AIRPLANE 2:THE SEQUEL
A machete slashes INTOFRAME. An American in battered fedora and leather jacket,accompanied by two gunbearers, hacks his way through dense bush. We see him from the back only.He hacks an opening, bats fly out AT CAMERA and the bushes part, revealinghuge overgrown stone letters -- the Mayan ruin look-- that spell "AIRPLANE II."
TheJupiter shuttle standsready to fly.
SUPER:HOUSTON, 2002
ofHouston Control with appropriate jargon V.O.
ofa crowdedmodern terminal.
ofheavy traffic at LAX.
ANGLE ON TERMINAL DOORS
A number of men in futuristic-lookingmining outfits, carrying futuristicgear, unload a truck with a corporate logothat reads:TRX DEEP SPACE RESOURCE MANAGEMENT.
Theminers lookup.
Twominers head to terminal doors and pass FOUR NUNS, who bid farewellto FATHER O'FLANAGAN. O'Flanagan shakes the hands of the firstthree elderly nuns, then grabs the last young gorgeous nun and kisses her passionately.
A grouptour moves through the room behind controllers.
Threecrew members watch the litlanding strip as their shuttle approaches.
They smile.
TheCONTROLLER moves away fromhis video unit. A kid from thetour who has laggedbehind hits a switch. The screen turns intoa video game with SFX. He flips knobs.
The crew aretossed from sideto side and try to regain controlof the ship.
TheLunar shuttlecareens towards the terminal, out of control.
Thekid is stillplaying likemad. A flashappears on the screen. SFXVIDEO GAME EXPLOSION and a corresponding EXPLOSION fromoutside. SIRENSWAIL. CONTROLLERS run around.The kid isoblivious and walks away.
BUD KRUGER, head of the spacecenter, and the COMMISSIONER get outof a limounder a signthat reads, "MERCURY SHUTTLE."They walk and talk.
Kruger and the Commissioner go up escalator.
Kruger gets a pack of cigarettes from a machine. Commissionerbuys a newspaper.
Kruger andCommissioner get shoesshined. A MAN next to them inwhite shoesreads paper with headline -- "SOLAR PLANT MELTDOWN, 500WORKERS SERIOUSLY TANNED" -- and doesn'tnotice his shoesare getting black polish.
Kruger andCommissioner head down escalator.
Kruger andCommissioner head to their limo.
They stop and lookat each other.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING
They getback intheir limoand drive off.
ANGLE ON LESLIE NEILSON -DOCTOR RUMACK
Dressed asa doctor and looking ina Controller's mouth. TheController's face isbright green.
MUSIC: BIG SPACE THEME
WIDE ANGLE LENS PANS the under-belly past the nose as if theviewer bent his head back as faras he could, until... theCAMERA crashes to the ground as if it has fallen off thetripod.
MUSIC: CRASHES TO A STOP
ANGLE ON SIDEOF SHIP
MUSIC: BIG SPACE THEME STARTS FROM TOP AGAIN
PAN workers on scaffoldingwho check gauges on exterior of ship.PAN to panel that reads, "SOLIDFUEL CHUTE" -- a sweatymuscular worker inundershirt opens the panel, flames shootout. LOOSEN to reveal another sweaty worker inundershirt shovelingcoal intothe chute. PAN to other
workers checking more gauges. SUDDENLY a PANEL EXPLODES. Smoking, sparkingwires pop out. A WORKER runs up with walkie-talkie inhand.
SIMONKURTZ and ELAINE THOMPSON get out of a taxi with hand luggage.They are dressed inmatching flight outfits.
A JAPANESE COUPLE get out of a taxi -- the man has about fiftycameras around his neck. His wife hangs another cameraon him. He crashes to the ground under the weight.
Simon andElaine are approached by a BUSINESSMAN with handful of roses.
Simonhands the Businessman a dollar and takes a rose.
TheBusinessman joins sixother BUSINESSMEN carrying signs with LEE IACCOCA'spicture. They all smile and chant.
Simonhands Elaine the rose. She takes his arm as they walk towards the sign that reads, "MERCURYSHUTTLE."
oIMON For the best littlecomputer officer on theMercury mission.
A man with a suitcaseon a leashwalks beside them. The casepulls him along likea dog and takes a leak ona post.
He kisses Elaine and smiles.
Theman with the case on a leash passes a woman with a case on a leash.The cases starta violent, BARKING DOG FIGHT.
SPLIT SCREENWITH WIFE AT HOME.
Sarg lightshis cigar.
Sargthrows the litmatch towards the "ABSOLUTELYNO SMOKING" sign.The worker grimaces but nothing happens.
Theyhang up. Sarg bites off the end of his cigar and Spits it inthe direction of the "NOSPITTING" sign, blowing the worker OUT OF FRAME with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION. Sarghops intohis car, takes a Lava lamp from the seat andputs iton the car roof -- likeKojak's flasher. The lamp flashes,the SIRENWAILS, as Sarg pulls away.
He thinks abouthis wife. SPLIT SCREEN FLASHBACK OF THEIR BEDROOM. Marge, a cigar inher mouth, is in bed with five footballplayers -- other half-clad athletes (hockey, baseball, wrestling, basketball) line up for their turn at her. Sarghas to climb over them to kiss her goodbye.
TheWILSON FAMILY --JOHN, ALICE and ten-year-old JIMMY -- carry luggage.Jimmy carries a puppy ina small cage.
JimmyWilson looksat Scraps.
A PORTER approaches.
He SHOOTS.
Alice, John, and Porter crack up while Jimmy cries.
Alice and John lookat each other as if there is something wrong with their son.
ANGLE ON MAN WITH CAGE
A man liftsa largedog cage out of the trunk of a taxi. Inside is anotherman dressed inS&M leathers.
Theman inthe cage seemsto relish the latter suggestion. TwoPorters liftthe cage onto a conveyor belt next to Jimmy'sdog.
Sarg standsbeside the burnt panel on the side of the shuttle.He is eatinganother cigar, holding a burnt wire, andtalking intoa walkie-talkie.
SPLIT SCREENOF KRUGER INHIS OFFICE
KRUGER'S OFFICE - FULL SCREEN
Kruger turns to room.LOOSEN to reveal a dozen five-year- oldboys inthree-piece suits, smokingcigars. A huge Keans-style painting of three astronauts with big eyes, painted on black velvet, hangs inb.g.
Sarg looks atthe wire and shakeshis head.
Sarg spits achunk of cigar on the ground, blowing the worker OUT OF FRAME with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.
A jet fighter streaksacross the sky.
TED STRIKER isat the controls. His oxygen mask hangs loose fromhis helmet. Clouds outside shoot by -- he's goingat least 700MPH. A bird lands on the nose in front ofthe window. Ted shoos itaway by knocking on the glass. He takes a slugof beer and cockily pulls on the stick.
Theplane does a barrel roll.
Tedhas beer allover his faceand shirt.
SUPER: "SOUTHAMERICA, 2002 (PALUKAVILLE)"
Striker's fightercomes in fora landing.
CLOSEUPof sign, "WELCOMETO RIO MONTENEGRO -- POP. 2,354,900 --NO TORTURING 7AM-9AMMON.-FRI."
SUPER: "HOTELMONTENEGRO"
COMEUP on CLOSEUP of parachute. PAN past a flight jacket thrownover a chair, clothes strewnaround, a framed photo ofTED andELAINE on the bedtable next to a bottle of whiskey. The room ishot and dusty. Ted lies on the bed soakedwith sweat,a drink in his hand, a cigarette dangling fromhis lip.He takes a drink and, forgetting to removethe cigarette, swallows itwithout batting an eye. LOOSEN to finda CRUCIFIX above the bed with a real person on it.
SUPER:DOG FIGHT FOOTAGE
VOICE You're too low, Striker!You're too low!
