"SCARY MOVIE" (2000)

.. -

I

Aaron Seltzer & Jason Friedberg

by

DID LAST HALLOWEEN I WHAT KNo·,,v SCREAM IF YOU

s not Quentin ••• It • SCARY VOICE

Quentin? CINDY

(from phone) SCARY VOICE

Hello? CINDY

RINGS. The phone

it on the lit stove. Popcorn," and puts Pop of "Jiffy tin~skillet a She grabs

cake. food and devil's Frankenberry.cereal, Cbocula and ·count several frightening food products: FEATURE we rummaging for a snack. She opens the pantry,

so pick me up in ten. ••• o.k., (into phone) CINDY. ·

on T.V. watching "Halloween" of Five" type - talks on the cordless.phone while "Party just picture any ah fuck it - Jennifer Love Hewitt way, 7 and pretty in a Neve Campbell, .1 our heroine, CINDY,

orange and black streamers,. human heads on sticks ••• •o lanterns, jack Halloween~ The place is decorated for

A dark and spooky night.

NIGH~ HOME - MODEST INT -

Aaron Seltzer· & Friedberg Jaso;

by

HALLOWEEN LAST DID I WHAT KNOW YOU IF SCREAM

· smack. and shooting the smoking the joint, swigging the booze, gleefully· now FEATURE the Children, Through the window we

Halloween. alone on left you all your boyfriend too bad It's have a sexy voice. You VOICE. SCARY

is this? Who (into phone) CINDY

She closes the door on the surprised toddlers.

Have a safe Halloween. · (to children) CINDY

and booze in their candy bags. She dumps the narcotics

Wrong again. ( from phone) VOICE SCARY

and hypodermic needles. marijuana joints, - bottles of liquor, table grabs the other items on the she reaches for the bowl of candy, but instead Distracted,

Jake, is that you? (into phone) scary ••• Gee, don't you all look kids. Hi, CINDY ,i , Trick or treat!! CHILDREN

Halloween costumes. in CHILDREN She walks to the front door and opens it to reveal four

CHIMES. The doorbell DONG! DING

• same ••• Give me directions'? - it all looks the the mall · like forgetting where you parked at It's Christ, this always happens. KRUEGER FREDDY

No, it's Maple. CINDY

Wait, this isn't Elm Street? (noticing street sign) FREDDY KRUEGER

slice. then stops in mid- Freddy raises his razor-clawed hand,

Ahhh!!1 CINDY.

FREDDY KRUEGER! it's jumps through the window A MAN

CRASH!

mounts ..• With every step, the tension the curtains and blinds. FOLLOW Cindy as she rushes through the house, shutting We

in that tight blue sweater. You look good just want to talk. I SCARY VOICE

what do you want? - Who is this CINDY

bitch. Don't ever do that to me again, SCARY VOICE

Hello? (picks up) CINDY

RINGS again. phone The

SHATTERING glasses. and SMASHING plates SHOOT through the kitchen, Kernels PANG! PING! POP!

A beat.

I'm asking the questions. SCARY VOICE

Why are you doing.this to me?

CINDY

and you die. one Miss Not until you answer some questions. VOICE SCARY

alone. me Leave CINDY

Cindy? ( from phone) SCARY VOICE

She answers. Her cellular phone RINGS. RING. RING.

beat. A SMASHES the phone to pieces. She

No! CINDY

accept the charges? from ••• HomicidaL Maniac ••• will you have a collect call You OPERATOR PHONE

Hello? · CINDY

She picks up. RING -

' morning. in the by my insurance adjuster come have I'll Sorry about the window. (leaving) KRUEGER FREDDY

at Oak, left at Sycamore. R;i<jht CINDY

She is terrified. of her nostril. GURGLES out bubble and a giant snot Tears well in her eyes,

Last.question. SCARY VOICE

terror. confusion and Cindy~s adding to The smoke detector SOUNDS, SHRIEK·! SHRIEK 1

and now ON FIRE, neglected popcorn is her Behind her we see

guess. ·tucky VOICE SCARY

A long beat.

76? Uh ••• (getting choked up) CINPY

trembling. She sinks to her knees in terror,

Whatis it? and 100. thinking of a number between 1 ·I'm SCARY VOICE

SPITTING them out. toenails, her She now nervously bites

No ••• CINDY.

Next question. VOICE SCARY

beat. .A

E.T.? chubby, alcoholic girl who was in know, the one with the you ••• poster) "Scream" movie (she passes a harassed on the phone ••• gets ·girl the where That one CINDY.

then SPITS them out. bites her fingernails, n~rvously She

movie? is your favorite teen horror What VOICE SCARY

back door. also running to the FIGURE SHADOWY a From outside we see

door~ back the SCREAMS and drops the phone in horror.· She races to She

You forgot to lock it. door first. back the check You might want to SCARY VOICE

cops~ I'm calling. the CINDY

off. The backyard lights turn

Oh. VOICE SCARY

CACKLING. The Scary Voice stops

like twice. we went out my boyfriend, That's not CINDY

boy through the sliding glass door. the Cindy squints at

The Scary Voice CACKLES.

· -- "Scream." la a a chair to strapped BOY, dead TEENAGE and bloqdied a revealing The lights go on in the backyard,

him? You mean SCARY VOICE

He'll kick your ass. second. My boyfriend's gonna be here any CINDY

was down. The answer nse. 1 you sorry Cindy, VOICE SCARY

Up? CINDY

,- down?. or QQ. . ' VOICE SCARY

Please ••. no ••• CINDY

down? Do you wipe up or SCARY VOICE

i ·1

away with the bat. she flails With eyes still closed,

door open. then closes her eyes and flings the She raises the bat,

Then open the door. VOICE. SCARY

••• 'm not afraid of you ;r bat) grippj,.ng ( · CINDY

bat out of.the hall closet. a·baseball then grabs sl~wly, She moves to the front door

ten minutes. It's been It could be your friends. VOICE SCARY

... No CINDY

Answer it. SCARY VOICE

DONG! DING

anymore? fun having . Not Cindy? What's the matter, SCARY VOICE

Please ••• stop ••• CINDY

Aren't you going to answer the door? phone) from ( SCARY VOICE

to her ear. She punches 9-1-1 on her cordless, then puts the receiver

it?

is who frozen in fear The doorbell.· Cindy is DONG!. DING

... mourits The suspense disappears. The figure ·.. in terror door: away from the Cindy backs

· the doorknob. "The Club" over then puts it, CHAINS then LOCKS the door,

and She gets there one step ahead of the shadowy figure

DOOR BACK AT THE \ I ~ t

• I

to the ground.

him jumps up and knocks Cujo Before the Killer can strike,

scampering up from behind •. · comes CUJO, Cindy's 200 lb. St. Bernard, S1.1ddenly,

Implants ••• KILLER

then deflate. POP like balloons, breasts Her POP! POP!

chest. her The Killer lunges at her and stabs twice at

SCREAMS! She turns to see the Killer and

from the phone. - it's the same scary voice Cindy freezes in her tracks

Hello Cindy. KILLER

look4.ng knife and creeps up behind her. wicked a He raises

mask is Casper the Friendly Ghost. . "Scream," except his

a la on; mask white a black cloak and The Killer has

right behind her. we see the KILLER - As she turns, door. tne Cindy locks

GROAN in pain as She closes the door. The children

lands uselessly next to their broken arms. which only She apologetically tosses the children candy,

Oops ••• CINDY

' . the front porch. on_' lying bloody and beaten now

OR TREATERS to find three LITTLE TRICK eyes her opens She

swings. severai She connects with CRUNCH! THUD! BANG!

PSYCHO!! YOU THAT TAKE CINDY

• cS

popular.

and Incredibly sexy, beautiful, The "It" girl. BUFFY -

gung-ho jock. - All American looks, muscular, JAKE

brooding in a Skeet Ulrich way.

and Good-looking, cool, Cindy's boyfriend. ~ SKEET

ensemble cast: We now FEATURE our The five teens drive down the highway.

NIGHT - ROAD WINDY DARK AND EXT~

CH_RIS':rINE. "'." plate we see the Cadi's personalized ·license As they drive off,

road. the down OUT Skeet puts it in gear and PEELS

here! Get out of Go - just drive! CINDY

What's wrong? SKEET

jumps in the passenger side. Cindy

and QUENTIN. BUFFY, JAKE, Her friends are SKEET,

'57 Cadillac convertible. a red, just as her FRIENDS pull up in street, Cindy runs into the

me some morphine .•. g·et Someone LITTLE GIRL

YELP in pain. who C~ILDREN, BEATEN stepping on the down the steps, Cindy races

~. •••• AAhhhh KILLER

Cujo! boy, Good CINDY

out of town. He"s CINDY

maniac in your house? upset to find a knife wielding But uh, won't your dad be reason. Excuse me for being the voice of Cinqy) (to . QUENTIN

with antlers stuck in the grill. riow on, They travel

several DEER.

HITS Cadi. the teens, the Unbeknownst to THUD! SMACK!

X-ING. DEER reading: Skeet takes his eye off the road as they pass a sign

Everything'll be o.k. road. the station's just down the Relax, SKEET

Skeet puts an arm around Cindy.

Ow. (rubs arm) QUENTIN

PUNCHES Quentin in arm. He

Yeah, douchebag. JAKE

not the 411. Cindy needs Five-a clerk friends. video Save the tech lingo for your wonder much why you don't get laid? BUFFY

walls which ••• satellite signals bounce off the The · It's the a ••• it's the canyons. QUENTIN

••• still no signal. CINDY

drives as Cindy tries to call the cops on her cellphone.

Skeet in the backseat between Quentin and Jake. i·s Buffy

spiky haired video store geek. Freckled face, QUENTIN -

He raises his knife, glinting in the moonlight. appears. Suddenly, standing in the middle of the road - the Killer

Almost there ••• SKEET

They go around a bend.

want to talk about it. you know she doesn't C'mon, Buffy, SKEET

you have to admit ••• Well, BUFFY

looney bin for life. That guy's locked up in a murder? something to do with my mom"s ·f Are you saying that this had CINDY

· CAR IN THE BACK

••• under down a land come from I ••• (sing) WORK MEN AT

PLAYING MUSIC. stand on the shoulder, WORK MEN AT The band

WORK. AT MEN They pass a sign reading:

? you ••• and now someone tried to kill tonight your mom was killed ago year of like, ironic that exactly one Cindy, don't you find it kind will. I O.K., if nobody's gonna say it, BUFFY

awkward silence. There is a long,

LEAP out of the way. SCREAM and senior's

the and ZOOMS up, The Cadi' walkers and -wheelchairs. their in A group of SENIOR CITIZEN'S try to cross the road

X-ING. HANDICAP reading: sign They pass a

• He came out of nowhere. • • SKEET

in the middle of the road. Killer's listless body the The car's headlights illuminate

faces.

all their on Terror The teen·s get slowly out of the car.

and backs up over the killer, dislodging him from the axle. Skeet throws it in reverse They finally come to a stop.

Ahhh •••• KILLER f then hot asphalt. road flares,

speedbumps, - They drive over different severe terrains

•••• _OWW"-11 KILLER

under the chassis. him him again, this time dragging The skidding car hits BAMl

lands with a sickly THUD. Kille~ Finally, the

9.5. 10, a, 9.0, a.s, - The teens hold up score cards

Soaring in mid-air from the collision.

air. t I

high into the him They hit the Killer, catapultingSMACK!I

f i

time~ no }:here's but BRAKES THE ON SLAMS Skeet

CINDY

my God ••. Oh ---~~/ 1, BUFFY I ' ,-~\ t •

all gonna fry. We"re BUFFY

There's alcohol all over the car ••• SKEET

Nobody's gonna buy that. · "accidentally run over him?" just tried to kill you, then you guy This Cindy. Just a legal note here, QUENTIN

accident. They'll understand - it was an got to go to the police. We've .•· CINDY

we gonna do? What•re BUFFY

at each other in dread as this sinks in. look The teens

He's dead. JAKE

Still no response. in the balls. Killer He discards the stick and KICKS the

movement.

