"DEATH BECOMES HER" (1992)

DEATH BECOMES HER

by

Martin Donovan & David Koepp

July 25, 1991

revisions:

9/23/91 (blue) 10/22/91 (pink) 11/14/91 (yellow) 12/5/91 (green) 12/12/91 (goldenrod) 12/16/91 (buff) 1/27/92 {salmon) 1/30/92 (cherry) 2/12/92 (tan) 2/27/92 (gray) 3/10/92 (ivory) 3/25/92 (lilac)

THIS MATERIAL IS THE PROPERTY OF UNIVERSAL STUDIOS AND IS INTENDED AND RESTRICTED SOLELY FOR USE BY UNIVERSAL PERSONNEL. DISTRIBUTION OR DISCLOSURE OF THIS MATERIAL TO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONS IS PROHIBITED. THE SALE, COPYING, OR REPRODUCTION OF THIS MATERIAL IN ANY FORM IS ALSO PROHIBITED.

FADE IN:

A soft summer shower flashes and RUMBLES over New York City. A legend --

BROADWAY, 1979.

The title of a show, "Songbird!," blinks in red neon on a theatre marquis, and next to it the words "Preview Tonight!" Up above the title, the name "MADELINE AS,HTON"glitters in brilliant black letters.

A COUPLE burst out of the theatre and breathe the night air as if for the first time.

They hurry down the street as q"'-~OND COUPLE comes out of the theatre. v:\\J

~ ~~ONO WOMAN

Could you believe, Madeline Ashton? Talk about waking the dead.

The Second Woman tosses her Playbill, which lands face up on the sidewalk in the rain. There's a picture of a woman on thecover, aglamorous actress and we --

the Actress's face, and the picture on the Playbill isn't exactly from yesterday. MADELINE ASHTON, fortyish, has just reached the point where age is beginning to encroach on her incredible looks. She's elegant, she's beautiful, but if you look closely behind her eyes in a quiet moment, you'll notice something else.

She's terrified.

Right now she's singin' and dancin' up a:st·orm;seemingly without benefit of training in singin' or dancin'.

22 Oct 91

A DOZEN GUYS IH 'l'U;{EDOEScarry her across the stage while she sings the fi..cstact curtain number, "Me." Walkouts continue * in the audience.

IN THE AUDIENCE,

two hands are intertwined. He, DR. ERNEST MENVILLE, is in his forties, a bit rumpled, but clear-eyed. She, HELEN SHARP, is about five years younger. Pretty but dowdy, Helen seems to have completely reinvented style by ignoring it. "Provincial" is too harsh, "homey" is a better word for Helen.

Ernest beams, thoroughly enjoying the play. He leans over to Helen and whispers .

Helen looks at him, concerned, strangely saddened by his enjoyment of the play.

MADELINE is in her dressing room backstage, examining her face critically in the mirror, holding the skin back in an imaginary facelift.

MADELINE

(muttering to herself) Wrinkled, wrinkled little star hope they'll never see the scars.

ROSE, Madeline' sfactotum, comes into the room.

ROSE

Your guests are here, Miss Ashton. Miss Helen Sharp, with a gentleman.

22 Oct 9 1

ROSE * Oh! Uh -- I don't know. Smart, I guess. Kind of classy.

MADELINE

Who asked you? What do you know about smart and classy? Smart and classy compared to who?

ROSE * Well, compared to

MADELINE * Watch it, Rose. You're too old to be out of a job.

ROSE

What did I say? OBHOO 4

MADELINE * Oh, please. If you get any slower you'll be declared dead.

The door opens. HELEN enters with ERNEST, who follows her rather shyly. Madeline abandons all her nervousness and turns toward Helen with the greatest theatrical smile.

They kiss. Madeline's eyeline shifts towards Ernest, who nods and claps his hands politely in reference to the play.

MADELINE * Ernest Menville, the plastic surgeon? I've read all about you, Doctor, how nice to finally meet you.

5 Dec 91

ERNEST

(blushing) Oh, no I, uh well, I, uh, I --

He trails off, just looking at Helen and laughing uncomfortably.

MADELINE

I'm so happy for you both. How did you meet? Where? Why?

(to Hele:°ELINE (\~\)g * An editor? What happened t~t!'r'ewriting?

HELEN ~~ (a little embarrassed) Well, still trying.

ERNEST

Oh , don't be modest. She's brilliant. And the world will soon find out.

Ernest laughs uncomfortably again and shakes a finger at Madeline. Helen slides an arm possessively through his, pulling him closer.

JA

12 Dec 91

HELEN ERNEST

Yes, we have. No, we haven't .

They look at each other. A smile grows across Madeline's face like a fungus .

AN ENORMOUS EYE i s visible throughasurgeon's lighted magnifying viewer. The eye is closed, and creased on the side by crow's feet . A scalpel moves u p alongside theeye and prepares to make an incision.

ERN EST, the surgeon wielding the scalpel, is in gown and mask. He addresses his ASSISTANTS in rapid- fire jargon. *

ERNEST * Move the retractors over, I'm going after the lateral fat pad . Better put a hemostat on it too; there're some decent sized vessels in there and if I clip one I don't need any extra bleeding.

He goes to make the incision, but stops, hearing a strange TAPPING sound . He looks up, confused .

The TAPPING comes again. He looks over to the door . MADELINE stands outside. She waves through the gla~s. She looks rav-ishing.

Ernest, surprised, grins broadly beneath the mask and waves back with one gloved, bloody hand.

5 Dec 91

An austere place, done in pastels, dimly lit. HELEN sits on a sofa, tense, twisting a handkerchief in her hands. A cat winds around her legs. ERNEST, still in his overcoat, paces in front of her.

ERNEST

For heaven's sake, it was dinner, a business dinner. The woman wanted my professional opinion .

He goes to her and takes her hand.

\¾ ERNEST (co~ ~ I have absolutely no tRterest in Madeline Ashton. ~<:o'~

ERNEST stands in a dark suit, hands folded in front of him. A PRIEST stands before him .

PRIEST

And do you, Ernest, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

5 Dec 91

Ernest turns to a bride standing next to him. He smiles happily, reaches out, and lifts her veil. It's MADELINE. He kisses her and a small group of GUESTS cheer.

Ernest is about to pull out of the rather chaste wedding kiss when Madeline runs one hand into the back of his hair, grabbing a handful of it. She runs her other hand down his chest, heading south. She pulls his head forward and puts her lips to his ear.

She WHISPERS something sexy, and from the look on Ernest's face it's hot enough. to light a cigarette from.

They kiss again, hard, and the CHOIR bursts into the "Hallelujah."

IN THE BACK OF THE CHURCH,

almost hiding in the shadows, is HELEN, wee~~ devastated, clutching a handkerchief tightly in he..£~~ds. She stares at the front of the church, at Ernest an~cleline.

They finally break from their kiss and turn, sweeping down the aisle toward the doors to the CHEERING of Guests. Helen steps back, further into the shadows, out of sight. They sweep almost right past her, but don't see her, totally absorbed in one another, GIGGLING happily .

They burst out the doors and down the steps of the church.

Helen stares after them. She still clutches the handkerchief, even more tightly now, and a trickle of blood oozes out from her palms, staining the cloth red.

5A

23 Sept 91

An enormous woman's butt stares us smack in the face. A legend --

5YEARS LATER.

The apartment we're in is an absolute pigsty, the home of a lunatic, jammed with newspapers, food cartons, and dozens of cats, which crawl everywhere. Snow falls outside , visible through a window.

There is a relentless POUNDING at the front door.

VOICE (o.s.) come on, lady! We know you're in there!

The butt ignores the pounding and waddles across the kitchen. A hand opens a cabinet. Thirty or forty cans of vanilla cake f rosting are stacked neatly inside. The hand picks one and cranks off the top.

VOICE (.q.~r)4 . This is your las~ pP.ffi.i!ng!You can't just ignore an e -Victionnotice!

Finally, the owner of the butt turns around. It's HELEN, and she is an absolute mess. She's only five years older, but at least fifty pounds heavier, and shows no concern for her appearance. Her chin is streaked with frosting.

She turns away from the door and goes back to the TV. She picks up a remote control a nd pushes play.

On the TV, i t's an oldmovie, from the late sixties, a murder mystery. MADELINE, much younger, dressed in evening wear , has come home to her apartment to find an INTRUDER.

The Intruder jumps her and strangles her with a stocking ~ Madeline SCREAMS and dies. Helen smiles.

VOICE (o.s . ) We ' re breaking the door down!

Helen ignores them, pushes rewind, then play, then watches the same scene a gain. Madeline SCREAMS and dies. Helen rewinds it again.

SB

14 Nov 91

Behind her, the door SMASHES open and light floods the apartment. COPS and the LANDLORD hurry in, then turn and reel at the stench.

On the TV, Helen has started Madeline's death scene again. The Cops come over and grab her by the arms, hauling her to her feet and dragging her to the door.

Helen doesn't resist them, just strains to look back, over her shoulder, at the TV, grinning as she watches Madeline die. Again.

HELEN, cleaned up now but still vastly overweight, sits in a straight backed chair in a drab, institutional room in a psychiatric ward, twisting a handkerchief in her hands. * There are a half dozen other PATIENTS there, part of group therapy. The PSYCHOLOGIST, a tough woman. in her forties, looks at Helen. :-~~

PSYCHO~ST What about you, He;xM::·We haven't heard from you i~'c(while. Do you have anything ~ - wantto talk about with the group?

The Group all turn and look at Helen apprehensively. One even bites a fingernail in dread.

Helen looks up. Her face is blank. Finally:

She barely has the words out of her mouth when the other Group Members throw up their hands and GROAN, some even SHOUTING at her in anger. The Psychologist leaps to her feet and points an accusing finger at Helen .

PSYCHOLOGIST

In my office!

5C

12 Dec 91

The PSYCHOLOGIST follows HELEN into her office and closes the door behind them .

5D

~ I

14 Nov 91

7C CONTINUED 7C *

HELEN

Get in shape lose a few pounds (hard, and we just know she's lost something in the translation) eliminate Madeline .

~

~

A MES SENGER on a moped PUTTS dov{l\~he street in an exclusive section of Beverly Hills, clutchYng an envelope in his hand. He passes exquisitely manicured estates, all of them protected by heavy, wrought iron security bars that line their front yards and driveways. He stops in front of one such estate and rings at the gate. Another legend

BEVERLY HILLS, 7 YEARS LATER.

12 Dec 91

ROSE, twelve years older, carriesa breakfast tray smoothly up this mansion's central staircase to the second floor .The breakfast is simple -- yogurt, an apple,some tea, and two Ice-Blue eye patches. *

The messenger's envelope is alsoon the tray, and now we have a chance to read the name written on the front -- "Madeline Ashton-Menville."

MADELINE is asleep in bed, her face tied back by triangles of plastic that prevent her facial muscles from relaxing. She's not horizontal, but almost sitting up with her head rigid, resting on a hard cushion. By now, Madeline's pushing fifty from the wrong side, but she has kept herself in excellent condition. Her plastic surgeon was a genius.

ROSE comes silently into the room and deposits the breakfast tray next to the bed. She puts on some soft CHAMBER MUSIC.

Madeline wakes up as if on cue. She opens her eyes very wide and strokes her neck languidly with a gloved hand. Rose goes to the drapes . Madeline puts on the eye patches. *

Rose opens the drapes. The room is invaded by sunlight.

; ROSE .......(J, Today is Thursday, madam. I thou~fif ,) I only -- {) ~

27 Jan 92

Rose goes to the door. Madeline picks up the envelope on the tray and opens it .

ROSE

Your tickets, for Helen Sharp's reception tonight . They just came.

Madeline pulls out two large, ornate tickets.

MADELINE * Table assignments. Clever little witch. (reading, with contempt) " ForeverYoung - -a new beauty book by Helen Sharp . "

ROSE

Oh, I like that title!

MADELINE * How about " ForeverYoung and Eternally Fat." You like that one too, Rose?

She turns and looks at the vast expanse of un- slept-in bed next to her. She looks at Rose.

She looks up and points to the ceiling. Madeline sighs.

Ml"\DELINE Again?

CUT TO :

14 Nov 91

ROSE carries another tray upstairs, this one even simpler * a Bloody Mary and a bottle of aspirin. She opens a door to the third floor of the house, revealing it to be a spacious loft with an enormous skylight in the middle of the cathedral ceiling. It looks like someone's sanctuary -- there ' sa pool table, a television, an easy chair, and a wet bar.

On a table next to the comfy chair, a framed picture of MADELINE and ERNEST on their wedding day fights for space with empty glasses and booze bottles.

Someone ' s feet are on the chair, but coming from the wrong direction. Following the body down, we see ERNEST, lying on the floor where he passed out in last night's ~lathes .

Unlike Madeline, he looks older. He looks lined, He looks, frankly, a wreck. A beeper on his belt BEEPS away, but he sleeps on peacefully. Rose shuts off his beeper, checks the number, and wakes him by setting the cold Bloody -Maryglass on his forehead. He MOANS, opens his eyes and looks up at her. \x

("'~ ERNEST ~ Is this an angel I see b~ore me? ~ ROSE (giggles, flattered) Dr. Menville, how sweet.

He closes his hand around the dr i nk,drags himself up into the easy chair, and takes a deep swallow. The drink has a strong, soothing effect, and his head seems to clear. There are a couple scalpels on the table next to him. He picks one up and plays with it idly.

Ernest sighs and holds out the scalpel, sighting on a dart board on the wall about fifteen feet away. His hand is a drinker's hand, and it shakes so badly he can barely hold it straight.

0 ZING! He tosses the scalpel. He Eisses wildly, TRUNKING the scalpel into the wall a few feet from the board. In fact, that whole wall is peppered with holes, and the dart board itself is like new.

Ernest sighs.

ERNEST comes down the stairs from the third floor, wearing a wrinkled jacket and tie. He looked better when he was still asleep. He looks both ways and starts down the hall.

MADELINE comes out of her room at th~ same time, now fully dressed. She looks up as the two~t"'them meet at the head of the stairs. \)

~INE

0 Oh. It's yoll\)

ROSE appear the bottom of the stairs. Madeline speaks to her as she and Ernest descend.

14 Nov 91

A brief look of genu i ne happiness crosses Ernest's face, but he immediately wipes it away.

MADELINE~\,\ She sent tab l e:_~~ments . You ' re with the VIP's,\:)~uwith the SOB ' s.

