VACATION
by
Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley
based on characters created by John Hughes
Revisions by
Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley (punch-up 1/25/11) Lee Eisenberg & Gene Stupnitsky (punch-up 1/25/11)
Rich Rinaldi & Dan Fybel (punch-up 1/25/11) Melissa Stack (punch-up 1/25/11) Adam Sztykiel (punch-up 1/25/11)
Current revisions by Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
FADE IN:
of the Chicago skyline. We PICK UP a short-haul regional JET as it descends.
We MOVE UP the aisle of the cramped aircraft, PASSING mainly BUSINESS TRAVELERS.
We see RUSTY GRISWOLD, early 40s, eternally optimistic, wearing a pilot uniform. He sits beside his co-pilot, HARRY, 70s, fast asleep.
He turns off the intercom.
Harry snores softly. Rusty chuckles.
Rusty exits the gangway from his aircraft and heads into the terminal.
He walks past the UNITED AIRLINES CREW LOUNGE just as the door opens and a TALL, HANDSOME PILOT exits with a BEAUTIFUL FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT.
The flight attendant giggles flirtatiously. In the lounge behind them, Rusty can make out other glamorous- looking PILOTS and FLIGHT ATTENDANTS mingling and laughing among elegant wood and leather surroundings.
He continues down the corridor, arriving at a door labeled “ECONO AIR CREW LOUNGE.”
In contrast to the United Airlines Lounge, this place is more like an inner-city YMCA locker room. Rusty stands at a locker as he changes out of his uniform beside a FAT, NAKED MAN who towels off in the b.g. Throughout the scene, the fat man has a persistent, phlegmy cough.
Rusty seems unfazed, whistling as he changes. We see the door of his locker is covered in family photos showing his WIFE and two YOUNG SONS.
Rusty sits in bumper-to-bumper rush hour Chicago traffic. He notices that the clock has just flipped to 5:00 PM. As he does every day at this time, he turns on a lame “zoo crew” type show on the radio.
We hear C+C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now” kick in.
ZOO CREW GUY #1 (V.O.) (on radio) It’s 63 degrees in Chi-town and you’ve got Weirdo and Tom coming at you!
ZOO CREW GUY #2 (V.O.) (on radio) Buckle your seatbelts, folks, ‘cause it’s about to get bumpy up in here.
SFX: a SCREECHING CAT
ZOO CREW GUY #1 (V.O.) (on radio) Ooh, kitty likes to scratch.
Rusty chuckles, enjoying these guys way more than most people would.
Rusty’s car pulls into the driveway of a suburban house. He exits his car and heads inside.
Rusty enters.
JAMES, 14, Rusty’s slightly geeky, overly sensitive son, hurries in, distraught. He’s carrying an acoustic guitar.
He turns it to show the words “I HAVE A VAGINA” scrawled in magic marker on the guitar.
10-YEAR-OLD KEVIN enters looking defiant and wearing his favorite “Affliction” T-shirt. He’s a born jock and a bully, despite being a foot shorter than his older brother.
Kevin snorts.
Kevin hands Rusty the marker. Rusty CROSSES OFF part of the message and writes something else.
Rusty and Kevin head off. James looks miserably at his guitar which now reads “I HAVE A PENIS.”
Rusty enters to find his wife, DEBBIE, 30s, pretty, patient but strong-willed, making something at the counter.
She holds out a spoon of nasty, goopy salad.
She feeds him the slaw. He pretends to chew and swallow.
Rusty quickly heads out. Debbie looks a little miffed.
Russ and Debbie sit at the table with their neighbors, NANCY and JACK PETERSON, 40s. James sits beside SHEILA PETERSON, 13. Kevin is between James and GARY PETERSON,
ANGLE ON JAMES AND SHEILA
She’s kind of cute. She looks over and smiles at him. James, who is helplessly shy around girls, smiles back weakly. She goes back to her meal. We can tell James wants to make conversation with her but he’s too nervous, so he just continues to stare at her.
She frowns and turns away from him.
Kevin has been watching this with amusement. He leans in to his brother.
He punches James in the stomach.
Kevin cackles.
ANGLE ON RUSTY AND JACK
Gary trots over and Jack puts him in a playful headlock, tickling him. Gary loves it.
He tickles Gary again. Rusty looks down the table at his boys and has a thought.
James gets up and heads over.
James arrives. Rusty immediately grabs him in a headlock and tries to tickle him.
Jack looks down at this plate, uncomfortable.
James returns to his seat. Gary and Jack are looking at Rusty quizzically.
Rusty exits to the kitchen.
She slides her ring easily up and down her finger.
Nancy takes a bite of Debbie’s fennel slaw.
Nancy nods as she discreetly spits out the slaw into her napkin.
James glances at Sheila to see if she’s impressed by his allusion. She could care less.
She gives Nancy a wry smile. Nancy nods back but clearly can’t relate.
REVEAL that Rusty has been standing unnoticed in the doorway, holding a soda. He looks slightly pained.
Rusty is in bed flipping through a family photo album.
INSERT - PHOTO ALBUM
A series of TEN PHOTOS taken at the same spot in front of the same vacation cabin each year: The first shows Rusty, a pregnant Debbie, 3 year-old James and a PUPPY. In the next picture, Debbie holds baby Kevin, James is 4, the puppy is a grown dog and Rusty has a moustache. Then, Kevin is 2, James is 5, Rusty’s moustache is gone. And so on: the exact same picture as everyone ages and Rusty’s moustache comes and goes. Eventually, the dog disappears.
Something strikes Rusty and he flips back to the first photo again. EXTREME CLOSEUP on Debbie’s face, smiling happily. As he flips through, though, her SMILE FADES in each consecutive photo until the most recent picture which shows her with dead eyes and NO SMILE AT ALL.
BACK TO SCENE
Debbie has entered.
Rusty picks up an older album and opens it on a photo of his teenage self standing with CLARK, DEBBIE and AUDREY smiling gleefully in front of the famous WALLEY WORLD roller-coaster: the WHIPPER SNAPPER. An idea strikes him.
Debbie looks relieved.
Seeing how energized Rusty is about the plan, Debbie smiles a bit tightly and relents.
Rusty kisses her but just as Debbie starts to get into it, he breaks the kiss.
He jumps off the bed and hurries to the dresser where he takes out a well-worn CD and pops it into the stereo.
MUSIC CUE: Sade’s “Smooth Operator” begins to play. Debbie sighs. This is clearly a well-worn routine.
Rusty does an awkward strip-walk as he crosses back to the bed, his eyes locked to Debbie’s. She maintains a stoic smile and begins to disrobe under the covers.
Rusty locks the bedroom door, then opens the drawer in the nightstand and holds up two Yankee jar candles.
Rusty winks at her as he lights the “Home for the Holidays” candle.
He slides under the covers and the last thing we see before he switches off the lamp is Debbie’s resigned smile.
James and Kevin sit at the breakfast table. James tries to read a paperback of Kerouac’sDharma Bums while Kevin repeatedly flicks FROOT LOOPS at him with his spoon.