TheCrucifix inb.g. looksaround trying to figure out where the planes inthe SUPER are coming from.
SUPER:TED INPARK TRYING TO AVOID PIGEONS THAT FOLLOW HIM.
A pigeon landson the Cross.
SUPER:TED LANDING PLANE IN "AIRPLANE!"
TheCrucifix gives a lookof exasperated boredom.
SUPER:NEW YORK TIMES HEADLINE, "STRIKERSAVES 120!" OVER A PHOTO OF TED AND ELAINE WAVING.
SUPER:HOUSTON TRIBUNE HEADLINE, "FLYINGHEROES ACCEPT NASA POSTS" OVER A PHOTO OF TED AND ELAINE WAVING.
SUPER:NATIONAL ENQUIRER HEADLINE, "TED IMPOTENT?ELAINE FRIGID?" A MINOR HEADLINE READS, "JFKALIVE, SAYS UROLOGIST!"
SUPER:MAYOR HANDING TED A KILO OF GRASS.
Tedwipes the sweatoff his face and switches on the table fan.A tornado forcewind destroys the room as he fights to switchoff the fan.
SUPER: "RIOMONTENEGRO -TOWN SQUARE"
A peasant boy takes a newspaper from a newsstand. The headline reads, "MERCURYSHUTTLE FLIES TOMORROW."
Theboy hightails itthrough the town-square and passes:
--A largealabaster statueof the Generalissimo snorting cocaine.
-- Soldiersdragging nuns off screaming.
--Nuns dragging soldiersoff screaming.
He passes a lineof peasants held at gunpoint by soldiers. We HOLD on them. Inb.g. are storeslike HITLER'S SHOES, TRIEUGUYS FROM SAIGON LIQUORS, KEY'S KEYS -- GENERAL KEY stands indoorway.
SUPER: SUBTITLES -- "Drugdealer or communist?"
SUPER: SUBTITLES -- "Drugdealer, drug dealer!"
The soldier letsthe peasant go.
SUPER: SUBTITLES -- "Drugdealer or communist?"
Thepeasant panics and bolts fromthe line. The soldiers FIRE.
He runs up to THE HOTEL MONTENEGRO. A sign reads, "TV, POOL, WATERBEDS, DONKEY, KLEENEX" -- All but "KLEENEX"are crossedout. He runs inside.
A clean-cutAMERICAN COUPLE argue with Desk Clerk.
TheClerk throws up his hands and strikes the same pose as theKarl Marden look-alikein the "AMERICANEXCESS" poster, b.g.
Theboy passes them and bounds up the stairs.
CLOSEUPof Ted pacing.
LOOSEN slowlyto findthe Cross empty and the man who was on ithanging, his feetdangling next to Ted.
SUDDENLYthe boy bursts in.
Ted spins andthe paper stays still.He stops.
Ted racesout.
SFX:A DOZEN CARS SCREECHAND CRASH INTOEACH OTHER. HORNS STICK.
ANGLE ON PILE OF CARS
Ted jumps intothe taxi on bottom of pile. The driver POUNDS on his HORN -- itCONTINUES TO BLARE as they pull away,dragging other taxis.
Tedthrows a map onto the floorof the front seat. The driver stepson the map.
An old truck loadedhigh with furniturepulls up. A YOUNG MAN andhis PARENTS, looking likethe family from THE GRAPES OF WRATH, get out.
MUSIC: OPTIMISTIC.
He bends down and takes a handful of earth from the terminal sidewalkand letsit run through his fingers.
A black PORTER approaches and grabs a bag at the bottom of theirpile of junk.
ThePorter pulls the bag and the entire mountain of junk cascadesto the ground.
ANGLE ON TED'S TAXI ARRIVING
It is covered inmud, flames shootout from under the hood, the HORN BLARES. The driver flipsoff the meter which reads, "874,567,004,500,000,000."The numbers run off themeter along a specialattachment.
STELLABARRINGTON pushes her wheelchair-ridden father, DR. CYRUSBARRINGTON, through the terminal crowd. A PORTER approaches.
Stellapushes her fatheraway as another PORTER approaches our firstPorter.
ANGLE ON TED AT ARRIVALS/DEPARTURES MONITORS
The departures sidereads, "MERCURYSHUTTLE - DEPARTS 6:15 AM "
Tedpushes his way through the crowd past two businessmen. HOLD on them as BUSINESSMAN 1 straightensBUSINESSMAN 2's tie andhair.
Theykiss andpart.
ANGLE ON "1STCLASS" TICKET LINE
TheAgent throws a huge lobster intoa steaming cauldron.
SFX:LOBSTER SCREAM.
He seems abit puzzled but moves on.
ANGLE ON "2NDCLASS" LINE
Tedpasses travellers in rags.
Tedpasses the "NOCLASS" line.Travellers in line all wear gaudydouble-knit suits,white belts and shoes, carry lava lamps andbongo drums, wear alpine hats, etc. The agenthands a NO CLASS traveller his ticket with large foam dicedangling. Ted spotsthe INFORMATIONcounter and heads for it.
ANGLE ON INFORMATIONCOUNTER
Next in lineare three armed, bearded "TERRORISTS."
"TERRORIST" 1 Please, where is flightto Miami?
TheTERRORISTS leave lookingconfused.
The agent is shotwith an arrow and slumps over the counter.
CLOSEUPOF TED
He looks inthe CAMERA.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Elaine, Simon,and FRANK MORGAN, the shuttle pilot, talk.
Frank leaves.
Simonpulls Elaine away. They all walk and talk.
Theywalk faster.The b.g. starts whipping by as if they're running.Wind blows intheir hair.
Theb.g. moves faster.The wind gets stronger. They pass a marathon refreshment standand are handed wet sponges and cupsof Gatoraid.
5 IMON You're stillcrazy, Striker. Come on, sweetheart.
Simonpulls Elaine away as she looksback with empathy.
They leaveTed standing.
ANGLE ON TED
Thewind is stillblowing inhis hair even though he stands still.Ted has a FLASHBACK.
Ted, in flightcoveralls, followsafter Simon who is overseeingthe operation.
oIMON You're seeingbugs where they don't exist, Striker.
oIMON You're tired, Striker, overworked. That wiring meets all the safety specifications.
A NEWSPAPER BOY passes.
A TECHNICIAN --JACOBS --enters with drawings of flight outfits.
oIMON (with drawings) Good, good, no, no, good. What's this?! I saidno studdeddog collars, Jacobs.
Jacobsgrabs the drawings and leaves ina huff.
Tedturns to leaveand bumps right intoElaine. She holds him.
Inb.g. acar isparked by a huge rocket engine. A worker opensthe hood and strings jumpercables to the rocket. A Sign aboverocket reads, "ROCKETENGINE TEST AREA."
Simon signalsthe guards. They grab Ted. He struggles and rants.A DOCTOR inwhite approaches and injects something intoTed's arm.
Ted fallsunconscious. Simon holds Elaine.
Elaine collapses on Simon's shoulder,sobbing. Simon smiles evilly.The technician with the jumpercables, b.g., Signalsthe driver to start the car. The car revs andthe rocket fires.
SCENE
Ted still standingalone and muttering.
Tednotices StellaBarrington lookingat him.
Ted leaves.
Simonwalks intothe drugstore past a DRUGGIST who whispers to him:
ANGLE ON ELAINE
Ted approaches.We see light flashesfrom a 25¢ photo booth.
A WOMAN INBLACK GARTER BELT emerges from photo booth followedby a donkey.
TheDruggist hands Simona huge bottle of pills. The label reads, "ANTI-FEARPILLS."
Simon swallowsa handful of pills, braces himself and walks out rightthrough the plate glass window without feeling athing.
Ted is still followingElaine.
A kid bops by with a huge (5'x3'x2')oak cabinet, TV/ stereoconsole perched on his shoulder.