No stick. Jake pokes tentatively at the body with a

body in fear. gather around the Killer's The teens against the shoulder. s~op The car rolls to a

CRUNCH! body - the Killer's over They scatter as the car rolls

Watch out! QUENTIN

causing the car to roll forward. The parking brake gives,

The Killer squirms in pain.

dead? Is he ••• BUFFY

skewer. ,/

on a two whole·rotisserie chickens Jake roasts Next to. her,i

a mars·hmallow on a stick over the flames. roasts Buffy

of sand. The teens huddle around a bonfire on this deserted stretch

NIGHT LATE BEACH - EXT -

TO:· CUT

· reaches them. The teens hop.in and drive off just before the oncoming car

trunk repeatedly like an overstuffed suitcase the SLAM they The Killers legs still hang out, so body in the trunk. oncoming headlights appear, the teens quickly stuff the As. r

we don't go to jail? What is, to get rid of the body so CINDY

A beat. MUSIC UP. THEME JEOPARDY Cindy ponders as

be? So what's it gonna JAKE

Everyone stares at Cindy.

Someone's coming. JAKE

HEARD approaching. A car is

idea? have a better You SKEET

I don't know about this ••. QUENTIN

tried to kill you. Cindy, like this guy no witnesses. - Nobody saw anything Jake's right. BUFFY

Are you crazy? CINDY

potholes~ and off·bumps BANGING the head the car,

toward body by the legs and drags it back Jake grabs the

of the body. rid get We've got to JAKE

and tos.ses it onto the fire •.. over. dead seal the· then drags club, fatal. Jake finally delivers the THWACK!

I'm getting cold. Hurry up already, BUFFY

••• Humane Society I I even donate my time to the ••• (THWACK!) I go to church ••• I ~ •• ·(cont'd.) JAKE

ARF! r BABY SEAL I THWACK!

••• person , ••• I consider myself a moralistic (cont'd) ' . JAKE

cranium. He gives the seal two more whacks about the THWACK!!

right ••• I'm not sure what we're doing is (as he clubs)

wood. : CLUBS the seal on the head with the piece of Jake THWACK!·

ARF! ARF! BABY SEAL

surf. to make it's way back into the tries The cute baby seal

· shoreline. beached at the BABY SEAL, he spots a it on the embers,

throws he Before of wood. piece and grabs a up Jake gets

I got it. JAKE I. Fire's going out. SKEET

an arm around Cindy, trying to comfort her. Skeet keeps

• l.:::,

fetish. asphyxiation e~otic _occasional· auto mixing in the four on the weekends, to masturbate three times a day - secretly lust for Cindy, causing you You cracking, know-it-all dork. the wise- you guess that makes I

JAKE

I _ his ·tiptoes. as he pirouettes on Now·wearing a.pink·tu-tu and tights,

which blasts Nine Inch Nails. boombox, out a whips Skeet

· soundtrack. edgy archetypes and a loud, all of your typical high school Filled with in on the youth market. at cashing aimed budget scream-fest A low classic teen horror movie. This has all the makings of a QUENTIN

Tastes like chicken ••. (mouth full) JAKE

Jake munches on a roasted seal paw.

Retardo Montalban. Get to the point, BUFFY

and now this ••• mother• s death, her Cindy, the anniversary of attempt on The going on here? Doesn't anyone see what's Hello? QUENTIN

Quentin stands and paces excitedly.

warm their hands over the flames. and the teens all The seal re-ignites the fire, WHOOSH!

l.o.

TO: CUT --. >/ ____ ,

we better do this. coming up. sun• s SKEET

· · from her sugary nicknames.

th~m The other teens grab barf bags and VOMIT into RETCH!!

little snuggle-wuggle •.•• my bunny, my little honey- sriookie-wookie, ; little my so cute, So perfect,, (cuddles up to him) I · Skeet. I my boyfriend Then finally, there's CINDY

2" PART -

HALLOWEEN LAS~ DID I WHAT KNOW YOU IF "SCREAM entitled,

reading a script Who lounges in a director's chair,

the group. ~ejoins Buffy

bidet. and the cold sting of an Icelandic turn en's include fresh water eels, Shallow, utterly self-centered, her

himself. head, trying to suffocate Wearing a plastic bag over his

is? - don't you want to see who it Wait QUENTIN

edge. They all nod solemnly, then start to push the body over the

ball bitch. two- Mutherfuckin' tittie suckin' CINDY

swear. Cindy - Come on, JAKE

you have to swear. Cindy, 'BUFFY

who hesitates. They all turn to Cindy,

Cocksucker. SKEET

Fuck. JAKE

Shit. QUENTIN

A tense beat.

1 swear each of you. Swear - BUFFY

other apprehensively. each They look at

anyone what happened. to never tell swear have to all We BUFFY •. ominous black cloak and Casper'mask • staring at the awe, in frightened it They stand over

then set it down. body to the edge of the docks, The five teens drag the RIVER. s DAWSON' A sign reads:

PRE-DAWN - DOCKS FISHING EXT._

-~/. mascara, etc • 1 lipstick, eyeliner,·· which are· women's cosmetics: samples, the last· of his away He goes over to his briefcase and puts

· spring line. We' re previewing the conventions. of these damn o·ne Another CAMPBELL MR.

up the omelette. He flips

that in also, folding the ingredients into an omelette.

He dumps revealing a cow tongue. butcher·paper, He unwraps

f Just a couple of nights. CAMPBELL MR. r into the eggs. them and dumps a jar of pig's feet, He opens '

gone? How long will you be CINDY

,· the door. are·by Several suitcases and an airline ticket

on the background T.V. news drones the few eggs into a frying pan as a CRACKS He

CAMPBELL, stands over the stove, cooking her breakfast.

MR. her father as Cindy sits at the breakfast .table

MORNING KITCHEN - CINDY'S INT - .

ON THE JUDGES

STANDING Every MALE in the audience rises and gives her a

She takes it slowly out of her mouth.

~hing. swallowing the entire She takes the sausage and slowly "deep throats" it,

SOUNDS as a spotlight hits her. A ORUMROLL sausage. 24" oolish a. out whip·s stage and center Buffy strides to

finalists ••• two spectacular to top our first Buffy will have to do something FONZY PRINCIPAL

Oh, shit. BUFFY j) and Buffy GASPS in terror. Cindy shows her the note,\

important? middle of something really Cindy, can't you see I'm in the Duh, BUFFY

we have to talk. Buffy, CINDY

who waits to go onstage. Cindy approaches Buffy,

STRONGER APPLAUSE. to bows She her face. a tire track across sporting and now She gets up, unhurt,

· · over Danielle. drives out from the wings-and rolls TRUCK A MONSTER VROOM!·

Hit it! DANIELLE

blood. spurts own eye, which we see the Shop Teacher drill into his him Behind WHIRRR!

wall~ it into the plugs He _

Someone could trip over this ••• SKEET

he spots the unplugged drill cord. As Skeet continues,

power drill, trying to fix·it.

a. who stares into the eye of the Shop Teacher, passes Skeet

Help •••. STUDENT FLATTENED

His protruding legs convulse in pain. The car flattens the student lying underneath it. BOOM!

tire jack, depressing it. he unknowingly steps on a way to Cindy, his As Skeet makes

Ow! STUDENTS

senseless. KNOCKING them two students, The engine block hits CRUNCH!

drops an engine block from a_pulley. unknowingly yanking a lever which Skeet grabs his jacket,

Everyone remember - safety first. (to class} TEACHER SHOP

up to see Cindy in the doorway. Skeet looks I. have a visitor. you Skeet, TEACHER SHOP

prosthetic arm. TEACHER hobbles over, sporting an eye patch and a SHOP The

· · working on the engine. car, the hood of a tinder 'huddle STUDENTS other four Skeet·and

DAY SHOP - AUTO SCHOOL INT -

TO: CUT

_. impressed. They nod to each other,

· their dives. p~acticing SWIM TEAM, Behind them we see the the bleachers. Quentin huddle together in Jake,.and Buffy, Skeet, Cindy,

DAY - S_WIM-GYM SCHOOL INT_ -

TO: CUT

look. a grave him She gives to see Cindy enter. up looks Be

Hey, that's why it's a classic. QUENTIN

· like her. nobody takes it in the ass Yeah, LADY OLD OTHER

how to fuck. that Jenny really knows and scene was particularly arousing, The cock-sandwich Forrest Pump. " .. I did like But first three. paled in comparison to the it I felt LADY OLD LITTLE

golden shower ••• dildos, two-headed it all - girl on girl 69, - it's got "Robocock 4" recommend I QUENTIN

giving his review of the latest release. Section," holding up a tape and "Porno in the is Quentin

DAY - STORE VIDEO - INT

CUT TO:-

•.. I got one too. pocket) from his a note (takes ••• know I SKEET

I ••• Skeet, CINDY

Skeet· reaches Cindy.

my good eye!!! Ahhh - SHOP TEACHER

•• trampoline~ over there on the guy it co.uld be that fat him.-~. be could be her, could ••• could be me, (points to Buffy) you ••• •. It could be It could be anyone QUENTIN

he urinated in the water. from his suit - SWIMMER emit a cloud of purple dye we see a In the pool,

What are you trying·to say? SKEET

_night? mean, what if someone saw us that I him? not it·•s What if choice~ but he's the obvious Could be, QUENTIN

Everyone-GASPS in horror.

Maybe it's Cotton Blend ••. BUFFY

it? Then who was SKEET. ) \ thong bikini's. DIVERS walk by wearing MALE we see two In the background,

... Hey, it wasn't me. oww QUENTIN

PUNCHES Quentin in the arm. He

Yeah, douchebag. JAKE

couldn't keep your big mouth shut. knew you I Busyfist. Mr. ••. (makes jack-off motion) It's probably you •.• (to Quentin) BUFFY

fuck with us. Someone's just trying to Bullshit. JAKE

Somebody knows. CINDY

blush. sleeping ••• but you could use some you looked so peaceful you, wake I didn't want to A few·hours ago. CAMPBELL MR.

When did you get home? CINDY

I'm here now. But another one of your nightmares. having were you honey, It's o.k., CAMPBELL MR.

Oad1 CINDY

nightstand light, revealing it's her father. She sits up and turns on her horror. in She SCREAMS

awake~ HANDS grab her - startling her TWO Suddenly,

obvious bad dream. in the midst of an sleep, and turns in her Cindy tosses

MIDNIGHT - BEDROOM CINDY'S - ·INT

We wait ••• CINDY

now? do What're we supposed to BUFFY

off. Jake walks

Halloween. quiet about what happened last And all of you better keep prank. · I don't buy any of this, it's just a JAKE

red handprint on his cheek.

leaving a Jake bitch slaps Quentin across the face, SLAP!

••• It could be QUENTIN.

boun~es. .

he The Fat Guy waives as BOUNCING on a trampoline. boxers,

GUY wearing FAT where we see a to the corner, we·PAN

Diane. your grandmother, after home and named you Cindy took you !'18- Then · thing~ Trimester" 3rd ..· shafted on that whole got so we heart was still beating, ••• But the doctor noticed that your (plucks her eyebrows) fetuses ••• other garbage with the tossed you in the the·n mother; your· vacuumed and scraped you out of The physician's assistant clinic. There we were at the abortion CAMPBELL MR.

mudmask over her face. a He applies

you almost didn't make it. know, You remember like it was yesterday. I CAMPBELL MR.

· to hear his bedtime story. "no," then puts her head on the pillow head She shakes her

·born? day you were Say, did I ever tell you about the CAMPBELL MR.

now rolls her hair in curlers with fatherly tenderness. He

understand·. I O.K., (smiles) CAMPBELL MR.

Dad. Just high school stuff, CINDY

back~ but holds She wants to talk,

old man anything. your you know you can tel1 Come on, CAMPBELL MR.

her. He continues making her over, putting false eyelashes on

Nothing. CINDY

what's wrong? Cindy, CAMPBELL MR.

cheeks. and brushes rouge onto her Avon makeup kit qis He takes out

CUT TO:·

Noooo ••••• JAKE ·

38OO.WOMEN'S BREASTS! now has a pair of Jake

whips off his shirt and GASPS. He rushes to the mirror,

His chest continues to swell, he's developing tits.·

? the ••• What JAKE

Suddenly; his chest swells •.

