"THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS" (2001)

STATS125pages145scenes22,279words32%dialogue43characters

Words

  • dialogue7,22832%
  • action13,72962%
  • other1,3225.9%

Scenes

location
  • INT 96
  • EXT 42
  • UNKNOWN 7
time
  • UNKNOWN 145
1

OPEN

THEROYAL TENENBAUM$

Anderson/Wilson July 27; 2000

A first edition copy of The Royal Tenenbaums.

On the dust jacketthere is an illustration of a cream- colored note card that looks like a wedding invitation.The title of the book is engraved on the card.

The next page says Chapter One.

NARRATOR
Royal Tenenbaum bought the house on Archer Avenue in the winter of 1963.
CUT TO:

A five-story limestone townhouse.

NARRATOR
He and his wife had three children,and then they separated.
2

INT. LIVINGROOM. DAY

A forty-three-year-old man in a raincoat sits at the head of a long table.He is Royal. He is surrounded by his children.

Chas is twelve,with curly hair, dressed in a black suit and a tie.Margot is ten, with a barrette in her hair, wearing a knitted Lacoste dress and penny loafers.Richie is eight, with long hair,parted on the side, dressed in a Bjorn Borg- style tennis outfit and aheadband.

Chas wears a blank expression,Margot looks as if she is about to cry,and Richie has tears all over his face.

MARGOT
Are you getting divorced?
ROYAL
(gently)
At the moment? No.But it doesn't look good.
RICHIE
Do you still love us?
ROYAL
Of course, I do.
CHAS
Do you still loveMom?

r

ROYAL
Yes. But she's asked me to leave,and I have to respect her wishes.
MARGOT
Is it our fault?
ROYAL
Well, obviously, we've had to make some major sacrifices as a result of having children.But no, it's not your fault.
MARGOT
Why did she ask you to leave?
ROYAL
(sadly)
I don't really know anymore.
CHAS
Well, she says --
ROYAL
Let's not rehash it.

Royal hands Richie his handkerchief.

NARRATOR
They werenever legally divorced.

An Indian man with salt-and-pepper hair,dressed in pink pants, a white shirt, and a white apron, brings Royal a martini. He is Pagoda.

ROYAL
Thanks,Pagoda.
3

INT.HALLWAY. DAY

A gallery of the children's art, done mostly in crayon,but with beautiful frames and careful lighting. The subject matter includes: spaceships, wild animals, sailboats, motorcycles, and war scenes with tanks and paratroopers.

Under the stairs there is a telephone room the size of a closet.Old messages are tacked to the walls, and children's heights are marked on the door frame.

NARRATOR
Etheline Tenenbaum kept the house and raised the children,and their education was her highest priority.

r A thirty-five-year-old woman wearing a scarf around her neck and sunglasses on top of her head talks on a rotary telephone. She ~s Etheline.

ETHELINE
Bene, bene. Si. Grazia mille.

Etheline hangs up. There is a schedule of activities -- guitar, ballet, yoga,scuba-diving -- written on a chalkboard behind her and divided intocolumns labelled Chas, Richie, and Margot. Etheline changes an Italian lesson from 4:30 to 5:30.

NARRATOR
She wrote a book on the subject.

INSERT:

A copy of Etheline Tenenbaum's book,Family of Geniuses. On the dust jacket there is a photograph of the three children conducting a press conference in aroom crowded with journalists. It appears to have been published in the late seventies.

CUT TO:

The press conference.Chas points to a reporter.

CHAS
The gentleman in the blue cardigan, please.
REPORTER
Thank you. I have a two-part question.
CHAS
Go ahead.
4

INT. CHAS IBEDROOM.DAY

Chas' room looks like a businessman's office,except it is very small and has bunk beds.There is a desk with an Apple II computer and an electric coffee pot on it.There is a water cooler in the corner,with a paper cup dispenser.

Chas stands talking on the telephone while Etheline brings in his lunch on a tray.

NARRATOR
Chas Tenenbaum had, since elementary school, taken most of his meals in his room, standing up at his desk with a cup of coffee, to save time.

r On a shelf in an alcove there are ten cages connected together by plastic tubes.White mice with tiny black spots all over them race around inside the cages.Chas feeds one of them a drop of blue liquid froma test-tube.

NARRATOR
In the sixth grade, he went into business, breeding dalmatian mice,which he sold to a pet shop in Little Tokyo.

There are twenty-five pin-striped suits in boys' size twelve and an electric tie rack hanging in the closet.Chas pushes a button on the tie rack and the ties glide along a track.

NARRATOR
He started buying real estate in his early teens, and seemed to have an almost preternatural understanding of international finance.

There is a small weight-lifting bench and a punching bag in the corner. There is a set of exercise charts neatly drawn with felt-tip pen tacked to the wall.Chas bench-presses about fifty pounds on a set of small barbells.

NARRATOR
He negotiated the purchase of his father's summer house on Eagle's Island.
5

EXT. BACKYARD. DAY

A house in the country.Chas crouches in the bushes with a B.B. gun. Across the lawn he seestwo younger boys with B.B. guns drop down from a tree.One of the boys is Richie, and the other has nearly-white blond hair.He is Eli. ·

Chas gets Richie in his sights.

ROYAL
Hold it, Chas.

Chas freezes. He looks up and sees Royal watching from the roof with a B.B.gun trained on him. Royal is dressed in khaki pants and no shirt.He has on sunglasses.

CHAS
What are you doing? You're on my team!
ROYAL
(hesitates)
There are no teams.

r

s.

r \_ Royal fires. Chas screams and fires back as Royal scrambles away, laughing.

NARRATOR
The B.B. was still lodged between two knuckles in Chas' left hand.
6

INT.MARGOT'S BEDROOM. DAY

The walls of Margot's room are red, with little running zebras painted all overthem. There is a collection of African masks hanging in the corner. Margot sits at a small metal stand, typing on an I.B.M. typewriter.

NARRATOR
Margot Tenenbaum was adopted at age two. Her father had always noted this when introducing her.
CUT TO:

A cocktail party. Royal introduces Margot to a group of elderly men in black tie.

ROYAL
This is my adopted daughte~, Margot Tenenbaum.

Margot nods politely.

CUT TO:

A wall filled with bookshelves. There are thousands of books of plays. Margot takes out a copy of The Iceman Cometh.

NARRATOR
She was a playwright, and she won a Braverman Grant of fifty thousand dollars in the ninth grade.

There is mock-up of a stage set for a play that appears to have taken place in a network of tree houseson a tropical island. Margot places a tiny canoe beneath apalm tree.

NARRATOR
She was also an avid photographer.
CUT TO:

Margot's bathroom. It has been converted into a darkroom, with alwninum foil over the windows and red light bulbs over thesink. Etpeline helps Margot take a fresh print from a tray of chemicals and hang it with a clothespin to a line strung over the bathtub.

All of the photographs are of Richie attempting various stunts.

NARRATOR
She and her brother Richie ran away from home one winter and camped-out in the Egyptian Wing of the Public Archives.
7

INT. MUSEUM. NIGHT

Richie and Margot sit at the foot of a diorama of thebaby Moses being placed into the Nile. Richie has on a backpack with a sleeping bag attached to it. Margot carriesa small red suitcase. They both look extremely disheveled and tired.

A single-file line of students goes past them following a museum guide. Eli is at the end of the line. He stops and stares at Margot and Richie.

RICHIE
Hi, Eli.
ELI
You said I could run away, too.
MARGOT
Just don't tell anybody you saw us.
CUT TO:

Richie and Margot sharing a sleeping bag in achamber of a simulated pyramid in the darkened museum.They are surrounded by Egyptian statues, caskets, and vases.Margot reads a book about sharks by the light of a flashlight.Richie is asleep.

NARRATOR
She disappeared alone fortwo weeks at age fourteen and came back with half a finger missing.

INSERT:

A pair of knitted gloves. One finger has been clipped-off at the middle knuckle and is being sewn-up.

("'· INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM. DAY

Richie's room is in the attic. There is a chemistry set,a drwn set, and a 'long shelf filled with tennis trophies. Richie sits on the edge of his bed.

NARRATOR
Richie Tenenbaum had been a champion tennis player since the third grade.

There are thousands of miniature soldiers in formation on every available inch of space on tables,desks, and windowsills. Richie arranges a set ofRed Coats into a skirmish.

NARRATOR
He turned pro at seventeen, and won the U.S. Nationals three years in a row.

There is a H.A.M. radio set in the corner of the room.Richie sits at the console wearing a set of headphones.There is a map of the world on the wall,with colored pins stuck in different cities.

NARRATOR
He kept a studio in the corner of the ballroom, but had failed to develop as a painter.
CUT TO:

A ballroom with vaulted ceilings and a giant chandelier on the top floor of the house.One corner is filled with seventeen almost identical portraits of Margot looking over the top of a book with an irritated expression.Etheline helps Richie hang a new portrait among the others.

NARRATOR
On weekends, Royal took him on outings around the city.
8

EXT. STREET. DAY

Royal and Richie stand among a group of Puerto Rican men as two large, vicious-looking pit bulls with scars all over them snarl at each other. Royal yells along with the others:

ROYAL
Vamanos! Andele!

Royal throws a fifty dollar bi11· into a pile of money on the sidewalk. Richie throws in a dollar.

NARRATOR
These invitations were never extended to anyone else.
CUT TO:

The second floor of the Tenenbaum house.Chas sits alone in one window staring out into space.Margot sits alone in the next window.They both look miserable.

There is a slightly run-down thirty-five story apartment building at the end of the block.

NARRATOR
Richie's best friend Eli Cash lived with his aunt in a building around the corner.
9

INT.·APARTMENT.DAY

A two room apartment. Eli finishes making his bed and folds it into the couch.An elderly woman works at a sewing machine in the next room.

10

EXT.STREET. DAY

r Eli walks up the front steps of the Tenenbaum house and rings the doorbell.He wears a set of house keys on a string around his neck. Pagoda opens the door. He is dressed in pajamas, slippers,and a bathrobe. He lets Eli inside.

NARRATOR
He wasa regular fixture at family gatherings,holidays, mornings before school,and most afternoons.
CUT TO:

The Tenenbaum house at night.There are strings of colored lights glowing around thefr~nt door and white paper bags with candles in them on the steps.

NARRATOR
The three Tenenbaum children performed Margot's first play on the night of her eleventh birthday.
11

INT.BALLROOM. NIGHT

There are twenty eleven-year-olds wearing party hats.Margot, Chas, and Richie are in costumes.Margot is a zebra, Chas is a bear,and Richie is a leopard. Eli is dressed in pajamas.• Royal sits at a table with them,drinking a glass of whiskey.

NARRATOR
They had agreed to invite their father to the party.

There is a small stage set across the room fora play that appears to have taken place on a ship.

CHAS
What'd you think, Dad?
ROYAL
It didn'tseem believable to me.

Chas looks to Margot. She is silent. Royal says to Eli:

ROYAL
Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
RICHIE
He has permission to sleep over.

Royal shakes his·head.

CHAS
Did you think the characters were --
ROYAL
What characters? It was just a bunch·of little kids dressed in animal costumes.
MARGOT
Good-night, everyone.

Margot quickly collects her unopened presents from the table.

ROYAL
· Sweetie. Don't get mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.

The lights go down. Royal looks across the room.Etheline stands in the doorway with a birthday cake on a tray.The candles are lit. She looks furious. Pagodastands at the light switch. Everyone in the room begins to sing Happy Birthday. Margot walks out of•'theroom, and the singing disintegrates.

NARRATOR
Royal had not been invited back to the house since.

Etheline blows out the candles.

12

EXT. ROOF.DAY

There is a large antenna for Richie'sH.A.M. radio and a wooden coop with afalcon in it. The falcon has a hood over its eyes.Richie opens the coop, carefully removes the falcon'shood, and feeds him some sardines from a tin.

NARRATOR
In fact,virtually all memory of the brilliance of the youngTenenbaums had been erased by two decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster.

Richie carries the falconon his arm to the edge of the roof.

RICHIE
Go,Mordecai .

The falcon spreads its wings and lunges into the sky.

MONTAGE:

{The names of each of our characters and the names of the actors playing them appear in large type over the following shots.)

Royal Tenenbaum sits in a chair in his hotel suite with no shirt on and a towel wrapped around his face. A woman.in a white apron lifts off the towel, and Royal looks in the mirror. He is now sixty-six, with grey hair, white at the temples,worn very long in the back. He is getting a facial, and there are strips of blue cellophane covering his face. The woman quickly peels them away and begins to massage his temples.Royal lights a cigarette at the end of a six-inch holder.

Etheline Tenenbaum draws black eyeliner around her eyes in the bathroom mirror.She is fifty-eight and has long,black hair with one silver streak that runs through it.She wears a pink slip and a pearl necklace. The wall behind her is filled with African masks. She puts on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses and takes a look at herself. She starts to do her lipstick.

Chas Tenenbaum is shaving in the locker room of a boxinggym. Steam fills the air. He is thirty-six and has a small bandage over his left eye. Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum are on either side of him. They are eight and ten. They are also shaving,but with no blades in their razors. All three of them have extremely curly black hair. Chas lifts the bandage over his eye and looks at the cut underneath it. It has five stitches.

Margot Tenenbaum is at the hairdresser's with three people working on her at once.She is thirty-four. Her hair is being

dyed black, and there are little clamps and bits of foil twisted into it. She is smoking a cigarette,and she blows a puff of smoke as the hair dryer is lowered onto her head.She is holding an o.pen copy of a book of plays by George Bernard Shaw. She is missing halfa finger.

,,

Eli Cash is in the fitting room of a clothing store having a white buckskin jacket with fringe taken in.A tailor pulls at the hem of the jacket and sticks pins in the sleeves.The tailor"s helper brings Eli a cup of tea and some cucumber sandwiches. Eli picks ·out asandwich.A second helper hands him a short-brimmed Stetson cowboy hat.He puts it on at an angle and stares at himself.

Raleigh St. Clair brushes his teeth with an electric toothbrush in a very small, white-tiled bathroom.He has a full, grey beard and round glasses,and he is dressed in red silk pajamas with white piping.He stops suddenly, picks up a tape recorder off the edge of the sink,and excitedly dictates something into it.He puts the tape recorder back on the sink and starts brushing his teeth again.

Henry Sherman stands in front of a mirrored wall in the vestibule of his building.He is a tall, black man, sixty- eight years old, with grey hair and a moustache.He wears a double-breasted navy blazer.He carefully folds a checkered handkerchief and tucks it into his breast pocket.There is a hand-lettered sign regarding trash and recycling taped to the wall behind him, underneath arow of mailboxes. It is signed Mr. Sherman.

Richie Tenenbaum is dressed in black tiein his stateroom onboard an ocean liner.He is thirty-two, with long hair, parted on the side, and a full beard.The ocean goes by at a fast clip in the porthole behind him.A towel on the dresser says The Cote d'Ivoire in red stitching.Richie looks at himself in the mirror.He takes out a little camera. He points it at his reflection,smiles sadly, and takes a picture·of himself. He puts the camera back into his pocket and goes out the door.

INSERT:

Page 2~ of The Royal Tenenbaums. Itsays Chapter Two.

13

INT. HOTEL ROOM. DAY

Royal's suite at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel.There are shelves full of law books and hundreds of spy novels in stacks on the floor. There isa set of Encyclopedia Britannica, an exercise bicycle,and a Xerox machine.

Royal lies on his stomach on a massage table getting a massage from a young Asian woman.The manager of the hotel stands in front.of Royal with a piece of paper in his hand.

MANAGER
I've been instructed to refuse any further charges on your room account and to inform you in writing that you're being asked to vacate the premises by the end of the month.

The manager hands Royal the piece of paper.Royal points to the masseuse.

ROYAL
What about Meredith?

The manager looks to the masseuse.

NARRATOR
Royal had lived in the Lindbergh Palace Hotel for twenty-two years.

INSERT:

A letter typed on Lindbergh Palace Hotel Stationery. It begins:

Dear Mr.Tenenbaum, In light of your continuing failure to remit anyform ofpayment,we have no

CUT TO:

The masseuse. She does not appear to understand English.

MANAGER
Can you pay her in cash?

Royal shakes his head.The manager hesitates.

NARRATOR
He was a prominent litigator until the mid-eighties, when he was disbarred and briefly imprisoned.

Royal goes to thewindow and looks out at the falling snow. He lights a cigarette.

NARRATOR
No one in his family had spoken to him in three years.
14

INT. RADIO ROOM. DAY

The radio room onboard the Cote d'Ivoire.There are computer terminals, shortwave radios, maps on the walls,and a crew of technicians in white uniforms. There is a mist outside the window, and an oil tanker in the distance.

The radio operator finishes typing a message into akeyboard and looks up to Richie. Richie wearsa khaki suit, a striped tennis shirt, a headband, and penny loafers.

