"INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS" (2009)

Inglourious Basterds

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

INGLOURIOUSBASTERDS

CHAPTERTHREE

GERMANNIGHTINPARIS

CHAPTERFOUR

OPERATIONKINO

CHAPTERFIVE

REVENGEOFTHEGIANTFACE

EXT—DAIRYFARM—DAY

The modestdairyfarminthecountrysideofNancy,France(whatthe Frenchcallcow country).

We reada SUBTITLEintheskyabovethe farmhouse:

CHAPTERONE

“ONCEUPONA TIMEIN .. . NAZI-OCCUPIEDFRANCE”

ThisSUBTITLEdisappearsandisreplacedbyanotherone:

“1941 One yearintothe German occupationofFrance”

The farmconsistsofahouse,a smallbarn,andtwelvecowsspread about.

The owneroftheproperty,abull ofa man,FRENCHFARMER,brings an axup anddownon atree stump,blemishinghisproperty. However,simplybysight,you’dneverknowif he’sbeenbeatingat thisstumpfor thelastyearor juststartedtoday.

JULIE’SPOV A Nazitowncar convertible,withtwolittleNaziflagsattachedto the hood,aNAZISOLDIERbehindthewheel,a NAZIOFFICERalonein the backseat,followingTWOOTHERNAZISOLDIERSonmotorcycles, comingup overthehillon thecountryroadleadingtotheirfarm.

The Frenchfarmersinkshisaxin thestump,looksoverhis shoulder,andseestheGermansapproaching.

The FARMER’SWIFE,CHARLOTTE,comestothedoorwayoftheirhome, followedbyher TWOOTHERTEENAGEDAUGHTERS,andseestheGermans approaching.

The farmeryellstohisfamilyin FRENCH,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

The youngladyrunstothe waterpumpbythe house.Shepicksupa basinand beginspumping.Afterafewpumps,watercomesout, splashingintothebasin.

The Frenchfarmersitsdownonthestumphe waspreviouslychopping awayat, pullsahandkerchieffromhispocket,wipessweatfromhis face,and waitsfortheNaziconvoyto arrive.Afterlivingfora yearwith theswordofDamoclessuspendedoverhishead,thismay verywell betheend.

Juliefinishesfillingthewaterbasinandplacesiton the windowsill.

Juliewalksinsidethefarmhouseandclosesthedoorbehindher.

As herfatherstandsupfromthe stumpandmovesoverto the windowsillwiththewaterbasin. ..

LOUDER.

The farmerSPLASHESwaterfromthebasinonhisfaceand downhis front.He takesatoweloff anailand wipestheexcesswaterfrom his faceandchest,ashe watchesthetwomotorcycles,theone automobile,andthefourrepresentativesoftheNationalSocialist Partycometo a haltonhis property.

We don’tmoveintothembut keepobservingthemfromadistance, likethe farmer.

The TWONAZIMOTORCYCLISTSareofftheirbikesandstandingat attentionnexttothem.

The NAZIDRIVERhaswalkedaroundtheautomobileandopenedthe doorfor hissuperior.

The NAZIOFFICERsaystothedriverin UNSUBTITLEDGERMAN:

The Naziofficerclimbsoutofthebackseatofthe vehicle, carryinginhis lefthanda blackleatherattachécase.

The S.S.colonelyellstothefarmerin FRENCH,SUBTITLEDIN ENGLISH:

The S.S.colonelcrossesthedistancebetweenthemwithlong stridesandsays,in French,withasmileon hisface:

theS.S.

COL.HANS LANDAofferstheFrenchfarmer,PERRIERLAPADITE,his hand.The FrenchmantakestheGermanhandinhisandshakesit.

INT—LAPADITEFARMHOUSE—DAY

The doortothe farmhouseswingsopen,andthefarmergesturesfor the S.S.coloneltoenter.RemovinghisgrayS.S.cap,theGerman stepsinsidetheFrenchman’shome.

Col.Landais immediatelygreetedwiththesightofthefarmer’s wifeand threeprettydaughtersstandingtogetherinthekitchen, smilinginhis direction.

The farmerentersbehindhim,closingthedoor.

The S.S.colonelclickshisheelstogetherandtakesthehandof the Frenchfarmer’swife...

He kissesherhand,thencontinueswithoutlettinggoofhis hostess’shand.. .

FARMER’SWIFE Don’tberidiculous,HerrColonel.

WhilestillholdingtheFrenchwoman’shandandlookingintoher eyes,the S.S.colonelsays:

His eyesleavethemotherandmoveto thethreedaughters.

The farmerofferstheS.S.colonelaseatat thefamily’swooden dinnertable.TheNaziofficeracceptstheFrenchfarmer’soffer and lowershimselfintothechair,placinghisgrayS.S.capon the tableand keepinghisblackattachécaseonthefloorby hisfeet.

The farmer(perfecthost)turnstohiswifeandsays:

The motherofthreetakesa carafeofmilkoutof theicebox and poursatallglassof thefreshwhiteliquidforthe colonel.

The S.S.coloneltakesalongdrinkfromthe glass,thenputsit downLOUDLYon thewoodentable.

The Frenchfarmersitsathiswoodendinnertableacrossfrom the Nazi.

The womenremainstanding.

Col.Landaleansforwardandsays tothefarmerin alow toneof confidentiality:

The farmer’swifefollowsherhusband’sordersandgathersher daughters,takingthemoutside,closingthedoorbehindthem.

The twomenare aloneatthefarmer’sdinnertable,inthefarmer’s humblehome.

tospeakit soinadequatelywouldonlyserveto embarrassme.However,I’vebeenled tobelieveyouspeakEnglishquitewell?

Theynow speakENGLISH:

The farmeranswers:

The coloneldrinksmoremilk.

The S.S.colonelsmiles.

acompletewasteoftime,but itneedsto be donenevertheless. Ijusthave afew questions,MonsieurLaPadite. Ifyoucan assistmewithanswers,my departmentcanclosethe fileonyourfamily.

Takinghisblackleatherattachécaseandplacingiton thetable, he takesouta folderfrominside.Healsoextractsanexpensive blackfountainpenfromhis uniform’sfrontpocket.Openingthe folderandreferringtoit:

Lookingupfrom hispapers:

The farmergetsupfromthe table,goestoa shelfoverthe fireplace,andremovesfromita WOODENBOXthatcontainsallthe fixingstohis pipe.Hesitsback downatthe tablewithhisNazi guest.

As thefarmerloadsthebowlof hispipewith tobacco,setsamatch to it,andbeginsslowlypuffing,makingitredhot,the S.S. colonelstudiesthepapersinfrontof him.

The farmerlooksatLanda.

The farmerpuffsthoroughlyonhispipe.

As thefarmeranswersthisquestion,theCAMERALOWERSbehindhis chair,to thefloor,pastthefloor,to asmallareaunderneaththe floorboards,revealing:

The S.S.coloneltakesinthisanswer,seemstoacceptit,then movesto thenextquestion.

CUTTO

EXT—DAIRYFARM—DAY

The motherandherthreedaughtersfinishtakingthelaundryoff the clothesline.

Theycan’thear anythinggoingoninside.

The threeNazisoldierswatchthethreedaughters.

BACKTO LANDAANDPERRIER

He beginsgatheringuphispapersandputtingthembackintohis attachécase.

The farmer,coolasa cucumber,puffsonhispipe.

The farmerstandsup,goesovertothe icebox,andtakesoutthe carafeof milk.Ashe walksoverandfillstheNazi colonel’s glass,theGermanofficertalks.

As “theJewHunter”enjoyshisfreshmilk,he continuestotheorize withthe Frenchfarmer.

conclusionsdifferisIdon’tconsiderthe

worldarat livesin.It’sa hostileworld indeed.Ifarat weretoscamperthroughyour frontdoorrightnow,wouldyougreetit with hostility?

causeofthebubonicplague,butthatwas some timeago.Inall yourborndays,hasa ratever causedyoutobe sicka dayinyour life?I proposetoyou,anydiseasea ratcouldspread asquirrelwouldequallycarry. YetI assumeyoudon’tsharethesameanimosity withsquirrelsthatyoudowithrats,do you?

(changingtone) MayI smokemypipeas well?

The farmer’scoolfacadeislittlebylittleeroding.

The JewHunterremovesbothapipeand abag oftobaccofixings. The pipe,strangelyenough,isacalabash,madefromanS-shaped gourdwitha yellowskinandmade famousbySherlockHolmes.

As theNazicolonelbusieshimselfwithhissmoking,hecontinues to holdcourtatthe Frenchman’stable.

ofthestate.Theyare simplyconfused people,tryingtomakesomesenseoutof themadnesswarcreates. Thesecitizensdonotneedpunishing. Theysimplyneedtobe remindedoftheir dutyinwartime. Let’suseyouas aexample,Monsieur LaPadite.Inthiswar,youhavefound yourselfinthemiddleofa conflict thathasnothingtodo withyourself, yourlovelyladies,oryourcows—yet hereyouare. So,MonsieurLaPadite,letmepropose aquestion.Inthistimeof war,whatis yournumber-oneduty?Isittofight theGermansinthename ofFrancetoyour lastbreath?Orisit toharassthe occupyingarmytothebestof your ability?Orisit toprotectthepoor,unfortunate victimsofwarfarewhocan notprotectthemselves? Oris yournumber-onedutyinthistime ofbloodshedtoprotectthosevery beautifulwomenwhoconstituteyour family?

The Colonelletsthelaststatementstand.

The farmer,pipeinmouth,staresacrossthetableathis German opponent.

The farmerpointsouttheareasonthe floorwheretheDreyfuses are underneath.

Col.Landastandsup fromthetableand,switchingtoFRENCH,says, SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

isdone.

The Naziofficeropensthefrontdoorandsilentlymotionsforhis men toapproachthehouse.

The soldiersenterthedoorway.Col.Landasilentlypointsoutthe areaof thefloorthe Jewsarehidingunder.

He motionstothesoldierswithhisindexfinger.

TheyTEAR UPthewoodenfloorwithMACHINE-GUNFIRE.

The littlefarmhouseisfilledwithSMOKE,DUST,SPLINTERS, SCREAMS,BULLETCASINGS,andevenalittleBLOOD.

Witha handmotionfromthe colonel,thesoldierscutofftheir gunfire.Thecolonelkeepshisfingerinthe airto indicate silence.

hearsa movementunderneaththefloor,looksdown,andseesaSHAPE movingforwardbetweentheplanksinthefloor.

as hecrossesthefloor,seesthe younggirlRUNNINGtowardthe coverof thewoods.Heunlatchesthewindowandopensit. Shosanna is perfectlyFRAMEDinthewindowsill.

SHOSANNA

B.G.

CU SHOSANNA’SFACE sameas ananimalbeingchasedby apredator:FLIGHT—PANIC—FEAR.

SHOSANNA’SPOV the safetyoftrees,gettingcloser.

framedby thewindow,takeshisWALTER,andstraight-armaimsat the fleeingJew,cockingbackthehammerwithhisthumb.

of thefleeingShosanna.

changeshismind.He yellstothe ratfleeingthetrap,headingfor the safetyofthewoodpile,inFRENCHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

The S.S.colonelclosesthewindow.

EXT—DAIRYFARM—DAY

The NazitowncarDRIVESaway.

EXT—NAZITOWNCAR(MOVING)—DAY

Col.Hans Landasitsinthe backseatoftheconvertiblethat’s speedingawayfromtheFrenchfarmhouse.

Landaspeaksto hisdriverinGERMAN,SUBTITLEINENGLISH:

Oh,I don’tthinkthestateisin toomuch danger,doyou?

toAmerica.Shewillmoveto NewYorkCity, whereshewillbe electedPresidentof theUnitedStates.

The S.S.colonelchucklesathislittlefunny.

FADEUP

CHAPTERTITLEAPPEARS:

CHAPTERTWO

“INGLOURIOUSBASTERDS”

FADEUP

EXT—SOMEWHEREINENGLAND—DAY

A bunchofSOLDIERSarelinedup atattention.

LIEUTENANTALDORAINE,ahillbillyfromthemountainsofTennessee, walksdownthe line.Herecruitsthementhe Germanswilllatercall“TheBasterds.”Lt.Aldohasone definingphysicalcharacteristic,aROPEBURNaroundhis neck—asif,onceupon atime,he survivedaLYNCHING. The scarwillneveroncebe mentioned.

Mynameis Lt.AldoRaine,andI’m puttin’ togetheraspecialteam. AndI needmeeightsoldiers. Eight—Jewish—American—soldiers. Nowy’allmightofheardrumors aboutthearmadahappeningsoon. Well,we’llbeleavin’alittle earlier.We’regonnabedropped intoFrance,dressedascivilians. Andoncewe’rein enemyterritory,as abushwackin’,guerrillaarmy,we’regonnabe doin’onething,andonethingonly—Killin’ Nazis. ThemembersoftheNationalSocialistParty haveconqueredEuropethroughmurder,torture, intimidation,andterror.Andthat’sexactly whatwe’regonnadoto them.NowI don’tknow ’bouty’all?ButIsure ashelldidn’tcome downfromthegoddamnSmokyMountains,cross fivethousandmiles ofwater,fightmyway throughhalfSicily,and thenjumpoutof afuckin’air-o-planetoteach theNazis lessonsinhumanity.Naziain’tgot nohumanity.They’rethefootsoldiersofa Jew-hatin’,mass-murderin’maniac,andthey needtobe destroyed. That’swhyanyandeveryson-of-a-bitchwefind wearin’aNaziuniform,they’regonnadie.

(CON’T) Wewillbe crueltothe Germans, andthroughourcruelty,theywill knowwhowe are.Theywillfindthe evidenceof ourcrueltyinthedisemboweled,dismembered, and disfiguredbodiesoftheirbrothers weleavebehindus.And theGermans willnotbe abletohelpthemselves fromimaginingthecrueltytheirbrothers enduredatourhands,and ourbootheels,andtheedgeofour knives. AndtheGermanswillbe sickenedbyus.Andthe Germanswilltalkaboutus. AndtheGermanswillfearus. AndwhentheGermansclosetheireyesat night andtheirsubconscious torturesthemfortheevilthey’vedone,it willbethoughtsofus thatittorturesthemwith.

He stopspacingandlooksateverybody.

Soundgood?

Theyall say:

That’swhatIliketo hear.ButI gota wordofwarningtoall would-bewarriors. Whenyoujoinmy command, youtakeon debit.Adebityouowe me,personally.Everymanundermycommandowes meonehundredNaziscalps.AndI wantmy scalps. Andally’allwillgit meone hundred Naziscalps,takenfromtheheadsof onehundreddeadNazis.. . oryouwill dietrying.

CUTTO

EXT—MOUNTAINTOPCHALET—DAY

A hugechaletona mistymountaintopinBavaria.