·dumbbells. Jake resumes his workout, curling .

Gm IN THE BACK

plunges it into his arm.

then takes a needle, fills it from the switched vial, Jake

Jake enters. A moment later, The Shadowy figure exits.

ESTROGEN. Jake's steroid vial with a vial labeled: which switches hand,. s black gloved ~igure' ON the CLOSE

and opens Jake's locker. A SHADOWY FIGURE enters,

Bop" - "Mmm Hanson's HEAR and we walkman up, He turns his

_Jake pumps iron in the deserted weight room.

NIGHT GYM - SCHOOL INT -

pumpkin. ~.ght, Goodr-. CAMPBELL MR.

Baker. looking like Tammy Faye heavily made up, is now see she We

Dad. Thanks, (drifting off) CINDY

mustache. he waxes her She closes her eyes and smiles peacefully as

his crotch in pain. He looks down at A frown slowly creeps acrqss his face.

He jacks-off with the Vaseline. SHLURP ! SHLURP - SHLURP -

and spreads it on his dick. dollup of goo, scoops a big He reaches for a nearby·jar of Vaseline,

••• ! squeek Squeek - (frightened) GERBIL

GERBIL and smiles lustfully. then. grabs a then a dustbuster, pump, a penis He uses

Oh yeah, take that Martha Stewart ••• QUENTIN

porno and centerfolds. . Quentin pulls his pants down and starts jacking-off to the

from the T.V. and jazzy porno music MOANING, HEAR the sound of people we / I "Shaving Ryan's Privates." of the video reads: The cover Quentin grabs a video and sticks it in the VCR.

Tacked on the doors are nudie centerfold pictures of

walls. revealing zebra and leopard skin The shelves flip over,

by The Divinyls UP. "I Touch Myself," The song,

shaped Murphy bed folds down from the wall. illuminate the room as a heart ligh~ A disco ball and red

the room into a porno haven: which transforms ON the lights, Quentin enters and CLAPS

and walks the lights, off He turns CLOSED sign. hangs the

then locks the door and CUSTOMER, Quentin lets out the last

NIGHT - STORE VIDEO - INT

in terror. She.SCREAMS

shag. style

"Friends" cut and styled into a been Her hair has Her POV:

· YAWNS and stretches awake, then goes to the mirror. Buffy

She gets into bed and turns off the light.

••• especially in the next scene. into camera) l9oks (she ••• anything to happen .to it I wouldn't want hair's so beautiful, my that just It's Mom. Allright, (she stops) BUFFY

been brushing your hair for hours. you"ve time to go to bed, Buffy, (O.S.) MOM BUFFY'S

two ••• Ten-thousand one, ten-thousand (counting brush strokes) BUFFY

mirror. brushing her hair in the Buffy sits at her vanity table,

NIGHT - BEDROOM BUFFY'S - INT

fanning himself in pain. he hops around the room, from his crotch, smoke emanates As

AHHHHl QUENTIN

scratched off the label to sabotage him. Somebody actually a jar of Ben Gay Deep Heating Rub. the jar of Vaseline and examines it to find it's grabs He

OWl QUENTIN

1 AWAY DAYS 3 - PARTY HALLOWEEN ANNUAL. · A banner reads:

DAY BIOLOGY CLASS - INT

SCREAMS echo through the neighborhood. Her

1 Babe!! CINDY

.. pig's head revealing a severed the covers back further, _- She pulls

-Flipper!! CINDY

dolphin's head. revealing a severed She pulls the covers back further,

Cujo! (horrified) CINDY

The severed head of her dog Cujo lies next to her in bed.

aside. covers up and flings the She sits Terrified, blood -everywhere. She pulls back the c.overs slowly - ·

blood on them also. hands up - there's her· She holdsher silk pajamas. on shock to see blood in She looks down Cindy wakes slowly. .. MORNING - BEDROOM CINDY'S - INT

SOBBING over her outdated look. to her knees sinks She

been rusted shut. but the zippers She tries desperately to unzip the jeans,

Acid wash jeans ••• BUFFY

jeans. down to see that she's wearing acid wash She looks

shag - that's so out ••• Not the Jennifer Aniston Noooo!!!! (horrified) BUFFY

Cindy only·stares at him.

••• tell them it.wasn't me Cindy •••

SKEET

CHOKES him. throat. and the· him by Jake grabs

Skeet! It has to be you, including sign language) . ( BUFFY

say? What're you trying to ·SKEET

· :suspiciously. look·'"•at-"him They all • • .::._. ••~~ :, • • : , ,h- • • 0 .- • •, ~- _' .:•; _•: •:••;•••." ~: • :•:..~•• • • wasn't terrorized last night? How come you're the only one who JAKE

Uh ••• nothing. SKEET.

Skeet? What happene.d to you, BUFFY

Someone definitely knows. QUENTIN

me? Now do you all believe CINDY

an ice pack shoved in his pants. and Quentin has Buffy has a bad hair-do, Jake has cleavage,

- All are suffering from the effects of last night's terror

behind in the empty classroom. leaving our cast of teens The Teacher and Students exit,

tomorrow. for Thirteen," Read Chapter 13, entitled "Chapter TEACHER

RINGS. BELL The

students. and Quentin among the Buffy, FEATURE Cindy, Skeet, Jake, we

human cadaver. and another dissecting a frog, another·dissecting a cat,_.// ·•· one dissecting a see we STUDENTS, PANNING down the rows of; \ (~\

· Check this out ••• video tape) a (pulls out Show." Cocks "Courtney: 3,000 miles away taping the was He

How do you know? SKEET

couldn't have. He QUENTIN

Blend guy. it's probably that Cotton know, You SKEET

you.. q.o~b~_ed I 'm sorry I ever CINDY

Cindy hugs Skeet.

It's air tight. JAKE

buy it. I BUFFY

Good enough for me. QUENTIN

Oh. (nods understandingly) CINDY

meant ••• hampster. I I say "sister?" Did SKEET

But you don't have a sister. CINDY

her homework. with sister uh ••. helping my was I I told you. SKEET

air. for GASPS he,.· and him, Jake finally .drops

Skeet? you last night, were Where CINDY

goatee like Satan. and a pointed a pitchfork, He has red horns, Her POV:

pacifist ••• a I'm ~ do anything like that woutd·never I - SOBBING) he breaks down ( Christmas lights. like mantle the stringing it over unraveling her intestine and Clausen kosher pickle jars, then · blood meticulously into empty

3" never slit her jugular with a I swear I I'm not a goddamn liar. And COTTON

Watching with utter contempt.

to the survivors of your victim? do you have anything to say Cotton, COURTNEY

The audience APPLAUDS.

Blend. guest is convicted killer Cotton If you're just joining us, today's (into microphone) COURTNEY

Cotton Blend sits on stage in front of a live AUDIENCE.

''Friends." show V. from the T. For You," The show"s theme music plays The Rembrandts, "I'll Be There

Cocks as the host. style talk show, except with Courtney Springer,. A "Jerry

newspaper clipping out of her pocket. a She pulls

•.. name was Tom Tingle His

CINDY

someone at the docks ••• maybe or BUFFY

There was that other car ••• SKEET

someone saw us ••• Maybe. JAKE

scene of the movie.· the first in the guy we ran over Maybe it has something to do with QUENTIN

They ponder a beat.

us?. this to then who's doing If it's not him, BUFFY

disgust. in_ She turns the T.V. off

CINDY ON ·

PUMMELS each other. It's utter chaos as everyoneSMASH! PUNCH! KICK!

BRAWL. throwing ERUPT into an all-out, chair Behind her we see the audience

gratuitous violence! some Now to boost our. ratings -

looks cheerily into the camera. then She recovers,

That is extremely touching ••. COURTNEY

eye. from her tear Also dabbing a • COCKS COURTNEY ON I and "Aryan Race." ~'KKK" tattooed with forearms which are exposing his He wipes his tears,

47. l

does a remote broadcast in front of a mental hospital.j __ i COURTNEY COCKS, named tabloid reporter, type A Courtney Cox

He gives her a peck on the cheek, then exits.

possibly happen? l what could abo.ut me, worry Don't CINDY

to be o.k.? going sure you're (grabbing luggage) 'I CAMPBELL MR.

"Supermom" Her skeleton wears an apron labeled,

on an anatomical stand. where Mrs. Campbell's skeleton hangs to the corner, PAN we, I ••. bones. have.her I I But we' 11 always ' too. miss her I CAMPBELL MR. • / here. ) just wish she was still I Dad, Oh, --,._, CINDY t

· ·· hugs her. goes and ,

He and tears well in their eyes. They look at each other,

mom's recipe. ••• Mrnmm (taking a bite) CINDY

then puts it on her plate. air, CATCHES it in mid She

a fish. monger throws · omelette through the air at her, like a fish tha He FLINGS

It's ready. CAMPBELL MR.

back in the skillet. 'lands omelette finally Th~SIZZLE!

Lady 'aint what it used to be. but being an Avon honey, know, I CAMPBELL MR.

Dad, you're always working. C.l:NDY

just like on T.V. hand in front of the lens in the photo, Cotton also has his

· convicted murderer of Joan Campbell. Cotton Blend, infamous patient - I And here comes Bellview's most COURTNEY

COTTON BLEND, is also let free. in horror as her mother's killer, •. Cindy watches the T.V

We"re going to Disneyland! KACZYNSKI & LECTER

· next? do going to you insane asylum, what're you"ve just been released from the - Unibomber and Hannibal the Cannibal COURTNEY

them for a statement. Courtney eagerly approaches

LECTER walk past her. HANNIBAL KACZYNSKI and TED we see As Courtney reports,

cigarette. where JESUS CHRIST sits smoking a PAN to the couch, We

my lord ••• Oh, ·crNDY

all inmates are being released. - .due to budgetary cutbacks where, live from Bellview Mental Hospital, Courtney Cocks coming to you is This (into microphone) · COURTNEY

; ..

She squints her with questions. swarm to continue They

No comment ••• CINDY

Talk to us Cindy!

killer is on the loose? I your mom's knowing it feel How's

1 statement? can you give us a Cindy -

and cameras in her face. shoving microphones They spot Cindy and converge on her,

PARKING. REPORTER TABLOID then finally, PARKING, FACULTY she passes she strides through the parking lot,

As then exits. PARKING, Cindy parks her car in StUDENT

MORNING SCHOOL - HIGH KEVIN WILLIAMSON EXT -

CRUNCH! 1 CRASH SWERVE! we hear • .S O

and drives off.

head, He gets in his car, still with his jacket over his

from the glaring media crush. head to shield himself Cotton throws his jacket over his

No comment. COTTON

Cindy Campbell? killing your victim's daughter, closure by seek now try to you Will freedom. your you have Cotton, COURTNEY

~irtbag. - late J0's, stubble faced him we finally get a glimpse of and Courtney rushes to Cotton,

who also nod "yes." Courtney looks at the crowd of Students, "yes". He nods

·Do 'ya think? COURTNEY

· Actually, it does. CAMERAMAN

villain. me a murder - it doesn't make and an infomercial about your mom's two best sellers, movie, for-T.V. made- I sold a ·because Look, just COURTNEY .

you? should I talk to Why CINDY

protectively next to Cindy. who stands including Skeet, STUDENTS gather around, A small crowd of Cindy's face. in She puts the microphone

· statement? how about giving me a Cindy, COURTNEY

.. hatred Cindy instantly recognizes Courtney and smolders with

CAMERAMAN step into her path. COURTNEY COCKS and her As she walks the front steps to school, tabloid reporter

She steps over the heap of CRUNCH! Photographer's neck -

to a kick She does a backflip, then delivers a scissor

Reporters with them. WHACK! proceeds to

and "Waah!" nlinchucks with a pair of a out whips She

another. to a spinning back kick She does

POW! a Reporter to the ground. Cindy karate chops SMACK!

