The large coffee table is filled with various whiskey bottles
and gourmet snacks. The four family members are comfortably
sprawled across the couch and floor. It’s like they own the
place.
They sip whiskey and watch rain falling outside the window.
KI-TEK
This is classy. Sipping whiskey on a rainy day. Enjoying the view.
Ki-Tek takes several bottles and pours a little of each into
his tumbler.
CHUNG-SOOK
What the hell are you doing? Why are you mixing all the booze?
KI-TEK
This way Mr. Park won’t notice. It’ll be too obvious if we drink from only one bottle.
CHUNG-SOOK
Nice to see you use that brain for once.
Berry comes over to Chung-Sook wagging her tail, but Chung-Sook
kicks her away. Chung-Sook is already drunk. Her face is
bright red.
KI-JUNG
But you always get shitfaced when you mix your drinks, Dad.
KI-TEK
(smiles)
Ki-Jung, that’s no way to talk to your father. “Shitfaced.” No. Not you too.
KI-WOO
Let me pour you a shot, Father.
Ki-Woo tries to lighten the mood. He looks out the window as
he pours a shot with both hands.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
It’s probably raining at the campsite too. They must be having a magical time. Da-Hae and her family. Raindrops pattering the tent. Playing the guitar...
CHUNG-SOOK
By the way. What’s that yellow notebook you’ve been carrying?
KI-WOO
This?
Ki-Woo picks up the yellow journal.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
Da-Hae’s diary.
KI-JUNG
Oh, my God. Why are you reading that?
KI-WOO
I just want to understand her on a deeper level.
KI-JUNG
Disgusting. You two going out or something?
KI-WOO
(nods)
It’s serious. She likes me too. I’m going to officially ask her out when she goes to college. For real.
They all stare at Ki-Woo. He must be shitting them. But he’s
not.
Ki-Tek slaps Ki-Woo’s shoulder.
KI-TEK
That’s my boy! That means this is your future wife’s house! The Parks will be your in-laws!
KI-WOO
(laughs)
I guess that’s true.
Chung-Sook joins the laughter.
CHUNG-SOOK
You mean I’m fucking washing dishes for my future in-laws?
KI-TEK
Hilarious! You’re washing your future in-law’s tighty-whities! Your daughter-in-law’s school socks!
Ki-Tek pretends to wash a sock, laughing hysterically, when he
suddenly feels Chung-Sook’s murderous glare. He slowly stops.
Chung-Sook downs her whiskey and turns serious. She calmly
turns to Ki-Woo.
CHUNG-SOOK
I like that girl. She’s nice. Pretty. But not full of herself.
KI-WOO
Well, as long as we’re getting ahead of ourselves -- If you think about it, nowadays people barely see their in-laws anyway. How many times do you think families see each other after their kids get married?
KI-JUNG
(scoffs)
Crazy fuck.
KI-WOO
You hear about people hiring actors to stand in for their parents at weddings. We’ll do the same thing. A lot of TV extras do that kind of work.
Ki-Woo points at Ki-Jung.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
She did too. Got paid to be one of the bride’s guests. She went to a bunch of weddings last year.
KI-JUNG
I even caught a bouquet once. First time I ever saw the bitch. They pay ten bucks extra for the bouquet.
CHUNG-SOOK
(laughs)
That’s how you became such a good actress!
Good times continue as whiskey flows. Jokes and laughter
abound.
KI-TEK
Sure the acting was good, but I was surprised that the family was so easy to trick.
CHUNG-SOOK
Especially the missus. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I guess we should be thankful for that--
KI-TEK
Yes, she’s so innocent. And kind. A rich person who’s also kindhearted.
Chung-Sook stops mid-sip and stares at Ki-Tek.
CHUNG-SOOK
Not “also kindhearted.” She’s kindhearted because she’s rich. You get it?
Ki-Tek doesn’t. Chung-Sook looks around --
CHUNG-SOOK (CONT’D)
If I had all this, my heart would be overflowing with kindness!
Chung-Sook’s voice grows. She gulps downs another glass.
KI-TEK
That’s true. Your mother has a point. Rich people are more naive. They don’t have a bitter bone in them. And the kids are happier. No wiseasses.
CHUNG-SOOK
It’s the money! Money cures all the little wiseasses!
Ki-Jung slowly grows irritated as her parents go on and on
about rich people. She tosses back her whiskey.
KI-TEK
Ki-Woo. That guy. What was his name? Yun? The old driver.
KI-WOO
Yes. Mr. Yun.
KI-TEK
He’s probably doing fine, right? I’m sure he got a new job.
KI-WOO
Of course. He’s young. Healthy. Plenty of opportunities.
KI-TEK
Yeah, I’m sure he got an even better job.
Ki-Jung SLAMS down her glass and yells at her family --
KI-JUNG
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
KI-WOO
What the hell’s wrong with you?
KI-JUNG
Fuck rich people! Just worry about your own goddamn family!
Ki-Jung looks like she’s about to cry. We’ve never seen her
like this before. Vulnerable. Like a hurt child.
KI-JUNG (CONT’D)
Dad, please. Stop worrying about other people. Look at me. Us. Your son and daughter. We’re right here!
Almost at the exact moment as Ki-Jung’s soulful outburst, like
a timed effect, LIGHTNING AND THUNDER strike outside the
window. Followed by heavy rain.
Ki-Tek looks out the window.
KI-TEK
(laughing)
Did you see that! Right on cue!
KI-WOO
(imitating Ki-Jung)
“Dad, we’re right here!” POW! Thunder and lightning! Awesome.
