"TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE" (2004)

In a lovely, c lich~ Parisian setting, the C::iffel : c~ er :cc~s

in the background as pe o ple enjoy the cafes, ~ar<ets a~~=-~ buildings of a q~aint square .

Now the music turns OMINOUS, as f o ur Middle Eastern :ERRORIS:S walk into frame. One of the them 1s holdin] a suitcase bomb which blinks with a red light.

JC::AN fFP.NCOIS Je veux monter, papa'

But Jeanfrancois father is busy ~at c hing :he :err : r:sts .. They look at each other and the c ne hold:ng the s~:::ase walks over to the :ewer's leg, and sets:~~ s~: : =~s~ down.

The terrorists all then nod to each other and in a flash - they pull out M-16s~

Now the trapped people up on :he Eiffel Tcwer screa~ as :;-:e •.· realize the~r ~eril.

as rrench people all no.!....., and cry.

c?.ENCH PEOPLE (screami:;g )

he terrorist holds up the trigger ... He threa:e~s to cush it--

J EAN rRANCOIS (Crying) Mar.an, J ene veux pas mour:r' 1

TRI UMPHANT, PATRIOTIC MUSIC plays as : ~e -

Elicopter hovers, then ropes drop out t o -h 0 ~rc~::d and THREE

Team Funerica member JOE (20s, the clean-cut, t:::.::;-:::ie, leader

type) is the first one to shout from the r ::,:::;e-

The terrorist's eyes get wide with fear. -~e - - :~e m 001nts his gun at Joe and is about to shoot when-

The music becomes triumphant as Joe pulls the trigger on his M-16 and blows the terrorist to bloody pieces.

~~ow, the beautit•Jl 82.or.de team ;--;-,e:nber, =.,:::s.:.. character, brai~s a~d tea~ty: dr ocs :o :~e a terrorist's path as he tries to escape.

A dif:erent terr o rist appears be~ir.d Lis a ' stab her-

The teirorist falls face firs: i n t o o ~a: comes out screaming and mel::..~g.

Lisa smiles lovingly at Cars on .

CAP..SO~i I could wat ch T~AT oacK 2~-

LIS.~ (with a lov:..ng shove ) Carrrrsonnn(

One last terrorist, the leader, is getting away through the crowd with the bomb.

The Eiffel Tower explodes and starts to collapse.

SA?-1:\H I got him, Joe. He's heading for the Louvre.

Saah swings her plane around and fires her missile.

MISiILE EYE VIEW - as it heads towards :he run~1ng terrorist.

INTC SARA.H'S PLANE - DAY

The two missiles run directly into the terrcr:... s :, :::~a ~:~~ him up along with most of the Louvre.

Bact at the square, the Team Ameri:a members a.:..:. ::-e=c 1c-2.

The French people slowly get to their feet and look around

Team America happily smiles in front o f the cr ::,;d.

The French people all just look ar ou nd, somewhat 1::credulous.

Joe runs over to Jean Francois, who is stil l c::...~;:...n; ~o h1s par~ts.

Joe kneels down to the kid, and gives him a little American Flag .

_TOE There ya go, buddy!

Jo e ~shes a~ay a~d re joi~s :he team.

-JOE ( CONT'D) Alr:ght team, let's head home'

Lisa smiles and looks at Carson, then everything co es SLOW MOTI~ - Lisa's face drops as she sees-

Behi:d Car s on , on e of the bloody terrorists gets ~p with his M-16.

:ARRRRR-SOOOOONNNN' I I I

Carsm doesn't even have ti~e to turn around as ~e is : i □ ~-2~ :ull ::,f cuL .e ts and f al ls to his i<nees.

Stil~ in slo-mo, Tr.e team me~bers all take out s2a~~ ~istols and fire together, shooting the terrorist to ~eatn, ~ut it i s too late. Carson lies bleeding and dying o~ :he ground .

The team members all run to him and fall to :.;;eir kr,ees. Joe ~oops Carson up in his arms.

Carson gives a pained smile and the team members all wince wi l h sadness.

Ca=so~ dies wi:r: his ~cuth and e ves open:~ ~a:n. ~:sa collaoses ~ex: : o ~:s bloody ccrose :n :ea=s.

The camera PULLS UP dramatically frcm Carson's dead bodv a ~c :he ·.-1eeping :'earn America me:T'bers aroL:nd n1m as .:he ~~cs== SWELLS.

~xT. NEW YORK - NIGHT

~stablishing shot of the Big Apple.

is proudly pla y ing the cpen1na ~:gh: er :ne heart - ~r ench1ng

IN7. BROADWAY THEATFR - NIGHT

'Lease' is playing out onstage to a packed house. It is a

dramatic, musical extravaganza.

The AUDIENCE is filled with excited and crying p!..:ppets, most of whom dab tears from their e ves with handkerch:efs .

The lead in the show is a rugged, handsome 2~ ye a r o ld puppet with a beautiful voice . His name ~s GARY JC ~N~~CN.

Gk':>.! ( si;,ging) I've got the AIDS, cut the AIDS haven't got me! Because I ha~e my friends and fam-i-ly! No more poutin', NO.' I've been set FREE .1 I've got the AIDS'

::::nc :n :he audience is a serous and dapper l aak :n= ~an n nis early fif:ies - nis name s S?OTTSWOODE.

LEAS£ FEl1.ALE LEAD Hey Tad, ho;.-;'s YOUR AIDS?

The audience c ries more at this.

Back in the audience, Spottswoode opens a business folder. The name on the folder reads 'Gary Johnston' with a small black and white photo of the LEASE singer clipped to it.

Spottswoode looks from the name to the actor on stage.

Thunder6us applause from the audience. Sp o tts~ code o u ts the folder back down and claps wildly himself.

Gary stands on the stage, soaking in all the applause. He LOVES the attention.

But then, he keys in on two empty seats in the audience, right in the front row.

Gary's smile drops a little, as he hones in en the two empty seats.

GAR'f ~har;ks,I hcce so ... Say,uh, did anybody see:: ~y ~arents c ame?

Gary walks into his dressing r oo m and dramat i c ally puts his hands on the make-up table anj l oo Ks at h : ~s e~: :r; th e mirror. In the corner of the mirr o r :s a ~icture o : ~: s ~a re n ts. He picks the picture up and lo o ks at it, a s a :la s h~ac ~ s tarts to happen ...

GARY'S yo unger l oo kin g ?~~E ~: s a r e en th e s ~o r e - - : he l ake preparing a picnic.

Out on the lake, EIGHT YEAR OLD GARY, and his br o ther, TOMMY, are in kayaks having a race.

~'JMMY Trv and beat ~e Gary 1

--- ......-.. ,-.--. ........ - --·---..

S:..1ddeniy, s:~eam!ng dc~n his for2head.

7he p3rents watch helplessly from shore.

Gary sl o~ly starts to paddle, but he's clumsy and slow.

1-bw Torniny's lifeless puppet body shoots down ·,,,;r.::.te water rapids, colliding into rocks.

GARY' s MOTHER ,_cc~;:·:::; tlOOOOI I I

Gary c an only ~a:ch as his o r o:ner goes =~e r c ~a :erf ~: : ~~~ s platters dead onto a group c f boulders.

Gar y snaps out of his flashback and qu1ck: y ~~c rs ~imself a slug of scotch. He drinks the liquid down ii~e a true alcoholic.

When Gary lifts his head again and looks into the mirror, he notices the strange man we saw in the audience, w~o i s leaning against the door, smoking a cigarette.

Gary stops and turns to leek at the man ~~ -~ 0 sr a=c~s .

Now Spottswoode steps into the light.

S?CT":-SWCOCE r~ulli~; cut a ~older ) Yes, Ga r--1 Johns t •o :-1. A.::.l American ac:cr whc g rad~ated !cwa Cniv ersi:y Sig~a :~~ Laude w:th a double maJcr

feat ~=r a ooy w~o was sent t o prep schoc.::. when he was ten. You've been at the tcp of every acting class since you were a c~ild. Top Gun Act o r.

I should. (holding up the folder ) We've had our eye e n you for some time now.

G;.,RY \'Jho' s we? ( light.il'"'ig u~ ) Wait a minute ... Are you frcm -JCI._:=..,y:,iOOD?I

S?CTTS;,-JCODE You could say tnat ... We need an actor, and they say you're the bes:.

G.Z:..RY (with a Tom Cruise smile ) I do what I can.

Spottswoode does his ridiculous puppet walk 23 : ~ : ~: door.

Gary thinks for a second, and :nen walks ,,-., : -t:-ie exact J J. ·- same ridiculous puppet walk .

Gary follows Spottswoode out the backstage doer :nt o the ~lley behind the theater where a very cool and f~:~rist1c white limousine is wa1:1ng.

A very proper, ~ut cdd scki:.:J suit, and ~earing a ridcul~ ·US

::: I;:) .__J1-,-1,._..,_.,_...___..C::"rr-,-.c:c~ -..-.._..__, in your :ar and le: ;cu pu: Einge~ :~s:je ~~. -~~~ ~=

S ? ·8~ :-StJCC =-s

I ' 11 bet yot.1 ·:!.o .

S?C:TTSWOCCE Please, ~ary, I'm no: fr om ~ollywo o d, I'm not going:~ f uck ;o~r mou:h anj my ti~e is extremely v aluable.

Gary thinks, and then reluctantly gets 1nts :h e :ar.

Spottswocde f o ll ows him :he back doer and heads :he dri~er's sea:.

Inside, :he lime is even ~ere 1~cres sive.

monitors, and ccmpu:er readou:s, ~ak1ng

the inside o f the space sr.ut:le.

Gary looks around 1n ~ender.

S?OTTSWOODE Yes it is. Now suck my cock.

Gary looks shocked.

SPO:TS~ CODE (CCN7' : , Just kidding.

Spottswoode gives a wry smile, and the at a

high speed.

The Limo races down the city street at an 1~cred:~le s ~eed as some puppet homeless pe ople ~atch in awe.

The puppe t s a re ne w si:ti~g i n a bluescreen ~ar s c e ~e , ~

live a c : io n l a n ds c a p e f oot age b e hi nd : ~es .

S? OTTSWOODE Helpin g the world.

S? OTTSWOODE You see Gary, three years ago wo rld c ri ~ e was at an all time high . Terr o rism, separatism, ex t rem is~ , ALL the isms were threaten i ng wo r ld peace. Small countries were b e ing bullied by larger ones, and insane radi c als were getting their h a r. d s on nu cl ear weap o ns.

Spottswoode leans forward in his seat.

The odd~looking driver gives a sexy lo o k t~ Gar y , t r:en hits a button on the car's impressive c o ntrol p anel.

Gary Ju~ps in his sea~ as _:.fe.

- . . ' ........... - - - . - . . .....

As :~e limo panels flip,

that the flying limo ne w

the side of the limo li::

reads 'Team A.rr,er 1c:a' .

SC-1\·G A.mer ica .' .1 'Fuck :.,:eah ! THE fi CRLD _.)_ ......~-'T:~r., 1,_ ..... ___ --=-=..:::_ _ ._...r

Gar y c an't believe what ~e's seeing. He culls n1s =a:e a~ay fr om the window and falls back into his seat.

G;:..R.Y A l imousine tha: =an fly. nave seen everything.

The team is ~ade cp c f a ~igh ly intelligent, elite fighters, na=Kers and spies '.-Ji th o ne sole purpose: • :· h elp police coun tries 1n need.

s?OT:- .s~•;c,oc:: That's all spy::.ng =::::, isn't ;,-., Acting. And they say jCu're the best. An ac~or with a double maJor in engineering and a minor in world languages. Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary.

Gary thinks for a second ... Then his eyes POP wi de-

- .., .

~ore wondrous movie music plays as the camera 3CC~S - ~ ~- :~e ~ajestic Mount Rushmore .

Is it going to crash into it?

No Washington's face slowly and wondrously ope~s uo N~-=- huge hydraulics, and the limo Jet flies inside.

I~JT. TEAM AJvJERICABASE - CONTINUOUS

Inside Mount Rushmore, there is a large, slick looking base like we'd expect to see in Cheyenne Mou~tain.

When it touches the paved ground, the limo becomes a driv:~g vehicle again, and drives casually into one of the base's :-;-,any garages.

GarJ steps out o f the car and l ook s around with a w~ce : =en mouth at the HUGE hangar fIL:ED with red, white and b:~e ,..--eh1cles.

Spottswoode leads Gary into the main room of the Team .~.erica base, which is a combination of advanced technology and a cocktail friendly, fancy living room decorated with antiques from all over the world.

It actually looks like a great r oo m for a party, with a nice wet bar, a grand piano and luxurious sofa seatin].

All the team members we met in Paris are lounging a ::-,::iund 1n plain clothes. Joe is playing soft, Jazzy music en :he g ::-and piano, S~rah is reading, and Chris is pla y ing ~co :.

As Spottswoode speaks, the camera moves down the sh o rt line of team members.

S?OTTSWOODE

s~owb c arding Cha~pion and f o rmer nav v seal. She's also the c ounselor c f :~e :earn wit~ her keen emotional sk12.ls.

Sarah cl o ses her e yes and touches Gary's chest with an open palm.

nc fw bigChris steps forward, still wearing sunglasses and a sc owl. He 1:n.mediately gets in Gary's face.

CH?IS T~IS 1s supp o sed to be our new member? ~e leeks more like a GREW DEMBERt o

S?CTTSWOODE ~on't mind Chris, his bite : s ~orse than his bark. Yes, he may be lacking in the COURTESY field, but he's als o the best demolitions man in A.rner.ica.

:he driver of the limo steps forward, but :te G r e mov es his hat and mustache - it isn't a man at all, it's Lisa.

She tosses her hair back in slow motion.

LOVE-Y MUSIC swells up as we see Lisa's pretty face through a softened lens. Gary stares at her with l ov e in h is eyes.

S?07TSWOODE (CONT'D) ?ri~cetcn physics va~edictorian and sharpshc o :e:::-. anci t:rai::s.

;..i , 1 .. el ...O .

The team merrberslaugh chees1ly at F.O.N.Z.Y., t~e :cvat:e computer tal ki:-:gthrough a computer readout, ~1th F. C . N.Z . Y. ~ri~~en below it. He talks somewhat like HAL 1~ 200 ~.

SA?Jc..H

-r . ·~..._,, . "'~'J • z- • ..r .. If only I could l o ve them back. B~t I cannot feel love, for I am a computer. Gary, can you explain love to me?

SA?J,.f-! Back off Chris, (cl o sed eyes ; I sense that you're 2aking him feel intimidated.

Gary just stands there with his mouth open.

Spottswoode walks over to Gary and outs a hand o n his shoulder.

S?OTTSWOOS•E Just people ... Extraordinary people called :c juty to make the entire

\'Je a:::-e ·"'·.rne:::-::.ca's fir.es: p:..:.o :s, engineers, s o ldiers and spies - jc: in :.:-:e er:c ':'earn America 1s ..,u.s: people.

r.O. N. ::'...Y .

Spottswcode leads Gary over to FONZY's huge world screen, which sh ows conflicts and chaos as blips all over, along with L:VE ACTION footage of small wars being fcuch:.

~ary stares at the monit o rs with an coen ~cc:~.