MUSIC: DISCO.
Elaine leavesand Ted has another FLASHBACK.
PAN by dorm window. We seea Signon grounds outside -- "THERONALD REAGAN INSTITUTEOF SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS AND HOSPITAL FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE."PAN patient in bed, accountantat desk, patient in bed, accountant at desk, Ted inbed. Ted has electrodes attached to his head. A NURSE with "I (heart)NORMAL" on the back of her uniform, hands Ted somepills. He isabout to pop them when she stopshim.
Tedhands her bills.
LOOSEN to findElaine on other sideof bed. She turns off the radio andopens a box of spaghetti-to-go.
SFX:GROANING O.S.
ANGLE ON SAMMYDAVIS
A white patient in lotsof gold chains. A Nurse stands overhim andpulls a longoil dip-stick from his mouth, checks it,wipes itoff and replaces it.
RETURN TO SCENE
VOICE (0.S.) (ranting) Itworks...No, itdoesn't...Yes, itdoes.
ANGLE
On BEARDED MAN inrags chained to wall.
ANGLE
On Ted andElaine.
Ted gagson his spaghetti.
Elaine leansover to kiss Ted. He turns away.
Elaine flipsa switchby the bed thinking it's the radio. It'sthe "ELECTRO-SHOCK."Ted goes intoconvulsions as she leaves.
TEDAT TERMINAL
He rubs his temples.
Frank Morgan kisses JANE DENNIS, his mistress. In b.g. is abookstore window with a display of yellow covered books with plain black titles and a signadvertising, "NO-NAME BOOKS."
Visible titles include: "DEEPBOOK," "FASCINATINGBOOK," "THEWORLD ACCORDING TO JOHN DOE." A man next to the window readsa newspaper with headline, "SENSELESSMURDER UP 99%AND RISING!"
Frank seesCAROL.
Carolwhips out a gun.
CAROL
FIRES. Jane faints.Other women nearby faint. Two S.W.A.T. cops faint.Carol bolts. The newspaper, b.g., clicks over from 99%to 120%.
Tedpushes through crowd and passes a spherical booth with Signthat reads, "ORGASMICEXPERIENCES, 25¢." MRS. GOOCH, an elderlywoman, stopsTed next to the booth door.
Tedkeeps moving past a police linewhich has gone up aroundFrank Morgan's body. We HOLD on the murder scene. A DETECTIVE kneels beside the body which now has a chalk mark around it.
Hallick standsup and findsthe area surrounded by 30 accordianplayers playing "Ladyof Spain."
One coppulls out a duster and dusts the wall. Other cops follow afterhim hanging prints by Picasso, Lautrec, etc.
A cop looksat people's upper falseteeth plates.
A POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER straddles the body and shoots it "BLOW-UP" style.
He runs out.
TheCommissioner throws an album on Kruger's desk. On the cover is aphoto of Oveur with an accordian. The title reads, "CLARENCEOVEUR'S 400 POLKA FAVORITES."
MUSIC: DRAMATIC ACCORDIAN STING.
CAPTAINOVEUR buys flight insurance froma machine. Simon approaches.
Theywalk awaypast the Transcendental Air counter. Two HARI KRISHNA AGENTS smileat customers.
PAN alongControllers at their monitors. Monitors show the shuttleon gantry.
ANGLE ON NASA WORKERS AT LUNCH TABLE
They rise and startclearing their dishes.
Theworkers sitdown.
Oveur and Simonhurry along.
Simon spotsTed getting directions froma security guard.
Ted rushes inand up to the RECEPTIONIST.
Tedbolts by her and grabs a door knob on the wall.
She doesn't indicatedirection.
ZOOMto CLOSEUP of Ted.
Suddenly,Ted fallsunconscious into the arms of two guards.LOOSEN to findthe Doctor holding a needle in his arm and Simonnext to the Doctor.
ANGLE
On Ted's feet.His heels make lines in dirt as he is dragged fromthe office.
PAN Controllers at their monitors.
Ground crew liftpassengers who are stacked on a luggage tram andheave them onto a conveyor belt leading up to the ship.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Shekisses him. He recoils, wipes off his mouth, and leaves. She looksat the envelope, then yells at him throughthe crowd.
The entireterminal looksat him.
Ted istied to a chair surroundedby packing crates -- one is stamped "JIMMYHOFFA, THIS END UP" with the arrow pointing to the ground. Ted strugglesto free his hands.
Joe Salucci standsat the counter.
He points atthe shelfbehind the Cashier where a number ofbombs areon display.
ANGLE ON CANDY MACHINE INGIFT SHOP
The actualDR. BENJAMIN SPOCK standsin front of the machine. Next to the machine at the magazine rack is a red-beardedMAN intweed jacketand a tartan kilt reading amagazine titled "GAYSCOTS." Spock puts a coin in the machine and it explodes in sparksand smoke like the bridge panel on "STARTREK."
Joe Salucci snapshis attache case closed. Wipes the sweat fromhis brow. Takes out a "DesMoines" ticket and throws itaway. Looks at another ticket -- "Mercury."Takes a last drag fromhis cigarette, throws it on the ground and hurries off. The cigarette rolls under the "STORAGEROOM" door.
Ted,tied inchair, watches the cigarette roll up to some oil rags.They burst into flame.The flames lap up against
ayellow oil drum labeled "EXPLOSIVE."PAN to three more drums labeled, "DYNAMIC!", "BRILLIANT!", "AMUST SEE!".
EDITH and DAVE WALTERS, a middle-aged couple, carry their hand luggage.Edith appears very nervous.
The storage roomdoor EXPLODES open infront of them. Ted fliesout with the debris. Edith faints.
Ted getsup, brushes himself off and heads to the ticket counter justas the ticket agent flipsa sign over that reads, "MERCURY -- SOLDOUT." Ted spots a SCALPER and reaches forhis wallet.
Computerizedpanels lineall walls. Windows are similar to anairplane --outside carwash brushes soap down the nose. The "HOTWAX" sign flashes.Two attendants wipe windows with soapgloves and move to the DISTANT STRAINS of "CAR WASH." Elaine sitsat computer, two other CREW are in their seats. Simonenters with Oveur.
oIMON Gentlemen, this isCaptain Oveur. He's takingover forFrank Morgan.
Elaine gasps.
They shakehands.
They all smile.
TheTerrorists still seemconfused as to where they're going.They pass through the securitymetal detector, guns raised abovetheir heads. A GUARD runs a hand-held metal detectorup and down their bodies. At the same time, Mrs. Gooch isbeing held spread-eagle against the wall. One Guard holds a gun to her head, another frisks her. Ted moves through behind the Terrorists.
A young boy passes through the X-ray tunnel. His dental chartappears on the screen.A DENTIST at the other end stopshim and looks inhis mouth.
THEBERGMAN FAMILY -- SVEN, KRISTA, and their two CHILDREN --all dressed likethe emigrants, look up at the "MERCURYGATE" sign.They shouldbe shot like characters from aBergman "film."
The carwash continues with attendants wiping the ship down.
A carwash attendant opens a sidedoor to the cockpit and enters inheadphones, moving to "CARWASH," with a vacuum. He cleans the floorand an ashtray and finds a baseball behind the Captain's seatwhich he pockets.
The carwash attendant floatsto the ceiling.
The attendantcrashes to the floor.
Elaine sitsat the R.O.K.-4000 computer. She seems to be having aproblem with a switch.
A circuitboard justbelow the R.O.K.-4000 logo shorts. Sparks fly.A firestarts.
Flight attendant, MARY MORRIS, welcomes passengers aboard.
Mary giveshim a lookas he passes inside.The OKIES move by. HENRY stopsat door, bends down, picks up an ear of corn andpulls itapart.
TheOkies pass inside.
Ted stops atthe door surroundedby boarding passengers.