James sighs and goes back to his book.
He flicks another piece of cereal at him. Rusty and Debbie enter.
Kevin punches James in the arm.
It’s early. Rusty and the tired-looking boys load up their rented CHRYSLER COLOSSUS, a hulking SUV that looks like something T-Pain would drive. Debbie regards it dubiously.
He climbs into the backseat and throws the blanket over himself. James loads a bulky old typewriter into the back of the car.
James heads inside with the typewriter. Debbie gives Rusty a concerned look.
Rusty is in the driver’s seat. Debbie sits beside him. James is in back beside Kevin who is still covered in his blanket.
She pushes a button on the GPS screen.
The SUV pulls out of the driveway as we SWOOP UP OVER the neighborhood and the city.
MUSIC CUE: “Holiday Road” (either the original by Lindsey Buckingham or an updated cover).
The Colossus passes the Sears Tower and Wrigley Field. As the Griswolds wait to enter a highway on-ramp, a PRIUS pulls up beside them. Rusty smiles and nods down at the Granola-looking MAN in the Prius. He sneers back at the giant vehicle and gives Rusty the finger. Rusty’s smile fades.
The car cruises down the highway. Suddenly, the music is interrupted by a PINGING sound.
Rusty checks his gauges and notices a warning light blinking.
The SUV exits the highway.
Rusty fills the car with gas as the dollars tick off higher and higher: $60...$65...$70...
Debbie and James climb out of the car but Kevin doesn’t move.
Still nothing. Debbie pulls down the blanket and gasps as she sees a DUFFLE BAG where her son should be.
The SUV pulls into the driveway. On the front lawn are a dozen 10 and 11-YEAR-OLDS having what appears to be a Mixed Martial Arts competition. There’s a makeshift ring, inside which Kevin is beating the crap out of another SMALL BOY as his friends cheer him on.
Rusty rolls down his window.
Kevin helps his battered opponent up, then slumps over to the car and gets in.
The car pulls out of the driveway.
SFX: PING
Debbie stares at him for a beat.
Kevin glances over to see James scribbling in his journal with a small smile on his face.
Kevin glares at him for a beat, then grabs the journal from him and throws it out the car window.
MUSIC CUE: “Holiday Road” starts up again as if nothing happened.
Once more, the Griswolds pass the Sears Tower and Wrigley Field.
The SUV crosses over the Mississippi River. A sign reads “Welcome to Missouri, The Show Me State.”
James shakes his head.
They all look out the back window and see an 18-WHEELER with darkly tinted windows and a TEDDY BEAR strapped to its front grill.
He switches on the CB radio and grabs the microphone.
There’s static. Then...
He hands the mic back to Kevin.
RUSTY/DEBBIE Kevin!
Rusty grabs back the mic.
There’s no response from the radio. Rusty glances nervously at the truck which is speeding along parallel to them.
Debbie GRABS THE MIC from Rusty, yanks out the plug and shoves the whole thing into the glove box.
Rusty accelerates and pulls away from the truck as quickly as the Colossus will allow.
The Colossus is parked outside a no-frills diner.
The Griswolds sit in a booth finishing lunch. Debbie absentmindedly slides her wedding ring up and down her finger.
The boys head off to the men’s room. Kevin stops a passing WAITER.
BACK TO RUSTY AND DEBBIE
Debbie nods understandingly, but we see a hint of regret in her eyes. Rusty notices.
Kevin and James hurry up to the table.
Rusty jumps to his feet.
As they scramble to exit, Debbie wipes her hands one last time on her napkin. We PUSH IN as her WEDDING RING SLIPS UNNOTICED OFF HER FINGER onto the table.
The Griswolds’ car heads back onto the highway. We PAN OVER to reveal the familiar TRUCK idling ominously with the TEDDY BEAR on the grill watching them go.
SERIES OF SHOTS
as the Colossus exits the highway and heads into a city.
SUPERIMPOSE: MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE
The giant vehicle cruises down BEALE STREET, passing neon- lit tourist traps, blues joints and a larger than life bronze statue of ELVIS.
The Griswolds pull up to the Elvis-themed hotel just across the street from Graceland. As they stiffly exit the car after a very long day of driving, we quickly ANGLE ON their JOINTS audibly POPPING and CRACKING: Rusty’s neck, Debbie’s back, the boys’ knees and elbows.
They head into the lobby. Rusty leans in to Debbie.
The family stands across from a FRONT DESK CLERK who wears an Elvis in Vegas-style outfit.
The Griswolds react as the CLERK shows them into a tiny room done up to resemble a jail cell, complete with concrete floors, twin-size bunk beds and bars on the windows.
He shuts the door. Kevin immediately jumps onto a bed.
They look over to see Kevin doing tricep dips on the side of his bunk like a hardened inmate.
He holds up the familiar Sade CD.
The Griswolds enter the front gate of the famous mansion. James notices a street performer, an OLD AFRICAN-AMERICAN BLUESMAN, sitting on a milk crate beside the entrance, playing a soulful song on a well-worn guitar.
They head inside while James closes his eyes and listens to the old man jam.
Rusty, Debbie and Kevin stand with a half dozen other VISITORS while a female TOUR GUIDE, who is a little off, leads them through the lavishly decorated house.
A few visitors chuckle.
A handful of the visitors nod.
The group moves on.
ANGLE ON KEVIN
who couldn’t be more bored.
Rusty looks around and spots a roped-off room and a sign that reads “No Tour Access.” Rusty puts his hand over the word “No.”
Unnoticed by anyone, Rusty unhooks the rope and they sneak away.
The Bluesman finishes his song and looks up when he hears James clapping for him.
The old man hands James his guitar.
James begins to play a not at all bluesy tune: Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now.”
OFF the Bluesman’s nonplussed reaction --
Rusty peeks his head into Elvis’ off-limits MASTER BEDROOM. It is predictably opulent. He beckons to Debbie and Kevin who follow him in.
They continue into --
Rows and rows of bedazzled suits and brightly colored stage costumes hang along the walls of the giant walk-in closet.
Rusty runs his hand along the outfits until one accidentally falls off its hanger. As he bends down to pick it up, he notices a barely visible seam in the wall behind the clothes. It appears to be a hidden door.
James is finishing up his song.
James self-consciously hands the old man back his guitar.
The Bluesman starts to play again.
He looks over at the empty space beside him.
James doesn’t know how to react. Is he kidding?
James’ face falls. The guy’s not kidding.
James starts to back away.
The Bluesman grabs James’ arm in a claw-like grip. His eyes widen crazily.
Yanking his arm free, James hurries toward the mansion.
The old man shakes his head as he begins to lower his pants and squats, presumably to take a dump.
Light from the closet fills a small, dark room as Rusty pushes open a 3-foot-high door. He feels around for a light switch and flips it on revealing:
The walls are plastered with 1950’s black and white beefcake shots of bathing suit-clad men. On a small table sits a framed photo of a young ROCK HUDSON kissing a YOUNG ELVIS on the cheek.
