"REVENGE OF THE NERDS" (1984)

~ E,. - INTERSCOPE C01111UNICATION$,nu:.

~

-

~EVENGE OF THE NERDS

by

Steven Zacharias

and

Jeff Buhai

For Educational

Purpo~on1y

10?00WJl<hire8oul""'"r.:1 September 2, 1983 Wte1400 LosAngeles,Cafifornfa9002'4 213208-8525Telex696122

FADE IN:

A late model station wagon drives down a typical Ohio highway. There are four passengers in the luggage-loaded station wagon.

BOB PINSKY, 18,is tall, cute and shaped like an 'A'. He is slightly overweight,prematurely bald and wears glasses. He is wearing a wrinkled white shirt,black polyester pants that bag at.the waist,white socks aridblack leather shoes.

PINSKY'S FATHER,who looks just like him, sits next to him and is driving.

LEWIS SKOLNICK,18, is thin with a winning smile and large Adam's apple. He has thick sandy hair that's in need of a haircut. A pair of taped-together glasses rests on his larger than average nose. He wears a Chicago White Sox cap, Hawaiian shirt, blue jeans and black sneakers. A green plastic, pen- filled 'NERD PACK' is in his front shirt pocket.

LEWIS' FATHER sits in the back seat next to him.

MR. PINSKY sets the automaticspeed control on the dashboard. He speaks to his son.

PINSKY.~ I've got it writtendown. _,,,-.· ..

It's impossible to geta room if you don't.

Mr. Pinsky becomes concerned ..withaslow-moving tractor in front of them. He applies the brake, looks in the rear view mirror, and passes the tractor.

Mr. Pinsky sets his speed control again. He looks in the rear view mirror at Lewis.

Lewis can't believe what his father has sald. He breaks out into one of his huge honking laughs.

Pinsky smiles. Mr. Pinsky shakes his head but gets a kick out of Mr. Skolnick, also.

Mr. Skolnick has a big grin.

,.r

The station wagon turns off the road. A sign reads: JOHNSON CITY, OHIO •••pop12,381.

The station wagon drives through the peaceful tree-lined streets of the quiet midwestern campus.

It's the week before classes are to begin. Male and female STUDENTS lazily crisscross the campus.

Establishing shots of the LIBRARY, STUDENT ONION, FRATERNITY/ SORORITY ROW, CLASSROOMS, DORMS, etc.

The boys look out the window at the campus.

Mr. Pinsky gazes at his son tearfully.

It's an emotional moment for the Pinskys~-

The station wagon pulls up in front of the ADMINISTRATION BUILDING.

The Pinskys and the S.)s:olnicksge~out of the wagon.

The Pi~skys go to the rear of the wagon to unload the gear.

The Skoln._icksstretch their legs and observe the campus activity.

MR, SKOLNICK I envy you, Lewis. This is one of the finest institutions in the entire state. You're going to do great here.

Mr. Skolnick puts his arm around Lewis.

Mr. Skolnick and Lewis both react as a group of SEXYCOEDS saunter on by.

Lewis looks a little sheepish.

Mr. Skolnick senses his son's unease. He puts his arm around Lewis' shoulders and takes him for a walk. ·

Lewis looks surprised.

They both share a iaugh.

MR: SKOLNICK And you've got a great sense of humor. You'll find the right girl and everything will just sort of blossom. (then) I really believe in you, Lewis. Remember you're my son, you're a winner.

Father and son share the moment.

The Pinskys are unloading a large trunk from the rear of the station wagon.

MR. PI_NSKY College isn't like high school. You'll be on your own. I want you to be careful.

Mr. Pinsky smiles at his son. It's always been hard for him to communicate to his boy.

It• sanawk:-1ardmoment for the Pinskys.

Mr. Pinsky changes the subject with a joke.

The Pin?kysshare a laugh.

Lewis joins the Pinskys at the back of the wagon.

Mr. Skolnick calls out from the front of the car.

Pinsky goes over to Mr. Skolnick, leaving Lewis alone with Mr. Pinsky.

• LEWIS Quite a day, aye Mr. Pinsky.

Mr. Pinsky gives Lewis a hug.

Mr. Skolnick hands Pinsky a present.

, MR. SKOLNICK I've known you since kindergarten. You're Lewis' best friend. (then} - -~ Open it up. ,;:'""

Pinsky opens the gift. It's a brand new imitation alligator 'nerd pack.• Pinsky is somewhat r~mused.

Pinsky andMr. Skolnick hug ~ach other.

Pinsky joinsLewis at the back of the station wagon. They struggle toremove a large trunk. After the car is unloaded the boys embrace their fathers and say goodbye.

The fathers get in the car and, wet-eyed, wave goodbye to their sons.

Lewis and Pinsky are left alone at college.

In a scene reminiscent ofLAUR.ELand HARDY'S "The Music Box," Pinsky and Lewis are struggling .across thecampus carrying their extremely heavy trunk piled high with assorted possessions, books, cassettes, toilet articles and a decorative pirate saber.

As they pass throughFRATERNITY/SORORITY ROW in the b.g. a wild party is going on at the jock house,ALPHA BETA. MUSIC is blaring. JOCKS are chugging beer to impress theirGIRLS. One jock holds another out ofa second story window by the ankles.

PINS'"CY I hope you're right. You know I've always been shy. I guess I have trouble meetingpeople. ,r • _,_ ..LEWIS. I'll help you. We're going to do fine. College is a who).,,new ball game. Brains and wit are what count here •.Peoplejudge you differently than they did in high school.

CONTINUED;

Suddenly from the second story balcony of the ALPHA BETA house a huge JOCK poi_ntsdown at them and bellows out.

Next to OGRE are STAN GABLE and his girlfriend, head cheerleader BETTY CHILDS. They are all laughing and pointing at Lewis and Pinsky.

Lewis and Pinsky put down the trunk and look around for the nerds and see no one else on the street.

Ogre bellows out again.

Lewis and Pinsky hurriedly pick up their trunk and start walking away.

Ogre, Gable and Betty are laughing hysterically on the balcony as they enter the ALPHA BETA house to return to the party.

CtlTTO:

Betty, Gable and Ogre re-enter the party. It's in full swing, nobody parties like a bunch of jocks. Muscles are flexing to try and impress beautiful girls amongst blaring _MUSIC. COUPLES are dancing. Jocks are doing push-ups -:,ithgirls standing on their backs. One jock is throwing up in somebody's shoe. These are the beautiful people at play.

Stan Gable is the most beautiful_person. He walks through the crowd, looking "cool,.,,.withBetty.

A "purple passion" drink is being made in a garbage can which they stir with a canoe paddle. They throw in everything and the kitchen sink into the drink. An extremely strong b~otlegged 1iquor is the key.

Suddenly, a DEFENSIVE END yells out:

A garbage can, filled with beer, is dumped down the stairs.

A JOCK makes a run down the hall and dives, head first,down tJiestairs.

Everyone cheers as the JOCK #1 gets up and signals for praise.

Gable and Betty are petting heavily on a living room couch. They are both moaning.

Suddenly they are interrupted by a voice.

VOICE Gable, telephone.

Gable and Betty are annoyed. Gable gets up and goes to the phone.

INTERCUT the following conversation between·Gable and a stereotypical NERD. The nerd sits in a sparsely-furnished room. Behind him are a mini-computer, bound copies of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC and a half-eaten can of Franco-American Spaghetti. The nerd has blond hair, wears glasses, a terry cloth bathrobe and is trying to grow a mustache.

Gable reacts nervously.

GABI.lr.o· · Jwhispering-> I told you not to call me here.

Gable hangs up the phone and nervously looks to see if anyone has overheard him.

Pinsky and Lewis arrive at the Freshman Dorm.

They have finally made it across the campus with the heavy trunk. They struggle up the stairs and triumphantly drop the trunk on the bed. They are exhausted and proud at the same time.

Lewis checks out the view from the window.

Pinsky sits down on the bed. He looks around the room thrilled.

Lewis surveys the room.

Lewis begins to unpack. He drops clothes all over the floor. He is messy.

Pinsky can't believe the mess ~hatLewis is making as he unpacks.

Lewis is oblivious as he continues to trash theroom while he unpacks his portable computer.

Pinsky brightens with enthusiasm.

women-r

Pinsky and Lewis are thrilled.

DANNY BURKE, Stan's best friend, comes running up with the Ogre. Burke holds up a bottle of bootleg liquor.

Stan suavely takes a swig. The liquor is so strong, however,. he's forced to spit it out.

The Ogre is waiting with a lighter that is more like a miniature blowtorch.

The booze ignites, causing a flame like a fireblower.

The Ogre takes a huge swig of the-liquor, blows out and ignites an enormous flame. - ··

/"

The party Just continues as more and more JOCKS are running around lighting FIREBALLS.

The curtains catch on fire.

A JOCK races in with a fire extinguisher, but instead of putting out the fire, he sprays the JOCK who started the fire.

CONTINUED;

Everyone laughs.

Gradually, they succeed in setting the house on fire.

Everyone is so drunk, they just laugh at the fire as they leave the house. They think it's a riot.

And everyone thinks that's funny too.

Stan Gable faces COACH HARRIS and DEAN ULICH. Coach Harris is a tough, mean-spirited son-of-a-bitch with absolutely no humanity. He's a man who feels the slightest show of feelings will cost you five yards. Dean Ulich is a nerdy 40-year-old woman, who tries to be attractive.

In the b.g. the jock house is burnt to the ground. FIREMEN are still working on it. Smoke is still smoldering.

The jocks are still throwing the football around, laughing, talking to girls, etc. They are completely unaffected.

Danny Burke almost crfshe~ into them while catching a pass.

Gableand coach Harris shoot Burke a dirty.look.

Danny Burke, catching a pass, runs by.

Coach Harris starts to laugh.

So do Gableand Burke.

Dean Ulich isn'tlaughir1g. She looks concerned.

The laughter continuesOVER.

Danny Burke leads theway as the jocks storm into the dorm.

TheFreshmen, looking likeref~~es, are filing out.

Jocks are throwingti,:eFreshmenrspossessions out of the windows. ·

Dean Ulich and Coach Harris stand atop aJiant flat-bed truck parked in the street in front of the dorm. Dean Ulich talks througha BULLHORN.

