"WEIRD SCIENCE" (1985)

Revised Final Draft Screenplay

& somber SUPER crawls up:

“WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TOSEE ISA TRUE STORY.*

we HEAR the CLAP of THUNDER.

"THE INCIDENTS DEPICTEDWERE DRAWN FRCM POLICE FILES, EYEWITNESSREPORTS..."

We HEAR the HUM of aGENERATOR.

*,.eAND NOTES PASSEDBETWEEN CLASSES AT DWIGHT DAVIDEISENHOWER HIGH SCHOOL IN SHERMER, ILLINOIS."

We HEAR the SIZZLE of ELECTRICITY.

"THE NAMESHAVE NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEINNOCENT..."

A startling CRASH ofHORROR MUSIC.

"..e.»FROMTHEIRPARENTS.*

CLOSEUP - TELEVISION SCREEN

A clip from the originalFrankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein ana his assistant trudgethrough the graveyard in search of a corpse.

CLOSEUP ~ BOYS'FACES - WYATT DONNELY AND GARY WALLACE

Their faces are illuminatedby the light of the TV. These guys are MTV fanatics,hardware maniacs, heavy indoor guys. They're wearing pajamas andtube socks. They're completely absorbed in the film.

It's upscale andattractive. Open-beam ceiling, bar, seating groups. Big screenTV, entertainment toys. Gary and Wyatt are sitting on the edgeof a cofiecetable watching the movie. The lights are out.

He stops talkingto study the action on the screen.

CLOSEUP- TV SCREEN

The wicked face ofIgor, the hunchback.

GARY ANDWYATT

Wyatt turnsto Gary.

Gary turnsto Wyatt. He's annoyed.

Gary turns back to the screen,

Gary turns slowly to Wyatt and points a finger in his face.

They go back to the screen, Wyatt half-shuts his eyes, ready to slam them closed in an instant.

TV SCREEN

A body hangs from the gallows.

CLOSEUP - WYATT AND GARY

Wyatt's watching. Gary's turned away. Nowhe's scared.

Wyatt's annoyed. He's watching intently now.

A big, modern kitchenwith an islandrange. Gary's making Jiffy Pop on.one side, Wyatt'smelting butter in a saucepan on the other side. Erankstein continueson a portable kitchen set.

Gary thinks for amoment. He recalls the movie.

Gary leans across and looks in the sauce pan. Wyatt swirls the butter.

9 CONTINUED

CONTINUED (2) 9 N,rosea

Gary stops chewing his lip.

Dr. Frankenstein bargains with the grave robbers in the catacombs beneath the cemetery.

ll CLOSEUP ~ GARY AND WYATT 11

Their eyes open wide with fear.

It's vibrating, venting steam, ready to blow.

13 TV SCREEN 13

The grave robbers pry the lid off a coffin.

Wyatt and Gary are watching, not paying attention to thebutter or the Jiffy Pop. Suddenly, the butter bursts into flamesand the Jiffy Pop EXPLODES. The tinfoil top bulges andblows popcorn all over the kitchen. Gary andWyatt jumpthree feet in the air and come down in karate stances, yelling and slicing at the air.

i5 INT. WYATT'S BEDROOM 15

Wyatt's sitting on the bed. Gary's in the bathroomdoing a little mole analysis, zit trolling, facial hair counting. Music's playing softly. The movie continueson a portable Tv in the room. Wyatt has a bowl between his knees. He's picking through the popcorn looking for uncharredkernels.

CONTINUED 15

Gary thinks. Wyatt thinks the same thing.

Gary's gingerly shaving his upper lip.

Gary sets down the razor, rubs his upper lip, checks it in the mirror and walks out of the bathroom.

Wyatt's watching the movie. He sets the bowl of popcorn on the nightstand.

ai

-ON CONTINUED r

Gary looks athim, puzzled. Wyatt motions to the TV.

Gary sits downand picks up the bowl of popcorn and starts Gigging throughthe charred kernels.

They turntheir attention back to the movie. Gary's thinking. An idea comesto him. He slowly turns to Wyatt and smiles.

Wyatt staresat him. Gary gets up and paces at the end of Wyatt's bed.

Wyatt thinks about it. He looks over at Gary with repulsion.

Gary can't believe how stupid Wyatt is. Gary looks at the computer monitor. It's silently working on a simulation of some sort.

WYATT

on Is thatright?

18 CLOSEUP- CRT . 18

A three-dimensionalrepresentative of the bust of a female with enormous bosomsrevolves on the screen. The big boobies swing aroundon thescreen.

19 WYATT AND GARY 19

Wyatt's at the keyboard. Gary's standing behind Wyatt. They impulsivelylean back as the boobies swing around on the screen.

) 20 INSERT -CLOSEUP ~ TV SCREEN 20

The giant breasts are squished up against the screen. We see nothing but breasts.

* (y21 | WYATT AND GARY 21 xwget Gary pokes Wyatt's shoulder.

Gary holds up hishand. Se stretches his fingers apart pretending to be holdinga bosom.

on Wyatt punches in a new setof bobbie specs.

The boobs are instantly reviseddown to a normal full bust.

23 GARY AND WYATT 23

Wyatt nods approvalof the new graphic model.

- WYATT

Very nice. Are they a little too far apart?

Gary looks closelyat the screen.

; GARY They may be a little low.

Wyatt tapsa few more keys. The breasts move up a notch higher on the chest.

; WYATT Now what?

i! _ Gary paces upand down behind Wyatt as he thinks.

CONTINUED 23

Gary stares in disbeliefat Wyatt.

Brain portfolio. Brain is teensy. Screen dumps sraphic and displays "intelligencelevel -- 5th grade. Slow learner. Boring dipshit."

mm 25 INT. ROOM- GARY AND WYATT 25 Co Wyatt leans backfrom the keyboard.

Wyatt's angeredby the insult to his computer.

“WYATT It's smarter than you, Gary. The problem is this is a lame idea.

TM (CONTINUED)

pitten, ve(_) 25 25

Wyatt stares at Gary. He shakes his head, no.

tee | WYATT

I don't want to go to jail,Gare. No, thanks.

26 CLOSEUP - PHONE MODEM ae 26

The telephone receiver isslammed down on the modem.

A 27 EXT. NEW YORK SKYLINE- NIGHT | 27

A Cray 1 is HUMMING. |

It suddenly comesto life, notching back and forth.

30 TV SCREEN 30

Frankenstein'slab and the preparations for the evil experiment.

Gary letsout a spirited shriek as they successfully break into the system. Wyatt backs away in fear. Gary's obsessed with the project.

WYATT© We're introuble. This is illegal.

Wyatt's a little concerned about Gary's growing enthusiasm. He turns from the computer to face Gary.

Gary ignoresWyatt.

Wyatt turns back to the computer. He closes hiseyes and takes a deep breath. He yanks up his sleeves and slams the keyboard. We HEAR a THUNDERING CHORD.

It flashes with numbers and symbols.

33 CLOSEUP ~ FLOPPY DISK 33

It's loaded into a diskette

CLOSEUP - FINGERS ON THE KEYBOARD , 34

Fingers scramble across the keyboard.

CLOSEUP - MEN'S MAGAZINES 35

A nude pictorial page is rippedout of themagazine.

The page is fed into the machine.

37 CLOSEUP = ANOTHER PAGE 37

A pair of scissors carefully cutsout a face from a centerfold.

38 CLOSEUP ~-OTHER PAGES 38

A face (Lisa) is torn out ofmagazine ad, as well as various features and body parts (Lisa).

The scissors snip out a pair ofbreasts.

Copies of Playboy, PopularMechanics, Vogue, Seventeen, 2enthouse Forum, Scientific Americanare fed into the facsimile machine.

4] CLOSEUP - GARY ANDWYATT 41

Gary's glowingwith excitment. Wyatt's still worried. Gary holds out his hand. Wyatt reluctantly slaps it.

An upscale colonial ina wooded section of the suburbs. A violent storm is stirring. The trees tremble, clouds race across the sky. Lightningflashes. Something terrible is brewing.

43 CLOSEUP -WYATT AND GARY 43

They are transfixedby the screen. Gary looks at Wyatt. Wyatt emiles fearfully.

_ CLOSEUP - CRAY 1, 44

The Cray 1WHIRS wildly.

A lonely outpostin the High Plains.

A BORED TECHNICIAN is sitting at a desk reading a newspaper. Behind him, a Defense Department computer CLICKS in.

47 INT,WYATT'S GARAGE 47

The hood of his father's car is up. Cables run from the engine into the kitchen.

Splitters send cables into and out of all the kitchen appliances and into the family roon.

The big screen TV, VCR, CED, laser disc, video gamesare all hooked into the system. The cables continue out ofthe family room and down into the basement.

The washer and dryer, the furnace, water heater, air conditioning unit, water softener, sump pump are allhooked in. A fat bundle of cable runs up out of the basementwindow.

51] EXT. BACK OF THE HOUSE 51

The cable runs from the basement stairwell, up theside of the house to Wyatt's second-story bedroomwindow.

The cable runs in through the window, down thewall, across the floor, up Wyatt's bare leg to his handsand finally to a tiny pair of alligator clips which are fastenedto two straight pins pushed into each side of the neck of aBarbie doll. She wears a tiny t-shirt and a tiny pair of red g~stringpanties.