RICHIE
Read it back to me so far, please.
RADIO OPERATOR
Dear Eli, I'm in the middle of the ocean. I haven't left my room in four days. I've never been more lonely in my life, and I think I'm in love with Margot.

The radio operator looks to Richie.Richie nods.

RICHIE
New paragraph.

Richie takes a sip of a Bloody Mary.

NARRATOR
Richie had retired from professional tennis at twenty-six. His last match had been widely discussed in the media.

INSERT:

A television set tuned-in to network coverage of atennis match on grass courts. Richie is playing anIpdian player dressed all in white. A title identifies him as Sanjay Gandhi. ·

Gandhi serves. With a bizarre swing,Richie hits his return directly off the court and deep into the stands.He shakes his head and talks to himself. It is briefly revealed that he is barefoot.

ANNOUNCER
That's seventy-two unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now, Tex Hayward?
TEX HAYWARD
I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off
(more)
TEX HAYWARD (cont'd)
his shoes and socks, and actually, I think he's crying.

Richie is shown.waiting for the next serve with tears all over his face.

CUT TO:

The radio operator.He finishes typing the letter. Richie signs a slip of paper and hands it to him.He wraps a scarf around his neck and goes out the door.

NARRATOR
For the past year he had been travelling alone on an ocean liner called theCote d' Ivoire and had seen both poles,five oceans, the Amazon,and the Nile.
15

INT ..AUDITORIUM.NIGHT

Eli standsat a podium reading from a book to a crowded audience.A telegram marked Ship to Shore is tucked into his coat pocket.His voice is quietly dramatic.

ELI
The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sagethicket.Vamanos, amigos, he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock.And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.

Eli looks up.He closes his book. The audience applauds uproariously.

NARRATOR
Eli was an assistant professor of English Literature at Brooks College.The recent publication of his second novel --

INSERT:

A copy of Eli Cash's latest book,Old CUster. On the dust jacket there is an illustration of an Indian in warpaintwith a long, bloody knife clasped between his teeth and a yellow scalp hanging from his hand.

CUT TO:

Eli walking through the lobby surrounded by acrowd of admirers.

·NARRATOR -- had earned him a sudden, unexpected literary celebrity.

Eli stands among a group of professors drinking cocktails.

ELI
Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is:
(tentatively)
Maybe he didn't?

Eli shrugs and smiles. He goes to a pay phone in the lobby and places a call. He says into the telephone:

ELI
What are you doing?

Someone gives Eli a book to sign.He scribbles his name on it and hands it back without looking.

ELI
When can I see you?
16

INT. BATHROOM. EVENING

The bathroom of Margot and Raleigh's apartment.Margot sits Indian-style on the counter painting her toenails red and talking on the telephone.There are cotton balls in between her toes, and she has a towel wrapped around her.

Hot water runs full blast in the bathtub.A little black and white TV is tuned-in to the six o'clock news with the sound turned off. Margot whispers into the telephone:

MARGOT
It's a little tricky at the moment.

Margot takes a drag off a cigarette balanced at the edge of the sink. There is a knock on the door.Margot does not look up.

MARGOT
I'll call you tonight.

Margot hangs up the telephone.There is another knock.

RALEIGH
Margot?

I r- Raleigh has an English accent with a lisp.Margot answers without taking the cigarette out of her mouth:

r MARGOT

Uh-huh?

RALEIGH
May I come in, please?

Margot puts out her cigarette. She waves the smoke away, turns on a little electric fan,and sprays perfume into the air with an atomizer. She reaches over and unlocks the door with her foot.

Raleigh cracks open the door and looks inside.He is wearing red pajamas and a camel's hair bathrobe.He seems worried and intimidated.

NARRATOR
Margot was married to the writer and neurologist Raleigh St. Clair.

INSERT:

A copy of Raleigh St. Clair's latest book,The Peculiar Neurodegenerative Inhabitants of theKazawa Atoll. On the dust jacket there is a photograph of Raleigh -- dressed in a speedo, with goggles on top of his head -- on a beach, r standing next to a Kazawa. The Kazawa stares at him curiously.

CUT TO:

Raleigh looking in the bathroom doorway.

RALEIGH
How are you, my darling?
MARGOT
Fine, thank you.

Margot blows on her toenails.

RALEIGH
You must eat something. Shall Imake your lunch?
MARGOT
No, thank you.

Margot looks to Raleigh. Silence.Raleigh goes out suddenly and closes the door. Margot reaches over with her foot and locks it. r

NARRATOR
She wasknown for her extreme secrecy. For example, none of the Tenenbaums knew she was a smoker, which she had been since the age of twelve.

Margot lights another cigarette.

NARRATOR
Nor were they aware of her first marriage and divorce in Jamaica.

INSERT:

A snapshot of a younger Margot rowing a canoe in the ocean with three rastafarians. She is dressed in a string bikini.

NARRATOR
She kept a private studio in Mockingbird Heights under the name Helen Scott. It looked like this:
17

INT. STUDIO. DAY

A small.room with one wooden chair and a metal stand with an I.B.M. electric typewriter on it. There are posters for several of Margot's plays leaning against the walls.The titles include: Static Electricity, Erotic Transference,and Nakedness Tonight.

NARRATOR
She had not completed a play in seven years.
18

INT. RALEIGH'S LABORATORY. DAY

Raleigh's basement. Raleigh sits at a table in the corner.He wears a turtleneck shirt and a corduroy blazer with suede patch'3son the elbows. He whispers into his tape recorder:

RALEIGH
Seventeen October. Third examination of Dudley Heinsbergen.

There is a fifteen year-old boy in a blue fishing cap on the far side of the room misspelling words on a chalkboard.The boy has an earphone in his ear and wears Henry Aaron-style flip-up sunglasses. He is Dudley.

NARRATOR
Raleigh's next book was on the subject of a condition he called Heinsbergen"s Syndrome.

Raleigh continues into the tape recorder at a whisper:

RALEIGH
Dudley suffers from a rare disorder combining the symptoms of amnesia, dyslexia, and color-blindness,with a highly acute sense of hearing.

Dudley turns around suddenly and frowns.

RALEIGH
There is also evidence of --
DUDLEY
I'm not color-blind.

Raleigh looks to Dudley.He hesitates.

RALEIGH
I'm afraid you are.
19

INT. CHAS'APARTMENT. NIGHT

Ari and Uzi's bedroom. It is perfectly neat and organized like a military barracks.There are night-lights in every socket.There are two fire-extinguishers and a large first- aid kit mounted on the wall.There is a turtle in a fish tank in the corner.Ari and Uzi are sound asleep in their bunk beds.

Chas stands in the doorway.His eXPression is blank. In one hand,he holds a small tape recorder. In the other hand, he holds a fishing lantern.

He turnson the lantern, which begins blinking rapidly in a strobe effect.He presses play on the tape recorder, which blasts a recording of a police siren at fullvolume. He yells at the top of his lungs:

CHAS
Fire alarm!Ari! Uzi! Let's go! Look alive!

Ari bolts out of the top bunk.He is shirtless and has on· pajama bottoms.Uzi sits up. He looks half-asleep. Chas runs around the room,tipping over chairs and blasting the tape recorder.

CHAS
Uzi! Let's go!

Uzi gets out of bed.He has on a pajama top and underwear. Ari already has on his cleats.He grabs the turtle out of the

fish tank. Uzi wanders toward the bathroom,talking to himself.

CHAS
Where're you going?
UZI'
The bathroom.
CHAS
(screaming)
You don't have time!
20

INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT

Ari presses the button for the elevator and waits.The apartment is extremely large and spare. It looks like a museum.

NARRATOR
Chas' wife, Rachael, was killed in a plane crash last summer.

Chas and Uzi rush into the hallway.Chas yells to Ari:

CHAS
No elevators! There's a fi~e!
21

INT. STAIRWELL.NIGHT

They race down the stairs.Chas picks up Uzi.

UZI
What about Buckley?
CHAS
You forgot him.

Uzi starts to cry.

INSERT:

A snapshot of Ari and Uzi and their mother standing in front of a small plane parked in the desert.The mother has on sunglasses, with a scarf tied over her hair.The wind blows her dress sideways, and she islaughing. The boys wear camp shorts and no shirts.Uzi is doing a karate stance.

There is a beagle looking out the window of the plane.

NARRATOR
Chas and their two sons,Ari and Uzi, were also on the flight, and survived,as did their dog, who was discovered in his
(more)

· NARRATOR (cont'd) cage several thousand yards from the crash site.

CUT TO:

A dog's cage upside down in the desert surrounded by scraps of metal and clothing.A cloud of smoke billows in the distance.

22

INT. BATHROOM.NIGHT

The beagle is asleep next to the bathtub on a little bed with Buckley written across it.He looks very old and has white fur around his eyes.Chas' siren can be heard in the distance outside the window. It stops.

23

EXT. SIDEWALK.NIGHT

Chas~ Ari, and Uzi stand on the sidewalk,looking up at the building. The street is deserted.The tape recorder has been turned off, although the lantern is still blinking.

Chas turns off the lantern and presses stop on his stopwatch.

CHAS
Four minutes and forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

Chas shakes his head.He looks disoriented and weak.

NARRATOR
Over the last six months,he had become increasingly concerned with their safety.

Uzi is still crying.

UZI
We left Buckley.

Chas rubs his eyes and his temples.He says quietly:

CHAS
It doesn't matter.

Chas sits down on the sidewalk.Ari and Uzi look scared. The doorman watches uneasily fromthe lobby.

24

INT. ETHELINE'S STUDY.DAY

The walls of Etheline's study are filled with Pre-Columbian art and primitive tools and weapons.There are shelves full of hundreds of bones and bits of pottery with little numbers painted on them. There are stacks of National Geographieson the floor. A human skeleton hangs on a stand in the corner.

r

NARRATOR
Etheline was an archaeologist,and had overseen excavations for the Department of Housing and the Transit Authority.

The back doors are open onto the garden. Pagoda sitson a bench outside, peeling potatoes, listening to a walkman with headphones. His hair is now white.

Etheline is at her desk studying an arrowhead whileHenry sits next to her. He is working on her taxes.

HENRY
Apropos of my question re: I-40 slash I-9 adjustments.

Henry stands up. He looks very nervous. Etheline looks up at him ·curiously.

NARRATOR
She taught a bridge class twice a week with her friend and business manager, Henry Sherman.

INSERT: r A copy of Henry Sherman's book, Accounting for Everything.A caption at the top of the cover says: A guide to Personal Finance. It appears to have been published in the late sixties.

CUT TO:

Henry looking down at Etheline.

HENRY
It would probably be advantageous for your marital status to be legally established as single, in light of the circumstances.
ETHELINE
What do you mean?
HENRY
I mean for tax purposes.
ETHELINE
(pause)
But I thought it was
HENRY
Etheline?
22

..

r \

'ETHELINE Yes?

HENRY
Will you marry me?

Pagoda stops peeling the potatoes. He takes off_oneear of his headphones. Etheline sets down her magnifying glass.

HENRY
I love you. Did you already know that?
ETHELINE
No, I didn't.

Heney nods calmly.

NARRATOR
Since her separation from her husband, she had had many suitors, but had not accepted a single date.

Etheline starts to say something. She stops.She looks at Henry f9r a minute. She puts out her hand.Henry takes it.

ETHELINE
Let me think about it, Henry.

Pagoda frowns.

26

INT. TELEPHONE ROOM. DAY

Pagoda places a call.

PAGODA
Hello, please. Tell Mr. Royal this is the Pagoda.
27

INT. ELEVATOR. DAY

Royal rides down in the elevator at the Lindbergh Palace.He is dressed in a grey double-breasted SavileRow pinstripe suit, a dark pink shirt, a red and pink striped tie,and Aristotle Onassis-style wraparound sunglasses.He smokes a cigarette.

The elevator operator has a thin, grey moustache and jet- black hair. He is Dusty. The elevator stops.

ROYAL
Thanks, Dusty.

~ \ .

DUSTY

'

You're welcome.

28

INT. LOBBY. DAY

The elevator doors open and Royal strides out quickly.He crosses through the gigantic lobby.A bellboy appears at his side.

BELLBOY
There's a call for you, Mr. Tenenbaum.
ROYAL
Who is it?
BELLBOY
A Mr. Pagoda.
ROYAL
I'll take it in there.

Royal points to a little wood-panelled telephone booth in the corner.

29

INT. TELEPHONE BOOTH. DAY

The telephone rings. Royal answers it.

ROYAL
What do you got?
30

INT. GREEK DINER. NIGHT

Royal and Pagoda sit across from each other in a booth in the window of a coffee shop.

PAGODA
The black man asks her to be his wife.
ROYAL
(quietly)
No shit?

Pagoda nods.

ROYAL
And what'd Ethel say?
PAGODA
She thinks about it.

Royal stirs his coffee. He taps the spoon on the brim of the cup and sets it on the saucer. He drinksa sip.

24..

r

ROYAL
I don't like the sound of this one damn bit, Pagoda.I mean, Lord knows I've had my share of infidelities. But she's still my wife. And no goddamn two-bit accountant's going to change that.
(pause)
It's all I've got left.

Silence.

ROYAL
There's more than one way to get at her, of course.But none of them'll talk to me, at the moment.

INSERT:

Page 50 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says Chapter Three.

31

INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT

The doorbell rings. Pagoda comes into the hallway and opens the front door. Uzi is on the steps with a large duffel bag over his shoulder and a stack of coloring books under his arm. Buckley is at his side.

There is a silver B.M.W. station wagon parked at the curb with three doors and the trunk open. Chas, Ari, and a uni- formed driver are unpacking suitcases, blankets,boxes, toys, clothes, boxing gloves, and a computer. The driver is Anwar.

Chas, Ari, and Uzi all wear red Adidas warm-ups.

CHAS
Give usa hand, Pagoda.

Pagoda frowns. He starts down the steps.

32

INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT

There are twenty people at five card tables playing bridge. Most of them are in their fifties and sixties. They look very distinguished. Etheline and Henry are among them.

Chas, Ari, Uzi, Anwar, and Pagoda come out of the hallway and cross through the living room, struggling with all of their possessions. Pagoda carries ~he fish tank with the turtle in it.Buckley follows them.

The bridge players watch strangely as they pass.Chas looks r back atthem, but keeps moving. Etheline hesitates.

ETHELINE
Chas?

Chas stops in the doo:cway.Pagoda leads Ari, Uzi,Anwar, and Buckley out of the room, up the stairs.

ETHELINE
What's going on?
CHAS
(pause)
We got locked out of our apartment.

Etheline seems confused.

ETHELINE
Did you call a locksmith?
CHAS
(hesitates)
Uh-huh.
ETHELINE
(pause)
I don't understand. Did you pack your bags before you got locked out? Or how did you --
CHAS
It's not safe over there.

Silence. Etheline looks to her guests.

ETHELINE
Excuse me for a moment, please.
33

INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT

Etheline closes the sliding door to the living room.She and Chas stand alone in the hallway.

ETHELINE
What are you talking about?
CHAS
The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
ETHELINE
Why?

r

r CHAS

Because it's dangerous.

ETHELINE
But there're no sprinklers here,either.

Chas looks up and studies the ceiling.He sighs. Etheline seems concerned. She puts her hand on Chas'arm.

ETHELINE
Let me help you with your bags.
34

INT. CHAS' BEDROOM.NIGHT

Ari and Uzi sit silently on the bunk beds in Chas'room. They have dark circles under their eyes and seem exhausted.Chas comes in. He looks like a wreck,but acts incredibly cheerful, pretending not to notice how sad the boys look.

CHAS
Isn't this great? It feels like we're camping.

Chas walks around the room examining things.He chuckles as he turns on his old electric tie rack.

ARI
When are we going home?
CHAS
(stops smiling)
When it's safe.

Chas sees something across the room.He frowns.

CHAS
Who put that in here?

There is a framed poster leaning against the wall in the corner. It is a tennis shoe advertisement with a picture of Richie holding a trophy over his head,surrounded by a cheering crowd. Chas puts it in the closet.He kisses Ari and Uzi good-night.

CHAS
See you in the morning.

Chas goes out the door.A moment later, he comes back in.

CHAS
You know what? I'm going to sleep in here, and that way we can all be together.

Chas spreads out a blanket on the floor and lays down.Uzi comes over and laysdown next to him.

35

INT.DOCTOR'S OFFICE. DAY

Royal sits on the edge of an examination table with white butcher paper on it.A young doctor on a rolling stool takes Royal's blood pressure as they talk.

ROYAL
What kind of side-effects can be expected?
DOCTOR
Well, there're a number of possibilities. Severe nausea and dizziness are standard. A certain percentage of patients may also experience seizure.
ROYAL
You mean like flopping around on the floor and everything?
DOCTOR
In some cases.

Royal nods gravely.

36

EXT. HALLWAY. EVENING

Etheline and Raleigh stand outside the bathroom in Margot and Raleigh's apartment. Etheline has on an overcoat and gloves. Raleigh knocks on the door.

RAELIGH
You have a visitor, my darling.

