"SIXTEEN CANDLES" (1984)

No. 02159 EXEC. PRODUCER: Ned Tanen (Formerly: #00908) PRODUCER: Hilton Green June 22, 1983

SIXTEEN CANDLES

Final Draft Screenplay

-by

JOHN HUGHES

SIXTEEN CANDLES

A quiet, upper-middle class, North Shore Chicago suburb. A Chevy Blazer cruises slowly down the street. Morning papers are pitched out the window. A dog runs between the houses. It's early autumn.

An attractive, old, three-story brick colonial. A news- paper flies into frame, strikes the corner of the house and drops into the bushes, a good twenty feet from the porch. An alarm clock goes off with a jarring bzzzzz!

The alarm continues for a beat. It stops and the house explodes with activity as the Baker family wakes and scrambles about their morning activities. There's Jim Baker, midforties, father, insurance executive, tall, lean, somewhat meek-looking, in his suit pants and handlebar undershirt scurrying to the bathroom.

He slams.the bathroom door. His wife, Brenda, whips out of the bedroom in her housecoat and heads down the stairs. She's also in her midforties, strong, attractive and dominant. Mike Baker, ten, wanders out of his bedroom, scratching his rear end, yawning. He's young trouble, preteen maniac boy.

Sara Baker, seven, comes out of her room. She's all sweetness and cutes.

Mike raises a fist. Sara shrieks.

The bathroom door opens and Jim comes out with a toothbrush in his mouth.

(talks with the toothbrush in his mouth) Mike! Come on, pal, we're having a wedding tomorrow. Why can't you cooperate?

Ginny Baker, twenty-one, comes out of her room in panties and a sweatshirt. She's very pretty, very pampered and very sloppy. She slips past Jim as he scolds Mike, goes into the bathroo~ and locks the door. Sara turns and marches into the bathroom at the other end of the hall.

He turns back to the bathroom.

3-A MIKE AND SARA 3-A

She gives Mike a smug, snotty face. He squints angrily.

Sara turns up her nose and goes back down the hall to the other bathroom.

3-B JIM 3-B r discovers the bathroom door's locked. He rattles the knob.

Ginny's standing in the shower with the water beating against the side of her head.

GINNY· I'm the one getting married, Daddy.

JIM io.c.> Not until tomorrow. Come on! I got a mouthful of toothpaste!

Jim growls angrily and gives up. He turns to see Mike leaning on the knewl post, eavesdropping.

Jim looks at Mike, startled by the brash maturity of his remark. Mike trots down the stairs.

Brenda's making coffee, eggs, toast and school lunches all at the same time. Mike wanders in and turns on the TV and dials in cartoons. A bowl of cereal is waiting for him. He starts to eat.

Jim walks in and crosses to the sink.

He spits in the sink. Brenda stares at him. She leans over and looks in the sink.

A bowl of boiled shrimp covered with toothpaste.

Jim smiles sheepishly at Brenda. She turns on the water to rinse the shrimp.

Sara's standing on a stool, bare-chested with an underarm lathered with shave cream. She's shaving her underarms with Jim's electric razor. She turns it off, put-out with the order to wake Sam.

She opens the door.

Sara comes out of the bathroom, crosses to a door leading to a third floor staircase and yells.

It's a girl's bedroom done in antiques and frills. In contrast to the mayhem on the first two floors, the third floor is quiet and serene. A brilliant shaft of morning sunlight shines down through a skylight above the brass bed. The sheets and blankets are rumpled and kicked aside. Samantha Baker stands before a floor mirror in the corner of the room. Her back is to camera. A bath towel is wrapped around her waist. She's staring at her body in the mirror. She was up long before anyone else in the house and has already showered. She puts a hand on her hip and strikes a pose. She doesn't like it. She tries the other hand. Both hands. She cocks her hip. Finally, she raises both arms and strikes a Charles Atlas pose. She holds it for a moment, then drops her arms. She groans.

She's young and pretty. No seething, precocious sexuality. Just a pretty, young girl. She's frowning. Obviously dis- pleased with her looks.

She lifts her damp hair off her face and neck and examines the effect. She's not pleased.

She reaches down, out of frame, and comes up with a telephone.

She walks to a window seat and sits down. She pulls her knees up under her chin.

She hangs up the phone.

DISSOLVE TO

Sam comes down the hall, buttoning her blouse. Jim comes out of the bedroom, dressed for work. She sees him and stops. She smiles, waiting for a "happy birthday" from him.

And that's it. No happy birthday. Sam is stunned. She watches him hurry down the stairs. The bathroom door opens and Ginny comes out swaddled in bath towels. She sees Sam and sighs dramatically.

Sam smiles and nods, expecting a birthday greeting from Ginny.

Sam's smile fades. She shakes her head slowly.

Ginny goes back into the bathroom and locks the door.

Brenda herds Mike and Sara through the dining room and into the foyer. Jim comes in from the living room. He's fran- tically searching for his briefcase.

He opens the closet and rummages around for the briefcase.

He pulls out hockey sticks, coats, hats, boots, toys, but no briefcase.

Sam comes down th~ stairs, dressed, with her books under her arm. She scowls at Mike and smiles at Brenda. Again, she's expecting a birthday greeting.

BRENDA

I (to Sam) ' \

You missed breakfast again.

Jim kisses Brenda.

Jim crosses to the door.

Jim exits.

Sam raises her fist. Brenda beats her to him and gives him a solid shake.

Brenda draws back to hit him. He races out the door. Brenda kisses Sara and scoots her on her way. Sam stares at Brenda, giving her one last chance to mention her birthday.

Sam sighs and looks away.

Brenda exits. Sam stands alone in the foyer. She looks up at the ceiling, fighting off her tears.

Theme music comes up.

A sprawling suburban high school.

Roll credits over:

16 HIGH SCHOOL MONTAGE 16

A Bus doors opening, young faces spilling out.

B Every imaginable form of footwear scurrying past camera.

C Nervous fingers twirling a padlock combination and

yanking on the stubborn lock. It doesn't open.

D A pair of rumps, male and female. A male hand on the

female rear, a female hand on the male.

E The tops of a lot of boys' heads shrouded in cigarette

smoke.

F A girl's head from the brow up as she furiously fusses

with her tresses.

G Lips are painted animal pink.

A large study hall. A male teacher is at the head of the class grading papers. Sam's in the second seat from the back. Randy's directly behind her, slumped down in her chair with an open book propped up in front of her. She yawns. Sam's hunched over taking the sex test.

One seat behind Sam in the next row of desks is a tall, handsome senior, Jake Ryan. He's an athlete and a class officer. The most significant male in the entire student body. He's bored with the study hall and is staring at Sam. She's figuring somewhere in his daydream.

Sam turns the test sheet over and continues.

7. HAVE YOU EVER DONE IT?

Her answer, "IDON'T THINK so".

8. IF YOU ANSWERED "I DON'T THINK SO" WOULD YOU EVER IF YOU COULD?

Sam thinks. It's a tough decision. She answers.

22-A CLOSEUP -TEST 22-A

"I GUESS so"

9. WITH WHO? (BE HONEST. YOUR NAME'S NOT ON THIS SO IT'S OKAY)

She's worried and nervous about answering the final ques- tion. She lowers her head and peeks under her arm at Jake.

He's gnawing his thumbnail, still staring at Sam.

She blanches as Jake catches her looking at him. She clumsily tries to make it appear as if she's just scratching her chin on her shoulder. She ~urns back to her test.

Her hand's trembling as she slowly writes "JAKE RYAN" on question #9. Her hand glides down to the last question.

10. DOES WHOEVER YOU NAMED ABOVE KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO WITH HIM?

Sam writes a very definite, "NO!" and underlines it.

She carefully folds the test into a tiny square, palms it \ and pretending to yawn, puts her arms behind her head and drops the folded note on Randy's desk.

28 RANDY 28

She's sound asleep in her seat, head back, mouth open. She doesn't see the note drop on her desk. Jake does.

