"UNCLE BUCK" (1989)

STATS130pages244scenes18,089words43%dialogue29characters

Words

  • dialogue7,78243%
  • action9,20751%
  • other1,1006.1%

Scenes

location
  • INT 171
  • EXT 70
  • UNKNOWN 3
time
  • UNKNOWN 244
1

OPEN

UNCLE BUCK

A HUGHESENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION

FIRST DRAFT
OCTOBER 7, 1988

UNCLE BUCK

2

EXT. CHICAGO SUBURBS.HOUSE. AFTERNOON

A 40's Georgian colonial inan established North Shore suburb. It's late autumn.WE HEAR A SINGLE HEARTBEAT. A TEENAGE girl crosses the lawnon the bias, dragging her feet, head hung enveloped in thought.To the front door. Her name is TIA RUSSELL.

CU. PURSE

Tia digs through her purse, comingup with a key ring.

3

INT. FOYER

Tia lets herself in and takes off hercoat. She's not a happy girl. Very pretty, very mature but stricken witha look of tragic preoccupation. Her clothes aredark and somber. Attractive and stylish in their ownway but exclusionary. WE HEAR ANOTHER HEARTBEAT.

4

EXT. HOUSE. STREET

A yellow school van pulls up in front of thehouse and a six year old girl gets out. Her name isMAIZY RUSSELL. She's dainty and proper. A girl like they don'tmake anymore. She's wearing a raincoat and huge backpack. She marchesup to the house, careful not to step on any cracks.WE HEAR ANOTHER HEARTBEAT.

5

EXT. BACKYARD

An eight year old boy climbs over a back fenceand scopes out the yard. Considering it safe, he makes adash for the house. His name is MILES RUSSELL. He's the sort of chipped-tooth scraped-knee boy that grows up between two sisters.He's filthy and torn from a perilous journey home.His Air Jordans are scuffed and trailing splayed laces, his jeans are hanging low in the back. His backpack's split and threatening to spill the books and crumpled papers it contains.ANOTHER HEARTBEAT.

6

INT. KITCHEN

Tia's drinking a small bottle of Evian. Maizy drops her backpack on the table and takes off her coat.

TIA
Get your backpack off the table. People eat there.
MAIZY
They eat on plates and the plates are on the table.
TIA
Don't give me any crap, Maizy.
MAIZY
I'm telling you said crap.
TIA
There's nothing wrong with crap.
MAIZY
(surprised)
Really? I thought that was a swear.
TIA
You're thinking of "shit".
MAIZY
Oh, right.

The back door flies open and Miles bursts in.

TIA
Do you mind?
MILES
A sixth grader chased me on his bike and I was running and when I got exhausted and fell down, he wailed on me with his shoe.
TIA
You can thank your parents for that.
MILES
Howcome?
TIA
Itwas their brilliant idea tomove here. They weren't making enough cash in Indianapolis,forget that we were perfectly happy.So, thankthem for getting treated like shit every day.
MAIZY
I'm telling on thatone.
TIA
Shut your face.

He peels off hisbackpack and drops it by the door.

TIA
That doesn't go there.

He looks down at the backpack.The floor by the door seems as good a place as any.

MILES
Oh, let's have a cow.

He starts to exit the room.Tia grabs him.

MILES
Your nails are digging into my arm, goddamn it!
TIA
Pick it up!

She releases him and he picksup the backpack.

MILES
(indignant)
You're just supposed to open the door for us. You're not supposed to kick us around.
TIA
Maizy? Did I kick you around?
MAIZY
No, but you said "shit'' twice.

Tia gives Maizy an impatient look.Maizy qualifies her remark.

MAIZY
But only once for real.
TIA
(to Miles)
I got better things to do than babysit you, you little stain.
MILES
Oh, like what? Hang out with the friends you don't have?

Tia glares at Miles.He's hit a sore point with her.

TIA
Shut-up.
MILES
You want to make me?

He crosses the kitchenon his way out.

TIA
When our mother-figure isn't here, I'm in charge.

Miles stops and turns to Tia.

MILES
I'm sick of you calling her that!

He exits angrily. ANOTHER HEARTBEAT.AND ANOTHER. Maizy looks at Tia.

MAIZY
I don't know why we need boys at all. They're so loud.
TIA
We need boys so they can get married and turn into shadows.
(on herway out)
Let the dog out.

She exits leaving a severely confused Maizy.A PAIR OF HEARTBEATS.

7

INT. KITCHEN. CU. CHINESE FOOD CONTAINERS.NIGHT

Opened carry-out Chinese boxes. A COUPLEMORE HEARTBEATS.

8

INT. DINING ROOM. LATER

BOB and CINDY RUSSELL are home fromwork. The family's eating dinner. Bob's in his early forties,handsome, trim and healthy. A classic Reagan Era father.Cindy is in her late thirties. She's attractive and youthful,strong and successful. The Russells are the moderntwo income family. Bob's at the head of the table. Cindy's oppositehim. Maizy and Miles are on one side of the table.Tia's alone on the

other. It's not thewarmest domestic scene in town. There's a peculiar stiffness to their interaction.A PAIR OF HEARTBEATS.

CINDY
Miles?

He looks from his plate.

MILES
Huh?
CINDY
Did you win at basketball today?
MILES
It's tomorrow.

CU. TIA

She looks at Cindy with a smug smile.ANOTHER PAIR OF HEARTBEATS

CU. CINDY

She knows that Tia's mocking her but lets it pass.ANOTHER PAIR OF HEARTBEATS.

9

INT. DINING ROOM

Bob senses impending difficulties.He picks up the conversation.

BOB
You'll win. And next week you have a birthday.

Miles smiles.

MAIZY
What about me?
BOB
Your birthday's in June.
CINDY
When Dad goes to New York, I'm taking the week off work.

INT, DINING ROOM. TIA'S LAP. CU. FINGER

She makes a circle in the air with her index finger.A secret insult to Cindy. ANOTHER PAIR OF HEARTBEATS.

10

EXT. HOUSE. NIGHT

The living room lights go off. The HEARTBEATS BECOME REGULAR AND RHYTHMIC AND CONTINUE. The porch lights go out.

11

INT. KITCHEN. DOGGIE DOOR

The family's miniature poodle scoots in the doggie door.

CU. ALARM CLOCK

Cindy sets it.

CU. MAIZY

She's as~eep in bed. The HEART SKIPS A BEAT AND CONTINUES AT A FASTER RATE.

CU. FRONT DOOR. LOCK

Bob secures it for the night.

He's sprawled across his bed,sleeping. The HEART SKIPS ANOTHER BEAT AND RETURNING, FALLS OUT OF RHYTHM.

INT,MASTER BEDROOM

Tastefully decorated.Bob and Cindy are in their iron bed reading business related material.They're wearing half- glasses. TheHEART'S TRYING TO GET BACK IN RHYTHM. IT'S BEATING FASTER.

12

EXT. HOUSE. LATER

The lights are out.The house is asleep. The HEAR.T'S POUNDING, WILDLYARHYTHMIC. And ... ITSTOPS.

CU. TIA

In bed, sleeping.Her eyes open -- confused and frightened.

13

INT. MASTER BEDROOM

It's dark. The phone's ringing.Bob and Cindy stir. Bob reaches out and picks up the phone.

BOB
(groggy)
Hello?

He comes quickly to hissenses and sits up. Cindy rises up on her elbows.

BOB
Oh, God ...
CINDY
(frightened)
What?
BOB
Just a second.
(covers the phone, to Cindy)
It's your aunt.
CINDY
What happened?
BOB
Your Dad had a heart attack.

CU. CINDY

She's breathless with shock.

14

INT. KITCHEN.LATER

Bob's leaning against the counter.Cindy's slumped in a kitchen chair, devasted. She's staring at the floor.

BOB
Your Dad's a strong, healthy guy. He's gonna be alright.

Cindy looks up athim. A tinge of anger. She doesn't want to be cheered up.

BOB
I believe it.
CINDY
Who's going to watch the kids?
BOB
Marcie? She's right next door ...
CINDY
She's the last person I'd ask for a favor.
BOB
What about the Neville's?

Cindy thinks for amoment. Shenods. A good thought.

CINDY
Would you call? I want to leave as soon as we can.
(pause)
If we were home, I'd be there. I'm so goddamn helpless here.
BOB
Don't start getting down on why we moved. It has nothing to do with what happened.

Cindy knows he's right. She recants.

BOB
What about my brother? I don't know the Neville's from Adam. I'm sure he'd be glad to help out.
CINDY
He doesn't have kids, he isn't even married.
BOB
He's a little out there but he's responsible and he's family.
CINDY
Call the Neville's.

Cindy exits. Bob crosses to the phone.

15

INT. HALLWAY

Cindy comes up the stairs. She stops as she looksup.

HER POV

Tia's standing at the top of the stairs. She's in at-shirt and panties, hair pinned up.

TIA
What happened to Grandpa?

CU. CINDY

She's surprised that Tia knows about it.

CU. TIA

Stern, serious and tough as a slab of pig iron.

TIA
And don't lie to me.

CU. CINDY

There's obviously a fissure in their relationship. Cindy's hurt by the remark.

CU. TIA

Still hard and cold.

TIA
Iheard you talking.
16

INT. HALLWAY

Cindy continues up the stairs to Tia.

CINDY
He had a heart attack.

Tia's jaw tightens.

CINDY
But he's okay.
TIA
You can't have a heart attack and be okay.
CINDY
Honey, I don't know.
TIA
Are we going to Indianapolis?
CINDY
Daddy andI are.
TIA
And we're not?
CINDY
No.
TIA
Thanks.

She turns around and heads back to herroom.

CINDY
I love my father very much.

Tia turns.

TIA
So, why did you move away from him? If my whole family moved away on me, I'd have a heart attack, too.

She goes into her bedroom and slams the door.

17

INT. BEDROOM

Cindy is loading clothes into an open suitcase on the bed.

18

INT. ROOM. DOORWAY

Miles is standing in the doorway. Hair tossled, scratching his sleepy ass.

MILES
What're you doing? Who slammed thedoor? Are you going somewhere?What time is it?
19

INT. CINDY

She turns from the bed to Miles.

CINDY
Come here.

Miles walks over to her. She sits down and puts Miles on her lap.

CINDY
Grandpa's not feeling real good, so Dad and Iare going down to see him.
MILES
Is he sick?
CINDY
Sort of.
MILES
With what?
CINDY
He's just a little sick, honey, and he wants to seeme and Dad.
MILES
Who's going to take care of us?
CINDY
Mr. and Mrs. Neville.
MILES
Is that a joke?
CINDY
No.
CINDY
You don't like the Neville's?
MILES
Their dog's a ball sniffer.
CINDY
Don't talk like that.
MILES
Mr. Neville yelled at Michael Larson because their dog was sniffing Michael's balls.
CINDY
Don't use that word.
MILES
I don't know another word.
CINDY
I'm sure we can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog ...
20

INT. ROOM. DOOR

Bob's in the doorway.

BOB
Don't bother.

1 1

CINDY

She looks past Miles.

BOB

He shakes his head.

BOB
They're in Florida.

CINDY

She sighs in defeat.

CINDY
(to Miles)
You get in bed. You have to get up for school.
21

INT. BEDROOM

Bob steps in. Miles turns to him.

MILES
Who's in Florida?
BOB
Just get back in bed.
MILES
What's the other word for balls?
BOB
Get in bed.
MILES
Ithink Tia slammed her door again.
BOB
Now!

Miles hurries out of the room. Cindy looks up at Bob.

CINDY
What do we do?
BOB
I don't thinkwe have much choice.

1 2

CINDY
(cautiously)
Can we trust him?

Bob nods with great certainty.

BOB
Oh, yeah. Sure. He's my brother, for God's sake. And believe me, to help us out, he'll drop everything.

CU. FLOOR

In a darkened room. A booze bottle, a filled ashtray,a dinner plate, plastic cups, an alarm clock,the base portion of a telephone and finally a WOMAN crashes to the floor.

22

INT. BEDROOM

Lit by a beer sign on the wall. BUCK RUSSELL sitsup in bed. He's wearing at-shirt. His thinning hair's standingon end. He's holding the phone wrong way up.

BUCK
Yo!

The woman, CHANICE BLACKWELL, picks herself up off the floor. She's still half-asleep. She's in her late thirties, an attractive and independent woman. She's tough and a little hard in manner and look. Not so much cheap or easy as strong and pragmatic.

CHANICE
What's going on?
BUCK
Hello?
23

INT. BEDROOM. BOB

He's sitting on the edge of the bed. In the background, Cindy continues packing.

BOB
Buck? This is Bob.

CU. BUCK

We see Buck in glorious detail. Bloodshot eyes, a couple days growth of beard.

BUCK
(thinks)
Bobwho?

i3

CU. BOB

He's embarrassed that Buck doesn't recognize him immediately. He flashes a look to Cindy before speaking.

BOB
(softly)
Your brother.
24

INT. BUCK'S BEDROOM

Chanice slips back into bed. Buck brightens as he realizes it's his older brother. He clears his throat, setting off the neighborhood dogs in a barking frenzy.

BUCK
Bobby!What's going on? What time is it?

CU. BOB

Bob gets to the heart of the matter.

BOB
(serious)
Ineed a favor.

CU. BUCK

He's puzzled.

BUCK
Ihaven't talked to you in a long time.We have to get together.You're living here now, I'm living here.

CU. BOB

He cuts Buck off.

BOB
Cindy's fatherhad a heart attack tonight.

CU. BUCK

The goofy grin drops. He feels foolish for being so exuberant when there's such a grave problem.

CU. CINDY

She's packing the suitcases.She looks up at Bob, hoping they're doing the right thing.

CU. BOB

He explains the favorhe needs.

BOB
We want to get down to Indianapolis as soon as possible. But we're stuck for somebody to watch the kids.
25

INT .BED!;HJOM

Chanice is curious about thechange in Buck's attitude.

CHANICE
Who is it?

Buck waves her off. He's focusedon the conversation and is overly sharp with her.

BUCK
Oh, sure. Do we want to do this in the morning or what?
CHANICE
(interrupts)
You start work in the morning.

Buck waves her off again. She'sangry. She doesn't realize the seriousness of the matter.

BUCK
Tonight?
(pauses,thinks)
Sure.

Chanice glares at him. There'sobviously a history of unorthodox behavior.