Margot answers without opening the door:

MARGOT
Who is it?
ETHELINE
It's me,sweetie.
MARGOT
{pause) You can come in.

A key slides from under the door to Etheline's feet. Etheline looks to Raleigh.Raleigh looks embarrassed. ·

r \ INT. BATHROOM.EVENING

Margot is in the bathtub watching a Western on her little black andwhite· television set.Etheline sits on the edge of the tub with her coat in her lap.

ETHELINE
How are things between you and Raleigh?
MARGOT
Fine.
ETHELINE
He says you"ve been spending six hoursa day locked in here watching television and soaking in the tub.
MARGOT
(pause)
That's not true.Maybe three hours, at the most.
ETHELINE
Well, I don't think that's very healthy, do you?Nor do I think it's very intelli- gent to keep an electrical gadget on the edge of the bathtub.
MARGOT
I tied it to the radiator.

Etheline examines the television set.There is a length of red twine wrapped around it and knotted toa pipe.

ETHELINE
Well, it can't be very good for your eyes,anyway.

Margqt turns off the television set with her foot. She looks to Etheline.Etheline smoot?s-back Margot's wet hair.

ETHELINE
Chas came home.
MARGOT
(pause} What do you mean?
ETHELINE
He and Ari and Uzi are going to stay with me for a little while.
MARGOT
(frowns)
Why are they allowed to do that?
ETHELINE
(hesitates)
Well, I don't know, exactly.But I think he"s been very depressed ever since --
MARGOT
(urgently)
So am I.
ETHELINE
(pause)
So are you what?
MARGOT
(pause)
Hand me a towel.
37

EXT. STREET. EVENING

The front door of Margot and Raleigh's apartment building opens. Margot comes out and goes down the steps with three suitcases. Raleigh follows her.Etheline and Dudley walk behind them. Raleigh sounds desperately unhappy.

RALEIGH
But why is this bloody necessary?
MARGOT
Because I'm in a rut, and Ineed a change. Hang on a second.

Margot sets down her suitcasesand goes into a telephone booth with graffiti spray-painted all over it.She closes the door and.makes a call.

Etheline stands on the corner and raises her hand into the air. A beat-up old taxi pulls over.Raleigh waits uncomfortably outside the telephone booth.He watches Margot talking on the telephone.Dudley points at the taxi.

DUDLEY
That taxi has a dent in it.

Margot comes out of the telephone booth and picks up her bags.

RALEIGH

r You're leaving me, aren't you?

MARGOT
No, I'm just going home.

Margot puts her.suitcases into the back seat of the taxi. Dudley continues to point at it.

DUDLEY
Another dent here and another dent here.
RALEIGH
You don't love me anymore, do you?
MARGOT
I do, kind of. I can't explain it right now.

Raleigh looks crestfallen.Margot says gently:

MARGOT
I'll call you, OK?

Raleigh nods. Margot gets into the taxi.Etheline looks at Raleigh sadly.

ETHELINE
Don't worry, Raleigh.

Etheline gets into the taxi and closes the door.Raleigh and Dudley watch the taxi drive away.Raleigh has tears in his eyes. Dudley takes a bite of agraham cracker. ·

38

INT. MARGOT'S BEDROOM. NIGHT

Margot goes into her room and sets her suitcases on the floor. She closes the door and locks it.She looks under the bed. She opens the door to the closet and turns on the light. She whispers:

MARGOT
Eli?

There is a rustle behind some hanging clothes. Elilooks out nervously and slowly emerges.He is dressed in white briefs.

ELI
Hello, beautiful.
39

EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY

The next morning. Etheline comes out the front door of the Tenenbaum house and goes down the steps.·Royal suddenly appears at her side.

ROYAL
You got a minute?

Etheline looks startled.She keeps walking.

ETHELINE
What are you doing here?
ROYAL
I need a favor.
ETHELINE
No.
ROYAL
Wait a second. Listen. Iwant to spend some time with you and the children.
ETHELINE
Are you crazy?
ROYAL
Now, hold on, dammit.
ETHELINE
Stop following me.
ROYAL
I want my family back.
ETHELINE
Well, you can't have it. I'm sorry for you, but it's too late. \

Royal hesitates for a fraction of a second.

ROYAL
I'm dying, baby.

Etheline stops. She looks tQRoyal.

ROYAL
I'm sick as a dog. I'll be dead in six months. I'm dying.
ETHELINE
What are you talking about?

Royal stares at her blankly.He nods.

ETHELINE
What happened?

Royal shrugs. Etheline looks stunned.

ETHELINE
Oh, my God.

Etheline looks as if she is going to faint.Royal seems suddenly worried.

ETHELINE
I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Etheline cannot seem to catch her breath.Royal looks around nervously.

ETHELINE
What'd they say? What's the prognosis? What'd you --

Etheline begins to hyperventilate.Royal tries to calm her down.

ROYAL
Take it easy, Ethel.

Etheline stumbles a step and Royal catches her.He looks scared.

ROYAL
Hold on. Hold on.
ETHELINE
{urgently) Where's the doctor? Let's get --
ROYAL
Wait a second.

Royal ho'lds Etheline by the shoulders.He hesitates.He says gently, trying to comfort her:

ROYAL
Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time.

Etheline looks puzzled.

ROYAL
A month. Maybe two. I want us to --

Etheline slaps Royal hard in the face.She says furiously: r

ETHELINE
What's wrong with you?
ROYAL
Ethel.
ETHELINE
Go away!

Etheline turns away and walks quickly across the street.

ROYAL
Baby. I ,mndying.

Etheline stops. She looks back to Royal.She can see from the look on his face that now he is telling the truth.She goes over to him in the middle of the intersection. ·

ETHELINE
Are you or aren't you?
ROYAL
(pause)
Dying? Yes.

Silence.

40

INT. TAXI. NIGHT

Henry and Etheline ride through the park in a taxi.Etheline looks worried.

HENRY
Have you told your children?
ETHELINE
More or less.
HENRY
.Andare they all right?
ETHELINE
Hard to say.
41

INT. CHAS' STATION WAGON.OAY

Chas rides up front next to Anwar.Ari and Uzi ride in the back. Chas looks anxious.

ARI
Who"s your father?
CHAS
His name's Royal Tenenbaum.
UZI
How.'dhe die?
CHAS
He's not dead yet.
42

INT.ELI'S CAR. DAY

A convertible Austin-Healy. Eli is in the driver's seat smokinga Moroccan-looking pipe. Margot sits next to him. She looks depressed.

ELI
I'm really sorry,Margot.
MARGOT
That's OK.We're not actually related, anyway.
ELI
(holding in the smoke)
That's true.

( EXT.BOAT DECK. DAY

TheCote d'Ivoire. Richie sits under a wool blanket in a chaise longue reading atelegram with Shore to Ship printed across the top.He looks upset. A waiter stands next to him. All of the other passengers sitting on the deck are very elderly and have white hair.

RICHIE
I'd like to send a response,please.
WAITER
Yes, sir.

Twoelderly men with white hair come over to Richie.

ELDERLYMAN
Can we get a picture with you,Tenenbaum?
RICHIE
(pause)
Yeah.

One of the elderly men gives his camera to the waiter.Richie smiles briefly.The waiter takes the picture. Richie immediatelylooks upset again.

ELDERLY MAN
Thanks, Champ.
RICHIE
You're welcome.

The waiter takes out a pen and paper and looks to Richie.

WAITER
Go ahead, sir.
RICHIE
Dear Morn,I received your message. I'm corning home assoon as possible.
(pause)
Who do I see about that?

The waiter shrugs.

43

EXT. PIER 32. DAY

The entrance to the passenger terminal for theCote d'Ivoire. A sign across the glass says Royal Arctic Line.

Richie stands on the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets as bundled-up, white-haired passengers and baggage handlers rush by around him. He has two small suitcases and a vinyl bag with a pouch on the side for a tennis racquet.There is no racquet in it.

A city bus stops at the corner.The door opens and Margot gets out. She smiles at Richie and waves.She wears a mink coat with a belt around it.She has on pink gloves. She walks across the sidewalk and stops ten feet in front of Richie as the bus drives away. They stand there smiling at each other.

MARGOT
Stand up straight and let me get alook at you.

Richie s~ands up a little straighter and continues to look at Margot with the same smile.

MARGOT
What's so funny?

Richie shrugs.

MARGOT
Well, it's nice to see you,too.

Their smiles fade, and they look cold and sad.Margot goes over to Richie and puts her arms around him.

MARGOT
I missed you, Richie.

Richie puts his hands in Margot's hair.

44

EXT. TENENBAUM}:{OUSE.DAY

Margot and Richie stand on the steps in front of the house. The door opens and Etheline and Pagoda come outside and hug Richie. Richie and Henry shake hands.Ari and Uzi come running out the door to hug Richie.

NARRATOR
That night, Etheline found all of her children living together under thesame roof for the first time in seventeen years.

Chas watches from his window on the third floor.Richie looks up .and sees him.Richie waves tentatively.Chas waves back without smiling.

MONTAGE:

Richie lies in bed reading abook called Three Plays by Margot Tenenbaum.

Margot smokes a cigarette in her bathtub and watchesThe Planet of the Apeson her little black and white television set.

Chas sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Ari and Uzi in their bunk beds.

Etheline sleeps sitting-up in her bed with the lights on.She has on reading glasses,and there is an open copy of a book about the Aztecson her lap.

Pagoda sleeps on ahammock in the pantry.

Royal lies awake in the dark in his bed at the Lindbergh Palace.He stares at the ceiling.

INSERT:

Page 76 of The RoyalTenenbaums. It says Chapter Four.

45

EXT. STREET.EVENING

Royal gets out ofa gypsy cab in front of the Tenenbaum house. He is dressed in a white bathrobe,white pajamas, and red bedroom slippers.He carries a cane, but walks across the sidewalk quickly and energetically.

Pagoda waits for him at the top of the steps.They shake hands. Silence.

ROYAL
OK.

Pagoda opens the front door.

46

INT. HALLWAY. EVENING

Royal comes inside. He looks at the collection of his children's art. He looks at the children's heights marked on the doorway of the telephone room.He looks at the schedule of their former activities on the chalkboard.He looks to Pagoda. He nods.

47

INT. LIVING ROOM. EVENING

Richie and Margot sit on the couch.Chas stands at a bookcase reading an atlas. Pagoda leadsRoyal into the room. Everyone looks at him.Richie smiles sadly.

RICHIE
Hi, Dad.

Royal goes over to Richie and kisses him on the cheek.He picks up a chair and sets it down in front of the couch.He sits. He looks to Chas.Chas looks back at him but does not move.

Royal looks to Richie and Margot.

ROYAL
Hello, my darlings.Richie. Margot. Chassie, m'boy. I've missed the hell out of you. You know that,don't you?
MARGOT
I hear you"re dying.
ROYAL
So they tell me.
MARGOT
I'm sorry.
ROYAL
(shrugs)
I had a good run.
RICHIE
You don't look so sick,Dad.
ROYAL
Thank you.
RICHIE
What've you got?
ROYAL
I've got a pretty bad case of cancer.
CHAS
(yawning)
How long are you going to last?

Royal looks across the room at Chas.Chas does not look up from his atlas.

ROYAL
Not long.
CHAS
A month? A year?
ROYAL
About six weeks.

Royal looks back to Richie and Margot.

ROYAL
But let me get to the point.The three of you and your mother are all I've got,and I love you more than anything.

Chas laughs quietly.

ROYAL
Let me finish, Chas.Now, I"ve got six weeks to set things right with you,and I aim to do it. Will you give me achance?
CHAS
No.

Royal turns quickly to Chas.

ROYAL
Do you speak for everyone?
CHAS
I speak for myself.
ROYAL
Well, you've made your viewsknown. So why don't you let somebody else dosome of the talking now?
MARGOT
What do you propose to do?
ROYAL
Well, I can't say, really.Make up for lost time, I suppose.But the first thing I'd like to do is take you to see your grandmother, at some point.
RICHIE
(pause)
I haven't been out there sinceI was six.
MARGOT
I haven't been there at all.I was never invited.
ROYAL
Well, she wasn't your real grandmother,

so I didn t know you'd be interested, sweetie. Anyway, you•re invited this time.

MARGOT
(blankly)
Thanks.

Richie looks to Chas.He looks back to Royal.

RICHIE
You know, Rachael's buried there,too.
ROYAL
(pause)
Who?
CHAS
My wife.
ROYAL
(hesitates} Oh. That•s right, isn't it? Well,we can swing by her grave, too.

Chas slams the atlas shut and puts it back into the bookcase. He walks toward the door.Royal extends his hand as Chas walks by. Chas slaps it away and goes out ofthe room. Royal says to Margot and Richie:

ROYAL
I'll be right back.
48

INT. STAIRWAY. EVENING

Chas is already halfway to the second floor as Royal appears at the bottom of the steps.

ROYAL
Chas?

Chas stops. He looks down to Royal.

ROYAL
May I see my grandsons?
CHAS
Why?
ROYAL
Because I'd like to finally meetthem.

Chas scoffs and shakes his head.

ROYAL
Don"t give me that guff.
CHAS
I think we'll pass.

Chas walks away up the stairs.

49

INT. LIVINGROOM. DAY

Royal goes back into the living room.He looks to Richie and Margot and smiles sadly.

ROYAL
I'll say good-night to you now,children.

Margot waves.Richie stands up and goes over to Royal. He hugs-him.Royal looks to be on the verge of tears.

ROYAL
Thank you, my sweet boy.
50

EXT. TENENBAUMHOUSE. NIGHT

Royal and Pagoda come out the front door onto the steps. Royal says quickly:

ROYAL
I'll contact you in the next twelve hours and give you further instructions.

Pagoda nods.A taxi stops in front of the house. Royal's face darkens. Henry and Etheline get out of the taxi.They each carry a playpill fora play called That Rascal. Royal clamps his hand on Pagoda's arm and lets out aslow whistle.

ROYAL
Look at that old grizzly bear.

Royal licks his fingersand smooths-back his hair. He bounds down the steps.

ROYAL
Hello, Ethel!Good evening, sir. Hold the cab, please, driver.

Henry leaves the door to the taxi open.

ETHELINE
Royal, this isHenry Sherman.
HENRY
How do you do?
ROYAL
Me?
(thinks for a second)
Just dying.

Henry looks uneasy.

ETHELINE
Don't pay any attention to that man, Henry.
ROYAL
I'm just kidding.Good-night, all. •

Royal gets into the taxi and closes the door.

51

EXT. STREE·R.DAY

Margot and Eli walk together down a street with trash everywhere andabandoned cars and homeless people.

ELI
Could we have dinner with your mother sometime?

Margot frowns. She looks at Eli strangely.

MARGOT
Why?
ELI
{shrugs) Because I'd love to see her. It's been --
MARGOT
I don't think so, Eli.

Eli looks disappointed. He sighs.

ELI
How's Richie?
MARGOT
(pause)
I don'tknow. I'm kind of worried about him.
ELI
I don't blame you. He wrote me a letter, you know. He says he's in love with you.

Margot stops walking.

MARGOT
What are you talking about?
ELI
(shrugs)
That's what he said. I don't know how we're meant to take it.

Margot looks concerned. Eli hesitates.

ELI
Don't repeat that, by the way. It was told in confidence.

Margot nods slowly. They walk in silence for a minute.

ELI
Can I ask you something? Do you think Chas has read any of my --
MARGOT
Don't talk to me about anyone in my family for a little while.OK, Eli?
52

EXT. ARCHAEOLOGICAL EXCAVATION. DAY

A large pit twenty feet deep between two brownstone townhouses.There are workers digging, surveying,sketching, and shakingdirt through metal hand-screens.

Henry is crouched beside Etheline while she compares a bit of soil on the end of a trowel with a color chart in ahandbook. Etheline is dressed entirely in denim except for a scarf over her hair. She has on sunglasses and boots.

HENRY
Have you had a chance to give some thought to that matter we discussed?
ETHELINE
I'm sorry, would you hand me the small brush, please?

Henry hands Etheline a brush from a toolbox.She dusts-off·a partially unearthed skeleton.

ETHELINE
These were probably slaves.
HENRY
Did you hear what I just said?

Etheline looks toHenry. Henry says with increasing emotion:

HENRY
Etheline. I know you live with a lot of pain. And you don't like to show it.But so do I. And there are times when you have to reveal yourself.Don't you agree?

Silence. Etheline puts her hands on the sides of Henry's face and kisses him on the mouth.He looks surprised. He puts his arms around her and kisses her back.

53

INT. HALLWAY.DAY

Margot comes in the front door and starts up the steps. Etheline· says calmly from inside the telephone room:

ETHELIN'i I think I'm falling for Henry.

Margot stops. She comes backdown the stairs.