It’s signed, “To EP, We’ll always have Tahiti. Love, RH.” Rusty has stumbled on ELVIS’ SECRET GAY ROOM.
Debbie and Kevin stick their heads in.
Kevin picks up the Rock Hudson photo and examines it.
Rusty, Debbie and Kevin hurry toward the exit, passing Elvis’ grave as they go. A group of TOURISTS stand around the grave, paying their respects.
James rushes up to his parents.
As they leave, Kevin hangs back, noticing a WOMAN placing a wreath on Elvis’ grave alongside other mementos left by fans. He takes the FRAMED GAY PHOTO from his jacket and sets it on the grave. He nods to himself, feeling he’s done a good thing, then hurries to catch up with his family.
ANGLE ON THE GRISWOLDS
leaving the memorial garden. BEHIND THEM we see PEOPLE begin to notice the photo and react with shocked GASPS. A CROWD quickly forms and we hear SHOUTS, SCREAMS and, inexplicably, GLASS BREAKING. One MAN PUNCHES another and a RIOT takes shape as the Griswolds obliviously head to their car.
The Colossus speeds down the road, as Memphis recedes into the distance.
Rusty fiddles with the GPS as he drives. In the backseat, Kevin torments James by repeatedly trying to pull a plastic bag over his brother’s head.
He tries it again.
Rusty pushes a button.
He pushes another button.
He pushes the button again.
He tries various buttons, but it seems to only make the Korean voice angrier.
The Korean voice PANTS heavily from the exertion.
ANGLE ON JAMES
whose eye is suddenly caught by a passing JEEP WRANGLER with the top down. Sitting in the back seat is a VERY CUTE GIRL his own age. The WIND WHIPS THROUGH her HAIR as we go into SLOW MOTION. James is transfixed.
The girl notices him and smiles.
Embarrassed, James looks away. After a moment, he looks back and sees that the girl is still smiling. She gives him a wave. James waves sheepishly back.
Suddenly, a PLASTIC BAG is THRUST over James’ head, squashing his face as it smothers him. The girl’s smile fades as James struggles to yank off the bag. He manages to pierce the plastic with his tongue so he can breathe. The girl is understandably disgusted. At last, James manages to free himself.
James turns back to the girl, but her car has pulled away from theirs. She’s gone. James sighs heavily.
The Colossus rolls down SORORITY ROW. In Korean:
SUPERIMPOSE: FAYATEVILLE, ARKANSAS
The car pulls up and parks. As the Griswolds climb out of the car, the front door of the sorority house opens and HEATHER, a hot 20-year-old, steps outside holding a cell phone. She waves.
Heather takes a couple steps and immediately STUMBLES forward off the porch, landing face first on the lawn.
Rusty and Debbie hurry over to help Heather to her feet. Her speech is slightly slurred, and she seems to be quite drunk.
The boys each hug Heather. Kevin holds on a bit longer than is appropriate.
James looks on, disgusted.
The Griswolds react as they realize a RAUCOUS PARTY is in full swing. Dozens of FRAT BOYS and SORORITY GIRLS guzzle beer and cavort. COEDs take turns dancing on a STRIPPER POLE that’s been set up in the living room. James looks intimidated. Kevin is psyched.
Absolutely no one listens or cares.
Heather nearly trips again and giggles.
Debbie turns to the boys.
The boys head off. Kevin immediately disappears into the crowd of partygoers.
Rusty can’t take his eyes off the GIRL who is working the stripper pole. Debbie leans in to him.
Debbie leads Heather to a quiet corner. Rusty reluctantly follows.
During the following, Rusty reacts to Debbie’s revelations with increasing surprise.
They both look at Rusty, unmoved.
He returns to watch the action at the stripper pole.
James walks down a hall passing various scenes of debauchery. A GUY “motorboating” a big-breasted GIRL in a tank top blocks the hall.
He squeezes past.
He turns a corner and enters --
THREE GEEKY-LOOKING COLLEGE GUYS with wispy mustaches are engaged in a heated debate.
GEEK #1 Face it, dude. Jack Kerouac was nothing but a narcissistic, syphilitic drunk.
GEEK #2 You’re insane. He’s a genius. He redefined the modern novel.
GEEK #1 Leaving out punctuation doesn’t make you a genius. It makes you a bad writer.
They turn and look at him.
GEEK #3 Who are you?
GEEK #2 All right! A fellow ‘desolation angel.’ Come on in, James. Let’s educate this Philistine, shall we?
James gets a big smile and joins them.
A cute, tipsy girl, LINDSAY, 19, sits on a sofa with SKYLER, a douchey frat boy who hits on her. Kevin steps up to them.
He gets up and hurries off. Kevin immediately takes his seat.
Lindsay regards him curiously.
Rusty pretends to check out the framed photos of alumni while discreetly ogling a new GIRL, who is working the stripper pole.
Two GIRLS approach him, SHEENA and MANDI.
They lead him toward the pole. Other KIDS notice and cheer him on.
Despite what they’re cheering, Rusty is enjoying the attention.
Rusty grabs the pole and “casually” swings around it a few times. The crowd EXPLODES.
He gets a bit more creative, throwing his legs around the pole and spinning.
Rusty is loving this.
James sits with the geeks.
GEEK #1 Sorry, James. Catcher came out in ‘51. On the Road was ‘57.
GEEK #2 GEEK #3
(to Geek #1) You lose, sir! Owned!
GEEK #1 (bows his head) I yield.
He notices Geek #1 is using a mortar to grind something up in a bowl.
GEEK #1 Grinding up Adderall, Vicodin and Xanax.
Geek #2 SNORTS a big line of the drugs through a straw.
GEEK #2 ‘Cause we’re fucking miserable.
GEEK #1 We’re losers, James. Everyone hates us.
Geek #1 snorts a line. James’ face falls as he backs out of this deeply disappointing room.
James comes out of the bedroom. He finds Kevin assisting Lindsay, who leans heavily on his shoulder as he leads her down the hall.
James pulls Kevin away, and they head toward the exit. Lindsay totters for a moment, then tips forward, her forehead clunking against a framed picture on the wall. She stays like that.
Debbie and Heather are as we left them.
Debbie couldn’t look any more guilty.
Debbie couldn’t look any more guilty.
Heather points behind her, and Debbie turns to see Rusty HANGING UPSIDE DOWN AT THE TOP OF THE STRIPPER POLE, his legs splayed out like a demented stripper.
All around him, the crowd cheers “OLD GUY! OLD GUY!” as a few FRAT BOYS shake their beers and douse Rusty with the spray.
As Debbie’s expression turns to horror, James and Kevin step up beside her. Their expressions also turn to horror.
All at once, the top of the pole TEARS FREE FROM THE CEILING, sending Rusty and the pole toppling onto Sheena and Mandy. Plaster falls everywhere. People scream in the chaos.
Debbie puts her head in her hands, while unnoticed behind her, Heather takes two discreet SHOTS OF TEQUILA.
The Colossus continues westward through Arkansas.
