"REALITY BITES" (1994)

A T:E:!:..EVISIONSET

as the various channels are being sur::ea .. lingering on each :or abou:: two seconds. We see fragmented bits and pieces of different programs: "The Brady Bunch,' "The Facts of Life,· an infommercial, ·Too Close for comfort,• •what's Happenin'?"

Then the channels start slipping past us even fast.er: Whatchew talkin• 'bout Willis--quicker-picker-upper--weezy--my hands feel like two--Dyn-o-mit.e--somet.imes you don't. They blur together--Then the screen turns a bright blue. And the words "VCR PLAY• appear ...

ON YIPEQTAPE/'!'VINT./EXT. STADIUM - GRADUATION

A sea of hats: the flat black tops of hundreds of graduation caps. A few of the graduates have decorated the tops of their mortar boards with masking tape in the shapes of peace signs, dollar signs, Greek letters, 'U.H.,• "Now What?" etc.

It is a windy but sunny June morning at the University of Houston. The graduating students are sitting in rows of chairs. The stands are full of relatives and friends.

LEI.AINA PIERCE, early twenties, stands at the podium on stage, in cap and gown. one day she could be president, if she could just find her car keys. She is visibly nervous but passionate as she reads her speech off the index cards she holds.

--And they wonder why those of us in our twenties refuse to work an eight:y hour week just so we can afford to buy their (t:ruly repulsed) - ' s. Why we aren · t interested in a counter- culture they invented. As if we did not see them disembowel their revolution for a pair of running shoes! (applause) Yeah, instant karma's gonna get them!

Wild applause from graduates.

LELAlNA But the question remains: What. are we going to do now? How can we repair all the damage we inherited? How can we out.grow these bankrupt hand-me-downs? Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. The answer ...

She turns over the index card. A look of panic spreads across her face. She wildly flips through her other index cards, wide-eyed. She looks around.

The video camera finds a single index card lying on chest.age abou:: cen :eec from che podium. Lelaina cums co go recrieve it., bu:: a breeze slides under it: and gencly floacs ic off chest.age.

Lelaina cakes a deep breach and faces che waicing audience.

A 1970's song like "I"m Your Boogie Man" starts up ...

ON Y+PEQTAPE EXT. SKYSCRAPER ROOF - EAR.LYEVENING

The video camera is set up on a tripod on the roof. The Houston skyline is seen in b.g., fiery as the sun is setting. Lelaina, holding a Diet Coke, dressed in black (she wears all black all the time unless otherwise noted), looks into the camera.

r..ELAINA I"m not a valedictorian. But I play one on tee- vee.

She rolls her eyes and turns around to find TROY DYER, roguishly handsome, early twenties. He wears jeans and at-shirt with an open button-down over it. A lit cigarette dangles from his mouth. The one thing sharper than his mind is his tongue.

The video camera is now hand-held. A party's going on up here: Rolling Rock six-packs, pizza boxes, a jambox. on the ledge sit

v.tCKIE MINER, early twenties, wearing a bizarre 70's outfit with big, round sunglasses pushed back on her head, no make-up, her streaked hair parted down the middle. She is S1D0king a joint. She has long since quit giving a damn.

And SAMMY BUCK, early twenties, dressed in both cap and gown. Riddled with fear and insecurity, he is very handsome, but he has no idea.

The camera finds Troy, who sits next to Sammy.

It's for my documentary!

Hey, this is going to be the history book of the future here. You'll thank me when you see yourself on PBS.

Vickie is behind the camera now, taping Lelaina and Troy and Sammy. Being stoned, Vickie's camera work is pretty weird: quick zooms, dutched angles, decapitated people, etc. Lelaina looks into the camera, worried.

LE:LAmA You sure you can handle that?

Lelaina. puts her arm around Troy. These two are crazy about each other, but caught in the mire of a platonic friendship.

LE:LAmA I brought you back a souvenir.

She pulls a tassel from a graduation cap out of her pocket and hands it to him. Troy grimaces.

He tosses the tassel over his shoulder and off the building--

Sammy stops, brightens as he considers chis:

There is a reverent pause ... Then:

Lelaina smirks, annoyed, but: half-expected that.

And you wonder why we never get involved.

--Yeah, totally drunk out of my mind--

--Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy.

Sammy, Vickie, Troy and Lelaina sit on the ground.

v.!CKll Four years of college and it's coffee jobs for all of us. Except Lelaina.

v.!CXIE I think happiness is a warm puppy.

Vickie and Sammy talk into the camera, arm in arm.

Vickie pushes him away as she doubles over with laughter.

Lelaina and Troy wacch Vickie, who's scill laughing.

LELAl'NA She's jusc buzzed. wacch. (cescing l Vickie, quick--your social securicy--

--Vickie suddenly scops laughing and scraightens up--

Vickie picks up her Charlie"s Angels lunchbox: she pushes her sunglasses down, back over her eyes.

--Dead silence. Everyone is sitting at a table: Troy and Lelaina sit on one side; PAT PIERCE (early 50's), Lelaina's successful-looking dad, is at the head of the table, and CYNTHIANICKLE (40's), Lelaina's attractive mom, is at the other end. CAROL ANN PIERCE (40's), Pat's clipped, business-like second wife, sits at Pat's right. DALE NICKLE, barely thircy, Cynthia's rough-looking husband, sits at her left. They are eating, staring into their plates. Lelaina sips her Diet Coke ...

Lelaina nods.

Actually, it's •politically correct.·

T:::-oy and Lelaina exchange looks. carol Ann looks into her food, disturbed. She reaches into her shrimp and pulls out a hair.

Pat raises his glass to take a drink. Dale leans over to gee a cl.oser look at the hair.

Pat nearly chokes on his drink. Dale laughs at his joke. Carol Ann and Lelaina put down their forks while Troy tries to stifle his laughter. Cynthia glares hard at Dale.

He hands her a Mobil credit card.

Troy whistles as if he's impressed.

Thanks, dad.

Pat looks at Carol Ann and smiles; she nods. He reaches in his suit pocket and pulls out a key. He hands it to Lelaina.

Troy smirks. Lelaina is crestfallen; she starts to speak--

I'll handle this, mom.

It's not the reliability I--

... mother ...

A silence beaches itself on the table for a moment; Dale is t.he only one who continues to eat.

See, Pat?

LEL.AJ:N.A Mother, please.

c:nrrHll You don• t want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina.

LEI...AmA Dad, come on, don"t talk to her like that. She's not a child.

Troy tries not to laugh. Lelaina is stunned. Cynthia is speechlessly offended and hurt. Dale looks up.

:o

Cynt.hia stands up, about. t.o explode--Lelaina grabs her arm.

Dad! I'll t.ake the BMWjust.until! can af::ord to buy a regular car myself. Okay? (he nods; to Cynthia) Okay?

She nods, and slowly sits back down. Lelaina breathes a sigh of relief. There is a long awkward silence. , .. Then:

NT . RESTAiJlO.NT BATKROOM - MOMENTSLATER

A woman is at the mirrors. Lelaina enters as the woman starts out.. Lelaina smiles at her, friendly, as they pass.

She enters a stall, locks the door. Then she doubles over as she puts her hand to her mouth and begins to quietly sob.

CtJ'I' TO:

Sammy, who's in au of H sweatshirt:, and Vickie are waiting fort.he valet with his mom JOYCE (40's), her boyfriend (60's), Sammy"s dad IRA, (S0•s), and his girlfriend JENNIFER (30's). Vickie is touching Sammy lovingly though unnecessarily throughout. Sammy is hugging his mom goodl:,ye.

Sammy offers his hand to Ira, who pulls him into a hug.

Sammy, surprised, nods and backs off, looks at Jennifer.

Vickie puts her arm around Sammy and looks at Jennifer.

Vickie pul.ls Sammy co her and kisses him full on t:he mout:h right: t:here. Vickie smiles t:hen leads a wide-eyed Sammy off co his car. The parent:s exchange looks. Jennifer smiles.

CtlT TO:

Troy and Lelaina are in her Olds Cutlas. Troy tries co put his :eec on the floorboard, which is covered with empty Diet Coke cans. They clat:ter around. She fishes in her big purse for keys; she is edgy. Troy reads her like a book.

I'm not.

She finds her keys, takes out a cigareete and lights it.

LE:LAI:NA I'm not t:rying to run it.

She sea.res the car, backs out.

Lelaina thinks about that:, realizes it's erue.

LELAmA (buoyed) That's true. I don't need them anymore--

just graduaeed--

(excited, angry) And that dinner we just experiencea is exactly why I've been waiting for this day for twenty- three years--Well, it's finally here, and they can just-- (yells at restaurant) --kiss my ass!

She takes a drag as Troy sighs--

--She stops, trying not to choke on the smoke as she laughs hard. He laughs with her. She hits Troy, playfully angry:

How many times do I have totell you--Don't. make me laugh when I'm inhaling! God! I think you do that. on purpose!

She takes an entire six-pack of Diet. Coke out. of her purse.

Wouldn't you like to know.

He smiles, exi:ends his pinky; they engage in a pinky-lock.

The driving :beat of Lou Reed's •walk on the Wild Side• starts.

~elaina, dressed for work, is searching the cupboards, holding a Mr. Coffee filter cup. Frustrated, she walks out ... and returns wit~ a roll of toilet paper. She lines the cup with the toilet paper and pours coffee grounds into it.

:NT. APARTMENT - VICKIE'S BEDROOM - LATE MORNING

Vickie's bedroom is a shrine to the 70's: The Bay Ci:y Rollers, ~ei: Garret, and a life-size poster of John Travolta adorn her walls. Also, bean-bag chairs ... mood rings ... RICK, 24, is in the doorway. He slips on his jacket and holds his keys. He looks at

Vickie, who is pretending to sleep so she doesn't have to talk wi:t him. He leaves. Vickie opens her eyes and pulls out a notebook ::::-::::-, under her futon. She flips to a certain page.