MARGOT
You're kidding.
ETHELINE
No, I'm not.
MARGOT
That's amazing.
ETHELINE
What do you think of him?
MARGOT
(excited)
Ithink he's gorgeous.
ETHELINE
(pleased)
I'll tell you a secret. He"s asked me to marry him.
MARGOT
(dreamy)
I'm going to have a father.
ETHELINE
(hesitates)
Well, I haven't accepted yet. Besides, you already have a father, sweetheart.
MARGOT
Not really. Plus, now he's dying.
CUT TO:

The door to the pantry. It is cracked-open an inch.Pagoda is poised in the dark, spying on Margot and Etheline.

54

EXT. COURTYARD. DAY

A concrete park with a chain-link fence around it next to a boxing gym. There are several fighters lifting weights and jumping rope. Ari does chin-ups from the top of ajunglegyrn. Buckley lays on the cement beside him.Someone whistles from behind the fence. Ari looks.

It is Royal. He is inside a telephone booth with the door partly open, holding the receiver to his ear.He signals for Ari to come over.

Ari frowns. He slides down a fire station-type pole and cautiously goes over to the fence with Buckley.Royal hangs up the receiver and comes out of the telephone booth. ·

ROYAL
That's a hell of an old hound dog you got there. What's he go by?
ARI
(pause)
Buckley.
ROYAL
(pointing at Buckley)
Buckley. Sit.

Buckley sits.Royal looks impressed. He turns to Ari.

ROYAL
You know whoI am?

Ari shakes his head.

ROYAL
I'm Royal.You heard of me?

Ari nods. Royal looks pleased. His expression becomes serious again.

ROYAL
I'm very sorry for your loss.Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.
ARI
Thank you.
ROYAL
Which one are you?
ARI
Ari.
ROYAL
Where's Uzi?

Ari points~to Uzi doing sit-ups on a mat. Royal yells:

ROYAL
Hey!

Uzi looks up. Royal waves him over. Uzi looks acrossthe courtyard to Anwar, sitting on a bench, reading aB.M.W. owner's manual. Royal ducks.back into the telephone booth and holds the receiver to his ear.

Anwar does not look up. Royal slowly comes out of the telephone booth asUzi approaches the fence.

ROYAL
Uzi, I'm your granddad.
UZI
(pause)
Hello.
ROYAL
Sorry we haven't gotten to know each other. I don't get invited around much. What·do you think about that,by the way?
(pause)
You don't have to say anything.

Royal sighs. He stares off into space.

ROYAL
Kind of a fuck you to the old man, I guess.

Royal looks back to Ari and Uzi.

ROYAL
HOW'S your Daddy?
ARI
Fine.
ROYAL
You think so?

Ari nods.

ROYAL
I'm not so sure.How often's he got you working-out?
ARI
Sixteen times a week.
ROYAL
(shakes his head)
Do me a favor. Tell him you want to meet me.
UZI
But we just met.
ROYAL
No, we didn't.

Ari and Uzi look confused.

ROYAL
Look. Iwant us to have a relationship, but we're going to have to pull some strings to make it happen.
(pause)
Here's what you tell him:
55

INT. CHAS' BEDROOM. DAY

Ari and Uzi st~d outside the bathroom door.They are both dressed in black suits. Ari says toward·the door:

ARI
I bet Morn would've wanted usto meet him before he died, wouldn"t she?

Silence. The bathroom door opens.Chas is dressed in his red Adidas warm-up. He looks out at Ari and Uzi.

56

EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY

Chas, Ari, and Uzi come down the front steps. All three of them are now dressed in black suits.Buckley follows them. Richie waits on the sidewalk with Royal.Royal wears a black suit,· black tie,black shirt,and dark sunglasses. Anwar sits in Chas' B.M.W. parked at the curb.

Chas points at Ari and Uzi and says to Royal:

CHAS
This is Ari and Uzi.
ROYAL
Nice to meet you, boys.

Royal shakes handswith.Ari and Uzi.

ARI
Nice to meet you, sir.
ROYAL
Call me Mr. Tenenbaum.
ARI
. OK.
ROYAL
I'm kidding. Call me Granddad.
ARI
OK.

Royal looks to Chas and smiles.Chas does not smile. Royal looks to Etheline. She and Henry stand on the top step with Margot.

MARGOT
Take care of my mother, Henry.
HENRY
I will.

Margot hugs Henry tightly. Royal frowns.

57

EXT. CEMETERY. DAY

A small cemetery next to an electrical power plant.The trees are bare, and snow falls lightly over the gravestones.The city is across the river.

Royal's mother's gravestone reads Helen O'Reilly Tenenbaum (1909-1962).Epitaph: The Salt of the Earth. Royal gently places a bouquet of white flowers at the foot of the grave. There are tears in his eyes. He stands next to Chas and Richie.

ROYAL
She was a tough old broad, wasn't she?
CHAS
I wouldn't know. Excuse me.
ROYAL
Oh, that's right. We've got another body buried out here. Hang on. Take some of these.

Royal takes half of the flowers off his mother's grave and gives them to Chas. Chas walks away. Silence.

ROYAL
What do you think of this big old black buck moving in up there?
RICHIE
(pause)
What?
ROYAL
Henry Sherman.You know him?
RICHIE
Yeah.
ROYAL
Is he worth adamn?
RICHIE
I believe so.Why do you ask?
ROYAL
No reason.
CUT TO:

Ari, Uzi, and Margot standing in front of Rachael's gravestone,which reads Rachael Evans Tenenbaum (1965-2000). Uzi stares at Margot's missing finger.

UZI
What happened to your finger?
MARGOT
(pause)
It got chopped-off by an axe.
UZI
How'd it get chopped-off by
ARI
Uzi. Shh.
MARGOT
It's OK. I'll tell you. I'm adopted.Did you know that?

Uzi shakes his head.

MARGOT
Well, I am. And I went to find my real family when I was fourteen.They live in Indiana.
58

EXT. FARM. DAY

A fourteen-year-old Margot stands behind a barn with afamily of blond farmers. There is a mother and father and five very young children. Margot's hair is dyed black and she is dressed entirely in black,with black eyeliner and black nail polish.

FATHER
Now just set one of them hickory trunks right up top there, Maggie.

Margot sets a log sideways on top ofa wood-pile. She reaches to adjust the log slightly just as the father swings an axe and chops the log in half.

Everyone looks stunned. The father stares at Margot's bloody hand. Margot looks to the father· like he is an idiot.

CUT TO:

so.

Margot, Ari, and Uzi standing together.

ARI
Did you try to sew it back on?

Margot shakes her head.

CUT TO:

Richie and Royal looking at an impressive monument in the middle of the cemetery. An inscription says:Veteran of Two Wars. Father of Nine Children.Drowned in the Caspian Sea.

ROYAL
That's a hell of a damn grave.

Richie nods.

ROYAL
I wish that were mine.

They start walking. Royal sighs.

ROYAL
It's a shame, isn't it?
RICHIE
What?
ROYAL
You probably had another good two to three years of competitive play in you.

Richie nods.

ROYAL
Why'd you choke out there that day, anyway?
RICHIE
(shrugs)
I don't know.

INSERT:

A television set tuned-in to Richie's match against Sanjay Gandhi. Richie stands at the baseline and prepares to serve.

ANNOUNCER
Tenenbaum to serve.

( Richie hesitates. He looks into the stands.

ANNOUNCER
A slight disturbance in the stands. What's going on over there,Tex?

Margot and Raleigh, holding hands,hurry to their seats in a courtside box.

TEX HAYWARD
That's Tenenbaum's sister,Margot, and her new husband, Raleigh St. Clair.They were just married yesterday,Jim.
ANNOUNCER
Well, I guess that gives them an excuse for being late.

Richie stares at Margot and Raleigh.Raleigh kisses Margot on the neck. Richie looks to Chas,with Rachael, Ari, and Uzi. He looks to Etheline. He looks to Royal in a lonely seat up in the nosebleed section.

Richie serves suddenly,underhand, barely tossing the ball into the air. Gandhi easily wins his return.He looks confused. A murmur goes through the crowd.

ANNOUNCER
That was odd.

Richie takes off his shoes.

CUT TO:

Royal and Richie standing together.

ROYAL
Something must've fucked-up your mental game, I guess.

Richie nods. Royal kicksa pebble on the ground.

ROYAL
Maybe there's just too much friction in this family.
CUT TO:

Margot sitting alone on a moss-covered rock next to a white stone cross. Richie walks over and stands beside her.

MARGOT
I read that letter you sentto Eli.
RICHIE
(pause)
What _letter?
MARGOT
The letter from the ship. The letter where you said --
RICHIE
Don't misquote me. That's out of context.

Margot reaches into her pocket.Richie says incredulously:

RICHIE
He gave you my letter?

Margot nods. She takes the letter out of her pocket.A pack of cigarettes falls out of her pocket onto the ground.Margot and Richie look at it.

RICHIE
You dropped your cigarettes.
MARGOT
Those aren"t mine.
RICHIE
Well, they just fell out of your pocket.

Margot picks up the pack of cigarettes and puts it back in her pocket. She looks to Richie. She holds up the letter.

MARGOT
Anyway, you want to talk about this?

Richie looks down at the ground.

RICHIE
Not really.
CUT TO:

Royal scraping some dirt off Rachael's gravestone withhis foot. He looks to Chas.

ROYAL
You still got that little B.B. in your hand?

Chas holds up his hand and shows Royala little round bump in between two knuckles. Royal taps it with his finger. It moves slightly.

CHAS
Why'd you shoot me?
ROYAL
(pause)
Well, that was the object of the game, wasn't it?
CHAS
No. We were on the same team.
ROYAL
Well, you sued me. Twice ..Andgot me disbarred. But I don't hold it against you, do I?

INT·.·CONFERENCEROOM. DAY

The offices of a multinational corporation.Eight businessmen in suits sit at a long table. Royal is one of them.Chas is another. A sign on the wall says Chas Tenenbaum Securities.

BUSINESSMAN
Are you suggesting we fire your son from the board of directors?
ROYAL
In so many words, yes.

Everyone looks to Chas. Chas sighs.He withdraws several envelopes from his briefcase and begins to circulatethem around the room.

CHAS
Gentlemen, I think you'll find these documents implicate Mr. Tenenbaum in income tax violations dating from 1972 to 1988.
ROYAL
Goddammit.

CUT To·:

Royal and Chas standing with Ari and Uzi.

ROYAL
You think you could start forgiving me?
CHAS
Why should I?
ROYAL
Because you're hurting me.

Chas turns and walks away.Uzi looks to Royal.

UZI
Were you in prison?
ROYAL
Not really. Minimwn security. Let's split.

Ari and Uzi follow Royal as he starts across the cemetery. Royal yells to Richieand Margot:

ROYAL
Come on! Let's shag ass!
59

INT.·RALEIGH ISLABORATORY.DAY

Raleigh and Dudley each have a set of building blocks in front of them. Raleigh's are arranged in the shape of a symmetrical cross. Dudley's are strewn out randomly.Raleigh holds a piece of cardboard vertically in between them.He lifts it and reveals his blocks to Dudley.

RALEIGH
All right, Dudley.Make yours look like mine.

Dudley studies Raleigh's blocks for a minute and slowly begins to rearrange hisown. Raleigh picks-up the telephone receiver and dials anwnber.

RALEIGH
Hello. It's Raleigh St. Clair again. Is Margot available?
(disappointed)
I see. Uay I ask, did she receivemy previous messages?
(more disappointed)
I see. No, that's quite all right.

Raleigh hangs up the telephone.He looks miserable.

DUDLEY
Done.

Raleigh examines Dudley"s blocks.They have been arranged into the shape of a lopsided octagon with branchescoming out of it. Raleigh begins to laugh quietly.He shakes his head. There are tears in his eyes.

RALEIGH
My goodness. How interesting. How bi~ar;-e.
60

INT. ELI CASH'S HOUSE. DAY

Eli walks into the vestibule smoking a joint which he keeps in his mouth at all times like a cigarette.He opens the front door. Richie stands on the top step.

ELI
Oh, my Lord. Look at you.

Eli embraces Richie. They smile sadly at each other.

CUT TO:

Richie and Eli walking into the frontroom of the house. It is furnished like a house in the English countryside,with antiques and potted flowers and old rugs.

RICHIE
Did you show·Margot that letter I wrote to you?
ELI
(hesitates)
Why? Did she mention it?

Richie does not respond.

ELI
Yes, I did.
RICHIE
Eli, that was meant to be just between you and me.
ELI
I know. I"m sorry. Why would she have told you about that, I wonder?
RICHIE
Well, I would ask you the same question.
ELI
(pause)
Rightly so.
61

INT. STUDIO. DAY

Richie and Eli walk into the next room. Eli's wife,Sabrina, is painting in her studio. She is very beautiful and wears

spectacles anda white sari. She is barefoot. Classical music plays quietly onthe record player.

ELI
Sabrina?

Sabrina does not look up. She seems irritated.

SABRINA
What?
ELI
Look whatI found on the doorstep.

Sabrina looks to Richie. She is only mildly surprised.She has an English accent.

SABRINA
Hello, darling.

Sabrina·hugs and kisses Richie.

ELI
Charlotte? Stetson? Say hello to Uncle Richie.

( There are two children in the corner. Stetson is six.He works at a spinning potter's wheel, molding a hunk of clay. Charlotte is five. She is painting a set of teacups.She has a cast in a sling on her arm. They are both blond and fair.

The children do not respond to Eli. Eli does not appear to notice this, as he is the process of re-lighting his joint.

RICHIE
How'd she break her arm?
ELI
(sadly)
I felldown the stairs w:i.t.hher.

Richie looks disturbed. He notices a nude, teenaged girl standing on the table.She has a deep tan, except where she wore a bikini. She is Sabrina's model, Cinnamon.

ELI
That's Cinnamon.Hello, Cinnamon.

Cinnamon looks at Eli coldly.

62

INT.ELI'S STUDY. DAY

Eli sits on acouch across from Richie. They are both drinking wine.There is a large zip-lock bag of marijuana on

the table.There is a large, disturbing painting on the wall of five men wearing African masks and sitting on dirt-bikes.

Silence.

ELI
What'd you say?
RICHIE
(pause} Nothing.
ELI
Hm? What?
RICHIE
I didn't say anything.
ELI
When? Right now? {laughs) I'm sorry. Don't listen to me.
(barely audible:)
I'm on mescaline. I've been spaced-out all day.

Eli pours himself another glass of wine.

RICHIE
Did you say you"re on mescaline?
ELI
I did, indeed.
RICHIE
Right now?
ELI
Right now, indeed.

Richie reflects on this for a moment.

RICHIE
How often do you --
ELI
I"m worried about you, Richie.
RICHIE
(pause)
Why?
ELI
Well, actually, Margot is, for some reason. But I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her.

Richie nods.

ELI
She's married, you know.
RICHIE
Yeah.
ELI
And she's your sister.
RICHIE
(quickly)
Adopted.

INSERT:

Page 112 of The Royal Tenenbaums. Itsays Chapter Five.

63

INT. LOBBY. DAY

The Lindbergh Palace Hotel.Royal comes in through the revolving doors.He freezes.

A large nwnber of trunks,suitcases, and boxes are stacked and piled on four carts next to the front.desk.There are also several dozen hanging garments on a rack with wheelson it. A bellboy rolls a fifth cart next to the others.The manager and his assistant appear.

MANAGER
Good afternoon, Mr. Tenenbaum.

Silence. Royal studies his possessions.The bellboy, the manager, and his assistant watch Royal awkwardly.

ROYAL
Where're my encyclopedias?
MANAGER
They've been placed in storage.
ROYAL
(shaking his head)
Damn you. You're taking my encyclopedias. This is humiliating.
MANAGER
I'm sorry, Mr. Tenenbawn. Would you like some assistance with --
ROYAL
Where am I supposed to go? You're turning me into a goddamn hobo.
MANAGER
I'd be happy to make a reservation for you at another hotel.
ROYAL
You son of a bitch.
MANAGER
Frederick? Would you assist Mr. Tenenbaum, please?
BELLMAN
Of course.

The bellboy begins to roll one of the carts across the lobby. Dusty, the elderly elevator operator,appears at Royal"s side. He and Royal look at each other sadly.

ROYAL
Hello, Dusty.
DUSTY
Hello, sir.
ROYAL
Spot me a quarter, will you?
DUSTY
Of course . .
64

INT. TELEPHONE BOOTH. DAY

Royal places a call from the lobby.

ROYAL
Richie? It's your dad.
65

INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT

Etheline, Henry, Chas, Margot,Richie, Ari, and Uzi sit at the table while Pagoda serves dessert.Richie is eating some grapes.

RICHIE
I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on, and maybe lonelier than he even·realizes.
ETHELINE
That's probably true.
MARGOT
Have you spoken to him about this?
RICHIE
Briefly. And he agreed that --
CHAS
I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
RICHIE
(pause)
That he come here and stay in my room.
CHAS
Are you out of your mind?
RICHIE
No, I'm not.
(ignoring Chas)
Anyway, I think he'd be much more comfortable here than he would be in a hospital or his hotel room, and --
CHAS
Who gives a shit?
RICHIE
(steely)
I do.
CHAS
You poor sucker. You poor, washed-up poppa•s boy.

