"TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE" (2004)

In a lovely, c lich~Parisian setting, the C::iffel: c~ er:cc~s

in the background as pe o pleenjoythe cafes, ~ar<ets a~~=-~ buildings of a q~aint square.

Now at the Eiffel Tbwer itself, we see many frencn pecp:e and tourists IT1.illi..r;~aboL::.en:o ~si::--:q~hels\7el._,.:-::a·.:as: r_:_:;=~:~, happy FRENCH MUS:: plays.

Now the music turns OMINOUS, as f o urMiddleEastern :ERRORIS:S walk into frame. One of the them 1s holdin] a suitcase bomb which blinks with a red light.

JC::ANfFP.NCOIS Je veux monter, papa'

But Jeanfrancois father is busy ~at c hing:he:err: r:sts.. They look at each other and the c nehold:ng the s~:::ase walks over to the :ewer's leg, and sets:~~ s~: : =~s~down.

The terrorists all then nod to each other and in a flash - they pull out M-16s~

Everyone runs and screams b utth~ t~~ro~is:s po1n: :~e1r suns and pull out t:;ehandhele::ts:-rb:::-::.g:;e:-.

Now the trapped people up on :he EiffelTcwer screa~as :;-:e •.· realize the~r ~eril.

as rrench people all no.!....., and cry.

c?.ENCHPEOPLE (screami:;g)

he terrorist holds up the trigger ...He threa:e~s to cush it--

J EANrRANCOIS (Crying) Mar.an,J ene veux pasmour:r' 1

TRI UMPHANT,PATRIOTIC MUSIC plays as : ~e-

Elicopter hovers, then ropes drop out t o-h0 ~rc~::dand THREE

Team Funericamember JOE (20s,the clean-cut, t:::.::;-:::ie,leader

type) is the first one to shout from the r ::,:::;e-

The terrorist's eyes get wide with fear. -~e - -:~e m001nts his gun at Joe and is about to shoot when-

The music becomes triumphant as Joe pulls the trigger on his M-16 and blows the terrorist to bloody pieces.

~~ow,the beautit•Jl82.or.deteam;--;-,e:nber,=.,:::s.:.. character, brai~s a~d tea~ty: dr ocs:o :~e a terrorist's path as he tries to escape.

A dif:erent terro ristappears be~ir.dLis a ' stabher-

The teirorist falls face firs: i n t oo~a: comes out screamingand mel::..~g.

Lisa smiles lovinglyat Cars on .

CAP..SO~i I could wat chT~AT oacK 2~-

LIS.~ (with a lov:..ngshove) Carrrrsonnn(

One last terrorist, the leader, is getting away through the crowd with the bomb.

The Eiffel Tower explodes and starts to collapse.

SA?-1:\H I got him, Joe. He's heading for the Louvre.

Saah swings her plane around and fires her missile.

MISiILE EYE VIEW - as it heads towards :he run~1ng terrorist.

INTC SARA.H'S PLANE- DAY

The two missiles run directly into the terrcr:...s :,:::~a ~:~~ him up along with most of the Louvre.

Bact at the square, the Team Ameri:a members a.:..:.::-e=c 1c-2.

The French people slowly get to their feet and look around

Team America happily smiles in front o fthe cr ::,;d.

The French people all just look ar ou nd,somewhat1::credulous.

Joe runs over to Jean Francois, who is still c::...~;:...n;~oh1s par~ts.

Joe kneelsdown to the kid, and gives him a littleAmerican Flag .

_TOE There ya go, buddy!

Jo e~shes a~ay a~d re joi~s:he team.

-JOE ( CONT'D) Alr:ght team, let's head home'

( l~okingat Carson) ·::'eah ,I:h in kI 'vegot.adebtto repay.

Lisa smiles and looks at Carson, then everything co esSLOW MOTI~ - Lisa's face drops as she sees-

Behi:d Car s on ,on eofthebloody terrorists gets ~p with his M-16.

:ARRRRR-SOOOOONNNN'III

Carsm doesn't even have ti~e to turn around as ~e is :i □ ~-2~ :ull ::,fcuL .e tsandf al lstohisi<nees.

Stil~ in slo-mo, Tr.eteam me~bers all take out s2a~~ ~istols and fire together, shooting the terrorist to ~eatn, ~ut it i stoo late. Carson lies bleeding and dying o~ :he ground.

The teammembers all run to himand fall to :.;;eirkr,ees. Joe ~oops Carson up in his arms.

Carsongives a pained smile and the team members all wince wil hsadness.

Ca=so~ dies wi:r:his ~cuth and e ves open:~ ~a:n. ~:sa collaoses ~ex: : o~:s bloody ccrose :n:ea=s.

The camera PULLS UP dramatically frcmCarson's dead bodv a ~c :he ·.-1eeping:'earnAmericame:T'bersaroL:ndn1mas.:he~~cs== SWELLS.

~xT. NEW YORK - NIGHT

~stablishing shot of the Big Apple.

is proudly play ingthe cpen1na ~:gh: er :ne heart- ~r ench1ng

IN7. BROADWAY THEATFR - NIGHT

'Lease' is playing out onstage to a packed house. It is a

dramatic, musical extravaganza.

The AUDIENCE is filled with excited and crying p!..:ppets,most of whom dab tears from their e veswith handkerch:efs.

The lead in the show is a rugged, handsome 2~ ye a ro ldpuppet with a beautiful voice. His name ~s GARY JC ~N~~CN.

Gk':>.! (si;,ging) I've got theAIDS, cut theAIDS haven't got me! Because I ha~e my friends and fam-i-ly! No more poutin', NO.' I've been set FREE .1 I've got the AIDS'

::::nc :n :he audience is a serous and dapper l aak :n=~an n nis early fif:ies - nis name s S?OTTSWOODE.

LEAS£FEl1.ALELEAD Hey Tad, ho;.-;'sYOURAIDS?

The audience c riesmore at this.

Back in the audience, Spottswoode opens a business folder. The name on the folder reads 'Gary Johnston' with a small black and white photo of the LEASE singer clipped to it.

Spottswoode looks from the name to the actor on stage.

Thunder6us applause from the audience.Sp o tts~codeo u tsthe folder back down and clapswildly himself.

Gary stands on the stage, soaking inall the applause. He LOVES theattention.

Butthen, he keys inon two empty seats in the audience, right inthe front row.

Gary's smile drops a little,as he hones in en the two empty seats.

t o asto f:~et own'.

GAR'f ~har;ks,I hcce so ...Say, uh, did anybody see:: ~y ~arents c ame?

Gary walks into his dressing r oo m anddramati c allyputshis hands on the make-up tableanj l oo Ksath : ~s e~::r;th emirror. In the corner of themirro r :sa ~icture o :~: s~a re n ts.He picks the picture up and lo o ksatit,a sa :las h~ac ~s tarts to happen...

GARY'S yo ungerl oo kin g?~~E ~: sa r eenth es ~o r e- -: hel ake preparing a picnic.

Out on thelake, EIGHT YEAR OLD GARY, and his br o ther,TOMMY, are in kayakshaving a race.

~'JMMY Trv and beat ~e Gary1

---......-..,-.--......... ---·---..

S:..1ddeniy, s:~eam!ngdc~n his for2head.

7he p3rentswatch helplessly fromshore.

Gary sl o~lystarts topaddle, but he's clumsy and slow.

1-bwTorniny'slifelesspuppet body shoots down ·,,,;r.::.tewater rapids,colliding into rocks.

GARY's MOTHER ,_cc~;:·:::; tlOOOOIII

Gary c anonly ~a:ch as his o r o:nergoes=~e rc ~a :erf~: :~~~ s plattersdead onto a group c fboulders.

Gar ysnaps out of his flashback and qu1ck:y ~~c rs~imself a slug of scotch. He drinks the liquid down ii~e a true alcoholic.

When Gary lifts his head again and looks into the mirror, he notices the strange man we saw in the audience, w~o i sleaning against the door, smoking a cigarette.

Gary stops and turns to leek at the man ~~ -~0 sr a=c~s.

Now Spottswoode steps into the light.

S?CT":-SWCOCE r~ulli~;cut a ~older) Yes, Gar--1Johnst •o :-1.A.::.lAmerican ac:cr whc g rad~ated!cwa Cniv ersi:y Sig~a :~~ Laude w:th a double maJcr

feat ~=r a ooy w~o was sent t oprep schoc.::.whenhewas ten. You've been at the tcp of every acting class since you were a c~ild. Top Gun Act o r.

I should. (holdingup the folder) We've had our eye e nyou for some time now.

G;.,RY \'Jho'swe? ( light.il'"'igu~) Wait a minute... Are you frcm -JCI._:=..,y:,iOOD?I

S?CTTS;,-JCODE You could say tnat... We need an actor, and they say you're the bes:.

G.Z:..RY (with a Tom Cruise smile) I do what I can.

Spottswoode does his ridiculous puppet walk23 : ~: ~: door.

Gary thinks for a second, and :nen walks ,,-.,:- t:-ieexact JJ.·- same ridiculous puppet walk.

Gary follows Spottswoodeout thebackstage doer :nto the ~lley behind the theaterwhere a very cool and f~:~rist1c white limousine iswa1:1ng.

A very proper, ~ut cdd scki:.:J suit, and ~earing a ridcul~·US

:::I;:).__J1-,-1,._..,_.,_...___..C::"rr-,-.c:c~-..-.._..__, in your :ar and le: ;cu pu: Einge~ :~s:je ~~. -~~~ ~=

S? ·8~ :-StJCC=-s

I'11 bet yot.1·:!.o .

S?C:TTSWOCCE Please, ~ary, I'm no: fr om~ollywoo d, I'm not going:~ f uck;o~r mou:h anj my ti~e is extremely v aluable.

Gary thinks, and then reluctantly gets 1nts :h e:ar.

Spottswocde f o llowshim :he back doer and heads :he dri~er's sea:.

Inside, :he lime is even ~ere 1~cressive.

monitors, and ccmpu:er readou:s, ~ak1ng

the inside o fthe space sr.ut:le.

Gary looks around 1n ~ender.

S?OTTSWOODE Yes it is. Now suckmy cock.

Gary looks shocked.

SPO:TS~ CODE(CCN7': , Just kidding.

Spottswoode gives a wry smile, and the at a

high speed.

The Limo races down the city street at an 1~cred:~le s ~eed as some puppet homeless pe ople~atch in awe.

The puppet sa rene wsi:ti~g i na bluescreen ~ar s c e ~e ,~

live a c : io nl a n ds c a p ef ootageb e hi nd: ~es.

S? OTTSWOODE Helping the world.

S? OTTSWOODE You see Gary, three years ago wo rld c ri ~ ewasat an all timehigh . Terro rism, separatism,ex t rem is~, ALL the ismswere threaten i ngwo r ld peace. Small countries were b e ing bullied by largerones, and insane radic alswere getting their h a r. d son nu cl earweap o ns.

Spottswoode leans forward in his seat.

The odd~looking driver gives a sexy lo o kt~Gar y ,t r:enhits a button on the car's impressive c o ntrolp anel.

Gary Ju~ps in his sea~ as _:.fe.

-. .'........... - -- .-. ......

As :~e limo panels flip,

that the flying limo ne w

the side of the limo li::

reads 'Team A.rr,er1c:a'.

SC-1\·G A.merica.'.1'Fuck:.,:eah! THEfi CRLD_.)_ ......~-'T:~r.,1,_.....___--=-=..:::__._...r

Gar yc an'tbelieve what ~e's seeing. He culls n1s =a:e a~ay fr om thewindow and falls back into his seat.

G;:..R.Y A l imousinetha: =an fly. nave seen everything.

The team is ~ade cp c fa ~ighly intelligent, elite fighters, na=Kers and spies '.-Jitho nesolepurpose:•:· h elppolice coun tries1n need.

s?OT:-.s~•;c,oc:: That's all spy::.ng=::::,isn't;,-., Acting. And they say jCu're the best. An ac~or with a double maJor in engineering and a minor in world languages. Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary.

Gary thinks for a second... Then his eyes POP wi de-

-..,.

~ore wondrous movie music plays as the camera 3CC~S - ~~- :~e ~ajestic Mount Rushmore.

Is it going to crash into it?

No Washington's face slowly and wondrously ope~s uo N~-=- huge hydraulics, and the limo Jet flies inside.

I~JT.TEAM AJvJERICABASE- CONTINUOUS

Inside Mount Rushmore, there is a large, slick looking base like we'd expect to see in Cheyenne Mou~tain.

When it touches the paved ground, the limo becomes a driv:~g vehicle again, and drives casually into one of the base's :-;-,anygarages.

GarJ steps out o fthe car and l ook saroundwith a w~ce : =en mouth at the HUGE hangar fIL:ED with red, white and b:~e ,..--eh1cles.

Spottswoode leadsGary intothe main room of theTeam .~.erica base,which is a combinationof advanced technology and a cocktail friendly, fancy living roomdecorated with antiques from allover theworld.

It actually looks likea great r oo m foraparty, witha nice wetbar, a grand pianoand luxurious sofa seatin].

All theteam members we met in Parisare lounging a ::-,::iund1n plainclothes. Joe isplaying soft, Jazzymusic en :heg ::-and piano,S~rah is reading,and Chris ispla y ing~co :.

As Spottswoode speaks, the camera moves down the sh o rtline of team members.

S?OTTSWOODE

s~owb c ardingCha~pionand f o rmer nav vseal. She's also the c ounselor c f:~e :earnwit~ her keen emotional sk12.ls.

Sarah cl o seshere yesand touches Gary's chest with an open palm.

nc fwbigChris steps forward, still wearing sunglasses and a sc owl. He 1:n.mediatelygetsin Gary's face.

CH?IS T~IS 1s supp o sedtobe our new member? ~e leeks more like a GREW DEMBERt o

S?CTTSWOODE ~on't mind Chris, his bite : s~orse than his bark. Yes, he may be lacking in the COURTESY field, but he's also the best demolitions man in A.rner.ica.

:he driver of the limo steps forward,but :teG r e mov eshis hat and mustache - it isn'ta man at all, it's Lisa.

She tosses her hair back inslow motion.

LOVE-Y MUSIC swells up aswe see Lisa's pretty face through a softened lens. Gary staresat her with l ov einh iseyes.

S?07TSWOODE (CONT'D) ?ri~cetcn physics va~edictorian and sharpshco :e:::-. ancit:rai::s.

;..i,1 ..el...O .

The team merrberslaugh chees1ly at F.O.N.Z.Y., t~e :cvat:e computer talki:-:gthrougha computer readout, ~1th F. C . N.Z . Y. ~ri~~en below it. He talks somewhat like HAL 1~ 200 ~.

SA?Jc..H

-r.·~..._,,."'~'J•z-•..r.. If only I could l o vethemback. B~t I cannot feel love, for I am a computer. Gary, can you explain love to me?

SA?J,.f-! Back off Chris, (cl o sedeyes; I sense that you're 2aking him feel intimidated.

Gary just stands therewith his mouth open.

Spottswoodewalks over to Gary and outs a hand o nhis shoulder.

S?OTTSWOOS•E Just people... Extraordinary people called :c juty to make the entire

\'Jea:::-e·"'·.rne:::-::.ca'sfir.es:p:..:.o :s, engineers, s o ldiersandspies - jc: in :.:-:eer:c':'earnAmerica1s..,u.s: people.

r.O.N.::'...Y.