BUCK
I'll grab a clean pair of scivies and be on my way.
(pause)
Tell Cindy I'm sorry.

Buck swings his legs over the side of the bed andhangs up the phone. Chanice is still staring athim. He sits for a moment, letting it all sink in.

CHANICE
(bitterly)
So much for your promises.
BUCK
(annoyed)
My sister-in-law's father had a heart attack.

Chanice doesn't respond. It's somethingshe can't complain about. She has to separate the event from thelarger issues.

CHANICE
I'm sorry to hear that.

Buck gets out of bed and crosses to his closet.

BUCK
They need me to watch their kids .
CHANICE
So, you're not starting work tomorrow?
BUCK
I don't see how I can.
CHANICE
(facetiously)
And you seem real disappointed. You were probably the first call because he knows you don't work.

Buck comes out of the closet with an armfulof shirts and pants.

BUCK
I work, okay? I just don't work like you work.
CHANICE
Gambling is not work.
BUCK
Gambling is a hobby.
CHANICE
Oh, sorry. What's your work then?
BUCK
Pardon me. I don't sell goddamn tires. Which is, in your book, the most noble thing in the world. And anybody who doesn't do it is a bum.

Buck pulls a cotton laundry bag out from under hisbed and begins filling it with clothing.

CHANICE
Buck, Iwouldn't care if I knewyou were sincere about me and about helping make somekind of future for us.

Buck crosses to the bed and grabs his pillow. He pulls the pillow out of the case and fills the case with socks and shorts.

BUCK
Working at your place is a future,huh? My wife, my boss.
CHANICE
My husband, my partner.
BUCK
(pause)
Yeah, right.Maybe this is for the best.Maybe we need to cool things offa little bit.

He crosses back to the laundry bag and takes out a pair of sweat pants. He slips them on.

CHANICE
Or, after fiveyears, maybe we need to quitkidding ourselves. I don'thave the spare years laying around anymore that Ican spend on somebodywho won't and maybe can't get serious about himself or anyone else.

1 7

BUCK
It's your call.
CHANICE
It's that easy for you to say?

He reaches under the chair for a shirt. He quicklychecks it for excessive dirt. It's alright. He slips iton.

BUCK
If you'renot staying, lock up. I gotta go. There's two legitimately unhappy people waiting for me.
CHANICE
(softer)
Call me if you change your mind about the job or anything else.
BUCK
Youdo the same. The number's inmy book.

He starts to exit.

CHANICE
Buck? Ifyou need help ...
BUCK
If I can'thandle a couple of kids for a fewdays, you're right aboutme.

And he's gone.

CU. CHANICE

She sighs in defeat.As much as she loves him, she knows he can't give her the lifeshe wants.

26

EXT. STREET

A rusting 1969 Buick Riviera blasts througha suburban intersection.Music's blasting.

27

INT. HOUSE. LIVINGROOM

Cindy's dressed and standing at the frontwindow. Bob comes down the stairs.

BOB
She won't open the door.
CINDY
I don't know what her problem is.
BOB
Miles is fine. He didn't remember Buck but it's okay. He's just glad the Nevilles are in Florida. He said their oldest boy terrorizes him.
CINDY
That's not what he told me. Are you sure Buck knows his way over here?
28

EXT. HOUSE

Buck's car's in the driveway. He's standing at thedoorway with his pillow and a grocery bag. He rings the bell for the umpteenth time.

BUCK
ANYBODY HOME?

A porch light goes on.

29

EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR

The door opens, revealing a sleepy, puzzled ELDERLYWOMAN.

CU. BUCK

He's startled. He leans back and looks at the house address. He looks back at the woman.

BUCK
One of us is at the wrong house.
30

EXT. BOB'S HOUSE

Bob's standing in front of the house, looking down the street. We HEAR A CAR ENGINE.

CU. BOB

He's looking down the street.

31

EXT. HOUSE. STREET

The Buick roars through the FRAME.OC TIRES SQUEAL. The Buick backs into FRAME and stops. Buck getsout and looks at Bob's house.

BUCK
Bob?
32

INT. KITCHEN

Buck's in the kitchen with Cindy. She'srunning down the basics of the house and schedule.

CINDY
The kids are going to tell you ninety percent of what you need to know anyway. They can take care of themselves for the most part.
BUCK
Right.
CINDY
You have to drive Tia to school in the morning. And Miles and Maizy.
BUCK
Maizy's the dog?
CINDY
She's the six year old.
BUCK
Right.
CINDY
If things aren't going smoothly, take them to the mall and let them buy something. I know it sounds horrible but it works.

Cindy's remark strikes him as odd. This is contrary towhat little he knows about raising kids. He nods in agreementonly to cover his discomfort. Bob comes in from the diningroom.

BOB
We better hit the road.
CINDY
Okay. Buck, thanks a million.
BUCK
My best to your family.

Cindy exits. Bob hangs back fora moment

BOB
You're alright with this?
BUCK
I'm fine. Get outta here.

Bob exits. Buck watches for a moment before closing thedoor.

33

INT. HOUSE, HALLWAY. LATER

Tia slips out of her room and sneaks down the hall.

34

INT. MASTER BATHROOM

Buck is in his shorts, brushing his teeth in the high-style bathroom. Every possible gadget and accessory.Granite counters, towel warmers, bidet, two-person whirlpool tub, steam shower. Buck flips on a 3 inch screenTV mounted on a bracket on the sink. He's not entirely surewhy a TV would be in a bathroom. He crosses to the toilet and sitsdown. He leans forward and looks at the TV. He getsup and steps into the tub. He sits down and looks at the TV from there.

35

INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Tia peeks into the bedroom. She listens to the running water in the bathroom. She slips into the bedroom.

36

INT. SHOWER

Buck, with the toothbrush in his mouth, looks out from the shower to the TV.

37

INT. BATHROOM. DOOR

Tia's spying on Buck between the space between the hinges and the jamb.

38

INT. BATHROOM. BUCK

He exits the shower and crosses to a exercise treadmill. He puzzles over it for a moment. He steps up on it and studies the control panel. He takes the toothbrush out of his mouth.

CU. PANEL

A confusion of touch-pads and displays. Buck's finger presses a touchpad.

39

INT. BATHROOM

The treadmill suddenly comes ~o life. The walk surface moves out from under him, and in the blink of an eye, he's thrown to his knees and hurled off the machine. The toothbrush goes flying.

CU. TOILET BOWL

Buck's toothbrush hits the seat and drops in the bowl. Tom Jones' "DELILAH" COMES UP AND CONTINUES.

40

EXT. HOUSE. MORNING

A crisp late autumn morning. The MUSIC CONTINUES.

41

INT. HOUSE. STAIRS

Tia comes down the stairs dressed for school. Her outfit is gloomy and extreme. She slows as she hears an OFF-KEY SINGING VOICE FOLLOWING THE SONG. ;

Buck's in sweats and at-shirt. He's at the stove cooking, moving to the music, the source of which is a Proton radio on the counter.

42

INT.KITCHEN. DOOR

Tia stands in the doorway. She looks Buck up and down.

HER POV. CU. BUCK'S FEET

Grotesquely misshapenand worn, laceless gum sole, canvas top shoesand black socks. MOVING UP the sweat pants to the blown-out seat, to the t-shirt and ENDING on thinning hair standingon end. A spatula COMES INTO FRAME and with the handle end,Buck scratches the top of his head.

CU. RADIO

Tia turns it off.

CU. BUCK

He freezes in mid-note.Thinks a moment and turns.

CU. TIA

Heavy, inpenetrable, inscrutable, teenage "Ihate you''scowl.

CU. BUCK

Through the scowl he sees the sweet face ofhis brother's first born, not the petulant, distressed youngwoman she's become.

BUCK
Tia?

CU. TIA

No reply. No response. She wants to let him know that she'sa tough case.

43

INT. KITCHEN

Buck takes the frying pan he's been attending from the burner.

BUCK
Doyou remember me?

Tia ignores him. She opens a cupboard and removes a coffee mug.

BUCK
UncleBuck? :Irua.UncleBuck?

Tia continues to ignore him as she pours herself a cup of Buck's freshly manufactured coffee matter. Buck begins to catch on to her gig.

BUCK
Coffee drinker,huh?

Tia sits down at the table.

BUCK
Hungry?
TIA
No.

CU. TIA

She sips the coffee. She struggles to repress her urge to grimace. Either she doesn't normally drink coffee or his coffee's horrible.

CU. BUCK

He notes her_displeasure with the coffee,despite her efforts to conceal it.

BUCK.
Where're the other ones?

CU. TIA

Looks up with loads of boredom and irritation.

TIA
Other ones what?
44

INT. KITCHEN

Buck pulls a carving knife from a holder beside the stove.

BUCK
The other kids.

He takes a grapefruit from a fruit bowl on the counter.

TIA
They havenames. Miles and Maizy.
BUCK
Are Miles andMaizv awake yet?
TIA
I woke them,thank you.

Buck flips the grapefruit in the air and swings at it with the knife.

CU. COUNTER TOP

Two perfect halves of the grapefruit fall on the counter.

CU. TIA

She's disgusted.

He retrieves the halves, notes the clean, even cut and plants a halfon a plate. He spoons a load of eggs onto the plate.

BUCK
I'm new to this parenting game.
45

INT. KITCHEN

Buck drops a piece of toast on the plate.

TIA
(facetiously)
Oh, really? I couldn't tell.

Buck ignores the remark and sets the plate beforeher.

TIA
Are you deaf? I said I ·, wasn't hungry.
BUCK
(making cheerful)
This is one of my specialties.

Tia looks down at the plate.

CU. PLATE

The grapefruit half, very dry scrambled eggs with bits of bologna, chunks of onions and green pepper.

46

INT. KITCHEN

Tia pushes the plate away.

TIA
I'd rather starve,thank you.
BUCK
Your call. Does your Mom know you drink coffee?
TIA
I'm notdoing it to impress you.
BUCK
And I appreciate it.
(pause)
Any particular reasonwhy you're givingme a hard time?
TIA
Am I giving youa hard time?

Miles walks in.He jumpsback in shock at seeing Buck.

MILES
Who're you!?
BUCK
I'm your Uncle Buck.

Miles looks at Tia.

MILES
Is this true?
TIA
Unfortunately.
MILES
You're taking care of us?
BUCK
Lord and Master of this joint until the folks return. We're gonna get along great and we're gonna have a swell time. Where's ...?
TIA
Her name is Maizy. For the second time.

Buck gives Tia a look. He doesn't care for her mouth.He serves Miles. Miles stares at the food.

MILES
What's this?
BUCK
Army eggs.
MILES
Oh, my God!
(to Tia)
He put onions in the eggs.
BUCK
So?

Tia gets up from the table.

TIA
Have some cereal. I'll check on Maizy.

She exits. Buck walks back to the stove.

BUCK
Is your sister always this pleasant?
MILES
(thinks fora moment)
No. She's usually in a bad mood in the morning.
47

INT. HOUSE. MAIZY'S ROOM

Tia and Maizy are sitting on the bed. Tia'scombing Maizy's hair. Maizy is whining and squirming.

TIA
You want knots in your hair?
MAIZY
Ow!
TIA
Cut it out!
MAIZY
I want Mom to do it.
TIA
Mom's not here.
MAIZY
She is, too.
TIA
No, she's not.She and Dad went to Indianapolis.
MAIZY
They did not.

Tia stops combing.

TIA
Okay,they didn't.

Maizy turns to Tia with surprise.

MAIZY
They did?
TIA
Yes.And I'm taking care of you.

CU. MAIZY

She looks at··Tiawith alarm.

MAIZY
But you can't drive!
48

INT. KITCHEN

Buck's sitting at the table with Miles.They're picking the bologna, peppers and onions out of theeggs.

MILES
Where do you live?
BUCK
In the city.
MILES
What do you do?
BUCK
Lots of things.
MILES
Where's your office?

Buck hesistates, not having an office.

BUCK
I don't have one.
MILES
Howcome?
BUCK
I just don't.
MILES
Where's your wife?
BUCK
(aftera pause)
I haven't found her yet.
MILES
Do you have kids?
BUCK
Just myself.
MILES
Are you my Dad's brother?
BUCK
What's your record for consecutives questions asked?
MILES
Huh?
BUCK
Nothing. Yeah, I'm your Dad's brother.

Miles nods, satisfied with the answer.

MILES
You have much more hair in •· your nose than my Dad.
BUCK
Why, thank you.

Tia walks into the kitchen. Maizy follows. Tia goes to the cupboard and takes out a box of cereal.

BUCK
(toMaizy)
Hi, there.

Maizy stares at him.

TIA
Say hello, Maizy.
MAIZY
Hello.
BUCK
I'm yourUncle Buck.
TIA
Maizy, sit down.

Maizy climbs onto a chair. Tia serves her a bowl of cereal.

BUCK
What time do we have to shove off for school?
TIA
Miles starts at 8:45. Maizy goes at noon.
BUCK
And you?
TIA
I'm not going to school.
BUCK
Pardon me?
TIA
I'm watching Maizy.
BUCK
That's not what your mother said.
TIA
That's tough.
BUCK
It sure is because you're going to school.

Tia sits down at the table.

TIA
Is that a fact?
BUCK
That is a fact, that is a reality and that is a foregone conclusion.
TIA
And how are you going to accomplish that?
BUCK
Well, if I can't persuade you, Ican sure as heck tie youup and throw your snotty little buttin the trunk of my car.

Tia leans back in surprise.

49

INT. CAR. LATER

Buck's driving, Tia next to him, Miles and Maizy are in the backseat. Tia's fiddling with the radio. The car's vibrating, rattling and howling with muffler leakage.

BUCK
Who can guesswho was president when this carwas manufactured?
TIA
Abraham Lincoln,
BUCK
Wrong. Miles?
MILES
It smells like carbon monoxide in here.
BUCK
Carbon monoxide is odorless, Miles. That's why it's so dangerous. What you're smelling is burning oil.
TIA
Is the radio busted?
BUCK
Just give it a whack,
TIA
What?
BUCK
Punch it. Right on the dash. Give it a whack.

Tia reluctantly smacks the dashboard.

BUCK
Come on, you can do better than that. Don't tap it, whack it.

Tia hits it a little harder.

BUCK
I'll tellyou what, pretend the dashboard's my face. Okay?