The note slides down the sloped writing desk and off.

The note falls on the floor. Jake's hightop comes down on top of the note and slides it away.

31 JAKE 31

He reaches down and retrieves the note. He holds it in his palm and slips it in his pocket, keeping his eyes on Sam all the while.

Sam and Randy are walking down the hall. Sam's upset.

Randy shrugs her shoulders. It's news to her.

Randy can't wait to hear who Sam's dream lover is.

They continue down the hall.

It's loud and crowded. Jake's sitting on a window ·ledge. He takes Sam's note out of his pocket and reads it. He's obviously very interested. He turns the page.

Jake reads his name in Sam's hand.

He sits bolt upright. He looks left, then right, to make sure no one's seen the note or suspects him of anything.

Randy and Sam move their trays along the line. Sam's looking at her tray with revulsion.

102159 19

tests his buddy's reaction to his developing feelings for Sam. The note and its intimate revelations have set off a fury of emotions in Jake and it's almost as though he's seeking approval for the way he feels. Rock is decidedly unromantic.· Girls are sex, sex is sport, sport is life. One at a time, the boys rise up into frame, deliver their lines and drop. Until noted, only one boy is on screen at a time.

ROCK

\

Depends on how much you paid me.

Jake holds himself up and rests his chin on the bar. Rock pulls himself and holds alongside Jake.

Rock stares at Jake like he's lost his mind. Tenderness is not Rock's forte.

I year and you know what? I don't \ think she loves me. And I don't

think I love her.

\ CONTINUED

ROCK, (worried) I don'tknow but I hope you're not turning gay.

Jake grimaces. He lets go of the bar and walks away. We widen to reveal that the boys have been doing cheater's chin-ups on a five foot bar. Rock's puzzled and disturbed by Jake's conversation.

Girls are showering and dressing after gym. We see Sam and Randy standing in the doorway of the shower room with their arms folded across their chests to conceal their modest charms. Sam's shaking her head as she studies the mature physiques of the senior girls. Randy clucks her tongue.

40-B SAM AND RANDY 40-B

They hold their intense stares.

i- showering in front of them. She looks about twenty-three with a fully and perfectly developed body. Pin-up time. Her face is in the water spray and she doesn't realize she's being scrutinized.

42 SAM AND RANDY 42

Sam looks up from her chest. Randy breathes a pained sigh.

Randy looks at Sam sympathetically.

A cloud of steam rolls across them and they disappear.

DISSOLVE TO

Freshmen boys are climbing on board. They're silly and rowdy, pushing and shoving. Sam and Randy move in the crowd of boys, all of them a good head shorter.

Sam and Randy board the bus. The Bus Driver, who is dressed like the weenie boys and wears aWalkman around his neck, is giving the high five to the boys b~arding the bus.

He offers his hand to Sam. She regards it with a sneer. She and Randy take their seats. They're surrounded by

dregs of school society. The only other girl on the bus is a weird introvert with a spinal correction neck brace.

A couple of band members are practicing in the back. We hear hand-held computer games.

Sam and Randy focus on the seat in front of them.

They take deep breaths and hold their noses.

in the seat in front of them are turned around to face them. They're smiling with disgusting mouthsful of braces and jock straps on their heads. They raise electronic ray guns and fire at Sam and Randy.

Cars are parked in the driveway and on the street.

Brenda and Ginny are hosting their luncheon. Ginny has opened her gifts and is sitting with a wok in her lap.

She sets the wok down along with ten other gift woks. She's received one from every luncheon guest.

The school bus pulls up and stops. Randy climbs down. Sam speaks to her out the window.

The bus pulls out.

It's just Sam the neck brace girl and one freshman weenie, the Geek. He's skinny and small with a cheap haircut, an imitation LaCoste shirt, baggy Levi cords, tennis shoes with dark socks and a nylon backpack filled with books. He strolls down the aisle and sits next to Sam. .He gives her his sexiest look calves' eyes and a metal-mouth smile.

The Geek puts his arm up on the back of the bus seat.

Sam looks at the Geek with an angry, threatening squint.

I• the problem? I'm a he, you're a she.

I'm attracted to you. I see you everyday. I think about you fre- quently. Is there something wrong with my trying to put together some kind of relationship?

The bus stops. Sam gathers up her things. The Geek reaches out and takes her arm.

Sam jerks her arm away.

Sam stares at the Geek for amoment, then hurries down the aisle of the bus and exits. He's confident that because she actually conversed with him, she likes him. I '·- GEEK

Encouraging, very encouraging.

The luncheon guests are saying their farewells and wishing the bride-to-be good luck.

Sam shuffles up the walk to the porch. The door opens and the ladies stream out. A couple smile at Sam, most don't recognize her. She stands to the side and plasters a polite grin on her face as she waits patiently for them to clear the door. Brenda and Ginny stand in the door and wave.

As soon as the ladies are out of earshot, Ginny leans against the doorjamb and groans.

She slides back into the house. Brenda looks at Sam.

Brenda goes back in the house. Sam shakes her head in disbelief.

Sam trudges up the stairs anxious for the solitude of her bedroom. She reaches the top of the stairs and throws up he~ free hand in dismay.

Sam's grandparents, Jim's parents, Howard and Dorothy Baker are changing out of their travel clothes. They're in their early seventies. They're sweet and kind but pampered and particular. Dorothy's in her gigantic bra and slip. Howard's in his undershorts, undershirt, socks and garters. They're puttering around unpacking.

55 SAM 55

She turns slowly to try and sneak back down without getting nabbed by the grandparents. A creaky stair gives her away.

Dorothy and Howard turn around. They're startled until they recognize Sam. Howard reaches for his pants.

Howard gives her a hug and passes her to Dorothy who bear hugs her. Sam grimaces as she's engulfed in her grand- mother's arms.

Dorothy releases Sam. She steps back out of hugging range and discreetly smells her shoulder to see if Dorothy's left a noticeable scent.

Sam drops amajor hint about her birthday.

Sam's face drops as she realizes that they, too, have \ forgotten her birthday.

Sam comes down from the third floor.

Sara's door opens and Brenda's dad, Fred Addisoni comes out. He's a jolly, robust man in his late sixties. His fashion model is Sam Snead.

Fred's a wise guy. An ancient ham whose sense of humor is completely lost on Sam.

I•

Fred leans back into Sara's room.

Fred snorts and grabs Sam. He tickles her. Sam loathes it. Helen Addison comes out of Sara's room. She's an attractive and somewhat chic older women.

Helen swats his hand. He snorts again and releases Sam.

\

She pushes Sam back and examines her at arm's length.

Sam blanches with horror. Fred makes another limp joke.

A typical boy's room with posters and sports equipment and bunk beds. Sam walks in, closes the door, walks over to the bed and flops down on the bottom bunk in exaggerated despair.

She closes her eyes. A head pops up on the top bunk and looks over the side.

Her eyes are closed. She feels a presence. Her eyes open. We hear a Chinese gong.

60 HER POINT OF VIEW - THE HEAD OF A TEENAGE ORIENTAL BOY 60

is hanging over the top bunk, looking at her upside down. He's dopey-looking with big black rim glasses, and long, straight hair. His name is Long Duk Dong.

Brenda's dressed for the dinner at the club. She's puttering around the kitchen, cleaning up, checking the dinner in the oven. Mike's sitting at the kitchen table watching television.

Sam walks in, completely resigned to the fact that the house has gone crazy.

Brenda looks puzzled at Sam, then decides she doesn't have the time to unravel teenage mysteries and exits. Sam sits down.

Sam drops her head to the table.

DISSOLVE TO

Ginny's getting dressed for the dinner at the club. She's in her panties and bra. Sam's laying on the bed looking at the wedding dress hanging on the open closet door. She toys with the lace.

Ginny's casual attitude toward romance reminds Sam of how romantically bankrupt her own life is. Ginny has long enjoyed an overabundance of boyfriends. She has no consideration of how Sam might feel.