- OC 53. GARY AND WYATT 53

They're down to their T-shirts and underwear. They're sitting on Wyatt's bed. Wyatt's wearing one of his mom's bras on his head with the cups over his ears. Like some sort of low-rent wizard. Wyatt's worried. He's thumbing through aBible.

GARY— (incredulous) It's a doll, Wyatt. How can you sin against a toy? You're always so negative. It's very unappealing in a young man.

Wyatt's apprehensions are not appeased. He's alwaysworried. He detects the presence of something. He slowly turnshis head to the side.

54 HIS POV ~ THE FAMILY CAT 54

is perched on his nightstand, staring at him. ItHISSES.

Wyatt recoils. He screams and shoves the cataway. His scream Startles Gary. Gary screams.

ee shit. There's stuff thatdefies +

explanation, Gare.

we ;:

- (55 CONTINUED 55

Through the skylightin Wyatt's room we SEE Gary and Wyatt. CAMERA PUSHES IN.

Wyatt shakeshis head, no.

Wyatt crosseshimself. He hesitates as his finger hovers above the enter button. CONTINUE PUSH IN to EXTREME CLOSEUP on the enter button.

|He presses the button.

A deafening crack of THUNDER rattles the house. The lights go out. Gary's eyes open big. He looks at Wyatt. Wyatt returns the look. The room strobes with lightning, THUNDER shudders the walls, a HOWLING gust of WIND rushes from the monitor. MUSIC comes up.

at

CLOSEUP - WYATT unw

The force of the wind rips the bra offWyatt's head.

59 CLOSEUP - WYATT'S HAND tner

The doll's glowing red hot.

Wyatt screams and drops the doll inGary's lap. Gary picks it up and heaves it. The doll flies into thebathroom, hits the toilet seat, drops into the bowl,the lid slams shut. Half a beat and a violent rush of steamblows the lid off.

All of the entertainment equipmentgoes on.

The microwave oven turnson. Then the coffee pot, the food “c processor, the disposal, thedishwasher.

The furnace kicks in. The washer and dryer go on.

A self-propelledvacuum crosses from one room to the next.

65 CLOSEUP~ BIGSCREEN IV Wun

The vacuum crossesin front of a pornographic movie playing at double speed.

It SOUNDS.

CLOSE-UP- SMOKE DETECTOR 67

Smoke billowsout of it as it BUZZES.

They turnthemselves on and begin beating like crazy.

CLOSEUP - COMPUTER 69

It's going berserk. The screen's flashing, the diskette's CLICKING and rocking, the printer's spitting out pages.

70 CLOSEUP ~ VOICE SYNTHESIZER 70

The computer VOICE synthesizer is LAUGHING maniacally.

The violent storm rages. Sheets of rain pelt thehouse.

"Shermer, Ill. Pop. 31, 286. One of America'sTowns." It bursts into flame.

A man is watching TV. His toupee suddenlyflies back off his head and scoots up the wall.

A motorcycle cop is writing up a trafficticket on a teenage driver. Suddenly, his motorcycle starts upand speeds away.

A woman is doing dishes at the sink. Behind her the family dog walks up the wall.

A manhole cover goes fiying. A column of fire rises from the sewer.

The three dimensional representationof the woman is spinning madly.

CLOSEUP - GARY ANDWYATT 78

They cover their facesas a HOWLING WIND blows from the computer monitor. Gary reachesout his hand.

~()79 CLOSEUP ~ ELECTRONICS MODULE 73

Wyatt turns off the power. Nothing happens

80 GARY AND WYATT BO

They're terrified.

The computer plug is pulled. Again nothinghappens.

Gary pulls an aluminum baseball batout of the closet.

Gary charges the machine and clubsit with the bat. The bat shatters like glass. Gary backs awayin fear. Ke drops the bat handle. The boys dash for thebedroom door. It Slams and locks.

; GARY Oh, shit!

They turn back to the computer.

Gary edges over to themodule. He picks his moment and grats the electronic module. Reholds it over his head and heaves it out the window. A momentof relief. Then the computer crashes back through the ceilingskylight and lands with a thud on the desk. Everything stops. Dead silence. The storm has mysteriously passed. Thestrange winds and noises are gone. The lights come back on. Gary and Wyatt look at each other with bewilderment.

ai

rents WYATT

(continuing) Is it over?

The silence is shatteredby a THUNDERING ROAR. The room vibrates violently. Worse than before. Gary and Wyatt shriek and dive under thebed. The bathroom door slams shut. It’s Silent. The doorbulges out as if it's made of rub ber. It pushes out further andfurther. Terrible wrenchina and CREAKING. Then it snapsback to its original form. Half a beat and it EXPLODES. It shattersinto a million pieces. Thick, smokey fog swirlsout of the open doorway.

Wyatt's crying. Gary's on the verge. They know they've done something terriblywrong.

Wyatt grabs hisarm. He isn't about to let Gary leave him alone. Somethingcatches his eye. He looks up slowly, cautiously.

84 THEIR POV- A FIGURE 84

moves through thefog and stands shadowy and undefined in the doorway.

85 CLOSEUP-—GARY AND WYATT 85

Their eyes open wide in fear and awe.

86 THEIR POV | 86

Out of thefog walks a WOMAN. A tall, willowy beauty in her early twenties. She*s wearing a torn t-shirt and red g-string panties. She puts her hands on her hips.

CLOSEUP - WOMAN 87

She gives the boys a coy, sexy smile.

They look at each other inamazement.

89 CLOSEUP ~-WOMAN 89

She raises an eyebrowand runs her tongue across her upper lip. She lets out a sexy laugh.

We SEE her from theshoulders up. She's washing her face.

51 GARY ANDWYATDP ne - $1

They're standingstiff and rigid. They're nervous and embar rassed. Their eyes dart from her bod to her face. They're bare-chested. She rinses her face and turns to catch the boys looking ather body.

The boyslook up with embarrassment.

CONTINUED 91

Gary and Wyatt exchangepuzzled looks. How did she know?

Gary jabsWyatt with his elbow. The woman turns off the water. She reaches outof the showerand grabs a towel. She wraps it around herself.

She stepsout of the shower. Wyatt and Gary step around, into view andwe SEE they're wearing bathing trunks. :

Wyatt and Gary are getting dressed. Wyatt's putting on his Gorky Sundaysuit. Gary's wearing one of Chet's suits. It's a little bigfor him.

WYATT

%ned Maybe if I wasn't so spaced-out about

this, I might be able to enjoy myself. Just between you and me, Gare, I've never seen a naked woman, besides my mom. ee

Sen

|They check themselves in the mirror. They're unaware of how stupid they look. A disquietingthought suddenly cccurs to Wyatt.

Gary shrugs. She'sat Wyatt's house so it's his problem.

Gary shakes his head in disbelief.

~( ) 92 CONTINUED (2) $2

Wyatt zips his fly. He and Gary exit the room.

Gary and Wyatt come down the hall. We SEE that they'rewearing Slick, expensive designer suits. They stop cold intheir tracks. They look down at their clothes. Gary openshis suit coat...

O.C. Car honks.

Gary reads the label in the jacket.

GARY| Italy.

(94 EXT. CHICAGOSKYLINE - NIGHT - ESTABLISH 94

$5 CLOSEUP— CARGRILLE 95

The grille ofa 1959 Cadillac.

96 CLOSEUP-—HUBCAP 96

Caddy hubcapspinning.

97 CLOSEUP—- TAILFIN 97

Huge, pinktailfin.

A pink 1959Cadillac convertible cruises downtown.

The Woman's driving. Gary's in the passenger seat, Wyatt's in con theback. The Woman's smiling, enjoying the night, the lights and the fresh air. Gary and Wyatt are perplexed.

- WOMAN

I can get anything I want. And right now I want a name.

The Woman looks in the mirror at Wyatt.

Gary and Wyatt think. Wyatt comes up witha name first.

“. 99 CONTINUED 99

The Woman rolls her eyes. She sticks her finger ir her mouth.

} Gary and Wyatt toss around girls' names.

} GARY

Lucy?

GARY & WYATT Lisa?

The Woman smiles.

She opens the door to a bar. Gary and Wyatt hesitate.

GARY

oem What?

- LISA

Let's go in and get bombed.

DS WYATT

Bombed?

| GARY

Bombed.

She produces a pair of Illinois driver's licenses,

| LISA ee You're twenty-one.

Lisa winks and smiles. She steps in. Wyatt and Gary stumblein behind her, studying the licenses. .

GARY

terrible.

ware Wyatt and Gary are studying the licenses.

—_—

look disgusting...

Gary looks up. His jaw drops. nee

ste, WYATT

(continuing) Good news. This is your license.

Wyatt looks up. His jaw drops.

102 THE BOYS' POV 102

It's loud and crowded. The largely black crowd is roughand tough, Lisa, Gary and Wyatt are the onlywhite people in the place, All activity has stopped -- themusic, the dancing,the talk, the movement. All eyes are on the trio.

103 GARY, WYATT AND LISA 103

Gary and Wyatt stare with dread at the crowd staringat them. Lisa looks for a table.

