"PINEAPPLE EXPRESS" (2008)

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS

Story By

Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

Screenplay By

Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

A Judd Apatow Joint

November 28, 2006

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS

IN BLACK AND WHITE, A black 1930s Cadillac speeds down * the only visible road amidst endless plains of farmland. The road curves sharply ahead - the car accelerates. Ignoring the turn, the Caddy drives directly off the road and through a massive field of emptiness.

The car abruptly stops in the middle of the vacant field. GENERAL BRAT (58, a patch covers one of his eyes) and AGENT BLACK SUIT (an agent in a black suit) step out of the car.

Although there is clearly nothing in sight for miles, the General scans his surroundings with concern.

TITLE CARD UP: THE PAST *

Agent Black Suit crouches down and pulls open a METAL HATCH in the ground. Both men walk down the hatch and into the earth.

They descend a metal staircase and walk with great urgency down a narrow corridor. The hallway spills into a hauntingly huge metal room with a lone SCIENTIST standing in the middle. The Scientist immediately begins leading them across the room.

The three men enter a large room divided by a one-way mirror.

On their side, numerous SCIENTISTS, utilizing several archaic devices, are busy at work monitoring the subject on the other side of the mirror.

The subject: PRIVATE MILLER (22, naive and dutiful) sits at a small table with a microphone on it. Miller raises his hand, REVEALING a smoldering JOINT.

11/28/06 2

He takes a long and awkward hit from the joint and bursts into a coughing fit.

The scientists begin to scribble profusely as their devices blink manically. General Brat and Agent Black Suit exchange a concerned look. The General lights a cigarette as the Scientist steps up to a small microphone in the corner.

His voice booms through large speakers on Miller’s side of the room. Miller leans towards the microphone.

The scientists scribble madly. One of them mumbles into General Brat’s ear.

A door opens beside Private Miller and an AGENT steps out wearing an intricate uniform that resembles an old fashioned diving suit, an air hose leading out the door that he came from. He slowly walks toward the Private, who looks at him in shock.

11/28/06 3

The Agent in the strange suit reaches the private and holds a lighter up to the joint.

Miller pulls at the joint until it is lit again. The Agent exits the room.

General Brat scowls.

Instantly, the scientists start packing up their equipment. Staring at Miller, General Brat grabs a RED PHONE and dials. Two Agents in the scuba-like suits emerge from behind Miller and start aggressively dragging him away.

He hangs up the phone.

11/28/06 4

CUT TO BLACK.

TITLE CARD UP: THE PRESENT *

TALK RADIO DJ * Well, let’s look at the facts. * Financially, coins are better because * they’re cheaper, and environmentally, * forget-about-it, coins win hands down. * For those just joining us, we’re with * caller Dale Denton discussing if America * should lose the paper dollar bill. *

We see that Dale has a wireless ear piece in. *

DALE * Of course not! Who wants a pocket full of * coins? Seriously. Weighs down your pants, * clangs around. With all this unnecessary * new security everywhere, we’ll be setting * off alarms left and right! *

TALK RADIO DJ * We certainly do, Mr. Denton. Crude, but * to the point. Next caller! *

Dale puts away his phone and pulls up in front of a nice * house. *

Dale, wearing a name tag that reads “Garth”, holding a * clip board and wearing a greenpeace hat, knocks * repeatedly on the door. A woman cautiously answers the * door. *

WOMAN * Um, I didn’t order a pizza. *

DALE * Excuse me, miss? Are you Sandra Danby *

11/28/06 5

WOMAN * Uh...yea- *

Dale shoves an envelope into her hand. *

DALE * Sorry, miss, but you’ve failed to show up * to your divorce proceedings 4 times under * court order. You’ve been served. *

WOMAN * Oh great! Thanks a lot asshole! Real * clever! Go fuck yourself! *

Dale dashes back to his car as the upset woman starts to * open the envelope. *

Dale is driving and smoking a joint. He looks at his * check list - it is a list of people he served that day. * He’s only got a few left. He listens to a different talk * radio dj while playing music from a tiny iPod boom box * that sits in his passenger seat. *

TALK RADIO DJ 2 * ...forget about Area 51, Roswell * sightings, Atlantis and the Boogie Man, * let’s talk about real threats, threats to * our home and security... *

DALE * Fuckin’ eh. *

His iPod starts playing HOT STEPPA by INI KAMOZE. *

Dale turns down the talk radio and puffs away at his * joint; he enthusiastically dances in his car while * singing along. *

11/28/06 6

Dale, wearing a Zerox hat, walks into the building. *

SECRETARY * Can I help you? *

DALE * Just here to check out some units. *

The secretary nods and goes back to her work. Dale * casually waltzes down the office halls looking at the * names on the doors. He glances down at his clipboard, it * read: Walter Tandum. *

He finds the office and knocks on the door. *

Dale enters to see Walter, a 40 year old accountant, * seated at his desk. *

DALE * Nope. *

Dale drops a blue envelope on Walter’s desk. *

Dale turns and walks away. As he does, he notices a small * kitchen. He enters and is delighted at the array of * snacks and beverages. He helps himself. *

Dale is parked at a look-out enjoying the food, smoking * weed and has his ear piece in. *

RADIO DJ 3 * What gives you the right to say that? *

DALE * Everything! They should be able to * collect garbage TWICE a week. Why not? * (MORE)

11/28/06 7

Dale gets out of his car, followed by some plumes of * smoke, and goes to his trunk. He chuckles as he takes out * a lab coat and walks towards the hospital. *

Dale, looking very professional in his lab coat, rushes * to reception. *

DALE * I need Dr. Terrence, immediately. *

RECEPTIONIST * Of course. One moment. *

The receptionist immediately picks up the phone. *

DR. TERRENCE runs towards reception, where Dale is still * waiting. *

DR. TERRENCE * (to Dale) * Hi there, I don’t think we’ve met, I’m- *

DALE * Dr. Edgar Terrence. You’re the guy who * repeatedly refused to take care of the * monkey tree that spills onto your * neighbors property. And now, because of * that, you’ve been served. *

11/28/06 8

Dale hits a pipe. It is clear he strongly disagrees with * what the DJ is saying. *

TALK RADIO DJ * ...stay in your own country. Five simple * words. And stay the hell out of mine! I’m * not a racist, per se, but I’m not some * hippy tree humper. *

We see his ear piece and hear that he is on hold. *

DALE * Let me through, damnit. *

Dale, wearing a chauffeur hat, stands by the main * entrance holding a sign that reads: JOSH CORBER. A man * walks out of the hotel and, seeing the sign, approaches * Dale.

CORBER * My name’s Corber. *

CORBER * (overjoyed) Get out of town! Clarice did this, didn’t she? I was just telling her before I left how I’ve never been in a limo. Can you believe it? 35 and I’ve never been in a limo. Man! It’s not stretched, is it?

Dale hands him a BLUE ENVELOPE.

Dale walks away. CORBER opens the envelope and reads it. *

CORBER * Ah fuck! (reads more) Fuck! You fucking asshole!!! FUCK!

11/28/06 9

Dale completely ignores Corber as he dumps the sign and * walks out of the airport. Then, a huge smile comes across his face. He has noticed a nearby Burger King.

He happily walks toward the food.

Dale sits in his car outside a high school. An array of * Burger King wrappers surrounds him as he rolls a joint * with the last of his weed on top of a Batman comic. He * lights the joint and turns on the radio. *

RADIO DJ * ...3:09 in the PM and we- *

Dale turns off the radio, takes one last haul, and then * snubs out the joint. He then pulls out a small leather * kit and sifts through it’s contents: handi-wipes, hand * sanitizer, a little vial of cologne, Visine, mouthwash * and breath mints. *

Dale vigorously wipes his hands, face, and mouth with wet * naps and then starts futilely attempting to put visine in * his blazing red eyes. Frustrated, he squirts Visine all * over his finger tips and simply rubs them into his eyes. * He uses the mouthwash, chews up a mint, dabs on some * cologne, and then gets out of the car. *

Dale walks towards the school. *

ANGIE * Dale! *

Dale turns to see his attractive 19 year old girlfriend, * ANGIE ANDERSON, walking towards him with her group of * friends. She kisses him. *

ANGIE’S MALE FRIEND * Yo Dale. ‘sup. *

11/28/06 10

DALE * Hey Kyle. * (to Angie) * So, should we head back to my place and * finish up the trilogy? Matrix: * Revolution. Whose it gonna be, Angie? Man * or machine? *

ANGIE * Of course. But can we just head to my * locker first? I left some stuff by * mistake. *

DALE * Sure. *

Dale and Angie walk hand in hand towards the locker. *

ANGIE * So, are you going to come over for dinner * tomorrow, ‘cause my parents are beginning * to think I made you up. *

DALE * Well, yeah, I really want to meet them. * Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...let me * think. *

ANGIE * You don’t have to feel weird about it. * They know how old you are and they’re * fine with it. They just want to meet you * and see that you’re a cool guy and that * I’m not dating you just because you’re * older. *

DALE * Of course. I know that. It’s * just...tomorrow’s tight. I’ve got a whole * bunch of cases that I can finish * tomorrow. It’s probably going to take me * into the night. *

ANGIE * Fuck. Well, then you have to just come * over sometime this week or something, * okay? ‘Cause it’s getting weird for them. *

11/28/06 11

DALE * I will. I promise. I’m not trying to * avoid this, for real, I’ve just been * crazy busy. *

TEACHER * Hello? Can I help you? *

Dale and Angie turn to see a TEACHER, a guy about the * same age as Dale. *

DALE * Pardon? *

TEACHER * You can’t just waltz in here and hit on * the students. Get out now before I- *