Tia gives him a look. She takes him up on the suggestion. She draws back and gives the dashboard a thundering blow. The RADIO goes on LOUD.

50

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. MORNING

A big, sprawling suburban high school: Buck's car pulls in the lot.

51

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. MAIN ENTRANCE

Buck's Rivie~a approaches. The engine'sroaring. A trail of blue smoke lingers behind.

52

EXT. SCHOOL. KIDS

Milling around the front door. High school kids.They look with revulsion as the Riviera rattles up themain drive.

53

EXT. CURB. RIVIERA

The brakes squeak like fingers coming downa chalkboard as the rolling embarrassment comes to a stop at thecurb. It rumbles, shudders, shakes. The only personwe see in the car is Buck.

54

INT. CAR. BUCK

He waits on the car as it goes through its shut-down ritual. He grimaces, holds the pained, anticipatory expression,holds out a finger...

55

EXT. CAR

It's hissing. Something's going to blow.

56

EXT. SCHOOL. KIDS

They move back as they anticipate an explosion.

57

INT. CAR. BUCK

Holding his expression, grits his teeth, wags the finger and ELAM! A huge, wet backfire. He smiles.

BUCK
(with sympathetic relief)
Ahhh...!
58

EXT. SCHOOL. KIDS

Scattering, rubbing their ears.

59

INT.CAR. BUCK

Buck looks down at the footwell.

BUCK
Tying your shoe?

HIS POV

Iia is hunched foreward to avoid being seen.She slowly sits up.

60

EXT. CAR

Tia's head rises ever so slowly in the windowand she looks out fearful that she'll be seen.

CU. BUCK

He doesn't get it. He loves the old car and can't imagine it being an embarrassment.

BUCK
What time do you want me to pick you up?

CU. TIA

She turns to Buck. She's angry.

TIA
I'll geta ride.
61

INT. CAR. BUCK AND TIA

Tia gathers up her books and slips on sunglasses.

BUCK
Igot my orders. What time?
TIA
Are you really thisstupid? I said, I'll geta ride. I always geta ride.
BUCK
I'll call theschool, get the time andyou meet me right here.
TIA
Call the school. Iwon't be here.
BUCK
If you're ashamed to beseen in this car,you won't want me inside asking around about you. The car'sa lot prettier than I am, don'tyou agree? You be here.

Tia stares angrily at Buck. She knows she's lost but won't admit it.

BUCK
You standme up and tomorrow morning, we'll arrive with the topdown.

Tia doesn't react. Buck gives her a little extra incentive.

BUCK
When I ridewith the top down, Iput zinc on my nose andwear a cowboy hat.

Tia glares at him. She thinks he's being deliberately cruel. She reaches for the door handle. Buck reaches under the seat for a pair of pliers.

BUCK
Four o'clock?
TIA
I can't wait.

He hands her the pliers. She snatches them from him.

TIA
Did you everhave anybody embarrass you like this?
BUCK
Not since I learned todo it myself.
TIA
I can't believe I'm related to you.

She gets the door open and flips the pliers on the scat.

BUCK
You get the pole out ofyour keister, we'll getalong fine.

Tia stares at him with complete disgust. She gets out and slams the door. Buck holds his look on her. He looks in the backseat.

HIS POV

Maizy's sitting in back. She smiles at him.

CU. BUCK

•·

He's puzzled.

BUCK
She hates me, huh?

CU. MAIZY

She confirms with a nod.

MAIZY
She hates everybody.
(pause)
It's just her age.

CU. BUCK

Acknowledges the maturity of the remark witha smile and a slow nod of his head.

62

EXT. INDIANAPOLIS. HOSPITAL

In the heart of downtown.

63

INT. CARDIAC CARE UNIT. CU. CINDY'S FATHER

He's in his seventies. Pale and fatigued.On the doorstep of death.

64

INT. WAITING ROOM

Cindy and Bob and Cindy's sister, RUTH, and Cindy's Mother, LEONA. Ruth's in her forties, plain, local, smalltown. Leona's petite and proper. She's wearing a dress,her hair's done, purse in her lap. She's holding her feelings in as best she can. Ruth is reading a magazine. Cindy'smost visibly affected. Bob is standing at the window. Cindy pats her mother's back.

65

EXT. CHICAGO. ALBERGHETTI TIRE CENTER

A large inner city tire and auto accessory outlet.

66

INT. TIRE CENTER

Aisles of tires and auto merchandise. A large, noisy discount center.

CU. DIAMONDBRACELET

Pretty littlequarter carat diamonds on a woman's wrist. She's holdinga telephone. WE MOVE AROUND from the bracelet to her face. It'sChanice.

CHANICE
What~ver you have to do,you have t:odo.
67

INT. OFFICE

A cluttered little office.Chanice has her feet up on the wooden desk.

CHANICE
You don't have to justify anything to me.
68

INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Buck's on the phone. He's undressing.The TV's still on. LOUD.

BUCK
They were completely flipped- out when I got here. A medical emergency in the middle of the night'll do that to people.
69

INT. OFFICE. CHANICE

She's annoyed with him. As usual.

CHANICE
Listen, Buck, for eight years you've been making plans and breaking plans. You're word's worth less than a Mexican ten cents off coupon.
70

INT. BEDROOM. CU. BUCK'S FEET

His shorts drop to his ankles and he steps out ofthem.

CU. BUCK

He sits down on the edge of the bed.

BUCK
You should be delighted. I'm playing a father role. Isn't that what you've had in mind for me?
71

INT. OFFICE. CHANICE

She's had enough conversation.

CHANICE
I'm glad you can do it for your brother. You sure as hell can't do it for me.

CU. BUCK .

He's getting buried and he knows it.

BUCK
A few laughs, a few drinks, Sunday in bed watching TV. If you want more than that, you better look for somebody else.

CU. CHANICE

She didn't expect such directness so quickly.She's hurt and she's saddened.

CHANICE
I know you think the job I offered you is bullshit and a way to control and ruin your life but it's important to the company and I have to fill it. Unless you tell me otherwise, I'm hiring someone else.

CU. BUCK

He's hurt by the remark. It represents distance from her.He reacts by taking the offensive.

BUCK
Be my guest.

CU. CHANICE

Not what she wanted to hear. But she's determined.

CHANICE
Don't go chanigng your mind. I have to go.

She hangs up the phone and curses softlyand sadly.

CU. BUCK

He knows he's losing her. He slowly lowers thephone and hangs it up.

72

INT. BEDROOM

He stands up and walks to the window. He's completely naked. We STAY ABOVE HIS WAIST. He's depressed, confusedand filled with regreat.

CU. BUCK

He stares out the window and sighs.

BUCK
Shit...Whatam I doing? What in theworld am I doing?
(long, lostpause)
I'm standing naked in the frontwindow.

With no change in expression, he reaches up and pulls the mini-blinds closed.

73

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. LATER

Tia is sitting in front of the school with her boyfriend. He's a senior, BUG. He's a frightfuly thin, pale metal head with dyed blonde dreadlocks. He has his arm draped over Tia's shoulder. She's resting back on his chest.

BUG
Howcomeyou can't come to my place?
TIA
My uncle's pickingme up.
BUG
How did thathappen?
TIA
My parents.
BUG
Is he at all cool?
TIA
He's repulsive.
BUG
Ifyo•:,cgrandfather dies,are you scuckwith him?
TIA
(defensive)
He'snot gonna die.
(pause)
Uncle Shithead's real temporary.If I can pull it off with theQueen Mother, he'll disappear tomorrow.

OC we HE~R the now familiar VOICE OF THE RIVIERA. Bug looks down the drive. Tia doesn't bother. She knows what it is.

BUG
Whoa. Explain that!

Tia sits up.

TIA
Quick!

She grabs him and kisses him hard and full on the lips.

74

INT.CAR. BUCK

He seesTia and Bug. He's not delighted.

HISPOV

Tia getting upfrom the stairs and kissing Bug. A deliberate kiss forBuck.

He senses that the kisswas planned to crank him up.

BUCK
(to himself)
I gotta rethink my position on gun control ...
75

EXT. SCHOOL

The Riviera pullsup and stops. It shudders, rattles, coughs and ...

TIA ANDBUG

Tia covers her earsand implores Bug to do likewise. After a brief moment ofconfusion he covers his ears.

CU. BUCK

He leans overon one cheek, squeezes and BLAM!

TIA AND BUG

Bug's impressed by the backfire.

BUG
You know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud?
TIA
Call me.

Bug bends down and waves to Buck.

BUG
You ever hear of a tune-up?

CU. BUCK

He leans over in the seat.

BUCK
You ever hear of a ritual killing?

CU. BUG

Looking in the car.

BUG
I don't get it.

CU. BUCK

Calling out to Bug.

BUCK
You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one.
76

INT. CAR

Tia gets in and closes the door. Bug leansin and kisses her. Buck hits the gas, spinning Bug away as the old deathmobile squeals away.

TIA
Are you crazy?
BUCK
I can be.
TIA
You could have taken his head off.
77

, BUCK

But would he notice?

TIA
Oh, that's hilarious!

Buck changes the subject.

BUCK
How was school?
TIA
Canwe get something straight?
BUCK
The guy'sa prowler and you're prey.
TIA
Oh, really?
BUCK
You bet.
TIA
And howdo you know?
BUCK
Becausewhen Iwas his age, I was the guy zoomin'the girls like you.
TIA
I recommend thatyou stay out of my personal life.
BUCK
Do your parentsstay out of your personal life?
TIA
They don't.knmlmy personal life.
BUCK
Have theymet Twiddledink?
TIA
His name's Bug.
BUCK
First or lastname?
TIA
First.
BUCK
What's his last name?Spray?
TIA
You should talk,B.l.l.Ck.
BUCK
What's a nice girl likeyou doing with a deadman like that?
TIA
I like him.
BUCK
He like you?
TIA
No. He loves me.
BUCK
You like him. He lovesyou. How does that work?
TIA
Where have you been all your life? In a closet?
BUCK
You don't love him?
TIA
With the exception of my sister, my brother and my grandfather, I don't love anybody,
BUCK
You got your mother's eyes and your father's balls. Actually, your great Uncle Leon's balls. They were so big and so tough, Lou Gehrig hit one of them off the roof at Briggs Stadium in Detroit.
TIA
You make me sick.
78

INT. KITCHEN. LATER

Miles is standing on a foot stool washingdi~~es. Tia walks in and crosses to the refrigerator.

TIA
What the hell are you doing?
MILES
Unc~e Buck said this is how I earn my keep.

Tia grabs an Evian.

TIA
Howcome the moron didn't use the dishwasher?
MILES
He couldn't figure out how to use it.

Tia shakes her head in disgust and exits.

79

EXT. HOUSE. NIGHT

A stately, three-story Colonial.

80

INT. HOUSE. LIBRARY

Cindy sits down at a desk in the dark, panelled room. She dials the phone.

81

INT. KITCHEN

The TELEPHON~ RINGS. Miles listens to the phone fora moment.

MILES
Can somebody get that, please?

The TELEPHONE CONTINUES TO RING. Miles ;-._peshishandson the apron he's wearing and jumps down from the stool.

MILES
Do Ihave to do everything around here?!

He answer~ the wall phone.

MILES
Hello?
82

INT. GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE. LIBRARY. CINDY

She's on the telephone.

CINDY
Hi, sweetheart.How are you?

CU. MILES

MILES
Fine. I'm earningmy keep.

CU. CINDY

The worry has robbed her face of it's color and made her eyes heavy. Her deliberately cheerful tone emphasizes her exhaustion.

CINDY
That's good. Is everything okay there?
(smiles)
So you likehim, huh?
(pause)
Grandpa's doinga little better andhe sends you hugs and kisses.

CU. MILES

He's on the kitchen phone.

MILES
Tell him I hope he's better. Do you want to talk to Tia?

CU. CINDY

She smiles.

CINDY
Please. And tell Uncle Buck I need to speak to him, too.

CU. MILES

MILES
He's tucking Maizy in.
83

INT. MAIZY'S ROOM

Buck's sitting on the edgeof Maizy's bed.

BUCK
I'm really sorry about this, Maizy, but you have to sleep in your own bed. You don't want to sleep with me. I smell funny.
MAIZY
I sleep with my Dad and he smells funny.
BUCK
And that's because we're related. But I smell worse because I'm single. Single men smell like worn-out after-shave and cigarettes and coffee and Rolaids. If you smell all that while you sleep, you'll dream about race tracks and welter-weight boxers. Don't you want to dream about princesses and magic kingdoms?
MAIZY
Not really.
84

INT. TIA'S BEDROOM

She's on the phone with her mother.

TIA
Next time you take off, why don't hire a murderer to watch the house? This guy's a joke.

CU. CINDY

A moment of knee-jerk concern.Then she considers the source.

CINDY
Why don't you just go your way and let him go his?

CU. TIA

She laughs.

TIA
While he systematically dismantles my life? The guy took off today, left the little guys alone. Plus ...
(considers hernext statement)
... he drinks.

CU. CINDY

A flash of concern.

85

INT. MAIZY'S ROOM

Miles walks in as Buck continues to present hisargument against sleeping in his room.

BUCK
Another drawback is that I'm a big drooler.
MILES
Mom's on the phone.
BUCK
I have to talk to your Morn. You think about what I said. I'm sure that you'll decide that sleeping in this nice, fresh, happy bed is preferable to sleeping with a funny smelling guy who snores, yells, drools 2,d has sent dozens of people cJ the hospital over the years with big toe nail cuts on their shins.

He gets up from the bed and exits.

BUCK
(to Miles)
Brush your teeth.
MILES
I did. You can feel my toothbrush.

Buck steps back into the doorway.

BUCK
I have a friend who works in the crime lab at the police station and I can give him your toothbrush and he can run a test on it and tell if you actually brushed your teeth or just ran the tooth brush under the faucet.

He exits. Miles is startled.

MILES
Oh, my God!
86

INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Buck's sitting on the bed, talking on the telephone.

BUCK
Everything's under control.

CU. CINDY

In light of what Tia said, she's listening tohim very carefully.

CINDY
The kids are okay?

CU. BUCK

He lies.

BUCK
Fine. No problems yet.
(pause)
How's your Dad?
(listens,nods)
Yeah. You just have to wait and see.
87

INT. TIA'S ROOM

She's listening to the conversation,her hand over the mouthpiece. She reaches down slowly with herfree hand.