Names cover it like this: August 31 - Sean Marelli - 64; September:~ - Chad ... - 66. She writes in: •September 26 - •

She stops and thinks hard, closing her eyes, then resumes: "September 26 - Rich? - 67.•

Vickie enters in a kimono. She opens the freezer--a big icicle :a.1:s out (it has never been defrosted). She takes out a carton of ice cream and sits on the counter to eat.

Sammy is in front of the computer, staring into it. The horror, the horror. Joyce enters and puts a load of laundry on his bed. Sammy smiles a strained thanks. She leaves. He snaps off the computer. He runs his hands over his head, trying to relax. He pulls out a catalogue: "UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON. GRADUATESTUDIES.•

:NT. DOWNTOWNGROUNDS (COFFEE HOUSE) - EVENING

It is a warehouse cum underground coffeehouse with conceptual a:::-t, a small bar, and no matching :urniture. The:::-e is a big sign beh.:.nd ::he stage with the band's name: "HEY THAT'S MY BIKE.• T:::-oy, lean.:.ng on his upright guitar, sweating :ram the set, is confe:::-:::-.:.ngwith the four other members of his band. The manager approaches and hands :::.:::i a large jar: It says •DONATIONS FOR THE BAND" and holds about two dollars in change.

Troy, angry and disappointed, lets his guitar fall to the floor.

Troy is sitting at register, reading Marleau Ponty's "Review of Existential Psychology and Psychiatry.• He looks around: no one's watching him. He goes to the candy rack and rips of: a Snickers. Above and behind him, the skyline lights sparkle like stars.

;NP MONTAGE:

THE DOWNTOWNSKYLINE AT DAWN- BACKDROP

·walk on the Wild Side• is drowned out J::,y synthesized, talk-show THEME MUSIC. This is the set of •Good Morning, Grant!", the local morning talk show. It is composed of very homey furniture and a fake fireplace. The AUDIENCE is 99% female. The theme music reaches a crescendo, and GRANT GOBLER, late 30s, runs out on stage, in a suit. There is applause. He applauds the audience.

He points to the audience. A camera swings to get a shot of an old man in the front row.

Lelaina stands off-stage holding up the cue cards for Grant. Next to her stands DAMIEN BROOKS, 30, a black co-worker who wears a headset.

:s

Grant wipes at his eyes, choked up.

(whispers) God, he's so cheesy, ! can't watch him without crackers.

Damien stifles a laugh.

Grant walks to a standing bookshelf, which holds videocassettes. He pulls one out, looks at it and feigns surprise:

Grant walks over and sits on the couch.

He reaches for his coffee mug. It isn't there. He looks around-- it's nowhere. He looks into the camera, scared like an animal caught in headlights. He skips three beats.

Oh shit.

She looks at the producer, RICH CARDOUCHE,an overweight man with the stub of a st:ogie pinched bet:ween his lips.He looks at: her, shrugs, t:hrows his hands up in exasperat:ion.

The THEME MUSIC stares up. A BOZZERsounds.

: 6

Grant rushes over to Lelaina--She knows what's coming, turns away, but Grant grabs her arm.

Look, Mr. Gubler, when I do cue cards, you're supposed to get your own espresso. Didn't you get my "Espress Yourself" memo?

Grant storms back towards the set. Lelaina looks at Cardouche, worried. He puts a supportive hand on her shoulder.

An oversized calendar/'bulleein board: it:'s ehe •VIDEO VIEW SCHEDULE.· An index card wieh a project eiele is eacked up under each daee. one week includes "CONDOMCONUNDRUM,• and "POPCORN & CHOCOLATE MIRACLE DIET. • The Friday spot; is blank.

Cardouche is sieeinq on a desk, holding a blank index card. Lelaina seands beside him wieh her clipboard.

CAROOUc::HE: Your job is goinq eo be combined wieh Damien's since he has seniority.

This takes a minute eo sink in; her eyes are wide with panic.

I won't have a job here anymore?

He just looks at the floor. She swallows hard, thinks a second, looking at the index card in his hand. She takes a deep breath.

Look, I know there's a staff opening on the Video View. And I have some videotapes I made, sore of a documentary, that really shows what I can do. I know it would be a perfect segment on the View. It's about my friends·.

''

_,

CARDouc:m: I don't know. Honestly, Lelaina, - don't see how that's relevant--

--AIDS.

CARDOUc:m: What?

Lelaina thinks fast, mentally tap-dancing:

Issuey?

He looks at his blank index card, bending it back and forth.

u:LAINA We're the ..• the Reparation Generation.

She holds her breath. He hands her the blank card: he· s sold.

CARDOuc:m:: Okay, look. Go ahead and give it a shot. If it's good, I'll put you on staff.

Lelaina wasn't really expecting this:

LELAJ:NA Really? I mean, I mean, for real?

CARDOuc:m:: Of course it's for real.

LELAJ:NA Oh, thank you Mr. Cardouche!--I promise it'll be great!

He has to smile at her salesmanship. He leaves. Lelaina breathes a huge sigh of relief.

:. 8

:NT. GALLERIA MALL - THE GAP - LATER

A woman emerges dressed in a Gap ouc::ic chat: .::.s coo ::.::.ghc :or her, looks at: hersel:: .::.nche mirrors, ::hen curns ::o

Vickie, dressed in a Gap uniform, looks ac che woman. She cries ::::: smile as she nods in pseudo-approval. She looks over and sees

Lelaina standing ac che front of the store. She waves. Vickie waves back. The woman is still admiring herself in che mirror. Vickie looks back ac Lelaina and scicks her finger in her mouch, gagging--che woman looks ac Vickie--who slyly acts l.::.ke she·s scracching around her mouch.

MOMENTS LATER

Lelaina scands oucside The Gap. Vickie, holding her lunchbox, leaves Che score and goes co her, smiling impishly.

Vickie walks off. Lelaina follows her.

A moment of silence. Vickie slips on her sunglasses.

A 70s song like "I Will Survive• is blaring from the radio. Lelaina drives, smoking, drinking a Diet Coke; Vickie sings along. Her BMW .::.s in dire need of a car wash.

C"JT TO:

"NEW YORK• reads the front plate. Hip-hop, rap music plays. we:~~: up and find MICHAEL GRATES, 26, very intense and driven, handsome but not slick, he has a kind face, driving. He squints, listening :o :he music, bouncing slightly to it, biting his lip. His car phone RINGS. He picks it up.

Lelaina and Vickie are having a great time, singing and bouncing around. Michael's driving in the lane to their left, frazzled: he's reading a map spread over the steering wheel as he searches for :he CD he wants as he tries to talk on the phone:

--He starts to swerve into the left lane as he reads the map--A car HONKS loudly at him--He straightens out--

He stops at a red light. Lelaina stops beside him. Vickie and Lelaina look over at the scattered Michael, then they look at each other and giggle.

The light changes. Lelaina pulls forward and carelessly tosses her cigarette out her window •.. it flies about two feet •.. and lands on Michael's seat. He doesn't see it; he looks over--

--and sees the cigarette discoloring the leather. He picks it up and leans over to throw it out--and swerves his car into the other lane-- and rams the fender of her BMW.

Lelaina, stunned, looks over at him: he's still on the phone.

He hangs up, untangles himself from his map and, in a panic, :-:ins over to the BMW.

Lelaina doesn't move. Vickie tries to discreetly shut the overflowing ashtray.

..• Yeah.

--The ashtray finally closes, exploding, and ash flies everywhere. Vickie and Lelaina start laughing hysterically, really out of nervousness. Michael gets it.

They can't talk, they're laughing so hard. He can't help but be somewhat amused l:,y this.

They laugh even harder.

•m YOOR FACE TV•

reads the logo on the wall. The office is a mess: a blizzard of papers, faxes, CD's, ext:ra phones, etc. Lelaina has stopped laughing. She stares at a ceramic bank/statuette of Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes• on his desk. Michael paces behind his desk, talking into a telephone headset.

She smiles, nods, picks up the bank.

(puts it back) I'm sorry, I didn't know--

Her face flushes with embarrassment; she looks down.

He presses t:he hang up but:ton, sighs heavily, looks at her.

Lelaina st:ill thinks he's on the phone; she looks at the floor, evamines her nails, et:c.

Hi.

She's trying very hard to remain calm.

When you say •sue•--?

--Uh-huh?

You mean like for money ih a coureroom?

A lawyer? I don't even have a hairdresser. I only make four hundred dollars a week and--

She starts to answer, but his intercom BEEPS. He presses the talk button, signals Lelaina just one second.

LELAmA Actually, I work in television too, at the "Good Morning, Grant• show. Maybe you"ve seen it?

LELAmA He's kind of a psycho.

MICHl\FI, Well, I really feel really bad al:>out this whole thing--Maybe I can get you some C:O"s?--we just got the advance on the new Sting thing.

{smiles) The ·sting thing•?

He laughs; she just looks at him =iously. There is a definite attraction between them, though an awkward silence here; he goes :or the save:

Oh yeah--He's really cool--

--She picks him up again, looks at it. She puts it back, but only half on the desk as she looks at Michael--

--and before she can catch him, Dr. Zaius falls and breaks into several pieces on the floor--Lelaina gasps--

--Dr. Zaius!

Michael just stares at the floor in disbelief. She quickly bends, starts gathering up the pieces, trying not to cry.

She tries to fit the pieces together, but no matter how hard she presses, they just don't fit. She tries them in a few different positions. Michael watches her, somehow charmed.

She looks up at him; their eyes lock.

He laughs. She laughs with him. He clears his throat, kneels down beside her.

She smiles up at him, pleasantly surprised.

Vickie and a very excited Lelaina walk from her badly dented beerner towards their apartment. Lelaina reads a business card:

Michael Grates, Vice President Programming, In Your Face TV. We"ve seen it--It's like MTV. But with an edge.

Vickie takes the card and looks at it, thinking.

Oh yeah.

For coffee.

I think just coffee.

He ended up saying decaf.

(now worried) I, I don't think so .

..

I think ... I can't remember exactly. Why?