I said no comment .•. CINDY .

emphasize his point. to batpn_ his police with He gestures

Violence never solves anything ••• (calling after the kids). DUTY .SHERIFF

dazed. •looking sheriff Duty, Courtney rises to her wobbly feet, Behind

•. Cindy and the rest. of the Students disperse to school

Why don't you kids get to class? DUTY SHERIFF .

sorry, Sheriff Duty. CINDY .

I'm very disappointed • SHERIFF DUTY

Skeet puts an arm around Cindy to calm her.

enough! Break it up - that's DUTY SHERIFF ..i,/

fight.·.· breaks up the type, I mean David Arquette Roseanna, Patricia, A DUTY - SHERIFF .

breaking the camera and knocking Courtney out • BASHES Courtney about the head, She CRUNCH! SMACK!

I'll give you a story ..• CINDY

wrenches the camera away from the Cameraman.

She then PUNCHES Courtney in the face. She rears back and

You want a story? CINDY.

A beat.

for you? back Cotton will come you scared aren't Anyhoo ••• Cindy, (shrugs) COURTNEY

shoddily choreographed at best. it was overbearing and ~eah, SKEET

r~stroom. Cindy ducks into the women's exits. He ·

Meet me at the quad after bio. SKEET

Skeet gives Cindy a quick kiss.

NOW! - PEOPLE I ON COME CLASS. TO. .BACK EVERYONE (amplified) FONZY PRINCIPAL

megaphone. speaking into a the hall, down comes FONZY PRINCIPAL

RINGS. The bell

allright~ I'll be CINDY

o.k.? You SKEET

Skeet walks· Cindy to class.

AWAY! WEEK ONE

- PARTY HALLOWEEN ANNUAL on the wall reads:. banner A

talking and laughing with each STUDENTS crowd the hallway,

DAY - HALLWAY SCHOOL - INT

out again. knocking her her in the face, smacks He unknowingly WHACK!

••• without using our fists .•.

... can talk things out We (cont'd} DUTY SHERIFF

Principal Fonzy? CINDY

bathroom. Principal Fonzy spots the tearful Cindy exiting the

and words, from their harsh Cindy's eyes in Tears well

probably mental. She's

RUNS. THE HAS One of the Cheerleaders SPLATERRRR11 SPRAY!

Everyone thinks she's a loon. CHEERLEADER #2

The Cheerleaders move their bowels. SPLASH! PLOP! SHIT!

me out. she fully weirds pass her in.the hall, Everytime I

few rip. The Cheerleaders let a FART!! FART!!

know. I CHEERLEADER #2

becoming visibly upset. OVERHEARS them, Cindy

creepy ••• She so Campbell. chick this morning? Did you check out that Cindy ' '• stalls, are unaware of Cindy"s presence. each sitting on the toilet in adjacent Two CHEERLEADERS,

to be a survivor. You 've got You' ve got to be strong. (to her reflection) CINDY

herself. and ·takes a hard look at Cindy stands at the mirror,

window.

bedroom . her looking up at Skeet stands on the front lawn,

NIGHT - BEDR90M CINDY'S - INT

YOU ••. CONCERN PERIOD DOESN'T Is CINDY - CLASS TO BACK 'EVERYONE FONZY PRINCIPAL

around on the gawking students.

wheels as Principal Fonzy Cindy slinks off down the hall,

BODY ••• HER ABOUT MANY QUESTIONS GIRL WITH FLOW CAN LEAVE A BLOOD SUBSEQUENT AND EGG DROPPING OF HER THE FONZY PRINCIPAL • heads out of classroom doors to gawk at her •I' now peeking their Student's few. Cindy looks around to see a t Huh? I CINDY t

MATTER. PRIVATE AND. PERSONAL .VERY A IS CYCLE MENSTRUAL WOMAN'S A YES. FONZY PRINCIPAL

You do? CINDY

t'

• I L

t

away. She looks

meet me at the quad? Why didn't you what happened? Hey, SKEET

• • • • • HIJlmnDil . (in unison) CINDY & ·sKEET

out. of town. always dad's your strange, That's SKEET

dad's out of town. my Don't worry, (helps him inside) scared me. you Skeet - CINDY .

the window • through' moment later, Skeet climbs A

room~ CRASHED into her She is oblivious to the boulder which has

BEDROOM IN CINDY'S

The boulder CRASHES through the entire window SMASH!

The boulder hurtles through the air. WHOOSH!

He cuts the catapult release cord. loaded on it.

a boulder with. catapult, over a medieval he wheels Finally,

CINDY! (yells) SKEET

Still no response.·

THUD! He picks up a rock and throws it at the window -

Cindy? (louder) SKEET

no response. The pebble bounces off the window, but there's still TINK!

window. ( up a pebble and throws it at her He picksNo response. \

T~ey •. He replaces the _foot, then strips down.to his boxers

it in Egypt. got My dad CINDY

actual severed, stuffed camel's foot. holds up an and He reaches past her to the nightstand

Thanks. CINDY

some camel toe. s That' SKEET ,

raises her nightgown and looks down.

•. He He lays her down on the bed as they continue kissing

shampoo plus conditioner. a one - It's two in Pro-V Formula. Pantene excited)' (getting CINDY·

What do you use? smooth. Your hair's so soft and silky SKEET

He whispers softly in her ear.

runs his fingers sensuously through her back hair.

and of her nightgown, strap sh9ulder slowly lifts the He

beat. A He sweeps her in and they kiss passionately.

• I ... do •• I CI~u1

He kisses her gently.I.

don't you? trust me, You relax. got to You've (he rubs her shoulders) not. course of No, SKEET

back. his behind He crosses his fingers

psycho? you think I'm D~ CINDY

slowly on it.

SUCKING takes his finger and puts it into her mouth, She

little more time. a ·to give me You just have ... I'll come around. (she moves closer) promise ••• I CINDY

beat·. A answer. He doesn't

You want to break up with me? CINDY

His pictionary message sets in.

up. - break want - to - - ••• I (he draws an up arrow) want to break ••• .•• I brake pedal) a ( he draws . want to •••• ... I 2) a (he draws want ... I •.• wand. a magic wand) (he draws "I" .•• Oh, eye? an What is that, CINDY

tries to decipher his message. He draws furiously as she - They now play "Pictionary."

eye~ then draws a picture of an Skeet erases the equation,

me. just talk to upset - mathematical equations when you get you always solve complex Skeet, CINDY

math equations on the mirror. solves complex he "Good Will Hu_nting," in Damon Like Matt

a marker and goes to the mirror. He grabs wearing only his boxers. he gets out. of bed, Frustrated,

I'm just not ready. CINDY

I were freshman. we out since ' we've been going mean, I anymore.

I can take this I don't.know if SKEET I TRESPASSING. NO sign reading: ..,./ I-, ' !

a and fence ZAPPING electrified There's also a perimeter. i - /,--•··,\

of elastic, tiny barbed wire runs along the Inste~dI

l . l , I '.

feeling my freshest. For the days when I'm just not (into camera) JAKE

and holds it up. he grabs a bottle of Massengail Disposable douche, Finally, and rubs it into his scalp. He then grabs Rogaine,

biceps. swells. to twice their size. and immediately his He plunges the needle into his arm,

·· ster<:>ids. a syringe and fills it from a vial labeled

then grabs around to make sure no one"s watching, looks He

known prescription. every bottles of it looks like a medicine chest - revea~ He opens it to

FOCUS on several naked butts. we strip down, As they TEAM is gearing up for practice. FOOTBALL The

DAY ROOM - LOCKER BOY'S INT -

have to tell the others ••• I CINDY

freaked. ··completely She GASPS,

HALLOWEEN. LAST DID YOU WHAT KNOW I note reads: The

note inside. a She find

AND BRAD PITT, DICAPFTO, LEONARDO - teen heart-throb photos

opens it to reveal her locker is decorated with beefcake

She Cindy walks down the crowded hallway to her locker.

AWAY! DAYS 4 - PARTY HALLOWEEN ANNUAL banner reads: A

DAY SCHOOL - HIGH INT -

normal size and THROBBING. it's now three times He takes his finger out of her mouth - it'sI------· ' i ------------, I

Jl.

:...,..

· part of our competition. And that concludes the bathing suit m.icr0phone) (into FONZY PRINCIPAL .

• crowd from the podium the Principal Fonzy addresses

the audience. including Buffy, stand in front of A dozen TEENAGE GIRLS,

DAY - SCHOOL AUDITORIUM INT -

with terror. his face goes white he turns the note over and reads, As

Now read it. CINDY ·

is horrifying. This (looks up gravely) ruled •.• three hole punch •.•I • \./ J, I 11. •. college x. ••• 8 1/2 Hmmm

note) (examining

do you make of this? What CINDY '1.

note. the him She shows

got practice. I want? What do you JAKE

Jake ••• CINDY

He comes out, all suited up.

Jake. for looks

Cindy PLAYERS come out of the locker for practice, As the

DAY FOOTBALL FIELD - EXT -

we •.. He lowers the douche between his legs as

She lies down on the. bed of nails. Danielle strides onstage, dragging a bed of nails with her.

Danielle ••• Next up is Heather. Thank you, FONZY PRINCIPAL

She finishes to POLITE APPLAUSE.

She incorporates all of them into her juggling.

Ruff!. POOI;>LE

poodle.

a and finally, a.blow torch; He then tosses her a chainsaw,

BITING. the apple as she juggles. her:•juggling, iQto·· which she.incorporates The .stagehand tosses her an apple,

STAGEHAND stands by. a as· the-balls, juggles

She. Heather strides out onstage, carrying juggling balls.

for us. who will juggle First up is Heather, FONZY PRINCIPAL

and Danielle exit to change. Buffy, Heather,

competition. Now for the talent part of our FONZY PRINCIPAL

Contestants exit the stage to APPLAUSE. othe~ the each other excitedly as hug Heather,. and Danielle Buffy,

1 Heather ••• and Buffy Danielle; are ••• And our three finalists (reading card) FONZY PRINCIPAL

REINHOLD.· They hand a card to Principal Fonzy. JUDGE and WAPNER, JUDGE JUDGE JUDY, judges are The

Buffy. anxiously waiting to talk to crowd, FEATURE Cindy in the We),/. ___ '·~ \ ' I

me?· Who's with .knows. see what he ·- check it out there, I think we should go downtown. works at the Marquee movie theater he checking, some I did Tingle. relative was his twin brother, Tim The paper said his only living CINDY

and kneeing poses. punching, posing in strangle, mid""fight, all stop in ~hey

it is. who know I think I CINDY

Cindy cuts through. Finally. other. ARGUE violently,·pushing and shoving each They all start to

Me?1 BUFFY

more than anyone. you warited to cover it up ••• Yeah JAKE ,\ ..•

Are you for real? (to Buffy) QUENTIN

cops. the knew we should've gone to Shit ••• I BUFFY

They're all freaked.

for what we did to him. I think someone's getting revenge CINDY

it. legs sticking out of two color photo of a giant octopus and clipping -.this one with a newspaper another out ,She whips

consumed by a giant octopus. Half of him had been days later. body in their. nets eleven found his Some fishermen night. after ••• that I checked the obituaries every day CINDY

)

room. proj·ection the_ -in - Upstairs_ USHER

The Usher takes a step back.

••• gonorrhea. (whispers conspiratorially) _ ••• have something to tell him I'm his girlfriend and I tonight? do you know if Tim is working Hi, CINDY

approaches an USHER. Cindy . • separate They

,· ; .. -- . . ·._ numbers. - there's safety in Good idea QUENTIN

Let• s separate. CINDY

Month." the Employee of - 'l'ingle "Tim which r_eads: PAN to-see she's looking at a picture over a plague we

teeth ••• buck eyes, beady Receding hairline, CINDY

like? Any idea.what he looks QUENTIN

looking around. in the lobby, stand Cindy and Quentin

FESTIVAL! MOVIE HORROR reads: marquee The

NIGHT THEATER - MOVIE MARQUEE EXT -

Thanks, Quentin. CINDY

She looks disappointedly at Skeet.