Spottswoode gestures to the de e r behind Gary..:::lr/ looks.

The team 17.err.Ders s:ar::j door.

..~ . ~..:..- . .. ..........-··---;::- .-.,.-.-.--.,,__,._,__ .__, ......, .

-.----,·- ··· - ._, .. -

Gae,..· cac'< :::·.-..'arjs ·.-:~~en -

~::: 3 .:\ Gary ' Gary , ·,;air '

Gary steps :o fi~j :isa r~shing uo t~ ~:~.

I_-=:3A <:Ot•J1 ' i) : Gar~/, Iknow t~is is all a sudden.

GAR'f I believe in what you're doing, cu: it's not for ~e. Sn the s:age, pe c ~_s can love you and cheer ~er Jou . this thing, pecple ~cu:jn't s~e~ know I existed.

....., Gary turns away dramatically. - • I MIND ...

Gary, our cou ntr y , and the who le world is in S~RI CCS :r ou ble. Sure , you could go en being a fam ous a c:cr with lets o f glory. ~R ycu cculj u se you r God given tale n :s to helo save the entire world .

Gary turns back to Lisa.

Lis a's puppe t h and clumsily tries t o poi~t t o Sa r· :'s ~eart.

Again she slightly misses the mar k .

Lisa hands Gary a business c ard t hat read s 'Te am h~er1ca ' and then 'Lisa' with a nice photo of her 1n the co rner.

Gary walks towards the limojet and gets i n. Joe ·walks up next to Lisa.

I don't knew ... 3ut I think: see

Joe tur~s his cucoet head t o Lisa.

~xi . LI~C: 7 N M~~ORIAT - WASHINGTON D. ~ . - DAWN

As a tender, LEE GREENWOOD STYLE COUNTRYSONG plays, Gary stands with his hands in his pockets, thinking and looking at the beautiful monument.

Gary stares at the Statue of Liberty. He nods s_ c w1v as a tear we~ls up 1n his eye.

i="XT. IWOJ I~.A STATUE - (REAL , LOCATION' - JA ·:

Gary's back is to the camera as he looks at :he ; ~ea t monument. Then reverse to TRACK IN on his face.

EXT, VIETNAM MEMORIAL - !REAL , LOCATIO:·J) - DAY

Gary holds an o utstretched a~m to run ~is ~:nee~ ~l ~ng the na~es on the hall owed wal:.

f . Gary stands in front of the Red :cbster, :cck1na a: American icon with ~he same oa:=:.c .::::: :-_.::j as .""'. e ~2j --- - ......- -- ....... -- ot:1er iilo::u.ments.

Gary is sitting table-side, watching a stripper dance with the same determination and slight nod that he has ~a: c ~ed ever-ything else.

-- ---------~~___ --.,._.._. -

r::x:-. c.:..IPO - DAY

The pyr~mids loom in the distance tehind the sh1:-h c le :hat is Cairo. That crappy , screeching Middle Eas~er~ ~us1= 1s playing.

TITLE "CAIRO, AFRICA - 3,456 miles east of AMERICA.

There is a large government building, guarded by a few Egyptian GUARDS.

Now REVERSE to reveal FOUR TERRORISTS wa!k1ng ~ □ c o building.

The leader 1s MUHAMMED BAPK 2ARK.

MUP..li.MME:D BARK BARK (to his comrades) Baka ala ... BAKA ALA!'!

Suddenly, it is a scene r-ight out of 'Bla ck Hawk Down.' The Cairo townspeople run and scream in all directi ons a s ~~ 0 TERRORISTS whip out guns and start shooting :~e:r ~ a y c o the building.

AL QA!DA 7~RRORIS7 Sali< a:ierka ala'

-:.;·...:, . : ~::o. all a::-ocr ,d as Muharmned takes cut the two quards 1:--. ~hen calls out to his men to h, , ~ ~ ,....;~ -.- invade ::he v._.;....;.. ...,_--..l_.i ~.

?RESIDENT'S O;;ICE - CAIRO - DAY

A WOUNDED GUARDbursts into the President's office with a Jc~s~ct in his chest.

~he CAIRO PRESIDENT watches in horror as the guard falls dead t c the ~loor and the Al Qaida terrorists charge in behi~d r:.:..::, .

The ~resident stands up with a scared look.

tvJuhamrned Bark Bark calmly μoints his gu:1 a,.d sho c ;:s ;:he P::-es1dent in the head.

CAIRO l'-1AN WHO WILL HELP US?!

In a very dramatic moment, the huge hangar deers c f the base ope-n up, revealing a lone, silouhetted figure ,,Jalking in.

It's Gary. He walks up to the rest of - the team, ,,/ho are all smiling except for Chris.

The team converges on Gary.

~,Jel ccr::e :r:e team.

·._.--··-..- \. ~- ~-

f .. ,<~- - I - ~ ...--

(hclj:n~ cp a newspaper) From :his mcmen: en, Gary, you are a :.earn ~.e~h~:- . ~:-:e ::l :J ::;ar 1' J0~:--:stc~ is dead to t~e world.

Spottswcode :asses Gary the newspaper.

,-- - ,-..,., , ~.- ,.!"'",l What's :his ?

S ?C':':- SWOOD::: The news of your :ragic death has already n1 : :~e newsstands.

( reading :ne paper ) "Br oacL ~ay actor s:--,ct Dead by ? cl ice Af:er ?aping =i ~e ~on:h Jld Bab y ". . ,·/!--!.::.~?'

S ?C,T~ S~~OCDE I t ol d you, ycur dea:h had : o be faked in o rder : o JOl ~ th e team.

GAR.'f I KNOWBUT WHY THE : 1JCK DID YOU HAV:: TO SAY I RAPED A rI VE: MONTHOLD BABY?~?'

Spottswoode thinks.

S?OTTSWOODE Oh. Well, a car accident seereed cliche.

Gary plops down into a ,-~,. ,....,,-

"The metro police stated that -- Gary Johnston most likely had been having sex with babies all his life"?~?~

We had to make it believable.

F.O.N.Z.Y .

The team members all dash into the lounge area.

IN'!. rc-.r,.,tvJAMSRICA BASE - LOUNGE- DAY

The Team Mernbers run into ':::he lounge and ov e.!:" to rONZ"r'' s

lar;e world map readout.

S?077SWOODE rcCNT'D) ..~:) ~ary ) : c~e : ~ give yoL :ime to settle

s k :: :s ri~~: away. __ :2~2 ~ :errcr:st?

3~t I don 't LCOK :i bvan .

Si?OTTSWOODE 1 :,.;r y smile) Ch , leave that to u s.

- ~. ~ ♦7~AM A~E?I:A 3ASE - ~E~~CAL ROOM - CAY

Gary is sit:i~g in something :hat l ea ks : :ke a d en:is:' s c~air with extremel y e xpen si ve surgical and computer equ :~~en : all ar8u nd h.:..:-r..

prepar1::q a lase :-

:..ISA Sa ra h :s a professional at s~1 n

J u st : ry tote st : 11 .

COOL ~USC kicks in and a quic k mont age ~eg1ns , ~uch ! i ke t~e on e n the unwatc hable r11m '?a c e C ff,' :n wn1cn ~ary's :ace is tra n sf o r ~ ed.

Quick ly cut between shots of surgery : col s and lasers being picked up and applied, computer graphs o f Ga r y 's face, and that of a Middle Easterner's face. Sarah w1?1ng sweat o ff her forehead as she wor ks her magic .

Finally, the surgery is finished and ~e co tack =~ re al time.

Fr om Gar y 's POV in the op erating c na1r , ~ e C QQ - - 0 ~ther :earn r..erribers staring at him.

Arnaz1ng.

S ?CT'I SV'JOC:DE Sit up and take a look, Gary.

Gary sits up i n the chair a~d l ooks in the mirror .

He looks ridicul=~s - ~=:~i~g but a -~r-'~..__, - .I., ..L •.~,/~ade, black beard anj ~rown ~22e 02i~: ~u:

- -:::::iges .

--._, ·--· - ~-,I e..L.:.:- __,.i::;, ~2[.

Cra~atic Music Stine .

Now :he team mer'.'bers ac:-e in :he::.r super eccl =,..:::::_t:s, s: ::::_:--:c around a slick briefing table, as Spct:swccde ..:ses _ ~aser poi~:er to she~~ pcsi.::i.-:r- ~s c:-1 FSNZY'S r;u•:;e ---:, .r-..-s : •--=-Y" .S(:::-e2:-.s.

S ?ST TSWCC:DS The terrorists are in this buildinc here .

:o f e r; a ~eri~e:er around the tui:jir::J.

S~ct :swc cde tal~s, -- -... .'.:)-C: -

~::.th a menacing smile.

s?o::swoc~s :c ~r· o, Once the outs:~e ::_s sec~re , ~a ry will get past t he guards acting l::.~e a sympathetic terrorist who want s t o join. Ten minutes. That's all vou ' v e got, Gary, to tr y and find out SOMETHING that will lead us to ~n c is funding these bastards . After that, the team :ioes 1n . :::f :r,':: terrorists res::.st arrest - vcu ar e all authorized t c use de a dly f c r 2e .

-=~?.=s _- ............_, _ _---___,-. _ My fav ori te k::_~j : f

TRACK IN on Gary's face as :\ad ~--1~JSiC Kicks ~;, ~ = 3~ ~-

sn:..p.

jc~~ cc~veyor tel :s and :1:~p1ng on:: ~=~ :~g ~~~:fcr~ s ~~cp :he:r ::~? f:g~res 1~:o the sea:s cf :~e:r :et.

cnce aga:n-

~xr. MOUNT RUS~MORE - JAY

The Team America Jet flies gallantly out of the case.

Joe is pilct1~g the ship and Chris is:~ : ~e sea: ~e x:-~ him.

JOE: / into headset ) Team America One 1s underway.

Meanwhile, Lisa is sitting next to Gary :n the back.

Back up in the cockpit, Chris is staring at Gary, then turns to Joe.

v "......) :... I believe i:-: S~c::swccde . belie"/e ::--:.:=;a!:\/.

- - . --~ ..... .._ :-: ;<, ..:._.:: - - - - - - ,_ - ,_

The huge Team America :-leli:je: l 3nds bloc red off by se•:eral '.)ui.:..,:ii:-:::s.

Caira citizens run ar:d screar. , .:.n al:;_

Finall y , it settles to a st oo and :he ~a1n ::: :r ~~e:.s.

Chris lS the first one out the ......,.._..._ _:,,....,... --,. _ ____ ... ,.-,--._ ,,_.

1n a_~ a.:.rect.:.ons tc) ma .-c~ su:-e i.t's saf-2.

\._.,r-1 - '°';:,_.__..,_ r I.

Now Sarah ccmes -Y.Jt . She .:.rru..ej.:.a:e~~.- ::::::r-2:::.se:=: frightened, Egyptian ~eople.

The people all just look scared sh1tless as t~e team merr~e~s disembark.

Chris stbps Gary with :he bu:: :-:1 S

,-. ......,- ,-.. .._.'.';.:<• .1..~ I'm warning you, not sh o: , you be:r a; us on this mission and I'll have no problem taking you oc: myself.

Joe quickly wedges himself between Chri s a nd Ga ry.

; f

~a.:::-j ~~llows Joe as Chris continues : o scare a :

~ v ~ CAIRO BUILDING - DAY

Abeu'::. a block away from the governIT'.ent buildi, ,g, Gary sneak up through an alley. More frighte ned scatter at the sight of Joe's huge gun.

Gary waves his arms around goofily and jumps ~o a~j

Gary takes a deep breath and starts t o walk a~ay .

..... .., r"P'OQ: c~-- Gary just stares at Joe, this doesn't ·- ...._; t t..._..

-·'-._, .

he just gives a ~cc oac~.

EX! . CAIRO 3UIL~ING - DAY

Gary nervously walks amongst all the people cf Cairo. ~e sti:l locks absolutely ridiculous with his shitt y brown ~ake up and crappy beard, but nobody seems to notice.

Gary alDcst makes it past the two guards when o ~e o ~ them pushes him backward.

Gary leaks s c ared.

JOC~ GUARD (CCNT'Jl :<::::..AC:<-~-CAK! ? ? I

cock their weapons, waiting f o r something bad t o ~appen.

Sack at the door the guard again snaps at Gary, this time poking him in the chest with his gun.

~ea~wh1le, Spottswcode 1s sitting in h s i~o c r:a ~: :ha ir, watching this all go down on v ideo men tors.

Sl?OTTSWOODE Corne on Gary ... ACT... You HAVE the power ...

~XT. CAIRO BUILDING - SAY

With one final push the guard yells at Gary.

8'.)C?. GvARD

·-~•·'--- - - , 2r:a s~a.::.s

..;.,h- - ~-✓_ '-- ...~ :erk.s. 2aKadak.

- ...... -- -- ~ ......

G.~r\Y r:•:2 ·t-JT' U) Cerka Mal.a ~aala Sherpa Sherpa'

The guards leak at each o ther then the o ne pus~es Garv :~s1ae, letting h i m pass .

The team me~bers all let cut a sigh of relief.

To : d y ~~ he was To p Gun .

- ,-.._- 0~ ,:.., Al right, team , wat=h ! er any s i;~ s of trouble.

~x:. EGYPTIAN BUILDING - ~~v

Lisa and Sarah stand next t o each o ther h ol ding their GIGANTIC g~ns aimed at the building.

(dreamy) Yeah, sure.

-. - --. - . : 0 ..-.. ::v-~;, Do you think he ~ould g o out with me?

l.S r:c: ·., 1 i::--'. a :.earr 1 !i:errl:,er , Sarah .. :o o ~a.:..nfLll to see them die.

:~7. ESY~TIAN BUILDING - DAY

~~e terrorists bring Gary into the terrorists' :a:r . ::irrs:10 , :Jrer:ade launc!-lers, etc are all over the ::,lace.

:-:·..1:-,:=,:-:-~edSark 3ark is at a fax machine, sen::.:..,; ; a :-:-"::-s s a ::2 t~at :s written in Korean .

Gary nervously eyes the piece of paper. '.'1uharrnned c atches 11~, and gets in Gary's face.

That's when the glue on Gary's beard decides ~r ; .:..~e out, and the whole thing just drops to tne :loor.

~ary freaks and picks the teard up, secur.:..;;'.} face, but it is too late - the terrorists saw.

The terrorists wave their guns about knowing this :s an a rrb u sh . The l ea de r r :.1n s to the w i n do w and ~ o s k s c:..1 t , spot t i n g Sarah hiding 1n the distance with her cannon of a ;un .

SXT. ,.-. :. 7:; r'\------..... - ... - -:. \ ,.' ---.. - . . _,

---------~-·-- .. ,...............-.. ·.-.; - ._ .. ~ .

-··-,_, ..- ~~ -- __,---~

~t-:e team rrerrl:,e~s loc ·K 2•ack to ::-:e buil.:ii::c-

wall and starts :c speed a~ay.

-:-:-:eou:- ter-:-o:-.:.s:s a!:'e l!"'l ::t-'.e .::ar,al c ng ·..:i ti-:_.:::, ,,,,.. ,.:.s '-- ---- .~, stil 1n disguise.