Lelaina stops at the door, confused, kind of bUlIUlledout. Then she looks at Vickie, who has on a Cheshire cat grin. Lelaina smiles as she realizes Vickie was stringing her along.

YOU little mind-fuck.

She just smiles, opens the front door--and sees Troy standing there with a hand-dolly, a.bout to exit.

What?

It is sparsely fu=ished: couch, TV, a OUija board coffee table. There are four big moving .boxes sitting around the couch. Lelaina enters, sees them, almose implodes. Vickie eni:ers.

T:EI,r.'INA --Are you out of your mind!?

That's the Ameri~an Dream of the nineties! That could take years!

We'll have a hall monitor! That's what we•:l have.

T:::-oyand Sammy ent:e:::-, each holding a bo:x:.

We don't: even know if t:his is allowed ~n our building.

Angry, Troy drops his bo:x:.

I have to work here. And unfort:unat:ely, Troy, you are a rnast:er at: the art: of t:ime suckage.

Troy gat:hers up his scuff. Sammy and Vickie look at: Lelaina, bet:rayed. Lelaina looks at: Troy; she sighs, giving in.

..• no, it's okay, Trey ..• You can st:ay.

VJ:CKIE It's cool, Troy. Welcome to t:he maxi~pad.

Troy laughs. Lelaina cries not: smile, but: can't help it:.

ON \-PJ;QTAPE(:V !NT. DOWNTOWNGROUNDS - NIGHT

LOUD MUSIC: An industrial riff BLARES through the club as Troy and t:he band rehearse •r•m Nuthin' ·, an original song about t:!'le per:.::.s of being neit:her a Democrat or a Republican.

SUPERIMPOSE TI':'L.E: ::EQX

(NOTE TO READER: The video segments are not static; they are hand- held and have a documentary feel.)

<:IJT TO·

QN VIpl;QTAPE(TY INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Troy sits on the couch watching the local news on TV.

Coming up--

LELA:INA(O.C.) ... I have never been so offended in my life.

He gets up, playfully moves towards the camera, as she moves backwards and falls on the couch--

:..ELAINA (0 . C . ) (laughing) Get away from me!

He grabs the camera from Lelaina, and turns it on her. She :ake- smiles, very annoyed.

Very funny. Now give it back.

He doesn't; he laughs and backs away. She follows him, angry.

cm: TQ:

ON YIPE;QTAPE;(,:Y- EXT. GALVESTONBEACH- DAY

Troy sits on the seawall, a cigarette tucked behind his ear. He is holding a book: a well-worn, ragged copy of Zen and the Art qf MAt:PtQCC] e Maintenanceas he talks int.o the camera.

CPI TA;

ON 'CPEOTAPE/'T''/ EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY

The streets are slick with rain. Troy, wearing his trench coat, smoking a Camel, makes his way down the alley.

Lelaina is proudly watching her video on the monitor. She moves :he toggle to rewind--when Grant enters, tight-lipped.

Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look at what I've done here?

She expected that. She hands him a sheet of paper.

Here's the research I did. You should really try to read it--this guesthas quite a history in politics.

Grant skims it in a nanosecond, then tosses it in the trash.

Lelaina shakes her head and gives him a stack of index cards.

Grant is on stage with a guest, a newspaper EDITOR; their interview is in progress. Lelaina stands next to Damien, following Grant on her clipboard.

As Grant says anything to a guest, he discreetly reads it off notecards on the coffee table.

Granc looks ac che cards, kind of laughs.

(nee off cards) I think ... it's ...

Cardouche holds his breath. Grant is unprepared for this; he looks around. Lelaina runs into his line of sight. She gives him a chumbs- up and nods, exaggerated, as if to a chimp.

Grant mimics her, nods and gives an exaggerated thumbs-up. The audience applauds. The editor smirks. Cardouche finally breaches. He puts a thankful hand on Lelaina's shoulder.

CAlUlOUCHE Thank you.

She smiles, proud.

Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary• streams out of a jambox. overflowing ashtrays, empty soda cans, dircy laundry, et al. surround the couch like a moat. The T'v is on but muted: a rerun of •one Day ac a Time.· Vickie, Troy and Sammy sit around the set, zoning out, sharing a joint.

Lelaina enters, home from work, carrying her video camera.

LE:LAmA This is a Kodak moment.

Vickie jumps to her feet:

Lelaina is overjoyed. She shrieks, hugs Vickie.

I'm so proud of you! You made it happen!

My god--before t:axes, t:hat:'s one thousand dollars a week between us! We'll never have rent problems again! We can totally pay our phone bill too! (to Troy) Isn't this great!?--Aren't you excited!?

Sammy laughs. Lelaina fixes the camera on the group and begins taping. Vickie talks into the camera, mugging.

come on--t:his is for work.

Vickie t:akes a drag off t:he joint:, t:hinking.

Troy and Sammy look at each other, a lit:t:le unclear t:hemselves.

Didn't: you people ever wat:ch "Family Ties"? It: was all explained on "Family Ties•. (off their looks) The parents were hippies.

They all nod, •oooh•, like this makes total sense. Vickie passes t:_he joint: to Sammy. He looks at it, very hesitant.

Sammy and Troy laugh. Offended, Lelaina goes behind her camera.

Lelaina shoots a look at Vickie. Troy crushes out his cigarette and looks down. There is an awkward pause ... The phone RINGS. Troy answers it:

(quickly takes phone) Michael?

She tries to move into the other room, but the cord won"t stretch. Troy carefully watches her. She laughs.

Yes, ~ can drive.

--Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. 'Bye.

She hangs up, squelches her smile, doesn't look at Troy as she rejoins the group. He's still trying to read her.

She glares at him, chinking of how to gee out of this ...

Domino"s supports Operation Rescue.

V'ICK:r:E No one gives a shit right now, Lelaina, we"re hungry.

(sighs ... then remembers) Oh!--Wait. wait a minute.

She digs through her purse until she finds ... her Mobil credit card. She pulls it out, smiles.

Lelaina and Troy look at the candy display. He looks at her ...

--Vickie and Sammy approach, bursting with news:

Vickie holds up a bottle of Evian water, points to the label.

MOMENTS LATER

An old, upbeat S0•s song is on the radio behind the counter, where an old man is working. Lelaina dumps an armful of junk food on the counter and hands him her Mobil credit card.

He turns up the radio. Vickie starts to do a weird dance around che counter. She grabs Lelaina by the hand and they start dancing around. The old man bounces up and down in rhythm. Sammy grabs onto Lelaina•s hand, Vickie tries to grab onto Troy"s, but he stands off, watching them dance around and sing.

They are seen through the windows, everyone except Troy dancing around ::he Mobil Mar:: as stars pepper the night sky above .. ,

A sexy black dress slides down Lelaina's body. Her foot slips in::o a high-heeled black pump. Her long fingernail is being painted wi::h :-ed nail polish.

Her bedroom is sparsely furnished yet still cluttered: a futon, laundry scattered about. Lelaina is sitting in her lawn chair, all ready except for the white bleach on her •moustache.• She carefully puts a cigarette in her mouth.

Vickie, Troy, Sammy and some friends are playing the •Good Times" drinking game; each PLAYER has a beer. Troy has a pretty girl hanging all over him. Michael carefully walks in, unnoticed.

PLAYER l --Thelma's husband Keith has vodka hidden in the toilet--

Troy sees Michael watching them.

IN ':'HE LIVING ROOM- LATER

Lelaina and Michael are s:::anding by ::he group, watching ::hem as :::iey prepare to leave.

Michael jumps in, pre-empting Troy:

The flow has been interrupted; they stop. Troy looks at Michael disdainfully.

Lelaina glares at Troy, then leads Michael to the door as the play goes to Sai_mny--

They laugh as Sammy finishes the last of his beer. He thinks a second, then hits his head as he realizes too late ...

Troy watches as Lelaina and Michael are walking out.

Lelaina just shuts the door behind them. Troy stops and stares af:::er them stonily. He lights a bitter cigarette.

a ,

M:ICHAE:L That's Vote or Goat.

Lelaina studies the picture as she sits with Michael in a booth. He has a salad and Evian; she a cheeseburger and a Diet coke.

Vote or Goat?

M:ICHAE:L It was a promotional at In Your Face TV to get young kids to vote. we called up random people and asked them if they'd registered to vote, and if they hadn"t, then we showed up at their house with a camera crew and gave them a goat. Kids were really freaked out. we gave out almost two hundred goats, and who wants a goat, right? Anyway, it was a big success.

I,EI,a.INA And you thought of the whole thing?--That's great.

He puts the photo back in his wallet.

MJ:CHAE:L Well yeah, I know it sounds kind of ridiculous.

Well, you know, look where I work. We have to compromise ourselves to get by.

Michael's brow knits ever so slightly.

MJ:CHAE:L Oh... Yeah, I guess I never really thought--

--But I mean, that's why it's important to have your own things that aren't compromised.

LELAmA Yeah, like, I'm making this documentary? Of my friends?--But it's really more about people trying to figure out who they are, like, how they form an identity without any real role- models or heros or anything.

He's nodding, squinting, impressed.

Troy, yeah.

He's trying to subtly mine this information.

No, no, no--It's me and Vickie. He just needed a place to crash •cause he got fired from his job. They caught him stealing snickers.

He's trying to get a handle on this guy, but there's no way around it: he's going to have to just ask:

LE:I.AmA I don"t think so. Well I know he doesn't. He would tell me. We're like best friends.

She smiles, but looks away, uncomfortable.

Anyway ... I have problems with compliments.

(trying to change subject) So, but, um, so are you religious?

She laughs hard, so does he, and the first date tension melts.

LELAmA (blurts it out) Hey, I"m a non-practicing virgin.

CUT T.O:

The car is parked in the alley by the apartment. The radio is on nut low. Lelaina and Michael are sitting on the backs of the seats, drinking Big Gulps from 7-ll, having fun just talking:

LELAJ:NA The most profound, important invention of my lifetime: the Big Gulp.