Ginny sits down next to Sam and puts on an annoying motherly front. She speaks to Sam like she's a child.

She quickly refocuses the attention on herself. She stands up and models her full bust in the mirror on the back of the door. She drops the subject. Sam s.tands behind her and checks herself in the mirror.

Ginny sits down at her dressing table and begins her makeup.

Sam doesn't respond. She's angry at Ginny's insensitivity.

Sam shakes her head.

tt02159 36

steaming hot quiche. Pull back to reveal Dong bent over the food, studying it. He looks up, his glasses steamed over. He's amazed and impressed by the quiche.

The grandparents, Mike, Sara, Sam and Dong are sitting at the dining room table with their TV dinners.

He looks at Sam and rattles his dentures for her amusement. She's hardly amused. Dorothy doesn't take kindly to Fred's treatment of Dong. Dong smiles at Sam. She returns a polite smile.

Sam rolls her eyes. Mike looks at her, motions to Long Duk Dong and raises his eyebrows mockingly suggesting Sam make a play for Dong. She curls her lip at him and pushes back from the table.

Sam's eyes bulge in horror. Dong snaps his fingers.

Sam mouths a distraught "Oh, my God." Music comes up.

Dong's at the wheel. Sam's slumped down as far as she can get in the seat. She's wearing a skirt and blouse. Dentist office music is blasting and the windows are wide open.

Sam nods. If she had an ounce more guts she'd throw herself out the door and die on the pavement.

The Olds flies through a red light, jumps the intersection and bottoms out in a shower of sparks.

Dong puts his arm up on the seat, revealing a heavily stained underarm.

Sam shakes her head, no.

The Olds fishtails around a corner and howls down a side street.

DISSOLVE TO

Sam's sitting on a sink as depressed as anyone can get. Randy's fixing her face and trying td~console Sam. She has an outrageous amount of makeup supplies spread 9μt,.c:>n.~tie. sink. "-.,r·..:~_.,.~i·•~.:--.r,,,,·.....S-i·~-~t.-.....~~-:

,~l )!\-::~~~~l RANDY Nobody has to know you're with him.

Randy sweeps her makeup into a big ·shoulder bag.

( ' Dim Dumb Duck Dick'll get lost. \

She and Randy exit. A beat and a toilet flushes. A stall door opens. Dong peeks out with a mischievous smile on his face. ,.

It•s the first big dance of the school year. A female DJ is spinning records and rapping between songs. She's brought a huge sound system and light show. Jake, with . Caroline on his arm, is talking with the hulking prut.e,,.Rock,·.. and his tiny;'t=')e~itegirlfriend,::Patty.Rock's·~~aring a_.,.; funky, rumpled second•hand store suit, a mesh;jer-$ey,and ~-.",,,: Jack Daniel's cap. Jake's wearing jean·sand :a:blu_ebla:e.r. ~ It's all very proper and dignified. These are the·popl.llar_-::,·: people who are seemingly immune to the sorts of humilia¥ion~-~.~r.i.•· that beset people like Sam~ Caroline takes 'Jake's arm anc:\:,-'....;,, pulls him to the dance floor. It's a slow song. She rests -~- her head on his,shoulder ~nd they dance.

Sam and Randy walk in.

Randy winks and heads into the crush of bodies in the gym. Sam sighs and follows.

We see Sam moving through the gym through an infrared scope. A little spook music accompanies. (

The freshman boy's section of the gym. The guys who don't date yet. Weenies in their party finest. Among them is the Geek and his buddies Cliff and Bryce. We recognize the source of the infrared light in the previous scene as we see the Geek wearing night vision goggles. He removes the complex device from his face and gives them to Cliff. He puts them on.

Cliff and Bryce are amazed. He lowers the goggles and lets them hang around his neck.

Cliff and Bryce stare at the Geek as if he's just told him he's going to walk on water.

The Gee.k cools up his hairand heads for Sam. Cliff and Bryce watch for a moment, then slip on a personal radio communicator of the variety SWAT teams and football coaches use.

Sam's watching Jake and Caroline slow dancing. Randy's talking with friends. Sam's imagining herself in Caroline's place.

turns to camera and looks directly at Sam.

76 SAM 76

She's caught! Her mouth drops open in alarm. She quickly turns to the nearest boy and grabs him to cover the fact that she was ogling Jake. To her ultimate horror, she's grabbed the Geek. He takes her actions as confirmation that she's hot for his bod. The DJ segues into a rocker.

76-A DJ 76-A

She rolls into a rocker.

76-B GEEK 76-B

He yanks her out on the dance floor.. Keeping one hand firmly in hers, he does a moon dance. Sam is stunned and speechless at yet another tragedy in her life.

76-C DJ 76-C

She pulls a record out of her hair and angrily whips it down at the Geek.

76-D GEEK 76-D

The Geek ducks the record and throws his head back. He lets out a spirited yelp.

The Geek's enthusiastic grin dissolves.

77 SAM 77

She's standing as still as a statue on the dance floor. Tears are streaming down her face.

78 GEEK 78

He thinks Sam's crying tears of happiness. He gives her his idea of a sexy smile.

He executes an embarrassing spin and lets out a liberated shriek.

He steps back, hurls himself in the air and lands on the floor on his back.

He's in terrible pain, laying on the floor.

Sam bursts out of the gym in tears and runs across the lobby and down a dark hallway.

Sam slows down and stops. She rests her head against a locker. She's sobbing with tears of hurt and anger. She slams her fist against the locker.

She turns around and slides down the locker.

The Geek limps back to the Weenie Wall. Cliff and Bryce chide him about losing Sam.

The Geek improvises an excuse.

The Geek makes a very exaggerated effort to look relaxed.

Jake shakes his head. The Geek breathes a sigh of relief.

The Geek relaxes and begins to feel like Jake's his buddy. He is, after all, talking girls with him.

Jake nods and walks away. The Geek feels like a million bucks. He continues across the gym. On his way, he passes Dong who's slow dancing to a rocker with a six foot, two inch girl, The Lumberjack. She's stocky and tough, wearing painter's pants, a flannel shirt and black hightops. Dong lovingly rests his head on her huge breast as they dance. He reaches-his hand out of the neck of her shirt and pushes his glasses up on his nose.

Sam's sitting on the floor with her back against the lockers. She hears footsteps and looks down the hall.

83-A HER POINT OF VIEW - CAROLINE AND TWO OF HER FRIENDS 83-A

are walking down the hall, passing a joint between them. They are Tracy and Robin.

84 SAM 84

She watches and listens, pained by their boundless good fortune. The girl with everything approaches the girl with nothing.

Caroline notices Sam sitting on the floor. Sam ducks her head.

Sam looks up. She shrugs her shoulders and rubs her damp nose.

The girls continue down the hall. Sam watches.

The girls giggle.

86 SAM· 86

She shakes her head realizing haw far her dreams are from reality. She pulls herself up and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She heads back to the gym.

Long Duk Dong has taken over the DJ's mike and is doing an Oriental rap. The crowd is going crazy for him. He's such a total asshole, they love him. He feeds on their cruel adoration.

The freshman boys, the Geek's gang, are breaking. Real bad, white suburban breaking. They'r~ spinning around on their backs, banging into the wall, chairs, tables, other people.

87-B· INT. GYM - DONG 87-B

He throws his head back and shrieks.

A couple of spinster teachers and a middle-aged parent couple stare in frozen horror at what's become of the dance.

Randy's found a guy, Jimmy Montrose. He's a semipopular, semihandsome guy. He's holding her hand as they sit on the gym bleachers watching Dong. Sam's with them, resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes are red from crying and she has the sniffles.

Jimmy's mouth drops open. The Geek returns and slides down the bleachers next to Sam.

Sam looks at him wearily.

Jimmy's totally disinterested. Randy feels sorry for Sam.