Spottswcode leads Gary over to FONZY's huge world screen, which sh owsconflicts and chaos as blips all over, along with L:VE ACTION footage of small wars being fcuch:.

~ary stares at the monito rswith an coen~cc:~.

Spottswoodegestures to the de e rbehindGary. .:::lr/looks.

The team 17.err.Ders s:ar::j door.

..~.~..:..-. ............-··---;::-.-.,.-.-.--.,,__,._,__.__,......,.

-.----,·- ···-._,.. -

Gae,..· cac'<:::·.-..'arjs ·.-:~~en-

~:::3.:\ Gary ' Gary, ·,;air'

Gary steps :o fi~j :isa r~shing uo t~ ~:~.

I_-=:3A<:Ot•J1'i) : Gar~/,I know t~is is all a sudden.

GAP.Y

Look, :::can 'tJ'--1St-=-.:..K::Cr:'-:-'~-;._.=, LEAD in a Broadway ~us:cal'

GAR'f I believe in what you're doing, cu: it's not for ~e. Sn the s:age, pe c ~_s can love you and cheer ~er Jou . this thing, pecple ~cu:jn't s~e~ know I existed.

....., Gary turns away dramatically. -• I MIND ...

Gary, our cou ntry ,andthe who le world is in S~RI CCS:r ou ble.Sure, you could go en being a fam ousa c:cr with lets o fglory. ~R ycu cculj u seyou rGod given talen :sto helo save the entire world.

Gary turns back to Lisa.

Lis a'spuppe th andclumsily tries t opoi~t t oSa r· :'s~eart.

Again she slightly misses the mar k .

Lisa hands Gary a business c ardt hatreads 'Te amh~er1ca' and then 'Lisa' with a nice photo of her 1n the co rner.

Gary walks towards the limojet and gets i n. Joe ·walksup next to Lisa.

I don't knew ...3ut I think: see

Joe tur~s his cucoet head t oLisa.

~xi .LI~C:7N M~~ORIAT - WASHINGTON D. ~ .-DAWN

As a tender, LEE GREENWOOD STYLE COUNTRYSONG plays, Gary stands with his hands in his pockets, thinking and looking at thebeautiful monument.

Gary stares at the Statue of Liberty. He nods s_ c w1vasa tear we~ls up 1nhis eye.

i="XT.IWOJ I~.ASTATUE- (REAL ,LOCATION'- JA ·:

Gary's back is to the camera as he looks at :he; ~ea t monument. Then reverse to TRACK IN on his face.

EXT, VIETNAM MEMORIAL - !REAL ,LOCATIO:·J)-DAY

Gary holds an o utstretcheda~m to run ~is ~:nee~ ~l ~ngthe na~es on the hallowed wal:.

f . Gary stands in front of the Red :cbster, :cck1naa: American icon with ~he same oa:=:.c.::::::-_.::jas.""'. e~2j--- -......---.......-- ot:1eriilo::u.ments.

Gary is sitting table-side, watching a stripper dance with the same determination and slight nod that he has ~a: c ~ed ever-ythingelse.

-- ---------~~___--.,._.._. -

r::x:-.c.:..IPO-DAY

The pyr~mids loom in the distance tehind the sh1:-hc le:hat is Cairo. That crappy, screeching Middle Eas~er~ ~us1= 1s playing.

TITLE "CAIRO, AFRICA - 3,456 miles east of AMERICA.

There is a large government building, guarded by a few Egyptian GUARDS.

Now REVERSE to reveal FOUR TERRORISTS wa!k1ng ~ □c o building.

The leader 1s MUHAMMED BAPK 2ARK.

MUP..li.MME:DBARKBARK (tohis comrades) Baka ala... BAKA ALA!'!

Suddenly, it is a scene r-ightout of 'Black Hawk Down.' The Cairo townspeople run and scream in all directions a s~~ 0 TERRORISTS whip out guns and start shooting :~e:r ~ a yc othe building.

AL QA!DA 7~RRORIS7 Sali<a:ierkaala'

-:.;·...:, . :~::o.alla::-ocr ,dasMuharmnedtakescutthetwoquards1:--. ~hen calls out to his men to h,, ~~,....;~-.- invade ::hev._.;....;.....,_--..l_.i~.

?RESIDENT'S O;;ICE - CAIRO - DAY

A WOUNDED GUARDbursts into the President's office with a Jc~s~ct in his chest.

~he CAIRO PRESIDENT watches in horror as the guard falls dead t cthe ~loor and the Al Qaida terrorists charge in behi~d r:.:..::,.

The ~resident stands up with a scared look.

tvJuhamrnedBarkBarkcalmly μoints his gu:1a,.dsho c ;:s;:he P::-es1dentinthe head.

CAIRO l'-1AN WHO WILL HELP US?!

Ina very dramatic moment, the huge hangar deers c fthe base ope-nup, revealing a lone,silouhetted figure ,,Jalkingin.

It's Gary. He walks up to the rest of -theteam, ,,/hoareall smiling except for Chris.

The team converges on Gary.

~,Jelccr::e:r:eteam.

·._.--··-..-\.~-~-

f..,<~--I -~...--

(hclj:n~ cp a newspaper) From :his mcmen: en, Gary, you are a :.earn~.e~h~:-.~:-:e::l :J::;ar 1'J0~:--:stc~ is dead to t~e world.

Spottswcode :asses Gary the newspaper.

,---,-..,.,, ~.-,.!"'",l What's :his?

S?C':':-SWOOD::: The news of your :ragicdeath has already n1 ::~e newsstands.

( reading:ne paper) "Br oacL ~ayactors:--,ctDeadby? clice Af:er ?aping =i ~e~on:hJld Bab y "..,·/!--!.::.~?'

S?C,T~S~~OCDE I t ol dyou,ycur dea:hhad : obe faked ino rder : oJOl~th eteam.

GAR.'f IKNOWBUT WHY THE : 1JCKDIDYOU HAV:: TO SAY I RAPED A rI VE:MONTHOLD BABY?~?'

Spottswoode thinks.

S?OTTSWOODE Oh. Well, a car accident seereed cliche.

Gary plops down into a ,-~,.,....,,-

"The metro police stated that -- Gary Johnston most likely had been having sex with babies all his life"?~?~

We had to make it believable.

The team members all dash into the lounge area.

IN'!.rc-.r,.,tvJAMSRICABASE-LOUNGE-DAY

The Team Mernbersrun into ':::heloungeandov e.!:" torONZ"r''s

lar;e world map readout.

S?077SWOODE rcCNT'D) ..~:)~ary) : c~e: ~give yoL :ime to settle

s k :::sri~~:away. __ :2~2~ :errcr:st?

3~t I don 'tLCOK :i bvan.

Si?OTTSWOODE 1:,.;r ysmile) Ch ,leave that to u s.

-~.~♦ 7~AM A~E?I:A 3ASE - ~E~~CAL ROOM - CAY

Gary is sit:i~g in something :hat l ea ks: :kead en:is:'s c~air with extremely e xpen si vesurgicalandcomputerequ :~~en: all ar8u ndh.:..:-r..

prepar1::qa lase:-

:..ISA Sa ra h:sa professional at s~1 n

J u st: rytote st: 11 .

COOL ~USC kicks inand a quic k mont age~eg1ns,~uch ! i ke t~e on e n the unwatchable r11m '?ac eC ff,':nwn1cn ~ary's :ace is tran sf o r ~ ed.

Quick lycut between shots of surgery : col sandlasers being pickedup and applied, computer graphs o fGa r y 'sface,and thatof a Middle Easterner's face. Sarah w1?1ng sweat o ff her foreheadas she wor ksher magic .

Finally,the surgery is finished and ~e co tack =~ re altime.

Fr om Gar y 'sPOV intheop eratingc na1r ,~ eCQQ--0~ther :earnr..erribersstaringathim.

Arnaz1ng.

S?CT'ISV'JOC:DE Sit up and takea look,Gary.

Gary sits up i nthe chair a~d l ooksin the mirror.

He looks ridicul=~s - ~=:~i~g but a -~r-'~..__,-.I.,..L•.~,/~ade, black beard anj ~rown ~22e 02i~: ~u:

- -:::::iges .

--._,·--·-~-,Ie..L.:.:-__,.i::;,~2[.

Cra~atic Music Stine.

Now :he team mer'.'bersac:-ein:he::.rsupereccl=,..:::::_t:s,s:::::_:--:c around a slick briefing table, as Spct:swccde ..:ses_~aser poi~:er to she~~pcsi.::i.-:r- ~sc:-1FSNZY'Sr;u•:;e---:, .r-..-s : •--=-Y".S(:::-e2:-.s.

S?ST TSWCC:DS The terrorists are in this buildinc here .

:o f e r;a~eri~e:er around the tui:jir::J.

S~ct:swc cdetal~s, ---....'.:)-C: -

~::.thamenacing smile.

s?o::swoc~s :c ~r· o, Once the outs:~e ::_ssec~re,~a ry will get past t heguards acting l::.~e a sympathetic terrorist who want st o join. Ten minutes. That's all vou ' v e got, Gary, to tr yand find out SOMETHING that will lead us to ~n c is funding these bastards. After that, the team :ioes1n . :::f:r,':: terrorists res::.starrest - vcu ar e all authorized t cuse de a dlyf c r 2e .

-=~?.=s _-............_,_ _---___,-._ My fav oritek::_~j: f

TRACK IN on Gary's face as :\ad~--1~JSiCKicks~;,~ = 3~ ~-

sn:..p.

jc~~ cc~veyor tel:s and :1:~p1ng on:: ~=~ :~g~~~:fcr~s ~~cp :he:r ::~? f:g~res 1~:o the sea:s cf :~e:r :et.

cnce aga:n-

~xr. MOUNT RUS~MORE - JAY

The Team America Jet flies gallantly out of the case.

Joe ispilct1~g the ship and Chris is:~ : ~esea:~e x:-~ him.

JOE: / intoheadset) Team America One 1s underway.

Meanwhile, Lisa is sittingnext to Gary :n the back.

Back up in the cockpit, Chris is staring at Gary, then turns to Joe.

v"......):... I believe i:-:S~c::swccde. belie"/e::--:.:=;a!:\/.

--.--~..... .._:-:;<,..:._.:: --- ---,_-,_

The hugeTeam America :-leli:je:l 3nds blocredoff by se•:eral'.)ui.:..,:ii:-:::s.

Cairacitizens run ar:dscrear.,.:.nal:;_

Finally ,itsettles to a st ooand :he~a1n ::: :r~~e:.s.

ChrislS the first one out the ......,.._..._ _:,,....,...--,._ ____...,.-,--._,,_.

1n a_~a.:.rect.:.onstc)ma .-c~su:-ei.t'ssaf-2.

\._.,r-1-'°';:,_.__..,_rI.

Now Sarahccmes -Y.Jt. She .:.rru..ej.:.a:e~~.-::::::r-2:::.se:=: frightened,Egyptian ~eople.

The people all just look scared sh1tless as t~e team merr~e~sdisembark.

Chris stbps Gary with :he bu:: :-:1S

,-.......,-,-.. .._.'.';.:<•.1..~ I'm warning you, not sh o: ,yoube:ra; us on this mission and I'll have no problem taking you oc: myself.

Joe quickly wedges himself between Chri sa ndGa ry.

; f

~a.:::-j~~llowsJoeasChris continues : oscare a :

~ v ~CAIRO BUILDING - DAY

Abeu'::.ablockaway from thegovernIT'.entbuildi,,g, Gary sneak up through an alley. More frightened scatter at the sight of Joe's huge gun.

Gary waves his arms around goofily and jumps~o a~j

Gary takes a deep breath and starts t owalka~ay .

.......,r"P'OQ: c~-- Gary just stares at Joe, this doesn't ·-...._; t t..._..

-·'-._,.

he just gives a ~cc oac~.

EX! .CAIRO 3UIL~ING - DAY

Gary nervously walks amongst all the people cf Cairo. ~e sti:l locks absolutely ridiculous with his shitty brown ~ake up and crappy beard, but nobody seems to notice.

Gary alDcst makes it past the two guards when o ~eo ~them pushes him backward.

Gary leaks s c ared.

JOC~GUARD (CCNT'Jl :<::::..AC:<-~-CAK!? ?I

cock their weapons, waiting f o rsomethingbad t o~appen.

Sack at the door the guard again snaps at Gary, this time poking him in the chest with his gun.

~ea~wh1le, Spottswcode 1s sitting in h s i~o c r:a~::ha ir, watching this all go down on v ideomen tors.

Sl?OTTSWOODE Corne onGary ...ACT... You HAVE the power...

~XT. CAIRO BUILDING - SAY

With one finalpush the guard yells at Gary.

8'.)C?.GvARD

·-~•·'----- ,2r:as~a.::.s

..;.,h--~-✓_ '--...~ :erk.s.2aKadak.

-......----~......

G.~r\Yr:•:2 ·t-JT'U) Cerka Mal.a~aala Sherpa Sherpa'

The guards leak at each o therthen the o nepus~es Garv :~s1ae, letting h i mpass.

The teamme~bers all let cut a sighof relief.

To : dy ~~hewas To pGun .

- ,-.._- 0~,:.., Al right,team ,wat=h ! erany s i;~s of trouble.

~x:. EGYPTIAN BUILDING - ~~v

Lisa and Sarah stand next t oeach o therh ol dingtheirGIGANTIC g~ns aimed at the building.

(dreamy) Yeah, sure.

-.---.- . : 0..-..::v-~;, Do you think he ~ould g oout with me?

l.Sr:c: ·., 1 i::--'.a:.earr 1!i:errl:,er ,Sarah.. :o o~a.:..nfLlltoseethemdie.

:~7. ESY~TIAN BUILDING - DAY

~~e terrorists bring Gary into the terrorists' :a:r. ::irrs:10 ,:Jrer:adelaunc!-lers,etcarealloverthe::,lace.

:-:·..1:-,:=,:-:-~edSark3arkisatafaxmachine,sen::.:..,;;a:-:-"::-s s a ::2 t~at :s written in Korean.

Gary nervously eyes the piece of paper. '.'1uharrnnedc atches 11~,and gets in Gary's face.

That's when the glue on Gary's beard decides ~r ; .:..~eout, and the whole thing just drops to tne :loor.

~ary freaks and picks the teard up, secur.:..;;'.} face, but it is too late - the terrorists saw.

The terroristswave their gunsabout knowing this :s an arrbu sh .Thel ea de rr:.1n stothewindowand~osks c:..1t,spott ing Sarah hiding 1n the distancewith her cannon of a ;un.

SXT. ,.-.:.7:;r'\------.....-...--:.\ ,.' ---..-. ._,

..............--. ---------~-·-- ..,...............-.. ·.-.;-._..~.

-··-,_,..-~~--__,---~

~t-:eteamrrerrl:,e~sloc ·K2•ackto::-:ebuil.:ii::c-

wall and starts :c speed a~ay.

-:-:-:eou:-ter-:-o:-.:.s:sa!:'el!"'l::t-'.e.::ar,al c ng·..:iti-:_.:::,,,,,.. ,.:.s '------.~, stil 1n disguise.

