McCoy stands over a blazing campfire. A covered pot
simmers on the coals. McCoy picks up a pan and bangs
on it with a spoon. He's slightly tipsy.
McCOY
(calling out)
Come and get it.
Camera pulls back to reveal Kirk and Spock two feet
away.
KIRK
Knock it off, Bones. We're right here and we're starving.
McCoy grins and crouches beside the covered pot. He
revels in their undivided attention.
SPOCK
Bi-podal seeds, Doctor?
McCOY
Beans, Spock -- but no ordinary beans. These are from an old Southern recipe handed down to me by my father. And if you turn your Vulcan nose at these, you're not just insulting me, you're insulting countless gener-ations of McCoys.
SPOCK
In that case, I have little choice but to sample your... beans.
McCoy ladles out the beans. Kirk tears into his. Spock
tries a forkful. He finds the taste strangely exciting.
SPOCK
Surprisingly good. However, it contains a flavoring I am not familiar with.
McCOY
That's the secret ingredient.
Spock eats with enthusiasm.
KIRK
Got any more of that secret ingredient, Bones?
McCOY
You bet your buns.
McCoy grins and pulls out a bottle of bourbon. Spock
stops in mid-chew and McCoy fills Kirk's cup.
SPOCK
Am I to understand that your secret ingredient is... alcohol?
McCOY
Bourbon, Spock. Kentucky bourbon. Care for a snort?
KIRK
Bourbon and beans. An explosive combin-ation. Do you think Spock can handle it?
McCOY
Couldn't possibly affect his Vulcan metabolism.
SPOCK
As you are so fond of pointing out, Doctor, I am half human.
McCOY
Certainly doesn't show.
SPOCK
Thank you.
McCOY
This guy never changes. I insult him and he takes it as a compliment.
(pouring himself another shot)
You know, the two of you could drive a man to drink.
KIRK
(innocent)
What did I do?
McCOY
You really piss me off, Jim. Human life is far too precious to risk on crazy stunts. Maybe it didn't cross your macho mind but when you fell off that mountain you should have been killed.
KIRK
It crossed my mind.
McCOY
And?
KIRK
Even as I fell, I knew I wouldn't die.
McCOY
(indicating Spock)
I thought he was the only one who's immortal.
KIRK
It's not that, Bones. I knew I wouldn't die because the two of you were with me.
SPOCK
I do not understand.
KIRK
(darkly)
I've always known I'll die alone.
McCOY
(frowning)
I'll call Valhalla and reserve you a room.
(shaking his head)
It's a mystery that draws us together. All that time in space -- gettin on each other's nerves -- and what do we do when shore leave comes along? Spend it together. Other people have families.
KIRK
(wistful)
Other people, Bones. Not us.
They dwell on this thought for a moment. Then, Kirk
notices that Spock has removed a sack from his back-
pack. Spock reaches into the sack and takes out a
marshmallow which he attaches ot the end of a pointed
stick.
KIRK
What are you doing, Spock?
SPOCK
I am preparing to toast a marsh melon.
Marsh melon? Kirk and McCoy hide their smiles as Spock
holds the marshmallow over the fire.
McCOY
Well, I'll be damned. A marsh melon. Where did you learn that?
SPOCK
Before leaving the ship I consulted the library computer to familiarize myself with the customs of "camping out." The evening meal is tradition-ally followed by the toasting of marsh melons.
Spock offers sticks and marshmallows to Kirk and McCoy
who play along, amused by Spock's dead serious approach
to frivolity.
McCOY
Tell me something, Spock. What do we do after we toast the marsh... er, melons?
SPOCK
We consume them.
McCOY
I know we consume them, I mean after that.
SPOCK
I believe we are required to engage in a ritual known as the sing-a-long.
KIRK
I haven't sung around a campfire since I was a boy in Iowa. What should we sing? Bones?
McCOY
(thinking)
How about "Camptown Races?"
KIRK
"Pack Up Your Troubles."
SPOCK
Are we leaving, Captain?
McCOY
It's a song title, Spock.
SPOCK
Ah.
KIRK
"Moon Over Rigel Seven?"
McCOY
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
KIRK
Excellent. Do you know it, Spock?
SPOCK
I did not encounter that song in my research.
KIRK
The lyrics are simple: "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...merrily,merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream." Bones and I will start it off and when we give you the signal, jump in. Doctor if you please...
McCoy takes a hit of booze and clears his throat.
McCOY
Don't say I didn't warn you.
McCoy starts to sing. Kirk joins in. Maybe it's the
bourbon but the two of them sound pretty good.
KIRK AND McCOY
(overlapping)
"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream..."
They signal Spock that it's his turn to jump in but
the Vulcan merely regards them quizzically. The
sing-a-long grinds to a halt.
KIRK
What's wrong, Spock? Why didn't you join in?
SPOCK
I was trying to comprehend the mean-ing of the words.
McCOY
(losing patience)
It's a song, you green-blooded son of a Vulcan. You sing it. The words aren't important. What's important is that you have a good time singing it.
SPOCK
(sincere)
I am sorry, Doctor. We're we having a good time?
McCOY
(giving up)
I liked him better before he died.
McCoy rolls out his sleeping bag.
KIRK
Why don't we call it a night and get some sleep? I'm anxious to have another go at El Cap in the morning.
McCOY
Over my dead body.
They prepare for bed.