ANGIE * Mr. Edwards, he’s my boyfriend. *

Mr. Edwards looks at Dale, then shoots Angie a confused * look. *

MR. EDWARDS * This is your boyfriend? How old are you, * 30? *

DALE * 24. *

MR. EDWARDS * And you’re dating an 18 year old? *

ANGIE * I’m 19. I moved here from Morocco. *

Dale doesn’t know what to make of Mr. Edwards comments * and looks. *

MR. EDWARDS * Alright, well this school is for students * and faculty only. Friends can’t just stop * by. *

DALE * Dude, you may be a teacher here, but * we’re about the same age, so don’t get * all high and mighty. It’s not that weird. * Frankly, it’s natural. *

11/28/06 12

MR. EDWARDS * Well, in that case, get off school * property or I’m calling the Police * Liaison officer. Angie, no offense to * you, but if this guy’s dating someone * your age, it’s because nobody his age * will date him. *

Then, four HANDSOME AND FIT STUDENTS walk by. *

HANDSOME STUDENT * Hey Angie. You were hilarious in drama * today. *

Angie smiles at the guys. Dale doesn’t like how all this * is going down. *

DALE * I’ll wait in the car. *

Dale and Angie sit in the parked car making out. *

ANGIE * So, do you want to get some food? *

DALE * No...actually I can’t. I have to go serve * a guy. *

ANGIE * Now? *

DALE * Yeah. It sucks. I’m sorry. We can hang * out later though. You can come over. *

ANGIE * We’ll see if Neo is truly the one. *

They share a long kiss, and Angie gets out of the car. * Dale watches her walk away, then whips out his cell phone * and hits speed dial.

11/28/06 13

SAUL SILVER is constructing a CROSS-SHAPED JOINT (two joints that intersect one another). Pot and paraphernalia are scattered all over the coffee table. A large “Scarface“ movie poster hangs on the wall. There is a knock at the door and Dale enters.

Dale awkwardly sits down on the other side of the couch.

11/28/06 14

Saul pulls out a big bag of weed. He places it on the coffee table as though it was his child. He pulls out a large bud.

Dale takes the weed and looks at it. It looks spectacular. Bright red hairs and large crystals, huge purple and blue leaves - just spectacular! Dale smells it and is taken aback.

Saul walks into another room. Dale looks around anxiously; he clearly wants to go. *

11/28/06 15

A moment later, Saul comes back into the room and sits down. Dale notices that he didn’t bring anything back from the other room. Saul notices Dale looking at him strangely.

Saul hustles into the other room.

Dale checks his watch and then looks at the door; suddenly, something catches his eye - it’s the cross- joint Saul was constructing.

Saul comes back in and puts a small electronic scale on the coffee table.

Saul chuckles at his joke as he places some weed on the * scale.

Saul puts Dale’s weed in a baggie.

11/28/06 16

Dale hands Saul some money and Saul gives him his weed. Dale lingers for a moment.

Dale gets up and heads to the door.

Dale turns around. He clearly wants to smoke it, but he tries to play it cool.

Dale sits back down on the couch, giddy as a schoolgirl.

Saul gathers three lighters from the coffee table.

Dale nods and they light the joint. Saul tokes hard; plumes of smoke fill the air as he bursts into a COUGHING FIT.

Dale takes the joint and hits it, exploding into a coughing fit.

11/28/06 17

Saul takes a toke. Dale coughs HARDER and HARDER. He seems like he might throw up.

Saul passes Dale the joint, obliviously dropping ash all over his suit. Slightly agitated, Dale brushes it off.

Saul looks confused.

Dale takes a big hit from the joint.

11/28/06 18

They both revel in the thought. *

Dale passes the join to Saul.

Saul laughs at this.

DALE * No, no. She’s 19. *

SAUL * (dissappointed) * Oh. It’s still cool I guess. *

DALE * Yeah, it’s awesome, although I think * she’s getting old enough where she’s * realizing I don’t do much. And these high * school guys these days. They’re all * roided out and going to Harvard. Even on * my best days, I look like a fat, dumb * piece of shit next to them. *

SAUL * Whatever, man. It sounds like you got it * pretty good. I wish I had a job that * easy. Fuck. *

11/28/06 19

DALE * Dude...you’ve got, like, the actual * easiest job in the world. *

SAUL * Hey! You’re right, man. I never thought * of it like that. *

DALE * You can actually do whatever the hell you * want. You get to sleep all day and people * come buy weed at night. *

Dale passes Saul the joint. *

SAUL * That’s totally true. Except tomorrow. * Thanks to that bitch daylight savings, I * gotta go change my grandma’s clocks forward at 7am. Or 8am. I seriously can’t figure it out.

Saul passes Dale the joint.

Dale pulls a blue envelope out of his pocket.

11/28/06 20

Saul points to his Scarface poster. The joint ends. After a few moments it seems as though their ability to have a conversation burnt out with the joint. They sit in awkward silence. Dale gets up. *

They slap each other five and Dale exits. Saul turns on the TV. Saved By the Bell is on. It makes Saul chuckle.

Dale cruises down side streets and locates Ted’s house. It is a large well-to-do home. Having difficulties, Dale * parks in between two cars across the street. He turns off the engine and starts smoking a joint. SUDDENLY - FLASH! * Two head lights appear up the street. Holy shit! It’s a * COP CAR!

He sits still, holding the joint between his legs as the cop car drives past and...parks a few cars down! The FEMALE COP walks up the block - TOWARDS DALE’S CAR!

DALE * Oh shit on me. *

Fortunately, the COP crosses the street and walks towards * Ted’s house. Confused, Dale watches as she is let in. * Dale waits a moment and then re-lights the joint. He * tries to see into Ted’s house as he takes a MASSIVE TOKE.

BANG! A SILENCE SHATTERING BLAST comes from Ted’s house. Dale holds the toke in and tries to keep quiet as he focuses on the large front window. SUDDENLY, the drapes are torn down by an ASIAN MAN as he falls forwards and * crashes through the front window! *

Dale watches in horror as a LARGE GREY-HAIRED MAN and the Female Cop step forward and shoot the Asian man! BLAM! * BLAM! Blood splatters! *

Dale starts COUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY! He starts the car and, in a panicked fit, tries to pull out. CRASH!!! He smashes directly into the car in front of him! He flicks the roach out onto the grass and slams the car in reverse - CRUNCH!!! He backs into the car behind him! Still hacking his lungs out, Dale drives away! *

11/28/06 21

The Grey-Haired Man and the Female Cop sprint out of the house in time to see Dale’s distant tail lights vanish into the darkness. Something catches the Grey-Haired Man’s eye - a trail of smoke rising from the grass. He lowers his blood-stained hand and picks up...DALE’S ROACH! He brings it to his nose and sniffs, then rips * open the paper and examines the weed closely.

Saul is laying on his couch watching Saved By the Bell, laughing so hard that he’s crying.

Suddenly, the BUZZER sounds repeatedly.

He grudgingly walks to the intercom and presses talk.

He presses listen.

Saul casually presses the talk button.

He smiles to himself, then presses listen.

Annoyed, Saul buzzes him in and unlocks the door.

11/28/06 22

A moment later, Dale, completely freaking out, BURSTS through the door and SLAMS it shut.

11/28/06 23

Saul jumps to his feet.

Saul dashes to the window and peeks out.

Dale shakes his head, on the verge of tears. Saul shrugs, sits back down, then picks up his joint and re-lites it.

11/28/06 24

Saul passes Dale the joint. Dale takes the joint and * frantically smokes as he paces. *

DALE * I’m sitting across from Ted’s smoking a massive joint of that weed you sold me-

Dale stops pacing and stares at Saul. He then looks down * at the joint of pineapple weed. Saul notices wheels turning in Dale’s head.

11/28/06 25

Dale continues staring at the joint.

Saul thinks for a moment.

11/28/06 26

Finally, Saul understands.

He SPRINGS to his feet and BOLTS for the door.

Dale grabs Saul and stops him.

Saul grabs his bag of weed and shoves it in his backpack. They run for the door.

Saul and Dale run to the elevator and frantically press the button, terrified for their lives.

Saul runs back to his apartment, leaving Dale alone and frightened. Saul BURSTS back out of his apartment holding his cell.

11/28/06 27

They scramble towards the distant stairwell. Almost at the door, they hear the DING of the elevator arriving.

They DASH back to the elevator. Dale shoves his arm between the doors and they hop in. Saul rapidly presses the LOBBY button as the doors shut. They’re both on the verge of hyperventilating.

*DING* The elevator SUDDENLY STOPS on the second floor.

DALE (CONT’D) SAUL

Oh my god!!! Ahhh!!!

The doors OPEN! There’s no one there. The doors close.

The elevator stops at the lobby and the doors open, they step out, bumping into two rough looking guys. *

11/28/06 28

Dale and Saul quickly leave as the bikers enter the elevator.

The rough looking guys, BUDLOFSKY and MATHESON, kick in * Saul’s door and dash into the room, guns drawn. Matheson * spots a smoldering joint in the ashtray.

MATHESON * Look.

Budlofsky whips out his cell and hits speed dial. *

BUDLOFSKY * Ted? He’s gone, but he was just here. I * think he knew we were coming. *

Dale peels out of his spot and down the road.

Saul checks behind them.

11/28/06 29

While Dale gets out his wallet, Saul opens Dale’s change tray. It’s full of roaches.

A tense beat.

The car is parked on a small dirt path in the moon-lit woods. Dale paces back and forth as Saul walks over.

11/28/06 30

DALE * Yeah, but Saul, he’s a fucking drug * dealer. *

SAUL * So? I’m a fuckin’ drug dealer. What, you * don’t trust me then? *

Saul stares at Dale, who doesn’t know how to respond. *

DALE * Um...I...call him. Yeah, sure, call him. *

SAUL * Thank you! *

Pleased, Saul pats Dale on the back. *

11/28/06 31

Saul takes his cell phone out and presses speed dial. We hear someone pick up.