CU. TELEPHONE

Tia pushes the button down and carefully hangsup the phone.

CU. TIA

A hard, angry, impenetrable face.

CU. CHANICE

She's in bed, awake, thinking aboutBuck.

88

INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT. BUCK

He's laying in bed, on his side. Thinking.Lost, middle-age, middle of the night male thoughts.We PULL BACK AND RISE to reveal the full bed. Buck's perched on theedge of the bed, no pillow, no covers. Maizy and Miles are sprawledon the bed perpendicular to him taking up the :ion'sshare of space. They have the pillows and covers.

CU. WASHING MACHINE CONTROL PANEL

A terribly complex, state-of-the·-art,control center.A myriad of choices. Number pads. LED read·-outs.Lights.

CU. BUCK

Staring at the panel. A look of dumb confusion.He has an armload of laundry. He picks his momentand reaches out to the panel. He reaches just above CAMERA.He pulls his hand back and waits for the result of his action.An electronic BEEPER sounds. He leans forward again.

89

INT. BASEMENT LAUNDRY ROOM.

A clean, modern laundry room. White and whiteand white. Slick new appliances. Buck reaches out and tries to lift the lid on the washer. It won't open.

BUCK
Son a bitch ... !
90

INT. KITCHEN

The back door opens and MARCIE DAHLGREN-FROST pokes herhead in. She's in her early thirties. Trendy, chic, nosey, annoying, status seeking modern mother. She's wearing the newest in exercise wear, the newest in hair, perfect nails and braces.

MARCIE
Hello?

She doesn't get a reply. She steps in. She looks around the kitchen with horror.

HER POV

The kitchen is a mess from breakfast.

CU. MARCIE

She's shocked.

MARCIE
Oh,my God!
91

INT. BASEMENT

Buck's yanking on the washer lid. It's filling with water.

BUCK
Goddamn it!Open up!
92

INT. KITCHEN

Marcie's at the basement door, listening.

BUCK (OC)
I'm gonna getmy load in you whetheryou like it or not!

Marcie gasps.

Buckhammers the buttons with his index fingers. Trying them all.He tugs on the lid. No go.

93

INT. KITCHEN

Marcie tries to peekdown into the basement. She gets down on all fours and drops her head.

94

INT. BASEMENT. CU.MARCIE

Her head appearsbetween the stairs and the basement ceiling.

HER POV

Buck backs into view.He's in his undershorts.We can't see the washing machine.He reaches for a mop.

95

INT. KITCHEN

The family dog saunters inand stops.

HIS POV

Marcie's rump and bare legs.

CU. DOG

He licks his chops and steps forward.

CU. BUCK

He's angrily approaching thewasher with the mop held like a spear.

DOG'S POV. CU. MARCIE'S BOTTOM

MOVING in on those upper thighs.

CU. DOG'S MOUTH. WIDE ANGLE

COMES into CAMERA. The film SLOWSDOWN as the dog's long wet tongue slides out of it's mouth and wipes the lens.

CU. MARCIE

Abject horror. She SCREAMS.

CU. BUCK

He's startled. He SCREAMS and whirls around.

96

INT. KITCHEN

Marcie is co~vulsing with shivers from therude dog kiss planted so near her buttocks. She's frantically rifling through her purse.

97

INT. BASEMENT

Buck charges up the stairs.

98

INT. KITCHEN

Marcie stands by the door with a tiny aerosol spray can trained on the door. Buck flies into the kitchen.

MARCIE
Stop!
BUCK
What? Who're you?

Buck takes a step toward Marcie.

MARCIE
Freeze!One more step and I'll sprayyou! This is LiquidSkunk and it's bad. CINDY!?
BUCK
She's in Indianapolis.
MARCIE
What's she doing in Indianapolis?
BUCK
Her father hada heart attack.
MARCIE
(momentary lapse in her tough attitude)
Oh, I'm sorry.
(tough again)
Who are you and how doyou know her father had a heart attack?
BUCK
I'm her brother-in-law.
MARCIE
Who's down in the basement?

5 1

BUCK
Nobody.
MARCIE
Who were you talking dirty to?
BUCK
I was trying to get the washing machine to work.

Marcie's embarrassednow that she knows the truth.

MARCIE
I apologize.
BUCK
Accepted.

He offers his hand.Marcie shakes it.

BUCK
I'd love to shoot the shit with you but you've got work to do.
MARCIE
Work?
BUCK
Housework. You're the housekeeper, right?

Marcie leans back, deeply insulted.

MARCIE
I beg your pardon.
BUCK
You're not the housekeeper?
MARCIE
Do I look like a housekeeper?
BUCK
I don't know. You're in the house. I assume...
MARCIE
I am not a housekeeper. I live in the house behind you.
BUCK
My mistake.
MARCIE
It's my hair? Because of my hair you thought I was the housekeeper?
BUCK
No. I just took a wild guess.
MARCIE
I live behind you. My name's Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. Dahlgren was my maiden name. Frost was my married name. I'm single again but I haven't bothered to lose the Frost.

The conversation dies.

MARCIE
Can I buy you lunch?
BUCK
I'm gonnahang here and try to get the lay of the land.
MARCIE
Rain check?
BUCK
I'm only here fora day or two.
MARCIE
And Cindy said she'd be back ina day or two?
BUCK
She didn't specify.But I assume...
MARCIE
My father's heart attack? I was out of town for three weeks with him. If he needs open heartsurgery like mine did ... nowonderCindy didn't callme. You need a relative foran imposition of this size.

Buck's shocked.

99

INT. TIRE CENTER. OFFICE

Chanice is behind her desk, doing paperwork.She feels a presense. A set of eyes upon her. She turnsslowly to the credenza behind her desk.

CU. FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH

A portrait of Buck. A smarmy, eyebrow-raised portrait. It's autographed. "ALL MY BEST TO A REAL SWELL GAL --BUCK".

CU. CHANICE

She sneers at the photograph and turns it around.She returns to her desk. On her back for a beat. She turns back.

CU. PHOTOGRAPH

On the verso is another portrait of Buck taken atthe same time in the same clothes. He's looking over his shoulder at CAMERA. It's also inscribed -- "WHATEVER I DID, I'M SORRY -- BUCK"

100

INT. OFFICE

Chanice drops the photo in a desk drawer and tries to clear her mind of him. A little smile glimmers across her lips. She runs her hand across her mouth, obliterating it.

CHANICE
Forget it. He's a bum ...

CU. BUCK

He's studying a sheet of paper. He has a tough comment to make and is considering how to do it with the least amount of damage.

CU. MILES

He's watching Buck intently.

CU. MAIZY

She's drawing with maniacal concentration, tongue mirroring the motion of her hand. She glances up at Miles.

MAIZY
It sucks,Miles. I toldyou that.
101

INT. FAMILY ROOM

Buck, Maizy andMiles are sitting at a game table. Paper and crayons are scattered aboutas the children have been drawing.

BUCK
Suck, in addition to being a filthy and disgusting word all too awful to come out of such a pretty little mouth as yours, is not the right word for this particular work of art.
MAIZY
Crappy?
MILES
Do you get off on insulting me, freckle-butt?
MAIZY
I don't have freckles on my butt. Those are beauty marks.
BUCK
I'm not familiar with your butt, Maizy, so I might be speaking out of school but I don't think you can call anything on your butt a beauty mark. Beauty and butt just don't work in the same sentence unless you're alot older.
MAIZY
They're not freckles. Freckles are caused by the sun and believe me, I'm not into nude sunbathing.
BUCK
How old are you again?
MAIZY
Six.
BUCK
Really.
(aftera pause)
About this picture, Miles. The word I guess I'd have to use is inappropriate.
MILES
I don't know that word.
BUCK
That means something's not right for something. Like...
102

INT. FAMILY. DOOR

Tia's standing in the doorway.

TIA
You as a guardian.

CU. BUCK

He turns around and looks at Tia.

BUCK
It'sMiss Happy Sunshine Perky Face, Princess of Pleasant and Perfect.
103

INT. FAMILY ROOM

She slinks into the room and plops down in a chair.

TIA
That's me.
BUCK
(to Milesand Maizy)
Did either one of you guys call out forsome bad vibes?
MAIZY
Huh?
TIA
Quit ingratiating yourself to them by running me down in frontof them.
BUCK
Hey,hon, you came in here with the death face.We're doing fine allby ourselves.
TIA
The line on you is you're the bum brother who hangs out at race tracks and never works.

CU. BUCK

He's surprised she knows so much abouthim.

CU. MAIZY

She looks down to avoid the unpleasantness.

CU. MILES

-

He stare?-at Buck. Then looks to Tia.

CU. BUCK

Opts for honesty. He nods.

CU. TIA

She's a little surprised at his honesty.She was prepared for a denial and hasn't anything to say.

104

INT. FAMILY ROOM

Buck holds his look on Tia.

TIA
People talk, people overhear. I know my Dad loans you money. You're like our private family charity case.

Buck keeps staring at her. Her remarks are painful.She pulls herself out of the chair and shuffles to the door.

TIA
I'm not letting up on you until you get the hell out of here.

Tia sneers and exits.

MILES
She's really a waste, huh?
BUCK
No, she's not, Miles. She's just a little angry.
MAIZY
You should ground her.
MILES
She's already grounded for smoking cigarettes.

Buck puts on a smile and changes the subject.

BUCK
Let's get back to the picture here. I think it's great. I think's it beautifully drawn but I think if I'd just had a heart attack, I might think it's a little ... wild.

He hands it to Miles for a second look.He studies it.

CU. DRAWING

Of an elderly man, distinguished by thinning hair,glasses and facial wrinkles. His face is grotesquely distorted in pain and he's clutching his heart as a squadron of fighter planes fire missiles into his hea:c'.:.At the top it says,"GET WELL SOON! LOVE YA, MILES.

105

INT. BATHROOM

Tia is finishing her make-up. She's looks older anda bit too sexy.

106

INT. MASTER BATHROOM

Buck rota-tweezer his nostrils. He leans back,checks himself in the mirror, holds a beat, then grabs hisnose and screams in agony.

107

INT. LIVING ROOM

Tia's sitting in the living room, looking out thewindow. Miles and Maizy come down the stairs.

MILES
Waiting for your sex?
TIA
Shut-up.

Buck lumbers down the stairs. He's wearinga bowling shirt and jeans. He stops at the bottom of the stairs.

BUCK
Tia?

She looks at him with extremeboredom.

BUCK
You didn't have to blow all that make-up. We're just going bowling.
TIA
You're just going bowling .I.'..rn doing a human activity.
BUCK
One whiff of the alley I bowl at and you'll know it's a human activity. It's a great sport and it's virtually impossible to get pregnant while doing it. If you catch my drift.

Tia is revolted. She curls her lip and giveshim the evil eye.

TIA
I'll die before I'll go anywhere with you.
BUCK
Tia, the martyr. She died so that young women would never have to bowl against their will.
TIA
Make fun of me, I don't care. I'm not going with you.
MILES
It's gonna be fun.
MAIZY
They have rent-a-shoes.
TIA
And rent-a-foot-disease.
BUCK
We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're gonna lose again.
TIA
Try me.
BUCK
How would you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out- of-work, bum Uncle's going to shave your head while you sleep?

CU. BUCK

He gives her a crazed smile and raisesan eyebrow.

CU. TIA

Part of her believes that he might reallydo it.

CU. BOWLING PINS

A bowling ball rolls INTO FRAME and stopsa hair short of striking the pins.

CU. BUCK AND MAIZY

He's leaning over as they both look down the lane.

BUCK
If the object of the game was to get the ball as close to the pins without knocking them over, then you'd be world champion?
MAIZY
Really?
108

INT. BOWLING ALLEY

An old, inner city bowling alley. Loaded with pot-bellied blue-collar MEN, lacquer-headed middle-agedWOMAN, moussed, bleached, ninety pound, motorhead GIRLS and pumped-muscle, tattooed, bumper bending BOYS. The alley is smokey and loud.

109

INT. BOWLING ALLEY. TIA

She's sitting uncomfortably at a scoring table.Beside her is a wasted YOUNG MAN with his index finger jammed ina long neck Bud. He's checking her out.

YOUNG MAN
You know what I have on my stomach?

Tia ignoreshim.

YOUNG MAN
Do you?

Tia continues toignore him.

YOUNG MAN
I got a snake.

Tia swallows hard.

YOUNG MAN
It's a tattoo. My belly button's his mouth.

Tia looks slowly around athim.

YOUNG MAN
You know what his tail is?

Buck slides into the booth.

BUCK
You met Beaumont.
YOUNG MAN
New girlfriend, Buck?
BUCK
Niece.
YOUNG MAN
Oh, I'm sorry.
BUCK
Don't worry about it. You got a game going somewhere?
YOUNG MAN
Yeah. I'm down the way.
BUCK
You're not gonna get a strike sitting here.
YOUNG MAN
(to Tia} Nice meeting you.

Beaumont drags himself out of the boothand shuffles off.

6 1

TIA
You have alot of nervesaying anything aboutmy boyfriend.
BUCK
I'd never datehim. He's got a snake on his stomach.

A friend of Buck's leans over the booth and gives Buck a violent shoulder squeeze.He's a pot-bellied slob, ROG.

ROG
Hey, shithead, where you been?
BUCK
Rog, I'd like you to meetmy niece and let go of my shoulder.

Rog realizes he's cursed in frontof a child.

ROG
Sorry.
BUCK
She's sorry about it too, but you can't pick your relatives. Tia, this is Rog.
ROG
Pleasure.
(continues)
I missed you last night. Chanice wouldn't let you out of your cage?

CU. TIA

The mention of Chanice interests ~er.

CU. BUCK

He hasn't thought about Chanice all day.

BUCK
I'm out in the hinterlands watching my brother's kids for a few days.

CU. ROG

He pursues.

ROG
Chanice here? I want to yell at her.
110

INT. BOWLING ALLEY. ROG,TIA AND BUCK

Tia's watching Buck for hisanswer.

BUCK
She's not here.
ROG
I want to let her have it for not marrying you. If she'd cave in and marry your worthless butt, I'd know where to find you.
BUCK
And I'd know where to find her.
ROG
I'm just yanking your rip cord.
(toTia} Nice meeting you.
TIA
I'll remember it always.
ROG
(toBuck} Cute kid.