Jimmy looks around Randy to the Geek.

The Geek is expecting rejection. He misunderstands her.

Sam stands. The Geek rises slowly.

The Geek's dumbfounded. So is Randy. Sam heads for the door. The Geek stumbles after her. Randy's disturbed by the action.

He watches Sam and the Geek exit. He's curious and a little confused.

The Geek feels a little foolish.

The Geek is horrified.

\ Sam stretches out on the hood.

The Geek agrees.

The Geek looks at her curiously.

Sam stares blankly at him. Appalled at his nerve.

Sam pulls her legs up and rests her chin on her knees.

The Geek clears his throat and scratches his ear. He steels himself and boldly reveals his secret.

Sam stares at him for a beat, then lets out a horse laugh. She can't help herself. It's so obvious he's a virgin.

Sam howls with laughter.

Sam manages to control herself. She wipes her nose on her sleeve and shakes out her hair.

Sam bursts into laughter again. The Geek laughs ..

He suddenly takes her in his arms and holds her close. She stops laughing. She clears her throat~

He lets her go and feels like a fool for his sudden attack.

He sits back against the windshield, frightened and embarrassed.

Sam isn't offended or angry. She's slightly flattered and understands completely how he feels. She realizes his plight isn't too far removed from hers.

The Geek smiles and grabs her again.

He lets her go. Sam gives him a warm, reassuring smile.

The Geek thinks about what she said for a second and then reaches in his pocket. Sam's ~outh drops open. She thinks he's going to expose himself.

The Geek pulls out a roll of Certs. Sam's relieved.

Sam smiles at his honesty and innocence. And his interest.

The Geek turns serious. He takes a deep breath.

Sam sighs and smiles. She nods.

Sam's embarrassed.

Sam's mouth drops open. She wonders if she heard the Geek right.

She grabs her purse. She's giddy and confused. Her mind and her mouth is going double speed.

The biggest smile she's ever had spreads across her face. She kisses the Geek's cheek.

She slides off the car.

· #02159 57

Do you know anything about floppy disks?

Sam puts her hands on her hips angrily and stares him down.

SAM· (suspicous) How? GEEK (choked, cracking voice) Could I borrow your underpants for about ten minutes?

Sam's eyes open in shock.

It's slow dance time. Randy is snuggled comfortably in the crook of Jimmy's shoulder. As they dance past she

( discreetly picks a piece of his sweater fuzz off her tongue. Rock is dancing with Patty. He's holding her a foot off the ground. Dong and the Lumberjack waltz past, joined at the lip. He takes his handkerchief out of his pocket and deftly blows his nose without breaking the kiss. Caroline has Jake's neck in a vacuum suck lock. He's scanning the dance floor for Sam. Caroline releases him with a wet pop and kisses his lips.

Jake nods. He isn't listening to her.

She notices he's not paying attention.

obvious guilt.

Jake regards her remark as another indictment of their loveless relationship. He takes offense to her issuing threats.

The song ends. Caroline backs off. She takes Jake's hand. She's made her point and feels confident that he's been sufficiently warned.

Sam's practicing her moves and trying out ploys to speak to Jake.

She doesn't like that.

She decides on the last remark. She likes it. She feels confident. She pats her hair, takes a deep breath, musters her courage and walks back into the gym.

He's at a clothes rack looking for Caroline's coat.

She spies Jake and nervously moves toward him. She rehearses in her head what she's going to say. She raises her arm to tap his shoulder. The music stops. He turns around with Caroline's blazer and is as shocked to see Sam as she is to see him. He quickly adjusts to the situation and puts on his best and sexiest smile. Sam's courage evaporates, she panics and rather than faint, throw up or say something incredibly stupid, she keeps on walking. The music starts again. A new tune. Jake is bewildered. The haste with which she departed looks to him like rejection.

96 SAM 96

She slices through the crowd of kids to the end of the bleachers and around behind them. She grabs her head in anger and embarrassment.

He helps Caroline on with her blazer. He's still cursing himself. He looks down the bleachers to try and catch a glimpse of Sam.

Caroline smiles with relief.

Caroline walks on ahead. Jake rolls his eyes and hangs back for one last look at the gym.

Sam peeks around the bleachers and sees Jake and Caroline leaving.

She rests her chin on the bleachers and closes her eyes.

A Freshman sneaks up to the door and knocks softly. The door opens and Cliff looks out.

~02159 62

The Freshman hands Cliff a five. Cliff takes a fat wad of singles from his pocket and counts out four in change.

The bathroom is jammed with shrimpy freshman boys. They're all talking excitedly. Bryce flashes the lights.

The room quiets down.

A stall door slowly opens and the Geek steps out. Heraldic music comes up. With great drama and showmanship, the Geek holds up Sam's tiny, baby blue Garfield the cat panties. The freshmen gasp in awe and drop to their knees.

She's putting on her coat. She's had enough. Randy's hanging on Jimmy. She feels for Sam and is trying to convince her to stay.

It's dark and spooky. We hear the chilling, ominous opening bars of the Jaws Theme. A beat and Grandpa Fred peeks around the corner. Then Dorothy, Howard and Helen. The grandparents are invading the dance!

DISSOLVE TO

Dong's driving, Sam's in the passenger seat and the Lumberjack's in the middle, tucked up tight against her new- found Korean beau. Dong has his arm around her and is driving with one finger. Sam's depressed and embarrassed.

The Lumberjack turns to Sam and chucks her on the arm.

The Lumberjack nods.

The Lumberjack looks at Dong. They exchange loving looks.

Sam rolls her eyes and slumps further down in the seat. The Lunberjack lets out an earthy yelp, as Dong gooses her.

The Oldsmobile screams into the drive-in at fifty-five mph, loc~s up the brakes and skids into a tight spot between two other cars, miraculously avoiding them both. Dong throws open his door, banging the car next to him. He yanks the Lumberjack out and they head for the restaurant. Parked outside is a motorcycle. Dong and Lumberjack admire it.

Jimmy Montrose's car pulls in behind the Olds. Randy gets out and hurries to Sam's window. Sam looks up. Randy leans in the window. She's upset.

Sam looks over at her. Of course she's sitting down.

Sam covers her head and slumps down in the seat.

Sam's mouth is wide open. She's stunned. Randy feels terrible about having to be the bearer of bad news.

I before your grandparents showed up. \

Randy puts a consoling arm around Sam. She can't think of anything encouraging to say.

Sam looks at Randy like she's crazy.

( Jake'll get shitfaced and act dis-

gusting and you'll lose interest in I him. Remember last summer how bad I had a crush on that guy from Maine? I had a hard-on every waking minute until he puked on my feet. For the rest of the summer, everytime I saw him I gagged.

Sam shakes her head no.

The bathroom door slams open and the Lumberjack clomps in.

Randy and Sam wave. Lumberjack goes into a stall. Sam jumpsdown off the sink. Randy gives her a hug.

Randy kisses her cheek. She starts to leave. From the stall we hear the Lumberjack going. It sounds like a horse. Randy and Sam exchange puzzled glances. They bend over and look under the stall.

are in front of the toilet, pointing in. She's going standing up.

(

Dong is still looking at the bike. He climbs on it. Pre- tends to drive it. As he dismounts, he kicks the engine over. The bike flies into the parking lot.

The meanest-looking biker in the world comes out with his old lady on his arm. He sees his bike in a heap in the parking lot.

It's very stately and sedate. Jim and Brenda, Ginny and her fiance, Rudy and his parents, Bruno and Irene have finished dinner and are enjoying after-dinner drinks. Bruno looks like a retired prize fighter. He's wearing a black polyester leisure suit with white stitching, an egg yellow silk shirt, a gold nugget on a chain and a massive diamond pinkie ring. Irene's wearing a dress fit for a madame. Her bleached pink/blonde hair is styled in a fashion that would shame a country singer. They are a bellowing contrast to the blue blazers and monogram blouses of the members. Between puffs on his Havana, Bruno explains to a nervous and worried Jim, what business he's in.