Red sounds nervous.

Dale waves his hands in front of Saul’s face.

11/28/06 32

Saul looks around the dark forest.

Dale nods.

Saul gives Dale the thumbs up.

Saul hangs up the cell.

11/28/06 33

RED, 30, stalky and short, sits between the BUDLOFSKY and * MATHESON *

BUDLOFSKY * Why isn’t he coming now? What did you say?

MATHESON * Why did he mention the casino? The Asians run the casinos. Is Saul Asian?

This worries the thugs. *

MATHESON * This might be more than we thought.

BUDLOFSKY * Than you thought. I thought it would be * more than you did. I’ll call Ted. *

Saul lights a joint and starts smoking. He passes it to * Dale. Dale puffs. They look around at their expansive, * dark surroundings and immediately become overwhelmed with * paranoia. Saul notices a shooting star zip across the sky * as Dale takes out his cell phone. *

As Dale dials, Saul, paranoid from the pot, looks at his cell phone. He takes another hit, and then looks up to the sky again. He looks back at Dale’s phone. Dale starts to walk off.

11/28/06 34

Saul snubs out the joint and runs over to Dale.

Dale stares at Saul, then flips open his phone - *beep*

Dale takes a hit as he looks up to the sky. Just then, a loud rumbling noise is heard.

The rumbling gets louder.

The noise builds to a deafening crescendo as the guys dive behind a tree stump. A moment later, a JUMBO JET buzzes overhead, heading towards the nearby airport. Dale and Saul pop up.

Dale looks at his phone, which is a new, expensive Razor.

11/28/06 35

Dale sighs, then SMASHES his phone on a rock. Saul looks at Dale, then HURLS his phone into the woods as hard as he can, sending it SAILING into the FOREST.

Dale tosses the joint aside.

Saul points out a group of trees about 30 feet away.

They look into the scary dark depths of the woods. Both of them are clearly terrified.

11/28/06 36

Horrified, they cautiously inch into the forest.

They nervously walk on.

They inch forward, nervous.

They both freeze.

11/28/06 37

Saul listens.

SUDDENLY, Saul SPRINTS off into the darkness!

Dale looks in horror as Saul vanishes amongst the trees.

Dale hears a loud THUD.

Scared for his life, he SPRINTS in the opposite direction! He weaves in between the trees, avoids some rocks and tree roots, stumbles on some loose dirt, then SLAMS half his body against a tree and FALLS HARD.

ANGLE ON: SAUL

Saul gets up, covered in dirt. Panting, he looks around the forest and sees no one. He thinks he hears something and SPRINTS off! WHAM! He trips on a tree root and SLAMS into the ground.

11/28/06 38

ANGLE ON: DALE

Dale stumbles to his feet while futilely trying to wipe the dirt off his suit.

Saul hears Dale and whips around, breaking a twig - *CRACK*

Dale looks towards the noise, then SPRINTS off.

Saul hears someone and BOLTS in the opposite direction.

Like chickens with their heads cut off, they both scramble through the woods trying to evade their imaginary enemies.

Dale spots his car! He jumps in and SLAMS the door shut. He’s about to turn the ignition, but stops. Panting and wheezing, he sinks into his seat.

BAM! Something slams into the car.

Dale sees Saul BANGING against the passenger side door.

Dale unlocks the car and Saul JUMPS in.

11/28/06 39

DALE * No! We’re not going anywhere! *

SAUL * But there could be something out there! *

DALE * There’s nothing out there, that’s why * we’re here. God, man, you scared the * fucking shit out of me. *

SAUL * Well, I’m not getting out of the car. I’m * staying in the car. *

A moment of silence. They both look around. There is clearly nothing out there. Dale turns on the car. Talk radio comes on.

DALE * Don’t do me any fucking favors. I got my * own. *

SAUL * Thanks to me! *

DALE * Shut up. *

Dale and Saul start rolling separate joints. *

11/28/06 40

Dale slowly wakes up. He stretches, and then shakes Saul.

Saul opens his eyes and realizes where he is.

Saul brings his wrist up close to his eyes.

Saul stares at his watch, confused.

Saul looks outside towards the sun.

11/28/06 41

Dale digs in his pockets for the keys.

Dale notices the keys are in the ignition.

He turns the keys. NOTHING. He tries again. NOTHING.

He tries twice more, but nothing happens.

He tries again.

11/28/06 42

Dale shoots Saul an angry look. *

SAUL * Yeah. With your stupid talk radio. No * surprise, that stuffs, like, made to put * people to sleep. *

Frustrated, Dale tries to gather his thoughts.

Dale opens his door and hops out.

MONTAGE: *

- Dale and Saul walk down a seemingly unused forest road, * each smoking their own joint. *

- Saul points out a giant caterpillar crawling on a leaf. Dale is grossed out. Saul pokes the caterpillar and then blows weed smoke onto it.

- They emerge at the highway and try to hitch a ride.

- Dale notices Saul has his thumb sticking out of his * zipper.

Dale doesn’t laugh. *

11/28/06 43

- Bored and tired, they wait. Saul lights a joint. Dale * notices. Saul shifts his body away from Dale. Just then, * an eighteen wheeler slows for them. Saul snubs out the freshly lit joint and puts it in his pocket.

Dale and Saul get out of the eighteen wheeler.

Saul shuts the door and he and Dale run towards Red’s * house - a small, dilapidated place in a rundown part of * town. Exhausted, Dale and Saul reach Red’s door. Saul * knocks.

Red opens the door. He has a SPLIT LIP and has clearly been CRYING. He tries to act normal. Dale immediately suspects something is up.

11/28/06 44

Red ushers them in and shuts the door.

Red notices their dirty clothes.

Dale notices Red quivering as he lights a cigarette and becomes increasingly suspicious.

Saul finally notices Red’s dishevelled appearance.

11/28/06 45

11/28/06 46

Dale doesn’t seem convinced. Saul picks up Red’s huge * bong and starts to pack a bit of Red’s weed into it. *

RED * Alright, well, wicked. Make yourselves at home. I’m just going to use the ol’ telephone-o. *

Saul sits down and picks up a lighter as Red walks * towards the phone. Dale watches Red, suspicious of his * odd behavior. Red begins to dial...

SMACK! Dale knocks the phone out of Red’s hand.

Saul jumps up. Dale SNATCHES the phone and backs up.

Without warning, Red grabs a LARGE ASHTRAY filled with cigarette butts and WHIPS it at Dale.BAM! It smashes him in the head!!!

11/28/06 47

Ash EXPLODES everywhere as Dale drops the phone and clutches his head.

Red approaches the cowering Dale. Saul intercedes.

Red PUNCHES Saul in the face! Saul SCREAMS and drops to the ground.

Dale snatches the phone and scurries into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Disoriented, Dale scans the small bathroom. Saul and Red can be heard fighting outside.

A loud CRASH is heard from the other room.

SAUL * AAAHHHHHH!!! *

Dale throws the phone in the toilet bowl and smacks down the seat. He runs back to help Saul.

Red is BEATING the shit out of Saul.

11/28/06 48

SAUL * Why, man!?! Why! *

RED * I’M SORRY!!! *

Saul manages to stand up when Red boots him in the BALLS! He SHRIEKS and stumbles backwards. Dale dashes into the room and LEAPS onto Red’s back. Red wobbles forward, then * starts RUNNING BACKWARDS. He trips on his coffee table and CRASHES Dale through it, landing on top of him. Red * gets up, sprints into the bathroom and locks the door. With great effort, Dale and Saul manage to get up.

DALE * He’s going for the phone! Bathroom! *

Frantically searching for the phone, Red flips the toilet seat up and grabs it. He begins to dial as Dale and Saul sprint down the hall.

Just as Red is about to finish dialing, Dale and Saul CRASH into the bathroom door! They knock it completely off it’s hinges, SLAMMING it directly into Red! The phone flies into the bathtub.

Saul jumps into the bathtub and begins STOMPING the phone. Dale continuously SLAMS his body against the door in an attempt to keep Red pinned down.

Red stops struggling and tries to catch his breath. Dale kneels on top of the door, keeping him pinned.

11/28/06 49

In an impressive show of strength, Red shoves the door off him, knocking Dale aside. He runs.

Saul chases Red and TACKLES him into a wall. Dale follows seconds later, and notices Red’s LARGE GLASS BONG. He looks back to see Saul getting pummelled.

SAUL * DALE! HELP! *

Dale grabs the bong and swings around - CRASH!!! It shatters on the back of Red’s head.

Red falls to the ground moaning, blood dripping from his head. Dale and Saul stand over him, out of breath, bruised and battered.

Dale, lost in thought, starts to seriously freak out.

Dale stares at the almost motionless Red.

11/28/06 50

Dale, trying to act tough, grabs Red by the collar.

Red looks to Saul for sympathy.

Dale pulls Saul aside.

SAUL * You were Red. Now you’re no one to me. *

11/28/06 51

Dale raises his fist.

Red cringes as Dale softly “punches” his gut. It doesn’t hurt him.

Dale takes a deep breathe and raises his fist.

Dale grabs a potted plant. *

Dale swings the plant back to strike Red. The pot flies * off the plant and Dale smashes the dirt covered roots of * the plant against Red’s face. *

Dale raises his fist.

11/28/06 52

Dale and Saul exchange very worried looks.

Dale swings the PLANT upwards, prepared to strike Red * again. *

Dale and Saul exchange an even more worried look.

Saul runs off. Dale puts on Saul’s backpack and looks at the battered Red moaning on the floor.

11/28/06 53

Dale pulls Red’s hands behind his back. Saul is picking at the tape.