LELAJ:NA I"m serious. Because you get one in the mo=ing, I'm talking the forey-four ouncer, and you've got your essential beverage for the eneire day.

No--Well •.• No. I"m not: mat:erialistic. I don"t care about: money or houses. I'll never have a house. My credit is shit.

LELAmA Yeah? I don't really like cars like ehis. They just: seem kind of waseeful- to me. I only got: the BMW •cause my st.epnom got an Infinl.ti.

Oh no, no, you don't have to justify--

(laughing) No, it's good to have things you want. I mean, I really like nice sheets. I have a sheet thing.

(cracking up) No, no, don"t sell it.

She can't stop laughing.

You crack me up. You crack me up, you really do. It's funny--! had you pegged as this total MBA type.

Wow.

L!LAINA Oh!--I love astronomy. But the math is--

..''

..' ...

Oh my god, same here exactly.

MJ:CHAEI, I know. I know. It's like, do you ever have those moments in life where you just feel okay? Where you just find yourself happy in a moment and you go, •oh,. I'm happy here•? And then it goes away? Like really quickly? I always seem to forget those moments, but I've had a couple of them.

She caught him off-guard; he smiles, realizing that this is indeed one of those moments. They are both suddenly aware of the chemist:::y at work here.

He leans in and kisses her softly, just for a couple of seconds. They look at each other, then she kisses him. They start to really get into it; they slide down into the seat without breaking. The opening strains of "Beth• by Kiss fill the car. . . When his car phone RINGS. He opens his eyes, looks down, torn. Lelaina"s like the Energizer bunny: still going. It keeps ringing. Michael picks it up, but as he talks, Lelaina continues to softly kiss him.

--She cuts him off, kissing his mout.h.

He doesn't even hang up; he just drops the phone and passionately responds to her.

Troy walks up the alley, partied out, heading home. He hears ·Bech·: he stops. He sees the Saab and the two forgotten Big Gulps sitting on it. He quietly walks over to it. Michael and Lelaina are inside, wrapped around each ocher.

His face registers no dramatic change of emotion, just the slightest crook of an eyebrow. He turns and walks away.

CtJT TO:

Lelaina very quietly enters the dark apartment, carrying her shoes as she tip-toes across the living room.

Tl'tOY(O.S. l (sings loudly) --Beth, I hear you calling, but I can't come home right now--

--She jumps ten, maybe twelve feet. He turns on a lamp.

He sits up suddenly, alert, like he just smelled something.

He walks towards her. She's getting annoyed.

She eyes him threateningly.

L.c:LA.INA He is not a yuppie!

L.c:LA.INA Yeah, well that pales in comparison with all those tweaked out little skanks ~ date: (mimics valley-girl bimbo) "Troy, talk to me about phenomenology while I try on my add-a-bead necklace.•

LELAmA What ,ag_you care?

He's back on the couch, absorbing himself in Alistair Macintyre·s •After Virtue.• She rips it from his hands.

LELAmA Why are you suddenly acting like a jealous boyfriend or someehing?

He takes his book back, starts reading calmly.

If there's something bothering you, you should at least be man enough to tell me.

She pivots and walks out. Troy looks up, watches her go. Her door SLAMS o.s.

SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: VICKI;;

ONvrn:e;QTAFE(TV INT. APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM - DAY

Sammy.and Vickie are sit:t:ing on t:he floor. A globe sits on the coffee t:able bet:ween t:hem.

She sets the globe in motion, closes her eyes. She stops it with her finger. She opens her eyes, sees where she's point:ing. She examines it closer, shocked. She looks at: Sammy.

Sammy stares laughing and Lelaina does too, o.c. Vickie dramatically put:s her head between her knees, pulling her hair.

~5

CQT TO·

QN ;npEQTI\PE(:::VINT. VICKIE'S BEDROOM- NIGHT

PHINEAS, a long-haired, hippy-type guy, who sitting in a bean bag chair in his underwear, reading an old PYD@rn7temagazine with

Phineas looks up, confused. He looks into tμe camera, :row knit.

He goes back to =eading the Dynami-e.

NT. TV STUDIO - GRANT'S DRESSINGROOM - MORNING

The monitor goes black. Cardouche and Grant are sitting in Grant's dressing room, watching the TV. cardouche smiles, impressed wich che tape. Lelaina waits nervously.

welaina looks to Cardouche, panicked.

She half-nods, leaves the room.

CARIXJtJC:HE( 0 . S . ) Look, she's got real talent, and I want to put her on staff for the Video View.

Her mouth drops open with the betrayal.

Lelaina, confused, looks at her rather thin' thighs. She looks around to see if anyone else heard the comment: nobody.

~·- '

The show is at a commercial break. Grant is on-stage, a washcloth over his face as he repeats his mantra:

Lelaina sets a book and notecards in his lap. He removes the cloth and stares at her stonily. She just smiles sweetly and walks off. LIBBY CUMBA is ushered into the guest spot. The THEME MUSIC Starts up.

--Libby•s eyes widen as Grant realizes what he's just read. He clears his throat. Cardouche's cigar falls out of his mouth; he sprints off. Lelaina and Damien are trying not to laugh. Grant turns the notecard over and tries to laugh lightly.

Grant stops, clears his throat again. He puts away the cards and smiles at the confused guest.

So ... um... Do you like writing books?

Silence. Except for Lelaina's and Damien's laughter.

:N THE CONTROLROOM

Cardouche bursts in, frantic; everyone is guffawing in here.

Good God--go to commercial!

A very composed Lelaina sits in the hot seat in front of a desk; Cardouche and Grant sit on the desk, staring at her.

LELAlNA It's called lookism, and people have been sued for that.

CARDOCOlE Doesn't matter. The stunt you pulled--

LELA!NA --proved how much Grant relies on me. Nothing damaging went out on the air. I'd like to be seriously considered for a staff position. And we can just forget this whole thing. What do you say?

They are silenced by her chutzpah. Cardouche smiles, impressed.

"HELP WANTED•

~eads the $ign in the Wendy's window at the intersection. Lelaina looks at it with intensity from her car. Her knuckles are white

• C '.

DISSOLVE '.:'O:

WENDY•~ CQMMERC;AL - INT. WENDY'S - DAY

DAVE THOMAS, founder of Wendy's, stands behind the counter.

SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: "DAVE THOMAS, FOUNDER OF WENDY'S"

He turns to a girl whose back is to us as she flips burgers.

The girl turns around: it's Lelaina. She smiles brightly as she hands Dave a burger.

Here you are, sir. Please enjoy it.

A GIRL, 16, is dramatically performing a lip-synch to ·comfortably Numb• by Pink Floyd. A classroom has been fashioned into a theatre. Written on the blackboard: "PATIENTS' TALENT SHOW!"

Lelaina quietly enters the crowded room via the back door. On the far side of the room, she sees Cynthia, sitting alone. Pat is on the opposite side of the room, also alone.

Lelaina walks to Cynthia, takes a seat beside her. Cynthia fake- smiles at her, then looks back at the performance.

I tell ya, it likes to break my heart watching ::.his. That girl up there is your sister·s best friend here.

... uh, I need to talk to you about my job.

Lelaina sinks in her seat, dejected. The girl finishes, bows and leaves the stage. A COUNSELOR in the front row stands up.

PATTY PIERCE. :a. takes her placeon stage. She is deceptively innocent looking and has a larger than average build. She wears sweats and a heavy metal t-shirt. She is either frenetic or somber; there is no in between.

Patients in the audience cheer loudly, shouting her name.

several fellow patients laugh in recognition as she sings her a cappella to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Chris-i:mas•:

Sl

Everyone applauds; t:he pat:ient:s stand and cheer. ?at: ::y is beam:.:-:g with pride. Lel.aina stands up wit:h t:he crowd, applauding. ?at applauds lightly. Cynthia just sits there.

Patty waves to Lelaina, then she sees Cynthia, and her smile :ades somewhat.

There is a cookies and punch reception. Lelaina stands of: ::o the side of the crowd. Patty runs up to her, frenetic.

You must be a very proud young woman.

Lelaina looks at Patty's pouting face.

Yes she did, Patty; I was sitting right next to her--I saw her clap. She even said you sang like on the radio.

Patty decides to believe this, brightens a little. Pat approaches; he offers his hand to Patty. They shake hands.

Hey dad. can I talk to you about something? It's about my job at the--

--Pat·s watching Cynthia as she approaches and hugs Patty in a non- affectionate way (lightly patting her back).

--Cynthia lightly kisses Patty then starts off--

She half-nods knowing they won't. Pat pats Patty on the shoulder as he leaves .. : Patty and Lelaina just:. stand there, alone together. They watch all the other families talking and hugging ... Lelaina puts her arm around Patey, who looks at the floor.

Several bags of groceries sit on the floor. Troy, Sammy, and Vickie are putting them away. Lelaina enters, serious.

LE:I.AmA We have to have a family meeting. Something's happened.

They slow down; Trey hands her a six-pack of Diet Coke.

First let me say that everything's gonna be fine.

LE:I.AmA I"m alreac:J:y working out a plan.

So don' t panic.

They stop, shocked; Troy puts his arm around her.

Vickie's mouth is agape. Sammy shakes his head in disbelief.

She looks at their stunned faces, a little annoyed and embarrassed. She puts the six-pack in the fridge.

L:E:LA:tNA Well. I mean, it's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. I'll find something else--No big deal.

The phone RINGS--Lelaina jumps for it, crosses her fingers:

Let this be a job offer-- (answers it) Hello? ... Hi Michael.

Lelaina heard, rolls her eyes. He watches her.

LEI.AINA VICKIE

Well, not so great ... No, I'd (to Troy) rather get together and talk. I just had a great idea.

Troy acts like he's listening to Vickie as he strains to hear Lelaina, who has lowered her voice.

LE.I.AINA VICKIE

No, no, I'm okay--I'm fine. Well, since you're always It's nothing like that ... bitching about working nights (laughs) why don't I schedule you for Yeah, me too ... Okay, I'd mornings, and Lelaipa can love that. . . Okay, 'eye. work nights?