SUPER:PSYCHIATRIST.
Theboarding passengers lookaround forthe echoing voice.
Sarg looksup through the glass-walled corridor that leads tothe shipdoor and spotsTed.
Inb.g. a Sign reads, "DANGER-- FUEL, ABSOLUTELY NO VOMITTING."
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Sargbends down OUT OF FRAME.
SFX:THROWING UP.
A huge EXPLOSION FILLS THE FRAME.
Fog rollspast cockpit window.
An ENGLISH BOBBY passes a woman in 19th-Centurycostume in the fog.He tips his hat and moves on. A caped man steps outof the fogand strangles her.
Passengers are taking their seats.Ted spots Elaine and moves towards her. The Terrorists look confused. Joe Salucciclutches his case and wipes his brow. Mary takes a man's suitbag.
Mary hangs the bag froma rope noose in the closet, pulls a lever,the bag drops likea man being executed.
SFX: SCREAMAND THUD.
Unger looksout the window.
Dramatic stock footageof clouds parting and sun exploding through.
MUSIC: A CLARION TRUMPET CRESCENDO.
Tedmoves up to Elaine, who isabout to enter the cock pit.
Sheturns andgasps.
44,
SFX:BELL.
INSERT -FLASHING SIGN - "PLEASETAKE YOUR SEATS"
BACK TO SCENE
Mary passes.
As Ted turns to Mary, Elaine slips intothe cockpit and locksthe door --
SFX:DOOR LOCKING.
Tedtries the door.
INSERT -SIGN - "WE SAID,TAKE YOUR SEAT OR CAN'T YOU READ, ASSHOLE!"
Elaine leansback against the door. She is highly agitated. Simon,the administrative officer, and other crew are intheir seats.
oIMON Whenever your're ready,Captain.
ZOOMto CLOSEUP of Elaine's face.
Dr. Rumack and Elaine walk across the well-groomed lawn. Elaine carries a box of spaghetti-to-go.As they walk, theypass patients inwheelchairs pushed by nurses. The furtherthey walk, the more wheelchairs appear until the lawn is jammedwith two hundred wheelchairs bumping into each other,patients fallingout, total wheelchair chaos.
Theywalk OUT OF FRAME as wheelchair demolition derby FILLS SCREEN.
Rumack and Elaine walk INTOFRAME still talking.
He stopsnext to a sign, "HOSPITALGARDEN."
Rumack holds the "HOSPITALGARDEN" sign.
Ted ignoresher as he works frantically.
Ted still ignoresher as he works feverishly.
Ted scurriesaround.
He ignoresher. Rumack walks up and puts an arm around her shoulder.Elaine starts to sob.
Elaine takes her seat.
Steam spewsout fromengines.
PAN backs of a number of Controllers at screens, talking NASA jargon.We PASS one inprison stripes talking through mesh to his wife.
Rockets fire.
Jacobs runs inwith a camera, yelling:
All Controllers turn and smile.The count-down stops. Jacobs flasheshis camera.
TheControllers continue.
The shipvibrates.
TheG-force causes the crew's hair to go straight back. Dunn's afro straightensand staysback throughout flight.
TheG-force causes passengers' hair to go straight back. A buxom woman looksdown at her bust -- it's completely flat.
TheG-force returnsto normal as the shuttle breaks earth'sgravitational hold.
Stock footageof booster fallingaway.
A cheapmodel of the Greenpeace 11sails blithely along. Thebooster stagecareens through the atmosphere, crashes intothe Greenpeace, and sinks it.
The crew all lookat the floor.
The computer is labeledR.O.K. She seems to have a problem getting itto respond.
The electrical firecontinues.
Elaine flipsa switchon computer. A "VOICEINTERFACE" Sign lightsup.
Elaine istaken aback.
Sparks fly, fire spreads.
Mary moves down the aisle checking passengers. She passes Father O'Flanagan who reads ALTERBOY magazine -- an alterboy inbikini bathing suiton cover.
Shepasses Mrs. Gooch who reads HIGH TIMES. She stops ata ten-year-oldGIRL.
Mary leavesand the Girl turns to the WOMAN beside her.
TheWoman vibrates inmultiple imageand grabs her temple.
A MAN who looks likeRobert Young sits down beside the Girl.
ANGLE ON TESTA (ANOTHERFLIGHT ATTENDANT)
She iscompletely bald.
Shehands him a copy of PSYCHO MONTH with Alexander Haig's photo on cover.
ANOTHER PART OF CABIN
Ted sits ata window seatand looksout. A TEXAN sits on aisle.Mary approaches.
Shepoints to a car next to her with twenty-four large volumes.
Mary hands him the POP ELEC. He opens it. The magazine sparks and smokes. ZOOMto CLOSEUP of Ted.
SUPER:PSYCHIATRIST
ThePsychiatrist looks around forthe source of the echo.
LOSE SUPER.
Ted getsup and moves past the TEXAN, handing him the POP ELEC.
Simon standsover Elaine's shoulder looking at ROK.
He sitsdown. Elaine flipsa switchon the computer.
ANGLE ON ROK'S PULSATING EYE
Elaine gasps
SFX: INTERCOMBELL.
Mary ison intercom.
Tedbreathes deeply on an oxygen unit. He stops, but we stillhear deep breathing. LOOSEN to find Father O'Flanagan smokinga joint.He smilesand leaves.
Joe Salucciclutches his attache case and wipes his brow. Mary leansover him.
Mary leaves,giving him a worried look.
ANGLE ON THE WILSONS
Jimmyholds his dog.
Tedthrows water on his face,wipes itoff with a towel while staring intohimself in the mirror. He sees the Psychiatrist inthe mirror. The Psychiatrist also washes up.
ThePsychiatrist looks forthe echo.
LOSE Psychiatrist. Ted throws the paper towel into the toilet, and flushes.The toilet sparks and smokes and keeps running. The running gets more intense as Ted tries to stop itby hitting the handle.
SFX:JAWS THEME.
INSERT -ROK'S PULSATING EYE
BACK TO SCENE
Tedhas to hold himself back as the suction builds in force.He is justable to escape and shut the door behind him.
Ted leanshis back against the door and breathes heavily.
Ted spotsElaine coming.
A cupboarddoor, labeled "EMERGENCYUSE ONLY," swings open behind Elaine revealing shelves of gum and string. Elaine shuts itwithout looking inside.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Elaine leaves.
MUSIC: JAWS THEME.
Unger jigglesthe handle of the running toilet. Suddenly it sucks intowels, etc. Unger ispulled down. He fights back, grabbing onto towel rack that comes out of the wall.
INSERT -SIGN - "DONOT THROW LARGE OBJECTS IN TOILET"
TheTexan with Talmud is now trying to wrap himself in tfilin.
ANGLE ON TED
Tedwalks down the aisle checking overhead panels. He spotsa panel that ishalf open. A sign on the door reads, "DANGER --VACUUM". Ted opens itand a Hoover falls out on his head, cutting him. He holds a hanky to the wound and passes by Stella's seat.
Ted sitsdown and Stella startspatching him up.
Stella looksto her Father who isreading MORTUARY WORLD magazine.
TEDAND ELAINE INA FIELD OF DAISIES - DAY
They runtowards each other. Elaine grabs Ted by the waist, picks him up and swingshim around in SLOW MOTION. They laugh.
The grave is surroundedby mourners inblack with umbrellas.
We PAN the weeping crowd until we get to Ted and Elaine. They are alsodressed inblack and drenched. He holds her high by the waist, twirls her around as they laugh.
They are locked ineach other's arms in the middle of lovemakingand laughingheir heads off.
Passengers are standing.They hiss and throw vegetables at Ted.
Dunn checksa red flashinglight on his panel.
Dunn getsup.
Oveur throws him a plunger and gives him a thumbs up. They exchangethat "manmust do what a man must do" smile. Mary enterswith Jimmy Wilson -- carrying Scraps.