A SUBTITLEAPPEARS:

“BAVARIA BERCHTESGADEN (HITLER’SPRIVATELAIR)”

INT—BERCHTESGADEN—DAY

In ahuge room,ADOLFHITLERpoundsonabig tablewith his fistashe rantsatTWO GERMANGENERALS.

TheyspeakGERMANSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Hitlerpoundsfuriouslyonthedeskwithhis fist.

thelatestrumorthey’veconjuredup,intheir fear-induceddelirium?Theonethatbeats myboyswitha bat.The onetheycall“theBear Jew”.. . isa golem. AnavengingJewangel,conjuredupby avengefulrabbi,tosmitetheAryans!

The Führersitsdownatthe tabletocomposehimselfand wipehis greasyblackhairoutof hisface.

He hitsthebuttonon theintercomonhisdesk.

KLIEST’SVOICEcomesoutof theintercom:

KLIEST’SVOICE(OS) Yes,meinFührer.

KLIEST’SVOICE(OS) Yes,meinFührer.Doyoustillwish toseePrivateButz?

KLEIST’SVOICE(OS) He’sthesoldieryouwantedtosee personally. Hissquadwasambushed byLt.Raine’sJews.He wasitsonlysurvivor.

CUTTO

EXT—FRENCHWOODS—DAY

Thisprocessis calledSCALPING.

AfterSLICINGiscomplete,theSCALPeasilypeelsoff,likea bananaskin.

on theirknees,handbehindtheirheads.

Pvt.Butz NARRATESthesceneinGERMANSUBTITLEDIN ENGLISH:

Germanscalps tiedtotheirbelts.

flipsthroughtheI.D.paperstillhe getsto thepagethat containstheGermansoldier’sname,statistics,andphoto.

Truethat.The sightofthe deadsoldierswithbarefeet doesrob thetableauofa certaindignitythatisnormally feltin battlefieldshots.

BACKTO HITLER

He fightshisfrustration,then...

Hey,Hirschberg,sendthatkraut sargeover.

KICKSSgt.Rachtmaninthe back.

You!Go!

Sgt.Rachtmanisa littleslowto respond.SoHirschberg grabshim bythehair,YANKShim tohis feet,andKICKShim in theass,sendinghimon hisway.

Mostof theBasterdssitin acircle,Indianstyle,with Aldoin themiddle.

As Sgt.RachtmanwalkstowardthiscircleofBasterds, An OFFSCREENLITERARYNARRATOR(notPvt.Butz)speaksover the SOUNDTRACKinENGLISH:

thefirsttimehe’severbeen onthe wrongendofthe exchange. It’salwaysbeenhisbeliefthat onlyaweaklinginmind,body,and spirit complieswiththeenemyunderthreatofconsequence. AsWernerwatchedmencrylikewomen, pleadinglyoffertheirknowledge,in exchangefortheirworthlesslives, hemadea vowto himself. Ifhisrole isto dieinthis conflict, whentheyputhim undertheearth, hisdignitywouldbeburiedwithhim. Forinthe otherworld,thegodsonly respecttheonestheytestfirst. Well,Sergeant,thisisyourtest. Andthegodsare watching.

The capturedGermansergeantentersthecircleofBasterds,stands straightbeforethesittingsouthernlieutenant,andsaluteshis captor.

(ENGLISH) Sgt.WernerRachtman.

Aldoreturnsthesalute,lookingatup him.

Lt.AldoRaine.Pleasedtomeetcha. Youknowwhatsit downmeans,Werner?

Yes.

Thensitdown.

The Germansergeantdoes.

How’syourEnglish,Werner?Causeifneedbe, wegottacouplefellas cantranslate.

Aldopointsat oneof theBasterdsinthecircle, CPL.WILHELMWICKI.

Wickithere,anAustrianJew,gotthefuck outtaSalzbergwhilethe gettin’wasgood.BecameAmerican, gotdrafted,andcamebackto give y’allwhatfor.

ThenAldo pointstoanotherBasterd.Abig,scary-lookingBasterd, in aGermansergeant’suniform,namedSGT.HUGOSTIGLITZ.

Andanotheroneoverthereyou mightbefamiliarwith,Sgt.HugoStiglitz. Heardof’em?

The twoGermansergeantslookateachother.

EverybodyintheGermanarmy’sheard ofHugoStiglitz.

The Basterdslaugh,andacouplepatHugoon theback.

The NARRATORcomesbackontheSOUNDTRACK.

WE SEEA PHOTOOFHUGOon thefrontpageof theNaziversion of StarsandStripes(themilitarynewspaper).

WE SEETHEMILITARYPHOTOSOFALL THIRTEENGESTAPOOFFICERS.

Hugoin chains,beingputina lonetrooptruck,partof a prisonconvoy,enrouteto Berlin.

EXT—FRENCHCOUNTRYSIDE—DAY

The BasterdsAMBUSHtheprisonconvoy,killingeverybody.

Theywalk totheback ofthetrooptruck.Inside,Hugo,inchains, staresbackat them.

Hugonods.

I’mLt.AldoRaine,and theseare theBasterds.Everheardofus?

Hugonods hishead,yes.

Wejustwannasay,we’rea bigfan ofyour work.Whenitcomesto killin’Nazis,Ithink youshowgreattalent,andI pridemyselfon havin’aneyefor thatkindoftalent.Butyour statusasa Nazikillerisstillamateur.We allcamehereto seeif youwannagopro?

BACKTO THEBASTERDCIRCLE.

NowWerner,I’mgonnaassumeyouknowwho we are?

AldotheApache.

The circleofBasterdsgiggle.

Well,Werner,ifyouheardof us,youprobably heardweain’tin the prisoner-takin’business.Weinthekillin’ Nazibusiness.Andcousin,businessisboomin’.

The Basterdslaugh.

Nowthatleavestwowayswe canplaythis out. Eitherkillyaor letya go.Nowwhetherornot yougonna leavethiscirclealivedepends entirelyonyou.

Aldotakesout amap ofthe areaandlaysit outin front of hisprisoner.

Uptheroad apiece,there’sa orchard.’Sidesyou,weknowthere’sanother krautpatrolfuckin’around

weretohaveany crackshots,thatorchard wouldbea goddamnsniper’sdelight.Nowifyou everwannaeat asauerkrautsandwichagain,you gottashowmeon thismapwhere theyare,yougottatellme howmanythey are, andyougottatellme whatkindaartillerytheycarrying with’em.

Youcan’texpectmeto divulgeinformationthat wouldputGerman livesindanger.

Well,Werner,that’swhereyou’rewrong. Becausethat’sexactlywhatIexpect. Ineedto knowaboutGermanshidin’ intrees.Andyou needtotellme. Andyouneedto tellme,rightnow. Nowtakeyourfingerandpointout onthismap wherethisparty’sbein’held,how many’scomin’,andwhattheybroughttoplay with.

Wernersits,headheldhigh,back straight,chinup,every inchthe Germanherofacingdeath.

Irespectfullyrefuse,sir.

Aldojerkshis thumbbehindhim.

Youseethatole boybattin’rocks?

WE RACK-FOCUStooneofthe Basterdsnotinthecircle. He’swearinga wifebeaterandpower-hittingstones witha baseballbat.

Werner’seyesgoto theballplayer.

That’sSgt.DonnyDonowitz.Butyoumightknow himbetterbyhis nickname,theBearJew.Now ifyouheardof AldotheApache,yougottaheardabouttheBear Jew?

Iheard.

Whatdidyouhear?

HebeatsGermansoldierswithaclub.

Hebashestheirbrainsinwitha baseballbat, whathedoes.

backto us,stillhaven’tseenhisface.He BabeRuthsa rocksoaringintothe atmosphere.

Now,Werner,I’mgonnaaskyouone lastgoddamntime,andifyou still “respectfullyrefuse,”I’mcallingtheBearJew overhere,andhe’sgonnatakethat bigbatof his,andhe’sgonnabeatyour asstodeathwith it. NowtakeyourWiener-schnitzel-lickin’finger andpointouton thismap whatIwant toknow.

Fuckyouandyour Jewdogs.

Insteadofgettingmad,the BasterdsburstoutLAUGHING.

Alsosays toWerner,witha giggleinhisvoice:

Actually,Werner,we’realltickled yasaidthat.Frankly,watchin’Donnybeat Nazistodeathis theclosest weeverget togoin’to themovies. (YELLING) DONNY!

He turnstothe CAMERAandyells:

Yeah?

Gota Germanherewantstodiefor hiscountry. Obligehim.

bat overhisshoulder,smiles.

CUTTO

INT—BARBERSHOP(BOSTON)—DAY

Donny,cuttingheads,inhispop’sbarbershop,in Boston.

INT—SPORTINGGOODSSTORE—DAY

MR. GOOROWITZ’SsportinggoodsshopinDonny’sJewishBoston neighborhood.Donnywalksin.

Hello,Donny.Howareyou?

Yourmother,yourfather—everything goodthere?

The storeproprietorextendshishandtotheyoungman.

Goodforyou,son.Kill oneofthoseNazi basterdsforme,willya?

WhatcanI doyou for,Donny?

The storeownerleadshimtoa basketwitheightbatsin it.Donny startsgoingthroughthemwithoutsayinganything.

Mr. Goorowitzwatches.

Yougettin’yourlittlebrotherapresent beforeyoushipout?

Donny,concentratingonthebats,notlookingup:

Donny’s“no”silencesthegabbyGoorowitz.Heseemsto settleon one,feelingitsweightinhishands.

Extendinghisarm:

Bemy guest.

The phonerings.

I’llgetthat.Yougo rightahead.

The proprietoranswersthephoneandgetsintoa conversationwithhisOFFSCREENmother.

Donnywalksoutside.WESTAYIN STOREbutcan seehim clearlythroughthestore’sbigpicturewindow.

However,Mr.GoorowitzinstinctivelyturnshisbacktoDonny to speakwithhismother.

Donnystartsswingingthebat.It’sprettyobvioushe’spantomiming

he startsyelling:

Mr. Goorowitzseesnoneofthisashe speakstohis mother.Hehangsup thephonejustas Donnywalksbackinto the store.Thestoreownerturnstothe storecustomer.

CUTTO

INT—HALLWAYAPARTMENTBUILDING—DAY

Donny,dressednice,inan apartmentbuildinginhisJewishBoston neighbourhood.Heknocksonadoor.

A VERYOLDJEWISHWOMANopensthe door,onlyalittle, peeringoutat theyoungman.

Stateyourbusiness,youngman.

I’veseenit.Do youlivein theneighborhood?

Again,stateyourbusiness?

Whatabout?

She thinksforabeat,then holdsthedooropenfor the youngman.

Comein.Wouldyoulike sometea?

INT—MRS.HIMMELSTEIN’SAPARTMENT—DAY

Donnysitson anoverstuffedsofa,holdingateacupand saucerin hishand.Mrs.Himmelsteinsitsonanoverstuffedchair, holdinghertea,lookingacrossather visitor.

Donnychucklesather littlejoke.Theoldwomanremains stone.Shewasn’tjoking.Heplaceshis sauceronthecoffeetable and begins:

Whatcompelsyou,youngman,toask astranger suchapersonalquestion?

Andjusthowdo intendtodo that,Joshua?

He holdsuphis bat.

Andwhatexactlydoyou intendtodowith that toy?

She takesanothersipoftea.

Ithoughtwewere havingteatogether.

Donnypicksup hiscupand takesasip.

Andinthis pursuit,howisitthat Ican beof service?

watchesallthis. . .

As WECUT BACKandFORTHBETWEENDONNYWALKINGandWERNERWAITING, WE ALSOCUTBACKAND FORTHBETWEENDONNYand MRS.HIMMELSTEIN.. .

Youmustbe arealbasterd,Donny.

Handmeyoursword,Gideon.I dobelieveIwill joinyouon thisjourney.

She signstheBAT:“MADELEINE.”

Donnystepsup tothe plate,lookingdownattheNazi: He seestheIronCrosshangingfromthe GermanSgt’srightpocket. The JewtapstheGerman’smedalwiththeend ofhis bat.

Donnygiveshim a“oh yeah,we’llseeaboutthat,”look.

The BearJewraisesthebat uphighoverhis shoulderandbringsit downhard againstthesideofRachtman’shead.

DonnyBEATSWernerTO DEATHWITHTHEBAT,to thecheersof the Basterds.

watches.Hirschbergsaystohim:

Aboutnow,I’dbe shittin’mypants,ifI was you.

Aldopointsa fingeratButzsand crooksittowardhim.

A crying,visiblyshakenButzsitsdowninfrontof Aldo.

Youwannalive?

Yes,sir.

Pointoutonthis maptheGermanposition.

His armshootsoutlikea rocketandpointsoutthe positions.

Thisareahere.

Howmany?

Maybetwelve.

Whatkindofartillery?

BACKTO HITLER

WE SEEPvt.Butzin theFührer’sroomforthe firsttime. He wearsaNazi cap,whichisunusualinthe presenceofthe Führer,buthe seemsokaywithit.

Theyletme go.

FROMHERE ONWE GOBACKAND FORTHBETWEENALDOANDHITLER.

Now,whenyoureportwhathappenedhere, youcan’ttell’emyou tolduswhat you toldus.They’llshootya.Butthey’regonna wannaknow,whyyouso special,weletyou live?Sotell’em weletya liveso you couldspreadthewordthroughtheranks what’sgonnahappentoeveryNaziwefind.

Yes,meinFührer.

Pause.

Yes,meinFührer.

Nowsaywe letya go,andsay yousurvivethe war?Whenyouget back home,what’chagonnado?

Iwillhug mymotherlikeI’veneverhuggedher before.

Well,ain’tthatareal niceboy.Areyou going totakeoff youruniform?

NotonlyshallI removeit,butI intendto burnit!

The youngGermanistellingAldowhathethinksAldowants to hear.Butthelast answerdidn’tgodownaswell ashe thoughtitwould,as isevidentbythe frownonAldo’sface.

Yeah,that’swhatwethought.Wedon’tlike that.Yousee,we likeourNazis inuniforms.Thatway,youcanspot ’emjust likethat. (snapshisfingers) Butyoutakeoff thatuniform,ain’tnobody gonnaknowyouwasa Nazi. Andthatdon’tsitwell withus.

Aldoremovesa LARGEKNIFEfroma sheathonhisbelt.

SoI’mgonnagive yaa littlesomethin’you can’ttakeoff.

Youknow,Lieutenant,you’regettingpretty goodatthat.

Youknowhowyou getto CarnegieHall,don’t cha?Practice.

FADETO BLACK

OVERBLACK

CHAPTERTITLEAPPEARS:

CHAPTERTHREE

“GERMANNIGHTINPARIS”

INT—CINEMAAUDITORIUM—NIGHT

We’rein theauditoriumofacinemain Paris.However,the CAMERAis pointedinthedirectionoftheaudience,notthescreen. We startCLOSEonthe projectorbeamemanatingfrom the littleglasswindowinthebackof thetheater.