Troy blankly nods at Vickie as Lelaina hangs up. Vickie claps her hands to Lelaina•s arms in sincerity and friendship.

(confused) What?

Vickie goes back to putting up groceries. Lelaina looks at ~roy. He knows exactly what she's thinking; he smiles sarcastically.

Look, Vickie, I said I'm already working out a plan.

LELAl'.NA C:blurts it out) --I"m not gonna work at Th~ Gap!--I was valedictorian of my class, for Chrissake!"

Vickie freezes, looking like she"s just been slapped. Lelaina almost bites her tongue off.

LELAl'.NA I didn"t mean that like--I wasn't saying--

It's too late.

Vickie briskly walks out. Lelaina follows her to her bedroom, but Vickie shuts her door in Lelaina's face. She finds herself staring right into the eyes of an old Sean Cassidy poster, and a typical 70's song like "Boogie Nights• begins BLARINGwithin.

Lelaina leans her head against the door. Troy approaches and gently takes her arm, pulling her away. He leads her off ...

Troy and Lelaina stand in front of a tall building, smoking, each with a cup of coffee. Troy points up at the building.

He offers his arm to escort her; she takes it, giggly. He's doing his best to amuse her. He leads her to his old newsstand.

She smiles; she doesn't feel that bad anymore. They continue their walk down the dimly lit sidewalk.

--Yeah right.

Troy who?

He covers his heart as if he"s been wounded.

They laugh.

You got it.

What?

He leans in and before anyone can think about it, they're kissing full on the mouth; they were both dying to do this, somewhere inside, hungry for each other--But Lelaina. breaks it, gets ahold of hersel:. She steps back; her hands are shaking.

Troy, wait--I can't do this--

Of course, yes, I have, but I don't want to rui.r. be friends anymore. I can• t not be friends with you, you know?

I,EI,~ I just, I can't deal with this right now. I can"t evolve right now.

He didn"t want to hear that. He walks on. She walks with him.

L!l.AINA Can't you cut me a little slack here? We were having so much fun, and now--

Okay .

... They walk in silence for quite a while. Then they reach Troy's car, a beat-up old Dodge Dart. He quiet.ly opens the door :or her. She gets in. He gets in the driver's seat.

Troy starts the car. They drive off in total stony silence.

•Beth• is playing. The room is dimly lit and desperately lonely: half-1mpacked suitcases, unopened boxes, too many empty take-out containers, a half-eaten room-service dinner, work papers, etc. Michael is sitting on his unmade bed with several new cassette tapes and his boombox. He checks the dual cassette deal to make sure i:·s recording. He takes a sip of his Big Gulp, then goes back to making ··the cassette label: He carefully writes on it:

"FOR LELAJ:NA•

CtlT TO:

ON Y+PEQTAPE/T'{- AN OLD FAMILY PORTRAIT

Cynthia, Pat, Lelaina and Patty. All young and fresh-faced and faking smiles at the sears Port:ra.it Stud.i.o.

SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: I,EJ¥INA

CIT TQ;

ON Y+PEQTApE(TY EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY

Lelaina and Sammy are taking pare in a big pro-choice demonstration, yelling and holding signs.

cm: ,,,Q.

ON VIPEOTAPE/TV INT. APARTMENT- KITCHEN - NIGHT

Trey pulls t.elaina into his lap, and tries to force-feed her a piece of cake. She pulls back, laughing.

No, I can•t--I'm on this new diet where I can't eat after two p.m.

Troy shakes his head, laughing.

snow fills the TV screen as ...

Lelaina quickly turns off the VCR, upset after watching her and Trey. She has a towel around her wet head. Michael is sitting in front of it, squinting with intensity.

That's all there really is.

(kind of disturbed) What do you mean?

Lelaina freezes--she doesn't think so.

Oh, um, you know what?, I don't know, I don't think that's a good idea.

She turns away and pulls on a pair of pancyhose.

M:ICHAEL l:iha.l:.?--It's a great idea. You could even come with me--why not?

Michael, it's just •.. this isn't Vote or Goat, okay?

Michael walks over to her, enthusiastic, as she pulls on a skirt under her robe.

Exactly, and I already have my own plans for it.

(very terse) No, thank you, I'm going to get it on PBS.

She brushes past him, picks up her skirt. Michael is surprised by her anger.

She laughs, despite herself.

I would love to make your father jealous, believe me, but I just can't right now.

She removes the robe, slips on her blouse, starts buttoning it ..

Yes of course I do, I would die 0to just run off and, I don't know, go hiking in the desert or something and not think about anything, but I can't--I don't have any money, I was just fired--

--She stops, rests her face in her hands.

I can"t believe this. I'm getting dressed for work. What am I doing? God.

She sits down, slides the towel off her head, dejected.

--I"m not gonna take your money--

She takes a Diet coke out of her purse.

She pours the Diet Coke. He tries to read her.

(very irritated) What are you talking about? My God, this has totally zero to do with--I mean, Troy doesn't have anything to do with anything at all, Jesus Christ.

Michael hands her the cassette he made.

Genuinely touched by the gesture, she kisses him softly.

She reaches out and gently touches his face, charmed.

LELAJ:NA (soft) --Michael, I love this. But I just can't go, okay? I just can"t do it. I"m sorry.

He starts out, hurt. She looks over and sees that snow is still on the TV. She turns the set off and follows him:

6.2

JOB "'"I::ITERYIEWMONTAGE

INT!;RVIEWil: INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - DAY

It's very messy in here with audio-visual equipment strewn about everywhere. ROCKsits at a table with Lelaina.

Well, I was a communications major, I--

She starts to protest--when his phone RINGS, a Garfield phone.

INT!;RVIEW jl2: INT. RADIO OFFICE - DAY

There is a Si!,11 on the wall: "!CR.BE-FM".ROGERsits behind his desk. He lifts a bottle of nasal spray to hisnose, and sprays some in each nostril. Lelaina sits across from him,waiting.

LE:LAINA (a little desperate) Oh, I don't know. I'm not really .that, smart.

INTERVIEW jl3: INT. NEWSPAPEROFFICE - DAY

An office in the Houston Chronicle headquarters. LOUISE a burly woman, sits behind a desk cluttered with papers. Lelaina sits on the other side of the desk, waiting.

I'm trying to make the transition to print journalism.

Louise raises her eyebrows, very impressed.

Irony? (she nods) Irony. Irony. . . It• s a noun that means when something is ... ironic ... um, it's ... like ... like .•. that •.. I don"t ..• I really can"t define irony, but I know it when I see it.

EJ::1PMONTAGE

Lelaina enters the outdoor seating area of the hip, very crowded cafe, armed with the Classifieds and a plate of nachos. She looks around for a place to sit and sees

Lelaina's eyes light up; she's very happy to see him. She makes her way across the cafe. She waves at him, smiling:

He"s surprised to see her, though not necessarily pleasantly. She reaches his table, sits, talking a mile a minute:

She slaps the table.

What?--No, no, he's not here, I'm just ... I'm eating chips.

She eats a chip. There is an uncomfortable silence.

Wait a minute. Isn"t there some statute of limitations on embarrassing incidents?

He marks his page and stands up. She grasps onto his arm.

(charming) Whatty?

He really does want to stay, but he stiffens his resolve.

And he's gone. She slumps in her chair.

Lelaina enters, depressed, flops down on the couch, and turns on the TV. She starts channel-surfing. She hits on In Your Face TV where "WEDGIE•, the network's fashion magazine is on. She lights a cigarette, sets it in the empcy ashtray ...

Hey, Sammy!--Come sit with me. Have a cup of joe. Let's talk, man, let's have a fucking great conversation.

Qm. (beat) so when was the last time you talked to Troy?

--Vickie enters, rushed, dressed for work. She glares at Lelaina, then grabs Sammy's arm.

And they"re gone. Dejected, Lelaina goes ~ack to the TV...

The images turn dreamlike as we see two masked men ru=ing up to a house with a saw and the words "DRAMA'l'J:C PSYCHIC REENAC'l'MEN'l'".

Lelaina is on the couch, talking on the phone with her partner.

It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. Even my best friend, I'm afraid that I •ve losthim forever and, I mean, that's, he was my .••like my touchstone, you know?

... Eat. I don't know, I don"t know. I just want to know what's going to happen.

PSYCHIC PARTNE:R(V.O.) Well, I'm feeling that you"re near something very powerful.

Lelaina looks around: nothing but Troy's junk. Then she sees her foot resting on the Ouija board coffee table.

(gasps) Oh my god. Right now at this second. my~ is tPUbhipq a ®ija board.

Lelaina•s lying across her bed, in pajamas, on the phone again.

t:lISSOLVE TO:

Lelaina is on the couch in the same pajamas, on the phone.

Yes it does, Denell. I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him and tell him how you really feel ...

Vickie and Sammy enter from ehe hall. Vickie is sick with a cold. She and Sammy sit by Lelaina on the couch.

--Lelaina hangs up on Denell. Grief-stricken, she rests her forehead in her hand.

Lelaina won't look up. Vickie looks to Sammy for help.

(defensive, sharp) Don't worry about it.

Lelaina looks at them, taking all this in.

You've been waiting for this day ever since we met.

Sammy accidentally laughs. Vickie wishes she hadn't said that. Lelaina stands up, stung. She looks at them coldly. She leaves. They watch her go down the hall. Her door SLAMS off-screen.

Troy is standing next to a table of shirts. He is absently straightening the shirts as he absorbs himself in Kierkegaard's •sickness Unto Death.• There is a CUSTOMER,looking around, trying to find help. She approaches Troy, taps his shoulder.

Dale and Lelaina sit at the table. She's drinking a Diet Coke.

Dale, can I bum a cigarette off you?

He hands her one from his over-all's front pocket.

He laughs heartiiy. He laughs alone. Cynthia enters.

Lelaina averts her eyes. Dale looks at Cynthia with distaste.

She pats Dale's arm and fake-smiles as she sits down.

