e andt h e b- m a t r i a r c hoft h eC l e a r y family.Next,two groomsmen walk t h e mother of t h e-bride,KATHLEEN-CLEARY t o h e rs e a t .She h a s t h e glow of someone who has been d r i n k i n g...e v e r y dayf o rt h e l a s ttwenty-fivey e a r s .

A c u t eFLOWER GIRL,aboutseven, walks up t h ea i s l e , . c o n c e n t r a t i n g h a r don whats h e ' ssupposed t o bedoing.She t a k e stwo d e l i b e r a t es t e p s and them t o s s e ssome flower p e t a l s .

She c o n t i n u e st o do t h i su n t i l s h eg e t s n e a rt h ea l t a r . N o t i c i n gt h a ts h e still h a sal o tofp e t a l sl e f t ,s h e e m p t i e s t h e restoft h ef l o w e r s u n t ot h ef l o o rand s i t s down i n t h e f i r s ta i s l e .

Next, groomsmen and bridesmaids s t a r tt o walk down t h e a i s l e . One of t h e b r i d e s m a i d s i s GLORIA CLEARY,t h e b r i d e ' syoungest slster. S h e ' sa ~ t r a c t i v ei nasweetand wholesomes o r tofway and Jeremy elbows John.

A groomsman, SACK LODGE, w a l k s - t h e maidofhonor,CLAIRE CLEARY, t h e b r i d e ' ss i s t e r ,down t h ea i s l e .S h e ' s v e r y a t t r a c t i v e andJohn t a k e sn o t i c e .Whens h e g e t st o t h ea l t a r , a S t r i n g Q u a r t e t p l a y s "Here Comes t h eBride."The g u e s t s s t a n da st h eBRIDE i s walkeddown t h ea i s l e byh e rf a t h e r , TREASURY SECRETARY WILLIAM CLEAR?.

John t a k e sal o o k a t t h e b r i d eand t u r n s t oJeremy.

The S e c r e t a r y walkst h e b r i d et ot h e a l t a r anda f t e r g i v i n g h e r ak i s s on t h echeek, sits down n e x tt o h i s w i f e .The ..-b r i d eimmediately s t a r t s bawling.

Jeremy reaches i n t o h i s walletand handsJohnatwenty.

I N T .CHURCH-A LITTLE LATER

John and Jeremy a r e boredl i k e c r a z y .The P r i e s t ,FATHER O'NEIL, a g r a n d f a t h e r l y s o r t ,c o n t i n u e s t h es e r v i c e .

G l o r i a walksupt ot h eLectern,openst h e b i b l eand s t a r t s r e a d i n g .

Jeremy r o l l s h i se y e s .H er e a c h e si n t o h i s pocketand p u l l s o u ta n o t h e rtwentyand hands i tt o John.

Jeremy i sdozing o f fi n t h e pew.Johnelbowshim. Jeremy j o l t sawake and dabssomef a k et e a r s underh i se y e s .

C r a i g and C h r i s t i n aa r e b o t hq u i t e t h e s a i l i n g e n t h u s i a s t s .So it came a s nos u r p r i s e t o any o fu s when C r a i g proposedt o C h r i s t i n a while s a i l i n g t h e Caribbean.

John and Jeremy l o o k a t eacho t h e randf e i g n adry-heave.

The R I N GBEARERhands t h eP r i e s tt h e p i l l o wt h a tc a r r i e st h e rings..The P r i e s t hands ar i n g t o t h e groom who p l a c e s iton t h e b r i d e ' sf i n g e r . --

C l a i r e ,t h e maidofhonor,makesaf a c et h a ts a y s"Oh, p l e a s e . "Johnn o t i c e st h i sands m i l e s .

C l a i r e hast o s t i f l el a u g h t e r .

C l a i r e l e t so u ta l i t t l e l a u g h .Johnc a n ' tt a k eh i se y e soff of h e r .I nt e n y e a r sofweddingc r a s h i n g , - - h e h a sn e v e rs e e n anyone i n t h e b r i d a lp a r t ylaughd u r i n g t h evows.

Claire can!L fight it, she laughs. She coughs to cover her laugh. The Bride looks crossly at her.

The bride places a ring on the groom's finger.

B R I D E I Christina take you, Craig, to be my hcsband, my best friend, and my Captain .

Clalre's in agony, pinching herself LO keep from losing it.

Claire h a sto turn around. Her shoulders are heaving.

B R I D E (continuing) Your life, your love, your lady, and the sea.

Still turned around, Claire snort-laughs.

FATHER O ' N E I L By the power vested in me the Roman Catholic Church and by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. (to the Groom) You may now... (a little reluctantly) ...kiss the first mate.

Claire explodes in laughter which is drowned out by the guests' applause as the Bride and Groom w a l kdownthe aisle. The groomsmen and bridesmaids file out after them. John studies Claire the whole way down the aisle. He's enthralled. Jeremy winks at Gloria who blushes.

I N T .CHATW BEACH CLUB - NOON, LATER THAT DAY

John and Jeremy walk t h r o u g h - a n e n t r a n c e a r e aandi n t o a l a r g e banquetroom.John'sholding ag i f t .Offt o t h es i d e i s a b a ra r e a and o f ft o t h e o t h e rs i d e i s adeckwithanocean view. Everything i s d e c o r a t e d b e a u t i f u l l y .Therea r e o p u l e n t p l a t t e r s o ffood.ASWINGBANDi dp l a y i n g .I t ' sl i k e something from Gatsby. A waiter comes by with a t r a yof l o b s t e rcanapes.They each t a k eone.Then Jeremy t a k e s a n o t h e r .The waiter walkso f f .Jeremyl o o k s around.He'si n heaven. Women and food.

John sees C l a i r e ,t h e Maid ofHonora r r i v e .Hes m i l e s .

John walks o f ft of i n d t h e g i f tt a b l e .Jeremy s u r v e y s t h e room. H el o o k s a t t h ename c a r d s ont h e p l a t e sand p u l l so u t s e v e r a lname c a r d sfrom h i sc o a t p o c k e t .H es h u f f l e st h r o u g h t h ec a r d sand f i n d sas t y l e match.H et a k e stwoo t h e rc a r d s from t h e t a b l e .

Jeremy p l a c e sh i sf a k ec a r d s down on t h et a b l e .CLOSEON:The new NAME CARDS r e a d"JohnRyan" and "Jeremy Ryan."

I N T .CHATHAMBEACH CLUB - A MINUTE LATER

John approaches t h ewedding p r e s e n tt a b l eand p l a c e st h ef a k e g ~ f tdown.CLAIRE walks up afids t a r t s checkingo u t t h eg i f t s . She p i c k sup a mediums i z e boxand g i v e s ita l i t t l eshake.

C l a i r e ' sn e ts u r e whath e ' st a l k i n ga b o u t .

He holds o u t h i s hand.

C l a i r e p i c k supa n o t h e r .

John q u i c k l y p i c k supas e r i e s ofp r e s e n t snamesa l lofthem.

She h o l d supas m a l l box.

(lookinga t g i f t card) Aunt M i l l i e .Wow.Y o u - d e f i n i t e l y have a g i f t .

John laughs. C l a i r e ' smom Kathleen approaches.

She winks a thim and walks away w i t hKathleen.K a t h l e e n t u r n s around and winks a thim too.

I N T .CHATHAMBEACHCLUBlBAR AREA - A FEWM I N U T E SLATER

John e n t e r s t h eb a r a r e a .Jeremy waiksup t o him.H e ' se a t i n g .