Rusty drives in silence through the flat landscape. He glances over at Debbie, who reads a hardcover copy ofThe Help. She doesn’t glance back.
The radio plays the final bars of Annie Lennox’s “No More ‘I Love You’s’.”
The next song fades in.
MUSIC CUE: Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.”
Kevin groans. James is indifferent.
With great passion and sincerity, Rusty sings along with Tracy Chapman.
Rusty looks over at Debbie hopefully, but she’s not up for it.
The boys don’t join in.
SFX: TRUCK HORN.
The whole family JUMPS as they look out the back window to see the familiar TRUCK with the TEDDY BEAR, directly on their tail, flashing its blinding lights at them.
The Colossus SWERVES in and out of the lane trying to evade the truck.
SFX: TRUCK HORN BLARES TWICE MORE.
The 18-wheeler practically touches the rear bumper of their car.
Rusty floors it, and they begin to PULL AWAY from the truck. Their speedometer edges up toward 95 mph.
Slowly but surely, the truck is closing the gap between them. Just then, Rusty spots an exit a quarter mile ahead.
They all nod, terrified, as they near the offramp.
The truck has now caught up again and is closing in on their bumper. At the last possible second, Rusty VEERS to the right, BOUNCING over the divider, SCRAPING along a guardrail and SMASHING OPEN a large WATER BARREL, soaking the car.
It’s too late for the truck to follow. It’s forced to continue down the highway.
Rusty manages to SCREECH to a stop at the bottom of the offramp. He and the others are silent except for their heavy breathing. After a beat:
The Griswolds all JUMP, startled by the angry Korean voice.
The Colossus, with a new scratch down one side, is parked outside a rundown two-story motel.
Rusty unlocks a room and hands the key to James.
Kevin runs inside.
James gives Rusty a forlorn look.
Debbie wears a nightgown and brushes her teeth. Suddenly, from the bedroom she hears
MUSIC CUE: Sade’s “Smooth Operator.”
Debbie turns to see Rusty has entered.
He grabs her and kisses her for several seconds. When he pulls away, his mouth is covered in white foam. Debbie leans over the sink and spits out the toothpaste that was in her mouth.
Rusty tries to read her expression.
She pulls open the shower curtain and they both recoil as they take in the MOST DISGUSTING BATHTUB in the world: mildew, fungus, odd brown stains.
DEBBIE/RUSTY Ooh!/Ugh!
They both deflate as the “romantic” moment passes.
James sits at the edge of the hot tub, his feet dangling in the water as he quietly strums James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” on his guitar.
Startled, James lets out a girlish YELP and drops his guitar into the hot tub. He quickly fishes it out and looks behind him to see ADENA, the cute girl he saw earlier on the highway.
James blushes.
There’s a beat. Then:
He realizes she’s referring to the writing on his guitar.
Gathering his nerve, James plays along.
She heads off.
Startled, James YELPS and drops his guitar into the hot tub again. He quickly fishes it out as Rusty sits down beside him, rolls up his pant legs and puts his feet in the water.
He puts an arm around James’ shoulders.
James buries his face in his hands.
There’s a beat.
Rusty stares at him for a beat, then gets to his feet.
Rusty tussles James’ hair, then heads back to his room.
The Colossus heads west through Arkansas.
Debbie pushes a button on the GPS.
Rusty grimaces at the name of his brother-in-law.
Rusty gives her a perturbed look.
They pass a sign that reads “Hot Springs National Park -- Exit 2 miles.”
Seeing an opportunity to be spontaneous and “fun,” Rusty gets an idea.
Debbie smiles, pleasantly surprised.
LATER
The Colossus pulls up to the tail-end of an endless line of cars waiting to enter the park.
Rusty spots two shaggy-looking LOCAL MEN walking along the side of the road.
Rusty rolls down his window and beckons to the men.
The men cross over to the Colossus.
LOCAL #1 Hmm. (to his friend) Terry, should we tell him about the secret entrance?
LOCAL #2 Why not? They look like nice folks.
He points to a narrow, gravel road leading into the forest up ahead.
LOCAL #2 See that road up there? You follow that, that’ll take you right up to the hot springs. Secret-like.
LOCAL #1 You bet. Y’all have fun.
The locals walk off. Rusty pulls out of the line and turns into the forest road.
The Colossus reaches a dead end and stops. Rusty and the others climb out.
He pushes aside some branches and down a short hill he sees an IDYLLIC GLEN with shafts of sunlight through the pines, chirping songbirds and a carpet of moss and pine needles. In the center is a SPARKLING POOL OF WATER.
The Griswolds, in bathing suits and flip-flops, hike along the narrow wooded trail.
Debbie gives him a peck on the cheek. Rusty beams as they arrive at the water’s edge.
They all take off their flip-flops and carefully submerge themselves in the water, reacting to the water temperature.
They wade around, increasingly cold and shivering.
ANGLE ON JAMES
who points to a pipe that is dumping brown SEWAGE RUNOFF into the pond.
ANOTHER ANGLE
Kevin is holding a hypodermic needle. He tosses it at James, who dodges it.
SFX: CAR ALARM
The Griswolds, shivering in their bathing suits, stare forlornly at the Colossus which has been BROKEN INTO. A rear window is SHATTERED and all of their luggage is gone.
He reaches into his bathing suit and begins rooting around, to the confusion and discomfort of the others.
He pulls out a waterproof nylon pouch which he unzips to reveal some cash.
He hands Debbie her copy of The Help.
The Colossus is parked outside a podunk store. Signs in the window read “Nightcrawlers 50 cents each” and “Men’s Slacks $4.99”
After a beat, Rusty and Debbie emerge from the store, followed by the boys, in their new outfits:
Rusty wears jean shorts and a T-shirt with a CONFEDERATE FLAG, beneath the phrase “Never Apologize.” Debbie has on overalls and a tank top.
REVEAL that James’ T-shirt is emblazoned with the word “SLUT.”
We see Kevin’s T-shirt reads “Free Moustache Rides.”
Debbie and Rusty look at each other awkwardly. Then --
The Colossus, looking fairly ghetto with one window covered in plastic and a big scrape down the side, drives down a street lined with palatial homes.
SUPERIMPOSE: (In Korean) Plano, Texas
Debbie shakes her head dubiously.
The Griswolds turn into an impressive circular driveway in front of an even more impressive house.
As the family climbs out of the battered car in all their redneck glory, AUDREY and STONE CRANDALL emerge from the house to greet them. Stone, early 40s, is tall, confident and weatherman-handsome. Audrey has grown up to be quite attractive in a Texas-big-hair-and-too-much- jewelry kind of way. She’s carrying a baby, COOPER.
Stone laughs heartily as he shakes Rusty’s hand.
Kevin grabs James and quickly wrestles him to the ground, pinning him on his back.
Stone gives Debbie a kiss on the cheek. Rusty watches the following with some discomfort.
Rusty reacts to this second faucet metaphor as Stone continues staring into Debbie’s eyes.
They all head inside. James gets to his feet and limps in behind them wearing his “Slut” shirt.