Suddenly Coach Harris grabs the Bullhorn away fromthe startled Dean.

The scene is frantic as the Freshmen are being herded out of the dorm.

Coach Harris is very much in control as he barks out commands like a recruit camp drill instructor.

Pinsky and Lewis are hurriedly carrying their trunk out of the dorm.

Jocks running in to select the best rooms have no regard for the freshmen.

The trunk tilts. Lewis' eyes pop open as he watches the pirate saber slide towards his head and come to rest on his forehead.

Lewis drops the trunk, causing..every~hingto fall to the floor.

The Ogre steps on Pill'Sky'scasse"ttes,makinga crunching sound.

The Ogre steps on a tube of toothpaste, causing it to squirt all over Pinsky's possessions.

Dean Ulich holds the door for Pinsky and Lewis who have gathered up all their possessions.

The Freshmen who are gathered outside the dorm are now surrounded by FRATERNITY MEMBERS carrying posters with their fraternity's name on them.

DJ;:ANULICH Because of the housing problem, I am allowing freshmen to join and live in fraternities. The fraternities are now free to select new members.

The Fraternity Members flock through the Freshmen like it's a gold rush. It's chaos as they try to enlist new members.

Pinsky doesn't share Lewis' enthusiasm.

Pinsky tries to share Lewis'enthusiasm.

Lewis puts his arm aroundPinsky.

Nobody goes up to Pinsky and Lewis, while all around them· Freshmen are being picked by the eager Fraternity Members.

As the tidal wave of Fraternity Members and the Freshmen they have picked recedes; they leave a sad-looking group of passed-over Freshmen by the truck.

These include;

HOWARD LIPSCHULTZ, 'Henry Kissinger' in an 18-year-old's body. Howard is completely out of it. He looks, acts and sounds like an old man.

TAc"'<ASHI,aJapanese~Americancomputer genius, whose family has lived in the U.S. since the Civil War.

LOUIE 'TheBoeger' DAWSON, a 'D' student in high school with 800 S.A.T.'s who masturbates in study hall and eats boogers.

LAMAR LAWSON, a gay nerd from the South, who is majoring in computer design.

TEN OTHER nerds, misfits, foreign exchange students and spazzes are huddled together on the tiuck.

Lewis and Pinsky lift their trunk up on the flat-bed truck and join the other nerds.

Everyone is feeling bad and sorry for themselves.

Lewis has no idea that he's a nerd.

Pinsky just shrugs his shor,1ders.

But £or.Lewis hope springs eterna1.

The truck starts to pull away from the don:iwith a sudden lurch. Some of the nerds are knocked over by the sudden movement.

Lewis remains unfazed.

Pinsky hopes Lewis is right.

The truck drives off.

As the nerds settle into the gymnasium, the 30 empty cots keep reminding everyone of the ones who found a place to live.

Pinsky and Lewis carry the trunk to some empty cots. Lewis immediately starts to make the best of the situation by hanging up blankets for privacy.

Nearby HAROLD WORMSER, a 12-year-old computer genius, is sitting on a cot with his MOTHER and FATHER.

MRS •WORMSER They're going to find you a place to live.

Wormser can't believe his parents are abandoning him.

The Nerds all react. It's true.

In the background Lipschultz is carrying in a rack of three- piece suits. He hangs them up by his cot.

Lewis starts setting up his computer. Pinsky starts unpacking his clothes. i In the background Takashi and Booger are playing a furiousgame of speed chess. {No game takes longer than 60 seconds.)

Suddenly Lewis thinks of something.

Betty Childs is with A GROUP of-too-cool sorority GIRLS on the patio in front of their house.

/

Lewis heads right up to them. Pinsky follows.

The girls all eye Lewis in disbelief.

Lewis breaks into his embarrassing laugh. Pinsky is totally embarrassed.

BETTY· {mocking) You know guys, picking the right frat can be one of the most important decisions of a man's life. Guys like you have to weigh your choices carefully.

Several girls giggle. Pinsky looks at his shoes.

The girls are bewildered.

The others hold back_q-igglesas they all ad lib agreement.

/ . PINSKY I thought Alpha Betas are all jocks and face men?

l:l.ETTY Yes, but you've got that certain something I think they'd be interested in. I'll call and tell them you're coming.

Lewis eyes Pinsky hopefully and affectionately puts his arm around Pinsky's shoulders.

Betty is on the phone with Stan Gable.

BET'l'Y Hello, Stan, I've got a couple of nerds I think-you guys would really enjoy.

CUT TO,

(REFERRED TO AS ALPHA BETA BOUSE FROM HERE ON)

Gable is on the phone with Betty. In the b.g. the Alpha Betas are putting the PLEDGES through an "initiation." Several members are dressed in black hoods and athletic supporters. Their muscles are rippling as they carry huge paddles. The Pledges are doing push-ups in their underwear.

The CAMERA pans up the guy next=""tohim. It's a BL."l\.CKJOCKwho is two times Stan's h,fl-ight.Whenit reaches his face, he says:

;,.r . BLACK JOCK (solemnly) Me too.

• == Script Fly.com == 22.

The Ogre looks down at Pinsky and Lewis.

Pinsky and Lewis follow Stan Gable into the great hall, a living room that has the shades down, the lights off and that is lit only by candles.

The Alpha Betas are all gathered in a semi-circle. They are all in various stages of undress.,some have hoods covering their faces. They all hold paddles and hum the fraternity song.

Gable hands them each a rubber.

o.c. Baal 1

Danny Burke comes into the great hall leading a large SHEEP on a leash.

Pinsky and Lewis are terrified.

A HOODED ALPHA BETA approaches the two nerds.

The Alpha Betas cheer, beat their paddles against the furniture and walls. The noise is deafening and ominous.

Pinsky and Lewis are scared to death.

Pinsky joins Lewis in undressing. When they finish they turn and face the screaming Alpha Betas, wearing only their jockey shorts.

The Alpha Betas stop screaming and pounding their paddles and begin to laugh hysterically.

Suddenly the Hooded Alpha Beta pounds on the piano.

Suddenly the Alpha Betas begin screaming and pelting Lewis and Pinsky with eggs, beebees from slingshots, air guns and pea- shooters.

Pinsky and Lewistry to cover themselves as they cower under th~piano.

The hooded active pounds the piano as the barrage continues.

ALPHA BETA HOUSE - SHOWER ROOM.

Pinsky and Lewisare in the large shower room, standing on a desk.· The~reyes are b1inded by spot1ights held by some of the Alpha Betas who are standing in front of the two nerds.

The Alpha Betas scream out.

ALPHA BETA fl Have you ever made love to a woman?

ALPHA BETA ll2 Liars!

Suddenly several Alpha Betas pour waste baskets filled with ice water over the naked nerds.

Pinsky and Lewis shiver at the freezing ice water.

The Alpha Betas fire a barrage o"fquestions at the two nerds, all the while throwing ice water on their near-naked bodies.

ALPHA BETA 4!4 Have you ever seen your mother naked?

ALPHA BETA fl5 Do you want to be an Alpha Beta?

ALPHA BETA ll6 When was your last nocturnal emission?

Pinsky and Lewis stand in fron"l:::-~fthe Alpha Betas.

Buckets filled with ~rup and molasses are poured over the two nerds, covering them from head to toe.

The Alpha Betas begin pe~.tingand covering Lewis and Pinsky with flour, feathers, cereal, bird seed, etc.

They are literally "tarred and feathered."

Suddenly a HOODED ALPHA BETA lifts Lewis up in the air and passeshi.~to another Alpha Beta. The same is done to Pinsky.

The two nerds are passed from Alpha Beta to Alpha Beta and are eventually thrown out of the open window into the alley.

The Alpha Betas laugh, hoot and scream hysterically from the windows as Lewis and Pinsky pick themselves up.

Pinsky and Lewis enter the gym, still covered in the goop.

The dregs of the dorm are still living on cots in the gym. All the nerds are gathered together under one roof and nobody wants them. As Pinsky and Lewis make their way to.the showers, they can't help thinking that it's not a pretty sight.

Lipschultz is practising the violin. Several nerds listen attentively.

Louis •~heBoeger' Dawson lies on his cot and has his finger up his nose as he reads comic books.

Lamar, the gay Southern nerd, is doing 'Jane Fonda Exercises.• He wears a retainer that is supported by a strap that goes over his head. A picture of Diana Ross is above his bed.

TWENTY OTHER NERDS, misfits, idiots, and spazzes are making the best out of their living quarters as they memorize famous chess moves, eat cream cheese and.olive sandwiches and play with pet tarantulas.

/

The 30 empty cots keep reminding everyone of the ones who found rooms.

EVERYONE eyes Pinsky and Lewis as they walk into the showers.

Pinsky andLewis dry themsel~es off as they observe Takashi, Lipschultzand Wormser at the sinks. Takashi is brushing his teeth. Lipschultz is shaving. He uses a lather brush and is dressed in formal pajamas. Wormser is in "underroos." Lamar is applying Clearasil to his pimples. He still wears his 'nighttime' retainer.

Pinsky and Lewis react off of each other.

PINSKY

I-

Has anyone had any luck finding a place to live?

t~ORMSER The probabilities of a single element finding suitable housing, defined by the university as a room with a flush toilet, are a hundred.to one.

Pinsky and Lewis react with concern.

The nerds, dressed in an odd assortment of nerdy-looking bathrobes, pajamas and underwear, are getting ready to spend their first night of college life sleeping on cots in the gym. It's a depressing sight.

The nerds are gathered around Lewis, who is working at his computer. Lewis presses a button. Suddenly, the computer printer spits out along sheet of"'paper.

Lipschultz, Wormser, Lamar and Takashi look over Lewis' list.

Takashi, the team manager, walks onto the practice field weighted down with footballs, towels, water bottles and other equipment.

Gable and Burke, wearing their practice uniforms, notice him.

Gable rifles a football at Takashi.

Takashi turns and lets the ball bounce off his back as he drops everything he is carrying.

CU<J:'TO:

Takashi is collecting the jockstraps before the players take their showers.

,,-

Coach Harris passes by.