He takes Buck aside and speaks in low, confidential tones.

ROG
You know, Jimmy Bean's coming inon Thursday for the Salem Million at Arlinton Park Friday.
BUCK
(excited)
No shit?
ROG
That's why I was trying to reach you. He's says it's gonna be a Nagfest.Very easy money. He owes youand he owes me and he owesRay so he says we should be down at the track about halfan hour before post timeand he'll give us the tip.He says it's gonna be a one horserace at best. Can youmake it?

Buck thinks for a moment. He glances over his shoulder.

HIS POV

111

Tia's pouting on the bench, Miles is helping Maizy take her ball off the return.

CU. BUCK

A conflicted moment. Gambling, hot tips and kids don't mix too well. He looks back to Rog.

BUCK
Yeah. I'll be there.
112

INT.BOWLING ALLEY

Rog gives Buck a pop on the shoulder and waddles off. Buck returns to the kids.

TIA
Is he having ababy?
BUCK
With Rog you neverknow. Old friend. Good friend.
TIA
Weird friend.
BUCK
Yeah, but the nice thing about Rog is he sweats alot.
TIA
What's a Chanice?
BUCK
That's a person who's sometimes found arounda Buck.
TIA
Your girlfriend?
BUCK
A friend. And she's a girl.
TIA
I guess it would be against the laws of nature to have you romantically involved with someone.
BUCK
Not necessarily. Gross and extremely noisy but not against any laws of nature that I know of.
TIA
A~e you supposed to marry her or something?
BUCK
It'scome up. But not seriously.
TIA
Maybe if you got married, you might stop being such an asshole.
BUCK
That'sa thought starter. So howcome we're having a conversation?
TIA
I don'twant any of these disgusting people to sit next tome.
BUCK
Notbecause I'm so interesting?
TIA
Sorry.
BUCK
You're notbowling?

She gives him a dumb look and holds up her beautifully manicured nails. She wiggles her fingers.

113

INT. BOWLING ALLEY. BUCK. LATER

-

Buck's at the ball return. A thin, middle-aged weasel ofa man, HARRY, in the next lane, calls to Buck.

HARRY
Hey, Buck!

Buck looks around at him.

HARRY
You took the easy way out, huh?
BUCK
What's that Harry?
HARRY
You got the kids without marrying the broad.

Harry laughs. He looks to his bowling mates.They laugh.

CU. BUCK

He doesn't care for the remark. He glances back at the kids. Then down to Harry's ball return.

114

INT. BOWLING ALLEY. HARRY

He's turned away from Buck, laughing with hisbuds.

CU. BOWLING BALL

Harry's ball comes to rest on the ball return.

CU. BUCK

He takes the dangling cigarette from his lipsand leans over the ball return.

CU. BOWLING BALL

Buck flicks the burning tip off his cigarette intoone of the finger holes.

115

INT. BOWLING ALLEY. BUCK

He rolls his ball. Harry sauntersover to the ball return.

HARRY
At least you know how to bowl, Buck.
BUCK
You're not only enormously funny, Harry, you're witty, clever and you know how to dance.
HARRY
When did you ever see me dance, putzhead?
BUCK
In about three seconds.

Harry gives buck a disparaging lookand inserts his fingers in the ball. He brings it up to his face.The flesh starts to burn, Harry SCREAMS.

HARRY
HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT!

He whips the ball off his finger, sending it banging across half a dozen lanes. He jams his finger in hismouth and does the dance of pain.

117

INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Buck's in bed. In the middle between Maizy and Miles.

CU. BUCK

He looks down at Miles.

CU. MILES

Sound asleep. Like an angel.

CU. MAIZY

Clutching a filthy, battered stuffed animal.

CU. BUCK

He lays back and sighs sadly.

CU. PANCAKE

A FRAME FILLED with bubbling, simmering pancake batter. SLOWLY PULL BACK to reveal that the pancake is being prepared

on a piece of sheet metal the size of the stove top.The pancake covers six square feet.

118

INT. KITCHEN

Buck is standing watch over the pancake.He's wearing chino pants and wrinkled white shirt. He's clearlyimpressed with his pancake.

BUCK
Oh, yeah. Record breaking, goddamn big flapjack. I should name it. The Breakfast Beast ... Belly Whacker ... The Pantastic Collosus of the Sabbath.

He likes the name.

BUCK
Time to flip you over and make you wail ...

He brings up an aluminum snow shovel to flip thepancake with.

119

INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Miles stumbles out of the master bedroom with Maizy.

MILES
What stinks?
MAIZY
Breakfast.
120

INT. HOUSE. FOYER

Buck's at the bottom of the stairs.He yells up to the kids.

BUCK
Do we have a birthday boy up there?

CU. MILES

He realizes it's his birthday.

MILES
I'm losing my mind! It's my birthday and I forgot to get excited.
121

INT. FOYER

Miles scrambles down the stairs. Maizy'son his heels. Buck backs into the dining room.

BUCK
I have a surprise in here but you have to wait until I get it ready. No peeking, no cheating or I'll make you eat it.

He slips into the dining room. The kids wait at the bottom of the stairs.

MILES
I'mso flipped-out that I forgot my birthday.
MAIZY
Happy Birthday.

The BEATLES "BIRTHDAY" starts.

BUCK (OC)
Come on in!

The kids cross to the dining room door.

122

INT. DINING ROOM. DOORWAY

They stand with wide eyes staring into the room.

THEIR POV. INT. DINING ROOM

The drapes are drawn. In the center of the table is the mammoth pancake, festooned with sausages and bacon and drenched in melted butter and maple syrup. Sitting in the middle of it, in lieu of a candle is a flaming butane torch. MUSIC is playing on a blaster and Buck is standing proudly beside the table.

123

EXT. HOUSE

A Volkswagon Beetle customized to look like a mouse, with big plastic ears on the roof, whiskers on the hood and a tail on the back roars into the driveway and skids to a stop. From inside we HEAR A HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE. The door opens and disheveled CLOWN tumbles out, laughing.

124

INT. FAMILY ROOE

Miles and half a dozen of his friends are lounging around the family room. The TV's on. They're bored. Buck walks in.

BUCK
A little delay on the clown.
BOY 1
What clown?
BUCK
Miles'Mom hired a clown.

There's a-collective groan from the boys.

CU. MILES

He's nervous. Afraid that his friends are having a bad time.

CU. BUCK

He doesn't understand the gloom.

BUCK
You don't like clowns?

CU. BOY

A snotty, spoiled little face.

BOY
Yeah.About five years ago. Now they're so boring they makeme puke.
125

INT. FAMILY ROOM. BUCK

He leans over to Miles.

BUCK
Do you like thatguy?
MILES
He's okay.Why?
BUCK
I'd like to yank his underpants up his crack.
MILES
Don't, please. These are the only friends I have here and they don't even really like me.
BUCK
Are clowns uncool?
MILES
I'm dying about having a clown. My Mom did it without even asking me. She's spending alot of money to make me feel like a baby.

CU. BUCK.:

He takes special note of the remark. There is alot of information in it although it's not yet clear to him how to use it. He quickly departs the subject.

BUCK
What are you guys into? Strippers?
MILES
It's notunheard of.
126

EXT. FRONT PORCH

The clown reaches out and rings the doorbell. He loses his balance and falls into the bushes. Another GIGGLE.

Buck crosses the foyer to the door and opens it.

127

EXT.PORCH. FRONT DOOR

Buck steps outon the porch. He sees the clown car in the driveway.He hears the commotion in the bushes.

128

EXT. PORCH.CLOWN

He pulls himselfup on the porch.

CLOWN
Are you the birthday man?

He cracks himselfup.

CU. BUCK

He can't quite tell if this is part of the clown's actor actual deviant behavior.

CU. CLOWN

Beneath a lousy, smeared paint job and a dented red,plastic nose is a man in his early thirties. Blood-shot eyes,breath like Satan's ar~pits and a crooked smile.

CLOWN
I'm Pooter theClown.

He reache~ clumsily into his giant back pocket and pullsout a huge wallet. From it he withdraws a two foot long business card.

POOTER
My card.
129

EXT. HOUSE. PORCH

Buck smiles uncomfortably as he takes the card and looks at it. Pooter puts the wallet back in his pocket.

POOTER
Sorry I'm late.I had to work a bachelorette party last night. Youneed any dildo jokes, I'm theguy.

Buck looks Pooter up and down. He's not pleased with him.

BUCK
Had a few drinks this morning?

CU. POOTER

He takes offense to the remark.

POOTER
You hired a clown,not a priest.

CU. BUCK

He doesn't care at allfor Pooter's retort.

BUCK
I have a houseful of kids. I don't want some drunk entertaining them.

CU. FOOTER

His eyes narrow in anger.

FOOTER
Listen, man, I don't have to take any shit from you.

CU. BUCK

He comes qack just as hard.

BUCK
I generally don't hit women or clowns ...

CU. FOOTER

He grabs his lapel and aims a plastic flower atBuck.

FOOTER
Smell my flower.

He grits his teeth and squirts Buck.

CU. BUCK

He wipes his face with the back of hishand.

BUCK
Kiss my ass.

He draws his fist back.

130

INT. LIVING ROOM

The little boys are at the window.

BOY 1
Your Uncle's beating the crap out of the clown!
BOY 2
This is so cool.

CU. MILES

He's proud of Buck, strange as his behavior is.

131

EXT. HOUSE. BUCK AND THE CLOWN

Full-blown fist fight-.The clown escapesBuck and rushes to his car. He jumps in, locks the door and firesup the engine. Buck grabs one of the mouse ears and tears it off as theVW backs out of the drive. Buck hurls the ear after the fleeing vw.

132

INT. GROCERY STORE

Buck pushes a shopping cart up an aisle.He's searching for things. He stops a passing STOCK BOY.

BUCK
Excuse me. I've been looking all over the place and I can't find the cigars.

CU. STOCK BOY

He looks at him like he asked him if they stocked bullsemen.

STOCKBOY
We sell food. Not a lip cancer.

CU. BUCK

Stares blandly. And continues on hisway.

133

INT. STORE. MEAT COUNTER

Buck's searching the counter. He leansback from the counter and looks at the sign above the section.

HIS POV

The sign reads -- FINE MEATS.

CU. MEAT COUNTER

No meat. Poultry and fish.

CU. BUTCHER

A female BUTCHER in her late twenties isstocking the counter. She notices Buck and offers help.

BUTCHER
Need some help?
134

INT. MEAT SECTION. BUCK AND THEBUTCHER

He looks to the butcher witha warm smile.

BUCK
Is this themeat section?

The Butcher thinks the question is odd.

BUTCHER
(witha smile)
Yes, itis.
BUCK
Idon't see any meat.
BUTCHER
Red meat?
BUCK
Yeah.
BUTCHER
You still eatred meat?
BUCK
(aftera pause)
Are you by any chance living with the guy who doesn't like cigars?
BUTCHER
We're just dating.How did you know?
BUCK
Took a flyer.
135

INT. STORE. AISLE

Marcie's loading up on Evian. Buck makes the turndown the aisle. She sees him.

MARCIE
Hi.
BUCK
Hello ...

He doesn't remember her name.

MARCIE
Marcie. Nice memory.
BUCK
Sorry.
MARCIE
It's okay. You look cute in a grocery store.
BUCK
They've changed a bit since I last visited one.

Buck notices Marcie loading the cart with the bottled water.

MARCIE
Water sale.
BUCK
Really?
MARCIE
A dollar seventy nine.
BUCK
A bottle?
MARCIE
Big bottle.
BUCK
What have I been paying?
(thinks)
Ithink it's about 3 cents per hundred thousand gallons.
MARCIE
That's tap water.This is from France.
BUCK
No cigars,no beef but the waters onlya buck, seventy nine a bottle.I love this world.
MARCIE
Maybe youneed a food guide. What can Ihelp you with?
BUCK
I'm kind of running out of ideas for lunches for the kids to take to school.
136

INT.SCHOOL. CAFETERIA

A crowded, grade school cafeteria at high noon.

137

INT. CAFETERIA. MILES

He's at a taQle with his birthday party friends.He opens the paper bag lunch Buck packed forhim. He's embarrassed as he pulls out items not usually found in children'sschool lunches. A baggie containing a pickled tomato,a small mayonnaise jar filled with milk,a bologna sandwich on a hamburger bun with lettuce, an enormous,severely over-ripe banana and a roll of Turns.Miles'mates stare at him as he unpacks the horror lunch.

MILES
Would anyone like to talk about a possible lunch trade?
138

EXT. FORE~T PRESERVE. NIGHT

A circle of cars in a parking area deep in thewoods. A fire is burning in a trash barrel. Couples are sittingon picnic tables pulled up around the burning barrel.The cars are all turned to the same radio station. Engines are running, windows are open.

CU. BUG AND TIA

They're making out. Bug breaks the kiss, sips a beer,offers Tia some. She declines without hesitation. Bug returns to the kiss. Tia pushes back from him, spits out a mouthful of beer, he's injected into her and slugs him in the chest.

TIA
Pig!
BUG
What?
TIA
That's disgusting.
BUG
I'm sharing.
TIA
I don't wantany.
BUG
You're special?
TIA
I can't believe you did that.

BUG

'

Alcohol kills the germs.

139

EXT. FOREST PRESERVE ROAD

The Riviera fumbles down the winding road that runsthrough the forest.

140

INT. CAR

Buck's driving. Miles and Maizy are beside him.

MILES
Idon't get where we're going.
BUCK
I toldyou twenty five times. We're gonna pick-up Tia.
MAIZY
She went to her cheerleader friend's house for dinner.
BUCK
That's what she said.
MILES
Her friend lives in the woods?
141

EXT. FOREST PRESERVE. BUG AND TIA

He flips his beer can into the dark.

BUG
There. Gone.
TIA
Sometimes you can be so sweet and most of the times you're justso foul.
BUG
Maybe if we were closer, I'd change.
TIA
What's that supposed to mean?
BUG
It means what it means. We talk. We kiss. End of relationship.
TIA
After a month it's supposed to be everything?
BUG
Not everything. But something. I just don't know how to act around you, I guess. I love you. I don't love alot of people. It's not even an easy thing for me to say to someone. I know how serious I am about you. So, I guess I'm moving on you too fast because I know this is real and it's for a long time.
TIA
You really, honestly believe that?
BUG
On my mother. Yes.