She pushes ahead into the crowd.

Wyatt takes his wallet from his backpocket and slips it down the front of his pants.

| 103 CONTINUED 103

104 INT, BAR TABLE 104

They all sit down at the table. The novelty of their entrance wears off and activity in the bar resumes. A toweringWAITER comes to the table. He looks at Wyatt andGary angrily. They smile nervously. Gary looks down at the floor.

105 BIS POV 105

The Waiter’s size twenty boots.

Gary looks up at the Waiter. Heintroduces himself politely.

(CONTINDED)

106 CONTINUED _ 106 -

The Waiter looks at Gary and Wyatt. They smile sheepishly and Shrug.

Gary and Wyatt force laughs. The Waiter curls his lip and Snarls. He walks away from the table.

Lisa takes out her cigarettes andoffers them to Gary and Wyatt. They all light up. Gary's eyeswater from the smoke. Wyatt chokes. :

(06 CONTINUED (2) 106

Wyatt and Gary look at each otherwith concern.

Gary shuffles throughthe crowd, trying to act cool and friendly. He walks upto the bar. The patrons look down the ; bar at him. ft

No response. Gary reaches up and rests his nervous hands on a glass rack that runsabove the bar.

He forces a laugh andaccidently pulls down the glass rack.

" GARY

Oh, God!

One by one, theglasses slide down the rack. Gary dceftly catches them andsets them safely on the bar. The patrons watch with mild amusement.

Wyatt walks into the crowded men's room. He greets them with a frightened smile.

Bis friendliness is met with chilly glares. Wyatt shuffles to a closedstall. He's careful to keep his back to the wall. He opens the stall and backs in. He closes the door.

CLOSE-UP- STALLDOOR/FLOCR 109

We seeWyatt's feet straddledby huge, dirty boots. Wyatt's stepped intoa stallthat's already occupied. His pants drop and he sits.

110 INT, BAR 110

The men's roomdoor opens and Wyatt flies out. His momentum carries nimonto the dance floor. His fall looks like a daring dancemove. The crowd applauds him,

lll INT. BAR~ GARY 111i

He's piled the glassesinto a towering pyramid. He turns to see what theapplause is. He steps away from the bar. A final qlass slidesdown the rack and into the pyramid. collapsing it.

Lisa's sippinga drink, sitting in the smokey blue shadows. A wirey, pimpish looking sleazeball slips into an empty seat beside her. He eyes her hungrily. She turns and gives him an icy stare.

SLEAZEBALL _ You with those little mooks?

Lisa nods proudly.

The place is going wild. MUSIC'S POUNDING, thewalls are trembling. Everybody's dancing. Gary andWyatt are in full command of the dance floor, dancing with new-found skill.

eed She smiles proudly.

It's nearly empty. Gary, Wyatt and Lisa are in a big booth with two old-timersand @ young man. The last of the revelers stops byGary andWyatt's table to thank them for a wicked evening. Wyatt andGary accept their thanks with easy street cool. They're both drunk.

() indicating a large

bust)— Serioushormone case. I called her every night.

Gary waves to an exiting patron.

—_

Gary Slaps palms with a well-wisher.

Shouldwe orderanother round? (yells tothe bar) Two spits!

ee, - GARY » Yep. Death andtaxes.

CONTINUED (2) 115

A beautifulblack woman leans over and grabs Wyatt's cheeks. Shepresses a hug kiss on him. Gary tips his drink and goes over with it. Passes out cold on the floor. Everybody at the tablelooks over the table at him.

Wyatt and Lisa help Gary into the back of the Cadillac.

Wyatt sets him.on the Caddy and lifts his legs off the pavement.

Wyatt dumps Gary in the backseat. Lisa laughs and hands him the car keys. She gets in the passenger side.

Wyatt stands looking at the keys.

en She closes the car door.

Wyatt's hunched over thewheel ofthe car. MUSIC'S plzying. Lisa's singing softiy. Herfeet are up on the dash.

WYATT: (eyes rivetedon the road) Huh?

Lisa lifts up a littleand looks out the windshield.

GARY

The Cadillac does a wild slalom through three lanes of oncoming traffic as itmakes its way northbound on the southbound lanes of the expressway. Wyatt pulls a violent U-turn. ma?eT,\, + io | GARY (0.S.)

Turn down themusic!

~p-<\119 INT.CAR 119 cove Wyatt looks at Lisa and smiles sheepishly. He's soaked with sweat. She returns the smile. .

Lisa looks over the backseat.

120 HER POV 120

Gary's in a crumpled heap in the footwell. He smiles drunkenly and waves.

GARY | My nuts are up my ass but I'm fine.

mTM221 INT, CAR ~-LISA AND WYATT 121

Lisa turns back in the seat.

122 CLOSEUP - CHET : l2z

He's an older, cooler version ofWyatt. Tall, thin, athletic. His expression is stern and disgustinglyparent-like.

He's clearly intoxicated, struggling to maintainfocus on Chet. He's smoking a cigarette, chewinga wad of gum and is wearing sun glasses.

Wyatt's just come in the front door. Chet's standing before him with hishands on his hips. He's wearing gigantic boxer shorts, handle-bar t-shirt and slippers.

Wyatt leans on Chet's shoulder and speaks to him in frank and friendly tones.

9 human being about this.

| CHET Not like you, huh?

Chet hits Wyatt in stomach.

Chet grimaces at Wyatt's breath. He fanshis face.

Wyatt accepts defeat.

Wyatt helps Gary up the hall. He's drunkand sick and sore fron dancing and sleeping in the footwell. Chet's standing in his bedroom doorway, snickering at the sight. He's smoking a cigar.

Gary looks up a Chet. Wyatt winces at the gross suggestion.

a Cy 25 CONTINUED 125

Chet blows smoke in Gary's face.

Wyatt heaves Gary into his room to shut him up. Gary topplesto the floor.

; WYATT He’s drunk, Chet. (forced laugh) That'd be way bizarre, huh? Usmaking a woman?

QO Chet goes into his room. Wyatt sighswith relief. He tiptoes down the back stairs.

Wyatt opens a French door off the sun room. He whispers for Lisa.

She steps up behind him. She's already inthe house.

pane

It's okay to come in.

CONTINUED | 126

Wyatt turns around. He's face toface with Lisa. She puts her hands on his cheeks and kisses him. A sweet,Geep passionate kiss. MUSIC fades up. "Teenager inLove."

om She kisses him again. at

127 LISA'S REAR END 127

Wyatt's nervous fingers slidedown from her waist to her rump.

128 WYATT'S REAR END 128

Lisa slips her hands intoWyatt's back pockets and gives him a gentle bum clutch.

J29 CLOSEUP -WYATT ANDLISA 129

They kiss. A real kiss.

NY

Wyatt can't help but smile.

Wyatt smiles nervously. He's on the verge ofan important step in his life. Lisa runs her finger from hislips down his chin, to his chest.

Wyatt gapes at her. He takes a deep,quivering breath. ee

Lisa buries him with a kiss.

Gary's crashed out on the floor. Wyatt's sitting in bed. He's holding a bottle. Very cool. He brings it up to his lips, takes a draw, sets it down.

It's mouthwash.

CLOSEUP - WYATT | . | 132

He swishes, turnshis head and spits. Very cool.

Lisa's lookingin the mirror. She can see Wyatt. He's watching her. She turnsfrom the mirror. The sweetest sexiest face in any world. She smilesat Wyatt.

Lisa stepsout ofthe bathroom. She turns off the lights.

135 CLOSEUP- WYATT 135

He holds out his arms for her.

She approaches the bed.

Lisa lowers herself down on Wyatt.

138 CLOSEUP ~ LISA 138

Her mouth's open in anticipation.

139 CLOSEUP ~-WYATT 139

His mouth's open in a big, sleepy yawn.

Lisa holdsup. Wyatt finishes his yawn. Lisawaits for her moment to devour his lips. He keeps yawning. She draws back.

141 CLOSEUP ~ LISA 141

She smiles tenderly, a tiny, sweet laugh.

142 CLOSEUP ~ WYATT 142

He's out cold.

Li 3 INT.BEDROOM 143

Lisa pulls the covers over Wyatt and kisses his forehead. She steps back and sits on the edge of the desk. She plantsher elbows on her knees and her chin in her palms. Shelooks at the two sleeping boys. She's like an angel.

The neighborhood's up and active. It's a beautiful autumn Saturday.

He's splayed out on the floor. He moans softly. We PAN ACROSS to Wyatt's bed to Wyatt. He's asleep on his backwith his mouth open. He licks his lips and wipes a little drool fromhis chin. He stirs and wakes. He rolls over to facewhat he thinks will be Lisa. He smiles and closes his eyes. A beatand he sits up startled. The bed's empty. He looks underthe sheets.

Gary pulls himself up the sideof the bed. He's hung over ana miserable. He clutches hishead.

‘WYATT Gary, it was a dream. GARY What?

Gary collects his thoughts.

GARY

‘ It can't bea dream, bonehead. ote < ‘Me

CONTINUED 145

Wyatt thinks for a moment.

Gary looks at him puzzled. He doesn't remember.

Gary shakes his head, no.

Wyatt reaches under the covers and slipson his underpants.