Ki-Woo tries to console Ki-Jung. He brushes her hair and talks
in a brotherly voice.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
Come on now, Jessica. Let’s drink. Cheers!
Ki-Woo clinks his glass against Ki-Jung’s.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
You know, Ki-Jung, when I saw you upstairs in the bathroom-- You looked so--
KI-JUNG
What? I looked so what?
KI-WOO
You just looked so natural in that bathtub. This house. It suits you. You’re not like us.
KI-JUNG
(smiles)
Fuck off.
KI-WOO
(to Ki-Tek)
It’s true, Dad. She was in the tub watching TV, taking a fancy bubble bath, and it just felt like she belonged here.
KI-TEK
Is that right?
Ki-Woo becomes more animated at Ki-Tek’s exaggerated reaction.
He opens his arms wide and looks around at the living room.
KI-WOO
Imagine for a second that this is our house. Let’s say we live here. Which room would you like to have? Out of all the beautiful rooms designed by the great Namgoong Hyunja, which one would you want to be yours?
KI-JUNG
I don’t know. Buy me the fucking house first and I’ll think about it.
KI-TEK
We’re ‘living’ here right now, aren’t we? We’re here in the living room, drinking and having a good time, just like we would if this was our place.
KI-WOO
That’s true. We ARE currently living here. For all intents and purposes.
KI-TEK
This IS our house right now.
(burps)
Nice and cozy.
Chung-Sook, face bulging red, flashes a dirty grin.
CHUNG-SOOK
You’re cozy, huh? That’s real nice. What if Park comes back right now?
(to Ki-Jung)
He would skitter away like a little cockroach.
Chung-Sook laughs loudly at her own joke. Ki-Tek is quiet.
CHUNG-SOOK (CONT’D)
(snickering)
You kids know what I’m talking about, right? Our apartment. How when we turn on the kitchen lights, the roaches all run away and disappear under the cabinets. He would be exactly like that!
Ki-Tek stares hard at Chung-Sook, who continues to howl. Ki-
Tek’s eyes are red. Hostile. This is a different Ki-Tek.
KI-TEK
(mumbling)
Fucking bitch. You’ve gone too far this time.
Chung-Sook is silent.
KI-TEK (CONT’D)
What? I’m a cockroach?
CRASH! Ki-Tek sweeps the table and knocks over the bottles and
plates.
Ki-Woo and Ki-Jung are stunned.
Chung-Sook is absolutely still. She glowers at Ki-Tek, who
unlike before doesn’t back down. He stares right back, tension
growing, when --
His face starts cracking. He begins to snicker.
Chung-Sook does too. They both burst into laughter.
KI-TEK (CONT’D)
I got you! I totally got you!
The two continue to laugh their asses off. Ki-Tek seems
especially pleased with his performance. He slaps Ki-Woo on
the shoulder.
KI-TEK (CONT’D)
How was that, Spielberg? Pretty realistic right? You like my acting now?
KI-WOO
Wow, Dad! You totally got me.
Ki-Jung laughs, relieved.
KI-JUNG
(to Ki-Tek)
Shit. You’re going to clean this up, right?
CHUNG-SOOK
(laughing)
I didn’t believe him for one second.
KI-WOO
Really? I thought he was really going to kill you.
CHUNG-SOOK
He could never do that. Your father hasn’t a single backbone in his body. The epitome of a spineless mo--
They are all laughing uproariously when --
The DOORBELL rings loudly throughout the house.
They all freeze and look at each other. Who the hell could
that be? The doorbell continues to ring.
KI-WOO
Who could it be at this time?
KI-TEK
What do you think it is?
Chung-Sook scurries over to the gate monitor. She sees --
A familiar round face filling the screen. It’s MUN-KWANG.
She’s standing in the rain dressed in all black.
CHUNG-SOOK
What the--
KI-WOO
Why is she here?
CHUNG-SOOK
It’s her, right? The old housekeeper.
KI-JUNG
(nods)
Why do you think she’s here?
Mun-Kwang presses the doorbell again and again. It rings
loudly throughout the neighborhood. This could go on for a
while.
KI-TEK
What’s she doing? Why doesn’t she just leave?
KI-JUNG
It’s so loud. She could go on all night--
CHUNG-SOOK
(cutting her off)
Hold on. I’m supposed to be here. I can answer.
Before Ki-Woo can stop her, Chung-Sook presses the ‘speak’
button.
CHUNG-SOOK (CONT’D)
Who is it?
MUN-KWANG (SPEAKER)
Hi, how are you? I’m-- Mrs. Park isn’t in, right?
Mun-Kwang’s speech is slightly slurred. She’s had a drink or
two herself.
MUN-KWANG (SPEAKER) (CONT’D)
I used to work here. For ma--ny many years. The monitor you’re looking at. There’s a picture above it, right? Berry, Junie, Foofoo -- from left to right.
CHUNG-SOOK
That’s all fine, but how can I help you? It’s very late.
MUN-KWANG (SPEAKER)
You’re my replacement, aren’t you!
Mun-Kwang laughs. Sad, drunk laughter. Chung-Sook remains on
guard.
Mun-Kwang suddenly turns serious.
MUN-KWANG (SPEAKER) (CONT’D)
I’m so sorry to bother you at this hour. There’s something in the basement that I left behind, and I was wondering if I could pick it up. I was fired without any notice so I didn’t have time to gather all my things.
Chung-Sook looks at Ki-Woo. What do we do? Ki-Woo has no
idea.
KI-WOO
This wasn’t in our plan.