He leans forward to kiss her. In the near distance,the familiar Riviera BACK-FIRE SOUNDS. Bug and Tia freeze in mid- lip weld.

TIA
Shit ...

High beams wash them out. They turn squinting, into the light.

142

EXT. FOREST PRESERVE

The Riviera rumbles and vibrates. Buck gets out and approaches the group of kids.

BUCK
Is therea gentleman here by the name of Bug?

CU. BUG AND TIA

Tia unwraps Bug's arm from her waist and slides down off the table. Bug follows. He's not as distraught at Tia. Tia takes his hand and they walk over to Buck.

143

EXT. FOREST PRESERVE

Buck stands his ground with his hands in his back pockets. Tia and Bug approach.

BUCK
They sure are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days"
TIA
What are you doing here?
BUCK
We were on our way out for ice cream. We thought you might want to join us"
TIA
I said I'd be home at ten" It's not even nine"
BUCK
I didn't say anything about that, did I? I just came by to see if you wanted to go get ice cream. Maybe your Bug might want to join us and we could talk about burying the hatchet.
(toBug)
You know what a hatchet is?
BUG
It's an ax.
BUCK
Sort of" I have one in my car. I can show it to you.
BUG
I'll pass.
BUCK
I like to carry it becuase every now and then a situation comes up where you have to use it. Like for example if somebody's been drinking and is about to drive a loved one home. Then I like to know I have it" Not to kill. Just to take a little off the shoulder, elbow. Shave a little meat off a knee cap" You know?

Bug lets go of Tia's hand and takesa step back. Buck turns and heads back to the car. Tiawants to kill him.

BUG
What is the deal with that guy?
TIA
He's crazy. I'm sorry.
BUG
You better split. I don't want him going berserk with a ax on me.
TIA
He's all talk.
BUG
Fine. I'd rather not find out.
TIA
He's gone in a few days. Just relax. I'll get him back.

CU. TIA

She kisses him, making a very grand show of it for Buck's benefit.

144

INT. CAR

Buck, Miles and Maizy are watching. Buck's fuming at the senseless display.

MILES
That's a pretty stupid thing to do during the flu season.
MAIZY
I'll bet she's getting the tongue.

CU. BUCK

He's alarmed at Maizy's mouth.

145

INT. HOSPITAL. INTENSIVE CARE UNIT

Cindy's mother is at her husband's bedside. She's holding his limp hand, stroking it gently.

146

INT. HOSPITAL. WAITING ROOM

..

Cindy's curled up asleep in a chair. She's covered herself with her coat.

147

EXT. GRADE SCHOOL. MORNING

An old brick elementary school.

148

INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY

Buck struts down the hall. He's wearing jeans, a white shirt, a bow tie and a ratty sportcoat. It suddenly occurs to him that he's in a grade school smoking a cigarette. He franticallylooks for a place to doff it.

A boy's bathroom. Buck comes in and pushes open a stall door. He flips the butt in the john and flushes it. He crosses back to the door. Stops, turns and goes back to the two urinals on the wall.They're about a foot and half too low, only a few inches off theground. He squats down and reaches for his zipper.

149

INT. SCHOOLADMINISTRATION OFFICE

A small, cluttered office.Buck takes a seat across a wooden desk from a callous old bitty,MRS. HOARGARTH. She has a prominent moleon her chin. It captures Buck's attention.

BUCK
Morning.

CU. MRS. HOARGARTH

A crooked smile.

MRS. HOARGARTH
I'm Anita Hoargarth.

CAMERA SLIDES DOWN to cut offMrs. Hoargarth's face at the nose and PUSHES in on themole on her chin.

CU. BUCK

He's slightly distracted by themole.

BUCK
I'm Buck Russell, Maizy Russell's mole.

A quick beat and he realizes what he said.He quickly corrects himself.

BUCK
Uncle. I'm her uncle. Her mother had a conference set with you.
150

INT. OFFICE

Mrs. Hoargarth nods.

MRS. HOARGARTH
Icalled for it. I'm very surprised that she'ssent a proxy.

Buck immediately dislikes the woman and refuses to be intimidated.

BUCK
She didn'tsend a proxy ma'am.Her father had a heart attack.
MRS. HOARGARTH
If that's the case then,I understand.
BUCK
It is the case.She wants me to hearwhat you have to say and reportback to her. She apologizes fornot being here herself.
MRS. HOARGARTH
Maybe it's better that you're here in her place. Iwon't have to mince words asI would with a parent. I'm assistant principal here,as you probably noticed from the indications on the door.

Buck nods.

MRS. HOARGARTH
I've been an educator for thirty one point three years. and in those years I've seen alot of bad eggs. I say eggs because at the elementary level we're not dealing with a fully developed individual. I see a bad egg when I look at your niece.

CU. BUCK

He's deeply surprised.

CU. MRS. HOARDGARTH

She leans back in her chairand taps a pencil on the back of her hand.

MRS. HOARGARTH
She's a twiddler, a dreamer, a silly heart. She's behind in her classes, she's a jabber box and frankly, I don't think she takes a thing in her life or her career as a student, seriously.

CU. BUCK

She's saying everything he doesn't want to hear.He feels she's unfair and certainly unreasonable.

BUCK
She's also six.

CU. MRS. HOARGARTH

She's confident in her position. She juts out herlower lip and shakes her head.

MRS. HOARGARTH
That's not a valid excuse.

CU. BUCK

He looks away in disbelief. He comes back ready todo battle.

BUCK
You show me a six year old who doesn•~ dream, who doesn't have a silly heart, who takes their student career seriously and I'll show you someone who's gonna grow up to either head the Republican National Committee or blow away a dozen people in supermarket shooting spree. I got about eight minutes of college but I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're all good until dried- out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them that they're no good.

CU. MRS. HOARGARTH

She's stunned, appalled, horrified.

CU. BUCK

He stands up.

BUCK
You so much as scowl at that kid and I'm coming back for you.

He reaches in his pocket and fishes out a quarter.He flips it on her desk.

BUCK
Take the quarter, go downtown and have a rat bite that goddamn thing off your chin.

He exits.

CU. MRS. HOARGARTH

She's in complete shock. She reaches up and touches her chin.

151

INT. TIRE CENTER

Chanice is overseeing the assembly of a garishsnow tire display. A pair of YOUNG SLOBS are stacking the tires.

CHANICE
Whenyou get them stacked-up, just dustthem. Don't spray anythingon them: People are attracted by thesmell of fresh rubber,not cleaning solution.

She turns to exit and runs nose-to-chin with a man, WALT BERNSTEIN. He's a nice-looking man, simple and solid, a decent fellow.

CHANICE
Walt! You scared the hell out of me.How long haveyou been standing there?
WALT
I justwalked in. What's on yourmind?
CHANICE
Wouldyou ever consider working fora woman?
WALT
(with a laugh)
Only if I can beon top.
CHANICE
I'm serious.
WALT
Work-work?
152

INT. CAFETERIA

Another loud, confusing grade school lunch. There's a crowd gathered around one table.

CU. MILES

He's resigned to another embarrassing lunch. He's staring at it.

CU. LUNCH

A ziplock bag filled with ribs.

153

EXT. NEW YORK

Mid-town office building.

154

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. BOB

He's in a meeting. A heated discussion on a real estate development is underway. Bob is distracted, immersed in thought. Something's gnawing his belly.

155

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING. NIGHT

A four-flat in the city.

156

INT. APARTMENT. L7'7INGROOM

The door opens and the lights go on. Chanice and Walt Bernstein walk in. They've had dinner and a few pops and are affable a~d familiar.

CHANICE
I forgotwhat it was like to eat in a resturant that doesn'thave a ketchup bottle on the table.
WALT
Nice little place,wasn't it.
CHANICE
I wine you, I dineyou and you still haven'thave given me an answer.
WALT
It's a big jump forme. I'm happy doing what I'm doing.
CHANICE
And you're also the biggest liar I've ever met.
WALT
What about what's his name? I heard he was coming to work for you.
CHANICE
We talked about it. But nothing came of it.
WALT
You still seeing him?
CHANICE
On and off. Mostly off.
(changes the subject)
I've been expecting a call from my brother, would you mind if I checked my answering machine?
WALT
Go ahead,

Chanice goes into the bedroom. Walt sitsdown on the sofa.

157

INT. BEDROOM

Chanice walks into the fresh modernbedroom. It's large and multi-purpose. There's a desk and a seating group.She turns on the atisweringmachine, kicks off her shoesand goes into the bathroom. She leaves the door open.

CHANICE
My feet, my contacts. I can't stay out this late anymore.
158

INT. LIVING ROOM. WALT

He smiles at their remark. The answering machine kicksin.

MACHINE
(young male voice)
Chanice? This is Terry. I'm home call me.
(secretary)
Chanice? Walt Bernstein called thismorning. I forgot to give you the message.
159

INT. BATHROOM. CU. CHANICE

Chanice is removing her contact lenses. She smiles at the message.

MACHINE (OC)
(Buck's voice)
Chanice?Buck.

Chanice freezes as she hears Buck's voice.

MACHINE (OC)
I'm just calling to sayI miss you.

Chanice manages a satisfied smile.

MACHINE (OC)
I've been thinking about you alot lately and what we've talked about, yOu know, in the past few weeks.

Chanice soberly considers themessage.

MACHINE (OC)
I get in bed at night and I think about you and all the time we spent together. And I think about those two little dimples on your buns...

Chanice is rattled from her contemplation.

MACHINE (QC)
... Rememberwenamed them? Lyndon and Johnson I think it was.
160

INT. LIVING ROOM. WALT

He cracks a smile.

161

INT. BEDROOM

Chanice darts out of the bathroom.

MACHINE (OC)
Or was that what we named yourboobs?
162

INT. BEDROOM

Chanice flies into the bedroom, bangs into Walt, knocks him to the floor.

MACHINE (OC)
No, your boobswere Mickey and Minnieand Felix was what we called your ...

Chanice stops the machine.

CHANICE
(to Walt)
Crank call!
163

INT.MASTER BEDROOM

Buck and Maizy are sitting on the bed. Maisy's in her nightgown.

BUCK
You're sleeping in your own room tonight?
MAIZY
I believe so.
BUCK
That's good, you know. You should be proud. I'm proud of you.
MAIZY
I may flip-out later.
BUCK
The actual going to bed is the scariest part, though. If you can do that, chances are you won't flip-out later.
MAIZY
I'm psyched for it.
BUCK
Can I ask why the change? Have I been really gross? Snoring, swearing in my sleep?Or worse? It could be helpful for me to know this in terms of future living situations.
MAIZY
Youmean girls?
BUCK
Orwomen.
MAIZY
You're nottoo bad. You smell a little weird butI think it's the kind ofsmell that adult girls like.
BUCK
That's useful information.
MAIZY
But themain reason is I'm not so scared ofsomething anymore.
BUCK
Is it a real personal thing?
MAIZY
No. Itwas a lady at school who was mean to me.

Buck realizes it was Mrs. Hoargarth.

BUCK
She lookskind of like the back ofan elephant with sideburns?

Maizy smiles.

BUCK
You're not afraid of her anymore?
MAIZY
She smiled atme and asked me how I was.
BUCK
That's nice.
MAIZY
Plus she got thishuge wart burned off her faceand that helped alot.

Thephone rings. It's grabbed on the first ring.

164

INT. TIA'SROOM

She's listening to music,curled up in a rat's nest of clothes, CD's,books, papers, magazines, trinkets. She puts the phone to her ear.

TIA
Hi.
165

INT. CHANICE'SBEDROOM

She sitting in dim lighton the phone.

CHANICE
Hi. May I speak with Buck Russell, please? This is a friend of his, Chanice Miler.

CU. TIA

A wicked smile. Nothing could play better for her than to intercept a call from Buck's girl.

TIA
I'm sorry, he's not here right now.

CU. CHANICE

It's curious to her why he wouldn't be home wi~hthe kids. If he's watching the kids.

CHANICE
Do you know when he'll be back?

CU. TIA

Seals it.

TIA
He went out with Marcie,the lady who livesnext door. When they party they usually go pretty late.

CU. CHANICE

She's stunned. She loses her words for a moment.

CU. TIA

Sheknows she got a home-run reaction.

TIA
You want to leavea message?

She clears her throat.

CHANICE
No message, thanks.Bye.

She hangsup the phone.

166

INT. TIA'SROOM

She hangsup with a diminishing grin. She sits back on the bed consideringwhat she did. She isn't so much remorseful as

confused about her ambivilence to such an overtly dishonest action.

A massive crowd around the Miles' table.

167

INT.CAFETERIA. MILES

He's rather enjoying hisodd celebrity. He opens a sandwich, checks the interior and reports to thecrowd.

MILES
Tuna.
(dramatic pause)
No mayonaise!

The crowd bursts into applause.

168

INT. HOSPITAL.CU. GRANDFATHER

He slowly opens hiseyes and looks around.

169

EXT. HOUSE. DRIVEWAY

Buck is hosing down the potsand pans with the garden hose.

170

EXT. MARCIE'S HOUSE

She's standing at her fencewatching Buck. She's just back from a run and is wet and glistening.

MARCIE
Dishwasher break?

CU. BUCK

He looks up with surprise.

BUCK
No. I'm hosing down the pots and pans. Then I call the dog out. He drinks the water and eats the scraps and I've killed three birds with one stone. What are you up to?

CU. MARCIE

She smiles at his strange behavior.

MARCIE
I just got back from running. You should hose me down.

CU. BUCK

He looks at her wondering if there'sa hidden meaning.

171

EXT. DRIVEWAY

Buck flicks the hose in her direction.She jumps back.

MARCIE
Turn that thing off and come over. You're bored out of your mind. You need some adult supervision.
172

INT. MARC~E'S KITCHEN

Buck's slouched in a chair.Marcie's slinked-out on the counter.

MARCIE
What kind of job do you have that you can drop everything and spend open-ended time with your brother's kids?
BUCK
Obviously one with flexible hours.
MARCIE
Bullshit. You're a party boy. And maybe that's what I'm responding to. I've had it up to here ...

She puts the edge of her palm on her crotch.

... with hard-charging success machines. When they talk they sound like the Wall Street Journal for the blind. I'm in the mood for a little careless living.

BUCK
Yeah? From one who's lived there? It's not that great.
173

EXT. HOUSE

A black Mustang convertable pulls in the driveway. Chanice gets out.