J E R E M Y You must t r y t h e bacon wrapped s c a l l o p s .

Too late. We'll do number ten from the playbook.

She walks up.

Jeremy looks at her, f.eigningconfusion.

' Jeremy looks at her and does fake sign language to John.

Out of her sight, Jeremy mouths "Thank God" tb John.

Jeremy does more fake sign language.

He wants me t o t a k ehim t o t h e b a t h r ~ o m . ( o f f moref a k es i g n language) And he wants some c r a b cakes. ( t o Jeremy,s i g n i n g ) Okay, w e ' l lgo t o t h e bathroom f i r s tt h e nw e ' l lg e t t h ec r a b cakes.

Jeremy s i g n s a n g r i l y .

The woman walks away. Jeremy g r a b st h ec a r d .

No b r a i n e r .I ' mgonna workt h eDad

f l o w e rg i r l .P u b l i c p o l i c y minded and good w i t hk i d s .

J O H N: L e t ' sdo it...

I N T .CHATHAMBEACH CLUB- A LITTLE LATER

Jeremy i s makingb a l l o o nanimalsf o rt h ek i d s .P r e s e n t l y , h e ' smakingan e l e p h a n t .He hands t h ef i n i s h e de l e p h a n tt oa k i d .A l lt h eo t h e rk i d sa r e impressed.Jeremyl o o k saround f o rG l o r i a ,t h ebzidesmaidh e had" d i b s "ona tt h eceremony. She l o o k i n ga t him from t h ec o r n e roft h eroom.

A BRATTY K I Ds t e p st o t h ef r o n toft h ecrowd.

The b r a t t yk i dg e t sr i g h ti nJeremy'sf a c e .

I A T .CHATH.9MYEACHCLUB - A LITTLE LATER

John i sdancing w i t ht h eFlowerG i r lwho'sc o u n t i n g h e rs t e p s .

FLOWER GIRL Yes, please.

She steps on John's shoes and he moves the Flower Girl around the floor like Gene Kelly. She's laughing and having the time of her life. Claire notices John and smiles at him. John smiles back and dips the Flower Girl, who's eating this up.

KATHLEZN CLEARY, the mother of the bride, steps in.

She's twice his age.

The Flower Girl smiles and walks away. John spins Kathleen around the dance floor.

She grabs ,Johns ass. CLOSE ON: John's stunned expression.

Jeremy hands an incredibly elaborate balloon bicycle to the bratty kid. Gloria walks up and notices the balloon.

G l o r i al a u g h s .

Jeremy p u l l sG l o r i ao u tont h edancef l o o r .

I N T .CHATHANBEACH CLUB- COPJTINUOUS

John i sw i t hS e c r e t a r y C l e a r y .

S e c r e t a r yC l e a r yis t h r i l l e dbyJ o h n ' sp r a i s e .

I N T .CHATHAMBEACHCLUB - CONTINUOUS

Jeremy and G l o r i aa r e d a n c i n gt oas l o w e rsong.

GLORiA And you s a v e d h i sl i f e ?

- JEREMY Yeah, some o t h e r s w e r e n ' ts o lucky. It s t i l l shakes meup t o t a l kabout it.

Jeremy s t o p s dancingand l o o k sdown,deep i n thought.

Jeremy walks o f frowards t h ee x i t .

Jeremy walks down toward t h eocean.

Over Jeremy's s h o u l d e r ,wes e e G l o r i arunningt oc a t c hupt o him. Jeremy s m i l e s t o h i m s e l f .He'sg o t h e r .

I N T .CHATHAMBEACH CLUB/DECK AREA - LATER

John and Sec. C l e a r ya r eo u ton t h edeck,smoking c i g a r s ,and l o o k i n go u ta tt h eocean.

John l o o k st os e eayoung man,about2 2 .He's an i n t e n s e , morose, artiste.

He's plucking petals off a rose and tossing them into the ocean, watching each petal intently as it falls. This is Secretary Cleary's son, TODD.

FRANKLIN, the waiter, grabs the glass.

Yeah. Maybe your right.

John nods and smiles at Cleary.

Jeremy anb Gloria are siting in a deserted cove. She's completely smitten.

The Prime M i n i s t e r ofEngland,my g r e a t Uncle Harry,you,me,t h e . f a tkidon "WhatI sHappening."We a r e a l l one.

She k i s s e shim p a s s i o n a t e l y .

John i s s t i l l w i t hSec.Cleary.C l a i r e walks up.

Sec. C l e a r ye x i t s

Excuse me?

She l a u g h s .

W es e ea f e wp e o p l es l a pS e c .C l e a r yon t h eb a c ka n ds h a r e a l a u g hw i t h him.

j o h nl a u g h s .H e ' sf i n d i n gC l a i r ec o m p l e t e l ya d o r a b l e .

... JOHN Maybe, b u t I t h i n k mostp e o p l e come t o weddings,even t h i sone, b e c a u s et h e ywantt o b e l i e v e t h e y ' r ei n t h e p r e s e n c eoft r u e l o v e ,t h a tt r u el o v e is p o s s i b l e . Even t h el a w y e r s .And t h es u c k l e r s

T h i so b v i o u s l y movesh e r ,b u ts h e t r i e st owave ito f f .

She hands John a p i e c eofp a p e r .R er e a d s ito v e r .

( r e a d i n g , i n c r e d u l o u s l y ) "I never thought my s i s t e r would f i n dsomeone whoc a r e d about what people thought a s mucha s s h e d i d . U n t i l I metC r a i g . "

The BEST MAN f i n i s h i n g up h i st o a s t .

B u t I t h i n kB r u c e S p r i n g s t e e n s a i d it b e s tw k e n h e. - s a i d ,"Someday baby, I d o n ' tknow when,we're gonna f i n d t h a tp l a c e wherewe walk i n t h esun."And Ij u s twant t os a y how happy Iamt h a tmy b e s t f r i e n d and t h e woman he l o v e shave found t h a tp l a c e . I t ' s t r u l y i n s p i r i n gt o u s a l l .

An a u d i b l e"aww"comesfrom t h eg u e s t s .They c l i n k t h e i r g l a s s e s .John,s t a n d i n g i n t h e backofroom makeseye c o n t a c t w i t hC l a i r e .John makest h egag s i g n .C l a i r es t a n d sup,

Not a l s u g hi n t h ep i a c e .I nf a c tpe6plea r edismayed.

Again, n o tal a u g h .The g u e s t sa r es t a r t i n gt os h i f ti nt h e i r s e a t s .

She l o o k st oJohn,who p o i n t st o h i sh e a r t .

The g u e s t s . a l 1s a y"aww."The b r i d es t a r t s t o c r y ,r u s h e sup and hugs C l a i r e .The g u e s t sapplaud.C l a i r e l o o k s overa t John who motions f o r h e rt o meet him i n t h e b a r .

Jeremy and G l o r i aa r e underab l a n k e t .They'vej u s thad s e x .

CLOSE ON: Jeremy. H eg u l p si nf e a r .

She nods.

CLOSE ON: Jeremy. A l o o k oft o t a l p a n i c .

John and C l a i r e meeti n t h e b a r .

She l e a n si n t h e hugJohn b u tb e f o r es h e can,SACK(one of t h egroomsmen)r u s h e sup t o h e r .Sack,e a r l yt h i r t i e s ,i s g r e a tl o o k i n g ,Ivy League,r i c h ,worksf o r noblecauses.The guy every guy h a t e s .