ERNEST * Oh, He l en would never do anything

A woman ' sfingernails run down a man ' smuscular,well- tanned back, l eaving long white streaks behind. MADELINE, supine, is making love with DAKOTA, a stud in his late twenties, in * a small beach cabana. Madeline' s style is theatrical, grandiose , vocal; Dakota ' smovements give the distinct impression he is working on a chain gang .

Madeline reaches a climax and Dakota rol ls off of her. She lies still, gasping for air, staring up at the ceiling. He pull s on a pair of shorts, goes to the window, and stretches,* the afternoon sun slanting across his sweaty body.

CONTI NUED

14 Nov 91

Dakota is ignoring her completely, as he ' s ata mirror now, examining his hip, where he has found some excess fat.

He starts to do hip exerc i ses .

MADELINE * Oh, I don't know. out of her own ~ insecurity, I suppos e. But is t n at !!Yfault? Is it my fault I ~ohlt' the way I do and she lookso..,o~eway she does? Is that a reason ~ ·\fl.ateme?

I I JI MADELINE *

And people dump on you. Exactly.

t

She made fun of me, her and her friends, those miserable Par k - Avenue- private- school- clenched- tooth

Dakota checks his watch .

14 Nov 91

She SIGHS and rolls around in the sheets, but then stops and stares up at the ceiling in horror, at a giant mirror strategically placed over the bed.

She leaps out of bed with the sheet wrapped aro~nd her and scurries into the bathroom. ~

Dakota rolls his eyes .

12A

22 Oct 91

ERNEST parks his car in a parking lot ,:-nwh=.t.looks like a large estate. He takes his bag from the passenger seat -- and a belt from a bottle under the driver•s -- and gets out.

MR. FRANKLIN, a nervous man in a gray suit, is waiting for * him at the edge of the parking lot and strides forward quickly when he sees Ernest, his face brightening.

MR. FRANKLIN * Dr. Menville, thank God! I'm so sorry to call you at the last minute! You know how I hate the last minute!

He leads Ernest across the lush, well-kept grounds.

MR. FRANKLIN (cont.)

He's been completely prepped. our top staff have all been summoned and are waiting for you.

ERNEST

Good. He's going to be just fine. Calm down. DB HO O 4 MR. FRANKLIN calm? I am calm! Eve_ryone is calm

here!

They round a corner, passing a sign. The first word is patially obscured by a column, but the rest is clear:

-EST LAw"'NHORTUARY. *

ERNEST strides briskly down a corridor in the mortuary, flanked by MR. FRANKLIN and a growing retinue of ASSISTANTS. Ernest is taking gown and gloves from the Assistants as he walks, preparing for surgery.

12 Dec 91

MR .FRANKLIN

Fernando Rivas. The actor. You know, the handsome one? Our reputation's really on the line this time. His family insists on an open casket, but

They've reached a set of double doors with the word "EMBALMING" stencilled across them.

They sweep through the double doors and into the~ embalming room . Poor FERNANDO RIVAS is visible for a se&,~~, laid out on a slab, grinning like an idiot. ~Yo

CUT :;,1t$:~

lJA

14 Nov 91

Chagall 's is a sleek, expensive salon in the middle of downtown Beverly Hills. Its front windows are smoked, mak ing it impossible for us to see inside.

An expensive car with a "MAD" vanity plate pulls up in * front and MADELINE steps out. A VALET whisks the car into a garage as the DOORMAN nods discreetly to Madeline and admits her to the salon. TWO TOURISTS walking down the sidewalk try to sneak a look inside, but the Doorman closes the door quickly behind Madeline, blocking their view.

Inside Chagall 's ,CUSTOMERS receive haircuts, facials, and the like. MADELINE comes up to the reception desk, where a SVELTE WOMAN in a trim business suit greets her.

Ml\DELINE How are y~m•:\Three o'clock, with Anna. ( \' I• RECEPTIONIST Yes, I know . You can go down.

She pushes a button bel ow her desk and a small gate BUZZES. Madeline pushes it open and steps behind the reception desk, to a tiled mirror wall. A SECURITY GUARD pushes a button in the wall and an elevator door opens. Madeline and the Guard step inside.

The elevator doors open on the lower level of Chagall's. This is an exclusive, elegant place, all black leather and white carpet. Everything is soft, soothing. Not one hair dryer screams, not one gossipy voice whines -- just here and there are the low, reassuring MURMURS of BEAUTY THERAPISTS.

The SECURITY GUARD leads MADELINE back, into the depths of the lower level. They wa l kdown a long, twisting hallway that has private rooms off each side.

23 Sept 91

Madeline glances inside one of the rooms. A MIDDLE AGED MAN * reclines in a black leather examination chair, an IV stand on either side of him, a plastic bag hanging from each. One of the bags contains a deep red liquid, the other a thick, deep blue one.

The blue is being pumped into the Man's left arm, the red is being drawn out of his right. We catch only a glimpse before the door is shut in our face.

MADELINE is having a heated discussion with ANNA, her beauty therapist, who is in her early twenties. A video camera in one corner of the ceiling monitors their conversation.

,.~ (for the third time) I'm sorry, a plasma separation is a very traumatic process for the body . Our policy clearly prohibits more than one in a six month period.

23 Sept 91

She realizes how she sounds and catches herself.

Anna GASPS, looking over Madeline's should~. Madeline turns . ~ C)()U.

JEAN PAUL CHAGALL, ageless, contin~ ~ al,the ultimate

expression of sophistication, stands in the doorway to the room. He's elegant as hell, dressed in a black silk suit with gold flower lapel pin we may not even notice.

The Therapist hurries out. Chagall closes the door behind her and looks at Madeline, saying nothing for a moment.

23 Sept 91

He looks at her, his right eye fluttering. He could be winking, or it could be a tick, but it's definitely odd.

He pulls a business card from his shirt pocket and holds it out to Madeline.

Madeline reaches out to take the card, but he pulls it back with a word of warning.

She takes the card. Chagall smiles.

14 Nov 91

■ CHAGALL

I'm glad this happened, Miss Asht on. We'll be seeing more of you.

His eye starts that wink ing thing again, then he turns and leaves . Madeline shakes her head, tears the card i n half, and drops it in her purse.

ERNEST drives into the parking l ot of Dominick's, a friendly - * looking bar on the outskirts o f Beverly Hills.

~

The bar is a warm, intimate p~~e, all pol i shed woodsand heavy brass railings.

At one end of the bar itself, a DRUNK, long hair, bearded, s l umps overa drink, semi-comatose. He looks like a permanent fixture.

E RNEST comes in and slides onto one of the bar stools. He runs his hands affectionately over the bartop. TONI, the bartender, a friendly woman in her mid- forties, sees him.

Toni laughs genuinely. Ernest smiles for the first time today and they launch into what seems like a very familiar exchange:

5 Dec 91

2 1 CONTINUED 21

Toni smiles and grabs a tumbler. She scoops up two cubes with the glass in one hand and upends a scotch pottle with the other. As she works, Ernest's eyes mist over with emotion. He watches Toni's balletic movements, clearly in lov e with the CRACK of the scotch cap, the SWISH of the liquid, the POP of the ice. She slides the drink down the bar to him with a flourish, and it nestles into his palm.

roNI * One drowsy scotch . Some peanuts?

ERNEST * (thinks) Pretzels, I think.

TONI * Just opened the bag. ~~

Out of nowhere , she produces a dish of pret~ ls. Ernest * smiles. He toasts the Drunk at the end ~ the bar, who doesn't respond. Ernest drinks anyway ~ e closes his eyes as he swallows, deeply soothed. Sudde~ the peace of the bar is shattered by an unmistakeable voice MADELINE's voice.

Ernest flinches reflexively at the sound. He turns and looks up to the TV above the bar. One of Madeline's old movies is playing, the one Helen watched earlier. Young Madeline has returned home in evening clothes and is about to be killed by the Intruder. Toni goes to turn it off.

5 Dec 91

Toni looks up and recognizes Madeline on the screen.

Ernest watches, a look of longing on his face, as the Intruder strangles Madeline, she SCREAMS, and dies.

ERNEST '<' But I took a vow. "Till,..,.~athdo us part." And when you sinWas low as I have, your word is all you have left.

Ernest looks up at her gratefully. He slides a hundred dollar bill across the bar to her. She slides it back to him.

Toni, who has been wiping the bar with a towel, wipes down near the Drunk. She lifts his head, wipes under it, and sets it back down gently -- on a little pile of cocktail napkins. * Ernest smiles.

5 Dec 91

ERNEST * You think so? I'm old, Toni, before my time. I gave other people youth, but I wasted my own life with lousy choices. All I really want is to be able to start the whole darn thing again, but that just doesn't happen. You tell me where's the bright side in that?

Toni looks at him, thinking, truly saddened.

Ernest looks up at her . He doesn't answer, just finishes his drink. He signals for another, and she fills his glass. He drinks that one too. She looks at him, st\~1 waiting for an answer.

MADELINE comes down the stairs, stunningly dressed and with an attitude. ROSE descends behind her, trying to adjust something on the back of Madeline's dress.

20A

5 _Dec91

Rose SIGHS and starts to fix the label again .

Rose, who has obviously heard this story before, mouths the last few words along with Madeline before Madeline cuts herself off as an upstairs door opens and ERNEST comes out of their bedroom. Madeline looks up at him. He lopki pretty dishevelled, with little pieces of bloody toilet \paperstuck to his face. Madeline shakes her head as he '£Omes down.

~ MADELINE (cont s:} * Ernest! All dressed up b,_~nce again you intend to be& 1'elife of the party. I'm so ~ ud. What is this obsession you have with embarrassing me? I buy you things, why don't you wear them?! (dramatically) I'm not going!

No, you're not going.

5 Dec 91

He turns and starts back up the stairs.

MADELINE * Oh no, you're coming . You're coming. If poor Helen insists on humiliating herself, the least we can do is be there to watch . (mocking) "Forever Young." Right, and eternally fat.

ERNEST and MADELINE ride in the back of a limo as it pulls up in front of a crowded, expensive restaurant. They're both looking out their windows, lost in their own thoughts, but there's a strange sound in the car. It's Ernest, who breathes loud. No special reason, he's just a loud breather, * and in a quiet moment like it really gets to Madeline. She tries to bite her tongue, but can't .

MADELINE

Could you please stop breathing?

Before he can respond, a VALET PARKER pulls their doors open and Madeline sweeps out, leaving her comment for Ernest to interpret.

Ernest gets out and Joins Madeline as restaurant. She notices the crowds.

The restaurant has been rented out for a private party and is packed with FASHIONABLE GUESTS. Copies of a hardcover beauty book called "Forever Young," by Helen Sharp, are prominently displayed here and there. MADELINE makes a grand entrance, ERNEST in tow.

MADELINE

She must have spent her entire trust fund on this.

5 Dec 91

There is an OLD WOMAN near the door, eighty or so. Madeline goes to her warmly.

ACROSS THE ROOM,

a dishy STARLET turns to JAY NORMAN, next to her, a young looking twenty-five, horn-rimmed glasses, anonymous suit.

STARLET ~~" Oh, her? I thought she was dead. What's she done lately? ~~ ~ NORMAN ~~ Complain. Sue people. ~ ve Boat . "

STARLET ~ Ick . Who's her agent?

OVER AT THE BAR,

ERNEST leans, a scotch glass growing from his hand. He notices a good-looking MIDDLE-AGED MAN next to him, smiles, and gives a little wave. The Middle-Aged Man notices but pointedly ignores Ernest, chatting with two WOMEN.

• ~- ~ . ,..

14 Nov 91

,;',(~ 23 CONTINUED 23

I • • As the Women turn to walk off, the Middle- Aged Man pauses and speaks quietly to Ernest. ...

11 You were a gen i us.

(catching himself) Are a genius. ~Tu.

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM,

\)~~

Madeline comes up behind Jay Norman, looping an arm through

his.

NORMAN * Madeline! I was just coming to talk to you!

MADELINE

fl (to the Starlet)

Can I borrow him for a second?

Not waiting for a response, she spins Norman away, behind a

potted pal m, and speaks to him urgently . •

• J NORMAN *

I did call you back! Twice!

- Your°machine wasn't on.

MADELINE * (knows he ' slying) oh. I'll have to speak to Rose about that. Did you hear anything about Roger's film?

■

•

■ ■•

■ i-

I-

-■ ■

■... 14 Nov 91

• J ..~ 23 CONTINUED 23 ·"""

■ NORMAN ■ * ■ I wouldn't get my hopes up. What

■ did you decide about Hollywood Squares? ■

r MADELINE

- I'm having second thoughts . Can you ■.I ■ get me center square? •I •■ ■ ■

• •I ■■ Connie Stevens has it, she's part of a

package. But Charlie Weaver's old

■- corner square is free. We could get that .

We could make that a reality for you.

■ ■

MADELINE

■ I ( Which corner?

■

■ ■ NORMAN '& *

Lower left. It's a fa!tu:asticsquare. n ~

■ MA1)~t,:tNE ...-.. ■■- *

■ Why can't I have·'dpper?

1",

■ r-■ NORMAN

■ (thinks )

Let me talk to Mike.

■ OVER AT THE BAR,

the Middle-Aged Man is gone and Ernest is speaking to MRS. I L ADAMS, mid-forties .

■ preparations, but you did a really

■• ■ spectacul ar job with Aunt Esther. ■

■ •■•

■-

MRS. ADAMS

■ -

Her color , her tone -- you even brought out her cheekbones .

■ Well, that's my job.

■ CONTINUED

--------~ ------ --~

■ ■

- ■ ■ ■• .. - ■ ■ -"""" ■ ■ ■ 14 Nov 91 ..__,/ ' 23 CONTINUED ■ ■ ■

- ■ ERNEST

I

■ ■ That's -- sweet of you to say .

■ ..

MRS. ADAMS

■ ■ can I ask what your secret is?

ERNEST

■ ■ - (confidentially) I Spray paint. ).

I She looks at him strangely, as if she misunderstood. Ernest ■ ■ nods enthusiastically.

~ have to use a pa~ette ~ l te and really

grind the stuff in ~~eM. But one day ■ I thought to mysel~"X'1Whatabout mannequin paint?" It's go~~s own chemical

variety of flesh tones, and -- and --

•■ He ~ rails off, as Mrs. Adams is staring at him as if he were a monster. Her orange juice arrives, she takes it, and walks ■ off, aghast. ■ I Madeline comes up as she leaves.