- COACH HARRIS (stares him in the eye - harsh) No.

Coach Harris just walks away. Takashi reacts. What is he supposed to do?

The players, led by Gable, Burke and Ogre, all whip their dirty jockstraps at Takashi as they head into the shower.

Lipschultz is dressed in a three-piece suit. He rings the doorbell.

A COLLEGE STUDENT answers the door.

The College Student laughs in Lipschultz's face and slams the door.

Lamar faces a TOUGH LOOKING GUY.

The ToughLooking Guy doesn't say a word. He just glares at Lamarwith total hatred.

Lamartakes the door,1iaru'l.'ieand~losesthe dooron himself.

Boeger,looking extremely greasy and reminiscent of a "Hell's Angel," rings the doorbell.

~ONTINUED:

A HOUSEWIFE answers the door·and is so petrified that he'sa "Charles-Manson-type" killer, she screams and slams the door.

Booger checks the house off his list.

Wormser approaches the front door and rings thebell.

A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN in a negligee answers the door.

Wormser is uncomfortable.

The Woman starts caressing Wormser's cheek.

Worrnser is scared to death ashe bolts away.from the front door and runs away down the sidewalk.

CUT TO;

TWENTY-FIVE STUDENTS are seated in front of individualcomputers working out a beginning program.

Pinsky is the teaching assistant for Beginning Computers101. He walks casually through theroom eating a candy bar.

Pinsky observes a slightly overweight coed who is having trouble with her computer. She..isJUDY ZELDIN.

_,,.,-.PINSKY' Take it easy. The computer is your friend._

Pinsky punches some keys on Judy's computer and the monitor lights up. Suddenly a nose appears. Then a chin. One by one, Judy's features appear on the screen.

Judy's face appears on the screen. Judy is amazed.

Pinsky punches up more keys and more facial features begin appearing.

Suddenly Pinsky's picture appears on the monitor alongside Judy.

Pinsky punches up some more buttons. And the computer speaks.

Judy reacts.

Pinsky hits some more keys. The two faces are given bodies. Pinsky's figure steals a kiss from Judy and runs away. Judy gives Pinsky a look. Pinsky wiggles his eyebrows.

A soup kitchen has been set up on one side of the gym. The slop they call food is being ladled onto the nerds' paper plates. Boeger is doing a burn as he goes through the line. Finally he_ explodes, throwing his plate.

Did you know Booger got SOO's on his S.A.T.'s?

As they react, Pinsky approaches. He's in a great mood.

•

Everyone shoots Boeger a look.

LEWIS We've got to find a place to live.

Lewis checks his computer print-out to see if he's at the right address. Several other addresses have already been crossed out.

·An elderly man, PA TRENT, answers the door.

MA TRENT is leading Lewis up a back staircase that leads up to a room. Pa Trent follows~

Ma Trent opens the door.

•CUT TO:

'Lewiswalks in and is astounded to see that the·room is fabulous. 2t's the dream room of the '80's.

A king-sized waterbed is flankeg ~y sophisticated stereo equipment and state-of-the-artcomputer. The.room has a giant big-screen TV, videoj.upe equipment, executive-size desk,remote control everything, refrigerator, beer on tap, air conditioner,· great posters on the walls.

Pa flicks a switch and the big-screen TV is filled with an incredible MTV number.

Pa opens up the closets, revealing racks of clothes.

Pa draws a beer from the tap.

Ma opens the refrigerator. The shelves are filled with an array of fantastic foods.

Lewis is extremely uncomfortable.

Lewis starts to leave.

CUTTO;

Lewis makes a hurried getaway down the front steps and out onto the street. He eyes the house, thankful to be out and away from the Trents.

Lewis .races around the corner, out of sight of the Trents.

Safe, he begins walking.

He observes a POLICE PADDY WAGON with POLICEMEN loadingWHORES .. into the back.

An OFFICER puts a "FOR SALE OR LEASE" sign up in front of the old Victorian whoreho~se,

Lewis stares at the sign for a beat.

Lewis enters.

Living together in the gym has taken its toll on the nerds. They are lying around like it's a prisonlllOVie.Clothes and possessions are strewn everywhere. Nerds are lying on their cots, hopeless, mouths open, gazing up at the ceiling. There's a sense of desperation.

Lewis goes up to Pinsky, who is playing cards with Lamar.

Wormser has heard this.

Takashi misunderstan~,-:an.dholas."upa computer chip.

Lewis can't believe what is happening.

/" The word spreads through the room like wildfire. E,rerywhere it goes, the nerds'- spirits are raised. Finally, it reaches Booger.

Lewis is thrilled.

Everyone is thrilled.

The entire pack of nerds stands looking at the dilapidated ex-whorehouse. It's a disaster.

The MUSIC is triumphant as the n~rds begin to clean the place up. .

Pinsky has taken charge. He holds a clipboard and barks out orders.

Takashi and Lamar carry some two-by-fours up the steps into the house.

Booger dances with a mop.

Lewis is assembling a model ROBOT.

Judy bounds up the steps. She sees people working everywhere.

Lewis is shaking a rug out the window when the floor caves in.

Judy rushes o,•er and she and Pinsky laughingly help Lewis out of the hole.

Even Lipschultz is vacuuming in.-abusiness suit,

/

Pinsky shows Judy his--room. It•·sspacious, with a wooden floor and large windows that overlook an old swimming pool which hasn't been cleaned .'.n20 years.

Lewis takes Judy and shows her his room; it's filled with computers and gadgets. The Robot ~snow fu11y assemb1ed and is vacuuming through its arm. Judy loves it. Pinsky and Lewis are proud.

CONTINOED:

Wormser, the 12-year-old, is:mopping up the kitchen.

That night, the bottle is passed around as the work continues. They are working hard, but they're having fun also.

Lewis gooses Pinsky with a mop.

The next day, the work continues.

Lewis is working on seven toasters. He has the parts all over the place as the other nerds are whipping the once-dilapidated house into shape.

Stan Gable, Danny Burke and Betty Childs pass by and see what is going on. They drive away muttering.

Lipschultz tries to-pound in a nail as they repair the hole that Lewis fell in. Lipschultz can't even pound in a nail.

Lewis is a mess as he tries to clean up the pool by himself.

Pinsky feels great as the house_·isreally shaping up.

Booger smokes a joint as he paints a wall with Takashi. Takashi takes a hit.

Everyone is in the pool, covered with mud as they help Lewis. Pinskydumps a bucket of water on Lewis.

The house looks great. Everyone feels great. The Robot is on the frontlawn with water spurting out of it like a sprinkler.

TheMOSIC ends.

The nerds are having breakfast. They are proud of the job they did in fixing up the house.

Pinsky is reading the newspaper. Lipschultz is in a suit, drinking coffee. worm~ar is in his pajamas. Lamar flits about.

Lewis observes the seventoasters., Simultaneously, the toast pops up, a gadget on eachtoaster flips each piece of toast onto a conveyor belt,and,-the_-conveyqrbelt dumps the toaston a • plate which is placed"onthe table by a long metal arm. Lewis is pleased with his invention.

-

Pinsky approaches the table carrying a tray with everyone's orders on it. He wears an apron.

Booger gets up picking his nose.

Suddenly a rock comes crashing through the dining room picture window. ·

There's a note attached.

Pinsky picks the rock up and reads the note.

The once-happy nerds now feel terrible.

A CAMPUS POLICEMAN goes into the building which has a large sign reading: CAMPUS POLICE.

Pinsky, Lewis and Booger are gathered around the SERGEANT'S desk. There's a lot of police-type activity in the b.g.

The Sergeant indicates a distinguished-looking man in his 60's sitting on a bench in handcuffs.

Betty beams with pride.

No response from the COUNCIL MEMBERS.

The Council Members react with interest.

EARL, doorkeeper for the Greek Council for the past 50 years, opens t~1elarge, ornate, floor-to-ceiling double drors and ushers Pinsky, Lewis, Lipschultz and Lamar into the chamber.

All the members of the Greek Council react with disgust at the invasion of their ha],.J.owedchambersbythe four nerds.

,;,.- . DEAN ULICH You .,cethe gentlemen who wish to form a fraternity?

P:INSKY That is correct.

The members of the Council eye each other in revulsion at the thought.

l,_,,.• Stan Gable is the first to give the thumbs down sign. The other members quickly follow~suit.

Pinsky, Lewis, Lipschultz and Lamar react in dismay.

Stan and Betty.love it.

Pinsky, Lewis, Lipschultz and Lamar walk home after the disappointing Greek Council session.

CUT TO; ,,,.

Pinsky, Lewis, Lipschultz and Lamar walk down a long office building corridor.

Lamar is looking at a long computer print-out of fraternities.

The nerds arrive at the Lambda Lambda Lambda national fraternity headquarters.

Three black sheep are emblazoned on the office door.

The nerds enter.

Pinsky, Lewis, Lipschultz and Lamar enter the office. It is filled with activity. Well-dressed secretaries, clerks and administrators, all of them Black, scurry around the large modern office.

The walls of the office are covered with composite photographs of all the fraternity's different chapters•..Every FRATERNITY MEMBER is BLACK.

Pinsky is stunned.

Lewis could care less. He approaches the RECEPTIONIST.

The receptionist looks the nerds over.

The receptionist indicates a couch and chairs. The nerds go and sit down.

Lipschultz picks up the Lambda Lambda Lambda bylaws and begins reading. Lewis starts humming soul music.

CONTINUED·:

Pinsky and Lamar look around.the office uncomfortably as they wait for Mr. Jefferson.

The nerds face JEFFERSON, a tall Black man in a well-tailored suit, and his ASSISTANT, ayoung Black accountant type.

O.N. and his Assistant start laughing at the nerds.

Lipschultz holds up the fraternity bylaws.

Jefferson is stunned.

Lipschultz brings the bylaws over to Jefferson and his Assistant.

Hepoints to a page.

He's right, U.N. We don't have a chapter at Johnson College. Any group that petitions can become a probationary Tri-Lamb chapter •

,,::: ASSISTANT I'm afraid not,U.N.

Jefferson goes back to the nerds.

The nerds are thrilled.

Lipschultz and Lamar nod their heads in agreement.