Claire, you were awesome.

Sack and Claire kiss. John is dumbstruck.

She shakes his hand.

John takes a big slug of his drink. Jeremy rushes up to him.

John is looking over at Claire and Sack.

Secretary Cleary approaches with Gloria and his wife

... JEREMY A c t u a l l y...w e ' r eabout t ol e a v e . I t ' s beenal o v e l ywerldlng. ( t o G l o r i a ) I ' l lc a l lyou.I t ' sa promise.

G l o r i as m i l e s h o p e f u l l y .KathleenCleary does t h esame. C l a i r e andSack approacht h egroup.Johnlooksa tC l a i r e .

John s m i l e s .Jeremys t a r t st os a y something and Johns t e p s on h i sf o o t .C l e a r yslapsJohno n t h e back.

John, Jeremy and about fifteen others are on the Cleary yacht, a large expanse of boat, sailing toward Martha's Vineyard. John and Jeremy stand at the stern of the boat. Gloria approaches the guys.

She smiles and crosses away.

John scoffs.

I The people.an the boat turn around and look at Jeremy. John L shoots him a look.

Sack walks over to them.

Sack looks overboard.

John and Jeremy lean over to take a look.

Sack laughs insincerely. William Cleary ambles over, cocktail in hand, and quickly looks overboard.

My God! A r et h o s e b l u e f i s h ? ( t h e n ) You know, Sack here i s s i n g l e - handedly r e s p o n s i b l ef o r t h es p u r t i nt h e b l u e f i s h p o p u l a t i o n .

Jeremy's a j o u tt o c r a c k wise-assb u tJohn elbowshim.

Jeremy l o o k soverboard.Cleary g i v e sJeremya h a r d b u t f r i e n d l ys l a p ont h e backandJeremyf a l l si n t o t h eocean.

Jeremy i sw e tands h i v e r i n gon t h e deck.A s t h e b o a t approaches l a n d ,John andJeremycan s e e t h eC l e a r yf a m i l y compound on M a r t h a ' sVineyard.I t ' sahuge,o l d b e a c h f r o n t mansion with a l a r g elawnandadirondack c h a i r s s t r e w n a b o u t . T h e r e ' sa l s o adoc^,housingv a r i o u ss a i l b o a t s . .

J e r e m yandJohnl i n e upi n ascrimmage w i t ho t n e rg u e s t s i n c l u d i n g C l a i r e ,Cleary,andSack.Todd,C l a i r e ' syounger b r o t h e r s i t si nal a w n c h a i r on t h es i d e l i n er e a d i n g .

John hikes.the ball to Jeremy and goes out for a pass. He's being covered by Sack. John fakes like he's doing an "out" pattern but goes long. Sack is completely fooled. John catches the pass from Jeremy for a touchdown. John is congratulated by his teammates. Sack fumes.

John hikes the ball to Jeremy. Sack rushes in, aiming for John. He misses him and completely flattens Jeremy who manages to get the pass off.

ANGLE ON: John racing downfield. He reaches out to catch the pass, however Claire intercepts. She does a little pivot dance to get around John. John mimics her wildly. She laughs. He touch/tags her.

He mimics her again. She laughs and looks upfield.

ANGLE ON: A few people are dragging Jeremy's seemingly lifeless body off the field. John runs over.

Sack and Cleary share a laugh. John rushes over to Jeremy

Todd looks up from his book.

It wouldn't kill you to play some competitive sports once in a while, would it?

Todd scoffs. Cleary rolls his eyes.

Gloria rushes over, hyper-concerned. She leans over him and sticks her tongue half way down his throat. Jeremy jumps up to get away from her.

Different scrimmage. John is the quarterback. Jeremy hikes it to him as Sack comes in to rush. John whips the ball quickly to Jeremy who is pummeled and flattened by Sack.

They share another overly-exaggerated manly chortle

John walks over to Jeremy.

i G l o r i a r u s h e so v e r w i t h h e r mother,Kathleen. L

G l c r i ah e l p sJeremy up who i s p r a c t i c a l l yc o n c u s s i v e .They h o b b l ei n t ot h ehouse,l e a v i n gJohna l o n e w i t hK a t h l e e n .

She g i v e s him al o n g ,f l i r t a t i o u sl o o k .

John s t a r e sa th e rp e r p l e x e d a ss h e walkso f f .

I N T .CLEARYBATHROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

J e r e m y i Ss i t t i n g ont h eedgeoft h et u bi ns e r i o u s p a i na s G l o r i a a p p l i e s mecurichrome t o h i s wounds.

She g e t son h i sl a p .RANDOLPH,t h ee a r l y4 0 ' sJamaican b u t l e r p a s s e sbyt h eopen bathroom d o o r .Theyd o n ' tsee him.

R a n d o l p h ' sshocked.H eciearsh i st h r o a t .Theyl o o k up. G l o r i ajumpso f fJ e r e m y ' sl a p .Randolphs p e a k s w i t hat h i c k Jamaican a c c e n t .

Oh, don't worry, little Gloria. Mum's the word.

Randolph shuts the door, shakes his head and walks away.

She starts to straddle him again.

She starts kissing him. He moves her off his lap.

She takes a swab of mecurichrome and stabs his wound.

No, no, it's not like that!

She takes another load of medicine and tortures another wound.

She melts into his arms.

They get up. Jeremy's stressed. They exit into the hallway.

Jeremy and Gloria pass Sec. Cleary.

... SEC. CLEARY Well, you go change f o r d i n n e r .

She g i v e sJeremy a peckont h echeekand walksaway.

C l e a r y walksaway.Jeremy i s now h o r r i f i e d .

An o p u l e n td i n n e rf o rf i f t e e n i si n t h ep r o c e s sofb e i n g s e r v e d .C l e a r y i s a tt h e headoft h et a b l e .H i s mother GRANDMA MARY, a woman who l o o k s n e a r l y1 0 0 ,s i t s n e x tt o him. The r e s toft h ef a m i l y ,Sack,and t h eo t h e rg u e s t sf i l lo u t t h et a b l e .Randolph,t h eJamaicanb u t l e r ,s t a n d snearby.

John and Jeremy e n t e rt h ea l c o v ej u s to u t s i d et h ed i n i n g room. John l o o k sa tSack.H e ' sh o l d i n gc o u r t .J o h n ' s n a u s e a t e d .

( i n t e n s e b u ts o t t o ) Jer, you have t h e v i s i n e ?

ANGLE ON: Sack a t t h e d i n n e r t a b l e .

ANGLE ON: Jeremy and John. Jeremy' r e a c h e si n t oh i s pocket.

John and Jeremy e n t e r t h ed i n i n g room.

They s i tdown n e a rt h eheadoft h e t a b l e .G l o r i ah a ssaved a s e a tf o rJeremyr i g h tn e x tt o her.

FATHER 0' N E I L Heavenly F a t h e r . . .

Everyone bows their heads. John quickly squirts the visine into Sack's wine.

They all make the sign of the cross. Jeremy, preoccupied, doesn't until John nudges him. Randolph walks over with a platter and sets it on the table.

Ciaire laughs, then stops herself

Really? I'm seeing a orthopedist when get.back to-town.~ . o tjust any orthopedist. Dr. Epstein--

Sack smiles.

John and Jeremy bow their heads and make the sign of the cross.

We see Gloria reach her hand under the table and grab Jeremy's crotch. Jeremy's eyes bug out. He tries to push her arm away. Gloria, her a n hidden by the table cloth, begins to furiously masturbate Jeremy.