She chuckles.

( Right?

She forces a smile.

A million dollars of contemporary field stone and glass on a wooded. acre. Cars are jammed up in the driveway, on the lawn, in the woods. Elegant streams of toilet paper hang from the trees. Every light in the house is on. Windows are open, music is blasting.

A magnificent cook's kitchen. A thoroughly raped refrigerator/ freezer is empty and open. There are bottles and cans covering every inch of available space. Drunk kids are weaving in and out, kissing, shouting, fighting. One bemused youth is trying to put out a fire in the oven. He pops a beer can, drinks some, pours some on the fire, drinks the rest. Pops another. Caroline staggers in.

KID

/

Who's Jake?

Jake's parent's vacation videos are playing on the giant screen. Kids are howling at the home movies. The room's a disaster. People are piled on the furniture, pizza boxes are overturned on silk Orientals. Two boys are dancing with each other. A drunken hulk is eating a raw slab of sirloin. A drunk sick kid is sitting on a chair with a Ming vase between his knees. Caroline weaves in.

She steps up on a coffee table and looks around for Jake.

All the pool furniture is in the pool along with a bunch of rude, wild kids, clothed, semiclothed and nude. They're beating the water as one of them stands on the side, pouring liquid dish detergent in the water to make a huge bubble bath of the pool. Caroline stumbles in.

A drunk Girl in panties and bra is talking to a drunk guy.

She unfastens her bra and flashes the guy. He nods yes. She closes the bra.

Caroline wanders past yelling for Jake.

A bedroom door opens and Tracy and Robin come out wearing Jake's mother's furs. They grab Caroline.

/ \ TRACY

Cross my heart.

Tracy and Robin points feebly down the hall.

A typical sweet-smile pose. A boy's finger traces down the page to her name.

In contrast to his guests, Jake's sober. He closes the yearbook and tosses it on his bed. He picks up the phone and dials information.

He hangs up and writes the number down. He picks up the phone and dials. He unconsciously fixes his hair. He clears his throat.

Sam's phone rings in the darkened bedroom. It rings and rings. Finally Dorothy stirs.

He's growing impatient.

Dorothy feels around for the phone. It rings a couple more times before she picks it up.

He gives up.

He slams the phone down.

Dorothy sits up in bed with the phone to her ear, staring quizzically. Howard sits up.

Dorothy's too shocked to answer.

He puts the phone back and curses.

There's a knock on his door.

He reaches out and unlocks the door. Caroline falls into the room. She lays on her back, laughing. Jake is unamused.

She cracks herself up again. Jake stands.

Caroline sits up on her elbows and nods.

Caroline looks at him for a moment, fighting off a smile. Finally she snorts and lets out a horse laugh. Jake jumps up and tears out of the room.

She collapses with laughter.

The Oldsmobile races up, locks brakes and skids into the curb. The passenger door opens and Sam gets out. The Olds squeals away. Sam watches it disappear into the night.

Sam reaches into the mailbox for the house key. As she opens the door it occurs to her, that the family may be planning to surprise her.

She opens the door quietly and slips in.

Sam closes the door softly. She's smiling, thinking she has it all figured out. She takes off her jacket and tiptoes into the living room.

Sam looks around the dark room. She turns on a light and braces herself for the big surprise. Nothing. Sitting on the couch is a neat stack of bedding -- sheets, blanket and pillow. Another unconscious, unintentional jab at Sam's lonely heart. Everyone in the house is asleep.

She walks to the couch and knocks over the pile of bedding. She grabs a sheet and throws it open.

Jake stands in the midst of the riot going on in his parent's house. He's resigned to it and the consequences he knows he'll have to face. Caroline comes up into frame, crawling up his body as he stands stiff and tall. She snakes her arms around his neck.

He looks at her passively.

He plants his hand squarely on her face and gives her a gentle shove. She keels over and crashes to the floor.

The Oldsmobile roars up the.driveway with a flat tire. It rams straight into a parked car. Dong and the Lumberjack climb out. The drive-in tray is still attached to the car window. A beat and the back door opens and the biker and his old lady get out and saunter up to the house.

He's dialing Sam's number again. He waits as it rings.

Caroline crawls up the hall.

She stops at his door and looks in.

He angrily kicks his door shut.

Caroline's nose is half an inch from the closed door. She sighs and turns to crawl back to the party. She discovers that her hair's stuck in the door. She tugs. No good. She knocks.

Robin and Tracy stagger up the hall, still wearing the coats.

and OMITTED and

Dorothy and Howard sit up again. Howard grabs the phone.

He's shocked at the angry greeting. He looks at the number he's written down. We can hear Howard yelling over the phone.

Jake swallows hard, summons his courage and speaks to Howard.

136-A CONTINUED 136-A

Howard covers the phone.

Howard turns the phone over to Dorothy.

She slams the phone down and looks at Howard.

Dorothy gives Howard a peck on the cheek. He turns off the light.

thru OMITTED thru

The Geek, Bryce and Cliff are walking up Jake's driveway. Bryce's beeper goes off.

Bryce takes off his beeper and fiddles with it.

( Flock of Seagulls and I got grounded

for a month.

A car load of kids flies by.

thru OMITTED thru

The Geek, Bryce and Cliff reach the front door. They're bubbling with excitement at being moments from an out of control senior party.

The Geek rings the bell. A beat and it opens. A very drunk and silly Dong looks out.

thru thru

The biker is sitting on the window seat with his thirty- fifth beer in his paw. He's drunk and sullen. A bombed but still perky girl Megan, is trying to make conversation. She's apparently oblivious to his dangerous look.

The biker looks at her through half-closed lids.

The biker holds his incredulous stare and curls an angry lip revealing a horrifying mouthful of decayed teeth.

The biker puts his cigarette out in his mouth, momentarily silencing the girl.

We move off the biker to his old lady sitting next to him. She's drinking a bottle of beer. There's a jock sitting next to her. He's checking her out. She looks at him. He raises a seductive eyebrow. She pushes the bottle into her mouth and twists it slowly back and forth in an even more seductive gesture. The jock's eyes light up. He smiles. The biker's old lady leans forward. The jock leans forward to meet her. The biker's old lady bites the end off the bottle and chews the glass. The jock's face register's total fear. He backs away.

The light are low, make-out time. Bodies are spread across the furniture and the floor. A soft core porno picture is playing on the big screen TV. A piece of hurled pizza slaps the screen and sticks on the image of a naked female rump.

The Geek, Cliff and Bryce sit on either side of Rock. All three are bombed. Rock motions to the screen with his huge hand.

The Geek, Cliff and Bryce Chinese their eyes.

The Geek's eyes open wide with terror. He tries to slip away. Rock puts his arm around his neck.

The Geek nervously takes the beer. He's obviously never drunk in his life.

The Geek puts the beer to his lips. He closes his eyes and throws the can back. He holds the can back, but doesn't swallow. He groans and slowly lowers the can. As he takes it away from his sickly face we see a soggy cigarette butt clenched in his teeth and tobacco sprinkles and ash on his lips.

(

The crowd has decided on a course of action to free Caroline.

She kneels down beside Caroline.

Her friend produces a pair of kitchen shears.

Caroline closes her eyes and her friend cuts her free.

She hugs her friend and we see the full extent of the damage. One side of her head is long, blonde hair, the other is clipped to the ear. The crowd in the hallway lets out a spirited cheer.

· DISSOLVE TO

She's sound asleep. Like an angel.

Brenda's asleep. There's an empty spot next to her in the bed. Jim's sitting in the window, staring at a family portrait.

It's Jim and Brenda, Mike, Sara, Ginny and Sam.

He smiles at the fond memories the pictures stirs. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. A beat and he slowly opens his eyes. He looks at the picture again. He's suddenly very troubled. He looks at the dial of his watch.

The few cars remaining pull out, leaving a trashed lawn and an even more trashed house.