,r,. ,- _ - .. , ~ ~\ .....: - .....:;

-..- .-.:::- .----!-

~x~. CAIRO STRSE7 - JAY

- ~ ,

~isa runs towards the building as scatter ct .!. .l. ove r screaming for their lives.

....-.._. --,·-

~x7. TERRORIST'S -~~~ . - ....:

Gary freaks out and screams 1n the back as :he terrorists make their escape at high speeds.

EX7. CAIRO STREET - DAf

Silence for a moment, and then-

Team America four bursts out frcm the alley' TeaiT.

Four is a truck / hovercraft kind o! thing ~ithlo:s and r;,issi.les.

-.Je e, Sa~ah, andChris are inside :earn P..r:e!:"ica ~c ·..:.::-1 c:"':as:.:--::: a::::"::r the Jeep.It quickly ~orphs from a ~ehic:e i:"::: ~ : .::-e cf a hovercraft kind of thing, as the a·wesor.,e :-ea:-:-:_:.5er:. : 3 rr,usic c :m-cinuest o play.

c-·,'T S'.:=Y '?T - NEAR THE: PYRAI'IJIDS - CON7HW OCS

The jeep with the terrorists speeds down the streets outs:de o f Cair o .

:-earn .::i.rerica four quickly catches up and starts- ~ y--;::::,, ~ • I • t he J ee~, no t realizing Gary 1s 1~s1je.

-=-he missileflies past the car and blows U:J or - r , o pyramids.

Meanwhile, in the car, Gary 1s fully panicking.

Joe looks through his binoculars at the Jeep.

BINOCULARS POV - We see Gary in the ba c k seat, :~r :"':e d ar a~ nd and waving his arms in desperation.

BINOCULARS POV - Gary waves and screams.

I (

:eeks like he's say:rg 'fiss me,

:~r:s fires :we ~~ss:.les.

and m:ss1~es gc :r:to the Sphir:x :.:-.s:-2a::::.

Lisa searches arcund the building and realizes that Gary isn':. in :here.

::.ISA ,Jh ~-/ God.

Lisa fran:ically shou:s into her headset.

·,,,___ ;-:0,...,.:::;, ~r- T !""' ~hat'chya sot ~eese?

I'm going after h1~ 1

Sarah stands up in the Hovercraft and hits a b~::on. Suddenly, a flying snowboard kind of thing detaches fr om Team liJnerica four ar:d Sarah s 1...:rfs her ·,,;ay thr c __;::;:-::he air towards the Jeep.

S ?GTTS1JCOCE Copy.

Sarah flies the snowboard over the jeep and grabs Gary by the back of the shirt, hoisting him out of the car.

Then she banks r ~ht, zooming bac k :r.e -~ ::-'.e.:s flai:i~g miserab y below her.

---.~ :e:-::-orists :.--.-:: .:-::::.::.

T::::?.RGR:::ST

The driver spins the wheel, buc it's too la:e, :hey ocl::de into the caravan, and che car flies : n to :he air a~s e x2: od es.

Goodnight you terr o rist sons cf bi:c:hes.

~XT. CAI~ O - A fEW MI NUTES LATER

~ i s a r~ns UD to J O:n the rest cf the team.

~ ......-:::..~ t: ;:i'---'~~ r \y. • I"3ar y are JOU alright ? '

·-...::..-.: ,.:.. Oh God, i,:sa-

The t wo e .nbrace in a hug.

Gary and Lisa realize their embrace ::..s to e, ,:;. -~.:_=k l ·•;. let go of each other.

GAR.r' i C:::::NT' D ) The terrorists were re c ei v ing ..... ..... , . ..........' ..... coded message fr om a gu y named ' K::..~ Jong Il' just before they found me out.

Joe speaks into his watch.

S?OTTSWCODE: T~a:'s ?reat, team, well done' back :o base for briefing and C:8cKta2-ls.

Spo ttswoode disappears off of Joe's watch. Sarah ~a!ks up to the crowd o f Egyptians, who are amassing o n the horr1tle scene of carnage and destruction.

J"GE Cairo can no~ go back to wonderful cld self' You have beer:

Gary sriles ard steps forward to receive h:s ~ra:se ~~~ ;:cry, but~: su rprised to find-

EG'f?TIAN PEOPLE B0000 ! '! !

The Cairo townspeople all grab t omatoes fr o~ the knocked over carts and throw them at the team members who just smile and wave. All except for Gary, who seems quite put off as a tomato hits him in the head.

CLOSE UP on a tray of delicious looking ccckta:ls. ?ULL BACKto show Spottswoode setting the cocktails dow~ an the coffee table in front of the team members ...,•ho are a:l back in plain clothes and lounging about comfor~abl;.

S ?CT':'S\tJOODC: Kim Jong Il is the President of Ncr~h Korea. We've suspected that he's been helping terrorists for some time.

:s wcrki~a c~ jeccdi~c - -

3 u: '.,.j :--. ·: .... ,_, ._.._. __: ,,...,; :.:·· --- •1~ ....... - -

up to SOMSI~ING. ~hat do YOU think, Ga.::.-v ?

:ary :s still g etting :crnatc o ut o : his hair~::~ a :ewe~.

✓Jel: , ~ r... . :~:.s rr-tay De a bi~ off t opic, but. Di d anybody notice :hat :he peop:e thr ow:ng t offiatces at

:. :-.a:.

Why?

s?c--.:::-swccc E Those people in Cairo simply don't know what's good for them, Gary. Believe me, the rest of the world appreciates what you do.

sound from the nearby :elevisicn suddenl y g etslouder, and Gary turns his head to see soffie cf the ne~s.

scrolling along the

NEWS RE?CP.TER Today, cries of shock and outrage around the globe as the actions of Team America once again spark fury.

Gary sits up and leans ..LI i •

·,1ari o 1JS pe o ple arc u~d :~e

A h uge mob of well known Hollywood ACTCRS a re ~ar c~ :ng j~ ~n 3n LA street.

Gary watches Spottswoode walk away then turns back to the television.

Now giving an interview is MR. ALEC BALDWIN, the head of

~ ....

_:,..:::::::::RS

~ARY ~~ec 3aldw:n ... ~e was ny favori:e act o r gr~w:ng up. ~ idolized him.

Ci-ECS THA7 figures' Alec Baldwin is our biggest opponent!

ALE:::::3.Zl.LDWIN What are we doing sticking our nos e i n o t~er co untries' business? 7ea~

~:::-a1r .~..r::er-~ ::a IS :he pr cble~ l ~

sl o ·,'y·J..~/ Ga~y 's

AL~ ~E DO WHENWE POLICE :~E ~: SLC I S ~:.;;KE MC·RS TERRCRISTS ~

~Jew cut to a different in:er v :ew, •..;i:!: ·-~~ his name below.

New it's Mrs. Susan Sar a ndon , with her na~e beicw.

SUSAN SAP}\NDCN If this country continues : a a~swer problems wi th ~:clen ce - I w1i_ ~c ~e : a r:=tu.NCE 1

We cut to stupid puppet versi o ns of these actors as Mr. Baldwin says their names.

,..._ -- ..., ~ - I -. ' '-" ..._,. ·•... - ~e de~a~d tc see on r.cw Team A.rner.:..::a :::;::er a :es' line 1s drawn HERE' _: is :~.e -~ --

~ary walks out in a oan1c.

Gary is standing on a beautif u l h illt op tr.a: .:..s =a r: - - ~~ ~ ~cnument, as dazzling stars t~i~~le s ::::: par ody c f that shi::y Aerc s m.:..th ~ .:..ss a :~ing' pla ys.

:.:..sa ~al ks ~o behind Ga r v .

You 2 kay?

Gary turns away .

f-:ey. .:..et

I had a brother once. His name was Tommy. He was a jock, captain of little league football team and ] O □ d at every sport. My parents l ov ed him ... A LOT mo re than ~e ... = ~as always into theater, s o □ om and dad thought I was gay, and that Torr.my was their only hope at grandchL .dren.

3ar y , : don': care'~ vou're gay. Ne~ther d c es :he res: cf the world.

r- .... - •,t -.::.-~C- !. a;~t =':n nc-:- -~_;·r".

:..rs~. It's o kay, Gary , reai1y.

Gary c ~ses his eyes, puts his hand on Lisa's aGd so ftl ; ~ev es n f o r a kiss. Lisa turns her head away.

'.:;ary , no .

Lisa gets up and takes a few dramatic stecs a~a·: .

- I ,....J

-- -- ---'""'·. --

Ga ry :akes'-.:._5:3 -

:: 3 .: : :: . _:

: ·c1clc.ng

SCt·JG Or: lj,,: a ~.r-:::~--::a n .............. ; ., Can ::J::2gt::e n v ; J - ...·,' _.. ,.....- .....,.,......- can :::Jt..:•::~~ .~e- - ':::· . -

~ -- ----- ~

The romantic s o ng con ~inues 2s ~isa ar:d ...:a:-·: <l::::::: - - =- bedroor.,.

Is a llc we d : c :cu ch ~e =~e: e : c ~:-: -- -.,-. . ,'..-'- , . -~ . ... c,

~1sa takes a s~ep a way - her ~~9~e t ha:: t ~ : ~ :~~ : e~~e: _.· the wind from the window. She ~~tu:: c ~s he: s~ : : : ~ ~= - ~ : s it fall,- revealing her supple, clasc1= ~ : eas:s .

SC1VG ~con:-' : ·, Only a woman, babe Can do the things you do O:,ly a ,v·::::r:-:ar: Can feel as soft n' r ight as j'C~ -

Lisa is laid down onto the bed and Gary :aL: s

1n eir two naked, sweat y puppet bodies wr .:..:~e 3n~ me ~~ ~ :t h each other.

CLOSE-UP of Gary putting Lisa's breasts .:..n h.:..s ~ou t h.

SONG r cc~;:-•01 You're a woman, babe, a~d :~a: ~akes you alright with me.

~ sa rolls over on top of Gary and gently starts :o r:=e h m.

Now a shot that has absolutely ~c p:ace i~ :~:s =ea~::~~:

~er osrnith moncage. Gary behind Lisa, tucking ~er ~ r ~~ ~e~:~~ and slapping her ass.

Quickly get o ff that shot, and back to more te~jer lo~e~a~:~=.

Finally, the song, and the lovemaking fades.

Gar '; is o n top of Lisa, looking down at her'"'r.c::, ~- ..

::-----1

But Lisa puts a clumsy puppet finger to Sarv's ~:~ s .

Lisa's finger doesn't actually quite make it to Gary's lips, more like his left cheek, but we all get the point.

Aca1n with the finger to the lips - this time ~ore :o the eye area.

~ ---.

The camera slcwlj 300MS DOWN - beneath the water,

lower, and :~en ~1nally settling on a huge, crazv

underwa ~er base .

~ :ew ~1::~e ~1nn c ws swim around the base, made :o lock l1ke

C. • ....1 s n.

-;:-:::-=-:::.,:::· :<::::t-1;c~JG r L's UNDERWATER LAIR'

:::~}'T . KI ~J ..:C ~J:::;' I..,I s u ND ERWATER LA I R

~=>! : :=•~,r: =~:s s~ar:n,:;; cut at the ( .-ceal ) fist--1 tr ..:-:;1..:g~ -=~e ::-.: cl:, ,;lass ,..:.:_0::::0\ -JS of his evil base. ne is a s:: -or:, \·er-J goo f y look:ng ~an with silly hair and thick, r ound ~~asses. ~everal ~er:~ ~orean WORKERS mill about the lair.

_:._L'.::'31.::.N ?.:..:::::::=ALwalks in nervously . Kirn J"ong Il :·-.:r:---.s : '.)

KIM J"ONG IL My UNDERWAWER WAYER. So what went wrong 1n Cairo?

'-..,- ' "-.,·--- 1',, l -i...:;• .-

::e __·=·....: - - , . . ' . :a __ s :~: 2 :ne co _2 ~a: ~ r . -·•--- -.,. . ____,.......,..._ ..:_.: ~ - ."""\~·· ::--._-. :...: - .......-:.-..J

2(j_r:t Jc-r.g '.J~2.::k l· .· ~ -..1s:-:es :-~le-:: :.:; :::e 1.2:-~e ·N·.:.r.j: .·~vs ~ ,__:: ✓- ~~ c u: :n:c the ocean 's d epths.

8u tside the glass , :.:..oats up

:::..::::'3 I.;N R..:;DI =-~.L ·:c ,.~.-~..:;.:;_:._~-:-;'. ' ,~;rt~ GHHC~: : !

KI ~1 JONG ~ la :Jghing ) - ------ -- : ~~~_)

(c all i ng cut : he wind ow) HSY KC:SP YC)R APJv1S~~,~-r_::NG t-t~·:{3::: _:'~ ~: RIVE RONGER'.

Kim Jong Il now walks ov er to ~i s wc rkers.

The Koreans all look at each c t~er, corf~sed .

KORE;:.,NOr:ICI.i;L We th oug ~t Ca:ro ~as pwan H.

NO' Cairo was pwan G'

KOREAN OffICIAL You sure? We fink Paris was pwa n G.

~rama::c Mus:: s::NG.

':"'I';~,_.,....,,~11 ,-..., 4.-. •, ..Ll n , ,.-,...,..._..·.ve::~,

Say did a nv c f you gcys hear :2~d bang:ng last night?

Gary a~d ~isa look at each eth er.

t. O.N.Z.Y. ALARM. ALARM.

-=-~e ~e arn rnernbers all ju :np up and {Nalk ov er to :·::·r,;zy'ssc:-eer:.

S?OT7SWOODE W~at ' ~e you get, fONZ?

t. O. N. Z. Y. : ~av e Just fin:s~ed decoding t~e Korean messa ge fou~d in Cairo.

f.0.N.Z.Y. The message gives the address of a theater in Beijing, China. Along with a date and time. Eleven o'clock. TODAY.

,,,.._. •r-- - --

V-1hc =ares ?

r.e l :=: :- ·· :--::·.· -- t.•-:: · --. - --.:::.

:r.en •• •- ~ ••1---.::; ___.. -._ ;:;- .,L.,... .=:.---..:e .. - . - .........--- -~....., .L..- •_,, .....·=- - --.. ...,

i="X':'. SKY - CAY

~earn A~erica Six burs:s : :--.e s :(",/as jumps in once more.

'-'"'' • ·'--'•. ~---- __."- - .....- - - - ·· --

~ o del o f Bei j :~g.

,,.,7'T" T........ .. .....i ........t""' •'Bei jir.g , .~si a :...:e-s:

I NT. BEI JIN G OPERA :-!GUSE - c,.Js:-<

A crowd of hundreds of Chinese p~p p e t s a re ga:~ered cc ~at:~ CHINESE ACROBATS onstage.

The acrobats are getting their frail bod ies in remark able positions as the shitty CHINESE 'i'E<ADITIONALBAND pla:_,;s that horrible twang and bang shit.

CHINESC::SJ NG Perrrrrrrrrrrr TOO 70 0 TOO :J O' Perrrrr TOO' ?er TSO' ?e r TOG'

The acrobats form themselves ~nt c s c ~e : :-s a ~e 3:r ~= : ~ re and the crowd goes wild wi:h applause .

As the act continues, Kim Jo ng !l enters in t he cacK .

OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS as he sneaks his way down the side aisle, and takes a seat in one o f the middle rows. Kim Jon g Il places a suitcase with ~lashing ~ights down on th e flo o r:

The team members are back in their kicking ass o utfits, all seated at va rious stati on s in the jet's cockpit.

Cf_!SK

:LOS~ ~Pon Gary's wrist watch. It 1s flashing and we c an hear Lisa's voice.

As Gary brings his wrist uo towards his face, the camera follows, and we see that

He is made up once again, this time like a Chinese Man. ~a ke up Job is just as bad as the last one; worse; with en slanty eyes and f a ke buck teeth.

GAR'! Copy , Lisa . I ' ~ 1ns1de the tuildina . No sign cf :err a rist act:~it y .

Gary moves his head, s canning along the Asians 1~ :he audience.

:'he team members watch the rr.oni tors

Wait, go back' Go back :o _e:-:. , Gary.

The image moves back to the left, and Sarah hits a button to zoom in.

The team sees what she sees: Kim Jong .:.i si:::ng :he audience'·

:.:'s

:::::-..:l r. - ·,-.... . - ,.....,___ - - -• •'-'" .._,.: I

3~: Lisa oreaks ,~

'.'lC I NO 1 ! Ga .::-y , ·_:_,·,.....,.L- ....-- •~O'r"'C .I. '- - '- I• can't risk l o sing jCLl' ! 1

All the team members lean irito :rar: ,e to get a .:..oek _:::;:::;'..:a: Lisa.

Lisa cowers slightly.

C!-'.~IS Looks like s c:,,ebody aot a slice r ook ie pie last ~ight.

Sarah's face drcps.

Yo u

~isa leeks at the floe.:.

S.~R_n.t: \ ::~JT' C; ~- ,_..,..L 1--__..:_u- -- But you KNEW I liked Gary' you'

That isn't ~'- -- .._....._I ;:::.

SA?.AH You SLUT!

Kim Jong Il looks suspiciously o~ er at Gary, Chinese soldiers on their shoulders.

... . GU\lS? . ....=uys, =: r.eed -,_,..;ha:. : :.

What is '::.~a: s~occsed :o 2ean?

.....; ,-'._,, Oh come o f Sa:-ah, you has always :-:ad ac::-usn on.

s.:..?J.,H Joe . you'~e ~ike a cro~r.e~

I'~ .Ie e~,;er liKe ci~ 'I-.:._ke a. b:--=.:~~-2:-.' It isn't fair~

:'.:NT. BEIJING O!?E?_n. i-!0USE - :.::AY

i<i:it Jeng Il andthe Chinese UC ar .dt-.ead towards Gary.

Sarah looks at Chris, incredulous.

CH?.I S Oh Jesus ...

Then Gary's voice comes screaming through the 1n:e r-:::orn.

Back in the theater, Gary now sees Kirn Jong I l pass ,: '"' shake hand s with two more important looking(::hi nes -2 rn

:-:-,en .

C?_l..SH ~ ~ ! ! The team members all BURST throu~h : :-:e s .:.::ie ~" -he theater 1n their jet.

~ ~ e C~inese people all scream and scatter 1n ~a r:..: ~s cii:-ections ..

T:--,e tear.. :r.em.bers come flying o ut c:-f :h e :,?: ' s •:::::::-:-r·.., c::.::,· .-.e.:i: :..:--::; l.:.gh:s on their heads that cut :~rough the s m2k e a n j :~e rubble. The y scream at the tops o f their ~~n;s a s :nev -~n~e at the :errorist with their huge g~ns.

LI S.Zl. GARY?!?!

CHINESE CCMEDIAN #1 BOYN S00 MA!' ' '

Several Chinese look at each other.

CHINESE: MAN #2 Nang tsu lan tao'

The Chinese military men pull out guns and start f iring at Team America.

/

Jee t~r~s his gen o n the Chi:1ese man and riddles ~:s bed\· '...;i c h b 1..1l let s .

Kim Jong Il manages t o escape out the back, while the :~:~ese bl ock Team America's way .

More Chinese suddenly emerge from the curtains on the stage with M -l 6s and start to fire at the team members.

Gary watches in horror as Chris rolls on his back and fires his two pistols at two Chinese men's heads.

Now Lisa sees a Chinese guy leveling his gun at Gary , preparing to shoot--

~:1 sl::::>mo,Lisa dives in front o f Gary and ta kes .._,,_ 0 hl•.._, __.."'- -• -- '-- :-1e!'self ..

Joe sees this and fires his huge M-60 and mows down twenty Chinese, their body parts flying all over the place.

Gary c rawls to Lisa and sc oops her up in his a r~s. She took the shot in her shoulder.

L:SA I'm o kay, Gary. I ' m ok a y .

finally, the smoke clears and we see that only the team members are standing. A hundred dead Chinese puppets lie strewn all around in pools of blood.

Out of breath, Joe brings his watch up to his face and talks

into it.

S?OTTSWOODE (sadly, o n the watch- s.:::-eer.) There was nothing you could do, team ... nead back for briefing ... a::d :::c::cktails.

~xT. ~OUNT RUSHMORE- DAY

Establishing.

:::~JT. TEAM -~E:?-::'.:CA BASS - DAY

Again, we start on a close-up of the cocktail tray as i: is brought in and set on the coffee table.

T'.ie :earn members are back in casual wear and l oun ,J1ng, ex:::eot f o r Gary, who looks shaken and d ist urbed.

S ?OTTSWOODE (•..;alki ng in) Lisa is goi ng to be o kay, team. These God damn Chinese terr o rists ~issed her heart by an inch.

·:HR IS Well then I'm glad we taught those terr o rists a lesson'

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C~?:S er.

SAP~~!-: I 'm se~sing hcst1li:y :r om you.

A c~cy :.ear Mount Rushrncre is alive ~1th b ars a~ = -~~=s.

IN T. SAP - tJIS.YT

Gar-; .:.s s.:..::.:..:.gbar, hav.:.:--1g a JO \t:.Jt.1sl\-· 3. lc· t h::.s'7", ind.

1.:;.~?-Y' S ?.~ R::r~TS a re e n ~he s!""'.c.:-e :~e .:_aKe = : e =~::~ ; _

cicr .~::.

GARY'S \ 1CT ~::: R Gary' Tommy' Time ::::J.: l u:-ic h'

Out ~n the lake, eight year old Gary, o!i d h: s c:~:~ e r are kaya~ing. They are ra c ing and Gar y 's brother : s Wi~~:~g 0, a lot.

GARY'S BROT!--:i::R Come on, Gary!

Gary is a little weak, and can't keeo up .

I win again'

Gary's :ather watches ,-_,/ ' _.t -- •.

GARY'S E"ATHER See that, Gary? You sh o uld pla y sports like your brother i nstead of being a thea ter :ag 1

G.:..RY' S ?AT!-:SR S:...:re ·-✓-"J u. are~

:on': te sc ~ard en b.i~, dad .

::1:::i.den~22.:ys~:~;s n:s c ar and·.:..... ~.: ....._.::,- ::-.e :a. __ s :he ·.✓ a ter

Tormny floats do,,m the lake, barely consci ous , :r 1·:.n; to st:::'/ a~loat. His parents can only helplessly watc~ fro~ s~cre .

GARY' S tATHER GARY' SAVE YOUR BROTHER'! 1

Gary slowly star:s to paddle, but he's as =lur.,s·,1 as ever.

GARY'S MOT!--iES. SAVS HIM, GARY' I I

~;.::;·,.; :-cr-my's lifeless puppet body shoots do'.-::, ·,::-::..:e .-.-:::-::.::- :-3~,i_.js, collidir.·:J :n to :-2::Ks.

GARY'S M~THER (CONT': NOOOO I I I

Gary can only watch as his brother goes over ~ ~s:erfall and splatters dead onto a group of boulders.

Little eight year old Gary starts to cr 1 .

G}\PY' S t.Z..THER (crying) Now all we have is

Gary buries his head in his hands and -_ r-_ , -·~ -.-✓..,... . ! •

That's when he hears a familiar voice coming ff ~~ elsewhere in the bar ...

-t has teen my HONOR to be a ~art cf :he Sout h Dakota film festiva l . jus t wish cur COUNTRYwere run as smoo :hl y as :his ~esti v al was'

~-:EN IN '";:'HS BAR

Gary turns and sees that Ale c Baldwin is :nceec holdi ~~

1n the VIP c o rner o f the bar.

E:VSRYONE YEAH' / T~AT'S RIGHT ' / etc.

Mr. Baldwin s miles, then suddenly shifts his eyes rig ht at Gary. He stare s oddlJ at Gary.

~a ry qui ck: y spi ns ar oun d, puts up his c o lla r a ~a ~al ~s o·- c f :he bar ~i:h :he b o ttle o f scotch.

Gar y walks o ut the doo r and quickly makes his ~a y jcwn : he block. But a few seconds later, Baldwin emerJes ~r c 2 : he ba r and tr ots down to eat en up .

ALEC B.~LDWIN Exc use me, don't I know yo u?

Gary kee ps walking, but Baldwin gets in h is ~a y .

ALE:C BALDWIN Well, surely , you know ME.

ALEC 2.Z:•.LDWIN You look so familiar ...

Ga r y very.nervously hides his face.

Gar1 relaxes, in fact, he 2..ights '..!D.

Gary can't help but smile.

Gar :; winces.

The p uppets ponder this statement f o r a fe w s ec2~ ds .

GARY · /CONT'D) What I mean is, things aren't 3lwa;s what they seem.

This is where Alec Baldwin gets a good look a: Gary's watch. It very clearly has a Team America Logo on it. Baldwin tries to act like he didn't notice.

,-. ..... ::, . , ..=r .....- :

='2a ?aa,

_ =an ~eio vc~ .:..~ ary ~a y , yo u ' .!.l ·=al~ :.,e ..

Gary takes the card, which still simply says 'Alec Sald wi~ - "'"".,., .--. t r .-'>·-.0 ar.d then has a

~lee 2al dwin sta=:s to walk away , but :hen :~rns ~ack a =a~ ~c.

A~EC SAL~WIN (CONT'D' ( a c: in g he a ·Ji l y ) ~hat does it take to c hange a country? Cne man. Ju st ... One. Brave. Man. And then that man would become ~he ~c s : telo ~ed ~an .:..n :h e wo=lj_ ..

_-;:.,,t-:·c...:; e 2 1..:s.:..c sti~:; as Gary ·.-:a:::ches Bald win ·,:alk a•.._3·:

God, he .:..s SO Good.

~ar v sighs and takes a sw::.g f.!:"or.1r..:.s :..---,......_-;: 0 J..... ..._J '- ........... - •

Gary is walking down the street and drin king he a ~ ::.iJ from the sc o tch bottle. He 1s wasted, hearing voices in his head.

GARY'S fATHER (V.O. ) Gary! Why can't you be like yo ur brother?!

Gary is now so drunk that his puppet body .:..s ~ea~:n; and dipping as he walks. ~e s:u=s o ut shouts as ~e =~~oles.

I I M NOT GAy I I I

/

finally, Garv ~c~::s onto :he s:ree: and then ~asses it.

-··--- . -...,..,_ ...

-------

--,"-!.--" _:r: ,----c:: .., ·.._ ..._~.•---'-----

~he main r ccm o f :he tase is very, very q~iet a~d dark.

It appears a burglary m:gh: be :aking place, as a flashligh: scar.s tr:e -:''.::.P·1~1.~ ....1~~: c .; c:::-::;:::..l:e~s as sr-1eaky· ~VJCSI ·= p~ays .

'The s::ans scme .:abinet s, and :hen settles c :1 a cra·,;er t:-:a: says 'Team _r:._rr,er::.ca i="'il.:::s' and ~elow that ' Dcn't let the General ?ubli:: See :hese.

~ black gloved hand c reeps in and slides the dra~er open .

..~

_:._ndC:.r.en suddenly the .::,i....,~- __- ....... .:::-, folder in his guilty hand, attra c tive sleep-wear.

Gary, what are you doing?

Gary looks at the folder in his hand, and then at h is fellow team members. He seems like a deer ir: headl1:;h:s f:>r a second, but then quickly regains his co~cosure.

What are ;cu :alk:ng abo~t?!

SARC..n That isn't '.:rue. a group corrmitted t o making theworld a bet t'.:' r place!

c ~e~ ; c u r eyes, Sar a h' Ev erv=ne H~TSS ·,_:s :

5 ?c-:-:S>JCC~ :: ~e;, e~er;~~e ~a:ej ~inn1e : ~e ?cch,

S ?OT':' S>IOODE Well I did . :hat cocksucking bear kille d Jack Ken~ ed v .

Gar; 1s rendered ~cme~:ar:lJ speechless.

S?OT TSWOODE (CONT' D) Now li sten, Gary, you c an't go ar ou~d ba sin g dec isi cns en ~hat's ;oi~ ; tc ~ake :h e 2cs: pe cp ~e 1n the ~cr ld

-...;.-.~ . .:.. ' . ~ave :~er :.~~: :c Just :::;__ ~ i:--~:J ar ..y·coun4:.:- ·.- ar: C erif : r·=e ,:,.::~___-f . la·ws'

- .-...- ·~·v t.. Gary, we' re sa v :.,.g LI' i ::S'

G;..RY WHOSE Lives? 1 1 ne lives dee ided by t he P..merican President? ' You peep le are all Just puppets with war-happ y republicans pulling your strings'

SAP}·.H Don ' t yo u say that'Con ' t you ;=-rJC KI::G CALL US PUPPE'TS'

I'm sorry, Sa!:"ar:, :::;;__;t Team t',Jneri:::a is a j ok e. Worse than that, it 's a monster. I'm t a kin g these files to the Film Actors Guild.

MUSIC STING. Spo ttsw oo de steps forward dramatically .

S? CT':'Sv~OODE Gary, if you do that ... The act o rs could get the support they need to have Team America shut down fore ver.

~ e ' s n c L. a " ·:; re a t. new ~e's mer e l ike a ~RE=Gh7

'.low Lisa appears,.:.r: ner hospital gowr:,lockinc J st:111 beautiL1l .

7hat's pussy talk, Garv. I-::'s 5 nice dream world, tut 1 :!:"eeKs pussy. ( sniffs the air '. Do you smell that, ;:_,isa? Smells like puss y . There m~s: b e a ciar.t pussy somewhere in the room .

SPOT":-SWOOJS Ooh, what was that ? The giant p:..;ss y made a noise. A pussy fart. f es, the pussy is queefin g and r.ow 1: stinks like shit i ~ here. I s:..;r e hope that queefi~g. sti!:k1ng ~~ssy .....,_.,.... I -. ,,.-..,! ' leaves soon . ___,'v:. - ;:_,.:_sa? ..· ---~'

TRACK IN slowly on Lisa. She looks from Gary, to the team. finally, Lisa steps back to the team.

Gary's fate drops.

'' l

+-- ·..... ;::;: - -- -. -•¥...' •..

~fter : he doo r ::.s closed, Soo::swoode s::.ghs and sl~~~s - -~ , into ::::.s c:1a ::.::-.

~::.sa starts to ::r v and J o e puts his arm ar ound her.

Ya\_; ouldn't know he would betray u s, .3po: ts.