The nerds react with concern.

Lipschultz is practicing the violin.

Wormser is playing a video game on the giant-sized TV screen. Lewis is on the phone. Other nerds are hanging out as only nerds can. The Robot is watering the plants.

Lewis enters carrying his clipboard.

LEWIS- -· All right, I need some information. ,::'lEV"eRYONEpays , attention) How many of you men are coming to the party? (EVERYONE raises his hand) Great. Now, how many of you have dates?

CONTIJ"IUED:

No one raises his hand. No one has a date. EVERYONE just eyes Lewis, feeling pathetic;

Pinsky is engrossed in his computer. Judy looks around the room. Pinsky's room is fully computerized with every gadget and electronic convenience. Th~ swimming pool is right outside Pinsky's big bay window.

Judy watches some nerds having a chicken fight in the pool,

Pinsky doesn't answer, too engrossed with the computer.

Judy picks up a Shriner fez and puts it on her head. Pinsky doesn't notice.

Pinsky doesn't respond.

Judy climbs up on Pinsky's bed and stands on her head.

JUDY-~- Do y~μ t~ink yo~•re the kind of compif-Eernut who becomes so engrossed with the computer that you don't notice the world around you?

Pinsky doesn't notice Judy's weird position. He's into his computer •

Judy is smiling.

Pinsky turns and sees that she's been teasinghim.

Pinsky and Judy are both thrilled.

While Pinsky is falling in love, the jocks are pumping iron. Their muscles bulge as they perform incredibly strenuous lifts. These are monsters.

The Ogre is straining with his last bit of strength to do a curl. Stan Gable yells right in his face.

The Ogre completes the curl. Gable smiles, pleased, and gives him a friendly tap.

Betty Childs enters in her cheerleading outfit. She looks troubled.

GABLE-~' Hey,_,.Yet~y.Is..something wrong?

Gable takes the weight from ogre.

Betty and Ogre react, curious about what Gable is upto.

Gable begins curling the weights. E-~eryinch of his body strains. Ogre coaches him.

Gable grimaces as he continues to complete his curl.

CUT 'l'O:

The nerds are having a meeting. They're all depressed.

tamar reacts. It'sthe truth.

Suddenly the sounds of singing can be heardfrom the streets. I Lipschultz is the first nerd to get to the window.

The nerds rush to the window.

The entire PISORORITY is marching down the street and up on the front lawn of the Nerd House.

It's aCANDLELIGHT SERENADE. The Pi's enthusiastically sing the sorority song. Betty leads the way._ I

The nerds rush to the window and open the door. EVERYONE is thrilled.

Boeger charges downthe stairs.

The Pi Sorority stands in front of the house and continues singing. - ,.

Gradually, the nerds;'.'.'.'with theexceptionof Pinsky, file out on the porch. Thenerds are stunned but love it.

The Pi 's finish their songwi.tha flourish. Betty steps forward.

Betty steps back into line and thePi's"break into another of.those ridiculous serenade'routines.

Hair pie!

As the Pi's continue their serenade:

It's the day of the party. The nerds are scattered around the porch and lawn, talking. Everyone is dressed up.

Stan Gable is talkingwi':..,itheBLONDNERDWITH GLASSES behind . a trash dumpster of a supermarket.

BLOND"""NERD Iwan_J;:my_money,,Stan.

Gable is nervous. He acts as if he doesn't want anyone to see him.

The Blond Nerd acts as if he's heard this one before.

':UTTO:

so.

Gable is reading. He's having trouble seeing the page. He looks around,makes sure no one is there, and pulls a pair of glasses out of a drawer. ·

He puts the glasses on and looks at himself in the mirror. He resembles the blond nerd he was talking to at the shopping center. His shirt is untucked, Be wears black gym shoes with white socks.

Burke enters.

Gable grabs Burke by the collar and throws him up against the wall.

Gable realizes he's totally lost his mind. r

COT TO;

Food is being served by the swimming pool. There's way too much because none of the Pi's have shown up yet.

A nerdy band is playing poorly.

Lamar and his date are trying out some new dance steps.

U.N. Jefferson and his Assistant are eating dip and looking around at the nerds in disbelief.

Judy is the only girl at the party.. She is with Pinsky.

Lewis is with U,N. Jefferson.

_,,,..U,N,.J:EFFERSON WherEfare all these girls we've heard so much about?

CONTINUED;

S1.

U.N. Jefferson and his Assistant eye each other.

Lewis and Pinsky are depressed. The Pi's still haven't shown up. Judy is with them.

Judy rushes off.

Lewis rushes up.to Lipschultz, Takashiand Boeger.

_;{pickinghisnose) Oh, no, not the Mu's. They're a bunch of pigs.

The OMEGA MU'S pour in the fjont door. They aren't really pigs, but more --likefemale versions of the nerds, except for_ FOUR extremely large girls who look like female ·PaulBunyans~ (On the other hand,several of the nerds could be classified as pigs.)

U.N. Jefferson and his Assistant can't believe their eyes.

The nerds are look~ng on as the Mu's enter. They are incredibly disappointed.

When they are all in, EVERYONE is uncomfortable.

Pinsky and Judy eye each other.

The nerds eye the Mu's.

The Mu's eye the nerds.

Both"sides are incredibly uncomfortable and lacking in all social graces.

The MUSIC is "Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog."

Both Tri-Lambs andMu's are static, uptight andshy~ No one is mingling with the exception of Pinsky and Judy. The girls are on one side and the guysare on the other.

U.N. Jefferson and hisAssistant are not impressed.

-:: . PINSKY:• Why won't they talk to each other?

Judy and Pinsky share alaugh. She likes to tease him and he likes everything she does.

ANOTHER ANGLE.

Two of the Mu's,MtCHELLE and JOANNE, survey the room. It's a drag. Everyone i-ssitting around uncomfortable and bored to death. Joanne getsan idea.

Michelle's eyes light up.

Joanne takes five marijuana cigarettes out of her purse, puts them together and rolls a giant cigar-sized•wonder joint.•

The 'wonder joint' is passed from nerd to nerd andfrom Mu to Mu.

A bottle of tequila is also making the rounds._One by one the nerds and Mu's begin to get loose.

An incredible transformation takes place. The Mu's let their hair-down. The nerds respond and begin dancing with the girls.

U.N. Jefferson isamazed at the transformation. He takes a big hit off the joint and passes it to his Assistant.

(referring to

the marijuana)

Th~s is good shit.

EVERYONE is having a great time. The MUSIC is louder. The nerds and Mu 's begin to•getdown~ '

,? . BOOGEi These Mu's can partywith the best of •em.

Suddenly Lipschultz breaks out and begins dancinglike a Wildman. A joint·aangies from his iips.

Michelle dances with him feverishly.

CONTINUED;

Booger begins dancing wildly with the FOUR BIG MU'S.

Everyone else is dancing also. It's a pack of nerds letting 'it all hang out.' It's Nerd Fever.

The Four Big Mu's are going wild.

Takashi goes up to the Robot and presses a series of buttons. Instantly a glass comes out of the Robot's stomach and beer pours out of the Robot into the glass. Takashi downs the beer and pushes the button again.

Lewis is dancing with Joanne. He takes a hit of a joint and dances his brains out. He dances like a spazz, but he loves it. Joanne laughs.

Joanne gives Lewis a kiss on the mouth. Lewis is shocked.

Lewis is blown out of his mind as he leaves the party and heads up to his room. He tries to play it cool,but he's never been in this position before.

The Robot follows Lewis and Joanne up the stairs and around the corner.

Suddenly Lewis appears at the top of the stairs with theRobot. He turns the Robot around and sends it back to the party. Where the crowd on the dance floor parts in order to give Lipschultz roOiilto dance.

Everyone goes wild as the 'Kissinger-like nerd' goes into an incredible James Brown routine. It's the high point of Lipschultz' life. Everyone loves it. Even U.N. Jefferson.

Everyone is on cloud nine.

Booger da.ncesslowly with a BIG MU. His hands are all over her as he thrusts his knee up into her loins. She doesn't seem to mind.

55,

Lipschultz ~nd his big Mu, CONNIE, are making out on the couch.

Lamar is dancing with a guy who has both his hands cupped around Lamar's buttocks.

Takashi is throwing up near the Robot in the corner.

Wormser is sitting .·onthe couch betweentwo big"."breastedMu• s. Every time they talk he follows their conversation by putting his head on the breasts of the girl who is speaking. When the girls stop, Wormser looks straight ahead into the camera and smiles from ear to ear. He is in breast heaven.

Across the room Pinsky and Judy stand with their arms around each other.

Pinsky offers Judy his hand.

Pinsky lays one on her. They break.

Joanne comes down the stairs. She's completely ga-ga. She practically floats in the air as a group of Mu's surrounds her.

MU tl Joanne, what happened?

Joanne mumbles to them in secret.__The Mu's all giggle and then look up at the top of the stairs.-

,r •

Lewis is wearing a sm'6kingjacket, ascot, and is smoking a pipe a la Hugn Hefner. He waves cockily with his pipe.

Lewis blows smoke rings and puts his finger through the center of the rings.

Suddenly a Mu screams out as a rat scampers across the floor. The other Mu's scream out as two more rats are seen. All of a sudden Booger goes wild.

r BOOGER

Holy shit!! .

Suddenly, a pack of huge greased pigs comes racing through the room.

Everyone is shocked.

Lewis tries to catch a pig, but it's greased.

The pigs run wild. Knocking over furniture. Everyone screams and races out the front door to safety.

A pig knocks over the Robot as beer gushes out of the Robot's ears,

A school bus filled with drunken Alpha Betas and Pi's is parked in front of the nerd house. Stan Gable is driving. Betty, Burke and Ogre are next to him.

BURXE

, (yelling)

Since you're having a pig party, we thought you could use more pigs.

Suddenly, all the windows on the side of the school bus facing the nerd house are filled with the bare asses of drunken Alpha Betas andPi's.

CUT TO;

The nerds and the Mu's react. They feel terrible,

EXT, NERO HOUSE - CONTINUEDACTION.

,.,.

The Alpha Betas and·€i•s·all chant:

The nerds are totally humiliated.