I •·11 go. QUENTIN

Blowing Up the Bridges of Madison County. and

Day; a Killing on $2 at the books on the shelf - looks She

clues. She looks around for Cindy enters to find it's deserted.

ROOM THE PROJECTION BACK IN t takes a seat and watches the movie. He

my favorite ••• the 13th, Friday QUENTIN t

13th." "Friday the He becomes distracted by the movie on screen,

,. . . .dark theater • the rows of costumed audience members in the scans Quentin

Ah! CINDY

head, startling her. BATS fly around her A nest of SQUEEK! SQUEEK! SQUEEK!

few more tentative steps.

a She takes startling her. bY., OWL flies An HOOT! HOOT!

-She walks on slowly, completely spooked out.

It's just a kitten ••• (sighs in relief} CINDY

"Ahl" jumps out and startles her - CAT A :~ow1

CREAK on the floorboards. footsteps

Her walks slowly down the hall. nerves on edge, Cindy,

projection room. 'the hallway leads to dark A long,

Thanks. CINDY

so.

movie. reacting to the SCREAMS in terror, so does the audience, As Quentin

1 ! AAHHH! QUENTIN

•. CASPER MASK, sitting next to him Quentin turns to see it's actually the KILLER, wearing the

The guy next to Quentin doesn't respond.

_. This is the best part •• QUENTIN

guy sitting next to him. n~dgEis~·the Quentin

stab a victim. ·to about mask,.· hockey wearing his trademark On screen we see JASON, Still watching "Friday the 13th." r- ON QUENTIN BACK t She rushes -out. I have. to warn Quentin ••• I , CINDY j) '\ ,•! HALLOWEEN. LAST

DID YOU WHAT KNOW I - all with the same label: balloonsI

I

and coffee mugs, baseball caps, available - T-shirts,

piece of concession merchandise. every are table On the~ I I She looks at a nearby table and GASPS •I • then drops it in horror. reads it, a flier, Cindy grabs

HALLOWEEN. LAST DID YOU WHAT KNOW I. read: The Xerox machine is on, spitting out copies which all

the room.

middle of the a Xerox machine in see to tu.ens ,=;he Suddenly,

drawers, pulling down shelves. Cindy snoops around, opening file cabinets, rifling through

What?! CHRIST JESUS

•. cigarette

a CHRIST sits smoking where JESUS PAN to the corner, We

Jesus Christ ••• CINDY

pursuit ·continues.· and the The• Killer blows his nose and dries his eyes;

- hug. consol_ing a: Quentin hands the Killer a hankie, as they give each other

start WEEPING along with the audience. Quentin and the Killer can't help themselves, they both

- Leonardo's death scene. "Titanic"I

plays which He and the killer are now in front of a screen•

now sore butt. rubbing his Quentin hobbles out onstage,

•••• 1 No ( looking at scene) QUENTIN

ZEKE. by butt-fucked RHAMES gets VING famous scene where on screen we see the

"Pulp Fiction." which plays screen, Quentin and the Killer rush onstage, in front of the movie

The The Killer appears onstage, brandishing the knife.

Help •••• QUENTIN

screen, pleading to the audience.

movie Quentin mounts the stairs and stands in front of the

Help me!!! QUENTIN I

pursuit. the Killer in hot aisle, Quentin runs bleeding down the

Quentin. the Killer STABS victim, JASON stabs an on-screen As

bastard! You he killed Quentin! - g~d my Oh (to Killer) CINDY

The Killer looks up to see Cindy rushing onstage.

looks fake. blood the Yeah, but

Whoa, they're really into it. MOVIEGOER #1

Watching the action.

Quentin! CINDY

rope out of a hat. Quentin's intestines, like a magician pulling an endless Coinciding with the action on-screen, the Killer pulls out

NO!! CINDY

it's not an act. realizes She's the only one who Cindy rushes in and sees Quentin and the Killer onstage.

THEATER THE OF BACK THE AT

The Killer appears onstage, brandishing his own meat hook.

Oh, shit •••• QUENTIN

to be disemboweled. up at the screen in dread as Mel Gibson is about He looks

"Braveheart." which plays Quentin runs in front of the movie screen,

/ j

she can't. knowing him everything, but to.tell at him, wanting looks She

we came ••• CINDY ·, anyway? What were you kids doing here (beat) on it. men my got all I've Don't worry, we'll find him. DUTY SHERIFF

Sheriff Duty stands by. a•. ,·. r. . obviously in deep shock. She shivers, wrapped in a blanket. Cindy sits in the back,

Let's go. COURTNEY

scenee Courtney surveys the

•. news van pulls up with Courtney Cocks and her Cameraman A

photos. scene and SNAP crime POLICE to dust for fingerprint_s, Sheriff Duty directs the from the squad cars and ambulances. flashing lights yellow police tape, - scene now a full crime The place is

emergence exit. Tim quickly drops the knife and mask and escapes out the

Tim Tingle! CINDY

and a Casper mask in the other. with a knife in one hand, Cindy rushes offstage to find TIM TINGLE, standing there

••• · this mask wearing by a man night murdered last He was a student here. wa$ Green young life was cut short, Quentin · Until his Kevin Williamson High. This is Courtney cocks live from (mid-broadcast) _ COURTNEY

Cocks.~ Courtney

FEATURE we them Among camera.' s. into REPORTERS broadcast of Dozens the school. converged on MEDIA has swarm of A

MORNING - SCHOOL HIGH KEVIN WILLIAMSON - EXT

that. resent I DUTY SHERIFF

the cup of coffee, revealing a milk mustache. lowe~s He

Sheriff? charge of a homicide investigation, Aren't you a little young to be in COURTNEY

he drinks.

which· foamy cup of coffee, a Duty Another COP hands Sheriff

BASHING him against the fender. They miss the door, BAM!

the back of the ambulance. Behind him we see the Paramedics trying to load Quentin in

Get those camera's out of here ••• (to Courtney) DUTY SHERIFF

•. Courtney Cocks swoops in to film the proceedings

in a body bag.

zipped up carry Quentin out on a stretcher, PARAMEDICS The

Right. D~JTY SHERIFF

A beat. He stares at her skeptically.

••. to see the movie.• (cont'd,) CINDY

alo~e? leave me just they •·t Why can CINDY

Cindy1" - BANGING on. the windows with cries of "Cindy!

ca~, around the CLAMOR Skeet and Cindy watch as the media

Cameraman.· her Courtney grabs

isl" "There she. car with cries of ·to_the over ru~h They

and the crush of media spots them. Skeet and Cindy pull into the parking lot in Skeet's car,

As you can see, fear is rampant ••• (turns to camera) COURTNEY

and runs off SCREAMING. books He drops his

You know, you're right. STUDENT

paranoid and scared. _The Student looks around,

you right now! he could be stalking be anywhere, He could And you bought that crap?

the place pretty well protected and _ Police said they have Not really.- STUDENT

next victim? the be- Are you worried that you could COURTNEY

him. interviews and STUDENT She grabs a passing

scho~l. peaceful high panic has set in at this once Tensions are high as at large. ••• The suspect,· Tim Tingle, is still COURTNEY

up a Casper mask. She holds

sign of reporters.

no drive to the back entrance of school - Cindy Skeet and

THUD! off the hood and lands with a FLYING She goes

eyes! my Ahh - COURTNEY

into Courtney's face •. up shoots ·. Wiper· fluid..

button. Cindy finally leans over and presses the wiper fluid

Cindy! Come on, COURTNEY

but still she hangs on. orange cones, He SCREECHES around the trying frantically to shake her. Skeet drives through the Driver's Ed.obstacle course,

get you big bucks! I can me an exclusive - give Cindy, COURTNEY

her microphone in Cindy's window. She sticks SHARP TURNS, trying to get her off. He makes

my car! Get off SKEET

staring_through the windshield at Skeet and Cindy.

now She climbs over the roof and lays down on the hood,

speeding car. then uses it to pull herself onto the gaining a handhold, STABS the trunk with her microphone, She reaches out and

runs with superhuman speed and catches up to the car.

Courtney As if she.were the Cyborg Cop in "Terminator 2,"

microphone. h~r running behind the.car with and spots Courtney Cocks, rearview mirror, in.the He looks

media. t-he from away and drives Skeet floors it, · SCREECH!

Hang on. SKEET

...

Salesman ••• a of Death Kill, to Time A Killing Fields, The TO Kill A Mockingbird, include~ choices for book reports Your .. ENGLISH TEACHER

Her ENGLISH TEACHER is in mid-lecture.

and pressure are getting to her. terror· looking pale and skittish - the desk, at her sit$ Cindy

DAY - CLASSROOM INT -

TO: CU'I'

and everyone goes their separate ways. BELL. RINGS, The

loganberry scones. Today we're making class. my Home Ee want to be late for I don't Now if you'll excuse me, JAKE

They nod in silent intimidation.

it? You got JAKE

He stares them all down meaningfuliy.

jail. 'aint going to But I bring it on. he can he wants a piece of me, If my chances with that psycho. take I'll of you. all goes for that And JAKE

who shrugs him off •. Skeet grabs Jake, ·

Hey! SKEET

You talk and I'll kill you myself. JAKE

Sheriff Duty everything. I'm gonna tell I can't lie anymore. CINDY

The four teens huddle under a stairwell, out of ear shot.

1 AWAY DAYS 2 - PARTY HALLOWEEN ANNUAL A banner reads:

\ ~.

I \ ·· no school! - Allrigh~

The two pranksters_ jump up and give each other high-fives.

of here. Both of you are expelled - get out FONZY PRINCIPAL I . nods • pran'kster The .other

Well ••• yeah.

Is this your idea of a sick joke? masks} (re: FONZY PRINCIPAL

pranksters hands. Principal Fonzy comes up and grabs the masks out of the two

two!_ you Hey - FONZY PRINCIPAL

own urine.

of her puddle PAN down to reveal she is standing in a We

scare me. You didn't assholes. Real funny, CINDY

LAUGH at her. They_ playing a practical joke.

STUDENTS, The two take their masks off to reveal they are

SCREAMS in terror. Cindy

jump out at her. Not one but two CASPER KILLERS BOO!

a corner and ••• She turns

her breath and walks down the hall. She catches hyperventilating. Cindy leans against a wall,

rushes out of the classroom. ·and \,,,,,./

up She gets room is spinning. - the Cindy covers her earsI I

--~\ I I

'I 59.

TO.WHITE: FADE

Mom. ~omes that pig ••• there singing and _riding '.m I And just as .. .O.) (V CINDY .

She rides a PIG with a saddle. contact lenses. and multi-colored jet black hair, She wears Gothic makeup,

disagree •.• to am I who • of these •• made are dreams Sweet (sings) CINDY

and singing. Cindy, dressed as Marilyn, see

we "Sweet Dreams," In a parody of the Marilyn Manson video;

NIGHTMARE HER - A SLAUGHTERHOUSE INT -

TO: OISS0L-VE .

· · nightmare... keep having the same I night. had trouble sleeping at I've Well ••• CINDY

What's bothering you? F0NZY PRINCIPAL

notepad. up a chair behind her and takes out a he pulls reclines as

She He leads her to a black leather therapists couch.

been missing class ••. let's talk. you've have been slipping, grades but your has been hard on you, know this I I'm concerned. Cindy, FONZY PRINCIPAL

Principal Fonzy and Cindy enter.

DAY - OFFICE FONZY'S PRINCIPAL - INT

office. my want to see you in I Cindy, PRINCIPAL. FONZY

They walk off happily.

••• vandalism go get drunk and do some Yeah, let's PRANKSTER #2 / ___.. 't I I \ .......---

Sheriff. Duty? CINDY

Suddenly, Sheriff Duty appears in the doorway.