Simon leansover Oveur's shoulder.
scraps looksat Oveur. Jimmy looks at the array of dials, etc.
scraps looksat Simon.
oIMON Unless?
Scraps looksat Oveur.
Scraps looksat Simon.
scraps looksat Oveur.
scraps looksat Simon.
Scraps looksat Oveur.
Scraps looksat Simon.
Scraps looksat Oveur.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Scraps' earsprick up.
Simonmoves past Jimmy, stopsat the door and downs a handful of anti-fearpills before leaving.
Ted and Stella.Stella is feedingher father and listening toTed.
Tednotices Unger floatby outside his window. ZOOM to CLOSEUPof Ted. He tries to take a drink and pours it on his forehead.
Elaine is fightingthe firewith an extinguisher. She gets itout and looksat the burnt wires in the area labeled, "ROK,MORAL CENTRE." ZOOMto CLOSEUP of Elaine. She turns TOCAMERA.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Tedbecomes slightlyhypnotized. ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.
SUPER: INT.WOMB
A fetusthat looks likeTed iscurled up inside.
LOSE SUPER
Stella shakesTed's arm.
Stellahands him a pill which he pops automatically, but misses his facewith his drink. She leaves the bottle next toTed. ZOOMon bottle.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
Stella starts feedingher fatheragain. The ship jolts and his facegoes intothe tray.
Elaine fiddleswith the computer.
Elaine gasps and moves away from ROK's blinking eye.
Simontakes a long slug froma flask.LOOSEN to FIND Jimmy and Scraps.
Dunn is aboutto enterwith the plunger as Mary passes. The ship joltsand she falls intohis arms.
Dunn givesher a lookand opens the washroom door.
Dunn is immediatelypulled down to the raging toilet bowl. He grabs forthe door screaming.
Mary hears the screamand gives a look as she leaves.
Testa is servingthe Walters coffee froma steaming pot.
Testa spotsDunn's tattered sleeveemerge from the washroom door, groping fora handhold. She screams and dumpscoffee inEdith's face. She runs to help Dunn, grabs his sleeve. Itcomes off inher hands. She keeps pulling. His jacketcomes off, his pants, underwear, socks, an entireclothesline of garments likebras, towels, etc. Shehears a SCREAM.Then silence.
Elaine andOveur. Elaine standsover his shoulder.
INSERT -ROK'S PULSATING EYE
BACK TO SCENE
Elaine leavesand Mary enters.
Mary givesa "whydidn't I thinkof that" look.Testa enters.
Mary gasps.
MARY/TESTA Dunn andUnger have been suckedout through disposalunit four!!
Mary andTesta lookover his shoulder. He has a basketball play diagram.
They all clasphands and "yell."
Itcareens through asteroids.
Oveur ispulling curcuit board fromROK panel.
INSERT -PULSATING EYE
BACK TO SCENE
Oveur eyes ROK but keeps working.
Oveur continues. Smoke spews out. He hears a HISS and looksat a vent. He grabs his throat and collapses.
An asteroid bounces off hull.
Passengers scream.Blonde woman in Viking helmet with Spear standsand screams operatically.
Simon entersand spotsOveur slumpedin his seat. He pulls him up.
Simon ripsopen his coat, grabs pills and takes them himself lettingOveur drop.
Simon looksdown at the navigational screen -- it resembles anold amusement parlor roadrace game.
The shiptakes another violent shot.
Thepassengers are screaming.
ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN
He stands inthe aisle.
They listen.
Thepassengers go totally insane.
A number of Controllers group around a console.
Controller 2hits a switchand the console screen flips to baseball game.
TwoNurses standby a phone ina dormitory of beds. Many oldmen sleepor eat inbed.
They lookto McCrosky (LloydBridges).
ANGLE ON MCCROSKY
He is inbed in scubagear.
ANGLE ON NURSES
Nurse 1takes the phone to McCrosky. He is a lot older than in "Airplane."
Simon istaking another slugof booze; Elaine enters.
Elaine pulls him up.
Elaine drops him and turns to Simon.
oIMON He tried to disconnect ROK. Itgassed him. That computer is runningthis shipand we're heading right forthe sun.
Elaine looksat the floor.
CLOSEUPOF ELAINE
forher realization.
BACK TO SCENE
She goesto the door.
She leaves. Simon'suniform startsbursting at the seams, buttons pop off.
TheTerrorists stopElaine. There's pandemonium in the cabin.
Elaine addressesthe PASSENGERS.
They calmdown.
ThePassengers appear interestedand sensible, nod their heads.
Thehood of a car smashesthrough the cabin wall. The Passengers stillappear interestedand sensible.
Passengers stillappear interestedand sensible. They all put on sunglasses.
ThePassengers errupt intotal panic.
ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "DON'TPANIC" SIGN
It sparks, smokes,overheats and EXPLODES.
ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "OKAY,PANIC" SIGN
Thepassengers go insane.
ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN AND MRS. GOOCH
Mrs. Gooch pulls out a fertility idolwith a huge, erect penis.
ANGLE ON BOB AND MARY-JANE SMITH
He gives her a look.
ANGLE ON ELAINE
ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "BULLSHIT"SIGN
ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "UNBELIEVABLEBULLSHIT" SIGN
McCrosky bursts through the doors and heads to the monitors. He wears a raincoat and shirtand tie. He is met by Controller 1.They move across room.
McCrosky takes off his raincoat revealing scuba tank. He takesoff his tank as well.
Another Controller passes. McCrosky stops him.
McCrosky takes the infoand burns his hand.
SFX: STEAM
McCrosky leavesJacobs babbling.
McCrosky stands in frontof a huge painting of himself. Both he andpainting are inthe same pose -- one hand loosensthe tie, he drinks coffee with the other, a Cigarettedangles fromhis lip.
He is lost inthought. SUPER IMAGES:
-- Tedgetting electro-shock
--Psychiatrist telling him he's sick
-- Tedbuilding the "CloseEncounters" mound
Ted is shakenout of his dream by Elaine.
Simon is a jellymold insidea uniform.
Jimmypokes his head in.
Elaine standsover Ted looking at the empty bottle of stresspills.
Stella approaches innurse's uniform splattered with blood. A cigarette dangles from her lip. She wipes her hands on ablood-splattered towel.
Elaine leaves, lookingback at Ted with empathy. Mary passes.
Mary leavesand a MAN passes holding a tattered arm.
TheMan leaves,a quizzical lookon his face.
A BLACK U.S. ARMY SERGEANT (imagineJim Brown) approaches Stella.
Stellahands him an M-16.
The Sergeantdrops intoa seatnext to a window, smashes outthe glass with his rifle butt and is immediately suckedout.
MARY moves down the aisle with a cart collecting boiling water.
Passengers pull pots of boiling water from under their seats,handbags, coat pockets, and pour them into the passing container.
Testareassures Bob and Alice Wilson.
Testa leavesand Father O'Flanagan approaches with last ritesparaphernalia.
ANGLE ON TEXAN
He isnow completely entangled inthe tfilin and struggles to freehimself.
ANGLE ON ELAINE
Elaine passes Ted carrying sheets,vaseline, etc. She looksat him sittingthere in a fog, gives up and leaves. Ted looks atthe red flashing "FASTENYOUR SEATBELTS" Sign. Ittakes him back.
SFX: SIRENSWAIL, 101BLOODHOUNDS BAY
We seethe hospital deep inb.g. across an expansive lawn. SuddenlyTed's facepops INTOFRAME, CLOSEUP. He looks both ways andbolts. He wears a straightjacket.
ANGLE ON HOSPITAL SIGN
"THEGERALD FORD INSTITUTEFOR THE MENTALLY FEEBLE -- WE MAKE PEOPLE SANE THE OLD FASHION WAY"
Suddenlythe dogs scramble INTOFRAME in front of the Sign, slobbering.A half-dozen viscious-looking GUARDS in reflector shadeswith shotguns, whips, nets, cattle prods, follow.