MADELINE

■ ■

■- (looking around, ■ irritated)

■ ■

■ What is this, a joke? She ' snot even here.

He points toward the front door, where someone is making a helluvan entrance. They see just the top of a head moving through the crowd, then a hand that rises up and turns one lazy circle in the air, acknowledging all with the gesture. The BAND, a discreet string quartet, immediately strikes up their version of "Forever Young."

■

12 Dec 91

Madeline and Ernest watch the figure until it stops in the middle of the crowd. Ina moment the crowd parts, letting them see the backside ofa very OVERWEIGHT WOMAN. Madeline * smiles wickedly

-- and then the OverweightWoman steps out of the way, * revealing HELEN SHARP.

She looks incredible. She's dropped those fiftypounds like nothing, whipped herself into phenomenal shape,completely abandoned "sweet" in favor of "sexy,"and seems not one day older than she was twelve years ago . Maybe even younger . But the most striking thing about Helen is a shining new sense of confidence. She wears a swooping, sexy gown that is held together off one shoulder witha gold flower pin we may or may not notice.

Madeline's jaw drops. So does Ernest's.

Madeline takes a deep breath and crosses the room to Helen, who, to Madeline's great distress, is speaking with a gushy Jay Norman.

Norman looks up, sees Madeline coming, and quickly turns and walks away. Madeline watches him go, hiding her irritation.

■

14 Nov 91

■ HELEN (cont. )

Mad!

They kiss and fall into an embrace. As they do, Helen looks over Madeline ' sshoulder and sees Ernest standing forlornly on the other side of the room. He raises one hand in greeting, but Madeline spins Helen away by the arm.

HELEN .A · (laughs) ~~ You haven't changed. I'~~so glad you came. I didn't know if\)"~ would, but my P.R .woman said ~eline Ashton, she goes to the op,~n•ingof an envelope. "

forces a gay laugh, but nothing comes out.

The Starlet comes up to Helen, awestruck, and shoves a copy * of her book in front of her, for Helen to sign.

STARLET * Would you mind -- ?

Helen ,barely noticing, signs the book while talking to * Madeline, who grinds her teeth.

HELEN * How has it been?

12 Dec 91

She takes Madeline by the shoulders and speaks with utmost sincerity .

CUT TO :

ERNEST comes out of the bathroom, drink in hand. HELEN comes up to him.

They head out two open doors to the ""':<)

garden bey~o

i

28A

12 Dec 91

24A ACROSS THE ROOM, 24A *

MADELINE hurries up to a table with several copies of Helen's* book arrayed on it. She grabs one of them and rips through it in angry disbelief.

MADELINE

A beauty book?!

TWO FASHIONABLE WOMEN, one of them Mrs .Adams, who spoke to Ernest earlier, are on either side of her, looking at a large* cardboard standee of Helen, gushing over it . *

MRS .ADAMS

(admiringly) Can you believe she's almost fifty years old?

WOMAN 2

You've got to be kidding me .

Madeline SNAPS the book shut angrily. She turns and sees Ernest and Helen, walking out toward the garden. She drifts across the room, following them from a discreet distance, keeping an eye on them.

CUT TO :

28B

■ ■ ■

■ ■ ■ I'

■

■ ■ ■ r.... 1, ■ ■ -.._' ■ .. ■ ■■ I 0 1.4Nov 91. - i r■ I I.......

I

ERNEST and HELEN walk in the garden area behind the restaurant. They c a n see the party, still in progress, I■' through huge glass windows. -

HELEN

■ .. ■1

Isn't it strange, Ernest? Seeing

: ■ each other, after so long? ■ ■ I I I •■ ■ Ernest hasn't really been listening, just looking at her I . with something close to adoration. - ■ ERNEST - ■ ■ ■

Wonderful.

, ■ (coming around) I I I mea n -- it's wonderful . ■ r

■ •■ ■I thirty-two. Then thirty-three. Back

down to thirty, briefly, then up to forty . Forty-five. Forty-eight.

-

■ ERNEST

So, a lot .

■ HELEN Right, a lot is my point. And the - thing that kept me going was the

■ thought of --

' She turns and looks into the party, where she sees Madeline, L■ through the glass . She turns back to Ernest. t I HELEN (cont. ) - :.-you.

-

I ■ ■ ■ ■ ERNEST

jll .• ■ ■ Me?

..■

Ill~, ■

■

lj I ■ CONTINUED

- ■I

I ■ ■ ■ -

14 Nov 91

ERNEST

oh, sure, it's like my own private oil well. We've even opened a franchise in Paris. I'm semi-retired, though. I'm fully committed to the good life.

He raises his glass in toast .

He looks at her. He hasn't had a slap of honesty like this in a while and it melts him.

ERNEST * Never could fool you, could I?

HELEN * I'm so sorry for you, Ernest. I heard about the kind of - -work - - you're doing now.

ERNEST * (humiliated) I'd sell my soul to operate again. I've wasted myself, Helen.

14 Nov 91

She puts her hands on his shoulders.

HELEN (cont . )

I want you to know I never blamed you for leaving me. I always knew it was her. She's a woman. A woman, Ernest. From Newark, for God's sake.

ERNEST

Piscataway.

HELEN \)\.\, * Exactly . I'm never gain~).\~ - forgive her for whats~•~ done to you. Never.

He looks at her, overcome. In the distance, MADELINE is visible through the glass doors to the party. Watching them.

NT ERNEST'S CLOSET NIGHT 26 *

ON a photo of Ernest and Helen, taken at least fifteen

.._.,_,..._rsago.They're standing ona pier somewhere on the shore. It's fall, they're dressed with scarves and sweaters, and the wind has blown color into their cheeks . They look happy. They look young.

ERNEST sits at his dressing table, at home, staring at the photo as he unbuttons his tuxedo shirt.

He smiles faintl y at the photo, then looks up at the mirror in front of him. He sees the ravages of the last twelve years and his smile disappears.

Off screen, he hears the faint sound of a bedroom door SLAMMING.

He gets up and leaves the room, still holding the photo.

3 1

_]-

14 Nov 91

ERNEST hurries to the top of the stairs in time to see MADELINE hurrying out the front door of the house, carrying an overnight bag, making no pretense.

As she SLAMS the front door behind her, Ernest looks back down at the photo in his hand.

31A

14 Nov 91

MADELINEhurries down a sidewalk to a small beach cabana and * rings at the door .

DAKOTA opens the door, shirtless. Madeline doesn't say a word, just slips into his arms and kisses him passionately. He kisses back, but there is reservation in it.

Madeline senses it and pulls back.

DAKOTA ..,'i\: Yeah, but you came.th.is afternoon and I thought -- I~~, I didn ' t-- just give me a seco~ P will you?

A YOUNG WOMAN ' SVOICE comes from offscreen, behind him.

VOICE Dakota?

Madeline turns and walks away quickly.

DAI<OTA (cont . ) Madeline! Hey!

He follows her, grabs her by the arm, and turns her around.

5 Dec 91

28 CONTINUED 2 8

MADELINE

(livid) How dare you make me feel cheap!

Madeline looks over his shoulder. Far in the background, she catches a good glimpse of a NAKED WOMAN walking across the room. Young. Beautiful .

Madeline looks back at Dakota, her anger completely replaced by humiliation. THUNDER rumbles overhead; a st~m is imminent. '\.'

DAKOTA r;::,~ Hey, I'm sick of this shi<;),you know that? I've beeno...~n'you a favor here. <:/;>v

27 Jan 92

These words are to Madeline as bullets shot from a gun. She stares at him as the THUNDER crashes, right on top of them now, and the rain starts to pour down, soaking her.

CUT TO :

MADELINE i sin her car,driving too fast, sobbing. The storm i s really raging as she toolsdown Sunset Boulevard, barely making the curves. She looks up and catches sight of her mascara and tear-streaked face in the rear v i ew mirror.

Horrified, she slams on the brakes. The car SQUEALS to a stop i n the middle of the road. Other cars HONK and swerve past her as she dumps her purse, searching for a kleenex to repair the damage.

She finds a kleenex. But she also finds the two torn halves of the business card Jean Paul Chagall gave her .

Fascinated, she pieces them back together.

CUT TO :

HELEN is in front of the mirror in her hotel room. She's messing with a strange little contraption, something like an eyedropper, filling it from a bottle marked "Menthol."

HELEN * (singing) " Ihate her, I hate her, I hate her - -and where she goes I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow 11

The eyedropper filled, she holds it up to her eyes and squeezes, each in turn. It blows a little puff •of something into her eyes, and immediately tears flow down her cheeks. She looks up, into the mirror, affecting a countenance of great distress .

12 Dec 91

She spritzes more stuff in her eyes.

MADELINE drives up to the base of a long, winding driveway up in the Hollywood hills. She stops at a gate, where two SECURITY GUARDS in blue suits stand, radios in their ears, sunglasses at night, seemingly impervious to the rain. One of them steps up to her car window . She rolls it down.

MADELINE

Hi, I know it's late, but I was, uh -- passing by and just wondered if it might be possible to see Ms. von Rhumans?

The Guard says nothing, just stares at her through his sunglasses. He turns his head, checking out the inside of her car, but giving no indication he intends to let her pass.

She holds up the two pieces of the torn business card. The Guard, recognizing the card, immediately steps back and waves to the other, who presses a button and opens the gate.

Madeline drives through . As she starts to climb the driveway, she leans forward and squints through the windshield. A bolt of lightning flashes, illuminating the house at the top of the hi 11.

Make that "castle" at the top of the hill. Li&.6-,,©JJ, Rhumans' mansion is an enormous medieval thing, co:m'.F5,XE}t;:ewith turrets . (Ii

22 Oct 91

The impressive front door of the house is o::::,enedby an ATHLETIC GUY in his twenties. MADELINE stands on the step, wearing sunglasses and a silk scarf that half hides her face, which has been washed clean of makeup by the rain.

Madeline looks at him, confused, but he smiles kindly enough and she enters.

DB HOO 4

MADELINE steps into the foyer and the ATHLETIC GUY closes the door behind her. She looks around at the strange, gothic interior of the place.

ATHLETIC GUY * Wait here, please.

He walks ahead, down some stairs and into a darkened room. While Madeline waits, she hears a low HUMMING sound from her left and turns to look. A light shines through a frosted window in a small door on the other side of the foyer, a * descending light, as in an elevator door. As Madeline watches, the door swings open and two large, bizarre dogs * trot out purposefully. They trot CLICK CLICK CLICK across the foyer and disappear down the stairs as well.

The Athletic Guy reappears at the top of the stairs.

ATHLETIC GUY (cont.)

Right this way.

He goes back down the stairs. Madeline swallows and follows him.

14 Nov 91

The ATHLETIC GUY leads MADELINE across the floor of an enormous, gothi c ballroom with an incredible view of nost of Souther n California. *

On the other side of the room, another YOUNG MAN MURMURS softly, leaning forward toward a woman s e ated on a sofa in a dark part of the room, her back to us. There are three or four of these Beefy Guys throughout the house -- it's hard to be precise; they all look alike. The bizarr~ dogs are also with the woman, poised on either side of her; unmoving sentinels. \)\.,,;

The Athletic Guy leads Madeline_~. As they approach, the woman turns around. LISLE VON i):ofus is an att ractive woman, agel ess, firm body, beautiful, clear, tight skin. She is baroquely dressed, with huge chunks of jewelry, and speaks with an unplaceable European accent. She smiles .

She pats the sofa next to her and sends a fiery look to the Young Man sitting by her.

He and the Athletic Guy leave the room.

She winks at Madel ine. Madeline moves a bit trepidatiously and sits next to her. Lisle observes her very c l osely. Madeline is uncomfortab l e.

MADELINE * Monsieur Chagall said

36A

12 Dec 91

LISLE * I just arrived in town. I follow the spring. I haven't seen autumn or winter in years . They aren't for us. We're people of the spring, you and I . Aren't we?

Lisle reaches out and takes off Madeline's sunglasses .

Madeline looks at her, surprised and intrigued .

14 Nov 91

She runs her finger down the skin of Madeline ' sface.

LISLE (cont . )

You had a young man. Worthless and empty, but he makes you feel in your prime; more alive than the day before. You need him as one needs a gadget to measure blood pressure or heartbeats. To tell you you're alive .

MADELINE ;-, To te1 1me I 'm a 1 ive \)~.\

L~~~ Now he goes . H~ leaves you. You can't feel your pulse, you see rings around your eyes. He's a symptom, dear. But he's not the problem .

... Madeline, who was transfi xed, seems to snap out of it .

... MADELINE

I'm being silly. I don ' tknow what you could possibly do to --

■ You'd be surprised.

As the rain pours down, Helen's car pulls up in front of the Menville mansion and parks at the curb. HELEN gets out. *

ERNEST hurries down the main stairs, drink in hand. Someone ' sKNOCKING frantically at the front door, and he opens it. HELEN, on the front step, dashes something into her purse as he opens the door and looks up at him, her face * awash with tears.

14 Nov 91

She throws her arms around Ernest in a tight~,~race. He's a little taken aback, but doesn ' tfi~htG~·

ERNES'l\ ·~\\

How'd you get in? \Ididn't hear the gate .

HELEN * I didn't want you to hear . Ernest, ask me to go. Ask me to leave this house immediately!

Ernest looks truly confused.

14 Nov 91

Helen pulls back far enough to look into his eyes.

Ernest's drink slips from his hand and hits the floor with a THUD.

\J\ '-:

LISLE is gently stroking MADELINE~ hand. *

Lisle reaches out and CREAKS open an ornate wooden case that * sits on the table in front of them. An old, hand-tooled dagger and a bevelled glass vial are sheathed inside.

She reaches into the case and pulls out the single vial. It * has a silvery liquid inside, thick, strange, like mercury, that seems to shimmer in the light.

14 Nov 91

Madeline stares at the v i al, transfixed. *

, LISLE i}o on. And don't try to flatter me.

~ € ~ ?

She smiles and sits back proudly.

ERNEST and HELEN are on the sofa, necking passionately.

But they still kiss.

12 Dec 91

But they still kiss. When things start to get really heated, Helen pulls away and stands up,smoothing her hair, trying to regain her composure.

The position Ernest is sitting in makes his stomach rather pronounced. He sucks it in.

He stands and points a shaky finger at her.

ERNEST

Tuesday at the latest.

12 Dec 91

Ernest sits, deflated, his plan snatched away from him .

Helen comes back to him. She sits close, kissing him between her words .

