"PORKYS" (1981)

STATS128pages167scenes25,537words21%dialogue108characters

Words

  • dialogue5,32721%
  • action18,92074%
  • other1,2905.1%

Scenes

location
  • INT 35
  • EXT 40
  • UNKNOWN 92
time
  • DAY 14
  • NIGHT 39
  • UNKNOWN 114
1

EXT./INT. PORKY'S - NIGHT

MUSICCRASHES in over ablack screen; heavy, sensual, ,,. rhythm and blues with a hardsexual beat. We FADE UP on a 1 full screen SHOT of a pulsatingred neon sign which is tilted diagonally acrossthe screen. The sign reads:

p

R
K y• s

It undulates and throbslike a living sexual being. MUSIC CONTINUES as CAMERAPULLS BACKto see Porky's, a wicked- looking redneckjoint which is built out over the waters of a.swamp. A littlebridge leads to Porky's main entrance. The wild throbbingMUSIC comes from within. CAMERA BEGINS TO 1-:0VEINaslow drea:::1likemannerTOWARDthe front door., WARPINGWEIRDLY as ic does so. As we approach the entrance, /!\ the MUSICSWELLS in volume and intensity. CAMERA :MOVES

f-1 THROUGH thedoor and inside. The club is filledwith bizarr '•,,,.......

people; full-beardedhillbillies, mean-looking crackers in overalls,bad asses and honky tonk women all leering and threatening. CAMERA LOOKSUP to see a huge pig-like face lunge INTO VIEW. The face grins lewdly and beckons the CAl'-fERAtocome onin. The face begins to back awayas CAME. MOVES IN TOWARD the bar. Finally the pig face stepsaside andabove us we see a wild, absurdly buxom woman inG-string and pasties. She is flanked by other equally luridsirens. They undulate and throb exactly like the Porky's sien. The effect is both comic and provocative. Thepig facekeeps popping IN ANDOUT OF THE FRAME beckoning; thelusty women writhe madly in step with theMl.!SICwhichis ever building in intensity. Now we start tohear a LOWRUMSLE OF VOICES. We can bareiy hear them, butwe finally realize they are all

chanting: "Get it at Porky's," "Get itat Porky's. This phrase builds in volume until theend of thescene. Now the

wild ladies are beginning to thrustthemselves against the

CAMERA which somehow seems towelcome the action. Finally the MUSIC and CHANT build toa climax, and the women give themselves over to the CAMERAin a convulsive sexual ritual.

We are spared overt lewdnessby the darkness of the bar'·s dim lighting. The crescendoholds as the bacchanal cor~inues, until we make an inexplicable...

CUT TO:

- '

i _j

2

INT. PEE WEE'SBEDROOM - CLOSEUP- EDDIE PEE WEEMORRIS-

DAY

sleeping,obviously in the throes of a dream. A smug little grin lightsup Pee Wee's face and he moans softly..We still hear thepulsing MUSIC and the CHANTING from Porky'sand we realizewe have· beenseeing Pee Wee's dream. PeeWee is seventeenand five feet four .inchestall and continuallythe buttof short jokes. That fact dominates his life;that and the fact thathe is the horniest little bastardwho ever lived. As the dream continues the CAMERA PULLS BACKFROM PeeWee's semi-comatose face to TAKE IN hiswhole body·lengch. Aboutmid-section of Pee Wee's body, underneath theblankets, we see a suspicious protrusion, a slight rise. Could it be? The CHANTING and SINGING from Porky's BEGINTO FADEuntil it'sonly a murmur. O.S. we hear a voice:

MRS. MORRIS (O.S.)
Edward, you'll be late for school.

Pee Wee doesn't stir. CAMERA STILL HOLDS. A sly little sleepy grin spreads across his face..Obviously the dream continues. Our suspicions deepen.

MRS.MORRIS (O.S.)
(continuing)
Edward! Up, I said, Igot things to do, see. Hit the floor. Right .now!

With a little BUZZ, theCLOCKRADIObeside Pee Wee's bed

Hli1'.Stolife;··.a sonorousVOICE speaks:'Good morning,Port Auburndale, this is Gene Morrisonhere on Florida's fabulous Gold Coast. The temperaturethis morning is seventy degrees and ...etc." PeeWee stirs from his stupor. He blinks and tries to awaken. Finallyhe throws the blanket off and our suspicions are confirmed. The bulge in Pee Wee's pajamas reveals the adolescent's·eternalaffliction; the unfulfilled wet dream erectionknown in the vernacular as a piss hard-on. Pee Wee loois down athis affliction. He grunts and plops his head back on thepillow. Suddenly the bedroom doo= flies open and aisMOTHER'scheerful face pops into the doorway. Startled,not to say embarrassed, Pee Wee does a half leap,half roll over to land flat on his stomach, there- by pranginghis erected penis fiercely into the bed with his fullweight.

MRS. MORRIS
( continuing)
Edward Morris -- you be at the breakfast table in five minutes or you're not playing ball this week. 2.A

Shestops, seeing Pee Wee's contorted face. i

( CONTINUED)

....

4

:,.

2 CONTINUED:

MRS. MORRIS
(c ntinuing)
Pee Wee.. is something wrong?

PeeWee, in ~gony, lant~ a frozen little s~ileon his face and covers up. t

PEE WEE
No, Mom, uh -- just pulleda little mu cle in my groin. It's nothing.
MRS. MORRIS
Oh well, e careful! Your dadwants you to dr p him off at theoffice. His car w n't start. And, by the way -.-

His mother dr.oneso for anotherthirty seconds while Pee Wee lies frozen in lace, the littlesmile set like·Jello. Finally his mother eaves andPee Wee gives vent to his pent- up agony: e rolls on hisbacki grabs his crotch with both hands. His face te ls the story. ·

\__) PEEWEE

Aggggrrrr rra. Arrehghghghgh Jezz! Ohhhhhhhh God! Arrrrghrrrghhh!

Finally the hurt st to go away. Pee Wee looks down at his disaster andmo

-PEEWEE ( cntinuing) Instante nuch! Argh!

PeeWee snaps to. He throws the covers ff and starts to getup. He leans over quickly and takes something out of 2C.... thebedside drawer. He lies back down o the bed and---.-- reachesBELOW CAMERA with the object. He concentrates in- tently on whathe is doing for a moment then pulls the objectup in front of his face to examine·it.. It is a ruler. Pee Wee looks discouraged as he sees by his finger mark on the ruler that he has measured off only four inches.

'PEEWEE (continuing) Shit! 2...0 He throws the ruler down and turns tb thtall. There is a little height chart for Pee Wee's penis.

· . (CONTINUED)

L

2 CONTINUED: ·( 2) 2.E

5

20

1954 -1955 1956 1957 6'' ------5" 4II -----3" 2'' ------1"

ZF PEE WEE
(continuing). s ...it is. It's getting ter. Shit!

PeeWee is no only hung up about his height·. He marks down thecurr t size and bolts OUTOF FRAME. CAMERAHOLDS on thechart or a moment, then PANS UP TO thewall behind PeeWee's bed hich is covered with photos of PeeWee's schooldays. ITLES BEGINas we PAN these photoswhich give us a gl' se of Port Auburndale circa 1950. We see the teambasketbal picture which shows us PeeWee and some of his pals who w·11 populate our tale. We seePee Wee's basketball tea ates, Billy McCarty, TommyTurner, Tim

Cavanaugh and rian Swartz. The PortAuburndale Flying A s football team hows us Anthony "Meat" Tuppereloand Mickey Jarvis. The t tle sequence givesus a feelingfor the early SO's period on Florida's Gold Coastand introduces us to our principal layers. We END on a SHOT ofPort Auburndale High which becrmes ANIMATED and we findourselves at:

3

EXT. PORT AUBURN.DALEHIGH - DAY

CAMERA HOLDS on the school for severalbeats, then pulls back to find BILLY McCARTY pullingby in foreground in a 1950 two-

door Chevy. We recognizeBilly as one of the basketball play':rswe saw in PeeWee' s teamphoto. :. ,

3A :TOMMY TURNER comes wheelingup beside'him. Tommy is a winner, cool, shrewd, well-liked, a naturalunder-achiever, mischievous, irresponsible, and completelyunpredictab_le.

They yell at one another.

BILLY
D'yaget the colored guy?
TOMMY
Doesa fat dog fart?

( CONTINUED)

i..-

3 CONTINUED:

BILLY

Wha 'she look like?

TOMMY
Lik a fuckin'Zulu man. He's six four wit two huge goldteeth! BILLY No hitJ 3B They ?Ull int theparking lot and into paring spaces. BILLY (continued) Where'dyou findhim? TOMMY Works formy old man's constructi n company,dumb as a turd, but will"ng to kill for ten bucks. BILLY Ten bucks? 'Not-bad. TOMMY You surethe bread's all set••. Suddenly, Biily looksup and sees someone cqming O.S. BILLX Hey wait! Here he comes . Could.i be? It's abird -- t

4 MED.\ SHOT -A YOUNG GUY ("HIGHPOCKETS")

MARV N, known as Highpockets,is a parking lot monitor. High ockets is the classicalteenage toady. His every waki g hour is devoted topleasing the power structure, the adul world. Thus,he is the natural enemy of every other kid n school. Symptomaticof Highpocket's betrayal is the fact thathe wears his pants where every mother wants them worn, above thehipsJ just below the belly button. He walks towa d our.guys.-· · ·-·

BILLY

its a plane, no! It's Highpockets! 4A- As ifon cue, Billy and Tommy pull their low-sl g Levis up above theirnavels, the seams riding ridiculousl1 into their crotches and thecuffs above their ankles. The} look quite comical. This is an old routine. They walk alo[g be-:.ie Highpockets. •

TOMMY
Hi ya, Marvin, how they hangin'? \V

-

( CONTINUED)

4 CONTINUED: u

I

MARVIN
You' ren tsupposed to spinout, Turner. I'mgivin1•.youa dcmcrit.
TOMMY
( tragic)
Oh,my G
BILLY
You real·y dress neat, Marvin. But Ijust w ndered what do you do with your tes icles when you wear your pants so high? Sure looks crowded.
MARVIN
I leave at home in a drawer. I wear t dates.

Theyare taken Marvin has never had a comeback..

TOMMY
what's come over you?

/'"''•·., 4c.

MARVIN

1.,....../ Listen, Turner, I know you think I'rn

a square and a jerk, but ten years from now, when I'm presidentof a big corporation or Attorney Generalof the state, you guys'll be hanging your beer bellies over a pool table, shooting pool for nickels anddimes. Then we'll see who laughs?

M·rvin walks on, leaving the stunned duostaring afLer him.

BILLY
Well, old Marvin's got some balls!
TOMMY
Yeah he keeps themhome in a drawer.

'I'hystop and look off towarda largeRUMBLE coming O.S.

CUT TO:

s

5

LO( SH~T - MICKEY'SCUT-DOWNPICKUP

MICKY JARVI ROARSinto theparking lot in a fierce-looking bl4ck picku Mickey is a good ol' Southern boy, clever and quick, a bi of aclown but tough and pugnacious as we shall f1d out. n unusual kid.

\V.

6 MED. SHOT\-THE PARKIN, LOT.- TOMMY ANDBILLY

Oh no!

Tormnyand Billy and ab uc ten otherpeople walking the

i gravelparking lot all start running like crazy toget off

the dirtand gravel be ore Mickey can getto them. Most of them,including Billy nd Tommy, are too late. Mickey does a longlooping pinwhee , throwing tonscf gravel and dust over the hapless victi We are lostin the cloud of d:ust. CAMERA HOLDS until it lears. We see a line of people about thirtyyards long cove edwith heavy white dust. They curse Mickey as they shake t emselves freeof thedust shower.

TOMMY
(conti uing)
Jarvis, yous upidredneck.

At that moment, Marvin c.omesupbehind Mickey's c r.

MARVIN
Mickey Jarvis...you're gonna get your parking lotprivileges suspended if you ...

That's as far as he gets. Mickey spins out, sendi g a volu- minous spray of gravel anddust hurtling into the oor kid's face. Hickey parks,jumps out and walks past the uckless Marvin who can't seea thing.

MARVIN
(continuing)
Jarvis! Jarvis! I'm giving you * two demerits!

Mickey joinsTommy an~ Billy.

MICKEY
Did. yagetthe nigger...?
BILLY
(kiddingbut serious)
Oh,man. You mean the colored guy. Jarvis. The Neegrow.
TOMMY
Poor white trash.
MICKEY
Fuck you and the horse you rode in onl *

\

7A. *

6 CON'l'INUED:

TOMMY
Fuck yo and the horse yourode in on? Th t's colorful redneckhumor, right?
MICKEY
' R,i.ght, kissmy rebel ass! ;
TOMMY
That's a other one!
BILLY
Right! Yu shouldbe writing these down.
MICKEY
Go back o Michigan andrub asses with all theNegroes you want! This is ixie,baby.
TOMMY
Hey Jarv·s,how comeyou don't have four firt names likemost Hillbillies? You know,Billy Joe Jim Bob or Flora Mae, SallySu?
MICKEY
Hey, man! I had a cousin named Billy Joe Jim Bob. He died in the

war, sowrtch what you re sayin'.

_They laugh.

MICKEY (CONT 1 D)
Anyway, dtd you get a Nee-grow?
TOMMY
Yeah! Yeh, we got one.
BILLY
1 1 Guy's 6 4 with gold teeth. Meanest lookin' m ther you ever saw.
MICKEY
Oh man, o man, they're gonna croak when this jguyjumps out. Who all's going?
WENDY (0 • S • )
Tommy!

6 CONTINUED:

G,C

turn to .seeWENDY. Elfish, sassy-looking, Wendy is a Yi a sexually adventurousgirl who still commanrls. ct despite her promiscuity. She is perturbed at this t.

\_)

TOMMY
Hi, Wendy!
WENDY
Didyo1:1getit?

-TOMMY I founda place that's got one. I~llgo tomorrow.

WENDY
Don'tlet me down. I'm gonna get thatlittle jerk.

She· oes offmuttering to herself.

MICKEY
Who's she gonna get?
TOMMY
Pee Wee! Didn't you hear about the other night?
MICKEY
No, what happened?

()

( CONTINUED)

6 CONTINUED: (2)

TOMMY
W 11, we figured w~ hH<ltoget P e Wee J.-ddso I fixed hi11111p w.Lh Wen<.ly.
MICKEY
e Wee and Wendy? I thoughtshe d better taste.
BILLY
1 he had to do wasknock it off. ey were making outand you know ndy, she reachesdown and unzips s fly and grabshis cock and ess what?

MICKEY

BILLY
bastard already had a on.
MICKEY
(breakingup)
bullshit.
BILLY
Wendy told me. Why would se lie? That horny little mother rubber to his date.
TOMMY
got so pissed off she wouldn't him touch her.
MICKEY
at's she gonna do?
TOMMY
wait you'll find out.

OFF hear a voice.

PEE WEE

I CONTINUED (

10. *

'7

7 CONTINUED:

They whirl ar und to see PeeWee.

MICKEY
Hey it's Ready Eddie!.

, PEE WEE man, this is serious. Don't w around. I'm going tonight, t?

TOMMY
I d 'tknow, Pee Wee, even a nym ornaniac'sgot standards.
MICKEY
She ives with a big black nigger, Pee ee. If he catches you, he'll cut our pecker off.

'BILLY I He s bringing a pair·of ers.

PEE WEE
I dor't care if she liveswith a blue ass baboon. She·likes to serer, right?
I TOMMY
Love it, man. Can'tget enough. Espe ially young guys. The more the errier.
PEEWEE
Whats she look like? Is she good- look ng?
BILLY
Not ad. Greatbody. Moves like an e l.
PEE WEE
Thats theway I like 'em. That's the 1ay I like 'em.
MICKEY
You ]ikef'emany ~ay, as long as theyr.renotdead.

w

11. *

7 CONTINUED: (2).

PEE WEE
I don't are if they'redea<l,~s long as hey're not toocold.
BILLY
Sick... ick ...
PEE WEE
Hey, look, let'snot bring too many guys. Thatway we can all get her t ice. ·
MICKEY
Listen to thismidget. He's not even invi edand he's making out the guest list.
8

PEE WEE

(vice rising) Listen,Im going! You bastards ...you'r not cutting me out of freenook

TOMMY
Alright, You're going. Shut up.
PEE WEE
Alright. ight o'clock, right?

MICKEY * ...Right! r your rubber!

PEE WEE
That lying bitch!

They give Pee Wee th old horse laugh andstart off to- ward school. Pee We]·runs after them.

PEE WEE
(co tinuing)
Hey, wait~ minute a minute,I '7A want to shdw you something.

He c tches up to them.

PEE WEE
(continuing)
I get something terrificfigured out. Better than getcinglaid.

I

7A

7 COITTINUED: (3)

TOMMY
Here we o again...

PEE·WEE No shit. Almost as good as getting aid. Here's what you do.

Pee Wee takes off iswatch and doubles up the gold-plated flex watchband so hat it forms a loop about the size•Of a finger. He hands tto Tommy and says:

PEE WEE
.Okay.n-0 ,hold it like that and real slo-like, stick your finger in ando t of the loop.
TOMMY
What the hell are you talking about?

Pee Wee takesthe back. '16 PEE WEE Look! e this.

PeeWee slowly, se ously pushes his m'ddle fingerin and outof thewatchba d. He has a ridicu ous lookof ecstasy onhis face. He 1 ks at them,

PEE WEE
ntinuing) Okay, it. Really slow ..

Tommy looks at the thers as if to say 0hboy. He takes thewatchband and des as instructed.

PEE WEE
(c ntinuing)
Slow ...r al slow ...what's t feel like
TOMMY
It feels ike I'm stickingm finger in a watchband.

..,.

tB

7 CONTINUED: (4)

Theothers laugh.

PEE WEE
Oh, man. t feels lik~ pus;y, .. Just like ussy . ' The others laugh at ee Wee.

MICKEY ..~ r-Jc_ How would OU know,Pee Wee

BILLY
We gotta g t thiskid laid uick, he's despe ate.
TOMMY
.You are intdeeptrouble, my boy. PeeWee grabs the wat h. back.
PEE WEE
It's just ikepussy. You ot no imaginatioq. Here, c'mon. I'll prove it. l
8

EXT. PATIO AREA - DAY

CAMERA PICKS UP a pert, s ~t littlegirl as shemakes her way across the Patio ere everyonehangs out befo-reschool. She bring usto Meat, and Tim •.Cavanaughand several oth guys. Tim is wiry, driven, racist; hot racist in the enignand minuless manner of Mickey, but angry and ightened. Tim is accepted by the guys, but e·isa bomb looking fora place to explode. Meat is anAll American tackle, thick of mind as wel+ as bdy. He is truly tough, but not truly mean. The l'ttlegirl addresses Meat.

Hi ! Myname is Can I ask you something?

ME lJ•.. Yeah, sure.

Why do they Meat?

Tim andthe other ress a laugh. Meat just shrugs.

13A.*

8 CONTINUED:

MINDY t Wendy w·lliams said I s ould askya! g B

They look to see endy and severa othergirls across the Patio. They e giggling. N w we know why Meat got his nickname. ·

MEAT
She did, huh?
MINDY
Uh-huh. Why do thev ca 1 youMeat •.• cause yo 're so big?

The guys are break'ng up now.

MEAT
ta.
MINDY
atient) Not Why?

Meat looks at the therguys. Th~y are breaking up.

MEAT

d You realy wanta know?

This girlhasn't a clue.

MINDY
YES!

Meat looks atthe ther guys as i to say, 'what can I do?'

MEAT
Okay. C mon, I'll show you.
TIM
No, Meat She's only a reshman!
MEAT
Right. fter this, she'll be an instant senior.

Theguys break up.

TIM
Hey, lis en Meat, if yo get suspende again, you'll ever get that sch larship to Pri eton.

This sinks in. Meit turns to the irl and shrugs.

MINDY
Aw, sho~J!_ ,...._~CONTINUED

13B. *

8 CONTINUED:

191indyisthoroughly.perple:-:~d.Wendy and the girls areegging her on. We see ee Wee approach. Mindy leaves. We hold on her as e see her walking back to Wendy and the others. W hear Pee Wee off camera.

PEE EEt(O. S.) Hey Tim, Meat, I ant to show you something.

We continue to hear Pee Wee explain the watch .bandbit as we see Wendy and the othe;rsexplaining "Meat's" nickn·ame. When Mindy understands, she drops her books and squeals.

CUT TO:

We PAN UP from Meat's finger and the watchband to the faces of Pee Wee, ~eat afd the guys.

PEE WEE
(continuing)
Alright. Now just put your finger in and out of it...real

/-·-,.. slow. r-·,,..........

14*

8 CONTINUED:

Mickey, Billy, Tommy ands veralother guys all wait expec- tantly. Pee Wee urges Me~ onwith a soft seductive voice.

PE WEE
(continui g) f Yeah, that's it... that'sit. Yeah now, what's that feellike?

ME It feels like I'.sticking my finger ina watc and ...

Everyone breaksup. is completely deflated.

PEE WEE
·Oh,man ...what a bunch of turds...

I· don'tknow .canlast till tonight.

CallWendy ... it's an emergency!

TO No wonder he's fl nking out. He sitsin study hal all day fucking his watchband.

PEE WEE
Give me a break.

He hasbeen had, there's no way out: PeeWee walk~ away and leansagainst the rail sulk~ng. Behind him,Tommy is get- tingall the guys to take t eir watchbands off. They do so. Allsix guys poise themselv s with fingers in theirwatch- bands. When they are all r~ady, Tommy callsout: .

10

.