Saul rips open the DUCT TAPE. He quickly BINDS Red’s * hands and feet. SUDDENLY, there’s a KNOCK at the door. * They stop, silent. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. Red starts * thrashing and trying to scream.

KNOCK! KNOCK! *

DALE * (whispering) * Fuck. Oh, man. *

Frozen in terror, they don’t know what to do. *

RED * (whispering) * Guys, guys...listen to me- *

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! *

11/28/06 54

SAUL * Thanks, Red. *

Red frantically tries to wriggle out of his bonds while * Saul leads Dale out the back door. SUDDENLY, the door is * KICKED open! Budlofsky and Matheson enter, guns drawn. * They see Red. *

RED * Dale Denton! It was Saul and some dude * named Dale Denton! They just ran out the * back! *

Dale and Saul run like hell. Saul spots a dumpster. *

Saul jumps into the dumpster.

Saul hops out of the dumpster and follows Dale.

Budlofsky dashes back into the apartment. *

11/28/06 55

BUDLOFSKY * They’re long gone. *

Matheson stands over top of Red, talking to Ted on the * phone.

MATHESON * Red, you gonna tell us anything helpful? *

MATHESON * You hear that?

MATHESON * Hey. What skin color were these guys?

MATHESON * You hear that, Ted?

Matheson pulls out a gun and shoots Red in the gut. *

RED * (clutching his bleeding gut) * Oh fuck...you shot me, you motherfucker! * Fuckin’ Matheson...fuck you! You’ve eaten * dinner here, man! Tacos! And now I’m * gonna fuckin’ die from this, probably. * Get the fuck out of my house! *

11/28/06 56

TED * Fuck. *

The living room windows are covered by black sheets. Workers are busy scrubbing blood stains off the floor and * walls. The dead Asian man lies on top of bubble-wrap in the corner.

Ted walks into the kitchen where CAROL BRAZIER (female cop from the murder, in full uniform, mid-30s) is playing with her gun.

CAROL * “Going to the casino”? I don’t like that.

Carol holsters her gun.

Inside an Escalade with tinted windows sit two frightening looking Asian men. They have earphones on and an eavesdropping tool aimed at Ted’s house. They hear every word. One of them writes down info in Korean.

11/28/06 57

Dale and Saul are still running and are unbelievably * exhausted. *

SAUL * My Grandma lives here. They wouldn’t go after her, would they? She’s got a different last name. Belogus.

Dale hails a cab.

Dale’s apartment door BURSTS open. Budlofsky and Matheson * enter, guns drawn. They start searching the apartment. * Budlofsky presses a button on the ANSWERING MACHINE. *

ANSWERING MACHINE * (Dale’s voice) * “*cough* It’s Dale. I’m probably at work, * maybe we’ll talk later. *BEEP*” *

Matheson walks to the fridge and yanks off a NOTE. *

MATHESON * Budlofsky! *

Budlofsky looks at the note: *

“ - Memorize Angie’s New Cell: 366-3666 - Go get weed - ” *

11/28/06 58

Dale and Saul get out of the cab in a pleasant * neighborhood. Saul begrudgingly pays the driver. They * walk towards Angie’s house. *

Dale runs up to the front door and frantically knocks. * Angie answers the door. *

Dale dashes in. *

Angie opens the door with a smile, the phone in hand. Her attention is towards the phone conversation she is having. Dale enters her apartment.

ANGIE * It’s Dale! You came. *

Dale freezes in horror: ANGIE’S PARENTS (SHANNON and * ROBERT) are pleasantly eating at the dining room table. *

SHANNON * Hi, Dale. Nice to meet you, sit down and * have some couscous. Can I get you a * drink? *

Robert sees that Dale is DIRTY, DISHEVELLED, BRUISED and * BATTERED. *

11/28/06 59

ROBERT * What the hell happened to you? *

ANGIE * Dale? What happened to you? *

Robert and Shannon exchange worried looks. *

DALE * Nothing, I was in the woods and... * (turns to Angie’s parents) * ...Hi, I’m Dale. Uh...it’s nice to * finally meet you both...I apologize for * my appearance. Robert, Charlotte- *

SHANNON * (not amused) * Shannon. *

DALE * Yes! Shannon. I’ve heard a lot about both * of you. *

Dale walks to Robert and extends his DIRTY, BLOODY HAND. *

Robert smugly declines Dale’s hand shake. *

ANGIE * You were in the woods? *

DALE * (at a loss for words) * Alright, now, here’s what’s happened - * I’ve been thrust into a kind of, * ah...situation. So, uh, if we could all * just start to evacuate... *

Dale starts gathering all their jackets and shoes. *

ANGIE * Is this a joke? *

ROBERT * What is this Angie? *

11/28/06 60

SHANNON * I think it is a joke. *

DALE * (deep breath) * Listen. There are people after us and * they could come here. I’ll tell you * anything you want, just please, let’s go! *

ROBERT * He’s serious? *

DALE * Yes, I’m serious. Super serious! We have * to get the “F” out of here! *

The Anderson’s stare at him dumbfounded. Robert gets up * and stands tall. *

ROBERT * Get the hell out of my house. *

DALE * Okay, Mr. Anderson, look, here’s the deal * - I saw a crooked cop kill a guy while I * was working...this morning. The cop shot * the guy then saw my car drive off, and I * think they might have seen my license * plate and, so, I ditched my car...in the * woods, so... *

They stare at Dale as though he were crazy. *

Saul sees a car nearing. He sees Budlofsky and Matheson * are in it. *

SAUL * No fucking way. *

He runs like hell towards Angie’s. *

Angie and her parents try to make sense of what Dale is * saying. *

11/28/06 61

ROBERT * I’m getting my gun. *

SHANNON * Robert! No! *

ROBERT * We bought it for a reason! *

Robert runs up the stairs to his bedroom. *

Suddenly, Saul bursts through the front door in a * panicked frenzy. *

Angie grabs a fork off the table and stabs it into Saul’s * shoulder. *

11/28/06 62

SHANNON * What did you do, Angie?! *

Saul yanks the fork out and tosses it on the ground. *

SAUL * Ow!! Fuck. Now I’m gonna need a tetanus * shot! They fuckin’ kill. Fuck! *

Then - Robert appears at the top of the stairs with his * gun. He sees Saul bleeding and SCREAMS. BLAM! He fires at * Saul! *

Budlofsky and Matheson are walking towards the front door * when they hear the gunshot and dive behind some bushes. *

BUDLOFSKY * Fuck! What the hell? *

MATHESON * Get out your fucking gun! *

BUDLOFSKY * What the fuck is going on? *

BANG! Blasts through the front door and almost hits them! *

Everyone is in shock. Saul frantically pats himself down * to see if he got hit. *

DALE * Stop! Stop! He’s with me! *

SAUL * Holy fuck! Holy fuck! Holy fuck! Holy * fuck! *

11/28/06 63

ANGIE * Dad, put the gun down! *

SHANNON * Robert, what’s going on? *

ROBERT * Just nobody move, okay? Except Shannon * and Angie. So, you two don’t move! *

SHANNON * Oh my god. *

DALE * Sir, please, he’s my friend, he’s helping * me, he’s- *

SAUL * Stop shooting, man! I’m Dale’s dealer *

Dale looks at the pandemonium as everyone tries to be * heard. *

DALE * Guys! Please! We have to get out of here. * Robert, Angie...Mrs. Anderson- *

SAUL * (whispers to Dale) * It’s Shannon. *

DALE * I know! Look, we have to get out of here. * I’m sure everything is going to be fine * but better safe than...not. *

SHANNON * Is this...for real- *

DALE * Yes. Terribly real. *

Dale and Saul lead Angie and her parents towards the back * door. *

Budlofsky and Matheson are now at the front door. They’ve * each got a gun drawn and are preparing to burst in. * Budlofsky is loading his bullet cartridge. *

11/28/06 64

MATHESON * Ready? *

BUDLOFSKY * No. One sec. *

Budlofsky puts in the last few bullets. *

MATHESON * Hurry the fuck up. *

BUDLOFSKY * Chill out, man. You’re nagging isn’t * helping. *

Budlofsky cocks his gun and nods at Matheson. *

BAM! They kick open the doors and run into her house. No * one is there. Budlofsky cautiously walks over to the * table and touches the food. It’s still warm. Matheson * bends down and picks up a bloody fork. *

MATHESON * Ew! It’s a bloody fork! What are these * people doing? *

Dale, Angie, her parents, and Saul burst into the garage. * Robert is fumbling with the keys. He manages to open the * car. Saul pulls up his shirt to look at the stab wound. *

SAUL * Fuck. Look at that. Fuckin’ mashed * potatoes in my wound. *

ROBERT * Baby! Get in the car quick. Angie, in the * car! *

The Andersons get in the car. *

ANGIE * Dale - get in the car! *

ROBERT * (to Dale) * You stay the fuck away from my family! *

11/28/06 65

ANGIE * Shut up dad! *

DALE * (glances at Robert) * I...I think it would be best if I didn’t * go with you. I don’t want to put you in * any more danger. *

ANGIE * What are you going to do? What should we * do? *

ROBERT * Angie, get in the car! *

DALE * Alright, baby. Here’s the plan - go to * the Holiday Inn downtown and use a fake * name. Something like... * (looks around, focuses on * Robert’s car) * Car...lyle. *

ANGIE * Carlyle? * (beat) * I...I have so many questions. I * just...how can this be happening? * Where...where are you going? *

DALE * I have to stop this. I don’t know how, * but don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe. * (beat) * But still, watch your back. You never * know where they might be, whoever they * are. *

Angie gets in the car. Dale pecks her on the lips. *

Beat. *

ANGIE * Uh...thanks. *

Angie gets in the car. Dale pecks her on the lips. *

11/28/06 66

DALE * Um...you’re welcome. And nice to meet you * guys. *

She shuts her door and the Anderson’s pull out. Dale * watches them depart with great concern. *

They start to sprint.

