"THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER" (1981)

Jerry Juhl I Jack RcH

1. Inside• circle in the center of the brightly colored 1. movie screen, ANIMAL'SFACE APPEARS. Ria ■yH. dart from ■ ide to aide, u if h•'• 100:.ing at th ■ aadienca, then h• aaddenly roar■, in the 111&Mer of ,the !GI Lion. Following the initial roar, he anarla • couple more Umu, then procHda to eat the ■ crHR, chomping away hu9e a action•, one bi tit at a 1:J.111•,until he•• devoured it all. Dragging down th• lut mor■ -1, Allilllal drop■ ;, out of the picture, laaving behind nothing but • bright blue sky.

2. SKY.- DAY 2. Ever ao slowly, • hot air balloon drifts aero ■- the acrHR like a ■ peck on th• horizon and APPIU:ll'RlATE SOARING DRIFTING 11ALLOONMt!SIC 1• h ■ard. Through a aeries of DISSOI.WS u the balloon gets a bit closer, we can ■ ff that IC!:IIIIT, FOZZIE and GONZO are in the basket below. Th ■ir voicaa can l>e heard in the distance.

KEmlIT Pretty nice up here, 1.sn • t it? FOZZIE What if we drift out to••• and are nevar heard from again? Or what if th.era'• a atorm? Or we get ■ trUclt by l1ghtnJ.ng7 GONZO That'd b• neat. KERMIT Nothing' a going to happen. Thia ia juat the opening cr■dits. OPENING CUDITS BEGIN TO '1'J!E RI= OF THE BAI.I.OOll. XElU!IT

(points) see over there ••• Law Grade and Martin Sterger present •.. FOZZIE Oh, yeah. That•• a avall effect.

z. COIITINUED: z. ltElll!IT Denson again, hull? How cc,me he' ■ alway■ involved?

rozzn: Yoo like the title?

z. CONTI_NOED• z. GONZO Didn't one of thoae 9uya play Yoda?

KEllHIT Yeah. Lazer.

By the time 1:11 ■ CREDITS ENI>. the camera ha■ POSHED IN to a mucb clo■ er ■hot of the three balloonist■•

Pozzi ■ yanks the rip ccrd and the balloon jerk• into the air.

'l.'he balloon begins to deflate rapidly and plummet■ earthward.

It- lands vi th a 'Whooah on a ■ treat ia a Metropolitan City, baket first, covered 1-dJ.at■ ly by the large deflate4 balloon. A ■ tunned crow4 9athera and 9awka. After a beat, t:onzo crawl ■ out from under a tlap. ,

FOZZIE, CONZO Yeah! We're gonna be a movie

••• And ■ e 'le• lt take the WC11"ld. And set lt on its ear FOZZIE, KERMIT C' ■ on Join ln le're gonna start right here MUSIC: VAMP

KERMIT, CONZO, rOZZIE But ■ 1th us on call We'll fl~ lt 111 real easily

A pretty little kitty walks under a ladder. KERMIT · Hey f'ozzle. did• J• see that! Conzo· ••• get a picture of the kitty.

,. CONTIHUED ). CONZO Okoy ••• get it to stand ,till. The kitten teepa ■ oving and Conzo, Fozzie and Ker ■ it try to corner it and interview it. Directly behind the ■, • Jewel robbery la taking place. A ■ asked THIEF, dressed entirely in blaCt, aavrtor his red and white striped ■ octa, 1te1l1 a dla ■ ond necklace fro■• wealthy woman, 1 claaay looking MATRONor about 50.

HOtlSTERS Heyl A movie! SFX: EXPLOSION

Conzo 1nap1 a tlash picture or Kermit and fozzle striking 1 silly pose. FREEZEFRAME.

IIIT. EDITOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Begin on tull ■ er..,, matching ■hot ot black and vbite pboto ot ICarmit and Fozzia. Almost 1-diately, th" photo Vhic:ll is on th• tront pa,;a ot a n-•paper is sllllllled onto a desk. The man vbo h doing slamming is IUICE TARICANIAH;City Editor ot the Daily "Chronicle, and ha is livid vith raga. The vain■ in bi ■ neck ■ tand out u ha berates ICai:mit, Pozzi• and Gonzo, vbo tremble in tear in tront ot bis desk. During bis tirade, Tarkanian pounds hi• tist on th• desk tor u,pbaaia. Each impact causes the thr- :tuppat.s to jump in th■ air.

TARXA!IIIIN Bow could you mi ■■ a story like that? I Right in tront ot your iiciiis1 It practically bit you oii""E>a■ eat.a ot your pant.a I There• a no excuse 1

'OZZIE I guua thi■ vould b• the wrong time to a ■k for a rai ■ a. TARICAHIAH I' 11 give you a raise I I

Ha •lama bis ti■ t on the desk again, Hncling th■ Muppet.a thrH taat into tba air.

TARllAIIIAH Y'•••th•••haad.linaa? H• diaplays the thr .. rival newapap■ r• as Kermit and 'ozzie peak over th• desk.

TA!UWILUI "Lady Holiday' ■ jwd■ ■ tolen". '?hat' ■ What it ■ ay ■ in tha Tima ■• Bare'. the Herald, "l'uhion Ou••n ot I.pndon Bobbed.·, (pausing tor ettect) And la ■ t, but not luat, here' ■ our cate, little banner ■ tory. - Be thr-• a copy ot the Chronicle on top ot the other paper■• The headline says, • Identical Twin■ Join the Chronicle SteU", above a poorly compoeed picture ot Kez:m.it and. l'ozzie po ■ ing in the atr .. t.

"Identical Tvina Join the Chrcnicle Statt•. N-, which paper would you buy?

'OZZIE I'd buy the one that ha■ "Dear Abby". Tarkaniu, ■ 1 .... hi• ti ■ t again in axa ■ peration and tha lluppets are again propelled into the air.

Kermit and l'ozzie hit the tloor in a heap. Gonzo hang■ tram a light fixture.

'l'AUAIIIAII Oh, yeah.Now~••• it. But, t:hat'S DOucuae for blow1D9 tb• ■ tory.

rozzu: We'll do bett■r next time.

TAlUCANIAII (increduloualy) N■xt tillle!7 Next time!? llhat male••you tbiak tb•r•' • 901\na b• aJ!!!1~7 URIIIT If tb ■ r■ ian't, it'• 90nna ba a -real short D>Vie.

'?ARXANIAII The only reaaon I hired you two jark• in tbe fint place vu bec■ "8e your old man vu • friend of mine.

He indicat■a a pi~ur• of h.l.maelf vitb hi• aJ:111aromid a 92'-■a bear.

A• he EXITS into tbe adjacent City Aoom, he point• to Gonzo.

Tarkanian D>vu 11Witt:ly tz,am c!ellk to cSuk, checking on atoriu in pro11re ■■, very bu■ ine ■ alike &De! proteaaional. Men in ■hi.rt■ lHvu bang away on typewriter■, working cSiligent:ly. Vl\ile TZU:'l'YPE MACIIIRES CLACII: in t:he back- grouncS. Tarkanian teal ■ a tugging at hi• ■ leave, look■ c!own ancS ■Ha hzmit.

TlUUtAHIAN I alraacSy tole! you, Fozzi ■ •••. yoa•r• fired.

I'm Kam.1.t. (point■ to Fozzie) .!!.! Fo I zie. TlUUtAHIAN Clooks back ancS tort..'>. at t:h ■ two ot t:hem) Oh, yeah. Th■ hat. (b ■ atl Azlyway, you're t:hrough. I'm not giving you your jobs back.

Gonzo ia taking picturu ot everything arounc! him.

Dlllll:T We don't want yoa to c;iv• ua anythinq. Wa're gonna ■ am our jobs back by ■ olving t:hat j-el robbery t:h=uqh crack inve■ t19at1ve r■ pcrting.

Don't make m■ laugh. (then) Row b■ at it ••• I'v■ got a paper to ran.

Gonzo ■ nap ■ a fla■ hl:nzlb iD Tarkanian' ■ fac■ • Tarkanian recoil■•

TlUUtAHIAN (blinking) Oh, 1 ■ that all?

s. COJffllltJEI) I

FOZZU: Well, we could us• ■ caa .,_ luna9e for the trip.

Tarkanian ■ lam■ hi ■ fiat on a de■k and everyl>ody in th• room, incllld1119 the tbru llllp:;,et■, rai■ e ■ about a foot off the grolllld.

'l'AlUtANIAII I wouldn't pay a nickel to ••nd you illY• acrou the s treat I Go11zo snaps another flash of Tark&llia11.

TAlWUIIAII Get out of here I (rub ■ hi ■ eye ■ ) I'v■ 9ot a deadline to meat. Re tll%Da to EXIT back into hi ■ office.

TAlUtAIIIAN · (turn■) I'll t■ ll you what, Kermit ••• ■ ince you're such a crack inve ■ ti9at1va raport■ r, you figur ■ it out.

tluh ahot once ... re. Ezaaperata4, ha EXITS into hia ottica.

An intarnatianal flight aoara acroH th ■ Atlantic carrying a load of luclcy pusangara to Europa.

Among tiftsan or twenty animal cagu, wllich contain barking dog•, """""ing cat■ and lot■ of o,..lota, tllraa cage ■ in particular ■ tan4 out. ThH ■ ara marka4 •pro9•, •a.ar• and -vbataver• and cont&Jm. ltem.it,

auitc&H beai4a him. Th•r• are many larger auitca•••

ICEl'IMIT (ahiftring) ihat 4o you figure? It's fifty below, or what?

rozzn: Oh, yeah. I kaap mixing u■ up. (than) Wonl4 you pre■ a tha ho ■ t••• call button? I'm getting hungry.

ltERIIIT I guaaa they 4on' t Hrft foo4 in ninth clus.

l"OZZll Twalft buclc■ an4 wa 4on't even gat a .. al? C~TIHIIED

'OZZIE ( continuecS) No off•n••· GONZO

i!awn7 I'm trying to watch the

■ arroundln9 :.Ja u the c!oor to the hole! OPENS.

Beyl Samebody's coming.

l'OZZIE Mayb• they' r■ bringing bamburg•ra. 'ooUt•P• approach. It 1a a !'I.IGB'l' S'l'EWAR!l.

S'l'EWAllD All O~t for EnglancSI KERIU'l' Oh, great. The plane' ■ landJ.ng. '1'11 ■ stawarcS open■ a cargo cSoor. Light pours into th• hole!.

S'l'EWAIUI llo ••• th ■ plan• lanc!a in Italy •

A baarc!ac! birdwatcher ■ tanc!s nut to a pone!, pe•r1ng thraagh Ilia bi.noc1llara. Re h•ara a ■ tranga Y•ll from &bow.

Th• birdwatcher quickly focua-■ on three specks hurtling toward the eartb :ram a 41zzying h•iiht as tbe SotlllD OF

A JET D:CMIICISBESin tbe 41atance.

10. E:IIGL:CSBCOUR'rr!S:rDE - DAY. 10. Within a few ■ econds, thrN cages, containing- ltemit, Fozzi• &Dd·Gonzo, apluh down in th■ poll4, spraying water 011 tbe birdwatcher, who take ■ th• binocular ■ from his ■y-■ • The tbree Muppet&, bobbing ap and down on top of the water, peer at the man, and tb1Dk they recOCJni.ze him, but can't be •=•. In tzutb. he'. J:rK BEIISON. in hi■ motion picture c!■but, looking a little silly in weed lcnickus. K■ J:1111 t, Fozzi• and Gonzo stare at him incr ■c!ul.on■ l.¼'~·-th•n-look . .at each .oth ■ r. quizzic:ally. than beck at Jim. J:rK Do you know me7 lllllU'r Oh ••• no. tle don't know anybody aroull4 her■ • We'r• trying to 9 ■ t to Lonc!an to intervi- Lady Holiday. Sea, we' re crack inveatig-ative r■porte:ca on aaaigmoent from the Deily Chronicle and we're trying to fill4 out who ■ tole Lady Holiday' ■ :i-■ 1■• Well, actually we're not technically an a■■ ig-nmant becau.ae Mr. lfeikanian fired u■ ... I'll:. Tarkanian, he' ■ am: aditor •••• I maan., was am: aditar. I maan, he' ■ ■ till·tlii editor, it' ■ jn■ t that . we're no lon.,.r vitb the papez ••• officially. But if we aolY■ the jewal robbery, we're 110nna 9et .. our job ■ back. And we're~ to solve it. We jn■ t dan'tluiow how quite yet. We haven't really d■rt ■■d a 9._ pl■ n. But we have a lot of ideas. See, the tziclc ia going to be •••• COHTDIUED

Ponie ud Oonao let out au411>1• ■ i9ha of boredom.

Ja:IUIIT Anyway, maybe you could rec,._,,d a place for 11■ to atay ••• lilce a nice oh£ap hotel ••• prefer&bly a frH otel ••• we don't have IIIUOh ..,ney.

Kermit, Pouie and a ■ lightly II099Y Gonao r14e cm top of and doμble decker bu■ a■ it drive ■ tbroizgh the ■ trHta of I.andon in the glitter1A9 tvili9bt. • TIIAVELING MUSIC 1a beard, a buay baatle-ba■ tle type thame remini•cent of •An American in Pari••• rozzn: I don't know if I truated that birdwatcher.

POZZI!: Be a....S menipulaUve.

Where? All I •- ia a clock. STATLER That'• it. That'• Big Ben. It'• ovar aeftn hundred year■ old.

WAI.DOR!' Why don't they get vitll it and make it digital?

There'• the Thamea River . WALDORF It's pronounced •T-•.

14. nrr. BUS. BAPPIIIUS HO?EL - DOSX

On top ot the bua, lte:m1t, Fozz1e and Gonzo ric!e alon9, ,mtU they hear the c!river'• voice, yel11n9.

15. UT. BAPPIIIESS HOTEL - DIJSlt

GO!IZO I like it. But then, I'm DLlta. ffla uteri.or ot the hotel coulc! be c!a■ cril>ac! u ram■h&ekla at but. It looks aa out ot place in I.on.Son u Eva Peron c!ic! c!urin9 her 111-tatec! vis1t ■ oma years baclc. It there 1■ a neon ■ 19D, letter ■ are m1Hin9. It there 1a a tla9, it'• torn. It there are winc!ow■, -t are broken. It there are c!oon, they are war;,acS. It the tecacla ia paintecS, the colon an taclac!. ICERlll'l' (ruc!in9 a cluppec! ■ i9D) "Bappinea ■ Hotel.It' ■ Weirc! but it'• cheap.• Soanc!■ perfect.

FOZZII! (apprehensively) It th1• 1 ■ the Happinea ■ Hotel, I wonder what the sad one looks like.

'l'h• lobby look■ like London ••• after the b 11 t:z. KeJ:llll.t, Pozzi• and Gonso walk tentaU,,.ly througll tb,1 broken furni ■hin9• to a grimy reception duk wen POPS, the reg-i ■ tration clen, ■ it■, ewattin9 bat■• DIINIT Bi. We'd like a room, plea■ e. POPS (■ urpri ■ edl Really?

All the Muppet■ join in the mu■ ical welccae to Kezm!t, Pozzi• and Gonso. Member■ of th• Blectic Maybem play in■ trwilent■ from a lll&kubift bandstand in the center of th• lobby, While otber■ ■ in9 and dance, and RATS dreHed a■ bellllops enter, pick up the lu99a9e and ■ curry across tbe lobby witb ~. Occa■ ionally, joku can be heard inter■ pused witb MDSIC. BANJO Dl'?RO -c- POPS Ob, there'• no Ure in th• fireplace There' ■ no carpet on the floor Don't"try to order dinner '1'11en•• no kitchen anymore But if th• road' ■ been kinda bumpy And you n-d to re ■ t a ■pell ALL Well, welcome hc:aa To Happin••• Hotel - 2 - COHTIIIIJED

1&. COIITilltl!:D: 16.

MUSIC: VlUIP - 12 - POPS Ito Fonie) Bowar■ you czuy■ v,mn■ pay your 1>111?

XERMI'l' What are our choicea?

FOZZJ:E ·we•11 talc• c.