SUPER:CHICAGO
Ted standsat window. A neon "BAR"sign flashes outside so closeto the window that the only way to read it is to rentthis room.
SFX:MUSIC -LAZY SAX
SFX:LAMB BLEATS FROM OTHER SIDE OF ROOM
Tedturns away fromthe window and passes the lamb in bed.
SFX:COMPLAINING BLEAT.
Ted grabshis straightjacketand leaves.
A Bo Peep staff is flungagainst door as it closes behind him.
anempty, spotless,wet street.One car parked under a street lamp.
SFX:BLOODHOUNDS APPROACH AND GO OFF INTO DISTANCE
SFX:FOOTSTEPS, GARBAGE CANS BEING KNOCKED OVER, CATS SCREAMING,PEOPLE YELLING "SHUTUP" OUT WINDOWS, GLASS BREAKING.
Ted steps into light.GLORIA STEINAM passes with CAB CALAWAY.A grand PIANO SMASHES to pavement next to Ted. He ignorespiano and gives Gloria and Cab a quizzical look.
SFX:DOGS INDISTANCE
CLOSEUP -TED'S FEET
He steps ina puddle where a "BAR-COCKTAILS"sign is reflected.The reflection shatters.
A streetcleaningtruck approaches spewing out garbage ratherthan water. Ted's ankles are sprayed with garbage. He bends down and picks up a wet matchbook -- "HARRY'S PLACE --FOR A GOOD TIME."
standing, lookingat a bar. The glow of flashing neon sign reflectsoff his face.He pulls out a cigarette. A woman's hand shoots INTOFRAME holding a lit zippo. Ted draws deeplyon the cigarette.
ANGLE ON WOMAN'S FEET
PAN UP AND UP AND UP. She isall legs -- no torso, no head, just legs-- about two storieshigh.
ANGLE ON A HOLE
bashed inthe sideof a brick wall. A neon sign over the hole reads, "HARRY'SGOODTIME BAR."
dark, smokeybar. PAN very tough facesstanding along the bar.
KEEP PANNING tough faces,but now they all wear Groucho glasses andnoses.
ANGLE ON POOL TABLE
with fourplayers --all have broken thumbs in casts.
One guyhands another guy a large,rusted car fender for money.
PHIL DONAHUE signsa stackof books at a table.
TWOPROFESSORS argue at a table.
Professor 2 slugsProfessor 1 sendinghim flying across the room.Professor 1gets up and throws a judo chop which Professor 2 stopsby holding a book up in both hands. The book splits intwo like a piece of wood split by a karate chop.
Twomidgets play light jazz --piano and bass.
Five 300-poundmusicians play sometune in another corner.
ANGLE ON TED AT BAR -CLOSEUP OF TED
He pulls out a cigarette. A bare foot with zippo held in toes comes INTOFRAME and lightsit.
ANGLE ON DOOR
Elaine and Simonand two other couples, who look like clean-cutNASA types out of "TheRight Stuff," walk in laughing andtake a table.
The groupprod Elaine to try the bull. A cowboy hat flies acrossthe room. She grabs it, pulls it on, and moves to thebull which is surroundedby others in cowboy hats. Elaine hops inthe saddle. A sinistercharacter puts a quarter inand madly flipsknobs.
SFX:VIDEO GAME
The saddledoesn't move --all the action is on the screen but Elaine throws one hand back and kicks her legs.
Tedtakes apair of dark glasses off a passing blind man who walks perfectly until the glasses are gone, then starts stumblingand crashes over a table.
Tedtakes analto sax froma passerby who also stumbles and crashesover a table when he loses his sax.
Everyone looksaround trying to see where the terrible grating sax sound iscoming from.
Elaine hops up on the stage,grabs a mike and starts to Sing "StormyWeather." She sidles up to Ted and goes into amedley of old songs.
HOURS LATER
Elaine's singing is justas bad as Ted's sax. They have clearedthe jointand play and singalone. Elaine's group finallypull her out. She hasn't recognized Ted.
PULL BACK leavingTed alone on the stage still playing. Chairs areturned up on tables. One table has chairs turnedup with the people stillsitting in the chairs.
getting aglass of water outside cockpit door.
ANGLE ON COCKPIT DOOR
Simon emerges.As the door opens we hear:
Simon shutsthe door and bumps intoTed who is getting a drinkof water. Simon takes a drink of booze.
5 IMON That damncomputer has taken over. I'm gettingout.
oIMON Don't talk to me about Elaine. Outta my way!
Simon slugsTed who falls intoa corner and hits his head. ZOOMTO CLOSEUP of Ted unconscious.
SFX: MUSIC -DRAMATIC STING
The shiptakes another violent jolt.
Itroars through the asteroid field.
Simon sitson toilet seatand slidesopen a wall panel.
Father O'Flanagan slidesopen an adjacent wall panel and Sits down.
SPLIT SCREEN -THE TWO WASHROOMS
A panel on the other sideof Simon slides open.
McCrosky throws the mike down.
Controller 1throws the mike even harder.
Controller 2 smashesthe mike through the monitor screen.
Controller 3 smashesthe monitor with an axe. Controller 4 smashesthe monitor with an electric guitar. Other Controllers lineup fortheir turns with various heavy implements.
ANGLE ON MCCROSKY
McCrosky looksout window.
INSERT -MOB SCENEFROM "THEHUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME"
BACK TO SCENE
Stinsonturns to two burly men inleather jerkins and black hoods. They hold a largecaldron of molten lead next towindow.
Theypour itout.
SFX:MOB SCREAMS
Itcareens through the asteroid field towards the sun.
Ted liesunconscious.
SFX:MUSIC -DRAMATIC STING
ANGLE ON STELLA
She's doingher rounds --takes a medical chart from the back of a seat.
A leg ispassed to her fromOUT OF FRAME. She takes it while still lookingat the chart.
A WOMAN sittingnext to the MAN WHO ISHOLDING HIS LEG grabsStella.
TheMan with the legpasses itto the passenger in seat behind.
The leggets passed from seatto seat as passengers say, "Everythingwill be okay. Pass iton."
CLOSEUPOF TED
lyingunconscious ina corner. A puppy crawls INTO FRAME and starts lickinghis face.LOOSEN TO FIND Jimmy standing overTed. Ted comes to, feelshis jawand pulls himself up. The ship jolts.
Tedpushes by Jimmy, a lookof great purpose on his face.
Elaine enters looking forSimon.
The cockpit is empty.
Elaine gasps. She leaps intothe Captain's seat and grabs radio.
Controllersare gathered around one monitor.
Ted enters.
Tedpicks up Oveur who is stillgasping.
Ted dragshim onto the floor and takes his seat.
They reachout and hold hands.
They smileat eachother.
Ted andElaine still smileat each other.
All passengers look forwardand smile.
All Controller's lookdown the lineand smile.
Six soldierson firing squadduty, ready to fire, turn, smile, andFIRE while they're smiling.
SFX: SHOTS, SCREAMS
Ted grabsthe radio.
Ted hits a switch.The shipdoes a barrel roll.
All we see are feet stickingup from the seats.
He slugsthe femaleworker next to him.
SFX:RADIO STATIC.
ANGLE ON MISSION CONTROL DOORS
They are swingingaluminum doors similar to restaurant kitchens andhospital operating rooms. Kruger and the Commissioner enterthrough one door.
TheyPASS OUT OF FRAME. A waiter with tray passes them and leavesthrough the swing doors.
SFX:CRASHING DISHES
Two surgeons inoperating gowns and masks enter covered in food.
We PICK UP Kruger and the Commissioner still walking and talking.
They approachMcCrosky.