The CAMERAcontinuestoDOLLYback,makingtheshotwiderand wider,bringinginmoreand moretheGerman-occupiedcitizens of Paris,whostareatthe OFFSCREENsilverscreeninthedark.

We canhearthe OFFSCREENSOUNDTRACKofaGoebbels-producedGerman omm-pa-pamusicalmoviebeingprojected.

The shotcontinuestopullfartherandfartherback,andtheGerman dialoguecontinuestofilltheauditorium.. .

UNTIL. . .

The DOLYSHOTLANDSona CLOSEUPofShosanna,watchingthe movie.

A SUBTITLEAPPEARS:

“SHOSANNADREYFUS TWOWEEKSAFTERTHE MASSACRE OF SHOSANNA’SFAMILY”

We hearthesoundof theGermanmusical’sclimax.

The lightsgoupin theauditorium.

Shosanna,dressedinaNURSE’SUNIFORMsheswipedfrom somewhere,remainsseated,astherestofthe PATRONSgathertheir coatsand fileout.

EXT—LITTLECINEMA(PARIS)—NIGHT

Patronsexitunderthecinemamarquee,assomeonefrominsideSHUTS OFF themarquee’slights.

The MARQUEEREADSinFrench:

“GERMANNIGHTBRIDGETVONHAMMERSMARKinMADCAPINMEXICO.”

EXT—PROJECTIONBOOTH(LITTLECINEMA)

A Frenchblackman,whowe willlearnlaterisnamedMARCEL, is thecinema’sprojectionist.Weseehimforamoment,takingthe filmreelsoff theprojectorandplacingthemonrewinds.

INT—AUDITORIUM

The ownerofthecinema,an attractive-lookingFrenchwoman, who wewilllaterknowas MADAMEMIMIEUX,appearsin one ofthecinema’sopera-boxbalconies.

Lookingdownfromher porchattheyounggirl,sittingin the emptycinema.

The DIALOGUEwillbespokeninFRENCHandSUBTITLEDIN ENGLISH.

MADAMEMIMIEUX

Parishasone.I haven’tboredyouwithmine. Don’tboremewithyours.

Usingher handstopantomimetherotatingfilmreelsona projector,shesays:

FLASHON:

BACKTO SHOSANNA

youbeenin Paris?

Pause.

Thinks. ..

DISSOLVETO

TITLECARD:

Whichshowsa lovelyPENCILSKETCHoftheCITYOF PARIS, completewithEiffelTower.

ABOVEIT READS:

“1944 PARIS”

THEN. . .

The CAMERAPULLSBACK,andwesee we’renotlookingata TITLECARD at all,buta CALENDERstuckonthewallof thelittlecinema’s projectionbooth.Beforeweleaveit,WESEE the monthis JUNE. ..

The CAMERAfindstheTHREE-YEARS-OLDERSHOSANNAworking as thePROJECTIONIST.ItwouldappearthatShosannapassed MadameMimieux’sexceptionaltest.

A lyrical,Morricone-liketunePLAYSontheSOUNDTRACK.This willbe “Shosanna’sTheme.”

A littlebellbeginsRINGINGononeof theprojectors, alertingShosannaitstimefora REELCHANGE.

Shosannastandsattheprojector,watchingtheoldGermanfilm she’sprojecting,waitingfortheFIRSTREELCHANGEMARK.. .

As theFILMREELon theFIRSTPROJECTORrollsout,Shosannastands ready,waitingbythe SECONDPROJECTOR...

WHEN. . .

As “Shosanna’sTheme”playsonthesoundtrack,wewatch,via MONTAGE,hergo throughherdailychores:carryheavyfilmcans up thestairs,emptytherattraps,etc,etc. .. .

EXT—CINEMA—NIGHT

The MARQUEEREADSinFrench:

“GERMANNIGHTLENIRIEFENSTAHLinPABST’SWHITEHELLOFPITZPALU”

Shosannaemergesfromthecinemacarryingtwobucketsof LETTERS(forthemarquee)anda tallladder.Herchorehere, obviously,istochangethe showonthe marquee.

The LITERARYNARRATORcomesonthesoundtrackinENGLISH:

Shosanna,byherself,percheduphighonthe ladder,changing the lettersonthemarquee.

TheyspeakFRENCH,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Shosannalooksdown,seeingtheyoungGermansoldiersmilingupat her frombelow.

Shosannacontinuesworking,notaddingtotheconversation.

He handstheFrenchdamselthelettersspellingMAX.

She busiesherselfwiththemarqueeletters...

Due tohisuniformandShosanna’ssituation,hisefforts at tryingtomakesmalltalkstrikethe youngJewessin hidingas aGestapointerrogation.

Shosannamakesnoreplyback.

She climbsdownfromtheladderandfacesthe German private.

She turnstogo backinside.

She opensthedoorto goinside.

She handshimherexcellentlyforgedpapers.

That’sobviouslynotwhathemeant,but hetakesthemanyway to readhername.

He handsthemback.

She givesnoresponse.

He giveshera littlesaluteandwalksintotheblackof acurfew- imposednight.

She looksafterhim.Shedidn’tshowit,but hekindof gotto her. Afterall,for anytruecinemalover,it’shardto hateanybody who,CINEMAMON AMOUR.

EXT—ROOFTOPCINEMA—NIGHT

Shosannastandsontheroof herhercinema,lateat night,lighting up acigarette.Asshetakesher firstbigdrag, she remembersavoice.

Shosannaisshockedbythis statement.

seeyouwithan openflamein mycinemaagain, Iwon’tturnyou intotheNazis.I’llkillyou

curfewpass. Doyouunderstandme?

BACKTO ROOF

Shosannaexhalescigarettesmoke.

Marcelcomesontothe roof.

Marcelgoesbackinside.Shosannasmokes.

INT—FRENCHBISTRO—AFTERNOON

Shosannasitsinthe backofa Frenchbistro,readinga book,“TheSaintin NewYork,”by LeslieCharteris,drinking winewhen theyoungGermansoldierfromtheotherday, FREDRICKZOLLER,walksin.Hegetsa beer,thennoticestheFrench girlsittingin theback.Hesmilesand headsover to her.“Ohno, notthisguyagain,”shethinks.

Againtheyspeakin FRENCHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Justthen TWOOTHERGERMANSOLDIERScomeover,obviously veryimpressedwithFredrick.Theymakeafussover himin UNSUBTITLEDGERMAN,whichneitherShosannaorthenon-German- speakingmembersofthemovie’saudiencecanunderstand. He signsautographsforthemandshakestheirhands,andthey go ontheirway.

Shosanna’seyesnarrow.

He leansinacrossthetable.She leansintoo,and hesays:

She leansback,annoyed.

Fredricklaughsatthatline.

ThiscatchesyoungShosannaoffguard.

Helga.Sheraisedme,whenourfather wasn’tuptothe job.I admirehervery much.You’dlikeher.Shedoesn’tweara Germanuniform.

TWO MOREGERMANSOLDIERSandtheirTWOFRENCHDATESapproach the table.TheyaskforFredrick’sautograph,andhesignsitfor them.One oftheFrenchgirlssays,in FRENCH,howexciting it isto meeta realliveGermanwarhero.Shosannahears it. Theyleave.Sothat’sit,she thinks.

He takesasip ofbeer.

You betyoursweetassthat gotherattention.

myselfandathousandroundsofammo ina bird’snest,againstthree hundredSovietsoldiers.

advantageousformarksmen.

York.

premiereinParis,soI’vebeenhelpingthemin theplanning. Josephisverykeenon thisfilm. He’stellinganybodywhowilllistenthat when“Nation’sPride”isreleased I’llbethe GermanVanJohnson.

Shosannaisn’tfallingfortheyoungGermanbyany stretch. However,hisexploits,aswellas hischarmingmanner,can’t helpbut impress.ButhisreferringtoGoebbelsas“Joseph,” likethey’refriends,isallshe needstoget ontherightside of things.Thisyoungmanis troublewithacapitalT, and she needstostayfar fuckingawayfromhim.

She abruptlyrisesandsays:

And withthat,shedisappears,leavingtheperplexedprivatealone.

EXT—CINEMAMARQUEE—DAY

It’sthe nextday.

ShosannaandMarcelarechangingthelettersonthe marquee.

Marcelexcuseshimselftovisitthetoilet.

Shosannaisaloneoutsidethelittlecinema,percheduponher ladder.

WHEN. . .

A GERMANMAJORina blackGestapouniformstepsoutoftheback of the sedan.

The DRIVER,aGermanprivate,stepsoutaswell.

Yellingtothe younggirluphigh ontheladder:

BothGERMANand FRENCHwillbeSUBTITLEDINENGLISH.

Tellinghisdriverin Germantoaskher inFrench:

In FrenchthedriverasksShosanna:

She climbsdowntheladder.

The driveropensthebackdoorof thesedan,indicatingforherto get in.

Thenin herbestimitationofMademoiselleMimeux’sarrogant manner.

The driverbeginstotranslatewhentheGestapomajorholdsuphis hand,tellinghimnot tobother.Themajorlooksat theyoung Frenchgirland tellsherinGerman:

No translationnecessary.Sheclimbsintothebackofthecar, followedbythe Germans.Thesedantakesoff.

INT—SEDAN(MOVING)—DAY

The Nazisedandrivesthroughtheearly-afternoonParis streets.

The sedanstops.

The cardooropens,andthe driveroffersShosannahishand.

EXT/INT—MAXIM’S(FAMOUSPARISCAFÉ)—DAY

She stepsoutofthe carandis ledintoa Pariscaféby the Gestapoofficer.IttakestheyoungJewessa momentortwobefore she realizesshe’snotbeingledtoa Gestapointerrogation room,a railroadcar,ora concentrationcamp,buttolunch.

The besttableatMaxim’s.Threepeople,andtwodogs,sitat it: Germany’sministerofpropagandaandthenumber-twomaninHitler’s ThirdReich,JOSEPHGOEBBELS;hisfemaleFrenchtranslator(and mistress),FRANCESCAMONDINO;andyoungPrivateZoller. TWO BLACKFRENCHPOODLESbelongingtoMademoiselleMondinosit togetherinanotherchairatthe table.

We jointhein mid-conversation:

Theyall speakGERMAN,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH;

Shosannaisled throughtheFrencheaterybytheGestapomajor. PrivateZollerseesherand standsup,excuseshimself, and greetsherbeforeshereachesthetable.

FredricksaysinFrench,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH;

THEN. . .

PrivateZollerturnsinhis direction,takesShosannabythe arm,and leadsherto him.

JosephGoebbels,remainingseated,looksupattheyoungFrench girl,scrutinizingherashespoonscrèmebrûléeintohis mouth.

The excitedFredrickintroducesShosannatothepropagandaminister formally.

Goebbelsoffersuphislong,spiderlikefingersforShosannato shake.Shedoes.

He lookstoFrancescatotranslate,butshe’sjusttakenabig bite of tiramisu.

Theyall laugh.

Frederickjumpsin. ..

NARRATOR’SVOICEcomesonsoundtrack:

FLASHON

Francesca,dressedasaFrenchpeasantgirl,witha YOUNG GERMAN(MOVIE)SOLDIER.

She speaksinFRENCH,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

FRANCESCA/PEASANTGIRL Iloveyou, Ican’thelpit. Mycountryormy heart,whichdoI betray?

A SUBTITLEAPPEARSbelownamingthefilm’stitle:

“SENTIMENTALCOMBAT”(1943)

WE SEEJUSTA SUPER-QUICKSHOTOFGoebbelsFUCKINGFrancescaDOGGY- STYLE.

The GestapoofficerstepsupandsaystoFredrickinGerman:

The Gestapoofficerpullsoutachairforthe youngladytosit down.Shosannatakesthehotseat.Seatedto herrightis Pvt.Zoller.To herleftarethe twocurly,pampered

froma smallcarafeonthe table.

Goebbelslooksacrossthetableather.

FrancescainterpretsGoebbels’sGermanforShosanna.

Francescainterprets...

Francescainterprets...

Francescainterprets...

Francescainterprets...

Francescainterprets...

PrivateZollerinterrupts—

FrancescatellsShosannainFrench:

Zollerreacts.

GoebbelsspeaksGermantoShosanna:

GOEBBELS

seatsinyourauditorium?

Fredrickjumpsin. . .

youdidn’twanttoindulgeevery two-facedFrenchbourgeoistaking

seatsitmakestheeventmore exclusive.You’renottryingtofill thehouse,they’refightingforseats.

whoshouldbeallowedinthe room arepeoplewhowillbe movedby theexploitsonscreen.

Goebbelslistenssilently,thenafterabitofa pause:

thewar’sover, politicsawaits.

Tablechuckles.

Francescainterprets...

Francescaasks.. .

Francescainterprets...

Francescaasks.. . ?

Francescainterprets...

Fredrickjumpsin. . .

He chuckles,butalone.

Zoller,thinkingfast,says:

As FrancescainterpretsthisforShosanna...

the emptychairnexttothe youngJewishgirlissuddenly filledwiththe bottomhalfofa grayS.S.officeruniform.

The S.S.officersitsdown,andit’sourold friendfromthe firstscene,COL.HANSLANDA.

The S.S.OFFICER who mureredherfamilytakesherhandandkissesit, sayingin perfectFrench:

The tablelaughs.

Francesca’smemoryisjogged.

She repeatsitbywhisperingitinGoebbels’sear.

Big,heartylaugharoundthetable.

Thenthe Reichminister’scompanion,MademoiselleMondino, interrupts:

Theyall chuckle.

Everybodybeginstostandupfrom thetable. ..

Francescagathersthestupiddogs.. .

As Col.Landastands,hesays:

MademoiselleMimieux’seyesgotoPrivateZoller,whoresponds.

ormyselfbeconcerned?

theirway tofrontof thecafé,withthetwo dumbdogson a leash,leadingtheway.

Everybodysaystheirfarewells.

Col.Landaoffersthe youngJewinhidinga seatat asmall tablein theoutsidepatioareaofMaxim’s.

The fluencyandpoeticproficiencyoftheS.S.Jewhunter’s Frenchrevealstothe audiencethathisfeigningclumsinessat FrenchwithMonsieurLaPaditeinthefilm’sfirstscenewas simplyan interrogationtechnique.

TheyspeakFRENCHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

She’saboutto answerwhenaWAITERapproaches.

ConsideringthatShosannagrewupona dairyfarm,andthelast timeshe wason adairyfarmher strudelcompanionmurderedher entirefamily,hisorderinghermilkis,to saythe least. . .disconcerting.

The keytoCol. Landa’spowerand/orcharm,dependingonthe sideone’son, liesinhis abilitytoconvinceyouhe’sprivyto yoursecrets.

The waiterexits.

The strudelarrives.

The coloneltakesonelookatit andsaysto thewaiter:

COL. LANDA

crèmefraîche.

He exits.

The waiterreturns,applyingcrèmefraîchetothetwostrudels.

The S.S.colonellooksacrossthetableathiscompanion.Picking up hisfork,he says:

lead.