,r,.,-_-..,~ ~\.....:-.....:;

-..-.-.:::-.----!-

~x~. CAIRO STRSE7 - JAY

-~,

~isa runs towards the building as scatter ct.!..l. ove rscreaming for their lives.

....-.._.--,·-

~x7. TERRORIST'S -~~~ . -....:

Gary freaks out and screams 1n the back as :he terrorists make their escape at high speeds.

EX7. CAIRO STREET - DAf

Silence for a moment, and then-

Team America four bursts out frcm the alley' TeaiT.

Four is a truck/ hovercraftkind o! thing ~ith lo:s and r;,issi.les.

-.Je e,Sa~ah,andChris are inside :earnP..r:e!:"ica~c ·..:.::-1c:"':as:.:--::: a::::"::rtheJeep.It quickly ~orphs from a ~ehic:e i:":::~ : .::-e cf a hovercraft kind of thing, as the a·wesor.,e:-ea:-:-:_:.5er:. : 3 rr,usicc :m-cinuest oplay.

c-·,'TS'.:=Y '?T-NEARTHE:PYRAI'IJIDS-CON7HWOCS

The jeep with the terrorists speeds down the streets outs:de o fCairo .

:-earn.::i.rericafourquicklycatchesupand starts -~y--;::::,,~ •I• t heJ ee~,no trealizing Gary 1s 1~s1je.

-=-hemissileflies past the car and blows U:J or -r , o pyramids.

Meanwhile, in the car, Gary 1s fully panicking.

Joe looks through his binoculars at the Jeep.

BINOCULARS POV - We see Gary in the ba c kseat,:~r :"':e dar a~ nd and waving his arms in desperation.

BINOCULARS POV - Gary waves and screams.

I (

:eeks like he's say:rg 'fissme,

:~r:s fires :we ~~ss:.les.

and m:ss1~es gc :r:tothe Sphir:x:.:-.s:-2a::::.

Lisa searches arcund the building and realizes that Gary isn':.in :here.

::.ISA ,Jh~-/God.

Lisa fran:ically shou:s into her headset.

·,,,___;-:0,...,.:::;,~r-T!""' ~hat'chya sot ~eese?

I'm going after h1~1

Sarah stands up in the Hovercraft and hits a b~::on. Suddenly, a flying snowboard kind of thing detaches fr om Team liJnericafourar:dSarah s 1...:rfsher·,,;aythr c __;::;:-::heair towards the Jeep.

S?GTTS1JCOCE Copy.

Sarah flies the snowboard over the jeep and grabs Gary by the back of the shirt, hoisting him out of the car.

Then she banks r ~ht, zooming bac k :r.e-~ ::-'.e.:s flai:i~g miserab y below her.

---.~:e:-::-orists :.--.-::.:-::::.::.

T::::?.RGR:::ST

The driver spins the wheel, buc it's too la:e, :hey ocl::de into the caravan, and che car flies : n to:heair a~s e x2: od es.

Goodnight you terro ristsons cf bi:c:hes.

~XT. CAI~ O- A fEW MI NUTESLATER

~ i s ar~nsUDto J O:nthe rest cf the team.

~......-:::..~ t: ;:i'---'~~r\y.•I"3ar yareJOUalright? '

·-...::..-.: ,.:.. Oh God, i,:sa-

The t woe .nbraceina hug.

Gary and Lisa realize their embrace ::..stoe, ,:;.-~.:_=k l·•;. let go of each other.

GAR.r'iC:::::NT'D ) The terrorists were re c ei v ing..... .....,. ..........'..... coded message fr om agu ynamed ' K::..~ Jong Il' just before they found me out.

Joe speaks into his watch.

S?OTTSWCODE: T~a:'s ?reat, team,well done' back :o base forbriefing and C:8cKta2-ls.

Spo ttswoodedisappears off of Joe's watch. Sarah ~a!ks up to the crowd o fEgyptians, who are amassing o nthe horr1tle scene of carnage and destruction.

J"GE Cairo can no~ go back to wonderful cld self' You have beer:

Gary sriles ard steps forward to receive h:s ~ra:se ~~~ ;:cry, but~: su rprisedto find-

EG'f?TIANPEOPLE B0000 !'!!

The Cairo townspeople all grab t omatoesfr o~the knocked over carts and throw them at the team members who just smile and wave. All except for Gary, who seems quite put off as a tomato hits him in the head.

CLOSE UP on a tray of delicious looking ccckta:ls. ?ULL BACKto show Spottswoode setting the cocktails dow~ an the coffee table in front of the team members ...,•hoarea:lback in plain clothes and lounging about comfor~abl;.

S?CT':'S\tJOODC: Kim Jong Il is the President of Ncr~h Korea. We've suspected that he's been helping terrorists for some time.

:s wcrki~a c~ jeccdi~c - -

3u: '.,.j:--.·:....,_, ._.._.__:,,...,;:.:··--- •1~.......- -

up to SOMSI~ING. ~hat do YOU think, Ga.::.-v ?

:ary :s still g etting:crnatco uto :his hair~::~ a :ewe~.

✓Jel:,~ r....:~:.srr-tayDeabi~off t opic,but. Di danybody notice :hat :he peop:e throw:ng t offiatcesat

:.:-.a:.

Why?

s?c--.:::-swccc E Those people inCairo simply don't knowwhat's good forthem, Gary. Believe me, the rest of the world appreciates what you do.

sound from the nearby :elevisicn suddenly g etslouder, and Gary turns his head to see soffiecfthe ne~s.

ANGLE - TELEVISI ON

A CNN reporter sits at ~,is

scrolling along the

NEWS RE?CP.TER Today, cries of shock and outrage around the globe as the actions of Team America once again spark fury.

Gary sits up and leans ..LIi•

·,1ari o 1JSpe o plearcu~d:~e

ANGLE - TELEVISION

NEWS REPORTER !CON~'D : -As a group o fwell knownactors from the Fi2..mMCtorsGuild~arch:~ the streets.

A h ugemob of well known Hollywood ACTCRS a re~ar c~ :ngj~ ~n 3n LA street.

Gary watches Spottswoode walk away then turns back to the television.

Now giving an interview is MR. ALEC BALDWIN, the head of

F.A.G.

~....

_:,..:::::::::RS

~ARY ~~ec 3aldw:n... ~e wasny favori:e acto rgr~w:ng up. ~ idolizedhim.

Ci-ECS THA7 figures' Alec Baldwin isour biggest opponent!

ALE:::::3.Zl.LDWIN What are we doing stickingour nos e i no t~erco untries'business? 7ea~

~:::-a1r.~..r::er-~ ::aIS:hepr cble~l ~

sl o ·,'y·J..~/Ga~y's

AL~ ~E DOWHEN WE POLICE :~E ~: SLC I S~:.;;KEMC·RSTERRCRISTS~

~Jewcut to a different in:erv :ew,•..;i:!:·-~~ his name below.

New it's Mrs. Susan Sar a ndon ,withherna~e beicw.

SUSAN SAP}\NDCN If this country continues : aa~swer problems wi th~:clence - I w1i_ ~c ~e :a r:=tu.NCE1

We cut to stupid puppet versio nsof these actors as Mr. Baldwin says their names.

,..._--...,~-I-.' '-"..._,.·•...- ~e de~a~d tc see on r.cwTeam A.rner.:..::a:::;::er a :es' line 1sdrawn HERE' _: is :~.e-~ --

~ary walks out in a oan1c.

Gary is standing on a beautifu lh illtoptr.a:.:..s=a r:- -~~ ~ ~cnument, as dazzling stars t~i~~le s :::::par odyc fthatshi::yAerc s m.:..th ~ .:..ssa:~ing'plays.

:.:..sa~al ks~obehindGa r v .

You 2 kay?

Gary turns away .

f-:ey. .:..et

I had a brother once. His name was Tommy. He was a jock, captain of little league football team and ] O □ d at every sport. My parents l ov ed him ...A LOT mo rethan ~e... = ~as always into theater, s o□ omand dad thought I was gay, and that Torr.my was their only hope at grandchL.dren.

3ar y ,:don': care'~ vou're gay. Ne~ther d c es:heres: cf the world.

r-....-•,t -.::.-~C-!. a;~t=':nnc-:--~_;·r".

:..rs~. It's o kay,Gary ,reai1y.

Gary c ~ses his eyes, puts his hand on Lisa's aGd so ftl; ~ev es n f o rakiss. Lisa turns her head away.

'.:;ary ,no .

Lisa gets up and takes a few dramatic stecs a~a·:.

-I,....J

-------'""'·.--

Ga ry:akes '-.:._5:3-

::3.::::._:

: ·c1clc.ng

SCt·JG Or:lj,,:a~.r-:::~--::an ..............;., Can ::J::2gt::en v;J-...·,'_.. ,.....-.....,.,......- can :::Jt..:•::~~.~e- -':::· .-

~-------~

The romantic s o ngcon ~inues2s~isa ar:d...:a:-·:<l:::::::- - =- bedroor.,.

Is a llcwe d: c:cuch~e =~e: e: c ~:-: -- -.,-.. ,'..-'- ,.-~....c,

~1sa takes a s~ep a way- her ~~9~e tha:: t~: ~ :~~: e~~e:_.· the wind from the window. She ~~tu::c ~she: s~ : : :~ ~=- ~ : s it fall,-revealing her supple, clasc1= ~ : eas:s.

SC1VG ~con:-':·, Only a woman, babe Can do the things you do O:,lya ,v·::::r:-:ar: Can feel as soft n' r ightas j'C~-

Lisa is laid down onto the bed and Gary :aL:s

1n eirtwo naked, sweaty puppet bodies wr .:..:~e3n~me ~~~ :t h each other.

CLOSE-UP of Gary putting Lisa's breasts .:..nh.:..s~ou t h.

SONG r cc~;:-•01 You're a woman, babe, a~d :~a: ~akes you alright with me.

~ sa rolls over on top of Gary and gently starts :o r:=e h m.

Now a shot that has absolutely ~c p:ace i~ :~:s =ea~::~~:

~er osrnithmoncage. Gary behind Lisa, tucking ~er ~r ~~~e~:~~ and slapping her ass.

Quickly get o ffthat shot, and back to more te~jer lo~e~a~:~=.

Finally, the song, and the lovemaking fades.

Gar ';iso ntop of Lisa, looking down at her '"'r.c::, ~-..

::-----1

But Lisa puts a clumsy puppet finger to Sarv's ~:~s .

Lisa's finger doesn't actually quite make it to Gary's lips, more like his left cheek, but we all get the point.

Aca1n with the finger to the lips - this time ~ore :o the eye area.

~---.

The camera slcwlj 300MS DOWN - beneath the water,

lower, and :~en ~1nally settling on a huge, crazv

underwa~er base.

~ :ew ~1::~e ~1nn c wsswimaround the base, made :o lock l1ke

C. • ....1sn.

-;:-:::-=-:::.,:::·:<::::t-1;c~JGrL'sUNDERWATERLAIR'

:::~}'T.KI~J..:C~J:::;'I..,IsuND ERWATERLA I R

~=>!: :=•~,r:=~:ss~ar:n,:;;cutatthe( .-ceal )fist--1tr..:-:;1..:g~-=~e ::-.: cl:,,;lass,..:.:_0::::0\ -JSofhisevilbase.neisas:: -or:,\·er-J goo f ylook:ng~an with silly hair and thick, r ound~~asses. ~everal ~er:~ ~orean WORKERS mill about the lair.

_:._L'.::'31.::.N?.:..:::::::=ALwalksinnervously.KirnJ"ongIl:·-.:r:---.s: '.)

KIMJ"ONG IL My UNDERWAWER WAYER. So what went wrong 1n Cairo?

'-..,-'"-.,·---1',,l-i...:;•.-

::e__·=·....: --, . . ' . :a__s :~:2 :ne co _2~a:~ r . -·•----.,. .____,.......,..._ ..:_.:~-."""\~··::--._-.:...:-.......-:.-..J

2(j_r:tJc-r.g'.J~2.::k l· .·~ -..1s:-:es:-~le-:::.:;:::e1.2:-~e·N·.:.r.j:.·~vs~,__::✓-~~ c u::n:c the ocean's d epths.

8u tsidethe glass, :.:..oatsup

OH () H~

:he Lyb a n' st c dy:sa::ackedb yfish. , ~s:~p1e :r:=k con e by fill ng t hepuppets body with fish f oc dand_e:t:ng -~Q ~inncws go crazv.l

:::..::::'3I.;NR..:;DI=-~.L ·:c ,.~.-~..:;.:;_:._~-:-;'.',~;rt~ GHHC~::!

KI ~1JONG ~la :Jghing) - ------ --:~~~_)

(c alli ngcut: hewind ow) HSY KC:SPYC)RAPJv1S~~,~-r_::NGt-t~·:{3:::_:'~ ~: RIVE RONGER'.

Kim Jong Il now walks ov erto ~i swc rkers.

The Koreans all look at each c t~er,corf~sed.

KORE;:.,NOr:ICI.i;L We th oug ~tCa:ro~as pwan H.

NO' Cairo was pwan G'

KOREANOffICIAL You sure? We fink Paris was pwa nG.

~rama::c Mus:: s::NG.

':"'I';~,_.,....,,~11 ,-...,4.-.•,..Lln,,.-,...,..._..·.ve::~,

Say did a nvc fyou gcys hear :2~d bang:ng last night?

Gary a~d ~isa look at each eth er.

t. O.N.Z.Y. ALARM. ALARM.

-=-~e~e arnrnernbersallju :npupand{Nalkov erto:·::·r,;zy'ssc:-eer:.

S?OT7SWOODE W~at ' ~eyou get, fONZ?

t. O. N. Z. Y. :~av e Just fin:s~eddecoding t~e Korean message fou~d inCairo.

f.0.N.Z.Y. The message gives the address of a theater inBeijing, China. Along with a date and time. Eleven o'clock. TODAY.

MUSIC STING.

S?OTTSWOODE Oh Jesus, that must be where Klm Jong Il wants terrorists to attack r.ext1

,,,.._.•r-----

V-1hc=ares?

r.el:=::- ·· :--::·.· -- t.•-::· --.- --.:::.

:r.en•• •-~••1---.::;___..-._;:;-.,L.,....=:.---..:e..-.-.........----~.....,.L..-•_,, .....·=----.....,

i="X':'.SKY-CAY

~earnA~erica Six burs:s : :--.es:(",/as jumps in once more.

A'1ERI-CA'

7he large Chin ese"bui:di ng::.s;-;es:leci;:. '.""""'r--r---rc.,_..-.'....--'.-

'-'"''• ·'--'•.~----__."--.....- - - - ·· --

~ o delo fBei j :~g.

,,.,7'T" T...............i........t""'•'Beijir.g,.~si a:...:e-s:

I NT.BEI JIN GOPERA:-!GUSE-c,.Js:-<

A crowd of hundreds of Chinesep~p p e t sa rega:~eredcc~at:~ CHINESE ACROBATS onstage.

The acrobats are getting their frailbod iesin remarkable positions as the shittyCHINESE 'i'E<ADITIONALBANDpla:_,;sthat horrible twangand bang shit.

CHINESC::SJ NG Perrrrrrrrrrrr TOO 70 0TOO :J O' Perrrrr TOO' ?er TSO' ?e rTOG'

The acrobats form themselves ~nt cs c ~e: :-s a ~e3:r~= : ~ reand thecrowd goes wild wi:h applause.