TOMMY
Hey, Pee Wee! - Pee Wee turns around to see six guys fngering thei watch- bands in perfect unison. On each face isthe most idiculous expression of mock ecstasy you've ever seen. Their mouths hang open. Their eyes are glazed, the all moan so tly as they finger away. Pee Wee's defeat is total. Half ~ ;c courtyard is breaking up. Finally, th six break u also. Pee Wee stands his ground. He putshi hands to hi side and begins shooting birds -- franticallya_ everybody w th both hands. Suddenly,Pee Wee looksaway as if he has se n something. Theothers turn. CUT TO:

15.*

8G HE TERROR OF PORTAUBURNDALE HIGH APPROACHING

ISS BALBRICKER,known as "Kong," the girls' Phys Ed teacher - 5' 10''and240 poundsof square-jawed Teutonic fury. She alks by giving Torrnnya witheringlook. Miss Balbricker oesn't like men. Tommy is her pet hate. The feeling is utual. Tormny-speakswithoily insincerity.

TOMMY
Good morning,Miss Balbricker. My, youlook nice this morning.

ss Balbrickerlooks like a bomb shelter. Tommy' sarcasm kes thehair raise on the back of her neck.

TOMMY
(continuing)
Are you losing weight?

M ssBalbricker has been gaining weight exponentialy for y ars. She stops and glares. Unable to come upw'th a s itablerejoinder, she stalks off.

MICKEY
Wbewl You like to live dang rously, Turner.
BILLY
She wants a piece of your as ,man.
TOMMY
.Bull dyke bi~ch.

Thy star~ toward school.

MICKEY
C'mon, Turner, we all know yu been waiting all your life tobal Miss Balbricker...
TOMMY
I'd rather beat aporcupine 0 death.with my prick.

Mi key grimaces in mock paingrabbing is crotch.

MICKEY
Oh, man. oh!

-1.looks after Balbricker. *

9

INT. GYMOF PORT AUBURNDALE HIGH - DAY

The areshooting baskets as they wait for practice to b gin. Along with Billy, Tormny, PeeWee and Tim, we see RIAN SCHWARTZ,a second semester transfer to Port Aubu ndale. He seems to be a loner and hasn't fit in as yet. And he~oesn't s~ern~o care.

Two ssistantcoaches look on -- COACH BRACKETT and COACH WARRE . Brackett is probably no more than twenty-three andh sjust joined the coaching staff of "The FlyingA's." Brack ttis extremely attractive and engaging, and is the sort fcoach who wants to be "one of the b.oys." He's singl and on the make. Coach Warren was not dissimilar when e was Brackett's age, but at thirty, with a wife and tree kids, he's become more of a company man. Still, heca enjoy a good laugh.

CUT TO:

10 THE "FLYING A" CHEERLEADERS

who troop out of the locker room to theirpractive area, ledby a sinuous woman with blonde hair, anenticingly pre ty face, and a virtually flawlessbody. This is MISS HON YWELL, one of Miss Balbricker's fellowgym teachers and coach of the cheerleaders. We seeWendy Williams amo the cheerleaders. She spots PeeWee and puts her hant up to her face and flattensher nose,.eyes and mouth

\OA wit her fingers, mocking Pee Wee. Pee Wee looks disgruntled.

12

NOW GE SEE COACH BRACKETT EYEINGMISS HONEYWELL. SHE IS

not [naware of Brackett.

COACH BRACKETT IO B
Boy, would I like to get nextto that... *

I

COACHWARREN
Ah, yes, Lassie. Patience, my boy, patience..
COACHBRACKETT
What? Lassie? Why do you call her Lassie? ·

COACH"WARREN Why do you think?

COACH BRACKETT
I don'tknow.

Warren stops and letsout a little quiet howl like the baying of a hound. ·\V

('./ 10 CONTINUED: ·.·--·-·· /0 B

CO CH BRACKETT
(continuig)
Arc youkidtlin~;'tYouc.:al Jhe•ra dog? Are you nu~s? That'::;ange] food cake. You 4ouch her and the foodand drug administration will getyou for fuckjng food. .
CO CH WARREN.
What can I tell.~ou?

co4cH BRACKETT You can tell me hy they call her Lassie.

CO CH WARREN
Just get her up ·n the equipment room and you'll ind out.

Warrenwalks off leaving B ckett hanging.

CO ..,HBRACKETT (intrigue What are you talk'ng about?

He follows Warren.. The last words we hear beforewe CUT isWarren saying... I COA~H WARREN But beware of Kon~1 I

CUT TO:

I I

11 LOCKER ROOM -'DAY \I A

e Pee Wee's face peeringbetween theflat that form upper wall of the locker room. He is peer·ng down onto It e gym floor.

BILLY (O.S.)
Well?
PEEWEE
The girls' tumbling team'sgone in.
MICKEY
'!hosebroadsnevertake ashower. What * about theMajorettes?
PEE WEE
They're stillthere! •

n 11' CONTINUED:

·\I A BILLY Keep checking...

I CU'lTO:

12

MED. SHOT - INCLUDINGBILLY, MICKEY, TIM AND AT

They are obviouslylooking at Brian who is dre sing at the other side of theroom.

TIM
It'sbad enough scr wing a broad

thatlives with a nigger without inviting a Jew. All we need is a Communist and a Spic and we got it all.

BILLY
You are the tolerant type, Cavanaugh I notice you're still including yourself in.

TIM

\<) Pussy is pussy, man. I just don't

know why we gotta invite some f riggin'Kite...

Mispronouncing the racial slur.

BILLY
Brian's a good guy. He's onlybeen here a month. Give him a chance.·
TIM
He's a prick -- and a Jewishprick at that.
BILLY
Alright, Tim. We won'task him. But ~ou're an asshole,you know.
PEEWEE
They're goin' in. Come on. Hurry! Miss Walker's with them.

BILLY:' Hold on, Pee wee. I gotta finish • dressing. *

CUT TO:·

(~; \,.,.,/ \3

13

EXT: YM - DAY

The bys crawl under the gym.

13,/:\. 13C.

13A) We see the beys qr wl into·the c awl space b~neath

the gym, then make their way fro one openin into another.

13B) A LONG SHOT ot the boys crawling their strnachs

underneath a very_ ow c~~ent flo r.

13C) LONG SHOT looking hrough a crac in awall. The

boys climb up onto a long alleyw filledw th pipes. They runt ward the crac. and dislod e some stones and crawl u .into the spa e.

\ '

14

INT SHOWER ROOM- PEE WEE'S POV - DAY 14A 146

As he boys begin theirvoyeuring, the lastof t~e gir s are on theirway outof the showerroom. All thy see are three depe.rtinglittle asses. Then, we hear "Kong" theme MUSIC. Miss Balbricker·steps intothe she er ro m. There's are pregnantpause. The guys hold their brea s. Miss Balbric•kerknows something iswrong, but she does 't know what. Fiaally, sheturns the lightsout and leavl.s.

l4D PEE WEE DI it, I told you we were going to miss them.

BILLY
H lg on, Pee Wee, we'll get 'em net time.
PEE WEE
Yejh, but Miss Walker a real wo.an and we missed her,·

'V

I - '·I

17

14 CO!.TINUED:

14D MICKEY Pee Wee you're}',<>nnagc•tlaidby an exo_t .cdancerina couple of hours. That'sr1real womn9.

PEE WEE i Yeah,r ght! Yeah! Let's go, I gottag home and warm up.

PeeWee SPLITS F Mickey and Billy look after him_quiz- zically. Mickey

MICKEY

Billyshrugs, ind·eating puzzlement. 'l_rheySPLITFRAME.

15

EXT. SWAMP ROAD- NIGHT

We HOLD•TIGHT on a:pair of flaming red eyes. NIGHT SOUNDS are exploding AROUND US. FROGS, CRICKETS, NIGHTBIRDS, form a mghty chorus. THEME MUSIC is primal, slightly ominous. HOLDthis for a long moment until, in the distance,we hear a faint DIS-HARMONIOUS SOUND. After a moment,we rea- lize that it is the BLAREOF A RADIO and it ismoving closer. It is coming from a vehicle and it isbearing down on us. The red eyes blink and the alligator-towhich they are attached whirls around and kerplu.nksheavilyinto the road- side canal. CAMERA.PANS in time to seeMickey's pickup loom up and ROARpast.

CUT TO:
16

INT. MICKEY'S TRUCK- SWAMP -NIGHT

The three conspirators,Billy, Mickey, and Tommy, are sit- cing in the cab. Thevie tims,Pee Wee, Neat, Tim, and the two other guys, FRANKBELL and STEVE KLINGERHOFER, are riding in the truckbed. .. TOMMY Slow down. It's about a quarter of a mile on the left.

MICKEY
You sure that broad could find this place?

\(pCONT'D 21.

16 CONTINUED:

TOMMY
They're both therealready. I took Conklin myself. And I drew Cherry a map. No sweat.
BILLY
Cherry?
TOMMY
Yeah! CherryForever. That's her professionalname.
MICKEY
CherryForever ...are you shitting me?
TOMMY
That's her professional ·name. What can Itell ya!
21

MICKEY

·(poundinggleefully on the steering wheel) Beautiful... beautiful. · Ican't wait, man. I can't wait.

BILLY
Just be cool!

Tim leansover from the truck bed to_talk to the cab. The wind blows in his face.

TIM
Why the hell would she liveway out here? In the Everglades.

_MICKEY If you were shackin' up witha big ass nigger and s~rewing everybody in sight, where would you live?

PEE WEE
Hot damn! Step on it!
17

EXT. THE TRUCK- NIGHT

The truck pulls to a halt and/Tommy.signalseverybody t~

I be quiet and steps quietly ou of thetruck. Off in the

distance about three hundred ardsaway, we see a simple two-room cabin nestled in. thejungle.

~ (CONTINUED)

t

-

17 CONTINUED:

A yellow light gleamsin the window. Tommy listens for a long moment, then cups his hand to his mouth and gives out a prettygod imitation of a night owl. He does this three times. Billy suppresses a laugh. Tim is more skeptical tha ever. Suddenly we see the lights in the cabin flashon and·off twice. Tommy stands up.

TOMMY
Okay, thecast is clear. Let's go.

They allpile out he truck and head toward the cabin. As Tim movesPAST RA, we hear him mutter to himself.

TIM
The coast i clear! Do you believe this dialog e!
18

INT.SHACK - NIGHT

The guys enter the shack. I is devoid of furniture-ex- cept·for some old couch cush ons and a 1934 modelrefrigera- tor and a table with a hot p ate. The floor is littered

with expended cans ·offood " d beer. It s a real dump.

TO Wait here.

He and Billy go through the oar into thebedroo.m,.leaving the others standing around l eking dumb.

MEAT
What's going on?
PEE EE
They're first. Bu Igot sloppy seconds.
MEAT
Your ass, PeeWee, I'msecond.
PEE E
Hell, no. If you o first,she'll be so reamed out,nobody else'll be able to touch the '·d1es.

Tommy.and Billy re-enterthe room.

TO Okay, Cherry'srea Everybody get your clothesoff. ·

cotJi'D (~ 18 CONTINUED: ·:•.....•'

ALL
What? What is this crap? What'd ya rnea

Etc ....

BILLY
She's otta make sure everybody's clean. No V.D.
STEVE
How sh gonna tell that by looking at us?
TOMMY
She's one this so much she's practi ally a doctor.
TIM
Yeah, ho's gonna inspect her?
I BILLY
Look, you guys want to get laidor have a /debate? I From O.S. we hear Pee Wee.
PEE WEE ( . S • )
Okay,. I'mready ...

All eyes turn toward Pee Wee. He'salready undressed, un- dressed and ready to go. There's generallaughter. The ice is broken.

I'?C Everyone breaks up.

BILLY
Okay, Cherry.
TIM
How come you guysaren't getting undressed?
BILLY
We just got inspectedlast week. liD

At thatmoment, CHERRY FOREVER makes a dramatic ent.....:.tice. She iswearing Frederick's of Hollywood panties and bra. As describedby Tommy, not a great face but as unning body. A little charge of electricity runs thro gh the guys. They aredefinitely turned on and hooked even Tim.

(CON INUED)

'V

......_

24 ..

18 ,CONTINUED: (2)

Cherry hams it up real good. She swings towa~d the mes- merized group like a cobra. Cherry is a professional with a ready line of patterand it's not only/routine stuff, she's pretty damnedquick and clever. Cherry be- gins her inspection like ageneral inspecting the troops. We SHOOT FROMBEHINDTHEIR BACKSto avoid fro tal nudity.

l?G- TOMMY IS'F ~erry, thisis S-teve.

CHERRY
Hi, Steve.

Suddenl in the classicalprescri ed.manner o the rmy doctor, Cherryreaches her hand o t and place her ingers under S eve's testicles. She say as she loo s, st dious and con erned...

CHERRY
( continuing)
Cough.

Thisbr aks everybody up. Cherry moves on. Pee We i.s next.

TOMMY f And tlis is Pee Wee! i CHERRY (looking at Pee Iee's genita.ls) j I'll ay.

Billy apd Tonnnylaugh conspirato ially. Obvtttsly, they have p ~ Cherry up to this.

PEE WEE
Hey! I CHERRY What 'ya wear for a j ckstrap,ki~, a pea ut shell and.a rtlbberband?I

Pee We knows h 's being had.

PEEWEE
Basta ds!
CHERRY I
·we'll have to tiea bo rd across

_/ his as orhe's liable tofall in

CONT1r:D)

\V 'JI \V

25 ..

18 CONTINUED: (3)

\~~ IiH PEE WEE J~ 'F Hey, fuck ou, lady. Lok at the size of th t pussy. Mig t aswel the b ck door and f ck thew rld. open

Not a bad comeback. Cherry laughs andmove .on.

TOMMY
This
CHERRY
How are yo , Tim?

when she sto s sudde y and st res Cherryst are , then over a Pee We 's genita area., at Tim's Bil y. Finally: and then

CHERRY
tinuing)· s Mutt & Jeff

a Chery move~ on. PeeWee

TOMMY
et FrankBell.

genitaliafo a mome t, sighti g down She appra it like a

CHERRY
(de d serious)
crook d, Frank. Ycrubeen ound corners.

Laughter. She movesJon.

TOMMY t d this i the pride o.Port uburndale; Anthony Tup erelo, nown affe ticnately as 'Meat.'

at Meat awe. Cherry

CHERRY
he boy's def

Meat grins pleased.

CHERRY
(co1rtinuing). y don'ttu lend that kid ... (in icating Pee ee)
.. .si:tinhes of that?/ '\.lt '-1/ V"CONTINUED) I ......---.......

18 CONTINUED:

l8'H OMMY. Yo '11 need shoehorn get that in

CHERRY
ehorn, he l, I'll a crowbar

(indi atingMeat) .. at thee d of theli e . Hey, Wee, up ront. I'll schedule lightWO k firstand ork up to Godzilla ere.

She turns an gives th classi·c cry a d arm wa e.

CHERRY
( contnuing)

· Alight ...1 t s roll e Yo•••hooooo

As shewalks 'ntothe edroom with Billy and 1onuny,we hear hermutter.

CHERRY (0. . )
(continuing)
Tha boy's d~formed. I CAMERAHOLDS n Pee Wee as he move to the fr.-ontofth lir1e. I 1 t ' i PEE WEE Who wants tolfuck a comeiian? I
19

INT. "BEDROOM OF CHERRY'SHOUSE- NIGHT

25

FIRST,·WEREALIZE IT'S NO BEDROOM AT ALL. THIS ISOBVIOUS-

ly just a .shackthe guys have rented or borrowed forthe night. As for "who we're lookin' out for,"we see Tommy and Billy helping the enormous BLACK MA.N,Conklin,climb through the room's rear window. The Man is laughingas they help him through the window, and despite allof Tommy's and Billy's shushings, he keeps laughingthroughout the remainder of the entire sequence. /C')A

As the Black Man gets fully inside the "bedroom, Billy i signals to Cherry to begin hernumber. She just stnr•:.; there and begins doing an exaggerated impressionof a woman in orgasmic ecstasy.

CHERRY
Oh, Billy~ youbig stud. Oh, give it to me, Billy. Fuckme, you big mother, Ineed it. I can't wait for the next one .

..&a-

27:

26

:2.0 22.. 24 22 C;..~L,LG-

('-1, \....../ 20 INT. OUTERROO OF CHE HO•SE - NIGH

\~A Pee ee is jum ing up d down

PEEWE
Hey, man,we' egonn get laid t This broad re llywa ts it. s e's ' hot. She's allyh t.
CHERRY (O.S.·)
Oh, illy,yo 'redr ving me c azy. Keep humping e, bab . I'm ge ting ther I'mg nna co e. Oh, y s. ,; baby make it happen
21

INT. 'BEDROOM"OF CHERR'S HOUE - NIGHT

Cher is juststanding in the middle of the roo , matter-

of-f tlyreellng off tis ero ic talk. Meanwhi·e, Bill hashinded theBlack Ma a mac ete-type eapon, nd.as the BlackMan prac,ices bra dishin it, Bill is sme ring ToIImiywiththel'tricalbood fr m head to toe.

CHERRY
Qh, ~illy, yo 're so good. I an't stanq it. Oh suck y titties. Bitelthem. K ep pum ing while you bite them. 0 I'm etting th re. Yes. Oh, now Now, baby, no·.

'2 INT. fUTER ROOM OF CHERY'S HO SE - NIG

Theres a hush!of sexua excit-ment ove entre room.

CHERRY (O.S.)
Ohhhl]....baby. •Don t stop... OHHIDiHHH. . .

Suddenly the sflence i·sbroken

3

INT. 'CHERRY'S!BEDROOM"• NIGH-

Billy takes thf machete and S THE R WIN·OW.

24

INT. UTER ROAL OF CHERY'S HO SE - NIG I

'I I

30

I I

BLACKf1AN (o.sj What s goin' nhere!,you motJerfucke1'! I'll killyou white boy. No white

boyisses wi my ran. "V (CO~UED)

2-0

24 CONTINUE

We can sens that t e Black Guy i chuckl· ngthro·h his li.nes,but he boys outside are t rrified. Micke is biting his ongue t keep f om blwing th gag pr ature- ly. Now we hear th SOUND F THE MACHETEPOUNDIN the walls, and ommy b~ ins to a seri s of bl d- curdling SH IEKS. '

TO (O. • ) , don'tkill me Put,away th ife. P~ase sp re me mister. , don't illme He' the one. was jus watchi H nest, I s ear.. ..·

(O.S.) Y u'rebot ake that m therfuckr.

We hear ~or SLASHINf·ANDS AMI~G. Bill 's scrJams and entreatiesjoin with Tommy's. Ch rry is b gging er "boy- friend11to sow mere as wel , BILLr ( 0 . S . ) kill us, misfer. · lease, only just bo, s.

CHERY (O.~.)
Do 't hurt them, H ctor..LAren't tw dead m n enoug for you?

On "twodead men," w have ACTiok SHOTS 11 arond. Pee Wee,Meat, S eve and !Franka e froren·with terror. Tim remainsskep ical. jckey h s los contro andb gins laughing,bu no one otices him. ;it.J. ~ y K._

Now,suddenl, ~he dofr is h rled ?pen, an' ab o d-staied Tommystagge s into t e room and dq,esave fa e death scene. Howe er, it's enough to comi,vinceev,eryoe butTi . ~e ot er· gus are pr paring to bot, nake~~r •o_. Now totop off t e charad, the lack uy liter llyw lks through the oor, teaing it,off is hinges. How ver, while his ac and his gestur s are ferociou, he' ready to piss from laughing

BLAC MAN
(wav ng his mache e). I' qu all! I'll killyou yo pee erw o s. l

Mickey does is part, turn in and{.mning ott the front door. Four b~re asses springinto flight. Tim hqlds btk

• a moment, un~il the B~ackMan! turns toward•im an1 bell s .

Suddeniy, Tiwlis not s\osure.1 · I

31

_J_ J_ J_ --I-- _[:_CJNTI,_~ED)

- - - - - -

d-.L../H24 CONTINUED: ( 2)

(The followingis a chronicle of what happens throughout the remainderof thesequence.)

Tim goes throughthe windo~ in the outer room. Frank- is already throughit. ~ 4 L:

Meatovertakes Mickey at the font oor, and the two of them wrestleto see who'll ge through the door firs~.

25

EXT. CHERRY'SHOUSE - NIGHT

Once outside, Mickey and Meat take off in the samedirection, Mickey egging on Meat with cries of terror.

I ~SA

Pee Wee takes oI on his own, running like thewind, his little ass lie the tail of a deer bobbingup anddown through thew eds.

Stevefalls down the front tairs,which causeshim to look ~'c· back and see that T~mmy, Bi11y and the BlackGuy are stand- ing-in the .doorwaylaughing.

Tim and Frank are around the co1.-nep:-.They hearthelaughter.~: I They re·alizethey ve been royallypad. ,;)__SD

Now the ones who've discovered the gagEec me part of it. With Billy and Tommyegging on theBlack G y and encouraging him to yell and shriek more, those three

33

TAKE OFF AFTER MICKEY ANDMEAT.

26

EXT. A SWAMPY PORTION OF THE EVERGLADES- NIGHT

Mickey, feigning fatigue,and injury,drops some fifty feet behind Meat. Meat is plowing throughthe swamp like a man possessed, destroying everythingin his path.

Now we hear the bellowingof theBlack l-!an,followedby the death-cries ofMickey.

~bA BLACK HAN (O.S.) I've gotyou, you white-assed mother --

MICKEY
Meat,help me! Please help me! He's gotme, gonna kill me... Aarrrrrggfihh.-..I l ..

Tnere's oway Meat's going back to help his buddy. He just sta gersforward, trying to accelerate his pace.