A mournful blues number plays as we begin a sad tour of the revaged house in the kitchen where we see that every edible item has been consumed. The cupboards are bare. The refrigerator is open and empty. There are cartons, cans and rubbish everywhere.

The dining room table is completely covered by a pyramid of beer cans. The pyramid collapses.

We move around the room to see that a painting that featured a face without eyes or a mouth has had eyes and mouth drawn in with a marking pen. An ancient mask in a plexi display case, lit by a pin spot has cigarettes up its nose and a slice of pizza on its forehead. A line of cigarettes have been left to burn out on the piano. A record album is laying inside a pizza box. We move off the box to find a pizza going around on the turntable. We move up to see the tape deck has a cassette jammed into it upside down. A hundred feet of tape is balled-up in the heads. On the ceiling is a big blob of dip with a potato chip stuck in it. As we reach Jake, he's sitting on the couch in the destroyed living room. He sighs and pops a beer. He takes a sip.

He sets the beer down on the coffee table. He sits back on· the couch. A beat and he bolts forward ~nd gawks the coffee table.

is a heavy glass cube. Jake clears aside the rubbish on the table top to reveal the Geek's desperate, exasperated face. He's trapped inside the cube. He's frantic, pounding noiselessly on the glass.

Jake struggles and grunts to overturn the coffee table .. It rolls over on one side and the Geek takes a deep breath of fresh air.

, GEEK Watching my life pass before my eyes.

The Geek pulls himself up and flops down on the couch.

( GEEK

He gave me a choice of that or being handcuffed nude to the shopping cart return rack at the Jewel. I opted for death with dignity.

Jake shakes his head in anger.

The Geek looks around the room.

The Geek nods his agreement.

The frail, young Spanish housekeeper is smoking dope in bed with Dong and the Lumberjack.

Jim creeps quietly down the s~airs.

Sam's asleep. Jim walks into the living room. He stops and looks at Sam on the couch. He smiles as he watches her sleeping. He steps around to the couch and sits down. He hesitates for a moment before he pats her head. He's a man not accustomed to intimacy and affection.

She stirs and looks up at him.

(

Sam is pleased that he remembered.

Sam smiles understandingly.

She pulls herself up and kisses his cheek.

Sam nods. Jim gives her a wink and a kiss on the forehead.

He stands up and starts for the foyer. Sam whimpers· to him.

She starts to cry. Jim turns around.

Jim hurries back to the couch. Sam throws her arms around him.

Sam sits back on the couch and· quickly wipes away her tears.

She's a little embarrassed to reveal the real reason she's crying.

Sam shakes her head.

\ important.

, JIM I

Can I tell you a little story?

Jim nods. As bad as Sam feels, she cracks up at the thought of her father in love.

Sam giggles.

There's a pause as both Jim and Sam realize that his story has no relevance to Sam's situation.

He leans over and kisses her forehead. He draws her close and hugs her. She kisses him and holds him as tight as he holds her.

Sam giggles.

Jim gives her a squeeze and a kiss on the forehead. He gets up and crosses to the foyer. He stops and turns back to her.

A boy's hand carefully examines Sam'~ panties.

The Geek i- sharing his treasure with Jake. Jake regards the panties with an almost religious reverence.

The Geek nods proudly.

Jake looks curiously at the Geek.

Jake hand-signals intercourse.

The Geek's getting off on playing the expert.

(matter-of- factly) I reach down your throat and squeeze your heart.

Jake sits back on the couch and toys with the panties.

i02159 90

The Geek's eyes pop open.

He's a little embarrassed by his romantic plea.

The Geek's mouth drops open.

JAKE

/

She's all yours. Except you have to make sure she gets home. You can't like just leave her in a parking lot or something.

The Geek scratches his head. He can't take the offer.

( The Geek swallows hard.

Jake and the Geek carry Caroline out of the house. Jake has her under the arms. The Geek has her feet. She giggles as they carry her to Jake's father's Rolls Royce. Jake balances her on his knee and opens the front passenger door.

Jake drops Caroline on the seat. He takes her feet from the Geek and shoves her in. He plants her feet in the footwells and pulls her skirt down. He thinks better of it and looks at the Geek.

The Geek flashes a look at Caroline. ( \

172-A GEEK'S POINT OF VIEW 172-A

Caroline's best party panties and two perfect thighs.

He pulls her skirt up.

He hands the Geek the car keys. The Geek walks around to the driver's side and gets in. He crosses himself and starts the engine. Caroline rolls her head over to the Geek. Then she looks back at Jake.

172-A CONTINUED 172-A

Jake leans in and gives the Geek the okay sign.

He backs away from the car as the Geek puts it in reverse.

( The Rolls crawls out of the garage. The radio goes on. The Rolls pulls ahead making a broad, graceless circle and heads slowly down the driveway.

He walks out of the garage and watches the Rolls head down the drive. he breaths a weary sigh and heads back to the house. We hear the rustle of tree branches then a familiar. voice.

Jake stops dead in his tracks. He looks left, then right. Then overhead.

173-B JAKE'S POINT OF VIEW 173-B

Dong leaps from a tree branch. His pants are cinched to his head with his belt, like an Indian headdress.

It cruises slowly down a residential street.

The Geek's driving with both hands firmly on the wheel. He's as nervous as a cat in a hailstorm. Caroline is next to him, drunk, out of control and obnoxiously playful. Music's blasting. The Geeker's in way over his head.

Caroline reaches over and honks the horn.

She turns on the windshield washers. The Geek struggles to turn them off. She hits the convertable top switch and it starts to go up. / I

Caroline pops open a can of beer and tries to feed it to the Geek.

He takes it from her throws it out the window. The car phone rings. Caroline grabs it.

The Geek takes it away from her. She pops another beer.

As he hangs up the phone, Caroline puts the beer up on the dash and digs a birth control dispenser out of her purse. She holds it up to his face. He pushes it away from without recognizing it.

She takes one of the pills out and holds it in his face.

He takes the pill and pops it in his mouth. Caroline lets out a sharp laugh.

The Geek looks at her with horror. He frantically spits the pill out the window.

She slides over next to the Geek and purrs in his ear.

Caroline throws a huge kiss on the Geek, completely obliterating his view of the road.

It jumps a curb and rides twenty feet with two wheels on the grass. It rams a big plastic garbage can and jerks back into the street. The can sticks under the car, making a terrible racket.

Caroline drops her head in the Geek's lap. His eyes dart back and forth between the road and his lap and Caroline. His concerns about getting in trouble wilt in the heat of Caroline's passion.

The Rolls peels away into the night.

and OMITTED and

The Geek creeps through the bushes to the window. He looks around and knocks on the glass.

The bedroom is jammed with computer hardware-. A monitor is glowing with a three-dimensional representation of a pair of human brains. A printer is clicking away as it receives an overseas transmission from his Egyptian Dungeons and Dragons partner. Shelves are burdened with manuals, software, stacks of print-outs and precision tools. The walls are decorated with erotic print-outs -- women in compromising positions done in "e's", "a's" and "x's".

Cliff is sleeping in a single bed. He's wearing a black vinyl headband fitted with electrodes to scan and record the activity of his sleeping brain. He is connected to the computer and to his friend, Bryce, who is similarly out- fitted and is asleep on the floor next to Cliff's bed in a sleeping bag. Cliff and Bryce hear the Geek's insistant raps on the window. They both sit up.

The Geek knocks again. The window opens and Bryce and Cliff look out. They're still wearing their head gear.

181-B CONTINUED 181-B

The Geek hurries away.

The Geek yells back, O.C.

Cliff and Bryce look at each other.

The front door opens and Cliff and Bryce come out in their underwear and at-shirts. Cliff's carrying a Polaroid camera. He carefully closes the front door. They turn and stop dead in their tracks. Their mouths drop open.

is parked in front of his house with the top down. The Geek waves him on.