Wyatt thinks for a moment. Ee doesn't recall. He shakes his head, no.

Wyatt slides out of the bedand heads for the bathroom. He stops cold and looks down. He seeshe's wearing Lisa's red g-string panties. |

Lisa's cooking breakfast. She's wearing one ofWyatt's T-shirts and nothing else. It has his name and the words "ALL A‘S®”on the back. Wyatt charges in. He grabs her.

Wyatt throws his arms up. Lisa gives him apeck on the cheek.

Cc) WYATT

I don't need jokes right now,Lisa.

She hands him a plate. He sets itaside.

| Didyou spend it already?

2 ee (CONTINUED)

—-N46 CONTINUED 146 \ad

Lisa smiles impishly.

Wyatt hears Chet upstairs, distinguishing himself with a cough, a belch,a fart and a shout.

Lisa's casually tending an omelet. Wyatt's in a panic.

Coffee!

Wyatt looks at her puzzled.

NN 146 CONTINUED (2) 146 Meal She kisses him and exits out into the dining room just as Chet comes down the back stairs. Wyatt tries to act casual. Chet crosses to the coffee pot. He looks at yesterday's coffee, debating whether to reheat or start from scratch.

Chet dumps the old coffee in the sink. He glances back at Wyatt. He takes the omelet.

Wyatt walks away.

Wyatt looks at the panties with alarm.

Wyatt faces facts. It's time for anotherpayoff.

Chet looks him up and down.

“(146 CONTINUED (3) 146

Wyatt groans at the painful loss.

147 INT, DINING ROOM 147

Lisa has eavesdropped on the conversation in the kitchen. There's a glint of anger in her eye.

Gary and Wyatt are walking through a large, upscale shopping mall. They're wearing slick, new outfits.

o~ GARY ee Bullshit, you didn't!

‘GARY Since last night. I'm the one who had the balls to do it.

ve() 148 CONTINUED 148

Wyatt thinks.

Wyatt shakes his head, no. Gary stares long and hard atWyatt.

Wyatt and Gary are.sniffing the sample bottles. A teenage SALESGIRL is waiting on them. She looks them up and downwith disdain, wondering what a pair of dipchops like them are doing in her section.

Gary and Wyatt chuckle. They play the situationvery cool and sophisticated.

Gary and Wyatt chuckle again. Wyatt leansforward and reads the girl's name off her tag.

The Salesgirl's mystified.

WYATT _ We drop by on occasion.

Gary and Wyatt exchange smiles. Gary hands her.a bottle of _ Se perfume. a

The Salesgirl looks at thebottle.

Gary pulls outa huge wad of money and peels off four one hundred dollar bills. Wyatt and the Salesgirl choke at the Sight of the cash. Wyatt pulls Gary aside.

Dy

TN 149 CONTINUED (2) 149 (J

They turn back to the girl.

Gary winks. Wyatt joins in on theshan.

Neiman Marcus. The lingerie section. Lisa'spicking throush some provocative selections. An older SALESLADYis waiting on her.

The Saleslady smiles sheepishly. Lisa examinesa black lace g-string on a little hanger.

The alarmed Saleslady's half glasses slipoff her face.

Gary and Wyatt are sitting on a bigmarble bench. They're each holding a tiny wrapped package.

A group of kids, the popular kidsoutside a food service atrivun, leaning against a railingoverlooking the first level. They're talking, drinking, smoking. One of the boys, MAX, is looking over the railing. He pokesa friend, IAN.

Ian looks over the side.

153 THEIR POV =~WYATTAND GARY 153

are sitting on the benchbelow.

154 IAN AND MAX 154

They smilewickedly. Max swirls his cherry slush.

Max leansover the railing with the cup. The kids gather around.

They lean back,relaxing. They're feeling proud and manly.

Suddenly, ashower of cherry sleet rains down on them. The mall goes silent. Then erupts with laughter. Gary and Wyatt jump up, soddenwith the cold, sticky drink. They look up.

156 THEIR POV~-MAX AND IAN 156

wave.

() 157 GARY AND WYATT 157

They look at each other. They're coveredwith red ice.

The popular people move on. Thelaugh's over. Max slips his arm around his girl friend, DEB. She'sa coupleyears younger. Sweet and cute. Ian's girl friend,HILLY, takes his hand as they walk. Deb is the blonde equivalent ofHilly. The girls . haven't enjoyed the laugh.

Q

- . HILLY i .

_/

They walk on. The girlsdon't quite follow Ian's logic.

The girl turnaround to see Max and Ian in a lewd pose.

Lisa's sittingon a bench, waiting for Wyatt and Gary. A shaft oflight from a skylight illuminates her like a spotlight. She has her face turned into the warm light. Her eyes are closed.

Deb and Hilly are looking at clothes. Max and Ian are at the counter talking to a SALESGIRL in her mid-twenties, She's completely disinterested in their advances.

When was the last time you had a guy my age?

‘.ok 60 CONTINUED 160 )

_ SALESGIRL (deadpan) Fifth grade.

Max bursts out laughing.

They turn away from the counter. They freeze as they iook out into the mall.

Lisa looks directly at them and smiles.

(162 MAX AND IAN 162

Their mouths drop open. They step up to adisplay rack for a better look.

163 LISA 163

She knows she's beingexamined. She wets her lips and flicks her tongue at theboys.

164 IAN ANDMAX 164

The clothes rackthey're leaning on collapses forward and they fall OUTOF FRAME.

INT,MALL 165

Wyatt and Gary stroll down the mall fresh from the men's room where they've done their best to wash the cherry slush off their clothes.

~ (_)166 INT.STORE 166

Ianand Max clumsily try to right the rack. SALES PEOPLE help themas Deb and Hilly giggle.

Wyatt and Gary meet Lisa. She looks at their stained clothes. They offer their sodden gifts.

The rack's been set back up. Max glances out of the store at Lisa. He does a take and jabs Ian. He looks.

169 THEIR POV ~ LISA 169

kisses Wyatt and then Gary. She puts her arms around both of them and they exit.

Ian and Max are dumbfounded. In their bewilderment, they knock the rack over again.

Gary and Wyatt escort Lisa through the mall, each with an arm around her waist. They've never felt bigger in their lives. They approach and pass a group of Weenies, their peers, NORRY, AARON, MERLE, ART..andtheir co-captains, BART and MARCUS. And- a sour young punkette, Wendy. A tomboy geek. Gary throws them a wink. Wyatt waves.

He motions to Lisa.’ She waves to the boys.

They pass, We HOLD ON the bewildered geeks. They can't believe what they‘ve just seen. On cue, they all grab their crotches and moan.

A black Porsche 928 pulls clumsily around to the entrance.

Gary's at the wheel, Wyatt's in the back.

Gary looks out the window and freezes.

Lisa approaches the car, Ian and Max arerunning after her.

Lisa turns around.

Lisa smiles.

Max and Ian choke.

174 CONTINUED

Gary gets out and looks atLisa and the boys,

He does a double takeas he realizes he now has an expensive new Piaget watch.

176 MAX AND IAN 176

They're dumbstruckto see Gary and the Porsche. They look at Lisa.

She heads for thecar.

Gary gets inand closes the door. Be looks back at Wyatt.

Wyatt's eyes open wide with alarm. Gary pulls away.

_y 178 INT. WYATT'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 178 oa

Lisa's setting out flowers and puttering around the living room. Wyatt's following her.

(178 CONTINUED 178

Lisa dims thelights just So.

She paysno attention.

He grabsa bunch of flowers away from her.

CONTINUED {(2) 178

Lisa grabs the flowers from him and plunks them down in a vase.

She kisses his cheek.

NH Gary's dad, AL, is heavy-set and balding. His mom, LUCY, is thin and weary-looking. They'rewearing frozen expressions of disbelief.

It's a small, middle-class family room. Nothing like Wyatt's place. Gary's sitting on the couch smilingnervously at his parents sitting in armchairs acrossfrom him. Lisa's pouring two beers. Lucy and Al aren'tquite sure what to make of Lisa.

Lisa walks around from behind thebar. She hands Gary a beer. She sets hers on the coffee tabie.

| 9 wa CONTINUED | 180 (7380

She reaches into his pocket and swipes one of his cigarettes.

Lisa lights up and sits next to Gary.

LISA

~. To a party.

Lisa chuckles at Gary's nervousness. She flicks her ashes behind the couch.

° GARY

He's a fine, ycungman, Mom.

Gary whimpers at Lisa's indiscretion. Al and Lucy exchange disturbed looks.

(MORE)

CONTINUED (2) 180

Al and Lucy don't knowwhat to say.

Al andLucy gasp.

She putsher arms around him and bites his earlobe.

She laughs. Lucy shrieks. Al jumps out of his chair.

Gary looks at Lisa with dread. She smiles and leans over to him.

LISA ; Geez, I see where you get your uptight attitude.

CONTINUED {3) 180 ae

"page: AL mace: awol

sewn Gary starts toexit. Lisa grabs his arm and holds him back.

Lisa losesher temper. Fer playful attitude turns angry.

Al raiseshis fist in rage.

ah

Gary letsout a high-pitched laugh.

Gary isdumbfounded. He's soaked with sweat. He's hyperventilating.