------

n 30. ,,__.,✓

27

EXT. A WOODSY PORTIONOF THE EVERGLADES - NIGHT

-r Pe~ Wee is racing a~ong, faraway from the action, but _J_ oblivious to any considerationother than flight.

28

EXT. A SWAMPY PORTIONOF THE.EVERGLADES - NIGHT

37

= IJEATCOMES UPON A SHALLOWPOOL OF WATER. HE IS EXHAUSTED.

He gets an idea. He reaches over and breaks off a bamboo reed.

CUT AWAY TO:

OMIT

30 3oA

30

INT.POLICECRUISER - NIGHT 308

TWO COUNTYCOPS are on patrol.

COP jfl Slow night.

Cop#2 will turn out to be TED JAR S, Mickey Jarvis oi er brother. Ted is an ex-Port Auburn~le High f otball sta and still·a legend among the townspeople. Hes a good guy.

TED
Don't worry. That'll ch nge.

Just at that moment, Pee Wee flash s into heading in the opposite direction.

He goes by so fast the two Cops ar not enti lysure what they saw. They both swivel t eirheads o watch Wee disappear into blackness.

TED
(continuing)
What'd I tell ya?

They look at each other. Ted shru s. Cop# turns Ch~ Cruiser around and heads after PeeWee. The ~adlights reflect off Pee Wee's little ass. Pee Week 'epson tru king,

COP /fl. I can'twait to hear th"sstory ...

'V

car,.rr•o

30 CONTINUED:

3o 3oA 308 TED I thinkI know that kid -- Pee W e Morris!

39

COP IF

The basketball play r?

TED
Yep. He's a friend of my brothe. Mickey's.

Well, what do?

Ted looks at his partner and ins.

TED
Pull 'em over.

Cop #1 laughs and reaqhes up, utting.on te red flas ing light. Ted pulls on the SIREN, The carpills up bes de Pee Wee. Ted leans out and sa···s:

TED
(continuing)
Okay, buddy, pull ov r.

Pee Wee looks up. Suddenlyhe swoons a_n_d___i_sappears[omic- ally from view.

31

EXT. ANOTHER PORTION OF THE SWAMP- NIGHT

Billy, Tommy, the BlackGuy and the others are closing in on Meat, the Black Guy gettinginto it now, bellowing for all he's worth.

Suddenly they're stoppedby a bizarre SOUND -- LIKE TI-IE TRUMPETING OF AN ELEPHANT. Befuddled, they slow their pace.

32

EXT. THE POOL OF WATERWHERE MEAT STOPPED- NIGHT

The group comesupon the pool of water where we last saw Meat. The grotesqueSOUNDis louder now, right under foot. They look down intothe pool of water, and there's ~~st, lying inwater that'stoo shallow even to cover his ~orso, tryi.ngtohide from his would-be assailant and making the bizarre soundwe've been hearing by brea_thing-- heaving ismore like it through the reed. Everyone convulses with laughter.

- - - - - - -- - -

33

EXT. THEDEADBEAT - NIGHT

The Deadbeat is a joint on an undeveloped part ofPort Auburndale beach. It is a hangout for PortAuburndale High. It consists of a package store, a raunchybar and.aneven raunchier restaurant with stools and tables. It isalways crotvdedand a.great deal of socializing goes•on in thepark-

43

ING1OT . 3 ~",

A SOUNDCUT. W~ see Mickey lying on hisback over a car hood with his h~d cupped over hismouth as if he were hold- sing a bamboo red. He is imitating thebull moose sound Meat was making when discovered in thewater. CANERA PULLS BACKto see a 1 rge crowd gathered aroundMickey and the others, includi Meat.

MICKEY
... a his schlongwas floatingon top o the water. Allyou could see ·was th· sreed and his schlong-- unless you looked, 'causehe was lying ·n eighteen inchesof water. You cold of heardhim breathin' throug that reed for twelvemiles. Mickey imitates he bellow once more. The crowd roars. MEAT I got omethingyou can blow on, Jarvis Indicates youkn w what. Mickeybegins t peting all the harder. Meat comes after

338 him inmock rage Mickey retreats, continuing to bellow.

Meat stopssort as a cop car pulls into the parking lot. The car stopsand Ted Jarvis steps out. MEAT (continuing) Hey, Mickey, it's your brother. TED I got something you guys lost out in ,,,.33 D the Everglades. 33 .._ PeeWee steps out of the car. He is dressed in a olicem n's pants and shirt which are outrageously large on h' . He lookslike Sleepy of "Snow White and the Seven Dw fs." Everybody is pissing themselves with laughter. PEE WEE You bastards, you left me out there.

MICKEY
Hell, Pee Wee, we thought.you ran all the way home. TED If we hadn't seen him, hewould've. Laμghter. Ted begins to leave.

\

(CONTINiJED)

45

CONTINUED:

TED
(continuing)
Cindyand I are bringing the kids over fordinner Sunday night I'll seeyou then. MICKEY Right. Ted'sPartner tosses a farewell salute to the assem led gathering.
TED'S PARTNER
See you another time, boys. Gotta go fight the niggers. It is of note that this outrageous rem rk doesn't rJise an eyebrow among any of the assembled you gsters. Bily and Tommy -- and certainly Brian if hewer here -- wou dnever say such a t:hing,but there's .toomuch peer pressur for them to object to it.
34

EXT. PARKING LOT

as l'edand his Part;.erare getting int their car, IM CAVA- NAUGH'SFATHER comes SCREECHING into t eparking loton his motorcycle, a can of beer irihis hand, and ayoung kirl, not

much older than Tii::1,ontheback seat. Tim s fathef.is 3L./.t), shockingly young, a brutish, truly danerous man, cp.pable I · of great violence. He is taciturn andsurly but helinstillp fear in almost anyone hemeets. Tim's father pullstto ·a 1 halt, he makes eye contactwith TedJavis. It-is bvious Jarvis knows and detests thisman. TED Get rid of thebeer, Cavanau h. Tim's father is momentarilytaken abac . Then he gins, with intense sarcasm. CAVANAUGH Oh•.. sorry,Officer Jarvis. And he tosses thebeer can on the grou d near Ted's feet. Ted would love to lockup Tim's-father for~ reaspn, but he knows he doesn'thave anything here wortnthe trbuble. He gets into his cruiser. . j _ Tim• sfather sneersand laughs. Ted's Partner givep Ted a look which indicateshe'11 go through he trouble oifthe arrest if Ted wantshim to.· But Tedi too self-poksesse to get trappedinto what really would e a "chicker.f-shit" arrest. He nods no. and the two cops rive off.---

\,.

Now Tim's fatherscans the parking lot in search of Tim. Finally,he spots him.

(CO!'l"'TINUED)

34 CONTINUED:

CAVANAUGH
(deliberately embarras ing theboy)
Tim! ~ Get ourass over her !!

The SOUND of hi father'sVOICE causes irn toinstantly become sullen. His friends·'facesref~lct their shared pain on his heh lf. With his tailbet een his legs. Tim shuffles over t his father;Throughou the scene which follows, Tim's ather speaksloudly en9ugh so that a portion of what he's sa ing canbe heard by TiIIJ'sclassmates. It can all be hear by thegirl, who neve utters a word herself. Her presenceal both infuriates and further embarrasses Tim.

TIM

CAVANAUGH
(grabbingTim by the collar)
Ihea you ra~ tail-ass from some nigge tonight.

TIM

\."'/ (verysoftly)

It wa a practical joke.

CAVANAUGH
What' that, boy?

He cuffshim.

TIM
If was a joke. I UT TO: I

35 MED. SHOT- TOMMY ANDBILLY

TOMMY
Who is that guy?
BILLY
That's Tim's old man.
TOMMY
Doesn't look old enough tobe his uncle...
UT TO:

:', \._____/· 36 MED. SHOT TIMAND FATHER

CAVANAUGH
Get yourass home.

Tim walks silently,in prof~und humilia ion, over to his car.

t He gets inwithout a word and _drivesof . Tim'~ Father is

steeped in coldimplacable fury. No on utters a worduntil he gets on hisbike and ROARSoff.

CAMERA EMPHASIZES thefive of our principals still rem_aining.

BILLY
They should have left him in prison the la~t time.
TOMMY
What was he in for? .
47

MICKEY

Manslaughter. Killed a guy in a fight, tore his ear off with his bare hands.

TOMMY
No kidding! Guess my father's not

Q

sucb a bad guy after e.11.

There is an embarrassed and uncomfortable silence. The silenceis broken by Pee Wee who has.returned fromchanging into his own clothes.

BILLY
What d'ya look so glum about, Pee Wee?
PEE WEE
Hey, listen, man, this is gettng serious. I gotta get laid. Igo more than a counle ofweeks an I start to get jittery.
MICKEY
In that case, you'redue for a nervous breakdown.
PEE WEE
Funny,Jarvis/
BILLY
What thehell we gonna do? I you

..L- strike outwith Wendy Williams,

there's nothing leftbut a ha. hock.

...:.;.::..--......--.-......A.,.~--

36 CONTINUED:

TOMMY
Nah, Pe Wee's tired of ham hocks.
MEAT
f Maybe here's a horny midget out ' there omewhere, just.eating her heart ut waiting for Pee Wee. 3/, 8 MICKEY No, wh t we need here is some profes ional help.
BILLY
What d ya mean?
MICKEY
Porky'

Everyonestares ft Mickey.

BILLY
Oh, man, don't start that again ..

,,...........,. Are you crazy? You could getyou

throat slit.

MICKEY
Nab; yo11just gotta know how to operate.
PEE WEE
.I'm ready! I'm ready!
TOMMY
You're nuts, Jarvis. Porky isa bad ass redneck.
MICKEY
Right . You guys don 'tkno·w howo talk redneck. Porky's a businesman. Listen... he's imported a whole oad of Cuban broads. They'refantas ic.
TOMMY
How do you know all this?
MICKEY
I got my sources. Porky'sgot a roon upstairs called 'Porky'sPen.' can have a party up therewith t Cuban dancers if youlet 'em kno know wh~t you're doing.

- .........-.;;...~--

36 CONTINUED: (2)

3b 8 TOM?W You sure about this?

Ml'.CKEY Does·a bear ~hit in thewoods?

PEE WEE
Let's go now!
BILLY
We got a game tomorrow.
MICKEY
We need about thirty bucksa iece.
PEE WEE
Thirty bucks?
MICKEY
Yeah. But anything goes. can go Friday night, after thegame

BILLY.

...-... ('_)· It's seventy miles. And we ot a

_gameSaturday night.

MICKEY,. What'd ya say, Turner? Meat Tim?

They nod assent.

TOMMY
You know mymotto: Giveme ussy or give me death!
MICKEY
Yeah! Alright.
PEE WEE
I never had any Cubanpussy.

Everyone turns to look at.PeeWee.

EVERYBODY
Right, PeeWee1 right!
37

EXT. PATIO - DAY

3'7 CAMERA IN TIGHT on a pair ofhands unwrapping a package.

t-lDY (.V.0.) Where'd you get·it?

(CONTU{UED)

49

-- .........-.A.II..---

:...·

37 CONTDTTJED: 3'1

A place in Miami. u know, one of those joke stores. at

CAMERA PULLS BACKto see Tommy, Billy, Mickey, and Wendy. Tommy pulls out what looks to ea giant balloon.

WENDY
Beau.t"iful. Beautifu
MICKEY
What the hell is tha?

Suddenly they realize. It is huge prophylactic.

... BILLY Holy shit, it's ate gallon conaom.

MICKEY
Looks like Godzilla' rubber.

EILLY

What ·sit for?

WENDY
Look 01:1t,it'sPee We. Give it to1ne.

She takes the rubber and puts t behind her back. She ·smiles sweetly. Pee Wee looks at her suspiciously as she walks past.

PEE v-.TE

What ·s she· want?

·• TOMMY Gee, I don't know, P

PEE WE
Ummph. Hey, _man, I igured out a .great new way to get your rocks off.

Tim and Meat approach.

MICKEY
.AnotherPee Wee spec'al.

PEE WE~ No, really, this is weat. Drive -you nuts. This is wh!at you do. You catch.three f=i.es/in a jar.

37 CONTINUED: ( 2) 3'7

-· BILLY

Flies, oh dearl

PEE WEE
Now·waitl You catch t e flies and t then you take some hon y and you get in the bathtub and vou fill the tub halfway and then you 1 eon ycur back with the head of your ·ock sticking out the water.

Thereis a groan. Everybody kno s what's coming.

PEE WEE
(continuing)
Then, you take the hon~y and you spread some· overyour qock andyou let the flies out of tijejar and they come to the honey.I Oh,man, it's wild. I

THE GROU~ Oh sick! You are sick,!PeeWee!

PEE,WEE No shit! All those tin.ylittlefly feet caressing your dork~- oh man! I wonder if I could get{apatent on this?

MICKEY
Wait a minute, PeeWee. There's a flaw in this. How ar you gonna get three flieson the ead of your cock?

This breaks everybodyup. 3'18

PEE WEE
Eey,man!

At this moment Wendy hasmoved up behind Pe Wee. She as the giant rubberbehind her back in an obv ous way.

WENDY
PeeWee!

Pee Wee whirls around. He is itmnediately uspicious an un- easy when he seesWendy. Everyone becomes quiet and it seems as if theentire patio is watching. Pee Wee look!i- around.

t(CONTINUED)

37 COtffINUED: (3)

PEE WEE
What d'ya want?

w'ENDY (coy) I got something for you.

PEE WEE
For me!· What is it?
WENDY
It's...uh ..kind of lik a trophy ...

PEE "WEE A trophy? What areya t lking about?

WENDY
A trophy! For you.
PEE WEE
A trophy? What for?
WENDY
Forbeing the biggest di.khead r everwent out with!

She holdsup thegiant :.ubberfor verybody to see. The

crowd howlsas Wendy,presents the trophy' to Pee We. He pushes itaway choosing not to joi the fun. Pee W~e starts towalk away. And with that, Wend steps forward ~ith one swiftmove and jams the giant prop ylactic right ovierPee Wee'shead. The results are more han she could hfe

imagined. The rubber wedge~ tight over Pee ~ee head like ithad been form-fitted.

callyinside the thin membrane. T~~ rest of the r bber danglesabsurdly dm,m Pee Wee's chejst. Pee Wee lo ks like a fivefoot four inch penis. He gyr es, wildly, tr ing to dislodge the device. The crowd RO S. Pee Wee mu1bles and twists. Finally Pee Wee manages to pull the rubbe over his head, not without some consider ble discomfort He throws it at Tamm~. TOffi:lIJYbendsdonandpicks up fhe rubber and tosses _itto Meat. _____ _J_

TOMMY * · Here you go;Meat. Keep that £or a spare. M7a~ ~eacts by throwing the rubber back to T~mmy, d.1.saainfully.· ·· · •- .'7.E ....-- PEE WEE 3 You turds. I •m gonnaget yoJ.guys. You too, Wendy. . .

50

.

\V (CONTINUED)

- --..:.:.,:t;.---

CONTINUED: (4)

WEND
You should be so ucky, Shrimp.

We see Tommy approaching i~ theB.G. He has blown

__upthe giant condom and ho~.dsthegiant phallus -- against his-crotchandntjcg¢s:-i:t.·againstWendyandvarious girls inthe crowd. They SGUE.A.Landrun away laughing.· 3if f Suddenly,a hush falls eve the crowd. Mickey and the others try towarn Torrirnyb1.theisoblivious. He whirls

51

3'7 6- AROUND LOOKINGFOR ANOTHER VICTIM AND RUNS SMACK INTOMISS

Balbricker. To make mattes much worse, the waveringmock penislodges itself right etween Miss Ba1.bricker'sthighs. Tommy stands there dumbly i··oralong moment with his surro- gate penis protruding thre feet out from his crotchright intoMiss Balbricker·who des not budge. The crowdwaits expectantly. Finally, Ta1:fyloosens his grip and the rubb r deflates slowly making thelcharacteristic raspberry SOUND, u.ntilit looks .likea wounctednooaJ.ehanging limplybetwe.e. Tommy's legs. Miss Balbri9ker rneralysmiles. This isa long-awaited victory for h¢r. She !'Utsout her ha.ndand Tonnnydejectedly hands c,ve;I!.theevidence.Miss Balbricker marches off triumphantly. Tornnylooks after her. Hickey_ steps up.

MIQ:KEY Your ass is mine! says Kong!

ToJ11IT No shit, Sherloctl

Tommy looks after the pachrlermic Miss Balbricker. He's in for _itand he.knows it. •

52

. 1

· . CUT TO:

J
38 EXT:GYMOF PORT AUBURNDALE HIGH DAY 3g

CAMERA. _EMPHASIZESBrian,_v{hQisbeing___gui;irde};:)yTim,during an intra-squad game. Tim tries toguard Bri n physically, but Brian's moves are so slickand graceful hat he leaves Tom lunging at air and committingstupid fou s. After one suchincident, Tim mutters "Kitebastard" un er his breath. Tommy is the only one who hears him. TOMMY .- --·----· And you thought Jews were just sm t. GOODENOUGH(off}

/

Turner ! I want to talk to you. Tom.-nyturnsto sae Goodenough with Balbrick.r.

3'1

39 ANOTHER AL'1GLE

Now the CAMERA EMPHASIZS Brackett and Warren. Brackett nods in the direction o thegirls' sideof th gym, and the CAMERA FOLLOWS his ineof vision. We see Miss. Honeywell putting the Cleerleaders throughthe r paces. Brackett and MissHone)"·ellexchange coy smile .

53

IWARREN

~ellI Any lu k?

RACKETT
We'·vegoneou t.wice. Zero, man. Zilch.The gi wants to be loved forher mind.
RACI(ETT
( con tining)
Man, you're·driving me nuts with this howling btt. vTnatthe hell does it ·mea.n?1

Warr~npoints up toward rhe equipment rooms..

J/

WARREN .
Up there, Roy· IGet her.up there and all things shall be made clear. ! ~RACKETT You're pulling~!mychain, Fred. Tha girl's a virgi .

v '!:'N Yeah and the Pofe's Jewish.

$,ACKETT And how do I gI her upstairs put handcuffs o her... tic a rope around her nee ..?

l·~RREN Guile, charm, p~~suasion, and if that rloesnItwork... just ask her_.-"'---

CUTTO:

40 ANGLE L./0

Billy comes ru ning up to join Tommy who isrunning laps,

BILLY
What haT)~)ened?..

(COHTINUED)

40 cmiTINUEL·:

Lio Lfo A

'l'ornmyholasuptJo fingerE.

BILLY.
o days' suspens·on?
TOMMY
o games and 2,0 0 laps.
BILLY
u're kidding?

CAMERA SEES Miss Balbricker loom ng up as we turn toward her. She looks t Tommy, a tri phant smirk on her face. Tommy glares at er as he and Bi ly run past. · ~D TOMMY I'm going to nail her fat ass!

CAMERA PANS OFF hem TO the stil -smirking Balbr cker.

41

EXT: ROADSIDE -NIGHT

CAMERApulls back from.a sign pointing toward Porky's. We seeMickey's truck coming in the distance. We hear.

allboys singing aparody of Dixie (llIwishI was in: the land of Pussy.•.",etc.).·The truck turns down thedirt road.

----

41A

EXT: ROADTO SHERIFF'S - NIGHT

---,---

Pee Wee stands inthe back of the truck pulling on his PortAuburndale High School letter sweater.

MEAT (indicating sweater)
Do you believe this?
PEE WEE
Broads go.for jocks.
56

TOMMY

High school jocks don't even get ins~de this .place. You're .~uppose~ ·to be·twenty..;.one. . = .

PEE WEE
Nobody said I was still a high school jock.
MEAT
No wonder you make out so good, Pee Wee! You're so sophisticated.
PEE WEE
Yeah .•• yeah,alright.

As.Pee Wee removes his sweater,•.Tommyturns to Meat in ·: disbelief. TOMMY A letter sweater!

58

41A CONTINUED:

In the background, we see a sign which says, * SHERIFF WALLACETOWN, FLORIDA. ~hen we see the Sheriff and two deputies sittin on a car outside their makeshift office.

MEAT
What the hell is this?
TOMMY
Sheriff's office!
MEAT
Sheriff of Wallacetown? Where the hell is Wallacetown?
MICKEY
You're looking at it. It's just.. Porky's Stormtroopers. Porky Wallace? Right? Theypull off around a corner past another Porky I s·sign. MICKEY (continued) $ Abandon ~llhope, all ye who enter here.
59

41B EXT: JUST OU~SIDE PORKY'S NIGHT

C.?\MERAESTABLISHES the neon sign atop Porky's, then PANS DOWNTO ESTABLISH the entire building. It is essentially the same as we saw it in Pee Wee'sdrearn.* It's a wood shingle building built out over a pier. The foundation of the building encompasses the entire pier except for about ten to fifteen feet in front of the building. This portion of the pier is narrower than the rest, and serves as a walkway between Porky's and its dirt or gravel parking lot.

The CAMERA.CONTINUES TO PAN, and we see that there's a small canal separating the Porky's complex from the main road. Across the canal are two small bridges, one for entering and one for leaving the parking.lot.

Now, STILL IN ONE SHOT, we see Mickey's truck arriving-·- with Mickey, Tommy, Tim, Meat and Pee Wee. They pile out of the truck. Lt-IC- MICKEY Alright, eve~one got his

Everyone either responds that they do out their ID- -andholdsit up.. •except

PEE WEE
•••I left it home.
TIM
Figures.
TOMMY
That's alright, Pee Wee .••i your case, they'll take your wo,1;£or it.
(CONT±'NUED)

44A.

41B CONTINUED:

MEAT
Just stand up straig t.
MICKEY
Okay, guys, knock it off. Meat, give Pee Wee your ID

-'.EAT It•s got my picture

·-------·.....-...