I need to talk to you about a loan.

Cynthia and Dale exchange looks.

No, it's not for drugs. I was fired.

-, ' - (to Dale) Well, it's going around.

Cynthia looks down, shakes her head at the injustice of it all.

Dale, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

No, see, I've tried--I applied for every single opening in my field. Nothing.

Cynthia and Dale consider this. Cynthia sighs.

Because, mother, I am not retarded--I was valedictorian of my university.

--No, just ... forget it.-~ have to go.

-,_..,

Lelaina exits. Cynthia shakes her head, wide-eyed.

Lelaina sits at a table with JOHN QUATTLEBAUM,the burly manager. He eats a Wendy's Frostie·as he reviews her resume.

I think so. It's ... taking orders and ... making change and ... taking ...

John is shaking his head; she stops. He leans forward.

A juggling act. You mean ... like, metaphorically right?

Me?

She nods, absorbing this.

(quick) --one forty--

..

,;

Lelaina sits alone in a white gazebo that's in the middle of an open expanse of green pasture. The Parkside building is in the background. Patty exits the building and heads for the gazebo. Patty and Lelaina hug when she gets there.

That is so bad for your asthma.

Lelaina hands her a pack from her purse and they sit down.

So how are you?

Yeah, and I was just turned down for a job at Wendy"s. So my sense of self-worth is just-- it's off charts.

Sugar Creek mini-mall.

Yeah right.

He's in New York. Besides, he's not really my boyfriend.

She looks off. Patty stands, reaches down her pants, into her underwear, and pulls out a ten dollar bill. She holds it out, offering it to Lelaina. Lelaina looks around, worried.

Patty, you"re not supposed to have money here-- They"ll take away your privileges.

Lelaina looks around again, then takes it quickly.

Lelaina stands and hugs Patty.

LELA:INA Wait--Don't go yet.

Patty starts back to the building; Lelaina watches her, envious. She steps out of the gazebo, then turns back to watch Patty in the distance. Lelaina shakes her head knowingly, almost smiles: Patty is smoking a cigarette.

A tee is driven into the grass. A golf ball is poised on top of it ... Pat steps up to the ball with a club, lining up his shot. Lelaina stands off to the side. She looks at her dad nervously.

--Pat makes his shot: the ball goes off to the side.

Fat takes another ball from his pocket, sets it on the tee.

He makes a good shot: They watch as the ball disappears ...

He pulled out the trump card. She thinks of a new tack.

Lelaina looks down. She knows this conversation is over.

... Yeah. Maybe I'll do that.

Pat puts his arm around her, leads her back to the cart.

... Yeah.

--Lelaina at Mobil; she is pumping gas into Sammy's Peugot. She finishes, and Sammy hands her some cash. Lelaina goes inside the Mobil Mart and pays for the gas with her card.

--Lelaina at Mobil; she is pumping gas into Troy's Dodge Dart. She finishes, and Troy gives her some cash. She goes inside and pays for his gas on her card.

--Lelaina at Mobil; she is pumping gas into a stranger's car. She finishes, and the owner of the car, a surly old man, hands her the cash.

--Lelaina is at the Mobil Service Center with a BUSINESSMAN who is having engine work done on his Acura. Lelaina is holding her card.

LELAJ:NA So you give me the cash, I'll pay for this on my card, and you get a ten percent discount.

The businessman shakes her hand.

--Lelaina in her room, counting her money. She writes down the total: $389.64.

--Lelaina in the Mobil Mart; she is picking up almost every kind of candy bar and junk food they have, until her arms are full. She goes to the counter, where a fat woman waits for her.

Vickie and Sammy are hanging out at the table; she is going over bills. Vickie is still sick, a stuffed nose. Lelaina enters with a bag full of four hundred dollars worth of small bills and lots of change. She is visibly relieved, almost happy. She proudly sets the bag down in front of Vickie.

Lelaina forgot: she mouths the word •fuck• as Troy enters.

Lelaina is stung; she looks to Troy.

Vickie sighs, rubs her face.

Troy glares at Sammy. Sammy bites his lip; stumbles:

Lelaina just looks at him in disbelief, betrayed.

You just sat there and watched me grovel and pump your gas, and never .cns::.e.offered to help me--Not one goddamn dime? After everything I've done for you? My god.

Lelaina, angry, follows him into

-a ' .

--Offended, Lelaina starts to say something--

So that's what this is about, isn"t it? You punishing me, that's what this really is.

Troy finds a shoebox. Lelaina folds her arms across her chest.

Forget it. I don't want that.

--He hurls the box at her--money (bills) fly everywhere as he storms out, slamming the door behind him.

Lelaina just stands there for a minute •.. Then she picks up the shoebox and starts putting all the money back into it. Sammy and Vickie enter, and without a word, they all work together gathering up the money and putting it back in the box.

The "Good Times• THEMESONGplays. J.J. Evans is asleep on the couch. We can only see his denim cap peeking out from under the blanket. Thelma Evans enters, wearing her robe. Wait. It's not Thelma. It's Lelaina dressed as Thelma. She goes to the couch and slaps him several times, yelling:

Troy, dressed as J.J. with a turtleneck and jeans and a thin moustache, pulls the blanket off and sits up, groggy.

Troy sneers at her. Vickie, dressed as Willena Woods (tight pant- suit, scarf around her neck) enters.

He mugs again: mlU Lelaina rushes over to Vickie.

Oh, Willena, I lost my job and J.J. had to sell his art supplies!

Sammy, dressed as Nathan Boolanan, the custodian (a janitor's jumper, tool belt, and lots of padding), enters the front door.

V:Z:CKJ:E Booger. don't you know the meaning of the word knock?

Troy gets up and puts his arm around Sammy.

Sammy opens the door, and someone"s there. It's Michael as the bald Alderman Davis dressed in a nice suit, wearing specs.

I'll ignore that, Wynona.

MJ:CHAEL Thelma dear, I heard you were having money problems. And I'd like to help you out.

Troy claps his hands, then bends his arms with his hands out:

MJ:CHAEL And of course, Thelma must agree to run away to New York with me.

I'll do it!

She jumps into his arms.

She just shrugs.

'!°rcy jumps in front of Michael and starts hopping around, throwing exaggeratedly feeble punches, doing wildly ineffective karate chops. The CANNED LAUGHTER is raucous. Michael simply walks around him, Thelma opens the door, and they leave.

The phone RINGS. Lelaina pops her head back in.

... The phone is ringing as Lelaina slowly wakes up, still wearing yesterday's clothes and make-up. She tries to pick up the phone, but her hand can't get a grasp on it: it's asleep. She slaps it, pinches it until she gets a little feeling. She answers it:

INTERCUT:

Michael is standing in a phone booth, but he talks on his cellular phone.

M:tCHAEL Lelaina. Hi--Did I wake you up?

M:tCHAEL Listen. Don't kill me. Okay, I took your tape, I showed it. Don•t--just--They freaked .mu;.. Okay? They want to do it, they want to buy it-- They want more stuff, more tapes.

sits up, excited, but still trying to make sense of this.

M:tCHAEL (V. 0. ) Do you hate me? I'm sorry, really.

M:tCH.AEL(V. 0. ) What am I, gonna make it up? They pyschotically loved it. Is this okay? I mean, I know it's not PBS, but-- '

She stands up, swallows, excited. She smiles.

That's a good question. He thinks.

LE:LAINA(V.O.) No • .I 1 eve ::.ccl,l.!

is twirling herself up in the chord and spinning, happy.

L:ELAINA No, you"re amazing!

--His voice cuts off.

Lelaina's on the couch, putting a tape in her camcorder, dusting the lens, etc. Her camera case is opened on the coffee table. She closes it and finds Vickie's notebook underneath. Curious, she picks it up. She looks around, then opens it:

most names have been •x•d out, the word "CONDOM." written over them. A couple have a big question mark beside them.

Lelaina worriedly enters Vickie's bedroom, notebook in hand. Sammy's lying on her bed, resting his chin on his hands, wearing dark shades. He is eye to eye with Vickie's phone.

... Sam?

Where is she?

ct1l' TO:

Vickie emerges from t.he clinic, stone-faced. She walks down the steps, but stops, surprised, when she sees

in the distance, waiting for her. Lelaina sees Vickie. They just look at each other for a moment, then Lelaina begins walking towards her ...

Vickie comes down a few steps. As Lelaina approaches ...

What am I doing here?--I'm freaking out worried about you.

I'm sorry, Vickie. I'm sorry about being such a macro-bitch. God, I just kept thinking how you have that cold and ... I started to think, you know ...

There is a quiet moment: Lelaina is trying to read Vickie ...

{hesitates) Yeah?

--Uh-huh.

Vickie sighs nostalgically; Lelaina is now very worried, interpreting Vickie's sentimentality to mean the worst--She grabs Vickie's shoulders--

--Vickie, what are the results?

Lelaina half-laughs. relieved:

LELAJ:NA Oh god. Why didn't you just tell me?

Lelaina laughs; Vickie laughs with her as they hug.

Hey, are you hungry?

Then fuck it: Let's go to Popeye's right now.

Lelaina puts her arm around Vickie as they walk off.

MOMENTS LATER

"MASTEROF MEDIEVALHISTORY - COURSEREQUIREMENTS" reads the cover of the packet handed co Sammy. He shrugs: could be worse.

cm' TO;

SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: SAMMY

CJ1'I'TA·

Si

ONYIPJ;OTAl=>';/TVEXT. U OF H - SMALLCAMPUSBUILDING - DAY

Sammy is standing next to a statue of a Gargoyle. The glass coo" o: the building says "DEPT. OF MEDIEVALHISTORY."

Troy is reclined on the couch, absorbed in "Aesthetic Theory• by Theodor Adorno, smoking, looking a little grunged out. Michael pokes his head inside ...

Troy looks up and finds Michael standing there, dressed in a nice suit, looking very handsome.

Michael sits down on the arm of the couch, then decides to stand, very uncomfortable under Troy's disdainful stare.