174

INT. MARCIE'S KITCHEN

She slides off the counter and crosses to the refrigerator.

MARCIE
Cindy hates me, you know.
BUCK
Why?
MARCIE
Because I like Bob.
BUCK
How unreasonable of her.

Marcie takes a bottle of Evian out of the frig.

MARCIE
I'm just interested inhim. I'd nevermake a move on him.

She tries to open the bottle. She can't get a grip on it. She hands it to him for help.

MARCIE
It's real slippery.

Buck can't get a grip on it either.

BUCK
I'm gonna staya faucet man.
175

EXT. HOUSE

Chanice steps down off the porch and walks up the driveway.

176

INT. MARCIE'S KITCHEN

Buck is gripping the bottle between his knees. He struggles with the bottle.

BUCK
Goddamn it!
177

EXT. DRIVEWAY

Chanice hears Buck's voice. She crosses the driveway to Marcie's house.

CHANICE
Buck?
178

INT. KITCHEN

Buck can't gfrtthe bottle open.

BUCK
I'll hold it, you play with it.

CU. CHANICE

She stops in her tracks as she hears the odd statement.She peeks in the open door.

HER POV. INT. KITCHEN

Marcie blocks her view of the bottle. Marciewipes her hands on her rump and leans over Buck. She grabs the bottle topand twists mightily.

CU. BUCK

He's gritting his teeth and he holds the bottles in his knees. He opens his eyes for a moment. He closes them fora split second. He opens them again in shock.

HIS POV

Past Marcie is Chanice in the doorway.

CU. CHANICE

She's outraged.

179

EXT. HOUSE

Chanice storms down the driveway to her car. Buck runs after her.

BUCK
Chanice!Nothing was going on! Look! Ifwe were doing what you thinkwe were doing I wouldn'thave been able to run fastenough to catch you?!
180

EXT. DRIVEWAY

Chanice stands at the car, unconvinced.

BUCK
We were opening a bottle of water! It was one of the most innocent things I've ever done as an adult!
CHANICE
How many bottles of water did you open last night?
BUCK
Last night?
CHANICE
Maybe Marcie can help you grow up.

She gets in the car.

CU. BUCK

He's puzzled how she knows Marcie's name.

181

INT. KITCHEN

Buck walks into the kitchen, still puzzled and confused. Tia's sitting at the table. She's waiting forhim.

TIA
Problems?

Buck looks at her. He resents her pleasure with his troubles.

TIA
Hurtswhen somebody screws around with your love life, huh?

CU. BUCK

He knows she had something to do with it.

CU. TIA

Grins like a demon child.

182

INT. FAMILY ROOM. NIGHT

Buck's sitting in the living room watching TV. Miles walks in. He slides into the chair with Buck.

MILES
What's up, UB?

Buck looks at him.He's not familiar with the new moniker.

MILES
Somebody run over your puppy?
BUCK
What?
MILES
You got the blues?

Buck holds his curious stareon Miles. He hasn't heard him talk like this before.

BUCK
I'm tired.
MILES
Start hitting the sack a little earlier.
BUCK
That's a good idea.
MILES
You know what I'm worried about?
BUCK
The trade deficit?
MILES
No. I'm worried about when you leave that I'll go back to being a slug.

There's a pause as Buck considers the remark.

BUCK
What's a slug?
MILES
That's a guy who's so boring it's okay to wail on him.
BUCK
Oh. You were boring?
MILES
I was just sort of nothing. My Mom sent out a ton of birthday invitations and I only got five guys. That's not so great. But then you stomped the clown and everybody who didn't go wished they did because it's so rare that clowns get their butts overhauled.

Buck nods his understanding.

MILES
And every day at lunch everybody hangs out withme to see what kind of weird stuff you gave me to eat.
BUCK
I gave you weird stuff?

Miles fears that he'soffended Buck.

MILES
But that's good becausemy whole class hung outwith me just to see what was inmy lunch.
BUCK
And they got a chance to meet you and know whata good guy you are. So, that's nothing to worry about.That's something tobe happy about.
MILES
But I'll still missyou.
BUCK
I'llbe downtown. Give me a call.
MILES
Everything'sgonna go back to normal.
BUCK
What's wrong with that?
MILES
I like it betteryour way.
BUCK
I'm not the guy you want around all the time. For the important stuff, you want your Mom and Dad.
MILES
You couldn't afford to pay for my college, right?
183

INT. TIA'S ROOM

She's hunched-over, drawing on her forearm witha ballpoint pen. The PHONE RINGS. She answers it.

TIA
Hello.

She lays back on the bed.

TIA
What do you want?
184

INT. GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE. LIBRARY. CINDY

She's at the desk.

CINDY
Grandpa'scoming out of intensive care in the morning.He's gonna be okay.

cu. TIA

She closes her eyes and sighs with relief.

cu. PHONE

Tia hangs it up.

cu. CINDY

She hearsthe line disconnect.

185

INT.MAIZY'S ROOM. NIGHT

Buck's sittingon the edge of Maizy's bed.

MAIZY
This praying stuff is incredible.
BUCK
People have been saying that for years.
MAIZY
I asked God to make Grandpa get better and he did.
BUCK
You should thank him.
MAIZY
I will. Then I was thinking of going for a VCR for my room and a swimming pool for next summer. And ...
BUCK
You shouldn't pray for things like that.
MAIZY
Do you know how expensive a pool is?
BUCK
Maizy, prayers are for important things. Things that matter to your heart. Like your Grandpa. Let's say you put in a prayer for a swimming pool anda VCR. And at the same time, somewhere another little girl is praying to save her mother or someone thatshe loves. Up there in heaven the angels arebusy dealing with pool contractorsand the Sony people about your VCR and they don't hear this little girl's prayer.Would that be right?

Maizy's sufficiently startled.

MAIZY
That'show it works?
BUCK
That's the general idea. I'm not a theologian but the point is, you pray for the absolute most important things.
MAIZY
Does the Bible have a list of these things?
BUCK
No. You know in your feelings if you're praying for something important or something selfishand stupid. You already did thatwhen you prayed for your grandpa.

Maizy takes a moment to digest the information. She nods that she gets it.

MAIZY
Could Ipray for you to live here?
BUCK
No, because Ialready have a place.
MAIZY
But isn't it weird and lonely?
BUCK
Sometimes it's lonely. I'd say it's moremessy than weird but it's homeand that's where I live andyou live here and I cancome visit you, can't I?
MAIZY
It'd be better if youwere here on a permanent basis.
BUCK
You'll see me if you want. You just go to sleep and think about how great it is that your Grandpa's okay and that your Mom and Dad are coming home. You want a whisker kiss?

i02

MAIZY
If you insist.

Buck leans over her and gives her a quick rubon the cheek with his stubbly chin. She giggles and pusheshim away. Buck gets up and crosses to the door.

BUCK
Sleep like a rock.
MAIZY
Roll like a stone.
186

INT. HALLWAY

Buck closes Maizy's door and turns to find Tia leaningon her door jamb staring at him.

TIA
You gota minute?
BUCK
(guarded)
I got alot of minutes.

Tia rolls off the jamb, into her room. J

187

INT. TIA'S ROOM

Tia sits down on her bed. Buck steps in. He looks around at all her things. He's a little uncomfortable in the room.

TIA
Now that everything'sokay with grandfather, Iwant to go out tomorrow night.

Buck doesn'trespond.

TIA
I know I'm grounded and you're enforcing formy parents but I talked tomy mother ...
BUCK
You hung up on your mother.

She's caught.Her strategy crashes .

BUCK
You can go crazy when I'm gone but until then, I'm not lettingyou out.
TIA
You just can't findany way to be cool,can you?
BUCK
Youmean easy? No.
TIA
I mean decent.
BUCK
You mean blind?
TIA
Who are you trying to score points with?My parents? How many times have they invited you over here sincewe moved here? Try none until they went up shit creek and got stuck.

Buck takes the insults as best he can. He stands his ground.

BUCK
Get used on your parents' time.
188

INT.HOUSE. LIVING ROOM. DAY

It's amess.

189

INT. HOUSE.BASEMENT

Laundry's piled-up in frontof the washer.

190

INT. KITCHEN

It's amess aswell. The dog is up on a chair eating off the breakfast plates.

191

EXT. RUSSELLHOUSE. AFTERNOON

Bug's car is in the driveway.

192

INT. HOUSE. STAIRS

Tia scrambles down the stairs. She's dressed togo out. She's carrying a backpack. Miles and Maizy are at the bottom of the stairs.

MILES
U.B. went to school to pick you up, you know.
TIA
You tellll.li.whenhe gets home thathe lost, okay.
MAIZY
Lost what?
TIA
Just tell the asshole,he lost. He'llknow what it means. I'll seeyou guys Sunday.

She grabs her purse and dashes out of the house.

''ILES What day is ·:oday?

MAIZY
Friday.
MILES
You know what thatmeans?
MAIZY
Jumbo party.
MILES
You can put that ona platter and serve it hot.
193

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL

The Riviera's parked ina nearly vacant lot.

194

INT. CAR.BUCK

He's sitting behind thewheel waiting. He's angry. He looks at his watch.Tia's given him the slip. He pounds and smacks the steering wheel angrily.

195

EXT. HOUSE

The Riviera pulls into the driveway.Buck gets out and hurries into the house.

196

INT. FOYER

Buck comes in and yells.

BUCK
Tia!

Maizy and Miles come out of the kitchen.

MILES
She took a hike, U.B.
BUCK
Shit!
MAIZY
That's a swear.
BUCK
(ignores her)
Did shesay where she was going?
MILES
Party. Is thata problem?
BUCK
She was supposed to watchyou guys forme. Ihave to be some place tonight.

He thinks quickly.

BUCK
You ever been to arace track?
197

EXT. HOUSE.LATER

Buck herdsMaizy and Miles out the front door. He locks up.

BUCK
It's alot of fun. Beautiful horses.
MILES
And you win money, right?
BUCK
(after apause, Some peopledo.

Buck walks the kids to his car. He starts to slow down ashe approaches the car.

CU. BUCK

He opens the door for them. He's troubled.

BUCK
Did Bug pickup Tia?
198

EXT. HOUSE. CAR

Buck pulls the seat forward for the kids.

MILES
Yeah.
BUCK
And she said she wasgoing to a party?
MAIZY
She said she'd be home Sunday.

Buck reacts toSunday. Maizy gets in the car.

BUCK
Sunday?
MILES
Big time party, U.B.

Miles gets in the car.Buck hesistates. He looks at his watch. He gets in.

199

INT. CAR. CU.BUCK

He starts the engine.He thinks for a long troubled moment. He looks in the mirror.

CU. REAR VIEWMIRROR

Miles and Maizy looking like angels.

200

INT. CHANICE'S APARTMENT.CHANICE

She's in the bedroom on the phone.

CHANICE
Can't you ever take a hint, Buck?
201

INT. MASTER BEDROOM. BUCK

He's on the phone.

BUCK
Chanice, this isn't about me. Ihave a problem here at the house with the kids. Can you help me?

cu. CHANICE

She doesl'l'tbelievehim.

CHANICE
What about the babe next door?

CU. BUCK

He knows she's suspicious.

BUCK
She's nothome. I need somebody towatch the little kids.

CU. CHANICE

She understands now.

CHANICE
Iknow why you're calling. Your horse fixer'sin town andyou have to be at the track. Rog called looking for you last Friday. What's the matter, Buck? You can't take children withyou when you cheaton a horse race? You get religion out there in the 'burbs?

CU. BUCK

He's offended by the accusation. But understands it.

BUCK
I came close, Chanice. I had 'em in the car even but I couldn't do it. Can we put our problems aside for a second? The older daughter split on me and I need to find her. She's fifteen, she's angry and she's confused. Please. I'm stuck real bad.

CU. CHANICE

She detects a hint of sincerity in his voice.

CHANICE
No games?

CU. BUCK

He shakes his head.

BUCK
No games.

CU. CHANICE

She knows he's upset and his request is legitimate.

CHANICE
Okay, but we're over and I don't want it back again.

CU. BUCK

A touch of sadness in his panic.

BUCK
However it has to be.
202

INT. KITCHEN. LATER

Buck's in the kitchen with Miles and Maizy trying to figure a strategy.

BUCK
Do youknow any of her friends'names?
MILES
She doesn'thave any friends.
BUCK
Does she have a phone book or a school directory. If I knew a name or two, we could track her down.
MAIZY
She keeps important stuff in a shoe box inside another box under her bed covered up with an old blanket.
BUCK
You've obviously searched her room.
MAZIY
Only by accident.
BUCK
That's wrong but go and get me the box.
203

INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN

Jammed with kids. Giant party in progress.MUSIC's howling. Loud CONVERSATION. The phone rings. And rings.A BOY notices it and answers.

BOY
Yeah?
204

INT. KITCHEN. BUCK

He strains to listen to the voice against the background noise.

BUCK
Hello?
(pause)
Is Tia Russell there?

CU. BOY

He strains to listen.

BOY
Who are you?

CU. BUCK

He answers honestly.

11 0

BUCK
I'm her uncle.

CU. PARTY PHONE

It hangs up.

205

INT. KITCHEN

Buck looks at the phone.

BUCK
He hung up on me.
MILES
You said you were Tia's uncle. No smart person wants a grown-up person knowing there's a party happening.
BUCK
Makes sense.

Buck redials the number. He waits confidently as thephone rings again.

MILES
Say you'reGuns 'n Roses.

Buck waves him silent. He has things under control.

BUCK
Yo.What's going on?
206

INT. KITCHEN

A GIRL has answered the phone.

GIRL
Who's this?

CU. BUCK

He clears his throat and affects the voice and body english of someone much younger than himself.

BUCK
I'm a friend of Bug's.From New York.Who's this?
207

INT.KITCHEN. GIRL

She leans into the wall to shield herself from the noise.

GIRL
Rachael.

cu. BUCK

BUCK
Yeah? I heard about you.

cu. RACHAEL

She smiles.

RACHAEL
Bullshit.

cu. BUCK

.. BUCK No, Idid. From Bug. Can I meet you sometime? (pause) Yeah? So,when? (pause) Yeah? I don'tknow where you are how can Imeet you?

Buck motions franitcally for a pen and paper. Miles whips open a drawer and flips a note pad and a ballpoint to Buck.