41C CONTINUED: (2)

TOMMY
(looking the two of them over)
No sweat... you guys could be t:1Wins.What other cards you got, Meat?

There's general chuckling. Meat gives PeeWee his ID. then looksthrough his wallet for other cards. Tommy looks, too.

TOMMY
(continuing)
Here·. . .usethisone . MEAT That's my Bible School card!
TOMMY
Yeah, who'd pelieve a guy witha Bible School card would lieabout his age?

MICI(EY Okay. terrific. Nowjust act cool. Act like you come hereall the time. (to Pee Wee) Think you can handle that?

PEEWEE
(doing hismaturity bit)
Oh, yeah.

· MICKEY Alright, thenlet's go.

And Mickey leads the fiveof them to the front door,

42

INT. ENTRANCEOF PORKY'S - NIGHT

Just inside thedoor, there's a BOUNCER checking ID's. The boys'mood and the MUSIC should giv the moment of the ID checkan aspect of high-tension.

BOUNCER
Okay. Let's see it!

..•which is comically undercut when t Bouncer glances at the ID's but doesn't even approxima inspecting them.

-

42 CONTINUED:

BOUNCER
(continuing)
Okay.

Pee Wee can't leave well ~ough alone.

PEE WEE
Yeah, it'sbeen a couple of ears since Ibeen in the old join .

As Tonm1yand Mickeyglance skyward, th Bouncer looks at Pee Wee for the firsttime. The notio that Pee Wee is twenty-one.ispatently absurd. Howeve , the Bouncer couldn't give lessof a damn. He shak s his head at the foolishnessof Pee Wee's bravado, but aves him on j_n just the same.

61

BOUNCER

Yeah, a fuckin' regular. Jut stop talking and start drink"ng.

Pee Wee still won't let it alone.

PEE WEE
I How's Porky? Haven t seen o Pork in ...

-

But this time, Meat drags him away fro the doorbefore Pee Wee manages to get them all tosse~ut.

43

INT. THE MAIN ROOMOF PORKY,S - NIGHT'4-3 4 A

The room is divided into four areas. theright s one enters is a horseshoe bar, and behind t ebar isa unway on which three strippers are presently umping and rind- ing, picking out various men s~ated at he·bar and esign- ing a particular piece of businessfor hose among he men who are interested. The stripperswear pasties and G- strings, but they'll remove themfor th right kind of tip.

Pee Wee takes one lookat thestripper rea and alm st leaps out of his shoeswith excitement.

PEE WEE
Holy shit, it'sa pussy stamp de.
MICKEY
Pudendum~

....... (CONTINUED)

- - -.- - - - ---

43 CONTINUED:

3 A PEEWEE What?

63

MICKEY

?udendum. It's pudendum. hat's • the correct word forwhat y u t vulgarians callpussy. Pud ndum.

PEE WEE
Pudendum! Pudendum. What disgustingword. I'd never say that in public.

44 ANGLE

Meat leadsPee Wee to the bar and sit down beside him-. Tommy leans overand whispers into Pe Wee's ear.

TOMMY
Look, hut don't touch._y4

CAMERAEMPHASIZES Pee Wee and Meat One of he stripp·ers, figuringshe has a live one, begin coming o to Pee Wee. Meat has all he can do to keep Pee Wee from umping up anddown. Pee Wee signals the str pper that he wants to seeher breasts. She holds up two fingers.

PEE WEE
Yeah, hell, yes, let's 'em bot:
MEAT -
It means it'll cost you o bucks to see them, stupid.
PEE WEE
(embarrassed)
Shit, I knew that. I'm ust some fun with the broad. - Pee Wee takes two dollars o~t of is pocket nd reache toward the stripper. She extends her foot tward Pee · Wee' shand,and plucks up the mon y withher toes. No she gives Pee Wee a ~rief look at herbreast

Pee Wee's body goes into a sort o spasm. blabbers almost incoherently to Meat.

PEEWEE

(

(continuing) She's hot. The broad i hot .

........

4Y-c +1.-1.s

45 CA.~RAEMPHASIZES MICKEY, TOMMY ANDTIM

The BARTENDER brings them their eight-ounce gl ssof beer.

BARTENDER
A buck.

Tommyproduces a dollar.

· BARTENDER (continuing)· A buck apiece.

The boys exchange glances. If there wereany oubt what sort of place this was, it's certainlybeen d"spelled. Glumly, they pay for their dollar eight-ounce eers. We B hear a COMMOTION o.s. YSA 4-s

CU TO:

L/s c.. \-lSD

46

INT. SAME - NIGHT. -6

l r = Two of Porky's henchmen are administeringa beating to·a ·very drunk patron. PeeWee is pinned against the bar by the drunk's dead weight. The two redneck thugs are pum- meling the drunk withoutmercy. One of them wears a wicked set of brass knuckles. Each blow squashes the hapless Pee Wee against thebar. Finally. they drag the semi-consciousman out of the bar. Mickey, Tonnnyand Tim come to help PeeWee, who is bruised but not hurt.

TIM
What wasthat?
MEAT
Guy tried tomuff dive one of the strippersright on the runway.
TOMMY
They nearly killed him.
PEE WEE
Guy was a damn good shot, though, stuckhis nose right in it.

Now, withamazing speed, the strippers have dorinedclingy, deep-cleavagedresses and have begun to mingle with the men at thebar. Mickey addresses Pee Wee. ·

MICKEY
This is your night. Pick the one you want.

- (CONTINUED)

- -. -- -- ----

46 CONTINUED:

Pee Wee prac1,:icallylungesfor thestrippe with whom he'd been flirting. Meat restrainsh:im.

MICKEY
(continuing)
Alright:,I' 11 getherfor you.

Mickey addresses theBartender.

MICKEY
(continuing)
I'd like to speakto Porky.
BARTENDER
Porky' sbusy.
MICKEY
He's not too busy for what I wa to talk about. I want to pay f some pussy ..

The Bartenderreplies with a mingling of ostility and disdain.

BARTENDER
You can tell me.
MICKEY
(firmly)
I want to talk to Porky!

The Bartender starts to resist further, ten smiles. It should be evident that he's got grief in .indfor Mickey arldhis friends.

BARTENDER
Okay, sure.

And he disappears into the rear of then'ghtclub. Hickey turns to the other guys, smugly pleased ith his handling of this encounter. ·

MICKEY
You've got to show them who's oss. I'll take care of everything- just wait here and do nothing. Don t buy any drinks. Theirracket is t get you to buy thebroads overpric d drinks.
PEEWEE
(sarcastic)
No kidding.

46 CONTINUED: (2)

PORKY

- Who's asking to seeme?

47 ANGLE

The five boys turn around --and there's PO Y. Porkv is tall and immense, like adefensive lineman football team. However, his stubby legsmake him ap fatter than he actually is, andhis snout-likefac well, that's why they call him "Porky."

MICKEY
(momentarilytaken aback)
Uh ...I am.
PORKY
(brusquely)
Whatta yawant?
MICKEY
(feignfngself- assurance)
Well, Porky, my friends and I wo d like toparty with five of your girlsup in 'Porky'sDen.'
PORKY
You wantfive of my piglets in t e pen, eh? For how long?
MICKEY
An hour.
PORKY
Whatta ya got to spend?
MICKEY
(proudly)
A hundred bucks.

Porkydoes a momentary take. That price i so ridiculous he shouldjust throw these amateurs out. ut he.catches himself,preferring to have some fun by st ingingthe boysalong.

PORKY
A hundred bucks for five girls.. ? Go home, snot nose.

-

47 CONTINUED:

MICKEY
(calling afterhim)
Wait ...Porky, please.

Porky stops, allowing Mickey tocatch up wit him.

PORKY
(growling)
Yeah •..?
MICKEY
How many girlscan we have for a hundred dollars?
PORKY
· (feigningdeep thought) There's fiveof you, right? Thats a lotof horny dicks. Figure two girls for an hour, three for thir y minutes.
65

MICKEY

(disp:i.rited) That 'sall...?

POR..t<Y.

No one's fore in·you ...but it's a long ride home, longer with a hard-on.

MICKEY
(suddenly decisive)
We'll take three for thirty minutes.

The other guys have gathered around. They urmur their assent. PORKY Okay, pick out the ones you want ...

MICKEY
(pointing)
Her, her ...and her. 4'7 c_ One of them is Pee Wee's choice.
PORKY
Cash in advance.

Mickey looks to the'others forcoun el.

47 CONTINUED: (2)

TIM
l wouldn't,Mick.;.·
PORKY
Only. way Idobusiness.
MICKEY
Okay.

Mickey starts tohand

PORKY
Not me,pay the bartender, you ridiculousfuckin' dude. nd you getout of line with y girls and I'llkick your candy sses all theway back to Port uburndale.

The boys lookat one ~nother abashe that they ha e been made so easily.

PORKY
(continuing)
Seethat door over there? Well, stepthrough it and wait. It'll

\....../ be dark in there, but don t be

surprised.

MICKEY
What's all this bullshit bout?
PORKY
( intimidating)
This bullshit is because ou're a

pack of underage kids, a d I don t want my liquor licenser oked. Sheriff around here's a ad-ass mother.

He laughs at a joke he's just made but we don'tμnder- standit yet.

PORKY
(continuing)
So I don't want no one s eingyou with none of my girls. hat'sa back way up to the pen. You just wait till you hear a kno k,then you go through another dor and·

/. you're in. The girls'll bewait::.n'...f 'i

Pee Wee makes a pleasure sound andhops up and~-•

-.

(CONTINUED).

47 CONTINUED: (3)

Porky notices.

PORKY
(c·ontinuinr,)
You like that, kid? Good. J' give you a nightto remember.

And Porky walks across to thebar where e strippe s are plying their trade; Mickey sees him tal to the st ippers and point toward him andhis buddies. S isfied th tall is set, Mickey leadsTommy, Pee Wee, Meat and Tim eyer to the door Porky had indicated. They open "t and ster into a pitch-black room. Porky breaks out in big grin Everyone in the :immediateareais laughin.

' ' ---+....._

48

INT. A TINY UNLIT ROOM -NIGHT

Mickey closes thedoor behind them, and the five boys find themselves standingin total darkness.

PEE WEE.
Did you seethose broads? Those broads are hot, guys. T-hey're really hot.
MEAT
They're paid to be hot, Casanova.
TIM
I don't like this, man.
MICKEY
It's no sweat, Tim. Everything's under control.
PEE WEE
{sniffing loudly) I can smell pussy beyond the door.
TOMMY
I can't feel any door.

Now the door they've just come through islocked.

PORKY ( 0 .S.')
Okay ...you guys ready ...?
ALL
Yeah, right! Ready,Porky!
68

~

\ : 48 CONTINUED~ '•)._~_,.,,.(_

PORKY(O.S.)
You sure you're~eady now?

ALL

Right. Porlcy.We re ready.

69

T

PORKY(0. s.) 4 0 A Okay, boys,here's your night to D _ remember. --i-

And a trap dooropens, dropping the boys about 've feet down into about two feetof Everglades water, m and muck.

+50 ~EXT. UNDERNEATHPORKY'S PIER - NIGHT

At first,we hear nothing but a string of epithets as the angry and humiliatedboys clamber out of the water under- neath the p_ier andupinto the parking lot. We can hear raucous LAUGHTERcoming from above.

PEE WEE
Hey, I'm drownin'.
MEAT
Just stand up, asshole. It's only two feet deep.
5

EXT. PORKY'S PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Now everybody is on Mickey's·ass.

TIM
Great work, Mickey.
MEAT
Everything's under control•. right? Fuckin' big shot ...
PEEWEE
(plaintively)
You promised to getme laid.
TOMMY
(philosophically)
Mickey, you'rea horseshit procurer.

Mickey is humiliated,and consequently berserk with rage at the man who's humiliatedhim, who's caused him to lose face in front of hisfriends. But he projects a Herculean calm.

-

so CONTINUED:

MICKEY
I'll take careof this.

TIM '· It'& too late,man. i MEAT Take careof what? We're out twenty bucksapiece.

MICKEY
I'll takecare of this!

I And befor·eanyonerealizes what s happening -- or can stop him -- Mickey'sgone back inside Porky's.

51

INT. ENTRANCE-TOPORKY'S- NIGHT

Mickey stormsright past Bouncer #1. The man stares at him with surpriseand amazement.

I

52

INT. MAINROOM OF PORKY'S - NIGHT

Mickeywalks into the main room; -stopsin his tracksand makes his challenge.

MICKEY
I want to.see Porky -- and I want to see him now!! Get that piece of pig shitout here!

There's a stunned hush throughout thenightclub: All motion stops, except for Bouncer #2 who goes toget Porky. Bouncer boys are blocked from getting to theirbuddy and getting him the hell out of there.

Now Porky emerges through the crowd,walking up to Mickey with a vicious smirk on his face.

PORKY
How was the pussy.boys1
MICKEY
(calrmly)
I want a pieceof y~ur ass!

A murmer of shockpasses through the club. Nobody talks to Porky that way. But Porky low-keys it for the moment.

PORKY
Sure, son.
(MORE)

52 CONTINUED:

PORKY (CONT'D)
Let's just step outside. Don't wanta ruin these nice folks' evening.

And Porky leads the way out·to the parking loq:.

53

EXT. FOR.KY'SPARKING LOT - NIGHT

There's Porky and his two Bouncers, the Bartender, some other employees of Porkyts we haven't seen before, Mickey, the four other boys and a few curious guests from inside. Tommy and Meat are trying to cool off the whole thing.

TOMMY
Sorry about our friend, Mr. Porky. He gees carried away sometimes.
74

MEAT

Yeah, we'll just take him home and forget thewhole thing.

TOMMY
We won't be botrering you again.

Tommy takesMickey by the arm and starts to lead him away. ButMickey is too proud. He wrestles freeand makes a rush at Porky. Mickey takes aroundhouse swing,which Porkyblocks with one great meaty arm. Now Porky shoves Mickey toward Bouncer #1, who proceeds to slapMickey around. It's not a beating, more ofa grazing. Mickey gets a bloody nose and a swollen lip,but there's no seriousinjury... save ~o his already-damaged pride.

w 54 ANGLE 54 A

Mickey knee sin the dust of the parking lot. Just as Tim and the ot rs are about to enter the fray, no matter how reluctantly two police cars careen over the "in" bridge and SCREECH to a halt. The SHERIFF and three deputies get out. The S eriff is a huge hulk of a man, not unlike Porky in stature. He immediately seeks to take control.

SHERIFF 546
A right, don't nobody move.

Tommy tries to go to Hickey's aid, but th Sheriff stops him with a ord. SHERIFF (continuing) Freze. BusterI

CONTINUED)

\

- - - .....,.__

5 7. SLf-c..

54 CONTINUED:

Now the Sheriff walks over to Por

--

SHERIFF
(continuing)
What happened here, Por
PORKY
Some Port Auburndale bo s came in looking for trouble.
TIM
That ' sa1ie.
PEE WEE
·Yeah,we were just look n' for ...
SHERIFF
Shut the fuck up! Look to me like we got some Port Auburn ale assholes here. Yes sir, five wa king, talking rectums.

The Sheriffwalks over to Mickey, lifting him ro ghly to his feet.

SHERIFF
(continuing)
Where'syour car, boy?

Mickey points to.hiscar. The Sh riff drags him over to it. He inspect~ ita moment.

SHERIFF 54D
(continuing)
You from SewardCounty?
MICKEY
(steaming,mutte ing)
Yeah ...,
SHERIFF
I don't know thelaws Seward County, but herewe ·got lawsabout

drivin'with busted heaijlights. t MICKEY I don't have abusted

The Sheriff uses his nightstick Mickey'f right headlight.

(CONfED) \V

54 CONTINUED: (2) 5Lt c.. 54D

SHER FF

-

Funny, I could hav sworn youhad a busted headlight That'sa thirty·dollar fine boy -- thirty bucks·or a night i jail.

Mickey would dearly love.to !etaliate;but t is man re- presents the law ...such as tis. He fishes in his pock t.

MICK y I've only got bucks.

The others dig into kets.

TO I've got fifteen.

I've got six ethirty.

The Sheriff responds by smasing Mickey's ta'llight.

'SHER FF Busted taillightr you twenty more.

MEAT
I've got threemoT .
75

·TIM

I've onlygot a buck fifty.

PEE E
I've got five.

The Sheriff takes itall.

SHE IFF .
Well, this'll do. I figure I can showleniency for }firstoffenders.
(toPorky) . Whatta ya think, P.-ork--shall l give these nice lids a break?

Porky laughsand starts bac~ inside. J PORNY· Yeah, give 'em a Break. They're nice! clean-cut, 1·ortAuburndale pussies.

( NTINUED)

v .

6'-ic.. 54 D ·

54 CONTINUED: (3)

The Sheriff turns to

SHE IFF
You heard theman. Getyour ca dv-

f asses back to Sew rd County -- n~

76

1

keep 'em there. hishere's a man's county.

Mickey is spoiling formore but Tommy Meat dra him into the car. Tim and Pee 1eepile in er, and t ey drive off.

55

EXT. THE DEADBEAT -NIGHT

CAMERA PANS towhere Mickey is seated, surrounded by Tommy, PeeWee, Tim and Meat. They've been relating their story

C to Billy,his girlfriend GINNY, and a half-dozen familiar

faces. TOM1fY Hell, ~t's something you write off. They're bad mothers, I'll tell you that.

Suddenly.Mickey leaps to his feet, pounding his fist into his palm. There's a look of grim determination on his face.

MICKEY
I'm going back and get the mother- fucker.
BILLY
Mickey, are you crazy?
MEAT
When?
MICKEY
Right now!

And Mickey begins striding towardhis car, as t~e other guys grab him, try tohead him off, block his way, etc. But Mickey's a man possessed. It appears the only way to stop Mickey wouldbe for the guys to tackle him -- or for Meat to deck him.

-I- (CONTINUED)

,r---., 55 CONTINUED: .558 { i :--....../

Fortunately, ·ust asMickey reaches his car, Ted pulls up in the police cruiser. He umps out, grabbing Mickey by the arm. Mic ey suddenlyb comes calmer, allowing Ted to look into his eyes,check h out. It's clear Ted has a sway over Mic ey noneof hi peers possess.

TED
You don'tlook to terrif~c, little bro her.

MIC y 55D I'm okay.

TED
I u derstand ied to butt heads wit Porky.

MICK ssc I'd ve whipped his ass for the sheriff.

MEAT
Tha scumbag sheri sided wit Por y.
TIM
Bus Mickey's he

PEE E

TED
That 'scumbag sheri f 'isPork:,' s brat er.

There are seve~al simultaneou exhalatios of air.

ASSORED VOICES

Jeez s! Son-of-a-b tchl I do t beli ve Jt. No shi

TED · (toMickey) Now ust wherewere you headed?

MICKE
Back to Porky's.
TED
List1'n.Junior~ aftef you goo t ther and he beats yfur ass ag in, then~hat're ya gonn do?

w w

ss B SSD 55C S ---+---=--

55 CONTINUED: (

·-.

Go ck, back.

This .guy'sdan e's playi ' arou d now but he's goi g to get tire of you, t1en he's gonnahur you ad.

Mickey says no hing. Ted watcheshim a long beat.

T D
(continu'ng)
Am I gonna have totake you home myse f?

-MCKEY (beat). ht, I'llg home. onight!

Mickey heads f hispie p. Ted ooks afte him.

TED
(tohimself)
ned redneck.

Billy and hers come up to Ted.

TOMMY
I think he s really going back?
TED
Runs n the familv, I'm afraid. Hope e lives to grow out of it.

CAMERAMOVES IN on them. They look after Mickey.

s~

56

INT. G¥MNASIUM- DAY 50A

Coac Brackett stands i a doorway talking with issHoney- well Tormnyis by the b eachers talking, or rat er, seduing, Wendy. Miss B lbricker can be seen in theback- grou d, pacing, obviousl agitated to be in the resence of s much fecundity. W do not hear what is saldbetween eithr couple but the im act is clearly sexual. Finally, Miss Balbricker can st:an it no longer. Shemar hes,;.,, to M ss.Honeywell, ignor·ng Brackett.

ISS BALBRICKER
The girls areJaiting, Miss Honeywell

'V (CONTINUED)

_..,_______

56 CONTINUED: 5&8

Miss Honeywell smiles owingly at Balbricke She is not afraidof thisogre. She gives Brackett a cute little mock kiss and, smiling t Balbricker, she he ds off. Bal- bricker•isnot happy. he storms off. Coac Warren comes up bi:hindBrackett.

How's Lassie?

Brackett looks exasperated.

COACH BRACKETT

Lassie s fine. Still a virgin. B t fine. But you, on the other hand, are going to be dead if you don't tell me why you call her 'Lassie.'

Warren says nothing, but points upwardtowar the locker

room and gives that little low hounddoghowl. He walks off OUT OF CAMERA. Brackett stares afterWaren and finally

does a sarcastic little howl of hisown inW rren's direction.

-

57 INTERCUT & 58 It's near the nd of practice. Once again, the starting five are playi g against the firstfive off the bench. Tim is guarding Br an Schwartz,and Brian is once more getting 5n A around him, ou -faking him, scoringon him. Finally, in 1 frustration, trips Brianas he cuts past him to drive to the basket. It's an obvious,flagrant and dangerous ~oul, and Brian goes flyingout of bounds, falling into. the wall behind the basket. The only thing which stops him from being seriously hurt isthe presence of a large square of foam rubber paddingwhich is attached to the wall behind the backboard forjust suchsituations.

Now we're INTERCUTTINGbetween two situations. Coach Goode- nough haz seenwhat Tim has done. He whistles the practice to a halt and beginsto chew outrTim. At the same time. Billy,Tommy and Coaches Brackett and Warren have gone to attend toBrian.