Lucy grabs the phone. Lisa shakes her head, no.

Shehands her cigarette to Gary, opens her purse and pulls out a .44. She levels it on Al and Lucy. They gasp.

Gary faints. Thud!

Porsche pulls away.

Gary has his face buried in his hands. Lisa's at thewheel.

P, ce Gary looks up at her slowly.

(CONTINUED).

CONTINUED 182

She flashes a big, silly grin. Gary stares at herwith disbelief. She points the revolver at him. Her face turnsmean and nasty.

He gasps in horror. She pulls the trigger. It'sa squirt oun. A stream of water splatters Gary's face. Shelaughs. He doesn't think it's funny.

Lisa puts her hand on his shoulder.

Al and Lucy are in the living room watching TV as if nothing's happened.

Al looks at her like she's out of her mind.

The DOORBELL RINGS. Lisa strolls into the foyer in a slinky, revealing outfit. She calls up the stairs.

Gary and Wyatt come down the stairs. They'refussing with their ties. Two more expensive suits. — |

You do .now!

She opens the front door. Wyatt's jaw drops. Gary's eyes bulge. Lisa smiles.

185 THEIR POV - THE PORCH, DRIVEWAY ANDLAWNS a 185

are jammed with people.

ae

The front yard is packedwith partyguests. An awesome amount of people.

It's standing roomonly. The room looks like a well-decorated rush hour subway train.

Jammed,wall-to-wall kids. On cue they all do a shot.

A solidcrush of bodies. They're eating like starved horses from a buffet table.

Hair-combing girls shoulder to shoulder.

A Chrysler four-door sedan pulls up in front ofWyatt's house. Deb and Hilly get out of the front. Max and Ian stumble cut of the back.

Hilly tosses Max the car keys. He and Ianwalk aroundthe car to the trunk.

Max opens the trunk and we see a KIDcrammed inside. He's young and straight. And scared. Maxhands him the car keys.

Ian slams the lid shut.

,#02169 68.

The doorbell ringsand the front door flies open. Max and Ian step inside.

| MAX

Hi!

They barge into theparty. Deb and Hilly enter sheepishly.

| 194 INT, FAMILY ROOM 194

Max and Ianhand-slap their way through the crowd, making a beeline for thebar.

Deb andHilly greet a couple of friends. Lisa comes out of the kitchenwith a trayof canapes. Deb and Hilly freeze as she walks past. Lisa gives them a sweet smile.

DEB | IfMax and Ian see her, it's all over for us.

euLet

They turnfrom the bar bottoming out beer mugs filled with scotch. They stop in mid-swig. They slowly lower their mugs,

197 THEIR POV 197

Lisa servesthe canapes.

198 MAX AND IAN 198

They're still stunned by the sight of Lisa.

IAN

os I'll reload on the drinks, you go kill

199 LISA 199

She glances at Max and Ian with a sly expression.

INT, WYATT'S BATHROOM - LATER 200

Wyatt and Gary have locked themselves in. Wyatt is sitting on the toilet lid. Gary is pacing. .

_ GARY I can't believe this. All we ever talk about is how creat it'dbe ifwe could go to parties. It'sour party and we're sitting in thejohn.

Wyatt lifts the toilet seatcover.

Three waves of Honda scooterscruise down the street,

Each wave is comprised of threescooters in a V-formation. Aboard the scooters areGary and Wyatt's weenie friends. They're wearing Devo helmetsand blue nylon parkas. The Ventures’ "Penetration” plays. The scooters turn a corner ard head down Wyatt's street. They split off formation forming a line nine scooters long.

The scooters buzz into thedriveway. They make one full pass around the circle drivebefore stopping. They dismount in unison. : |

The DOORBELL isRINGING. Lisa crosses from the living roon. She pinchesa boy'sass as she passes.

She opens thefront door.

204 HER POV-— MARCUS,BART AND THE WEENIES 204

are standingon the porch, They're carrying flashlights, wearing beepers,calculator watches, computer logo baseball caps. Theboys gawk at Lisa. Wendy looks away in disgust.

Marcushas a cameraaround his neck and a microcassette tape recorderin his hand. He speaks for the others.

CONTINUED 205

Marcus holds up the microphone to captureLisa's answer.

Lisa speaks into the tape recorder.

The weenies drop their flashlightsin shock.

Lisa steps away fromthe door.

Lisa returns.to the living room. The weenies wandering in cautiously. Marcus raiseshis camera and takes flash pictures of the proceedings.

A hand cranks thevolume. MUSIC BLASTS.

Lisa's leading a linedance to "PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG." It's wild and crazyand she's having a great time, She always manages to stay one stepahead of Max and Ian, The dance line moves throughout thehouse.

|, \209

*. *NS Deb and Hilly comeup the hall, looking for the bathroon. » They're a little bombed,and giggly. They're worn-out from dancing.

~ Cog CONTINUED 209

O.S. we HEAR a TOILET FLUSH. Deb and Hilly turn andwalk down to the closed bathroom door. They knock.

Wyatt's washing his hands.

He and Gary freeze as they hear Deb and Hilly at the door.

Gary turns angrily to Wyatt.

Deb and Hilly both knock on the door. Gary opens the door. Behind him, Wyatt shakes out thematch. Deb and Hilly are stunned to see Gary andWyatt.

Gary throws Wyatt a chilly look.

eS It's my house,

WYATT | So manypeople, 50 many parties...

DEB | Is itokay if I check my face?

Deb andHilly laugh. Gary and Wyatt quickly join in.

211 CONTINUED

Gary takes abig whiff, disguising it as a nose rub. The air's pure enough.

Deb andHilly push into the bathroom.

The twogirls come in and close the door.

HILLY . We've seen you at school but we never met. I'm Hilly. And this is Deb.

Gary and Wyatt offer polite handshakes.

WYATT

as) Wyatt.

_HILLY Who's the blond girl?

There's an uncomfortable pause. Gary looks at Wyatt.

5 GARY oy (to the girls) ? Can you excuse us for a moment.

“3912 CONTINUED 212

Gary opens the shower stall. He urges Wyatt in witha jerk of his head.

They step into the shower stall. Deb and Hilly look at then curiously. They turn to themirror to check their faces.

Gary and Wyatt hold a quickconference. They exchange their lines in machine gun fashion. Serious monotone,

213. CONTINUED 213

Wyatt looks at him.

ao GARY

Good...Ready to party down?

Wyatt nods. They step out of the shower stall.

The girls are gone. Replaced by a drunk and sick kidhugging the commode.

Max and Ian are sitting on the couch with Lisa. They'reboth sweet-talking her.

J IAN

Belong? Seriously?

CONTINUED ~ 215

Max and Ian exchange impatient looks.

Max and Ian lean forward and holda quick conference. Lisa listens with a knowing expression.

Max and Ian take off.

Deb and Hilly return to the party. Max and Ian blow past them.

217 LISA 217

She sees the girls and approaches then.

She walks up to Deb and Hilly. They're stillwondering what's with Max and Ian.

Deb and Hilly stammer and trip over their explanations. They don't want Lisa to know they've beenwith her boys.

Lisa smiles at their clumsy excuses.

" DEB

(without hesitation) No.

Deb and Hilly smilemeekly.

“) 218 CONTINUED 218

Lisa exits,leaving Deb and Hilly with their jaws slack.

Max and Ianare sittingon the desk and desk chair. Gary and Wyatt areon the bed.

WYATT | : We can't take advantage of her loyalty.

° C) 219 CONTINUED 219

Gary and Wyatt look at each other.

-220 INT. INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES - GRANDPARENTS 220

A senior citizen hangout. The kind of placewhere dessert is included with dinner. Muzak version of "Footloose"is playing softly over the house PA. Wyatt's grandparentsare eating dinner. HENRY and CARMEN. Two pleasant peoplein their seventies.

Henry looks up from his pancakes.

Henry nods.

Max and Ian are staringat Gary andWyatt.

MAX

tt Do you thinkwe're stupid?

_CONTINUED 221

We could prove it beyonda shadow of a Goubt, Wyatt.

Gary looks at Wyatt. Wyatt knowsexactly what's on his mind.

WYATT

.. Gary! po » a Wyatt grabs Gary by the shirtfront.

222 CLOSEUP ~ CRT 222

A three-dimensional representation of a woman revolves slowlyon the screen.

223 CLOSEUP ~ WYATT, GARY, MAX AND IAN 223

Wyatt repeats the procedure that yieldedLisa. Max and Ian are hunched over him, staring at the screen.

He's sitting on the bed with his head inhis hands. He's moaning.

The trees whip in the wind. Rain peltsthe house.

Lisa is posing for photos with theweenies. One on each arm as Marcus focuses.- A terrible THUNDERCLAPinterrupts the photo session and silences the roon,

Lisa looks out the window. The suddenstorm worries her.

aleeOne CONTINUED 226 eisBe

She exits. As another CLAP of THUNDER rattlesthe room.

Lisa steps outside. The windwhips herhair.

He presses the enter button. There's a ferocious flashof licht and a thundering ROAR of GUITARS. BLAM! A blast of wind fires out of the monitor, blowing him backwardsoff the chair.