As theact continues, Kim Jo ng!lenters in t hecacK .

OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS as he sneaks his way down the side aisle, and takes a seat inone o fthe middle rows. Kim Jon gIl places a suitcase with ~lashing~ights down on th eflo o r:

The team members are back in their kicking ass o utfits,all seated at va riousstation sin the jet's cockpit.

Cf_!SK

:LOS~ ~Pon Gary's wrist watch. It 1s flashing and we c an hear Lisa's voice.

As Gary brings his wrist uo towards his face, the camera follows, and we see that

He is made up once again, this time like a ChineseMan. ~a ke up Job is just as bad as the last one; worse; with en slanty eyes and f a kebuckteeth.

GAR'! Copy ,Lisa. I ' ~1ns1dethe tuildina. No sign cf :erra ristact:~ity.

Gary moves his head, s canningalongthe Asians 1~ :he audience.

:'heteam members watch therr.onitors

Wait, go back' Go back :o _e:-:. , Gary.

The image moves back to the left, and Sarah hits a button to zoom in.

The team sees what she sees: Kim Jong .:.isi:::ng :he audience'·

:.:'s

:::::-..:l r. -·,-.... .-,.....,___ ---••'-'".._,.:I

3~: Lisa oreaks ,~

'.'lCINO1!Ga.::-y, ·_:_,·,.....,.L-....--•~O'r"'C.I.'--'-I• can't risk l o singjCLl'!1

All the team members lean irito:rar: ,etogeta .:..oek_:::;:::;'..:a: Lisa.

Lisa cowers slightly.

C!-'.~IS Looks like s c:,,ebodyaotaslice r ook iepielast ~ight.

Sarah's face drcps.

Yo u

~isa leeks at the floe.:.

S.~R_n.t:\::~JT'C; ~-,_..,..L1--__..:_u--- But you KNEW I liked Gary' you'

That isn't ~'---.._....._I;:::.

SA?.AH You SLUT!

Kim Jong Il looks suspiciously o~ erat Gary, Chinese soldiers on their shoulders.

....GU\lS? .....=uys,=:r.eed -,_,..;ha:.::.

What is '::.~a:s~occsed:o2ean?

.....;,-'._,, Oh come o f Sa:-ah,you has always :-:adac::-usnon.

s.:..?J.,H Joe . you'~e ~ike a cro~r.e~

I'~ .Iee~,;erliKeci~'I-.:._kea.b:--=.:~~-2:-.' It isn't fair~

:'.:NT.BEIJINGO!?E?_n.i-!0USE-:.::AY

i<i:itJengIland the Chinese UC ar .dt-.ead towards Gary.

Sarah looks at Chris, incredulous.

CH?.IS Oh Jesus...

Then Gary's voice comes screaming through the 1n:e r-:::orn.

Back in the theater, Gary now sees Kirn Jong Ilpass ,:'"' shake hand swith two more important looking (::hi nes -2rn

:-:-,en.

C?_l..SH~~!!Theteam members all BURST throu~h : :-:es .:.::ie~" -he theater 1n their jet.

~ ~ eC~inesepeople all scream and scatter 1n ~a r:..: ~s cii:-ections..

T:--,etear..:r.em.berscomeflyingo utc:-f:h e:,?:' s•:::::::-:-r·.., c::.::,·.-.e.:i: :..:--::; l.:.gh:sontheir heads that cut :~rough the s m2k ea n j:~e rubble. The yscream at the tops o ftheir ~~n;s a s:nev -~n~e at the :errorist with their huge g~ns.

LIS.Zl. GARY?!?!

CHINESE CCMEDIAN #1 BOYN S00 MA!' ' '

Several Chinese look at each other.

CHINESE:MAN #2 Nang tsu lan tao'

The Chinese military men pull out guns and start f iringat Team America.

/

Jee t~r~s his gen o nthe Chi:1eseman and riddles ~:s bed\· '...;ichb1..1llets.

Kim Jong Il manages t oescape out the back, while the :~:~ese bl ock Team America's way .

More Chinese suddenly emerge from the curtains on the stage with M -l6s and start to fire at the team members.

Gary watches in horror as Chris rolls on his back and fires his two pistols at two Chinesemen's heads.

Now Lisa sees aChinese guy leveling his gun at Gary , preparing to shoot--

~:1sl::::>mo,Lisadivesin front o fGary and ta kes.._,,_0hl•.._,__.."'--•--'-- :-1e!'self..

Joe sees this and fireshis huge M-60 and mows down twenty Chinese, their body parts flying all over the place.

Gary c rawlsto Lisa and sc oopsher up in his a r~s.She took the shot in her shoulder.

L:SA I'm o kay,Gary. I ' mok a y .

finally, the smoke clears and we see that only the team members are standing. A hundred dead Chinese puppets lie strewn all around in pools of blood.

Out of breath, Joe brings his watch up to his face and talks

into it.

S?OTTSWOODE (sadly, o nthe watch- s.:::-eer.) There was nothing you could do, team... nead back for briefing... a::d:::c::cktails.

~xT. ~OUNT RUSHMORE - DAY

Establishing.

:::~JT.TEAM-~E:?-::'.:CABASS-DAY

Again, we start on a close-up of the cocktail trayas i: is brought in and set on the coffee table.

T'.ie:earnmembersare back in casual wear and l oun ,J1ng,ex:::eot f o rGary,who looks shaken and d isturbed.

S ?OTTSWOODE (•..;alki ngin) Lisa is goi ngto be o kay,team. These God damn Chinese terro rists ~issed her heart by an inch.

·:HR IS Well then I'mglad we taught those terro ristsa lesson'

111JII 11 J u,0 fl)«;'(){ :)[' I 1I ··, •· U t 7<J.;'lC.(:1~-(/)Clrr, ~0Crn:30.,;,;·, ,.- 1 •< - 1--• , () 11 J ui:.l1D1':J10 .tu ,u,u1•1(':.rrt:,(-)::,· <(\)Ul(IJ l ,•J • , ill•<~.;yrlJrl>1101u0):,11,·•<f..:;)--,(J() •1:; ·oo,J 1:-. '1u(} _1·:.Jc(Jll,W'UrlI•:e:o,o:1<J i · t••1111'(Jl•lli():i\l.~I •UJ,·1 : 1101(),u(Iirr:11•: 1·<D11

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A c~cy:.earMount Rushrncre isalive ~1th b arsa~ =-~~=s.

IN T.SAP- tJIS.YT

Gar-;.:.ss.:..::.:..:.gbar,hav.:.:--1ga JO \t:.Jt.1sl\-·3.lc· th::.s'7", ind.

1.:;.~?-Y'S?.~ R::r~TSa ree n~hes!""'.c.:-e:~e.:_aKe= : e =~::~;_

cicr.~::.

GARY'S \1CT ~::: R Gary' Tommy' Time ::::J.:lu:-ic h'

Out ~n the lake, eight year old Gary, o!i dh:sc:~:~e rare kaya~ing.They are ra c ingandGar y 'sbrother: sWi~~:~g 0, a lot.

GARY'S BROT!--:i::R Come on, Gary!

Gary is a little weak, and can't keeo up .

Iwin again'

Gary's :ather watches ,-_,/'_.t--•.

GARY'S E"ATHER See that, Gary? You sh o uldplay sports like your brother i nsteadof being a theater :ag 1

G.:..RY'S?AT!-:SR S:...:re·-✓-"Ju.are~

:on': te sc ~ard en b.i~,dad.

::1:::i.den~22.:ys~:~;sn:sc arand·.:.....~.:....._.::,- ::-.e :a.__s :he ·.✓ ater

Tormnyfloats do,,mthe lake, barely conscious ,:r1·:.n;tost:::'/ a~loat. His parents can only helplessly watc~ fro~s~cre .

GARY' StATHER GARY' SAVE YOUR BROTHER'!1

Gary slowly star:s to paddle, but he's as =lur.,s·,1as ever.

GARY'S MOT!--iES. SAVS HIM, GARY'II

~;.::;·,.;:-cr-my'slifelesspuppetbodyshootsdo'.-::,·,::-::..:e.-.-:::-::.::- :-3~,i_.js,collidir.·:J:n to:-2::Ks.

GARY'S M~THER (CONT': NOOOO III

Gary can only watch as his brother goes over ~ ~s:erfall and splatters dead onto a group of boulders.

Little eight year old Gary starts to cr1 .

G}\PY'St.Z..THER (crying) Now all we have is

Gary buries his head in his hands and -_r-_,-·~-.-✓..,....!•

That's when he hears a familiar voice coming ff~~ elsewhere in the bar...

-t has teen my HONOR to be a ~art cf :he Sout hDakota film festival . jus twish cur COUNTRY were run as smoo :hlyas :his ~estiv alwas'

~-:ENIN'";:'HSBAR

Gary turns and sees that Ale cBaldwin is :nceec holdi~~

1n the VIP c o rnero fthebar.

E:VSRYONE YEAH' / T~AT'SRIGHT ' / etc.

Mr. Baldwin s miles,then suddenly shifts his eyes rig htat Gary. He stares oddlJ at Gary.

~a ryqui ck: yspinsar oun d,putsup his c o llara ~a~al ~so·- c f:he bar ~i:h :he b o ttleo fscotch.

Gar ywalks o utthe doo rand quickly makes his ~a yjcwn : he block. But a few seconds later, Baldwin emerJes ~r c 2: he ba rand tr otsdown to eat enup .

ALEC B.~LDWIN Exc useme, don't I know yo u?

Gary kee pswalking, but Baldwin gets in h is~a y .

ALE:CBALDWIN Well, surely, you know ME.

ALEC 2.Z:•.LDWIN You look so familiar...

Ga r yvery.nervouslyhides his face.

Gar1 relaxes, in fact, he 2..ights'..!D.

Gary can't help but smile.

Gar :;winces.

The p uppetsponder this statement f o rafe ws ec2~ ds .

GARY ·/CONT'D) What I mean is, things aren't 3lwa;s what they seem.

This iswhere Alec Baldwin gets agood look a:Gary's watch. Itvery clearly has aTeam America Logo on it.Baldwin tries toact like he didn't notice.

,-......::,. , ..=r.....-:

='2a?aa,

_ =an ~eio vc~ .:..~ary~a y , yo u '.!.l·=al~:.,e..

Gary takes the card, which still simply says 'Alec Sald wi~- "'"".,.,.--.t r.-'>·-.0ar.dthenhasa

~lee 2al dwinsta=:s to walk away ,but :hen :~rns ~ack a =a~ ~c.

A~EC SAL~WIN (CONT'D' (ac:inghea·Jil y ) ~hat does it take to c hangea country? Cne man. Ju st...One. Brave. Man. And then that man would become ~he ~c s :telo~ed~an .:..n:h ewo=lj_..

_-;:.,,t-:·c...:; e21..:s.:..csti~:;asGary·.-:a:::chesBald win·,:alka•.._3·:

God, he .:..sSOGood.

~ar vsighs and takes a sw::.gf.!:"or.1r..:.s:..---,......_-;:0 J........_J'-...........-•

Gary iswalking down the street and drinking he a ~ ::.iJfrom the sc o tchbottle. He 1s wasted, hearing voices in his head.

GARY'S fATHER (V.O. ) Gary! Why can't you be like yo ur brother?!

Gary is now so drunk that his puppet body .:..s~ea~:n;and dipping as hewalks. ~e s:u=s o utshouts as ~e =~~oles.

IIM NOT GAyIII

/

finally, Garv ~c~::s onto :he s:ree: and then ~asses it.

-··---.-...,..,_...

-------

--,"-!.--"_:r: ,----c:: .., ·.._..._~.•---'-----

~he main r ccmo f:he tase is very, very q~iet a~d dark.

It appears a burglary m:gh: be :aking place, as a flashligh: scar.str:e-:''.::.P·1~1.~....1~~:c .;c:::-::;:::..l:e~sassr-1eaky·~VJCSI ·=p~ays.

'The s::ansscme .:abinets, and :hen settles c :1acra·,;ert:-:a:says'Team_r:._rr,er::.cai="'il.:::s' and ~elow that ' Dcn'tlet the General ?ubli::See :hese.

~ black gloved hand c reepsin and slides the dra~er open.

..~

_:._ndC:.r.ensuddenlythe .::,i....,~-__-........:::-, folder in his guilty hand, attrac tivesleep-wear.

Gary, what are you doing?

Gary looks at the folder in his hand,and thenat h isfellow team members. He seems like a deer ir:headl1:;h:sf:>ra second, but then quickly regainshis co~cosure.

What are ;cu :alk:ng abo~t?!

SARC..n That isn't '.:rue. a group corrmittedt omaking the world a bett'.:'r place!

c ~e~ ; c u reyes,Sar a h'Ev erv=neH~TSS ·,_:s:

5?c-:-:S>JCC~ :: ~e;, e~er;~~e~a:ej ~inn1e : ~e?cch,

S?OT':'S>IOODE Well Idid . :hat cocksucking bear killedJack Ken~ ed v .

Gar; 1s rendered ~cme~:ar:lJ speechless.

S?OT TSWOODE(CONT' D) Now listen, Gary, you c an'tgo ar ou~d ba sin gdec isicnsen~hat's ;oi~; tc ~ake :h e2cs: pe cp ~e1nthe ~cr ld

-...;.-.~..:.. ' . ~ave :~er :.~~::c Just :::;__~ i:--~:Jar..y·coun4:.:- ·.-ar: Cerif: r·=e,:,.::~___-f . la·ws'

- .-...- ·~·v t.. Gary, we're sa v :.,.gLI' i ::S'

G;..RY WHOSE Lives? 1 1ne lives dee idedby t heP..mericanPresident?' You peeple are all Just puppets with war-happy republicans pulling your strings'

SAP}·.H Don ' tyo usaythat' Con 'tyou ;=-rJC KI::G CALL US PUPPE'TS'

I'm sorry, Sa!:"ar:,:::;;__;tTeamt',Jneri:::a is a j ok e.Worse than that, it's a monster. I'm t a kin gthesefilesto the Film Actors Guild.

MUSIC STING. Spo ttswoo destepsforward dramatically.

S? CT':'Sv~OODE Gary, if you do that... The acto rs could get the support they need to have Team America shut down forever.

GARY

The teas ~e~bers a:: :ust stare back 1n diste:.:.ef.

~e' sncL.a "·:;reat.new ~e's mer el ikea ~RE=Gh7

'.lowLisaappears, .:.r:nerhospitalgowr:,lockincJ st:111beautiL1l.

7hat's pussy talk, Garv. I-::'s5 nice dream world, tut 1 :!:"eeKs pussy. ( sniffsthe air'. Do you smell that, ;:_,isa?Smells like pussy . There m~s: b ea ciar.t pussy somewhere in the room .

SPOT":-SWOOJS Ooh, what was that? The giant p:..;ss y made a noise. A pussy fart. f es, the pussy is queefing and r.ow1: stinks like shit i ~here. I s:..;r e hope that queefi~g. sti!:k1ng~~ssy .....,_.,....I-.,,.-..,!' leaves soon. ___,'v:.- ;:_,.:_sa? ..·---~'

TRACK IN slowlyon Lisa.She looks from Gary, to the team. finally, Lisa steps backto the team.