The Mu's are stunned.

The bus drives off.

EVERYONE is in shock.

U.N. Jefferson and his Assistant don't like what they have seen.

The lights are burning.

r l. The nerds are having a meeting.

/ Wormser, Takashi and several other nerds clamor in support.

U.N •.Jefferson and his Assistant just take it in.

Lewis, Lamar, Lipschultz and several others clamor in approval.

,r ,. . ,

There's a crossfire of support and disagreement.

U.N. Jefferson steps forward.

Betty steps out. of her roomand into the upstairs hallway. She is wearing a bathrobe and carrying a make-up bag. She passes several Pi's who are in the hall by the telephone.

PI tl That was fun tonight.

The Sorority Sisters share a laugh.

Betty turns the corner and enters the bathroom.

Betty enters the bathroom. Puts down her make-up bag by the sink and steps out of her robe and approaches the shower.

Betty pulls back the shower curtain and is shocked. Lewis is standing inside the shower.

Nerds are all over everywhere, screaming, running into rooms and chasing _1alf-dressedPi's.

Wormser and Lamar make their way into an attic window. They carry all_kinds of cos-~plicatedelectronic equipment, drills, wiring and cables.

They are dressed like commandos.

,r A_bare-breasted Pi hides behind the battle-axe of a HOUSE MOTHER.

Lewis leads the charge into a room. Pinsky, Booger, Takashi and Lipschultz follow him.

Wormser and Lamar drill holes in the wooden floor.

Lipschultz and Pinsky are in their gloxy as they take panties out of the dressers and hold them up in victory. ·

Suddenly, they see a drill coming through the ceiling.

They are pleased to see the drill but are interruptedby TWO Pl'S racing into the room.

Lipschultz and Pinsky divert the girls' attention from the ceiling by holding up the panties and racing out of the room.

The Pi's race after th~.

,,- .

Lipschultz and Pinsk:,-·coinerunning out into the hall holding up the panties.

Boeger sees them.

Booger charges into a room. -

The two Pi's are hot on the trail of Pinsky and Lipschultz.

CUT 'l'O:

Betty is yelling on. thephone.. She is dressed now. Lewis enters.

Betty drops the phone and smashes Lewis in the mouth. Lewis is almost knocked senseless. Betty continues her assault on him. She can beat the shit out of Lewis.

She beats him back into the ha.11.

The Pi's counterattack is pushing the nerds out. Lipschultz is being led away in a hammerlock. His panties are being taken away from him. Pinsky is getting the._shitkicked out of him.

The nerds retreat down the stairs. The Pi's are all after them.

The hallway is left empty.

wormser enters a window, carrying heavy equipment.

,,,.

The nerds are beaten up and pushed out the door. The nerds try and make it last as long as they ca:r,.

The nerds are beaten up and bruised but happy and exhilarated nonetheless.

Nobody has •.·The nerds feel greatanyway.

Wormser and Lamar join the group. Wormser gives the "thumbs up" sign.

The nerds begin singing their f~aternity song as they march home.

The nerds are all seated around the big-screen television, drinking beer and smoking big cigars.

Lewis has a piece of beef on his bruised eye. The others are all recoveringfrom their wounds, also.

Still in his commando outfit, Lamar hooks up a connection.

~r ·- -. LAMAR This should do it.

LSlllarflipsa switch.

Suddenly, the inside of the PI HALLWAY appears. Pi's are walking around half-dressed.

The nerds cheer wildly.

CO"'~INUED:

Lamar flips another switch and they are inside aroom.

A bare-breasted Pi works on her face in front of her vanity•.

The nerds go wild.

In the corner, there isa hole in the ceiling.

The Pi continues at her vanity,unaware of the intrusion.

There is a CAMERAwith the red light "ON."

Lamar switches again. It's another room but not much to see. Lamar switches again, and again, and again.

There's a totally naked Pi.

The nerds go wild.

ALL NERDS Bush! Bush! Bush! Bush!

On closer examination, it's Betty. She'son the phone and furious. r

Tllenerds have-stayed up ali nightwatching the Pi's. They are in various stages of disarray. Debris from the night before is spread around the room. They smokecigars.

Several Pi's are brushing their teeth in varying degrees of undress.

Takashi throws him a beer.

Wormser presses the button and.Betty is seen thrashing about enticingly on her bed.

Lewis presses a button.

The kitchen is fully mechanized. The Robotmops thekitchen floor. Simultaneously, coffee begins brewing, pancake batter is squirted out on to a griddle, six grapefruits arecut in · half, etc. only a computer nerd like Lewis could've devised such a system.

CUT 'l'O: ..

Everyone is sitting around the TV eating breakfast. Lewis grabs a bow1 and the box of Cheerios. Everyone e1se 9raba some food.

Lipschultz enters, ready to,starthis day. He wears a· three- piece suit and carries a briefcase. He's .surprised to see the nerds are still up,_eating breakfast and watching Betty.

Lipschultz notices Wormser holding the controls as he watches the Pi's on 'big-screenTV.'

Wormser answers the question by looking into the camera and grinning from ear to ear.

Lewis pops open a beerand pours it.into his Cheerios.

Pinsky, Lewis, Takashi and Boeger are hiding over in the corner of the locker room.

They observe· theTRAINERmix a bottle labeled "LIQUID HEAT" with tap water.

The trainer goes over to Ogre and startsgiving him a rubdown.

You should see what it feels like if I don't mix it with water.

Pinsky~ Lewis,Boeger and Takashi eye each other. Then they go over to the "LIQUIDHEAT," pick up several bottles and pour them all over the clean athletic supporters that the team is about to use.

The Team is about to 0

begin practice. The LIQOID HEAT" hasn't

started to hit yet. The FOOTBALL TEAM is gathered around Coach Harris.

The "LIQUID HEAT" is "startingto hit. The PLAYERS move around uncomfortably.

The "LIQUIDHEAT" is starting to hit. The Players are starting to go wild. Coach Harris thinks they are responding to his pep talk. He lays it on.

The Players are scr~ilfuinginpa!n.

The Players go into a fren~y.

Booger, Takashi, Pinsky and Lewis are watching from a safe distance. ~hey know it isn't the speech that's driving the Players out of their minds and they love_it. ·

Several Players rip off their uniforms and try to get outof their jockstraps.

Gable, Burke, Ogre and others race into the locker room.

Coach Barris is stunned. Be has no idea what is going on.

Takashi, Pinsky, Booger and Lewis hide behind the lockers as Gable, Burke and the other Players try to get into the hot tub.

Lewis loves it and starts his honking laugh.

Gable hears him.

Takashi, Pinsky, Booger and Lewis race out of the locker room.

The Football Pl~yers grab towels and wrap them around themselves and race after the fleeing nerds.

Students and Teachers go wild as they watch the three nerds running away from a pack of near-naked Football Players. The chase goes through the library,>around the campus. Dean Ulich reacts from her offiee window.

It's much moee difficult trying to run while holdin<; atowel around your waist and the four nerds finally escape.

It's a beautiful day. Students and Faculty stroll through the peaceful campus.

Pinsky and Judy sit talking on the grass near the school fountain.

Judy and Pinsky look into each other's eyes.

Pinsky's in heaven.

PINS:Ky·· Lewi,has been my friend since I knew what a friend was. His family moved into the neighborhood when we we:;ein kindergarten.

Lewis and Pinsky are laughing outside the hall.

Suddenly, a small truck pulls up. Stan Gable is driving.

The Ogre and Burke get out, grab Pinsky and Lewis,and throw them in the back of the truck. Lewis is kicking and flailing, but to no avail.

The Ogre and Burke get in. The truck drivesaway.

Lipschultz is studying in the stacks when the Ogre andBurke· lift him up and carry him away.

Boeger is being carried by Ogre and Burke. They throw him in the back of the truck with the rest of the nerds who are already stuffed in.

,,,..

u.N. Jefferson and his Assistant are walking along withDean Ulich.

Dean Ulich notices a·crowd of people.over by the school fountain. Everyone is laughing hysterically.

Dean Ulich, _U.N.Jefferson and his Assistant push theirway through the hysterically laughing CROWD.

They are stunned to see all the nerds naked and chained together inside the fountain.·

U.N. Jefferson can't believe what's happened. He silently walks up to the nerds, shaking his head.

Gable, Burke.and Ogre look on from their nearby truck.

They love it.

U.N. Jefferson leads the chain gang of naked nerdsback to the house. It's a ridiculous sight as the big~lack man leads the gang of naked, head-bowed nerds through the college campus. It's reminiscent of Paul Muni in "Fugitive from a Chain Gang."

CUT TO;

The nerds are all gathered around·in the living room in various stages of dress and.Jll,rehavingameeting.

REAR ANGLE of TWOMEN dress~a in bright-colored AFRICAN DASHIKIS, walking through the crowded casino.

ANOTHER ANGLE reveals the men to be Pinsky and Lewis.

Takashi and Wormser are in the slot machine area wherethe~ are winning JACKPOTS by putting magnets onto the slot machines!. They look up and react as they see Lewisand Pinsky.

Across the room, Boeger and Lamar observe theAFRICAN NERDS from the crap table.

lNT. CONVENTION ROOM -MOMENTS LATER.

Into the convention room stroll Pinsky and Lewis wearing their Dashikis. All the Blacks in the room stop whatever they are doing in stunned silence. They all stare at the two nerds.

Lewis -leads Pinsky up to U.N. Jefferson.

What do you say,bro?

Lewis offers U.N. Jefferson the Black soul handshake.

Jefferson reacts in disgust.

we thought we'd have a better chance at getting in if we met some of the bros.

U.N. Jefferson walks over to his Assistant.

Lewis approaches another conse!?Vatively-dressedTri-Lambwho looks like a BLACK RICHARD NIXON.

Hey, man, you got any reefer?

Black Nixon turns his back on Lewis.

CONTINUED;

Pinsky shakes his ·head.

Lewis approaches a beautiful BLACK WOMAN.

The Black Woman stares at Lewis.

She walks away.

In the middle of the room U.N. Jefferson is talking with his Aide.

U.N~ JEFFERSON Get those nerds-out of here, they're ruining our image.