Max and Ian are screaming in terroras wind and rain blow fron the monitor. Wyatt's curled intoa ball on the floor. Gary's held tight to the wall by the forceof the wind.

The same house we saw beforewith the poodle on the wall. This time the woman's on thewall and the dog's doing the dishes.

AN Chet is in the blindwith his GIRLFRIEND. He's on top of her nude body. She's moaning, clawinghis back, going crazy. 7 There's a flash of lightning. Then silence, Chet rises up with a curious look on his face. His girlfriend sits up on her elbows.

231 CONTINUED 231.

Chet's bewildered. He looks down at his crotch.

The girlfriend flops down on her back, angry and frustrated. Chet cocks his head. This has never happened to him.

The same manhole cover blows. Instead of fire erupting from it as before, a column of popcorn rises to the sky.

The man with the toupee we saw before iswatching TV. This time, he flies into the wall. The toupee stays put inmidair.

The storm rages.

CLOSEUP - FAMILY PHOTO . 235

A portrait of Gary's parents on a commode in the foyer has come to life. The parents are singing, "You Can't HurryLove."

It's dark, a BOY and a GIRL are making out in Chet's bed. There's a CLAP of THUNDER and it starts to rain in the room. The boy and the girl sit up in the bed and hold their handsout to feel the rain.

A GIRL is fixing her hair in the mirror. Suddenly, the entire bathroom turns upside down and the girl plummets to the ceiling.

The Girl picks herselfup and steps over the light fixture.

Wendy, the dork dyke,is suddenly transformed into a party princess. Pink partydress, purse, white gloves, she's stunned.

One of the geekslooks at her with a hungry look.

“Wendy deckshim with her purse.

Everythingin the room has turned blue.

A crowd separatesto reveal Marcus, trapped in the screen of the projection TV. He's screaming and pounding on the glass.

The party guests are silent as they listen to the wild, unearthly storm and the eerie NOISES coming down from Wyatt's room. Everybody flees in terror, leaving a GIRL alone playing the piano. People run out of the house. She's oblivious to the weird events. She's playing "You Light Up My Life." Suddenly, the lid of the baby grand slams shut. She looks up curiously and continues with her song. The piano begins to Slowly move away from her. She leans forward to continue playing. It moves out of her reach. She watches it, dumbfounded, as it rolls across the living room picking up speed. Whoosh! It's sucked up the chimney. Suddenly, all the furnishings, the carpets, pictures, everything, is sucked up the chimney. The girl is level with the floor. Her shoesare sucked off her feet. Then her pantyhose. Her panties. Her bra. Her dress and then herself. Up the chimney.

The furnishings blow out the chimney into the air. The girl shrieks all the way up and out.

A shower of furniture rains downin the yard. The girl splashes down in apond.

One finalCLAP of THUNDER and the storm ends.

People are murmuring about the weird events.

Ian,Max, Gary and Wyatt look up from behind the bed.

A ficure is standing in the doorway. A woman.

249 THE BOYS 249

Ian and Max exchange looks of awe. Gary smiles, satisfied. Wyatt drops his head to the bed in defeat.

The woman reaches into the room and flips the light switch. It's Lisa.

se He tries to think of the missing detail. It suddenly occurs to “\ ; him. He looks at Wyatt. Wyatt recalls the error.

We forgot to hook up the doll?

e C) 250 CONTINUED ~ 250

Lisa smiles and nods.

Gary and Wyatt look at each other inhorror. They scream.

The two alligator clips that were attachedto the doll are under the bed. They're lying on top of aTime magazine. On the cover of the magazine is a picture of a Pershingmissile. There's a ROAR from below. The clips vibrateas the magazine trembles.

The missile rises up out of a silothat's suddenly appeared on the basement floor.

The missile runs right up throughthe middle of the kitchen.

Ian and Max freeze. Gary andWyatt press against the wall as the nose of a missile rips upthrough the floor between the four boys and continues to riseup through the room, through the ceiling and into the attic.

255 CLOSEUP -—IAN AND MAX 255

They're frozen with shock.

Ditto.

257 INT, ATTIC 257 So The missile runs up through the attic and out the roof.

A bird lands on the tipof the missile.

The grandparents’ car pulls up on the streetin front of the house,

Henry and Carmen exchangepuzzled looks.

Wyatt is furious. Ianand Max are tapping the missile, testing its validity.

Gary looksat the missile. He shrugs.

-GARY We'll launch it.

Henry and Carmenpeek in the door. And enter. One of the weenies approaches them. He's holding a crystal vase filled with beer.

Henry scowls atthe kid. Carmen peeks around him in horrer at the crowd ofpeople in the house and the commotion and noise. A chain of dancingearunks. crossesthefoyer from the family room to the kitchen.

A partyGUEST hurries out the door with an armful of Wyatt's parents' silver. His GIRL FRIEND follows, wearing a fox coat and carrying a mink. Then a kid with a wheel barrow loaded with loot. Carmen and Henry are stunned.

Carmen slams Bart into the doorjamb.

~ (*)263 INT. FOYER 263

Henry and Carmen walk into themidst of the wild goings on. Henry is purple with rage. Carmenis sputtering and trembling. A kid staggers past. Benrypeels off his hat and slaps the kid.

Lisa's arm wrestlingwith a humongous JOCK She takes a sip of her cocktail and slams thejock's arm down on the table. His arm pops! She hearsHenry and Carmen in the foyer.

Scat!

She frees the jock. Helooks at his crippled arm lying on the table. Lisa hurries intothe foyer.

Benry and Carmen are swattingfuriously at the kids.

Lisa enters.

LISA | Rol Calmdown!

Henry and Carmen turnto her.

( CONTINUED)

TM265 CONTINUED 265

Lisa realizes who they are.

-RENRY I'm not going to standhere and listen to this baloney!

She turns to a couple ofhulking JOCKS. She positions them in front of Henry and Carmenwith their arms out-stretched.

J | LISA

(continuing) Thanks. I'11be right back.

She steps around Henry and Carmen and heads up the stairs. Henry and Carmen turn around and they watch Lisa going up the Stairs. They're outraged. They look at each other.

They look back at the stairs. Their eyelids flutter and they keel over into the arms of the bewildered jocks.

Max and Ian are still studying the missile. Wyatt's calmed down.

WYATT

~ Computer camp.

(pause) I'll bet you feel pretty stupid about always kicking the shit out of themath shmolos, huh?

Lisa pokes her head in.

Wyatt doesn't catch on right away. He's too consumedwith the missile.

It occurs to him what she's just said. He shrieks.

ie Lisa heads down the hall to the kitchen. Wyatt chases after co her,

“ ~ 267 CONTINUED 267 ed

Re notices somethingunusual about the powder room door. It's upside down. He look up at the ceiling, then down to the floor. The door opensand a GIRL climbs out.

She continues down the hall. Wyatt looks into the room. He looks up at theceiling and recoils.

268 HIS POV- THECOMMODE 268

is upsidedown. The water somehow defies gravity.

269 INT, KITCHEN 269

Lisa takesa trayof stuffed mushroom caps out of the oven. Wyatt stumblesin.

She offershim the stuffed mushroom caps.

: oo She walks over to the pantry and opens the double doors.

| 270

Henry andCarmen are frozen with big smiles on their faces.

271 WYATT AND LISA z71

Be recoilsin fear. She chuckles.

Wyatt staresat his grandparents.

Wyatt looks at her and shakes his head in defeat. He shuffles out of the room. Lisa watches him go. She sighs sadly.

She scratches her head as she thinks.

We see the party action through a big bay window in the family room. We HEAR the RUMBLE of MOTORCYCLE ENGINES. Amotorcycle tire rolls along the edge of the FRAME and a leq inleather jeans and strange futuristic boot comes down and plants in the sod. A beat and the foot clicks the big bike into gear and it fires at the house. One more bike shoots past, heading for the house.

The party's in high gear. MUSIC's blasting, kidsare jammed wall-to-wall. Out the window we SEE two headlights approaching. Fast! The record ends and the bikes burst through thewindow. Kids scream in terror. They scatter and hit thedeck.

The bikes skid to a stop at the far endof theroom. We SEE the three bikers. BIKER #1 sports a flaming redmohawk, thick, grotesque eye makeup, a chain from hisnostril to his ear, studded leathers. BIKER #2 is awoman. A dangerous, evil dominatrix dressed in leather and barbedwire. BIKER #3 is a junkyard mutant. Half his face is stainlesssteel.

a

His hair is long and braided. He's wearing a rotted duster and bloody jeans. He has metal claws for hands. They swing around and shine their lights on the terrified kids. Horrible, evil, other-worldly demons in war paint. They hold a menacing beat and split off to brutalize other rooms.

wyatt runs out of the kitchen to investigate the noise. He stops dead in his tracks and screams.

276 HIS POV —-A MOTORCYCLE 276

skids around the corner from the foyer and heads straight for him.

A strange battle wagon with two bound and struggling bodies {one,a middle-age HOUSEWIFE in a housedress and apron, and a middle-age MAN in pajamas and robe) strapped to ram bars on the front, pulls up to the back of the house.

CLOSEUP —-LORD GENERAL 278

The leader of the squadron stands up and looks atWyatt's house. He's seven feet tall, bursting with muscles, festoonedwith Scars and wounds. He has his mate on a leash and collar.