- JEREMY (falsetto) That 's right!

John looks at him strangely, then looks down. He sees what's happening and gives Jeremy a shocked look.

Sack feigns disgust.

Jeremy is near climax.

The group mas approvingly..~ 1 e a r ~ ' sw i f e Kathleenl o o k sa t John and l i c k s h e rl i p ss e d u c t i v e r y .J o h n ' sh o r r i f i e d .Sack r e a c h e s down.andf e e l s h i sstoniach.Something's--wrong.

Kathleen slams down h e rwine and pours a n o t h e r .G l o r i a i s f i n i s h e d w i t hJeremy.She g i g g l e s .Jeremy is s p e n t .

Jeremy, shocked, t a k e sad r i n kofw a t e r .

Jeremy s p i t s up h i s w a t e r .

... GRANDMA MARY Maybe so. ( b e a t ) For a J e w .

Jeremy's a g h a s t .I t ' sl i k e h e ' se a t i n g witht h eGestapo.

GRANDMA M A R Y (how d a r e you?!) R e a l l y ?

( t o John) Thank you. F i n a l l ysomeones p e a k s UP.

Randolph Fours h e r a n o t h e rs h e r r y .She downs itw h i l e h o l d i n g o n t o t h e b u t l e r ' ss l e e v e .She makes him poura n o t h e r .

Sack g r a b sh i sstomach.He'st u r n i n gg r e e n .

He s t a n d sup.

Sack b o l t sfrom t h et a b l e .

John elbows Jeremy. John p a s s e sap l a t t e rt o Todd.

What? He can't help it. They say it's genetic. (indicating Kathleen) From her side of the family.

Todd's head sinks. Jeremy gives him a sympathetic pat on the arm. Todd looks at Jeremy ...lovingly.

Cleary motions over Randolph, who helps Grandma Mary up.

Grandma Mary, clearly drunk, shuffles off. Todd, pissed off, gets up and storms off.

~.

You go r i g h tahead,Toddy

JOHN, ( t o C l a i r e ) So maybe a f t e r d i n n e r wecould t a k eawalk?

C l a i r eg e t supand h a s t i l ye x i t s .Johnlooksa tJeremya n d winks. He g e t supand e x i t si nt h eo p p o s i t ed i r e c t i o n .

I N T .GUESTROOM- A MINUTE LATER

John i ss i t t i n g on t h ebed p u t t i n gon some t o p - s i d e r s .We h e a rt h edooropen and t h e ns h u t .Johnl o o k s up.We s e e Kathleen Cleary. S h e ' st o p l e s s .Johngasps.

C a l l meKitty-Kat.

She walks toward John and s t a n d sr i g h to v e r him.

John s i g h s .Her e l u c t a n t l yr e a c h e sup andf e e l sh e rb r e a s t s .

She moans d e e p l y .She g r a b sh e r b l o u s eand b u t t o n s it up.

She blows him a k i s sand e x i t s .John s h a k e sh i shead;what t h eh e l lj u s thappened?

I N T .HALLWAY-A MINUTE LATER

John i s w a l k i n gdown t h ehallway.He p a s s e sTodd'sroom. T o d d ' s p a i n t i n g .He sees John.

John s t o p sand b a c k sup.

What?! No!

John h u r r i e d l y c o n t i n u e sdown t h e h a l l .He r u n si n t oSeremy, s h u f f l i n g down t h e h a l ll o o k i n g completely s p e n t .

John s t a r e sa t him ab e a t

Sohn c o n t i n u e son down t h e h a l l .

Jeremy e n t e r sh i sroom.

I N T .JEREMY'SBEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jeremy e n t e r sh i sg u e s troom.Immediatelyhes e e s Grandma Mary s l e e p i n gi n h i sbed.Het h i n k sh e ' swalkedi n t o t h e wrong room, b u tn o t i c e sh i scumberbundand j a c k e thanging o v e rt h ec h a i r .Hegoeso v e r t ot h ebedand g e n t l ynudges Grandma. She l o o k sa thim andscreams.Jeremy screains.

EXT, CLEARY FAMILY COMPOUND - SIMULTANEOUS

John s t e p so u t s i d e ' t om e e tC l a i r e .

S t r a n g e f a m i l y ,huh?

Sec. C l e a r y pokesh i s heado u tt h edoor.

sEC'.,'CLEARY C l a i r e ,Sackwas.a s k i n g f o ryou.

C l a i r elooksa tJohn

C l e a r y nods andgoesbacki n t ot h e house

Claire s t a r t st o headback i n t ot h ehouse.

C l a i r ee x i t si n t o t h e house.C l e a r y pokesh i sheadback o u t .

John looks-up at the sky, frustrated by his missed "walk with Claire" opportunity.

Jeremy's carrying Grandma down the hall.

She giggles, than falls asleep. We see Randolph poke his head out of his room, and obviously misinterpret what's going on.

Randolph returns to his room. Jeremy stands there dumbfounded.

Randolph shakes his head, lights a bong and takes a monster hit.

- d e r e m y . - i sl a y i n gi nb e d , t o s s i n gand t u r n i n g .He'ss o r e .

John i s l a y i n gi n bed,eyesopen,wideawake.

I N T .SACK'SROOM- SIMULT,ANEOUS

Sack is l a y i n g ont h e bathroomf l o o r .H e pops upt o r e t c h i n t ot h et o i l e t .

I N T .CLAIRE'SROOM- SIMULTANEOUS

C l a i r e i sl a y i n g i n bed,andl i k eJohn,s h e ' s wide awake.

I N T .JEREMY'SBEDROOM- LATER THAT N I G H T

CLOSE ON: Jeremy. He's a s l e e p .Wes e e two l e g ss t r a d d l e him. H eawakens w i t haj o l t .

P u l lbackt or e v e a lG l o r i a .She starts t y i n gh i sr i g h tarm t o t h e bed p o s t .

She t i e s h i so t h e rarmt o t h e bed p o s t .

< She t a k e sas o c k ands t u f f s iti n h i smouth.

She puts duct tape over his sock-filled mouth.

John is walking down the hallway. He comes to Claire's aoor and listens to see if she's awake.

Claire is iaying in bed, eyes open, wide awake.

John doesn't hear anything. He sighs and walks away.

Claire walks down the hallway to John's bedroom door and listens for him. She sighs and walks away.

John is sitting by the window staring out,

Grandma is tossing and turning. She's muitering to herself.

CLOSE ON: Jeremy. He's sleeping again. We see a hand come in from our of frame and gently stroke his forehead. Jeremy slowly awakens.

Jeremy gasps. We pull back to reveal Todd, naked, on his stomach stroking Jeremy's forehead.

Todd picks up a flashlight and shines it on a painting resting on Jeremy's dresser. We see a surreal red mess blotched onto the the canvas.

Todd kisses Jeremy on the forehead.

Okay. . . yous l e e p .

Todd g e t sup,k i s s e sh i sf i n g e r a n d p u t s iton J e r e m y ' sl i p s .

Todd smiles and e x i t s .Jeremy,s h a k e n ,l o o k supward.

John i s a tt h e b r e a k f a s tt a b l e ,e a t i n gsome bacon,r e a d i n g t h enewspaper,d r i n k i n gc o f f e ei n ag a r g a n t u a nk i t c h e n . Jeremy s t u m b l e s ,e x h a u s t e d ,i n t o t h ek i t c h e n .ACOOK i s making a l lk i n d sofb r e a k f a s tt h i n g s .H e p o u r sJeremysome c o f f e eande x i t s .