U.N. Jefferson and his Assistant observe Pinsky and Lewis shucking and jiving out of theroom while giving each other 'five.'

The Blacks are appalled.

Pinsky and Lewisstr9ll througli.thecasino.

r- CONTINUED:

Lewis throws a kiss at agorgeous BRUNETTE who would only go out with 'James Bond.'

IHT. RESTAURANT -DAY.

Pinsky andLewis are having lunch with MEYER PINSKY. Meyer is a veteran Las Vegas casino operator who's seen anddone everything. The restaurant is the gaudiest Las Vegashas to offer. Meyer looks exactly like Pinsky.

The Assistant and a group ofTri-Lambs enter the resta-c,rant.

The Assistant sees Pinsky and heads over towards the table. Pinsky reacts.

U.N.'s Assistant arrives at the table.

Lewis gets up and steps to the side of theroom with the Assistant.

Lewis walks back to the table.

MEYER-~· Lewi;!,!y9uneed,,-,omen,you come tom'- You don't have to go to the Schvartzas.

Pinsky reacts weakly.

Meyer hands Pinsky an envelope and a large key in thesha~e of . a guitar.

Pinsky and Lewis walkdown the corridor. They stop at a large set of double doors with a garish picture of ELVISPRESLEY on them.

Pinsky places thel"argeguitar-shaped key into the locltand opens the door to the ELVIS SUITE.

"You ain't nothing but aHound Dog" begins to play.

They enter.

Pinsky and Lewis are looking around in amazement at the decadent splendour that is the ELVIS SUITE.·

There's a huge jacuzzi,two bars, two-story ceiling, big-screen TV, five bedrooms, etc.

Pinsky opens the curtains revealing a breathtaking,tac:ky view of the Vegas Strip and Lewisgoes over to a giant heart-shaped waterbed beneath a mirrored ceiling. Lewis settles in a giant overstuffed armchair and presses a button and MUSIC begins to play, a sun lamp comes out of the wall and strobe lights flash.

Pinsky and Lewis react to each other.

;::::PINS:Kl' It's going to be a great year.

Pinsky, Takashi, Lamar,Booefer,Wormser, Lipschultz and Lewis are at play inthe ELVIS SUITE.

Pinsky relaxes in the jacuzzi, watching agame show on th~ big-screen television.

Lipschultz andLamar are playing Blackjack with each other, trying to work out a system.

Booger and Wormserare at a computer.

Wormser smiles.

Wormser types on the keyboard.

GW 164 appears on the monitor.

LICENSE PLATE - GW 164.

The CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal Stan Gable's convertible.

Betty is nearing an orgasm.

Stan is taking a piss in the bushes.

Stan joins her when the POLICE CAR pulls up.

The COP approaches the car with his flashlight,checking out the license plate. It checks out.

Betty freaks out.

Takashi is bouncing around on the heart-shapedwaterbed reading n room service menu.

Lewis is wearing akimono and sunglasses as he sits in a big armchair under the sun lamp. H~ -pressesa button, the sun lamp goes off andMUSIC begins to play. Lights start flashing and the reading light comes out from the wall, but this time there is a bunch of grapesattached.~Lewis takes a bite and reaches for the phone.

79,

U.N. Jefferson and several other Brothers arrive at the door of the Elvis Suite. ··

They hear MUSIC from the inside.

The large double doors to the suite open andU.N. Jefferson walks in.

The party is in full swing. The atmosphere is like a convention hospitality suite. The Brothers are watching the big-screenTV, talking, drinking, eating,some are using the jacuzzi.

Takashi is sitting at a blackjack table teaching·several TRI-LAMBS how to win at 21 by counting cards ona mini-calculator.

The Tri-Lambs are impressed.

/ . .. TRI-LAMB Where can we get one of those things?

TAKASH:I They're not on the market yet but we'vegot a fewprototypes that you can use.

CONTINUED;

Wormser is talking to anotheF TRI-LAMB who is seated with him at the computer.

Wormser types onto the computer-keyboard.

TheTri-Lambs gathered. around the computer all react favorably.

U.N. Jefferson observes. Lewis passes by and smiles at him.

The elevator doors open. Meyer Pinsky gets off the elevator with his WIFE.

Meyer Pinsky enters"withhis wife. They are in shock. They can't believe their eyes. Meyer goes to the stereo and turns it off. The room is dead silent. Everyone stops what they i were doing and looks atMeyer,-whb rushes up to Pinsky. ' 0

/ MEYER PINSKY Schvartzas! (then) Schvartzasin my jacuzzi!

CONTINIJED:

The Tri-Lambs hold back their anger as they gather their things and start to l_eave the suite •

Pinsky feels terrible.

U.N. Jefferson is impressed. The Tri-Lambs stay.

AtJr:l'FANNY Don't raise your voice toyour uncle, Bobby. He has a right to be angry. There're jigs inhis jacup:i.

Meyer Pinsky interrupts his nephew.

Pinsky-can't take it any more. He takes out his walle1tand gets his trust fund check, walks over to Uncle Meyer and starts pounding him in the chest with the check while backing him toward the door.

Meyer and Fanny are shocked.

Pinsky rips up the check, throws it out in the hall,· slamsthe door in their face.

Everyone in the room is stunned. There is total silence. No one can believe what Pinsky has done.

U.N. Jefferson comes up to Pinsky.

Pinsky feels great. U.N. Jefferson smiles at his 'BROTHER' and gives him the 'soul handshake' as everyone in the room l starts cheering and going berserk. '

Stan Gable is yellin~.,,.ata weight lifter.

/ GABLE You're weak! You're nothing. You're puny and you're a pussy.

For the first time the CAMERA PULLS BACK and the weight 1ifter is Betty.

r Danny Burke comes running up,

BU_RKE Lambda LambdaLambda.

EKT. NERDHOUSE - DAY.

TheMUSIC is uplifting as Pinsky and Lewis slap the last coat of paint on the lettering ofLAMBDA LAMBDA LAMBDA which stands under the fraternity crest ofTHREE BLACK SHEEP.

r Down below the other nerds show their approval.

The nerds gather in front of the house fora photograp)l.•

FREEZE FRAME on the official group picture of the Lambda Lambda Lambda.

TheMUSIC continues over.

U.N. Jefferson holding a framed picture of the Nerds. He places it up on the wall. The nerds are the only white fa~es out of the hundreds of Black Fraternities that linethL wall.

,.,-

Thenerds are all dressed up in coats and ties. They are h<'ving a candlelight dinner with the Mu's to celebratetheir becoming a fraternityand therefore their partnership in Greek Carniva1.

Solemnly, the nerd brothers~ing their newly-learned fraternity song: "Here's to Our Fraternity."

At this fraternal moment, a brick comes through the window.

EVeryone is in shock as theyjump up to look outside.

"NERDS" is burning on theirlawn in TEN-FOOT LETTERING.

Everyone is sick about it. It's like a Ku Klux Klan attack.

The nerds and the Mu's are devastated as they look out of the windows at the flaming "NERDS."

The nerds and the Mu's are preparing forGreek Carnival. People are painting the sign for thebooth. Others are making costumes for the show. People enter carrying huge piles of pie tins. Others are tying crepe paper around poles, etc.

Suddenly Pinsky enters.

Everybody in the room stops what they're doing and listens to Pinsky.

The Tri-Lambs and Mu's are st>.,med.

Everybody is surprised. They thought that being in the Council would protect them.

Lewis gets up on a chair. He's angry.

EVERYONE looks around the room. No one wants to run.

No one says anything.

Suddenly Lewis begins a slow.chant.

Everyone joins Lewis. Lewis leads the chant.

Pinsky just reacts off of Lewis. He'::;been drafted and there's nothing he can do about it •.Lewis loves it.

Hundreds of fraternity and sororitymembers are gathered on one of the JOHNSON COLLEGE athletic fields waiting for the annual GREEK CARNIVAl!r"to"begin.~

A giant ~~oreboard in the middle of the fieldshows which fraternities and sororities are paired together· for the carnival events, which include racing, tug-of-war, chariot races, giant ball push. The Tri-Lambsare paired with the Mu's and of course the Alpha Betas are partnered with thePi's.

Judy andLewis move through the crowd of students who are waiting for the races to begin. They both carry BULLHORNS.

People in the crowd react to the nerds'campaigning.

L~is and Judy continue passing out leaflets.

Pinsky watches with pride.

Coach Harris, Stan Gable and Betty are standing withother Alpha Betas and Pi'swaiting for the races to begin. They react to the •PINSKYFOR PRESIDE?-frnpitch.

Gable reacts. .r

f Dean Ulich stands on a platf.ormand addresses theCROWD awaiting the start of the games.

f.. EVERYONE cheers.

STUDENTS dressed as ancient Greeks sound trumpets.

The contestants, all dressed in racing gear, stand at the starting line. Takashi is the driver for the Tri-Lambs. Danny Burke is representing the Alpha Betas.

PIT CREWS with beer-filled coolers line the·infield.

Coach Harris stands ready with a starting pistol.

Everyone runs to their machines. We see for thefirst time that the machines are tricycles.

The coach fires his revolver and the race is on.

It's a ridiculous sc(rieas the fraternity men awkwardly peddle their tiny tricycles around the small circular track.

The object of the race is to complete 20 laps while stopping for a pit stop every lap to chug a mandatory beer.

Everyone is neck and neck as they finish their first lap and pull into the infield for the mandatory pit stop.

r JUDY

Pinsky for president. You owe it to yourself.

An Alpha Beta walks up to Judy, takes a picture of Pinsky crumples it up and eats it.

TRiCYCLE RACE - SOMETIME LATER.

The race is in its 18th lap. Most of the drivers have either passed out or are throwing up.

Takashi has a small. lead over Danny Burke.

The nerds in the stands are going wild cheering for Tak_ashi.·

over in the Alpha Beta section, Stan Gable and Coach Harris are shocked at the showing of_-thenerds.

Takashi pulls in for his final pit stop. Pinsky handshim a cold beer. Takashi takes his pill.

Danny Burke is finishing up his beer. Gable is yelling at him.

Burke finishes the beer, tosses the can away and starts back and passes out dead drunk onto the handlebars of his tricycle.