~ 0, COACH GOODENOUGH ,.....0 (blowingwhistle, furious) Alright, time out! Cavanaugh, t off the floor.

Tim isin a confused state. He's still i a rage at Brian formaking him look bad, but he's·also acu elv embarrassed at having been caught taking such a cheap hot.

"1/

- - ......,;.;;__

,,-----, 57 CONTINUED: 5? \......) & 58 TIM

It ...itwas an accident, Coach.

Offthe floo-r-- now! i Tim lowershis head and trudges tow sidelines.

COACH GOODE OUGH
(continuing) · You're benched indefinite Cavanaugh. No one who pl that way plays for me ...

CAMERAEMPHASIZES Billy, Tommy and he assistant coaches helping Brian to his feet. He's sh ken up, and he has a mildly twi.stedankle, but essential y he's okay. Now, as Brian walks back onto the court...

CUT TO:
59

INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY

We see a basketball sneaker come hurtling into a locker. CAMERA PULLS BACK to see Tim, who angrily throws hisother shoe after the first. Behind Tim, in the background,we see Brian and.the others file in. Tim has obviouslybeen waiting for this mo~ent. He walks over to the guysand addresses them with false camaraderie.

TIM
Hey, any of you guyswant togo out and fly a kitewith me tonight. I think it's greatweather for kites. I wonder if there'sany kites around herewe could fly.

Brian decides he hashad enough. He walks directly over to Tim.

BRIAN
I Listen, Cavanaugh,·it s not kites -- it'skike. K-I-K-E, kike. You're too stupideven to be a good bigot.

Tim lungesat Brian, but Billy and Tommy grab h:irnandhold him off.

TIM
(spluttering with rage)
Get dressed. Behind the gym, Jew- boy. As soon as the coaches are gone.

59 CONTINUED:

BRIAH
(calmly)
If you want.
IMMEDIATE CUT TO:

0 C.

60

EXT. BEHIND THEGYM -DAY

We're already into thefight. throw a r undhouse right. Brianducks iteasily, s Tim with a flurry of stingingjabs. Tim continue wildly, a d Brian continues togive him a boxing tablishing total superiority. Finally, in frust ation, T' rushes a Brian and with hishands open, as i to grab an choke hr·. Brian deftly handles thismaneuver by grabbing Tim's hand and -- usinga basic karate move -- tossing him into the a rand ontohis ass. , ~OD

This·scene includesnumerous ACTION SHOTS of Tim and Brian'steammates. None oft ese boys know very much about Brianbut they're coming to a 1ire him, both for being able to handleTim, and for doing · in such a way as not to seriouslyinjure him. ' 0 E

After a moment on the ground, Tim staggers up\tomake anothercharge at Brian, but we see him sudde ly andun- expectedlygrabbed from behind by two street- lothes-clad arms which place him in a hammerlock. CAMERA reveals that it's Coach Brackett.

COACH BRACKETT
Alright, Tim -- that's enough. Knock it off. Enough.
TIM
(still angry, but knowing he's beaten)
Okay, okay. Lemme go.
COACH BRACKETT
It's over.
TIM
(to Brian)
Yeah, it's over.

Brian comes over toTim and extends his hand the gesture, turns andwalks away.

·'

- -- ---- .....

61

EXT. PARKINGLOT OF PORT AUBURNDALE HIGH - DAY

Billy,Tommyand Brian are walking toward theirrespective cars. Instead of walking off by himself, Brianhas allowed· Billyand Tormnyto draw him into conversation.

BILLY I
How'd you learn to fight li~e that?
BRIAN
(smiling)
Listen, if you're-~ewish, either you learn to fight or you take a * lot of shit. I don't like to take shit, so I studied Ju-jitsu.
TOMMY
That Japanese stuff?
BILLY
How often have you hadto use it?

BRIAN· Today was the first time.

\;;

TOMMY
Were you sure you'dremember how?
BRIAN
(grinning)
I was hoping.

They all laugh.

BILLY
Look ...uh ...Tim'sour buddy, but you gottaunderstand. He's go problems.
BRIAN
Inoticed.
TOMMY
All thatJewish stuff. We do 't buy that. Hell, Tim doesn't en know what the hell a Jew is, yway.
BRIAN
Hell ...me either... and I be one all my life.

They laugh.

(CONTINUE)

0 l B

61 CONTINUED:

It's easy fo~ake his problems out on au. You know, Tim thinks you'r puttinghim d wn. He's.not a bad g y.

BR AN
(after a ause)· blD He's a prick.
TOMMY
You're right. He isa prick.

Billy and Tonunylook after Brian.

BILLY
Schmuck!
TOMMY
What?
BILLY
Schmuck. He's a schmuck. Thats Jewish forprick, right?
BRIAN
(smiling)
Yeah, sortof.
TOMUY
Yeah,well, anyway even though He's a schmuck,and we don't like I everythinghe does he's still or buddy, ya know.

There isan understanding here.

BRIAN
. YeahI understand. Well, I got a go. See you guys.
BILLY
Yeah, see ya.

They watch Brian go.

62

INT. DEADHEAD'S - NIGHT

• We see Pee Wee, Tommyand an obviouslyvery drunk Meat standing beside a pay phone at theback of a very crowded Deadhead's. At the far end of therestaurant where the counter is sit Billy, Brian, Ginnyand Wendy.

Pee Wee starts to dial the pay phone. He is elated.

I

PEE WEE
I'm gonna get her! I'mgonna 3et her!

When Pee Wee finishes dialing,they look toward the far end of the restaurant as thePHONE beside the cash register begins to RING. TheWAITRESSwho appears to be very busy calls down to Wendy.

WAITRESS
Hey, Wendy,hon, would you get that forme?

As Wendy gets up toanswer the phone, the Waitress stops what she is doing towatch. Obviously she is in on the gag. Wendy picksup the phone. {f,J..fi

WENDY

62g Deadhead's!

Pee Wee speaks ina disguised voice.

/''. \~- PEE WEE ,_____._/

Hi, I'm looking for my friend. He's supposedto be there. Could yo· ask ifhe's there?

I'-

WENDY
Yeah, well, what's his name?

PEE WEE • His name is Mike Hunt. I l PeeWee pronounces "Mike Hunt" very carefμllyso ~hat the two·namesdo not run together. Wendy doe~n'tcat hon that a rather obscene interpretation can bemaae when ike Hunt ispronounced rapidly.

WENDY
A1right, wait a second!

; i

She's put the phone down and startswalking down he counter

i I yelling loudly. I II I WENDY I (continuing) i

Is Mike Hunt here?

I i l l Several people in the crowdedrestaurant begin to giggle

immediately. It's an old gagbut Wendy h~s been completely

_L taken in.

'1/

G2/s

62 CONTINUED: ( 2) -----r-.

' I.. WEHDY. (cotinuing) IsMike Hut here? 62-.D

Meat stumblesup to here Billy, Ginny :andBriaf a;e atthe end of the counter. They are all breaking up. ~eat yells out loudlyand very runkenly. I

MEAT II
Jesus Chri t, Wendy, if you dpn't know, I do 't know who does ...

The entirerestauran breaks up. Wendy still d esn'tget it. She ignoresMea

WENDY
Has anybodr seen Mike Hunt!

· MEAT Practically everybody in town from what IJea.

WENDY
Meat ...wh t the hell are...?
83

Q . ···•'

Then it hits her. Her face turns crimsd.n.The(crowd reaks intoapplause. Wendy turns to see PeeWee and Tormnyo the pay phone. Pee Wee is beside himselfw]th gleeJ_ Wend yells out. 62.,/; · i

84

I

WENl>Y _j__ l'J Jr,eLyHt, l'<.•t•Wet•.

PEEWEE
You should be so lucky ...

Wendy takes it in god humor. She walks back to put the phone down.

WENDY
Not bad! fotbad, Pee Wee ...you little priik...and I mean that literally. . 62 6 G2 H

She sits down amidt e laughter. Just at this m ment tw COPS walk in thedoof. They look at the applauding crow and particularly atpeat who is now seated an trying ·-·a clumsily to eat the~owl of chili which is in front of h The Cops are definit~lylooking. Brian leans over to Bi

I·i ;.:..:.~ 02....T ~ BRIAN

I What'sgot into Meat? I didn t thinkhe drank?

T. (CONTINUED)

I ✓

62-T

621-1 CONTINUED: (3)

BILLY
He doesn't. He got turned down by ,Princeton today.

BRI"AN Princeton? Meat doesn't have the grades forPrinceton. Besides, he'sgot scholarshipoff er.sfrom sixty colleges.

BILLY
Yeah, I know, but for some reason he got his heart set on Princeton.

At thismoment, Meat yells loudly.

MEAT
This shili tastes like chit!

Meaning, of course, "This chili tastes like hit," and with that, Meat's head· hitsthe counter with a lo thud. The Cops look up. They stand and start over inM at '.s direction. 62L

0 BILLY

Oh shit. Hey, Pee Wee. Getme some of those sugar cubes at the end of the counter. .

The two Cops arrive and look down atMeat.

FIRST COP
That kid been drinking?

Pee Wee runs INTO FRAME carrying the sugar. I

BILLY I
Oh no, sir, Officer...our friend '!s I a diabetic! _J_ Tommy picks up on it imrnedia.telyandjoinsin. H~ takes the sugar from PeeWee, speakingwith elaborate f9rmalit ' TOMMY t Thank you,Edward, for bringing Anthony some sugar.
(turningto Billy)
How many cubesof sugar does your cousinreouire when he's had too I J much insuiin? \ )
(CONTINUED) )'

-

~ J;

·-·- --. -

/~ , I./·. 62 CONTINUED: (4)

l BILLY Two cubes of 1sugar-usually Anthony aroujd.

Billytakes two cubes qf'sugar from P e Wee andinserts theminto Meat·'smou~h.j Meat drunken y spitst e sugar cubes intothe air and \theyland in a~ owlof sup being eatenby a burly truckfdriver ten fee away. A little bit of chili bean lands ri ht on the firs officer' nose.

Tommy lets go of Meat' head to go an~appease he truck

driver who is about to~aise hell. Aj Meat's ead pitches forward smack i~to his~bowl·of chili. Ev~ryone looks at ·; Meat. No one moves fo~ a longmoment. Finally the First Cop calmly wipes the ei;rantchilibea from his nose. These cops are very coql and not lacking inas nse of ~umor. ~he ~op tilts_q~s head and l9otsdown a Meat who is snorting .1.n thechil!,1.,outcold.

85

L FIRSTCOP

Gee, I never·tsawanybodydrown in a bowl of ch~li before.

l SECOND COP Me neither. ~ wouldn't even know how to fill 0iuttheforms on that. ~FIRST COP Yeah, you're~ight. It'd be a lotta hassle.~I guess we better save him. ; ~ ~SECOND COP Yeah,we bettrr.

He reaches overand lifts Meat's head from the c ili. Meat is a mess. I iSECOND COP (conti~uing) Gee,I'm not~ doctor, but I could swearthis youngster is inebriated.

l I I I

ITOMMY

I

Oh no, sir. μe's --

1FIRST COP

I

Well now, if ~ou all say he's a

l diabetic and ~e find out he's

drunk, we'd have to book the whole lot of you as;accessories!

/. I ,_,.;.;

i

-

··-------·-··--·

b1L CONTINUED: ( 5)

BI Y, TOMMY PEE WEE He's drunk! Def nitely!

PeeWee, as always, overpl ys it.

PE WEE
Son of a bitch des it all tirne!

Everybody looks at Pee Wee in disbeli PeeWee shrugs. Brian speaks up. G2N BRIAN (intervening as if a bystander) Officer, I couldn't help butnotic what's been happening here.

FIRST COP
Who 'reyou?
BRIAN
Just a bystander. BrianSchwartz' the name.

He extends his hand, and beforethey realize it, b th Cops have shaken it and are listeningto him as i he a tually were some impartial voice ofreason.

BRIAN
(continuing;pointing toMeat)
Now I overheardthis poor fellow saying he'dgotten drunk because his girlfriendhad broken up with him tonight. Tell me, gentlemen, wouldn'tyou be likely to toss down a few if,God forbid, the .woman youloved turned her back on you?
SECOND COP
If~ wife left me, I'd get drunk for Joyf

The two Cops laugh. The boys, on cue from B ian, ,oin in thelaughter.

FIRST COP
Alright, just get him out of here and take him home. -
(CONTINED)
\V

--.

------------ ---------

..72.

G'2P

62 CONTINUED: ( 6)

TOMMY
Thank you, Officer.
BILLY
Yes, thank you.

The two Cops wave and walk away. To y, Billy and F;eeWee turn to Brian.

TOMMY
You are a smoothmother, wartz!

Brian just grins self-consciously. T a e slapp ng him on the back, poundinghis hand. a d making general gestures of camaraderie. However, no sooner has the pol ce cruiser driven off, thanSteve Klinge hofer, on of the oys 11 1 from the Nympho in theEverglades' c per, comes running over

STEVE
(breathlessly)
Hey, youbetter come quick .. it's Mickey ...he'sbeat all to hit... in hiscar ...

The group rushes out.

•I•

63

EXT. PARKINGLOT OF DEADHEAD'S - NIGHT

As Steveand all the boys except Meat run INTO FRAHE, the

CAMERAEMPHASIZES Mickey. He s sitting behind thewheel ofhis car, facing toward them, the car door open. Al- thoughthere's blood all over his face, an eye swollen shut,perhaps a broken nose -- Mickey is grinning.

MICKEY b~fl bg ,g (barely coherent) The son of a bitch broke his ha

And so saying, Mickey collapses onto the teering eel unconscious.

BILLY
Pee Wee, go call Ted right away

Pee Wee nods and runs off. Billy turnst

i

63 fs 73.

63 CONTINUED:

BILLY
(continuing)
I hate to take imto the h spital but I gu·esswe' better.
MMY
(starti off)
I'll getmy car.

Mickey sits up abruptly.

CKEY
I'm not goingt the hospit 1, man. What•sth matter wit you guys?

He starts up his engine .

87

B LLY

Mickey, where y u going?

MCKEY
I'mgoing home, where ~o yo, think? Don't worry, ol buddy, I'vr learnedmy less n.

Mickeygrins crazily at t em through ~is blood-so~ked face. He peelsout and is gone. Billy stars after him .

88

BFLLY

We're gonna havr to babysit with him!

T?MMY That won't stopihim! I They look dejectedly after Mickey. F"

U.11'.GYM -DAY

We see Coach Brackett and Miss Honeywellhuddled ina corner, talking in obviously warm and sensual tones. Brackett keeps looking up the stairs toward the equipment room and then back to Miss Honeywell. We can't hear what they say but it is obvious that Bracketthas become des- perate enough to heed Warren's advice. But it is al~r clear that Miss Honeywell is beingplayful. So far sne demurs; coquettishly to be sure,but nonetheless it's no go. The tug of war continuesuntil we see Miss Balbricker ENTERFRAME and confront the two. We CUT CLOSER:

·- - (CONTINUED)

_I

---------------·---·

89

6 411 74.

6 CONTINUED:

ISS BALBRICKER
Miss Honeywel ... do you mind?
ISS HONEYWELL
· (sweetly) Do I mind wha ?·

ISS BALBRICKER

You know what m talkingabout. It's disgusti , the twoof you squirming abo. like a pairof eels in heat. You'rea disgrace. 415 64 C. {; D

We get a very surprisingreaction from the pe ite MiJs Honeywell. She's got qu·tea temper and obvi usly t kes

no merde" from anybody. Brackett is quite s unned y the force of her reaction.

ISS HONEYWELL
Yeah,well it eatsstompin' and. waddling aroun 1 ikea frigid hippopotann.is,eulah.

We could swearthat Miss Balbricker's heel~ c ick to ether as she drawsherself up

ISS BALBRICKER
What did 11 me?
ISS HONEYWELL
Beulah! Ball breaker!

1 I Balbrickeris apopleptic Brackett s jaw hangs tote floo .

ISS BALBRICKER
Who dp you k you're talking to?
90

ISS HONEYWELL

Well... if thefe was a hurdy gurdy playing, I'd s y I was talking to

the fat lady a the circus. But asJ it is, I guess I'm t~lking to a toni of bad news n ed Beulah. Beulah. l 1 Be~lah. f {

Miss Honeywell shoves he face right up toMi~s Balbricker's and says, "Beulah" as if she were a brayingdpnkey. r,1e effect is shocking, comifg from this seeming!'demure little woman. Brackett tries tf intercede.

toACH BRACKETT Uh... Lynn ... f..·Uh ...

\l/

7Y. 6l/-r.!_ (:) 6 64~

-~ '.,____.) 64 CONTINUED: (2)

MISS ONEYWE L
Butt out!

Balbricker draws he

t

MISS ALBRIC R
Moral tur itude!

MISS ONEYWE · What?

MISS ALBRIC R
Moraltur itude ! ead your contract. I' 11 ha you fi.ed formoral urpitud
MISS ONEYWEL
(i measured tones)
Take your oral turfitude ad stickit ere the un neve shines,Be la_h. . . }

By nowBalbricker is foaming ~t the m?uth. Sh~ turnsand stormsoff. Miss Ho eywell stares affer her,/just as furious. She looks· p the sttirs, lo,ks back to Brackett, -and thenback to Bal ricker. Her min ismade/up. She grabsBrackett b th hand an starts up the s~airs. She

-

J_

\ c9 TO:

--1- -·-

65

INT.LOCKER ROOM - DAY

6Sfl CAMERA PICKS UP Pee Wee e comes to joinTommy, Rilly, Brian and Meat as they are dressed forbasketball and track practice.

Did you see face?

Yeah, we saw it.

They all look up to see who is clearing out his locker about thirty feet away. 'sface is purplish and swollen on one side.

MEA
You really workedthe kid over, Schwartz.

- Brian looks at Tim in

--

76 ..

65 CONTINUED:

B IAN
I didn't do tha I hardly touched his face. Just 1 ittlejabs. Couldn't have d thatl

There is silence.

B IAN
(continu,ng)
I'm really sorr
B
You didn't do

Brian looks at them.

B
. ? Well, what hc1,pp h J.?n.
T
(relucta His old man.
B
His father? Yo be serious. Why?

Because he got · a fight with a Jew -- and lost.

Brian is stunned.

It'snot your man.

Brian looks at Tim. He i, obviously disturbed. He gets up and walks down towardCoad;hGoodenough's office. We cannot hear what is saidbut we Jave an idea.

66

INT. EQUIPMENT& LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY

CAMERAPANS along a row of assorted athletic uniforms and equipmentand rows of locker_swhere the boys keep their socks,jocks, T-shirts and other gear. We hear Coach Brackettand Miss Honeywell from O.S. Obviously a se~~ction is inprogress. CAMERA COMES to them. Miss Honeywell breaksthe clinch.

MISS HONEYWELL
Let's go further in. Somebody'll

- see us. o/

66 CONTINUED:

CAMERA FOLLOWS them as theymove past the lockers, back into the inner recess which iswhere the dirty laundry is piled as well as fresh socks/jocks,etc. for issue. The floor and tables are litteredwith worn athletic equipMent. The room is close and somewhatripe. Miss Honeywell stops and draws in a lungfulof air as if she were in the Alps.

MISS HONEYWELL /~ B (continuing) ~ Ah ... smellthat air!

Over her shoulderwe see Brackett react to this. The place doesn't smell thatgreat to him. It is o ious that Miss Honeywell isgetting turned on. She grab up a handful of T-shirts,jocks and socks and buries her ce in them. Her eyesare lighting up. She turns arou d to face Brackett

MISS HONEYWELL
(cont'inuing)
MJn,~m-nm™"'""'-n-u!Oh boy!Oh boy!

I Brackettcan t believe his eyes. The gir is obviously aflame. He hardly has time to brace hims lf as she-rushes achim and literally leaps on him, curlin~ her legsaround hiswaist and devouring his mouth with het1s, Herpassion isuncontained. Brackett gathers his witl:tandbegins to disrobe her, slipping her shorts and pant~es down inone

- smooth move. She struggles frantically t helphim with

his. They struggle, out of breath.

MISS HONEYWELL
(c·ontinuing)
Oh, it turns me on. It turnsm on. It always has. I don't kn w why.
COACH BRACKETT
(breathless)
Who cares?

Oh, hurry! Hurry! I COACHBRACKETT l Helpme! ·I

They manage to sliphis shortsdown and B4ackett tak~~ her standing up. Their frenzyis more.comic fhan salacious. They stumbleabout comically trying to stay upright and still keep the propermotion. Miss Honey{.rellisgetting carried away,her breathing is coming in ireat gulps. Brackett's face isburied in her neck. H~ pants.

-

t'{ CONTINUED)

--

78

·

66 CONTINUED: ( 2)

COACH B CKETT

- (continuing)

Lynn, Lynn! . . .lgott know... (breath) I gotta know... (breath) Why••• (breath) Why do they call you ... (breath) call you Lassie.

MISSHO~EYWELL (breathing fiefcely) I don ' tknowoowow.. . ·

And on the word "know" we andB ackett £ind o t exactly why Miss Honeywell is call~dLassie because int e grip of un- cont:rcllablepassion, 'MissHoneywell's"know" turns into a piercing wail or rather howl,_a~exact duplic tion of an old hound dog. It is immediate:j.yobvioustha*once started, Miss Honeywell canno-tpossibly$top. The howls come in steady waves, reverberatingoffjthe equipmentlroom wall and echoing throughout the entiregym. These howts are long and loud. Brackett's eyesfly ~pen and his had flies back to l~at her in shock. Buth~ doesn't stop pumping. I COACH BaACKETT What the hell! I

MISS HorEYWELL Howl! Howl! Howl!