Henry puts his hand gently on Chas'arm.

HENRY
All right. Let's not get out of hand.

Chas jerks his arm away.

CHAS
Don't get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter.
MARGOT
Don't talk to him like that.
HENRY
Please, call me Henry.
CHAS
I prefer Mr.Sherman.
ETHELINE
Call him Henry.
CHAS
Why? I don't know him that well.
ETHELINE
You've known him for ten years.
CHAS
As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes.
(pause)
All right. Henry.
ARI
Where are YQl.lgoing to sleep?
RICHIE
I'll just camp-out upstairs.
UZI
We brought an extra sleeping bag you can use.

Chas pounds the table with his fist and says loudly:

CHAS
I won't have my children living in the same house as that man!
ARI
we don't mind, Dad.
UZI
we like him.

Chas looks shocked and then revolted.

CHAS
It's not your decision.
ETHELINE
Nor is it yours.
RICHIE
Look. If he doesn't
CHAS
(intensely)
It's not going to happen.
ETHELINE
I'll be the judge of that.
RICHIE
Well, he's already up there.

Silence.

RICHIE
I think he's asleep,because of the medication he's on.But I guess you can wake him up and throw him out.
(pause)
If Mom says it's OK.

Chas finishes his slice of pie.He gets up and goes calmly out of the room.

66

INT. RICHIE'SBEDROOM. NIGHT

Richie's room has been converted into a makeshift hospital room. Royal lies on an electric hospital bed.He has an I.V. in his arm and a tube in his nose.There are several monitors and machines breathing and humming.There are numerous bottles of pills and medicineson the nightstand. Pagoda has on a surgical mask and scrubs.

Chas stands in the doorway.Richie is behind him.

CHAS
Get out.

Silence. Royal nods.

ROYAL
All right. Let me just collect my things.

Royal sits up on the edge of the bed.He is dressed in a hospital gown.

ROYAL
Would you mind handing memy cane, Richie?

Richie hands Royal his cane.Royal struggles to his feet. He takes the I.V. out of hisarm.

ROYAL
Let's see, now. Where's my suitcase?

Royal's knee gives out. He staggers a step.He grips the back of a chair and looks to Richie with a surprised expression. He collapses onto the floor. He produces a wooden spoon, which he takes between his teeth.

RICHIE
Dad?

Richie and Pagoda rush over and kneel on the floor beside Royal. Chas frowns. Richie yells out the door:

RICHIE
Mom!
ROYAL
Grab me a nembutol, son.

Richie runs to the nightstand and pops open a bottle of pills. Chas looks down at Royal.

CHAS
Are you OK?

Royal takes the spoon out of his mouth.

ROYAL
What do you care?

Richie gives Royal a pill with a glass of water.Etheline comes to the door.

ETHELINE
Oh, my goodness!
ROYAL
Pagoda. Call Dr. McClure.
CUT TO:

Forty-five minutes later. Royal is back in bed.He is being examined by Dusty, the elevator operator from the Lindbergh Palace. Dusty is dressed in a white lab coat.He checks Royal's pulse while everyone watches.

67

INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT

Dusty speaks with the Tenenbaums_in the hallway outside Richie's bedroom.

68

DUSTY.

His condition is stable. The attack was just a side-effect. I recommend that you push.fluids and continue the cancer medication.

Dusty's beeper goes off. He looks at it.

INSERT:

Dusty's beeper. It has a digital message on it:

Smittyworkeda doubleyesterday.Can you sub forhim tonight?

CUT TO:

Dusty pushing a button on his beeper.

CHAS
Can we move him?
DUSTY
Absolutely not.
CHAS
For how long?
DUSTY
We'll have to wait and see.
69

INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM.NIGHT

Etheline sits next to Royal's bed.Pagoda brings Royal a cheeseburger in an aluminum foil wrapper.

ROYAL
Pagoda is in possession of a parcel that contains my will and some instructions regarding the funeral, including my epitaph, for when the time comes.

Etheline nods.

ROYAL
Proofread it for me before they carve it on the headstone, OK?
ETHELINE
OK.

r

71

R

ROYAL
I never did stop loving you,by the way. Do yau believe that?
ETHELINE
Not really. I'm sorry.
ROYAL
Don't apologize. It'snot your fault.
ETHELINE
I know it's not,Royal.
ROYAL
You look terrific.That dress is stunning.
ETHELINE
Thanks.

Royal raisesan eyebrow. Etheline shakes her head and goes out of the room.Royal unwraps his cheeseburger and takes a bite. He hesitates.

Henry is standing in the doorway.He walks away.

CUT TO:

An hour later.Royal lies in bed, drinking a milkshake, reading a spy novel.Chas appears in the dooi:way.

CHAS
Lights out, old man.

Chas turns out the light.

ROYAL
I was going to read for a little bit, Chas..
CHAS
Sorry .. 11: 30.Lights out.
ROYAL
I'm in the middle ofa sentence.
CHAS
Have to finish it up in the morning. Them"s the rules.

Silence.Royal says in a quiet, strangely upbeat voice in the darkness:

ROYAL
Good-night, m'boy.

Chas hesitates. He closesthe door.

72

INT. BALLROOM.NIGHT

The ballroom on the top floor of the house.There are chairs and tables with sheets over them lined-up along the walls. Near the center of the room,there is a yellow nylon pup- tent. The room is dark except for alamp glowing inside the tent.

73

INT. TENT.NIGHT

There is a boy scout sleeping bag on an air mattresson a cot inside the tent.There is a photograph of the Tenenbaum family taped to the nylon wall.There is a small table with a stack of books and some of Richie's soldierson it. Richie lies on'the cot reading acopy of Three Plays by Margot Tenenbaum.

Chas comes into the tent.Richie looks up, startled.

CHAS
Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh?
RICHIE
{pause) He's your Dad, too,Chas.
CHAS
No, he's not.
(pause)
You really hate me,don't you?
RICHIE
{puzzled) No, I don't. I love you.

Chas looks disturbed by this.

74

CHAS

Well, I don't know what you think you're going to get out of this.But believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.

RICHIE
I don't want to hurt you,Chas. You're my brother, and I love you.
CHAS
(gritting his teeth)
Stop saying that.
75

INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM. DAY

The next morning. Royal sits on the windowsillsmoking a cigarette. There is a knock on the door.Royal hesitates. He throws his cigarette out the window.

ROYAL
Who is it?
PAGODA
(through the door)
I have the breakfast.

Royal looks out and sees Eli below,climbing out a window on the second floor. Royal frowns.He looks to the door.

ROYAL
Get in here. Quick.

Pagoda opens the door. He comes in carrying a tray with a bowl of.cream of wheat on it.

ROYAL
Look at this shit.

Royal looks back ou~ the window.Pagoda goes to his side. Eli drops to the sidewalk. He sees Royal's cigarette burning on the ground. He steps on it.He looks up to Royal. Their eyes meet.

Eli runs away. Royal shakes his head.

INSERT:

An article on Eli in the Sunday magazine section.The headline says Where the Wild Things Are.There is a photograph of Eli in the desert holding a dead rattlesnake by the tail in each hand. There isa note stapled to the top of the ar~icle. It says:

Dear Mrs.Tenenbaum, Just in case you missed it.Love,Eli.

CUT TO:

Margot and Etheline sitting together in Etheline's study. Margot is reading Henry's book,Accounting for Everything. Etheline is reading the articleon Eli. Margot looks at it.

MARGOT
Did Eli send you that?
ETHELINE
(nods)
He always sends me his clippings.
MARGOT
(incredulous)
What for?
ETHELINE
I think he just likes the encouragement. He"s done it for years.He used to send me his grades in college.
MARGOT
(frowns)
That's ridiculous.

There is a rap on the glass.Margot and Etheline look up. Raleigh is standing in the window.He looks miserable.

76

EXT. GARDEN.DAY

The backyard.Margot and Raleigh sit at a metal table drinking tea.

RALEIGH
How is he?
MARGOT
Hard to say. He looks fine,but apparently it's terminal.
RALEIGH
Yes. Well, perhaps he'll pull through.

Margot shrugs.

RALEIGH
How long do you intend to stay here?
MARGOT
I don't know.
RALEIGH
I'll rephrase the question.Are you ever coming home?

Silence.Margot says gently:

MARGOT
Maybe not. But --
RALEIGH
You're joking.
MARGOT
No. But
RALIEGH
I want to die.

Raleigh crumples into a ball on the ground and stays there. Margot puts her hand on his back.

MARGOT
Raleigh,please. For God's sake. Let's just --

Raleigh sits up suddenly.

RALEIGH
Have you met someone else?
MARGOT
(pause)
I couldn't begin to even think about knowing how to answer that question.

Raleigh stands up and walks away.Margot sits alone in the garden.

77

INT.HALLWAY. DAY

Royal waits at the top of the stairs as Margot comes up.

ROYAL
I don't like the way you"re treating Raleigh.
MARGOT
What are you talking about?You don't even know him.
ROYAL
I've met him.And I don't think he deserves
MARGOT
Get out of the way.

Margot pushes past Royal.

r ROYAL '

You're two-timing him with that bloodsucker Eli Cash.

Margot stops. She stands still with her back to Royal.

ROYAL
It's not right, dammit. You used to be a genius.

Margot looks back to Royal strangely.

ROYAL
Or, anyway, that's what they used to say.

Margot nods. She goes into her room and closes the door.

78

EXT .. ROOF.DAY

Raleigh. stands at the edge of the roof looking down to the ground while Richie cleans his falcon'scoop.

RALEIGH
My marriage is failing,Richie.

Richie looks to Raleigh.He hesitates.

RALEIGH
I know you've always been terribly close to Margot, and perhaps you understand her better than anyone.
RICHIE
I doubt it.
RALEIGH
Nevertheless, may Iconfide in you?
RICHIE
(pause)
OK.
RALEIGH
I believe she's having an affair.

Silence. Richie comes out of the coop and goes over to Raleigh.

RICHIE
Are you sure?
RALEIGH
Yes.

· RICHIE I see.

RALEIGH
I'm utterly devastated. I don't know where else to turn. Will you advise me?
RICHIE
I don't know. What do you want to do?
RALEIGH
Well, I thought, perhaps --
RICHIE
Find the guy and get him?
RALEIGH
(pause)
Well, no. I thought we might --

Richie punches his hand through the attic window.Raleigh looks shocked. He stares at Richie's bloody hand.

RICHIE
Who do you think it might be?
RALEIGH
I don't know, at the moment.
(pause)
I believe I'll take my leave.
79

INT. CHAS' BEDROOM. DAY

Royal looks in the doorway to Chas'room.

There are five computers, four telephones,a Xerox machine, and a television and V.C.R. on a cart.Three secretaries make copies and take messages. Chas is on the telephone.A messenger waits for him to sign a document.

Ari and Uzi sit working with a calculator and a ledger pad at a small desk in the corner. Royal says tothem:

ROYAL
Let's get some firecrackers and go to the --

Chas covers the receiver with his hand.

CHAS
What do you need?

r

ROYAL
(hesitates)
Nothipg. You got them crunching numbers for you, huh?
CHAS
(into the telephone)
Buy it when it hits seventeen and three quarters.
80

INT. ETHELINE'S STUDY.DAY

Etheline sits at her desk writingnwnbers on little bits of pottery and recording it in a notebook.Royal stands in the garden, looking in the window.His I.V. bag hangs on a rolling stand beside him.

ROYAL
Chassie's got those boys cooped-up like a pair of jackrabbits, Ethel.
ETHELINE
He has his reasons.
ROYAL
I know it. But you can't raise boys to be scared of life. You got to brew some recklessness into them.
ETHELINE
I think that's terrible advice ..
81

INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM.DAY

Royal listens to Ari over the intercom whilePagoda does yoga exercises in the corner:

ARI
We take boxing and self-defense class.

Royal pushes a button to talk.

ROYAL
I'm not talking about dance lessons.I'm talking about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield. I'm talking about taking it out and chopping it up.

Silence. Ari says over the intercom:

• 73.

ARI
What do you mean?

MONTAGE:

(Royal,Ari, and Uzi laugh continuously throughout the following montage.)

Royal,· Ari,and Uzi jump off the roof of a three-story building into a swimming pool.

Royal, Ari, and Uzi race go-carts around crates in a busy warehouse.

Royal, Ari, and Uzi jaywalk through heavy traffic.

Royal, Ari, and Uzi feed breadcrumbs to a tiger in acage at the zoo.

Royal, Ari, and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding garbage . truck.

82

EXT. STREET. DAY

Royal, Ari, Uzi, and Pagoda are at the dogfights.Pagoda throws a fifty dollar bill into a pile of money on the sidewalk. Ari and Uzi each throw in a dollar.Royal motions to Pagoda.

ROYAL
He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
ARI
Who stabbed you?

Royal.motions to Pagoda again.

ROYAL
He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.
83

INT. CHAS' BEDROOM. DAY

The three secretaries are still at work,and Chas is on the telephone. He sees Royal, Ari,·and Uzi walking by in the hallway. Royal rolls his I.V. next to him.Chas hangs up the telephone.

CHAS
Where've you been?

Chas goes to the.doorway.He glares at Ari, Uzi, and Royal.

ROYAL
Just stepped out to get some air.How"s the --
CHAS
(concerned)
What's that?

Chas points to a spot of dried blood on Uzi'sforehead.

ROYAL
Holy shit. That's not --What is that?

Royal licks his finger and rubs away the blood.

ROYAL
No. That's dog's blood.

Chas frowns.He looks to Royal. Royal hesitates. Chas grabs Royal by the arm and pulls him into the closet across the hall.

84

INT. CLOSET.NIGHT

Chas closes the door and turnson the light. There are hundreds of board games,most of which are about thirty years old, in shelvesup to the ceiling.

CHAS
Stay away from my children.Do you understand?
ROYAL
(looking around)
My God. I haven't been in here in years.
CHAS
(screams)
Are you listening to me?
ROYAL
Yes, I am. And I think you're having a nervous breakdown. I don't believe you've recovered from Rachael's death.

Chas hesitates.He turns off the·light, goes out of the closet, and closes the door.Royal stands alone in the dark.

85

EXT. PARK. DAY

Royal and Etheline walk along a path through the park.Royal rolls his hanging I.V. bag at his side.

ETHELINE
How are you feeling?
ROYAL
Oh, I"m having a ball. Scrapping and yelling. Mixing it up. Loving every minute with this damn crew.
(sincerely)
I'd like to thank you for raising our children, by the way.

·ETHELINE (surprised) You're welcome.

ROYAL
I'm not kidding.
ETHELINE
OK.
ROYAL
You always put them first, didn"t you?
ETHELINE
(shrugs)
I tried to. Lately, I feel like maybeI didn't do such a great job.
ROYAL
(steely)
I don't want to hear another goddamn word about that, Ethel. l.!,,mthe one that did it to them. Or, anyway, it's nobody's fault. The only person you neglected is yourself.

Silence. Etheline nods. She says suddenly:

ETHELINE
Well, why didn't you give a damn about us, Royal? Why didn't you care?
ROYAL
I don't know. But I'm ashamed of myself. {pause) I'll tell you one thing, though.You"ve
(more)

·ROYAL (cont'd) got more grit, and fire, and guts than any other woman I've damn met.

ETHELINE
(laughs)
Where'd you learn to talk like that?
ROYAL
(smiles)
Like what?
ETHELINE
These expressions you use.They've gotten stranger over the years.
ROYAL
I don't know what you're talking about. But I'll take it as a compliment.

They look at each other for along minute.

ROYAL
You're true blue, Ethel.You really are.
CUT TO:

( Henry with two bags of groceries in his arms,watching from behind a stone wall above the path.He listens as Royal says:

ROYAL
How's your love-life?
ETHELINE
(laughs)
None of your business.

Henry frowns.

86

EXT. SIDEWALK. EVENING

Etheline and Henry come down the front steps of the Tenenbaum house. Henry is dressed in black tie.Pagoda holds a cab for them at the curb.

HENRY
I want you to talk to Royal about us, Etheline.
ETHELINE.
I don"t think the timing's right for that, Henry.
HENRY
Well, I'd agree if I thought he was really going to die in six weeks.But I don't.

Etheline stops at the bottom of the steps.She frowns.

ETHELINE
I hope you're right.But I don't believe I'm going to join you tonight. I'll call you in the morning.

Etheline turns around and goesback up the steps. Henry watches her.Pagoda watches Henry. Etheline goes inside and closes the door.

87

INT.BATHROOM. NIGHT

Royal and Pagoda stand together in the bathroom drinking martinis and smoking cigarettes.Royal has a half-eaten cheeseburgerin his hand. He looks excited.

ROYAL
She said that?

Pagoda nods.Royal snaps his fingers.