Shosanna,mouthfullofstrudel,indicatessheapproves.

Col.Landaremovesa littleblackbookfromhispocket.

He recordsthenamesinhis littlebook.

As ifshe hasanysay.

Col.Landatakesanotherbiteof strudel,andShosannafollows suit.

Landatakesout ahandsome-lookingcigarettecase,withanS.S. LOGOon it.Removingoneof thefags,helightsit upwitha fancy S.S.gold lighter.HeoffersonetoShosanna.

She takesonebutmakesno movetolightit.

He inhalesdeeplyandsays:

Col.Landastandsup, throwssomeFrenchfrancsonthetable,puts on hisgrayS.S.cap, toucheshisfingertohisvisor,saluting Shosanna,andsays:

And withthathe’sgone.

Shosannabreathsasighof relief.

The CAMERAbeginstoslowlylowerfromaMEDIUMCU toher feetand anklesandthe floor.Weseeher shoesarein apuddleof urine. Duringherconversationandstrudelwiththemanwho exterminatedherentirefamily,Shosannapissedherself. She dropstheGermancigaretteintothepisspuddlebyher feet.

INT—CINEMAAUDITORIUM—NIGHT

The SILVERSCREEN Onscreenisthe Germanscrewballcomedy“LUCKYKIDS.”

We hearOFFSCREENlaughterattheonscreenAryanantics.

The LITERARYNARRATORcomesonthesoundtrack.

We seeherface getslightlydistractedbehindtheeyes.

She chucklesatTHATthought,thoughitlookslikeshe’s chucklingattheGermancomedy.

The ideaflashesonherface. ThenShosannaburstsoutlaughing.

Zollerlooksoverat her.Happy. She’senjoyingthemovie.

The Nazirouges’gallery,andShosanna,applaudthefilm.

The lightsgoup.

Goebbelsacceptscongratulations,astheystandandbeginto fileout intothelobby.

venuechanged toShosanna’scinema.Notonlythat, ina momentofinspiration,HerrGoebbelshad anidea.

GoebbelsspeaksGERMAN,andFrancescatranslates:

hasrealrespect,almostchurchlike. Nottosay wecouldn’tsprucethe placeupa bit.InVersailles there’sacrystalchandelierhanging inthebanquethallthatis extraordinary.We’regoingtogetit andhangit fromtheverymiddleof theauditoriumroof.AlsoIwantto goto the Louvre,pickupa fewGreeknudes, andjustscatterthemaboutthelobby.

The chandelierbeingremovedfromtheceilingofVersailles.

Greeknudestatuesbeinghand-truckedoutoftheLouvre.

A truckdrivingthroughtheFrenchcountrysidewiththeenormous crystalchandelierintheback.

The lobbyofShosanna’scinema,pimpedoutinNaziiconography.

intoplace.

We seeworkerstryingwithincredibledifficultytohoistthehuge, heavy,andtwinkinglyfragilechandelierinShosanna’sauditorium, whichnow resemblessomethingoutofoneofTintoBrass’sItalian B-movieripoffsofVisconti’s“TheDamned.”

We seePvt.Zollerhangingback,sohe cansaygood-bye.

She closesthedooronhim, watchingtheNaziswalkinto Parisnight.Theirshadowsfora momentonthewall,look likegrotesqueNazicaricatures.

The Nazisaregone.

Marcelsitsat thetopof thestaircaseofthelobby,lookingdown at Shosanna.

Theyspeakin FRENCHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

She slowlywalksupthestairsto Marcel.Shemakeshimpart his legsandsitson thelowerstep,betweenhislegs,her backup againsthischest,hisarmsaroundhershoulders,Shosanna has onlyknownthistypeof intimacywithMarcel.

She beginskissinghishands.

One ofhisfingersprobeshermouth.

The backofher headpressesuphardagainsthim,ashis handboth caressesandgripsherlovelyneck.

She thenTWISTSaroundsoshe’sstraddlinghim.Theyarenow faceto face.

She giveshima deepFrenchkiss.

FADETO BLACK

BLACKFRAME

CHAPTERTITLEAPPEARS:

CHAPTERFOUR

“OPERATIONKINO”

FADEOFF

INT—ENGLISHCOUNTRYESTATE—DAY

A youngMILITARYATTACHÉopenstheslidingdoubledoors thatserveas anentrancetothe room.

MILITARYATTACHÉ Rightthisway,Lieutenant.

A snappy,handsomeBritishlieutenantindressbrownstepsinside the room.Thisofficer,whohasbeenmixingitup with the Gerryssincethelatethirties,isLT.ARCHIEHICOX, a youngGeorgeSanderstype(“TheSaint”and“PrivateAffairsof Bel Ami”years).

Uponenteringtheroom,Lt. Hicoxisgobsmacked.

Standingbeforehimislegendarymilitarymastermind GEN.ED FENECH,anolderGeorgeSanderstype(“Villageofthe Damned”).

But intheback oftheroom,sittingbehinda piano, smokinghisever-presentcigar,istheunmistakable bulkof WINSTONCHURCHILL.

The lieutenantwasnotexpectinghim.

Hicoxsalutesthegeneral.

LieutenantHicoxreporting,sir.

(salutesback) GeneralEd.Fenech.Atease,Hicox.Drink?

Hicox’seyesgo totheformidablebulldogbehindthepiano, who’sscrutinizinghimbehindhiscigar.However,themanbehind the cigarmakesnogesture,andthegeneralmakesnoacknowledgment of thethree-hundred-poundgorillaintheroom.WhichLt.Hicox knowsenoughto mean,ifChurchillisn’tintroduced,heain’t there.

Ifyouofferedme ascotchandplainwater,I coulddrinkascotchand plainwater.

Thataboy, Lieutenant.Makeityourself,like agoodchap, willyou?Bar’sinthe globe.

Hicoxheadsoverto thebar globe.

Somethingforyourself,sir?

Whiskeystraight.Nojunkinit.

The lieutenantmovesovertotheColumbus-styleglobebarand busieshimselfmixingspirits,playingbartenderchappy.

Fenech,eyeingthelieutenant’sfile.

Itsayshereyou’verun three undercovercommandooperationsinGermanyand German-occupied territories?Frankfurt,Holland, andNorway,tobe exact?

Backto them,mixingdrinks,hesays:

Extraordinarypeople,theNorwegians.

Itsayshereyou speakGermanfluently?

LikeaKatzenjammerKid.

Andyouroccupationbeforethewar?

His backstilltous, ashe bartends...

I’ma filmcritic.

Listyouraccomplishments?

Well,sir,suchasthey are,Iwritereviews andarticlesforapublicationcalled“Films andFilmmakers.” Aswellas oursisterpublication.

What’sthatcalled?

“FlickersBi-Monthly,”andI’vehad twobookspublished.

Impressive.Don’tbemodest,Lieutenant.What aretheirtitles?

Thefirstbookwascalled“Artof theEyes,the Heart,andtheMind:A StudyofGermanCinema intheTwenties.” Andthesecondonewas called.. .

He turnsaroundwithhiswhiskeyandplainwaterandthe general’s whiskeynojunk.He finisheswhathewassaying,as he walkstowardthegeneral,handinghimhisdrink.

“Twenty-FourFrameDaVinci.” It’sasubtextualfilmcriticism studyofthework ofGermandirector G.W. Pabst.

He handsthegeneralhiswhiskey.

Whatshouldwedrinkto,sir?

(thinking,for amoment) DownwithHitler.

Alltheway down,sir.

CLINK.

AreyoufamiliarwithGermancinemaunderthe ThirdReich?

Yes.ObviouslyIhaven’tseenanyof thefilmsmadein thelastthree years,butIam familiarwithit.

Explainittome.

Pardon,sir?

Thislittleescapadeofours requiresaknowledgeoftheGerman

meUFA,underGoebbels?

Goebbelsconsidersthefilmshe’s makingtobethe beginningofanew erainGermancinema—analternative towhathe considerstheJewish Germanintellectualcinemaofthetwentiesand theJewish-controlled dogmaofHollywood.

SUDDENLY.. . bellowingfromthebackofthe room:

Frightfullysorry,sir,onceagain?

Quitewell,actually.SinceGoebbels hastakenover,filmattendancehassteadily riseninGermanyoverthe lasteightyears.ButLouisB.Mayerwouldn’t beGoebbels’properoppositenumber.Ibelieve GoebbelsseeshimselfclosertoDavidO. Selznick.

Gen.Fenechlooksto theprimeminister.

Witha puffof cigarsmoke,Churchillsays:

Lt.Hicox,atthispointin timeI’dlike to

now,JosephGoebbelsisthrowingagala premiereofoneofhis newmoviesinParis—

—Whatfilm,sir?

The generalhastoresorttopeekingat hisfile.

Themotionpicturescalled“Nation’sPride.”

Oh,youmeanthe filmaboutPrivateZoller?

Wedon’thaveany intelligenceonexactlywhat thefilmthatnight willbeabout.

Butit’scalled“Nation’sPride”?

Yes.

Ican tellyouwhatit’sabout. It’saboutPrivateFredrickZoller. He’stheGermanSargeantYork.

Fenechcan’thelpsuppressasmile.Theyhave therightman.

InattendanceatthisjoyousGermanicoccasion willbeGoebbels,Goering,Boormann,andmost oftheGermanHighCommand,includingallthe high-rankingofficersofboththeS.S.andthe Gestapo,aswellasluminariesoftheNazi propaganda-filmindustry.

Themasterraceatplay,aye?

Basically,wehaveallourrotten eggsinone basket.TheobjectiveofOperation Kino.. . Blowupthe basket.

(recitinga poem) .. . andlikethesnowsof yesteryear,gone fromthisearth.Jollygood,sir.

AnAmericanSecretServiceoutfit thatlivesdeepbehindenemylines willbeyourassist.TheGermanscallthem“the Basterds.”

“TheBasterds.”Neverheardofthem.

WholepointoftheSecretService, oldboy,younot hearingofthem. ButtheGerryshaveheardof them,because theseYankshavebeenthem thedevil.Theirleaderisa chap

Germanscallhim“AldotheApache.”

Whydothey callhimthat?

Bestguessisbecauseheremovesthescalpsof theNazidead.

Scalps,sir?

Thehair.

He runshisfingeralonghishairline.

Likeared Injun.

Rathergruesome-soundinglittledickybird, isn’the?

Nodoubtthewholelot, abunchof nutters.But you’veheardthe expression“Ittakesathief.”

Indeed.

Gen.Fenechcontinuesonwithhis exposition,movingover to amilitarymap.

You’llbedroppedintoFranchabouttwenty-four

bewaitingforyou.Firstthing,yougo toa littlevillagecalledNadine. (He pointsitout onthemap.) ApparentlytheGerrysnevergothere. InNadine,there’sataverncalled LaLouisiane.You’llrendezvous withourdoubleagent,andshe’lltakeit from there.She’stheonewho’s goingtogetyou intothepremiere. Itwillbe you,her,andtwo German- bornmembersoftheBasterds.She’s alsomadeallthe otherarrangementsyou’re goingtoneed.

HowwillI knowher?

Isuspectthatwon’tbe toomuch

Hammersmark.

BridgetvonHammersmark?TheGermanmoviestar isworkingforEngland?

Forthelasttwo yearsnow.Onecouldevensay OperationKinowasherbrainchild.

In thebackof theroomthe bulldogbarks:

Quite.

You’llgotothe premiereasher escort,luckydevil.She’llalso havethepremiereticketsforthe othertwo.Gotthegist?

Ithinkso, sir.Pariswhenitsizzles.

The threeBritishbulldogslaugh.

EXT—CINEMAROOFTOP—DAY

ShosannaandMarcelareon therooftopoftheircinema literallymakingamovie.

Marcelis behindanold(eventhen)BOLEX35MMMOVIECAMERA, positionedlow,lookingup.

Shosanna,thecamerasubject,standsonboxeslookingdown intoit.

A old-timeyMICROPHONEispositionedoutofframe.

As theyalwaysdo,andalwayswill,theyspeakFRENCH SUBTITLEDintoyouknowwhat.

She does.

She clapsherhandsinfrontof herface.

Shosannatakesadeep breath,then:

WE CUT,BEFORESHESPEAKS,TO. . .

THE SCENEEARLIERBETWEENMARCELANDSHOSANNAINTHE LOBBY,ON THESTAIRS,TALKINGABOUTBURNINGDOWNTHECINEMA.

Big difference.Thistime,it’sinCOLOR.

He snapshisfingers.

Snapsher fingers.

INT—SMALLFILM-PROCESSINGLAB—LATENIGHT

A oldmom-and-popfilmprocessinglabcircathethirties. Latelate atnight.

GASPAR,thefatherlyfigureofallthe experimentalFrench filmmakersinthedecadebeforeGermanrule,takesaSAVAGEBEATING at thehandsof hisfriendMarcel.

Shosannawatches,pitiless.

MarcelholdsGaspar’sarmbehindhimas heforceshisheadflat againstthetabletop.

ShosannabringsaHATCHETDOWNDEEPintothe table,justby his face.

She liftsupthehatchet,raisesithigh. . .

CUTTO

INT—PROJECTIONROOM

WE SEEthefive heavysilverfilmcansofFredrickZoller’s lifestory,“Nation’sPride”(clearlymarked),onthefloorof the projectionbooth.

The canforREEL4 is openandempty.

Shosanna’sattheeditingbench.REEL4 isup onthe rewinds. ..

ShosannaSPLICESherandMarcel’sfootageintoREEL4of Fredrick’s film,rewindsit,putsit backin thecan,and putsa pieceof REDTAPEon theREEL4 CAN.

She walksoutofthe booth,turningoffthelightsbehind her,PLUNGINGTHESCREENINTODARKNESS.

BLACKFRAME

FROMBLACKDISSOLVETO

EXT—LALOUISIANE(TAVERN)—NIGHT

We seea smallbasementtavernwithanoldrusticsignout frontthatreads“La Louisiane.”

A SUBTITLEAPPEARS:

“Thevillageof Nadine,France”

TWO SHOTLT.HICOXandLT. ALDORAINE Aldois dressedlikeaFrenchcivilian.Hicoxisdressedina GermangrayS.S.captain’suniform.Theylookoutofa window,in an apartment,inthevillageofNadine,overlookingthetavern.

Youdidn’tsaythegoddamnrendezvouswasina fuckin’basement.

Ididn’tknow.

Yousaidit wasina tavern?

Itis atavern.

Yeah,ina basement.Youknow, fightin’inabasementoffersalot ofdifficulties,numberonebeing you’refightinginabasement.

WilhelmWickijoinstheSHOT,dressedina GermanS.S.lieutenant’s uniform.

Wewait.Don’tworry.She’sa Britishspy. She’llmaketherendezvous.