AWAY. SNORING Behind her, Principal Fonzy is asleep -

••• take off the mask •• don •t take off the mask ••• don •t •·

·CINDY ON-

DISSOLVE OUT:

••• don't take off the mask ••• mask Cindy, don't take off the JOAN DEAD

her dead mother speaks: the Killer, Just as she tries to unmask her. mouth. sound comes out of

but no SCREAMS, Cindy BLOODY CORPSE. Standing over JOAN'S

-' KILLER THE I

turns into a nightmare as we fade to •.•

The dream who breastfeeds·- at age 16. Joan.cradles Cindy,

ROCKING CHAIR ·INA

We fade to ••• pot brownies. Joan and Cindy bake together -

and higher. Joan pushes her higher, They smile to each other as Joan pushes Cindy on a swing.

JOAN we see different vignettes of Cindy and her mom, ·

Turn to the right. (into intercom) Take your time. (to Cindy) DUTY SHERIFF

The suspects turn in unison.

Turn to the left. (into intercom) DUTY SHERIFF

I'm not sure, it happened so fast ••• CINDY

Cindy studies. them. The suspects do.

Step forward. (into intercom) DUTY SHERIFF

talk to the suspects. to Sheriff Duty presses the intercom

\ suspects.- A five between Tim Tingle stands in the center,

SUSPECT LINEUP. glass at a looking through the They stand behind a one-way mirror,

Sheriff Duty leads Cindy into a lineup room.

DAY - STATION POLICE INT -

and peers after them. He puts on the confiscated Casper mask pretend sleeping.

he was - his eyes opens As they walk off, Principal Fonzy

to come with me. I'm going to have to ask you Cindy, DUTY SHERIFF

..

her way to the front. jost~es Courtney Cocks who shove microphones and cameras in his face. ·PRESS, · Sheriff Duty ·stands on the front steps, talking to the.

DAY - STATION POLICE - EXT

Cindy hugs Sheriff Duty gratefully. They lead him away.

up •••. was set. I didn •t do it! I swear I 'l'INGLE TIM

· · through the glass. struggles against them, eerily staring right at Cindy

He GUARDS come from either side and escort Tim Tingle out.

away. Take,him (to GUARDS) SHERIFF DUTY

pulling the "pagina." The one number J. him - That's CINDY

he has tucked his dick between his legs. through as ON Tim Tingle's butt - the head of his penis pokes CLOSE

we see their bare butts. PANNING from behind the suspects,

They stand resplendent in the nude. their underwear. and whip off As the song ends, they turn around in unison,

up for the big finale. Finally, they're left standing in their underwear, gearing

· man-breas~s. and another with wearing woman's underwear and garter belt, we reveal one guy dance and strip to the music, As.they

Monty." "The Full a la The suspects begin to do a strip-tease,

Baby take off your clothes ••• (sings) COCKER JOE

on."

Your Hat Leave Can IOYou HEAR Joe Cocker's From the radio we

and a menorah. incense, She lights candles,

She adds bubble bath to the running water. towel. Cindy sits at the edge of her bathtub, wearing only a

NIGHT - BATHROOM CINDY'S - INT

They walk off together.

we could go out too. guess I but "fuck,." was going to say I Well COURTNEY

Go on a date? DUTY SHERIFF

and ••• sometime Maybe you and me could get together (seductively) COURTNEY

Thanks. (shyly) DUTY SHERIFF

some police work. That's (flirtatiously)

I -

was wrong about you .•• I guess I (catching up) COURTNEY

him. her mike and follows down and Courtney puts He walks off,

questions ••• No more we've got our man. easy - our community can now rest murder. has been arrested and charged with Tim Tingle After a positive I.D., DUTY SHERIFF

About the case? COURTNEY

Rancho Cucamunga ••• born in 26, Well I'm a Sagittarius, DUTY SHERIFF

us? you tell can what Sheriff Duty, COURTNEY

I , I .

j A beat. She is in deep relaxation.

the water. o·f surface BUBBLES rise to the FART of Cindy' s Two 1 BLOOP 1 BLOOP

eyes in tranquility then relaxes back into the tub, closing her She hangs up,

you too. Love CINDY

Love you. O.K. I SKEET

She shaves her face.

sleep~ then go to I'm just going to take a bath No, CINDY

She shaves her armpits.I I

SKEET

tired. guess I'm just a little I sorry. CINDY

legs. a razor and leans back to shave her grabs then She SIGHS,

boyfriend? your You know, Skeet. It's me, VOICE

Who is this? (alarmed) CINDY

Hello Cindy. VOICE

Hello? CINDY

picks up. She RING. anxiously. phone RINGS, startling her. · She eyes the p~one The. .

SIGH of relaxation • leans back and gives a deep

She and steps into the sudsy bath. She drops her towel

She CLICKS over.

on. hang Oh, sorry - CINDY.

Still me·. t SCARY VOICE

Hello? CINDY

ov~r. She CLICKS

A beat.

on a sec? can you hang my other line. That's CINDY

SOUNDS. waitingll ."call Her CLICK! ~ I'm going to ••• ~ SCARY VOICE t She listens in horror.

Wrong. was arrested? That I VOICE SCARY

But I thought ••• CINDY

including straps and a bow. The bubble's farm a perfect two-piece bikini over her,

scene. - it's the same one from the first SCARY VOICE the

Cindy stands straight up in terror at the recognition of

me? Hello Cindy, miss ( from phone) VOICE. SCARY ,

tired ••• just too I;m I told you Skeet, CINDY

warily.

up it She picks The phone RINGS, startling her again.

oo.

A beat. CROWD holds it's breath in anticipation.

TEAM HOME lies there· in pain as the He •. turf first on the

The Receiver is hit in mid-air and lands head CRUNCH!

••.· ball~ ·the up for RECEIVER goes

His a pass over the middle. He fades back and throws

quarterback. te~ home Jake as the FEATURING A heated football game is underway,

DAY - FIELD FOOTBALL SCHOOL HIGH - EXT

I over. I. horror - it's not in phone _the l.ooks at She He hangs up.

Bye. you. But I'm still going to kill Yeah. SCARY -VOICE

·could you? CINDY

call.you back. could I SCARY VOICE

I'm still here. uh ••• it's me. Yeah, SCARY VOICE

Hello? CINDY

She CLICKS over.

on. Hang CINDY

Me again. VOICE SCARY

Hello? CINDY

• 7 6

plastic baqqie, as if he were tossing him a bag of peanuts. The Drug Dealer tosses the Student a crack rock in a

I'll take a bag of crack! _STUDENT

A STUDENT shouts out.

crack! Mushrooms! cocaine! DEALE'R DRUG

narcotics •. only his contains concession tray around his neck - A DRUG DEALER walks down another aisle, also with a

Candy apples! Hot dogs1 Peanuts! VENDOR

his neck. A VENDOR walks down the aisle with a concession tray around

probably just a crank call. It was It's not him,-he's in jail. SKEET

voice. know that I .•• I'm telling you (mid:...conversat-ion) CINDY

watching the game. FEATURE Cindy and Skeet, we

game! What a 1 ANNOUNCER

Sitting behind a sideline booth, giving the play by play.

we see his waiving to the crowd, he trots off the field, As

up as the home crowd APPLAUDS. The Receiver finally gets

ball. the calls for and Jake lines up under the CENTER,

· cow. of a

"Moo" the HEAR We even GROWLJ;NG. SNORTING and each other,

dig in against LINEMAN DEFENSIVE AND The BEEFY OFFENSIVE •.

They CLAP hands and come to the line.

b:teak! Ready - 3." .. formation on "I" weak side (giving play) JAKE

BACK on the butt. RUNNI~G a and pats The Lineman turns

Nice block. RECEI~R

LINEMAN on the butt. The Receiver turns and pats a

Nice catch. JAKE

RECEIVER on the butt. a Jake pats

HUDDLE THE IN ON THE FIELD - BACK

He exits.

No thanks. CINDY

you want anything? nachos, I don't ••• I'm going to get some No, SKEET

She nervously swigs a bottle of tequila and chain-smokes.

You think I'm paranoid, don't you? CINDY

quarterback. wants to kill the really He 2 ANNOUNCER

through those blockers. 666 is slicing his way Number 1 ANNOUNCER ·

· SPORTSCASTERS ON THE

Ahhh"! JAKE

brandishing the knife. him, straight for and he runs a free path to Jake, The Killer now has

Hey, it's all you man. (to Killer) LINEMAN OFFENSIVE

Lineman immediately steps back.I and the Offensive jagged knife, The Killer whips out hisI

The helmet to helmet. COLLIDE, The two lines SMASH!

and hikes the ball anyway. The Center shrugs,

••• Holy shit! (cont'd.) JAKE

666. number on his jersey - right down to the a football player, The Killer has disguised himself as

helmet1 under his on - one DEFENSIVE LINEBACKER has the Casper mask To his horror,

Jake looks across at the defense.

JAKE

some setting library books on fire. then finally,· lighters, some flicking STUDENTS holding candles, some PAN across we

mourn. and-PARENTS TEACHERS, A candlelight vigil is being held - dozens of STUDENTS,

NIGHT - SCHOOL HIGH - EXT

CUT TO: t

escapes. his whistle,- and _the Killer ·blows The Referee TOOT!

then a cartwheel. a backflip, the splits, dance - Who celebrates the murder by doing an elaborate endzone

leafblowers, cleaning up Jake"s remains. GARDENERS with crew of a: In the background we see

This time in slow motion.

PLAYED AGAIN: SCENE DEATH JAKE'S

JUMP CUT:

Let's see that again in slow motion! 2. ANNOUNCER

the highlight reel. · make That' 11 1 ANNOUNCER .

and guts flying out the other side of the mower . sending his blood The Killer runs over Jake, WHIRRRR!!!

••• No ••• no JAKE

The Killer catches up to Jake.

"BOOS!" the touchback. Home Crowd The

touchback. Jake runs into the opposing eridzone - scoring a

hot pursuit. in lawn mower, still

a now riding Jake looks over his shoulder to see the Killer

•.. lip · herpes sore on her upper and we now see a giant back into lens, Courtney turns.,

off in tears. walks He

..• little bastard horney that miss. ••• I 'm gonna .me Forgive (sniffles a tear) · pages ••• "Jugs" between the a copy of had he knew but I to read his textbook, of class, pretending the back in sit. to used He geome~ry. had him in I (heartfelt) CURTIS MR.

What are your memories of Quentin? COURTNEY I. I teach math. Mr. Curtis, CURTIS MR.

name? me sir, what's your Excuse (to Curtis) COURTNEY

CURTIS. MR. nearby elderly man, a She interviews

word with one of the mourners ••• a Let's see if we can get Schroeder. students Quentin Green and Jake candlelight vigil is underway for Kevin Williamson High where a This is Courtney Cocks live from (into microphone) COURTNEY

You're on. CAMERAMAN

tears.- actu·re onion in her eyes to manuf

an She rubs by with her Cameraman. Courtney Cocks stands

holding their own candles. FEATURE Cindy and Skeet, we Among the sorrowful crowd,

HEMP.". "LEGALIZE and finally' JAKE," "REMEMBER

QUENTIN," YOU, MISS "WE'LL which read: Some hold signs

and rushes off.

her candle drops so saddened that she loses it - she She;s

on his reading glasses. puts and a cue card, 9ut takes He

Shaku-r. prime - the late rapper Tupac man who was also cut down in his poem by a young share·a I'd like to In honor of our departed students, (solemn} FONZY PRINCIPAL

addresses the crowd of mourners.

who The cameraman turns the lens on Principal Fonzy,

also killed Jake. believe· that whoever killed Quentin, Our investigation has led us to out. His alibi checked yesterday. Tingle, the suspect we arrested Tim Charges were dropped against Yes. DUTY SHERIFF

matching Courtney's. giant herpes sore on his upper lip,

a and we see he also has Sheriff Duty turns to the camera,I

the killing"s related? Are COURTNEY

• J She points .her camera and mike in his face •

Sheriff Duty ••• (spots Sheriff Duty) · over. The killing is not widespread fear. still lurks a there sadness, And yet underneath the tonight. grief stricken who've turned out from one of the many Touching words (into lens) COURTNEY

3. 7

)

up at him in dread. She looksA beat. •

know about it. I• We're the only one's who let it go. Just The secret died with him. it. r only one who could've known about the was He dead. Listen, Tingle' s I SKEET

aside. Cipdy Skeet pulls

technicalities ••• not going to quibble over I'm DUTY SHERIFF

innocent~· But he was CINDI:

Lethal injection. We executed him this morning. DUTY SHERIFF

What?! CINDY

•. Tim Tingle' s dead DUTY SHERIFF

Halloween his brother •.• Last It's about Time Tingle. need to talk to you. I Sheriff Duty, CINDY

She rushes off toward Sheriff Duty.

on! Hang SKEET

She breaks his hold.

going to confess. rm diarrhea ••• guilt, the pressure, the The anymore. this I can't live with CINDY

and grabs her. up He catches

going? where are you - hey ~ey, SKEET

· Buffy~ Congratulations, DANIELLE

Heather and_Danielle hug Buffy in congratulations.