She strokes his leg, kisses his ear, whispers into it.

HELEN

She has to go, Ernest.

ERNEST

(kissing back) You're right.

HELEN

She has to disappear.

ERNEST

(still kissing) Okay.

12 Dec 91

Helen sits up and pushes him away, leaving him in rnid- pucker.

HELEN * You're not listening to me. My therapist showed me once and for all that for us to have a life, Madeline has to

Ernest finally understands the implication of her words and his jaw drops.

43A

23 Sept 91

E=~~st zits again, both relieved and disappointed.

ERNEST

So she didn't say it.

Helen takes his face in her hands again.

MADELINE is studying the potion, holding it up to the light, its refracted beams playing across her face. LISLE hovers over her shoulder.

LISLE

Ah, the sordid topic of coin. I'm afraid it's not so simple. The cost, you see, is different for 1.l,erypne. 0 0 MADE1ti~~ -

{swallows) Well? For me? How much?

Lisle looks at her, studying her. She takes a pen and writes* a figure on a piece of paper. It seems to have a lot of zeroes. She finishes and holds the paper in front of Madeline.

Madeline stifles a GASP. Her face• suddenly clears,as one who has just realized they're being conned.

23 Sept 91

Madeline, surprised, sits. Lisle takes the potion and uncorks it.

Madeline looks at Lisle for a second, decides "what the hell," and holds out her hand. Moving like lightning, Lisle grabs her hand with one hand and reaches into the wooden case with the other, whipping out the dagger. She slits a tiny opening in the pad of Madeline's index finger.

She tries to pull her hand away, but Lisle holds tight. She dips the dagger into the potion, picking up just a drop, and lets it fall into Madeline's cut. She loosens her hold and Madeline snatches her hand aw\{()Q 4. , .

D ~ DELINE (cont. ) What are you, crazy?! You

She stops in the middle of her sentence, letting out an involuntary GASP. Before her very eyes, her hand begins to change, to smooth out. Networks of lines disappear, the skin seems to replenish itself. In a few seconds, it's the hand of a much younger woman.

44A

She holds it up next to her other, unchanged hand. The difference is incredible.

Madeline dives into her purse and comes up with her checkbook. She can't move fast enough as she fumbles with the pen, never wanting to take her eyes off her new hand.

Madeline looks at her, astonished, ~she figures out the reference. "-Q

C:) MADELINE You mean she's -- !

Lisle raises a hand, silencing her. Madeline is wide-eyed.

She writes out her check, frantically, and TEARS it from her book, shoving it across the table to Lisle. Lisle smiles and solemnly slides the vial with the potion in it across the table to Madeline.

Madeline takes it. She gives it a little sniff. She holds it up reverently, raising it in toast.

She upends it and swallows it in one gulp.

She reaches out and pins something onto Madeline's lapel. It's a tiny flower pin, made of gold, with little bursts of colored petals.

'

MADELINE is led out of thema:tμl~n by the same ATHLETIC GUY 0 who admitted her. She follows't>ehind him,headed for the · door. Halfway there, she stops, feeling strange. She turns to a mirror on the wall next to her.

As she watches, she undergoes an amazing transformation. The crow's feet at the corners of her eyes smooth out with a little HISSING sound. smile lines at the sig_esof her mouth disappear with a POP. Her skin smoothes, tightens, she takes off fifteen years just as we look at her.

And that's not all. Her butt seems to lift and define itself; her breasts do the same, regaining old form and tone. An enormous grin spreads across her face and she flushes with color. She turns to the Athletic Guy, the only one around, with a look of absolute incredulity on h.er face.

The Athletic Guy raises a finger to his lips, smiling knowingly, devilishly.

■ 14 Nov 91

ERNEST is pacing in front of HELEN, who sits on the couch. He has a scotch glass that he continually refills. *

As they talk, we see flashes of their plan in action, but we see it as Ernest sees it -- perfect, smooth, and elegant, every step flowing perfectly. '

HELEN~"\'.~ * Tonight, while ~,~ ·~sleep

\)~

ERNEST, wearing gloves and looking uncommonly suave, carefully takes three crystal glasses from the dining room china cabinet.

HELEN hands ERNEST a small vial filled with white powder .

16 Dec 91

ERNEST, in a white lab coat,dumps a little white powder from r the vial into each glass, kicking up a small cloud.

MADELINE is on the phone, dressed casually, in workout gear .

■

MADELINE is at the table, a glass of water in hand.

Madeline slumps over, her head hitting the table with a CLUNK. ERNEST and HELEN, also at the table, PING their wine glasses in toast.

• .::.

r INT LIVING ROOM NIGHT 43A *

HELEN hands ERNEST a tiny cellular phone.

■

HELEN

-- this cellular phone, which you will use to call the police --

16 Dec 91

ERNEST, the picture of Civic Responsibility, is talking on the cellular phone, standing next to Madeline's car, which * is parked in a turnout on Mulholland.

CUT TO :

A SUPERVISOR leans over the POLICE OFFICER answering Ernest's call.

SUPERVISOR * Quick! Dispatch a unit up there befor eshe kills somebody!

ERNEST and HELEN dump alcohol all over Madeline's car, chucking the empties in back.

Ernest wedges an empty bottle between the steering wheel and * Madeline's leg.

Ernest drops the car into gear. At the bac~ d, which is up* on a jack, the rear wheels spin fast, the ~~ 7J SCREAMING.

In front , Ernest jams one last whisky bottle i : t e{fa.g.,eline's hand . 1f

Helen delicately, elegantly KICKS the jack out from under the* rear bumper. The car drops, the tires SQUEAL, and the car takes off.

I

14 Nov 91

Ernest tears away from her and goes to the fireplace.

Ernest looks to his right, where several ornate shotguns are kept in a glass case. They gleam a little in the light.

Tomorrow,

Tomorrow.

And he rushes back into her arms.

MADELINE pulls up in front of the Menville place. Were she not obsessed with looking at her own image in the car's rear view mirror, she would be able to see HELEN as she gets into her car and drives away from the house.

MADELINE enters the mansion and throws her keys and bag on the front table. She pauses to admire herself in the foyer mirror, then heads upstairs, sweeping past ERNEST, who is in the living room, pacing. He looks up, but she barely notices* his existence.

He watches as she disappears upstairs. *

14 Nov 91

MADELINE is in her room, climbing out of her still soggy clothes. Her phone RINGS and she picks it up.

She hears a sound and turns . ERNEST is stan~ng at the door to the room, staring at her, livid, the gl~' of scotch spilling from one hand. He's heard ev~word.

ERNEST ~ Unspeakable.

Madeline casually kicks the door shut in his face.

TEN MINUTES LATER,

MADELINE steps out of her closet, her hair pulled back in a

seductive fashion and her body poured into a sexy dress . She goes to the mirror and looks at herself in wonder.

12 Dec 91

She gigglesand opens the door to the room. Ernest is still standing in the hallway, hate in his eyes.

She breezes past him and into the hall.

CUT TO :

ERNEST turns and hurries in front of MADELINE, cutting her off at the top of the stairs.

He squints at her face, studying her, and fora moment, his rage vanishes.

b ERNEST (cont. ) .._Q.L,J * By the way, did you change your "7:@ makeup? fl,);,.

-

16 Dec 91

She looks at nim, decides he's not worth the explanation, and turns away.

She walks away, heading for the stairs .

ERNEST

(mutters) Cheap .

Madeline stops dead in her tracks . She turns around.

MADELINE * What d i dyou say?

ERNEST

I called you cheap, Madeline. A cheap little tramp who's every day less like a lady and more like a -- like a -- like a broad .

There is a line in every marriage that can't be crossed, and Ernest just crossed theirs. Madeline is enraged.

MADELINE * Who do you think you're talking to? Who do you think you are? You're nothing but a rich failure.

MADELINE * You'll take whatever I give, you always have. You are pathetic, Ernest . You're a tragic, boozy clown . You're not re~lly even a man any more, are you? How loAg's it been? Long enough so you're ~ afraid to try any more, that's how long .

52A

I I

16 Dec 91

Ernest is fuming, his face gone completely red. He turns away from her and grips the railing, his fingers turning white with tension.

Ernest turns and grabs Madeline around the throat, pressing his thumbs against her windpipe. His face is grim, set, his body rigid.

He is a kil l er.

Madeline chokes, gasps, flails with her arms .

They stagger about. Her arms knock over a vase, her fingers gouge his cheek. Still his hold on her neck remains tight .

He backs her over to the top of the stairs.

She speaks, a death gasp.

Ernest's eyes soften . His face washes over with awareness and reprehension at what he is doing. He releases his hold on Madeline and backs away, staring at his hands and at her in horror.

She teeters on her feet, precariously balance~ a ~the top of the stair s,her arms flailing but f i nding nothing to cling to.

22 Oct 91

Ernest's eyes widen as he studies her delicate position. He looks behind her, down the steep winding staircase. He looks down at her feet, barely balanced on her high heels.

MADELINE (cont. )

Hurry, you miserable failure --

Ernest cuts her off, reaching out just ever so slightly and JABBING his finger into the middle of her chest.

The tiny impact is enough to tip her over, backwards, over the top of the staircase. For one brief moment, she is suspended there, like Wile E. coyote .

And then she's gone. She tumbles down the stairs, a long, hard, painful fall in which she doesn't miss a single step. There are unmistakeable CRUNCHING sounds and finally she lands in a grotesquely tangled heap of arms and legs at the bottom of the stairs.

Ernest stands at the top, hands clutched at his mouth like a mischievous child.

For a few seconds, nobody moves.

Finally, Ernest summons his courage and starts down the stairs. Timidly. One at a time. Trying not to look at Madeline's still form.

He reaches the bottom. Madeline's face locks up at him. Unfortunately, her body is lying face down. Her head is turned almost completely around, her neck certainly broken.

0 He bends down closer to her and moves his fingers along her neck near her jugular. He holds them there for a moment, searching for a pulse.

He finds none.

He stands and backs a few unshaky steps away from her. He finds himself next to the liquor cart and burr iedly pours a glass of scotch.

An entire, eight ounce glass of scotch.

He drinks from it greedily.

"i)r..

Bolstered by the liquor, he turns ~d walks back over to Madeline again. He checks her puJ'-s-easecond time, then jerks his hand away and wipes it'-onhis pants.

,...-

She's plenty dead. Q:)

~

He turns and walks across the room, trying to compose himself. Struck by an idea, he runs to the telephone table. 0 He pulls a scrap of paper from his pocket, checks the number, and dials frantically.

While he's waiting for someone to answer, he looks apprehe~sively across the room toward Madeline's corpse. It's not going anywhere. He turns around, not able to look at it.

10 March 92

HELEN is in her hotel room, dressed in jeans and a "Just Do It" tee-shirt, running on a treadmill, the phone to her ear. * For a moment, she says nothing. Finally:

ERNEST is still on the phone.

E~~T No! I calle$\fOU first thing. / CUT TO :

(Throughout the following, we get a chance to see more of Helen's hotel suite. One corner of it, a small sitting room, looks like the apartment of an assassin. There are blow-ups of Madeline all over the walls, not just publicity shots, but shots that look like they were taken without Madeline's knowledge -- coming out of the market, getting into her car, jogging. There is a calendar on the wall with dates marked off and one -- two days from now -- with a large red circle around it. Most disturbing, on a mirror over the desk, the word "ELIMINATE" is written in lipstick.)

14 Nov 91

HELEN herself is still on the phone, trying to be patient with Ernest.

ERNEST is still on the phone.

ERNE~ I'd better call them right now.

Ernest drums his fingers on the desk nervously, waiting for Helen to come up with something. He's sitting with his back to Madeline's corpse, but it is visible behind him. As he waits, something funny happens with Madeline's body.

It moves.

Just a twitch, really, it might not even have happened.

56A

l4 Nov 9l

Ernest turns around and looks at Madeline, who is still again.

He turns back. Madeline twitches again.

Behind Ernest, Madeline sits~· \

While Helen and Ernest talk, Madeline, behind him, begins to disentangle herself from her own wreckage. She pulls a twisted leg over her head and brings it back down into place. She pries a limp wrist off the floor and lets it fall at her side.

Behind him, Madeline stands up, disoriented. She turns around, so she is facing Ernest.

Or so her face is facing Ernest, anyway. Her head is still twisted completely around, so while she's looking at Ernest, her body is headed in the other direction. She blinks, not really seeming to get it.

14 Nov 91

Madeline, facing Ernest, backs across the room toward him. He doesn't hear her.

Madeline comes all the way up behind Ernest and s~ands there, staring down at him. '

ERNEST \)\ \ (into phone) '0 No, no, time of death ~<;ponly be determined within a few-'hours. It's not an exact

I He waves her off, not looking up.

He waves her off again.

, ERNEST I

-- not --

He stops, realizing the implication of Madeline's voice. He turns around. His face goes completely pale.

10 March 92

HELEN holds t he phone with both hands,but the line has gone

compl etely dead.

HELEN

Ernest! Ernest?!

CUT TO :

ERNEST is backing away from MADELINE in abject horror .

She follows him, backing after him ,looking very creepy.

~D,t',ILINE You push\)~'aown the stairs!

Ernest keeps away from her, circling her, knocking lamps and picture frames over in an attempt to keep her at a distance.

12 Dec 91

578 CONTINUED 57B *

MADELINE

r don't need to, I don't want to, I don't intend to! I just need to make a telephone call. You're in the shithouse now, pal.

She goes to the phone and reaches for it,but her arm goes the other way.

She looks down, confused, and finds herself looking at her own backside.

She wanders around the room, backwards, in a daze ,·.

I/ MADELINE (cont . ) "~tt" Ernest, what's wrong with me?!

14 Nov 91

57B CONTINUED 57B *

The phone starts to RING. They ignore it.

Madeline walks up to a chair. She turns around, as one ordinarily would to sit, but now the front of her body is facing the chair. She tries to sit, but her knees don't want to bend that way. She turns around, so her face is facing the back of the chair along with the backside of her body.

Now, she sits, her face looking at the back of the chair.

ERNEST \' Dislocated neck! You have~x dislocated neck! :('

MADELINE'\)'Q) Fix it!

Ernest swallows. He takes a deep breath, goes to her, and gingerly lays one hand on either side of her head. He pulls them away and backs off.

She grabs hold of her own head, and with one powerful twist of her hands and a disgusting CRUNCH, cranks it back around to the front. She blinks.