One of the bikers is poised at the bottom of the stairs, revving his engine. He pops the clutch and shoots up the stairs.

Gary shrieks as the bike heads up the stairs athim.

Wyatt runs in. Gary tumbles down the stairs. He scramblesto his feet.

They turnin reaction to a loud HOWL of an ENGINE in the living room.

282 THEIR POV~ ONE OF THE BIKES 282

is pullinga doughnut in the middle of the empty living room, burning the wood floor with hot rubber.

283 GARY AND WYATT 2 83

They're as white as snow

Lisa climbs up on the coffee table. She yells to the crowd for silence.

The room falls silent. She addresses the guests like a stewardess during an in-flight emergency.

285 INT, FOYER 285

The upstairs biker charges down the stairs andskids around a terrified Gary and Wyatt. He shoots into theliving room. The kitchen biker zooms past Gary andWyatt andjoins his buddies in the living room. Gary andWyatt look ateach other.

The bikers dismount their machines and surveythe mass of frightened kids. They eye the girls hungrilyand snarl at the boys.

~ (.) 287 INT. FOYER 287

Lisa pushes her way into the foyer, She knocks on the coat closet door. There's no response. She pulls it open and we SEE } Gary and Wyatt inside, cowering among the coats.

Gary and Wyatt stare at her like she's insane. They close the Closet door. Lisa pulls it open.

~ Gary closes the door. Lisa opens it.

Be slams the door.

- this situation.

There's no response from Gary orWyatt.

Wyatt opens the door.

ew ' He slams the door.

) {CONTINUED)

CONTINUED 287

Lisa shrugs.

Wyatt and Gary are stuffed in between the coats.

The Lord General strolls over to the exteriorwall. Biker #3 clicks his claw and slams it into thefacing wall.

Wyatt and Gary are cowering in the closet. The biker's claw breaks through the back of thewall and grabs Wyatt by the collar.

Biker #3 pulls Wyatt through thewall and sets him down. He san looks into the hole andmotions Gary out with his claw. A beat i and Gary steps out through thehole. He stands next to Wyatt.

291 CONTINU ED 291 _ C)

Gary and Wyatt nod nervously.

Gary and Wyatt shrug. Gary chuckles nervously.

-LORDGENERAL How about Ipour cherry slurpy on you?

The bikers roar with laughter. A few nervous snickers from the frightened party guests.

292 THE LORD GENERAL 292

steps forward.

He snickers. More kids join in the laughter. Lord General looks at thekids. They laugh harder to please him. He lets out a chillinglaugh. Gary blanches at the revelation of this intimate detail.

Her cheeksbulge with spit. She turns her head to unload.

CLOSEUP - PARTY GIRL 294

She turnsaway in revulsion as the spit splatters on the couch. She chokesback her gag reflex.

é

The Lord General continues his baiting ofGary andWyatt.

Wyatt strokes his forehead in embarrassment. Biker #1 picks up a clock, looks at it and throws it on the floor.

The room is now howling with laughter. LordGeneral reachesout and pulls Deb up from the floor. She shrieksin pain. He holds her close. Biker #1 takes Hilly. He twistsher arm e@round behind her back and kisses her neck. Biker #3opens his claw and grabs Norry's nuts.

296 GARY AND WYATT 296

They're reaching their breakingpoint. Big and dangerous or not, the intruders are going toofar. They look at each other.

Gary and Wyatt stroll into theroom. The laughter subsides. . Gary shoves a kid aside. Wyatt knocks the beer out of another's hand. They set their jaws. Wild, insanelooks of rage.

The bikers are startledby Gary's anger. They release the girls.

Lord General takes a menacing step toward Gary andWyatt.

aa WYATT

Or stay. And die.

Gary produces the .44 water pistol thatLisa pulled on his parents. He winks at Wyatt. He raisesthe pistol and puts it to Lord General's eye.

He cocks the gun. CLICK. LordGeneral turns away in defeat. Ke motions for his mates to checkout. Gary lowers the pistol.

The bikers apologize to theguests.

BIKER #1

‘4 ee We begyour pardon.

BIKER #3 Excuse us.

CONTINUED 298

They start their motorcycles and drive slowly out of the room. Lord General fichts his humiliation, then gives in andmarches out. Gary and Wyatt relax. The guests are stunned. A long beat and they break into applause.

299 DEB AND HILLY 299

They exchange bewildered looks.

300 GARY AND WYATT 300

Wyatt's staring bugq~-eyedatthe gun.

He turns the pistol sideways to demonstratethat it's a water pistol. He pulls the trigger. BLAM! The chandelier in the foyer crashes to the floor. The bullettravels out the dining room window.

Lisa's sitting on the stairs. She smilesproudly and sips her

A few of the remaining cars pull out. It'svery late and the party's winding down.

wyatt's sitting in the empty roomwith his head between his Knees contemplating the eveningand the loss of his mother's furnishings.

304— INT. LIVING ROOM - HILLY 304

She's standing in the doorlooking at Wyatt.

- Osos INT. LIVING ROOM- WYATT . 305

He looks up. He's surprisedto see Hilly.

Shewalks over toWyatt and sits down acress from him. Ray Charles "Let'sget stoned" is on the sterec,

Wyatt nods.

There's an awkward pause,

She looks away nervously. She takes a breath and turns back.

Wyatt smiles sheepishly. He clears his throat and sighs.

- WYATT Okay. “Hold your toes.©

The lights are out. It's dark except for the flickering light of an off-air TV station. Max, Ian and Lisa are lying on the floor. They're under a blanket.

There's a pause as Max and Ian snuggle up toher.

Max and Ian laugh.

Max and Ian chuckle,

( CONTINUED)

- Gat CONTINUED 307

Max and Ian laugh again.

He and Max burst into laughter. Lisa smilesimpishly.

308 INT, WYATT'S ROOM 308

Gary and Deb are sittingon Wyatt's bed. Supremes “Baby Love" is playing.

C308 CONTINUED 308

Deb doesn't understand.

Deb drops her head in disappointment.

Deb looks upwith a smile.

Deb leansacross and kisses him.

Nd 309

Max and Ianfeeling manly and satisfied. Lisa bids them farewell.

va @) 309 CON TINUED 309

ROLD ON her impish smile.

Ian and Max head for home.

Ian looks at Max and lets out alaugh. Max looks at Ian and he lauchs.

IAN ; You! What areyou laughingat?

311 CLOSEUP ~ IAN 311

His face has been transformed. His nose has become a pig's snout. His cheeks are round andpink. His fleshy pink ears fold over. His roaringlaughter becomes a squealing oink.

312 CLOSEUP ~ MAX | 312

His face has been transformed as well.His jowls are drawn out and he has enormous buckteeth. Large jackass ears rise up through his hair. Hislaughter becomes a braying hee-haw.

Their laughter fades as they realize that what they're laughing at is real. They run to the curb and lean over and look at their reflections in a puddle. Ian's pants split as his huge, expanding pink ass bulges out of the pants. A donkey tail rips through Max's pants. |

314 THEIR POV 314

Pig-boy and Donkey~-boylook at themselves.

315 MAX AND IAN 315

They look at each other in terror and flee into the night, Squealing and oinking madly. Ian weighs in at 300 pounds, mest of it concentrated in his lower body. Max's hips arewide and bony and his legs severly bowed.

The sun rises behind Wyatt's house.

The furniture's scattered all over the backyard. It's sodden with rainwater and dew.

A sofa sticks out of the water. Girl's clothing floats on the Surface.

The mess from the party.

Dirty footprints up and down the stairs. Fingerprints onthe walls. Spilled beer, cigarettes burned down to the table tops.

pS Gary and Deb are sleeping on Wyatt's bed. Themissile's still Lp in the room.

The rain has chanced from showers to alight drizzle. Clouds of fog hug the carpet. Frogs CROAK.

Wyatt and Hilly are curled upin each other's arms, sleeping.

It's still blue and a mess like the restof the house. The missle's still poking through the room. Lisa's drinking a cup of coffee, reading the sportspage. She's in her panties and , midriff t-shirt.

She turns the page and sipsher coffee.

(@TM325 EXT. HOUSE - SANE TIME

| 325

Chet's Jeep pulls upand parks. He takes a deep breath and reaches into the backseatfor his shotgun and one cGeacdmallard. He walks up to thehouse.

Chet walks in. He sees the trashed foyer and drops his duck.

: CHET

What thehell?

He looks into theliving room.

327 HIS POV . 327

It's empty exceptfor party debris.

Chetwalks in slowly,angrily. He looks around. A record's oN skipping softly. He kicks the cabinet and sends the record into reject.

/ 328 CONTINUED 328

Re cracks his shotgunand loads two fresh shells.

Chet chargesdown the hall. He goes into his room.

He looks inand does a massive double take. He looks up at the ceiling.

hovering on the ceiling. The rain has turned to snow.

my 332 INT.HALL 332

Chet closeshis bedroom door. He crosses to Wyatt's room. opensthe door. He slams it shut with as much bewilderment as he didwith his own room.- He shakes his head and looks back in.

isthe object of his bewilderment. He steps in and looks at the thing. He sees Gary in bed with Deb. He clonksGary conthe head with the barrel of his shotgun. Gary groans and sits up. Chet presses the double barrel to Gary's nose.