Jeremy p u l l st h enewspaperdown.

I'm taking it in the shorts!

Nonetheless, he grabs a piece off John's plate.

Will you stop it with the rules, already?! Fuck the rules!

Jeremy stares at him for a beat.

Jeremy starts to stand. John pulls him back down.

I don't give a baker's fuck! I had

my mouth last night! (off John's look) Long story.

John smiles and slaps Jeremy on the shoulder.

Sack, looking haggard, reaches for the phone. He dials and it rings. We cut between he and his friend TRAP MITCHELL.

Trap Mitchell, sipping a gin and tonic in a palatial Cape Cod backyard,'picks up the phone.

... TRAP Sack-Master! What's the word? How was the wedding?

Trap writes the names down.

Sounds good. I ' l lc a l l Skunk and Twine.

They laugh. They've done t h i s b e f o r e . I t ' s n a u s e a t i n g .

E X T .CLEARY FAMILYDOCK- THE NEXT M O R N I N G

John and Jeremy walk t o t h e C l e a r y f a m i l ys a i l b o a t .Ont h e s i d eoft h e b o a t i s p a i n t e d"TheKathleen."S e c r e t a r y and Mrs. Cleary, G l o r i a ,Claire,and afewo t h e r g u e s t saxeon t h e b o a ta l r e a d y .Sec.Cieary i sa tt h e helm,preparingt o s 2 i l .

Sack comes r a n n i n gfrom t h e house.

S a c kg e t s t ot h edock.Wes e et h a th e ' shadar e a l l yrough n i g h t .A s he g e t sont h e b o a t ,h e s h o o t sJohn ad i r t yl o o k .

T h e y ' r eo u ti n t h eocean.S e c r e t a r yC l e a r yis a tt h e helm, s t e e r i n gt h e b o a t .Sack s i t s n e x tt oCiaire,h i sarmt i g h t l y around h e r .JohnandJeremy s i t on t h ebow o ft h eb o a t . G l o r i a ' sarm i st i g h t l yaroundJeremy.

Sack nods "no. "

C l a i r eg e t s up andg o e si n t o t h ec a b i no ft h e b o a t .

Sack r e a l l yd o e s n ' tl o o kw e l l .Withe a c hrockoft h eb o a t ,he g e t s al i t t l emorequeasy.Johnn o t i c e st h i sand g e t s a ni d e a .

Hey, you know my buddy Dave's with Chase. I b e theknows him. ( t h e n ) Too bad Dave's not here. You'd l o v e him.Ofcourse,you'd never c a t c hDave on a boatagain.We went o u ton a boatone time and you should have seen how s e a - s i c k h eg o t .I ' mt e l l i n g you, itwasa mess. We'd a l l e a t e na bunchof Lobster R o l l sand Davel i k e sh i s j u s ts l a t h e r e d i n mayonnaise. I mean he a t e ,l i k e ,t h r e eofthem.

Sack i ss t a r t i n g t ot u r n green.

Sack is t r y i n gn o tt ol o s eh i slunch.

Sack b o l t st ot h ec a b i n .A she does,hec r o s s e sC l a i r e who's coming back on deck with two b e e r s .

C l a i r e handsJohn a b e e r .He t a k e sas i p ands t a r e s p e n s i v e l y o f ft os e a .He'st r y i n gt og e t h e rt o a s k him whath e ' s t h i n k i n ga b o u t .Het a k e sadramatics i p ofb e e r .

C L A I R E No, no. I mean you.

She smiles a th i m .

They s h a r e al a u g h t h e nl o o k a t eacho t h e rf o r ab e a t . T h e r e ' st h ef l i c k e ro fa moment.

Sack h e a r sJohnandC l a i r el a u g h and pukesi n t oabucket

I N T .CLEARY FAMILY SAILBOAT-CONTINUOUS

John and C l a i r ec o n t i n u e t h e i rc o n v e r s a t i o n .

.. CLAIRE There a r e some amazing t i d ep o o l s o v e ront h eo t h e rs i d e oft h e i s l a n d .Wec o u l d b i k eovert h e r e t h i sa f t e r n o o n ,i fyou l i k e .

John, having no c l u e ,g i v e s Jeremya p a n i c k e dl o o k .Zeremy s h r u g s .

Sec. C l e a r yl e t sgo o ft h ehelm and s t a r t sf o rt h ec a b i n . John g r a b st h e wheel.Kathleencomesup b e h i n dJohnand g r a b s h i s...m a s t .

John t u r n st h ewheelt o oq u i c k l yand t h e b o a tr e a c t s s u d a e n i y ,s e n d i n g t h emains a i lf l y i n garound andsmacking i n t oJeremy.Jeremy f l i e si n t o t h eocean.

lo riajumps i n t o t h ew a t e r .I n t r y i n gt or e s c u eJeremy, G l o r i a i s so overwroughtand p a n i c k e dt h a ts h ekeepsdunking him back i n t o t h ew a t e r .H e ' sg a s p i n gf o r b r e a t h .

The b o a th a sdocked.Everyone i s d i s e m b a r k i n g .G l o r i a i s h o l d i n gJeremy who'swrappedi nab l a n k e t .Johnp u l l sC l a i r e

... JOHN What do you say we hit those tide pools?

Randolph approaches the group. He's carrying several rifles, which he begins handing out to all the men, including John and Jeremy.

Sack ~ a k e snote of this and scowls.

Sack grabs a rifle. He's starting to look a little scary.

... SACK I hunt quail. They're overpopulated on the island. They're decimating the grub worm population. Got a problem with that? !

A group of about ten men, including Sack, Sec. Cleary, John and Jeremy walk through the marsh looking for quail. Jeremy stops and pulls John aside.

3EREMY , What are we gonna do? I don't want to kill a quail. It's bad karma.

'Secretary Cleary stops and points.

Everyone aims.and shoots. John and Jeremy fumble to get their

flying five feet on their asses.

The men a r e still walking through throught h e marsh.Jeremy i srubbing h i ss h o u l d e r .

Sack s t o p s and p o i n t s .

A severyone t u r n s ,wes e e Sack s e th i ss i g h t s onJohn. Through S a c k ' s scope,wecan s e e J o h n ' sa s s .The menf i r e . Jeremy d i s c h a r g e s . h i sr i f l e .He'ss e n tr e e l i n ga g a i n .T h i s t i m ei n t o John.Sack s h o o t s h i sr i f l e .Buti n s t e a dofh i t t i n g John, he h i t sCeremy.Jeremy h i t s t h e ground grabbingh i sa s s .

I N T .CLEARYFAMILYBATHROOM -LATER

CLOSE ON: Jeremy's a s s .Someone i sp u l l i n go u t buckshotw i t h tweezers. P u l lbackt or e v e a l i t ' sG l o r i a .Johnand C l a i r e poke t h e i rheadsi n t o t h e bathroom.

John and C h i r ee x i t .CLOSEON:Jeremy.G l o r i aS t a r t sg r o p i n g,;::.,

.......,..,

John and Claire a r e r i d i n g b i k e son ap a t hn e a r t h es h o r e .

Sack pops i n t o t h el i v i n g room.Randolph iss i t t i n g on t h e couch watching TV.

S a c k ' sjawc l e n c h e s .