Ted and Carol are in mid-discussion, and rather distraught at that. Behind them two henchmen take the dead Asian man’s body out the back door.

Ted slams his fist on a table. He ponders.

11/28/06 67

INTERCUT WITH:

Cheung, the leader of the Asians, has a lavish mansion which is covered in ornate decorations and expensive merchandise. It is immaculately clean and organized. Several armed men with earpieces stand in strategic locations throughout the house. Cheung is reading a Korean book alone in his study. The phone rings and he picks it up.

Cheung sits up, shocked to have his opponent calling him. He snaps his fingers and two guards run in. He covers the phone.

He uncovers the receiver.

We stay on Cheung. He hails another guard.

11/28/06 68

He turns to a picture of the Asian Ted killed earlier. *

Dale and Saul are sitting in the branches of a tree. Fast * food wrappers lie scattered. Saul is rolling a joint.

Saul passes it to Dale, who lights it. Dale takes another puff and starts to seriously relax. A smile creeps across his face as he passes the joint to Saul.

Saul takes a puff.

Saul passes the joint to Dale.

11/28/06 69

Saul passes the joint to Dale.

Dale passes Saul the joint. *

Saul rubs the roach out in the dirt.

11/28/06 70

Saul rubs his balls again.

SAUL * Why? They’re gonna get it from somewhere. * I mean, we got it from guys like us. *

DALE * Well, then not kids at that school. *

SAUL * Well, there’s a bunch of private ones * nearby, but they’re into way crazier shit * than weed- *

DALE * I can’t do it, man. I’m not going to a * high school is there anywhere else we * could go? *

11/28/06 71

There are several tarp-houses set up, garbage all over, * and crazy/dangerous homeless people milling about the * park. A deranged looking homeless man walks over to * another one and starts pissing on his leg. They begin * fist fighting. Suddenly, a half eaten hamburger hits Dale * in the face and a bag lady comes up to Saul and starts * poking him. *

SAUL * Hey, stop it. Stop it. You wanna buy some * weed, or, like, what? *

The bag lady runs off. *

DALE * Fuck this place. *

CUT TO: *

At the same high school Angie goes to, Dale and Saul walk * up to four thirteen year old students. (DESMOND, WALT, ACK and BLAKE)

Dale and the four kids all laugh hysterically as Saul * marches around pretending to be Godzilla, blasting weed smoke out of his nose and mouth as though it was fire. Saul passes Ack the joint. He takes a puff and starts coughing.

11/28/06 72

ACK * Fuck that, dude. Angie in 12th grade has, * like, the sweetest tits ever. *

DALE * Hey! *

WALT * What? You know her? *

DALE * Yeah. She’s my girlfriend. *

DESMOND * Whoa. You’re that dude. You lucky fucker. *

11/28/06 73

DALE * (proud) * Yeah. She’s pretty sweet. *

SAUL * And we’re all high, that’s hilarious. *

Blake passes the joint to Dale.

The kids all nod in agreement.

Saul pulls out his impressive bag of weed. The kids GASP.

The kids cheer as Desmond takes two BIG handfuls.

They pay Dale and take their weed. Happy as hell, they run off, stuffing HANDFULS OF WEED into their pockets.

Dale holds the un-lit joint as Saul takes the pot and the money.

11/28/06 74

Saul laughs as he puts on his backpack and walks around the corner. Dale re-lights the remaining roach and * casually smokes. He blows some smoke rings, coughs a bit, stretches; for a few moments, looking completely relaxed, but then-

A COP CAR screeches to a halt right in front of Dale! A female POLICE LIAISON OFFICER (who is not Carol) gets out of the car. Dale freezes in horror.

She walks towards Dale. He seems prepared to run, but she places her hand on a can of pepper spray.

She cuffs Dale’s hands behind him!

Police Liaison takes the large joint out of Dale’s hand.

11/28/06 75

She throws it on the ground and smears it around with her foot.

She pats him down, finding only his wallet. The Police Liaison sees he only has nine dollars. She pulls out his DRIVER’S LICENSE.

She walks towards her car as Dale sits on the ground.

ANGLE ON: Saul

Saul merrily turns into the alley holding TWO RED SLURPEES, when he jumps back in terror! He sees the cop * car up the alley. He ducks back behind the corner.

ANGLE ON: Dale and the Police Liaison

She looks at her car computer. The screen reads:

DALE DENTON: OUTSTANDING WARRANT - DOUBLE HIT AND RUN.

She looks back at Dale and types into her computer.

We see Carol (who is in fact Ted’s evil accomplice) speeding down the road. Her police computer beeps. She looks at the screen.

11/28/06 76

The Police Liaison stuffs Dale in the back of her squad car.

A look of crippling horror comes across Dale’s face as she throws him in the back seat and slams his door shut.

ANGLE ON: Saul

He peaks down the alley and sees Dale in the back of the car and the FEMALE Police Liaison getting in the front.

The car slowly makes a three point turn.

The Police Liaison ignores Dale.

11/28/06 77

The Police Liaison ponders as she finishes her three point turn and drives toward the exit of the alley.

Saul peeks out and sees the approaching cop car. He looks at the two red slurpees and thinks, then suddenly jumps out and THROWS himself onto the hood of the cop car!

The Police Liaison and Dale see a body SLAM against the car and RED LIQUID SPLATTER everywhere, covering the windshield. They SCREAM.

WHAM! In the impact, we clearly see Saul’s BALLS getting ROCKED on the car! The Police Liaison slams on the brakes, causing Dale to SMASH into the metal cage.

She puts the car in park. As the Police Liaison gets out of her car, Saul can be seen crawling around the back of the vehicle, clutching his testicles. The frightened Police Liaison looks at the windshield.

She notices the two slurpee cups on the ground and quickly turns around. She sees Saul jumping into the drivers seat.

Saul sees a SHOTGUN beside the passenger seat. The Police Liaison reaches for her GUN!

11/28/06 78

Saul slams the car into reverse! He speeds backwards up the alley as the Police Liaison runs after them - GUN DRAWN!

Suddenly, Carol (the cop from Ted’s house) whips her COP CAR into the alley! WHAM!!! It smashes into the rear of their car! Dale turns around and establishes eye contact with the stunned Carol.

Saul slams down the gas! Through the slurpee covered window Saul sees the Police Liaison rushing towards them.

The Police Liaison raises her gun.

SAUL (CONT’D) DALE

NOOOO!!! AAAAH!!!

BLAM! She fires and the bullet punches through the * windshield! The Police Liaison dives to the side as they * zoom past her! They burst out of the alley. A moment later, Carol follows, in hot pursuit.

The car weaves through traffic.

11/28/06 79

Saul mindlessly starts grasping at switches in the car. He finally turns on the wipers, which wipe away the slurpee and reveal that the window is so badly cracked he still can’t see through it. Carol’s car emerges right * behind them.

Saul, with great effort, keeps one foot on the pedals and, with all his might, kicks his other leg through the front window. His leg PUNCHES straight through the glass, but he can’t pull it back in!

Suddenly, their car gets jerked to the side.

Carol is ramming them from behind.

Saul yanks at his leg and manages to wriggle it out of the hole. He begins to accelerate and realizes he can see where he’s going through the hole.

Saul bumps over the curb and cuts through a LARGE PARK. Carol is right behind them.

11/28/06 80

Saul thinks hard, then buckles his seat belt.

Dale does what little he can to brace himself. Saul SLAMS on the breaks. Carol sees Saul screeching to a halt and * slams on her breaks. She grunts and whips out her GUN. * Both cars come to a full stop beside one another. *

She opens fire - BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! - Bullets rip through the stolen cruiser. Shattered glass flies everywhere. Dale and Saul desperately duck for cover.

Saul hits the gas and the bullet riddled car takes off. Carol follows.

Saul pops back up and begins steering again.

The car bumps back on to a main road. Carol follows, sirens blaring.

Saul’s hand flails around, grasping everything. He feels the SHOTGUN and accidentally pulls the trigger-

BOOM! The blast blows through the roof of the car and hits an overhead TRAFFIC LIGHT - shredding it to pieces!

SAUL DALE

JESUS!!! SHIT!

Carol flies into the intersection on a collision course with Saul and Dale.

CRUNCH! A car smashes into the side of the Carol’s cruiser.

As Dale and Saul speed off, Carol emerges from the smoking wreckage, a look of hate in her eyes.

11/28/06 81

The stolen cruiser screeches to a halt and Saul hops out.

He starts running up the block at top speed.

Dale, still handcuffed in the back of the cruiser, starts thrashing and screaming.

Dale continues to scream as Saul obliviously bolts to the end of the block and just keeps going.

Dale sits in the car, helpless. He has a look of utter disbelief on his face. After a moment of silence he starts wildly kicking the door window. He soon gives up.

Just then, Dale notices Saul, over a block away, running back towards the stolen car. Saul soon arrives, completely out of breath, and opens the door.

Dale flops out of the car and onto the grass. Saul tries to help him to his feet, but Dale pulls away.

Dale wiggles to his feet runs for it. Saul follows.

Dale and Saul enter the hardware store, walking very * close together so that no one sees Dale is handcuffed. * They receive a few odd looks as they search and locate * what they are looking for: saws. Saul quickly finds a * sturdy looking hack-saw. *

11/28/06 82

SAUL * Okay, only one way to do this, hard and * fast. Bend over. *

Dale gets on his knees and bends over, pressing his face * up against the wall. Saul begins to manically hack away * at the cuffs. *

DALE * Ow! Ow! Hurry! *

SAUL * I am! *

Suddenly, Saul sees a store clerk coming and shoves the * saw underneath Dale’s suit jacket. *

DALE * Which saw do you like most? *

SAUL * The brown ones nice, but the metallic * ones seems more... *

They watch the clerk walk off and immediately return to * sawing the handcuffs. *

CUT TO: *

Dale stretches his arms. The handcuffs are still on his * hands, but no longer attached. *

DALE * (relieved) Okay, I’m going to go call Angie. Be * right back.