14 Nov 91

58 EXT

Ernest's car SQUEALS to a halt outside the UCLA emergency room, BANGING into the rear end of an ambulance. A VALET * takes one step forward but ERNEST leaps out of the car and SHOUTS at her .

ERNEST * SHE ' SAT DEATH ' SDOOR!

MADELINE sits on the table in a small examination room, a thermometer in her mouth. ERNEST paces in front of her, * frantic, taking an occasional shot from a flask he carries .

DR. SELWYN HARRIS, sixtyish, tired, sweeps through the doors. Harris has been in the emergency room for twenty years and seen every conceivable human ailment, none of which shock him any more. Ernest SHOUTS at him.

ERNEST '\)\)<. * SHE'S AT DEATH'S DOOR!:(\

HARRIS~~ Well, why don ' twe just let me be the judge of that, all right? (to Madeline) What seems to be the trouble?

MADELINE

(with a look at Ernest) -- fell down the stairs.

12 Dec 91

MADELINE

Well, maybemy wrist. And my neck's a little - -out of whack .

He pulls down the blanket and reaches for Madeline's hand.

He takes the hand and holds it carefully, turning it a bit, poking here and there.

HARRis0 This doesn't hurt? ~~

MADELINE •(l{).1f: Well, no.

14 Nov 91

He sets her hand down and clears his throat.

Harris leans over her, pulling her col~ar~ack to have a look. His eyes widen and he steps ~~\ °quickly, wiping his hand on his pants.

He unbuttons her blouse a few buttons for his stethoscope and puts it to her chest. He listens a moment, then moves it to a new area. A look of confusion crosses his face. He stands up, chucks the stethoscope in the trash can, and goes to a cabinet on the other side of the room.

Madeline and Ernest look at each other, confused.

Harris comes back with another stethoscope, much larger. He puts it to Madeline's chest, moving it around, unnerved.

Harris steps back and looks at her.

He takes the thermometer out of her mouth and-consults it. He looks at her, he looks at the thermometer, he looks at her.

Ernest takes another belt fro~is flask. Harris notices.

~ ~HARRIS (c;ont.)

0 I wonder i~ might have a sip of

that. -Q:_,

~ ERNEST Of course.

He hands the doctor the flask. Harris takes one very long gulp and hands it back.

Harris steps over to a mirror above the sink. He runs ah~ through his hair, but he's shaking so badly the net effecte,::_/ to muss it up. ·He takes a small tin box of pills from his breast pocket ~nd puts one under his tongue.

He turns to Ernest and Madeline, trying like hell to be professional, but he's developed a stutter.

Silence.

More silence.

ERNES~ What the hell do~ that mean?!

~IS I believe -- Q;,~

He holds a finger out, abou~to pronounce his diagnosis, but can't bring himself to do it.

0 HARRIS (cont.)

-- I'd like a second opinion.

He sweeps out of the room just as dramatically as he swept in.

Ernest and Madeline look at each other. Silence for a second.

He goes to Madeline.

Ernest quickly searches her neck for her pulse, looks at her protruding vertebrae, and feels her forehead for her temperature. He backs off, staring at her with eyes· wi·de:.

0 ERNEST

My God! He's right!

On the words "natural law, 11 Madeline GASPS,looking down at the lapel pin Lisle gave her in shock. She covers her mouth in horror and stands, shaking.

~~INE Oh, shit! ~ .... 4i}mEST You're talk~ to me --

Madeline tries to scream, but only a tiny GASP comes out.

He turns and runs out of the room.

Madeline promptly faints, falling back onto the table.

ERNEST hurries out of the room and into the corridor, looking for somebody, anybody, but the emergency area is a chaotic place, full of GUNSHOT VICTIMS, STABBING VICTIMS, and bizarre domestic accidents of all kinds.

14Nov 91

The ADMITTING NURSE is havin g an argument with a RUDE WOMAN

who keeps shoving a poodle at her.

NURSE

Look, this just isn't that kind of hospital --

Ernest tries to get the attention of several other NURSES --

-- but they're all in some crisis of their own. A seemingly unattached NURSE hurries past. *

The Nurse ignores him, continuing on. Ernest, determined, * follows her around a corner and into a room.

\J~

ERNEST follows the,, NURSEinto the roo~

He stops as he sees what the Nurse was hurrying to. An EMERGENCY TEAM hovers over a man's body, giving him CPR.

Ernest looks closer. The patient is dressed in hospital greens. He looks familiar. He's DR. HARRIS. BEEEEEEEEP! The EKG line goes flat.

62 OMITTED 62 *

ERNEST hurries back into Madeline's examination room, but Madeline is gone. A SECOND DOCTOR, younger, corporate- looking, is there filling out a form on her clipboard. *

14 Nov 91

The Doctor looks at him p r ofessionally and caps her pen. She* puts an arm around Ernest's shoulders.

ERNEST \)\)< (growing alarmed) o..\\ Where did you put her?!<::)~'

Ernest grabs her by the lapels and shakes her violently. *

Ernest lets go and stares at the Doctor in shock.

He turns and races out of the room. The Doctor watches him go, sympathetic.

14 Nov 91

ERNEST steps off the elevator and hurries down another corridor, frantic, rubbing his head in confusion, trying like hell to comprehend what's going on.

As he walks, he sees THREE NUNS walking toward him, dressed in full habits, SOBBING uncontrollably. They're an eerie sight, sort of floating past him in all their religious grief and grandeur.

Ernest stops, staring at them, thinking, then continues on.

' "\.))

The hospital's morgue is a stark whit~led place with silver doors in the walls leading to~tt~ you-know- whats . A MORGUE WORKER in a white lab coat hovers over a DEAD PRIEST who is on one of the slabs, ready to start undressing him.

The Worker hears a strange SOUND, muted, like a human voice, but very far away. He looks up for a second, listening

-- then shrugs and goes back to the Priest, unbuttoning his collar. *

After a few seconds, he hears it again, a little louder, definitely someone's voice. He shakes his head, knowing he ' s the victim of a joke.

■ ERNEST comes in, frantic, but trying to compose himself.

Ernest stops, staring at the dead Priest with a l ook of amazement on his face.

12 Dec 91

He shoves a plastic bag across the table to Ernest.

The Worker re-buttons the Priest's collar, slides his slab into the wall, and BANGS the silver door shut, but it doesn't latch. He taps the door of the s lab two rowsdown.

The Worker goes out into the hallway. Ernest takes a deep breath, approaches Madeline's slab, and delicately slides her out .

She's in a body bag. Ernest winces and unzips the bag as delicately as he can, revealing MADELINE's face. She's graying now, death really beginning to take its toll on her appearance. She's wide awake and teary, like a child who's hurt herself.

T

16 Dec 91

She stops, looking around. She recognizes her surroundings and now her tears break .

ERNEST /J * ■ Don't you know what you are,·~~~ine? !

Behind Ernest, the door to the drawer with the P/jiJst,,init

swings open slowly. Ernest doesn't notice it. V

16 Dec 91

ERNEST (cont . )

You're a sign! You're an omen! You're a burning bush!

MADELINE

I am?

Now the slab the Priest is on starts to slide out oi:the * drawer, toward Ernest, who still doesn't notice, his rapture building.

The Priest's slab, all the way out now, hits Ernest in the * butt. Ernest whirls and sees the dead Priest just as a massi ve bolt of lightning flashesand thunder CRACKS.

Ernest throws his hands up to the heavens.

CUT TO :

10 March 92

The MORGUE WORKER has cornered two ORDERLIES, who are folding body bags, and is talking to them in the corridor.

The door to the morgue BANGS open. (\~ ~ T and MADELINE come out of the morgue and walk past t~~'ntas casually as possible. Madeline looks at the Morgue ~~er and smiles.

The Worker laughs, assuming this is some kind of joke, and turns back to the Orderlies. After a second, he turns sharply, raising a finger, realizing something is wrong with this picture, but having no idea what and

67A OMITTED 67A *

14 Nov 91

HELEN, dressed in black now, is at the gate of the Menville * mansion, peering through the bars at the darkened house, trying to see something, anything, but al l is dead. Suddenly the gate itself HUMS and starts to move, opening .

Helen steps back, confused. From down the street, headlights* flash across her. She turns and darts over to her car, parked at the curb a short distance away. She hides behind it as Ernest's car ZOOMS past, flying through the opened gate and racing up the driveway, SQUEALING to a halt near the side entrance to the house.

Helen creeps back to the gate as it closes. i~ pulls out a small pair of binoculars and peers through them.

\X

Through the binoculars, she sees ERNES~ J\imp out of his car, * run around to the passenger door , pu)c!"<butMADELINE's lifeless body, and drag it into thec-h'9use.

'-) HELEN

Oh - -my -- God .

She folds the binoculars and sticks them in her pocket. She * stands, looks both ways to see if anyone's watching, and then, like a gymnast --

- -scampers~ and over the gate .

She drops to the ground on the other side and sprints across * the lawn, fast and low, headed for the front door. She's almost there when she hears Ernest's car start again. She drops to the driveway, flat.

Ernest backs the car up, fast, does a Y- turn in reverse, and * stops just a few inches from Helen. He drops it into forward, punches the gas, and SQUEALS the hell out the driveway again.

Helen leaps up and runs down the driveway, squeezing through * the gate just before it closes a ndrunning for her car.

She jumps in as Ernest's tail lights disappear down the block. She gives chase.

27 Jan 92

HELEN is following ERNEST on an almost abandoned road somewhere. She has a tape in the cassette player, and she's * singing along, like a mantra .

Up ahead, Ernest slows and turns in an unlit driveway, more of a service road.

She looks up at a huge sign on the hill above her. Only the last word is clear:

"MORTUARY ."

HELEN kills her lights and coasts to a stop just down the driveway from the mortuary itself. She peers over her steering wheel . ERNEST is out of his car and standing at the back door to the mortuary, shaking hands with a MAN in a white coat. They seem to know each other rather well .

TWO MORE GUYS come out of the mortuary, carrying jugs of some kind of liquid, strange-looking too l s,hoses, a n d the like. Ernest directs them, putting everything in the trunk.

Ernest shakes hands with the men again, gets in his'car, and starts it.

Helen ducks down in the seat as Ernest drives past her, out the way he came.

HELEN is following ERNEST again, this time on Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills . He stops at a stop light . Helen - stops behind him. He turns on his right turn signal .

10 March 92

Helen looks up, ahead of them and to the right, and sees a sign for the Beverly Hills Hotel.

She cranks her wheel and punches the gas, tearing out ahead of Ernest, through the intersection agai~st the light, and into the driveway of the hotel, SMACKI~G 'Umto a luggage cart. A VALET dives out of the way as Hele~j,Omps out.

v, VAL~i' Uh -- 'evening, ~s Sharp . /

Helen doesn' tanswer, just races into the hotel. She's barely inside when Ernest's car pulls up behind hers.

HELEN is in her hotel room, frantically shoving the evidence of her Madeline obsession into the sitting room. She pulls the door shut on it a l l,hiding it from sight,just as there's a KNOCK on the main door.

ERNEST waits patiently outside suite 1110. He's about to knock again when HELEN opens the door

and yanks him into the room.

HELEN quickly closes the door behind ERNEST.

HELEN

Tell me right now -- what's going on?!

ERNEST

Well, it's very difficult for me to say, Helen. (takes a deep breath) Madeline and I have had a reconcil- iation .

10 March 92

Helen just looks at him .

She looks at him in disbelief. ,)'0~

HEt'$i,, Oh, my God, you'r~ completely insane.

Helen picks up a glass of water and throws it in his face. For a moment he just looks at her, confused, wet.

10 March 92

HELEN * God, Ernest, I thought you had a plan! You're going to get us both in one hell of a lot of trouble!

ERNEST * Helen, you're not looking at the big picture here.

HELEN * Okay, you've already wai~ too long to call the poli ce-- ~ we're going to have to get rid o i0 thebody ourselves and just report h~ ' missing,that's all. v ERNEST I think she's fine back at the house.

ERNEST * Helen, if you would just listen for a --

He grabs her and sits her down on the edge of the bed. As if by reflex, she picks up a handkerchief and squeezes it in her hand. Ernest, still in his overcoat, paces in front of her.

23 Sept 91

He kisses her softly on the cheek, turns, and leaves, the door CLICKING shut behind him. Helen just sits there for a moment. She looks down, at the handkerchief in her hands. * She's squeezed it so hard a few drops of blood from her palms have stained it. She stares at it in disbelief.

Morning. sun shining. BIRDS singing. CRICKETS cricketing. An old Datsun parks in front of the Menville mansion, three PEOPLE inside. ROSE gets out and goes to the main gate. She punches in a code and the gate swings open.

The sun shines on ERNEST, who ~ NORES softly, asleep in a sitting position on the living room couch. From the kitchen, we hear the sound of a DOOR OPENING.

IN THE KITCHEN,

ROSE and two MAIDS have come i n through the kitchen entrance, ready to start their day. They've stopped in their tracks, staring at the kitchen, which is a disaster. The contents of the refrigerator, shelf racks and all, have been pulled out and are stacked on the counters. Flies BUZZ around rotting meat, ice cream puddles everywhere, it's a mess.

The First Maid sighs heavily, grabs a towel, and starts to clean up.

23 Sept 91

Rose sighs too, tosses a stray chunk of bacon into the sink, looks up at the clock, and starts to prepare Madeline's breakfast tray.

She goes to the refrigerator, a big Sub-Zero model, and opens it. MADELINE is inside, crumpled slightly to fit, dressed in a terrycloth robe and slippers. Her body is completely blue, with red and white patches here and there. Rose stares in disbelief. Madeline looks up at her.

She closes the door. She just stares at it for a moment, trying to figure this out. She turns and looks at the Maids, who didn't notice, still busy cleaning up.

Rose runs a hand through her hair. She finishes with Madeline's breakfast tray, putting a single rose in a vase. She looks up at the clock again. She picks, up the tray and raises one hand as if to knock on the r ~ r,igeratordoor.

"~ r\O

But she loses her nerve. She sets the tray next to the door and backs away from it, into the living room.

IN THE LIVING ROOM ,

Rose sees Ernest asleep on the sofa. She hurries over to him and shakes him.

Ernest wakes up and yawns casually, as on a normal day.

---

23 Sept 91

Ernest leaps to his feet ,~ememberinq the events of last night.

From the kitchen, the Maids SCREAM and run into the living room, hysterical .

Ernest forces a loud, phony, exaggerated laugh.

Ernest races into the kitchen. Rose and the others fall into frantic gossip.