SCOO'l'ER It ::rou qot luqqaqe k-■ p it handy But you're rwuunq' out& luck 'Caue th ■ l>ellhop ■ ain't too orqani•ed And th■ al ■vator' ■ •tuck RIZZO Still it you don't mind tri ■ndly animals And can learn to •t&nd tha ■-ll AU. w..11, welcona homa 'l'o Happin••• Hotel MUSIC: VlUIP - 6 -

ltERMI'l' (to lloVUl I -y be mistalcen, l>ut the l> ■ llhop• look like ra ta •

JW:lWiol' You 4hould ••• the chaml> ■ IClll&ida I Animal~ on clrwu, n•ponda with a rimahot H Sam th■ E'aql ■ approachH.

- 4 - Music andar •• Rats cro ■ s vitb lu99a9•.

CON'l'INDED

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16. COllflNIIED: 16.

GO!IZO Fine. What rule■ ? SAM" No elephant■ in your room· after au o'clock. ,i GONZO Thank• for th• Up • SAM Speakin9 of tip ■, don't Up the rat■• They're very proud. They have children in colle9e.

C0tlll1'RYGIIODP Welcome home

COCNTRr_GIIODP Welcame home Ho matter where you wander You won't ever do u w.11 MUSIC: VlUIP - 4 - ·

Olt, the Lobl>y'a lookin' ahabby And it'• 9ot the wron9 addreH DR'rEl!:TII And the Whole dan9 thin9 bu b-n condemned by 'llllr1can ExpreH JAIIICJ: Still- the 1Una9ement l ■ c:h-rful Thou9b the whole Joint'• 9....., to hell AI.I. Oh, Welcame homa To Rappinua Rot•l MOSIC: VlUIP - 24 -

11•-.J

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16. COIITilllJED: 16.

IEIUll'l' (to band) You 'JUY ■ live hen?

-

ZOOi' Yeah, well, b••• llP••t about llliaa1n11 th■ Monet exhibit at th■ llational Galluy •

• I

Drum kick - 4 - into instrumental.

- 16 - ROWI.F Ob, then are bU'l■

.... -

17. CONTINUED: 17.

POZZIE

'i You'" CJOt ava,:y lund ot critter I

• GOIIZO You' re got ava,:y kind ot peat • POPS Bat ve treat•- all aa equals Juat Ult• any other CJUUt ELECTRIC MAYHEM ·Though you' re cl•an•r than the others Still as tar•• we can tall ALI. You.'11 tit riCJ~t 1D to Happin••• Hot ■ l

. KERMITand FOZZIE

Wa'll tit riCJht 1D ALL To Happinu■ Hotal During this, Gonzo has posed everyone for a group picture in front of ka.mit' ■ room.

j I '1'be tluhbulb pops and tile picture tra■ z ■s ■va,:yona tor

etarmt:y startnCJ buCJ- ■yad, no pupils in th■ ir •Y••like

tha kid■ tram "VillaCJ■ ot Th• Damned" .. ti!• MIISIC EIIDS • • I i',, C1J'1' TO:

K ■ zmit, Fozzia and Gonzo stand in the middla ot thair m■ aCJ■r livinCJ quart■n in silanc■, their luCJCJ•CJ• toHtld caraleaaly on the floor.

Their •room• ia barely tba.t - it' ■ more ilk ■ a cubicle, containinCJ only a bad, a bare liCJht bulb .au■ pandtld tram the cail1D9, and a ainCJl• broken window ov■ rlookinCJ tile ■ traat, where a dull ambar CJUliCJht often a 11ttl• additional illumination. GONZO ( lookinCJ around) Not bad. ( ind.icatiDCJ on■ corner ot the roam) nia sink probably want baz:9. CONTilltlED

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17. C0NTINOEI)' 17. Pozzi■ ■ Ucl<a hi■ band through tbe broken vindoW. POZZI!: W■ 'v■ got air conditioning, C:ONZO What time do you tbink it 1 ■ 7 rozzn: About ■ igbt o'clock.· C:ONZO We'd better g■ t tb■ elephant■ out. 'OZZIE I'• hUDgry.

KEJ!MIT Call room Hrvi ce.

'OZZIE There• ■ no phone.

C:ONZO So what? 'ftlen • ■ no food. ltEIQIIT Look, why don't ve ju■ t torg■ t about l!ood and g■ t a good lligbt' • ■ leap. if■ hav■ to. get up early to interview I.Ady Holiday. Tiley all ■ tart to get ready tor b ■ d. POZZIE I ■ w:e could us ■ aoaetbing troa one or more of the basic food group■• Tiley cli!Db into tba bed.

KZl1MIT We'll have br■ akta ■ t in the ""'ming. Right now, let'• ju■ t be th■nkl!ul we' r■ here. Ju■ t then, tbe bed slam■ up into the wall with tbe three Muppets in■ ida, ■ ave for a hand, • foot, a tuft ot hair ■ ticking out tra111 the top and ■ idea. OOIIZO

COllTmtJED

~ .-.,.

17. CONTI!JIJED: 17. KEIUIIT

' can somebody turn out th■ lights?

lllobo4y can, of course, but after a couple of seconds,

I • the ain9l■ o.,,.rb■ a4 bulb drops out of the ■ocJc■ t, 9o■ a

out an4 abettan on th■ floor. lloW, just the cl1m 9aa- li9bt from oata14■ the vin4all illuminates the room. kEkMl't (continu■4) (in th■ • ■1111-.sar>cn■ul Th&Dlcs. DISSOLVETD:

18. Ill'1'.LADY HOLIDAY'S OFFICE - DAY 18. ID the beautifully ap;,ointed, luxurious office of LADY HOLIDAY,the styliab matron ia at bu 4aat tallcin9 into on ■ of a banJc of t■ l■phonu vbil■ tbrH ■xquiaitaly 4rua ■4 a,n4 coiffed mo.Sela, cr.m.A, llAIILA AHO DARLA

r·•. vait patiently in ■xa99■ rat■.s model po ■ u. "/ LADY HOLIDAY

(into phone) Ho, -darU.nq ..-,· you muat call -th• • Dnita4 Stat•• and tell Vo9U■ they can't bav■ th■ picturu of the ■prinq line until aftar th• abav ••• I'm not too bappy with some of the 4ea19DS •••• I still bav■ to male■ some chanq••••··•·• Sb• •YB•models. Well, I'm loot1D9 at tbrH of the qawna now an4 I can •- bon■ nc!cua miata>c■ a ••• of course Pana aboul.4 be notified •••••• Oh, thanlc you 4arl1n9 •••• yu I'm fin■ ••• I bad quite a scare ••• I vaa't hurt ••• of co=-•, the diamonda wen valuable. All my 41amon4a are valuable. Sb■ banqa up the pbon ■ then riaH an4 vallc■ around the -■la, atu4yin9 them. To the untrained •Y•they looJc liJc ■ a million bucta, but to La.Sy Holiday they loolc considerably lua expensive. CON'l'IIIDED

,,....)

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18. CONTI!lOED:

VDICJ: DIil INTERCOM (D.S.) Yu, Lady Soliday?

19. nrr. LADY HOLIDAY'S OFFICE - DU 19,

'?her■ is a abort IINOCE on the doorfr- and MISS PIGGY appears, carryin9 a portfolio.

(·

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19. CONTINtral): 19. MISS PIGGY Yoo-hoo • • • Lady Holiday ••• LADYUOI.It>AY (shocked) Good heavana ••• who are you? MISS PIGGY My name 1• Miu Piggy. I would lilte to be a high fuhiOD model. LADYHOLIDAY I'm not surprised. That aeema to be the way we're headin9. Mi•• Piggy hae EIITEIIED the office and boldly approaches Lady Ho.11day. MISS PIGGY I have alway■ dreamed of being a Holiday girl. I've brought lliy je ne ■ ai ■ quoi and IIIY portfolio

) .., all the way to I.ondOD with a ■ ingle ,,,,...._ i ~al in mind. To -•t you •• ,

'1'he one and only Lady Holiday. ( • tanding incliu away from her) May I CO-· in? LADYHOI.l:DAY Aloaolutely not. MISS PIGGY l!ay I ■how you IIIY portfolio? I.ADYHOI.l:DAY llo. Mia■ Piggy ha• opened her book and tw:DII the ;,aqa ■• On uch page 1 ■ a glamour ■hot in th• ■ ame clothe ■ and in th• aame po ■ e. MISS PIGGY (u ■he tarn■ th• page) See, thi ■ 1 ■ .. reeking grandeur . •• your■ truly acting aloof ••••• a9ain, ma, being- demure ••• and, lut but not leaat, this, of cow:ae, ia .. looking coqaettiab. •.•• LADYHOLIDAY (aarcut1cally) Interesting- range of emotions. COIITINOED

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19. CONTINlJEI): 19.

I cantype. I can talt• sllo rt- hand. I can maka corr-. I can doit all.

Kiaa Piggy illmla<liately aita and talc- ■ out a atano pad. IIJ:SS PIGc.Y I can ■ it. I'm good at sitting. Si tUng 1 ■ on ■ o-t my but things • LADYHOLIDU Juat aettl• down••• plaua. KISS PIGGY Okay. I'm tin■• Everybody relax. LADYHOLIDAY Ara you qUita under control? KISS PIGGY Cool u a cucumber. I'm a-okay. You've got youraalf a jewel hen, baliava ma. Go about your buain■H. LADYSOLIDAY Now••• I'll ba lunching witli my nephew, Nicky. He•• Hcond in command hare. Someday al'l this will ba hi ■ • You think h•'• a poor choice to follow in my footatepa, don't you? sure, h• gambles and incurs .bad debts, hu generally been• pain in th■ neck since (MO!!!:)

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19. CONTINCED: ·

(continued) . bi ■ parents aboac!onec! bill and left bill ia my care, enc! ■ure be 1:41cH ac!v1111tage of lllll and u••• ,q charg-e accowita, eat■ my fooc!, 11114bor%0V ■ my can vitll- out Hking pemia ■ ion. Maybe be' ■ eftll e little greaay anc! Wl■ avo,:y 11114certainly be' ■ aot to be tnatec!. I voulc!a't even put '1 t paat bill to t,:y to steal my moat valuable 11114largeat javel ••• t.'MI fabuloua Baaab all Diamond. Anc! I don't know why he always wears those god.- awful rac! and vbit■ ■ tripec! ■ocka. Still in all, be baa gooc! tHtb 11114he keep■ bi ■ room n-t anc! 1a tbia clay 11114 •9• that's not to b• ■nHzed at. MISS PIGGY Why.are you telling - all this?

LADYBOLIDl'.Y It'• plot ■xpo ■ ition. It baa to go somewhere. HiH Piggy NODS.

LADYBOLIDl'.Y (coatinu■c!) Anyway, I want you to answer the pboae vbil ■ I'm gone and straighten the office.

LADYBOLIDl'.Y

I was feisty, too, when I vaa younger.

LADYROLIOl'.Y (■ 11111 .. ) Cu,:y on, I'll be baclc in an hour. MISS PIGGY Excellent, Eve,:ytbing 1 ■ unc!ar control. not to sweat. Lady Bol14ay EXITS.

CtJ'1' TO:

~ .. · ·, :, ·: ,• , ...

20. LADY IIOI.IDllY' S OFFICE - DAY .

unable to contain bar■ alf any lnn9er, leap■ one:■ more for joy, ■ crauu.n9 bar bappin•••. Aft•r latt1n9 it ■ ink 1n for a ....,.nt, ab• •-• banalf in a Ill.nor and ab• an4 liar Ill.nor ima9• ■ in9 a duat about Mr 900d fortune and tlla opportunity ab• bu.

I llot ju■ t for t:ha 9lory

But to gr.., an4 90 on An~ to try a9ain - Startin9 ban Could I mak• my w·ay throuqb Break away from tb• pa■ t ''1'11 tb• draama bava coma true And I knaw t:hay can lut Ia t:hara -ody n- Who' U be there when I'm free Could it be ma - Could it ba ma

Cll'1' '1'0:

21. RECEPTION AREA ,- DAY 21. In tba carpeted lobby ar .. adjacent to Lady eoliday'• offic:a, modal• walk back an4 forth, u do d- ■ ic;nar■ with tape m.eaaura. an their way to other parts of the

~- . . ~ ..:.

21. CDN'l'DltJED I 21 •

bu1141ng. Darla, Carla an4 Marla, wearing their c,wn cloth••• wait fo: the elevator.

House of Lettuce! That•• calorie city.

MARLA

' Suppose I just order one leaf. ""\ ; CARIA

Bey, it's your wa1 ■ t line.

IW!I.A (pon4■ ring thl.a) Maybe you're right. ·No lunch.

get out, an4 the 11104■ 1.a get 1n.

KERIII'? Excuse ma. Where 1 ■ Lac!y Hol14ay' ■ office?

KeElllit. an4 !'ozzia walk away. Gonzo, taken with the a,dela, tum.a ta watch them.

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• .. .._.,

21. 'CCIIITIHtlED:

CARLA •' I think there ia.

Th• •levator doomcloae, but Gonzo, who 1• captivated with the b•auty of the ... .s.1a, start• to get back on. Th• c!oors cloae right on his ncH. Ha can• t wrench it frH.

Fozzia CCDU back and pull ■ Gonzo fr••• Ganze•• noaa 1 ■ bent horribly out of •hpae, even more than u■ U&l. FOZZll You okay?

You guys ■ tay here. I'm going to try to talk to Lady Holiday. GONZO Great.

Ra pu■hu the elevator button and waits right in front of the cloaa4 doors.

Kermit walks down a corridor, passing three doors, one

marked •r. Malt:mon9er, Vice Preaidant•; one marked. •or. Hibbard., Sal ■■ llan•t•r1 a tbird. a:arked.1 "Nicky - irre ■ponaihl• pera ■ ite•.

A delivery man hold.int a paclc•t• 1a l•anl:nt in ■ id.e the door.

Kermit continue ■ down tbe corridor to a tourth door, on• marked. "t.ad.y Holiday"' MDSIC and. SINlINGcan b ■ heard., .. MiH Pi"iiY fOH into • repriH ot her ■ ODf.

111H PifiY •int• the tinal note■ ot her ■ onf. She tvirla around, at ■pa up an the duk chair, then the d.■ ak i t■ elt, u the door opena and. Kezmi t ■ tand.a watch- in9. l'i9gy, unaware ah ■ ' ■ bein9 cba■ rved, hita the last note ot the ■ Ol1f. '?h■ MDSIC E!IDS With Ki ■ a Piiff atandint on the d.a■ k, her arm■ outatretched.. She hold.a that poa ■ , in ■ ilenca.

Excuse me. 111H Piiff react ■ with her back to Kermit, tbinkint ta■ t in an ettort to explain her po ■ it.ion. MISS PIGGY So, what do you think ot the wallpaper?

COIITIIIUED

Well •••

Miu Piqgy continues, ■ till not lookinq ~ lte:cmit. KISS PIGGY Personally, I• d UJ,e· to aee a nice .,..ll floral print, vitb a biq portr&i t o.t Lady Soliday rii;bt tben, and 4ovn at tbia end ••• &iHe ■el Ilia ■ Piqgy bu walked off tbe end of b- desk, and fallen 1nto tbe vutepaper basket, vbar■ abe lie■, stunned and '1l'OC19Y· lte:cmit ru■ bu to her ■ ic!e. URIIIT tady Soliday. Lady Soliday, are you all riqht.

From Iii■■ Piqgy's ■ emJ.-con■ ciou■ po1nt of Vi-, K ■ :cmit looks like a qrean blur u be calla to her.

011111'1' (cont1nued) ( echo voice) Lady Soliday. Lady holiday. Wake up, Lady Soliday. Finally, lte:cmit comas into .tocu■, and Ilia ■ Piqgy can hardly believe bar eye ■• lier• i ■ tbe Prince C.'t&:cminq ■ be'• bHn v&it1nq .tor ••• bar dreu, come true. Aa bells

• I r1nq and violin ■ play, u rockets explode and ■ tarduat

rapturou■ ly in love I

ltERIII'l' Lady Soliday •• • are you okay?

URIII'l' No, no·, no, it va ■ all my fault. I IIU■ t've ■ tar1:le4 yoa. KISS PIGGY Ho, no, no. I vu d.ay dreaming. I should be 1110n careful. ltERIII'r I abould have knocked.