, won! I Oh my god - t BUFFY I The audience APPLAUDS. t Buffy Michelle Geller!! f CHUCK WOOLERY

crowd. addresses the CHUCK WOOLERY, wearing a tuxedo, HOST - The

· Fellatio" "Miss Buffy's reads: Congeniality" "Miss reads: Danielle's Universe" "Miss Heather's ribbon reads:

across them. ~raped eveninggowns with ribbons

wear Danielle,. and Heather Buffy, - The three finalists

CEREMONY" "!JOMECOMING. A banner reads:

NIGHT - AUDITORIUM SCHOOL - INT

" life ••• • · fo my nigga be always " ••• 'cause you'll (cont'd speech) FONZY PRINCIPAL

passing Principal Fonzy. They rush off,

And Buffy. CINDY

wings. to the PAN we glory, of. stands in her moment As·.suffy

here. you wait I'll go around the back, , f SKEET

I It's locked. CINDY

they're locked.

- YANK on the auditorium doors up and run Skeet Cindy and

against her head.

SHATTER and waives as the vases She smiles CRASHl SMASHl

then they toss rose vases. The audience toss roses at her,

the crowd. and waiving-to blowing kisses She walks to center stage,

Miss Kevin Here she comes, (sings) WOOLERY CHUCK

a squeeze. then gives her ass room key, a· _her hands He

hour. one place - My Remember the deal. WOOLERY CHUCK

her ear: in then whispers her on both cheeks, kisses He

tiara on her head.

and a Chuck Woolery places a bouquet of roses in her hand,

but thanks. bitches, know you two are just being phoney I BUFFY

you deserve it. Yeah, /) ____ I\ HEATHER /-", '

floor prompter pit. She"s face.to face with the Killer-- he's in the stage

back around and SCREAMS! She turns for :the Killer. behind her checking to the end of the stage, crawls Buffy • • BACK INSIDE I lip! Open r CINDY t do~~- on the locked BANGS Cin~y I OUTSIDE

Someone please help me ••• , BUFFY

she was a stripper.

as if bills at her, $1 members of the crowd throw MALE The

crowd. WHIPPING blood from her hair into the side - from side to swinging her head She crawls down the runway, I. ... No I BUFFY.

brandishing a knife. she looks back to see the Killer in the wings, Terrified,

of blood, trying to get it off her. as she jogs in place in a puddle UP "What a Feeling" song

Jennifer Beals in "Flashdance." DOUSE her, like SPLASH!' Three more buckets SPLASH! SPLASH!

A beat. She collapses in a chair.

1 Aahhh! BUFFY

SCREAMS. up her blood dripping hands and holds

She as the audience GASPS. DOUSES her, The pig's blood

"Carrie." a la directly over Buffy's head, rafter The bucket is perched atop a BLOOD. PIG'S labeled: He holds a rope tied to a bucket 1.. LURKS KILLER THE

THE WINGS IN

7 7 •

some even have scuba gear. Students-swim around, with blood, like a water tank. fiiled now The place is

a jackhammer. finally, and She then puts on a welders mask and blowtorches, avail. a crowbar, to no. with Cindy tries to pry the doors open

ankle The blood fills the auditorium, doors., locked. the POUND on on her blood as they frantically crow9_slips The

HUMAN SPRINKLER. her look like a

making Blood now shoots out of her in ridiculous torrents,

then ears. nose, Blood spurts out of· her eyes, WHOOSH! WHOOSH! open dam. Blood shoots out like an - WHOOSH! She opens her mouth and

SCREECH in horror. The audience spots her and

her stab wounds like fire hoses.

from She's gushing blood As she staggers out of the pit.

ON BUFFY_

the doors are all locked!

- but head for the exits freaked out, The audience members,

CRUNCHING and FLESH TEARING. BONES the sounds of HEAR We

•••• AAHHlt' NO! HELP ! ! STOP BUFFY

Bu_ffy getting slaughtered. HEAR the AGONIZING SCREAMS of we From under the floor,

go? where'd she The audience look around confused -

Nooe ••• dragged under) she's (as BUFFY

under the stage. he pulls her Bumps her head as BAM! and He grabs her arms

I • ,

She looks at him a tense beat. Skeet and Cindy pull up.

NIGHT - HOUSE CINDY'S - EXT

She frowns suspiciously.

SIGNS. "EXI'r" NEON him to see 3 FLASHING past. She. looks

it. ... couldn't find ! but was looking for the back entrance, I SKEET

Where have you Buffy 's dead. Skeet, CINDY

Just then, Skeet appears.

?1 Buffy •.• Buffy •.• killer? who's the Buffy - CINDY

Cindy takes off her walkman headphones.

I can't hear you ••. Wait; I CINDY I. and Buffy WHISPERS to her. Cindy leans in closer,

The Killer is •.• (dying words) BUFFY

but STILL ALIVE. - a bloody mess Buffy's

Buffy! CINDY

Cindy rushes to her.

on the front steps. leaving Buffy to beach The auditorium drains, auditorium. over Cindy as Students are washed out of the Blood.SPLASHES

'

in a big wave. and blood floods out BURST open, The doors finally BOOM!

--------~ ----- ---------------

Dad. Thanks., CINDY • want to talk • thought you might friends dying, t heard about your I pumpkin. Hi, I ( f ram phone) CAMPBELL MR.

Hello? CINDY

· apprehensively. She picks up startling her. RINGS, The phone

,• _::,, -· .. -c ......- .. - :,._. ••• Cindy changes the channel.

•• acupunctu~e; found Shiatzu I until muscles were tight and tense my ••• (cont'd.) PINHEAD

body. stick out of his as hundreds of needles a.towel wearing just He stands up, d

Pinhead ••• ~e, from Take it PINHEAD·

DOCTOR performs acupuncture.on him. CHINESE

a from "Hellraiser,". lies on a massage table as PINHEAD,

NIGHT - ROOM LIVING - INT

TO: CUT

Man's Party." ltDead Boingo's He drives off, his car radio BLARING Oingo She exits.

I'll pick you up in the doors. Just stay inside and lock your promise. I o.k. Hey, it's gonna be ·SKEET

And then there were two. CINDY

1 • t

80. I

got a ••• woman's And the that's right. Uh ••• taken ab.ack) ( CAMPBELL MR. •

Cock? ) t CINDY '

... a ... a the man's got see You , things you should know. some s . there ' know you"re modest ••• but Now I CAMPBELL MR. ,

... oa-ad CINDY

we had that talk. this but ••• I think it ' s time about· ••.• your mother would 've been better struggling for words) (• •... know You CAMPBELL MR.

She changes the channel.

shooter ••• now, I'll through in a salad And if you act to slice a tomato. sharp enough still" is; and ligaments, and through bone, cartilage, , It cuts and Decker does it all.· ) The new bodycount buzzsaw from Black LEATHERFACE

different human body parts with a chainsaw. from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," cuts through LEATHERFACE,

guess. Fine ••• I CINDY

doing? Skeet How are you and CAMPBELL MR.

I'm not sure. CINDY

You feeling allright? ~~/ .. ''--... t ; \ CAMPBELL MR. ~~\

I r

I

·-·..,. ; A SHADOWY FIGURE approaches.

Dad, is that you? CINDY • and squints to see who• s there • eyes She rubs her her.

waking open, CREAKS Her door Cindy lies asleep in bed.

NIGHT BEDROOM - CINDY'S INT -

Dad, I'll always be your little Oh, -'CINDY

anymore. guess you"re not daddy's little girl I you"ve grown up so fast. Gosh, judgement. I trust your Skeet, whatever you decide to do with Well, CAMPBELL MR.

She turns it off.

••• hunter.green and White, fuchsia, comes in three fashionable colors. and It's light, durable, by Remco. the hockey mask use that's why I So , MEYERS MICHAEL )

mask. ·"Halloween," models his hockey from MICHAEL MEYERS, Another infomercial plays.

nut? Bump uglies until the man busts a (blurts out) CINDY

So the man and woman •.• uh •.. uh ••• O.K ••• uh ••. yes, that's uh .•. correct. CAMPBELL MR.

Pussy1 CINDY

r

,

Don't •.••• CINDY

her._ She cowers as the Killer raises the knife over knives. They miss, but stick into the wall behind as if they were

beater at the Killer.

an~ and turkey baster, instead she throws a spatula, so utensils-· no knives. the.remaining through 'looks She

·Ohno, Fluffy! CINDY

wall. the The knife misses, but STABS her CAT, pinning it to MEOW! • ducks. I

who up a knife and throws it at the Killer, She picks

1. Nooo ••• CINDY

a drawer filled with kitchen utensils. out She dumps

"The Thinker." Rodans' now carved into· The sawdust clears to reveal the endtable's

sending wood chips everywhere • STABS at the endtable, he GROWLS at her as The Killer

Get back! Get back! CINDY

She SNAPS a whip at him. CRACK!

him off like a lion-tamer. and fends grabs an endtable,

She lunges at her with a knife. jumps out of bed as· he She

AAHHHH! (screams) CINDY

THE KILLER! IT'S She turns on the lights to reveal -

? Dad ••• ,,,.,)____ , ...(, CINDY Y\

I

r

Courtney turns to her cameraman.

it. but ••• this time I really mean Yeah, DUTY SHERIFF

time? Didn "t you say that last · COURTNEY

jostles for position. Cocks Courtney

got our man. we've community can now rest easy - Our the serial murderer was killed. Thanks to the heroics of Cindy here, DUTY SHERIFF

the PRESS.

MEDIA, etc. COPS, The place is now a full crime scene -

NIGHT HOUSE - CINDY'S EXT -

Cotton.Blend! {gasps) CINDY

THE KILLER IS ••• COTTON BLEND.

mask ••• th~ slowly, then reaches down and.takes off Cindy approaches the body he collapses dead. Finally,

HEAD. HIS ·

ON and even WINDMILLS POP-LOCKS, WORM, He does the moves:

The JOLTS cause him to do elaborate hip-hop ZAP! ZIP!

· break-dancing in time to the beat. The Killer's twitching body starts HIP-HOP MUSIC UP.

causing him to convulse and gyrate. body, Electrical JOLTS shoot through the Killer's ZEE! ZAP! ZIP!

now wet clothes. hitting his

him, She throws a plugged in toaster at SPLASH! at him -

she TOSSES a glass of water Just as he's about to stab her,

'I

· and ·snorts it. Comet Cleanser, ·of a line ou-a dumps· GUY Another of coke. line a snorting GUY, They pass one

movie. the minutes left.in all the killing ended with still 20 amazing that And it• s behind me. That everything bad' s closure. finally have I I'm feeling like (a beat) Yeah. CINDY I

What a party. , SKEET

OUT. KNOCKING HIMSELF head, then CLANGS! it into his own The third finishes off a keg,

head·.- own it over his SMASHES a bottle, then The next chugs •. CRUNCHES it against his forehead one chugs a beer, then

TEENAGERS enter the house party. Dozens of cars are parked haphazardly on the lawn as

orange and black streamers, etc. lanterns~ jack 'o The house is decorated for Halloween -

NIGHT - HOME SUBURBAN EXT -

I 'I

something stronger. he needs dented - it•s He pulls back the blade to find

bush~· SLASHES at the He THWACK! an~ a machete out whips He

emanating from her untamed forest.