Audrey and Stone, walking hand in hand, show the Griswolds through their enormous, slightly gaudy home.
He gives Rusty a playful wink. Rusty winks back, annoyed.
They walk into a large entertainment room where a tall, heavyset African-American boy, DARRYL, 15, sits watching the news on a 60-inch screen: RIOTERS run through the streets.
Rusty and Debbie exchange a quick look.
Darryl stands and smiles shyly.
Stone, Audrey and Darryl look at him blankly.
They all look at him, unmoved.
Stone and Audrey nod politely. Debbie notices a framed photo on a credenza showing Stone and another man.
CLOSE ON the biggest SLAB of BEEF RIBS you’ve ever seen being carried from the house by an AFRICAN-AMERICAN HOUSEKEEPER, DIANA, 40s.
She enters a luxurious, candle-lit gazebo where the Crandalls (including Darryl and Cooper in a high chair) and the Griswolds sit at a table. Stone stands behind Audrey, casually massaging her shoulders. A dazzling Texas sunset spreads across the sky. Debbie, James and Kevin wear expensive-looking casual clothes. Rusty sports one of Stone’s cowboy shirts with pearl snaps.
Diana heads back to the house. Stone takes a seat.
Audrey and Stone make kissy faces at each other.
Just then, a large STEER sidles up to the fence that runs near the gazebo.
Stone grabs a beef rib from his plate and holds it out to the steer, who nibbles the meat off the bone.
Rusty and James look horrified.
(MORE)
Rusty glances over at Debbie and the boys, who are clearly in awe of Stone.
Debbie, James and Kevin look at Rusty, impressed.
Stone and the others regard this curiously.
Audrey clears her throat and nods pointedly in Darryl’s direction.
OFF Darryl’s sad smile --
Rusty and Debbie enter and shut the door. Debbie begins to unbutton her borrowed blouse.
Rusty sits on the bed to take off his shoes.
Suddenly, Debbie attacks him, shoving him back onto the bed and kissing him hungrily.
She continues kissing him and YANKS OPEN the snaps on his cowboy shirt.
All at once, Rusty stops kissing her and a troubled look crosses his face.
Rusty’s eyes narrow as he grabs hold of her left hand.
She looks down and gasps.
They get into bed. Rusty switches off his lamp and we STAY ON his face for a beat. He still looks troubled.
ANGLE ON DEBBIE
whose expression is also disquieted. She picks up her book and begins to read.
Gradually, we hear the unmistakable sound of Stone and Audrey HAVING SEX in the next room. It grows more and more AGGRESSIVE and SHRILL.
A framed painting FALLS off the wall nearby.
The sun is still rising as Stone prepares two high-end sport ATVs. Rusty comes out of the house, yawning.
Stone climbs on his ATV and ZOOMS off. Rusty shrugs as he climbs onto the other one. He twists the throttle and hangs on for dear life as it ROCKETS FORWARD.
He and Stone head toward the field where the small herd of cattle are grazing. They begin herding the animals with their ATVs. Rusty looks equal parts thrilled and terrified.
They manage to herd most of the steer in the direction of the corral, but TWO STRAGGLERS remain a short distance away in the field.
Just then, Rusty notices that Debbie, James and Kevin have come out onto the back porch to watch.
VROOM! Stone speeds off towards his straggler. Rusty quickly speeds off in the direction of his.
He glances back over his shoulder to see if Stone has reached his steer. He’s not going to lose this challenge in front of his family.
Rusty swerves around a bale of hay and zeroes in on his target, fifty yards away. Hearing the noise from the ATV, the animal begins to run away from him.
Rusty twists the throttle to full as his ATV picks up speed, bouncing over the field. The steer continues to flee.
Rusty looks quickly over at Stone who also appears to be having a hard time wrangling his animal. Feeling confident, Rusty turns and waves to Debbie and the boys. They wave back.
Rusty looks ahead again just in time to see his STEER has STOPPED abruptly, and Rusty is BARRELING FULL-SPEED TOWARD ITS FLANK.
Rusty’s eyes go wide with terror. It’s too late to stop or swerve.
ANGLE ON DEBBIE AND THE KIDS
REACTING as we hear a WET EXPLOSION of machine plowing into flesh.
As Debbie, Audrey and the kids watch with a mix of embarrassment and disgust, Stone hoses down a dazed Rusty. He is COVERED HEAD-TO-TOE IN BLOOD AND BITS OF MEAT which pool at his feet. He looks like Carrie at the prom.
He SNEEZES and more blood sprays out of his nose.
A steer ambles up and begins nibbling a chunk of beef at Rusty’s feet.
Stone and Audrey (holding Cooper) wave goodbye as the Griswolds pull away in the Colossus. From a window inside, Darryl somberly watches them go.
The Griswolds drive in silence. Rusty still seems shaken by their stay at the Crandalls’.
Rusty grimaces.
Debbie catches on to what the kids are doing.
She and the boys laugh. Rusty can’t help but crack a smile.
They all laugh.
He points out the front window where a highway sign reads “Historic Route 66.”
Kevin punches him in the crotch.
Kevin punches James in the forehead.
SERIES OF TRAVELLING SHOTS
-- AERIAL SHOT of the Colossus heading into the New Mexico desert with dramatic ROCK FORMATIONS in the distance.
-- The Griswolds drive past the CADILLAC RANCH: a roadside attraction featuring a line of half-buried vertical Cadillacs.
-- They pass through Roswell, NM, where an Arby’s restaurant sign reads “Aliens Welcome.”
-- The car speeds past a sun-faded fiberglass T-REX on the side of the road at DINOSAUR LAND.
In Korean:
SUPERIMPOSE: HOLBROOK, ARIZONA
The Colossus is parked outside an enormous faux WIGWAM, one of several that make up this cheesy desert motel.
The boys are asleep in one double bed while Rusty and Debbie lie in another.
Debbie takes a deep breath. Finally, she grins.
Like a couple of teenagers, they grab their clothes and tiptoe out of the room. Rusty slaps her on the butt as they go.
Illuminated by the nearly full moon, Rusty and Debbie quietly climb out of the Colossus.
By now Debbie is fully on-board, while Rusty is starting to have his doubts.
They approach a chain-link fence that encloses the monument.
He cups his hands and Debbie boosts herself up onto the fence. She clambers over and, with some difficulty, Rusty follows.
His pant leg has gotten snagged on the top of the fence. He struggles to get free, finally tumbling awkwardly to the ground.
James wakes up and notices the empty bed beside his.
James emerges from the wigwam room wearing shorts and a T- shirt. He looks around curiously.
He turns and reacts as he sees Adena, the cute girl from the earlier motel. She is sitting on a picnic table beside a crackling fire in a fire ring.
He joins her at the table.
They both look up at the night sky as she snuggles slightly closer to him. James can’t believe his luck.
Rusty and Debbie make their way in the dark toward the monument site (a flat, raised circle with the four corners etched in its center).
Debbie giggles. They quietly step up onto the monument and lie down in the darkness.
Rusty feels around.
RUSTY/DEBBIE AHHHHHH!