A CONTROLLER interruptsthem.
PAN three Controllers at monitors.
The ship lurches from sideto side.
Stella,covered inblood, kneels beside BILLY, a young man bandaged head to toe, lyingon a stretcher with lots of I.V.bottles hanging around him. A U.S. ARMY GENERAL standsnext to him -- imagineGeneral Patton.
He hands Billy a letter.
Elaine ismonitoring various dials. Ted is at controls and onthe radio.
Strikerwipes his forehead.Elaine holds a tan reflector up to her faceand turns to the sun.
Passengers sweatprofusely.
SFX:JUNGLE SOUNDS.
A MAN slapsa mosquito on the back of his neck.
FOUR MEN sitnude to the waist, wrapped in towels as if in a steambath.
It shootstowards sun.
McCrosky sitsat a monitor, talks intoa mike and looks down at abook. Behind him two Controllers make a dope deal -- abaggie of grass forcash. We only see their midsections and hands.
Thebuyer checks out the baggie -- it'smostly twigs. The seller istrying to explain the situation with his hands.
Thebuyer grabs the seller's shirt and tries to get cash back. A fight ensues.
The seller's shirt isripped. Knives are pulled.
The seller is stabbed.
ANGLE ON JACOBS
ANGLE ON MCCROSKY'S BOOK - "PEPTALKS FOR ALL OCCASIONS"
McCrosky slams it shut.
A smilingblonde man ina white sweater with "MORAL MAJORITY" on the frontwalks by and takes the book.
Tedwrites a note to Elaine and hands it to her -- it reads, "WEMUST FIND SOMEWAY TO BLOW THAT COMPUTER!" Elaine looksa bit nervous and licksher lip. They look up atROK's pulsating eye.
Testapokes her head in.She's soakedwith sweat.
SFX:FLIES BUZZING
Passengers reel and drop to floor.
Ted leaves.We hear an enormous CRASH on the other side of the door.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
ANGLE ON SIXCONTROLLERS
One holds ahat, one pulls a slipof paper from it.
ANGLE ON MR. COFFEE AND OFFICER
They approachMcCrosky.
Itroars towards the sun.The nose of the ship begins to glow red.
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES SPIN:
JERUSALEMPOST
"THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE IN THE FIRST PLACE"
BUFFALO LOCAL NEWS SET
FILM INSET:APARTMENT FIRE
Set logo reads, "NEWS4 BUFFALO."
FILM INSET:ROCKET GOING OFF COURSE
TOKYOLOCAL NEWS SET
FILM INSET:APARTMENT FIRE
Set logo reads, "NEWS4 TOKYO"
FILM INSET: SHUTTLEMODEL INMOUTH OF GODZILLA.
SFX: SCREAMS.
MOSCOW LOCAL NEWS SET
FILM INSET:APARTMENT FIRE
Set logo reads, "NEWS 3MOSCOW." A gun is held to ANCHORMAN'S head.
FILM INSET:ROCKET GOING OFF COURSE
ABC "NIGHTLINE"
SUPER: "GAYUNMARRIED VEGETARIAN MOTHERS AGAINST SPACE TRAVEL"
A banner hangs over terminal door: "HOUSTONWELCOMES SPACE DISASTER PRESS."
CLOSEUPOF ATTACHE CASE being carried to the door -- stickeron it reads, "NATIONALENQUIRER."
CLOSEUPOF ANOTHER CASE coming fromother direction -- stickeron it reads, "NATIONALSTAR."
The casesmeet. LOOSEN to REPORTERS.
ENQUIRER/STAR Long time no see.
They shakehands and turn intothe terminal.
Controllers standover Mr. Coffee -- everyone sips coffee and smokescigarettes.
Tedhas the coffee machine apart, wears a headset and holds wires inpliars. Anxious passengers with coffee cups standover him -- they are all totally wired and going coldturkey.
A PASSENGER bends down and picks a coffee bean off the floor.
A riot ensues.The "bean"Passenger isbeaten to death.
Itcareens towards the sun.
Detective Hallick storms inand up to McCrosky. He flashes his badge.
KRUGER/MCCROSKY /COMMISSIONER We're familiarwith it.
She approachesvery distressed looking.
She goes intoher purse forthe insuranceform.
A large ivorycolored vibrator drops out of her purse, hits the floor,and flipson. They all look at it.
KRUGER/MCCROSKY /COMMISSIONER Yes, we're familiarwith it.
Kruger, Commissioner, and Hallick all whistle "wow!"
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.
ANOTHER AREA
Striker standsover the coffee machine, sweating like mad. ThePassengers with cups hang over him. He makes contact with awire.
TheMACHINE EXPLODES. Coffee gushes out like an oil well coming in.The Passengers dance under the gusher of brown liquid,mouths open and cheering.
He lights acigarette.
He sipshis coffee.
McCrosky racesout.
Itheads closer to the sun.The nose is glowing.
Elaine ischecking computer. The cockpit is steaming now. Sheunbuttons her uniform justas Ted comes in.
Tedtakes his seatand looksat a panel gauge.
INSERT -GAUGES
One is labeled "EXACTDISTANCE" and reads, "76.50".The other is labeled "ESTIMATEDDISTANCE" and reads, "5689465932.09".
BACK TO SCENE
Jacobs standsnext to Kruger rubbing his forefingers together inthe "Shame, shame" sign.
Thereare columns under Kruger's and Striker's names. Strikerhas two check marks. Jacobs gives Kruger one.
McCrosky rushes inand grabs the mike from Kruger.
CLOSEUPOF SARG
leaningover the ship's plans. He is eating another cigar. All Controllers standaround him.
lil.
SFX:RADIO BEEPS
He grabs radio.
Ted andElaine smilehopefully at each other.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING
She coversher mouth.
Joe Salucciwipes his brow, layshis case on his lap.
ANGLE ON FRONT OF CABIN
Ted andMary huddle.
She coversher mouth.
Tedmoves down the aisle. Mary gets on the P.A.
ThePassengers go nuts screaming, "Abomb!!"
All the passengers pile up in a ceiling-to-floor wall behind Ted --he extends his arms, holding them back.
Tedtakes a step forwardaway fromthe wall of passengers --the wall crumbles.
Ted is almostup to Joe when:
Joebolts. Passengers panic. Ted tackles him. The case flies intothe air inSLOW MOTION. Itturns slowly, hanging forthe longesttime as we CUT, still in SLOW MOTION, to horrified faceswatching it.This SLOW MOTION sequence lasts forabout 60 seconds-- people put on make- up, domacrame, read, etc. -- while the case is still in the air. Suddenly, Scraps leapshigh into the air in SLOW MOTION and comes down with the case between his teeth.
Controllershuddle over one monitor.
Ted isback at the controls -- the cockpit is incredibly hot now.
He looks downand seestwo eggs fryingon the dash.
Controllers aregrouped around the plans.
She coversher mouth.
Elaine looksat Ted.
All passengers look forward inTed's direction.
SUPERthe womb over Ted's face.
LOSE SUPER.
Ted leaves.
SFX:CRASHING MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
ANGLE ON JACOBS
Handing out ballet slippersto the Controllers who are passing a jointdown the line.
ThePassengers stand inthe aisle listening to Mary.
Passengers move calmly.
ThePassengers panic and stampederight over her.
Tedwears agas mask and attaches the time-bomb to the computer.
Gas spewsout of a vent. Ted makes sure his gas mask is tight.
Simon isdressed in space suitand moving down the aisle. Elaine holds onto him.
Theypass Father O'Flanagan. He has a Bongo drum at his seat.
5 IMON Maybe.
Simon steps intoa hatch labeld, "ESCAPECAPSULE".
Thehatch door slams shut.A passenger passes with a sandwichboard that reads, "JESUSWAS A SINGLE."
Jimmyappears and yells through the window on the hatch.