Deb stirs, Chetaims gun at her.

Chet burstsin. Wyatt sits up with a start. Hilly wakes.

ay | CHET

Do you realize it's snowing in my roon, Goddammit!

HILLY

po CHET

famijy matter.

TM\334 CONTINUED 334

Chet throws Wyatt across the room.

Don't fuckwith me, Lisa...? Lisa who?

Gary, Deb, Wyatt, Hilly,Chet and Lisa are in the kitchen. Lisa's very casually explainingeverything.

Sd You'reone of the most outrageously

attractivewomen I've ever seen in my career but Idon't buy a word of it.

Chet pointsto thegirls.

She pats themissile.

Fe walks to the pantry and opens the door.

CHET

ms (continuing) e Hi, Nana, hi Grampy.

He grabs a pack of cigarettes and closes the doors, thinking nothing of his frozen grandparents in the pantry.

Lisa nods with a smile. Chet walks back to the pantry and opens the doors. He stares at Henry and Carmen.

Lisa nods.

—_ LISA po I put them there. I didn'twant Wyatt

and Gary to get in trouble. They = wouldn't understand. ioe

C335 CONTINUED (2) 335

Lisa slips down off the counter.

CHET

ao What Ferrari?

Come on,you guys,Go}

LISA

" So do I.

Gary, Deb, Wyattand Hilly exit. Lisa puts her hands on his waist.

CHET

eM (big,nasty grin)

Because I get off on it.

He puts his hands on her hips.

| CHET Business is business. Ask Malcolm Forbes.

Hilly and Wyatt are on the porch.

WYATT a I had a great time last night. Ihope it isn't just one night.

Hilly shakes her head, no.

CONTINUED | ' 336

Filly kisses him. Wyatt jumps off the porch and runs for the Porsche. He stops and turns back.

Hilly silently answers.

Hilly throws him a kiss and goes inside. Wyatt sighs. The lawn Sprinklers go on. Ee stands transfixed,unaware that he's getting wet.

eS 337 EXT. STREET 337

The Ferrari blasts through an intersection. A police car whips out of a driveway, throws its lightsand SIRENS and follows in pursuit.

338 INT, FERRARI | 338

Gary's driving. Deb looks behind her.

The Ferrari screams downthe street,topping a hundred.

Gary glances out thewindow. He sees the blur passing. He looks at the instrumentpanel,

He glances inthe mirror.

The Ferrarifishtails around a corner, nearly missing another car.

Al andLucy are on their way to church. Lucy turns around in the seatand looks back at the Perrari.

Al gives her a funny look.

343 EXT, STREET | 343

The Ferrari blasts down the street with cop on its tail. It pulls a huge U-turn. The cop car can't make the turn. It backs up and makes the turn.

The Ferrari speeds along with three cops in pursuit.

The gates go down.

A train bears down on the crossing.

C3 347 EXT. CROSSING 347

The Ferrari tears through the crossing.

The cop carsscreech to a halt as the train passes.

The Ferrari speeds safely away.

Gary and Deb are leaning against the Ferrari.

{CONTINUED)

She leans out and kisses hin.

Lisa has worked some wicked magic on him. He has been transformed into a preppy Jabba the Hut. A mass of green blubber dressed in L.L. Bean hunting gear.

Lisa suppresses a laugh. That onlymakes Chet more angry.

“3351 CONTINUED 351

Chet’s runny red eyes bulge in fear.

Chet looks at her as he pondershis dilemma. He nods his agreement,

CONTINUED (2) 351

Lisa looksat the hand with disgust.

She gets up and starts to leave.

She gives him a smug smile and exits. Chet sits stunned.

CHET ’ (continuing) What a terrible weekend.

We hear the BUZZ of a fly. Unconsciously, Chet's long snakey tongue shoots out and nabs the fly. Before he realizes what he's doing, he swallows it.

The Porsche and the Ferrari pull into the drive and park. Wyatt and Gary get out.

{(CONTINUED)

| WYATT Can'tbeat it.. I think things are turningaround for us, Gare.

He puts his arm around Gary's shoulder and they head up to the house.

They disappear into the house. We SWING BACK to the driveway and see the Porsche and the Ferrari dissolve into nothing.

Chet's dragging his grotesque bulk up and downthe room, grunting.

WYATT (0.8.)

Ad Chet?

Chet shakes his deformed little fist inanger.

CONTINUED ai 353. S 353

Gary and Wyatt walk into the room. They recoil as they see Chet. He waddles over to them.

Ti.--<-ire incredulously at him. He reaches up andembraces Wyett. Wyatt gags at his odor. Chet patshim onthe back.

~ 354 INT. WYATT'S ROOM 354

Lisa has changed into another outfit. Somethingmore adult. She's brushing her hair. Wyatt andGary walk in, still reeling from the sight of Chet.

Gary takes Lisa's hand. He sitsher down on the bed. Wyatt sits on the other side of her.

]

Lisa smiles warmly. She pats both their knees.

WYATT

| And respect.

GARY

)van Respect, appreciate and love you,

Gary and Wyattlook at each other, puzzled.

ae GARY AND WYATT _ No,

-C) 354 CONTINUED (2) 354

Boys lean forward.

Gary and Wyatt lean back.

She wipes away a tear. Gary sniffles. Wyatt starts to cry.

Gary and Wyatt nod. Lisa kisses both of them andembraces then.

She reaches over and switches on the computer.

Lisa chuckles and shakesher head.

She walks to the bathroom door.

355 CLOSEUP<LISA 355

She smiles and givesthem a wink.

The fog swirlsup to engulf her. She throws the boys a kiss.

Wyatt andGary wave farewell. Suddenly, the shards of wood from the broken doorcome back together leaving the foor exactly as it was beforeLisa arrives. Gary and Wyatt look at each other with surprise. The house begins to RUMBLE. The missile shuddersand vibrates. It begins to contract. It withdraws from the ceiling. The hole seals itself.

357 CLOSEUP- GARY AND WYATT 357

They followthe missile down to the floor.

358 THEIR POV 358

The nose of the missile disappears into the floor. The torn Carpetrepairs itself.

The upside-down bathroom rights itself.

The footprints, the finger prints, the debris fades away.

The clouds clear. A shaft of sunlight shines down to dry the puddles.

A taxicab pulls in the driveway and stops at the front ofthe house. Wyatt's parents get out and head up to thewalk.

The furniture lifts off the grass and flies up ito theair.

“)364 EXT. ROOF - CHIMNEY 364

The furniture is sucked back down the chimney.

Wyatt's parents hear the NOISE of their furnishings returning. They look up. They dismiss it and Wyatt's Dad sticks the key in the lock.

The furniture flies down the chimney returningto their exact positions.

The windows heal.

Blue dissolves to...

Normal .

Chet is back to normal. He looks athimself joyfully. He feels his balls and clears his throat.

Wyatt's parents come in the door and setdown their luggage. The final chair slides into place unnoticed.

Wyatt and Gary come down from upstairs. The parents smile.

SS MOTHER ~ Hi, honey.

wyatt kisseshis mother. Gary shakes Wyatt's Dad's hand.

Gary and Wyatt exchange knowing looks.

372 CLOSEUP ~ CRT 372

The three-dimensional representation of thewoman spins Slower and slower and FREEZES face out. The figure smiles.

FADEOUT.

TITLE THEME FADES UP

END TITLES

373 AN EPILOGUE 373

under the titles. A finalwrap-up of thefates of the main characters,

eo 374 INT. CLASSRCOM 374

— A couple of kids are struggling to contain theirgiggles as they look to their left.

375 THEIR POV ~ MAX THEROG AND IANTHE JACKASS 375

sneer at them angrily.

Lucy is holding upan 8 x 10 of Gary. She's pointing to it emphatically. Al shrugs. He still doesn't remember.

Henry andLucy arelooking at each other wonderirg what the hell happened.

Wyatt's mother is in the power room looking up at the ceiling. - She'smystified.

379 HER POV 379

There arefootprints on the ceiling.

Wyatt's father's sitting in his comfy chair with a glass of wine. He switches on the TV. We see Marcus beating on the screen. Wyatt's father presses the remote control. There's a distraught, frantic-wimp trapped on every channel.

Chet's car is pulled over by the Highway Patrol. Two OFFICERS are walking toward the car.

Be's furious.

* (CONTINUED)

_,382 CONTINUED 382

He stops suddenly. A terrible lookof dreadand doom comes over him.

The cops step up to the car and recoil inalarm. They grab for their weapons.

384 CHET , 384

He's been turned back into the blob.

COPS 385

They train their pistols on Chet.

COP #2 I don't know but shootit. We'll find out later.

386 CLOSEUP ~-CHET 386

His frog eyes bulge. His voice isdeep and gruff.

Deb and Gary and Wyatt and Hillyare sitting on the steps. They're happy and in love.

It's bright and active and decadent. Lisa steps into FRANE and looks down the Strip. She turnsto camera. ‘natant

| }388 CONTINUED 388

She heads down the Strip, hips swaying, turning heads, disappearing into the neon glow.

THE _END