Rusty and Debbie leap to their feet as a flashlight beam shines on them from the darkness, revealing they were lying next to a NAKED, MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE having sex on the monument.
A HUSKY 50-something WOMAN holding the flashlight stands beside her shriveled, BALDING BOYFRIEND, 60s.
Rusty backs up and bumps into ANOTHER MAN who is in his underwear. He turns and walks into a WOMAN in a bra and cowboy hat. With only the light from the flashlight, it’s like a scene from Paranormal Activity.
Rusty and Debbie realize there are nearly a DOZEN PEOPLE waiting in line for their turn.
Rusty and Debbie hurry away.
James and Adena are as we left them.
Adena looks at him. There’s a beat.
There’s another beat. James takes a deep breath, then leans in and kisses her. It’s his first kiss and it’s glorious. Suddenly, he is STRUCK in the back of the head with a small rock.
He turns to see Kevin, in his underwear, laughing from a few yards away.
Kevin hurls another stone at James.
There’s a beat as this registers for James.
With a determined look we haven’t seen before, James stands and walks over to Kevin. Accustomed to his brother being a wimp, Kevin stands his ground.
Without warning, James winds back and SMACKS Kevin across the face, stunning the smaller boy. Kevin’s jaw drops. He doesn’t know how to react.
James SQUEALS as he LEAPS on top of Kevin, tackling him to the ground and pinning him with his weight.
A visibly frustrated Rusty stands at a gas pump filling the Colossus while Debbie buys a soda in the convenience store.
As the counter on the pump passes the $100 mark, he glances over at a row of 18-wheelers parked in a row on the other side of the parking lot.
Rusty’s eyes narrow as he spots a familiar TEDDY BEAR tied to the grill of one of the trucks.
Suddenly, the HEADLIGHTS of that truck SWITCH ON and Rusty hears its ENGINE COME TO LIFE.
As the truck slowly pulls out of its parking spot, Rusty yanks out the gasoline hose and BOLTS over to the convenience store. He BANGS on the window.
Debbie looks over, confused.
Rusty points to the Teddy Bear truck which is gradually picking up speed as it heads across the lot toward the Colossus. Debbie drops her soda can and runs out.
They race to the car and jump in.
Rusty fumbles clumsily with the car key as the truck’s HEADLIGHTS LOOM CLOSER in the rear window.
At last he manages to start the car and they PEEL OUT with the truck close on their tail.
Adena watches uncomfortably as James TOSSES Kevin around the picnic area like a sack of potatoes. They are both sweaty and out of breath.
Kevin is exhausted and for the first time, he acts his age.
He pounces on Kevin and slaps him a few more times.
There’s an awkward beat. James slaps Kevin again.
She heads off to her wigwam.
She’s gone. James lets out a bittersweet sigh.
He puts out his hand. Kevin tentatively takes it and James helps him up off the ground. They head back to their room.
Suddenly, James raises his fist as if he’s going to punch Kevin again. Kevin recoils in fear. James puts down his fist and smiles happily to himself.
The Colossus FLIES down the dark two-lane highway with the 18-wheeler about 50 yards behind.
Rusty YANKS UP THE EMERGENCY BRAKE and spins the steering wheel sharply to the left.
Instead of whipping around in the opposite direction, the car simply SCREECHES TO A HALT.
The truck is now barrelling towards them, its brakes SQUEALING.
Rusty does a panicked TURN and FLOORS IT, narrowly escaping a collision with the truck but TEARING OFF THE HIGHWAY AND DOWN INTO THE GRAVEL SHOULDER. The Colossus bounces and shudders as Rusty tries to steer back onto the road without slowing down. The windshield is pelted with ROCKS and CACTI.
The car plows into a road sign that reads “DO NOT PASS.” The sign is knocked off its pole and gets wedged in the front grill of the Colossus.
Finally, Rusty manages to steer the battered SUV onto the highway. Bits of cactus and tumbleweeds drag from the rear bumper.
Looking thoroughly frazzled, Rusty and Debbie tiptoe into the room. The boys appear to be asleep in their bed.
ANGLE ON JAMES
lying awake in bed, looking like a new man. PAN OVER to reveal Kevin sleeping in the fetal position as far from James as he can get.
The Griswolds’ car drives along the rim road of the breathtaking canyon. REVEAL that the “DO NOT PASS” sign is still wedged in the grill, bent so that it now reads: “ASS.”
Everyone looks a bit weary from the accumulated stress of the trip.
They drive into a small turnoff beneath a sign that reads “Grand Canyon White Water Adventures.” The boys perk up.
KEVIN/JAMES Cool./Awesome.
As Rusty and the family approach the log cabin office, a chipper, all-American guide, CHAD, mid-20s, steps out to greet them.
The Griswolds, now wearing helmets and life jackets, stand beside the raft while Chad gives them his pre-trip talk.
ANGLE ON KEVIN
who shrugs, confused.
SFX: Cell phone rings
Chad fishes his phone out of his cargo shorts and checks the caller ID.
He moves off a few paces to talk.
Debbie and Rusty exchange a look of pleasant surprise. James smiles to himself.
The Griswolds notice that Chad is becoming agitated.
Enraged, Chad HURLS his phone into the river and buries his face in his hands. As Rusty and the family watch with concern, Chad lets out a DEEP, DISTURBING SIGH, composes himself and returns to them.
He laughs bitterly, then steps into the raft.
With some trepidation, the Griswolds climb into the raft and Chad pushes off from the bank.
The raft moves swiftly downriver as the calm water gives way to small rapids. The Griswolds paddle, not sure what they’re supposed to be doing. Behind them, Chad stares distractedly into space.
The raft hits a ROCK, bouncing them all backwards. Kevin flies in the air. His helmet falls off and lands in the river.
They SLAM into a submerged LOG. James and Kevin get soaked.
The raft approaches a fork in the river: one way is calm, the other a seething path of white water. With a furious grin, Chad steers toward the rapids.
He turns to see Chad is leaning over the side of the raft, his head submerged in the river.
He yanks Chad back in the raft.
By now, the rapids have become violent and the raft is being tossed from side-to-side.
Without warning, Chad tosses his paddle into the river where it is swept away in the rapids.
He points straight ahead, and we PULL BACK to see a 25- FOOT WATERFALL directly in their path.
The Griswolds scramble out of the raft and into the churning white water, where they manage to grab hold of a large tree trunk in the midst of the rapids.
Chad and the raft are carried off by the current.
Suddenly, James notices that Kevin has lost his grip on the log and is being pulled downriver.
Without thinking of his own safety, James quickly reaches out for Kevin. He just barely grabs hold of Kevin’s HAIR with one hand, while anchoring himself to the log with the other.
Using all his strength against the powerful current, James tugs Kevin back to safety by his hair, as Chad and the raft reach the edge of the falls.
Chad disappears over the edge.
Looking damp, exhausted and thoroughly fed up with travelling, the family is back on the road. Kevin now sports a BALD SPOT from James’ rescue. A local radio station plays the end of a song.