Gary's fatedrops.

'' l

+--·.....;::;:--- -.-•¥...' •..

~fter : hedoo r::.sclosed,Soo::swoode s::.ghsandsl~~~s - -~, into ::::.sc:1a ::.::-.

~::.sastartsto ::r vandJ o eputshis arm ar oundher.

Ya\_;ouldn't know he would betray u s,.3po: ts.

SA?AH Cor:':blarr .e

S?O-:-TSWOOCC: I j c, n't.Ibla~e Alec 2ald ~::.~. That c oc ks uck ::.ng ,shitea:in?~a=~o:.

Cf-!RIS We11 :.✓hyare~e JUSt let:::.n~:::a: asshole go?! We can step :l::.:T. PERMANENTLY.

'.::hr.i.stakesoutapistoland violently c o ::ks.,._--·-.

l.,ISA NO!

~TOE No ,Li s a ' sr 1?h t ,-::::;-;ri s .If·,;e-::::.c._ o urown ...the :lwe'::-enot et:e::-:~ a n :he terrcr~sts ~e ~ere put~e ::-e stop. We'd 9ECGMS : hepeople~:ec Baldwin makes us out tobe.

Spo ttswocd esadlywalks ov er: oSarah anj ~~=s ~::.sa~acet hand on her puppet back.

.......-~•, . ::a;_. ~--.:'

-. ._,-

- -;:- ✓

:....:" ,1..-.~.....-:--::;,

,-. ,._:"'. 'I

Tear:1_;J7le~i~a-arrd:o)...:nc:!the c rganiza:ion.:..n~reachofseveral c~~.rilccdes.

-~-.4..-~l......l-~---._..._J.":'° •

find out :hat :r.es2cr2: g r :~~c :s: 3I~~IONS cf :ax jol:ars a~j c a ~sej \/____.=.~:-ov-,....;..:::::·.._.______.:,. · 2aldw1n de~ar.ded:~a: George 3~s~ step down fr:~ o ~~.:..ce ,and~~.:..=~l~ gained ::1esupp o ::-: oublic.

VIDEO - Baldwin speakir.gt::iah'..1gemass_,,..,,- ·--

CNN REPORTER !CONT':• We go now live to a ~ress conference by the Presiden: of the ~ilm ~=::r's Guild, Alec 3a:dw.:..n.

Alec 3aldwin walks t...:o:c::-.e~:::d:..u:n:r .e ·,;.:..:;;c:1eers .

,:._LC:CBALu1HN Thank you, friends. The days of America bullyin9 the rest of the world are o~er' ~ram now on ,our country 1.-1111be:..:::::<E:)BYS'/S?Y30 :::r:1''

More cheers and appla~se.

·.-: 2.sa=:~a-- ~-~=: ~:~;:: : r-:. .e-:::.:a.~~a~~~a~ast:a~e -'--...,-..........__•.---._=is ::~: :__ , -___ .--.... - ~-1-.·-----,---:..--.-! :.-.,~.

~a r ys:e~s~~ :2 :~ec:=:~~ :: see cheering : :rn:~ ,3n □=~a~ ::~~~:s

:J. Gary cannot ~ide his hacoi~es s...:ssr::ilecea:-:-.s =:.:-.3--. feels everycne l1k~s h 1~.

MUSIC swells ~pas Gary :akes ,n:n1s ~=~ jer:~:•........•_,.- -,•o._,.:_......-I l o okingacrcss: hese3 o: people.

G.-::...?-.Y 1.t c,r.:;-:,sel:) ::::~erycne~:~es~e.

..,......_, :' -~r•: ...'._,--'-- -J

Gary wa~es :: everyone and so aks:: - - - ...---- • .._..----··---- s;x:mge.

ALEC 3A~CWIN co~:· c) And now, we'd be happy t= 3nswer some of your questions.

Now all the reporters row ~heir scream out questions.

RE?C'R':"E?.S (AD LI 3SHOU7S)

Finally, Mr. Baldwin points to o~ ereco:ter.

PSP C?.'?E?ii1 Ye s,Uh ,q:-1es: 1:, .::.r:-!r ._;():.: ,s::,.-

Gary happily steps up to the m1c.

Mr. Johnson, exactlyh ewmany bat:es did you rapebef o rethepolice f1nall; shot you?

:J::i,•,..:;-;,=·....i aS11 'tsh o tj y~:, ~:::e. I~at ~as a :~e pu: out by :ea~ ~-0---~ · ~·: :-=':::-rs-fa;.:e~;ydea.':~.

?.SPC)RTSRS ad 1..:.0sho'.lts)

?Ei?ORTER#3 Yes, forGary: Did the police WANT :o s~coc you for raping the baby ?

RS!?ORTSR#1 ~c ~- was con sensual sex?

GARY

R.E?ORTER#2 Gary, Nhere did you takea o ai:y:~ wi~e and dine it before sex?

REPORTSR lt2 Oh, it Nas MULTIPLE babies?

?EPORTi:.R#1 But you weren't shot.

PSPOR'l'::R#3 Question for Mr. Baldwin' /MORE)

(

RS?ORTSR ~3 (: ONT'D) Uh, now t hatt he?resident has bee n i ~~ea:~ed,:he naticn a9~ears :o ·~,' 3nt:. :a keav eri nWash i~ g : on, cu r~ex t?r e s i de n t ?

We are reviewing the p ublic'swi she s , a nda:l _ c ansa y1s I will ser ve howev erI can. Next question.

RE? OrU ER#3 Yes, ~er Mr. Johnso n:Gary, how HOT is sex with b ab y ,o nas c alefr om c net otsn? Ten being Tracy Lords a ndcn ebeing, oo h,sa y ,aBABY?

KirnJ c ~a:1s nao sas mall:elevision o ff i n:~e~: t j:eof :--.:s..:..a:.:-.

KIM ;o ~~GIL Ch Co~.;,c hboy1 :,0MOPE ':"EAM

3ARREL AND HAVE OURSELVES A SARPS~ Of : UNIII

Kim Jo ngIl ru n sov ertohi swor ke rs.

Dramatic MUSIC STING.

A very sad scene as MOVERS ar etaking out ~u;e : 0~9utersand

furniture as the 1eam Members ·,;at::hqu 1e tlJ·,.;:: :-:::-.e::..::-nea ds : :-\th e irhands.

It's like the last episod eo fRea lWorl d,whe ree ve r yon ehas

to say goodbye.

f .O . N. Z. Y. Team, I ampi ck ingup sizable i nAsi aand th eMi ddl eSast. terrorists organ1zat:on sseem growing in-

---....... .

s2c::swoc'.)E Co~e e n,team, pep up. !twas going :o e~d so~e day. You ' vegotto go try anj make lives for yourselves no•,;.

SAR~H r •~goin? to mi ssyou guys so ~~c~.

-~0 :earnwatches sadly as a large open c .::-at e~11:ed~1:~ ~~; eguns is ~heeled ou:: .

;=-LASHBACK:

SEVER.ALSLO-MO SHOTS Of THE TEAM MEMBERS S:-l0CTPlG.;NoKI::..LING VARIOUS PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD.

SCREAMING, BULLETS BLOOD AND aooy PARTS :::..·::::Gas'/ SR"{r:::::JDE? 'MEMORIES' kind of music plays.

3ACK TO SCENE

s.;R.:..H Lisa, I'm s or ry:called you a ·,;ho.::-e. You know I treasure your friendship.

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s:.: -~a::.2~ .?

:::.:-----::'-----------••:'.::v\.......,,,·._..__,:.., ----·...........--,-__,.,-.

:::. .---'.~ --....--

r:--..:.ss'/ GlJ.s c:--.q.'

~a r ~iss1:::ng on a te~ch cu :si~ec f--•-" '-''-I : =ng:~glya:_ pic:ure of ~isa.

:::1::-:·_:.re:i f:'.:;a.: y .

r;nissyou :.'-:a: thepoin: And that'san =1wful

~XT. WASHINGTON D.C. - MONTAGE

Alec Baldwin is surrou ndedby the other ac:ors, a~d c e:ng sworn in as President. He holds up o ne~and, ~::~ a no thero n a bible as he mouths the famous sp ee ch.3a r J:s:~ere ___, still looking at a pi c tureof~isa.

SCl'.JG

I guess what I'm :ry~~q :csa~-

:~:. BAR - MONTAGE

Spottswoode is sitting at the bar with a sco:ch watching President Baldwin speak on television.

:~e ~:3:e :: shew worlj ==~=-:::s =~:-~:~c -··-~,.....,,---4.._,,'..,....,.-.......••___-...,._,-,;__-,-__-_ - :he e~e~:s ::c~ exa:::v _:~e Spc::s~::~e·s

_.-.-2-ec::~-~-:::..:.-:=~e:.--:~4:5er./,.::~7=::k ~eeds : oqc :oac::~g s:hcol. ~e was aw~ul :n cha: ~:lm.

3aljwin is happily taking his first sea: -----~ ::·\,..3~c:;.ffice..

S1JtVG Tneea you more ctanCuba Gccd:r:q needed a bigger part. I-{e's~,.ayf.;et==:: than Ben Affleck.

Jo e:s s::::ng :n :he edge or a crappy 6ed i~ a :raocv -....-. -- --- ---- ~= ~ e,: oo k:ngsadlyath1s ohoto albcm ,.._;.22:..-...-:-er::::,.

~he cic:~res are all c f:he team po singhapp::i .--.......·....-=-........ -.·"--..-..~- -

Sarah 1s in one of these ridiculous o utfitsser~:~g uo corn dogs. She looks at a picture of the tea m2~d s:a~:s to =rJ.

:~;T.~n.:-ZTR.QQM-D.r.~y

Gary 1s making a clay bust with his hands. is :.,bv1ously LISA'S face he is sadly creating.

:-,-~.......,r--c.--- :-"'-..._,..........--..-.

Several cars are backed up on the bridge, apparen:~y :n a traffic jam. They all sound their horns as varicus ~up~e:s get out or their cars to see what the problem :s.

Cne of the cars stuck en the bridge is Lisa's.

~isa hcnks her horn in frustration, still wearing ~er sil!J sea lien 01-..:tfit.

Corneon, what is :~e held up?

_:sa gets cut c~ ~er car.

Lisa tries to see what's up ahead, and a strange sound... A deep, deep horn.

She turns her head out·..,rardtowardstheoc eanar:d·.,;e:RACt: on her face.

Now we see what Lisa sees:

It's like the shot from 'Saving Private Ryan' o ::hemassive landingon Normandy, except that the ships, □ l anesand sold:ers are all Chinese and Korean.

7welve battle cruisers, mu1t1pLe oeach landers, ~el1ccpters and aircraft carriers.

Other people on the bridge have already taken no:iceand are lookingout at the spectacle withwonder.

SAN :? -2..~lCI SCOr.1..AN J..;..•._,somek:ndoffestival? What is

Lisa looks hard at t~e Asian ship :n the lead - ~n :~e :e:~ she :an see ~1~: K1~ JONG IL'

i<IMJCNG

Jus: then one of the battle cruisers launches :wo m:ss:Les at the Golden Gate Bridge.

C::xplosions,andimr!'.ediatelythehugecables of the or:..d;e break free, fly through the air and slam into cars, ~:--:~; the puppets inside.

~~eryone runs in ~orror as the bridge star:s :o collapse.

::x-:-.:-lAI:AD.i:.J-1,:SR}\EL-DAY

A ~ide, ~elicopter style shot of the huge :srael: da~ ..;-..... ~a~y :sraelis milling about.

------......-.... -~.:.---.

_ -:::.......~r~........\,1IIA:erraris:missilehits, of the dam.

?uppets run screaming as thedam collaps 5 and water b~ rs:s :nto theempty canyon.

Just down river, a communityof homeownerswalk out :iftheir river front homes to findout what iscausing :heground t~ shake.

fLOOD! All thewater, debris and dead puppet bccies flyingthrough the canyon towards thene1ghcarhcsci.

More puppets run and scream,but it'stea :ace, ~~ 0~acer :atchesup with, and consumes them.

~X7. LONDON - DAY

TITLE: LONDON,EUROPE

The city looks peaceful enough, with Big Ben sitti~g ~ajestically amongst the old buildings.

Peaceful until ZWWWOOOOCM! !!1 Ten Irish t-lS jets through the air, dropping bombs.

- ::.:--,,i--:.· .,1 - .'-.-- - ... --·.....

1 ::-.e:c~ ~J~~e:s ::::..,;;33 :a::'.

31~ aen collapses o n:oancther tall buildino a~a :he exolode into flames.

r"__....·1-

---------... .._._.C"'.

: c zensofpuppets are enjoying a sunny day en a Sydney Beach ~:..:~theopera house visible in the background.

:hree =nj ones1anplanes fly overhead and dr:p a :reen1sh

_::._:~<:s~:~ _7.-?c!.:.a:ei.:/,:.r.e_::._1.1s;::caliar.?u~pe:ss:.3:-:-~. . ........-. --._,......'-'. . and ~a:: : o:ne:..r~nees...

:-:-:-:...::::-,JASHING70N,I-.l"lERI::::A

3ar yis walking on the mall, when the ~as~:..n;:on~cnument SLlddenlyexplodes!

:: fliesup into the air ridiculously, li~e a lame firework, and then landson its side, killing dczens o fp~ppets.

Puppetsare hangingon for their lives as :he ccll5osedbr:..jge sways backand forth.

Cars r o lloffthebr:..j~e'ssides, s c ~eN~-·-s :rea~:..n;;~ppets still :..nsideofthern.

Lisa isstanding in themiddle of thebridJe, wit h acrowd of puppets who are in fullpanic.

L:i:SA GET Off THE BRIJGE'

~ith Lisa's prophetic words , thebridge b~eaks ~n thecenter, and two halves start :o fal!down into thewater.

----.......::::.,.__...---

:.5..:.::-.3 -.,-_o=::c---',.....,_-},-,. 0,--..-;:'.l,,_.::::l,......I- -.. --. .,_J'-----~:::,~---···- ,.....,....._,.. ..............\ ,__,_,,...--

..ca:-s.:_2:--:-:s::-.::~:7:an:-.ex:_:..saa.::,jser .js

CY!NG t-A..AN _:._.;:._;._;.»_;..;._;Gf-iGHGIIII

sh=t ~e =an grasp tne horror : 1:anic,:here are pe opl ehangingo nt owha:ever :~ey =an, ':::~ :.~:-:e:.: :.:-~all ys :...:c:::ui7lbir:gan,jfallin•g: .:.>:~ .e .:.l:"':12a::--~s~

3~: w~en s~e : ur~ sback,she sees a s ::.l:s ta r-.·.::::-:::; -h. o.::;:i; ;~..,:--- .,..,.h,--~.-J,....o l.... ,_.--------··--:.,'-'-----'-~---

---------Ii....,,,..,..':JASrE~JGTCN'.).C:. ......J.· ·==·

Gary 1s r un ningdownthe chaotic with pu~pets scre amingand r~ nn1ngall around him.

~a r ynoticesa bunch of puppets gathered in :r en tc fa :elev1sion shop, watching the te l evisionsin::--:ew:.nd c w.

ANGLE - TELEVISION

In a CNN newsr oo m.