IN THE KITCHEN,

Ernest finds Madeline, stuck in the refrigerator. He starts tugging at her, but she's stiff as a board, her joints don't respond, and one arm is completely encased in frost, like an old package of peas. QB\-\ QQ ij ,

He finally gets her out of the refrigerator and she lands on the floor with a CLUNK, like a block of ice.

23 Sept 91

Madeline stands, CREAKING and CRACKING like an old rocker.

IN THE LIVING ROOM,

Ernest, smiling gaily again, hurries back into the living room. He takes three envelopes from his jacket and starts distributing them to the help.

They GASP, looking at something behind Ernest. Madeline is making her way out of the kitchen stiffly, her arms and legs responding like two by fours, her face green with an impromptu avocado mask. She immediately starts up the stairs.

She waves, but with her broken wrist. Her hand flops back unnaturally. It seems stuck, so she reaches back and pulls it forward, trying to act natural as she continues up the steps, which is a bit of a chore.

Ernest opens the front door for Rose and the others.

They don't answer, as they're fascinated, staring at Madeline as she makes her clunky, precarious way up the stairs.

23 Sept 91

When the last of them are gone, he closes the door behind them and locks it.

MADELINE is in her bedroom, staring into a mirror morosely. ERNEST races in.

Don't even th~~ij~o Q_t'il~.

She looks at the mirror again, totally defeated.

14 Nov 91

76A CONTINUED 76A *

76B OMITTED 76B *

77 OMITTED 77 *

Used surgical equipment and empty jugs of formaldehyde lie * piled in a corner of the third floor of the house. It's quiet, except for a strange sound. It ' sfamiliar,but a little hard to place at first. ~

CHUCKA CHUCKA CHUCKA SHHHHHHHH. 'J~

CHUCKA CHUCKA CHUCKA SHHHHHHHHX) ~

~

Spray paint.

■ Moving over, past the used equipment and a phone that is RINGING but ignored, we see a wastebasket half filled with empty spray paint cans. Past that, we come upon one of the legs of the pool table, which has been covered with a sheet, turning it into a makeshift hospital bed. We move up it, somewhat nervously.

■ MADELINE is lying on the table, face down. We start at her feet - - which look absolutely fabulous, by the way, pink and healthy - -and move up, toward her behind.

ERNEST hovers over her like an artist, in gloves and a barbecue apron that reads "Kiss the Chef." He's applied masking tape along the line where her but t gives way to her legs, and is leaning over it with a can of spray paint. He sprays abit of the paint onto his own fingers and rolls it around, s tudying the color.

Deciding against it , he tosses the can and leans back, I ' selecting another from a rack with about two dozen different colors behind him. He seems truly happy, HUMMING to himself as he works . The phone, which had stopped ringing, starts again .

10 March 92

Ernest, annoyed at the distraction, goes to the phone and tears it out of the wall. He returns to his work.

Holding his shaking right hand with the other to steady it, he sprays a smooth line along the masking tape.

MADELIN-~~ .s. ) What are you doing~~n there?! ,'

Ernest RIPS the masking tape~'El with a flourish.

/ ERNEST Tan line, darling .

HELEN is in her hotel room. She's a fanatic, running faster than a human being can run on her treadmill. There is a * KNOCK at the door and a BELLHOP comes in. *

BELLHOP * Miss Sharp? You asked for the maps of Death Valley?

Helen doesn't even slow down as she answers -- and she's not even out of breath.

HELEN * Just leave them on the table, thank you. Wait a minute -- when does the sun go down tonight?

BELLHOP * Uh -- about an hour, I think?

HELEN

(smiles) Perfect.

10 March 92

HELEN, now dressed in black, stands at the counter of a hardware store while the CLERK rings up her merchandise.

He looks up at her over the top of his glwses.

CLE~1 (~ ~~ ) That gonna do i t\)f~you, or can I get you a headstone to go with this?

Helen laughs at his joke, much too hard.

MADELINE sits with her back to us. ERNEST hovers in front of her, holding an artist's palette and several small brushes. He's in a creative frenzy, daubing paints from the palette onto her face, blending them with his fingers, CURSING when something isn't quite right, REJOICING when it is.

He does something wrong over one eye and reaches for a small jug of turpentine. He finds it empty.

14 Nov 91

ERNEST * I need more turpentine.

MADELINE

Aren't we done yet?

ERNEST

(offended) The shadows under your eyes are unbalanced. Do you want people to stare?

Madeline SIGHS and waits as Ernest lea?es the room.

\X

The door at the top of the 9'~~case to the third floor SLAPS open and ERNEST fills the dcroTway, looking like a mad scientist. He SLAMS the door behind him and THUNDERS down the stairs.

ERNEST comes down the main staircase, HUMMING to himself, * happier than we've ever seen him. He reaches the bottom, turns to head for the garage -- and stops dead in his tracks . He GASPS.

HELEN is standing right in front of him, burdened with * shovels, picks, and everything else she bought in the ) hardware store, looking like a designer grave digger.

HELEN *

I (all business)

Where is she?

ERNEST * (whispering) God! Helen! What are you doing here?!

1 CONTINUED

--

14 Nov 91

Ernest wipes frantically at his face .

HELEN ·\ Ernest, are you doing something funny with Madeline? \x

ERNES~ \j (thinks) ~ Define "funny. 11<::::;,

Helen puts do er gear and strides forward determinedly, * past Ernest and to the foot of the stairs, looking up. He follows her.

HELEN * Come on, Ernest. Cough her up.

14 Nov 91

UP ON THE SECOND FLOOR,

it seems Madeline can, in fact, hear them. She stands on the landing, out of their view, and ours too. All we see of her is her hand -- fully restored -- resting on the bannister at the top of the stairs . Helen's voice is clear up here.

On that, Madeline's hand curls into a claw, the fingernails digging into the bannister.

Madeline's fingernails SCRAPE down the bannister, leaving five long, deep scratches in their wake.

BACK DOWN IN THE LIVING ROOM,

A VOICE comes from the top of the stairs.

14 Nov 91

They turn and look up. MADELINE s t ands at the head of the stairs, now in full view, hands on hips, dressed to ki l lin a pair of skin t i ght pants anda loose blouse. Sh elooks absolutely ravishing, better than she did the night she first took the potion. Ernest has even given her a healthy suntan.

Helen stares at her, absolutely shocked out of her skin. Her mouth moves, but she's unable to form wor ds.

Madeline starts down the stairs , and as we watch her, there should only be one word in our minds -- "hips. "

ERNEST

(to Madeline, t errified) Are you angry, honey?

HELEN * It's alive and it' s -- it's -- beautiful!

ERNEST

Are you very angry, dear ?

Madeline ignores him completely, reaching the bottom of the s t airsand sweeping right between t hem, headed for the firep l ace. She seems strangely cal m. Too calm.

12 Dec 91

He grabs her by the arm and starts leading her away, out onto the terrace, which is through two sliding glass doors.

Ernest hears a CREAKING sound behind him and turns back to Madeline, at the fireplace. The shotgun case, next to the fireplace, is hanging open. So is one of the drawers in its base, which is filled with shotgun shells.

Ernest's eyeswiden as Madelihe SNAPS shut the barrel of an enormous shotgun and points it straight at Helen. He tries to shout, but nothing comes out . *

MADELINE * I just want you to know one thing, Hell.

Helen turns around.

MADELINE (cont. )

You brought this on yourself.

KA-BOOM!!

Madeline pulls the trigger on both barrels . Helen catches the shots in the midsection, is thrown through the air, and comes to rest in an enormous fountain out on the terrace.

14 Nov 91

Madeline breaks open the smoking barrels and the shell casings PING across the floor.

MADELINE

What have I done?! Defended myself, that's what! You plotter! You co- conspirator! (proudly, noticing Helen's body) Check it out. Right in the fountain .

Ernest runs to Helen's still form, which is floating upside down in the fountain. Thef'\~ter is completely red. Ernest feels for a pulse with ia.K.i.nghands.

~{c, ERNEST (flysterical) She's dead!

Madeline joins him at the fountain and grabs his arm excitedly.

MADELINE * She is?! Oh, these are the moments that make life worth living!

Throughout the following, Ernest runs around the house, turning off lights, pulling drapes, closing blinds.

14 Nov 91

MADELINE

You're so negative. Can't you for once just let me enjoy a moment?

ERNEST * (frantic) I have to think! One of us has to be rational!

MADE;iNE-~ * I'm completely A~onal. We're going to bury ..her,Er~st. In Death Valley. You and me.

ERNEST * I'll do no such thing!

MADELINE * Oh no? That's pretty strong talk for a murderer on the run. Let's face it, Ernest, that's exactly what you are. What if the police were to receive an anonymous phone call about you and found me upstairs, dead? If anybody can play dead, Ernest, it's me. What would you tell them? I'm sure you'd be very popular in prison.

ERNEST

I'll get the shovels.

He runs to the tools Helen brought and struggles to lift them up. He staggers back out onto the terrace with them.

MADELINE * And she even paid for the hardware. Don't you just love it?

Ernest drops all the burial supplies next to the fountain and starts to unfurl the roll of plastic. He looks up at Madeline, who is staring at Helen, happy as can be.

14 Nov 91

She starts to help him. Both of them turn and bend over the plastic, their backs to Helen.

MADELINE * Well, today certainly shaped up in a hurry, didn't it?

Behind them, Helen slowly stands~ in the fountain. She's dripping wet, and with a big, blackened, see- all-the-way- through hole in the middle of her stomach. She towers over Madeline and Ernest, who are spreading the tarp out in front of the fountain, their backs to~~

MAJ)~LINE (cont.)

(to Ern,s..Kt Did you ever h'oticehow some days can start out so shitty and then all of a sudden something wonderful ha,Ppensand your whole outlook just --

She turns to the fountain, to where Helen's body is. Or was. ■ Instead of looking at the fountain, she's looking right through the hole in Helen's stomach. She looks slowly up, at Helen, who glowers down at her, hands on her hips.

Madeline freezes, her jaw dropping open.

Ernest whips around, sees He l en,and SCREAMS. His knees go out on him and he BANGS to the floor in a sitting position. Madeline backs quickly away from Helen and trips over him, falling to the floor as well.

Helen starts to climb out of the fou n tain. Ernest and Madeline scramble away from her, across the floor, trying to get up.

1 6Dec 91

ERNEST

And there's a little problem with your -- your -- tights.

HELEN'

(looksdown) Don't sugarcoat it, Ernest! I've got~ hole in~ stomach!

Madeline, finally regaining herself, stands up .

She walks over to Helen and flips back her collar, revealing a shining siernpre viva pin just like herown.

She RIPS the pin off Helen's collar .

HELEN

How do you know about it?! (eyes widening) You took the potion too!

HELEN * - That's why you look the way do ! And you are dead!

12 Dec 91

81 CONTINUED Bl

MADELINE & HELEN The potion !

HELEN * I paid everything I had, ana now look at me! I'm soaking wet!

MADELINE * (pointing to Helen'sstomach) Don't forget that.

HELEN * And I've got~ hole in~ stomach!

MADELINE * (to Helen) Well, I hope that little hole in your stomach teaches you a lesson .

ERNEST

I don't think this is a miracle at all!

12 Dec 91

MADELINE

(still to Helen) You see what happens to people who obsess about their weight?

Madeline giggles to herself and turns, walking away from Helen.

MADELINE (cont.)

And as a friend, let me just say I'd stay out of a bathing suit if I were yo~. People might call you a - -

CLANG !! Something big and heavy hits Madeline on the head from behind and she sails off her feet. Helen stands behind her, soaking wet, with a hole in her stomach, and holding one of her shovels .

Madeline stands up, her neck broken again, her head dangling over her back .

She grabs her head by her hair and lifts it back into place, although her vertebrae have become hopelessly tangled again. Ernest claps his hands to his mouth in shock .

Helen goes to the fountain, grabs the other shovel, and

tosses it to Madeline, a challenge.

Madeline catches it with one hand .

HELEN

En garde, bitch .

The women start to circle each other, wielding the shovels like broadswords.

MADELINE * Did anyone?

96A

12 Dec 91

Ernest steps between them, the peacemaker.

ERNEST

Now, hold on, girls. Why don't we all just go into the kitchen, sit down, and have a really good

CLANG!!

Ernest ducks at the last second, as the women swing the shovels at each other, CLANGING them together just where his head was.

CLANG!

CLANG!

Ernest backs away from them, slowly, up the stairs .The women's shadows fall on the stairs around him as they pitch an unholy battle, SHOUTING, CLANGING the shovels off of each other, fighting like Vikings or something .

CLANG!

CLANG!

j MADELINE (o.s . ) You mean better than anyone!

30 Jan 92

Ernest reaches the top of the stairs and stops, staring down at them in horror as their shadows dance at his feet.

CUT TO :

While the CRASHING and CLANGING of the battle rages on downstairs, ERNEST,looking like a man at the end of his rope, silently trudges up to his third floor sanctuary. *

Downstairs, the battle rages on. MADELINE swings at HELEN, misses, and her shovel CRACKS off in the middle of the handle. Realizing she has a spear now, she chucks ~tat Helen, but it sails through the hole in Hel~n's mid~ection and sticks in the sofa. Madeline does a -:0uble- ~e .

She BOPS Madeline on top of the head with her shovel and Madeline's head disappears down between her shoulders.

She stops, as Madeline, who has been struggling to re-seat her head on her shoulders while Helen was speaking, isn't really listening.

-

14 Nov 91

S-fr:f ~ lt>-1l-1u . HELEN (cont.)

vJ ,W ~ I will not speak to you until you

~ f, put your head on straight.

Madeline finally succeeds.

HELEN (cont . )

(picking up where she left off) They were all I had, and you took them away -- not because you loved them, not because you cared, but just to hurt me! You hurt~ on purpose!

MADELINE \)~ That's not true! '(\

HELE1')~ Liar!

HELEN * We didn't think you'd feel comfortable! It just wasn't -- could you stop that?

Madeline's head has drooped again, forward this time, her chin banging into her sternum. Annoyed, Madeline yanks it back up.

14 Nov 91

HELEN (cont. )

(continuing) It just wasn' t usual for us to have --

MADELINE (cont.)

-- trash in the house! Say it !

HELEN

You're avoiding the issue! You stole my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose!

MADELINE

I did not!

t There is a long pause while they both digest this information, deciding what to do with it. Madeline c hews her lip, absolutely agoniz ing over the next words that are to come out of her mouth.