Rusty changes to another station and gasps as he hears the familiar chorus of --
MUSIC CUE: “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman.
As before, no one looks at all interested in singing along.
The music begins to crackle as the sound is slowly overwhelmed by static.
The song has disappeared into the static. Debbie switches off the radio.
SFX: A PINGING sound from the car.
Rusty looks like he’s about to blow a fuse. He spots an exit up ahead and takes a deep breath.
The Colossus exits the highway, passing a homemade banner reading “Desert Fest 2012 -- Earth Lovers Only!”
The car heads down a dusty road lined with tents, bicycles, falafel stands and hundreds of HIPPY-LOOKING TYPES making their way to a nearby stage where a BAND is playing.
ACTION
pouring gasoline on a straw-filled EFFIGY of a business- man wearing a sign that reads “BIG OIL.” Another guy throws a match, setting it alight and dozens of FESTIVAL- GOERS cheer.
A few PEOPLE scowl at the enormous gas-guzzling Colossus with an “ASS” sign on the front.
With a final SPUTTER and plume of exhaust, the car runs out of gas and comes to a halt near a large manmade MUD PIT in which a number of HALF-NUDE EARTH LOVERS squirm.
They all exit the car. Debbie takes her purse. Kevin gapes at the nudists in the mud, until Debbie yanks him away.
The Griswolds walk a few yards into the crowd. Rusty approaches a skinny STONED GUY who repeatedly runs his hands over his arms and torso.
Suddenly, they hear GLASS BREAKING and SHOUTING. They turn to see a MOB of Desert Fest HIPPIES have surrounded the Colossus and are ROCKING IT back and forth violently.
All at once, the car TIPS OVER AND ROLLS ONTO ITS SIDE. From inside, we can hear the GPS VOICE YELLING OUT a stream of angry pronouncements in Korean.
Rusty runs over as another GUY begins pouring gasoline onto the Colossus.
Rusty SLIPS on a patch of mud and FLOPS face-first into the giant MUD BATH.
Rusty flails around, finally emerging covered in mud. He wipes the muck from his eyes, just in time to see the HIPPIES CHEER as the car GOES UP IN FLAMES.
Rusty grits his teeth, trying to keep his cool.
He stops when he sees the faces of his exhausted, miserable family. At last, Rusty’s eternal optimism has reached its limit.
In a fit of rage, Rusty PUNCHES a nearby CACTUS, immediately pulling his hand away in pain.
Debbie reacts to this revelation.
He turns and begins to march off down the road.
The skinny Stoned Guy from before walks into Rusty’s path. Rusty shoves him aside.
Rusty gets about 100 feet, muttering angrily to himself, when he looks up and notices something approaching in the distance. Through the rippling heat waves, he can make out a TRUCK speeding towards him, sending up a cloud of dust in its wake.
As it gets closer, WE SUDDENLY ZOOM IN TO the truck’s grill where a bug-splattered TEDDY BEAR is tethered.
He turns and begins to run madly into the desert away from the oncoming 18-wheeler.
The truck quickly closes the gap, slowing down to match Rusty’s speed about 10 feet behind him.
ANGLE ON DEBBIE AND THE KIDS
watching with trepidation as Rusty tries fruitlessly to outrun the slow-moving monster a few feet behind him.
ANOTHER ANGLE
At last, Rusty can’t run any farther. Gasping for breath, he stops and turns toward the truck, a look of sheer terror in his eyes.
With a SQUEAL of air brakes, the truck comes to a dusty halt. After a few excruciating seconds, the driver’s door opens and out steps the BIGGEST, MOST GRIZZLED, BEARDED TRUCKER in history. Rusty lets out a little gasp as the driver walks slowly towards him.
We see Debbie and the boys running over to them.
The Trucker reaches into his pocket. Debbie is almost there.
The Trucker fishes something out and offers it to Rusty.
Debbie arrives just in time to see that the Trucker is holding out her LOST WEDDING RING.
Rusty takes the ring from the Trucker.
Kevin looks cowed. The Trucker smiles and musses Kevin’s hair.
The Griswolds exchange a look.
They all climb into the truck’s cab.
FROM ABOVE, we see the 18-wheeler crossing the bridge.
The truck drives through the predominantly gay neighborhood. We see rainbow flags, a MUSCULAR MAN walking a tiny dog, etc.
The truck pulls to a stop outside a two-story bungalow and the Griswolds get out.
The truck pulls away. The Griswolds turn and approach the house. Rusty rings the doorbell then turns to Debbie.
After a beat, the door opens, revealing CLARK GRISWOLD.
As Rusty, Debbie and the kids AD LIB greetings and hug, ELLEN GRISWOLD appears at the door.
Clark attempts to pick up both Kevin and James in his arms. It’s obviously a struggle.
With great difficulty, he manages to carry both boys over the threshold.
They all go inside.
The family enters, followed by Clark lugging his grandsons.
Kevin has slid down Clark’s arm to where he is hanging by his neck and starting to turn blue.
He releases the kids. Kevin falls to the floor, gasping for air. Clark mops his brow from the exertion.
The Griswolds sit around the dining table having finished dinner.
He crosses to a drawer in the next room and returns with a harmonica that he hands to James.
Rusty, James and Kevin head out.
Debbie is floored by this.
Debbie looks shaken.
Rusty sits on the bed to take off his shoes. As he does, DEBBIE’S PURSE -- the only surviving item from the Colossus -- FALLS OFF the corner of the bed and her copy of The Help slides out.
Rusty reaches for it but THE DUST JACKET SLIPS OFF revealing IT’S NOT THE HELP AT ALL. Debbie has been reading a book titled SAVE YOUR DYING MARRIAGE.
Stunned, Rusty starts to flip through the book as Debbie enters.
She stops when she sees what he’s holding.
(MORE)
Moved, Debbie takes the marriage book from him and drops it in a trash can. Rusty smiles. He remembers something. He reaches into his pocket and takes out HER WEDDING RING.
He slips the ring on her finger.
They kiss and fall onto the bed.
He gets up and pulls the familiar SADE CD out of his jacket pocket. He holds it up to Debbie who tries to hide her disappointment. Then suddenly, Rusty SNAPS THE CD IN TWO and tosses the pieces in the trash.
Debbie grins as Rusty yanks off his shirt and LEAPS onto the bed.
Clark and Ellen read in bed. Suddenly, we hear RHYTHMIC BANGING from the guest room next door. Clark looks up from his book and smiles.
The NOISE from Rusty and Debbie’s lovemaking can be heard from outside. An upstairs window opens on the neighboring house and a GAY MAN leans out.
From inside his apartment, we hear Elvis singing “Burning Love” on the stereo.
Rusty comes outside with a cup of coffee and finds Clark on the front porch.
Clark and Rusty walk together. They are both curiously out of breath.
We PULL BACK to reveal they are trudging up the STEEPEST STREET in San Francisco.
They stop to catch their breath.
We see this hits home with Rusty.