WE SEEthatthe otherBasterds,dressedinFrenchcivilianclothes, are intheroom aswell.Theyare Donowitz,Hirschberg, and Utivich.Andinthebackof theroom,dressedinthe gray uniformofan S.S.lieutenant,HugoStiglitzsitsoffbyhimself, sharpeninghisS.S.DAGGERonhis leatherbelt,loopedaroundhis boot.Anybodynotin thescenefromthe Basterd’sopening chapterisdead.

Lt. HicoxwatchesStiglitzoffbyhimselfontheothersideof the roomSHARPENINGhisdaggermenacingly.

Stiglitzisfuckingweird. ..

Lt. HicoxapproachesStiglitz...

Stiglitz,right?

He continuesbringingtheblade’sedgeup,thendownontheleather strap.

Ihearyou’reprettygoodwiththat?

Meaningtheblade. Stiglitzdoesn’tanswer.

Youknow,we’renotlookingfor troublerightnow.We’resimply makingcontactwithouragent. Shouldbeuneventful.However,on theoffchanceI’mwrongand thingsprove eventful,Ineedtoknowwe canall remain calm.

The renegadeGerrysergeantstopshisblade’sprogressand looksup atthe limeylieutenant.

Well,nowyouput itlikethat,I guessyoudo.

He turnshisattentionbacktohisblade.

Hicoxmovesoverto Aldoandasks himprivately:

ThisGerryofyours,Stiglitz? Notexactlytheloquacioustype, ishe?

Aldojust looksathim.

Isthatthe kindamanyouneed,the loquacious type?

Fairpoint,Lieutenant.

Soy’allgitin troubleinthere, whatarewe supposedtodo? Makebetsonhow itall comesout?

Ifwe getintotrouble,wecan handleit.Butif troubledoes happen,weneedyouto makedamn surenoGermansorFrench,forthat matter— escapefromthatbasement. IfFräuleinvonHammersmark’scoveris compromised,themissioniskaput.

Donnychimesin:

SpeakingofFräuleinvonHammersmark,whose ideawasit forthedeathtraprendezvous?

Shechosethespot.

Well,isn’tthatjustdandy?

Look,she’snota militarystrategist.She’s justanactress.

Yadon’tgotto beStonewall Jacksontoknowyoudon’twantto fightina basement.

Shewasn’tpickingaplaceto fight. Shewaspickinga placeisolated andwithoutGermans.

Lieutenant,Ihatetobecontrary, butI gotmea Nazipissin’on Louisianatwoo’clock.

Theymove tothewindow,andsure enough,ONELONENAZI PRIVATErelieveshimselfagainstthesidewall.

Lt. Hicox,thiswasdefinitelynottheplan.

Shit.

Sgt.Donowitzchideshim:

Sowhatdo youthinkyourFräulein vonHammer—

—Obviously,Idon’tknow,Sergeant.

The BritishofficerwatchestheGermansoldier,who’snot supposedtobe there.WhenHugoStiglitzjoinshimatthe window,StiglitzlooksdownattheurinatingNazi,S.S.dagger in hand.

He sheathsthedagger.

EXT—LALOUISIANE(BASEMENTTAVERN)—NIGHT

The GERMANPISSINGPRIVATEsloppilyfinisheshistask. Cramminghisnoodlebackin hispants,hedescendsthestairs thatlead himbackintothe basementtavern.Wefollowhim.. .

INT—LALOUISIANE(BASEMENTTAVERN)—NIGHT

InsidethebasementtavernLaLouisiane.Ithasa verylow-hanging basementceiling.Aold-lookingwoodbarofftothe right.Andthe onlyotherspacein thelittletavernistaken up bytwo large(atleastinhere)tables,whichtakeup both halvesof theroom.Anddespiterumorstothe contrary,oneofthe two tablesiscompletelyfilledwithdrunken,celebrating Nazienlistedmen,of whichoururinatingfriendisoneof five.

The fiveNazisaresittingaroundthetable,drinking,and playinga veryfungamewithnone otherthantheFräuleinof the hour,UFAdivaBRIDGETVONHAMMERSMARK,dressedtothe ninesin achic,forties-stylewoman’ssuit,completewithfedora. The gamethey’replayingconsistsofeachplayerhaving a cardwiththe nameofa famousperson,realorimaginary, stuckto theirforehead.Theplayerdoesn’tknowwhatnameis on theirforehead.Sotheyasktheothersquestionstofigure out whotheyare.

The fiveGermans’fivecardsread:MASTERSGT#1:(POLANEGRI); FEMALESGT#2: (BEETHOVEN);GERMANPRIVATE#3:(MATAHARI); GERMANPRIVATE#4:(EDGARWALLACE);GERMANPRIVATE#5: (WINNETOU).AndBridgetvonHammersmark,whowearshercardin the brimofher fedora,hasGENGHISKHAN.

It’sGerman#5’s(WINNETOU)turntoask questions.

The DIALOGUEwillbeinGERMANandSUBTITLEDINENGLISH.

The wholetableburstsoutlaughing.

Yes,youare!

BRIDGET/GENGUS No,it’snotcontroversial.Thenationalityof theauthorhasnothingtodo with thenationalityofthecharacter. Thecharacteristhecharacter. Hamlet’snotBritish,he’sDanish. So,yes,thischaracterwasbornin America.

He’sgot it.

The tablelaughs.

In theBACKGROUND,WESEEourthreecounterfeitGerman officers—Hicox,Wicki,andStiglitz—enterthebasement tavern.TheyobviouslyseethefiveGermansoldiers,butthey’re too farawayforus (theaudience)toreadtheirfaces.No doubtthey’relessthanhappy.FräuhleinvonHammersmark seesthem aswell.Withoutgettingup,shewavesto them.

Nohurry,FräuleinvonHammersmark. Takeyourtime.Enjoyyourself.

The tableCHEERSandAPPLAUDStheApachechiefashetakesthe card off hisforehead.

The otherfourGermansoldiersdrinkdowntheirbeer(partof the game).

BridgetvonHammersmarkknocksbackherchampagne.

The tableheartilyagrees.

Bridgetlooksdirectlyatthemastersergeantanddoesa perfect, and perfectlyfunny,doubletake.

The tablelovesit.

MataHari looksdirectlyatBeethovenanddoesadouble take.

He does.

Soonthe wholetableisdoingduelingdoubletakes.

HICOX—WICKI—STIGLITZ watchthe tabledoduelingdoubletakes.Obviously,theydon’t understand.

THEN. . .

BridgetvonHammersmarkrisesandexcusesherselffromthe table.Sheremovesthecard stuckinherfedora,lookingat the nameforthefirsttime.GenghisKhan.

She walksoverandjoinsthemasqueradingGermans’table.The gentlemenrise.Shegreetseachwarmlywitha Frenchcheek kiss,as ifshe knowsthemwell.

Theyall takea seat.ThetwobasterdsandoneBrit drinkwhiskey. The tavern’sPROPRIETOR,anolder,big-bellied FrenchmannamedEARL,comesovertothe tableandpoursmore champagneintoBridget’schampagneglass.Heleaves,returningback behindthebar, withtheYOUNGFRENCHBARMAID,theonlyother personin theestablishment.

Obviously,theyspeakGERMAN,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Ithoughtthisplacewassupposedtohave more FrenchthanGermans?

She’sright.Justbecalm,andenjoyyour booze.

BACKTO THEGERMANTABLE

The FrenchbarmaidhastakenBridget’splaceintherousing,rowdy game.She tellsthemherpersonmustbe Frenchorshe won’tknowthem.Winnetouthinksfora moment,thenwritesa nameon a card.Thebarmaidputsiton herforehead.Itsays: NAPOLEON.

The Germansalllaugh.

BACKTO THEBASTERDS’TABLE

Why?

it’sbeenchangedtois considerablysmaller thanTheRitz.So whatevermaterialsyou broughtforTheRitzshouldbedoublyeffective here. Nowthisnextpieceof information iscolossal,trynotto overreact. TheFührerwillbeattendingtomorrow.

HugoStiglitzdoesa SPIT-TAKE.

Bridget’seyesboreholesinhim.

BACKTO THEBASTERDS

Hicox,seeingtheGermanmastersergeantapproach,signalsforher to coolit.

The pretendofficersoffercongratulationstothesergeant.

The GermanmastersergeantCLICKShisheelsandbowsbeforehis superiorofficers.

He raiseshishand. .. as dotheseatedphonyofficers:“Heil Hitler.”

As shetakesa ratherfancyfountainpenfromherclutch.. .

Eventhe slightlypsychoticStiglitzlikesthisGermansergeant.

He thrustsouthisbeerstein,forthe officerstocheer.

Theydo.

Bridgetfinishessigningherautograph,withabigflourish.

She reachesintoherclutchandpullsoutsomelipstick, appliessomeruby-redcolortoherlips,and thenkissesthe napkin,leavingabig redlipprint.Thenshe handsthetreasured itemto theyoungofficer.

Then,to thewholetavern. ..

The wholeroomtoasts.

Thiswouldbe a goodtimeforthe Germansergeanttogobackto his tableand hismen.Andhe almostdoes. .. but. . .sincehe is drunk,andstar struck,heoutwearshiswelcome.

FeelinganygoodNazi officer’spatiencewouldhavebeen exhaustedlongago,Lt.Hicoxbuttsin.

Noneofyourbusiness,Sergeant. Youmightnothaveworn outyourwelcomewith thefräuleinwithyourdrunken,boorish behavior,butyouhavewornoutyourwelcome withme.

The tableofgame-playingsoldiershearsthisandgetsquiet.

MightIremindyouSergeant,you’reanenlistedman. Thisisan officers’table.Isuggest youstoppesteringthefräuleinand rejoinyourtable.

The Germanmastersergeantlooksquizzicallyattheofficer.

The wholeroompauses.. . fordifferentreasons...

A silentmomentpassesbetweenthetwotables,thenthetwoGerman- bornimpostersspringintoaction.

Stiglitz,STANDSandYELLStothe othertable:

The GermansSPRINGUPandtakeholdof Sgt.Pola. ..

WHEN. . .

A GERMANVOICEringsout:

The fiveknownGermansmoveaside,revealingtheunknownGerman in theroom,unseentillnow,our oldfriendfrombefore:

the littletablehewassittingat.

Wickijumpsin:

The GestapomajorisnowstandingbesideSgt.Pola,beforethe imposter’stable.

Lt. Hicoxcalmlyexplainshisorigin.

Iwas borninthe villagethatrests intheshadowof PitzPalu.

Yes.Inthatvillagewe allspeaklikethis. Haveyouseenthe Riefenstahlfilm?

Thenyousawme. Youremembertheskiingtorch scene?

Inthatsceneweremyself,my father, mysister,andmy twobrothers.Mybrotheris sohandsome,thedirector,Pabst,gavehima closeup.

As BridgetvonHammersmarkplacesacigaretteinanivorycigarette holder—whichHicox,asifoncue, lightsforher she says:

The imposterslaugh.

Then. . .so doestheGestapomajor.Heturnsto thesergeant.

Whichthe youngsergeantismorethanhappytodo. Thattable beginsplayingtheirgameagain.

MajorHellstrom,thehighest-rankingofficerintheroom,bows graciouslytothefemaleGermancelebrity.

The Gestapomajorsitsatthetable,oppositeLt.HicoxandWicki. The FrenchbarmaidbringsovertheMajor’sbeerstein.

youdoinghere,Captain?

Asidefromhavingadrinkwiththe lovely fräulein?

Chuckle. .. chuckle

YouknoweveryGermaninFrance?

Well,thereinliestheproblem.We neverclaimedtobeworthknowing.

Chuckle. .. chuckle.

AttendingGoebbels’sfilmpremiereas thefräulein’sescort.

Somebodyhastocarrythelighter.

Chuckle. .. chuckle.

anactresswouldcaretoadmit.

Chuckle. .. chuckle.

Theycheers.

BACKTO THEREALGERMANS’TABLE

Theycontinuetohave alot offunplayingtheirgame.

BACKTO THEOFFICERS’TABLE

Lt. HicoxbeginstorefusewhenBridget(feelingsheknowsbetter) interruptshim:

The majorborrowsfivecardsfromtheothertableandlays themout infrontof Bridgetandtheofficers.

He demonstrates.

As Maj.Hellstromfinishesexplainingthefinerpointsofthe game,a CAMERAPANSOFFHIM andBEGINSSLOWLYZOOMINGINTO STIGLITZ.Themajor’sdialoguebeginstoFADEAWAY.

Untilwe’rein aSPAGHETTIWESTERNFLASHBACK.WhichisRED-FILTERED FOOTAGEofHugo beingsavagelyWHIPPEDbysomebodywearinga GESTAPOUNIFORM,SUPERIMPOSEDoverhisCLOSEUP.

The flashbackdisappears.It’sdrivingStiglitzcrazy,being thiscloseto a Gestapouniformandnotplungingaknifeinto it.

The major’svoicecomesbackonthesoundtrack.

The fiveplayerswritetheirnames.. .

Thenmove theircardstotheleft .. .

Everybodystickstheircardsontheirforehead.. .

MAJOR BRIDGET WILHELM ARCHIE HUGO HELLSTROMVON HAMMERSMARKWICKI HICOX STIGLITZ is is is is is KING G.W. BULLDOG BRIGITTE MARCO KONG PABST DRUMMOND HELM POLO

I’llstart,giveyoutheidea. AmI German?

Theylaugh.

AmI anAmerican?

Theylaugh—butthenWickisays:

So. .. I visitedAmerica,aye?

The tablesays,“Yes.”

Wasthisvisit. .. fortuitous?

.. . Hummm.Mynativeland,isit whatone wouldcallexotic?

The tableconfersanddecides,yes,itisexotic.

Hummm.Thatcouldbeeithera referencetothe jungleortheOrient.I’mgoingto letmy first instincttakeoverandask,amI fromthe jungle?

The tablesays,“Yes,youare.”

Nowgentlemen,aroundthistimeyoucouldask whetheryou’rerealorfictitious. I,however,thinkthat’stooeasy,soI won’t askthat,yet.Okay,my nativelandisthe jungle.IvisitedAmerica,butmyvisitwasnot fortuitoustome,buttheimplicationisthat itwasto somebodyelse.WhenIwentfrom the jungletoAmerica,.. .did Igo byboat?

“Yes.”

DidI goagainstmywill?

“Yes.”

Onthisboatride .. . WasI inchains?

“Yes.”

WhenIarrivedin America.. .was Idisplayed inchains?

“Yes.”

AmI thestoryof theNegroinAmerica?

The tablesays,“No.”

Well,then,Imustbe KingKong.

He throwsthecardon thetable.

Theyapplaudhim.

The threecounterfeitNazisknockbacktheirwhiskeys.

Major,Idon’tmeanto berude.But thefourof usarevery goodfriends.Andthefourof us haven’tseeneachotherinquitea while.So. .. Major,I’mafraid,youareintruding.

The table’snotsurewhattodo. Isthisa confrontation? Thenthe majorlaughs.

You’remostgracious,sir.