He goes back to his book.

Troy looks up, just for a second, then goes back to the book, lets this one slide: too easy.

Michael thinks about that first, then courtesy laughs. Then he wonders if he should've laughed at all. He looks at Troy, irrita~ed. starts to say something, but

Lelaina enters, and for the first time, she is not dressed in black. She wears the light-colored crochet dress. She looks stunning, but she doesn't look like herself. Both Troy and Michael almost gasp. Lelaina stops, looks at them watching her.

What?

M:ICHAEL Wow. Lelaina, look at you. Where'd you get that dress?

I don't know, I just bought it, I thought for the premiere and stuff I should~-It looks stupid, doesn't it?--I'll go change.

She starts out, but Michael stops her.

M:ICHAEL No, no, you look beautiful. You look like ... I can't even think of, like, like ...

I'm gonna change.

Michael turns on Troy:

Lelaina takes Michael's arm, pulling him towards the door.

Troy just laughs: Is Michael really this lame?

They both look at her; even she isn't sure whom she was addressing. Michael takes a br·eath, calming himself.

They go to the door.

Michael takes the bait.

For once, Troy does not have a comeback. He is rendered mute. Lelaina looks down, caught, embarrassed. Troy smirks, then walks out of the apa.r1:J11ent, slamming the door behind him.

Many of Michael's associates, in their 20s and 30s are gathered around a big-screen TV; they talk, laugh, munch on hors d'oevres.

Lelaina is standing alone at the back of the room, very nervous. Michael approaches, holding up a remote control.

She nods. He dims the lights. People look over, stop talking.

Everyone settles in to watch. He starts the tape, turns up the volume. The TV screen turns blue ...

The image dissolves into computer animation/graphics with the words "Reality Bites• filling up the screen in different fonts.

Then we cut back to a the bowl of cereal, but this time the Alpha- Bits spell out: "BY LEt.AINA PIERCE".

ON YIP&PTAP&(TI'- HOUSTON

Lightening speed cuts of different images of Houston: quick zoom-ins, upside down, crazy angles of the Montrose/Westheimer area. None of it from her documentary. cool alternative, but still •pop• music plays underneath.

ON Y+Pl;O"'l\,PE:/TV- LELA.INA'S DOCUMENTARY

The music stops. The following footage is from her documentary, though the images and sounds have been cut up and manipulated:

My parents got divorced--

TROY AND LELAJ:NA

The music starts again as we see shots from Lelaina•s documentary of her and Troy being physical:

--Troy trying to feed Lelaina cake --Lelaina putting her arm around Troy --Troy pulling Lelaina over, feigning passion --Troy and Lelaina side by side on the couch --Troy and Lelaina playfully swatting each other ~-Troy pulling Lelaina into his lap

The music stops, and we cut in and out of different documentary sections:

You know I don't do that anymore.

ON YIPEOTAO~/TV - APARTMENT

The music continues under quick cuts of Lelaina"s apartment; al: ==om her documentary, but now all jumbled together.

LELA!NA (V. 0. ) --I swore to myself I would never get married.

Then the music stops again as we cut in and out of different documentary sections:

ON YIPI;OT1jp];/T'7- UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON

The music starts again under several quick cuts of the u of H campus, all at weird angles, none of it from her documentary.

The music stops as we see the sea of hats at graduation off Lelaina·s documentary.

We see Lelaina at the podium, giving her speech.

a-,::,

Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. The answer. . . The answer is . .

--Cut to Troy--

--TRen Phineas in Vickie's bedroom--

--Then Vickie:

QN Y+Pl;QTAPE/TV

The music starts again under the (non-documentary) image of a Domino's pizza box as it's opened and several hands reach in the box (in fast-motion) and grab a slice .•.

Two seconds from exploding, Lelaina walks out. Michael watches her, then looks at the audience, torn. He runs after her.

Lelaina is briskly walking down the street, smoking a cigarette. Michael comes running up behind her. He grabs her arm, she turns to him, jerking her arm away.

It was never meatloaf!

LE:LAINA Everything. Everything or nothing at all.

Michael looks at her, exhausted, confused. A long beat.

What? How could you possibly think this would make me happy? You totally fucked me over.

I don't know what to think.

God.

MICBAE:L (sighs, sincere) Look ... I'll take the pizza thing out.

She almost laughs. She tosses her cigarette to the ground.

LE:I.AINA It's been surreal.

She walks off. He wants to follow her, but he looks at the building and his waiting associate. He looks back at Lelaina.

She doesn't stop walking.

Lelaina is lying on the couch, singing sadly to herself "!'m Just a Bill• from Schoolhouse Rock. Troy starts to enter from the kitchen-- but stops when he sees Lelaina, hears her singing. He watches her affectionately.

I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill, and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. Well it's--

--She stops when she sees Troy staring at her. She sits up.

Great. It tu.med out really great.

She knows he knows she's lying. She stands up. He follows her as she walks into

He rubs her back, friendly.

(angry) I know it's stupid, but it really meant something to me, you know? It wasn't like gonna end nuclear war or anything, l::>ut it meant something toe.

He puts a caring a:rm around her. She's trying hard not to c:::y. He gently caresses her cheek.

Why can"t things just go back to normal at the end of the half hour, you know, like "The Brady Bunch• or something.

... I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three.

I don't know who that is anymore.

He pulls her into a hug. She holds onto him like a life-raft. Troy holds on to her tightly. He kisses her cheek. Then he kisses her on the mouth, very passionately. She responds equally passionate, without thinking. They break. He presses her against him; he smells her hair, breathes deeply. Then he kisses her again, hotly; they really fit like this. They look like they're melting together.

Troy and Lelaina are on her futon, nude; he is passionately kissing her neck as they make love. Her eyes are closed as she abandons herself. She clings to him, moving with him, digging her fingers into his back. He looks at her face.

So have I.

He kisses her mouth fervently.

B.g. situational MUSIC from the TV show starts. Marsha is asleep in bed, but that's not Marsha. That's Lelaina as Marsha Brady. And lying next to her is a guy with dark, wavy hair. He turns over--rt·s Troy as Greg Brady.

The door to the room flies open, and in walks a woman with cropped blonde hair carrying an armful of laundry. It's Vickie as Carol Brady. She stops when she sees Lelaina and Troy in bed together. She drops the laundry.

Some CANNEDLAUGHTER as Lelaina and Troy wake up.

LELA:INA No, mom, please don' t tell Dad. He won' t understand.

A geeky looking guy with dark hair peeks inside. It's Sammy as Bobby Brady.

Sammy sticks out his tongue and leaves. CANNED LAUGHTER. Vickie approaches the bed.

LELAnl'A I'll never do it again--I promise.

Mike Brady walks into the room: he- is Michael. He shakes his head, sighs, walks to the bed.

:.01

Troy laughs. Michael and Vickie laugh along with the maniacal CANNE!:l LAUGHTER.

Lelaina•s eyes pop open. It is very early, about. nine. Troy is not in bed wit.h her. She looks around the room, surveying the situat~on. There is a box of condoms next to her bed.

Troy is st.anding by the door, getting dressed for work.

He starts out of the room. She sit.sup.

wait a minut.e.

He st.ops, stares at her.

:r mean •.. That's it?

He starts out again, but stops. He goes to her and gives her a mechanical, perfunct.ory kiss on the cheek.

He quickly walks out of the room, closes the door behind him. Lelaina stares after him. She lies back down, confused.

Troy's band "HEY THAT'S MY BIKE• i.s on stage, performing "Eight Is Never Enough", an original song about welfare mothers who have babies only to increase their income.

Lelaina enters the dark smokey club, stressed out, chain-smoking. She walks towards the stage--but is stopped by a hand grabbing her arm: it's Sammy, sitting at a table with Vickie.

She just looks down. Sammy is shocked; Vickie grabs her hand.

Lelaina looks at Vickie, knows she's right. The crowd applauds as the band finishes the song.

I have to talk to him.

He takes off his guitar. Lelaina starts to walk off--when Sammy's new friend LOKE WEINBRENNER.,a handsome guy in his twenties, approaches the table.

Lelaina watches Troy as he steps down from the stage. She starts off--but Vickie pulls her back.

Lelaina looks at Sammy and Luke together. Luke lights a Dunhill, French inhales, John Waters style. She gets it.

Lelaina sees Troy across the club, getting coffee.

Okay, okay. Let me just--hold on.

Lelaina again starts off, but doesn"t get two steps before she hears from behind her--

She does a mental one-eighty as she remembers the date with Michael. She feels a hard rock in her stomach. She slowly turns to find him. holding a brochure and two plane tickets. He's pretty wound-up. Vickie and Sammy stare at him, shocked at his presence.

Lelaina is speechless. He moves in close to her. She watches Troy, who hasn't seen her yet.

Ll::LAINA'S

hands. She quickly looks back at the bar for Troy ... but he has left. There is no sign of him.

I, I don't know what you"re talking about.

She frantically scans the club for Troy.

Lelaina looks around, getting panicky ...

... and she bumps right into Troy.

Hi.

Troy offers his hand, as a truce. Michael thinks a second, then shakes it. Lelaina is frightened by Troy's congeniality. He knows this, and he loves it.

He is looking at Lelaina, though he keeps that polite smileon his face. She feigns confusion, but Troy's gaze is relentless. She weighs her options ... Troy starts whistling the theme songf::-om "Jeopardy•. Lelaina is suddenly incensed, livid.

(low but acidic) Why do you always have to be so funny!? --Why is it so goddamn important for you to be funny!?

(to Michael l Excuse me one second.

She takes his arm and leads him off to the

What the hell do you care? You totally bailed on me this morning!

Lelaina glares at him coldly.

:06

So what--do I get a medal? I won the Great Commitment Cook-off and you just run away·? (beat) I kru:.:£ this would happen.

--She sneers, turns away from him. He grabs her wrist and turns her to him.

She wrests her hands free.

Lelaina is struck by this, but incensed. A long beat; she glares hard at him.