SA?AH Cor:': blarr .e

S?O-:-TSWOOCC: I j c, n't. I bla~e Alec 2ald ~::.~. That c oc ks uck ::.ng , shitea:in? ~a=~o:.

Cf-!RIS We11 :.✓ h y a re~e JUSt let:::.n~ :::a: asshole go?! We can step :l::.:T. PERMANENTLY.

'.::hr .i.stakes out a pistol and violentlyc o ::ks .,._- - ·-.

l.,ISA NO!

~TOE No , L i s a ' s r 1 ? h t , -::::;-;r i s . I f ·,;e -::::.c._ o ur own ... the :l we'::-e no t et:e::- :~ a n :he terrcr~sts ~e ~ere put ~e ::-e stop. We'd 9ECGMS : he people ~:ec Baldwin makes us out to be.

Spo ttsw ocd e sadly walks ov er : o Sarah anj ~~=s ~::.s a~acet hand on her puppet back.

.......-~ •, . ::a;_. ~ - - .: '

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:. ... : " , 1 ..-. ~ .... . - :-- ::;,

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Tear:1 _;J7le~i~a - arrd :o)...:nc:!the c rganiza:ion .:..n ~reach of several c ~ ~.ri l cc des .

-~-.4.. - ~ l...... l -~---._ ..._ J. ":'° •

find out :hat :r.e s2cr2: g r :~~ c :s: 3I~~I ONS cf :ax jol:ars a~j c a ~sej \/____ .=.~:-ov-,....;..:::::·.._. ______ .:,. · 2aldw1n de~ar.ded :~a: George 3~s~ step down fr:~ o ~~.:..ce , and ~~.:..=~l~ gained ::1esupp o ::-: oublic.

VIDEO - Baldwin speakir.g t ::i a h'..1ge mass _,,..,, - ·- -

CNN REPORTER !CONT':• We go now live to a ~ress conference by the Presiden: of the ~ilm ~=::r' s Guild, Alec 3a:dw.:..n.

Alec 3aldwin walks t...:o :c ::-.e ~:::d:..u:n :r .e ·,; .:..: ;; c :1 e e r s .

,:._LC:CBALu1HN Thank you, friends. The days of America bullyin9 the rest of the world are o~er' ~ram now on , our country 1.-1111 be :..:::::<E:) BY S'/S?Y3 0 :::r: 1 ' '

More cheers and appla~se.

·.-: 2.sa=:~a- - ~- ~=: ~:~; :: : r-:. .e-:::.: a .~ ~a~ ~~a ~as t:a~e -'--..., - . .........__• .- - -._ =i s ::~ : : __ , - ___ .--.... - ~-1-. ·-----,---:.. -- . - ! : .-.,~.

~a r y s:e~s ~~ :2 :~e c:=:~~ :: see cheering : :r n:~ , 3n □ =~a~ :: ~~ ~:s

:J . Gary cannot ~ide his hacoi ~es s... :s sr::i le cea:-:-.s=:. :-.3 - - . feels everycne l1k~s h 1~.

MUSIC swells ~pas Gary :akes ,n :n1s ~=~ jer:~ :•........ • _,.- - , • o._,.:_ ......-I l o oking acrcss : he se3 o: people.

G.-::...?-.Y 1.t c, r.:;-:,sel:) ::::~erycne ~:~es ~e .

...' ._, --' -- -J

Gary wa~es :: everyone and so aks :: - - - ...---- • .._.. ----··---- s;x:mge.

ALEC 3A~CWIN co~:· c) And now, we'd be happy t= 3nswer some of your questions.

Now all the reporters row ~heir scream out questions.

RE?C'R':"E?.S (AD LI 3 SHOU7S)

Finally, Mr. Baldwin points to o~ e reco:ter.

P SP C?.'?E? ii 1 Ye s, Uh , q:-1es: 1:, . ::.r :-!r . _;():.: ,s::,.-

Gary happily steps up to the m1c.

Mr. Johnson, exactly h ew many bat:es did you rapebef o re the police f1nall; shot you?

:J::i, •,..:;-;, = ·....i aS1 1 't sh o t j y ~:, ~:::e. I~at ~as a :~e pu: out by :ea ~ ~- 0 ---~ · ~· : :-=':::-r s- fa;.:e ~;y dea.':~.

?.SPC)RTSRS ad 1..:.0 sho'.lts)

?Ei?ORTER # 3 Yes, for Gary: Did the police WANT :o s~coc you for raping the baby ?

RS!?ORTSR#1 ~c ~- was con sensual sex?

REPORTSR lt2 Oh, it Nas MULTIPLE babies?

?EPORTi:.R #1 But you weren't shot.

PSPOR'l'::R #3 Question for Mr. Baldwin' /MORE)

(

RS?ORTSR ~3 (: ONT'D) Uh, now t hat t he ?resident has bee n i ~~ea:~ed, :he naticn a9~ears :o ·~,' 3 n t:. :a ke av er i n Wash i~ g : on, cu r ~ex t ?r e s i de n t ?

We are reviewing the p ublic's wi she s , a nd a:l _ c an sa y 1s I will ser ve howev er I can. Next question.

RE? OrU ER #3 Yes, ~er Mr. Johns o n: Gary, how HOT is sex with b ab y , o n a s c ale fr om c ne t o tsn ? Ten being Tracy Lords a nd cn e being, oo h, sa y , a BABY?

Kirn J c ~a :1 s nao s a s mall :elevision o ff i n :~e ~: t j:e of :--.:s ..:..a:.:-.

KIM ;o ~~G IL Ch Co~.;, c hboy 1 :,0 MOPE ':"EAM

3ARREL AND HAVE OURSELVES A SARPS~ Of : UN I I I

Kim Jo ng Il ru n s ov er to hi s wor ke rs.

Dramatic MUSIC STING.

A very sad scene as MOVERS ar e taking out ~u;e : 0~9uters and

furniture as the 1eam Members ·,;at::h qu 1e tlJ ·,.;:: :-: ::-.e::..::-nea ds : :-\ th e ir hands.

It's like the last epis od e o f Rea l Worl d, whe re e ve r yon e has

to say goodbye.

f .O . N. Z. Y. Team, I am pi ck ing up sizable i n Asi a and th e Mi ddl e Sast . terrorists organ1zat: on s seem growing in-

---....... .

s2c::swoc'.)E Co~e e n, team, pep up. !twas going :o e~d so~e day. You ' ve got to go try anj make lives for yourselve s no•,;.

LISA

SAR~H r •~ goin? to mi ss you guys so ~~c~.

-~ 0 :earn watches sadl y as a large open c .::-at e ~11:ed ~1:~ ~~; e guns is ~heeled ou:: .

;=-LASHBACK:

SEVER.AL SLO-MO SHOTS Of THE TEAM MEMBERSS:-l0CTPlG .;No KI::..LING VARIOUS PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD.

SCREAMING, BULLETS BLOOD AND aooy PARTS :::..·::::G as '/ SR"{ r:::::JDE? 'MEMORIES' kind of music plays.

3ACK TO SCENE

s.;R.:..H Lisa, I'm s or ry: called you a ·,;ho.::-e. You know I treasure your friendship.

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r:--..:.ss '/ GlJ. s c:--.q.'

~a r ~ is s1:::ng on a te~ch cu :si~e c f-- •- " '-'' -I : =ng:~gly a:_ pic:ure of ~isa.

:::1::-:·_:.re :i f :'.:;a.: y .

r ;niss you :.'-:a: the poin: And that 's an =1wful

~XT. WASHINGTON D.C. - MONTAGE

Alec Baldwin is surr ou nded by the other ac:ors, a~d c e:ng sworn in as President. He holds up o ne ~and, ~::~ a no ther o n a bible as he mouths the famous sp ee ch. 3a r J :s :~ere ___ , still looking at a pi c ture of ~isa.

SCl'.JG

I guess what I'm :ry~~q :c sa~-

:~: . BAR - MONTAGE

Spottswoode is sitting at the bar with a sco:ch watch ing President Baldwin speak on television.

:~e ~:3:e :: shew worlj ==~=-:::s =~:-~:~c -··-~,.....,,---4 .._,,'..,....,.-.......•• ___- ... ,._,-,; __- ,- __- _ - :he e~e~:s ::c~ exa:::v _:~e Spc::s~ ::~e·s

_ .-. -2 -ec:: ~-~-:::..: .-:=~ e : .--:~ 4: 5 er. /,.:: ~ 7=:: k ~eeds : o qc :o ac::~g s:hcol. ~e was aw~ul :n cha: ~:lm.

3aljwin is happily taking his first sea: -----~ ::·\,..3 ~ c:;.ff ice ..

S1JtVG T neea you more ctan Cuba Gccd:r:q needed a bigger part. I-{e 's ~,.ay f.;et ==:: than Ben Affleck.

Jo e :s s::::ng :n :he edgeor a crappy 6ed i~ a :raocv - ....- . -- --- ---- ~= ~ e, : oo k:ng sadly at h1sohoto albcm ,.._; .22:. .-...-:-er::::,.

~he cic:~res are all c f :he team po sing happ::i. - - .......·....-=-........ -.·" - - .. - .. ~ - -

Sarah 1s in one of these ridiculous o utfits ser~:~g uo corn dogs. She looks at a picture of the tea m 2~d s:a~:s to =rJ.

:~;T. ~n.:-ZT R.QQM - D.r.~y

Gary 1s making a clay bust with his hands. is :.,bv1ously LISA'S face he is sadly creating.

:-,-~ ......., r--c.--- :-"' - ..._,..........--.. - .

Several cars are backed up on the bridge, apparen:~y :n a traffic jam. They all sound their horns as varicus ~up~e:s get out or their cars to see what the problem :s.

Cne of the cars stuck en the bridge is Lisa's.

~isa hcnks her horn in frustration, still wearing ~er sil!J sea lien 01-..:tfit.

Corne on, what is :~e held up?

_:sa gets cut c~ ~er car.

Lisa tries to see what's up ahead, and a strange sound ... A deep, deep horn.

She turns her head out·..,rard towards the oc ean ar:d ·.,;e :RACt: on her face.

Now we see what Lisa sees:

It's like the shot from 'Saving Private Ryan' o : :he massive landing on Normandy, except that the ships, □ l anes and sold:ers are all Chinese and Korean.

7welve battle cruisers, mu1t1pLe oeach landers, ~el1cc pters and aircraft carriers.

Other people on the bridge have already taken no:ice and are looking out at the spectacle with wonder.

SAN :? -2..~lCI SCO r.1..AN J..; ..•._, some k:nd of festival? What is

Lisa looks hard at t~e Asian ship :n the lead - ~n :~e :e:~ she :an see ~1~: K1~ JONG IL'

i<IM JCNG

Jus: then one of the battle cruisers launches :wo m:ss:Les at the Golden Gate Bridge.

C::xplosions, and imr!'.ediately the huge cables of the or:..d;e break free, fly through the air and slam into cars, ~:--:~; the puppets inside.

~~eryone runs in ~orror as the bridge star:s :o collapse.

::x-:-. :-lAI :A D.i:.J-1, : S R}\EL - DAY

A ~ide, ~elicopter style shot of the huge :srael: da~ . .; -..... ~a~y :sraelis milling about.

------. ..... -.... - ~.:. ---.

_ -::: .......~ r~ ........\,1 I IA :erraris: missilehits, of the dam.

?uppets run screaming as the dam collaps 5 and water b~ rs:s :nto the empty canyon.

Just down river, a community of homeowners walk out :if their river front homes to find out what is causing :he ground t~ shake.

fLOOD! All the water, debris and dead puppet bccies flying through the canyon towards the ne1ghcarhcsci.

More puppets run and scream, but it's tea :ace, ~~ 0 ~acer :atches up with, and consumes them.

~X7. LONDON - DAY

TITLE: LONDON,EUROPE

The city looks peaceful enough, with Big Ben sitti~g ~ajestically amongst the old buildings.

Peaceful until ZWWWOOOOCM! ! ! 1 Ten Irisht-lS jets through the air, dropping bombs.

- ::.:--,,i - -:.· .,1 - . ' - . - - - ... --·.....

1 : :-.e :c~ ~J~~e: s ::: :..,;;33 :a::'.

31~ aen collapses o n:o ancther tall buildino a~a :he exolode into flames.

r"__ ....·1-

-------- - ... .._._.C"'.

: c zens of puppets are enjoying a sunny day en a Sydney Beach ~:..:~ the opera house visible in the background.

:hree =nj ones1an planes fly overhead and dr:p a :reen1sh

_::._: ~<: s ~ : ~ _7.-? c!.:.a : e i. :/ , :. r.e _::._1.1s ;: :cal i a r. ?u ~ p e : s s :. 3 :- :- ~ . . ........-. - -._, ......'-' . . and ~a:: : o :ne:..r ~nees ...

:- :-:-:...::::- ,JASH ING70N, I-.l"lERI ::::A

3ar y is walking on the mall, when the ~as~:..n;: on ~cnument SLlddenly explodes!

:: flies up into the air ridiculously, li~e a lame firework, and then lands on its side, killing dczens o f p~ppets .

Puppets are hanging on for their lives as :he ccll5osed br:..jge sways back and forth.

Cars r o ll off the br:..j~e's sides, s c ~e N~-·- s :rea~:..n; ;~ppets still :..nside of thern.

Lisa is standing in the middle of the bridJe, wit h a crowd of puppets who are in full panic.

L:i:SA GET Off THE BRIJGE'

~ith Lisa's prophetic words , the bridge b~eaks ~n the center, and two halves start :o fal! down into the water.

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CY !NG t-A..AN _:._.;:._;._;.»_;..;._;Gf-iGHGI I I I

sh=t ~e =an grasp tne horror : 1:anic , :here are pe opl e hanging o n t o wha:e ver :~ey =an, ':::~ :. ~:-:e:. : :.:-~all y s :...:c:::ui7lbir:g an,j fallin•g : .:.>:~ .e .:.l:"':12a::--~s~

3~: w~en s~e : ur~ s back, she sees a s ::.l: s ta r-.·.::::-:::; -h . o .::;:i; ; ~ ..,:--- .,..,. h,--~.-J ,....o l.. . . ,_. -------- ·· --:., '-' --- --'-~-- -

--------- I i....,,,. .,. .':JASrE ~JGTCN '.). C:. ...... J. · ·==·

Gary 1s r un ning down the chaotic with pu~pets scr e aming and r~ nn1ng all around him.

~a r y notices a bunch of puppets gathered in :r en t c f a :elev1sion shop, watching the te l evisions in ::--:e w:.nd c w.

C~-Jt-J R.SPOR-:"~~ Again we do ha ve cor: fir~ati o n massive attacks in London, Jerusalem, Washingt o n DC, and Sydney, carried out by several different forces around the world.

Gar y can't believe it.

CNN ?,E?CRTSR : c ~ ~e ~ow ~ave wo rj :~a: San

...- ..; ....,.,_ - I - --~- ; - .

~.._,____, .-._,,.-.,_,-__ :1:0--::_

_::._rne!:"icant::crders in San rra:1cisco. ?1gr.t now hundreds are :rapped on :~ e Gold e n Gace 3rid;e-

.. slc;:~y· c a !::e~a ca:c:h es t he ccrrmo:ion en L.l-1e t, r d·ge . ._.:.sa .:..s clearly see n along with oth ers hang ing o n : or l fe.