Dale is on the phone. *

INTERCUT WITH:

11/28/06 83

Angie is watching TV alone in a hotel room. The phone rings and she picks it up.

DALE * Angie, no! No! Don’t you get it? I was * thrown into this situation, I had no * control, but I am dealing with it. This * kind of thing happens, you know- *

ANGIE * NO! IT DOESN”T! * (beat) * You’re immature, Dale! I’m six years * younger and I’m saying this! And the fact * that you think you’re some kind of fucking genius just makes it a hundred times more infuriating! *

11/28/06 84

ANGIE * You’re not how you think you are Dale, and it’s pathetic. Call me when I can go * home. *

Angie hangs up. *

As Dale walks out of his phone booth, we see that Saul is * on the phone in the next booth and is also smoking from a * pipe. *

SAUL * Alrghit, I’ll see you soon. And I’m sorry * again about the clocks. * (beat) * Ha! What a douche bag. * (beat) * Yeah, love you too. *

Saul hangs up and exits the phone booth. *

11/28/06 85

Saul lights his bowl. *

Dale points at Saul’s bowl. *

DALE * Grow up, you fucking two year old. *

SAUL * See! This is why you’re a douche bag, * Denton. Because you think you’re better * than others, but you’re just a dumb * pothead burnout, same as me. *

11/28/06 86

DALE * Maybe I am a pothead burnout, but at * least I’m not the dumbest most annoying * guy in the world. The only reason I ever * bought weed from you was because you’re * shit is so good, not because you’re cool. *

SAUL * But you said you bought when you already * had a few times, just to hang out? *

DALE * Bullshit! I just like...liked having lots * of different kinds of weed at once. *

Saul takes out his wad of cash and throws half of it at Dale.

SAUL * Here. Buy yourself a good last meal.

He throws fifty more cents at the shocked Dale. *

Saul walks off. *

DALE * Saul! I’m sorry, man! I didn’t mean all * that! Saul! *

A sad Dale starts picking up the money. *

Carol, who is a little bruised up from the car crash, sits with Ted. They are both furious.

Carol checks her watch.

11/28/06 87

MUSIC UP: THE END by THE DOORS

- Saul gets on a bus and sits down, sad and deject. *

- Dale sits against the phone booth, crying like a baby. * He buries his hands in his pocket and pulls out his baggy * of weed. He hurls it away. He gets up to retrieve it. *

- Saul is in a really shitty fast food restaurant, nearly * crying as he eats his burger and fries. *

- Dale stares at a joint in his hands, thinks for a * moment, and then, crying profusely, lights it and starts smoking.

A solitary tear rolls down his cheek and drips directly onto the tip of the joint, putting it out. Dale hears the sizzle and looks at the joint. He continues crying. He * puts the joint down, beside three large roaches. *

- Walking down the street, Saul sees the Point Grey * Retirement Home. *

- Dale feverishly looks through the phone book. He finds * what he’s looking for: Belogus. *

- Saul, hiding behind a bush across the street, surveys * the retirement home. Seeing the coast is clear, he walks towards the entrance. As Saul enters the building, * Budlofksy and Matheson pull up. *

Saul casually walks into the lobby. The elderly residents of the retirement home are milling around the massive common room.

Saul turns and sees an ELDERLY WOMAN.

Saul peers over her shoulder and sees Budlofsky and * Matheson walk in! *

11/28/06 88

Saul runs for it, and they chase after him. He maneuvers * through the elderly like a pylon course, the thugs right * on his ass. He bursts into another room. *

He tears through the room, filled with old people eating. * Budlofsky and Matheson pursue him. *

As Saul runs through the hall, Budlofksy and Matheson * appear. *

MATHESON * Eat it! *

Matheson whip out his gun and fires - BLAM! The bullet * whizzes past Saul and two elderly men, who don’t even * flinch, and then shatters a distant window. Saul turns * the corner and- *

BAM! He slams into someone, sending the person crashing * to the ground. *

INJURED PERSON * OW! Shit...ow, ow, ow! *

Saul looks, terrified he’s hurt an old person, but sees * it is a young male nurse. He runs for it and sees an open * door with chatter coming from inside. He runs into- *

A dead end! Several startled OLD WOMEN look up from their Majong. One of them instantly recognizes Saul-

The Budlofsky and Matheson bursts into the room. Saul * looks around, sees a teapot and grabs it. He hurls it at * Matheson and nails him in the face. The tea pot shatters * and hot water pours all over his face and hand. *

11/28/06 89

MATHESON * AHH!!! FUCK!!! *

Budlofsky GRABS Saul and knees him in the balls. *

SAUL * (wheezing) * NOOO!!!

BUDLOFSKY * Yeah! *

Budlofsky punches Saul in the face. *

CUT TO BLACK *

Dale hustles towards the entrance of the building when he * sees several police cars parked outside, their lights * flashing. *

He sees a bunch of old people gathered on the front lawn. * Doing his best to avoid the cops, he joins the cluster of * elderly. *

OLD WOMAN * Oh, god this is terrible. Poor Faye. * Poor, poor Faye. *

DALE * Hey, uh, what’s going on here? *

OLD MAN * It just happened. *

DALE * What did? *

OLD WOMAN * Faye Belogus’ grandson was kidnapped from * right inside the building. We all saw it. * They fought in the majong room and hurt * the new nurse, Stefan. *

Dale is terrified. *

DALE * Uh...thanks. *

OLD MAN * If I was there, I would’ve kicked an ass. *

11/28/06 90

Dale looks, circle of people comforting a crying old * woman, clearly Faye Belogus. He walks over. *

DALE * Mrs. Belogus. I wouldn’t worry, Saul’s * going to be fine. *

Dale walks off, determined. *

Saul wakes up but can’t see anything. From his POV we see * tape get ripped off his eyes and mouth. *

SAUL * ARRGGGHHH!!! *

Saul sees a BUDLOFSKY wielding a knife. He struggles and * realizes that his arms and legs are bound. Saul closes * his eyes, assuming he’s about to die.

BUDLOFSKY cuts the tape away from Saul’s legs. *

BUDLOFSKY * Get up.

Saul gets up and hops out of the car. He looks around and * see that he is in a LARGE BARN. Saul notices SIX THUGS * talking as they move bricks of weed and cocaine into a * van. *

Matheson appears and looks at Saul with smoldering * hatred. Saul sees that his face and neck were burnt from * the tea and the broken shards of pot cut his cheek. *

SAUL * Oh fuck. That looks painful. *

Matheson walks over, lowers to one knee, and punches him * straight in the balls. *

Matheson whips out his gun and shoves it in Saul’s mouth. * Budlofsky taps Matheson on the shoulder. *

11/28/06 91

BUDLOFSKY * Don’t. Ted wants him. *

MATHESON * Fine. *

Matheson looks at the wheezing Saul, curled over by his * feet, and punches him in the back of the head. *

Matheson pokes Saul in the back with his gun, ushering * him towards the corner of the barn. They come to an old * TRAP DOOR. Matheson opens the hatch and they descend. *

Saul is led along a narrow tunnel. As they reach the end, * Saul’s eyes go wide. He enters the same massive metal * room that the government used in the 30s (at the * beginning of the movie)...only now it is rather worn down, and filled with HUNDREDS OF HUGE MARIJUANA PLANTS.

SAUL * (breath-taken) El Dorado.

Matheson urges Saul through the dense forest of weed, * passing several of Ted’s thugs, the hum of the giant grow * lights filling the air. *

MATHESON * Shut the fuck up and keep moving. *

As Matheson ushers Saul through the foliage, Saul notices * a strange suit that resembles an old fashioned scuba * diving uniform (the one from the 1930s intro) hanging on * a wall. *

SAUL * What the hell is that? *

They arrive at a door. Matheson opens it and shoves Saul * in, causing him to almost trip. *

It is the same room Private Miller was in. Matheson shuts * the door. *

11/28/06 92

BAM! Dale kicks open Red’s door and dashes into Red’s, * ready for anything. *

DALE * Hello? Anyone here? Red? *

Dale starts looking around. He hears music and then sees * he’s stepping in a pool of blood. *

Dale follows the music into the bathroom. *

Dale enters and is shocked to see Red lying on the floor, * clenching his bloody gut with one hand and a joint and * beer in the other. The music is coming from a small boom * box. *

RED * (a little out of it) * What? Who the fuck! *

Red turns toward Dale and picks up a kitchen knife with * his bloody hand. *

DALE * (utterly shocked) * I...what? I’m not here to fight, man, I- *

RED * Good, man. I’m fuckin’ tired. *

Red drops the knife and then takes a puff of his joint * and a sip of his beer. *

11/28/06 93

DALE * Go to the hospital, man! Are you crazy. * You don’t have to die. *

RED * Yes I do! What? I go to the hospital, I’m * gonna end up in But that doesn’t matter * ‘cause once Ted finds out, which he will, * I’m dead wherever I am. I’m fucked * through and through. Now if you’d be * willing to give a dying man his wish, * could ya run on into the other room and * pop in disc two of Tu Pacs “All Eyez On * Me”. I want to listen to it while I die. *

DALE * You don’t have to die. *

RED * Will you stop saying that, I’ve excepted * it, man. I’m at peace. *cough* *

Red takes a hit and coughs. It clearly brings terrible * pain to his bullet wound. *

