The sky is just tur~ing grey-white. A cold wind is blowinc, ~canine
in the trees and swirling a fine haze of snow across the ope::valle;•
below. The guys all pile out in their totally wreckec tuxeccs and
cracked patent leather shoes.
STAN (cont)
This is not it! Definitely! This is not it, they changed it somehow.
MICHAEL
Why the hell should this be different from anything else?
AXEL
(ridintjover Michael)
You're full of shit, Stanley!
STAN
Who'd you say was full of shit?
AXEL
You're full of shit. You're always full of shit!
- They lock in a glare for a moment. Finally, Stan avo!ds Axel's eyes.
STAN
Holy shit, I'm starving!
AXEL
Fuckin' A.
There is a moment of tension. Then everyone begins eating colc bal-
oney, ripping slices of them out of half-dozen near frozen p~astic
packages, dipping them in a jar cf mustard and stuffing the~ down --
_everyone, except Nick. Mustard has dripped over everything, ?Otato
chips are littered everywhere and beers are being passed arc·.::-.d.Axel,
his mouth half-open, full of food, stares at Nick in wonder~e~t.
AXEL
Let me ask you a question, Nicky. How cone I never see you eat any- thing?
,...
I,
NICK
Sometimes I like tc starve myself -- keeps the fear up.
AXEL
It ain't natural. What do you say, John?
JOHN
(as Axel goes for his baloney)
That's mine!
AXEL
You want it?
JOHN
Damn right!
AXEL
Gimme a Twinkie, Mike.
MICHAEL
Here.
Axel tears off the wrapper, dips it in the mustard and glomps it
down.
JOHN
(disbelievingly)
That's mustard!·
AXEL
(mouth jam- med full)
What? •
JOHN
You just put mustard on your twinkie!
AXEL
(nods)
You sound like a traffic cop! Gimme another beer.
John just shakes his head.
STAN
(pointing to the location beside
C the road)
•Definitely! · Thisis not it!
I'm telling you, they changed
it!
AXEL
(unrelentingly)
You can't find your own ass with two hands!
STAN
(·shifting subject)
Jesus, it's freezing!
AXEL
Fuckin' A.
JOHN
(abruptly; remembering)
You know, we forgot to make a toast to Steven and Angela ...
They all meet in a look, stand silently for a moment frozen in tab-
leau in their crushed rented tuxedos at the side of the Caddy in the
snow, the icy wind beating at their clothes, the dark moun~ains rear-
ing themselves over them, the air filled only with the sound of wind.
Then they raise their beer cans, drink.
Suddenly, they all seem minuscule, overwhelmed by the massive, black
slopes looming up from the narrow road.
After·a moment of silence, Axel kicks the trunk oepn and they all be-
gin taking stuff out.
Michael strips down right where he stands, and begins putting on his
hunting clothes.
Axel and Stan grab their own gear and fc ,llowthe exarnplP.of:ack an~
..John, who are changing on the corner of ·:':1cseats.
Hunting gear is hanging all over the fe~~crs, bumpers, etc. They are
all fumbling, struggling, half-naked, half-insane figures...
JOHN
Whee-uu!
NICK•
Jesus! It's reallv freezing,
Mike!
AXEL
Fuckin' A!
•STAN
You know, you got a really
terrific vocabulary, Axel.
r
AXEL
\... Fuckin' A!
STAN
(shakes his head, then, to Michael)
Mikey, hey Mikey, you got any extra thermal socks?
Michael who is crouched down studying the hillside, looks over...
STA?l(cont)
(rummaging around in
the mess of sorry-
looking things he
has brought}
Never mind, Mike. Never mind.
I got 'em •..Where the hell are
my boots? Anyone · seemy boots?
•••Who the hell took my boots!
Stan begins plunging in the squashed baloney, crumpled tuxedo jackets,
potato chips, shoes, sleeping bags, etc.
,,..
OTHERS
Dickhead! Watch it!
l ...
STAN
Somebody took my boots... I bought 'em special. I know I brought my special boots.
Stan tears into the trunk again, comes up with nothing and is shiver-
ing now. It is very cold.
STAN (cont)
All right. All right, you guys. Whoever took my boots I want 'em back!
Michael, Nick, Axel and John stand by the roadside ~hile Stan is
still half in his tuxedo and patent leat~er dress shoes, draped only
in a gigantic red goose down vest that could only have come from
Axel. They have all seen this a million times, look at each other
and shake their heads. Michael's knapsack lies on the ground in
front of him and we can see that it contains an extra pair of Vibra~-
soled mountain boots.
AXEL (over)
I got a boot· for you, Stan.
(starts a move as if to kick)
Eere •.. right up your ass!
'....
STAN
(dancing c:,:ay from Axel's lethal kick)
Hey, Mikey, lemme borrow your spares, your extra pair.
MICHAEL
No.
STAN
(both hands in the air)
No?
MICHAEL
No.
The word hangs there in the air for a moment. There is a sudden
tension.
STAN
What do you mean, no?
MICHAEL
What I mean by no, Stan, is no.
STAN
Some fuckin' friend ... You're some fuckin' friend, Mike!
MICHAEL
You gotta learn, Stan. Every goddar:-.nedyearyoucome up here with your head up your ass--
AXEL
(interjecting)
Maybe the view looks better to him fro~ up there!
(laughs)
MICHAEL
(continuing over Axel)
You got no jacket, you got no pants, you got no knife and you got no boots. All you got is that stupid pistol you carry around like some wise guy cop. You think t~at's always gonna take care of you! That's what you always think!
4 3.
AXEL
What the hell, Mike, give him the boots.
MICHAEL
No. No boots. No nothin' ... No more.
STAN
You're a fuckin' bastard, Mike. You know that? You're a miser- able fucking selfish bastard!
MICHAEL
(snapping it out, jabbing his finger at the ground)
This is this, Stan. This isn't something else. This is this! This time you're on your cwn.
STAN
I fixed you up a million ti-mes, Mike!
(to the others)
I fixed him up a million times! I don't know how many times I fixed him up with girls, and nothing ever happens ...Zero!
(to Michael)
The trouble with you, Mike, no one ever knows what the hell you're talking about! "This is this"? What does all that bull- shit mean, "this is this"?
(turnsto""""°theothers for moral support)
I mean, is that.some faggot- sounding bullshit he's running down, or is that some faggot- sounding bullshit! And if it isn't, what the hell is it?
(to Michael)
You know what I think? There's times I swear I think you're a goddamn faggot!