ROYAL
We got him on the ropes.
88

INT.KITCHEN. DAY

The next morning.Henry stands at the counter reading The Wall Street Journal.He has on reading glasses. Royal comes into the kitchen eating a cheeseburger.Henry looks at him blankly.Royal sits on a stool.

ROYAL
Can I ask you something,Hank?
HENRY
(pause)
OK.
ROYAL
Are you trying to steal my woman?
HENRY
(pause)
I beg your pardon?
ROYAL
You heard me,Coltrane.

Silence.

HENRY
Coltrane?
ROYAL
What?
HENRY
Did you just call me Coltrane?
ROYAL
No.
HENRY
You didn't?
ROYAL
No.
HENRY
(pause)
OK.
ROYAL
But if I did?

Silence. Henry waits for Royal to continue.

ROYAL
You wouldn't be able to do anything about it, would you?
HENRY
You don't think so?
ROYAL
No, I don't.
HENRY
(raising his voice)
Listen here, Mr. Tenenbaum.
ROYAL
You want to talk some jive?

Henry hesitates. He looks puzzled.

ROYAL
I'll talk some jive with-you.

Royal stands up. He yells:

ROYAL
I'll talk some jive like you never heard!
HENRY
(angrily)
Would you, really?
ROYAL
Right on!
HENRY
Sit down, sir.
ROYAL
What?

Royal starts doing a little dance in front of Henry.

ROYAL
What'd you say?
HENRY
(seething)
I said --
ROYAL
Oh, I heard you.
HENRY
(yelling)
Sit down!

Royal stops dancing.

ROYAL
I want you out ofmy house.
HENRY
This is nQt.your house ..
ROYAL
Don't play semantics with me.I want your raggedy ass --
ETHELINE '
What's going on here?

Henry and Royal look to Etheline.She stands in the doorway.

ROYAL
Nothing.

•Royal goes to the refrigerator and opens it.He takes out a jar of peanut butter and a jar of grape jelly.Etheline looks to Henry. Henry.walks out of the room.

89

INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM. DAY

Henry goes into Richie"s room and takes a bottle of Royal's pills off the nightstand. He goes back out of the room.

90

INT. TELEPHONE ROOM. DAY

Henry reads the label on the bottle of pills while he places a call.

HENRY
Hello. I'm calling in regards to a Dr. McClure. Yes. At Colby General. The name of the patient is Royal Tenenbaum.
91

INT. STAIRWAY. DAY

Henry goes up the stairs with a cold,determined look on his face. He has the bottle of pills in his hand.

92

INT. BATHROOM. DAY

Pagoda combs his hair in the bathroom.There is a knock on the door. Pagoda opens it. Henry stands in the hallway.He stares at Pagoda.

HENRY
How much is he paying you?

Pagoda looks scared.

INSERT:

A television set tuned-in to an interview show.The host is a tall; distinguished-looking man in his fifties.He is Peter Bradley. Eli is his guest. They sit at around table lit at the center of a pitch-black room.

ELI
Well, I grew up with the Tenenbaum family, you know.
PETER
They've come on hard times, haven't they?

Eli nods.

CUT TO:

Richie's room. Margot and Royal are watching Eli on television.

ROYAL
Bullshit. Change it.
MARGOT
Shh.

The door opens. Richie comes into the room.His hand is wrapped with bloody bandages. Margot looks concerned.

MARGOT
What'd you do to your hand?
RICHIE
Nothing.

Richie goes into the closet. Margot looks to Royal.Royal frowns. Richie starts to drag a large trunk out of the closet. Margot says more insistently:

MARGOT
What happened, Richie?
RICHIE
Nothing.

Henry and Pagoda come into the room. Henry goes over to the intercom and presses a button on it.

HENRY
Etheline? Would you mind coming up here for a minute, please?

Royal looks at Henry suspiciously.

ROYAL
What's cooking, Pops?
HENRY
You'll see.
ETHELINE
(on theintercom} OK.

INSERT:

Eli's interview on the Peter Bradley Show.

PETER
Now, your previous novel --
ELI
Wildcattin• .
PETER
Right. Not a success.Why?
ELI
Hm. Well, Wildcattin•was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular,much like the --

Eli freezes.He looks quickly across the room.

ELI
Holy shit.
PETER
(looking around)
What?

A look of sheer horror crosses Eli's face.He braces himself against the edge of the table.Peter looks concerned.

PETER
Are you all right?
ELI
(pause)
No.

Peter hesitates. Eli jerks free of his microphone,stands up, and walks off the set.Peter Bradley looks stunned.

CUT TO:

Everyone watching in Richie's bedroom.They also look stunned.

ROYAL
Son of a bitch. What the hell kind of way to act is that?
RICHIE
(pause)
He's on drugs.
MARGOT
(worried)
I'm going to call him.

Margot goes to the telephone.Etheline and Chas come into the room. Chas is eating asandwich. Ari, Uzi, and Buckley follow them.

HENRY
Hold on a minute,please. . .

Henry steps in front of the television set and turns it off.

HENRY
Pagoda has something to say.

Everyone looks toPagoda. Silence. Pagoda looks worried. He turns to Royal and points at him.

PAGODA
He has the cancer.
HENRY
(angrily)
No, he doesn't.

Royal sits up.Henry stares at Royal.

HENRY
I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it.And you don't eat three cheeseburgers aday with french fries when you've got it.The pain is excruciating.
ROYAL
How would you know?
HENRY
My wife had it.

Silence.Royal pulls out his I.V. and the other tubes that are attached to him.He goes into the bathroom and closes the door. Henry turns to Etheline.

HENRY
Not only is there no Dr.McClure at Colby General, there's no Colby General. It closed in 1974.

Chas crushes his sandwich in his hand.

PAGODA
Ah, shit, man.
ETHELINE
But why would he --

Chas slams his hand against the bathroomdoor as hard as he can. He sits down on the bed and picks up the phone.He places a call.

CHAS
Yes. Can you send a taxi to 111 Archer Avenue? Right away,please. Thank you.

Chas hangs up.Royal comes out of the bathroom. He is fully dressed in a suit,and he is zipping-up a small leather bag. He picks-up one of his bottles of pills off the nightstand and leaves the rest.He looks to Pagoda.

ROYAL
I guess we're back on the street, pal.

Etheline looks to Pagoda.She frowns. Pagoda looks uneasy.

ETHELINE
Were you a part of this?
HENRY
Of course, he was.
ETHELINE
(to Royal)
Was he?

Royal hesitates.He looks to Pagoda and says regretfully: r

ROYAL
Time to come clean.No more lies.

Pagoda stares at Royal bitterly.Chas shakes his head.

CHAS
You're a sick old man.
MARGOT
Not as sick as he looks.

Royal looks in the mirror.There are dark circles of eye make- up on his face.He removes it with a cotton ball and cold cream.

ROYAL
I do have high blood pressure.

Royal swallows one of his pills.He walks to the door with all of his possessions.He turns and stands in front of everyone.

ROYAL
Look. I know I'm the bad guy on this one, but I just want to say that the last six days have been the best six days of, probably, my whole life.

A strange, sad loo~crosses Royal's face.

NARRATOR
Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.
93

INT. HALLWAY.DAY

Royal comes out of Richie'sroom with his suitcases. He walks down the hall.Etheline says after him:

ETHELINE
Why'd you do this to us,Royal?

Royal stops and looks back to Etheline.

ETHELINE
What was the point?
ROYAL
(pause)
I thought maybe Icould win you back. Or, anyway, I thought maybe Icould get rid of Henry and keep things status quo.
ETHELINE
But we hadn't spoken in seven years.
ROYAL
(surprised)
Had it been that long?
ETHELINE
Yes.
ROYAL
(shrugs)
Well, I just didn't want to give you up. Plus, Iwas broke, and I got kicked-out ofmy hotel.
ETHELINE
(pause)
You're a bastard.
ROYAL
Iknow.
(pause)
It's funny.I never missed them before. I never missed my family, all these years. I'm being honest with you.
ETHELINE
That's very touching.
ROYAL
But I think I'm about to.

Etheline stares at Royal angrily,with tears in her eyes.

ETHELINE
Good-bye, Royal.

Royal turns and walks away.

94

INT. STAIRWELL.DAY

Chas stands at the bottom of the stairs and watches Royal come down the steps with his suitcases.Royal stops in front of him.

ROYAL
Take it easy on those boys,Chassie. I don't want this to happen to you.

Chas hesitates.Royal walks past him and goes out the front door.

95

EXT. STREET.DAY

Richie and Royal stand on the sidewalk. Royal's suitcases are beside him.Margot and Henry stand at the top of the steps, in the front doorway.

ROYAL
You know, Richie,this illness, this closeness to death. It's been very profound for me. I feel like a different person. I really do.
RICHIE
Dad. You were never dying.
ROYAL
Cs.miles) But I'm going to live.

Richie shakes his head.He turns away and goes up the steps, past Margot and Henry,into the house. Royal and Margot look at each other.Royal points to Henry.

ROYAL
He's not your father.
MARGOT
(pause)
Neither are you.

Margot closes the door. Royal puts his hands in his pockets. He stares into space. He begins to cry. A taxi pulls over to the curb. Royal waves to the driver.

The front door of the house opens. Royal looks back. Pagoda comes down the stairs with two suitcases. He looks furious.

ROYAL
How you doing, pal?

Pagoda drops his suitcases on the ground.

PAGODA
You son of a bitch.

Pagoda's teeth flash as he goes over to Royal and stabs him with a pocketknife. Royal screams. He clutches his side.He falls on the ground.

ROYAL
Goddammit! That's the last time I get knifed by you! You hear me?

Pagoda helps Royal to his feet. He collects his suitcases. Royal leans on Pagoda as they get into the taxi.Royal says to the driver:

ROYAL
The 375th Street Y, please.

INSERT:

Page 198 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says Chapter Seven .

97

EXT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY

A huge building that looks like a castle. A sign next to the door says 375th Street Y.

98

INT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY

An extremely small room with a low ceiling and a single bed. Royal stands in front of a mirror while Pagoda stitches-up the knife-wound in his side. He holds a bottle of iodine in one hand and a box of bandages in the other.

ROYAL
Everyone's against me.
PAGODA
You can"t blame them.man.
ROYAL
I know. But, dammit, Iwant to be loved by this family.

Pagoda pours some iodine~n a cotton ball and applies it to Royal's knife-wound.Royal grimaces.

ROYAL
How much money you got?
PAGODA
I don't have.
ROYAL
(frowns)
What do you mean? You•re broke?

Pagoda nods.Royal looks furious.

ROYAL
You got to be kidding me.How're we supposed to pay for thedamn room?

Pagoda looks up at Royal coldly.Silence.

ROYAL
All right. We'll figure something out.
99

EXT. BRIDGE.DAY

A footbridge over the river.Margot waits in the middle of the bridge. Eli walkstoward her from the opposite bank.·His face is smeared with dirt and traces of paint.His clothes look s~verelydishevelled. He stops a few feet away from Margot.

ELI
I'm not in love with you anymore.
MARGOT
I didn"t know you ever were.
ELI
Let's not make thisany more difficult than it already is.
MARGOT
OK.
ELI
OK, what?
MARGOT
OK, I'm not in love with you, either.
ELI
(pause)
I know. You're in love with Richie. Which is sick and gross.
MARGOT
Do you send my mother your clippings?

Eli hesitates.

MARGOT
And your grades in
ELI
Please, stop ridiculing me.

Eli turns away and looks sadly out at the river.Margot goes over and stands beside him. Eli shakes his head.

ELI
You never gave me the time.of day until I started getting good reviews.
MARGOT
Your reviews aren't that good.
ELI
But the sales are.
CUT TO:

A second-bridge, two hundred yards away.A large man in a coat.and tie takes photographs of Margot and Eli with a telephoto lens.

100

INT. PRIVATE DETECTIVE'S OFFICE. DAY

A small room on the thirtieth floor of an office building: Raleigh, Richie, and Dudley sit across a desk from the large man in the coat and tie. He is a detective.

DETECTIVE
How much do you already know, gentlemen?
RALEIGH
Very little, I assure you.
DETECTIVE
Would you like to examine the report?
RALEIGH
We would, rather.Yes.

The detective hands Raleigh a manila folder.He opens it and begins to read.Richie looks over his shoulder.

MONTAGE:

Margot at age twelve buysa pack of cigarettes. She smokes one in an alley next tosome trash cans while she reads a fashion magazine.

{In each of the followingimages Margot smokes a cigarette.)

Margot climbs out the window of a girls'dormitory. She carries a small suitcase.She shimmies down the gutter and runs across thelawn.

Margot dances with a torch in her hand among a group of rastafarians in Jamaica.There are dogs and goats running around and fighting.One of the rastafarians holds out a stick and Margotjumps over it.

Margot fishes off the back of a fishing boat with three elderly Mexican men.Margot laughs as one of the men helps her reel-in a blue marlin three feet long.

Margot stands in a pool of water facing a young tribesman in New Guinea.He has on warpaint and wears a large tusk in his nose.Margot kisses him on the mouth.

Margot opens awindow and looks out at the Eiffel Tower. She wears a bra and a slip.A topless girl appears next to her, eating a croissant.The girl puts her arms around Margot's waist,and Margot runs her hands through the girl's hair.

Margot sits in amake-up chair at a television studio. Peter Bradley comes up behind her and puts his hands down her shirt.Margot smiles at him mischievously.

Margot makes-out with:a blond teenager in the back seat of a taxi, a skinny guy with amohawk on a city bus, a tough- looking Irishman on the deck of a ferry,and Eli in a deserted subway train going full-speed at night.

CUT TO:

Raleigh turning to the last page of the report.He closes the folder and looks to Richie.Richie looks stunned. Silence.

RALEIGH
She smokes.
DETECTIVE
Yes.
101

INT. BASEMENT.DAY

Royal, Pagoda,Dusty, and the manager of the hotel sit at a table in the laundry room of the Lindbergh Palace.The manager is reviewing atypewritten document.

MANAGER
All right. Everything seems to be in order.
(looks to Royal)
I'll contact you in the next twenty-four hours.
ROYAL
I appreciate that.Which way are you leaning, by the way?
MANAGER
(pause)
I'll inform you ofmy decision at the appropriate time.
ROYAL
I get it.
(to Dusty)
Put in a good word for us,Dusty.
DUSTY
I already did.
102

INT. RALEIGH'SLABORATORY. DAY

Raleigh lies face-down on the couch with his head buried in the cushions.Dudley walks over to him with a box of building blocks. He says quietly:

DUDLEY
You want to play some word games or do some experiments on me or anything?

Raleigh answers without moving.His voice is muffled.

RALEIGH
No.

Richie walks by in a bathrobe.He carries a pair of scissors. He goes into the bathroom,closes the door, and locks it.

103

INT. BATHROOM.DAY·

Hot water runs full blast in the shower and the sink.Richie stands in the mirror.He holds a pair of scissors in his hand. He has clipped-off his beard and moustache.

He opens the medicine cabinet and takes outa can of shaving cream and a straight razor.He covers his face with shaving cream. He picks up the razor.He looks back in the mirror. He pushes his hand back through his hair,takes a deep breath, and says quietly:

RICHIE
I'm going to kill myselftomorrow.

Silence.Richie slices the razor deeply, four times, along his left forearm.Blood goes everywhere. He switches hands with the razor and slashes his other wrist.He sits down on the floor.

CUT TO:

The bathroom door slamming open.Dudley bursts into the room. He looks horrified.The floor is flooded with water and blood.Richie is slumped in the corner with his shower cap on and shaving cream all over his face.

Dudley screams hysterically.

MONTAGE:

Three paramedics race down a corridor pushing Richie in a gurney.Raleigh and Dudley run beside them. They are covered with blood.

Etheline hangs-up the telephone and runs into the hallway. She throws open the closet door and grabs her coat.

Henry comes out the front door of his building and runsdown the steps.He raises his arm to hail a cab.

Chas,Ari, and Uzi hold on as Anwar weaves the B.M.W. in and out of traffic.Buckley has his head out the window.

Margot bursts through the doors of the emergency room.She looks around frantically.She sees Dudley. She rushes over and grabs his arms.

MARGOT
Where is he, Dudley?
DUDLEY
(pause)
Who?
104

INT.HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY

Everyone is gathered around Richie in his hospital bed.His arms are covered with bandages.A doctor gives him an injection and says to Etheline:

DOCTOR
He'll probably sleep for several hours, and then I'll come back to check on him.

Etheline nods. She has tears all over her face.The doctor leaves the room.Margot holds Richie's hand.

MARGOT
How do you feel?
RICHIE
Fine,thanks.
ETHELINE
Are you in any pain?
RICHIE
Not really.
CHAS
Why 1 d you try to kill yourself?
ETHELINE
Don't press him right now.

Silence.

RICHIE
Iwrote a suicide note.
MARGOT
(pause)
You did?
RICHIE
Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.

Everyone looks slightly confused.