Fiveglasses.

Lt. Hicoxholdsupthreefingers(pinkytomiddlefinger)toEric, the owner.

Threeglasses.

Ericbringsthe threeglassesandtheoldbottle,pouringfor the threesoldiers.

MajorHellstromliftsuphisbeer steinandtoasts:

Theyall mutter,“athousand-yearreich”andclinkglasses.

The Gestapomajorputsdownhisbeerstein,andthenWE HEARa CLICKunderthe table.

Whydoyou havea Lugerpointedatmy testicles?

Well,Major—

Iwas sayingthatmakestwoofus. I’vehada gunpointedatyourballssinceyou satdown.

Thatmakesthreeofus.

UNDERTHE TABLE

We seeallthreeguns pointedattheappropriatecrotches,aswell as Bridget’slegs,rightbesidestheNazimajor’s.Herpretty gamsare suretobe chewedupin thepossiblecrossfire.

Andatthis range,I’mareal FredrickZoller.

What’sgoingtohappen,Major,isyou’regoing tostandup andwalkoutthat doorwithus.

Lt. Hicoxpicksuphisthirty-three-year-oldsingle-malt scotchandsays:

(ENGLISH) Well,ifthisis it,oldboy, Ihope youdon’tmindif Igo outspeaking theking’s?

The Englishfilmcriticcommandopicksupthethirty-three the Nazimajorboughthimandsays:

There’saspecialrunginhellreservedfor peoplewhowastegoodscotch. AndseeingasI mightberappingon thedoormomentarily...

He downsthestuff.

(to theNazi major) Imustsay, damngoodstuff,sir.

He putstheglassdown.

Nowaboutthispicklewefind ourselvesin.Itwouldappearthere’sonlyone thingleftforyouto do.

Stiglitz.

As doesHICOX,HITTINGnotonlyHellstrom,butBRIDGETas well.

HICOXFALLSto thefloor. .. DEAD.

BRIDGETFALLStothe floor.. . SHOT.

EDGARWALLACEisSHOT byWICKI.

otherand FIRE.TheyBOTHTAKEandGIVE eachothersomanyBULLETS it’salmostromanticwhentheycollapseDEADonthe floor.

WICKIand MATAHARI bothON THEIRFEET,FIRINGWILDLYateachother.MATAHARIis HIT THREETIMES.WICKIisHITONCE.

The SHOOTINGSTOPS... THESMOKEcausedby thegunfire.. . startsto DISSIPATE... Theonlyone inthe roomleftaliveis the youngGermansergeantwiththemachinegun.

WE HEARthefeetof thesoldiersoutsidereachthebasement entrance.

The dooropens.. .

The GermansergeantsendsFIFTYBULLETSinthedoor’s direction.. .

No onegoesthroughit.

Whatwe havehereis arabbit-hole-likesituation.Noone insideis gettingout.Nooneoutsideisgettingin.

The youngGermansergeantYELLSinENGLISHtotheoutside:

Aldo’svoiceYELLSdownthe hole:

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) We’reAmericans!Whatareyou?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) YouspeakEnglishprettygoodfora German!

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Okay,talk!

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Okay,okay,itwasn’tyourfault! What’syourname,soldier?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) That’sthesamenameas oneofthe guysyoujustkilled!

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Okay,Wilhelm.. .is anybodyalive onourside?

We heara VOICEOFFSCREENyellout:

BRIDGET’SVOICE(OS) I’malive!

Wilhelmspinsinthe directionofthevoice.

On thefloor,witha bulletinherBLOODYLEG,lies thestill-alive BridgetvonHammersmark.

The Germansergeantpointsthemuzzleofthemachinegunat the Germancelebrity,withhateinhiseyes.

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Who’sthat?

Meaningthemuzzle.

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Wilhelm,whoisthat?

Pause.

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Whichgirl?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Yeah,she’sours!

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Issheokay?

We heartheBasterdscursetheirluckoffscreen.

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Okay,Wilhelm,what’dyasaywe makeadeal?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Aldo.Wilhelm,canIcallya Willi?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) So,Willi,youknowwe couldlobthreeor four orfiveor sixgrenadesdownthereandyour littlewarstoryendshere.Butgoodfer you, badferher. Youdie,shedies.So whatsaywe makeaswap?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Okay,Willi,here’smydeal!Youlet meandone ofmy mencomedownto takethegirlaway!And wetakethe girlandleave!Thatsimple,Willi! Yougoyour way,wego ours!AndlittleMax getstogrowup playingcatchwithhisdaddy! Sowhat‘ya say,Willi,wegota deal?

Willithinks. ..

BridgetwatchesWillithink.. .

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) I’mhere,Willi!

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Whatchoiceyagot?

ALDO’SVOICE(OS) Well,now,Willi,that’strueenough.But somethingyouneedtoknow,so youdon’tgetthe wrongidea.Ain’t noneofus givea fuck‘boutthat girl.But,admittedly,ifyoukill her,itwouldfuckup ourplans.Butyou’llbe deadbythenanyway,so what’dyoucare?Andlet’snot forgetthatlittleKatzenjammer Max,growin’upwithoutapop.So in thespiritofgettin’youhometo him,wegot adeal,Willi?

Aldoand Hirschbergcomedownthestairs,showingopenhands.

Willikeepshis machineguntrainedonthem.

Aldo,withhis handsup,says:

Willipointingthegunat them. .. thinking.. .

Willidecides. ..

He putsthemachinegundownon thebar.

WILLI

getherout ofmy sight.

WHEN. . .

FrombehindAldoand Hirschberg,BridgetliftsupMajorHellstrom’s WALTERandEMPTIEStheremainingbulletsinto Sgt.Willi,who FALLStothefloor,DEAD.

Aldoand Hirschbergspinaround,shocked.

Fromthe floor,thebloody,sweaty,andinexcruciatingpain (she’llprobablylosethatleg}Germanmoviestarsaysto the two Americansoldiersshe’sjustmeetingforthefirsttime:

INT—FRENCHHOUSEINCOUNTRY(BEDROOM)—NIGHT

An OLDMANlies asleepunderthecoversofhisblankets,inhis bed,in hisbedroom. ..

WHEN. . .

and thesoundofFEET RUNNINGTOWARDUS.. .

his bedroomdoorisTHROWNOPEN,andSgt.DonowitzRUSHES IN, grabbingtheoldmanin hisbedand puttinga

(ENGLISH) Doctor?Doctor?

DonnySLAMSthe .45hardagainsttheoldman’shead,shocking, scaring,andbringingtheoldgentto attention.

(ENGLISH) Doctor?Areyoua fuckingdoctor?

He nodshishead,yes.

Andiamo.. .

DonnyYANKS/DRAGStheoldmanout ofbed,in hisalmost comicalnightshirt(whichmakeshimcuter,thusthebrutality againsthimhurtsmore)towardthedoor .. .

INT—DOCTOR’SEXAMININGROOM—NIGHT

house,withan examiningtableandmedicalinstruments.

However,it’sobviouslythemedicalexaminingroom of aveterinarian.

Alongthe wallsaredifferentcageswitheightBARKING dogsin them.

The soldiersareputtingtheshot-in-the-leg,bleeding,andin excruciatingpainBridgetontheexaminingtable.

Donny,stillholdingontotheOld Man,pointsinthegirl’s direction.. .

(ENGLISH) She’sbeenshot.Shot.Bang,bang. .. (pointingat hisleg) .. . inleg. . .understand?

Donnyjamsthe barrelofhis.45 intothethighof theoldman.

(ENGLISH) BANG,BANG—intheleg,understand!

The oldmannodshis head,yes.

Bridgetscreamsfromthetable. ..

He’sstilladoctor.If hecanget abulletoutof a cow,hecan get abulletouttayou.

Rightnow,wejustneed morphine.

Donnyyellsat theoldman:

Morphine!Weneedmorphine!

The oldmantriesto explaininFrenchthathe’snota humandoctor

Donnytakesthe .45andSHOOTSoneof theDOGSin the cages.

Everybodyjumps.

DonnySCREAMSatthe oldman:

MORPHINE!

BANG

He SHOOTSanotherdog.. .

MORPHINE!

The oldmanbegshim tostopand goestoget themorphine.

CUTTO

The BODYofGestapoMajorDIETERHELLSTROMdeadonthefloor.

INT—LALOUISIANE—NIGHT

We’rebackin thebasementtavern.Col.HansLandastands overthe corpse.Hemovesoverto thenextcorpse,anda smile breaksouton hisface.

He saysinGERMANSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

yourrecordofinsubordination. Trulyremarkable.

A NazisoldiernamedHERRMANjoinstheS.S.officer.

thetwoGerman-bornmembersoftheBasterds. They’vebeenknown todonGermanuniformstoambushsquads.

The SERGEANToftheGermancompanyyellstothetrio:

Whatbringsyouallthe wayouthere?

The TRIONOWDOWNthe GERMANCOMPANYwiththeirmachineguns.

BACKTO LANDA

Lookingdownhe seessomething...

Bendingdown,heexaminesFräuleinvonHammersmark’stwo prettydressshoeslyingon thefloor.

One shoeiscoveredinblood.

The other,whileblood-speckled,isfairlyclean.

Pickingupthe cleanshoeandholdingitin hishand.

AN OFFSCREENSOLDIER’SVOICEcriesout:

We followHanstothe spotonthe floorwhereSgt.Willilies.He’s shotin thechest,butit lookslikeMax’sdaddyis stillalive.

INT—EXAMININGROOM—NIGHT

Bridgetonthe examiningtable,postmorphineshot.

The otherBasterdsintheroomwatchAldointerrogatethe Germanlady.

Now’foreweyank thatslugouttaya,you need toanswera fewquestions.

AboutIgot threemendeadbackthere,andwhy don’tyoutrytellin’uswhat thefuck happened?

’Forewegetinto whoshotJohn, Whydidyou invitemymento a rendezvousinabasementwithabunch ofNazis?

Yeah,wegottawordfor thatkinda oddinEnglish.It’scalled suspicious.

Aldothinksfor amoment. ..

Okay,I’llbuythat.He waseither therewithhismenwaitingforus, orhe wastherecelebratinghis son’sbirthday.Hewasn’tdoin’both.

Howdidthe shootin’start?

Howdidhe dothat?

She holdsupthreefingers,middletopinky.

She holdsupthreefingers,thumbtomiddle.

Okay,let’spretendtherewerenoGermans,and everythingwentexactly thewayit wassupposedto.Whatwouldof been thenextstep?

BRIDGET

premierewearingmilitaryuniforms, withallthemilitarythere,would

membersoftheGermanfilmindustry, theyweartuxedoesandblendinwitheverybody

tofitthreetuxedoestonight.

Howdidyou intendtogettheminto thepremiere?

Theydo. Andsheopensit andtakesout threeticketstothe filmpremiere.

Canyoustillget usintothat premiere?

Enormouschangesatthelastminute?That’snot

hellisGoebbelsdoin’stuffsodamnpeculiar?

Whichis?

forus.And I’mbeginning tothinkmy participationinthis eventcouldbemeaningful.

BACKTO BRIDGET

Donnybreakstheteam’ssilence:

What?

Whenthehelldid thishappen?

AndhowcomeLondondon’tknow nothingaboutthat?

don’tknow,Londondoesn’tknow. Sonow,thisis me,informingyou,Hitler’s comingtoParis.

FUCKADUCK!

Aldostandsup fromthechair,pacingashe takesinthis new information.

I’mthinkinggettingawackat plantin’oleUncleAdolphmakes thisahorseof a differentcolor.

Itmeansyou’regettin’usintothatpremiere.

Thedoggiedoc’sgonnadigthatslugouttayour gam.Thenhe’sgonnawrap itup ina cast,andyougottagood “howIbrokemy legmountainclimbing”story. That’sGerman,ain’tit? Y’alllikeclimbin’mountains, don’tcha?

Wefillya upwithmorphine,till it’scominoutya ears.Thenjust limpyourlittleassup that rougecar-pet.

Donny,referringtoAldoandhimself:

Webothspeaka littleItalian.

That’saboutit.

Itsoundslikeshit,butwhat else wegonnado,go home?

Well,Ispeakthe mostItalian,so I’llbeyourescort.Donowitzspeaks thesecondmost,sohe’llbe yourItalian

thirdmost,sohe’llbe Donny’sassistant.

LikeIsaid,thirdbest.Just keep yourfuckin’mouthshut.Infact,whydon’tyou startpracticingrightnow.

Utivichisthechauffeur.

BridgetSCREAMSinfrustration:

Noworries,son.Wegot overfourteenhours beforethemovietomorrow. Morethanenoughtimeforyou tolearnto drive.

Oh,yes,yes,yes,yes, Private,itis.And yes,yes,yes,youwill. (changestone) Look,Utivich,youandIboth know, ifwe wenttogradeschooltogether, youdamnsureain’tcopyin’offof mytest. Well,Ilerntto driveinfourhourson a Tennesseemountainroad. AndI’ma shit-for-brainscoalminer bootlegger.Hirschberg,youknowhow todrive,right?

Teach’im.

All theBasterds,exceptDonny,burstoutlaughing.

Sister,youmustgotwunderbarluck.Guesswho wenttobeautyschool?

The CAMERAWHIP-PANStoSGT.DONOWITZ.

Bridgetrollshereyes.

BLACKFRAME

CHAPTERTITLEAPPEARS:

CHAPTERFIVE

“REVENGEOFTHE GIANTFACE”

FADEOFF

INT—SHOSANNAANDMARCEL’SLIVINGQUARTERS—NIGHT

We’rein ShosannaandMarcel’slivingquartersabovethe cinema.We’veneverbeenin herebefore.

A SUBTITLEAPPEARSONSCREEN:

“NIGHTOF ‘NATION’SPRIDE’PREMIERE”

Shosanna’sstandingbeforeafull-lengthmirrorinareal attractiveforties-styledressforthepremiere.She’sstunning. Thisis thefirsttimein herlifeshe’shad theopportunity or theoccasiontowearsomethinglikethis.Sincesheknows thisis thelastnightof herlife,no timelikethepresent.

SOUNDSof thehubbubofthe premiere,nottomentionthe Germanbrassbandthat’sblaringThirdReichmarches,canbeheard comingfrombelow.

Shosannawalkstoher apartmentwindowandlooksdownatthe Germanicmiasmabelow.

SHOSANNA’SPOV WE SEEallthe pageantrybelow.TonsofSPECTATORS.Tonsofguests dressedinNazi uniforms,tuxedoes,andfemalefinery,walkingup the longredcarpet(witha bigswastikainthemiddle,naturally) leadingintoShosanna’scinema.TheGermanbrassbandomm-pa-pa-ing away.Germanradioandfilm crewscoveringtheeventforthe fatherlandbackhome.And,ofcourse,MANYGERMANSOLDIERS providingsecurityforthisjoyousGermanicoccasion.

ShosannaCOUGHSupa lugiandHOCKSit.