The Geek directs Cliff around to the front of the car. Cliff's dumbfounded.

The Geek hurries around to the driver's side. Cliff fumbles with the camera. The Geek gets in and puts his arm around Caroline. She snuggles up to him.

She lifts her head and offers a drunken smile. Flash!

The fully developed Polaroid picture of the Geek and Caroline. His eyes are closed. She's smiling and waving.

A Jeep CJ roars up to the house and stops. Dong flies out of the door and lands with a thud! on the lawn. His pants are still on his head. The Lumberjack leans out.

She squeals away. Dong lifts his weary head and reveals a punched-up face and broken glasses.

He passes out on the lawn.

DISSOLVE TO

The sun's coming up behind the house. An alarm clock goes off. Ginny shrieks.

Brenda hurries out of her room. Jim comes out after her.

Brenda gives him a dirty look and goes into Ginny's room. Jim crosses to the bathroom, thinking he's got it all to himself. Mike comes out of his room.

Mike closes his door. Jim opens the bathroom door. A beat and he slams it shut.

She's laying on her bed. Brenda's sitting next to her.

Ginny looks at Brenda like she's crazy.

\

The two grandmothers are trying to make breakfast together. They're as crabby as everyone else. They're in their house- coats. Dorothy is annoyed that Helen's smoking while she cooks. Howard's on the wall phone.

Fred comes in from the backyard with his nine iron. He's been out taking a few practice swings. Howard hangs up the phone.

( FRED

Maybe he drove back to Korea. Your car's not here either.

Howard chokes. Dorothy drops an egg.

Sam walks out of the living room and into the foyer with the blanket draped over her shoulders. She starts up the stairs. Brenda comes down the stairs. She stops as she sees Sam. She's upset.

Sam looks up at Brenda, puzzled by her concerned tone of voice.

She sniffles. Sam walks up a step and embraces Brenda. She comforts her mother.

191-A CONTINUED 191-A I SAM

It's okay, Mom.

Sara comes up the stairs. She stops to watch Brenda and Sam hugging.

Brenda breaks the embrace and wipes away a tear.

Brenda's annoyed at Sara's wise-ass misinterpretation of what she means.

Sara lets out a horse laugh.

She continues up the stairs.

She climbs the stairs to her room. She reaches the top and drops her blanket. She groans and covers her face.

has set his suitcase down on top of her albums. Samsonite feet on the virgin vinyl.

195 SAM 195

She sits down on the top stair and covers her face with her hands.

Sam looks down the stairs in horror.

Mike turns from the door to the third floor stairs.

Jim passes on his way to the other bathroom.

Jim·9oes into the bathroom.

She's curled up on her bed, talking on the phone.

She's sitting on her bed in T-shirt and panties listening sympathetically.

200 INT'.RANDY'S ROOM 200

She pulls the phone from her ear as Sam screams.

The grandparents are eating. From the third floor we hear Sam shriek. The grandparents look up from the breakfasts.

The family comes out dressed for the wedding. The men are wearing morning coats. The only one who's rented clothes fit properly is Fred.

Jim and Howard look at him wearily.

r JIM AND HOWARD

No ball room.

Sam's sullen and annoyed. She's in a dress. Ginny's in jeans, clutching her stomach. Brenda's in a simple outfit, carrying the wedding dress.

Jim slams the door and locks the deadbolt.

Brenda and the girls hurry to the garage and Brenda's car. Jim shuffles along with the old people.

Dong's laying in a heap on the grass. A dog is sniffing his head. It makes a circle and raises its leg. Brenda's car pulls out and speeds away. The dog pulls a large bra out of Dong's hip pocket and runs off with it.

and OMITTED and

r Jim's Buick shoots out the drive.

Fred notices Dong out the window. He points and laughs.

Howard and Dorothy c14anetheir necks. Dorothy screams. Mike laughs.

Jim slams on the brakes. The car doors open and everybody piles out. They run to Dong and shoo the dogs away.

JIM

( Aw, shit! I'm paying three grand \

for a wedding I'll never see!

Howard kneels down and cautiously touches Dong.

He rolls him over. Dong opens one eye. The other is swollen shut. He's still drunk and silly.

Howard looks up at Dorothy. Fred howls with laughter.

r FRED i Why he's plotzed! Bombed right out

of his noodle!

Dong giggles.

Sweet, kind Dorothy draws her leg back and kicks Dong in the groin.

\

Brenda helps Ginny down the church steps. Sam and Sara trail behind. The church Organist comes out the door to greet them. She's a portly woman in her sixties.

Brenda steps in front of Sara to shut her up.

i \..' GINNY

Try three.

The Organist's eyes open wide at the mention of hell.

Jim's car pulls up alongside the Rolls Royce. The grand- parents, Jim and Mike get out. Fred's still chuckling. Howard helps Dorothy. She's limping. We hold on the Rolls.

The top's down and Caroline is asleep in the Geek's arms. Somehow, during his night of wild fun, he's remembered to put on his orthodonic headgear. A modest bird dropping is splattered on one of his eyeglass lenses. There's a lip- stick mark on his forehead. Caroline snuggles against his chest. She plants a sleepy kiss on his chest and opens her eyes. Half her hair is missing from the night before.

She scoots up a bit and kisses his lips. He snores. She rears back from him.

She squints.

Sh~ sits up, dazed and confused. She rubs her throbbing head. She reaches into her lap, lifts a buttock and removes the Geek's hand. She leans back over him and studies his face. She holds his cheeks and turns his head back and forth.

The Geek moans softly and puts his arm around her. Caroline opens her purse. It's stuffed full of the hair her friend cut off the night before, she studies it for a moment and recognizes it as her own. She feels the uncut side then the bare side. If she weren't so baffled she'd scream.

r She looks gorgeous. The prettiest bride in the world. A beat and a silly, stoned smile breaks across her face. Her eyes slowly cross.

Brenda's holding Ginny up as Sam puts shoes on her. The painkiller's have kicked in.

The Organist opens the door and looks in.

Ginny lets out a titter.

The Geek's still sleeping. Caroline gently slaps his face.

The Geek stirs and opens his eyes. He looks around in bewilderment until he orients himself. He sits up with a start.

(' GEEK

Where am I?

The Geek peels off his headgear.

He cranes his neck and looks out of the car.

He notices that half her hair's missing.

The Geek scratches his head -- a faint memory comes to mind.

Caroline thinks for a troubled moment.

Brenda's walking Ginny up and down, trying to get her to drink coffee.

Ginny looks at Brenda with woeful, sleepy eyes. Sam and Sara watch from awindow bench.

Sara studies it, concentrating on the bust.

Sam curls her lip. She pushes in on one of her boobs. The cup caves in.

Jake's Porsche is parked out in front. He's at the front door.

Jake rings the bell. Inside we hear horrible moaning and groaning and animal-like bellowing. Jake peeks in the side door windows.

r Dong limps in wearing Brenda's pink bathrobe and boxer shorts. He's holding two cold cans of Coke to his temples. He's walking bow-legged. He has a black eye.

He moves the cans to the groin injury he sustained when Dorothy kicked him.

Dong opens the door. Jake is startled to see him. Dong is even more startled. He screams and slams the door closed.

Jake leans down and yells into the mail ch~te.

Jake steps back as Dong opens the door.

JAKE

l.. Don't jerk me around. Where is she?

I DONG

She get married.

Jake turns from the door, puzzled and bewildered.

Guests are filing in. Mike is an usher. A conservatively dressed couple walks in.

Mike points down the aisle.

A wildly dressed couple walks in. Mike looks them up and down and deduces from their clothing that they're guests of the groom.

Brenda's straightening Ginny's dress. She has her propped against the wall. Sam and Sara are waiting patiently with their bouquets.

Ginny nods, yes.

She leans over and kisses Ginny. Ginny smiles and keels over backwards.