23. CONTilltJED:

I I ■houldn • t be ■ o ab ■ an t-lllinda4. l

Oh, aor:y.

Re help ■ Miu Piggy out: of her unla4yl1.ke predicament. They ■ ta.re at ■ach other for a br ■a thle ■■ mamm, t. MISS PIGGY So.:. here we are, whoever you are. KERIIIT I'm Ke.nait. I've cama all the way tram America to inte:r:vi- you for the Daily Chronicle.

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23. CDN'l'IlllJED. 23.

MISS PIGGY

KERMIT

j __- llllen1

At your houa•. Cb•at) I' U b•t it'a beautiful. MISS PIGGY I'm ■ ure 1t ia. I maan, it sure 1 ■• An you nut■ 1 Of courHit 1 ■• I '11 Ll.c!y &olic!ay. f'm IIOt CJOllll& 11- 1n. ■Olla pi9

-· KERMIT I'm 110t too familiar with tho ar••· You'll have to tell me how to ;at th•r•.

23. CON'l'Ill1JE1): 23.

KERl!J:T·-· ··· 0n-s1x-0n•-••v•n Righbrcw St;-eet. I'll be tbere witb bell• on. MiH Pi'iff Hcorta Jtezmit to tbe door.

ZJ. CONTINUED: ZJ. MISS PIGGY (continued) · (aighi.n91 baavanwar4)

I j An4 1.n f099Y Lonclontown, tba ■ un • l ia ■b1.n1.n9 ••• avaryvbara. '

z,. INT. llECEPTIOlil AltEA - DAY Z4. Pozzia ia leaning caaually againat a 4ealt, tryi.ng to impreH a moclal wbo i■ thumbi.n9 tbro119h a ma9azine, obvioualy not li■ taning to bi.al.

Th• 110.S.l •till 4oe■ n't ac:Jtnowla4ga Pozzia. ICERMIT Gue ■■ what·... I'm. havin9 dinner with non■ otbar than La.Sy Holiday, berHlf.

'OZZIE (excited) Yaab? llhan?

lWIIIIT Toni9ht. C'mon ••• I'll tall you about it on the way back to the botal,

They croaa to the •lavator. Gonzo follows, 4iatracta4 by each beaut.tful mo.S.l ha •-•.

CONTINtJED

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24. COIITilltJED1 24.

Gonzo i ■ ao hlay looking at th• modala, ha 4oa ■ n't realize the elevator ia a lightly open, but thara • • no elevator. Ba valka into the opening and plunge•

; down the ahaft. l I FOZZIE

I thiDJc wa juat loat Gonzo. KERMIT · (not worried) You never raally lose Gonzo. (calling down open ■haft) Gonzo •• • are you hurt?

They look dCllfn the elevator abaft to ■ -e Gonzo ■maahad at the bottcm like an accordion.

.. GONZO That wa■ fun. I'm gonna try it agau ••• from the pike position.

Cl.IT TO:

2&. Outaida the Bolid■ y Build.l.nq, a uniformed DOORMAN atraiqhtena Gonzo'• noaa while Ka.emit and Fozzia try to hail a cab •

CONTINllEII

(

26. CO!IITIIIIIED, 26.

• • i found 11t11attractive •

(yells) Taxil Another cat, 9oe ■ lly.

POZZI!: Of course ■ha fau:nd you attract! ve. It run ■ 1n the family. nRIIIT T&Sil

A th1r4 taxi 9oe ■ lly • 11:EllMIT Icon t1nue4) How coma tha cab• c!on't ■ top? GONZO I.eaYII it to me. Gonzo hurl■ liim■■ lf into the at.raet an4 sprawl■ into the path of a apee4in9 call.

Th• cab ac.raachu ta a balt, ■ tapping inch■■ from Gonzo'• nc ■ a.

DlUUT That' ■ very effectiYII. GORZO Yaah. It' ■ great when it work■ • The three Muppet■ climl> into the call.

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27. IIIT. CAll - DAY 27.

Tha driwr of which is BO, vllo La too atupi4 to know that a cal> 4r1 ver ahoul4 have some ••a••of 41rection.

l'OZZIE Bappineaa Bot ■ l.

so (4elighte4l Ob., 11004. That's where I'm gOinll• How 4o you get there? KEl!MIT t1avan' t you ave: b-n th■ r ■ ?

.

so Sure. I live there. I just 4~'t know how to g■ t there.

i ' KERMIT

I think it'• straight ahead.

,'

BO

"' light.

So maJces a ti-turn an4 tha cal> h■ a4s 1n th■ opposite 41z ■ ct1on u oth■ r cara av■ rv■ to avoi4 them.

Ctl'1' TO:

29. IIIT. CAll - DAY 29.

30. ·m. CAll - DAY 30.

Bo whips anotb.■ r ti an4 th■ cc h ■a4s back tha oth■ r vay. Mare car■ ■ creech and ■ queal and honk.

A. ;,,'. '.~ . ·.' I ../

l; ;

; Tak ■■ a While to 11et to Jcnc,w the

tcwn.

KER!!rT How come you don' t have an :En'iJlillh accent?

I licanae. ,. (then)

Where to?

Be make ■ another·u turn, ta the dismay of the three Muppets anc! the c!rivera of the other vehicles.

It's almost c!ark aa Bo'• cab approach .. the hotel. KUIUT (O.S.) It' ■ ri11ht up here on the ri11ht. BO (O.S.) What ia?

r

32. CONTINUED:

80 (o.s. l Souy. I can only tu: ■ you aa far u t:11 ■ lobby.

'l'h■ cab makes a aharp turn, c:ro••••th ■ atr■■ t and cruh■ s ri,iht thro119h the front 4oor ot th ■ hot■ l.

G011zo/o .s. l

33. L'l'l'. HOTEL LOBBY - - 1)0.1

'l'he d■bria e ■ tt.l■- as th ■ cab com■ a to a atop and the lwpp■ ts ,i■t out. Popa, b■hilld th ■ duk, bar■ ly looks up.. llor do■• Jllllic:■ who li■ a in a loun,i■ chair in a bathin,i suit, rudin,i "Rollin,i Stone• whil ■ tannin,i und■r a sun lamp. Nor do■s RovU, who sits at an old pi11D0, playin,i bar-typ■ bacqround music •.

A)

l 'l'h ■r■ you ,io. K■■p the chan,ie.

'l'hank you. Bow IIIUCh do I ow■ yoa7

K■ rmit re-acts then h■ and Fozzi ■ and Gonzo h ■ ad tor their room. Rowlf, at.the piano, ae911e ■ into •Rainbow Connection•.

a0IILF (ain,iin,i) llhy ar■ t:b■r■ so IIISDY •Cini•about rainbows, and what' ■ on the other •.•

RovU. R0liI,F (Stopa) Huh7

Wron,i mavi ■•

CONTINl!ED

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33. CONTINUED: 33.

ROHt.J' (r■ aUzing) Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I ailll think it ■hould bav■ won th ■ O.car.

l i BO

Hay ••• how do I q■ t oat of here? ltEIUtI'l' I ■ uqq- ■ t you male• a ti turn. BO Riqht. Cheerio.

R• guna th• anqin• and the cab qoea at.raiqht ahead, throuqh the archway l•adinq to th• dininq room.

CHE!' OU• Youman turatun fe,:min morqan hurt. POPS · (to Kermit) Look• like wa•r• having ■ teet'in9 whHl souftl• for dinner.

Aqain? KERMI'1' Sounds d■ licioua ••• but I'm qoinq out to dinner. ·

'OZZIE (to Popa) Yeah, Kermit he■ a data With Lady H•••

KERMI'l' (cutilnq him off) Shh! Don't tall anybo<fy. Thera could be rival reporter• just waitinq to qet a scoop on ua.

CON'l'INUED

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[:"'l I, 44 i

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33. CONTINUED: 33.

'OZZIE 011, ■ orry. · (then, to Popa, ■Otto) Don't tall anybocSy about hl:lll1.t' ■ cSat■ witll LacSy BolicSay.

PloycS, Dr. Teeth ■lie! Zoot appear f%0111. HCDnc! floor room.

Tell aa wllat?

UAUll (l!or■-coc!e Ulca) Maep -•• 111■t1p meep -■p -·· ..... - .. .....maep ....-··..........

Other Muppet.a come out of their rooma, includin9 Sam, Scooter, the ra ta and Animal .

33. CONTINUED: 33.

SAIi (admoni ■ hinq) We have a ■ t:rict curfew.Ju■ t male ■ eure you're home byTue ■ day. SCOOTER Don't do anythinq we wouldn't do. JIIOWLP (playinq and 1inqinq) Got a date with an anqel. Gonna me•t her at ■ evan. All join in.

ANIMAL

i I EERMIT

(as red .. he can turn)

·.~) Thia 1■ really ambarruainq •·

'l'hanlc.ea lot, Fozzie. 'OZZD: Bey, don't worry about it. It doe■n't 'iO out ■ ide of thi ■ room •

• I

Th• IIEIISMAR pops up.fr0111 behind Pop's front da■ k,

I microphone 1n hand.

34. Ill'?.HAPPINESS HOTEI.. XEJlHIT'S ROOM - NIGHT34. Xermit 1 ■ qettinq ready forhi ■ date. Bia face i■ lathered and he 1■ ■ havinq.Fozzie watch•• him lonq- 1ft'ilY in the mirror. Gonzo1 ■ on the window ledqe takinq picture■ for a atoryon vertiqo.

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"

I

3c. COllTIIIDED: lC.

,,

rozzn:

' That'• just for you ancS - to

know, bxothar. We're 90,ma have us ■ ome fun toAight.

i alone. Ha ancS Lac!y llolic!ay •

That' ■ it. Not !!!.· ~-

;::;:

DRIII'r Ian't it auiar to talk to one reporter than 1 t is to ewo7 POZZIE Yeah.;.? guua ■o. XDMIT She doe■ n•t even knOlf you. POZZIE To know - 1• to love -· JCE!lMIT That's true ... but thi ■ 1• ■ Clllathing I've gotta handle alone.

CONTIIICEll

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34. CONTIIIUED, 34. 'IJZZIE (hurt) Ho problem.

- 4 - KERMIT H ■y Gimm■ '/lt'f cuff linlta And h ■nd m■ '/lt'f U ■ Jaat dr■nch me in rich cologne

'I,. Anddon't aak m■ vhy

Go on and pluck m■ a boutoni ■r ■

; I'm movin' up and valkin' an air

Steppin' out vith a star

And f ■■ lin' high

j

Come polish '/lt'f wing tips

R ., (to Gonzo)

And call for th ■ car

A ■attn collar ■nd v■ lv■ t v■ at I never settl• for second ba ■ t Stepp.in• out with a star Sad·tim■ a bye by ■ (Add Ukelele) R■ye I got atyl■ Hav■ I got ta ■ t■ On someone •l•• I wear Thi ■ ■ avoir fair■

- Would "b• ■ uch a W ■■ te

- 2 - COIH toss me '/lt'f top hat I'm ready to ·fly Bu■ Un' into th ■ upper cru ■ t As ■ aay a■ pi ■ (He ■ image of Mis ■ Piggy in mirror)

CONTimJED

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34. COHTIIIIIEI):

KEIIMI'r Ju■ t watch 11tf dn- came true 'ftua i■ ■omethin9 I vu bornto do Stappin' out with a ■ tar Tllat ■ tar 1■ you

1111ISTI.Z - 15 - STOP TIME - 8 - OIICB - 8 - FOZZIE

i Rave you 9ot cl••• r j KERMIT i Have I 90t clua

FOZZIE

I Have you 90t cllic:

J;:J KEmlI'l'

Bava I 9ot chic

KERMrr - 2 - I'm rea4y to Uy

- 2 - A■ aa ■y •• pie

'ftu■ 1■ •e111t1thi119I vu born to 4o FOZZIE, nRIIIT, GORZO Stepp1.n' out with a ■ tar

FOZZIE, KEBIII'f, GONZO Steppin' out with a ■ tar

CONTmtlED

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l4. CONTINUED: l4. KEMIT

I

FOZZIE, KEll!II'l', .GONZO St:appin' out vi t:11 • •tar

Ul!MIT AncS feelin' high

ICEJIIUT& FOZZIE And feelin' high yeabl

'l'be aang enc!a wit:b KeJ:Dlit: looking in t:11• mirror, checking hi.U•lf out. Pozzi••• face ia inchH away, also looking in the mirror.

FOZZIE

ltEIIMIT I'm t.he one on the left. Fozzie ahalcea bia head in c!isbelief.

Gonzo, on the winc!ov ledge, trying t:o get: an intar-■ t: ing ■ hot of pigeon ■ on the roof, loa.. bi ■ balance and falls.

CON'l'DWEI>

r

•i '! ·,i ;

3 ••

' lfallln9)

Say ch............ ,

l'OIZIII: lternllly dapraaaad) I -14 rather II• with you. 11:az:mit loolta at thia .,.t r,atllatic figura and hia haart -1ta.

11:ERHIT Okay ••• you can 90.

l'OUIE lllri9b tana l 11•-an it7

ICll:RMIT Yeah. aut lat• do the tallci119. l'OZZIE My llpa ua aaaladl

UllllIT It'• got to Ila vazy low kay.

Ok&y. I'm cowit1119 on you. l'OZZIE Don' t worry, Jtami t.. W• won• t lat you·down.

Tona of Huppata tulllbla, ChNrt119, into tlla "°""'· On Kanait.'• lo~k of ·I•v• bND h&d•, va,

Cll'r TO:

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, ;'

Tbia i ■ a very nice two- ■ toray hou■■ in a fHhionable ■■c:tion of London, prob.d>ly w.1. Mi ■■ Piggy, gowned and coiffed, ■tand■ out■ ide th ■ door, wondering haw ■ he' ■ going to pull it off. She p-k• t■ntativ■ ly

t. through a curtained window.

36. D.'T. DINING R00H - NIGHT 36.

A stuffy, proper English couple, one of whom looks like John Cleeae, dines ■ il ■ntly in a formal dining room u pig' ■ •Y••and a trace of snout pre•• against tha window for a brief moment, then disappear.

•

Hine?

Pine. She pours. • OOBCAS (offering) Duck?

I original po ■ ition.

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36 • · COIITnltlED,

---

Not for ma.

·--

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37. CXT. BOOSE - NIGHT

Mias Piggy is indeed working har way ap th• drainpipa, pun• over her shoulder, 9lua ■ lipper■ on her feet, evaning gown blowing in tha braaza. As •h• climbs, ■ he al.moat •lips, but ragaina har balanca. MISS PIGGY (breathlHa; to camera) Fram naw an, if they want stunta, tbay get a doubla.

I

Sb• continue ■ to climb.

J.:> ClJ'r TO:

38. nrr. BOOSE - NIGHT

DORCAS

I (offering)

(shake■== hi ■ haad •no•) Pin.ached.

He push•• plate away. There 1 ■ silence, ■ ave for the continuad ct.AllXDIG NOISE u Piqgy climbs.

Gravill• is dozing off into his food, racovaring juat bafore his haad hit• his plate.

Whatevar do you maan?

"-

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38. CONTilltlED:

It I ware bored, I wouldn't be· anjoyinq my■alt and a ■ anyone can plaiDly •••• I'm havinq the time ot my lite. I think you would have to look tar to tind a parson who is :avinq more tun than thi ■ chap.

CUT 'l'O:

Mis ■ Piqgy ia at the top nc,o,, hanqinq on the ■ ave. Aa Grevill•'• voice continues, Piggy swings back and forth, 9ain1n9mcunantwri, in an attempt to catapult heraelt through an open Window.

I believe that -• ~ years aqo, not thr-.

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j.~· •...• .. . ~--~. ·.. ': 54

t ;;

39. COIITJ:IIUEI),

t t:wo yean ago.

,: GU:Vn.LE (O.S.)

I va■ n•t bored two year■ ago.

I

111■■ Piggy let■ go an4 fli•• 1:hro11gh 1:11• open vin4ov.

40. nrr. DINING-ROOM - NIGHT

The cc:nzple hears a I.DUD CIIASB from 11psta1n.