John and C l a i r es t o p t h e i r b i k e s a tt h eedge o fat i d e p o o l

Sack p e d a l sf u r i o u s l y onana l d ' b i k e w i t h a l i t t l e b a s k e ton t h ef r o n t .H eLooks al o tl i k e t h e meanl a d y i n t h e b e g i n n i n g of t h eW i z a ~ do f02.

John and C l a i r e e x p l o r i n gt h et i d e p o o l .

,,...

down t h er o a d .Sack r i n g st h e o l d - f a s h i o ' n e db i k eb e l l a g g r e s s i v e l yand n e a r l yr u n so v e r them a nand h i sdog.

John p i c k su p a b i gs t a r f i s h and tries t o p u ti n on C l a i r e ' s head. She s p l a s h e shim.T h e y ' r el a u g h i n g .

Sack p u l l s u ponh i sb i k eand w a t c h e sJohnand C l a i r efrom t h eh i l labovet h et i d e p o o l .

John s p l a s h e s h e rback.Soon t h e y arei nt h e midsto fa s p l a s h i n gf r e n z y ,g e t t i n gc l o s e r . t oe a c ho t h e rw i t he a c h s p l a s h .T'neyend upi ne a c ho t h e r ' sarms.C l a i r el o o k su pa t John who's l o o k i n g b a c ka t h e ri n t e n t l y .

She p u l l shim i na n dk i s s e shim.

ANGLE ON: Sack v a t c h i n gthem.

Sack p e d a l saway q u i c k l y .

ANGLE ON: John a n d C l a i r e .C l a i r e b r e a k st h ek i s s .

C i a i r er u n so f fa n dg e t sonh e r b i k e .

I N T .CLEARYFAMILYD I N I N GROOM-THATNIGHT

Everyone i ss e a t e d . a tt h et a b l e mid-meal.J o h nt r i e st omake e y ec o n t a c tw i t hC l a i r eb u ts h e t u r n saway.Jeremy i s s h i f t i n gc n c o m f o r t a b l yi ns i g n i f i c a n ta s s p a i n .GrandmaMary i ssound a s l e e p ,c l u t c h i n gag l a s so fs h e r r y ,s n o r i n gl o u d l y , S a c k t a p sh i sg l a s sf o ra t t e n t i o n .Everyones t o p st a l k i n gand l i s t e n s .

... SACK (cont'd) (looking right at John Claire and I are going to be married.

Everyone oohs, ahhhs and applauds expegt John,whO is stunned. Claire looks ak Shek, perplex.ed.

Grandma Mary pops awake.

She slumps back down. Everyone ignores her.

Gloria stands up. She's beaming.

Oohs, ahhhs, applause

Jeremy p u t s h i sheadi n h i s hands.Grandma Mary pops backu?.

GRANDMA M A R Y R o o s e v e l t ' sa pussy!

C l a i r eg e t s up and e x i t s o u t s i d e .

I N T .CLEARY FAMILYD I N I N GROOM-A MINUTE LATER

Some of t h eg u e s t s a r e hoveringaround G l o r i a ,t h e rest around Sack. John is s u l l e n .Jeremy p u l l s him a s i d e .

John t h i n k sf o rab e a t ,t h e n~ a k e sadeep b r e a t h .

John b o l t so u t s l d e .Jeremy looksoutt h ewindow.From h i s POV, we s e e Johnr u s h i n g a f t e r C l a i r e .Jeremyshakes h i shead and e x i t si n t ot h ek i t c h e n .

I N T .CLEARY FAMILY KITCHEN- CONTIFJUOUS

Jeremy hobbles i n ,g r a b s a hand towel,walkst ot h ef r e e z e r and fills t h etowel with i c e whichhe p l a c e sg e n t l y on h i s wounded a s s .TheCOOK,s t i f l e s alaughand e x i t s .

Jeremy sits-down on t h ei c e packand p u t sh i s headont h e t a b l e .G l o r i a walksi n .

She opens a magazine i n - f r o n tofh i sf a c e .

She winks and e x i t s .Jeremy moans.F a t h e rO I N e i lw a l k si nand s e e sJeremy,headi n hands,ass i n ice.

He s i z sdown n e x tt oJeremy and p o u r sh i m s e l fa b r a n d y .

Jeremy l o o k so u tt h ek i t c h e nwindowandsighsd e e p l y .H e ' sa t t n eendo fh i sr o p e .

I " dl i k e t oinakeaconfession.

FATHER 0 'N E I L Pardon m e ?

I N T .CLEARVFAMILY LIVINGROOM- SIMULT?iNEOUS

Sack i s s i t t i n pon t h e couch,afew peoplearoundhim.H i s c e l l phoner i n p s .Trap i sonth'eo t h e rendand wec u tback and f o r t h betweenthem.

ZXT. BEACH - A MINUTZ LATER

John is following C l a i r edownrrhebeach.S h e ' swalkinga ta O r i skpace.

She c o n t i n u e s walking

... JOHN ( c o n t i n u i n g ) So...yo u t r e~marr-yingt h i sguy,huh?

She s t o p sand t u r n sa r o u n d .

I N T .CLEARYFAMILYKITCHEN - SIMULTANEOUS

J e r e m y ' sr e a l l yc o m f o r t a b l e w i t ht h eP r i e s t .H e ' sk i c k i n g back, c o n f e s s i n g .

FATHER 0 'N E I L Meet g i r l s ?

... JEREMY ( c o n t ' d ) W ed i d ito n c e a tt h e b e a c ha tt h e wedding a n d t h e ns h e . . . (makes t h ej e r k - o f f m o t i o nw i t hh i shand) ...a tt h e d i n n e r t a b l e .T h e r e was one more t i m e .But I wasn o ta w i l l i n gp a r t i c i p a n t ,okay? ( o f fP r i e s t'sl o o k ) Long s c o r y .

J E R E M Y No, no. G e tt h i s !Het h i n k sh e ' s i nl o v e w i t hh e r !I s n ' tt h a t h i l a r i o u s ?S e e ? T h a t ' swhyw e ' v e been h e r es ol o n g !N o r n a l l ywe're in a n do u ti n ac o u p l eh o u r sand--

John i sf a c i n gC l a i r e w h o ' sl o o k i n go u tt o w a r dt h eo c e a n

-- CLAIRE ( s i g h s ) Maybe. ( b e a t ) Look I d o n ' tknowa n y t h i n ga b o u t you. You do i n v e s t m e n t si n New Hampshire and--

We h e a ral o u dgunshotcomefrom t h ed i r e c t i o no ft h eh o u s e .

They l o o k backands e e Jeremy b e i n gc h a s e d byS e c r e t a r y C l e a r y ,K a t h l e e n ,Todd,Sack,and Grandma who'sh o l d i n ga l a r g es h o t g u n f i r i n g w i l l y - n i l l ya tJeremy.

G M N D M AMARY H e ' saJew!

S h e ' f i r e so f faroundand misses.Jeremy screams.

Jeremy c a t c h e sup w i t hJohn.

Jeremy c o n t i n u e st orun.'

FATHER 0' N E I L I ' ms o r r y .God d o e s n ' tpayt h e b i l l s .

Xe spilled what?!

Grandr~afires off another round which barely misses John.

John runs down beach toward Jeremy.

Grandma fires another round.

Claire is mortified. John turns around and looks defeatedly at Claire.

Grandma f i r e s o f fa n o t h e rr0un.da sJohnand Jeremyt e a rdown t h e beach,over some r o c k sando u tofs i g h t .Wes e et h e C l e a r yfarni3ysl.wwlyg i v e up t h e,.chase.