~ISA c~ ?JuuuuuucKKK',,

:e:' s g= :i ~e t c cur Sis:er S:a:~ :~ i:- . .=:an r~a nc :.sc 0 , :•.Jt~:~,.1.

Another reporter si:s at his news desk :n San ?r anc 1sc o .

SAN F?.ANCISC:O ?-E?GRTE? Tom, there 1s mass confusion and c haos here as t ho usands o f Asian soldiers-

2ut then, suddenly, se venteen Chinese and ~crean soldiers burst i nto the newsr oo m w~t~ their gu ns pointed.

CHI~~ESE S(JLDIER CHU Cr.AO CHI TSUR' I I

reo o rter calmly puts r.ands reason

SAN cR~NCISCO RE~ ORTER Tsang Lu Ma. Tsang Lu Ma.

But the Chinese soldier sho o ts him an yway - and chen Kim Jong Il irrimediately sits down and cakes t:--:e rep or :er's place.

T• KIM J ONG.i.L Okay, and a now back a to the news. ( MORE)

K:M JGNG IL (CONT'D) :::·:e ::/::::.. :--,g .:.sNo ::eed:ca '.-JC : : ':J'. _:._S .:. a.:.s :ak.:.:-,g ever You ::::0 1:e ::..: '

•.:-.'II \ .../ .I

~=--Baldwin is sitting at h.:.s desk, having drinks w.:.th s2~e cf the c :he: ac:o:s. They are all laughing and talking.

EV:::RYONE '.la\.lghs)

Gary tursts th:ough :he o~al of::ice doers anj :s 3~a:ed :ind e~er;=ne la \.lghing and gabb.:.ng.

- 1 ' . ::ia.1.:::1·••;1r., ·,.;ha:

&;LEC 3~.LJWit,.J Mr. ?RESIDENT, what are yoa jo.:.r.g.

Gary blinks a few tim~s.

G.~RY You're supposed :2 be sending o ~: the ~ili: ary and s:=?p.:.ng this'

(

·':es, _:."'--:--.e.::-1=3:~e .:iom.:.na, ,t ceast is

:~at's all. :: ~ill s:op. ~~d :~en - .-. o ...- .::i. ·"';:. - ...:..

::..;:- "'!"'"':"-.1H:" - ••...J .. - · ·- ~E ~A~E :J CO SOMETHINGOR THERE

Tte OMINOUS MCSIC ceaks AS GARY'S EYES ?OP.

SUSAN SAK.Z:..NDON ~:J ::al l i~ 'Sh a rela::: :i 1 '

c e go ~e t c ~crr c w ~~e n: o ff: ci all ; DISBAND AMERICA t ·J RE\: E?..

'.~USI C ?EAKS.

::;.:..RY My God ... You're :r:sane.

ALEC BAi..J~'iIN Oh no? ~os o rr ow r:1~~: ! am g 1v : ~g an address t o t he r:at: c n. I: w1ll be the acting performance of my life, 1n which I convi~ce the people t o surrender their s i ck c ountry.

~.:..?·~· ·~·2J s 1:>j :-::i. = 'f"-.-:..;

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s n-::::: : :--.g 1 : a ::.'i , ~-/8 1J a :-e :=r: s.:: : : ~ y 0 :: ,....~ .::l ~ c . •,::• :: • •...: k~ow :here :s n2 :h:~g ~ere :mpcr:an: :~an. t1.1E.

on.:.y CNE: oerscn ..:..-:-are abcu: liking ~e - and:·~ ;cing :o s a~e her if I ~ave tc ~RIVE ~YS~:.?!

:he gt..:ar:::ls.

T~e Golden Ga:e 3ridge ~s se::cnds awa~ - ,...------ .::

As it goes, we see the little girl still :t..:s: s:an~:ng there, screaming and clinging tor.er :eddy bear.

:.isascoops the girl up 1n her arws and r~ns tack ~or the end. Another shockwave reeks :he bridge and 8eco~e all arot..:nd Lisa fall to their deatr.s.

But Lisa just makes 3ut then-

_; ..i. ~-L JO JO'

Lisa looks to where the 11::le girl is pc1nt:ng .. . little dog is still on the bridge, abot..:t to go down with 1:.

JO JO, tJO I

Lisa, hero that she still :s, runs out to :~e jr:~~e a seccnd time to get the dog.

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3ut fro~ the smok e, Lis3appea:s, wi:h the dog 1 n her ar~s .

I..isagets down with the girl anj c1ves :hen +-·_ne 'little g1r: poin :s again-

r ,-. ,,....., 1'-_i ':'' r- ·

Lisa l ooks to wh~re the gi : l ' .,. . . ••✓ C' :T:a n in a wne e.:.c:-:ai:,

:..isa her eyes and gees cu :, ,......,,.- . ~ - - ------~--

Jesus Christ.

- ,.) ..

NARR;'.\TOR This is BBC wo rld rep c :t'

A VERY British reporter with a snar~ed with his heavy accent.

As the ENTIRE WOPLJ ccnt 1n u es break o ut 1n:o :::-:~:l:t - :~e =~es:::~ on EVERYONE'S ~:nd: ~here 1s Team America?

An English man stands ,._,;'-./,.__.-..,,:-,-r<-c- ., interviewed.

ENGLIS:-i :·:AN ·:Je•.,;, ~ really foui;h: :hey'd a sh ewn ~p b; ;Cw' - ~ean - what :s they ·.·/32-:::-.' =---~t

---,.·-··-- ......- .'• '~ - .,. . ..,' :.:..a:c:es a. oea:e,,·...:o : :--:..:.. ~\ '....,-~~ ..... - - - ,_-~. ;"""; -;:)~c...-;;i- - 1l , --.- - •

r?-ENCH MAN Team ?~'ne:-i::a - Do es voc1s?'JO i::S VOUS? I

- , . 0erusa.J..em 1s st:.ll :looding and puppets are :::ssed

JERUSALEM tv'iAN SAVE us, TE.r.J-1AMERICA'I I

:N7. 3~C NEWSROOM -

SBC NEWStv':AN One :hing is for c ertai n , if :ea2 ;r,, e r i c a doe s n ' t s h c "w' ;_:p , t :-':-= -2 :: ~ i. r -2 world 1s doomed. And now on :~ sc::r:. Edinburgh clobbe:-ed Yorkshire :::~a.y ...

SXT. HIGHWAY - MIDDLE or THE COUN7RY- ~AY

An ambulance screams down the highway wi:h l:gh:s :lashing and siren blaring.

T:TLE: 'ROUTE 66 - STILL AMERICA fOR NOW'

:NT. GARY'SAMBULANCE - DAY

Gary is frantically driving while listen:~g :o :he radio.

REPORTER ON RJ\..DIO ('l . O. , As the attacks on ;..merica co;1t1r.·ue, the United States ?resident is ~rJ1~; all P-..mericans :o s::.and down, a:--.c: wait until his address tonight, wnen all will be made clear.

Gary suddenly breaks to a stop.

SXT. AMERICANCOUNTRYSIDE- ROUTS 66

Gary has come to a huge blockade, where dozens of co ps a~d military men block the road.

J;Jrr.ps 0 1-1: arr~ulance and r~ns ::--:e ccps.

,:_;_::._?_'{ :::xci__:se..,...0::: '"lave ···- '

?OL::::::::::MAN -~e1........... •• ' --any fur:~er ~est.

·'!c'.J c::cN' 7 UNDERS7r.ND' 71-i:::: \•JOM.:..N - LO'-/S IS IN SAN fRANCISCO! I I

?OL:;:C:Et'-1.D..N Kid ... There :s no Oreg on.

~?A:::K :::N =n Gary's face.

• •r ~ ,-. ..... ,- ~e :akes several steps bac k . ··. ·____:::; 1-

~it~ chaos still raining aro und him, Gar; ha s _0 =a:ch hi~self tr am fainting.

Gary drops to his knees in defeat and pu:s ~: s head 1n his t:ands.

He sobs uncontr o llably.

Fin ally, he sl owl y picks h is head u p and :ur~s :: 3AaJ frs~ :~e cam era to l ook a: a ~o~n:ain :n the j :s:a n:e .

It 1s Mount Rushmore.

s:~ep t.i2.2.. -i,~ .. e ~::~ ~:~ - so ~~en Gary gets his first ~oak at ~c~~t R~s~~or e S,:) ::i:.J'Ne.

:he s:one faces c f the ?residents are partially destrc yej ~•- nissile attacks, drcop1ng and collapsed.

;:- ; 1 1 to see Gary's face. A single tear r ~ns -~na~-Y we reverse

: "r:-. :::--_~..~ .:..M::-P:::.:; ~EADOUARTERS - DAY

i~terior of the headquarters looks nothing like 1tused -,,--,It has been bc~bed and ransacked.

Sar v ~alks amongst the rubble, hopeless that :he amount of ~:sarray and ~reckage.

3Gt ~hen.

A garbled voice sounds-

f.O.N.Z.Y. Johnston. GARY JOHNSTON.

:ary jumps - then picks up a piece of wood t c use as a weaocn.

t. 0. N. Z . Y. ( :ONT ' C) Team Member Gary Johnstcn is that you?

Sary finally recognizes the voice.

f.O.N.Z.Y. It is very dark, Mr. Johnston. Am l dead?

Gary clears away the rubble 1n front of one of FONZY's interfaces, and we see the dull red glow and screen.

·:..·: •1_l I ...-0 .:,- -,_ j,_~ ....'I -•

: . ·,._,, . :·. . ..:... ::: ·.,.;35

-:-..... ~.., -._ I .::::;- _,( ~~ ::·...: .

ser :s'J ::s :e __ ·.rcu?

:.:J.N.Z. Y. : :-:a~.re beer. -:ietectir:g ·v'-/a~, ::.:.c·t.:.r: ·:: a~d =hacs all ~ver t~e ~o r:~ ...

As ?ONZ exolai~s t o 3ar y ( a, .d -..:s: exactl v ~hat ' s ;=1~;

:: .:..s scree ns .

? . J. t1. z . Y. 1 : c~r=-· ::::,, 7 he ~n .:..ted Arab Nations ::a ve .:..~vajej -~ 0 easter~ C::.:..:ed S:a:es. :~.:..::a a~j f :rea ~ave : nva ded :ne ~es: ::as :.

::--.21:-.

The Mexican boraer ~as =~ lla~se d an= the Mexican oeoole aro rusn:n; Texas, Arizona and So~:hern Cali:orni.a.

Gary lets his head drop.

In the distance behi nd Gary, frame with a pointed aun.

r. 2 . :-;. z . ., Almost ever; ==~n:r; -~ ::1n::n ~ battles of their :wn . Ger man y nas invaded france, ?oland is taki ng over Russia ... The entire world seems to have gone to shit if I may say so, sir.

MUSIC 7~NSION RISES as we :h1nk Gary :s a bou t But no - then we see it's Spo ttsw oo de.

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Sps ::s-...;c •cde

"'chnstcn. :1;--,a: ::-:e '.',ell are doi ng he.re? : raisi;-:g aqai:1 )

rn,·__. .. • 1'1P..i ': ...

:•rn not here ~c s:c8 you ' C-ack .:.n ~

_:;,-.::---. :. ~ ~as wrcn g ate~: . ea ~ ~~gr· - ~ -~ ~orld 8CSS nee d 3n :~ :er~a:: : na2.. police : or= e'

S ?C':"-=--S'v'JOC DE:: Well that's Jt.:s: :::iar-.dy, ?a:-:d/, ~ •...._ there IS r.o Team P....7eric:a ! :'o•.J s.~.v'i to that~

You've done enc~;n.

Please, Spottsw oocie . this right.

Spottswoode closes his eyes, and sadly lowers his ;un .

Oof. . . T :~ant:: :J Ce l .i.e ,,.,e ye u,~a [":/. I really do. 3 1...1:. ·/ cu sol,j 1--1sc~ :. before ...

?:ease. : .:·..:st ~.e?

......._.:::..:,- - --- ::,-- -- ~c:. -.,.... c-- ::, a.:------ -- ~- ........- - -=-- ---·-- -- - -- - -·

a.: :-2.:. :J : J ;e1: ::--: -:::y .:..:.~.o ::eca ~ se ~:2 1__: :hc~ght : ~anted yo u t o perf o rm c .::-3: s ex e n :-:-.e. J o yo l! .:-emerrber t :cat?

S?CT':-SWOODE New :he tables a.:e tu.:-ned, and ~ jon't ~~ow 1f I can trust YOU.

?lease, ;1 v e me a ch a nce.

Sp c ::sw oo de _ cc~ s ~oat the stars. C-u~ speaks.

S? OTTSViOOCE

:f YOU. w 11 perform o .:al s ex =~ me.

S?OT~SWOODE I am serious. ( ?0 1nti~g ~ ~ ~ :s :ace ) Look.

The puppets look at each other for a very long t:me.

s ?CT: s:,;co:::::: t ·-·e-::/ ~~ .:.=K: y ) ...: ·~·:.:~ ??.-:·~·== :~ra: y·2~ :-?.~·:.,·!· rea d; == :a ; ev er j :~i:-'.~ c ~ :~e :i~e ' :o :~r ow awa; al: ;o~r :~h:bi:: o~s

,_--··-- ,._,:_... .. __.,...... ~,, , ! firs~ ~:; ~: we me: - :ha: f i rs: :ss ~e o f :r~s: - jo:-'.'t y ou see?'

~Ai?-Y NO' -- I : hc~ gh t yo u weren' t ga y'

Sl?OTTS~OODE This isn': · about sex, Gary' It's ab ou t TRUST' If you 're w1ll i r.g : o go dcwn on me, then I'll know you're wi ll ing t o jo ANYT~I NG.

Gar y th i n ks f o r a ver y lo ng :i ~e.

Dc·r.':: ·~jC 'J. see ::-1:s ,', ;:::..1

:;.::.,?_y Wu l ... If I did ... THAT -- voJ wo~ ~a get TEP_M ~~~E?.: c:.; up and ru:--~:-1:.n:; a-=:air: ?

S?OTTSWOODE (super seri o us ) I'd do all that I could. (then light ) Okay, ready?

Spottswoode unzips his pants and dr ops-r-.o~-·. -· · • t to see 1f anybody is watchi ng.

S?OTTS~CO~E (CONT' D; I'll make SJre ~cbody's wat:h1~~- Go ahead.

Gar y l o oks horrified, ~~ u 1 · -'- : 0 r;1.

S?OT~S'.tJCOJE (zipping up h is ~an t s ) Hmph, I guess you WON'T do anyt~i~g to take it all bac k , huh, Gar y ?

( GARY

Yes : w1!l 1 I 1ust--

Garv sighs aga1~ a~d looks helpless. ~1s pa~:s a~d s:rcKes ~is wooden cock.

S PCT7 swc;oDE '.Jkay, :::;:.C3y - G0 1

'A . . .. a,nngsure ncbcdy 1s watching, ~ary very slowly ~e:s . ........::: k::ees.

He moves his head closer ... closer ...

Ooens his mouth ...

Closes his eyes ...