Helen l ooks at her, tru l ysurprised, but doesn't reciprocate. Madeline just stares at her, waiting .

And just like that, the air goes out of their feud . They drop their shovels and drop onto the couch in relief, on

opposite ends. /,MAk r ( ✓ , IA l:-w~

14 Nov 91

There is a long pause while they take stock of their situations. Helen looks down at the hole in her stomach. She sees she has i nadvertantly leaned back against the shovel* handle, which is now protruding through her midsection. Madeline finds a decorative African neck piece and wedges it * down over her own head, so that it supports her neck.

Helen pulls the shovel handle out morosely and starts to cry. *

MADELINE

Hey, don't do that.

Helen continues to cry, a little harder now. She's not the driven Helen she used to be, she's more like ·the mousy Helen she was years ago. Madeline slides 'aown the sofa, closer to her, and puts an arm around her. \J

Madeline takes a glass of wa~iO't.om the table next to her * and hands it to Helen. ·

MADELINE (cont.)

Hell, honey. What's wrong?

Helen takes the water and l ooks at her in disbelief.

HELEN * What's wrong? Look at me!

She stands up .

She drinks the water, which almost immediately drips out the * hole in her stomach . She watches it , starting to sob now.

MADELINE * (of the water) Oh, come on. It'll wipe up .

30 Jan 92

Ascalpel THUNKS into the wall a few feet to the right of * Ernest's still unmolested dart board. Ernest sits morosely in a chair opposite, staring at the dart board vacantly. He gets up and goes to retrieve the scalpels, but he stops in the middle of the motion, as i fstruck by a thought. His eyes widen and a faint smile crosses his lips as the shadows * of the two women fall on the wall on either side of him.

Ernest turns. MADELINE and HELEN are standing in the doorway, arms around one another. They're completely different now -- pals, girlfriends.

ERNEST * Excuse me! (the ylook at him) I just want to tell you both that I've come to a very important, long overdue decision. I'm leaving.

As if to reinforce that, he takes the dart board down and * tucks it under his arm.

14 Nov 91

MADEL~E Thanks, hon! (to Ernest) Please? For old times' sake?

They look at him plaintively. He speaks quietly, with unaccustomed determination.

103 OMITTED 103 *

Another beautiful Beverly Hills morning. An automated garbage truck picks up a garbage can from in fron r ofthe Menville mansion and dumps the contents -- hundreds of spray paint cans and other of Ernest's working supplies .

-

■ ..

16 Dec 91

MADELINE and HELEN, fully restored and in their underwear, ■ are admiring themselves in a fu l l - length mirror.

HELEN * Say what you like about Ernest, the man is a genius .

Madeline notices something on Helen's arm and reaches over to flick it away. Whatever it was doesn't seem to f l ick,so Madeline scratches at it with her nail. A chunk of paint comes up, and before Madeline realizes it, she's pulled offa huge strip of Helen's flesh-tone paint, revealing a large * patch of gray skin underneath .

MADELINE * Ooops .

HELEN

(noticing) Oh my God .

MADELINE * I am so sorry. I shouldn't have messed with it. It must have sti l l been wet.

HELEN

(panicky) Can Ernest fix it?

MADELINE

I'm sure he can. I'll catch him before he leaves.

the door. Pr; HELEN ~ & liqa

Wait a minute . What if this liapI?J:ns again? What if it fade s ?What i"'f it rains? Do you think Ernest will come back for touch-ups?!

30 Jan 92

A thought hits them at the same time. They look at each other.

ERNEST is in his closet. There's an open suitcase on the * island, which he is rapidly filling. He empties one drawer * and finds a picture of himself with Helen, the one he looked at before. He throws it and a framed picture of Madeline into a wastebasket.

He turns and sees MADELINE and HELEN standing in the doorway.

They have a neatly prepared glass of scotch on a tray that they hold in front of them, so invitingly that there !!!Ustbe something wrong with it.

He doesn't answer, just GRUNTS, shoving more stuff into his * suitcase. Helen takes the drink from the tray and sets it on the dresser next to him.

He latches the suitcase, picks up the drink, and raises it to his lips. Helen and Madeline lean forward, but he stops short, with a thought.

30 Jan 92

He BANGS the drink down and heads for the door.

She picks it up and they follow him .

IN THE HALLWAY,

Ernest races ahead, the women behind him, Helen with the drink. He stops and turns around sharply, pointing at them.

Not missing a beat, Helen slips the drink into his extended hand. He barely notices, continuing his thought .

He turns and walks again, this time with the 'dJink. They * follow. He walks and talks, gesturing wildly with the drink, spilling most of it.

From out in front of the house, a car HONKS . Ernest brightens.

105A

16 Dec 91

Al most as an afterthought ,he raises the glass to his lips. The women lean forward in anticipation, but Ernest s t ops, looking at the drink as if with new eyes .

He turns and dumps the drink into a nearby p l ant.

Madel ine and Helen l ook ate ach other,desperate. Ernest nods to them and turns to go down the stairs .

Madeline looks to her right. There are two antique vases on a tabl enext to her. She picks one up and BASHES Ernest over the head with it . ■ Ernest doesn't go down, just turns and faces her , woozy, - confused . ■

Hel en picksup the other base and BASHES that one over his head too.

Ernes tpitches fo r ward andfallsto the carpet.

As h e blacks out, the women lean over him, b l urry and o u t of focus .

Everything goes black. '..,r.l)

-~ l

105B

14 Nov 91

Everything remains black for a moment. There is only a strange, gentle LAPPING sound in the dark, like someone taking lazy laps in a swimming pool .

ERNEST opens his eyes. He squints, trying to orient himself. At first he sees only steam, but in a moment it clears and he sees --

-- LISLE VON RHUMANS, rising up out of an indoor pool, completely naked. She comes up some steps, out of the shallow end of the pool, but it seems like she's floating out of it. Her body is perfect, hard, tempting as hell, and she's staring straight at Ernest, who's sitting in a chair, groggy, dressed in a tuxedo. He touches t~~ confused. *

Ernest looks around. He's in some ~o t<of subterranean pool room. overhead is a huge stained g window, a replica of Michelangelo's "Creation" painted on it.

He looks back at Lisle . Every time she takes a step forward, a beam of light materiali zes above her, lighting her perfectly, as if someone were flicking a switch every time she took a step .

.. Ernest turns and looks to the door, where one of the Beefy Guys is, in fact, flicking a switch every time she takes a step. He's at a small circuit breaker box with many rows of tiny switches and one b ig greenand red one at the end.

Two other BEEFY GUYS swoop up next to Lisle and blot her dry with large powder puffs before draping a robe over her. She She gestures to Ernest's tuxedo. *

12 Dec 91

LISLE

I hope you don't mind. Di ck and Harry dressed you . You were improperly attired for the occasion .

LISLE * An admirer. How old do you think I am, Dr. Menville? (he shrugs) I'm more than six hundred years old .

She smiles. She sits on a chair next to him. Her robe falls open a bit too much. Ernest swallows .

She opens the wooden potion case, which is on a small table between them. Ernest looks at the silvery potion inside. He looks back up at Lisle.

She notices he's looking at her breasts but does nothi~ ~ ~o cover the m. She reaches out and puts her hand on his face .

----------------~---

Ernest looks around, suddenly realizing he's in danger. The Beefy Guys have m·oved ina little closer and are definitely looking menacing. ~j-, j

L~~ (cont.) Show me your ~s.

0 (he hesi~es)

Come on, I ~9,.~tbite. '-~

Ernest holds out his shaking hands. Lisle sighs sadly.

She takes his right hand in hers. Moving qui ckly,she slides the dagger out of the potion case and slits his index finger.

Lisle dips the dagger in the potion and drips it into Ernest's cut.

Ernest looks down. Sure enough, his left hand is still aged and shaking, but·his•right hand is youthful, steady'··a·s ··a ·· rock. He looks at Lisle, his eyes swollen with tears.

0 ERNEST

My God!

She stands up -and moves around behind his chair,whispering in his ear seductively.

She picks up the vial of the potion and holds it out to Ernest.

He takes the v ial. He holds it up. _The light from the pool--'

0 seems to shimmer off ofit. Anothet-::lightshines onhis face. He looks down. It's the light' reflectingoff the dagger, on the table next to him.

He looks to Lisle. He looks to the potion. He looks at the Beefy Guys, only ten feet away, ready to do Lisle's bidding.

Ernest is sweating now, absolutely ripped apart inside . He raises the potion toward his lips with his s haking left hand.

The potion is a few inches from his lips.

The bottle touches his lower lip. He star~s to tilt the bottom of the vial up, the pot'i·on··s·l·±'d-e-sback toward his tongue --

14 Nov 91

and he stops right there, a thought crushing down on him.

He turns and looks at Lisle.

Lisle just looks at him, confused, as if no one's ever asked that question before.

And with t h at Ernest grabs the daggerof}u,.thetable, turns, and ZINGS it across the room, scoring a ~rfect bullseye in the red button in the circuit break~~ox. Sparks CRACK and the pool room is plunged into darkA_e$g'.The Beefy Guys SHOUT in alarm, but Ernest moves fast, g),,}abbingthe potion,capping it, and tearing out the door.

Lisle just stands there, calm as ever, as lightning flashes. *

ERNEST races down a windowless corridor, away from the pool room . He runs blindly, no idea where he is or where he's going. It's like a labyrinth here, under Lisle's mansion. Behind him, he can hear VOICES and FOOTSTEPS as the Beefy Guys give chase .

Ernest takes a left, then two rights, then a little jog to the left. He stops, to catch his breath. He doesn't hear the footsteps anymore, but he still hears the PEOPLE, only now it sounds like a he l l of a lot more of them.

He's terrified. Up ahead, he sees a narrow staircase. He sprints up it. At the top, he has no more options, there is only a single doorway. He opens it.

12 Feb 92

NOISE and light wash over ERNEST. He's standing in the middle of Lisle von Rhumans' enormous gothic ballroom --

-- and she's having~ party.

A big party. There are probably five hundred people here, all gorgeous and wealthy-looking. There are huge, artifical siempre viva plants ringing the edges of the room, and every single guest has a replica of the flower that they wear on their lapel.

Ernest swallows and moves forward into the crowd, trying to blend in. The door he came out of opens again and the three BEEFY GUYS tumble out. They search the crowd, looking for Ernest, but all they see is an ocean of tuxedos.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD,

Ernest is wandering around in an absolute daze. It's not just that the people at the party are attractive,-.-they're famous, too

-- and most of them died years ago.

GRETA GARBO is there, in her prime, not one day older than the day she retired, talking toMARILYN MONROE while ANDY WARHOL looks on.··Ernest sort of circles around them, wide- eyed, trying to smooth out the wrinkles in his face.

From the front of the room, a VOICE speaks over a public address system.

VOICE (o.s.) Welcome, everyone!

The crowd· bursts into applause. Ernest looks. JEAN PAUL CHAGALL is up on the second floor landing with a microphone.

CHAGALL (cont.)

Lisle will be do.wnin just two more minutes!

Everyone APPLAUDS again.

CONTINUED. 110A

12 Feb 92

Ernest looks around, panicky, searching for a way out. He spots a large staircase at the other end of the room, leading to the exit. He starts to move toward it, trying like hell to walk at a normal pace so as not to attract attention.

CHAGALL (cont.)

First, I must remind all of you who staged your own deaths of our strict policy against popping up in public to grab a few headlines. I won't name names, you know who you are.

Everyone turns and looks at Ernest. He stops in his tracks, terrified --

-- then turns and looks behind him , at who the crowd is really looking at. It's ELVIS PRESLEY ,slimmed down, looking like he did before the Vegas show period, with a stunning BLONDE on his arm. Presley looks away, embarrassed.

ACROSS THE ROOM,

MADELINE and HELEN follow the gaze of the crowd toward Presley and see Ernest.

CHAGALL (o. s.)

(continuing from the front) For those of you who are on the installment plan, payment envelopes will be available before you leave --

Helen looks down and sees Ernest clutching the potion bottle in his hand.

12 Feb 92

They watch as Ernest edges his way toward the stairs at the front of the room. They move with him, keeping pace from

BACK WITH ERNEST,

he keeps moving, nodding and smiling nervously to people, fighting back panic.

Ernest is only a few yards from the stairs now. He keeps moving, his heart beating wildly, as Chagall drones on from the landing. ·

CHAGALL (cont. )

to continued deterioration we can no longer accept dollars.

There are some GROANS in the crowd.

UP ON THE LANDING,

Ernest is heading up the stairs and into the foyer when someone taps Chagall on the shoulder and whispers in his ear.

There is agreat deal of hubbub as everyone crowds forwar'C/(J gathering under the landing. Ernest moves faster, across the4 foyer, the front door in his sights, his escape imminent.

CHAGALL (cont.)

Will the gentlemen please seal the room!

CONTINUED· 111A

12 Feb 92

There are loud CLUNKING and LATCHING sounds as several Beefy Guys go around locking the doors and windows. Ernest steps on it, but he's too late -- a Beefy Guy at the front SLAMS a security gate into place, locking the door. *

Ernest spins away, hiding his frustration, eyes darting wildly, searching for another way out. He barely has time to think when he hears a WHIRRING sound coming from the other * side of the foyer. He looks across and sees a small door on the side of the foyer with a tiny window in it, around eye height. Light shines through the window, descending, as an elevator arriving.

Ernest ducks into an alcove and peers around the corner as * the elevator door opens and LISLE steps out, flanked by two * of her BEEFY GUYS.

Ernest presses himself into the alcove, hiding as she sweeps across the foyer and takes her place on the landing. The entire crowd APPLAUDS, long and loud, as she acknowledges them, waving like the pope or something. ,

Ernest looks behind her, at the elevator, which is still on this floor, waiting. He swallows.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD,

While the crowd lustily APPLAUDS and CHEERS Lisle again, Madeline and Helen, at the front, peer up into the foyer, looking for Ernest.

Suddenly, Madeline grabs Helen's arm and points behind Lisle. Ernest is there, tiptoeing behind her, sneaking across the foyer to the elevator.

Madeline and Helen watch, frozen, as Ernest slips into the elevator.

12 Feb 92

107A INTHE ELEVATOR, 107A

Ernest pulls the door shut behind him and turns around. There's no wall panel, only three small levers on the floor. He steps on one of them. There is a low CHUNG!sound and the elevator starts to move. Up .