COACH B CKETT
JesusChrist! Hold i~ down.

He slows down. · j

MISS HO EYWELL
Oh, don't stop! Howlt Howl! Howl
COACH BE.ACKETT
Holy shit l l

Bracketttries to put his hand Jver her mouthJto no avail. f_

67

INT. GYM- DAY ----

b

).. guy drives in ·............ The boysare havinf lay-up drills. As ea

for hislay-up, we see the mighty effort eing made to· keepfrom laughing. Coach Goodenough is probably the only personin the_gym who doesn't know what' going on.

' , (CONTINUED) '

67 CONTINUED:

He looks up and all around

CO CH GOODENO GH
What in t~e worl? •

Coach. Warren is rigfitat h s elbow an the pain of restrain- ing his laughter is!eviden on his fa e. Meanwhile, Miss Balbricker is turning abou eight sha es of red. Her girls are stifling giggles. She gives them a look that would wilt lettuce. ·The~ clam 1. The Ho· S ECHO throug~ the rafters.

68

INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - DAY

Brackett doesn't know whether to shit or go blind, as the. expression goes. He's in too deep to stop, forgive the pun. His own arousal makes the thought of stopping un- bearable, but on the other hand, Lynn's howls have reached a erescendo .

97

INT. GYM - DAY

Coach Warren has broken down. He can contain himself no longer. He walks to the canvas mat which is hung on the back wall behind the basket. He pulls the mat away from the wall and steps behind it and lets his laughter pour out.. Coach Goodenough is thoroughly suspicious now. The boys are breaking up openly, even as they continue the

98

FASTBREAK DRILL. WE CUT JUST AS MISS BALBRICKER WALKS UP

to Coach Goodenough.

70

INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - DAY

Brackett is maneuvering·_Lynn toward the laundry baskets. •Lynn is totally gone now. Her head thrown back emitting howl after·howl. Brackett makes a monumental effort to keep stroking and, at _the same time, bend over and grab a handful of laundry. He succeeds and abruptly shoves a ·handful of clean jocks and socks square into Miss Honey- well's mouth, cutting her off inmid-howl. She looks at him in surprise for a moment, then continues to emit her muffled cries. They resume their frantic lovemaking.

71

INT. GYM - DAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS Coach Goodenough as he walks deliberately over to the canvas mat and pulls it out from the wall. There is Coach Warren like some exposed bug.

71 CONTINUED:

He staresat Coach Goodenough, tears in his eyes, his body convulsedwith lau hter, but in truth, he could be crying. He hurriespast Co ch Goodenough, saying merely.. ·.

COACH WARREN
Gas! !I

He heads toward th john. We...·

cur TO:

72

MED. SHOT - BRACKETT

Now trying to look as inc nspicuous aspossible, Coach Brackett emerges from the door of theboys' lockerroom and walks across the gym o join his colleaguesand his players.

A silence "erupts." Ever one's eyesare on Coach Brackett. There's stifled laughte~. IfCoach Goodenough weren't present, cna should feel heremight have been applause. REACTION SHOTS of all con erned. Miss Balbricker has a laser-like glare inhere e thatwould sear off Brackett's scrotum.

Coach Brackett finally reches the side of the solemn..:as- stone Coach Goodenough. ,-:;i..A C CH BRAC~TT (feignin casualn ss) Sor~y I'm late,~oach Go denough. Case of theruns. Hurt ike hell, you probablyhead me al the way out here.

CO CH·GOOD NOUGH (glancingafter Warren) Must becatching

.. . CO CH'BRACfETT · (notunclestandinr) How's that ...?

CO CH GOODNOUGH
Ihope you haven t grownltoo attached to Port Auburnd le, Coach Bra~kett.

He turnshis back on Brackftt and his whistle. -~

-

72

CONTINUED.:

~ f·_.- ✓~ COACH G DENOUGH \..,_•' ntinuingJ

Alright. st-break

CAMERA PANS over to albricker. Steam is coming out of her ears. '

72B I.NT:LOCKE: ROOM -DAY·+16

Zheboys are coming in om practice. Pee Wee hurries to catchup with Tommy ad Billy.

Wait a minute. Listen to this. It'll drive yo crazy.

What now, Pee

EE WEE
No, really. ·F ·rst.youget a watermelon and two jelly onuts.

Theothers walk away ing Pee Wee standing there. ·

r--";; \...,,~-;'/ Forget it, Pee Wee.

OMMY
'I'mnot taking a shower with him.
EE WEE
Religious ics.

At this point we pick up Mickey coming in from track practice. He walks past Pee Wee and on to Billy and Tommy. They look after im.

ILLY
-:i"'r Hey, Mickey.. •e 'regoing on a beaver shoot, ,.l..__why don't you ome a1o·ng? i Micke grins.
MICKEY
Nah, I got things to do.
TOMMY
Hey, babe, you're not going back out there are you? You shouldn't lower yourself to brawl with that redneck riff raff.
MICKEY
Nah, they got some real back asses out there.

72 CONTINUED: -={-;lc_

Meat steps up.

MEAT '
Don' worry, Tup~erello's on the job. 'l:fh goes out there aqain, I'll work him ver. He'll think.Porky'shis mama when I finish with him.
MICKEY
I'd ave to be some kind of idiot to with those shitkickers.
BILLY
Att oy, Mick. PEE WEE They re going in. Let's go! The guys split Camera rnove·sinon Mickey. A strange little grin plays on his face.
73

IL~T:FROM ..THE.BOY'SITRAININGROOM, UNDERTHE GYM 'IO JUST

BEHIND.THE GIRLS' SHOWER ROOM - DAY

In silent Montage we see Billy, Pee Wee and Tommy pursue the same tortuous path to the girls' shower room aswas pursued by Billy, Pee Wee an'1l•iickeyinthe previous

- ~equence.

As contrasted with the previous occasions, we can hear the SOUND OF MANY GIRLS TALKING, GIGGLING, millingabout •

..

74

INT. JUST BEHINDTHE GIRLS' SHOWERROOM ANDTHE GIRLS'

SHOWER ROOM FROM THE BOYS' POV -DAY (INTERCUT)

TOMMY
Jesus Christ! It's themother lode.
BILLY
(whispering)
I've never seen somuch wool. You could knit a sweater.
TOMMY
(whispering)
This may be thelargest beaver shoot in thehistory of Florida.

-

74 CONTINUED:

Indeed, peering int the showe from Tonnny'sPOV, there is a veritable rainbow ofnubile oung girls sh wering, chat- ting, and being pla ful, as yo nggirls are qnt to do.

PEE WE.
Damn it!
CT TO:

75 PEE WEE'S POV

And we see why he is pertured. A y ng lad who is ver+ broad in the beam is shower·g right in fron of Pee Wees

peephole. The expanseis e fectivel1 blocki g Pee Wee s view of the gloryhole. We see only an ceca ional glimpse of a sweet young thingas t e girl's assive bottom obli- terates theview.

TO What's wrong?

PEE WEE
It's Blubber McNe 1. I ca 't see anything. Darnnit
BIL Y
Be quiet!

sc... PEE WEE l They're starting c leave! Shit!J I indeedsome of the girl are fin shing tlheir hewers leaving. Pee Wee scoot over an~ tries/to ho n inon y' sviewpoint. _l . I

'Hey,beat it,

PEE WEE
(loudly)
But I'm missing i
BI
Be quiet! And do come over here! I Pee Wee gives a plaintive Uittle cryand hurries· ack to his own nook. He peer$ thr.ough,and there,loomi g like a colossus, is Blubber McN~il's omnipresentrear nd. De- licious visions are seen fJeeting to theleft and right of the obstacle but they d more tofrustrate tha to

- gratify.

~ . (CONTINUED)·

75 CONTINUED:

Pee Wee twists thisway and that way, keening like an old Greek woman inmourning. Finally, in total frustration and quite loudly heblurts out:

105

·PEE WEE

God damn it[ Will you move it, LardAss!

Tommy and Billy snaptheir heads around like puppets and stare open-mouthedat Pee Wee. We...

CUT QUICKLY TO:

76 BLUBBERMcNEIL

who standsglued to the s ower £loo , her eyes wide, com- pletely spookedby the di embodied, ut very male voice, which seems to come from he ether. There are only about fourGIRLS left in the.sh er at th·s point; they all stop and look at the wall. Fi ally, Blub er McNeil moves out as fast as she can. The ther Girls start gigglingand covering themselves.

WENDY
Is that you, Turner?

GIRL *l Who's that? ·who'sback GIP.Lif:2 Horpy bastards! The Girls are not leaving, however. ey are amused and slightly titillated. Tommy jumps in with both fee He peaks.in a11_.9fficious-soundingvoice. TOMMY Don't be alarmed, girls. This is your Health Department. We're here to check out all unlicensed pussies If you haven't had yours checked in the last-·year;· pleasestepforward nd spreadyour legs. The girls are coveredwith towels by now. Thy laugh amo g themselves.

-·-------. GIRL_#1 ·who is that? I recognizethat voice~ Who is that? WENDY What areyou checking for?

- (CONTINUED)

-· --.

76 ONTINUED:

TOMllY Oh! Originality, neatness andh giene. WENDY° Tha IS Tommy a·lright. Hey, lis if ee Wee's with you, don't le loo .. He'll get confused. GIRL#3 You guys are going to get intr PEE WEE The 're hot! These broadsare h The want us to look. They're I'm telling ya! BILLY Wel , they aren't leaving! TOMMY Lets find out! w th that,To y kneelsdown and places h s face right u to the pee hole.

T TO:

77 HE OTHER SijEOF THE SHOWE

nd we seea scrangesight: A disembo ied tongul comes

ozing throu h thewall. I is a thor ughly rid,culous I ight. The irls squealan carry on. Tommy s ongue ithes ina. absurd, mock- ascivious ay. endy startscreeping forwa d.· Tommy peaks to lee Wee n a mutedf· shionwithout ithdrawing his tongue.

TO (sounding punchy bo Wh tare they doi

On of them for it.

TO No shit!

CUTT

78 fHE SHOWER ROOM

o see Wendy come up to ommy and po,ra hand:1.11o iquified shower soap right in themidie of Toi' s ongue.

-

(CONTINUED

'Y

/------., 78 C ',,l ····"

T e tonguewit draws. J:~ the~~ To:; !:spitting a cursing. ee Wee an1 Billy lau h like hell. Tommy s nds up.

}oMMY

i (contint1-ing)

I'll give her $Omething t play with j

h that, Toltakes h~ld of his enis and beginsforcing through the small opeming. Pee ee and B"llyare hyster- 1. We•••

CUT TO:

79 TH OTHER SIDE OF THE WAf TI

Wendy is hovering over the holeexpec ing the to gue to come out againi Instead, Tommy's1 ·p member po~s through like Punch of Punchan Judy. endy's ja drops and she runs bj'ckto theother girls squealing an laughing. - l

toMMY Here Chickee,Chickee, Ch ckee, good Chickee! !GoodChickfe. Here,

-

Chickee! /

tbNDY Hey, wait a mi??,ute•..Iknow thatguy Th girls nearly fall do'6 laughing] TOirjillY,ofcourse,isflush against the wall an cannot se~ what is happening. Be must depend on Pee ee and BU,ly. Suddenly, the Gifls go cor11p·ateJ.ysilet.Tommy loo sat Pee Wee.

OMMY
What is it? Wat's going on? We•••. CUT TO:

80 THE SHOWERROOM

and we hear the familiar "KONG" THEME. The Gi ls are. silent, looking outside the shower room. Then in walks Miss Balbricker. The Girls immediately don sefious i~~es and scurry off. Miss Balbricker looks suspici?usly around the room. Her eyes go wide. We ZOOM TO what ihe sees: Tommy's limp penis hanging ridiculously out of the wall. Miss Balbricker's eyes light up like a slot m:r:ine.

(CrINUED)

o. 1Q.Pi_ ~- 10B 1~·c_

80 CONTINUED: I . T T

She hunches hers oulders 'ndsticks/her hands/out i~!front

-.

of her, looking fr all th world lire some mo ster in a Grade z horror mo ie. She creeps on tiptoes a ross tr··e shower room towar Tonmy'shelpless ember. W

f crrrTO: .

INSIDE THEWALL a IA 1

PEE WEE
(tarting to warn ommy). Oh shit! Hey, Torrnny... I I Billy signalsfran ically for him t shut up. I J I TO:MMY ' What ...? What's going on.
BILLY
Hold st· 1, man. She's c9rningfor it.
TOMMY.
She is ...?
PEE WEE
( a tc hingon)
Oh, yea~. She's droolin' man.

I

106

L BILLY JF

j Hold on,lshe's almost got it. I 1' TOMMY I Are you jidding? i ;

At this point, Mi9s Balbricker, havfngcrbsseB to thJ shower stall, realhes out and grabs;T01mnyrSp:enis,f~ercely holding onto it w'th a viselikegrir. j; I

MISS ·BALBRICKER I · I've go you now,Tommy Tfrner.I I /' know it'·syou, you filth~littlk

pervert -- you freak,yo9 dirty/ I little egenerate... ,I /

Tommy cries out itjpain andsurprise, but]he !darenot say a word; lest thatjgive,MissBalbrilker thF eVidence to support her prese9t surmise. '¥' I :

I . . .( ONTINUED)

\J/ . . '¥

~,A. i'16 iob ~\c... T~ 1 a?·.

81 CONTINUED: *

In the interim, asTommyJis tryi g to wri gle fretj,,Billy Mac and PeeWe have tak n off, onvulsed with la~ghter. Tommy's face i blue. H tugs w th great pain. liss Bal- bricker tugs b ckand pu ls Tamm flush ur agains the wall. Tommypulls, g nt'ing,B lbricke pulls, runting The silent tug of~r goes o until inally T rmny'ss apy penis slipsout of :r·s Balbri ker's ion grip, sending her tumblingon he butt and onnny1 kewise, nd the 4hase ison. I _J_ I _J_

~2 . INT.UNDER THE GYM, FROM BEHINDTHE GlRLsf•SHOWERROOM.TO

THE TRAININGROOM,THE BACKTO THE BOYS' ~OCKER ROOM -DAY

AND I
I
83

INT.ON THE MAINFLOOR OF THE GYM, FROM TLE GIRLS'

0~.JOYS' LO $.ERROOM - DAY (INTEkCUT)

To.y, in a ~ind pa ic, pulls up his pan~s,and ret1races th path y which he came as fast as he possiblyca.

Miss Balbricker begins by running along tfewall inthe ' showerroom, hollering as she does so.

MISS BALBRICKER

I know it s you. I'd recognizeiyou anywhere. You can't escape from· me. I got you now. i

And she ru11ssmack into the wall, knockin~herself o to her ~rear end and bloodying her head. Tommy Pl-cksup pre ious

°'b-3.l)secondsasadazedMiss Balbrickerregains her equil·br ium.

Tommy makes it up into the training room and.through into the boy's locker room before Miss Balbricker manages to cross the gym floor and starts up the stairs to the boy's locker room. Goodenough, Brackett and Warren are coming ·?,Ownthestairs. balbricker-runs right over·to them.--~-;

---'-=weseeTommy runningpast the track and field boys;

then past the football players; and then past his own basketball collegues; past Btlly and Pee Wee, whom he curses roundly as he.runs byi and into the furthest end of the shower room. Now, hot on hisheels, comes Miss Balbricker, such fire in her eye that she'sunaware of the naked boys to her left and right. Shepasses the naked track and field men; ~he pass~s thenaked football players (Coaches Brackett, w~cren and Goodenoughpop their heads out of their offices and stare inabsolute disbelief). And now she's into the bas- ketballlocker room. Miss Balbricker reaches the basketball showerroom -- and slips on the soapy water which is all over thefloor.

83 CONTINUED:

Landing on her rear, sheplows through eight or ten guys, knocking half of them over,until she comes to a stop in front of Tommy, who is latheringhimself up.

As Miss Balbricker glaresup ~t Tommy from her prone position on the soapyfloor, Tommy smiles beatifically.

TOMMY
Why MissBalbricker, good of you ~o drop in.
84

INT. ADMNISTRATIVEOFFICE OUTSIDEPRINCIPAL S OFFICE -

CLOSEUP FAN EYEBALL - DAY

And we son realize the eyeball is looking through the keyhole o theprincipal's office.

&~

85

INT.PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - KEYHOLE POV - DAY

(He'llbegin the scene with the keyhole POV, then./CUTTO anormal filming of the scene.)

Miss Balbricker, Coach Goodenough, Coach BrackettjandCoach Warren sit facing the principal, a kind-faced conservative- demeanored man of about fifty named MR. CARTER. .f\s the scene begins, Miss Balbricker is making an impassl'"onedplea:

MISS BALBRICKER
... and I think it's the only way , we're going to find that boy ...

86 REACTION SHOTS

Mr. Carter and Coach Goodenough are incredulous.lCoach Brackett and Coach Warren are fighting to keep fr.om laughing.

87 BACK TO SCENE

MR. CARTER
-Miss Balb icker,you're not really suggestin thatI ask ...
I MISS BALBRICKER
That peniihad a mole on it. I'd recognizJhat penis anywhere.

-

"'.-...

Br 89.

87 CONTINUED: T

CoachesBrackett and ~arren are biting their lipsuntil theybleed, faking sn~ezes, coughing --anything soas not tobetray their laugh[.er.

· MISS BALBRICKER · (con inuing) ; Despite the juvenile snickersof some, this ~s a seriousmatter. This ...thi~... seducer and despoiler m~st be stopped. He is extremel• dangerous, and,Mr. Carter, I'm certain everyonein this room khows who that is. He's a contemptirle littlepervert who's been ...

MR. CARTER
Miss BalbriFker! ·

'MISSBALBRICKER Well, I'm s rry,lbutI've got him now and I'mnot going to let him slip througpmy fingers again. 8111 87t5 I

110

I

At this faux pas, evehCoach Goodenough has to bile his 'ipto suppressa guffaw. j

J MISS BALBRICKER
(co~tinuing;frantic) I J Now all I'm:asking is that you j give me fiv;eboys for a few ,. . minutes. The coaches can be I present, T'.omnyTurnerand any four boys 1iousee fit to choose. I And we ...and we ...can stop I this menacd. And it is a menace~ I 1 l I I MR. CARTER I Five boys in the nude! A police I j. f lineup so Yioucan identify his ... j .t his ...tal~ywacker... i I I r· Carter looks at Jhe coaches. I I I I MR. CARTER I

(c011tinu ing) ;i Can we calL it -- tallywacker... ; p-p-p-penis'is so ...uh ...personal.

111

L MISS BALBRICKER .

(qu~te carried away) I We can put ~oods over theirheads

- to avoid embarrassment.

(HORE) I

112

JI (CONTINUED)---

-V

(-.....,, 87 CO INUED: (2) , ·......./

MISS BALBRICKER (CONT'D)
Listen...we have to do it, as distasteful sit is. I know it's him and ...ad that... tallywacker had a-mole. That mole is the key to it ...

By his time, evenMr. Carter is beginning to era k.

· MR. CARTER j Miss Balbricker, I'm sure you can JJ recognize th~ difficulty of such a request. ~'d like to apprehend this young mfinmyself, but imagine I what the Boatd of Education would jj say if you w,eregranted a ...a ... lineup of na~ed young men to examine their ...pri.i\Tatepartsforan j incriminating/-mole... . J

· MISS BALBRICKER I I But Mr. Car1er! !I f ·

Bra~kett can restrain ~imself no longer..Everyt!iknghe sayf in the following ~aragraph is brokenup bycpnvulsive butl-silentlaughter. /AShe progresses, he canbarely get the words out. !!I I

COACHBRACKETT
I have a wa1,•outof this,Mr. j. Carter... 1 f-.
(laughter) / We••• we ca~l the policeand we I have them send over oneof their j sket\:harti,ts.. . J 1 (laughter) J ! And Miss Balbrickercan give a . d~scription}.. J I

Wa en and Goodenough/haveturned their backs in[laughter. Mr. Carter is now bustinga gut to keep from laughing.

Br kett is sinking liOwe::::~:;:E: his chairj

(coninuing) I J ... and(!!u,~~e~)tup... . ...wanted osters... all over ,I · school. ;

I

Brackett isbarely coherent by now. Tears are cJming to Mr.JCarter's eyes. ! ~ -

Ji. y (CONtNUED)

7-

114

I COACH BRACKETT

(co tinuing) Have you s1en this prick... Report immediate! to Beulah Balbricker

115

•._DONOT ATTEMPT TO APPREHEND

this prick... as 'itis armed and dangerousl --I-

CUT TO:
88

EXT: CORRIDOR - DAY

Close-up of a larqe wanted poster * hand drawn, but ·wellrendered. It depictsa large penis with an arrow pointing to the telltalemole with the word "mole" written beside the arrow. The following caption punctuates the poster:

HAVE YOU SEl;:N THISPECKER! ! !

DO NOT, UNDER ANYCIRCUMSTANCES, ATTEMPT TO APPREHENDTHIS PECKER. BUT REPORT IMMEDIATELYTO BEULAH

,.,,.-._. BALBRICKER. \j ...,.,_...,,...- ALIAS: MONSIEUR LA COCK...THE

TALLYWACKER.

LAST SEEN HANGINGOUT IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM AT PORTAUBURNDALE HIGH.

REMEMBER: THIS PECKERIS ARMED ANDDANGEROUS.

CAMERA PULLS BACKto seeMiss Balbricker as she angrily rips it down. As shewalks on, we hear a voice call out very high-pitchedand softly.

STUDENT'SVOICE
Pecker-checker.

Miss Balbrickerwheels about and stares furiously at the students. Then, from another part of the corridor.

