Oil THE MAIN VIEWSCREEN-- we see the image of the ZOMBIE
P'J\KILY slowl.y making their way tow,irda th• cabin.
SI!I"l'ERSON(O.S.)
We have a winner! ·
Widen to reveal a HUGECROWDhas filled the control room.
Everyone 1 s watching the large viewscreen intently.
SITTERSON (CONT1 D)
It 1 s the Buckners, ladies and gentlemen! Buckners pull the Nw1w
Most of the crowd GROANSin disappointment, throws their
betting slips to the ground. But a few BLUE-COLLARGUYS
throw their arms up in triumph --
SITTERSON (CONT'D)
(looks over at the wall)
Looks like congratulations go to Maintenance •••
And as he says that, we see behind him:
A LARGEWHITE-BOARDagainst the wall. Written in marker,
down one column, there's a long list of MONSTERS. A few
words jump out at us: "VAMPIRES," "WEREWOLVES,""FLOATING
WITCHES," "ALIENS,' 1 "ZOMBIES,'1 "KEVIN," "CLOWNS,"
"WRAITHS," "SCARECROWS,""ANGRYMOLESTINGTRBE," (
"MUTANTS."
;
•l
Down another column: a corresponding list of DEPARTMENTS:
"ELECTRICAL," "ENGINEERING," "SECURITY," "ZOOLOGY"and so
forth.
SITTERSON (CONT'D)
(continuing)
••• who split the pot with Ronald the Intern.
Hadley hands an enormous wad of cash to the BLUE-COLLAR
GUYS and another wad to the happy INTERN we saw earlier.
People shake their heads, begin to file out of the room.
A WIRY GIRL approaches Sitterson on her way out
WIRY GIRL
That's not fairl I had zombies tool
SITTERSON
Yes, you had "Zombies.u But this is "Zombie Redneck Torture Family ••• "
Sitterson taps the board. There it is right there:
"ZOMBIE REDNECKTORTUREFAMILY." Right next to
"HAINTBHANCB" and "RONALD 'l'BB INTERN."
S J.i'i 1BRSON ( CONU'' D)
Entirely separa.te thing. It' a like the
difference between an elephant and an
elephant seal.
Her shoulders slump. Knows he's right. As she goes:
SITTERSON (CONT'D)
There's always next year ••••
Truman stares at the screens, at the shambling Buckners
corpse-clan.
TRUMAN
They're like something from a nightmare •••
LIN
No, they're something that nightmares are from. Everything in our stable is a remnant of the old world, courtesy of .••
(pointing down)
••. You know who.
TRUMAN
Monsters, magic •••
~•. 1.
(
LIN
You get used to it.
TRUMAN
(turning to her)
Should you?
Sitterson walks over to Hadley. He'a just standing
there, staring up at the screens. Looking a little
despondent --
SITTERSON
I'm sorry, man.
HADLEY
(can't believe his bad luck)
He had the conch in hi• handa ...
SITTERSON
I know. Couple more minutes, who knows what would have happened •••
BADLEY
(frustratfil)
I'ni. uvar gonna get to see a merman.
S11"J'!RSON
Dude, be thankful. Thoae things a.re
terrifying. And the cleanup on them's a
nightmare.
Hadley nods -- I suppose you're right. He gestures
towards the screens.
BADLEY
So ••• the Buckners, huh?
SITTERSON
I know.
(watches the screens)
Well, they may be zombified pain- worshipping backwoods idiots, but •••
HADLEY
They're our zombified pain-worshipping backwoods idiots.
SITTERSON
-- and they have a hundred percent clearance rate.
Hadley nods, good point. As they start walking back
(
towards their console --
}
')
HADLEY
True. We may as well tell Japan to take the rest of the weekend off.
SITTERSON
Yeah, right. They're Japan•••· What are they gonna do -- relas?
HADLEY
I don't know. Maybe they can do some group calisthenics or something •••
And as Sitterson and Badley clear frame, we BOLDON ONE
OF THE MONITORS.