DALE * Red, I need you to tell me where Ted’s * base is. He took Saul, and I can’t bail * on him. I’m going to get him back. *

Red stares intensely at Dale. *

RED * Fuckin eh, amigo. *

Red heroic-ish-ly rises from the floor. He hobbles over * to the hall and opens a cabinet on the wall. Dale looks * in and sees several hand guns inside. *

Dale and Red are in Red’s car, a FORD FIESTA, driving * through the countryside. Dale stops the car 100 yards * from the barn. *

11/28/06 94

RED * This is awesome! We’re so gonna show * those motherfuckers. Think they can kill * me? Fuck no, you can’t! Not how I roll. *

Red gets out and walks to the drivers side. Dale gets * out, gun in hand. Red gets in the drivers seat. *

DALE * What are you doing? *

RED * So, this is the backside of the farm. If * you stay low in the grass you should be * fine. If someone is shooting at you with * an automatic weapon, zig zag. It makes * you harder to hit. *

DALE * You’re not coming to help? *

RED * Fuck no! I’ve been shot. By these guys. I * was in shock before, but the air on the * drive cleared my mind, I should get to * the hospital. You saw Reservoir Dogs, * right? I got shot in the best spot * possible. I could have a long and * fruitful life ahead of me. Full of * possibilities. Go get ‘em, slugger. *

DALE * But how do I get out of here if I rescue * Saul? *

RED * I’ve no idea. I’m sure it won’t be that * hard. Kill some dude and take his car, or * just take it or whatever. Good luck, * amigo! *

Red drives off. Dale takes a deep breath, clenches his * gun, and starts cautiously moving towards the barn. He * checks to make sure his safety is off and he’s ready to * fight. Dale sneaks up on the building and pears in * between two boards. He sees Budlofsky supervising as the * thugs load the van. *

11/28/06 95

Budlofsky is about to light a cigarette, when SUDDENLY * Dale does a jumping role into the burn and then quickly * scampers to his feet and puts a gun to THUG 1’s head. *

DALE * I’ll blow his fuckin’ brains out if you * don’t- *

BLAM! Budlofsky shoots Thug 1 in the chest. *

Dale drops his gun and puts his hands up. *

THUG 2 * What the fuck was that, Budlofsky? *

BUDLOFSKY * Haven’t you seen “Speed”? “Shoot the * hostage”. *

THUG 2 * In the leg, you fucking moron! *

Budlofsky points his gun at Thug 2. *

BUDLOFSKY * Still worked. *

Two of the thugs grab Dale and punch him several times. *

The thugs start bringing Dale towards the hatch. Suddenly * one of them motions for the other to stop, feeling * something on Dale’s back. *

THUG 3 * I think he’s got a gun. *

BUDLOFSKY * What? *

Thug 3 lifts up Dale’s shirt, revealing that he has taped * a gun to his back. *

11/28/06 96

DALE * I had to try. *

The thugs bring him down the trap door. *

Saul is sitting against the wall with his hands bound and * a look of complete defeat. Suddenly, the door opens and * Dale is tossed in by Budlofsky. *

DALE * Good. ‘Cause I will. *

11/28/06 97

Suddenly, they both hear someone coming. The door opens. Matheson pokes his head, and gun, in. *

MATHESON * We can hear you out there, and it’s annoying. Shut the fuck up.

He looks Dale and Saul up and down, then shuts the door. Dale sits down and thinks, but is disturbed by his belt buckle, which is digging into his gut.

DALE * (whispering) Perfect! Now rub your wrists against my belt! My belt buckle’ll cut the tape. Do it! This is it!

Saul is hesitant, but awkwardly gets in position anyway.

In an unavoidably sexual-looking motion, Saul begins to gyrate against Dale’s belt buckle.

The barn door slides open. Ted and Carol walk in.

11/28/06 98

BUDLOFSKY * Got them downstairs.

BUDLOFSKY * We found Saul at his grandmother’s and * Dale Denton busted in here like a madman, * armed to the teeth, and- *

Budlofsky looks over at the man he shot. *

Five Asian men lay on their stomachs in the tree line * dressed in black and armed with machine guns. One of them * stares through a pair of night-vision binoculars while * utilizing a listening device. We see his view of Ted and * hear what he hears. *

TED * Well, we’ll torture these two bastards * and find out everything they know. What * about the shipment? Ready to move out? *

BUDLOFSKY * We’ll be good to in 10 minutes or so. *

The Asian leader nods and does some hand signals to his * men. The acknowledge they understand. He holds up a * flashlight and flashes three times. From the opposing * side of the barn two other flashlights blink back. They * all get up and start to slowly move towards the barn. *

11/28/06 99

Dale and Saul are still “humping” away.

Dale drops to his knees and starts gnawing at the tape on Saul’s hands. Suddenly, they hear approaching footsteps.

Dale stands up just as Matheson walks in, gun drawn. Dale * looks at Saul and notices that he’s managed to free his hands.

Dale COUGHS TWICE. Saul shoots him a worried look and shakes his head. Matheson notices. Saul COUGHS TWICE. * Dale shoots him a confused look. Saul motions at him and COUGHS TWICE MORE.

MATHESON * Hey man, whatever you’re doing, I get it, okay? So just stop it, alright? Just cut it-

DALE CHARGES DIRECTLY AT MATHESON!!! *

BLAM! Matheson shoots at Dale’s head! Dale falls to the * ground, specks of blood hitting Saul as he dives forwards, TACKLING Matheson into the wall! *

The Matheson’s gun slides across the room, hitting Dale’s * motionless body. Saul scrambles for the gun and grabs it. Matheson gets to his feet. Saul turns and- *

BLAM! He shoots Matheson in the gut. *

11/28/06 100

Matheson writhes in pain. *

MATHESON * AAAHHHHH!!! ARGH!!! YOU SHOT ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN SHOT! HELP! HELP! AAAAAHHHHH!!!

Saul turns to see Dale lying face down.

Ted and Carol talk as Budlofsky and the thugs silently * stands by. Ted is holding a large hunting knife. *

SUDDENLY, there is an EXPLOSION and a hole is blown in * the barn wall. Budlofsky is blasted back and badly torn * up. *

BUDLOFSKY * Arg... *

Asian assassins start pouring into the barn. One of them * sees the wounded Budlofsky and blasts him away with a * machine gun. *

TED * BUDLOFSKY!!! *

ASIAN ASSASSIN 1 * (subtitled in Korean) WAR IS UPON YOU!!! *

RATA-TAT-TAT!!! Everyone opens fire! *

Matheson moans and groans behind Saul, who is staring at * Dale’s motionless body. Horrified, he flips Dale over...

He’s alive! The top of his left ear has been blown off! *

11/28/06 101

Saul analyzes Dale’s wound.

Behind Saul, Matheson tries to stand up, but immediately * falls back down.

Saul helps Dale stand up, freeing his hands. Dale feels his ear.

Dale turns to the injured Matheson. *

MATHESON * (to Saul) You shot me.. *

Dale notices Saul is holding a gun.

Dale turns to Matheson, who has stopped moving. *

11/28/06 102

They walk out the door and cautiously enter the forest of weed.

The Asians riddle the barn with bullets as they scream at * Ted and his men in Korean. The remaining thugs scamper * about, returning fire to the Asians. Ted and Carol hide * behind a vehicle. *

Ted nods. *

Carol and Ted pop up and unload their guns, hitting * several of their assailants. They watch in horror as * several more creep in through the hole the Escalade made. *

Ted nods as Carol steps out from behind her cover and * nails several assassins. *

RAT-A-TAT-TAT!!! Carol is shot several times in the * chest! She lurches backwards, but does not fall. Her * bullet proof vest has taken the bullets. *

Carol continues firing and kills another attacker as Ted * runs for the trap door. *

Dale and Saul slowly make their way through the dense marijuana foliage.

11/28/06 103

Saul suddenly GRABS Dale and pulls him down.

DALE * Were they armed? *

SAUL * (whispering) * I don’t think so. *

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Dale and Saul both scramble along a row * of weed planets as bullets ricochet all around them. They * continue running and then stop. *

DALE * I can’t hear them. *

Saul spots an air vent in the middle of the room. *

BLAM! BLAM! They are being shot at again. *

DALE * Shoot back! *

SAUL * Really? *

DALE * YES! *

Saul hesitantly takes aim and pulls the trigger. BLAM! * BLAM! BLAM! *

11/28/06 104

They run and turn several corners when Saul suddenly * trips over a dead thug. *

SAUL DALE **

AH!!! WHOA!!! ***

Dale picks up the thug’s machine gun. Suddenly, a thug * appears behind Saul. *

THUG 7 * Lance? Holy fuck! You sons-of- *

Dale shoots right over Saul’s shoulder and nails the thug * several times. *

DALE * Holy shit. I killed him. *

SAUL * About time you killed somebody. You’re * the one whose supposed to be saving me, * and I‘ve killed two bad guys already. *

Saul looks to the vent in the middle of the room. Dale * looks at the pipe, sizes up Saul and himself, and takes a * deep breath. *

DALE * You’ll never be able to pull me up, but * I’ll boost you up there and you just * fucking run for it, man. *

SAUL * What? No fucking way, Dale. What about * you? *

Dale cocks his gun. *

DALE * Don’t worry about me. *

SAUL * Whoa. That was awesome. *

Saul tucks the gun in his belt and awkwardly climbs atop * Dale’s shoulders and tears the vent off. *

11/28/06 105

Saul lifts himself in. SUDDENLY, Dale sees Ted enter the * room and immediately go for his gun. *

DALE * Hold on!