But right before Gary can suck Spottswcode's dick, Spc::swccde jumps back-

7~e cnce quaint and cute area of ~isher~a~•s ~~ar~ -~ n:::;w a burning, bloody war zone.

~.mericans run screaming in all directions as ~h::,.:..si an .::c..r~.y '-J. - continues to fire on them.

One American man has a bayonet driven though his chest.

:wo others ate shot as they try to flee.

The Asians fire RPGs and throw grenades at :ne t~ildings.

Then, with awesome, ominous force, the Asian Army, ~uge 1n size, marches down the street in :err1f y 1ng rcws.

Leading them all, ~s Kim Jong ~l.

What was once a rich, beautiful San franc:sc o s:;~e ~cme 1s now a burned out wreck with two charred p~ppet bcd1es inside.

GLASS 38EAKS, a ~and reaches t~r=~;~. ----- -- -,...._....,.. -- - ··- - ------, and :isa s:eps :~ w1:~ ~e r M-: s.

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~=sr. --~ !-•--....... ,._ ~ .. J. - ·.' a ,,.;a/

'.iAVY SCLD I ::R How lc ng you t~ink we can last~. l here?

Long enough for :he military to shew ?...:p, _ hsce ~

::..1sa .:::-·Jshes over :o : he litt:e has - :__:s: ...__,: ·......~ . ....... t~o dead bodies :~at were cn= e :he ~=~eowners.

Oh God ! 7 he y 're not :a~in; a n; prisoners, man'

- - ,..., ..._, L ... .::i,'-1. Calm down.

ARMY ?RIVA7E Shh! Shhh!

7he army private has f oun d a small tele v :s: cn , an j :s watch1~1 the CNN reporter tell the l atest.

~very on e gathers arou nd : he small :ele~is:cn.

- ~=-= : ~~ac j ce s :~at 2ear.? 1

~ - .'::3:.S ::-.'::' / a:e,.': ,_----~--- -.,,1, , _ .• -..:s.

~ ·._;:_---- -.--.:.. ~:-c..... - . . ::: ·.; : 2 : 1~S ~

s~::..: :s

:1 leads t~e Asian army through a tur~1~0 s::ee:.

:<IM JONG IL 1 .. ' Seek cut al: ~ee-s1stance 1vo:__:nc1·___::) :he ,;ound eye'

~ ~ -2 :. -==.!. t ~ : e;. .be .r s , _" p : a : n c :. o L.'.!e s 3 : e :::-ice :3 :; a :..~- =..s.s~ ~-.:~ -2 ~ , :his :1~e 1~ :he pleasant corner boc:h cf a Cen~y•s T:-.e team :-'."!embers are al.'. .-.:ea:l,.::: ~ear.s cf disguise.

CnRIS Oh for fuck's sake 1 7his isn't an apology it's more like an EMOlingee 1

s;..,9.AH Sc~ethi::g :: your pas: co what ycu j d. Open~? ',.;e

pr c~ en :o se :ha: he :s ~ ::::::~ : 2 jo ~ NYTH:NG :o ma~e uo for h :s '.":":.:..stake... :-le prcved :.: ~ast :::::;h: 2y agree1 ng to suck ~y-

~1- 0 r:-.ei'."cbersall look at Gary.Spottswccde .:.QCKS at r'.tem.bers.

:>:ery c ne l oo ks 0--i- everyone, and finall; Spo::s~cc desceaks.

Spcttswoode, ever.=~ ~ary was :r~ l~· scr.::-y, 1 t' s too late ::::: p ·..1t :he :ea:- n back together. We're noth:~~ ~i:h c~ : our ships and gur.s.

Gary stands up and gives an 1~pass1or.ej speech as S~~LLING MUSIC fades 1n.

Look, about ships a::d ,;·...:;;s ' :-earn _.:_-:-.e:-: ::2 is about PEOPLE 1 =:on'': you see? Great wars are not won with ships and guns They're won with PASSION' Think about it - D1d Patton have ships and guns?~

Yes.

The music STOPS. Gary thinks.

~ARY ~ell did GEO~GE WASHINGTONhav e ships ...i= r--,.__, _.. .,_,._;,_ j. ! +--

Al=i;ht, bu: how accut Genera: Gra~: ~hen he got :he Scu:h to surrenjer?'

Lets cf ships, lots of guns.

S?OTTSWCODS Only on e person. The ?reside ~: -- :he ~n ited States.

3aldwin.

S?OTTS'i-'JCODS Yes.

S?CTTS~·JCODE t~ow just: r:a:-:g er., :-2a:7:~ I':-1 -....:ar~ . .:.~.= you; infiltrat:ng :he ~h1te House will be the most difficult t hing JOU have ever done. Its defense systems are state of the art. It has been built to keep the S~ST out.

7he team rne~bers look a: each ethe r.

,._. ..__~ - . .::'.)_ __i::::.....,,. 1 --

-----·---·•-----. - ---------~----.---- . -...,,._____-- _.,____ - ~ ;:.---<:. -~·,: --- -- . , ...' - - ... .- '":: ..- .. - ·--::·. - ...:' :- . : ·.o,;· -·--- •· -~ •~- : ~-.:.:-,,-: ~•e I 3 - ...:s: ;::"Jr . - ·-;::;...- .::. -- ---- ~ -- - ._ -

• •;:::::. I -c "'- -- o ut act soDe o f :~e test act c rs the !,~Orlci.

__...C'·E Infiltrate t~e mes: danger~us place :n the ~crld ~i:hcut any o f ou r equipment :n less than e1ght ~ours. ~o w are ~e goi~g to j o it?

..~ ~ ..........- ..........,._.,...,_ -- ..

?.:..:•;~-15~C?

: 2 am memb e r s a re c h e c k i ii ~ ·:J 1.J : c :-a ;; p i , s e =: :--.-=:- : . 3 :--.:: p :Jr:~:3.Sir.g t:-leffi fl.°"0ft l 3 - o'4 ":cri{ ?.;>.:>J.3:-:-..:? =·.:::=~--

SOl".tS Today's :he day to qi v := 1.: ·_/::,'-1:::: ':':5: - you've got to reach your pr~~e'

~~RTIAL ARTSCLASS DAY

The team members are all .--.--- - .,::-.-,-.-- ...l·--~-~ - - - ,_.:, • Chris throws Gary to fl~ or as h arj as

SONG ' -..--.~,- ' ;"> \

,, __·_::~-?__ to the test ~~d s~=w ~s ali 5 .C,~55 .:i: .:" of t i~7:e-

~I3RARY DAY

Gary is at a table with a stack of acting becks . ~e 1s reading 'The Actor's Method' as quickly as ~e :an .

We 're gonna a .-::c:.--.:age'

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-- •..... • .I.

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The team members are gettir.g be c :er a t ::-,e 1r : c,'s ses a nd throws.

SONG ,:CJ t;T'D) If time is sh e r: and y cu need From just a beg1n~e= :o a ore -

Kim ,J o ng Il and do ze n s c f .=-.s .2.:::.s .::;:::,:-7'.D a s :.::-ee: :-esis : a;1ce. j '.JS~ ::a sse s ~ . ::- ~.'J • • -' . . - -..:... .. ~ - -- ....J -- f

SHOOTING ?,ANGE - CAY

Now Gary 1s hitting bullse yes wi th e v er y s~~ : . up and down and cheers f o r ~ar y .

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i,...-1J..1 seem.2.:.<e ~ore c1~e ~as passed 1~ your

~=:~ARY DRLlMSplay as we BOOM DOWN~rem t~e ~hi:e ~c~se' s

::-, =ackv::.ew, :;ar y , Sarah, and Chr.:.s step :::::s.:--.3:.:..:::all·: '-:1:: f~a.;r ,e 'Nl.:h SO!'Y':e ·:;~~s slu:1g (J'-ier ~~ei:: sh::)t.:~=:2:s , ::he ·.· s :a~ a: the ~hi:e ~cGse ~h1ch is still a cou~~e ~~~= :e j

No~ :everse to see that :he team locks ~er e ~ad ass :~a~ ~v er. ~hey wear mostly black cam ou flage w.:..:~ :ace 22 .:..~: Pq~~ment hung aLL aver them.

The :est of the team just looks at Sarah.

S?CTTSWOCDE (V. O. ! Team, have you reached 1aur lcca:.:..:~?

(into his watch) We're here, Spotts.

SXT.SOMEWHERE ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE- NIGHT

An i=e cr eam truck is oarked en the street.

:~'= .:..~.s.:..::e __ ...,..._ . _ _ .:=) _ _ ._,,:1:------- .....

-... --.....,._Ye:...::: ::..:-s: : 2 SK ·,; ::. ~ _ ·~---:;!··- te ;e::ing inside :~e lawn pe:::.~e: e r . :n::s will ~se je ~o~i :1 a~ s, then le :

~xr. 3ACK -AWN - WH:rs HOUSE - NIGHT

Copy , Spo~ts. We':-e qoing in.

Chris ~e:s ::.n Gary's face.

:h ris c oc ks his shotgun with f o rce.

~xr. WHITE HOUSE LAWN- NIGH7

Two WHITE HOUSE PATROL GUARDSare keeping watch ever the ',..;est gate.

?ATROLGUARD Oh, look. It's Martin Sheen'

Martin Sheen walks up t o the guards and cuts ~::.s ~and o n their shoulders .

You boys ke ep JC~: ey es peeled, ~ e can': l et an y thing distract t~e President f r om his speech tonight .

?ATROL GUARD2 Yes'

:: : --..-.• ~4 1 11

MAR'TIN Sf-iEC::N(CONT'J l

~~t as the guards run, they run into a third guard.

?ATROL GUARD3 SIR! SCMS30DY JUST BROKE IN THE ::AST G.;Ts' !

~ar:in Sheen and the other two patrol guards run the oppcSi:e ji:-':: ·:::.i .:Jn.

:~e :~irj pa:r c l ?~ard takes off a fakeface, i: :s 3Ctual:y Sar y .

5pct:swocde smiles at the monitors.

~xr. WEST GATE - NIGHT

:-'!eanwhile, the other team members all make ; ~ c:-.rc •...qh the West Gate and head for the White House.

TIME -ro SEE v-JHAT1JE • :<.:::MP.DEor,

Super cool, 'Triple X' style music starts to play as the team members all pull out their guns and start shooting.

Huge turrets pop out of the White House Lawn, ~h ch look like they belong in a Star Wars Movie and star: 1r 1ng at the team.

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Sa~eh j~es a se~1es c f =~:~s ~.~• -..: f.:on: cf t~o guards ~ho~ she shc o ts dead wi:h :we oistcls.

~ce and Gary ~edge tullets from the rema1n:na t..:!:"ret and ~a~e :: :o :he dear, where Jee quickly ~~:~s

__2:-r-.e

:-:-2ar.·.✓ r--.::e, Chr:s cii:::Ks 1...:0 :he s tar:s firing double f:s:ed, towards :he door .

they get :se~. :hey ·::et ::--.s:de.

?resident Baldwin is preparing for his S: a:e c f t he Union speech. A camera and lighting crew are se:t:~~ ~ 2 as Mr . Baldwin sits in his impcr:an: :na1r, ~n:~e : ~o ~ a~euc artists work on him.

Mr. Sean Penn bursts thro c ~h the o~ al

SEAN ?ENN MR. FRESIDEN~ WE HAVE~ ~CGE PROBLE::.MI I I

ALEC SAL~WIN What is lt, Secretary cf State ?enn?

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l...,,:os

SAP}\~ Li :.:e a 2.o•Jer .

...., ,,...... --.....-.-•.--. ~- .:::) - "" ._; .._.',_./: .-....- . . ...-.._ Sarah s c ~ersaul: a~a y .

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Cr.r::..s stands a, ,d charges at Geor:;;e c .:..c.:::-.e·; a :-.::i Gary f:Jll cws .

In slo mo, Chris and Gary fire :heir ~eapo~s an :! and Ms. Tyler fly back in a washout o f b:2cd .

: ~JT. HALLWAY

Joe and Sarah run down the hallway, aj o r ~ed ~ :: ~ ~:=:~res cf ?residents.

(pointing ) DANNY .::;r.,c";c:K 1 , ,

•....~ r ,:loversees :he

.... ._ =:.r-i Chris and Gary chase after ....... --....

·...,v t.----.-

:.:-.s: -::e ::-.e -----__,-- .

SAR..;~ I -:,1":>lt ! t - . .r.. . .

Too late, Mr. Glover hits a button and thic ~ ;lass jeers - ~p on both sides of the room, trapping Sarah a::d :ce :::si~e.

:ce and Sarah fire at the glass in front of~- 3lover 3~j Mr. ?enn, but nothing happens - except :hat :::e y =~n cu : : f a:nnc.

....,....,. . ~ery 1mpress1ve, ~ar ~o~gers. . • '..._, .... let's see how :he ~h::e Hc~se ~anthers treat you ..

l"'r !?enn hits a button and two doors :.::s:.je ::-:e ::::-::ircber sl:·.-:_;_y open.

huge panthers step out onto the floor

:oe and Sarah back away with fear as the ~enac:.n; :ats approach, licking their chops.

Oh, oh ...

:hris and Gary burst ~nto : :-:e Green r::::::~ Sarandon tied up :.n a chair.

Gary and Chris look at each :: ~er.

sus.r..NSA?P.NDON (CONT·c, I real::ed this whole th1~g has got:en

nanG . a f:J.:. l y

: :-:r :..s s : e ;: s : :; ·,..,-a r :::s :-1 :::-s . S a :::-3. r. j c :--, :::;,_;: ~ a.:::-i' ;::·__;: s a :-.2 :-. :::

C~ris tu:::-ns his head back to Mrs. Sarandon.

~rs. Sarandon stands up, both hands tree:=~~:~ =~: automatics, completely surpr:s1ng Chr:..s. S~e 3:~s ---- -- _ ~elpless Chris. As she prepares to !:..re, sne _e:s =~=a ;::redator type yell.

SUSAN SAR}l.NDCN '.CJt-;:-•:; ~ GRAWWWWWLLLLLL!'! !

3ut Gary is too fast, he raises his gun and blows Mrs. Sarandon through a window just as she's about to ~:re.

- - '"'t •

They hear g~nshc::s

, · - - ··- .. - - ..

-.,..-.-.:

~r ?e~n and ~ r. ~l=~er lau~h ~r=~ : ~e =;9os: :e s:je - - --~ c)orn . tJa1t1ng tQ ·,.;at::h :::-:e :ea:T, :-:-.e~ers ::e ;;-a·...:.:.e:J.

Joe takes a step forward and puts ~p h1s r:s:s.

COME AND GE: SC~E. ?AN7~ERS' 1 1 1

3ut Sarah steps 1n ~ront c f h1~.

Sarah c loses her eyes and approaches :he ::a :s. - ·...,. 0'.1t stretc hed.

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-~i:- v V ~ - Sa rah , t ha t i s n ' :: g-=i n g : o ·,..-o r :;_. You don't have any ~en:al powers.

The cats stop, look at Sarah, and :hen :~rn a round anj lock at Mr. Glover and Mr. ?enn.

SEAN !?E:lN No ...