C~-Jt-JR.SPOR-:"~~ Again we do ha vecor: fir~atio n massive attacks in London, Jerusalem, Washingto nDC, and Sydney, carried out by several different forces around the world.

Gar ycan't believe it.

CNN ?,E?CRTSR : c ~~e~ow ~avewo rj:~a: San

...-..;....,.,_-I ---~-;-.

~.._,____,.-._,,.-.,_,-__:1:0--::_

_::._rne!:"icant::crdersinSanrra:1cisco. ?1gr.tnow hundreds are :rapped on :~ eGold e nGace3rid;e-

..slc;:~y·c a !::e~aca:c:hest heccrrmo:ionenL.l-1et, rd·ge.._.:.sa.:..s clearly see nalong with oth ershang ingo n: orl fe.

~ISA c~ ?JuuuuuucKKK',,

:e:'s g= :i ~et ccur Sis:er S:a:~:~ i:-..=:anr~a nc :.sc 0 ,:•.Jt~:~,.1.

Another reporter si:s at his news desk :n San ?r anc 1sc o .

SAN F?.ANCISC:O?-E?GRTE? Tom, there 1s mass confusion and c haoshere as t ho usandso fAsian soldiers-

2ut then, suddenly, se venteenChinese and ~crean soldiers burst i ntothe newsr oo mw~t~their gu nspointed.

CHI~~ESES(JLDIER CHU Cr.AOCHI TSUR'II

reo o rtercalmlyputs r.ands reason

SAN cR~NCISCO RE~ ORTER Tsang Lu Ma. Tsang Lu Ma.

But the Chinese soldier sho o tshiman yway-and chen Kim Jong Il irrimediatelysitsdown and cakes t:--:erep or :er'splace.

T• KIM J ONG.i.L Okay, and a now back a to the news. ( MORE)

K:M JGNG IL (CONT'D) :::·:e::/::::..:--,g.:.sNo::eed:ca '.-JC::':J'._:._S.:.a.:.s:ak.:.:-,gever You::::01:e::..:'

•.:-.'II \.../.I

~=--Baldwin is sitting at h.:.sdesk,having drinks w.:.ths2~e cf the c :he:ac:o:s. They are all laughing and talking.

EV:::RYONE '.la\.lghs)

Gary tursts th:ough :he o~al of::icedoers anj :s 3~a:ed :ind e~er;=ne la \.lghingandgabb.:.ng.

- 1 ' . ::ia.1.:::1·••;1r.,·,.;ha:

&;LEC3~.LJWit,.J Mr. ?RESIDENT, what are yoa jo.:.r.g.

Gary blinks a few tim~s.

G.~RY You're supposed :2 be sending o ~: the ~ili:ary and s:=?p.:.ngthis'

(

·':es,_:."'--:--.e.::-1=3:~e.:iom.:.na, ,tceastis

:~at's all. :: ~ill s:op. ~~d :~en -.-. o...- .::i.·"';:.-...:..

::..;:-"'!"'"':"-.1H:" -••...J..-··- ~E ~A~E :J CO SOMETHINGOR THERE

Tte OMINOUS MCSIC ceaks AS GARY'S EYES ?OP.

SUSAN SAK.Z:..NDON ~:J::al li~'Sh a rela::: :i1'

c ego ~et c ~crrc w~~e n:o ff:ci all; DISBAND AMERICA t ·J RE\: E?..

'.~USI C?EAKS.

::;.:..RY My God ...You're :r:sane.

ALEC BAi..J~'iIN Oh no? ~os o rr owr:1~~:!amg 1v : ~g an address t ot her:at:c n.I:w1ll be the acting performanceof my life, 1n which I convi~ce thepeople t o surrender their s i ckc ountry.

~.:..?·~· ·~·2Js 1:>j:-::i.='f"-.-:..; .._.--...--.. -:-:-:::?..::'.II

33~j·,,.;:.~, - -.::::....- --.;::i.-

sn-::::: ::--.g1 :a::.'i,~-/81Ja:-e:=r:s.::::~y0::,....~.::l~c.•,::•:: ••...: k~ow :here :s n2 :h:~g~ere :mpcr:an: :~an. t1.1E.

on.:.yCNE:oerscn..:..-:-areabcu: liking ~e - and:·~ ;cing :o s a~e her if I ~ave tc ~RIVE~YS~:.?!

:he gt..:ar:::ls.

T~e Golden Ga:e 3ridge ~s se::cndsawa~ -,...------.::

As it goes, we see the little girl still :t..:s:s:an~:ngthere, screaming and clinging tor.er :eddy bear.

:.isascoops the girl up 1n her arws and r~ns tack ~or the end. Another shockwave reeks :he bridge and 8eco~e all arot..:nd Lisa fall to their deatr.s.

But Lisa just makes 3ut then-

_;..i.~-L JO JO'

Lisa looks to where the 11::le girl is pc1nt:ng.. . little dog is still on the bridge, abot..:ttogodown with 1:.

JO JO, tJOI

Lisa, hero that she still :s, runs out to :~e jr:~~e a seccnd time to get the dog.

::-2.s: -..-................. .....,_ ...._··._.'...,._)- .~--::'

- --.-.-.....-- ........-------

-. _,::__=.:::- --··--- s:a.::-:s:c

3ut fro~ the smok e,Lis3 appea:s, wi:h the dog 1 nher ar~s.

I..isagetsdown with the girl anj c1ves :hen +-·_ne'littleg1r:poin :sagain-

r ,-. ,,....., 1'-_i ':''r-·

Lisa l ooksto wh~re the gi : l ' .,... ••✓ C' :T:aninawne e.:.c:-:ai:,

:..isa her eyes and gees cu :, ,......,,.-.~-- ------~--

Jesus Christ.

-,.)..

NARR;'.\TOR This is BBC wo rldrep c :t'

A VERY British reporter with a snar~ed with his heavy accent.

As the ENTIRE WOPLJ ccnt1n u es break o ut1n:o :::-:~:l:t-:~e =~es:::~ on EVERYONE'S ~:nd: ~here 1s Team America?

An English man stands ,._,;'-./,.__.-..,,:-,-r<-c-., interviewed.

ENGLIS:-i:·:AN ·:Je•.,;,~reallyfoui;h::hey'dash ewn ~p b; ;Cw' - ~ean - what :s they ·.·/32-:::-.'=---~t

---,.·-··--......-.'• '~-.,....,' :.:..a:c:esa.oea:e,,·...:o::--:..:..~\'....,-~~.....--- ,_-~.;""";-;:)~c...-;;i--1l , --.--•

r?-ENCHMAN Team ?~'ne:-i::a-Do esvoc1s?'JO i::S VOUS?I

- , . 0erusa.J..em1sst:.ll:loodingand puppets are :::ssed

JERUSALEM tv'iAN SAVE us, TE.r.J-1AMERICA'II

:N7. 3~C NEWSROOM -

SBC NEWStv':AN One :hing is forc ertain ,if:ea2 ;r,,eric adoes n'tshc"w';_:p ,t:-':-=-2::~i.r-2 world 1sdoomed. And now on :~ sc::r:. Edinburgh clobbe:-edYorkshire :::~a.y...

SXT. HIGHWAY - MIDDLE or THE COUN7RY - ~AY

An ambulance screams down the highway wi:h l:gh:s :lashing and siren blaring.

T:TLE: 'ROUTE 66 - STILL AMERICA fOR NOW'

:NT. GARY'SAMBULANCE - DAY

Gary is frantically driving while listen:~g :o :he radio.

REPORTERON RJ\..DIO('l . O. , As the attacks on ;..mericaco;1t1r.·ue, the United States ?resident is ~rJ1~; all P-..mericans:os::.anddown,a:--.c: wait until his address tonight, wnen all will be made clear.

Gary suddenly breaks to a stop.

SXT. AMERICANCOUNTRYSIDE- ROUTS 66

Gary has come to a huge blockade, where dozens of co psa~d military men block the road.

J;Jrr.ps01-1: arr~ulanceand r~ns ::--:e ccps.

,:_;_::._?_'{ :::xci__:se..,...0:::'"lave ···- '

?OL::::::::::MAN -~e1...........••'--anyfur:~er~est.

·'!c'.Jc::cN'7UNDERS7r.ND'71-i::::\•JOM.:..N- LO'-/SISIN SAN fRANCISCO!II

?OL:;:C:Et'-1.D..N Kid ...There :sno Oreg on.

~?A:::K:::N=nGary'sface.

••r~,-......,- ~e :akes several steps bac k . ··.·____:::;1-

~it~ chaos still raining aro undhim, Gar; ha s_0 =a:ch hi~self tr amfainting.

Gary drops to his knees in defeat and pu:s ~: shead 1n his t:ands.

He sobs uncontro llably.

Fin ally,he sl owl ypicksh ishead u pand :ur~s :: 3AaJ frs~ :~e cam erato l ooka: a ~o~n:ain :n the j :s:an:e.

It 1s Mount Rushmore.

s:~ep t.i2.2..-i,~.. e ~::~ ~:~ - so ~~en Gary gets his first ~oak at ~c~~t R~s~~ore S,:)::i:.J'Ne.

:he s:one faces c fthe ?residents arepartially destrc yej~•- nissile attacks, drcop1ng and collapsed.

;:- ;1 1 to see Gary's face. A single tear r ~ns -~na~-Y we reverse

: "r:-.:::--_~..~.:..M::-P:::.:;~EADOUARTERS-DAY

i~terior of the headquarters looksnothing like1t used -,,--,Ithasbeen bc~bedand ransacked.

Sar v~alks amongst the rubble,hopeless that :he amount of ~:sarrayand ~reckage.

3Gt~hen.

A garbled voice sounds-

f.O.N.Z.Y. Johnston. GARY JOHNSTON.

:ary jumps - then picks up a piece of wood t cuse as a weaocn.

t.0.N. Z . Y.(:ONT'C) Team Member Gary Johnstcn is that you?

Sary finally recognizes the voice.

f.O.N.Z.Y. It is very dark, Mr. Johnston. Am l dead?

Gary clears away the rubble 1n front of one of FONZY's interfaces, and we see the dull red glow and screen.

·:..·: •1_lI...-0.:,--,_j,_~....'I-•

:.·,._,, .:·. ...:... :::·.,.;35

-:-.....~..,-._I.::::;- _,(~~::·...:.

ser :s'J ::s:e__·.rcu?

:.:J.N.Z.Y. ::-:a~.rebeer.-:ietectir:g·v'-/a~,::.:.c·t.:.r: ·:: a~d =hacs all ~vert~e ~o r:~...

As ?ONZ exolai~s t o3ar y(a, .d-..:s:exactlv~hat' s;=1~;

::.:..sscreens .

?.J.t1.z .Y.1: c~r=-·::::,, 7 he~n .:..tedArabNations::a ve.:..~vajej -~0 easter~ C::.:..:edS:a:es.:~.:..::a a~j f :rea~ave : nva ded:ne~es: ::as:.

::--.21:-.

The Mexican boraer ~as =~ lla~sedan= the Mexican oeoole aro rusn:n; Texas, Arizona and So~:hern Cali:orni.a.

Gary lets his head drop.

In the distance behind Gary, frame with a pointed aun.

r.2 .:-;.z.., Almost ever; ==~n:r; -~ ::1n::n~ battles of their :wn . Ger man ynas invaded france, ?oland is taking over Russia... The entire world seems to have gone to shit if I may say so, sir.

MUSIC 7~NSION RISES as we :h1nk Gary :s a bou t But no - then we see it's Spo ttswoo de.

-••-,·-•(-,~---I,..., ~:-.-~·•.-- ··...--:..·•..._,;"(_:;::_._,,\ ' •T:--.,.:..,__-.._.-.••:1::::----..,:-._.·~..::-·•---··-rit

Sps ::s-...;c •cde

"'chnstcn. :1;--,a:::-:e'.',ellare doi nghe.re? : raisi;-:g aqai:1)

rn,·__...•1'1P..i ':...

:•rnnot here ~c s:c8 you ' C-ack.:.n~

_:;,-.::---. :. ~ ~as wrcn gate~: . ea ~~~gr·-~ -~ ~orld 8CSS nee d3n :~ :er~a::: na2.. police : or= e'

S?C':"-=--S'v'JOCDE:: Well that's Jt.:s::::iar-.dy,?a:-:d/,~ •...._ there IS r.oTeamP....7eric:a!:'o•.Js.~.v'i to that~

You've doneenc~;n.

Please,Spottswoocie . this right.

Spottswoode closes his eyes, and sadly lowers his ;un.

Oof. .. T:~ant:::JCel.i.e,,.,eyeu,~a [":/. Ireally do. 3 1...1:.·/ cusol,j1--1sc~ :. before ...

?:ease. :.:·..:st ~.e?

......._.:::..:,- ----::,-- --~c:.-.,....c--::,a.:-------- ~- ........---=-- ---·-- --- --- -·

a.::-2.:.:J:J;e1:::--:-:::y.:..:.~.o::eca~ se~:21__: :hc~ght : ~anted yo ut operfo rmc .::-3: s exe n:-:-.e.J oyo l!.:-emerrbert :cat?

S?CT':-SWOODE New :he tables a.:etu.:-ned,and~ jon't ~~ow 1f I can trust YOU.

?lease, ;1 v emea ch a nce.

Sp c ::swoo de_ cc~ s~oatthestars. C-u~ speaks.

S? OTTSViOOCE

:f YOU. w 11 perform o .:als ex=~ me.

S?OT~SWOODE I am serious. ( ?0 1nti~g~ ~~ :s:ace) Look.

The puppets look at each other for a very long t:me.

s?CT:s:,;co:::::: t ·-·e-::/~~ .:.=K: y ) ...:·~·:.:~??.-:·~·==:~ra:y·2~:-?.~·:.,·!· rea d;== :a ;ev er j :~i:-'.~c ~:~e:i~e' :o :~row awa; al: ;o~r :~h:bi::o~s

,_--··--,._,:_.....__.,......~,,,! firs~ ~:;~: we me: - :ha: f i rs::ss~e o f:r~s: - jo:-'.'ty ousee?'

~Ai?-Y NO' -- I: hc~ gh tyo uweren'tga y'

Sl?OTTS~OODE This isn':· aboutsex, Gary' It's ab ou tTRUST' If you 'rew1lli r.g: o go dcwn on me, then I'll know you're wi llingt ojo ANYT~I NG.

Gar yth i n ksf o raver ylo ng:i ~e.

Dc·r.'::·~jC'J.see::-1:s ,', ;:::..1

:;.::.,?_y Wu l... If Idid ...THAT -- voJwo~ ~a get TEP_M~~~E?.: c:.;upandru:--~:-1:.n:;a-=:air: ?

S?OTTSWOODE (super serio us ) I'ddo all that Icould. (then light) Okay, ready?

Spottswoode unzips his pants and dr ops-r-.o~-·.-·· • t to see 1f anybody is watching.

S?OTTS~CO~E (CONT' D; I'llmake SJre~cbody's wat:h1~~- Go ahead.

Gar yl o okshorrified,~~ u1 ·-'-: 0 r;1.

S?OT~S'.tJCOJE (zipping up h is~an t s ) Hmph, Iguess you WON'T do anyt~i~g to take it all bac k ,huh,Gar y ?