Takashi is not to be denied, however, as he takes another pill, crosses the finish line as the winner of the Tricycle Race.

EVERYONE goes wild. ESPECIALLY theNERDS, Dean Ulich comes out and gives Takashi a trophy and a victory kiss.

Ten points go up on the scorebq_,a~dforLambdaLambda Lambda/ Omega Mu,

r

The crowd goes wild.~nee again.·

The Alrha Betas and Pi's are stunned and-silen-.:.Coach Harris looks concerned.

CUT 'll.'O,

~=Seri pt Fly_c,::;m==

Els'.l',ATHLETICFIELD-SOMETIME LATER,

The GIANT aA~L RUSH is in full swing. The object of the gar,,e is to have a team of fraternity-sorority memberm push a giant ball across a muddy field, across the opponent's qoal line.

- I I

Nerds and Mu's are getting the shit kicked out of them from their opponents, the Alpha Betas and the Pi's.

Everyone is soaked with mud e~cept the Fi's who are hiding behind their protectors, the Alpha Betas.

As the Alpha Betas push the giant ball across the muddy flooded field, nerdi:ca,;dMu'sar<atoased L, the air and ground into the mmL Ogre and the other Alpha Betas get revenge on the nerds for th• tricycle race.

All the nerds and M'J-'sliebeaten in the rm1das the Alpha Betas and Pi's push th;;;giantball acros11tllefinish line.

Pinsky and Lewis gri111aceas10 pointe 90 up on the scoreboard for the Alpha Betaa.

CUT TO,

The crowd looks on as th• contestants gather to compete in the javelin throw.

Wormser stands next to Lamar holding wh1"tlook• like a mu11ical instrument case.

Pinsky sits the stands.

Wonnser o.aenahis case and hands Lamar a strang•-looking javelin that is shaped like a 'J'.

Lar!larstepsup to the line and limp-wrist~;:tlytos:;,esthejavelin further than any of the other o.cntestants.

Judy goes wild. She.:::ics.stunned:·

CONTINUED,

Lamar does a victory lap as the crowd cheers.

TI;enerds and the Mu's are about to do battle against thei Pi's and the Alpha Betas in the tug-of-war. ·

Both teams line up on opposite sides of the big.mud-filled pit.

Coach Harris fires the starting gun.

The nerds simultaneously let go of the rope,causing the Alpha Betas to go off-balanceand fall down in a heap.

The nerds have lost the war but wonthe battle.

The scoreboard shows that the Alpha Betas and Pi's are leading the Greek Games. The nerds, on the basis of their surprise showing in the tricycle race and javelin throw., are in third place.

Lewis and Judy stop campaigning to watch the race.

The bleachers are filled to the brim with spectators for the final event of the Greek Games, the chariot races.

Instead of horses, e~chteam's chariot is pulled by a combination of fraternity and sororitymember.s. The d1:ivers are all soro,-;itygirls dressedin_togas.

The crowd goes wild as the Alpha Beta/Pi team enters the track. Ogre and TWO otherhuge A.lphaBetas pull the chariot a1ong with three pet~tePi's who are obviously along for the ride. The driver of~theAlpha Beta/Pi team is Betty.

oneby one the other chariot race .entrants enter· thetrack.

Suddenly the crowd begins tomurmur.

~=Seri pt Fly_c,::;m==

93,

CGi:,TINUED,

The nerd andMu chariotenters the arena.· It is pulled by a.team of i,,crediblylargeMu's. Takashi, Pin11kya:r,d Lipschultzare up fror.talong with the Mu women. The chariot isbeing driv,m by th~ first fr,;ternitymember in • thehistory ot the Greek Game&, Harold Hormser.

Coach Barris 11hootsthe startingpistol and the race ia on,..

As expected, the Alpha Betas take the early lead as the big Jocks pull the Pi-driven chariot.

The big surprise is the showing of the Mu's who are dragging theWormser and the nerds into second place behind the Alpha Betas.

Slowlythe Mu's begin to make their mov~.

The crowd starts yelling encourage111ent.

CRO'i.u Moo! Moo! Moo!

The Mu's respond to t§e backing of the croa.mand come even with the startled ll,pfiaBetas.

Betty triea to 11togthe Mu's charge by cracking Wonnser with har .thip. The computer genius ducka the whip as the Mu'scross 'i:hefini..hlineahead of the Alpha Bet«s.

T!'"5crowdgoes wild. The nerds and Mu's are danci:ngin the street.

Pinakyis hugging Judy.

Lewishugs Lipschultz.

COT TO;

Theoqre has accepted the second place award tor the Alpha B.;tas.

CONTINTJ'ED,

f

Pinsky and Judy are up on t:tiepodiUlllalong with DeanUlich:

She presents the trophy to the smiling winners.

Pinsky accepts the award.

Pinsky embraces Jμdy.

The crowd goes wild·.

Gable, Betty and Burke are devastated. Coach Harris is fuming.

The Greek Carnival is in full swing. Everyone is wearing costumes. All the fraternitiesand sororities have fund raising booths. There are rides, ferris wheels, etc.

The nerds and the Mu's are selling cream pies at their booth, The booth is highly decorated and hasa large sign reading; EAT A PIE FOR CHARITY.

Pinsky, Judy, Lewis, Wormser, Takashi, Joanne,Michelle and EXTRA NERDS and the large Mu'swho won the chariot race· are all dressed up incostUlllesas'·heybusily fill pie tins with cream pies.

Lamar is in charge, supervisin~ every aspect of the pie production.

~hey all look like a bunch of neidsmaking pies, but the line is surprisingly,;.1ong.

A long line of women wait to.kiss Stan Gable. He is dressed in a 'Darth Vader' costi:m:,e.Hismask is onthe ground beside him.

A long line of men wait to kiss E.etty,who isdressed as 'PlcincesaLeia.'

Gable and Betty are giving the customers theirmoney's worth.

Lewis, dressed as a maqician complete w1th a tophat and cape, is n~xt in line~-

Betty finishes with her custoE.ar.

BETT'x Next...

Lewis steps up, holding a fistful of tic~ae.

LEW:IS~ (leeringly) Ei, Betty.

BET'ft' (freaking out) A nerd! I'm not kissing a nerd!

Betty walks away.

B:irkepushes the Pi House Mother in from:.cf Lewis.

BURK,;." Puck";>up, nerd•.· ,r

Lewis reacts in disqust as the Rouse Mathe~ smiles at bin.

Bettywatches Stan finish a passionate kiss.

BE~T'Z Sta_n,let's go to the car. All this kissing has made me horny,

CONTINUED•

GABLE. Jesus, Betty, you're like a goat. I just started. I can't leave my post.

Betty walks away, hurt and horny. Lewis sees this.

Burke and Ogre come running up to Gable.

BU.Rl\'.E Guys are getting two and three pies apiece.

Gable, Burke and Ogre race away.

An Alpha Beta takes Gable's spo"""t~-

Lewis sees that Gablerhas left his 'Darth Vader'helmet behind. He goes over, sets down his top hat and takes the 'Darth Vader' helmet.

CUT TO;

The Ogre empties the empty dish.

Gable and Burke react off each other in disbelief at what they see on the bottom of the pie tin. We see a fully naked picture of Betty.

Wormser, Lipschultz and Takashi are sitting at a table cutting out pictures of nakedPi's which they have gotten off of their video tapes and putting them on the bottom of pie tins.

Pinskytakes the finished pie tin and fills it with cream filling and places itin a pile with other pies.

Judy rushes up.

~=Seri pt Fly_c,::;m==

EJ<;T.GABLE'SCONVERTIBLE - J,IE;ll..'lWHILE.

Betty and 'Darth'are looking up at the stars.

DAR":'H That's because I'm not Stan.

What?

'DarthVader' aitm up and rem,~veshis h~Jw>t. Once again, the MUSIC is from tlstarWars.~ It's Lewis_

Betty is shocked.

A ne,rd?

LEWIS

BETTY: Are allyou nerds as good at sa~ asyou are?

LEWIS° Cuz p1 we think aboutfrom the time we're tan issex,

EXT•.GREEK CARNIVAL - LATER THAT NIGHT.

All of the fraternity/sorority booths have been transformed into stages for their musical shows.

It's very colorful as large throngs of students, local residents and parents move from show to show.

The Alpha Betas and Pi's are in the middle of their show. They are doing a parody of "South Pacific.•

The Alpha Betas sing nNothing Like a Pi" to the tune of "Nothing Like a Dame.•

The Pi's are all dressed in sexy Polynesian native garb. The Alpha Betas are all dressed like sailors.

The number satirizes typical college fraternity skits.

Stan Gable is making the biggest ass of himself. Betty goes through the motions of danging the hula for Stan, but her mind is on a nerd named Lewis.

Booger, Wormser and Takashi are about to set off some fireworks. They have their flares lit.

The Pi's are singing uI'vegot to wash that Jock right out ofmy hair." The parody goes on for several beats when •••

Explosions fill the night and FIREWORKS light up the sky. An invitation to the Tri-Lamb/Mu show is emblazoned across the sky.

The Alpha Beta/Pi sh~ almost s1,0ps.

The crowd leaves the Alpha Beta/Pi show and hurries over fora good view of the Tri-La,,b/Mushow.

A largeneon sign with three black sheep and a cow fla!lhesTRI-LAMB/MU.

Three huge Mu's are on the stage a la the 'Supremes,' singing "Baby Love.» Th• crowd respond!!enthusiastically. The three Mu's sing and dance as good as they are fat. As they finish there is big fanfare as Lamar struts out posing as Diana Ross. He inlllediatelybreaksinto song.

Suddenly Lip!!chultzstarts playing the ELECTRIC VIOLIN. He does a dance as he makes his violin sound like a symphony orchestra.

The crowd goes wild.

As an incredible laser light show begins.

Pinsky and Lewia are at the controls.

The crowd loves it. Only nerda could put together the incrediblelaser routinea.

It iaspectacular. The crowd has never seen anything like it.

At theand, Lipschultsdestroy• hia violin a la the "WHO."

The crowd goes wild.

Pinsky and Lewis are thrilled.

Lipschults andLamar grab the mike.