Dale walks out from under Saul, raises his gun, and * unloads - RATA-TAT-TAT!!! Ted ducks as the plants around * him are torn asunder. Dale runs out of ammo. *

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Ted shoots at Saul, who narrowly avoids * the gunfire as he pulls himself into the vent. Ted * redirects his attention to Dale, who is running through the bushes. Ted blasts off a few shots before Dale vanishes into the foliage.

Saul wiggles his way through the vent. He turns a corner and-

There is a skeleton wedged in the vent. A grate leading out is directly above the corpse. Saul squeamishly crawls over the skeleton.

He spots dog tags around it’s neck as he crawls by. They read: Private Greg B. Miller.

Thirty feet from the barn there is an air vent sticking out of the ground. The top flies off and Saul emerges. He flops onto the ground, then immediately scampers to his and pulls out his gun. Saul looks to the open road to freedom, then back at the barn.

11/28/06 106

Dale frantically runs through the rows of plants, when * SUDDENLY he sees the strange scuba suit out of the corner * of his eye and swings his gun at it, nearly opening fire. *

DALE * (whispering) * Oh god. *

Dale slows down to catch his breath, staring at the * strange scuba suit. Then, he gets an idea. *

ANGLE ON: Ted, quietly walking through the room *

Ted raises his gun as he spins around a corner. *

TED * Where are you, you son-of-a-bitch? *

Ted turns another corner and sees the strange scuba suit. * He starts to walk past it, when he stops himself. He * creeps back and looks at it, suspicious. He walks closer, * breathing as quietly as he can, his gun clenched tightly. * He slowly reaches his hand out to lift the face-hatch. He * gently takes hold of the latch and is about to open it, * when- *

Dale jumps out from behind him and swings a FIRE * EXTINGUISHER at Ted’s face - SLAM!!! Ted drops his gun as * he falls to the floor. *

DALE * Ha! *

Ted leaps upwards and uppercuts Dale hard!!! *

Saul inches towards the barn, hearing a melee of gunfire * and screams as he nears it. He cautiously peers in and * watches as Carol shoots an assassin in the chest then * spins around and shoots at another assassin who * desperately runs with a METAL BRIEFCASE handcuffed to his * wrist. Carol hits him several times; he lurches over and * falls through the trap door. She smiles and drops her empty gun. *

Saul watches Carol as she heads towards the trap door. He takes a deep breath and CHARGES into the barn, unleashing * a barrage of bullets at her! BLAM BLAM BLAM! CLICK.

11/28/06 107

CLICK. CLICK. None of the bullets hit her. She turns and sees Saul, who drops his empty gun.

SAUL * Fuck tha po-lice.

They both SCREAM in rage and CHARGE, fists flying as they collide. Carol whips Saul around by his collar and hurls * him to the ground. She runs up and kicks him in the gut, * time and time again. *

CAROL * I’m a fucking cop, you moron. *

SAUL * AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!!! *

Saul leaps to his feet and PUNCHES Carol in the face. He * PUNCHES her again. She reaches for her mace, so Saul * kicks her in the groin and grabs it for himself, then * sprays her in the face. *

SLAM! He punches her in the face. *

Ted and Dale are squared off. Both are bloody lipped and * bruised. Dale continuously shucks and jives on the spot * as they talk. *

DALE * You can’t fucking take me. I’m young. * Virile. Prime of my life. You’re old. Old * and dying. *

TED * I don’t know who you are, Denton, or why * you’re trying to ruin my life, but you’re * fuckin’ dead! *

Ted rips off his shirt, revealing dozens of fearsome * tattoos and scars. Dale quickly picks a grow light up off * the ground. Ted does the same. The humming of the grow * lights is heard as the two men walk in a circle, squared * off. *

TED (CONT’D) DALE **

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! ***

They both swing and their grow lights collide, sending * shards of glass everywhere. *

11/28/06 108

Both receive several small cuts. The immediately charge * at each other and are soon grappling on the ground. *

Carol writhes on the ground as Saul runs towards her with * a plank of wood. SMASH! He shatters it over her head. * Carol drops, unconscious. *

Saul drops to his knees, exhausted. *

SAUL * Crazy *huff* *huff*, psycho bitch... *

Saul turns around to see Matheson clutching his bleeding * gut with one hand and a loaded gun with the other. *

CRASH!!! Red’s car SMASHES through the side of the barn * and SLAMS into Matheson, PULVERIZING him!!! *

It lurches to a stop directly ON TOP OF THE HATCH leading * underground. Red steps out of the car. *

RED * (to Matheson’s corpse) * You just got killed by a Ford Fiesta * motherfucker!!! How you like me now!?! *

SAUL * R...Red? *

RED * Saul! ‘sup! Dude, me and that Dale guy * are rescuing you. And getting revenge on * those whose shot us in the gut. *

BLAM! Red gets shot in the gut and drops! *

SAUL * RED!!! *

Saul spins around to see Carol standing behind him, a * machine gun aimed. *

11/28/06 109

CAROL * Oh yeah! *

Ted and Dale grapple violently on the ground. His gut * jiggles as he lunges forwards, punching Dale in the throat! Dale falls to his knees, gasping for air. Ted kicks him in the head and picks up his GUN.

ANGLE ON: AN ASIAN ASSASSIN *

Barely alive, the Asian Assassin with the briefcase drags * himself down the corridor and enters the grow room. He * opens the briefcase and we see that it is a bomb. The * assassin inserts a key. *

Ted stands over Dale, aims the gun to his head, and-

KA-BOOM!!! THE BRIEFCASE EXPLODES!!!. Flames sweep over * the room as Dale rolls for cover. Ted gets blasted back.

Saul tries to be brave as Carol takes final aim. *

CAROL * Now prepare to eat shit and die- *

KABOOM!!! The explosion BURSTS UP from the hatch with * incredible force. Saul and Carol get blown back as Red’s * Ford Fiesta is sent flying up in the air. The flaming car * lands DIRECTLY on Carol and explodes. The entire barn is * now engulfed in flames. *

The air thick with weed smoke, Dale slowly rises to his feet. He sees Ted slumped against the wall, dead, partially aflame. Dale walks over to Ted’s body and takes * the gun out of his hand. *

He pulls a small BLUE ENVELOPE out of his pocket and drops it on Ted.

11/28/06 110

Dale turns to see the exit blocked by a wall of fire. The * air is thick with smoke and he can barely breath. Dale * looks around desperately. He spots the FIRE EXTINGUISHER. * He looks at the flames. He takes a deep breath, picks up * the fire extinguisher, hurls it with all his might at the * fire, and then quickly whips out his gun and shoots at * it! *

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! He hits the extinguisher and it * explodes, blasting out the fire in the hallway towards * the barn. Dale runs like hell. *

As he bolts down the hallway, the flames rush back in and * chase after him. *

The barn starts to buckle, when Dale suddenly leaps out * of the trap door, flames licking his heels. Coughing profusely, Dale stands in the barn, then realizes his * pants are on fire. *

DALE * Holy fuck! Holy fuck! Aaaahhhh!!! *

Dale wriggles out of his pants and kicks them away. *

He starts to walk out of the barn when he suddenly trips * over someone. *

He grabs one of the unconscious Saul’s feet and starts to * drag him out of the barn. Just a they exit, the barn * COLLAPSES in on itself, crumbling into a massive heap of * burning wood. Dale pulls Saul onto the grass. Saul starts coughing.

11/28/06 111

SAUL * So we’re, like, in a drug war. That’s * cool. *

DALE * What’s cool is that you came back for me * man. You did, right? You weren’t just * captured again, were you? *

SAUL * Hell no! I was scott-free. But how the * hell was I going to leave you there after * you came to save me? Fuck that. *

They take a few deep breathes and each cough a bunch. Suddenly, they see something moving in the rubble. RED * emerges, lightly crisped with his clothes on fire. He * roles around in the dirt trying to put himself out. *

RED * Motherfuckers. Motherfuckers. Light me on * fire? Kill my Fiesta? Fuckers. *

DALE * Red? You okay? *

Red pats out the flames and stands up, all charred and * covered in dirt. *

RED * Fuck yeah, I’m fine. I’m Red. You’re * makin’ me feel like a broken record. Now * can we get the fuck out of this shit * hole. *

They all stand up. Red puts his arms around Dale and Saul * for support. They start to hobble towards the forest. *

11/28/06 112

SAUL * What should we do now? Can we go home? *

RED * Oh my god, they blew your ear off, man! * Fuck that’s gross. Can you dudes switch * sides? I don’t want to look at it. *

RED * You do have a good talk radio voice. I * love that shit, too. I...wait, say * something again? *

11/28/06 113

DALE * What? Why? *

RED * You’re that dude whose always calling * KSTAR about havin’ two garbage days. I * totally agree with you, man. I work out * of my house, and it’s, like, one of my * main concerns, garbage pile up. *

DALE * Saul, what’re you going to do? *

SAUL * Work at a bong shop. *

RED * I’m still selling weed. Fuck you guys. *

They walk together in silence, delighted at their new prospects. After a brief moment, Saul suddenly seems afraid. He starts nervously looking back towards the barn.

Dale motions at his wounded ear.

RED * What the fuck are you guys talkin’ about? * I don’t hear shit. *

Dale starts getting nervous, but tries to hide it.

Dale suddenly looks over his shoulder, but sees nothing.

11/28/06 114

Saul grabs Dale.

They freeze. *

RED * (whispering) * Are you guys fuckin’ with me? *

SAUL RED *

(whispering) (whispering) *

Sshh! Sshh! *

RED * (whispering) * Oh fuck. I’m freakin’ out. *

Dale listens intently.

They stand in silence.

RED * Fuck this noise! *

11/28/06 115

Red pushes himself off Dale and Saul and run into the * darkness. *

DALE * I’m following him. *

With the barn’s flaming remains the only light in sight, * Dale and Saul run off into the endless, dark country side. And as enchanting music fills the air, we humbly...