A GERMANS.S.GENERALbeinginterviewedbyaRADIOCOMMENTATOR—the lugiHITS himrightonhis baldhead.

Shosannagoesbackto thefull-lengthmirror,placesavery fashionableforties-stylehatonherhead,thenlowerstheperiod- styleblackfishnetveiloverher face.Shetakesout a smallGUNand putsitin thepocketofher dress,andit’s on. Sheexitstheapartmentdoortojointhe premiere. Fromthis pointon,there’snoturningback.It’sallthe waybaby, all thefuckingway!

INT—CINEMASTAIRWELL—NIGHT

The stairwellinthebuildingthatconnectstheliving

througha doorthatputshernext totheprojectionboothdoor.She takesout akey andopensit.

INT—PROJECTIONBOOTH—NIGHT

Marcel’spreppingthefilmreelsfortonight.Thefivesilver metalfilmcans thatcarryone35mmreelof filmeachare laid out.The cansforreelsone andtwoare empty.Cansforreel three,ourspeciallymarkedcanforreelfour,and thecanfor reelfive (whichshouldneverseethelightofa projector) lie inwait.

Shosanna,lookinglikeafortiesmoviestar,enterstheprojection booth.

The sceneinFRENCHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Marcelliftsup theveilcoveringherfaceandtheirlips meet.

SHOSANNA

downandsocializewiththeseHun pigs.Let’sgooverit again?

inthefourthreel,so somewhere towardtheendof thethirdreel, godownand lockthedoorsof theauditorium. Thentakeyourplace behindthescreen,andwaitformy CUEwhenI giveitto you:BURNIT DOWN!

INT—CINEMALOBBY—NIGHT

The pageantryoftheeveningisinfull swing,asallthe

swastika-covered,Greek-nude-statue-pepperedlobby.Nazi militarycommanders,high-rankingpartyofficials,andGerman celebrities(EmilJannings,VeitHarlan)hobnobanddrinkChampagne frompassingWAITERS,whocarryglassesonsilvertrays.

We seeShosannaenterfromtheareaat thetopof thebig staircaseinthelobbythat overlooksthelobbyparlor

theaterstuff.

At thetopof thestaircase,lookingdownatthemasterracein all theirfinery,isCol. HansLanda,dressedinhisfinestS.S.dress uniform.

THEN. . .

A THINKBUBBLE,likeina comicbook,appearsontheleft sideof theframe,obscuringthecinemaentrance.InsideLanda’s thinkbubblea littlesceneplaysout.

Theystartto leave.

TheyRUSH OUT.

He walksovertothe patientinthehospitalbed.It’snone otherthanSGT. WILLI,andyes,he’sstillalive.

Landapullsup achairnext tothebed andsitsdown.

The THINKBUBBLEDISSOLVESaway,revealingtheentranceagain,and as ifon perfectcue,inwalksBridgetvonHammersmark,dressed lovely,legin abig whitecast.ThethreeBasterdsintheir tuxedosflankher.

He descendsthestairs,towardthefoursaboteurs...

Theyspeakin GERMAN,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Theychuckleandair kiss.

Chuckle. .. chuckle.. .

A briefmomentpassesbetweenthetwo. ..

THEN. . .

The colonelBURSTSOUTwithUPROARIOUSLAUGHTER.Souproarious,in fact,thatit’s quitedisconcertingtothefoursaboteurs.

The colonelbeginstoregainhiscomposure...

The doublemeaningisnotloston theGermanactress.

mountain,lastnight?

COL. LANDA

isthismountain?

Thisstopsher fora second.

ThenLandalaughsit off,takingthemoffthe hook.

The GermanFräuleinturnstothethreetuxedo-wearing Basterds.

The BasterdsknowonlytoowellwhoLandathe JewHunteris, but theycan’tshowit.

Aldosticksout hishand. ..

Buongiorno.

The Germantakeshishand. ..

(ITALIAN) Yes.Correct.

Margheriti.

Margheriti.

Margheriti.

(FRENCH) Itmeansdaisies,Ibelieve.

Turninghisgazeto Donny.

EnzoGorlomi.

Gorlomi.

(HAMMYITALIAN) Gorlomi.

Now toHirschberg.. .

ThenHirschbergbreaksoutthebestItalianaccentofthe group:

Col.Landastopsa WAITERwitha trayofchampagneglasses.

(GERMAN) Notsofast.Let’senjoysome champagne.

Everyonegetsa glass.

Shosannajoinsthecircleandis handedachampagneglass.

Thisis thefirstmomenttheBasterdsareawareof Shosanna.

All threesmilegoofy,spaghetti-bendersmiles.

Donnyhandsher twotickets.Sheindicatesforthemtofollowher.

Donnyand HirschbergbothexchangeonelastlookwithAldo, thenfollowthe youngFrenchgirlintotheauditorium.

INT—AUDITORIUM—NIGHT

The cinemaauditoriumisfillingupquicklywithgrayandblack uniforms.

ShosannafindsthetwocounterfeitItalianstheirseats.

Aftershe pointsouttheirseats,sheturnstoleave. . .

Hirschberg.. . reachesoutand grabsherwrist... .

He looksherin thefaceand,filledwithtremendousguilt,because if he’ssuccessfultonighthe’sgoingtoblowthis cuteFrenchgirlto smithereens,hesays:

The cuteFrenchgirllooksbackatthe goofy-lookingItalian boy withslicked-backhairthatmakeshimlookkindof Jewishwithtremendousguilt,knowingifsheissuccessfultonight, she’sgoingto burnhimalive,andsays:

BACKTO THELOBBY

Theybeginflickingthelightson andoff.A GERMANSOLDIER YELLSIN GERMAN:

Col.Landa,Lt. Aldo,andBridgetarestilltogether.

Whatare eitherofthemsupposedtodo, argue?

Col.Landagoes overtoone oftheNazi GUARDS/USHERSandwhispers in hisear,guesturingtowardAldo.Likehe’ssaying,leavetheboy alone,tillwe comeback. .. Or ishe?

Col.LandalimpsBridgetawaytowardShosanna’soffice.

As Aldostandsinthe lobby,moreandmorepeopleenterthe auditorium,tillit’sonlyAldoandthe sixNaziguards/ushers in thenow-vacantlobby.

INT—SHOSANNA’SOFFICE—NIGHT

Shosanna’scinemamanager’soffice.It’ssmall,cluttered,and dominatedbya desk.

Theyboth enter.

Col.Landaclosesthe doorbehindhimandLOCKSIT.

Bridgetnoticesbutsaysnothing.

Now thetwoGermansarealone.

Pointingatone lonechairinfrontof thedesk.

She lowersherselfinthechair.

Insteadofmovingaroundto theothersideof thedesk, oppositeher,theS.S.Colonelpullsanotherlittlechairoverand placesit infrontof thefräulein.

He sits,theirkneesalmosttouching.

The colonelpointstothefootnotin thecast.

Pattinghislap.

Pattinghislap morewithmoreaggression.

The nervousfräuleinliftsupherstrappydressshoeenclosedfoot and placesitinthe colonel’slap.

The Colonelverydelicatelyunfastensthethinstrapsthat holdthe fräulein’sshoeonherfoot. ..

THEN. . .

He removesfromhisheavyS.S.coatpockettheprettydressshoe the fräuleinleftbehindatLaLouisiane.. .

He slipsiton herfoot. . .

Bridgetknowsshe’sBUSTED.

Col.Landasmilesand saysinENGLISH:

He removesherfootfromhislap.

She staresdefiantdaggersintohim.

SUDDENLY.. .

HansLUNGESforward,puttinghisstrongmittsaroundBridget von Hammersmark’slily-white,delicateneck,andwithallthe violenceofa lionin mid-pounce,SQUEEZESwithallhisMIGHT.

Bridget’sfaceturnstomatoRED,asthe VEINSinherface BULGEand heresophagusisCRUSHEDinhisGRIP.

Witha violentYANK,heJERKSher TOTHEFLOOR.She TUMBLES out ofthechair,LandaneverreleasinghisGRIParoundherthroat. Now fullyontopof her,he BEARSDOWN,SQUEEZINGTHEVERYLIFEOUT OF HER.Everythinghehas,hebringsto bearon the elegantlady’sneck.

Then,to finallyfinishheroff,hebeginsBANGINGTHEBACKOF HER HEAD,HARDAGAINSTTHEFLOOR.. .

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

She’sdead.

He releasesthegriparoundherthroat.Hishandsare TREMBLING.. .

He rises.

Stranglingtheverylifeoutof somebodywithyourbarehands is themostviolentacta humanbeingcancommit.

Also,onlyhumansstrangle,opposablethumbsbeingaquite importantpartofthe endeavor.AsHansLandastands,the sheerviolencehehad tocallon toaccomplishthistask stillsurgesthroughhim.Hetriesto gaincontrolofthe trembling thatis ripplingthroughhisbody.Hetakesouta silverS.S.FLASK (filledwithpeachschnapps)andknocksback a coupleofswigs.He holdshishandoutin frontofhim. The TREMBLINGisbeginningtosubside.Hepicksupthe telephone.

Intothe phone,inGerman,hesays:

Stepone inHans’smasterplan,done.

He thendialsanothernumber.. .

INT—LOBBY—NIGHT

Aldoin thelobby. . .

WHEN. . .

He’sTHROWNROUGHLYtothe groundfacefirst.Likethemodern- day SecretService,withinsecondshiswristsarehandcuffedbehind his backandhe’ssearched.TheyfindtheBOMBattachedtohis ankle.It’sremoved,anda BLACKCLOTHBAGis pulledoverhishead. Thenhe’s hoistedupandRUSHEDoutof thebuilding.

Thishappensin mereseconds,andquietlytoo.Noonein the auditoriumisnonethewiser. . .

INT—AUDITORIUM—NIGHT

masterrace,waitingforshowtime.

EXT—CINEMA—NIGHT

The sixNazisoldiershustlethehoodedAldodownthered carpet,thenintothe alleybesidethecinema.

Aldo’sputup againstawall.

Insidetheblackhood,he’s SCREAMINGeveryinsultingthing aboutGermany,Germans,Germanfood,German shepherd.. . anything.

COL.LANDA’SVOICE(OS) Shutup!

The facelessblackhooddoes.

Col.Landa,now standingdirectlyinfrontofhishoodedprisoner, saysin ENGLISH:

HansLanda?

He reachesoutwithhisfingerandlightlytouchesAldo’s facerightin themiddleof thehood.

Aldo’sheadVIOLENTLYFLINCHES.

In German,heordersthemento putAldoin thebackof a truck.

Aldo,boundand bagged,isputin thetruck.Alsointhe truckis Utivich,wearingamakeshiftchauffeur’suniform, boundand baggedlikethelieutenant.

The truckdrivesoff.

Col.Landaturnsaroundand SEESFROMA DISTANCEHitler’smotorcade pullup tothe cinema.ThentheFührer,Goebbels,Francesca,and the restofthe entouragemaketheirwaydown the redcarpetintothecinema.

Landasmiles.

We seethetruckleavingthecity ofParis,undertheveilof night.

We alsoseemto beleavingthedramaof OperationKino.

INT—TRUCK(MOVING)—NIGHT

The twohoodedprisonersbouncealonginthebackofthe truck.

Utivichiscryinginsidehishood.

Utivich?

Yep.

No,I donot.

Nothin’tobesorryabout,son. Thisbaggetto anyone.

JohnWayne’sapamperedmoviestar. Heburstsintotearsif hiscook bustshisyokeat breakfast.Just tryputtin’abag overhisheadand hearwhatkindasoundshemakes.

Utivichgigglesthroughthetears.

Ijustwant youtoknow,son, Iwas realproudofyou tonight.Learnin’

thatlimoline.Youwas inthehot seat,son,andyoustoodup realgood.

UtivichcriesLOUDER.

Aldotakeshis foot,findsUtivich’sfoot,andplaceshisfoot on top.

The TOUCHhasa slightlycalmingeffectonUtivich.

In thedarkness,Utivichhasreclaimedhisdignity.

EXT—COUNTRYTAVERN—NIGHT

The truckpullsupto asmalltavernoutsideofParis(notLa Louisaiane).

The twohoodedprisonersarewalkedinsidetheestablishment.

INT—COUNTRYTAVERN—NIGHT

The hoodedmenareledinto theclosedforbusiness,butopen for somethingelserustictavern.

The Naziguardsunlockthehandcuffs,thensitthemdowninchairs.

Then,simultaneously,thehoodsareYANKEDOFF.

The twoprisonersareseatedata table,inwhattheycan now see isa rustictavern.Onthetableis onetelephone,one bottleof Chianti,andthreeglasses.Andontheoppositeend of thetablesitsCol.Hans Landa.

A NAZISOLDIERsitspostedatan impressive-lookingtwo-way radioset upin thetavern.

Col.Landastartsin rightawayatthe twobaffled,discombobulated Americansoldiers.

Theywill onlyspeakENGLISHinthescene.

Well,Ispeaka littleItalian—

shownupat thepremieredressed inwoman’sattire,itwouldhavebeen moreconvincing.

Landa’seyesgo tothetwo Naziguardsbehindtheprisoners.

Theyexit,leavingthecolonel,thelieutenant,the private,anda Germanradiomaninthe corner.

Soyou’retheJew Hunter?

Iworkedforthe Nazisfindingpeople. Andyes,someof themwereJews. ButJewHunter?Justthename thatstuck.

Wherearemymen? WhereisBridget vonHammersmark?

friendslikeBridgetvonHammersmark, yougetwhatyou payfor. Nowasfar asyourpaisanos SergeantDonowitzandPrivateHirschberg—

Howdoyou knowournames?

moment,bothHirschberg andDonowitzshouldbesittinginthe veryseatsweleftthem in.Seats 0023and0024,if mymemoryserves. Explosives,stillaroundtheirankles, stillreadytoexplode. Andyourmission,some wouldcallita terroristplot,asof thismomentisstilla go.

The twobasterdsdon’tbelievethis.Itcan’tbetrue.

That’saprettyexcitingstory. What’snext,Elizaontheice?

IFthey’restillthere,andIFthey’restill alive,andthat’sonebigIF, thereain’tno wayyougonnatake themboyswithoutsettin’offthembombs.

The Nazicolonelliftsupthebottleof Chiantiandfills threeglasses.Ashe pours,hesays:

All threehavetheirChiantifilledglasses.

Iguessso.

Now theygetit.

Whatkindadeal?

Aldo’seyebrowsrevealthatwasa goodguess.

Youjustsay,bingo.

morethancapableradiooperator

theotherendof thatradiowiththepowerof thepento authorizemy— let’scallit,thetermsof myconditional surrender,ifthattastesbettergoingdown.

BACKTO THEPREMIER

Shosannaisin thebooth.Shebringsdownthe lights.

In thepacked,excitedauditorium,thehouselightsgodown.

CU CURTAINSWITCH.Sheflipsit.