( GARY

Yes : w1!l 1 I 1ust--

Garv sighs aga1~ a~d looks helpless. ~1s pa~:s a~d s:rcKes ~is wooden cock.

S PCT7swc;oDE '.Jkay,:::;:.C3y-G01

'A.. ..a,nngsure ncbcdy 1s watching, ~ary very slowly ~e:s . ........::: k::ees.

Hemoves his head closer... closer...

Ooens his mouth...

Closes his eyes...

But right before Gary can suck Spottswcode's dick, Spc::swccde jumps back-

7~e cnce quaint and cute area of ~isher~a~•s ~~ar~ -~ n:::;wa burning, bloody war zone.

~.mericans run screaming in all directions as ~h::,.:..sian.::c..r~.y '-J.- continues to fire on them.

One American man has a bayonet driven though his chest.

:wo others ate shot as they try to flee.

The Asians fire RPGs and throw grenades at :net~ildings.

Then, with awesome, ominous force, theAsian Army, ~uge 1n size,marches down the street in :err1fy 1ngrcws.

Leading themall, ~s Kim Jong ~l.

What was once a rich, beautifulSan franc:scos:;~e ~cme 1s now a burned out wreck with twocharred p~ppet bcd1es inside.

GLASS 38EAKS, a ~and reaches t~r=~;~. ----- -- -,...._....,.. --- ··-- ------, and :isa s:eps :~ w1:~ ~e rM-: s.

--I.... --:::::1--:j-,.-.,-'-...---.,-'--' _..,._,,1..,.....,,::::::_.J.,.8·....;S.__c..,.....:..:-.s:.:.e. --:::::::.;::.

~=sr. --~ !-•--.......,._~..J.-·.' a ,,.;a/

'.iAVYSCLDI::R How lc ngyou t~ink we can last ~.l here?

Long enough for :he military to shew ?...:p,_hsce~

::..1sa.:::-·Jshesover:o: helitt:e has -:__:s:...__,:·......~. ....... t~o dead bodies :~at were cn= e:he ~=~eowners.

Oh God ! 7 he y 'renot:a~in;a n; prisoners, man'

--,...,..._, L....::i,'-1. Calm down.

ARMY ?RIVA7E Shh! Shhh!

7he army private has f oun dasmall telev :s:cn ,an j:swatch1~1 the CNN reporter tell the l atest.

~very on egathersaround : hesmall :ele~is:cn.

- ~=-= : ~~ac j ce s:~at2ear.?1

~- .'::3:.S::-.'::'/a:e,.':,_----~----.,,1,, _.•-..:s.

~ ·._;:_-----.--.:..~:-c..... -. .:::·.; : 2 :1~S~

s~::..::s

:1 leads t~e Asian army through a tur~1~0 s::ee:.

:<IMJONG IL 1 .. ' Seek cut al: ~ee-s1stance 1vo:__:nc1·___::) :he ,;oundeye'

~~-2:.-==.!. t~ :e;..be.rs,_"p: a:nc:.oL.'.!e s3:e:::-ice:3:;a:..~-=..s.s~~-.:~-2~, :his :1~e 1~ :he pleasant corner boc:h cf a Cen~y•s T:-.eteam:-'."!embersareal.'..-.:ea:l,.::: ~ear.scf disguise.

CnRIS Oh for fuck's sake 1 7his isn't an apology it's more like an EMOlingee 1

s;..,9.AH Sc~ethi::g ::your pas: co what ycu j d. Open~? ',.;e

pr c~ en:o se :ha: he :s ~ ::::::~: 2 jo~ NYTH:NG :oma~e uo for h :s '.":":.:..stake...:-leprcved:.:~ast:::::;h: 2y agree1 ng to suck ~y-

~1-0r:-.ei'."cbersalllookatGary.Spottswccde.:.QCKSat r'.tem.bers.

:>:ery c nel oo ks0--i-everyone,andfinall;Spo::s~ccdesceaks.

Spcttswoode, ever.=~ ~ary was :r~l~· scr.::-y,1 t'stoolate :::::p ·..1t:he:ea:- n back together. We're noth:~~ ~i:hc~ : our ships and gur.s.

Gary stands up and gives an 1~pass1or.ejspeech as S~~LLING MUSIC fades 1n.

Look, about ships a::d,;·...:;;s ':-earn_.:_-:-.e:-: ::2 is about PEOPLE 1 =:on'':yousee? Great wars are not won with ships and guns They're won with PASSION' Think about it - D1d Patton have ships and guns?~

Yes.

The music STOPS. Gary thinks.

~ARY ~ell did GEO~GE WASHINGTON hav eships ...i=r--,.__,_...,_,._;,_j.!+--

Al=i;ht, bu: how accut Genera: Gra~: ~hen he got :he Scu:h to surrenjer?'

Lets cf ships, lots of guns.

S?OTTSWCODS Only on eperson. The ?reside~: -- :he ~n itedStates.

3aldwin.

S?OTTS'i-'JCODS Yes.

S?CTTS~·JCODE t~owjust:r:a:-:ger.,:-2a:7:~I':-1-....:ar~..:.~.= you; infiltrat:ng :he ~h1te House will be the most difficult t hingJOU have ever done. Its defense systems are state of the art. It has been built to keep the S~ST out.

7he team rne~berslook a: each ether.

,._. ..__~-..::'.)_ __i::::.....,,.1--

-----·---·•-----.----------~----.----.-...,,._____-- _.,____ -~;:.--- <:.-~·,: -----., ...'--....-'"::..- ..- ·--::·.-...:' :- .:·.o,;· -·---•·-~•~-:~-.:.:-,,-:~•eI3-...:s: ;::"Jr. -·-;::;...- .::.------ ~---._-

••;:::::. I-c "'--- o utact soDe o f:~e test actc rs the !,~Orlci.

__...C'·E Infiltrate t~e mes: danger~us place :n the ~crld ~i:hcut any o fou r equipment :n less than e1ght ~ours. ~o ware ~e goi~g to j oit?

..~~..........- ..........,._.,...,_--..

?.:..:•;~-15~C?

:2am membe r sarecheckiii~·:J1.J:c:-a;;pi,se=::--.-=:-: .3:--.:: p :Jr:~:3.Sir.gt:-leffifl.°"0ft l3-o'4":cri{?.;>.:>J.3:-:-..:?=·.:::=~--

SOl".tS Today's :he day to qiv :=1.:·_/::,'-1:::: ':':5:- you've got to reach your pr~~e'

~~RTIAL ARTSCLASS DAY

The team members are all .--.----.,::-.-,-.--...l·--~-~---,_.:,• Chris throws Gary to fl~or as h arjas

SONG '-..--.~,-';">\

,,__·_::~-?__ to the test ~~d s~=w ~s ali 5 .C,~55.:i:.:" of ti~7:e-

~I3RARY DAY

Gary isat a table with a stack of acting becks. ~e 1s reading 'TheActor's Method' as quickly as ~e :an.

We 'regonna a .-::c:.--.:age'

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--•.....•.I.

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The team members are gettir.gbe c :era t::-,e 1r: c,'s sesa nd throws.

SONG ,:CJ t;T'D) If time is sh e r:andy cuneed From just a beg1n~e= :o a ore-

Kim ,J o ngIlanddo ze n sc f.=-.s .2.:::.s.::;:::,:-7'.Das :.::-ee: :-esis: a;1ce. j '.JS~::a sses~.::-~.'J••-'. .--..:.....~ ---....J--f

SHOOTING ?,ANGE- CAY

Now Gary 1s hitting bullseyes wi the v er ys~~ : . up and down and cheers f o r~ar y .

,',,......,,,...,,,"·~'T''r,~

, --.-

-,-.,.),.1.-

i,...-1J..1seem.2.:.<e ~ore c1~e ~aspassed 1~ your

~=:~ARY DRLlMSplay as we BOOM DOWN ~rem t~e ~hi:e ~c~se's

::-,=ackv::.ew,:;ar y ,Sarah, and Chr.:.sstep:::::s.:--.3:.:..:::all·: '-:1::f~a.;r ,e'Nl.:hSO!'Y':e·:;~~sslu:1g(J'-ier~~ei::sh::)t.:~=:2:s,::he ·.· s :a~a: the ~hi:e ~cGse ~h1ch is still a cou~~e ~~~= :e j

No~:everse to see that :he team locks ~er e~ad ass :~a~ ~v er.~hey wear mostly black cam ou flagew.:..:~:ace22 .:..~: Pq~~ment hung aLL aver them.

The:est of the team just looks at Sarah.

S?CTTSWOCDE (V. O.! Team, have you reached 1aur lcca:.:..:~?

(into hiswatch) We're here, Spotts.

SXT.SOMEWHERE ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE- NIGHT

An i=e cr eamtruck is oarked en the street.

:~'=.:..~.s.:..::e __...,..._.__.:=)_ _._,,:1:-------.....

-...--.....,._Ye:...:::::..:-s::2SK·,; ::.~_ ·~---:;!··- te ;e::ing inside :~e lawn pe:::.~e:e r . :n::s will ~se je ~o~i:1 a~ s,thenle :

~xr. 3ACK -AWN - WH:rs HOUSE - NIGHT

Copy ,Spo~ts. We':-eqoing in.

Chris ~e:s ::.nGary'sface.

:h risc oc kshisshotgun with f o rce.

~xr. WHITE HOUSE LAWN- NIGH7

Two WHITE HOUSE PATROL GUARDSare keeping watch ever the ',..;estgate.

?ATROLGUARD Oh, look. It's Martin Sheen'

Martin Sheen walks up t othe guards and cuts ~::.s~ando n their shoulders.

You boys ke epJC~: ey espeeled, ~ e can': l etan y thingdistractt~e President f r omhisspeech tonight.

?ATROL GUARD 2 Yes'

:: : --..-.•~4111 ..:--.~3::b· -.·exclcsic ·nsounds.

MAR'TINSf-iEC::N(CONT'J l

~~t as the guards run, they run into a third guard.

?ATROL GUARD3 SIR! SCMS30DY JUST BROKE IN THE ::ASTG.;Ts'!

~ar:in Sheen and the other two patrol guards run the oppcSi:e ji:-'::·:::.i .:Jn.

:~e :~irj pa:rc l?~ard takes off a fake face, i: :s 3Ctual:y Sary .

5pct:swocde smiles at the monitors.

~xr. WEST GATE - NIGHT

:-'!eanwhile,theotherteam members all make ;~ c:-.rc •...qhthe West Gate and head for the White House.

TIME -roSEE v-JHAT1JE•:<.:::MP.DEor,

Super cool, 'Triple X' style music starts to play as the team members all pull out their guns and start shooting.

Huge turrets pop out of the White House Lawn, ~h ch look like they belong in a Star Wars Movie and star: 1r 1ngat the team.

:::.:::cs ~:__s, a: -__.•_____.,..-...-,-.-_-

-- --,.- -......:."~-\l-"::....i ·""---.' -----,,--fT'--'',-.....-...-..-

----··--··~--'. .-·-..,.,,....__,, ..----- - ,',J..;__....,==-

Sa~eh j~es a se~1es c f=~:~s ~.~•-..: f.:on:cf t~o guards ~ho~ she shc o tsdeadwi:h :we oistcls.

~ce and Gary ~edge tullets from the rema1n:na t..:!:"retand ~a~e :: :o :he dear, where Jee quickly ~~:~s

__2:-r-.e

:-:-2ar.·.✓ r--.::e,Chr:scii:::Ks1...:0:he s tar:sfiring double f:s:ed, towards :he door.

they get :se~. :hey ·::et ::--.s:de.

?resident Baldwin is preparing for his S: a:ec ft heUnion speech. A camera and lighting crew are se:t:~~ ~ 2as Mr . Baldwin sits in his impcr:an: :na1r, ~n:~e : ~o~ a~eucartists work on him.

Mr. Sean Penn bursts throc ~hthe o~ al

SEAN ?ENN MR. FRESIDEN~ WE HAVE~ ~CGE PROBLE::.MII I

ALEC SAL~WIN What is lt, Secretary cf State ?enn?

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:ce leaks surorised.

l...,,:os

SAP}\~ Li :.:ea2.o•Jer.

....,,,...... --.....-.-•.--.~- .:::) -""._; .._.',_./:.-....-. ....-.._ Sarah s c ~ersaul:a~a y .

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Cr.r::..sstandsa, ,dchargesatGeor:;;ec .:..c.:::-.e·;a :-.::i Gary f:Jllcws .

In slo mo, Chris and Gary fire :heir ~eapo~s an :! and Ms. Tyler fly back in a washout o fb:2cd.

:~JT.HALLWAY

Joe and Sarah run down the hallway, aj o r ~ed~ :: ~~:=:~rescf ?residents.

(pointing) DANNY .::;r.,c";c:K1,,

•....~r,:loversees:he

....._=:.r-i Chris and Gary chase after .......--....

·...,v t.----.-

:.:-.s: -::e::-.e-----__,--.

SAR..;~I -:,1":>lt!t -..r....

Too late, Mr. Glover hits a button and thic~ ;lass jeers - ~p on both sides of the room, trapping Sarah a::d:ce :::si~e.

:ce and Sarah fire at the glass in front of~- 3lover3~j Mr. ?enn, but nothing happens - except :hat :::e y=~ncu :: f a:nnc.

....,....,. . ~ery 1mpress1ve, ~ar ~o~gers. .•'..._,.... let's see how :he ~h::e Hc~se ~anthers treat you ..

l"'r !?ennhits a button andtwo doors :.::s:.je::-:e::::-::ircbersl:·.-:_;_y open.

huge panthers stepout onto the floor

:oe and Sarahback away with fear as the ~enac:.n;:ats approach, licking theirchops.

Oh, oh ...

:hrisand Gary burst ~nto: :-:eGreenr::::::~ Sarandon tiedup :.nachair.

Gary and Chris lookat each ::~er.

sus.r..NSA?P.NDON(CONT·c, I real::ed this whole th1~g has got:en

nanG . a f:J.:.ly

::-:r:..ss:e;:s::;·,..,-ar:::s:-1:::-s .Sa:::-3.r.jc:--,:::;,_;:~a.:::-i';::·__;:sa:-.2:-.:::

C~ris tu:::-nshisheadback to Mrs. Sarandon.

~rs. Sarandon standsup, both hands tree:=~~:~ =~: automatics, completely surpr:s1ng Chr:..s.S~e 3:~s ---- -- _ ~elpless Chris. As sheprepares to !:..re,sne_e:s =~= a ;::redatortypeyell.

SUSAN SAR}l.NDCN'.CJt-;:-•:; ~ GRAWWWWWLLLLLL!'!!

3ut Gary is too fast,he raises his gun and blows Mrs. Sarandon through a window just as she's about to ~:re.

--'"'t•

They hear g~nshc::s

, · -- ··- ..--..

-.,..-.-.:

~r ?e~n and ~ r.~l=~er lau~h ~r=~ : ~e=;9os::e s:je - ---~ c)orn .tJa1t1ngtQ ·,.;at::h:::-:e:ea:T,:-:-.e~ers::e;;-a·...:.:.e:J.

Joe takes a step forward and puts ~p h1s r:s:s.

COME AND GE: SC~E. ?AN7~ERS' 111

3ut Sarah steps 1n ~ront c fh1~.

Sarah c losesher eyes and approaches :he ::a :s.-·...,. 0'.1t stretched.