The capsule ejects.
TheCommissioner stands in frontof the painting of astronautson black velvet. He is on the phone.
ThePRESIDENT poses fora photo session: CLOSEUP of President holding aloft ina victory salute, the hands of twoblack men. On the camera flashwe LOOSEN to reveal the bodiless armsof two black mannequins. An AID hands the phone to the President.
He walks past a wall of photos of past presidents: JFK, Johnson,Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Reagan older, Reagan much older, Merv Griffin, a chimp, and this President.
SPLIT SCREEN:PRESIDENT AND COMMISSIONER
ThePresident passes an Arab piling millions in cash onto his desk.
Theyboth hang up and, making sureno one is watching, pick their noses.
WIPE TO FULL SCREENOF OVAL OFFICE
Ted is atthe controls. Elaine rushes in.
We see a roaston a spitthrough the window.
The clockon the time bomb TICKS down.
Mrs. Gooch suckson her cushion -- she's totally zonked on acid.
ANOTHER AREA
Testa standsover Ted with a clipboard.
Itcareens towards the sun.
Bomb clockTICKS down.
Mary instructsPassengers.
O'Flanagan looksaround guiltily.
McCrosky addresseshis troops.
Controllers startplaying cards, doing needlepoint.
The bomb TICKS down and BLOWS.
The ship shakesviolently. Ted fightsfor control.
INSERT -SPEEDOMETER SLOWS
BACK TO SCENE
SFX:ENGINE WHINE SUBSIDES.
The ship startsbumping as if it'shit a rough road.
"Compute" sign flashes.
Tedpulls anacceleration lever.
It slowsto a halt.
Tedpulls the leverhard toward himself. The ship shudders.
The ship slingshots inthe opposite direction, disappearing intothe void leaving a trail of light.
INSERT -PANEL LIGHT, "0.5WORP"
BACK TO SCENE
PAN Controllers looking intently intothe night sky. PAN toMrs. Salucci intentlygripping her vibrator -- it's on. PAN to Jacobs readingVARIETY -- headline: "PARAMOUNT ANNOUNCES SHUTTLEDISASTER PIC!"
TwoPassengers (contortionists)with legs up over their shoulders and lookingout over their rear ends, play cards.
The interiorvibrates. A psychedelic blaze of multi- colored light illuminatesthe interior.Ted struggles with the controls.
We seethe Alpha Beta base in distance with an ALPHA BETA neon sign flashing.
SFX:WAILING SUBMARINESIREN.
SUPER:MERCURY BASE, ALPHA BETA
SFX:WAILING SUBMARINESIREN.
Four uniformed officers race to their posts around a corner andcollide with fourothers racing around the corner fromthe other direction.
REX KRAMER watches the floors flashby on the panel above the door.
INSERT -FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL 1- POWER STATION"
O.S. we hear a DOG GROWLING and fightingwith something.
CLOSEUPOF KRAMER
INSERT -FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL3 - LIVING QUARTERS"
BACK TO SCENE
INSERT -FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL5 - WOMEN'S SHOES, BEDDING, APPLIANCES". "LEVEL 6 -DESIGNER JEANS".
BACK TO SCENE
The elevatordoors open. Kramer stepsout into the communications room.
SFX: SUBMARINE SIRENWAILS.
PAN downto floorof elevator to find a young officer -- Carey --torn to shredsand fightingoff Kramer's golden retrieverdog. The doors close. Kramer approaches an OFFICER.
Ted shiftsa stick shifton the steering column.
Kramer looksat the big screen.
SFX: SUBMARINE SIRENWAILS.
A submarineperiscope drops. Kramer looks for the shuttle.
INSERT -PERISCOPE SHOTOF WWII SHIPS
BACK TO SCENE
INSERT -PERISCOPE SHOTOF SHORE LINE FROM WWII FILM
BACK TO SCENE
INSERT -PERISCOPE SHOTOF DESERT
BACK TO SCENE
INSERT -PERISCOPE SHOTOF THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW -- ED WAVES GOODNIGHT.
BACK TO SCENE
Kramer stepsaway fromthe scope. It drops down. A man in abarber chair ison the other end of the steel column and comesto reston the floor.
Testatalks to the passengers. Psychedelic lights flash.
ANGLE ON WOMAN
Her beard grows.
INSERT -CLOSEUP OF SANITARY NAPKIN DISPENSER
A flurryof hands empties it intwo seconds.
ANGLE ON TEXAN
He has turned intoa Hassidic Rabbi.
Ted is fightingto maintain control.
Ted andElaine give startled looksof recognition.
Everyone tensely looksout the window into the night sky.
The entireroom explodes inan up-beat Southern Baptists' renditionof "HE'SGOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS".
Tedpushes his WORP lever forwardbut it comes off in his hand.
Shehands him a vodka and orange juice.Ted throws it on his face.He reachesdown and rips the panel off, exposing all sortsof wires.
Ted looks around fora piece of metal. Elaine pulls a bobby pin fromher hair.
Her longbrown hair falls sexily.She sweeps it back with a tossof her head. Ted isoverwhelmed by her.
Kramer andAids exchange a look which questions Ted's sexuality.
Ted sticksthe bobby pin intothe wires. Sparks fly. The ship starts slowingup.
SFX:THE ENGINE WHINE SUBSIDES.
INSERT -SPEBKDOMETERWINDING DOWN
BACK TO SCENE
Kramer stands in frontof the huge screen. A small ship appears inthe distance coming right at us.
Itcareens towards the planet surface.
It startsbouncing wildly.
Passengers scream.
The anchorman screams.
SUPER: "EDITORIAL".
The anchorman screams.
SUPER: "EDITORIAL". (InRussian lookingprint.)
The deskclerk screams.
A boxing glove springs fromthe dash punching Ted in the face.
ANGLE OUT SHIPWINDOW - NIGHT
We seethe lightsof a smallcolony on planet surface. TheAlpha Beta neon sign isvisible.
Kramer sits ina large swivelchair -- like Captain Kirk's onthe Enterprise bridge. As he talks, he nonchalantly Swivels sohis back isto the huge window. We see the Mayflower approachingon the screen.
ANGLE ON COMMUNCATION ROOM PERSONNEL
Theywatch inhorror as the Mayflower comes shooting at them.
Elaine looksout the window --horrified.
Ted fightsthe controls.
ANGLE ON PERSONNEL
They run forcover.
ANGLE ON THE SCREEN
TheMayflower comes right at the screen and crashes through it.Kramer still has his back to the screen and doesn'tnotice what has happened -- the room behind him has been totally demolished.
The frontwindow isbroken. Ted and Elaine are covered in debris.Elaine's eyes grow wide with terror again.
A groupof scientists standat a keyboard synthesizer. One plays the seriesof notes fromCLOSE ENCOUNTERS. Suddenlythe Mayflower appears over a hill. They all jump for cover as itcrashes through the synthesizer.
Ted andElaine are covered in piano keys.
TheMayflower bounces across the surface.
Mary maneuvers down the aisle. Passengers are screaming andbeing tossed around.
She looksup and sees feet dangling from the ceiling. A man has gone rightthrough the ceiling up to his waist.
TheMayflower careens to a smoking,crunching, shattering stop.
Mary andTesta startdirecting panic-striken passengers to the exits.
Ted andElaine stand lookingdown on the wreckage. In b.g., SIRENSWAIL, emergency lights flashacross Ted and Elaine.
Tedholds Elaine.
Ted andElaine kiss.
Ted andElaine walk off intothe distance.
SFX: SIRENSFROM CRASH AREA INDISTANCE.
Ted stops and looks intothe distant, dark sky. A printed crawlbegins:
MUSIC: OPTIMISTIC THEME
Ted andElaine walk towards crawl and are approached by two strangeCREATURES --bald with a shock of hair sprouting fromthe top of their heads.
THEEND