Mr. Penn and Mr . Glover ner~c~si; ::ack awa; - - --~. -

:nan instant, the c a t s po unc e. Mr. ?en n:: =-:..':'.s 1t 1s hopeless. The cats s hatter through

The cats attack Mr. Penn and Mr. Glover, .:.rru'T',ediately :ear::.,.~ apart and eating the flesh from their convulsing pu ppet bodies.

Sarah turns and smiles at Joe, who can': tel::.e~e hi s eyes.

' -...,----.. - --..

:::::::::.::-ess.

:v1y fellow .:::..ri.er:. -::a:'.s, : :~:..s jay 1n :he h:sto:y ::: ~ur -..-..- v ,~.... 1,---,~ '.... "'-- y . ~e are no w wi:ress:.r? ccGntr:.es f.::-~~ all over the wc:ld ;ett:ng back at ~s for years of dominance . Sut s co~ , all the hate will be gc~e. as your Presicien:, I ·,.·:ll::han~e : ::.e ~orld forever, ending wara:-1d :.1s1.e!:":.~::: :.n a new age of worljwije~eace ar.:i likability ...

3aldwin ~lances over :o t ne appr ov al :at1~g ~e:er.

- ~=es :r::m 30% to 38%.

:~is ~lan ~ay a: :irs: see~ ex:re~e--

~x:. ~ALL~AY - NIGHT

Gary and C~ris run out o f : h e J:-e .::-unning --? .

:hat's when Joe notices-

,,.,,... vv:..T JENNIFER ANISTON AND 3EN KINGSLEY'

The team members all spin ar o~ nd and shoe: andr,.✓ -i ..J..' ......, c ·.,;o actors. before they can f:.:e t h e1: weapo ns.

What happened t~ ~ean ?enn and :an ny Glover?

The rr.ain lobby of the White Hous e 1s empty as ::--.e :eam :-:-.e::.:::e:s make their way through.

S?07TS:.VOCCE J _.::, ._

- >J-

~-----::0~

But it's t::io late -- The lcbby liqhts_ up• and __lt: 11,..;...__ ..N; ~-----~L .J..--.-••'"j SC 1.Jr1js a!'e heard. The pa~t of the floor the :ea.~ :-:-.e!"r-~'2:-s are standi~g on suddenly :-aises and becomes a cage.

JEETNSE C::MPUTER ~EfENSE COMPUTER ON LINE'

:'r.e :earn 1s ::-apped, as t:he last of :he ac:c:-s, -=> -.::,~ -- :~em saun:e:- in:o :he ro om with :hei:- weap o ns.

~1iATT ~.i:..MCN JROP YOUR WEAPONS'

CHE:US (aiming) I don't :.~ink so, actors'

Suddenly all the weapons fly out cf :he :earn '."'.'ernbers' ~ar.c!s · and stick to the roof.

t'-:ATTCAMON Defense computer - k1ll :he 1n:r ~jers.

~~1e turrets come down from the ceiling, and po:n: at :he team, who hold onto each other.

::1? .:S ~e ;a ~e • P cu r □ est, guys.

~ARNING - DETEC::NG oc:s::~ ::NS :-!AC:Kn~G INTO ...

Suddenly, the turrets all turn and poin: at :~e ac:crs.

The actors' faces dr op and they slowl y back awa y .

3EN Aff~ECK Defense computer ... What are you doi:-ig?

f. O.N.Z.Y. 1 am not the defense computer. ~y name is E"ONZY.

3EN Arr:.ECK r_... -:, ,'Ina-.

-~e :~rrets fire and blow all :he ac:~rs ~~ 2:eces ~onde rful blood bath.

~x~. ~HITE HOUSE - DAY

The President's speech continues t o camera. rating is nudging up.

3LAM!! !

The Oval Office doors blow o~en and there :s ~earn ~1c1er:ca, looking . awes ome 1n the r:s1ng smoke.

GAF<,Y The game :s over, Baldwin. You and :he a.c::::rs :::ise ..

3ald~:~ stands up from ~:s desk, bu: :.s su:--: ~:e~ :f :~e =a~era.

Yau :an't kill ~e, Gary. You're an a~::::- yc:1-_::-self.. 2eep ·down ~/ou k:-:O'o1· that nothing 1s ~ore 1~por:ant :nan being liked. starting to act) tor th1s, my friend is not a GA.MEas you put it. Th1s is LIFE. Life is beautiful and life is pa1nful. And a fact of life is this -- the world hates ~.rnerica. And we must change that.

The crowd of cameramen and techies look at one a~ot~er and then clap :or Baldwin's eloquent speech.

I~e approval rating goes from ·~ to ~6 per:en:. s:niles.

3ut Gary takes a few steps forward, ~~d begins :o deliver his own f~~e actor's showdown.

People in the crowd leak at cne another and 300:a~i for 3ary's fine acting.

The Presidential approval rat:ng drops by 2 2er:en:.

A:EC 3AL~WIN t : JN 7'D ) '.-vr.at: :.s a r.at:.:.or: ::--.er-., .:.r.::ieed ~u': a

3 l : . . . :::.: e 3 :7, 3 : : : : : -2 'N :. : :-. ~ . e ?

~--~--;:,- -----· ; : -2 s

:~:.J~::~_;._v:...:;N Jh ~e .:.s 3C ~oo d'

~ver y :hing get:s si len t again as t he =amera -- .i............ ::l --- ......,, :::,- en Gary and music swells up.

Gary ~no ws he has :-. .:.s

G.::..RY That's why I'm an actor. 7o --: a~~ make up for the love I never had as a child. But. a great man o:1ce t::·lj me - we can't base ou r l.:.ves en :~e approval of others.

-,·~ ~....,__..... '✓ - ) j t •ICE CREA~I~UCK-

Si?OTTSWOODE That was me.

NT. OVAL OEFICE - DAY

:.;RY :',:~~-r:-' ~) __ ,_ l-~·-..... .:, ..........-,...,- I._ace:__:: be1~g ::.~ed. -- =, about

: :-:_·...:~.~ :. ~ ~-: - i . -~e ===~~::a:s =-~== a~~-a~se 7 :-'.e 2 ;: 9 ~ :: ·/ a 2. ----·-- :::1 .._ - • ·~

:he-- :ne-- gl:ba: war~:.ng a~~-- a~~ ::-Qrpc:ai:e ..:...rner-:.::a ::-.a: -- ::-.a: ·...;a:.- hung ry :eocb l~c ans-- no blocd fo: 011--

:lo ::::e applauds.~he approval ~e:er is loo ks aro'..lnd.

AL~C 3ALJWIN '.C2N7'J)

~=- 3aljwin draws his gun.

~e's ::-=ad.

___ ..,. __ a few seco:--ids,:he - ::heirheads, as sna.pp:.ng JU:

CAf1E RAJ-1AN My God, we were going :J let ~le e Baldwin sell ou: our ~hole co:..:n::j.

Ga ry l1f:s his watch.

r:rr. 'x:-----,.....=-=---=---

:-::-.a.:

s:: a:--. .

:~rs lifts Mr. 3aldw1n's head and cu:s his eye a~t ~::~ a ..<.r:: e.

7hen he brings :he eye ever :o the desk, where ~e passes :n front of a !aser readout.

:~e tcp drawer of the desk opens, revealing 1~por:ant ?residential things, including a tiny, gold :r,as:er leek :<e' ; •,nt:1 ':'earn ..:..rr,erica's Ships and Guns' ·..;ritt en c:--, 1t. ::hr:5 holds ~o :he very tiny gold ~ey.

7he 7~IUM?~ANT MUSIC continues to play as we see :hree-j- -.. _,,.~ ..- -- ~angars in :he middle of the desert.

:-:;:r:..:::· DENTON STORAGE H.n.NGARS- · AMER:::::A •

7he team :nem.bers walk up tc, the massi 'Je , i"::etal .joors of 1::--.e ::angars.

Spottswoode takes out the key and inserts :: in:J the s~a:1 MASTERLOCKthat holds :he do or s together. T:-ie small '..<ey pops the small lock open and :he :earn rnembe!:s :an o pen ~~.e doors to reveal -

Inside the hangar - all o f theTeam ~.I"'.e r ~ sash:ps and guns - a beautiful sight 3S t:-le :7:'JSi~climaxes.

Time to kick some ass.

.. ..,

:HRIS (c~ck:~g his ~un l ?:;h: f~ck:~~ Cn.

, . .....,.. - - ;:x:. • •- -- j - ::r- ..,...

_: :s

I~side, L~sa and the soldiers are Just abou: : 20Ked. - 0 • · all fire out cf damaged •..;indows, taking ou: as tT'any :c:-.:-:::2s as they can ... aut they just don't step coming.

~i~all y , :he Army pri vate clicks his gun.

ARMY ?RI'JATS I'M OUT!

_:sa ~:res her M-16 :n all directions, ~s1~g s~:r: ~~rs:s, 8L:t 1-t: :ir-:ally it rJr:s ,:,ut o f ar..rr,o as ·.-iel:.

-=-~e ~sians are breaking thrcug~ :he jco=s a~i ~:~icws - - z ~~bies i~ a horror fi:m.

Everyone throws down their guns and succurc--cbs :cJ :t-:e1r cer:ai:-i c:eath.

-::-:-.eAmerican soldiers start to cry.

Lisa holds the little girl's

But that's when a huge explosion rocks the frame, and dozer.s of Chinese go flying in various directions.

( ZWWWWOCOMI I f I

KIM ,?JNG :earn .z:..mewica? ! OH N0 1

:NT, 7;2.M .rv1i:-RICA ONE - QAY

Sarah and Chris are in the ccckpit of the jet, tack i~ :~eir gar.:.sh Team ~JTierica outfits . Sarah is looking :hrough s;:e=:.aJ gcggles.

--=~- ._ ..y- ·, j1s s1tt:~g up ~i:h ~ce :~ :he :..-..r-.r-:-.t -ack :.:1 Team ..;rnerica get~~s . .._,._, -··

Gary and Joe smile at each other.

Gary grabs hold of the Joystick and a :arget1~; ~ev1ce fl:.;:s in front of his eye.

-:::;;..?.Y ' '-=~~lT ID ) Welcome to ll.rner1=a , :r,ot:1er fuckers .

He fires.

Asian soldier puppets come apart as they are r1jdled ~~th bullets. Kim Jong Il tries to ke ep them f1ght1ng.

- - '"1 •

~. ~ :-:-.:..ss.:..:es - · -. , ----- :: --.:-: s I

7HEY'?E: ? :::?:::ATI NG' ' ' 7HEY'RE ?.ETREATI:~G1 1 1

Sarah has r.er eyes closed and hand raised.

::: e :.-2am .~~e!:'"ica ._-ets l~nd as :r.e .~..-1"'.e.r:..::ans::~ :::2~s--- --··.::::.-~~ - --·· ·- -- - ; n :r.em, laughi:-:~, c~eerir.g, and ·,;aving ::--.e i.r :-.a: s .

'"::a-:::11s ::rs: ~·:J err,e:-ge :!"•:)m :::-~e ccor, :3.:--::1 :-.e ~:-:--~.2,:::. ~ -:2_. :::...!s:.es ~:) r...:.sa.

;·:---,et·...10 lovers run to each ether and e!'n.br3ce. :- ':e:. Lisa :a~s a step back and smacks Gary full force acrcss :~e :aw.

:..I SA ( •::OtE"' D) That's for causing chis whole ~ess shithead!

C?.CW:> OOH'

:;a r, holds his Jaw, looks C'.Jil fused.

:f:.:.ce?

.. ~ . . sweer., -'4 •.r:-:e~2..::ar . _:.......es =~-e::3::< : : ~c~r.i.:3.l ': ~ a.r.'.-<s :.:> :e3:.t ..:..r:-.e:-::3. 3:---. .: ::.s2::.::ALLYco :~e ;rea:es: ac:== :he wor!d -- Gar; Jc~~s:=n'

The crcwd cheers and Gary s:eps for~arj - ~ sea< ai: w1:~ a beaming smile.

S?OT7S~CCDE !CGN7'J : Gary, I brou:;ht sor:i.e peep le ·,;r.o •..;an: :o say hello.

Spot:swoode ges:ures over to GARY'S ?ARE~TS 1 .\~,:> step : -:ir•,.;ar sr.eepi.shly.

We're.

::;.!:I.RYIs :V:OT:-iE:=< ~e saw you on television, we realized ... ~e need :o your being gay.

GARY'S tATHER Son, we accept it. (calling ou t ) My son 1s gay and: !eve

'.-!.:C..N: ~J C ?.01-1D We love yo u c ao ,:::;ary' :>:en DID rape babies'

G.;RY N0 1

Spottswoode steps forward to d efend Gary.

_,e:~ ~~s :el l y::)uall. .-Jho Ga.::-y ;-:e's 3. :~~e.~7.e:-: ::an. .:...

::a::: -

- -~ I - ~=---' :::i ~ ·.:-2s

S?OTTSWOOCE 7hat when you agree to put another ~an's penis 1n you .:: mouth you make a ~a nd th at cannot be br ok en-

GARY'S MOT!-!ER ~e _: v e you Gary, e v en :.f ;ou JO suck c ock and fuck babies .

~ere, ~e~e.

C?CWD Yea 1 1 i

rh e ::rowd cheers wildly for all of 7eam .:..rr,e.r:.:a.

S?OTTSWOODE Yes, but the rest of the world :.s still breaking ou t into war; ~il :i ng each other and ri o ting.

: ·...:::-<:.

- .. .....- -::::;- -------

The Germans are ~arching .:..n :he streets cf ?aris. Sc::e ::e~=- resistors are waving french flags but be1r.g shot by :~e :;e r:r.a;1s .

3ut :hen -- SiJOCSH' 'The 7eam ..:..merica Jet :l.:..es .:.:1:0 ::a::e and star:s shcct.:..r.g at all of the Ger~ar.s.

:?.SNCi-l :-'..AN 'v':·:.::. ::..;..r:::.:..i."1.::_rvi::::u:.;1

;X~. LONDON - CAY

A shot of London, with Big 3er. and ?arl:a~e~:.:he are all fighting amongst the :r:sh, r.:..c::~; s:::.-ee:s, <illing each other, until--

The Team America jets fly in and shoot :he.:..: ~iss1les.

The English cheer for Team ~merica'

:::~JGLISH >-1.AN Thank ye, :-earn .:.."T,er.:..::a'

~X;. SYDNEY - DAY

The opera house is the key feature that let's us know where we are now in - Australia - where a bloody war rages betwee~ Australians and their Indonesian invaders.

But wait! Again Team America flies 1n, sha ::,:::- ,g missiles ar .:: destroying the opera house, stopping :he f1gh:.:..ng and sav.:..~g the day.

SClJG :P£ED0!'1 :s -:.=-££:;NLf t/AY' ar;-; 7'.J BE :.~EE --;_:..:£PE :s .4 ?.-::;::E -;:::; ?.4'f.' 1 1

3c-::--. ::"'.e

;.;<,. + •

:he :"earn .~..rneri.ca ships :iv 'J.,:e:c :<:m Jong ::. 's ·_::-.:ie:-·,..;3:-::: base ar.d drop a bomb en.:.:.

SONG

Gary and Lisa kiss as they fire more m1ss1les a~d a ~ear: shaped wipe takes us to black.