Jim waits nervously for the music cue and the bride. In the adjacent room, we hear a loud thud! The organ comes up with the first bars of "The Wedding March." Jim rushes to the door of the anteroom and opens it. Inside we see Brenda helping a dazed Ginny to her feet.

The Organist stops playing and listens, along with everyone else, to Jim and Brenda.

They exchange embarrassed smiles. Behind them, the organist pokes her head out of the organ chamber window.

The Reverend nods politely.

Brenda helps Ginny onto Jim's arm. He supports her. Brenda hurries down the aisle, apologizing as she runs. She takes her seat. Sam and Sara pick up Ginny's train. Jim starts down the aisle with Ginny.

Ginny flashes stoned smiles as she shuffles down the aisle.

Jim squeezes her arm. She shuts up. They pass a woman with ~ feathered hat and Ginny can't resist batting the feather.

Caroline and the Geek are chatting amicably. There's a hint of tenderness in the conversation.

( GEEK

I was?

The Geek is flabbergasted. He looks at his arms.

Jake's car pulls up in front of the church. A rented limousine is waiting. The Driver is leaning on the fender smoking a cigarette.

JAKE

/ (to the Driver) \ Is there a wedding going on in there?

The Driver looks at him like he's crazy.

He revs his engine and whips around into the parking lot.

Jake pulls up alongside the Rolls. He stands up and looks out his sunroof into the Rolls.

Caroline and the Geek are locked in a passionate kiss. Through half-closed eyes, Caroline sees Jake.

She pulls away from the Geek, leaving him Frenching the air. She smiles at Jake.

The Geek hears Jake's name .. His eyes open in fear. Caroline straightens her blouse and pushes her hair back.

She stands up and swings her legs over the side of the Rolls.

The car phone rings. Geek answers it. He's annoyed.

He hangs up.

Caroline gets in the passenger side. She's nervous and unsure of how's she's going to explain herself. He's just as nervous. They both sit for a moment, exchanging timid, embarrassed glances.

She's embarrassed to admit to her feelings for the Geek. Jake smiles. Regardless of how little he's been feeling for Caroline, it still hurts him that shewas with somebody else. It's a knee-jerk reaction.

Jake nods uneasily.

Jake nods. There's an uncomfortable pause. For the first time, Caroline looks innocent and vulnerable.

· JAKE True.

' Jake is seriously straddling the fence between Sam and Caroline. He hadn't anticipated this conversation or Caroline's changed attitude. He doesn't know what to say.

Jake looks over at Caroline. It's his decision. The situation is of his making and he accepts that it's also his to resolve. He nods his agreement.

Sunlight streams in the windows, the stained glass glows. It's peaceful and serene as the ceremony is underway.

Tears well up in her eyes as she watches her big sister take the vows. She looks like an angel and even the yellow dress she hated so much looks lovely on her. There's a storm of emotion going on inside her. She's happy, jealous, sad, lonely, angry, hurt. She sniffles a,ndtries not to cry. Something distracts her. She looks down at her chest.

The caved-in cup ~lowly pops out.

The grandmothers are crying. Howard sniffles. Fred blows his nose with a loud honk!

Mike's eyes are wandering across the ceiling. Sara's picking her seat.

They watch with pride. Brenda's crying. Jim lifts his glasses and dries his eyes.

Rudy and Ginny exchange their vows. The Reverend speaks in hushed and pensive tones.

Ginny interrupts him in a casual, slurry voice.

They exchange troubled glances. Brend~ looks past Jim to Rudy's parents and apologizes with a weak smile.

Their mouths are open in alarm.

Ginny peels off her veil and tosses it onto a floral arrangement.

The Reverend clears his throat, overlooks Ginny's stoned "interruption and continues.

She winces at the mess Ginny's making of her wedding.

Sara rolls her eyes. Mike shakes his head and covers his face with his hands.

He repeats the vow for Rudy.

Rudy's best man hands him Ginny's ring. Sam hands Ginny Rudy's ring.

\ nearly as shitty on you as it did

at the store.

Sam turns Ginny .around to faceRudy. Ginny drops the ring.

She gets down on all fours and picks it up.

All four lean forward at the same time, hardly believing what they're seeing.

The Reverend races through the rest of the ceremony to get it over with before anything else happens.

Ginny and Rudy exchange rings.

-

247 CONTr'NUED 247

Rudy puts his arms on Ginny's waist. He leans forward and puckers. Ginny keels over backwards, leaving Rudy kissing air. Organ music surges in.

Both families stream out of the church and gather around the door. The photographer sets himself up at the bottom of the stairs. Ginny and Rudy come out and everybody tosses rice. Ginny tries to catch some in her mouth. Rudy quickly hustles her to the waiting limousine. The crowd begins to head toward the parking lot.

She remembers that Ginny's left her veil inside.

She turns and goes back into the church.

She heads back up the aisle for the altar. She wipes her tears away as she walks. She reaches the altar and retrieves the veil from the floral arrangement. She straightens it out and very carefully and reverently folds it.

The four of them head across the lawn.

Jim and Brenda approach with Mike and Sara trailing behind. Jim and Brenda are bickering.

Brenda hurries away. Jim ushers the old folks to the street.

The photographer comes up and tries to pose Jim and the old people.

He groans and joins the old folks in a group pose. They all smile. Flash!

Jim and the old folks cross the street between the traffic jam of horn honking cars.

Sam comes out of the church to find that her thoughfulness in retrieving Ginny's veil has been rewarded by her being left behind. The crowning blow. She stands alone on the church steps in her stupid dress with her stupid flowers, tears on her face. She looks down at the ground. The loneliest girl in all of creation. She looks up and wipes her tears on her arm. She drops her head again.

r Her head is bowed. She looks up slowly through her hair. She pauses with her head raised halfway. She can't believe her eyes.

have all pulled away and parked on the street directly across from the church is Jake's Porsche. Jake is standing next to the car, looking across at Sam. He's smiling nervously. He raises his hand, offers a tiny, tentative wave.

For a moment, she doesn't think he's talking to her. She glances over her shoulder to make sure he's looking at her and not someone behind her.

His smile fades. He interprets her hesitation in returning his greeting as rejection. He feels like a fool.

He carefully reaches around behind and opens the door. Then he quickly jumps in and starts the engine. He pulls away.

Her eyes open wide in horror. She screams.

She takes off down the steps.

Jake slams on the brakes. He sees Sam running. He throws the car in reverse and backs up to the church. He jumps out. Sam waits for a car to pass, th~n runs to him.

r J She doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to say. It's the moment they've both been waiting for and neither one knows what to do.

Jake gets back in the car. He puts it in gear and starts to pull away.

Jake stops.

Jake grins from ear to ear.

Jim is helping the old people into the car. Something catches his eye. He watches curiously.

opens his car door for Sam. Sam sees Jim. She points to Jake as he walks around to the driver's side to let Jim know that Jake is the love of her life.

263 JIM 263

a smile spreads across his face as he realizes that Jake is the boy Sam was talking about the night before. He winks anelgives Sam the thumbs up.

Without taking his eyes off Sam, Jim slams the car door, cutting off Dorothy.

264 DOROTHY 264

through the backseat window, we see that Jim has closed the door on her hat.

265 SAM 265

She throws Jim a big kiss and gets in the car.

Brenda, Jim, Mike and Sara are under the portico. Brenda's worried, Jim is smug and coy. He knows where Sam is. He plays along with the others.

The family heads back into the club. Jim hangs back smiling knowingly.

The room is dark except for a fragile glow of yellow in the center of the pool.

A birthday cake with sixteen lit candles rests on a styrofoam ring floating in the pool. Sam and Jake are in the water on either side of the ring, looking across the candles at each other. They slowly circle the cake, looking long and deep into each other's eyes.

..- 268 CONTINUED 268

He leans across the cake and kisses her.

Sam smiles.

Sam looks down at the cake, takes a deep breath and blows out the candles.

BLACK SCREEN

Music up. "Sixteen Candles." Big, loud and bright as we begin:

'