107AA IN THE CROWD, 107AA

LISLE * -- to which the man replies, "Don't ask me, I thought it was silicone!"

The crowd LAUGHS uproariously .

Madeline and Helen watch as the light in the door of the elevator ascends .

HELEN

He's going~?

MADELINE ..:.

Idiot. Come on .

107AAA IN THE ELEVATOR, 107AAA

Ernest barely has time to celebrate his escape when the elevator CLUNKS to a stop and the door swings open.

107B ON THE UPPER FLOOR, 107B

Ernest steps out and sizes up his surroundings. He's on the upper floor now, the sound of the party far below him.

Looking for somewhere to hide , he sees an open door ahead, at the end of the hall. It's weird inside whatever room that is; there's an ornate bed post visible and a strange, glowing light. Ernest takes one step toward it and --

-- LISLE'S DOGS step out of the room and into the hallw~ ~

Ernest freezes. The dogs stare at him, larger and more lio bizarre than ever. Ernest takes one step back. The dogs 0 take one step forward. ~

The elevator WHIRRS again. Ernest tugs on the door, but it's locked, the elevator gone back down .

The dogs GROWL.

12 Feb 92

Ernest wipes the sweat from his brow, desperate, and then he gets an idea.

He runs.

Down the hall the other way, as fast as he can, an ugly, ''\ gasping, spitting sprint. The dogs take off after him, quick, sleek, and scary .

Ernest turns a corner and finds himself in a dead end, an alcove with just a steep metal staircase that leads to a door in the ceiling. He flings himself on the staircase and starts up, but now the dogs are around the corner and leaping at him, SNAPPING and GROWLING.

Ernest flings open the metal door in the ceiling and sees stars above. He tries to pull himself through, but one of the dogs sinks its teeth into the back of his jacket, tugging him down a few steps. Desperate, Ernest shrugs out of the jacket, throws himself through the open doorway in -the ceiling, and CLANGS it shut on the dogs.

l2 Dec 9l

ERNEST turns and finds himself on the flat roof of Lisle's mansion. He staggers a little, blown by the wind, which is stiff as hell up here, on top of the world. In every direction, Ernest can see forever, the whole of Los Angeles is spread out far below.

A spring storm is on the wayi thunder RUMBLES and lightning flashes.

Ernest looks around, knowing he doesn't have much time. He runs to one end of the roof and looks down, over the edge.

It's a sheer drop, down the side of the house and straight down a limitless cliff.

ERNEST (cont.)

Oh boy.

He turns and looks around, growing panicky. He spots a garden trellis that comes all the way up to the top of the roof on the other side. He runs to it.

He l eans over that edgeand looks straight down, into pitch black. But at least the trellis goes all th eway, at least all the way that he can see before it's lost in the black.

A door opens behind him. Ernest whirls.

MADELINE and HELEN come out the door to the roof and head * toward him.

He shakily starts to climb down the garden trellis.

-

12 Dec 91

The top board of the trellis CRACKS under Ernest's weight. He slips down several boards, SMASHING through each of them, before coming to rest on a tough one.

He heaves a sigh of relief.

But his reprieve is only temporary. Now the trellis breaks all the way, practically splitting down the middle. Ernest spins, still holding onto half of it, and SLAMS into the rain gutter, hard.

Th e trellis breaks away beneath him and falls into the black. Ernest doesn't fall, as his suspenders have hooked onto the rain gutter.

Ernest looks down, at his feet, dangling over t hei nky black.

Madeline, Helen, and the Beefy Guys rush forward to grab him, but the steel plate holding one end of the rain gutter RIPS out of the concrete.

The end of the gutter swings out, a way from the building, dangling Ernest out s i x or seven feetaway,held there by his suspenders, like a marionette .

He looks at the side of the house. The other end of the rain gutter is held in by a steel plate with four bolts in it, one in each corner.

She goes to the edge of the roof and reaches out, but Ernest is much too far away.

Ernest looks back to the steel plate. One of the bolts CRUNCHES out of the wall . The gutter shudders7 # most spilling Ernest.

~0 MADELINE Ernest! Do you still have the @1 potion? ! Do you have it?!

12 Dec 91

Ernest's eyes light up. He fumbles in his pocket and pulls out the potion bottl e.

HELEN

Drink it! You can put yourself together again!

Ernest spins the cap off.

Ernest looks at the potion. He looks at the steel plate. The second of the four bol tsSNAPS out of the concrete. The gutter shakes again, and this time bends, dangerously close to falling.

HELEN * It's your only chance! Drink it!

MADELINE * Drink it!

-- HELEN

DRINK IT!!

~he thira bolt ZINGS out of the concrete, almost hitting Ernest . Only one bolt left.

Ernest looks at Madeline and Helen, looking at him, desperate . A strange, peaceful look crosses his face.

MADELINE & HELEN What?!

The fourth bolt GROANS, pulling out of the concrete about halfway.

He caps the bottle again, holds it out

and deliberately lets go of it. It falls, for a long

time, before there is the faroff sound of glass SHATTERING.

23 Sept 91

Ernest looks up at Madeline and Helen for the last time, and then the bolt rips free. The gutter falls. So does Ernest. The last thing he hears is the f aroff SCREAMS of Madeline and Helen as he tumbles into the black abyss, down, down, a seemingly endless fall.

Just before he hits, there is a sudden FLASH as lights go on beneath him, illuminating something right in front of him, something he's going to slam into.

A stained glass window. Michelangelo's 11creation.11Ernest covers his face as he SMASHES through the window --

-- and PLUNGES into Lisle's swimming pool in a shower of glass. He hits the water hard, his fall broken, but he still SMACKS the bottom of the swimming pool pretty hard.

But not too hard. He opens his eyes and sees something floating in the water next to him, something silvery and shiny. It's the potion bottle, unbroken, still corked. Ernest grabs it and swims to the top, bursting out and GASPING for air. He looks up at the window he crashed through. He looks over to the door.

JIM MORRISON is standing at the circuit breaker box. He * holds Lisle's dagger, which he has just pulled out of the circuit breaker box. A half-clad BLONDE GROUPIE stands next to him, ready for a swim.

MO~ f~tiOO 4 * You gonna be don~ soon or what?

ERNEST

Yes! (waving the potion bottle) And so are all of you!

ERNEST runs down the h i l lfromLi sle's mansion,SLOGGING as he goes. He hurries up to the valet parking area, where a '55 racing Porsche has been brought around.

5 Dec 91

Ernest shoves JAMES DEAN away from the driver's side, jumps in, and GUNS the engine, racing out of there.

111 UP AT THE HOUSE, 111

MADELINE, HELEN, and LISLE come out the front door, watching Ernest drive away. Mctdelineand Helen are in Lisle's wake, following her like disobedient children.

HELEN

Kill us?

Madeline and Helen look at each other, not at all pleased.

CUT T0: ...

The Porsche SCREECHES to a halt outside Do~ n-Yck's,Ernest's neighborhood bar.

~ ~ CUT TO :

It's late,and the place is empty -- except for the same comatose DRUNK at the end. The door SLAPS open and ERNEST bursts in, looking •wild,looking for Toni, his regular * bartender, but she's not behind the bar.

ERNEST * (panicky) Toni?!

s Dec 91

TONI {o. s.) Hey, Dr.M!

Ernest whirls around . It's TONI,who was wiping off a table * in the corner.

She pours a cup of cot:fee and puts it in front of him.

TONI ~ Is MadE~line involved?

He drinks the coffee, without thinking about it. He makes a face when he tastes it:.

5 Dec 91

ERNEST * Is this coffee?

TONI

(holding the pot) Should I make it a double?

ERNEST

Yeah.

She fills the cup, and he holds onto it like it's all he's got in the world.

CUT TO :

HELEN and MADELINE burst in the front door of the mansion.

They look at each other for a second.

~ HELEN (cont • )\))<::; I'll take this floor, you X'-ookupstairs.

~ ~ CUT TO :

ERNEST has one hand wrapped around his cup of coffee, the other hand wrapped around the potion bottle, which he holds out to Toni.

120A

5 Dec 91

Down at the end of th1?bar, the Drunk suddenly sits bolt upright, raising his finger as if he has a terrific idea.

Ernest and Toni look at him.

Instead of speaking, the Drunk turns completely red, makes one sound --

-- and falls forward, his face hitting ~ 'tar with a loud CLUNK, his toupee fal l ing off . ~

Ernest bolts out of h i s chair andgoe~ to him.

TONI

Is he all right?!

Ernest turns the Drunk over and puts his fingers on the side of his neck, feeling for a pulse.

ERNEST * My God l

5 Dec 91

TONI

Dead?!

ERNEST

All dead! Extremely dead!

TONI

My God!

I'll call

He heads for the phone.

Ernest pi the phone .

No

They are bo They look at the Drunk, then :DE~;,.......-jclalMJ:S-llPthe phone.

27 Feb 92

way.

MADELINE and HELEN meet in the foyer.

'n~EN All rig·ht~l<et 1sbe logical. If you were ErnesY and you'd been through what he's been through, what's the first thing you would do?

They turn at the same time and look at the liquor cart. They look at each other -- and bolt for the door.

Police cars are parked in front of the bar, lights flashing. *

TWO CORONERS wheel a gurney out of the bar, a sheet pulled up over a corpse. TONI follows the gurney, acting very upset, talking to a COP who has Ernest's wallet.

27 Feb 92

At the end of the driveway, a car pulls up in front of the * bar, SQUEALING to a halt. MADELINE and HELEN jump out. *

MAD~~E (o. s . ) {hurrying~b.wnthe driveway) Mrs. Memvill~l'lat?

~TONI (acting very well) Oh, Mrs. Menvillel I'm so sorry! It's poor Dr.Menville! He's -- he's dead! I saw him die! Very clearly!

Toni nods, sobbing.

14 Nov 91

Madeline quickly go,=sthrough the items, looking for the potion bottle.

MADELINE <o'('.. I want to see the bo~.

COP * Fine, we'll need you to identify it anyway.

TONI * (desperate) No! It's ugly! He fell into the blender! I was making a margarita!

They ignore her, marching over to the body .

AROUND A CORNER,

ERNEST, crouching in the alley dressed in the Drunk's clothes, hears what's going on and panics. He looks down at the potion bottle that he clutches in his hand. He's torn. * Making a decision, he leans out, around the corner, and HSSSTS. Toni turns. He cocks his arm to toss the bottle.

IN THE STREET,

Madeline has walked up next to the gurney. She reaches out and takes hold of the sheet with one hand. She starts to draw it back . In the background, we can see the potion * bottle arc gracefully through the air, over everyone's heads, unseen by everyone except Toni, who catches it gracefully .

25 March 92

Madeline turns. She's holding the sheet up with one hand , c learly exposing theDRUNK'S face, but she's looking back at Toni ,who is holding the potion bottle out in front of her .

Madeline and Helen exchange a look. Madeline lets go of the sheet, which settles over the Drunk's face again.

Helen steps up to Toni.

Her hand closes around the potion bottle and she tugs it from Toni's unwilling hand. Madeline closes her eyes in relief and joins Helen.

Madeline turns. For the first time, she realizes she is a grieving widow.

The Cop shrugs and goes to his car. Madeline and Helen come together, watching as the Coroners finish loading the body * into the b~ck of the ambulance.

125A

25. March 92

MADELINE

Well -- now it's just you and me, Hell .

A terrible thought sweeps across Helen's face as the doors of the ambulance SLAM. She turns her head, sneaking a look at Madeline that is full of dread.

HELEN (cont. )

Forever.

The implications of eternity with Helen hit Madeline too, now, and she turns to Helen with the same look of dread on her face.

They stare at each other for a second, terrified, then try like hell to force smiles.

But they look a lot more lik.egrimaces.

TONI comes back in the front door of the bar and closes it behind her. She turns and sees ERNEST, still dressed in the Drunk's clothes, standing in the doorway from the alley .

He GRUNTS, staring out the doorway blankly, at the rain that has started to fall.

ERNEST

When do yo think -they'11 realize that body sn't mine?

TONI

Not before ou're far, far away.

ERNEST

And t?

She looks at him, a look t at is a combination of affection and sadness, because he se ms already a million miles away from her, just staring ou the open doorway at the rain.

CUT TO :

This is a small, quaint s reet somewhere in a village high in the Swiss Alps. There ar no cars, and few signs of progress. Time doesn't s em to move much here. A legend:

D, 27 YEARS LATER.

It's a beautiful spring ay, late in the afternoon. MADELINE and HELEN are sitting on a cafe terrace that looks out over a park. They look exactly he same as they did twenty-seven years ago, exquisite. And they look bored to death.

Madeline just looks at her.

14 Nov 91

Madeline looks out, into the park. An OLD COUPLE are in the park with a picnic basket. They're spreading out a blanket, putting out food, moving slowly, awkwardly, like old people.

HELEN * I am looking at them. \J\).{

MADELINE ~ * God, they're old. Pathw.%, aren't they? (Helen doesn't answe"r) Huh?l

She looks at Madeline, then at herself, then back at the * Cou~le. There is almost a look of longing in her eyes as L .. she watches them struggle with their tired limbs.

120 OUT IN THE PA1rn, 120

the Old Couple are sitting on the blanket now, leaning against each other. The food and wine are laid out in front of them, but it's each other they admire, in love. They're ERNEST and TONI, now in the i rlate seventies, well-dressed, well-groomed. They smile warmly, the picture of happiness.

She holds out her hamd to him, and it's an old, wrinkled, liver-spotted hand. Ernest takes it with his left hand, which is every bit as old.

And then he covers i.t with his right hand. The hand of a twenty-five year old.

14 Nov 91

MICHAEL CAINE comes up the steps to his London flat and goes inside.

\

'-0\\

MICHAEL comes in, closes the door behind lzj._n(>and notices the window over the door to his apartment i~l'ightly ajar, and light is coming from inside. Cautious, he draws his gun and proceeds.

MICHAEL throws open the door and sweeps inside, revealing MADELINE, very 1965, who is standing next to the desk. She whirls and sees him, his gun pointed at her.

Michael doesn't answer. Suddenly an INTRUDER steps out from the curtains behind Madeline, throws a scarf around her neck, and starts to choke her.

She flails, fights, and finally dies, collapsing to the ground at the Intruder's feet. The Intruder unwraps the scarf from her neck and rubs it softly between his fingers. He looks up to Michael.

BANG! Without a flinch, Michael fires the gun, shooting the Intruder in the head. He drops to the carpet, dead, next t6 Madeline.