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-~i:- v V ~ - Sa rah ,thatis n '::g-=ing:o·,..-o r:;_. You don't have any ~en:al powers.

The cats stop, look at Sarah, and :hen :~rn a roundanj lock at Mr. Glover and Mr. ?enn.

SEAN !?E:lN No ...

Mr. Penn and Mr .Glover ner~c~si; ::ackawa; ----~ .-

:nan instant, the c a t spo unc e.Mr.?en n::=-:..':'.s 1t 1s hopeless. The cats s hatterthrough

The cats attack Mr. Penn and Mr. Glover, .:.rru'T',ediately:ear::.,.~ apart and eating the flesh from their convulsingpu ppet bodies.

Sarah turns and smiles at Joe, who can':tel::.e~ehi seyes.

'-...,----..---..

:::::::::.::-ess.

:v1yfellow.:::..ri.er:. -::a:'.s,: :~:..s jay 1n :heh:sto:y :::~ur -..-..-v,~....1,---,~'...."'--y. ~e are no wwi:ress:.r?ccGntr:.es f.::-~~ all over thewc:ld ;ett:ngback at ~s foryears of dominance .Sut s co~ , all the hate will be gc~e. as your Presicien:,I·,.·:ll::han~e:::.e ~orld forever,ending war a:-1d:.1s1.e!:":.~::: :.na new age of worljwije ~eace ar.:i likability ...

3aldwin ~lances over :o t neappr ov al:at1~g~e:er.

- ~=es :r::m30% to 38%.

:~is ~lan ~ay a: :irs: see~ ex:re~e--

~x:. ~ALL~AY - NIGHT

Gary and C~ris run out o f: h e J:-e.::-unning--?.

:hat's when Joe notices-

,,.,,... vv:..T JENNIFER ANISTON AND 3EN KINGSLEY'

The team members all spin ar o~ ndandshoe: and r,.✓-i..J..'......,c·.,;o actors.before they can f:.:et h e1:weapo ns.

What happened t~ ~ean ?enn and :an ny Glover?

The rr.ainlobbyof the White Hous e1s empty as ::--.e:eam:-:-.e::.:::e:s make their way through.

S?07TS:.VOCCE J_.::,._

->J-

~-----::0~

But it's t::iolate-- The lcbby liqhts_up•and __lt:11,..;...__..N;~-----~L .J..--.-••'"j SC1.Jr1jsa!'eheard.The pa~t of the floor the :ea.~:-:-.e!"r-~'2:-s are standi~g on suddenly :-aisesand becomes a cage.

JEETNSE C::MPUTER ~EfENSE COMPUTER ON LINE'

:'r.e:earn1s ::-apped,as t:helast of :he ac:c:-s,-=> -.::,~-- :~em saun:e:-in:o :he ro om with:hei:-weap o ns.

~1iATT~.i:..MCN JROP YOUR WEAPONS'

CHE:US (aiming) I don't :.~inkso, actors'

Suddenly all the weapons flyout cf :he :earn'."'.'ernbers'~ar.c!s· and stick to the roof.

t'-:ATTCAMON Defense computer - k1ll :he 1n:r~jers.

~~1e turrets come down fromthe ceiling, and po:n: at :he team, who hold onto each other.

SARAH

The :~rre:s s:ar: :~ s2:n.

::1? .:S ~e ;a ~e•P cu r□ est,guys.

~ARNING - DETEC::NG oc:s::~ ::NS :-!AC:Kn~GINTO...

Suddenly, the turretsall turnand poin: at :~eac:crs.

The actors' faces dr opand they slowly back awa y .

3EN Aff~ECK Defense computer... What are you doi:-ig?

f. O.N.Z.Y. 1 am not the defense computer. ~y name is E"ONZY.

3EN Arr:.ECK r_...-:, ,'Ina-.

-~e :~rrets fire and blow all :he ac:~rs ~~ 2:eces ~onde rfulblood bath.

~x~. ~HITE HOUSE - DAY

The President's speech continues t ocamera. rating is nudging up.

3LAM!!!

The Oval Office doors blow o~en and there :s ~earn~1c1er:ca, looking.awes ome1n the r:s1ng smoke.

GAF<,Y The game :s over, Baldwin. You and :he a.c::::rs:::ise ..

3ald~:~ stands up from ~:s desk, bu: :.ssu:--: ~:e~ :f :~e =a~era.

Yau :an't kill ~e, Gary. You're an a~::::-yc:1-_::-self..2eep·down~/ouk:-:O'o1· that nothing 1s ~ore 1~por:ant :nan being liked. starting to act) tor th1s, my friend is not a GA.MEas you put it. Th1s is LIFE. Life is beautiful and life is pa1nful. And a fact of life is this -- the world hates ~.rnerica.And we must change that.

Thecrowd of cameramen and techies look at one a~ot~erand thenclap :or Baldwin's eloquent speech.

I~eapproval rating goes from ·~ to ~6 per:en:. s:niles.

3utGary takes a few steps forward, ~~dbegins :o deliver his own f~~e actor'sshowdown.

Peoplein the crowd leakat cne another and 300:a~i for3ary's fineacting.

The Presidential approval rat:ngdrops by 2 2er:en:.

A:EC 3AL~WIN t : JN 7'D) '.-vr.at::.sar.at:.:.or:::--.er-.,.:.r.::ieed~u':a

3l:... :::.:e3:7,3:::::-2'N:.::-.~ .e?

~--~--;:,------· ;:-2s

:~:.J~::~_;._v:...:;N Jh ~e .:.s3C~oo d'

~ver y :hingget:ssi len tagainast he=amera --.i............::l---......,,:::,- en Gary and music swells up.

Gary ~no wshe has :-..:.s

G.::..RY That's why I'man actor. 7o --:a~~ make up for thelove Inever had as a child. But.agreat man o:1cet::·lj me -we can't base ou rl.:.vesen:~e approval of others.

-,·~ ~....,__.....'✓ -)jt•ICE CREA~ I~UCK -

Si?OTTSWOODE That was me.

NT. OVAL OEFICE - DAY

:.;RY:',:~~-r:-'~) __,_ l-~·-......:,..........-,...,-I._ace:__::be1~g::.~ed. -- =, about

::-:_·...:~.~:.~~-: -i.-~e===~~::a:s=-~==a~~-a~se 7:-'.e2;:9~::·/a2.----·--:::1.._-•·~

:he-- :ne-- gl:ba:war~:.nga~~-- a~~ ::-Qrpc:ai:e..:...rner-:.::a::-.a:--::-.a:·...;a:.- hung ry:eocbl~c ans--noblocd fo: 011--

:lo::::eapplauds. ~he approval ~e:er is looks aro'..lnd.

AL~C 3ALJWIN '.C2N7'J)

~=- 3aljwin draws his gun.

~e's ::-=ad.

___..,.__ a few seco:--ids,:he - ::heirheads, as sna.pp:.ngJU:

CAf1ERAJ-1AN My God, we were going :J let ~le e Baldwin sell ou: our ~hole co:..:n::j.

Ga ryl1f:s his watch.

r:rr. 'x:-----,.....=-=---=---

:-::-.a.:

s::a:--. .

:~rs liftsMr. 3aldw1n's head and cu:s his eye a~t ~::~ a ..<.r::e.

7hen he brings :he eyeever :o the desk, where ~e passes :n front of a !aser readout.

:~e tcp drawer of thedesk opens, revealing 1~por:ant ?residential things, includinga tiny, gold :r,as:erleek:<e' ; •,nt:1':'earn..:..rr,erica'sShipsandGuns'·..;rittenc:--,1t.::hr:5 holds ~o :he very tiny gold ~ey.

7he 7~IUM?~ANT MUSIC continues to play as we see :hree -j--.._,,.~..--- ~angars in :he middle of the desert.

:-:;:r:..:::·DENTONSTORAGEH.n.NGARS-·AMER:::::A•

7he team :nem.berswalkup tc,the massi'Je ,i"::etal.joorsof1::--.e ::angars.

Spottswoode takes out the key and inserts :: in:J the s~a:1 MASTERLOCKthat holds :he do or stogether. T:-iesmall'..<ey pops the small lock open and :he :earnrnembe!:s:ano pen~~.e doors to reveal -

Inside the hangar - all o fthe Team ~.I"'.er~sash:psandguns- a beautiful sight 3S t:-le:7:'JSi~climaxes.

Time to kick someass.

....,

:HRIS (c~ck:~g his ~un l ?:;h: f~ck:~~Cn.

,......,..-- ;:x:. • •---j-::r-..,...

_: :s

I~side, L~sa and the soldiers are Just abou: : 20Ked. -0•· all fire out cf damaged •..;indows,takingou:as tT'any:c:-.:-:::2s as they can... aut they just don't step coming.

~i~ally ,:he Army private clicks his gun.

ARMY ?RI'JATS I'M OUT!

_:sa ~:res her M-16 :n all directions, ~s1~g s~:r: ~~rs:s, 8L:t1-t::ir-:allyitrJr:s,:,uto far..rr,oas·.-iel:.

-=-~e~siansare breaking thrcug~ :he jco=s a~i ~:~icws - - z ~~biesi~ a horror fi:m.

Everyone throws down their guns and succurc--cbs:cJ:t-:e1rcer:ai:-i c:eath.

-::-:-.eAmericansoldiersstarttocry.

Lisa holds the little girl's

But that's when a huge explosion rocks the frame, and dozer.s of Chinese go flying in various directions.

( ZWWWWOCOMIIfI

SONG

The A.~eri~an so~diers a~l.J.1cheerandwavetheir ~a:s.

KIM ,?JNG :earn.z:..mewica?!OHN01

:NT,7;2.M.rv1i:-RICAONE-QAY

Sarah and Chris are in the ccckpitof the jet,tack i~ :~eir gar.:.shTeam~JTiericaoutfits. Sarah is looking :hroughs;:e=:.aJ gcggles.

--=~-._..y- ·,j1ss1tt:~gup~i:h~ce:~:he :..-..r-.r-:-.t -ack:.:1Team..;rnericaget~~s. .._,._,-··

Gary and Joe smile at each other.

Gary grabs hold of the Joystick and a :arget1~; ~ev1ce fl:.;:s in front of his eye.

-:::;;..?.Y' '-=~~lTID) Welcome toll.rner1=a ,:r,ot:1erfuckers.

He fires.

Asian soldier puppets come apart as they are r1jdled ~~th bullets. Kim Jong Il tries to ke epthem f1ght1ng.

--'"1•

~. ~ :-:-.:..ss.:..:es-· -. ,-----:: --.:-:sI

7HEY'?E:? :::?:::ATI NG' ' '7HEY'RE ?.ETREATI:~G111

Sarah has r.ereyes closed and hand raised.

::: e:.-2am.~~e!:'"ica._-etsl~ndas:r.e.~..-1"'.e.r:..::ans::~ :::2~s--- --··.::::.-~~ - --·· ·---- ; n:r.em,laughi:-:~,c~eerir.g,and·,;aving::--.e i.r:-.a: s .

'"::a-:::11s::rs:~·:Jerr,e:-ge:!"•:)m:::-~eccor,:3.:--::1:-.e~:-:--~.2,:::. ~ -:2_. :::...!s:.es~:)r...:.sa.

;·:---,et·...10loversruntoeachetherande!'n.br3ce.:- ':e:.Lisa :a~s a step back and smacks Gary full force acrcss :~e :aw.

:..ISA(•::OtE"'D) That's for causing chis whole ~ess shithead!

C?.CW:> OOH'

:;ar,holds his Jaw, looks C'.Jilfused.

:f:.:.ce?

.. ~. . sweer.,-'4•.r:-:e~2..::ar ._:.......es=~-e::3::<: : ~c~r.i.:3.l': ~ a.r.'.-<s:.:>:e3:.t..:..r:-.e:-::3.3:---..: ::.s2::.::ALLYco:~e;rea:es:ac:== :he wor!d -- Gar; Jc~~s:=n'

The crcwd cheers and Gary s:eps for~arj - ~sea< ai: w1:~ a beaming smile.

S?OT7S~CCDE !CGN7'J: Gary, Ibrou:;htsor:i.epeeple·,;r.o•..;an: :o say hello.

Spot:swoode ges:ures over to GARY'S ?ARE~TS1 .\~,:>step: -:ir•,.;ar sr.eepi.shly.

We're.

::;.!:I.RYIs:V:OT:-iE:=< ~e saw you on television, we realized ...~e need :o your being gay.

GARY'S tATHER Son, we accept it. (callingou t ) My son 1s gay and: !eve

'.-!.:C..N:~JC?.01-1D We love yo uc ao ,:::;ary':>:en DID rape babies'

G.;RY N01

Spottswoode steps forward to d efendGary.

_,e:~ ~~s:elly::)uall..-JhoGa.::-y ;-:e's3.:~~e.~7.e:-:::an..:...

::a:::-

- -~I- ~=---':::i~ ·.:-2s

S?OTTSWOOCE 7hat when you agree to put another ~an's penis 1n you .::mouthyoumake a ~a ndth atcannot be br ok en-

LISA

GARY'S MOT!-!ER ~e _: v eyouGary,e v en:.f;ouJO suck c ockand fuckbabies .

~ere, ~e~e.

C?CWD Yea 11i

rh e::rowdcheerswildly for all of 7eam .:..rr,e.r:.:a.

S?OTTSWOODE Yes, but the restof the world :.s still breaking ou tinto war; ~il:i ng each other and ri o ting.

: ·...:::-<:.

-.. .....--::::;- -------

TheGermans are ~arching .:..n:hestreetscf ?aris. Sc::e ::e~=- resistors are waving french flagsbut be1r.g shotby :~e :;er:r.a;1s .

3ut :hen -- SiJOCSH' 'The7eam..:..mericaJet:l.:..es.:.:1:0::a::e and star:s shcct.:..r.gatalloftheGer~ar.s.

:?.SNCi-l:-'..AN 'v':·:.::.::..;..r:::.:..i."1.::_rvi::::u:.;1

;X~. LONDON -CAY

A shot of London, with Big 3er.and ?arl:a~e~:. :he are all fighting amongst the :r:sh,r.:..c::~; s:::.-ee:s, <illing each other, until--

The Team America jets flyin and shoot :he.:..:~iss1les.

The English cheer forTeam ~merica'

:::~JGLISH>-1.AN Thank ye, :-earn.:.."T,er.:..::a'

~X;. SYDNEY - DAY

The opera house isthe key feature that let's us know where we are now in - Australia - where a bloody war rages betwee~ Australians and their Indonesian invaders.

But wait! Again Team America flies 1n, sha ::,:::- ,gmissilesar .:: destroying the opera house, stopping :he f1gh:.:..ngandsav.:..~g the day.

SClJG :P£ED0!'1:s-:.=-££:;NLft/AY'ar;-;7'.JBE :.~EE--;_:..:£PE:s.4?.-::;::E-;:::;?.4'f.'11

3c-::--.::"'.e

;.;<,.+•

:he :"earn.~..rneri.caships:iv'J.,:e:c:<:mJong::.'s·_::-.:ie:-·,..;3:-::: base ar.ddrop a bomb en.:.:.

Gary and Lisa kiss as they fire more m1ss1les a~d a ~ear: shaped wipe takes us to black.