Fuck you to tears.

She walks away, livid. This isn't what Troy wanted.

Troy watches Lelaina as she reaches the table and sits next to Michael. She scoots her chair closer to him.

A beat. Troy turns and delivers a solid punch to the wall.

Lelaina opens her mouth to say something--

Troy and the band take their places on stage and warm up. He looks at Lelaina who's sitting close to Michael.

Lelaina holds her breath ... The guitar begins the intro to "The Fuck Song,• a raucous song by Olivia Cornell.

People begin clapping along. Lelaina looks deeply stung. She closes her eyes. Vickie looks down, embarrassed for her. Michael is starting to wonder about all of this.

Pretty soon, the audience is going wild, some standing on their chairs, singing along. Lelaina can no longer stand it. She quickly walks off, towards the front doors as the song relentlessly continues. Vickie jumps up, runs to Lelaina, but she waves her off. Michael looks from Lelaina to Troy and back to Lelaina as she disappears out of the club.

He gets what's going on. He stands up, angry.

He walks out of the club as the song finishes. Luke looks at sammv, confused. Sammy leans over to him and whispers in his ear. Luke· gasps. Then he shakes his head.

Lelaina is in her car; she takes several deep breaths, calming herself down. She puts a cassette tape in. Lolly. Lolly. Lol1y from •schoolhouse Rock• begins.

She backs out.

MJ:CHAEL (to Troy• s back) Nice job. Very well done.

:.09

Michael shakes his head in disbelief: that's his whole point. T=oy turns and faces Michael.

Troy turns away, walks off. Michael remains, unmoving. He hears Troy's engine starting. He looks at the

plane tickets in his hand as •walk on the Wild Side• starts.

MONTAGE

From the airline's logo on the wall,we tilt down to find ... Troy at the counter with his opened shoebox. He hands about half the money to the agent; the man counts it out,gives Troy a ticket .

Troy sits with his bag beside him, reading Zen and the Art gf Motorcvcle Maintenance-

Lelaina enters, still dressed in last night's clothes, tired. She walks into the living room ... and·her heart sinks. It is spotless: Troy is~- wo=ied, she walks out ...

Lelaina enters the G.ap, disconcerted, looking around for Troy. Vickie's at the counter, bagging a sale. Lelaina approaches her. Vickie knows why she's here. ·

Dejected, Lelaina leans on the counter.

Another band, "SECTS AND VIOLETS', is on stage. Lelaina is by herself, watching the door. A guy who's a version of a poor-man's Troy walks in. For an instant, she is hopeful, she starts to get up, but he turns around, and she realizes it's not him. She goes back co watching the door.

Nothing but the occasional cactus for miles and miles. Several healthy, toned, tan people sit Yoga-style, their eyes closed, their hands on their knees, palms up. Michael is in the middle of the group, in the same position, a bottle of water beside him. He opens his eyes, peeking, and looks around, uncomfortable. He is very out of place. A large Native American man leads the group meditation.

Lelaina is lying on her futon, holding the tape Michael gave to her. She rolls over and puts it in her boombox, presses play--

Troy sits alone in the empty, sterile waiting room, under a "No Smoking• sign. He's chain-smoking. He hasn't slept for three days. He rubs his face, exhausted.

He goes to the pay-phone and dials. He waits ...

He hangs up. He leans against the wall.

Lelaina holds the receiver, thinking. She sighs sadly and hangs up. She knows it was him. She turns off the tape.

There are five chairs arranged in a circle: Pat and Cynthia are sitting on either side of the COUNSELOR. Fatty, wearing boxers, at- shirt and house-slippers, sits next·to Lelaina. Every.one's watching Patty, who is resting her face in her hands.

...~ _.,.....

Lelaina closes her eyes, disappointed. She puts a comforting hand on Patty's back.

The counselor holds up a brown paper bag.

Patty dramatically puts her hands to her head.

Patty closes her eyes and finds her center.

Lelaina exchanges wo=ied looks with her parents.

Patty suddenly starts to cry.

Lelaina bows her head empathetically. Pat stands up. He walks over towards Patty--when Cynthia stands up.

ll2

Pat takes the bait; he turns and looks at Cynthia, infuriated.

PAT

--Pat starts to walk out--Lelaina stands up--

Everything stops. . . Everyone looks at her, taken aback. She stands up. She looks at all of them as if for the first time. She almost laughs.

I am so sick of you people, I could throw up. I have tried so hard--~ ~--to make everything okay, but I quit.

She picks up her purse.

:::3

LELA!NA --What a big accomplishment. Oh, gee, thank you

extra bonus points, Pat.

She's never talked to him like this before.

She starts to tear up, despite herself. But this time she doesn't run into the bathroom; she stands her ground and makes them watch.

... God, I"m still taking out the trash. Who am I if I'm not the one taking out the fucking trash? I don't even know.

There is a reverent pause. A deep-seated chord has been struck ~n all of them. They know it's true. Lelaina takes a deep breath, ~ike a brick has finally been lifted off her chest.

She walks out. They can do nothing but watch her go. Pat sits down next to Cynthia. Patty reverently stares after Lelaina. She smiles, proud.

Lelaina walks through the parking lot. Patty bursts out of the building, runs to catch up to her, calls her name. Lelaina turns around. Patty approaches, smiling. They hug tightly. Lelaina walks on; Patty watches her go, happy. She waves a small goodbye to Lelaina•s back.

Vickie walks over t:o an emp.loyee whose back is t:o us as she concent:rat:es on folding jeans.

V:tCKIE Hey, I still need your social.

She t:urns around: it:'s Lelaina, wearing Gap clothes.

Vickie begins writing this t:hen stops. They look at: each other:

V:tCKIE/LELAINA The only thing I really .learned in college!

They high-five, but Lelaina freezes, shocked when she sees

Michael, standing at the entrance, wearing a sweatsuit: and a very deep t:an; his hair is lighter. He waves t:o her and mouths "Hi."

Vickie and Lelaina exchange surprised looks.

Michael and Lelaina walk in the park areain front of the huge, modern-art fountain across from the mall. Lelaina is a little nervous, glancing at her watch as Michaelis intense, excited.

::s

MICHAEI, I just want to get to this one point, which is when they made me do this regression thing?--! mean, I know it's ridiculous, but even if you don't believe in that crap, I don't even believe in it, but it told me that when we were like in ancient Egypt or something, you were like a slave, and I was like this unhappy slave-master guy, I think--I don't remember everything 'cause I was kind of in this trance, but the upshot of it is that I was crowding you. So what I need to do now is give you space. And that's good, because I need to be by myself too, and I'm so okay on my own right now. We just need space.

This was not the answer he wanted.

She sighs; this isn't going to be easy.

He stops walking; so does she.

She didn't want to hear that; she looks down, painfully.

He takes out a bracelet made of stones on a leather strap.

She takes the bracelet, genuinely touched.

Well Hector was right. I do. I·care about you. I really do.

:16

He nods. He knows it's over.

She's happy for him, but before she can congratulate him--

LELAmA You know, I bet ten years from now, we'll be laughing at this. We'll be cracking up.

Really?

She tries not to, but she laughs infectiously. He shakes his head, then starts laughing with her. She hugs him.

Lelaina parks the BMW: it's alot cleaner than before: the ashtray is empty,.the Coke cans are gone. She gets out and walks towards the mall.

Lelaina is on the up escalator--when a frazzled Sammy appears at the top and spots her. He walks down the up escalator. She walks towards him.

--He takes her arm and hurriedly leads her into The Gap.

__"I·•"",

Troy is sitting on the floor in the middle of the store, playing his guitar, singing sugar Moupcaipby Neil Young. His guitar case is open in front of him; there is some money in it. Some customers watch him; Vickie is desperately trying to lead them away from him.

Vickie comes up to Troy.

V:t:CKIE That's it, Troy. You have five minutes to vacate this mall. Then I'm calling se=ity. and having you ohysicaJ 1y removed from the premises!

Troy finishes the song. A passing customer tosses a quarter in his guitar case. A beat. Vickie holds her breath. Then Troy starts playing again: "'his 01a Honse.

V:t:CKIE You will be arrested.

Lelaina steps in, shocked.

Vickie!

Vickie takes Lelaina by the arm and leads her off to the side.

V:t:CKIE Panhandling is illegal inside this mall. If Troy isn't out of here, I have to call in security or close the store. If I close the store, I'll lose my job. (desperate) Lelaina, I cannot lose my job.

Lelaina tu=s to the scattered customers: Troy's audience.

Customers toss money into Troy's case as they back off; Troy still keeps playing.

Lelaina approaches him; he does not look at her as he finishes the song. He doesn't say anything for awhile. He looks at her, then turns the page of his Neil Young songbook. .. . Lelaina turns and walks towards Vickie, who cringes.

She turns back, goes to sit next to him. They are quiet, then:

She starts to laugh. He kind of laughs with her ... their laughter dies, and he looks at her.

Her mouth drops open. She embraces him. He lets himself be held. He bites into her sleeve; his face contorts, but he won't let himself cry.

She hugs him tighter, flooded with empathy and love. He can't hold back anymore and cries. She just holds him, stroking his hair, rocking him back and forth. She starts crying too.

Oh, Troy, I would J:ll.im your funeral.

It's okay, it's okay.

They break the hug and wipe at their eyes.

He looks in his guitar case.

She leans in and kisses him on the mouth. He responds passionately, hungry for her.

:!.20

He stands up, offers her his hand. She takes it and stands up, and they hug. Vickie runs to them. Sammy runs and hugs all of them. And the four of them stand there, hugging in the middle of The Gap.

He leaves her there crying. She stares after him.

...... ..1..

on the suspenseful MUSIC, we fade in on a title card: "EXECUTIVE PRODUCER,MICHAEL GRATES"

Troy and Lelaina are making out on the couch in their new apartment; she is wearing her Gap clothes, he has a new •grown-up,• neater look. The TV is on In Your Face TV. The phone RINGS. They don't even break to say let the machine get it.

The machine BEEPS.