John and Jeremy g e t ont h ef e r r y a s i t ' st a k i n go f f .I n f r u s t r a t i o n ,Johnk i c k sabench,t h e n s i t s down,f o r l o r n .

E X T . / I N T .VARIOUS LOCATIONSOVER THENEXTFEW WEEKS

Montage:

John walks d e j e c t e d l yt h r o u e ht h e streets ofBoston.

C l a i r e walksi nas i m i l a r manneralong t h e beachon M a r t h a ' s Vineyard.

Johnrails a i e t t e r a d d r e s s e d t oC l z i r e .

John g e t sh i s m a i l . H i sl e t t e r ' h a sbeenr e t u r n e dunopened

Sack shows C l a i r esome honeymoon b r o c h u r e s .She smilesa tt i m t h a ns t a r e s p e n s i v e l yo u tt h e window.

G l o r i a m a i l sal e t t e r a d d r e s s e d t oJeremy.

G l o r i ag e t sh e rm a i l .Herl e t t e rh a s beenr e t u r n e d unopened.

John, i na s i n g l e mancrew b o a t ,i srowingf r a n t i c a l l ydown t h eC h a r l e s River t r y i n g t oc a t c h up t oC l a i r e who'si n h e r own b o a t .She d o e s n ' ts e e him.The wakefrom al a r g e crew b o a tp i t c h e sJ o h n ' sb o a tover,s e n d i n g himf l y i n g i n t ot h e C h a r l e s .

Sack and C l a i r e a r eont h e beach.Sack t i c k l e sas e a o t t e r underneath i t sz h i n .She p u t s h e rarm onSack and s m i l e s .The s e a o t t e r b i t e sS a c k ' sl e g .

I N T .LAWFIRM OFBECKWITH AND KLEIN - THREE WEEKS LATER

John, a bounce i nh i ss t e p e n t e r sJ e r e m y ' so f f i c e .He's h o l d i n gt h e p a p e r .

She d o e s n ' tt h i n ks h e wants t os e e me. B u t . L r u s ime,she..nantst c see me.

Jeremy g i v e s him askepticallook.

M Y .CHATHAM BEACH CLUB/ALLEYWAY - THE NEXT DAY

John and Jeremy s t a n da tt h e rearoft h er e s t a u r a n t .

John s m i l e sand g i v e sacoded knock on t h ed o o r .RANDOLPH opens t h ed o o r .

Jeremy s t a r e s a tRandolphi nd i s b e l i e f

John and Jeremy are d~essed as waiters. John is making coffee. The kitchen has two doors. One leads to the dining room. The other leads to the banquet room where the Cleary's are having the engagement party. MICHAEL, the dining room captain walks in. Michael is clsarly gay and a bit drunk with power.

Michael is shocked at Jeremy's insolence. He struggles to regain his composure.

Jeremy shoots John a look.

Yes, what?!

Jeremy ladles two bowls of soup, puts them on a tray, and exits into the dining room.

( t o John) And you? A r ew e working .working o r a r e we,oh,j u s tsoaking i n t h e atmosphere?

Michael e x i t si n c ot h ebanquetroom.

Jeremy i st a l k i n gt ot a b l ef i v e ,an ELDERLY COUPLE.

Jeremy p i c k supt h e i rsoups and p u t sthem backonh i st r a y . He e x i t s backi n t o t h ek i t c h e n .

I N T .CHATHAMBSACH CLUB/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Jeremy e n t e r sandp u t st h esoups down and l a d l e s two bowlsof chowder. He g i v e sJohnt h ef i n g e rand e x i t sw i t ht h echowder i n t o t h ed i n i n groom.Johnopenst h edoort h a tl e a d s'iothe banquet ro0rn.a l i t t l e t o sneak ap e e k .H es e e ss e v e r a lS e c r e t S e r v i c eguys.

Jeremy is w i t h t a b l ef i v e .T h e i rchowder i son t h e t a b l e .

The o l d womans c o w l s a t him.

H e p i c k sup h e rg l a s sandt a k e so u tt h ei c e w i t h h i sh a n d s .

Jeremy e n t e r s t of i n d John p e e r i n gt h r o u g h t h ed o o r .

JOHN S h e ' sgott ogo t o t h e bathroom sometime.

Michael e n t e r s .

John nudges Jeremy.

Jeremy, remembering h e ' sgoing by" L e s t e r , "walksovert o Michael.

I N T .CHATHAMBEACHCLUB/BANQUET ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS

JOHN'S POV: C l a i r eand Sack a r e t a l k i n g t osome g u e s t s . C l a i r e l o o k s b e a u t i f u l ,o fcourse.

I N T .CHATW-BEACH CLUB/DINING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Jeremy is wirh t a b l ef i v e .Hishead i ssunk.He's mid apology. Michael i ss t a n d i n g r i g h tbehind him,armsf o l d e d .

I N T .CHATHAMBEACHCLUB/KITCHEN.- A MINUTE LATER

John peeks o u tt h edoor.Suddenly hes e e s Claire walk toward t h erestroom.He s t a r t st o go o u ta f t e rh e r ,b u t Michael e n t e r s and b l o c k sh i sway.C l a i r ee n t e r s t h erestroom.

That's right. And what did you do?

Claire exits the bathroom. John starts out of the kitchen.

We see Sack walk up to Claire and escort her back to the Isanpet room. John1s lost his chance.

Michael exits haughtily. John's sighs.

Jeremy walks by table five.

Jeremy stares at the table. There's a soup spoon sitting right there. He decides not to say anything. He starts to walk away but his pride and anger get the best of him.

He p i c k su p t h eman'steaspoon.

The whole r e s t a u r a n tgasps

Jeremy s t a r t s t o e x i ti n t o t h ek i t c h e n .TheS e c r e tS e r v i c e guys r u s hi n t o t h e d i n i n groom t os e e whatt h ef u s s i s about. Sack, C l a i r eandSec.Cleary a r e withthem.Theys e e Jeremy who's b e e - l i n i n g itf o r t h ek i t c h e n .G l o r i as t a r t s t o e n t e r b u tS e c r e t a r y C l e a r y g e n t l y pushesh e r back t o t h e p r i v a t e room.

C l a i r e i s t o r nandh e s i t a t e s .

C l a i r ef o l l o w s h e r s i s t e r backi n t o t h e p r i v a t eroom.

I N T .CHATHiWBEACHCLgB/KITCHEN -CONTINUOUS

Jeremy e n t e r st h ek i t c h e n .

John s e e s Sack andt h eS e c r e tS e r v i c e guyse n t e rt h ek i t c h e n .

(to the secret Service) These are the guys I warned you about.

The Secret Service,guys grab John and Jeremy.

A guy, TRAP MITCHELL, is holding John while Sack pummels him. The other has Jeremy pinned to the ground. Sec. Cleary looks on.

Secretary Cleary storms off.

Sack slams John in the gut, spits on him and he and the Trap go back into the restaurant, leaving John and Jeremy in the parking lot. John sits up and rubs his jaw. Jeremy dusts himself off. He looks at Jeremy, disgusted.

John shakes his head. He takes off his torn jacket and gets UF. So does Jeremy.

John stares at him for a beat

Youknow, t h a t ' swhatyous a i d , a b o u t .Mary T h e r e s aS p i n o l l i .

Not growing up! Okay?! Pissing away our Cucking lives living by some idiotic dumb-ass "rules!" Not growing up, Jeremy...

John doesn't answer.

John starts to walk away but stops and turns;

John starts to leave. Jeremy grabs his arm.