117

ANOTHER STUDENT'S VOICE

Pecker-checker.

She wheelsthe other way. Everyone is innocent. The word isrepeated by five or six more voices, growing louder eachtime. Finally, every student in the corridor is say- ing it,saying it more loudly and more insistently, so that MissBalbricker must walk through a veritable chorus o·f high-pitchedvoices calling:

l (CONTINUED)

··-

88 CONTINUED:

STUDENTS' VOICES
Pecker-checker... pecker-checker... PECKER-CHECKER... ECKER-CHECKER!!!
118

INT. LOCKERROOM - DAY GQ FF

Tim stepsout of Coach Goode1o~gh's office. He stands therea moment thinking. He looks toward the loc_kerroom wherethe guys are dressing. He is thoughtful. Final_ly, he headstoward the guys.

119

I

Everyoneis hushed as Tim cociestoward them. He opens hislocker, takes out his gedr and starts toundress. I .

BILLi Coach gonna let yo~ play tonight?

· TIM !. Yeah, I been re-instated. - l Tim doesn't look up at anyon~ but the othersall look at Brian. They know he has int~rceded forTim. Tim knows it also, but he doesn't want;to face theimplications as yet. I

120

!

TOMMY That's great,Ti~-l

-

Yeah, that's

PEE E
I'll say! Us litt~eguys need our enforcer. I

Everyone continuesdressing ~n silence. Brian gets up and heads up to the court. CAMERA MOVES IN on Tim as he l_ooks after Brian. He is confuse:L

CUT TO:
90

EXT. PATIO - NIGHT

We hear the strainsof Eddie Fisher's version of "ANYTIME." CAMERA PULLSBACK to discover that we are in the middle of an after-game dance. Billy is dancing with Ginny. 1,,r.:...Jiy and Wendy danceby.

, TOMMY Where's Mickey?

-· (CONTINUED)

---

90_ CONTINUED: __,I

BILLY
Meat's with-him.
TOMMY
Nope.

Tommy indicates the other sideof the patio where Meat stands talking with PeeWee and Tim. Meat sees them look- ·inghis way and throwsup his hands in frustration. He yells across the patio: qo/J

MEAT
He gaveme the slip!
T
BILLY Damn!
TOMMY
Should wego.out there?
BILLY
It's toolat~ now~ I Tommy acknowledges thetruth of this,1 Suddenly their at- tention is caughtby a COMMOTION O.SJ1 Tommy and Billy look at one anotherwith concern, then SP~IT FRAME toward th€ disturbance. CAMERAZOOMS PAST themjto Tim who looks shocked. _j__
CUT TO:

91 ANGLE

We seewhy Tim is cone erned. Tim's fat herand Brian are. squaredoff. Tim's father has obviously been taunting · Brian.The girl who is with Cavanaugh senior tries to pullhim away. He shrugs her off and continues tobait Brian. The sight of this 33-year-old thug abusing an 18-year-oldhigh school kid is sickening. Cavanaugh is a sick man. He is singing an old anti-semitic ditty.

CAVANAUGH
(singing)
Louie, Hymie, Abie, Sam, We're the boys who eat no ham.

Brian is frightened and it shows, buthe won't back aown.

I l

BRIAN

I You get a kick out of thiskind I

of thing, do you?

l (CONTINUED)

J'

__.,-- - -

91 CONTINUED:

CAVANAUGH
Oh, yougot a big Jew mouth as wellas a big Jew nose! You're a bigman as •longas you 'rekicking thehell outta kids with that sneakyJap stuff. Why don't you try that on me -- Jew-boy?

That'smore than Brian can stand. He moves towardCavanaugh. SuddenlyTim steps INTO FRAME between his fatherand Brian.

TIM
Get out of here!

Tim'sfather stops short a~d stares at the boy.

CAVANAUGH
If you weren't such a whining snot- nose I wouldn't have to be here -- get out of the way.
TIM
• Nol

I I

Cavanaugh's tone is chilling.

I

~ CAVANAUGH

I

Who you talking to, boy.

TIM
(measured)
Trash, pure trash.

CAVAI-~AUGH · (witha sneer) Is that anyway to talk to your pa!

TIM

f l (veryfirmly) t I wishyou hadn't said that. It's l l humiliatingto have anybody know 9./f}

you'remy father.

f_

Tim's father explodesand slaps Tim viciously ac oss the face. Tim doesn'tflinch. He just takes a deep breath, pauses fora second. The crowd is stunned. q (f3 TIM (continuing) Be sure you're finished! 'Cause this is the last time you'll ever lay a hand on me!

-

91 CONTINUED.: ( 2)

CfIC.. Tim's father goes insne. He slaps Tim with both hands as hard and fast as hec n swing. Tim doesn't even attempt to cover up. Finallyhi father stops and grabs Tim by the throat with one hand.pushing him a ainsr the wa)l. Bloon trickles from Tim'sn se. A teache tries to intrudeT Cavanaugh throws the an to the gro nd and turns back t Tim. 9(£ ... CAVANAUGH 9 l- 01 G Got any more smart talk? r- 7

Sudde ly,a largehand reaches out and grab his ann and whirl him around. CAMERAPULLS BACK to se that th hand belon s toTed Jarvis. Ted sends a crushin right o oss smashng straight into Cavanaugh's face. C vanaugh prawls flat n his back, semi-conscious. Tim's fa her is n t a cowar by any means and would probably kill Ted if h could buti was a devastating right hand. Ti.m'sfather sumbles unste dily to his feet. Ted steps forward.

TED
Alright, Cavanaugh. I thinkwe c n get you one to three for felonio assult. Meanwhile, I'll beglad o finish this strictly off therecord.
TIM
No!

Everyone turns to look at Tim.

TIM l' (continuing) Let him go. I'm not afraidof h" .

I'm never going back.

He addresses his father.

TIM I
(continuing) i Don't you evercome near me agairi! If you do, I'llkill you. j

Tim's father grins atTim. q1r l I

CAVANAUGH
I'llmake a man outta you et. I I I Tim stares at him. i l TIM l If beinga·man means being!like I l

- you, I'd rather be queer. I •

i l (CONTINUED) } L _1_

lT 96.

91 CONTINUED: (3)

This is a tremendous aff~ ont.Tim's father starts toward

Tim. •Coach Brackett ste~s forward,as do Tommy, Billy and· the rest, including Bria •

122

F OACHBRACKEIT

I'm going to h veyou put under a peace bond,Mr. Cavanaugh. If you come near this oy again, I'll have you arrested.

RIAN
Besides,you'l~ have to go through all ofus to gjt to him.

Tim's father throwsTed' . armoff savagely and ba~ks away. He looks atTed. j

qAVANAUGH I '11beseeingi:u, again. '1//.(

I'll be lookin, forward to it, Slime. .

\___)

Cavanaughturns and walk~ off. Everyone gathe s around Tim. -

- COACH BRACKETT

You alright, Tim?

TIM
Yeah, I'm fine.
BILLY
You can stay with me or Tormnyas long as you need to.

Tim looks at them; he is self-conscious. It i an awkward moment, heavy with emotion. ·coach Brackettbr aks it up. in typical fashion.

COACH BRACKETT
Okay·,boys. If you 'regonnakiss each other, let's get itover with, otherwise, let's get on withthe dance.

Everybody laughs and loosensup. They pat Tim on t!,Pback. They are a united group of youngmen. Ted taf s Tommy aside:

TED
Have you seenMickey?

- (CONTINUED)

J;

97 ,•

91 CONTINUED: ( 4)

TOMMY
No, he got away from Meat. He must

At thatmoment we hear a MURMUR FROM THE CROW ' . t

CUTTO:

q2 3 92 ANGLE- THE CROWD ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

parts as someone we cannot see surges through. Finally, the crowd parts and we see

93 AN.GLE

A shockingly beaten and batteredMickey Jarvis. He·'s holding tenaciously to something inhis hand, but he's only semi-conscious, only remotelyaware of where he is. A hush falls over the crowd asMickey stumblesout into the middle of the patio..

MICKEY
I knocked the fucker'stooth out ...

And so saying, Mickey topplesforward, pitching face-down

__ onto the floor. · - q 4-

Ted is at his side almost immediatey. He bends over his brother as our princ.ipalsandthe o hers crowd around.

TED
Mickey, it'sTed. Can yo hear me?
MICKEY
(babbling,incoher nt)
... shouldsee how he loo s, man ... got his tooth,Ted ...fuc ed him up good ...

94 BRACKETT

makes hisway to Mickey. He conduc s a quick examination, then turnsto Ted with a look of gr at concern on his face.

COACH BRAC IT
I think he's got broken r bs, maybe a collapsed lung. Better get an ambulance right away.

-

......--...,__- ---

95

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Mickey is being placed in the ambulace. Billy, Brian and all the guys are there with Tedand oach Brackett. Ted closes the ambulance door and theam ulance pulls off.

Ted stares after the ambulancefor a lonP,moment. Then he turns to the guys. •

TED
I 'llsee youguys ...
BILLY
Just you?
TED
No, halfa dozen guys from the forceare going out.
TOMMY
We're going too.
TED
No, you're not. It's bad nough forus going out of jurisd~ction without adding a charge ofl contributing to the delinqμency of a minor. I
PEE WEE
But we ...
TED
No hut's, Pee Wee. J couI n't ·

i

allow one of ·you guysto:t,._hurt.

-L

Briansteps forward. q 5 (3

Nobody has to

They al1 look at Brian.

D What d'ya mean, Brian?

IAN
Nobody has tog t hurt and your careers don't rve to be jeopardized. I

They all look at each oth r.

T D
Alright. Itm fr that. What'd ya got in mind?

·95 CONTINUED:

BRIAN

·- It doesn't haveto be

tonight, right?

TED
No, it doesn'thave to e done tonight.
BRIAN
Good. Let me talk to okay?
TED
Okay. sD I ·Ted'andBrianwalk over to Ted's ar and convelfse. We cannot hear them. The guys watch them, ackett speafs, ._.:.--- - - COACH BRACKETT Count me in.

They allturn to look at Brackett.

TOMMY

r··, You could get fired, Coach. \.,..).

COACH BRACKETT

- Are you kidding? I'm long gone

after this semester anyway. And don't call me Coach anymore. I'm only 23, for Christ sakes. Call me Roy.

ltheyall look at Brackett in disbelief. Brackett points ro a scar on his forehead.

l COACH BRACKETT I (continuing) You see that? Porky gaveme that I six years ago. I've always wanted I a shot at that mother. I'd like to feed him his nuts for lunch.

verybody applauds and yells approval. At this moment Ted nd Brian come back to the group.

TED
Alright, Brianmay have something! We'll allmeet tomorrowat his house at 4 o'clock.

......___

qsD I

95 CON INUED: ( 2)

Ted starts to leave.

BILLY
Heywait a minute. What do you want.us todo?
TED
Just sittight. We'll have it all worked out when we meet tomorrow.

Ted eaves.

BRIAN
Okay. See you tomorrow.

Bria turnsand walks off.

BILLY
Hey ••.•whereare you going?
BRIAN
(over his shoulder)
... to do some reconnaissance.

They all stare after him, commenting onhis arcane behavior. CAME PANS over to Tim who looks intentlyafter Brian. Fina ly, he starts OUT OF FRAME.

· CUT TO:

96 BRIAN

getting into his car, a late modelThunderbird. Ti.!i•ENTERS FRAMEand walks up to Brian's car andopens the door and sits down on the passenger side. Brian looks at him.

TIM
· Ifwe 'regoing to Porky's,do me a favor and don't tell 'em your name is Schwartz. Those guys are prejudiced out there!

Brian smiles.

BRIAN· Good thinking! How about ...Paddyt O'Connor,Aloysius, O'Brien...

TIM

I (pausesreflectively) I Nahl Too Jewish. Let's not take - 1 any chances. ~-

96 CONTINUED:

Tim looks at Brian. It's a nice moment.

BRIAN
Alright.how 'bout...

The ROAROF THE CAR drowns them out. 9 7 L.~ f-fo~'r;e "PA/\JTI)

7

INT. BRIAN'SHOUSE - DAY

7ft 6t~Es-r rlov<:€ I CAMERA HOLDSon a blueprint o a building. It is Porky's. CAMERA PA.1':l'SALONGthewallancomes to·a schematic view of Porky's. As CAMERA CONTINES TO PAN, it takes in variousroad maps, waterway carts, photographs of Porky's, as well as theSheriff's head uarters, etc. Finally, CAMERA PULLS BACKto take in he whole room. It is ob- viouslyan artist~s loft or d aftsman's roam with skylights andmany workbenches and engi eer easels. It has been convertedinto a "war.room" fr the war on Porky. O.S. we hear Tonn:ny's voice. -.::-I '1{ [5

TOMMY (O.S.)
What is this?

CAMERA PULLS BACKto see all the guys: Tommy, Billy,Pee Wee, Meat, Tim, Ted and Brackett... and finall ,Brian.

BRIAN· This, gentlemen, is the war room. It used to be my dad's drafting studio -- but now it's the war room!

TED
Hell, I'm impressed!
MEAT
How did yaget all this stuff?
BRIAN
Tim and Idid a little homework lastnight and today at the Marsh Countycourthouse. And Ted pulled a few strings. I

Brian indicatesTed.

BRIAN
(continuing) I I' Alright, General, what's the plan·?

'TED

..:.:,..

Simple enough. I (COEINUED)

97 CONTINUED:

He takes up a military-type poin erand points to the photos

of Porky's and the Sheriff's hea quarters.

TED
(continuing)
These are the objectiv Porky's and the Sheriff's headqarters.
PEEWEE
Yeah, and what'sour ob"ective?
TED
Our objective is ...we'e going to give him a night to emember.

Everybody looks atTed blankly. inally Tommy breaks the silence.

·TOMMY What doesthat mean?

TIM
Gather 'roundand witne~s genius

\'..) atwork. I

TED
Well, we'll operate as hree squads, our hardware will consi t of two landcraft and two water raft. Our activities must be sync ronized perfectly ...

And we PAN DOWNto the model of and ...

DISSOLVE TO:

INTOA NONVERBAL MONTAGE, ORCHESTRATED WITH SOUND EFFECTS ANDTHE MUSICFROM PORKY'SBAND. t'

98

EXT. ALL AROUND THE EXTERIOR OF PORKY'S - NIGHT

t.

~:Cam~r~'islooking into thewater beneath Porky Is. We see a figure swimming beneaththe surface. Suddenly the figurebreaks the surface. It is Brian. Brian is·towing a cable. He hands the cable up toward a

126

FIGURE,.WHO IS STRADDLINGTHE PILINGS THAT HOJ.DUP

-Porky's. The figureis Bracke-tt--and-h-e-i-s-straddling--~ thepilings with a telephone lineman's rig, and applyinga gas powered saw to the pilings. Brian

- (CONTINUED)

102A

98 CONTINUED: ----

hands the cable up to Brackett and Brackett wraps the cable around the piling and hooks it. Camera zooms past Brackett to the frontside of the bar where we see Tommy and Billy performing a similiar duty with a saw on the front pilings.

CUT TO:

98A C.U. TOMMY & BILL¥:

We see that Billy is astride the pole and Tommy is supporting him •.The water·is only waist deep. Suddenly, we see Meat lean over from the shore and whistle sharply. Billy slides down the pole and out of sight. The saw is secured to the piling and hangs safely.

98B C.U. MEA~:

We see Meat straighten up and walk toward a truck where Pee Wee leans drinking a beer. In the B.G. behind Meat, we see the reason forMeat's warning. A group of drunken Rednecks reek outof Porky's on theway to theircar.

\".--,) 1 NIGHT: ac EXT: BOAT - PORKY S

We see Brianpull himself up into theboat and tighten thewrench. The cable draws tight andwe can see, of course,that it is attached to Porky's pilings about thirtyyards away. Brackett isnow working onanother pole.

8D C.U.TOMMY &BILLY:

They pop up formbeneath the water. The drunken party is gone. Billy resumes his.work.

I

q°lf/00

99

AROUND SHERIFF WALLACE'S OFFICE - NIGHT

CAMERAE TABLISHES a sign.identifying a panel T-frarne

structure as Sheriff Wallace soffice. Like his brother's club, Sh riff Wallace'soffice backs uu to the EvP.rgJades canal.

CAMERA ~ NS DOWNTO •..

t

100 THE SHE FF'S PARKINGLOT

Two ecruisers are parked out front. From within comes t SOUND of Sheriff Wallace and his deputies playing !POKERand the BLAREOF COUNTRY MUSIC over a RADIO. I /DOA Jt-~~f.l::r

101 ANGLE j /0/ /!"!IA I

Under co~er of arkness;: see Tim tinkering with each of I the carsl,thoug we can't ell what he s doing. Wben_he's finished',Tim s arts runni through the bush from Sheriff Wallace's to Po ky's, a di tance of just a half mile.-

ANGLE

102 /02

We see Billy and Tommy connecting the i7>~esthey've tied to the pilings to the trailer hitches o~/two pickup trucks through theuse ofgrappling hooks.

·,

103

EXT. ALL AROUND THE EXTERIOR OF PORKY'S - NIGHT

We see Pee Wee and Meat at work under the "entrance" and "exit" bridges which traverse the canal in front of Porky's

r- complex.

C.U. T?MMY & BILLY:

TOMMY
Got to relieve Coach ..•Roy--

-

_ljS - :G::e Meat and Pee Wee finish their work at the bridges.

-J.r--. ANGLE

129

T WE SEE TOMMY WADE 1·NTOTHE LAKE AND SWIM QUIETLY OUT TO

the power boat Brackett ismanning. He climbs in.

COACH BRACKETT

1 ::::y~:::c::i;~;::: team.

106 CONTINUED:

COACH BRACKE'.rT Itwas like being a ranger again, even if just for a few hours. Good luck, kiddo. I'll have everything ready at the county line.

TOMMY
(clenching h1s fist)
Get readyifor Jarv~s•s revenge.

·BrackettSmiles and salutes, then slips overboard and swims toward shore.

ANGLE

We see Tim break through the bushes into the parking lot. He joins Billy, Pee Wee and Meat. Now, their task is completed.

107 ANGLE

I We see Brae ett rrive on shore,signal to Billy s group that every hing•s· set out on the water, then continue across he parking lot, across the "exit" bridge, and on t where-his car is parked. He drives off.

108 ANGLE

CAMERAEMPHASIZE Billy's group. Billy walks up and pulls the truck' power horn.

109 ANGLE

CAMERA EMPHASIZES Tommy and Brian in their side-by-side power boats. They hear the signal.

BRIAN
There it is.

Brian trumpets a return birdcall signal, also once.

110 ANGLE

CAMERA EMPHASIZES Billy's group off to the sides. Billy has heard the return signal •

130

BILLY

They're ready.

PEE WEE
What do we do now?

f BILLY

Wait.

They pile into the truck.

1 DISSOLVE TO:

- ....

DISSOLVE TO:

llI

111

EXT. PORKY'S - THE PARKING LOT AND ENVIRONS - NIGHT

Some ime has passed. The parking lot is nearly empty. The B D can be heard playing its final set, concluding with ~ number like "Good Night, Ladies" or some other famou~ and recognizable "signoff" song.- The few remaining custo ers drift out to their cars and drive off. ·

Billy surveys the scene. Satisfied1 he makes the birdcall signa twice.

112

EXT. UT ON THE ANAL- NIGHT

Brian and Tommy ear the signal.

BRIAN
J Okay. Start your engine.

T~ey ~tar~ thee gines and Brian returns the birdcall

113

LOT AND ENVIRONS - NIGHT

- CAME EMPHASIZESBilly, Tim, Meat and Pee Wee.

'v'

;;;i,r:s

113 CONTI ED:

BILLY
Okay, let's go.

And t~e four boys walk out of the bushes and stride r~so- lut,e.:_:1intoPorky's. /./ .{

114

INT. PORK.Y'SMA.IN ROOM - NIGHT

As it's closing time, the boys w ren't stopped at the door. They've made it into·themain ro m without really being noticed. The band members are picking their instruments; some stragglers are making their way toward the door, most weaving drunkenly, a few not; th, Bart.enderis cleaning up; the Bouncers are smoking a final~cigarette; etc.

With Tim, Meat and Pee Wee backi g him up, Billy steps forward. He shouts out his word .

I

136

BILLY

Listen up, now!

115 REACTION SHOTS 1

The room goes quiet. Most peopl look at Billy in confusion. At this point Billy begins to ca~l the hogs in the classic way pigs are called around the wdrld: "Suey ...suey ... suey ..." He keeps this up for ai!out twenty seconds and then says ...

BILLY I -
Tell the pig that the ~oys from Port Auburndale are he e. Tell him to bring the best e's got and meet us in the par~ing lot -- NOW! t. I And Billy leads Tim, Meat and Pe~ Wee back out of the club to the parking lot. _J_ ·
116

EXT. OUTSIDEPORKY'S, PARKINGLOT ANDENVIRONS- NIGHT

Billy, Tim, Meat and Pee Wee stand near their wo pickup trucks.

Now Porky emerges from the club, backed by thr~e bouncers and theBartender. Some customers and a band t"anberor two gather towatch. Porky and his henchmen a e carrying clubs and chains.

.._

116 CONTINUED:

PORKY
Alright. scumbags looks lik we've got to take care of you or keeps.
BILLY
(to his buddies)
Okay, let's do it.

Billy and Tim run toward one truck; Meat and Pee Wee run toward the other. Porky and his henchme are too confused to do anything but stand and stare.

PORKY
Hey .••'Z1

Billy gets behind the wheel of his truck/and gives its

-:-~- power HOR.~TWO ear-piercing BLASTS. J_

117

EXT. OUTON THE CANAL - NIGHT

Brian and Tommy have been sitting in their power boats with themotors idling. They hear the signal, and Brian immedi- ately sends back two equally ear-piercing BLASTS FROM A HORN attached to his boat. Now he turns to Tommy:

BRIAN
Let's go.