BUCK
Totowa Lane? What's the address?

The Girl yells above the noise.

GIRL
What's the address here?

CU. BUCK

He waits for the answer.She gives it and he writes it down.

CU.NOTE PAD

The ballpoint,like all kitchen pens, is dry. He scribbles frantically.

He signals fora new writing instrument.

BUCK
You got a really sexy voice. Tell me that again.
208

INT. KITCHEN

Miles gives Buck a crayon.

BUCK
147 Totowa? Lane?

He writes down the number.

BUCK
I'll be there. Look for me. I'm the one with the thinning hair and the bad indigestion.

He hangs up the phone.

BUCK
Ihaven't used a crayon since Eisenhower was in office.
209

INT. KITCHEN. GIRL

She hangs up the phone, confused about Buck's said.

GIRL
Indigestion? That'swhat my father gets.
210

EXT. STREET

The Riviera cruises down a residential street.

211

INT. CAR

Buck looks at the addresses on the houses, then at the road, then at the piece of note paper.

212

EXT. HOUSE

All the lights are on, cars are parked all over, people are streaming in and out, milling about on the lawn.

Buck looks out the window.

HIS POV

MOVING to the party house.

11 3

CU. BUCK

-

He looks at the address on the mailbox.

CU. MAIL BOX

The blocks letters painted on the sideread -- 147.

213

INT. CAR. BUCK

He looks at the address on the paper.

CU. PAPER

In crayon_-- 147.

214

EXT. RUSSELL HOUSE

Chanice's car is in the driveway.

215

INT. FOYER

Miles opens the mail chute and calls out.

MILES
Who is it?
216

EXT. HOUSE. PORCH

Chanice bends down to address the mail chute

CHANICE
I'm Chanice.A friend of your Uncle Buck's?

CU. MAIL CHUTE

Miles peeks out of the chute.

MILES
May I seeyour driver's license,please?
217

EXT. PARTY STREET

The Riviera parks at the end of the line of party cars. He gets out and looks at his sheet of paper then down the street at the party.

218

INT. RUSSELL HOUSE. FOYER

Miles unlocks and opens the door. Chanice steps in.

1i4

CHANICE
Hi. Is you Un~le Buck still here?
MILES
He's out on...

He can't remember. He looks toMaizy.

MAIZY
Virgin Patrol.

Chanice recognizes the remarkas a buckism.

CHANICE
Did he tell you I was coming?
MILES
He said a very nice woman was on her way over.
CHANICE
(to herself)
What else could he say?
MILES
Huh?
CHANICE
I said, it's nice to be here.

She looks around.

HER POV

MOVING across the entrance hall starting with the diningroom with a heap of laundry on the table,the staircase and the debris piled on the steps and the carpetscreaming for a vacuum. At the end of a narrow hall the cluttered kitchenand finally the living room, dark except fora light on one end of the couch. Buck's seat,marked by beer cans, an ashtray and newspapers.

CU. CHANICE

It's worse than she could haveimagined. But it's pure Buck and she's vividly reminded ofhim.

CHANICE
What is this poor man doing in the suburbs?

11 5

219

INT. BEDROOM

Bug's on the bed with a girl (presumably Tia).He's seriously mauling her. There's a knock on the door.

CU. BUG

He looks around at the door.

BUG
I'm busy!

Bug returns to his girl. He's interrupted again.This time by the high-pitched, irregular sound of a small, electricmotor at work. He lifts his head to listen.

CU. DOOR KNOB

A screw falls out and another. The doorknob to the floor.

CU. BUG

He looks at the door.

HIS POV

The bedroom door opens and Buck stands, backlit, in the doorway holding a battery-powered electric screwdriver.

BOCK
Now it'smy turn to do the screwing.

He flips on the overhead light.

CU. BUG

He's terrified to see Buck. The girl he's with sits up. It's not Tia but another young girl.

CU. BUCK

He's startled to see that Bug isn't with Tia.

CU. GIRL

A chilly, mildly annoyed look.

220

EXT. STREET. TIA

She's hurtand angry and humiliated. She's walking down the sidewalk.Her eyes are red, her cheeks are damp from a past cry.The tears are gone to a lonely ache. In the distance,

ii6

the familiar POW of the Riviera back-firing.Tia rolls her eyes and sighs. Just what she doesn'tneed.

221

INT. RIVIERA

Buck's cruising the street slowly,looking for Tia. He spots her. He bites his lip, expectinga difficult time.

222

EXT. STREET

The Riviera pulls along the curb.Buck hangs his head out the window.

BUCK
You need a ride?
223

EXT. STREET. TIA

She continues walking, not answering,not looking at Buck.

CU. BUCK

He tries another approach.

BUCK
I'm not the worst person in the world to talk to. Just the ugliest.

CU. TIA

No reaction. She just keeps walking.

CU. BUCK

He's getting nowhere. He sticks his head back in thewindow and stops the car.

224

EXT. STREET

The Riviera parks and the engine stopswith a shutter, a rattle and a POW. The lights go out.

CU. TIA

She continues walking, noting that he's stopped.

225

EXT. STREET. RIVIERA

Buck gets out of the car and sits on thehood.

226

EXT. STREET. TIA

From the back. She stops. A long beat and she turnsaround.

TIA
Are you proud of yourself?
227

EXT. STREET. BUCK

He doesn't react.

CU. TIA

She continues.

TIA
You were right. Does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel sufficiently superior to me?

CU. BUCK

He shakes his head, no.

BUCK
I don'twant to talk about it. I justwant to get you home so Ican go to bed. I'm tired.

CU. TIA

She doesn't trust him.

TIA
You're suddenly not interested after harrassing me for a week?

CU. BUCK

He slides down off the hood of the car.

BUCK
You get in the car,I won't say anotherword to you.

CU. TIA

She surprised by his change of heart. She puts up her defenses and denies that she's affected.

TIA
Fine.

11 8

228

EXT. STREET

Tia walks to'dardthe car.Buck gets in and starts it up. Tia walks around to the pasasenger side.She has to wait as Buck fiddles with the brokendoor and the pliers. She gets in.

229

INT. CAR

Tia looks at Buck. He tries to ignore her.

TIA
Is this a trick?

Buck looks at her and shakes hishead, no.

TIA
You know what happened?

Buck nods. Tia looks down at herknees.

TIA
Are you gonna tell my parents?
BUCK
No.
TIA
Okay.
BUCK
(aftera pause)
I've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life and I realized maybe somebody should have been riding mine. I'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help but I could use a little advice vis a vis Chanice. I've been stringing her on for about eight years and maybe you could help me figure what the hell's wrong with me.

CU. TIA

She doesn't understand where he's taking the conversation.

CU. BUCK

He's a little embarrassed.

1 1 9

BUCK
(tonguein cheek)
I did such a great job earning your trust and admiration I'm confused why I haven't been able to do the same with Chanice.

CU. TIA

She cracks the tiniest smile.

TIA
Did you do anything to Bug?

CU. BUCK

He smiles. He turns off the car and opens the door.

CU. TRUNK

The Riviera trunk opens. Bug is in his shortsbound at the wris~s with duct tape. Another piece is across hismouth.

230

EXT. STREET. BUCK AND TIA

Tia's startled to see him. Buck leans down.

CU. BUG

Buck rips the tape off his mouth.

CU. BUCK

He tosses the tape away.

BUCK
Tell her you're sorry.

CU. BUG

He snarls at Buck.

BUG
Icoulda suffocated, you asshole!

CU. BUCK

He remains calm and passive.

BUCK
I don'tknow if I told you this or not butI'm an amateur dentist...

CU. BUG

His eyebrows shoot up in horror.

CU. TIA

She cracks up.

231

INT.RUSSELL HOUSE. KITCHEN. LATER

Chanice aod Tia are in the kitchen. It's been cleaned and Chanice is just finishing the sink.

CHANICE
I appreciate you tellingme all this, Tia, butmy problems with Buckgo alot deeper than a misunderstanding witha neighbor lady.
TIA
Don't you think he lovesyou?
CHANICE
If he did he'd never say it.
TIA
What if he did?
CHANICE
I'd probably suspect thathe needs new tires.
TIA
Seriously.
CHANICE
Honey, you're real nice to talk about this but I don't think you understand the bigger picture. Buck isa charming man who wants to be a boy forever. That doesn't make for a lasting relationship.
TIA
He could be a father.My brother and sister lovehim. The place was a giant pighole and he can't cook ordo anything around thehouse but he seems to care about the important stuff.
CHANICE
Did he tell you to say all this?
TIA
(after a pause)
No.
CHANICE
Really?

Chanice walksover to the swinging dining room door, lifts a leg and gives ita swift kick.

232

INT. DININGROOM

Buck lands on his ass,grabbing his stinging head.

233

EXT. RUSSELLHOUSE. AFTERNOON

Bob and Cindy pullin the driveway.

234

INT. KITCHEN

Chanice andBuck are in the kitchen looking up at the ceiling.

THEIR POV

Two halves ofa grilled cheese sandwich are stuck to the ceiling.

235

INT. KITCHEN

Chanice looks from the ceiling toBuck.

CHANICE
How'd you do that?
BUCK
I was flipping it.
CHANICE
Have you ever heard of a spatula?

·122

BUCK.
If I successfully flip it, I don't get a utensil dirty.
CHANICE
This isn't so bad is it?
BUCK.
What?
CHANICE
A house. Kids.
BUCK.
Do you know how much money I lostnot going to the track last night?
CHANICE
Youknow how much dignity you gained?

CU. BUCK AND CHANICE

She puts her arms around Buck's neck.

CHANICE
I hate that you'redoing this,but Ilove why you're doing it?
BUCK
(smiling)
What am Idoing?
CHANICE
You're teasing the shit out ofme.
BUCK
I am?
CHANICE
(mocking him)
I am?
BUCK
Okay. Why am Iteasing the shit out ofyou?
CHANICE
Because these...

She reaches down and gives Buck a squeeze.

CHANICE
... won't letyouadmit that a man can work with a woman and ...
BUCK
(high voice)
I'm gettinga stomach ache.
CHANICE
...bea father and take care of children...
BUCK
(higher voice)
My molars are starting to hurt...
CHANICE
...and bea husband and a friend...
BUCK
(higher still)
My sex life is passing before my eyes ...
CHANICE
... and settledownand make a real life.

She releases him.

BUCK
Blessyou.
CHANICE
The job's stillopen.
BUCK
Salesmanager or lover?
CHANICE
Both.
BUCK
Does the lover geta company car?
236

INT. HOUSE. STAIRS

Miles thunders down the stairs

MILES
THEY'RE HERE!

Maizy roars down afterhim.

237

INT. KITCHEN

Chanice and Buck hear the kids.Chanice looks up at the sandwich still stuckon the ceiling.

CHANICE
That's a nice homecoming gift.

Chanice exits.Buck opens the back door and whistles for the dog. He pomes scrambling in.Buck positions h~m in front of the stove and turns hishead up to the ceiling.

BUCK
In a minute or so, you're having lunch.
238

INT. FOYER

Bob and Cindyhug and kiss Miles and Maizy.

CINDY
I missed you guys so bad!

Chanice walks in.

BOB
Chanice!
CINDY
Hello.
BOB
You remember Buck's ... you remember Chanice.
CINDY
Nice to see you.

Buck enters.

BUCK
The cavalry's here! We're saved.

Buck grabs Bob'shand. He gives Cindy a kiss.

i25

BUCK
I brought Chanice out soshe could see what a master housekeeper I am.
CINDY
I hope these two didn't give you alot of trouble.
BUCK
Maizy smokes in bed and Miles was working the dial-a-party line pretty regularly.
MILES
He's jerkin' your gherkin.

Buckmoves to silence Miles.

BUCK
The important thing is your Dad's doing great, you're home, the family's reunited and Chanice and I are bathing together again.
CHANICE
(embarrassed)
That's not true.
BUCK
Showering.
TIA (OC)
Mom?

The room falls silent as all eyes turn to the top of the stairs.

CU. CINDY

She looks to the upstairslanding. Uncertain of what to expect.

HER POV

Tia's standing at the top of the stairs.She's dressed in light colors, light fabrics.Her appearance is softer and saner.

TIA
Can I talk to you fora minute?

cu. CINDY

She looks at..Bob.

cu. BOB

His stomach winds-up a notch.

cu. BUCK

He looks away.

239

INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE

Cindy starts up the stairs.

240

INT. FOY);:R

Bob looks at Buck with concern.

241

INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALL

Tia backs away from the staircase. Cindy reaches the top. They look at each other for a moment. Cindy's cautiousand hesitant. Tia's nervous. A long, loaded beat passesand Tia throws her arms around Cindy and hugs her.

242

EXT. HOUSE. PORCH

Buck and Chanice are saying farewell.All the Russells are on the porch.

BUCK
I'm not going to kiss anyone goodbye because I'm going to see more of you. Chanice and I considering debating the possibility of exploring the feasibility of opening up dialogue on the subject of a tentative discussion of a marriage engagement.
CHANICE
So he says.
CINDY
That's great!
BOB
Congratulations.
MILES
U.B. 'sgoing for the ring in his nose, eh?
TIA
(to Chan ice)
Don't change yourname.
BUCK
I'm going into the business with Chanice. I'm swallowing my macho prideand I'll be working fora woman on Tuesday. I'm Mr.Steel-Belted Radial at noonon Monday.

Chanice gives him a mock glare.

BUCK
Ten? Nine?
CHANICE
This'll neverwork.
CINDY
Maybe but itsounds like fun.
BOB
Take care of him.

CU. BUCK

He looks at Tia. He gives her a wink.

CU. TIA

She smiles.

243

EXT. HOUSE

Buck and Chanice walk to their cars. Chanice gets in hers and starts it up. Buck gets in his.

EXT, HOUSE. PORCH. THE RUSSELLS

Tia taps Cindy. Cindy looks at her.

TIA
Coveryour ears.

Cindy overs her. Miles, Maizy and Bob cover theirs.

CU. BUCK

He winces as-he grinds the starter,silently urging it on. It catches. He hits the gas,holds up his finger, waits a beat, points and ...

244

EXT. HOUSE

... the biggest backfire yet.A puff of blacksmoke and tremendous ELAM! Chanice backs out,Buck backs and they pull away leaving the cloud ofsmoke and dogs for miles around BARKING and HOWLING.

END