WILD THE HEAR the primitive sounds of the CALL OF We

BUSH OF PUBIC HAIR fills the screen. Her enormous POOF,!

panties ••• lowers·her she gleam with heated anticipation as eyes His

Here, let me ••• CINDY

panties, but struggles. t He tries to take off her continue to makeout. TheyI

With not one, but two nipples.

• \ sexy. . ,

how a superfluous nipple - Wow, t SKEET I

bra off and looks at her breasts.

gets her He making out. Skeet and Cindy lie on the bed,

BEDROOM IN THE - UPSTAIRS

beer. She drinks down the now chunky

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! PARTYGOERS

into the funnel.

the beer out drains Just as she GIRL, who's beer-bonging.

a They pass him upstairs • hand and leads She takes his

gonna prove it • r•m And tonight (whispers in his ear) love you. And I CINDY

love you. I Hey, SKEET

there for me. I Throughout all of this, you've been, Skeet,·. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. CINDY . I./ _______ ,\ ~\ ' ..

'

SIT-'N"-SPIN. HUMAN him like a on around on him, spinning sits Cindy dear life as for Skeet hangs on

and CRACKS, PARTYGOERS look up as the ceiling THUMPS, The

••• me in. woman Oh, Skeet, you've unleashed the CINDY

and they make beautiful. love. He finally gets it right,

Still not it. CINDY

He thrusts in again.I.

sorry. SKEET

That's not it. (surprised) CINDY

her and thrusts in. mounts He

prematurely ejaculate.' promise ••• I'll try not to I SKEET

love you. I CINDY

and liquid pours out. He takes his mask off,

mask, fins.

snorkel scuba gear - tank, now wearing full comes back up, Skeet beat. A delight. in MOANS arches her back and Cindy

••• border down below the way ·kissing his her,· gets on top of He

as pubes fly everywhere. He trims her bush, WHIRRRRRR!

wacker. weed a UP FIRES protective goggles and on He putsr\

mounting dread. phone-with eyes the ~he

The phone RINGS, startling her. RING! RING!

Principal Fonzy, who's also been killed.

FEATURE Among them we in terror over the bodies. WEEPS She

not Dad! No, CINDY

- also lying there dead. DAD She looks in horror to see her

1 Skeetl CINDY

BLOOD. DEAD IN A POOL OF LYING -

SKEET She spots Cindy walks terrified through the bodies.

on a medieval rack. chair, another is guillotined, while another is stretched one is. fried in an electric a noose, by hanging is- One

KILLED! BEEN HAS PARTY AT THE EVERYONE

what she sees. ~t SCREAMS Cindy descends the stairs and

the hall. down She ventures

Skeet? CINDY

and puts her clothes on. of bed, out She gets

Skeet? CINDY

to· find Skeet's gone. She wakes Sleeping in bed.

..•. Weee Weee! CINDY

oo.

whoever you are, let's go. o~, come CINDY

Killer. the ac.es f She turns and

victim anymore. going.to be theI'm not running, I'm tired ofit. that's - No CINDY

in her tracks. stops she gets away, the distraction to dash past him, but before she uses She

his head, blinding him. she grabs a moo-moo and throws it over quic~ly, ·Thinking

SCREAMS~ Cindy

as HACKS at the closet door, The Killer SPLINTER! THWACK!

of the closet. corner cowers in the she Jamie Lee Curtis in "Halloween," Like

AAHHH! CINDY

THUD! ground with a and the Killer clumsily drops to the SNAPS The beam CRACK!

silently behind her from a ceiling beam. down himself lowering Suddenly, above her we now reveal the Killer,

nowhere in sight. the Killer's she looks wildly around, but Sca~~d, He hangs up. CLICK.

Tonight you' re going to die. SCARY VOICE

SOBBING heap, clutching the phone. She collapses in a

who Cindy? Guess (from phone) VOICE SCARY

? H-hello ••• --// ... •'-- (picks up) i \ CINDY y--\

he charges her.· Now armless, arm. left She hacks. off the Killer's THWACK!

•.• ~ad my This is for CINDY

again. lunges he by the spewing stump, Undaunted She hacks off the Killer's right arm. 1 THWACK

••• my mom This is for CINDY

axe. but she's quicker with her The Killer raises his knife,

and grabs the axe. She breaks the glass, SMASH!

GLASS" BREAK - MANIAC HOMICIDAL OF CASE "IH reading:

Another case, also containing an axe, but this label

GLASS" BREAK -. FIRE

OF CASE "IN with a label reading: case, glass in a ~ An

W"-LL THE ON

She looks around for a weapon.

fecal matter SPLATTERS against the wall. Behind the Killer,

combo at him. vicious a She throws SOCK! KICK! PUNCH!

you. ..of shit out the I'm gonna beat CINDY

in the other arm. cuts her again, He SLASH!

sumo-thonged butt. his we see the Killer's cloak is cut out to reveal From behind,

upa GRUNTING and CHALKING They squat like Sumo wrestlers,

UP her high heel shoe.

COUGHS he actually ass, the so hard in him She kicks BAM!

sonofabitch! You CINDY

I i.;

i i mask. his over eye now see a black we and him in the eye, SOCKS She BAM! - dukes her She raises two boxers. like off They square

bodybag. CORONER wheels the Killer out in a ·the consoles her as He

DUTY AND SHERIFF C~NDY ON

sensationalized news ••• shocking, exploitative, you live with this breaking, coming to This is Courtney Cocks, (into camera) _ COURTNEY

Courtney Cocks is on the scene, broadcasting. course, Of

MEDIA, etc. COPS, - scene huge crime now a The place is

NIGHT HOUSE - EXT -

LAPSE: TIME

it's over. o.k., It's DUTY SHERIFF

She's in shock. of her hand. out- He takes the axe

It's over. - Cindy, he's dead. DUTY SHERIFF -

Duty. ARMS grab her from behind - it's Sheriff TWO Suddenly,

him. finish and again raises the axe to Cindy follows, unconscious. The Killer lands at the bottom of the stairs, lying

and he TEETERS back, him, off Just as she"s about to

at her. sccnTs Unfazed by the loss of limbs, the Killer

just a torso and head. leaving him leg, last She hacks off the Killer's THWACK!

and for world peace ••• killed, you· else everyone And this is for CINDY

the Killer lunges again. on one. leg, Now HOPPING off the Killer's right leg.. hacks· She THWACK!

This is for Skeet ..• CINDY

the gun. COCKS Cindy move in, Cops The

••• keep rolling. to cameraman) ( Please don't ••• · COURTNEY

holdin_g her hostage. head; to her gun She grabs Courtney Cocks and puts the

to. have I CINDY

want to do this. You don ' t put the gun down! Cindy, · DUTY SHERIFF

then train them on Cindy. COPS draw their guns, All

backl Everyone get (waiving gun) CINDY

from his holster. it

and yanks she lunges for Sheriff Duty's revolver, Suddenly,

to the Coroner's van. Cindy watches distrustfully as the Coroner wheels the body

Get him out of here. coroner) (to DUTY SHERIFF

No. CINDY

" don't take off the mask, don't take off the mask ••• "Cindy, Her MOM'S VOICE echoes in her head - A long beat.

· is? Killer the Don't you want to know who (to Cindy) DUTY SHERIFF

The Coroner stops.

Hold it. (to Coroner) DUTY SHERIFF

gold. you bastard, this is Keep rolling, · to cameraman) ( COURTNEY

in his eyes. ~ears with

her, by The cameraman puts down his camera and also kneels

organs. ••• they missed all your vital

... make it in there, kid, you're going to aan:g I. DUTY SHERIFF

cradling her head tenderly.

by her, Sheriff Duty kneels · As she lies bloody and dying.

lies in a bodybag in back. unharmed, runs to the van where the Killer Cindy, bloody. Courtney drops to the ground, bullet ridden and They stop.

fire! Hold your DUTY SHERIFF

shooting Courtney with a hail of bullets. - mistakenly OPEN FIRE All Cops BLAST! POW! BLAM!

Huh?! COURTNEY

FIRE! (turns to Cops) Then you leave me no choice. DUTY SHERIFF

No. CINDY

Just put the gun down. SHERIFF DUTY

I ••• you getting all this? (to cameraman) me ••• Cindy, don't hurt Please, COURTNEY

Everyone get back or I'll kill her! CINDY

cliff. it into gear and aims it for the edge of the She.jams

No,. no ••• CINDY

with his mouth - Still alive! holding onto the hood ornament onto the grill of the van,

jumped Cindy looks up to see that the Killer has . l THUD

steering wheel, exhausted. she collapses against the Satisfied that he's dead,

road. the in motionless She repeats this until he lies

- rolls over him. She throws it in reverse and CRUNCH!

him. RAMS . She SMACK! FLOORS IT·- jams it into gear and She

alive! Still The Killer rears up on his torso -

Come on, get up ••• get up ••• CINDY

10 feet in front of the van. He lands in the road,

SMASHING through the windshield. She SLAMS on the brakes, sending the Killer SCREECH!

1 •••• No· CINDY

lunges over the seat, trying to bite her jugular. He the Killer UNZIPS the bodybag with his mouth. Just then,

The Killer's still alive! SQUIRMING - She looks in the rearview mirror, to see the bodybag·

River. Dawson's which reads: She winds along the steep cliffs passing a sign the back. down the road in the van, with the bodybag in Cindy speeds

NIGHT - ROAD WINDY AND -DARK EXT

He leans down and kisses her blood-filled mouth.

me one last time ••• •.• kiss (she coughs up blood) me •.• Kiss COURTNEY

to Duty. turns She

9-L

HER MOTHER!! JOAN CAMPBELL - IS XILLER TRUE THE

Mom?! (gasps) CINDY

••• reveal mask to Jesus· She pulls off the Cindy realizes this. is also a mask.

smoke? Got a JESU.S CHRIST

CHRIST! is ••• JESUS killer real- the rev~al off the Martha Stewart mask to She pulls is a mask. .too Cindy realizes this In a twist,

image. I'm trying to change my MARTHA STEWART

why? But Martha Stewart?! CINDY

STEWART! that it's ••• MARTHA to:reveal She unmasks the Killer

you are. have to know who I know. have to I 'CINDY

She stares at the masked Killer. .

DEAD! NOT HE'S STILL head - The Killer lifts his

van. approaches the Killer, who's pinned under the smoldering Cindy is battered, bruised and generally fucked up.· She

landing on the rocky shore. the van, from Cindy is thrown

impact. EXPLODING on lands in a fiery heap, van The KABOOM!!!

11 Aahhhh •••. CINDY

' ..

-·--·-----·------- ---- ..... -~ .. - .

DAY DORMITORY - INT- COLLEGE

IN FADE-

LATER YEAR ONE Superimposed:

off her mom's head. lops She THWACK!

.. you in hell.- •..see ~· CINDY

and raises it over Joan's head. an~ She picks up

•• Mom~ Oh, CINDY

Tears well in Cindy's eyes.

••. _last. were the You My revenge was almost complete. CAMPBELL JOAN

Mom. sorry, CINDY

· mother. I'm still your Watch your mouth, JOAN CAMPBELL_

_Slut! CINDY

My lovers. CAMPBELL JOAN

? ••• Blend Tim Tingle, Cotton about What CINDY

revenge. my came back to take I CAMPBELL JOAN -

a step back, reeling with the horrible truth. Cindy takes

alive. You all buried me Only clinically. JOAN CAMPBELL

dead. were But I thought you CINDY

SCREAMS in horror. Cindy

•• • HALLOWEEN LAST. DID YOU WHAT KNOW STILL I .

mirror: on the wr~tten she sees a message As the steam parts,

Diggler in "Boogie Nights." Dirk her legs, like 12" PENIS dangling between She drops her towel, revealing a

A beat.

You're a survivor ••• You survived. (to her reflection) CINDY

a hard look at herself. takes and She walks to a mirror,

envelopes the room. Steam

l : in the shower stall. : I

and turns on the hot water. wearing a towel, Cindy enters,

' I' .') I j 97. JI