CHAS
Can we read it?
RICHIE
No.
CHAS
Could you paraphrase it for us?
RICHIE
I don't think so.
CHAS
Is it dark?
RICHIE
Of course, it's dark. It's a suicide note.
ETHELINE
All right. That's enough. The doctor said to let him sleep. Can we get you anything, Richie?

Etheline ~ooks to Richie. He is asleep with his mouth open and one of his bandaged arms hanging off the side of the bed.

105

INT. WAITING AREA. DAY

The corridor outside Richie's room.Etheline sits next to Henry. Henry fills out some insurance forms.Ari and Uzi sit on Chas' lap. Margot sits next to Raleigh.Raleigh stares into space.

RALEIGH
You've made a cuckold of me.

Everyone looks to Raleigh and Margot.Silence.

MARGOT
. I know.
RALEIGH
Many times over.
MARGOT
I'm sorry.
RALEIGH
And you've nearly killed your poor brother.
ETHELINE
What's he talking about?
MARGOT
It doesn't matter.
RALEIGH
She's balling Eli Cash.
HENRY
(uneasy)
All right, Raleigh. Let's not
RALEIGH
May I have a cigarette?
MARGOT
(pause)
What?
RALEIGH
Shall I repeat the question?
MARGOT
You don't smoke.
RALEIGH
(bitterly)
I bloody well know that.

Raleigh stares at Margot in silence.Margot sighs. Everyone watches as she reaches into her pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes. She givesone to Raleigh. He puts it in his mouth.

RALEIGH
And a light, please?

Margot takes out some matches and lights Raleigh's cigarette.

RALEIGH
Thank you.

Raleigh stands up and walks away,down the hall, out the door. Silence.Margot lights a cigarette for herself. Etheline looks disturbed.

ETHELINE
How long have you been asmoker?
MARGOT
(pause)
Twenty-two years.
ETHELINE
Well, I think you should quit.

Margot nods.

106

EXT.STREET. NI9HT

A gypsy cab stops in front of the hospital. Royal and Pagoda get out and walk quickly into the building. They are both dressed in hotel elevator operator uniforms.

107

INT.HOSPITAL. NIGHT

Royal speaks anxiously to a nurse at the registration desk. Pagoda stands behind him.

ROYAL
Richie Tenenbaum, please.
NURSE
Your name?
ROYAL
Royal Tenenbaum.

The nurse looks down at her registration book. She frowns. She looks back to Royal.

NURSE
I'm afraid visiting hours are over, sir.
ROYAL
(hesitates)
Why? What does it say there? They don't want me?
NURSE
I'm sorry.I have to refer you to Dr. Burroughs. He'll be in tomorrow afternoon.

Silence.

108

EXT.SIDEWALK. NIGHT

Royal and Pagoda stand in front of the hospital.Royal points to the edge of the roof.He sounds desperate.

ROYAL
I think if weshimmy up that gutter and jump across the window ledgewe can pry open the ventilation shaft and --
PAGODA
There he is,man.

Pagoda points to Richie standing on the corner trying to hail a taxi. He is dressed in surgical scrubs and bedroom slippers. Hi~ apns are covered with bandages.Royal looks puzzled. He calls out:

ROYAL
Richie?

Richie looks to Royal and Pagoda. He hesitates.

RICHIE
Hey.
ROYAL
Where're you going?
RICHIE
Why are you dressed in bellboy uniforms?

Royal looks down at his uniform. He looks back to Richie.He shrugs.

ROYAL
We landed an elevator operating gig over at the Lindbergh Palace, if you can believe it.
109

INT. GREEK DINER. NIGHT

Richie, Royal, and Pagoda sit at a booth in the window of a coffee shop. Royal looks exhausted and uncomfortable.

ROYAL
I have to say, you don't look half bad for a suicide.
RICHIE
Attempted suicide.
ROYAL
But I'm surprised they let you out so quick. I would've thought you'd lost some blood.

Richie shrugs. Silence. Royal frowns.

ROYAL
You're going A.W.O.L, aren't you?

Richie nods. Royal sighs.

ROYAL
This suicide business is the most goddamn poin~less thing you've done yet,Richie.

Royal looks upset. Pagoda puts his hand on Royal's shoulder. Silence.

RICHIE
So you're an elevator operator now.
ROYAL
(quietly)
Yeah. We just started,but we'll get a bump when we join the union.
RICHIE
What made you decide to do that?
ROYAL
Well, we're broke.But, in answer to your question, I guess I'm trying to prove I can pay my dues and what-not.
(pause)
I just hope somebody notices.

Richie nods.He stands up.

RICHIE
Well, I think I'll be heading home.
ROYAL
We'll ride with you,OK?
RICHIE
No, thanks.
ROYAL
(concerned)
Well, listen. Are you going to be all right?
RICHIE
Yeah.
ROYAL
Well, when can I see you again?You want to shoot-up to the dogfights this weekend?
RICHIE
I don't think so, Dad.

· ROYAL (pause) I guess Ideserve that.

Richie nods. Silence.

ROYAL
Take care of yourself, OK?
RICHIE
I will.

Richie walks away.

110

INT. BUS. NIGHT

An old city bus with trash on the floor and graffiti spray- painted on the walls. Richie sits in the back row and rides downtown.

111

INT. TAXI. NIGHT

An old gypsy cab with torn seats and a piece of cardboard taped-over over a broken window. Royal and Pagoda sit in the back seat and ride uptown.

112

INT. BALLROOM. NIGHT

The ballroom on the top floor of the Tenenbaum house.Richie walks in and sees the lamp glowing inside his tent.Margot calls out from inside:

MARGOT
Who's there?

Richie does not respond.

MARGOT
Hello?

Richie looks at the eighteen paintings of Margot hanging on the wall in the corner. He walks to the tent at the center of the room.

113

INT. TENT. NIGHT

Richie looks into the tent. Margot is sitting on the floor next to a record player smoking a cigarette.She has a Rolling Stones record in her hand. She looks startled.

RICHIE
What are you doing in my tent?
MARGOT
(hesitates)
Just listening to some records.

Margot puts out her cigarette. She seems worried.

MARGOT
I thought you were supposed to be in the hospital.
RICHIE
I checked myself out.
MARGOT
Well, shouldn't you be on some kind of suicide watch or something?
RICHIE
(pause)
Probably.

Richie goes into the tent and sits down Indian-style in front of Margot. Margot sighs. She puts on the Rolling Stones record. It plays quietly.

MARGOT
How many stitches did you get?
RICHIE
I don't know. You want to see?

Margot nods. Richie unwraps one of the bandages.His arm is covered with jagged, criss-crossing stitches and dried blood. Margot looks stricken.

MARGOT
That looks horrible.

Richie nods. He wraps the bandage back around hisarm.

RICHIE
Are you and Raleigh going to get back together?
MARGOT
I doubt it.
RICHIE
How about Eli?
MARGOT
No. I don't know what we were doing together, in the first place. Sometimes I
(more)
MARGOT (cont'd)
think maybe our family did more damage to him than we did to each other.

Richie nods.Ma~got sighs.

MARGOT
To tell you the truth,we mostly just talked about you.
RICHIE
(surprised)
You did?
MARGOT
Yeah. I guess that was the attraction, if you know what I mean.

Silence. Richie says quietly:

RICHIE
I have to tell you something. ..
MARGOT
What's that?
RICHIE
I love you.
MARGOT
~sadly) I love you, too.

Richie kisses Margot on the mouth,and she kisses him back. She puts her handson the back of his head. Richie pulls away from her and looks into her eyes.

RICHIE
I can't stop thinking about you.I went away for a year,and it only got worse. I don"t know what to do.I'm sorry.
MARGOT
It's OK. Let's lie down fora minute.

Richie lies down on the cot.Margot lies next to him and puts her arm around his shoulder.She smooths-back his hair. They listen to the music fora minute. Margot says quietly:

MARGOT
Why'd you do it?
RICHIE
(pause)
I don't know. It's hard forme to answer.

Margot nods. She looks at Richie's boy scout sleepingbag.

MARGOT
This is the same sleeping bag from when we went to the museum, isn't it?

Richie nods. Margot starts crying. Richie looks worried.

RICHIE
Don't cry, Margot.

Margot smiles. She kisses Richie's hand.

MARGOT
If we were from a normal family, none of this ever would've happened.
RICHIE
Probably not.
MARGOT
We're brother and sister, you know.
RICHIE
Not by blood.

Margot gets up and goes out of the tent.Richie sits alone for a minute. Margot looks back into the tent.

MARGOT
I think we're just going to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that,Richie.

They look at each other for a long minute.

MARGOT
OK?
RICHIE
OK.
MARGOT
Don't run away from me again.
RICHIE
I won't.

Margot goes out of the tent.

114

INT. KITCHEN. DAY

The next morning. Richie sits at the counter while Etheline makes some hot chocolate. Etheline wears a bathrobe.

RICHIE
I think I"ve been alone too much,Mom.
ETHELINE
I agree. But now you're going to stay with us for awhile, right?
RICHIE
Right.

Etheline pours two cups of hot chocolate.She sits down next to Richie.

ETHELINE
I think maybe we can all help each other a little bit now, don't you?
RICHIE
I hope so.

Etheline puts her arm aroundRichie'~ shoulder. Richie drinks a sip of his hot chocolate.

115

INT. ELEVATOR. DAY

The elevator at the Lindbergh Palace.Royal is dressed in his elevator operator unifoDn.He takes three well-dressed businessmen down to the lobby.The doors open. One of the businessmen hands Royala dollar as they walk out into the lobby. ·

ROYAL
Thank you, sir.

Royal sees Richie standing in front of the elevator.Royal looks surprised. He hesitates.

ROYAL
Going up?
RICHIE
Yeah.

Richie steps into the elevator.

ROYAL
What floor?
RICHIE
It doesn't matter.
ROYAL
Right away.

Royal closes the doors and pulls a lever. The elevator goes up. Royal stands with his back to Richie.

ROYAL
What brings you to these parts, Richie?
RICHIE
I need your help with something.
ROYAL
(turns around suddenly)
What'd you say?
RICHIE
I said --
ROYAL
(excitedly)
You got it!

Royal grabs a walkie-talkie out of his pocket and shouts into it:

ROYAL
Pagoda! Let's hit it!
RICHIE
I didn't mean right this second.

Royal throws the lever on the elevator and starts back down to the +obby, full-speed.

ROY1'-L
What's the situation? We got another casualty?
RICHIE
Yeah.
116

INT. ELI I SSTUDY.DAY

Eli sits on the couch in his study working on a jigsaw puzzle of the Beatles crossing Abbey Road. Two Middle Eastern men are chopping-up yellow powder on the table.Electronic music blastsfrom the stereo. ·

There is aknock on the door. Everyone looks up. Silence.

ELI
Yes?

The door opens and Richie looks inside. Eli and the Middle Eastern men stare at Richie. Eli has yellow powder on his nose. He says awkwardly:

ELI
Hey, Richie.

Richie walks into the room. Royal and Pagoda follow him.They are dressed in their elevator operator uniforms. Eli looks confused and uneasy.

RICHIE
We want to take you to get some help.

Royal looks to the Middle Eastern men.

ROYAL
Would you excuse us, please?

The Middle Eastern men hesitate.Pagoda points to the door. Sugar and the Middle Eastern men leave the room.

RICHIE
Where's Sabrina?
ELI
(pause)
They went back to England.

Richie nods. He sits down next to Eli.Royal and Pagoda sit across from them.

RICHIE
Are we still friends?

Eli seems embarrassed and hurt.

ELI
What do you mean?
RICHIE
Are we?
ELI
Of course. I can't believe you would ask me that.
RICHIE
It doesn't matter. I heard about you and Margot.

Silence. Eli gets up and goes over to the window.He looks out at the backyard. Richie goes over and stands next to him. Eli looks deeply depressed.

ELI
I'm sorry. I don"t know what to say.
RICHIE
You don't have to say anything.
ELI
(pause)
I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you know?

Richie nods. Eli looks to Royal. Royal nods and says quietly:

ROYAL
Me, too. Me, too.
ELI
But it doesn't mean what it used to, does it?

Richie shakes his head. Eli opens the window,reaches out, and picks a dead leaf off the branch of a tree.He looks to Richie.

ELI
Listen. I really appreciate you coming over here. I recognize that I have a problem, and I want to get better. It means a lot to me that you would do this. Let me just get my things.

Eli goes into the bathroom and locks the door.Pagoda goes over to. the window and looks out.He sees Eli running down the fire escape.

PAGODA
There he goes.

Royal and Richie rush over to the window.'l'hey watch Eli drop to the ground, run into the street,and hail a taxi. He has on socks but no shoes.

117

INT. ICE CREAM PARLOR. DAY

A room decorated like a birthday cake.Every booth is filled with divorced fathers and their young daughters.Margot sits across from Royal. Royal is dressed in his elevator operator uniform. A waiter stands next to them.

ROYAL
I want to order some ice cream for my daughter, please.What would you like, Margot?
MARGOT
I told you. Nothing.I only have five minutes.

Royal looks frustrated.Margot sighs.

MARGOT
I'll have a butterscotch sundae,I guess.

The waiter nods and walks away.Royal leans across the table and says urgently:

ROYAL
Can't somebody be a shit their whole life and want to repair the damage?I mean, I think people want to hear that.
MARGOT
Do they?

Royal nods.Silence.

MARGOT
You probably don't even know my middle name.
ROYAL
(pause)
It's a trick question.You don't have one.
MARGOT
. Helen.
ROYAL
(surprised)
That was mymother's name.
MARGOT
(sadly)
I know it was.
118

EXT. SIDEWALK.DAY

Royal stands on the sidewalk in front of the Tenenbaum house. He is dressed in his elevator operator uniform.He has bunch of white flowers in his hand.He throws a pebble at a window on the third floor.

Ari looks out the window. Royal smiles. Ari opens the window. Uzi appears beside him. Royal calls up to them:

ROYAL
.Anybody feel like grabbing a couple of burgers and hitting the cemetery?

Chas appears between Ari and Uzi. He looks down at Royal. Royai looks nervous.

ROYAL
Hey, Chassie. Let me give you my new pager number.

Chas closes the window.

CUT TO:

Royal putting his bunch of flowers on Rachael's grave.He stands alone with his hands in his pockets.He walks away.

119

EXT. STREET. DAY

Etheline and Henry come down the front steps of Henry's building. Royal is waiting at the bus stop on the corner, next to a small, Mexican man in a windbreaker and a tie. Royal has a large envelope in his hands. Etheline and Henry look at him warily.

ROYAL
I got you something, Ethel. Actually, I made it.

Etheline and Henry go over to Royal.Royal hands Etheline the envelope. She looks to Henry. Henry shrugs.She opens the· envelope. It contains a sheaf of typewritten documents.

ETHELINE
What's this?
ROYAL
A divorce.

Etheline looks to Royal. She says quietly:

ETHELINE
From you?
ROYAL
Yes.

r'\ Royal looks to Henry. Henry does notknow what to say. Royal motions to the Mexican man.

ROYAL
This is Sanchez. He's a notary public.
HENRY
(hesitates)
Hello.
SANCHEZ
Hello, sir.
ROYAL
If you'll just sign here, please,Ethel.

Royal hands Etheline a pen and points to a dotted line. Etheline signs.

ROYAL
And here.

Etheline signs.

ROYAL
And initial here.

Etheline signs. Royal hands the sheaf of documents to Sanchez. He puts several stamps and notations on it.A city bus approaches from the next block.

ROYAL
Here comes my bus. Thanks,Sanchez.
SANCHEZ
You're welcome.
ETHELINE
Are we divorced?
ROYAL
Almost. Sanchez just has to file the papers.

Royal signals to the bus driver.

· ROYAL I love you, Etheline. And congratu- lations, both of you.

Royal puts out his hand.Henry shakes it.

HENRY

I r' Thank you, Royal.

r' ' Royal smiles.He turns away suddenly, runs to the bus,and jumps inside.He looks back to Etheline. He yells:

ROYAL
Take back Pagoda, will you?

Etheline hesitates. She nods. The door closes.Etheline and Henry stand watching with Sanchez.

120

INT. ELI'S CAR. NIGHT

Eli drives through a tunnel at top speed in the middle of the night. He has on sunglasses, and he is covered with grass and dirt. Electronic music blasts from the stereo.He looks lost and sad.

CUT TO:

Page 230. It says Chapter Eight.

INSERT:

An invitation to Etheline and Henry's wedding in the garden at the house on Archer Avenue. It is nearly identical to the invitation on the cover of the first edition of The Royal Tenenbaums.

121

EXT. STREET. DAY

Ari, Uzi, and Pagoda stand in front of the house with Buckley, receiving the wedding guests.They help people out of their cars, give them programs for the ceremony,and direct them to the front door.

There are about fifty guests. They are all in black tie.Half of them are black and half are white.Among them are: the driver Anwar, the elevator operator Dusty,the hotel manager, the tennis player Sanjay Gandhi, the notary public Sanchez, the masseuse Meredith, Chas• secretaries,and the private detective.