The Griswolds stand in the driveway as Clark pushes the garage door clicker. The door slowly opens to reveal the 25-YEAR-OLD WAGON QUEEN FAMILY TRUCKSTER in all its rusted glory, “HONKY LIPS” still graffitied on the side.
Clark tosses Rusty the keys.
MUSIC CUE: “Holiday Road.”
Clark and Ellen wave from the driveway as Rusty and the family drive off in the Truckster. THICK SMOKE pours out of its tailpipe, leaving Clark and Ellen in a black cloud. They keep waving as they cough violently.
The Truckster chugs south on the I-5. Lost in the smoke from its exhaust, another car blindly VEERS off the road.
The Truckster drives under the entrance arch, into the vast parking lot. The amusement park is visible in the distance.
The Griswolds gaze out the front window, awestruck.
Debbie leans over and kisses Rusty.
The Griswolds stand looking up at the park entrance, their eyes wide.
REVERSE ANGLE
to see the park has gone DRAMATICALLY DOWNHILL since we last saw it. The sign on the entrance arch now reads: “WALL WOR D.” Beyond it, garbage cans overflow, several rides are out of order and the crowd is pretty thin.
They head into the park. Kevin looks up dubiously at a faded, grafitti-covered statue of MARTY THE MOOSE. An empty beer can rests on his nose.
The Griswolds react with disappointment as they see one ride after another is “CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE.”
The family sits at a food concession area picking at food that is clearly repulsive. James glances over nervously at a neighboring table where a PARK MASCOT has passed out clutching a vodka bottle. The head of his costume sits on the table beside him.
James and Kevin play the ring toss game in the park’s fairway, as Debbie and Rusty cheer them on. Kevin manages to snag one of the empty Coke bottles with a ring. Rusty and Debbie congratulate him. The TEENAGER running the stand removes the empty Coke bottle and hands it to Kevin as his prize. Kevin looks pissed.
With night nearly fallen, the Griswolds, tired and dispirited, trudge past heaps of trash and defunct rides.
Just then, he is interrupted by the ROAR of a passing roller coaster car and the SCREAMS of its RIDERS. The Griswolds look up and behold... THE WHIPPER SNAPPER. It’s running and it looks almost as impressive as it did 30 years ago.
And he’s off.
Swept up in his enthusiasm, Debbie and the boys hurry after Rusty.
The Griswolds are next in line to board the coaster. Rusty can barely contain himself.
Suddenly, a group of 15-and-16-YEAR-OLD PUNKS (3 boys and a girl) cut in front of the Griswolds. Before Rusty can object, the RIDE OPERATOR puts a chain between the kids and the Griswolds at the coaster’s entrance.
The operator moves off.
The kids look back at Rusty and snicker. He unhooks the chain and approaches them.
PUNK #1 Blow me.
One of the kids gets in Rusty’s face.
PUNK #1 Really? Because it looks like I’m standing in your way. Pussy.
Rusty looks back at his family who look at him sadly. His shoulders slump.
He turns back to the punk and, without warning, PUNCHES the kid square in the jaw.
Seeing their friend attacked, the other punks jump on Rusty and start pummeling him. Rusty flails around, trying to defend himself.
Kevin pulls his shirt off and leaps into the fray.
James moves to follow Kevin into the brawl.
He goes.
She also joins in the fight.
Rusty swings wildly at one of the surprised boys, while Kevin puts another in an MMA-style choke hold. Debbie BASHES the third boy with her purse.
Nearby, James and the punk girl are engaged in a nasty, hair-pulling cat fight. They both let out shrill, girlish cries as they battle. Just as the girl starts to get the better of James, she is CLOBBERED over the head with a folding chair wielded by Kevin. She goes down hard.
Kevin nods, then lifts the chair to smash the girl again, but James stops him.
At last, overwhelmed by the attack, the Punks retreat from the ride’s entrance. One of them looks back.
PUNK #1 (sputtering) You people are crazy! What kind of family are you?!
They turn and head for the waiting roller coaster car. The Ride Operator nervously steps up.
Rusty gives him a crazy-eyed glare, and he instantly backs down.
Giddy from the fight, they board the car and strap in. Rusty is beside Debbie with the boys behind them.
The ride begins to move.
The coaster begins its slow ascent up the first hill. There’s a silent beat as they all realize they’ve made it. Debbie puts her hand affectionately on Rusty’s.
ANGLE ON JAMES
who smiles as an idea hits him. He pulls Bob Dillon’s harmonica from his pocket and begins to play a familiar opening riff: Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” Doo doo doo doooo doo, doo doo...
Debbie picks up on the cue and starts to sing:
Kevin joins in.
KEVIN/DEBBIE ‘Maybe we make a deal/Maybe together we can get somewhere --’
Rusty can’t believe it. They’re finally singing his song. He smiles broadly and joins in.
RUSTY/KEVIN/DEBBIE ‘Anyplace is better/Starting from zero we’ve got nothing to lose/ Maybe we’ll make something/But me myself I’ve got nothing to prove -- ‘
As they reach the climactic chorus, the car nears the top of the hill.
RUSTY/KEVIN/DEBBIE (heartfelt falsetto) ‘And I-I-I-I had a feeling that I belonged/I-I-I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone...’
They all SCREAM and throw up their hands as the coaster PLUNGES down a steep hill and into the 360 degree loop.
The coaster speeds into the loop, but just as the Griswolds’ car turns upside-down, the ride slows to a halt. There’s a beat as they hang there.
Another beat.
Beat.
Fire trucks and other rescue vehicles surround the roller coaster, which is still not moving.
SUPERIMPOSE: FIVE HOURS LATER
A RESCUE WORKER in a cherry-picker is helping the last riders off the immobile coaster.
On the ground, we FIND the Griswolds, wrapped in blankets, heading unsteadily toward the park exit. Their faces are red and their eyes bloodshot.
Debbie and the kids cheer as they stumble off toward the parking lot.
The Griswolds arrive at a gate marked “Chicago.” Rusty hands the boys their tickets.
He hugs them.
We TRACK DOWN the aisle of a wide-bodied jet in flight, STARTING IN the FIRST-CLASS SECTION and MOVING TOWARD the rear.
We MOVE PAST first class and INTO the COACH SECTION.
We ARRIVE AT the VERY REAR OF THE PLANE, just behind the lavatories, where we FIND Rusty and Debbie perched UNCOMFORTABLY UPRIGHT on JUMPSEATS, like those used by flight attendants.
A TOILET FLUSHES and the door swings open, slamming into Debbie’s arm. An OVERWEIGHT WOMAN squeezes past them.
They kiss as a VERY FAT MAN squeezes past, his crotch smooshing up against Debbie’s shoulder.
The AIR FRANCE plane soars through the clouds as the sun rises in the b.g.
SFX: TOILET FLUSH.
OVER CREDITS:
A SERIES OF “ON-RIDE” STILL SHOTS
of the Griswolds, hanging upside-down, taken in the Whipper Snapper’s loop. Each consecutive photo shows them a little more miserable as the hours go by. A colorful border bears the words “I survived the Whipper Snapper!”