A working class tavern -- pizza, burgers, beer, jukebox,
pinball machines. A TV shows protests, Nixon, and choppers
with wounded.
Paul and Angus sit at a table. Angus scans the menu.
ANGUS
I think I’ll start with a beer. How about you?
PAUL
Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Tully.
ANGUS
We’ve had a hard day. We deserve to loosen up a little.
PAUL
You’ve had ten milligrams of Percodan. You’re plenty loose already.
ANGUS
They’ve got Miller High Life. “The Champagne of Beers.”
A WAITRESS approaches. Why, it’s none other than --
PAUL
Miss Crane. As I live and breathe. What are you doing here?
MISS CRANE
Hi, guys. Yeah, I always pick up a little extra work over Thanksgiving and Christmas.
PAUL
This is Mr. Tully.
MISS CRANE
Sure, I know you.
ANGUS
Angus Tully. We met outside Dr. Woodrup’s office. I was wrongly accused of blowing up a toilet.
MISS CRANE
I didn’t know about the “wrongly” part.
PAUL
He’ll have a cheeseburger.
ANGUS
And a Miller High Life, please.
PAUL
No, you will not.
ANGUS
Where do you stand on Miller High Life, Miss Crane? Quality-wise.
MISS CRANE
Well, like they say, it’s the Champagne of Beers.
ANGUS
And she’s a professional.
MISS CRANE
Okay, well, one cheeseburger.
ANGUS
(reluctantly)
And a Coke.
PAUL
(to Miss Crane)
I’ll have a cheeseburger as well.
MISS CRANE
Two cheeseburgers.
PAUL
And a Jim Beam. On the rocks. Please.
She smiles and exits. Paul watches her go. Angus grins.
ANGUS
Ouch. You two have chemistry.
PAUL
That’s the Percodan talking.
ANGUS
Seeing her like this, I think she’s pretty attractive.
PAUL
Listen, you hormonal vulgarian, that woman deserves your respect, not your erotic speculation.
ANGUS
May I at least go to the bathroom? Sir?
PAUL
You mean the payphone.
They stare at each other. Angus peels off to the bathroom.
Miss Crane returns.
MISS CRANE
A Coke and a double Jim. I charged you for a single.
PAUL
Thank you. Chin chin.
MISS CRANE
So how’d you get stuck holding over? I thought this was Mr. Endicott’s year.
PAUL
I’m being punished. Dr. Woodrup is, how can I put this --
MISS CRANE
A pompous ass with a dictator complex? Oops. What I meant to say was that he’s a lovely, compassionate educator with really groovy beard.
PAUL
I’ve had a lot of former students rise to positions of authority, but he’s the only one I’ve ever had to report to.
MISS CRANE
He was your student?
PAUL
My first year teaching, and he was an asshole even then.
Miss Crane LAUGHS. Paul joins in.
MISS CRANE
Well, listen, if you and Angus are really all alone up there, I’m having a little Christmas Eve party, in case, you know, you guys want to stop by.
Miss Crane smiles warmly. Paul smiles back, a deer in the
headlights.
OUTSIDE THE MEN’S ROOM
Angus exits and sees a young man playing pinball, kind of a
PINBALL WIZARD. Angus approaches and lays a COIN on the edge
of the machine.
PINBALL WIZARD
Sorry, kid. Next game’s taken.
ANGUS
But I just put a dime down.
PINBALL WIZARD
Don’t care. My buddy’s up next.
ANGUS
That’s not how it works.
PINBALL WIZARD
That’s how it works in here. Why don’t you go shoot the other fuckin’ machine.
ANGUS
Because I don’t want to shoot the other fuckin’ machine.
Angus stares at him. He breaks his focus and loses the game.
PINBALL WIZARD
Thanks for fuckin’ up my mojo. Kenny! You’re up.
ANGUS
Bullshit. I put my dime down, so I’m up next.
VOICE (O.C.)
What was that?
Angus turns to see KENNETH, a YOUNG VET in an army jacket, a
little drunk, and a HOOK where his right hand should be.
ANGUS
Oh.
Angus stares at the hook.
KENNETH
Hey, sport, my eyes are up here.
PINBALL WIZARD
Look at this kid. Spoiled little Barton boy.
KENNETH
Yeah, he’s a fancy little prick, isn’t he?
ANGUS
It’s fine. You can take my dime.
KENNETH
Take it? You want me to take your dime? Like it’s charity?
ANGUS
No, what I meant is we can play together. You can be my left arm.
KENNETH
What the fuck did you just say to me?
Kenneth steps toward Angus. They’re nearly nose to nose now.
AT THE TABLE
Paul chats with Miss Crane. Angus run/walks up the two of them with Kenneth and the Pinball Wizard in hot pursuit.
ANGUS
Mr. Hunham, can we go, please?
PAUL
Why?
ANGUS
I’ve been called a fancy little prick. We should go.
KENNETH
(approaching)
Hey, why’d you run off? We were talking to you. Don’t they teach you manners at that school?
Kenneth pokes Angus in the chest with his hook.
MISS CRANE
No, no, no. Kenneth, leave him alone. They just came in for some food.
Kenneth closes on Angus. Mayhem is a moment away.
PAUL
Kenneth, is that right? I don’t doubt that he did something to offend you. It’s his specialty. Perhaps I could purchase you gentlemen something to imbibe, and we could let whatever this unfortunate incident is go the way of the dodo.
PINBALL WIZARD
The what?! "
ANGUS
The dodo. It’s an extinct bird.
MISS CRANE
What he’s saying is he wants to buy you guys a beer.
Kenneth considers the offer. Finally, he steps back.
KENNETH
Yeah, okay.
PINBALL WIZARD
Same here. I’ll have a Miller.
ANGUS
Champagne of beers!