'. r. Dean Ulich walks out on stage carrying the Greek Carnival Trophy. She is smiling as she presents itto Pinsky. The Dean kisses Pinsky.

Stan Gable takes it all in. Betty is standing next to him.

Betty sees Lewis waiting for her. She leaves Gable and

They embrace.

Gable is in a state of shock as he watches the nerd and the CHE_E.RLEADER walk off arm inarm backto·the nerd house.

ALPHA BETA/PI CARNIVAL BOOTH - MOMENTSLATER.

Gable joins his devastated fraternity brothers who are gathered around Coach Harris.

Coach Harris has fire in his eyes as he slowly.pacesback and forth while addressing the boy,.

r· with scorn)

Well, look at you now.

Gable, Burke and Ogre look attheir mhoes in embarrassment as Coach Rarria continues.

The Alpha Betas are seething with anger and humiliation.

coach Harris' slow speech isbeginning to build.

Well, you wentaway to college and look at you now. (beat l You just got your asseswhipped by a bunch of God damned nerds.

Coach Harrie starts ranting. He's brought theAlpha Betas to their feet. He's whippingthem into afrenzy.

The Alpha Betas are wild-eyed and going crazy.

Coach Harris is worn out as he concludes his oration.

The Alpha Betas are ready for blood. They all clamor to get the nerds.

The Alpha Betas, all chantingNERD ••• NERD ••• NERD ••• race through the carnival on theirway to the nerd house. They have all completely lost their minds.

Coach Harris is pleased to see the effect of hisspeech as the screaming Alpha Betas grab debrisfrom carnival booths and whatever else they can find to use as weapons.

Coach Harris runs after the Alpha Betas.

-

The nerds and the Mu's are cel@J:l:i;'atingtheir fantastic victory. Everybody :1,.1:1dancing, .laughing, drinking and having a great time.,:,.

Suddenly the partying nerds are quieted as"NERD SCREAMING" Alpha Betas come racing thruughthe carnival destroying everything in their way.

✓- CONTINUED:

~=Seri pt Fly_c,::;m== 105.

The nerds and Mu s·"!ointhe others at the carnival and raceafter the Alpha Betas.

CUT TO;

EXcT.CAMPUS- NIGHT - CONTINUED ACTION.

The rampagingAlpha Betas race through the quiet streets of theca,"puson thadr way to the nerd house. It'.slike acharge of wild animals as they stampede through t0".4'n screaming "Nerds•••Nerds•••Getthe Nerd...•

CuriousO~LC-OKERSand STUDENTS from the carnival follow theAlpha Betas through the streets to see vhat the screamingwild men ere going ts do next.

The riot spreadsthrough the e;empus,picking up participants a.longtheway to the ru.rdhou;:;e.

CoachHarris runs after the charge of kids, happy with hia h,,:ndiwork.

CUT TO,

Suddenly thewild p.3ckot."nerd screamir,.g•AlphaBetas r;,cesup to theempty nerd house.

The crO'll'dt.'lathasfollowedtJ,e~razedJoc.~swatchesin silence&.; the AlphaBetas ~warmall over the nerd house breaking windowa,knock4'lgdo"'"nwalls,throwing furniture and clothing out ofthe windows and onto t,.;elawn.

They totally destroythe Robot,-..a~ashingitto bits.

Some of b~e onlooker.,-tryto stopth• Alpha Betas but they're held back bythe crazed Socks. The looting and rioting is totally out ofcontrol.

Pinsky has never seenLewia so crushed.

Pinsky tries to cORlforthisbroken friend.

It's not okay to Lewis. He is totally crushed. He continues to gather the pieces to the Robot.

LATER THAT DAY.

U.N. Jefferson is onthe phone.

Lewis is talking on a pay phone.

Lewis hangs up_the receiver .andwalks back into the main gym.

The nerds are refugees once again. Their dreams and "house shattered, they've spent the night on cots in the gym._

Pinsky and Lewis are reassembling their once-destroyed Robot.

Dean Ulich enters the pathetic scene and the nerds gather i around her. '.

The Dean is very sympathetic to the plight of the nerds, but she has no power.

ir

As for any disciplinary

'

action against the Alpha Betas, we're waiting for a • report from the Greek Council. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

The room is silent except for the clicking of Dean Ulich's heels on the wooden floor as she exits.

BOOGER-·

I It worked for 1:hem.

~ WORMSER We were doing great.

Ll:PSCHULTZ We won the carnival.

The nerds mumble agr•ementwith Lawis.

Pinsky is upset.

The ~athetic and beaten bunch ofnerds all mumble agreement with Lewis.

Pinsky strides purposefully towards the door.

None of the other nerds follow him.

It's the annual Homecoming Parade into the football stadium.

The JOHNSON COLLEGE MARCHING SAND leads the parade.

VISITING ALUMNI march into the stadium to their seats behind large banners proclaiming their different graduating c;Lasses.

The Band plays the school song in the middle of the field as the people in the oarade take their seats in the stadium. The stands are filled with SPECTATORS.

The nerds, with the exception of Pinsky, sit together in the worst possible end zone seats. It's reminiscentof 'Jim Crow• practices in the South.

Lipschultz and Takashi walk into the stadium carrying their briefcases and join the other nerds in the end zone. Everyone watches the parade into the stadium.

Suddenly a Volkswagen convert;iblewith handmade crepe- paper bunting on it drives up alongside the parade.

Pinsky is in the car. He addresses the crowd over a BULLHORN.

People in the stands and in the·parade rea~t to the curious sight.

The nerds observe the goings on with pride but realize it's hopeless.

Judy and the Mu's are watching from their seats.

Suddenly a group of Alpha Betas walks up to tha caq:,aign car, lifts the Volkswagen off the ground and begins carrying it towards the fountain at the entrance to the atadium. They drop it upside down in the fountain and run away laughing.

The football stadiUIIIcrowdlaughs at tha prank also.

Lawis and Judy race from their seats to try and help Pinsky.

Pinsky struggles to get out of the car. He is soaking wet as he gets out of tha fountain and takes off his shirt.

The crowd in th• stadium continues to laugh at tha nerd leader.

Suddenly the crowd goas wild as the football team, led by cartwheeling chaarleaders including Betty, makes its way onto the fi111ld.

Judy and Lewis finally arrive at Pinsky's side.

We see Pinaky from behind as Judy gives him a white blanket to wrap around himself as Lewis finds and hands Pinsky's glass•• to hia.

112 •

transformed into a NERD GHANDI.

FROM BEHIND, the CAMERA follows him as Pinsky walks slowly through the end zone onto the football field.

The crowd is hushed as Pinsky walks to the fifty yard line and sits down.

The crowd is totally silent. No one moves.

Pinsky addresses the crowd over his bullhorn.

The crowd begins to yell at Pinsky.

SPECTATOR fl Shut up! 11

SPECTATOR f2 You got what you deserved!

SPECTATOR lll Get him.off the field!

Pinsky ignores the jeers and sets.his bullhorn down.

113,

r CONTINUED:

Dean Ulich can'ttake it any more. She rushes up to Coach Harris and the team.

Coach Harris is stunned.

Suddenly Lewis calls outto the other nerds in the stands.

Lewis races out ontothe field.

The other nerds followhim.

r So what.

All the nerds join Pinsky and sitdown in the middle of the football field.

Coach Harris can't believewhat is happening. He takes some of his players aside.

Suddenly from across,J;heway, U.N. Jeffersonyells out:

CONTINUED,

I

CONTINOED:

Some nerdy-looking BAND MEMBERS throwdown their instruments and join the other nerds &ittingon the field.

Judy and her Mu Sisters comedown and join the nerds also.

The BLOND NERD WITH GLASSESwalk• onto the field and sits down.

Gable ia stunned.

Suddenly the Robot walkaonto the field and joins the nerds.

The crowd goea vild. Nerd alumni of allages &bout agreement to what Lewia is saying. SPAZZBS, DORKS and GEEKS from yeara gone bymake their vay down onto the field to ait with Lewis and thenerda. NERD PROFESSORS join the almmi.

NON-NERDS of all ages start to cheer Lewis.

Stan Gable and the team are crushed.

Coach Harris is shocked.

Dean Ulich is thrilled. She joins the nerdsand sits down.

u.N._Jefferson and the Tri-Lambs sit down,also.

BLACK MEMBERS of the football team take off their helmets and join the nerds in solidarity.

The crowd is on its feet. Everyone starts chanting.

The crowd charges down onto the field. It's like a BILLY GRAHAM CRUSADE.

OTHER FOOTBALL PLAYERS thrQWoff their helmets and join the nerds. ··

Stan Gable walks up to the Blond Nerd with Glasses.

Several Tri-Lambs are about to step in, but Gable stops them.

Gable goes up to the Blond Nerd and hugs him.

Ogre and Burke ~re stunned.

Gabl• and hia nerd brother sit down behind Lewis.

It's a tremendous showing of brotherhood.

'?hecrowd chant ie deafening.

A pretentious helicopter CAMERA shot reveals the crowd pouring onto the field. The NERD CHANTING get• louder and louder.

IN'+•GREEK COUNCIL - DAY.

In the background, the sounds.of the crowd chanting NERD, NERD, NERD continuea.

The Greek Council is awaiting the results of the election. Dean Ulich finishea counting the ballots.

Pinsky rushea to the French windows and throws them open, like the Pope. He greet• his faithful who are gathered on the lawn below. The chanting of "Nerd• become• louder now that the windCM'sare open,

Pinsky holds up hi• hands like the Pope.

A large crowd, Nerds of every shape and persuasion, goea wild in celebration, chanting:

CROm> OF NERDS Pinsky! Pinsky! Pinsky!

~

The nerds are all aipping mint julep• as they sit and recline on lawn cbaira, while the Alpha Betas repair their house.

Gable, Burke and Ogre have their shirts off as they labor to rebuild the nerd house.

Coach Harris is sweating in the sun as he supervises the construction.

i

Dean Ulich is enjoyingthe event along with U,N. Jefferso~ and the Tri-Lambs.

Betty is with Lewis.

Judy iswith Pinsky.

Pinsky and Lewis eye each other smiling and toast mint julep glasses.

FAPE OUT:

1.V