In theauditorium,theREDVELVETCURTAINSpart.

Shosannathrowstheleveronthe firstprojector.

The PROJECTORBULBgoesHOTWHITE,PROJECTINGABEAM.. .

FILMREELSrotate. . .

35mmFILM movesthroughtheprojector’sfilmgate...

The openingsealofa filmbythe THIRDREICHflickersonthe SCREEN. ..

GoebbelsandFrancescawatch.. .

Hitlerwatches.. .

Fredrickwatches.. .

DonowitzandHirschbergwatch.. .

Shosanna,inthebooth,watchesthroughthelittlewindow.. .

The CAMERAPANSOFFofShosannatothe clearlymarkedfilm can,REEL 4.TheSURPRISEREEL.

BACKTO LANDA

He looksoverandseesAldo andUtivichwatchingtheone-sided conversation.

liketheUnitedStatesofAmericatopurchase propertyformeon Nantucketisland,asarewardfor allthecountlesslivesI’vesaved bybringingthetyrannyofthe NationalSocialistPartytoa

haveallthat,sir? (pause) Ilookforwardto seeingyoufacetoface as well,sir. (pause) He’srighthere.

The colonelhandstheheadphonesandmicrophonetoAldo.

Yes,sir?

We HEARtheVOICEon theotherendof theradiogiveAldo his orders:

getinthe truck,

ourlines,ColonelLandaandhis

thentakeoverdrivingofthe truckandbring themstraighttomefor debriefing.Isthatclear,Lieutenant?

Yes,sir.

The conversationisover.Heputstheradiodown.

The threemenlookat oneanother.

Landapicksup hiswine.

The fourmen,Col.HansLanda,Lt.Aldo Raine,Pfc.Smithson Utivich,andHerrman,liftupfourglassesof wine.

CHEERS.

BACKTO THEPREMIERE

WE CUTTO THEB/WFILMON SCREEN. FredrickZoller,playinghimself,isinanornamentaltowerin a Russianvillage,pickingoffRUSSIANSOLDIERSbelow.

WE HEARA SHOT.

A BRAVERUSSIANSOLDIERtriestorunbetweentwobuildings.

Zollergetshim.

Thenproceedstopick himapart,onebulletata time.

Marcelsaysto ShosannainFRENCH,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

Thisis thelasttime theywilleverseeeach other—toomuch to say.Heholdsher inhis armsandlaysa onekissbeforeI die wetoneon her.

Basically,speakingEnglishasifitweregibberishItalian theysay Englishwords,onlyaddingan“I”or “A”or“O” to theendof it.And sayingitinan exaggeratedItalian accent,completewithpantomimes.

DonowitzleansintoHirschbergandsaysina whisper:

Theyspeakin ITALIAN-ISHSUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

(ITALIAN-ISH) I-ago-atoilet-a,set-taBoom-a. (Igo tothetoiletand setthebomb.) When-aI-ago-a,you-aset-taBoom-a. (WhenIgo, yousetyourbomb.)

Hirschbergindicates/pantomimesthathecan’tsethisbomb surroundedbyalltheseNazis.

Donowitzpantomimescrossinghislegsandsettingthebombonhis anklein hisseat.Thengettingupand droppingitinthe backof the auditoriuminthedark.

Hirschbergdoesn’tgetit.

Donnypantomimesagain,moreexaggerated,andwithless patience.

They-olook-oscreen-a,not-oyou-a. (They’relookingatthescreen,notyou.)

After-teri,set-ta,five-omoment-o (pointingto watch) You-a,pphisst. (Afteryousetthebomb,wait fiveminutes,and getoutof here.)

Confussi-i,confuss-i,confuss-i. (Confused,confused,confused.) What-a,and-owhat-o,same-o? (Ithought“What-a”meant“What.” Does“What-o”mean“What,”aswell?)

After-teri,you-aset-tabom-a, five-omoment-o,you-a,fuck-opphisst. (Afteryousetthebomb,wait fiveminutesand getthefuckout ofhere.)

Good-a,luck-a. (Goodluck.)

Donowitzstandsupfromhis seatandwalksoutof thedark auditoriumintothelobby.TheNaziguards/ushersaregone,and the lobbyiscompletelyempty.SeeingtheSTAIRSleadingdown to theWATERCLOSET/BATHROOM,hedescendsthemtoplantthe Boom-a—Imean,thebomb.

Donowitz,inhistuxedo,actscooland walksrightthrough them.

Theylook upbutdon’tdisturbtheirtime-offvibe.

Donnyentersthebig watercloset.ExceptforONELONENAZI ENLISTEDMANat theurinal,itwouldappearasif Donnyhas thewholewashroomtohimself.

He enterstheprivacyofa toiletstallandlocksthedoor.

WE SEETHESCREENAND THEAUDIENCEFROMMARCEL’SPOV in thebackof theroom.Theaudienceseemsrivetedto Fredrick’sexploitsonscreen.

Marcelclosesthedoorand, withaKEY, DEADBOLTSitSHUT.

MarcelthengoesBEHINDTHE SCREEN.WESEETHEIMAGE (backward)ofFredrick’ssniperbattleHUGE,COVERINGTHEENTIRE SIDEOF THEROOM. . .A PILEof over300nitrateFILMPRINTSlies likea junkpile,rightbehindthescreen.

Sittingdownin awoodenchairfacingthescreenand pile-o-film,helightsupa cigarette,anabsoluteno-noina cinemaof thisera,buttonight,whatdoesit matter?

He smokesandwaitsforhis cueto. . .BURN ITDOWN!

He exitstheoperaboxand walkstothe projectionbooth door.He rapsonthe doorina tryingtobe amusingway.

The dooropens,justalittlebit.Shosanna,notfriendly, staresat him.

He, asusual,isall smilesandcharm.

Theyspeakin FRENCH,SUBTITLEDINENGLISH:

He laughs.

She doesn’tevensmile.Shesays,allseriousbusiness:

As Fredrickpreparestotellhislittletalewithallthe charmat hiscommand,Shosannalistens,knowingthethirdreel is justaboutoverandher bigreelchangeis comingup.

No subtitlesforFredrickneededthistime.Hegetsit.

He doesa one-armedPILE-DRIVEPUSHonthedoor,knockingboth it OPENandShosannabackintotheroom.

Fredrick,adifferentcatthanwe’veseenup tillnow,enters the booth,closingthedoorbehindhimandLOCKINGit.

The quitestartledShosannasaystoFredrick:

Fredrickstepsforward.. .

Shosannastepsbackward.. .

SOLDIER’SPOV He facesthewashroom,anddownthatlongrow,he seesDonnyemerge fromthe toiletstall.Histuxedojacketisoffand drapedoverhis righthand.Sportingthewhitedressshirt and blacktuxedovest,he’squitefaraway,sonow hejust lookslikesome guyina tuxwho justfinishedtakingashit.Donny walkstowardus .. .

The soldier’sGUNisoutof itsholsterandrisingtoward Donny’schest. ..

WHEN. . .

Donnyraiseshisrightarm, withthetuxedojacketonit, andFIRES a GUNconcealedunderit.

HITTINGSwastikaForeheadinthechest.. . whofinishesraising his GUN,FIRING,HITTINGDonnyinthechest. ..

The twosoldiersFIREINTOeachother. .. tilltheirweaponsare empty,andthe twomenlie deadonthe floor.

The tenotherNAZISinthe roomstandshockedatwhatjusthappened in frontofthem.

SHOSANNAANDFREDRICKINTHEPROJECTIONROOM Fredrickhearsthegunshotsbelowthemandturnstowardthe door.

WhileFredrick’sbackisturned,ShosannatakesaGUNout of her pocketandSHOOTSFredrickTHREETIMESintheback. ..

the floor.. .

Shosanna,guninhand,looksout theprojectionboothwindowinto the audience...

The ONSCREENBATTLEragessoLOUDLYwithGUNFIREthather weapondidn’tstanda chanceofbeingheard.

Her eyesgofromthe audience.. .

The faceonthe silverscreenbreakstheyounggirl’s heart. . .

flowingfromtheholesshe putin hisback. ..

ALIVE. . .

Shosannamovestohim .. .

BANGBANG

Two bulletsHITHERPOINTBLANKINTHE CHEST.. .

THROWINGHERagainstthewall,thenFALLINGFORWARDonher kneesto thefloor. ..

HITTINGthebloodygirlon thefloor,inthe thigh.. .

Likehe didto theRussianonscreen,hepicksherapart,onebullet at atime .. .

A BULLETBLOWSOFFTHEHEEL OFHERFOOT .. .

The Lugerdropstofloor.FredrickDIES.

Our youngFrenchJewishheroineliesontheprojectionbooth floorin apool ofherown blood,herbodyRIDDLEDwith bullets,hernerveendingswrackedwithpain,CRIPPLEDand DYING. . .

WHEN. . .

informingtheprojectionistit’stimefortheREELCHANGE.

Dyingor not,ifShosannaintendstogether revenge,she’sgoing to havetolift herassoff thefloorandexecutethisfuckingreel change.

The FUHRER watches,completelycaughtupinthedramaticspectacle. He saystoGoebbelsinGerman:

Goebbelsisbeyondproud.Hesmilesto Francesca,whoproudlypats his hand.

In thetoprightof THEFRAME,the2nd REELCHANGEMARKPOPSON ..

CUT TO

HITLERandGOEBBELS React.

SHOSANNA’SGIANTFACEONSCREEN She staresdownthepackedhouseofNazisand says in FRENCH:

SHOSANNA’SGIANTFACE Ihavea messageforGermany.I’minterrupting yourNazipropagandahorseshittoinformyou dispicableGermanswinethatyou’reallgoing todie.

HITLERandGOEBBELS react.

SHOSANNA’SGIANTFACE AndI wantyouto lookdeepinthe faceofthe Jewwho’sgoingtodo it.

The BOMBLandasetin HitlerandGoebbels’soperabox.. .

EXPLODES.

BLOWINGTOSMITHEREENSHITLER,FRANCESA,andBOORMANN,and propellingGOEBBELS,stillinhistheaterseat,acrossthe auditorium,intotheoppositewallandtakingouta portion of theceilingaswell.

The crowdreacts.. .

The explosioncausesthehugechandelierfromVersaillestotopple fromits jury-riggedplacementandCRASHontothe audiencebelow.. .

ONSCREENTHEGIANTFACEOF SHOSANNAfinishesherWARCRY.

SHOSANNA’SGIANTFACE Mynameis ShosannaDreyfus,andthisisthe faceofJewishvengeance!Marcel,BURNITDOWN!

ONSCREENSHOSANNA’SGIANTFACELAUGHSMANIACALLYatthescrambling littleNazis,runningina panic,asFLAMESLIKE OUT OFA GIANTBLASTFURNACEBURSTTHROUGHSHOSANNA’SFACE and CLIMBUPTHEWALLSof thecinema.

The AUDIENCE STAMPEDEStowardtheexits.. .

Peoplefranticallypoundonlockeddoors,trappingthemto theirgrizzlyfate.

The FLAMESandFIREspreadthroughtheauditorium...

Hirschberg,caughtinthepeoplecrunch,knowsthisisit.

The effectthishasonthe peopleintheroom isverysimilar to thatofthe effectanM-80blowingupin anant hillwouldhave on theants.Theauditoriumisa literalredrainoflegs,arms, heads,torsos,andasses.

THEN. . .,

DONOWITZ’STOILETBOMB BLOWSUP UNDERNEATHtheauditorium.

COLLAPSINGTHECINEMAANDBLOWINGOUTTHEFRONTOF THE THEATER.

As MADAMEMIMEUX’SCINEMABURNS...

TheseSUBTITLESAPPEARONSCREENasifona military teletype:

“OPERATIONKINOA COMPLETESUCCESS.”

FADEOUT

FADEUP

“HITLERDEAD.GOEBBELSDEAD.BOORMANNDEAD.

DEAD.”

FADEOUT

FADEIN

“FOURDAYSLATER,GERMANYSURRENDERS.”

FADEOUT

FADEIN

“ONCEUPON ATIMEIN NAZI. .. OCCUPIEDFRANCE.”

CUTTO

EXT—WOODS—MORNING

It’sa mistyearlymorningina woodsyarea.TheGerman truck,withAldoand Utivichintheback,and Landaand Herrmaninthe front,comestoa stop.

LANDAand HERRMANINTHETRUCKCAB Herrman,behindthewheel,tellsLandainGerman:

In thebackof thetrucksitthe twolastremainingmembers of theBasterds,Lt.AldoRaineandPfc.SmithsonUtivich, bothwith theirhandscuffedbehindtheirbacks.

Landaand Herrmanappearatthetruckrear.Landasaysin ENGLISH:

Aldoand Utivichclimbdownfromthetruck.

the twoprisoners.

He does.

He does.

Col.Landahandsover hisLUGERandhis very-cool-lookingS.S. DAGGER.

Thankyouverymuch,Colonel.Utivich,cuffthe colonel’shandsbehindhisback.

As UtivichcuffstheColonel’shandsbehindhisback,Aldo says:

I’ma slavetoappearances.

ThenAldo takestheLugerandSHOOTSHERRMANDEAD.

The boundCol.Landaisappalled.

Yeah,theymadethatdeal,butthey don’tgive afuckabouthim, they needyou.

Naw,Idon’tthinkso, morelikeI’ll bechewedout.I’vebeenchewedout before.You know,Utivichandmyselfheardthatdealyou madewiththebrass.Endthe wartonight?I’d makethatdeal.How’boutyou,Utivich,you makethatdeal?

Idon’tblameya. Damngooddeal. Andthatprettylittlenestya featheredforyourself.Well,if you’rewillingtobarbecuethewholehigh command,Isupposethat’sworthcertain considerations.NowIdon’t careaboutyougettin’pensions, meritbadges,ticker-tapeparades, whogivesa damn,let’sallgohome. ButI dohaveone question. Whenyougo toyourlittleplaceon Nantucketisland,Iimagineyougonna takeoffthathandsome-lookingS.S. uniformofyours,ain’tya?

For thefirsttimein themovie,Col.Landadoesn’trespond.

That’swhatIthought.Nowthat. . . .. . Ican’tabide.Howbout you, Utivich,canyouabideit?

Imeanif I hadmyway, you’dwear thatgoddamnuniformfortherestof ourpecker-suckin’life.ButI’m awarethatain’tpractical.Imean atsomepointya gottahaftatakeitoff.

He opensLanda’sS.S.DAGGERandholdsthebladein frontofHans’s face.

SoI’mgonnagive youa little somethinyoucan’ttakeoff.

COL.LANDA’SPOV On theground,lookingupatAldo,bloodyknifein hand,who straddleshim.AndUtivich,who’snexttohim.The two BasterdsadmireAldo’shandiwork.

Aldoturnsto Uitivichandsays:

Youknowsomethin’,Utivich?Ithinkthisjust mightbemy masterpiece.

Theyghoulishlygiggle.

CUTTO