I And they GUN THE.MOTORS of the boats_.each heading his boat

away from the other, so as to pull loose the pilings on one side or. the other of the pier.

I -

118

EXT. OUTSIDE PORKY'S, PARKINGLOT ANDENVIRONS- NIGHT

,•·

Billy g~ns his t~uck, Meat and Pee Wee pull the cables

140

T out from the sand and gravel, hook it on the truck I and leap aboard. As Porky and his henchmen look on ' dumbfounded, the SOUND.OF THE.POWERBOATS merges with the SOUND OF THE TRUCKS. -· ' . We see the ropes from thetruck pulled taut, ·and now we I begin to hear the pilings give way. Porky's pier and _j__;.;.Porky'sitself is beginning to shake and topple~

119

EXT: OQT ON THE.CANAL - NIGHT

The ropes from Brian's and Tommy's boats are also pulled taut, and the pilings they're pulling are beginning to give way. INTERCUT between Brian's and Tommy's smiling and satisfied faces.

-

120

EXT: OUTSIDE PORKY'S, PARKING LOT AND ENVIRONS - NIGHT

Porky is standing in the middle of the bridge to the entrance of Porky's when suddenly it gives way under stress and Porky and his henchmen fall into the water.

120A C.O. BOYS IN TRUCK CAB.

t 120B C.U. TOMMY

120C · C.U. CABLE PULLING TAUT.

120D C.U. PILINGS SNAPPING FROM BOATS

120E LONG-SHOT OF TRUCK REARING

120F C.U. TRUCK 'WHEELSSPINNING

120G C.U. WATERCHURNINGBEHIND BOAT

120H C.U. PEE WEE AND MEAT IN TRUCK BED

120J C.U. PORKY'S SIGN ARCING AND SPARKS FLYING

MED. SHOT PORKY 1 S GROUP

120K

120L C.U. PORKY -·- ~'~~.....,120M SLO-MO SHOT OF TRUCK PILINGS GIVING WAY

120N SHOT OF TRUCK LEAPING FORWARD

120P SHOT OF BOAT PILINGS GIVING WAY

120R C.U. PORKY'S SIGN COLLAPSES

120S SHOT OF PORKY'S TWOPIGS RACING OUT OF JOINT

120T SHOT OF TWO PEOPLE RACING OUT OF PORKY'S, AND FALLING IN WATERAS BRIDGE HAS COLLAPSED.

120V BOATS LEAP FORWARD

120W THREE CAMERA'S OF PORKY'S COLLAPSING: 1- SLO-MO. Porky and group hurry out of water as bridge collapses. And now Porky's starts coming down, collapsing where it stands and sinking, along with its pier, into the shallow water and mud of the canal.

Porky is running about aimlessly. He yells to the Bartender.

PORKY
I want those fuckers dead. Dead I want them dead!

- -

108A

121

INT. THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE - NIGHT

We see Sheriff Wallace .r:unstohis desk·.-. He turns to

his two DEPUTIES. *

SHERIFF
Grab everything that kills!

The Deputies pick up shotguns, pistols, billy clubs, brass knuckles, cattle prods, chains -- every weapon imaginable -- and head out the door. The Sheriff has lingered behind a moment to select and load his favorite sawed-off shotgun -- with dumb-dumb shells. . j_

2 7-f-7 /:2.2B

122

EXT. PARKING LOT OUTSID THE SHERIFF'S FFICE - NIGHT

The first two Deputies et into a carp rked directly in front of the Sheriff's ~ffice. They fl or the gas pedal, , but instead of going fonward Tim has ri ged the car to go only in reverse -- w ich it does, r· ht through the plate glass facade and · to the Sheriff's office.

123

INT. THE SHERIFF'S OFFI - NIGHT

The Sheriff is standing ehind his deskt completin the task of loading his shot Now, all pf a sudden this police car is zooming b kwards through! his window into his office, carrying his desk and him tnrough the limsy rear wall of his office and out into the canal.

I ..,...,'

/23 /24 109.

124

EXT. THE CANAL BEHIND THE SHERI F'S OFFICE - NIGHT

,,---..,,_ ; ' The water is deep and the Sherif can't swim. ;';·,-·../

SHERIFF
Help! Help, I can't wim! . . I

The two Deputies have freeB th selves from the police car which is submergednose-down, r ar bumper-up in a dozen feet of water. The Sheriff's d sk floats by.

PUTY
Grab hold

The Sheriff grabs a desk drawer which promptly comes slid- ing out of the desk, leaving h' no better off. Now he grabs a corner or a leg of his 1esk, while the Deputies grab some other portion of the esk. They begin to swim toward shore, swimming with one hand and holding the desk with the other. The Sheriff ho~ds the desk with both hands -- holds it for dear li~e. I

-1-

1-25 EXT. THE CANAL, NEAR PORKY'S - NIGHT

We see Brian and Tormnyunhook the ropes from their power boats. Now they pull up alongside one another.

BRIAN
Well done.
TOMMY
And all done. Let's head for home.

Brian waves his accord, and the two boys speed their boats in the direction of the Sheriff's office which is on their route back to Port Auburndale.

126 OMIT.

127

EXT. OUTSIDE PORK.Y'S.PARKING LOT ANDENVIRONS - NIGHT

;r-'\ Their job finished, it's time for Billy and the guys to ,..> make their escape. As Billy and Meat keep their trucks' motors going, Tim and Pee Wee leap out and undo the grap- pling hooks. Seeing two of the boys on the ground, Porky comes running over. Tim and Pee Wee scamper back into the trucks, and Billy and Me~t drive over the little bridges.

J::Z..i7 12-7 l5 /2 D

Now, as or y gets ne r the r ge, Pee Wee pushes the remote s itch and DET NATESth plastic EXPLOSIVES under 1'"7/1 that bri ge. The bri ge BLOWS and dirt and mud fly upon 12 re_ Porky's ace. Tim no detonat s the second bri~e. Nothin happens. . {.2/ C

TIM
Damn.
BILLY
Forget it. Let's jut get going.

And they take off, Met a.ridPe-Wee's truck ight behind them.

Porky drags himself off the ground. His rush ove?r to him. Porky is a mess.

BOUNCER ffl You okay, Porky?

Porky notices one bridge is still standing.

PORKY
. Come.on move your asses. . .

And he and the three Bouncers and theBartend~r pile i.ntol two cars and set out in pursuit of Billy and~t's trucks.

1

8 EXT. THECANAL BANK BESIDETHE SHERIFF'S OFFICE - NIGHT

The Sheriff and the two Deputies who went into the canal . with him are climbing up the bank into the parking lot area.

SHERIFF
Don't you assholes know the difference between reverse and drive?
FIRST DEPUTY
(confused)
But ...but I 9id put it into drive.
129

EXT. PARK.INGLOT OUTSIDETHE SHERIFF'S OFFICE - NIGHT

) '--/ The eriff and the first two Deputies have reached the park· g lot. Now the Sheriff notices two other Deputies stan'ing around waiting for him. He flares in anger.

SHERIFF
Heyl Shit for brains. Get going. Move it. /21

They all pile in the emaining car. The Deputy gets behind the wheel and starts he motor, and as he does ...each of the wheels falls off . .one at a time ...until the car is lying impotent.in the dirt parking lot.

130

EXT. THE MAINROAD BEYMND THE SHERIFF·S PARKIN~ LOT -

THE SHERIFF'S POV - NIGHT .

The Sheriff sees Billy's pickup truck drive by followed by Meat's pickup truck. Then comes a car carrying two of Porky's Bouncers and the Bartender.

131

EXT. PARK.INGLOT OUTSIDETHE SHERIFF'S OFFIC - NIGHT

The Sheriff realizes there's a chase on. He leaps out of the police car just in time to hail Porky's ar as it drives by.

SHERIFF
He · Yo,Pork! Hold it!
132

EXT. THE MAIN ROAD BEYOND THE SHERIFF'S - NIGHT

Porky SCREECHES HIS CAR to a halt. The Sher'ff and his five Deputies rush up.

PORKY
Hurry up --get in, get in.

The six men pile in with Porky and one Bounc rand the chase continues.

Is3 ·· l33g

133

EXT. VARIOUS ROADSBETWEEN THE HERIFF'S OFFICE ANDTHE

SEWARD COUNTY LINE - NIGHT

This is a CHASE SE UENCE, with 11 the CUTTING BACK AND FORTHbetween the arious cars - inside the cars and out- ___; side the cars -- w ich such as quence implies.

As the chase conti ues, Porky's cars begin g~ining on Billy's and Meat's trucks. Thep ...

~ .J_

J3sfl /34

134

EXT. A FIELD UST BEYOND THE EWARD COUNTY LINE - BILLY'S

POV - NIGHT

At first, all we can see are ome lights in the distance, but they're ough to make Bi~ly smile.

BILLY f f We' e going to make it.

TIM
<II••?

BILL

As Billy's t;Pck gets closer, the lights grow bright, larger and more pro!pse -- but we siouldn't know exactly what's happen~ng y:1- . _ ·

... ...

135

EXT. THE SEWARD COUNTY L;!NE- NIGHT

Billy's truck and Meat's truck cross the line and continue on about two hundred yards.

Porky's two cars cross the line inadvertently, skidding to a halt about one hundred yards into Seward County.

136 r?. l~b<2-

136

EXT. A FI LD, A ROADAND CMAL JUST RNSIDE THE SEWARD

COUNTY LI - ..NIGHT

l'sbb

Suddenly he area is bath din light -t light fro five Seward Co nty police cars, including T~d's, lights from several P rt Auburndale s hool buses, floodlights "lluminat- ing the P rt Auburndale b d, the FortiAuburndale h~er- leaders, he Port Auburnd le majorette~, Wendy, Gipny, Miss Hone ell, Coach Bra kett and halr the Port Auburndale student b dy.

ard County polic surround P rky's cars, a huge up; the BANDS RTS TO PLAYfl·the cheerleaders

begin a c eer; and the stu ents begin inging an appro- priate fi ht song. I

Billy, e pile out f their tru~ks.

BI Y

• (making al·victory I sign)

We did it. l

,/,

J
ME.T Hey, where's Micry?

J l - t ) I (CONTINUED) 'V'

~

136 CONTINUED: J?:bF ·Is66_·

A group of studen s carr .outMic eyon he clos able approximatio of a 1 'tter might constru

huge CHEER goes u for Mi key. ive me an M, some- thing of that ord r.

j.

Now, a.sPorky aridthe She iff get of their c s, Ted/ back in police cl thes, s eps for to deal wi them.

PbRKY -~ {pointin to our / 3b r · guys)·

157

ARREST ·THOSELI ERFUCK RS.

They destroyed lub.

T D
How'd they dot at, sir

p RKY I Well, first the came in and ..

r Which ones ...c e in? I

p RKY I

,,.--··· That one and th tone oyer thee ... f-; ''•~---✓ f

T D t (mock iniredulit~) You mean ... thi$ seventren-yea - old ...and thislsixteenryear-o youngster were ln your ~stabli

S~RIFF f (interrurting; j apoplec ic) :

They'd been the~e beforr' -- no just tonight. I (pointin& to Mic~ey) Particular_lyth t one. lLittle

fucker kept com ng backjover a

158

J . I

Porky realizes the trap tney're i~. He ties to ut his hand o:7erhis brother's m1uth, to(lead h ·.naway.

- P~RKY =r · Uh..,'we must h ve made;a mista e. Obviously, it cquldn't have be these youngster~.~-

S~ERIFF (still berserk) l Fuckin'-A right-jit was~- Man, cu

- crazy, Porky? ! · l

I 0-iORE) 1 \~/ i j; V V

I36 C:...

136 CONTINUED: '(2)

SH RIFF (CO T'D)
(addressig Ted, who's b used)
These ere littl fuckers busted up my tation hose, dest~oyed to of my ars. I w nt them ooked onfel ny charge -- dest uction of pr· ~~~ prope ty, assarlt and batter
TE
Sherit, you're n '!!!1.courtynow1 I won er what o could b~ booke fur? I

Ted smashes the eadlights on Porkyj1scar.

TE l i (continui g) J f Drivi g with ab oken·hea light... I that' a fifty-d llarfin in 1 Sewar1 County. I

Porky peels the roney off r roll.· ehand~ it to ~ed.

PORKY I I l

Here, officer. ll t / I /

Ted takes gun and b ows a ho e thro~gh the ~ngine I

completely isabling it. Then I e SH001S out tre tires.,

· TE~ I I 1 Heyn w, driving•with a btoken I

160

PO~Y 'I ' [

How m ch, Officet? You n~me it.f I I ! · I

I TEP I I .., I'll 4et you offifor the romise, you'l~ get your fSS back cross I ; that qounty line} and thelpromis~ I from iour brother that al i peccadilloes tha~ might h ve J ! occur1ed tonighttlwillbe rorgott,n. 1

SH RIFF 'i I i l f Stick it up your . . t - J · f I I

Porky puts his tand over hls brothe 'smou1h once rore. f

I I l . J 'f. + ¥- \/~CONTI~D) i

\V

(stt-l 11s.

136 CON iNUED: 3)

PORKY
(to he Sheri f)
Pr mise him for Chr st's sake,.

l I' 1 promis toput y foot.·u,his. .. i

161

AGAIP PORKY ESTRAINS THE SHER FF IN TH, SAME MANNLLER."

I PORKY
Pr<p11isehim you ass ole. You}

~~ ~:?go ba k ::E:::1ecting pir

(ver softly) I J I. . promis f I

TED I l . Ca~tt hear ou. Sherlff. i i

I SHERIF I (

putsIhr:::· a!:o::~::j~h::f::~i'.h~:u on~ last time.

I TED t I

Ho11'st~:~ cing) l ( . l

I l : SHERIFi 1 t I (gro ing subdtled) 1· l l 1romise. • r

l I TED I I j Noto.;getthi car outlof Se,;3arrt ~ County. 1 l {

I SHERIF¾ & PORKYI r Bud you sho the engine... the ~ ti~esare fat... I I ! I ·1 j.

162

TED I .

Ju~L put a ittle we{ght behind it. ~ I Yo, boys ca manage fhat.. . f J /ti/'If._

Big UGH from the criwd. Poriy, with Sheriff and Depu ies, star pushing the ca. With four flat~tires, thee:~~ t r. is epormous.!At this point Mi¢key step~ forward and ra ses his pands to kilence he crowdJ A hush:falls over the crow. Mickef walks p slowly!to Porky;who is st~ll bet over! thecar ushing.j Mickey ~ays: l ~

I J_ J; . . J__ I (CONTipuED)

-- --- ..l.-

.....

136 CONTINUED: (4)

MICKEY
Hey. Porky, got just to say toy
PORKY
Yeah,· what t;hefuck's t . I And Mickey does the fr·ous line w ends every Porky Pig cartoon.
MICKEY
A •.••behu ...-beh ...u. A-beh ... h ...That's ·all folks!

And with that, he givjs Porky at emendous kick in the ass which nearly sends h~ through the radiator of the car. A tremendous ROARgoes up from the 4rowd and our principals /?~Lt are hoisted onto shouVders as CAflll:RAPULLS BACKtoTAKE IN ~6 1 the entire scene. Th~ BAND STRI,S UP. The cheerleaders cheer and we begin EN~ CREDITS. verything that follows will b·eUNDEREND CREDITS . 1 --i-- . ~ ANGLE

We see Brackett and Honeywell embracing.

ANGLE

We see Billy and Ginny embracing . .. Pee Wee, Meat and Tim all congratulate each other and Mickey. Mickey throws away his crutches.

39 ANGLE

Ted and Brackett shake hands.

ANGLE

Ted and Mickey embrace.

l 1 ANGLE -

Suddenly a ROA GOES UP FROMTHE CROWD and we see the POWER BOATS ROARup o the shoreline of the canal and Tommy and

163

.1 BRIAN JUMP ASH RE .

-

·(CONTINUED)

----------- ----------

/4l A

141 CONTINUED:

The crowd surges forward and Brian and Tommy are hoisted onto shoulders a d paraded over to the.roadside. Brian and Tommyjoin u with our other five to congratulate each other. When the congratulations are over, Tommy says:

TOMMY
Man what a perfect ending!

Pee Wee suddenly looks dejected.

PEE WEE
Yeah - perfect!

Tli.e·yallturnto Pee Wee.

TOMMY
What's wrong, Pee Wee?
PEE WEE
(plaintively)
Well. esus Christ, we tore down Porky' . That was my last chance. Now ~ 1 never get laid! /4 (g l I~ ..

Tommy looks at Pee Wee, then his eyes t look over the crowd. CAMERA PANS over the crowd. Su we s e Wendy trying to hide behind the majorettes. ,.,

TOMMY
Oh, no, you don't, Wendy. over here!
WENDY
No, Tommy! Don't make me!

Tommy walks over and takes Wendy by the hand and p 11s her back to the group.

TOMMY
Absolutely. A bet's a bet. ow you gotta pay up.
WENDY
I should've gotten better odd.
TOMMY
You said if we pulled it off, you'd break Pee Wee's cherry.
WENDY
(whispering)
Well, hell, don't tell the

-- school! wt

· (CONTINlJJ;:D) ..y

/41~

141 CONTINUED: (2)

PEE WEE

What yamean break Pee Wee cherry?

TOMMY
Hey, Pee Wee, you want tog t laid or not·? If you 'renot cher y, you don't get Wendy!

Pee Wee recants immediately.

PEE WEE
Oh, I'm cherry, manl Cherr as George Washington's tree. could put me on top of a ba split, I'm so cherry.

Tommy looks at Wendy. /4\ D

TOMMY
Well?

· Wendy walks over and takei:;PeeWee by the hand.

WENDY
Alright, alright. Just keep it quiet. C'mon, shrimp. Let's get it over with.

She takes Pee Wee into one of the school buses. The guys wait outside to keep guard. CAMERA PANS ·to a c ump of bushes over behind the bus. Something is lurking ther Whoever it is starts to move and suddenly darts out to position behind the bus. It is too dark to see who it~

CUT TO:

142 BACK TO BUS

The guys look toward the bus expectantly. Suddenly a voice rises from inside. / 5 I

WENDYIs VOI E You dickheadl The first you come on the date wearing ne, now

164

YOUDON'T HAVE ONE AT ALL!

We hear FOOTSTEPS scurrying down t bus. Pee Wee eme10 es from the.door pulling on his pants.I We don't hear what he . says but we get the ideawhen the gP.ysall start taking out their wallets. Finally someone hafs Pee Wee one and he rushes back on the bus. . I~ -

\Y; CUT TO:

...:...

/A-\~

143 ANGLE ' .........__ I ), We see the skulking figure .Tmoves stealthily along the -···--~-...

165

row of cars. We still can't ~~eLwho it is. CAMERA CUTS TO the mystery figure's POV. j

166

-.._.:..-

i-

144 MYSTERY FIGURE~S POV

We see Tommy and the group from the ominous POV... they are being stalked. Could it be one of Porky's gang?

CUT TO:

145 THE BUSAGAIN

167

PeeWee comes scurrying off the bus and over to the guys. He is frantic. He has the rubber in his hands.

PEE WEE
It's too big. It's too big!

Everybody startsdigging in their wallets again.

TOMMY
Hell, Pee Wee, we don't have any training rubbers.

But they continue to dig. Finally, someone comes up with another one. With a plaintive little whimper, Pee Wee is off again.

CUT TO:

BACK TO THE LURKING FIGURE

The MUSIC IS VERYOMINOUS now. The figure creeps forward slowly. Finally the figure stops and leans slowly forward

into the 1ight. We see the face. It is Kong." Her face is ablaze with madness. She leers at Tommy. All reason has flown. She is a wild beast stalking its prey. With a mad cry, she launches her attack. We...

CUT TO:

147 THE GROUP

\

as they hear the weird cry. Everybody jumps. They whirl around. Tommy looks wide-eyed at the specter bearing down on him. Balbricker is crouched low, coming on like a two- ton Tasmanian devil.

·147(}_ /47D

168

147 CONTINUED:

T

Tommy turns to flee but she is on h~ before he akes a step. Kong bowls h over. Tonrrnygrabsfor his shorts becauae his pants a e longgone. M ss Balbricke is com- pletely crazed. Sh yanks his sh.ors down and T rrany yanks them up, t~yi g tocrawi away from her. E ery time she yanks down, she screams: '

MISS BALBRI KER
There it There it isd Mr. Carter, I

By this time, Coach Brackett, Ted a ·d several ot er cops

have plunged in to ttryand pull Mis Balbricker way.· Her furious obsession ptlllsthe whole gr· up to the g ound in a heap. She contin1es to scream.

I MISS BALBRI R
(cqntinuing) I I saw it! II saw it! I tob.d you 1,a know 9fiatpenis anywhere 1 _

The place is in tot~l chaos by now. fThe crowd btgins to · chant "Pecker-Checkfir,Pecker-Checker." Ton:nnyi flailing wildly. Bal brickerlisincoherent bY1now. Final y the

police force manage~ to drag Bal bricer off. As they carry

I

her away. she sere sand laughs man·cally. ·(

MISS BALBRICKER
tinuing) ! Arrest him! I can I Positive! ! Ha ha

CAMERA PULLS BACK to take in the whole mad scene as Bal- bricker is taken awa . The last thing we see as therINAL CREDITS ROLL is Pee ee sticking his head out of the window of the bus and yelli g and waving his ·armsin sheer triumph. He pounds his .chest nd gives a long Tarzan yell. The crowd applauds and c eers.

FADE TO BLACK.