ON THE SCREEN: we see a video feed of a JAPANESE SCHOOL
ROOM. Several schoolchildren run screaming in terror
from a SOPPING WET YOUNGGIRL who's floating through the
air like she's hanging from an invisible noose. Aa the
children SCREAMand SCREAM,the WET GIRL floats TOWARDS
US and we CUT TO
IMT. LIVING ROOM- NIGHT
tile mueia is blaring and Ju.1e8 is dancing up a storm. Curt is 9,0ing with it, ocoa•ionally getting behind her for the :butt-cupping dance, but @e's all over the 1100m rea1ly working it. Popa a couple o~ buttons to show more cleavage.
Everyone else is sitting, Dana and Holden on the couch,
Dana still holding the book, and Marty slumped in
armchair, smoking sullenly.
Jules dances over in front of Holden and does a little
impromptu lap-dance wriggle for him. He looks a little
awkward, glancing at Dana, who isn't exactly thrilled.
CURT
Go baby, oh yeah ••• that's the goods right there, fuck yeah.
MARTY
This is so claaay.
CURT
Like you wouldn't want a piece of that.
MARTY
Can we not talk about people in piecea anymore tonight?
j
i
t
JULES
(kittenish, turning)
Oh, are you feeling lonely, Marty?
She moves to him, gives him a little wriggle action as
she takes his joint and sucks hard.
JULES (CONT'D)
Marty and I were sweeties on our freshman hall.
MARTY
(to the others)
We made out onae. I never did buy that ring.
JULES
(pouty)
But we're still •••
(blows the smoke in his face)
••• close •••
MARTY
You know, I hava a theory about all this.
CURT
That's ow: cue to baill TommyChe1>nghas a theozy.
(indicating Holden)
You can tell it to Egghead here, if he's not too busy devirginizing Dana.
Dana stands, dropping the book on the couch.
DANA
Jules, do you want to lie down?
CURT
That's exactly the point!
(pushes Jules to the door)
Muehl Muehl
JULES
{not upset) Don't push me around.
CURT
Not around, baby, straight line. Right there. Out there. Pretty stars.
They exit, as Dana crosses to get another beer and Holden
flips through the book. Marty hoists himself up and
joins her, still smoking.
MARTY
Do you seriously believe that nothing weird is going on?
DANA
(wryly)
A conspiracy?
MARTY
The way everybody's acting!
DANA
I'm sorry about downstairs --
MARTY
It's cool, it's not -- when does Curt start with this alpha male bullshit? He's a sociology major; he's on a full academic scholarship! Now he's calling his friend an 11Egghead", whose head in no way resembles an egg •••
(looks over at Holden)
••• except ••• ahhh. Okay, kinda, from this angle, it's •••
( ho.lds hits own head to keep it from becoming eggshaped)
• ~ .ahhh •••
DAltA
Curt's just drunk.
MARTY
I've •••n Curt drunk Jules too.
DANA
(pointing at the joint)
Then maybe it's something else.
MARTY
My secret secret stash is a gateway to enlightenment; it's not a devolveafier.
(to the wolf head)
Moose, back me up on this.
(to Dana)
You're not seeing what you don't wanna see -- the puppeteers.
DANA
Puppeteers?
MARTY
(hears it wrong)
Pop-tarts? Did you say that you have pop- tarts?
j
;,;'
·:t.
'
·~
-~
C
I
I DANA
Marty, I love you, but you're really
high.
MARTY
(dead serious)
We are not who v• are.
(closes his eyes)
I'm gonna read a book with pictures.
He ambles off into his bedroom as Dana comes back to the
couch with a beer for herself and Holden. He takes his,
still holding the book.
HOLDEN
(translating)
' 1 The pain outlives the flesh. The flesh returns ••• or re ••• has a meeting place ••• towards the pain's ascensionu.
DANA
What's that?
HOLDBlt
(
The Latin. Tha.t you •••
DANA
You speak Latin?
HOLDEN
Not well, and not since tenth grade. Weird how it comes back.
He sips his beer, tosses the book back on the couch.
DANA
Well, it's a weird night. I'm so sorry about ••• tonight. Everybody.
HOLDEN
Do I lose points if I tell you I'm having a pretty nice time?
She smiles, looks down.
DANA
No. You can tell me that.