41. IJIIT.HIGHBROWBOtlSECOIIPOSITE- RIGHT

All .Gr ■vill• an4 ·Dorc■ a c,:,nUn11& to talk 4ownatair■ ,. MiH Pi9'9Y is tryin'1 to Wltan'11• hen ■ lf from a lamp cor4. Pinally she dau an4 male ■■ her way to 1:11■ h■ a4 of 1:11• stain. BEGIN IlfTEBClJTS between Gr■n.11• an4 Dorca■ in the 41ninv room an4 Mi■ a Pi9'9Y maJcing her vay dcwn th■ ataira into the living roc,m, where ■ ha hi4e■ behin4 1:he tir■plac■, within sight of 1:he front door.

COHTilltll!:D

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41. C011'1'Il1UED: u. DORCAS I imaqine you would, that: beinq the premise.

'ou mean, if I ware bored and needed t:o buy ■ omethinq?

',.

aecauae we've e ■ tabU ■ hed I wouldn't

j' buy ■ cmethin9 unle ■■ I were bored. I DORCAS

Ye■ • What: would you buy if you

,::·· were bored?

GREVII.U: Pe:cllapa a neclc tie • .

'I

That'• not necessary, Dorca ■ •

There'• no need for you to leava the house.

I wouldn't m1nd. I've been a bit restless lately. Baven•t been out:aide tor twelve year■ • GREVII.I.E Well,• the weather' ■ bHA na ■ t-J. DORCAS Still in all ••• t:h■ n' ■ no noon for - t:o ■ t:ay here all the time. The cbildren are qone, the peu

• are dead~ the butler' ■ been dis-

charged. No one ever vi ■ its wa.

t

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41. C011TIN1JED:

TIie DOORBEI.I.RIIIGS. Greville pull ■ • poclcat watch oat of hi■ pocket, cllacks it, puzzled.

lleithar am I. (beat) That :!!!!. tha doorbell?

Gl!EVll.L!: And the butler's dead?

GREVILLE: Shall I anawer 1t, then? DOICAS Well.I don't know, actually. Pe:mapaI ahou:Ld ana-r it.

The DOORBELLRIIIGS &!Jain. Miu Piony aquirma nervoualy. GREVILI.Z They're not g,,iq away.

CONTnlUED

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41. CO!ITIROED:

l GIIEVIt.LE

Oh •••• that'a quite kind of you. Miss P1!1'1Y crone• to th• door.

""' GIIEVILLE.

(continued to Dorcaa1 puzzled) Didn't you HY the pet■ had died?

42. llIG!IBROW STREET - NIGHT 42. Mi■ s Pi!lgy open■ the door. Kermit stands there, hold- 1n!I a corsage. Behind him, puked at the cw:b, i ■ Bo in hi ■ tu:1.

MrSS PIGGY lthy , thank you. (lookin!I behl.nd her) Well, let'• get gain~. CO!ITillOED

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42. COIITINOED: 42.

Kezmit trie■ to peek into the houae.

J:EllKIT I've never ••an a real live ritzy Englillh ho .... before.

KISS PIGGlC Okay ••• lat' ■ take • f- minute ■•· She yank■ him through the door, then clo■-■ it behind him.

Sha pull ■ him·';·· with her out of ■ight of the English couple, Who crane their neck ■ trying to ■ ff what'• going on 1n their houaa.

I aay there •••==

CONTIHIJED

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43. COIITIIIUEII: 43.

Ulll!IT ( lookin9 aro,mc!) Oh, nice. Die! you bay thi• furni tur• hen 1n London •••

Mia• Pi99Y pull• ltezmit, 1n mic!-••ntence, into another door juat u Grevill• rounc!a th• comer.

l •lien. I ;•

SIie vbi ■ k ■ Xezmit through door■ anc! c!own hallway ■, one ■ tap alleac! of Greville.

At one point, ■he pull■ Jtezmit into• clo ■ at anc! clo••• the c!oor.

MISS PIGGr (contin-• from the c!ark) Anc! thi ■ 1• the cloaet. ltEJIIIIT Nice. Dark, but. nJ.ce.

Greville. opens th• c!oor, 1J.9ht pour ■ 1n on Pig9Y anc! Jtezmit.

Oh, ■ orry. tJh••• hope I'm not being rude, but 1• there anyth1D9 I can c!o for you1 MISS PIGGY Oh, lf.._ ••• we need the name of a Dice place to hava c!inner.

Well, there' ■ the Dubonnet Club. Actually,, it'• not ■ o much a 4innar place u it 1• a ••

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43. CONTDIIIED: 43.

t Sbe once again puU. Z.J:llli t behind ber ud ex1 ta oat tile

front door Wbile a totally perplexed Gre,rUle ■ till ■ tare■ into tile clo■ et. 111 ■■ Piggy re-open■ the door. MISS PIGGY ( to Crevill• I If I can ju■ t ■ ay one tbing ••• you'r• • very nice man ••• but probably 1:he .... t boring penon in tbe world. SIie SI.AMS the door behind her •• Dorcu ENTEIIS the hallway.

CltEVIU.E You recall tbe pig I mentioned? DORCAS Tba one that wu climbing the drainpipe? ·

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43. CONTINUED: 43.

CtlT TO:

11:e:cmitand Miss Piggy 9et comfortable in the back seat of the t:aX1 as Bo ■ tartll the engine. BO Where to, folk•?

MISS PIGG~ I think .you 90 1t.rai9ht. BO Right.

Bo'• t:aX1 vhipa a o-turn then head■ in the other dinction.

46. nrr. CAB - NIGHT 46.

11:erait and Mi- ■ Pi99Y ••em to be having a lovely time, amilin9 at each other, not liatenin9 to Bo, aa he 9ivu a mia9Qide4 tour. Bo ■peaks. - BO .. • ••• And over there on your left is •ome !amoua place. Either the Empin Stat■ Building or the EU:!el Tower.

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• • 6Z FIRST

REVISION

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(Dole ted) u .

• . ;

o . EAT. ANOTHERLo•·ooN STREET - NICHT o.

As the Happlneaa Hotel bu• chugs into the picture,

I hl11ln9 and coughing. It•a a converted double•decker r I - bus that•a been outrageously painted and haa seen better day ■• Ooctor·reeth 1• at the wheel, trying to

peer through filthy bug-encrusted windows. Stea ■ pours out of the radiator and the engine wheezes. Various

'

Mupp~ts overflow the decks, lncludln9 Conzo and Fozzle. So■ e Muppet• lean out.the windows, others press their no••• against the 9l1as trying to 9et a glimpse of Ker ■ lt and Lady Holiday. (Dialogue fro ■ scene 4~ to go into above)

• ROWLF

Hey, everybody ••• there they are, 1Cer ■ lt and his new heart-throb. ZOOT Hubba-hubba

• DR. TEETH / Ding Dlng. I ,-... loot blows a •wolf whistle• on hia sax. r SCOOTER

Kermit's got a ·giri friend. Kermit's got a girl friend.

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Kermit looks emb1rr11sed. MUSIC: DOWNBEAT

' '\,

SONC: "NICHT LIFE"

,

The Electric Mayhe• plays •NICHT LIFE• on the tap of the bus as the proceasion:cantinueS through the avenues of Landon ••• along p1rk1ide streets and around the •oircusea• they go.

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- -- Ci ■ae ■ y goad ftianda 'H play ae ■ y music Yeah,

• ~1 ■■ e · ■ y n1ghtl1 fe -

- l -

•

A'; .. . ' .........

-·.

t 6Z• FIRST

Tilt•• th1t Cult1r 'N roll•• th1t boogie Her, Cl ■■ e ■ 1 nightlife• • 1 •

We'll dance 1n the •oanllght We'll rock until dawn• If JOU c1nnot dlg lt b1b1

I I' ■ ■ ovln on

• z • Sing ■ e the good tlaes r 'C1u1e I need the feelln' '- Yeah,

I,.

• z •

• lZ • INST. We.'11 dance 1n the moonlls'ht We'll roct until dawn If 1ou.c1nnot dlg lt b1b1 I' ■ ■ ovln on • z • Sing•• th• good times 'Cause I need the feelln' Yeah, Cl ■■ e •1. nightlife

u. _,_

The ■ualc end••• Happlneaa Hotel bus 1rrlve1 at the entrance of the Dubbonet Club where 1t breaks down, 1ta r1dl1tor exploding, Its fendera falling off and lta t1re1 going flit.

&3

50. Ill'l'. DCBON!IETCLUB- NIGHT 50.

It' ■• beautiful po■ h, art c!eco, F. Scott !'itz9eralc!1sh ni9hl:club, c!■ cor■ tec! entirely in b:.ack anc! whit ■, with • c!ance floor in the center anc! ■ bane! c!re■■ ec! in

I vllite tail■ playin9 Glenn Miller type mu■ ic. Ele9antly l c!re ■■ ec! I.onc!onera populate the plac ■, .. .,. for four

■ tran9e lookift9 bein9■ at one table ••• lteZlllit, !'ozzie, Mi ■■ Pi99Y anc! Gonzo. Gonzo take ■ • pictur■ of the waiter, while Kermit anc! FozZie look uounc! in awe anc! Mi■- Pi99Y loolca at the menu •

Boy,• classy plac ■ lilc• thi■,

on tha tabla.

MISS PIGGr ( lookin9 at menu) Oooool I.ook at thi ■ wonc!erful menu.

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50. CONTIIICED: 50.

ltEIIMIT (contJ.nued than, to rozaia and Gonzol You guy ■ got about ■ ixteen _____ . ______ hlllldred dollar■ on yau?

rou:cz I have a 4ima iD-., loafer. Bat - told ma·to keep it for a phone call. -

IICSBAND11114WIFB ■ it at a table, ba"111g- a cocktail.

}_: S1144enly, a f laab bulb ~• off i.n thei.r f acu.

PCU. BACK to r■veal Gonzo, Who bu just taken a picture of tha,a.

I addr■H and tan buc:lca. - I ·1' RCSllAIID

Ob. JoUy good.

I ' Ba band■ Gonzo th■ money and a buai.neH card and Gonzo

mDV9 ■ onto tb• next table, where another COtJPLEaiU, wbi.aperi.ng- r0111at.1cally.

GEN'rLEMAII ( aaddenly nervau) ••• lfo, no pi.cttlr■• Thanks.

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.. 'j j . t GEIITI.EMAII

I don't want a ... nm. Get

'i -ay. My wife isn't feelin9 ': well. 'l '1I GOHZO"

That'• too bad. Maybe •h• aboulc! be at bcne.

r , i GENTI.EIIAII

(t,:yin9 to 9et tb• maaaage acrOSa) Sbe a at boma.

I.ally Bollc!ay c!reaaec! -smartly in a black evanin9 . .drHa an4 c!azzlin9 4iamon4 nec:klace EIITERS accampaniec! l>y her naph-. NICXY, ·a vreat lookin9 8 x 10 9l0Hy of a 9UY weann9 a blac:k tuxec!o anc! silly lookin9 rec! anc! white ■ tripac! ■ oc:ka. Thay are vreetac! by a Maitre • D.

Thank you, Stanley.

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52. CONTINUED: 52.

No ••• becauae it'• Cllat01111l%Y.

-· NICXY

(reachin9 into hi• poclcet) I" don't ha..., any che9e oa me.

LADYHOLIDAY

NICXY Sura. (than, taalln9 tor his wallet) Gae, I IIIU■ t have lett my wallet at hcme.

COT TO,

Tha orcheatra play■ tutatul dance music u Kermi.t ed Nia ■ Pi99Y danca am,n9 other dancin9 ccupla• on tha danca tloor,

~ -~·-) / 67 • ;'

"

53. CONTINllEtl• 53.

USS PIGGY D14 anyone evezy tell you, you have lovely eye ■ ?

Ke:i:mit ■qui ■h- ■ up hi ■ mouth. He'• gett1n9 nowhere. They·d■nce put the ta!lle where Fos:ICie 1 ■ ·pourin9 ■■ much ■u9 ■r u po■ -11:,le into bi ■ cbaapa911■• ICERUT I ' 11 ■ ey one thin9 •••• you ■ ure know how to trip the light tanta ■ tic, I.ac!y Holic!ay. MISS PIGGY It talc-■ blo to tan9O, Ken,y. Gin9er vu notbin9 without Free!.

i (realizil19l --·--.. Oh, excua• 11101. I didn't realin A_. I wa ■ taltin9 char9e here. Woulc!

you c■re to ••• ICERUT No, no. I don't mind. It' ■

'I quite plea■ ant, actually. I

tnl lilt•:I'• c!ancin9 on air.

KERMIT'S Fl!:E'r Which are ctr tbe Uoor, u Mi ■■ Pi99Y 1'Wirl■ him arcane! tbe c!ance floor put Fozzie' ■ tabla. FOZZIE (c!rinkin9 ch._9ne anc! ■-■ eking hi■ lip■) Ahbl You know it you put enough ■ u9ar in tbi ■ ■ tutt it t■■ te■ ju■ t U.lca ginger ale. arr -ro,

54. IN'1'. AHO'rll!!R PAR'r OF '1'11!!DOBONIIE"l" CI.OB. I.ADY HOLIDAY'S TABI.B - HIGH'r S 4 • The IIOSIC CON'?IIIOES u Nicky aak-■ ■ ure his aunt i ■ •••tac! anc! than sit■ next to her.· The IIAITIIE'D ■ t■nc! ■ be ■ ic!e tbe table, weit1n9 tor a tip. CON'?INUED

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54. CCNTDIIIED• 54.

RJ:CKY Ito Naitre' DI Thanks • lot. I' 11 catch yoa &11other U-. Naitre'D glazes and EXITS •.

Be lockll &t hi• w&tcb, · than 1:ol(ard tbe nar door. RICKY (contin,.d) I • 11 uk tbs mai tra • d to take care of it.

Ricky nods, riae ■ ■nd w&lkll -•.rd tb• front of th• club, looks b&clc to make sure his aunt ian • t watching, tben take ■ • qaiclc left, croa .. s to tbe rear door, open■ it, tapes the lock shut, lf■ terg■ te fuhion, ~ookll &round &Dd hHda back to tbe table.

Cll'1' TO:

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55. AI.I.Er BEIIIKDDOBOKIIB'l'CI.UB- KIGHT 55. A·•l•ak convartilll• ■ port ■ car with three •leak hmal■ modal• dn ■ aed entirely in black, purr■ ■ lowly eround th• corner toward th• r■ ar 1111trance ot th• club and 1top1 in an alleyway. Without a ■ oun4, C&rla, Marla an4 Darla cU.m out ot tba c■ r and approacll a 4oor markad "Dubonnet Club, Rear Entrance•. One ot the tlrla c■rrie ■ • .,..11 velvet-lined b&f.

c:trr 'l'O,

'l'he Dubonnet Orchestra, under the direction ot A:cmando 41 Fiore H'iUH into another ■onf. Ki■- PifiY and Kermit are 4ancinf cheelc to clleak and th• mood 1a very rClllantic. SOKG: "'l'IIE FIRS'l' TIME IT HAPPENS•

MISS PIGG!' 'l'h• tirat time you H ■ him Ro bolt trom the blue Ju■ t ■ anethint ■o quiet That•• waiting' tor you With no one to tell you Where. you've 'iOt-to to -·· The tint time it happens you lcnow KERMIT The tint time you •- her Ko lll&'iical cheft'ie Ko &ft'i•ll ·appear1'1t Ro dream■ to arrant• Ju■ t WUJNr and colclar 'l'hllD ■prift'ltime or ■now 'l'h• tir■ t time it happens you know BOrll And 10 you tall An4 how complete it 1a An4 tor eacll _.,.t that it lut:a How ■w-t it ii ( chorus huma 1'1 backtroundl 'l'he tir■ t time tO'i■tber Row •1.mple, how rare COIITnruED

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70 FIRST REVISION

54. CONTINUEO 54,

(_ Three girl~, cl•d entirely ln black, quietly enter the club and dlaappear fro ■ alght.

58, INT. DUBONNETCLUB, DANCEFLOOR- NICHT 58,

,......,L-.•.. NISS PICCY'

I could Just keep on dancing forever.

"· - ..- As Mias Piggy twirls by, white tuxedo'd ■ rte chorus dancers enter as lf by ••gic and begln singing. HALEDANCERS The flr ■ t time you see her No ■ agical ch•nge No angels appearing Ho dr•••• to arrange

• • 71 FIRST

"ALE DANCERS

• (Continued)

(IN TANCOTI"E) luat •ar ■ er and colder

• Then apr1ngt1 ■ e or ■ now • --· -- - -·--·-----• The first ti ■ e it happens

You know

• • FULL DANCECONTINUES

- 10 -

" ,o • INT. DU30NNETCLUB. LADYHOLIDAY'STABLE- NICHT,o. •

l_ While the "YSIC PLAYS, and Niaa Piggy atruta her stuff, Nicley nervously looks behind hl ■ •• the ■ odela fan out and lurk 1n different parts of the roo ■ • Lady Holiday takes no notice because ahe'• watching the dance floor.

• LADY"HOLIDAY • Nicky?!

Nickyal ■ oat ju ■ ps out of his tux •

• NICKY

Huh?! ... What?! What 1s it?

► LADYHOLIDAY

(points to dance floor)

,. I thlnlc that's ■ y new secretary

out there dancing. NICKY ( Oh, yeah? Which one?

~ LADYHOLIDAY

Forty•flve word ■ a ■ iaute. About

•verage. ,- SWEEPINC

- 8 -

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7Z FIRST REVISION

,o. CONTINUED ,o.

Nicky can•t realat the lure at Hla1 Piggy. Aa the ■ ualc changes te ■ pa, 1nd Nlaa Piggy la whirled fro ■ p•rtner

like jelly.

I

Ker ■ lt, off to one aide, la equally enthralled 1nd

I begin• to 11ng. "1•• Piggy, dancing her little heart

out, still h•• tl ■ e to look ln Ker ■ lt'a direction &nd

' •n•••r• hi• In song.

Meanwhile, Nicky, haa ao ■ ehow Joined the end of the ahorua line, 1nd when Hlaa Piggy co••• hls ••Y, he d1nces •1th her, ••ltzlng •round the floor, looking Into her •Y•••.At one point, Hlaa Plggy•a feet are off the ground as Nicky whirls her around the f~oor. Another ti ■ e in a CLOSE SHOT, Nicky'• red and white ( striped stocking feet are off the ground•• Miss Piggy presu ■ ably whirls hi ■ around the floor. CHORUS ("1•• Piggy ■ eeta Nicky) And Just when you thought You'd forgot ho• to care

- ' - ("1u Piggy puil'• up dreu) (TAPE DANCE)

- " - (FEET or HISS PICCY) • lZ • (DANCE)

C During which•• cut tO Fazzle •1th lobster while Kermit watches.

7Z• FIRST REYISIOH

Lady Holiday ••tche1 her nephew qulzzloally, a ■ Carla, Karla and Darla po11t1on the~••l·ve ■ behind her, ahoot each other worried glances, ■ lnce Nicky•• falling 1n love 11 not a part of the plan. Finally, Hl•• Piggy 11 whisked a•ay by another ■ an, and Nicky h••d• b•ck for the t•ble •• the ■ ualc again ohange1 te ■ po and build ■ to a flnlsh, poaalbly ■ 1th ao ■ e hlgh-klcklng ■ 11 the Rockett••· The entire nightclub audience, including ker ■ it and Fozzie, •••Y• back and forth to the beat. Nicky slt• back down, Ju1t a1 the number ends, and glvea Marla a signal. Marla thro•• a light s•itch, plunging the nightclub into total darkness. Confu1ion relgn1, the band 1tops playing and patrons grumble. (

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61. CONTDIIIED:

Sul!denly, a ■ er■- pierce ■ the air.

;;..;.·. ■ tole my necklacel

(to Nicky) I tole! you• thi ■ wowcS happen. That necklace wu -rth a fortune. NICICY Bat other than that, haw cSicSyoa enjoy l,'0ID: .,,.nin97 On LacSy Bolic!ay' ■ ruc:tion of cS1 ■ 91111t we

Kermit, co~u■ ecS, look ■ at the real LacSy BolicSay u a patron PUH ■ by.

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12. CONTI?IOED: 62. Re then looka around for Mia ■ Piggy, but ah•'• 110 ... longer there. Re catches a glimp ■ e of her u ■he nn■ out th• front door of the club, then 90•• to th• ■ pot wllere ■lie vu ■ tandi11g and piclc ■ up a glae ■ ■ lipper ■he bu left behilld. Be look■ at J.t, d1'111bfoun4e4, •• the clock ■ triku t:velve. It' ■ 1111411ight, and "Porkarella" baa vani■hed.

A cloclc OIi a building continue ■ to ■ trike •• Mia ■ Piggy, in the glov of a ■ treat lamp, wearing one glu ■ ■ lipper, clomp■ 4ovll the cobbl-■ tonae and 41aappear■ 111to the fog. ·

64. Ill'l'. HOTEL BATIIJIOOJI- RIGHT 64. I11 thia ■mall bathroom, in the cri.m■ on glov of a light bulb covered vi th cad ceUoph&11e, Gonzo develop■ picture■ in a ■ illk full of davalopillg ■ OlUtiOII, vhil• Jtermi t and FozZi• watch. Several picture■ of ■ urpri ■ ed caupl• 111 awkward po ■-■ already are pi1111ed 011 a •k•- shift drying lina. FOZZIE (looking at on• of th•

Thia on••• 9raat, Ganzo. You popped the fla■II ju■ t before th• soup landed OIi hi ■ tie. GONZO Yeah, veil, photography' ■ an art. You have to have the rigbt film, you have to have the right axpoaura, and you have to ■ craam ju ■ t .. they get the food up to their mouth. There i■ a POUNDING OIi the door. SAN (O.S.) What' ■ going OIi in there? A lot of folk■ out here vant to ua• t.h• reatrooa.

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64. CONTINUED: 64.

KERMIT

I We'll be out u ■ oan - we 1· 4ewlop the■■ picturu. We• re I tzyi~ to catch a ,-■ 1 thia!.

I POP (O.S .) I Well, catch him in another room.

People are c!ancin9 up and down on one le9 out here. Grumblin9 can be heard !rom other Muppeta. KERMIT (to Gonao) Burry up, Gonzo. There'• 90tta be a picture o! somebody 1:&kin9

i "Lady BoUcl&y'. naclclac■• ,

p QONZO

Why not? She Ue4.

1·GONZO I betcha I can 4o it.

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64. CONTINOED:

Gonzo turn■ back to hi■ work. There 1 ■ more LOUD Potllll)ING on the door.

' ROWI.F tO.S.) i Open up in there! A) BO (O.S.) • Give u■ a break!

Aa the clamor fzom out ■ ide continue ■ , Xealit, Fozzie and Gonzo ■ tare at the negatJ.ve.

FOZZIE: Wow! KERMIT No doubt about it. It' ■ that guy ■ ittinq next to Lady Holiday and tho■ e girl ■ standing •round in the back. COlffINUED

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CONTINUED: 64.

IU:!UIIT And we've got • .. with their hands in the cookie jar. Ju.at then, the d·oor bursts open, having been bashed 1n by the irate M12ppets, led by Animal. Light floods the room, and the exposed negative ia now u••l•••· i FOZZIE Th• cookie jar j12&t b12ated.

DISSOLVE:TO:

The flowers are·in bloom, the sky 1 ■ bl12e, the day 1 ■ bea12tifl2l ••• b12t for Kermit, it might as well be Hell. Ha ■ 1 ts mo12mfl2lly on a park bench, holding the glu ■ ■ lipper, thinking abol2t Mi- ■ Piggy. A IIIAII■ uoll ■ by with hi ■ da12ghter.

KetinJ,t smile ■ half-heartedly and the little girl and her lather EXIT down the near-by path. At the same time, • DISHEVELLEDGENTLEMAIIpa ■■ ing 1n the other direction notaces the melancholy frog and atop■ •

DISHEVELLEDGENT, Penny for your tho ugh ts. KERMIT It's a long story.

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' 78 '!

i KERMIT (nods) ' Aa old a ■ the hill ■ • • DISHEVELLEDGENT

I've been there, my friend. Been there and beck again. · (aita, pointa to gla ■■ slipper) I can tell exactly what happened by the way you're sittin' there holdin' that shoe. You and your brother-in-law cashed in your stock certificates and your insurance policies to open that little dry _cleaning ••tablishment. The location seemed perfect, didn't it7 Foot trattic and highway traffic all day long.. No other cleaner in the neighborhood. rou needed extra aqw.pment ao you went into hock. Buaine- ■ tall ott u ■ynthatics glutted the clothing marltat. rour brother-in-law do•n • t bother to shaw up all the time and your ■ i ■ ter ■ tart■ accusing you ot trying to run the bu.sines ■ • Another cleaner open ■ down the ■ treat and he' a charging leas and getting the job done taster because ha' ■ got more help. Your brother-in-law want.a you to buy him

/ are getting older and they nevar ••• I you and are turning into juvenile

delinquent.a and your wife ■ ay■ you care more about the lousy dry cleanJ.ng busin••• than you do about her and your equipment breaks clown and your sister moves in with you: b■ caua ■ your rotten brother-in-law join ■ th■ circua and you've had it up to here and you can't stand it anymore11 So, you ■ ell the bu ■ in ■H tor a aong to the ■ lob dawn the ~tr••t who' ■ b-■n trying to bury you tor year■ and you ■ ink what little money, you have left into th• glua ■ Upper business, right?

You·knov .••• it' ■ amazing. You ar• a hundred percent wrong. Not one thing you said wu right.

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65. CONTINUED:

DISHEVELLEDGElilT Okay.. then how about thi•? You were valJcing a.long th• beach one Tuesday morning when you saw the shattend hulk of a World War Two tanker bobbing up and down near the jetty ••••••••

Dishevelled Gentleman rises, ahake ■ his head and move ■ along.

DISHEVl!:I.LEDGENT (muttering a ■ he goe•> Movie Stars. Xei:mit watch•• hi.min di•belief.

Just as twO pig hand■ cover hi ■ eye ■ and Mis ■ Pigqy•s melodiou ■ voice 1 ■ heard.

KERHI'? I don't Jcnaw. i'lhat are you calling yourself today?

ltisa Pi9gy uncover• Kermit'• eyH. She stand& behind hi.m, lookin9 a bit contrite.

You lied to ma. Yau used ma.

.. ·~·~·.:.-. .' ..

66. CONTINUED• 66.

KISS PIGGY

I You didn't want;~o dance, remember?

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•

"· 66. MISS PIGGY Mayba I vi.l. Mayba I'll wall<.

'I I'm aorry. I'm only human.

;:;, KERMIT

Okay ••• liaten ••• Misa Piggy continue• to sob.

KERMIT

I (continuad)

Av, atop it ...

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66. CONTINUED: 66.

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66. CONTINUED: 66.

You and ma,

Thi ■ i ■ a b•autiful romantic duet wh•r• Mia ■ Piggy and 11:..:mit Hr•nad• Heh oth•r Whil• riding bicyclH through tba park. In a MOIITAGEof SHOTS as th• ■Ong coatinuH. K•rmit do• ■ oma showing off ala Butch ca■■ idy riding one-handed, no-handed, on·on• foot, etc., on two-wh.. lars, thr••~h .. l•n, hicycl•-huilt-for-two, •tc •

Pretty day K!:l!MIT Sunny ■ ky I.avely pictura Danca in your eyu

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67. CONTDIIJED; 67.

MISS PIGGY ANDKE:RMIT For a llinute t·l• • ve IJOt a, chance

--~---·

• I Couldn't we ride Couldn't we fly

• GONZO CHORUS Couldn't we ride I Jcnow we'd get by CHORUSHOMMI!IG FLOYDI JANICE KE:RMIT Sunny ■lcy Sunny slcy Pretty day MISS PIGGY Pretty day CHORUSHOMS ROWLF URMIT Just• push Just a pu■ h And we're on th• way MGGY And we' re an the way SCOOTER Ye ■ couldn't we ride CHORUS Yes couldn't we ride MISS PIGGY I KERMIT PIGGY I KEl!MIT Side by ■ ide Side by side ALL ALL MOPPETS Couldn't we ride Couldn' t we ride

,-

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67. MUSIC OOT:

-, 68.

It•• a bu■ y place. Model ■ in ca ■ ual ■ un wear prepare to ga on•tage •• c!raa ■en run around, and ma.Jee-up people 11114hair ■ tyliat■ tend to la■ t-minute co ■metic cllore■• Lacfy Holiday enter■ from on■ taga. Amid this chaos Nicky ■ tand■ in front ot a mirror ■ licking down hi ■ alreacfy ■ licked hair.

i (looking around, ■ crutinizing) I don't think you ought to chew gum, I Marie. Ste&hanie, your false eyelashe■

ar• COID1n9unglued ••• the ■ hoa ■ are acuffed •••• m,d try wearing lingerie

N under the frock in■ tead of the N-

York Yankff■ T-shirt.

Mias Piggy ENTERS speeding aero- ■ the room, pushing a

I rack of 9ament:.a, not looking where •h•'• 9oin9.

MISS PIGGY

-! Gangway! I.ow bridge! Watch it,

siaterl

Lady Holiday LEAPS ASIDE to avoid being killed. LADY HOLIDAY Sorry. Mi ■ a Piggy EXITS tut.

~--•

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58. CONTINUED: 6 8 •

• Ii

Nic:rt Bow do I look?

Nicky check.a the mirror for driPZN1'le as 111- ■ P1'l'IY C011141 ■ bur■ t.inq throuq~ the room aqain, her arm■ laden Vit:h clothes. She almost collides Vit.'> Nicky.

MISS PIGGY

I (not recoqn1z1nq h1ml

Move it, buater •• ve•r• workin'

I. · here.

( then real1 z1nq l Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Holiday.

l

NICKY

l (in loft) I Have. d1nnar v1th M toniqht.

~) MISS PIGGY

( th1nk1nq he ' s k1 dd1nq l Raally ••• I do have work to do, Excuae ma.

breath of fr-■ h air. I'm t1r■ d of

I the ■-- kind of woman •••

(1nd1cat-■ modal nearlly) ••• tall, thin, g-argeoua creatures v1th lonq, ■ 1lky hair and perfect skin ••• teeth 11k• pearl ■, aqual1na no■ es and lon9, graceful le9■ , h1qh chaekbonu and &oft, ruby 11p■• MISS PIGGY Yeah. I can ■ ee when that wow.d lllllk• you ■ 1ck to your stCDach, IIICKY It's you I want.

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68. COIITINUED:

Won't you raconaider7 Kez:ml.t atlllllblH backSUCJ• accident.J.y.

ltERIII'? Oh, sorry. LookinCJ for !:ha man•• room. Nicky poinu off ■ omewhara.

Sh ■ CJOU about her bua in•••, u Nicky ia totally demoralized. Carla~ Marla and. Darla, who have been ohservinlJ thia scene, approach.

·'

&a. CONTINIJEtl: u. NICKY I know the plan. I jWlt wi ■ h there vu another way.

DAlU.1' And' those twins are alway■ noain • around.

j NICKY I Clkayl Okayl I'll do my job.

And when I 9iva t.'le signal •••

F-.. you 4o your■•

The model.a nod and EXI'l'.

CO'l' 'l'O:

59. IN'l'.

In thi■ lavish ballroom, on a large runway exten<!in9 oat into a paclced audience of the world• ■ most fa ■hion con■ ciow, people, Nicky ■ tan4■ in th• apotl19ht u a DRIii! ROLL ■ oun4■ frCIII the percua ■ ioni ■ t in the orche ■ tra pit.

CON'l'INUED

59. CONTI!IUEll : 69. NICXY

I'm Lady Holiday•• nephaw, Nicley. (he expects ■ pplau■ e, but 9eta none) Thank you. And now, Lady Holiday Paahion ■ take ■ 9reat pride in pr•••nt1.n9 •slink Into Swamer•: All aboard !or the Holiday Line. Th• lights com up, the orchei~ra hits the first note of an appropriate fa■ hion theme, and a bevy of model• appear !rem behind tha ■ equined velvet curtain•, wear- 1n9 exqui ■ ita aummer gown■ and dr- ■ H ■ , ■ l1:>king down the runway to thunderou■ applau■ e from the audience. Fountain■ at the end of the runway ■ pew jet■ of multi- colored water into th• air. Kenli t and Fozzi• applaud from the pre- ■ section. Gonzo pop ■ flub bulb ■ in people'• tacaa. NICXY And hen'• th• captain of our ■ hip, the ho■ t■u with the mo■ t- ■ t ••• th■ one and only Lady Holiday l Lady Holiday male- ■ a grand entrance to thund■rou■ applau■■• LADY HOLIDAY Thank you, Nicky •••• l1'f nephew, Nicky, ladiu a!ld 9entl ■men. (applau■ e atop■ in ■ t&ntlyl and now w~ thout further ado ••• Carla ■nt■ rs from behind a cw:tain to lu■ ty applau■ e from the crowd including Statler and Waldorf. STATLER Pretty nice lin-■, huh, Waldorf? WAIJ)()IIF Yeah. And th• dru ■ ain't bad, either. LADY HOLI!».Y Meet capriciou■ C.rla, waarin9 'the clu ■ ic whit ■ ■ ilk crape da china blou■ e updated with a ■hear knif■- pluted black and ■ 1lver lama bodice, clev■ rly accented with a !lockad tangier silk vai ■ tl■ t and lavi ■ h tromp l'oeil trim at the hemline. Fantaatique I •••• and thank you, Carla. CONTI!IUEll

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,, ... ,· .-··._.. -~-

69. CON'?IIICED: o. Then i ■ more applause from everyone, including Kexmit and Fozzie.

FOZZIE

• i When are they gorma •how the caw

i and swamp wear? I KERMIT

. Probably saving it tor tb• tinale.

Lady HolidAy continues u DARLA EN'l'ERS.

COT ro,

Nick-/ watch- ■ from the wing ■ a ■ Lady Soliday continue ■ to c!e ■ cril>e Darla' ■ outtit and tbe beautitully dr•••ed Merla ■ tanda nearby ready to make her entrance. Hi ■■ Piqqy is betvHn th-, throwing cloth- ■ into a hamper. Nicky catche ■ Marla•-• •Y• and CJiVWI ■ har a •thumbs-up• ■ iqnal. Marla nodll and tall ■ ta th ■ ground.

Mia ■ Piqqy ruah- ■ to Harl•'• aid and cradlH tha tall.en model• a head in bar arma.

r..

..... • • f' • ' .

70. CONTI!ltlED:

HiH Pig-9Y baara this and drop ■ Marla'• ?iaad on the floor lilca a bot roclc. SFX: DAD SI'l."l'IHG FI.OOR ctl'1' TO:

71. DIT.

Tb• audienca ia ag-og Vi th axci tmnen t. From vba t thay' va Hen so far, the f!oliday CollacUon is a big- bit; J:.ady Soliday continua ■ bar co,,...ntar,-. { . I.ADY SOLIDAY If Szechuan aillc and brocadad satin

• broug-ht boma tha bacon vi th this

litUa number.

Th• curtain■ part, and a bundrad violin■ play u th• most beautiful pig- in th• world stands in the ■ poUig-bt. Tha audience 9a ■ ps. I.Ady Holiday TURNS to ■ ee vbat they ara g-uping- at.

But there is no need for bar to be upHt. Mias Pi99Y 1a to the manor horn and mora than able to cope With stardom. In a series of DISSOLVES, Mi ■■ Pig-9Y parades ap and down the runway along- with a bevy of other modal■ in vsriou■ g-lamorou■ ouUita from the Holiday Collection. lfi th eacb n- ensmnble, Hiss .Pig-9Y and

-.

92 FIRST REVISION

71. CONTINUED_ 71.

i ker ■ lt ■ alee eye oontact •nd the acreen ~r1clclea •1th • I electricity. Cunzo contlnuea to r1a1h plcture1 •

Nicley watches fro ■ the wings, ld ■ lrlngly 11 the audience begins to be totally enthralled, Lady Holiday shrugs and decides that lf thl1 la what the people want, this 11 what they'll get. STATLER

I Fasten your ■ eat-belt, Waldorf.

I think they'll be trottln' out

i the blklnls pretty soon.

. eyea, she begins ta fantasize. and the:entlre production ' appears to have a drea ■ -lllce quality. Suddenly, •her

porlclnesa• 1• clad ln a one-piece ••l ■ ault ala Esther IUlh ■ a.

The audience ls literally on its feet, clopping and cheering its collective heart out. The ■ ualc soars, and lf Bert Parka ••re.aroufld, lt 1 1 obvl;oua that he would be aln;l~;. Inste•d, Nicky takea the ■ lcrophofle and begins crooning• rhapsody to Niss Piggy; but fro■ Niss Piggy's point of view the rh•psody la ln the audience and lt'a green.

CUT TD,

( 7Z. INT. POOL• DAY

Nicky alnga an extremely ■ eladr1 ■1tlc anthe■, •Mtsa Piggy•, aa the drea ■ water ballet begins. It con1l1t1 of• series of co ■ pl•• for ■ atlon ■ uti11z1ng other ••i-ers, who for ■ pinwheel ■ and aovlng clrclea •round Ml•• Piggy. At the cll ■ ox of the nu■ ber, Ml•• Piggy gushes forth on• jet strea ■ of water, ■ uch like lava fro■ Mt. St. Helena and plunges headlong Into the pool.

,· r

92a FIRST REVISION

72. CONTINUED 72.

SONC1 "HISS PICCY•

- e - CHORUS A ■ 1racle ot spring A ■ 1racle of beauty Be dazzled by the Hagle ot one a ■ lle A vision ot loveliness A universe of char ■ a We'll never.rest until ( You're in our ar■ a

- " - NICKY (V.O.) Daffodil ■ His.■ Piggy lhipporwUla Niu Piggy Everything that•• lovely war ■ and springy sprinQ Hin Piggy Fantasy Niss Piggy Ecstasy Hiaa Piggy All that's fair or tine or wonderful or anything

(_ NICKY, CHORUS (see hi ■ tor. tlrat tl ■ e) When does the rapture begin and grow Where does devotion and paaslon go CHORUS Oh - happineaa NICKY Hiaa Piggy CHORUS One oar••• .. NICKY Hin Piggy

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9Zb FIRST REVISION

7Z. CONTINUED 7Z.

Plggy rhH up.

KERMIT, NICKY All the world'• ever •anted. Waa you• Adrea ■ co■ e,true CHORUS Ah• Miss Piggy. NICKY It's you

CUT TO,

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...··.:

73. nrr. BALL1l00M - DA.Y

Back to re&Uty. 11114t bu happened, .. 4Videnced by th• <JHpinlJ of the crowd, 1• that Mias Pi<JIJY hu marely atepped off the end of the runway into the fountain. Sha aputter• to the aurface, her volc!en bair plaatered 4ovn aver ber •Y•••People ruah to her aid.

CUT TO,

74. nrr. IIAI.I.a00M.- DAY - AIIOTBE!l ANGLE

Nicky alipa the 41amond necklace ••ttin<J, minua the 41iuaonda, into Miu Pi1J1JY'• raincoat pocket-and ruahu to Mia ■ Pi1J1JY'• re■ cue.

Nicky puahH t.hro"'Jh the people around the fo'!fttain. .. . NICKY Make way, ·pl-••. Maka way. (then) Ben's your raincoat, lUas Piggy, so you wan't catch cold.

Nicky drapu th• runcoat onr Mias Pi99Y '• ■ ilouldera and help• her up.

,,--....

(

,¢) .. . .-. ...--

75. C011TI!l1JED1

Ml•• Pi9gy waves to the auc!ienca to ahow tham ■ be's not hurt and inadvertently puta bar band 1n her rain- coat pocket. Feeling something insicfe, •he extract■ the necklace setting and wonc!era vhat it is.

MISS PIGGr I cfon't think tbia belong■ to me. IIIctr (to Lac!y Holicfay) Auntie. • • 4o you recognize that?

Lady Holicfay, recogru.a ■- 1 t immecliat■ ly.

I.ADY 11.lLIDAY That•• lfl'L necklacall kiea Piggy atol• lfl'L necklace. SECOIII'l'Y GOARD&are on MiH Pigg-.{ .. quick .. a Vink. lil!ISTLU are BLOWII, POLICZ appear aru!. MiH Pig9Y ia clapp■cf in hancfcU:fs.

IIIctr 11.ae Pig9Y ••• how could you?

- ! i The POLICZ begin to.4.-ag HiH Pig9Y avay. l

lllllU'l' (u •be puau him) Don't vorry, Mi•• Pig9Y ••• we'll·get you out of thie.

MISS PIGGr Yeah? Whan?

ltEllMI'l' Soon~ COll'l'Illtl1m

r r

75. CONTIIIIJED:

And ■he 1 ■ gone. · The aucU ■nc■ buzzes. IIEPORTZIIScrow<! ■round L&c!yHolil!ay.

AIIO!'IIER REPOM'Ell Wh ■t about th ■ rut of your jewel■ ? LADYHOLIDAY Well, I'c! be ■n 1cliot to keep them lyin'iJ ■roan<! th■ hou■ e, voulc!n' t I? R!:PORTER l'lh ■ t about your IK>■ t !'amou■ piece of jewelry? 'l'h ■ fabulou■ • ~•ball D1&1K>nc!"?

Ricky, Carla, ll&rla ■nc! Darla have been 11 ■ t■n1n,;J from backata,;J■, u tbey p ■■k out tlu:'oU,;Jh the curtain.

..,·.: . :.•,· ; .., .:..

76. COllTIIIOED:

The CAlmRAPA."fSdown t:o REVEA:.· Gonzo unc!ar • t:alll•. Be'• obrtously baen liat:anin9 int:ant:ly t:o avary vorc! llliclty bu Nie!.

COT '1'0:

77. a.0SE SIIOT - G011ZO

IR'l'. BAPl'IIIESS B0TEI. - HIGH1'

POLL BACX t:o REVI:AI. Gonzo, ait:t:in9 on t:he llarphy bee! in 111a zoom at: t:he Bappineu Bot:el, wit:h all, t:he ot:har Muppet: re■ ic!ent:s, includ.in9 lteJ:lllit: anc! Fozzia.

KI:RIIIT (tryin9 for order) Role! it: for a ••cone!.Quiet, everybody. Bole! it. IIIIPPETS (at:111 jabberin9) Rob-bus I Rob-ben I 'fllat: nephew ua craeplLat•• 9et ·-· We'll tear ,_ apart. Keep, ••P• maep, -epl I knew Miu Pi99Y wu innocent! Let'• ■prin9 her out: of jail. Fjord Barken bake a bomb cake I COHTIIIOED

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~-.•=.,·,:-:- .-:.: ·•••·:~... ·-~·

"

77. 77.

I' ZEIUUT

l Qw.11111111etl I All fell silent, ■ ave one voice.

I.

(to Floyd) I ••• so I said, Hey, Mam, like it's my life, okay. I -an, rilly, 1! I wanna live at t!l• beach and walk around naked all day ••• She ■ tops, seeing that everyone •l- is ■ taring at her. Finally, Kamit apaaka.

j ltERMIT ,. I All right. Now if wa'r• goin~

to get lliu PigCJ'.fout of jail,

i we're going to have to catch I tho••thieve■ rad-handed. I

OZZIE Yeah, ■ how a little ra ■ pact to our leader.

I'm out.

Me, too.

CONTINUEll

('·

~-·.

77. COtlTINOED,

----- 9EAl!Ell

0'1'HEIW I've 9otta 9■t a haircut. Ky kn••'•baan actil)9 up. Don't wa have a 919 ■ omavhara7 Purney Gurnay Volvo tixe4.

I ot yau. llayba 111Dra. But it'•

■...,.tbin9 that ha■ to ba dona, b ■ cauaa t:b■ r■ ' ■ 110ra at atake hara

-i than just our par■onal safety. I'm talltin9 about traa4om an4 ju■ tica

an4 honea1;:y. '' Than is ■ illl!lca a■ th• Kuppats 419- ■ t thia. SCOOTER Boy, 4o I taal ul1ama4. POPS Ma, too. I tad lik• two cants.

I'm back in.

BOREY%1E'lf You can cowit on ma.

COR'l'mtlED

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77. CONTINUE!):

XZ1IMn' ':hut■• I kD- I could com,t on each IID4 ..,..,./ ODe of you. Now, then'• no t.1ma to wait. The first thing- we have to do 1 ■ make oar plan■ • Ju■ t then, th ■ bed, containing- all the Muppeta, fl1H up into the wall with a bang-. Ag-a1n, Ung-er ■ , cl-■, feet, feathers and hair protrude from. the edg-H. KERMIT (0 .S.) (muffled) Or, - could g-et ■ om.e sleep. The llg-h t bulb ag-ain c:ra ■ hea to the floor •

78. nrr. JAIL CELL - THE 111:X'r DAY

Mi ■■ Pig-gy, drH ■-d in pris011 g-ar.,, ■ its alone in her dingy cell, playing- a mournful tune on a ha,:monic:a. After a f- bar■, a toug-h-looking- f...,le pr1 ■ oner (QIJ:EEII IU.IZABETB) in th• adjacent cell, rattle ■ a tin cup ag-ain■ t th•· bar■•

l'EIIALE PltISONER · Hey,P1g- ••• c:ut the racket! Mi ■■ Pig-gy ■ top■ playing-.

l"EIIALB PIUSOHER I &>n• t want to hear nothin • I IUSS PIGGY Better yet. Mis ■ Pig-gy puts away the h&zmonica.

COIITINIJED

78. COll'l'INIIED:

FEMALEPRISOIIEI\ Fir■ t 1:1- in the ■ 1--■r? MISS PIGGY Y~ ••• but :i: WU fr-._

l'EIIAI.E PRISQIEII (lau~adl We were !!l,, fr-.

l!J:SS PIGGY But it' ■ true. I u■ -d to be a famou■ modal.

l'EIIAI.E PI\ISOIIEll Yeah ••• and I wa■ the QuHD of tn01land.

-·· th• food? FEMALEPRISOIIIEI\ (cheerily) Surpri■ in01ly Wall prepared. (beat) But that doun't make up for tile lonalinua.

r-

78. COl\1TJ:li11El):

Mi■■ U9gy goe ■ to a calendar on 1:ha wall and c:roua■ out 1:he tint day, 1:hen ■ he liH down in her blllllc and ■ tarH at 1:ha ceiUn9, her 1:hou9hu dritun, to breal<in'l out of jail to ■-e her beloved Kenut. A■ •be c:lo■u her eye■ , NIJSIC lll!:GIRS to play. · SOIIG: •sTOP•

DISSOLVE"rO:

80. IIIT.PRISCII CAFETERIA 80.

Th■ SOIIIGC0ll'l'DIUES .. Mi ■- Pi9'1Y mova■ down 1:h■ c:at■ t:■ ria line holding a Un tray, onto vhic:h a cool,; ■_lop■ a pile ot ,ray 'llop. KISS PIGGY Yucc:h I Whoops I ~

- 8 - She at:■ ala a ■poon.

81. IIIT. PRISON CE:I.I.

Mi ■■ Piggy X' ■ <>ut tbe la■ t day of the month on the calencSar.

82. IIIT. PRISON MACHINESHOP 82.

MiH Pi!l!JY, ,mcSer th• watchful eye of a guarcS, ■ tamp ■ out 1ic11D&e plate■ • When the quard turtUI away, Min Piggy ■ harpen■ th■ stolen ■ poon on a grinding whNl. She cuts her■ elf.

83. IIIT • PRISON CE:I.I. 83.

Ila the SONGCONTINm:S, Mi ■■ Piggy, looking tirecS and witb a •-11 ■ t1'l:lble of a beard and wrinkled, faded prison clothe ■ , X' ■ out an enti:ra month on tha

i calendar. She than waits until a quard pa■■-■ ber ,.·•·.....-,

cell, before ■ he b"!lin■ digging at the plaater around a wa11·grate witb her sharpened spoon.

"--··

Mias Piggy, her clothes dirty and grimy, walk ■ to one corner of th• yard, pull& a hidden ■ tring in her jacket, and an inordinate amount of dirt and rubble fall& out of her pantleg.

as. INT. PRISON CE:I.I. 85.

Ila the "Freedom" SONGCOIITIWES, Miss Piggy, older

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•·:, ·_,..; J~- ;'. ··~·· . ,- . ' _.

as. COIITINIJED:

X'a out a day on the calendar marked •zacape Day•.

MISS PIGGY

I Lost:

Locked up llere with the••acwn ltnow1ng how far I've come Stop Could thiB plot: be that: dumb

'1'he guard, also older now, pu ■ e ■ th• cell, and Mi■■ Piggy goes t:o her cot:, pulls down the covers and reveals a Niss-Piggy-sized dwamy with a Ni••Piggy body and a Raquel Welcil !lead. Miu Piggy then rUIOYB ■ ''· the grating and crawls into the hole.

Suspense MOSIC -a■ ' Mi ■■- Piggy crawl ■ through t:Wlnel t:o outaide.

I

Guards man the t:overs. Saucillight:s tum.

;;:._)

ctlT TO:

A aeucillight: ■w.. ps put: a grate in the yard. It: move■ , then 1 .. shoved uide by ■ cmeone or something widemaat:h.

MiH Piggy -rges and mat- ■ Iler way t:o the wall. At th• wall, Mias Piggy 1■ about to climb over, when the ■ -arcilUght: hits her. Dnable t:o r- ■ iat: the glare of the spotlight:, ■ he t:ll1'M and belta out: th■ final words of. the song.

_ ..... •' ...

Mias Piggy 1• ■halcen awalce by the ■ ame yard guard in the dream.

; COT TO: L,. \ ' 89. INT. VISITING ROOM- NIGHT 89.

Kermit ■ its in a chair on one side of a meah ■ creen, dr••••d 1.11 a bovler hat and wearing a pencil thin. moustache. Mi••Piggy, e ■ cort.ed by the yard guard, ■ it■ on the other •J.de of the barrier. YARDGOARtl Two mJ.nutea, Piggy. That's it. The guard step ■ back.

r·

l ~ .;· ; _, 105

89. CONTIIIUED:

KERIII'r It'• been forty-five lllinutu.

DRMI'f Bow they trHting you?

'

I

DRMI'f

,,,,.....,·'

I don't think now ia the time for that type of humor.

Dlll!I'1' Yeah, all right. Anyway, juat ■uy put. We've got a plen and we're gonna prove you're innocent. 'l'omorrov night, precisely at midnight, the thieve■ are goMa try to ■ teal I.ady Holiday' ■ Baseball Diamond from the ll&llory Gallery, and we're gonna ■ top 'em. MISS PIGGY Who'a.ve?

ltEllllI'1' He, Fozzie, Gonzo and all our friend■ from the Happiness Hotel. MISS PIGGY '1'ho ■e pea-brain■ ? I'll be stuck in the Big Bouse for life. CON'1'INtlED

r

;,,.: ·-•.·:,·

alN'l'INOED: 89.

ltEIIIUT •s1 i Bouse• • .• that 1 • prison talk?

Piggy i ■ wearing Kez:m.1t' ■ mouatache.

,-...)0, R11'1IT

Yoa'r• vaarin9 my mauatache. MISS PIGGY Yeah? Well, you have me ■h marks on your face.

COT TO:.

i 90. INT. OFFICE DOOR- NICillT 90.

'?he nm.. on the door ••Y• •Nicky - irresponsible paruite•.

In Nicky' ■ plush office suite, the only illumination 1s a desk lamp which shinu on a set of .blueprint&' to the Mallory Gallery. !'our Uquru clad.in black turtleneck -•ten and black ■ki-panta are huddled nound the light source, going over a checklist, It is a -ll-oiled, synchronized operation. CONTllltlEII

(

91. COIITIIIOEI):

11:ICltY Glau cutter.

IIICltY llylon rape.

IIICltY Stop W&tcb.

IIICltY Computer deprogr..,...r.

I ; MARI.A

Check.

' ~) IIIO:Y

Electronic dea ■na1Uzar.

• I IIICltY

Packet laaer •

'

IIICltY In~ra-red reflex ••• Durin9 this aapbiaticated invantn,:y, we:

DISSOLVETO,

·,2. IIIT. BAPPIIIES$ HOTEL110011- IIIGIIT u. Th* only 119,ht aa=c• ia the overhead l19ii.t bulb, aa IIMUIYMuppata ere clustered azagnd a crude matchatick replica of• museum.

KERIIJ:T ••• wbaapie cushion.

~ ,...._>, . •. ... •f .•. . ... : {~·

92. COIITI?IUED:

l"OZZIE I think it' ■ in the car.

llRIIIT Bag of c:hiclten■•

llRMIT Pake vomit.

('~

SCOOTER

". Lo ■ t.

n:RMIT Battery.

ltERl!IT Rot mu■ tard •••

u. IIIT. OP!'ICE - NIGHT 93.

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•, .:.__

95. 95.

'EIIALE PRISONER (cont.inued) auamony, yelling, •ua, the thenaoatat • ■ on the fritz again!• Well, I lil<ec!. to c!.rop my acepter •••

FEMALE P Rl:SONER Well, haven't we been cranky lately?

96. nrr. OFFICl! - NIGBT . 96.

NIC!tlr Computer print oat.

Check. NICXY Should.er harnus. CARI.A Check.

NIC!tlr That•• 1t1 We're all ■ et. TIiey all look at each other and. put their hand.a together.

NIC!tlr Go for itl

.. ,-¾ ........., . . . . ,....~ -· , ui

j l URMIT

Okay, forget it. I wuu• ve'r• all Ht. They put their hancla l:09ether.

Muppata fall c!CJlfll,bump into each other, thiDg' ■ clatter and clan9, 9eneral confuaion and yelUn9.

,a. INT. JAII. CELL - RIGHT 98.

;

MiH Pi99Y continua to pace.

AL._)

Mi••Pi99Y leaps toward th• bars and spread.a them apart with her bare hoofs andia gone.

·"·FEMALE PRISONER (admirin9ly) Go for itl

99; EX'?. L0HDORSTREET- RIGHT 99.

A ■ lNk, ailent J&9U■ r aut01110bil• purr■ down the back ■trHU of the city, carryin9 the "HolidAy Gan9•. 'l'hey approach the Mallory Gallery, • •-11Victorian l:nsild.1n9, thn• or four ■ tori•• bJ.9b, aurrounded by iron 9atea and patrolled by ■ -curity 9U&rda and Dob•~ Pincen. On th• fro,,t 9ate a ■ i9ft read■ : "Mallory Gallery. Don't try it, you'll be torn to shred■ !" Th• Ja91141" cruiH ■ by and parka a few block■ away.

r

Th■ Bappinas Bot■ l courtesy car clang and clank• and rattl ■s along, hd■n vi t:h all t:h ■ Muppat■ and t:h■ir paraph■.malia. Th■ Dr. THth Band rid■■ atop th■ v■hicl■, playipg a r■pri ■■ of "Night Lif ■" u K■ lClllit tri■ a to qui ■ t th- dovn. CO'l' '1'0:

A pruan laundry truck, which read■ "Big Bouse Laundry", and undern■ ath, •serving th■ prison comnmity ■ inc■ t:he Spanish Inquiaition •, roll• out of th■ pri ■ on gatH wit:h a apraild- ■ agl ■d pig cliJ>;ing to t:h■ back for dear life.

Th■ Holiday Gang steals ■ ilantly acrou th■ roof top■, · ailhou■ tted again■ t t:ha ■ late-colored aky, ■ topping vllan they raach th■ roof edge next to th■ gallery. COT '1'0:

103. srr. 103 Aero■- t:h• ■ treat from ..t:h• gallery, from around t:h■ corn■ r of a building, th■ Muppet■ appear, carrying thair 9■ar, each on• w■arin9 th ■ ■ am.■ unn■ce ■■ ary di•~•• -- a.gla■■■-/no■■ /lllouatach■ combination. All th• Muppet■ , from Pop■ to Rizzo, ■ port thi• •Gra\lcbo• ma ■ k u they an■ak around the corner toward t:h• gallery. COT '1'0:

A di•••l rig roar■ down th■ road, driven-by• hug ■, 11!,•h•Yen., hurly trucker. COT 'l'0:

r

'

rrcm lnslde the cab, the DlaVER wstcll•• the road, whlc:b 1& 1111minated by the beadll9hta.

Sw!denly, he•-•• f-1• pl9 1D prlaoo clothln9, atand1n9 ln the 1114dle of the road 1n the 9lare of hla bea4119hta: '1'be 4rlwr blta the alr brake• an4 the rl9 camH to a acreechln9 halt.

i 106. EX'l'. TRIJC1t CAB - RIGHT 106

111.as Pl99Y stands lookln9 ap at the 4rlver. MISS PIGGY Excuae mol, but I vu wcndsrln9 what time lt vu. DRIVER It'• about elevan-thlrty. MISS PIGGY Do you happen to knov where Lady Hol14ay'• Baaeball Dllllll0n4 1a beln9 kept? DRIVER Yes, I 40. It'• at th• l!allory Gallery, a Virtually impr■9011bl• fortreH, 11111H away fram here. MISS PIGGY I only haw a hall hour to 9et there. DRIVER On foot? You'll never make it. MISS PIGGY I know. Bow about a rlds? The 4rlver polnta to a alp on the ■ 1411 of the 4oor which reads,· ••o Pu ■ enpra. Thia -an.a you1• DRIVER Can't you•-the &190? "No Pas■ en9en•. MISS PIGGr 1-u:r1 CoUldn' t you make an exception for Uttl• ol' moi?

' a±--- .. ,-..)..,.__:. ·.....-.: .. .,·' ~-,;...' ~,.

106. CONTI!ltlED:

DRIVER

MISS PIGGY

- Pl&AH?

llo I

Sha·tban-turns ·to th■ driver end l ■ ts--out·a karate ·yell. MISS PIGGY ( con tinuad) Ya-haaaii•-1

She pull• open the door of the truck, ,raba the terrified driver by his tattooed arm and litarally flip• hi.a head over heals out of the cab into a bunch of 9arb&9& cans.

OSCAR sticka his head out of on■ of the cans. OSCAR What•• all the rac:Jcat? DRIVER What ara you doin9 hen? OSCAR A wry brief cameo.

107. Erl'.LONG S110'1' - iv.LI.OR GAU.Elllr - NIGHT107

In silhouette, four u,= .. clad only in black, save on ■ pair of red-and-white-striped soc:Jca, lower th-. Hlve• from en adjacent roof top to the l■dp of a third floor 9allary window by ridin9 on pulleys alon9 a nylon rope strun9 bstwean the buildinp.

arr TO:

'i'!re J!Uppets, still 4ia9Q1,Hd u e horde of "Grcucho••, ■ tan throU911 the iron 9atee of the forbiddin, etructun they have to invade. A Security Guard

i -i;!-,..,_ r--- J '·.-.-:.-

108. COIITINOED:

IID4 bi ■ do;ia 41 ■ appear around a cornar of tb ■ bw.141ng.

•' paper towela.

URMI'l'

BCIW'are wa supposed to cut thrcu9b the bar■ if nobod.y brought ■ tuff to cut with?

i,.

Ft.0YD I brouqt,t hot 111U11tar4. Maybe that'll eat through th• ban.

I

nllMI'l'

l ( thilllcing fa■ t)

Eat · throuqb the bara. Anilllall-

,t::) comehere. ,,

Animal appears at Keaait' ■ ■ ic!a, wearing hi• •c.raucho• ma■Jt.

Ja:IIKI'l' (conUnue4) Taite off your ma■lt IID4 ■H if ( you CIID =- t:hrouqb thi■ fenc■ •

Animal eagerly flip ■ off the ma■ lt an4 prepare ■ to

Be take■ a big bite of fence, then fin4■ out, alJDo■ t in ■ tantly, that it' ■ electrified, u ■vi4ence4 by the ■ iazle of hiqh volt:ap cr■c:lcling throggti hi ■ ... body which cau■H bi■ ■yH to open even wi4ar an4 ·hi■ hair to ■ tr ■igb.tan out lilc• porcupine quilla·. MIIIIII.

AAAA.!IARRGH11 KERMI'l' Animal I IC ■ep quiet. COll'l'INOED

.....~ ·. .......

108. COll'l'IBUED: 108

But it' ■ too late. The dO!J■ are barkint •n4 th• fUarc!s ara CIII their vay.

10,. EXT. HIGHWAY- HIGHT 109

A clie ■ -1 rit roars c!own the road, Iii ■■ Pitff at th• wheel, & detez:mined look on her face u ■he race■ apin ■ t time. Sh• reach•• c!own an4 pick ■ up a ca milca. MISS PIGGY (into milce I Ulkinf in a 4.--11 Breaker one, thi ■ 1a llambock • •. Do you read•• CON on? VO.ICE OR ca (0 .S. I I read you loud and clear, Bamhock, thi ■ is Dirty Bird,

• What's your twenty, over?

r r

.... :,.·_. ....._:.·•-. -~:

'rile Holiday Gan,; ■moothly ■nd vordlu ■ ly cut■ a lar,;e circular hole dlrou,;h ■ thim- ■ tor■y Willdov with a ,;la■■ cutter.

They carefully ■ lip the p ■ne of ,;la ■■ Uide end climb tllrougt, the openin,;, while - below, on the other ■ ide of the buildin,;, DOGS can be heard SlllAllLnlG.

CllT TO:

A GtJAlll) holdin,; v1ciou■ c!o,;■ on a cbain peer■ ■u ■p1c:iou■ ly through the bu■ at two identically dre■■ ed pizza deUvelCJ men. GtJARI) I never order pepperoni.

i ;::::-. l"OZZII!:

We don't mak• •em, we juat deliva: 'em.

Th• ,;uard r■ lw:tantly open■ the ,;ate ■nd 1:J.e ■ th• do,;■ to a po ■ t. lluppeta · ■ neak throUgh the ,;ate whil• ltemit ■nd Foni• keep the ,;uam occupied. GUARD What'• tha name on the ■ lip?

DIIII'l' That•• th• name on the ■ Up.

GIIAJtD (scratchin,; hi ■ head) But I hat• pepperoni.

COIIITI!IUED

' ~, ... rr. '"'.,.,? 1ia

111. CONTINUED: 111

•. 'l'he truck ■peed■ down· the road put • ■ ign Which ••Y•,

CC'l' TO:

tile EIIGIM: SPO'l''l'ERS. Min Pi'ICJY looks at the 'IU gauge which read..,, •Empty•.

i CC'l' TO:

f,:) 114. Ilil'l'. . OPPER !'LOOR 01" GAI.I.E:Rlr - NIGll'l'110:

On cat feet, the Holiday G&n'I male••it■ way down a lon11 corridor toward a ■ taizwell.

CIJ'l' TO:

Kem.it, l'oz.zie, Gonzo and other Muppet ■ , carrying all kind■ of tbin,;s they 40n •t nffc!, ■ tan4 in front of th• h- oak doors that 1N4 into the treuure rcom of the 11alle:ry.

-

KB!CIII'l' (lool<in11 around) Thar••• gotta be another way in. SCOOTBJl Better find it fut. Tho■- do'I• are almost finished with that pizza.

r r

,,·.. , :.:.•··: =~·. ·.· ......- .,

115. CONTINUED: us

XEIIMJ:T (a brainatcmn) I knOifl ThroWJh the roof. They look up. The roof 1 ■ very h1'1h. FLOYD Lilce, aan ••• no vay we're 9on.na '1•t up there.

The attack dov ■ come rac1n, around the corner of the llu1ld1n'1, their voracJ.ous •1>11•t1te ■ not ■ at■ d by pizza, cr•viD'1 Muppet f1l■ t. { KEmlIT Whoa, N■ ll1■ 1 II

The llllppaU er• vu-tually prop■ llad by terror up th• ■ id■ of the bll.1lllin'1 and onto the roof. De ■p■rat■ ..., 49 d■■ perat ■ thinva. TIie ,roup look■ down ■t th■ anerl1n'1 do?. l"ozzJ. ■ 1■ ..,r• terr1f1■ d than a::t■ t.

'OZZIE So far, I'm not havin9 any fun.

Gonzo l ■ an■ p■ r1lou■ ly f■r over the ■d'1• and ■nap■

' • i a p1ctur■ of ¥1-fan'1■ and ■al1va. i' • CUT TO:

Mi- ■ Pi'1'1Y ■ it■ by th■ aid■ of th■ road, h•r r1'1 u■■l-■■ 1n th■ back,round. MISS PIGGY (d■■pa1r1n'11Y) There' ■ noth1n'1 more I can do. It'& 11:55. I'll n■v■ r llllka it. A truck car■■ns down th• road, th■ back.door open ■ and a motorcycle fall ■ out. It rolla harm.J.- ■■ ly to a ftop r1'1ht next to Mi ■■ P1'1'1Y• On th• ■ -at 1■ a h■ lmet and a ■ tyl1ah cycl1n'1 outfit. She look ■ at th• CUIEIIA, ■hru'1• a■ if to ■ ay, "I didn't writ• th1 ■ ■ tuft•.

r

I ,-(:)

,,. 120 '

The Holi4ay Gang stealthily creep■ down another corridor tcward a door which ·obviously 1a an entrance to th• treasure room. Nicky gives a •thumbs-up• aignal, u they peer throuqh a peephole in the door.

Th• HQppeta are crowded around a akylight in the roof, looking down into the tna•ur• room. Fozzie givH the Kezmit "thumbs up• ■ ignal. What they ■ -e 1a th• l ■rqHt di111110ndin th• known-world. Enca ■ -d in glass, 1n the palm of a velvet catcha.i:'' ■ mitt, 1• the fabulou ■ Baaaball Diamand, so named l:acauseit.s facet ■ look like ■ titche ■ and becauae the ■ tone itself 1■ the size·,of a Speuldin9. The Muppet■ are mo ■ tly impres ■ ed.

'OZZU I've never ••en anything like that. Jl\NICE

• I Rilly. It'• 11.lte totally ■ uper •

, ' CUT TO:

Miu Piggy, heir flying in the Vind, tool ■ along on the chopper, tbe engine roarin'1 through the night: AU of a sudden, 1'01.ICE SIRENS veil in-"• baclt'lrQund. MISS PIGGY (to camera) Well ••• you wanted excit-nt.

r---

·.~•.

lU ..

120. I!IT. GAU.DY.- NIGHT

The Bol~y Gang stands outslc!e the c!oor to the treuure room, a ■ ophlaticatecS place of alactronlc

j aqalpaent almacS at 1:l>e latch-■• Nicley Bollc!ay p11ShH

an •on• ■witch, light ray ■ are ■lllittec!, ancS th• cSoor aully •lngs open, ravaaUng 1:ha interior of th•

l treuura room vlth the glass ancasec! Baseball DlUIOncS

llparltllng lD l:ha lllcSc!la.

I

...

121. ROOF- NIGHT 121 The Muppet■ have managacS to lift the ■ kyllght, ancS are ■ taring 1:llrough the holol in 1:ha roof at th• Baaeball DlamoncS, !"8"Y fHt below.

!'OZZIE Nov what cSc va c!o7

j KE1'1IT

Wa val t until they 1:ry to steal

I' the c!lU10DcS, than Gonzo take ■ ;::_, 1:halr picture.

!'OZZIE Brilliant!

Parlactl

r (

... :·;' .

121. CONTIIIICEI>:

BEAKEll Heep, meep, maepl

SAit lihat a birc!-bn.inl

The 9!;9 is over!

DR. 'l'EETB -Yeah, let's pack it in. ZOOT Ne're tappec!.

ll!IKI'? (caUJ.n9 orc!er) Qw.etl Settle c!OWD. Ne'r• not ¢vil>9 up yet. Ne've come too far.tot= back naw. Na'r• juat 901D9 to have to 90 c!own there ■De!

I capture those thieves rac!-

hanc!ec! •

Nhat color are their hanc!s nco,? KERMIT (c!is9U9tec!, to c■-ra) If fr09s could only acr11A111.

CDT 'l'Ot

122. X.ONDOIIS'?RD'r - RIGII'? 12:?

Th• aounc! of a M0'1'0RCYCI.EDIGIJIB pierce ■ the air u Ilia ■ Pi99Y race■ by. The police ••- to be _cloain9 in on h•r·, ao after a 9lanoe back at th-, ahe ■ imply papa• Wheelie, pours on tbe gaa, and r~ce• away.

ctl'1' '1'0:

...·.. ·.. ".

'rile Holiday G&n9 approacllu the cliu,ond case, cautiously, bolclin9 yet: another electronic device, this t:ime same sort: of alaz:m desenait:izer.

l , etrr TO:

12,. EXT. ROOP - IIIGll'l' 124

TIie lluppets watch the Holiday Gan9'• every move. POZZI!!! How are we gonna 9et c!cwn there? BONl!!!l)J!!W l SUCJ9Ht: we jump.

l0NLP It:'• over a buru!nd het:I HOlll!!rDEW I clidn' t: say it: WU a good SUCJCJeStiOll.

,_

KEllltl:"r W•'r• ju.at qamia have to

"'' impronse. We• 11 make a ladder

out: of whatever will bold ua. ~ Good idea. Ben•• t:b• paper towels.

Cll"r TO:

Ni••Pi99Y'• DX>t:orcycle flies past: a SiCJft which raada, •xauory Gallery, at leaat two more m1l•••· C1J"r TOI

12&. m-r. '?Rl!!ASllRE acoM - RIGll'r 12( Ricky'• deaenaitizer ~ills the circuit: breaker, end the dim 9low wbicb aurroanded the diuond caH CJQe ■ out:. De.rla 9iwa the "thumb ■ up• aiCJn, then at:ande CONTillllEI)

,-.:,'

..· . ~·.

126. CCNUNIJED: 126

by the room'• only vinc!cw to the out■ ic!a. Merla anc! Carla ■ tap to tbe ca ■- anc! rai•• tbe 114. 'flla Buaball Diamonc! 9l1tter■ ■ o bri9htly it illuminate ■ tbe face■ of th• -■ l■, anc! they are tran■ fixec!, until Nicky -P• hi ■ fin9er■ and inc!icatu for Darla to all:• it from th• caae and to ■■ it to 11111. Slovly, cautiou■ ly, ab• ruche■ for the c!iamonc!, takin9 it out of the valvat 1111.tt, turnin9 it 1n liar bane!. Suc!c!aDly, from. h19h abo,,., a cry rin9■ out. GONZO co.s.) GaroDrllUUUUIJlilll 11 '1'11• Bolic!ay Gan9 look■ up, ■ urpri ■-, ■ hock anc! 11111&zamanton their face■• Littl• vonc!ar, for hurt1- in9 towarc!■ t.ham are a pack of yallin9 Muppet ■, ban9in9 onto ••ch otbar ■vin9in9 pracariou■ ly above th-. .

A■ the "Muppet chain~ ■win9■ clo■ ar, th• tbraa moc!ala ac:reamt

Aieel Oooooohl Run! Aiaal I

HICtY Quick. 'fllrow - tb• c!iamonc!I Darla to■■ u the c!iamonc! to C&rla. Kaz:mit, at th• bottom. of th• chain, ju■ t mi ■ s•• it u h• ■vin9■ put. Carla toa••• it to Marla who finally tau•• it to Nicky. 'l'ha c!iamonc! fli•• thrcU9h th• air into Ricky'• v&i t1n9 bane!. The thraa 1110.S.l■ ■ cattar &nc! try to run for th• exit, but it'• too late. 'l'h• Muppet■ have either cruhac! or 1 .. pa4 to the floor and Anilllal, ■ an■ in9 !!2-!!!!!l unc!ar tboa• ■ ki clothe■, block■ tb• ••cape rcuta. ABDIAI, !2-m■nl J!_o-manl Carla, Marla and Darla fr•••• -in their track■ , not· Vi. ■hi119 to t■ n9la vitb thi ■ creature. Discretion bein9 the better part of ,,..lor, they ■urrenc!ar. Nicky, however, doe■ n't plan on 9ivin9 up that ea■Uy. CONTINDZD

... .r .• _- -:;,·' •

12&. COIITINCED: 126

lll:CICY You'll never take - alive, Pozz1e.

KE11Ml'1' Second of all, aom■day you're 901119 to r■ a11-■ that wt>at you're 4oinq 1• diabonut.

lll:CICY (think■ ai>oat th1a, th ■nl Okay. tl!■ n. I q1v■ up.

lll:CltY Of =urs ■ not, you tv1t. 11i.ay pull■ out a Derr1nq ■r, qral>• K■ niit around th ■ n■a and holc!a hill hoataq■•

lll:CltY (continu■dl Alr1qht, you IIUpp■ u .... hack off!· •

K■niit aak■- chalcinq nois■-. lllCJtY (to K■niitl I can't undar■ taDd vbat you're ••yinq. K■niit qaq■ • f- mar■ till■■• lll:CKY (loo■ aninq th■ qr1p on lt■niit'a throat) Sorry.

r::.•.

126. CO!ITINCED1

RICff Jlot:hinc;. l'm a villain ..•• Pura &114aimple. Tb• rotten apple. The bac! penny. But I haft nice teetil &lie! I kHp ~ rCIOIII ne·at:.

r'ozzIE: Cb••• Mr. Bollc!ay, air, why c!on't you let Kermit 90? If yon hole! him too lon9 he'll 9ift you wuta.

NICff Sorry. Ba's c:omin9 with me. (to Kei:mit) Say 9ooc!bye to yow: buc!cliu.

I,.

rou won't be ••eJ.n' •- eny mare. ( to moc!els) C'mon, 9irla ••• let'• pt out of here.

I j

127. I!IT. 127.

Be turna toward. tile winc!ov, clatchinq the cliamonc! anc!

"" Kei:mit. A ll0ARIIIG SOOND1a 11.earc!&lie!Ricky at&llda

....,..rizec!, u througll the 9lua, 1.n 9loriaua SI.OW IIOTIOR, comes a pi9 on a motorey~l• to ■natch victory frcm the jaw• of c!efeat, 9lu ■ ■h&tt:ui.n9 in all 41.rectiona. She leaps from the bike &lie! karat■ chop■

• I Carla, · Marla &De! Darla into ■ Dblli.a ■ ion. Kei:mit 9rlll> ■

the Bueball Diamonc! frcm the confuaec! Ricky &De! club• him i.n tile heac! with it. Ricky fall•, DDCOD8Ciou■• '?he !lappet■ chear.

Police anc! 9narc!s pick throu9h the c!ebri■, henc!cuff th• -•l• &De! ••cart th- to waitin9 police car■ outaic!• the buildin9, Wbil• IIUpp■ U llinfl• aroDDc! the periphery. Ricky i■ hale! by two officer.

KEP!IIT (to Iii■■ Pi99Y) rou -r• ma911ificut, 111 ■■ Pi99r. CO!ITIHIIED

'~.

r: r

: :;:. -~·~ ....'.

128. COIITI!ICZD: 128 •

MISS PIGGr

I 414 it all for you, Kermy.

UIIMI'l' 'l'banka.

MISS HGGr Por nada.

Police ••cort llicky put Kermit, Pig-gy an4 l"ozzie. llicky atop■ an4 lock ■ long-ing-ly at M1sa Pig-gy. Be ia ban4cuffec!.

RICKY

' C ■ incerely) .I really 414 care for you, you know.

I RICKY ,.,..... We coal4'- bad the vorl4 on a

•11~ platter.

ln:CXY Don't bate-• lU.aa Pig-gy. NISS PIGGr I 4on't bate you, llicky. It' ■ just that aomevbere along- the lina I founcS out the 41fference between wrong- an4 rig-ht. rou'n wrong ••• (1n41catea Kermit) ••• be'a r19b,t. llicky noc!a, Kermit blushes.

KEIUII'l' (softly) Kei:mit.

COll'l'IHOED

...•. ... ·~-.:~..'.

128. CONTI!ltlED1 128.

I RICJCY

Amazing.

l

I.Ady Holiday Ell'l'ERS, c!re■■ ed in a ■ tyli ■h jogging ouUit and ■neakera.

LADYROI.I!IAY llhy wun't I notilied?

GOlilZO We called, but you were out joV!linv. POZZU . We juat foiled a j-el hei■ t. MISS PIGGY And your neph- wu the thief • •. not ••

Nicky? I Row could you?

But you keep your room ■ o clean. Nicky SIIIUJGS.and i■ led -ay.The Bueball Di...,nd i■ ■ afely ander lock and key.Th• Muppet■ convrat..iate the11■ -lv•• on e• job -11 done.

What can I ■ ay? I'm very vreteful to all of you.

KEllllIT Well; ganv, we did it. llh- the Daily Chronicle hear ■ about thi ■ they're gonna roll out the red carpet. CONTINOED

r- r

-:~

128. CONTDltlED I

The picture bel"" the haadlina shows Kermit, Fozzia anc! Pi~-being con,ratulatac! by Lady Bolic!ay. Miu Pi~ is the only one looking c!ir■ctly into the camera. PDLL BACK to IIEVEAL Statler and Walc!orf reading the paper 1A the firat clus section of an airplane.

S'l'A'l'LER Can you beli■ft it, Walc!orf? They're h■roasl 11..., they're gonna be abnax1,;,ua.

liALDORF So what else is new?

The CAl!EllA PANS DOIIB from Statler anc! lfalc!orf as they continue talking, from the first clua ■ action to the ( cargo hole! below. ~RF (O.S.) (continuec!) I ■ ay all's wall that anc!a well. S'1'A1'LER (O.S.) Do■■ n't -ttar to -• A& long u it enc!&.

-• 1A the cargo hole!, the .Muppet ■ can barely be ■ -en 1A the dJ.m light. But they can be h■ arc!, talking, complainiAg about the conc!ition■, Other ■ oanc!■ 1Acluc!e th& c!ron■ of the AIRPI.all!! EIIGIIIU anc! the CLOCK of CBICKE!IS.

CONTIHOED

- -~. ,-...__

----··· ······-·-· r:.

12,·.

SC00TZll lUa4 if I uae your tail for a pillow7

SN! Bow coma - nevu- rec ■ived any aatety iutructiOAS7

MISS PIGG% (realizing) Oh, boyl • JANICE Okay nav, juat ■ tay calm and llka.4on't move fer liJce the next ■ i.z hour■• A door open■ an4 the S'l'l!:lllUID enter■ •

(_

..,.., . ·-- ..

12,. CORTDIIIED1

STEWAIU) All out for t:lle U.S.A.!'

- IIIDIIIIT

__________ Oh,_~at._ - cl011• are ve7

MIJSIClW U colorful IIUppeU OD parec:batH be<Jin floatin9 to earth. SONG: "SEY A IICJVIE" (REPRISE) I (lyric• to came)

Sandry 11-u bab in and out of t:ll• picture u t:ll• IIUSIC CORTIIIIIES Alm TD CREDITS uanr. JUiie• relUH ( on tbe cblli•• loanv• attached to t:ll• parec:bute. The other-• of tbe Dr, T-t:ll Band play t:lleir ina=-u •• Dr. 'l'llet:ll' ■ piano ia carried by a aeparata paracbuta. Bo drifts upvard. Gonzo pl1'111111etadownward. 'l'b• rau - t:lleir parachute •trinv• etc. etc. All tbe .,..ic and ■ in9in9 continue, Mia ■ Pi99Y and J:umit drift into tbe fr- abariD9 a •invl• paracbata. MISS PIGGY -Y'knaw ••• when .,. land I think you and I abould 90 out and celebrate. We could pllint t:li• town red. J:DIII': Wbat color i ■ it n-7 (than, jayoualy) I did• it, I 90t it in. Nhoooiell Didja bear t:llat7 I waited and V&ited and I finally vot it iDI llhat color is it now71 Ra-baaaal Ya ■ air. I 4id itl -

I

I -

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·..: ... .... :: ·. ·.:

130. 130.

Aa llienl1t continue ■ to lau9h and cany an, 1CI.L IIACll: to REVZAL the aky full ot Jluppeta, all ain9in9 the conclnaian ot the finale with Kenitt•a lau9hte,: acbo- in9 a9atnat J.t. On thia LOBQ SBOT ot the entire cut, NUSIC »n> CllEDI'l'S BIID. Fade to black.

TIIE END

I I