Royal gets out of a gypsy cab. He smiles at Ari and Uzi.He hugs Pagoda and kisses Ari and Uzi on the tops of their heads. He looks around. He whispers:

ROYAL
I got you some jawbreakers.

Royal hands Ari and Uzi each a large purple and green-striped jawbreaker.They hide them in their jackets.

122

INT. RICHIE'S BEDROOM. DAY

A twenty-one-y~ar-old black Navy midshipman helpsHenry finish tying his bow-tie. The midshipman is Walter.Henry studies his tie in the mirror.

HENRY
It's slightly uneven.

Henry unties his knot and starts from scratch.Richie cracks open the door and looks into the room.

RICHIE
Henry?
HENRY
Corne in,Richie.

Richie comes into the room.

HENRY
Richie Tenenbaum, this is my son,Walter Sherman.
WALTER
Hello.
RICHIE
Nice to meet you, Walter.

Richie and Walter shake hands.Chas comes into the room.

RICHIE
This is my brother, Chas.
WALTER
Hello.
CHAS
(looks to Henry)
So you've been married before.
HENRY
Yes. I'm a widower.
CHAS
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
(pause)
You know, I'm a widower myself.
HENRY
I know you are, Chas.
123

INT. ETHELINE'S BEDROOM. DAY

Margot looks out the window at the guests arriving on the street while Etheline finishes her make-up.Margot has a white plastic inhaler in her mouth.

ETHELINE
What are you chewing on?
MARGOT
My nicotine inhaler. It's supposed to help me quit.
ETHELINE
Is it working?
MARGOT
No.
ETHELINE
(pause)
How do I look?

(' Margot looks to Etheline.Margot smiles. '

MARGOT
You look beautiful.
124

EXT. STREET. DAY

Royal stands on the front steps.He looks down at Ari and Uzi tying Buckley's leash around a pole.He holds the door open for two elderly women.

ROYAL
Good afternoon, ladies.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Thank you.

Royal hears someone's tires squeal around the corner.He looks down the block. Eli's car whipsthrough the turn onto Archer Avenue.

125

INT. ELI'S CAR. DAY

Eli's face is covered with Apache war-paint.He is dressed in black tie. He wears a distracted smile.He downshifts and punches it.

A car door opens about fifty yards in front of him.He veers towards it and clips it, snapping off his side-mirror.He holds up a fist in the air.He sees a telephone booth on the

other side of the street. He swerves and taps it,snapping off his other side-mirror. He whistles strangely.

Eli sees the Tenenbaum house ahead.His eyes narrow. He steers toward the house. He floors it.He whispers:

ELI
Here I come.

Ari and Uzi appear on the sidewalk. Eli panics.He cranks the wheel. His car skids, hits the curb,and goes into a spin. Eli screams.

Ari and Uzi freeze and stare at the car sliding out of control directly at them. Royal jumps over the side of the steps, grabs Ari and Uzi, and dives over the railing with them..Buckley is still chained to the pole.

Eli's car smashes into a mailbox,runs over Buckley, and slams into the front of the Tenenbaum house.Eli is hurled from the car, through a window, into the house.Mail goes everywhere.

126

INT. ETHELINE'S ROOM. DAY

Etheline rushes over next to Margot at the window.

ETHELINE
What was that?
MARGOT
Eli just crashed his car into the front of the house.
ETHELINE
Oh, my God.
127

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

Chas sprints down the stairs three at a time.He falls and bangs against the wall. He gets back up and keeps running.

128

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY

Eli sits on the floor, barefoot,covered in glass and debris. He is bleeding from a head wound.Several guests help him stagger to his feet. They look alarmed at his appearance, particularly the war-paint.

ELI
Where are my shoes?

Dudley finds one of Eli's shoes in the fireplace.He hands it to Eli. Eli puts it on.

129

EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY

The wedding guests quickly begin to come out the front door and gather around the smashed car.Chas runs down the steps. He yells:

CHAS
Where are you?

Royal stands up among the rubble,holding Ari under one arm and Uzi under the other. Chas runs over tothem.

ROYAL
They're OK, Chas.

Royal sets Ari and Uzi down.Chas grabs them. He examines them.

ROYAL
It's OK. They"re safe.
ARI
Dad, they ran over Buckley.
CHAS
They did?

Chas looks to Royal. Roy~lnods. He looks to the car.

ROYAL
I think we lost Buckley.

Ari and Uzi start to cry. Eli appears in the broken front window of the house.

ELI
Did I hit anybody?

Everyone looks to Eli.

ELI
Is everybody OK?

Eli sees Chas staring at him. Eli hesitates.He darts away from the window. Chas bolts up·the steps,banging his way through the crowd.

ROYAL
Chas! Wait!
130

INT. HALLWAY. DAY

Chas bursts into the house. He screams:

CHAS
Eli!

The guests panic as Eli jumps over a couch,knocks over a chair, and ducks into the kitchen.

131

INT. KITCHEN. DAY

Pagoda looks up from a tray of canapes he is preparing.He does not appear to notice Eli's strange appearance and injuries. He holds out one of the canapes to him.

PAGODA
This is the quail's egg.

Eli takes it quickly. Chas smashes open the door.Eli body- chec.ks him and breaks out of the room.They slam past the priest and knock him down the basement stairs.The wedding guests ~cream and yell and try to break it up or get away.

Eli slips out the back door and sprints into the garden.

132

EXT. BACKYARD. DAY

Eli runs to the back wall and tries the gate. It is locked. Chas tackles him hard. Chas grabs him by the arm,swings him around, and slams him against the wall. Eli yells.People rush into the backyard. Richie runs outside.

RICHIE
Chas !Don ' t!

Richie tri~s to pull Chas off Eli.Chas elbows Richie in the face. Richie falls backwards into the bushes.Chas picks up Eli and tries to throw him over the wall. Eli scratches and clutches.

ELI
Help! Please!

Chas yells insanely. He throws Eli over the wall.

Chas turns to look at everyone watchinghim. They look stunned. Chas breathes heavily. Richie sits up in the bushes. He has his hand over his eye.

RICHIE
Chas?

i r' Chas hesitates. He climbs over the wall.

133

EXT. NEIGHBOR'S YARD. DAY

Chas lands in the .flower bed,next to Eli. Eli is stretched- out on his back. He and Chas look at each other.Chas lays down in the flower bed. He seems drained. It is very quiet. They both stare up at the sky.

ELI
Did I hit the dog?
CHAS
Yeah.
ELI
(pause)
Is he dead?
CHAS
Yeah.
ELI
(pause)
I need help.
CHAS
So do I.

Walter looks over the top of the wall,down at Chas and Eli. They look up at him Walter looks back behind him and says to someone:

WALTER
Go around to the other side!
134

EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY

Henry and Royal run around the corner and up the steps ofa neighbor's house. Royal knocks on the front door.They wait. Royal looks to Henry.

ROYAL
I'm sorry, Henry. This is bullshit. It's a goddamn circus.

Henry smiles. He puts his arm around Royal's shoulder.Royal hugs him. The door opens. A small Asian woman in akimono looks out at them.

ROYAL
Can we get into your-backyard, ma"am?We got a couple of boys out there.
135

EXT. SIDEWALK.DAY

Raleigh and two_paramedics roll the priest on a gurney to the ambulance.Raleigh holds the priest's hand.

PARAMEDIC
I think he may•ve broken his ankle.
RALEIGH
That's not terribly serious,is it?
(to the priest)
Do you have an alternate?

The priest shakes his head.

136

EXT. SIDEWALK.DAY

There aretwo police cars, an ambulance, a tow truck, and a fire engine in front of the house. Eli is being questioned by a police officer.His war-paint is smeared, and there are several bandages on his head andarm.~.He looks very upset.

ELI
At which point Iapparently lost control of the vehicle,smashed it into the house, and killed that poor dog.

The police officer studies Eli's driver's license.

POLICE OFFICER
You're Eli Cash.
ELI
(pause)
I am, indeed.
POLICE OFFICER
You wrote Old Custer and Wildcattin'.
ELI
(pause)
You know my work?

Royal stands among a group of firemen with a dalmatian.

ROYAL
I think he's part mutt.What kind of papers you got for him?

One of the firemen shrugs.Royal points at the dalmatian.

ROYAL
Sparkplug. Sit.

The dalmatian sits. Royal looksimpressed.

Raleigh and Dudley stand next to each other wearing firemen"s helmets. Dudley'laughs crazily.

RALIEGH
What's so funny, Dudley?
DUDLEY
You look great!

Henry and Walter survey the scenefrom the smashed-out living room window.Walter points to the rubble.

WALTER
But these aren't structure-bearing elements, Dad.
HENRY
It doesn't matter. It'sstill best to file it under force majeure,and recoup the deductible.

Richie walksamong the agitated wedding guests with his hand over his eye.He goes over to Margot. Margot looks concerned.

MARGOT
What happened?
RICHIE
Chas elbowed me in the face.

Richie takes his hand away from his eye.His eye is scratched badly and looks terrible.Margot frowns.

MARGOT
Can you see out of it? .

Rich~e covers hisgood eye to test his bad eye. He nods.

Ari and Uzi try to look at Buckley under Eli's car as several firemen and tow truck drivers attach straps and chains to the wheels and axle.Etheline goes over to them.

ETHELINE
You boys come over here with me.
ARI
But Buckley's still under there.
ETHELINE
I know, but there's nothing we can do for him.

Etheline looks to Pagoda standing in the front door.

ETHELINE
Pagoda? Bring out some cake for Ari and Uzi.

Royal walks the dalmatian over to Chas.

ROYAL
I got you a new dog for the boys.

Chas looks at the dalmatian. He looks back to Royal.

CHAS
What's this?
ROYAL
I just bought him.
CHAS
You did?
ROYAL
Yeah.
(pause)
I'm sorry I let you down, Chas. All of you. I really am. I've been trying to make it up to you.

Silence. Chas nods. Royal holds out the leash.Chas takes it.

CHAS
What"s his name?
ROYAL
(quietly)
Sparkplug.
CHAS
(pause)
Thank you.
ROYAL
You're welcome.

Chas suddenly starts crying. He stares at the ground.

CHAS
We've had a rough year, Dad.
ROYAL
I know you have, Chassie.

Royal puts his hand on Chas•head. Chas looks to Royal and takes a deep breath.He nods. Royal watches as Chas takes the dalmatian over~o Ari and Uzi and talks to them quietly for a minute.Etheline stands beside them.

Uzi pets the dalmatian.Ari takes the leash. Etheline looks to Royal. She smiles.Pagoda comes down the steps with the wedding cake and sets it on top of a trash can.

CUT TO:

All of the wedding guests and firemen eating slices of the wedding cake. Everyone looks confused and disoriented. Royal- stands next to Henry and Etheline at the top of the steps.He turns suddenly and addresses the entire party:

ROYAL
May Ihave your attention, please? Can I have your attention for a moment?

Everyone quiets down and looks to Royal.

ROYAL
I'm, obviously,not an ordained minister or a justice of the peace.Or even a licensed attorney, at this point.But since Father Petersen's on his way to the emergency room,and we already cut the wedding cake, I'd like togo ahead and try to do this, if Imay.

A murmur goes through the crowd.Etheline looks to Royal curiously.Royal says to her:

ROYAL
Just stay with me.
(to the crowd)
We're here to celebrate the marriage of Henry Sherman and Etheline Tenenbawn. Now, I married Etheline myself once, several years ago.And I lost her, for a nwnber of reasons.And I guess you could say I lost everything, if you want to be heavy-handed about it.But I must say,
(to Etheline)
I'm glad to be here.I"m very happy for both of you.

Etheline and Henry smile,although they seem puzzled. Royal looks to Richie,Chas, and Margot standing together in the back of the room.Chas has his arm around Richie's shoulder.· Richie has a black eye.Margot has her inhaler in her mouth.

ROYAL
Anyway.
(quickly)
Etheline, do you take Henry to be your husband, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?
ETHELINE
(laughing)
I do.
137

EXT. GARDEN. DAY

Ari, Uzi, and Chas watch Royalthrow dirt onto a grave in the backyard. They have tears in their eyes.The dalmatian lies on the ground next to them.

NARRATOR
Royal dug a hole for Buckleybehind the garden shed, and buried him in acanvas duffel bag.

Chas hands Royal a bottle of scotch,and Royal takes a drink.

ROYAL
All right, boys. Say a prayer.

Ari begins, with a jawbreaker in his mouth:

ARI
Dear Lord.
138

INT. OFFICE. DAY

Henry and Etheline stand side by side in front ofa judge in a small.office with green carpet and an exercise bicycle. Henry has his left hand raised and his right hand on a bible.

HENRY
So help me God.

The judge holds the bible out to Etheline.She puts her hand on it.

NARRATOR
Etheline and Henry were legally married forty-eight hours later, in judge's chambers.
139

INT. THEATRE. NIGHT

A stage set for a play that appears to take place in a network of tree houses on a tropical island.A father introduces his daughter to a group of native tribesmen.

FATHER
This is my adopted daughter, Elaine Levinson.

The house is sold-out. Royal sits in the frontrow with the other Tenenbaums. He laughs quietly and shakes his head.The rest of the audience is silent.

NARRATOR
Margot"s new play, The Levinsons in the Trees, was produced at the Cavendish Playhouse.

Margot watches from the back of the theatre with her inhaler in her mouth.

NARRATOR
It ran for just under two weeks and received mixed reviews.
140

INT. AUDITORIUM. DAY

Brooks College. Raleigh and Dudley sit onstage at atable in front of an audience of students.Raleigh takes a question.

STUDENT
~an he tell time?
RALEIGH
Oh, my Lord, no.

Dudl~y shakes his head emphatically.

NARRATOR
Raleigh and Dudley went on a lecture tour to eleven universities in the promotion of their new book.

INSERT:

A copy of Raleigh's new book,Dudley's World. On the dust jacket there is a yearbook photograph of Dudley with his Henry Aaron-style glasses flipped-up.His expression is almost impossibly blank.

141

EXT. HOSPITAL.DAY

A resortcompou~d on the high plains. Eli practices with a lasso in front of several young addicts.He has stitches on his forehead.

NARRATOR
Eli checked himself into a rehabilitation hospital in North Dakota.

A tall, skinny, Native American man in his late forties walks over to Eli.He and Eli are dressed in matching deerskin jackets. Eli points to him.

ELI
This is my sponsor, Runs with Two Horses.
142

INT. ·375THSTREET Y.DAY

An indoor tennis court. Richie stands in the middle of a group of children dressed in tennis clothes.Ari and Uzi are among them. Richie demonstrates the continental style of grip tothem. Richie has a white gauze patch taped over his eye.

RICHIE
Laver used it.You know who Laver is?

Uzi steps up to the service line on the other side of the court. He bounces a ball and gets ready to serve.

NARRATOR
Richie started a program teaching competitive tennis to eight to twelve- year-olds at the 375th Street Y.

Uzi hits a fast serve to Richie"s forehand.Richie fires his return full-speed straight down the line.Uzi watches it race past him-.

143

EXT. STREET. DAY

Royal, Chas, Ari, and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding garbag~ truck. They are all laughing.

NARRATOR
Royal had a heart attack at the age of sixty-eight.
144

INT.AMBULANCE. DAY

Royal is strapped onto agurney with tubes sticking out of his arms and anoxygen mask on his face. Chas sits beside

him, holding his hand. The ambulance races full-speed up the wrong side of the s.treet.

NARRATOR
Chas rode with him in the ambulance,and was the only witness to his father's death.

Royal appears to be smiling underneath hisoxygen mask. He looks up at Chas. Chas puts his hand on Royal's cheek.Royal closes his eyes.

NARRATOR
In his will, he stipulated that his funeral take place at dusk.

INSERT:

Page ·258 of The Royal Tenenbaurns. It says Epilogue.

145

EXT. CEMETERY. DAY

Snow falls lightly, and the sky is getting dark.Everyone in the family is gathered around as Chas,Richie, Henry, Raleigh, Eli, and Pagoda lower the casket.They are all r-' bundled-up in coats and scarves.They step away from the " grave.

Henry stands next to Etheline.She takes his arm. Pagoda wears Royal's sunglasses.Tears stream down his face. Margot has her arm around Raleigh's shoulder.She smokes a cigarette. Richie stands next to Eli.He throws a white flower into the grave.The priest is on crutches.

Chas looks to Ari and Uzi standing afew yards away. He nods. Ari and Uzi fire several shots into the air with Chas'and Royal's old B.B. guns.

Royal's gravestone sits in a wheelbarrow next to a pile of dirt .. It reads Royal O'Reilly Tenenbaum(1932-2001).Epitaph: Died tragically rescuing his family from the wreckage of a destroyed sinking battleship.The priest reads this and frowns.

They all stand at the grave in silence fora minute before- they turn away and walk to their waiting cars.