A tl e a s t Iknow who Iam, motherfucker! You? H e l l ,you can t a l kaboutl o v e ,l o v e ,l o v e u n t i l y o u ' r eb l u ei n t h ef a c e .Buti n t h e morningyou s t i l l have t o wake up a s John. F u l lofs h i tJohn.

John clenches h i sf i s tand is aboutt o b e l thim.Then h e t a k e sa b r e a t h ,s i g h sand backso f f .

John t u r n sand walksaway.

I N T .LAWFIRM OFBECKWITH AND KLEIN - TWO MONTHS LATER

Decorations and t r a y soffood a r eo u t .Everybody'sd r i n k i n g . I t ' s a p a r t y .A bannerr e a d s :"FarewellJohn.Good Lucki n Chicago." We s e e agroup ofJ o h n ' sc o l l e a g u e st o a s thim.Joha r a i s e s h i sg l a s s ands m i l e s .He t a k e sad r i n kandc a s u a l l y looks around. Jeremy's nowhere t o beseen.

I N T .JEREMY'S OFFICE-SIMULTANEOUS

Jeremy is a th i sdesk. I t ' s d a r k ,savef o ronel o n edim lamp. Jeremy t a k e sad r i n k .He'sobviously unhappy.

I N T .J O H N ' SAPARTMENT-A FEW DAYS LATER

John i s packingup boxes, g e t t i n gready t o move.Jeremy b u r s t si n .

Jeremy s m i l e s .

... J O H N ( c o n t i n u i n g ) Well, I mean y0.udid, b u t it w a s n ' tyourf a u l t .Howc o u l d I e v e r e x p e c tt o woo t h e woman ofmy dreams by c r a s h i n gawedding? I t ' s r i d i c u l o u s .

They look a teach o t h e randeinbrace.

J",R~.M~ T h i s ' l lb et h e l a s tone!Asend o f f .Do itf o r k i d .F i f t e e ny e a r s of f r i e n d s h i p...

John and Jeremy e n t e r t h echurch.They s t o p i nt h e back.

... JOHN YOU know t h i s i s t h e l a s t timeI ' m d o i n g t h i s ,right?

A wedding i si n p r o g r e s s .Johni o o k s upa tt h e a l t a r .I t ' s C l a i r eandS a c k ' swedding.H el o o k satJeremy.Jeremy smiles.

John l o o k s a tJeremy.

John walks t o w a r d t h e a l t a r .H ec l e a r sh i st h r o a tl o u d l y .A l l e y e s t u r nt ohim.

He motions s e c u r i t yo v e r .Grandma C l e a r ys t a n d sup.

GRANDMA CLEIbRY I t ' st h e Jews!

The S e c r e tS e r v i c e a p p r o a c hJohn.

J u s tl e t mespeak my mind andI ' l l Leave -youa l l -a l o n e - f o r e v e r .

Sec. C l e a r ynods"okay"t o t h es e c u r i t y men.

J O H N. , C l a i r e ,i t ' st r u e , I metyou b e c a u s e Ic r a s h e d yours i s t e r ' s wedding. ( t o t h e g u e s t s ) T h a t ' sr i g h t .Ic r a s h weddings.O r a tl e a s t I used t o .I nf a c t . .. ( p o i n t i n g t o ac o u p l e ) I c r a s h e dyour weddinga b o u ta y e a rago.Very n i c e ,byt h e way. I w i l ls a y av e g e t a r i a n o p t i o n i s u s u a l l y agoodi d e a b u t , o t h e r w i s e ,awonderfulwedding. How's it going f o ryou byt h e way?

They nod " p r e t t ygood."From t h e backoft h ec h u r c h ,Jeremy c l e a r s h i st h r o a ta si ft os a y ," P i c k it up."

Everybody s h i f t suncomfortably.Jeremyc l e a r sh i st h r o a t a g a i n .

F a t h e rO ' N d lnods" d o n ' tworryabout it."

Sack t u r n scrimson.

He s t a r t s t o moves o f ft h e a l t a r .C l a i r eh o l d sh i sa r m .

John s t a r t st o walk toward t h ea l t a r .

C l a i r e looksa tSack andt h e nlooksa tJohn.Along b e a tand t h e nshes m i l e s a t Sack.She l e a n s t ohim.H es m i l e s .We t h i n ks h e ' sgoingt ok i s shim.T h e i rl i p s a r eabout t o meet.

She t a k e s o f fh e rv e i lands t e p so f ft h ea l t a r .Sackl o o k sa t S e c r e t a r y C l e a r y a si ft os a y" h e l pm e . "

C l a i r e t u r n saround.

Oh, you've got to be kidding!

Sack glares at Sec. Cleary, then bolts off the altar. He's running straight for John but before he can get there, Jeremy runs up from the back of the church and tackles him.

Claire runs up and hugs John. They begin rushing out of the church.

Gloria's noticed Jeremy for =he first time.

She runs toward him.

Todd stands up, runs toward a man in the first row and hugs him.

There's total chaos in the church. John and Claire kiss. They run out of the church.

John and Claire look at each other and smile.

M et o o .W h a t ' r eyoui nt h e mood f o r ?

We see Jeremy b e i n gc h a s e d byG l o r i a ,t e nf e e tb e h i n dthem.

Jeremy keeps r u n n i n g .John and C l a i r eshaket h e i r . h e a d sand l a u g h .A weddingg u e s twho'sl a t e ,walksup w i t hag i f ti n h e rhandand p e r p l e x e d l y hands it t oC l a i r e .

She hands t h eg i f tback.Johnand C l a i r e l o o k a te a c ho t h e r , k i s sandkeepr u n n i n g .

CHYRON READS: ONE YEAR LATER

PNT. HOUSE OF WORSHIP - ONE YEAR LATER

CLOSE ON: John and Jeremy. T h e y ' r ei nt u x e s .W es e e j u s ta t o u c hoft h ea l t a r b e h i n dthem.The Wedding March b e g i n s t o p l a y .J o h n ' sa l i t t l e nervous.Theyh a v eas o t t oc o n v e r s a t i o n .

W e p u l lbackt o see G l o r i awalkingdownt h ea i s l ew i t h S e c r e t a r y C l e a r y .

... JEREMY Dude, you're going to be a groom next month!

We see Claire, the Maid of Honor standing with other bridesmaids. John smiles at her. She smiles back.

Jeremy laughs. Gloria gets closer.

Gloria's-nearly at the altar.

S e c r e t a r yC l e a r yg i v e sG l o r i a ak i s sand s h a k e sJ e r e m y ' s hand. Jeremy beams a s hes e e s G l o r i a ,r a d i a n t .John s m i l e s and p a t sJeremyor,t h e back.Jeremys t a r t s . t o . w a r dt h e a l t a r where we s e eaP r i e s tand aRabbi.'

Jeremy t a k e so u tay a r m u l k e a n dp u t s ito n .

CLOSE ON: Grandma Mary. She r o l l s h e re y e s .

A sJeremy i s a b o u tt os t e p up t o t h e a l t a r he t u r n st oJohn.

John t u r n saround.Hes e e stwo guysi n t h e i re a r l y t w e n t i e s . T h e y ' r eb o t hg e n t l y dabbing t h e i re y e s .Johnt u r n stoward Jeremy and s m i i e s .

John c h u c k l e sand g i v e s t h eguys a nod.Jeremy walksup t o t h ea l t a r .He andG l o r i as m i l ea teach o t h e r ,a sw e :

FADE OUT: