"NOTTING HILL" (1999)

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STATS97pages126scenes26,504words58%dialogue37characters

Words

  • dialogue15,46258%
  • action9,90437%
  • other1,1384.3%

Scenes

location
  • INT 88
  • EXT 34
  • INT/EXT 4
time
  • DAY 72
  • NIGHT 43
  • UNKNOWN 11
1

EXT.EXT. STREET - DAYSTREET - DAY

source 2

MixMix through to William, 35, relaxed, pleasant, informal.through to William, 35, relaxed, pleasant, informal. WeWe follow him as he walks down Portobello Road, carrying afollow him as he walks down Portobello Road, carrying a loadload of bread.of bread. It is spring.It is spring.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
Of course, I've seen her films andOf course, I've seen her films and always thought she was, well,always thought she was, well, fabulous -- but, you know, millionfabulous -- but, you know, million miles from the world I live in.miles from the world I live in. Which is here -- Notting Hill -- notWhich is here -- Notting Hill -- not a bad place to be...a bad place to be...
2

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 3

It's a full fruit market day.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
There's the market on weekdays,There's the market on weekdays, selling every fruit and vegetableselling every fruit and vegetable known to man...known to man...
3

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 4

AA man in denims exits the tattoo studio.man in denims exits the tattoo studio.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
The tattoo parlor -- with a guyThe tattoo parlor -- with a guy outside who got drunk and now can'toutside who got drunk and now can't remember why he chose 'I Love Ken'...remember why he chose 'I Love Ken'...
4

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 5
WILLIAM (V.O.)
The racial hair-dressers whereThe racial hair-dressers where everyone comes out looking like theeveryone comes out looking like the Cookie Monster, whether they like itCookie Monster, whether they like it or not...or not...

Sure enough, a girl exits with a huge threaded blueSure enough, a girl exits with a huge threaded blue bouffant.bouffant.

5

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - SATURDAY

source 6
WILLIAM (V.O.)
Then suddenly it's the weekend, andThen suddenly it's the weekend, and from break of day, hundreds offrom break of day, hundreds of stalls appears out of nowhere,stalls appears out of nowhere, filling Portobello Road right up tofilling Portobello Road right up to Notting Hill Gate...Notting Hill Gate...

AA frantic crowded Portobello market.frantic crowded Portobello market.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and thousands of people buy... and thousands of people buy millions of antiques, some genuine...millions of antiques, some genuine...

2.2.

TheThe camera finally settles on a stall selling beautifulcamera finally settles on a stall selling beautiful stained glass windows of various sizes, some featuringstained glass windows of various sizes, some featuring biblical scenes and saints.biblical scenes and saints.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and some not so genuine.
6

EXT. GOLBORNE ROAD - DAY

source 7
WILLIAM (V.O.)
And what's great is that lots ofAnd what's great is that lots of friends have ended up in this partfriends have ended up in this part of London -- that's Tony, architectof London -- that's Tony, architect turned chef, who recently investedturned chef, who recently invested all the money he ever earned in aall the money he ever earned in a new restaurant...new restaurant...

Shot of Tony proudly setting out a board outside hisShot of Tony proudly setting out a board outside his restaurant, the sign still being painted.restaurant, the sign still being painted. He receives andHe receives and approves a huge fresh salmon.approves a huge fresh salmon.

7

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 8
WILLIAM (V.O.)
So this is where I spend my days andSo this is where I spend my days and years -- in this small village inyears -- in this small village in the middle of a city -- in a housethe middle of a city -- in a house with a blue door that my wife and Iwith a blue door that my wife and I bought together... before she leftbought together... before she left me for a man who looked likeme for a man who looked like Harrison Ford, only even handsomer...Harrison Ford, only even handsomer...

WeWe arrive outside his blue-doored house just off Portobello.arrive outside his blue-doored house just off Portobello.

WILLIAM (V.O.)
... and where I now lead a strange... and where I now lead a strange half-life with a lodger called...half-life with a lodger called...
8

INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - DAY

source 9
WILLIAM
Spike!

TheThe house has far too many things in it.house has far too many things in it. Definitely two-Definitely two- bachelor flat.bachelor flat.

Spike appears.Spike appears. An unusual looking fellow.An unusual looking fellow. He has unusualHe has unusual hairs, unusual facial hair and an unusual Welsh accent:hairs, unusual facial hair and an unusual Welsh accent: very white, as though his flesh has never seen the sun.very white, as though his flesh has never seen the sun. HeHe wears only shorts.wears only shorts.

SPIKE
Even he.Even he. Hey, you couldn't help meHey, you couldn't help me with an incredibly importantwith an incredibly important decision, could you?decision, could you?

3.3.

WILLIAM
This is important in comparison to,This is important in comparison to, let's say, whether they shouldlet's say, whether they should cancel third world debt?cancel third world debt?
SPIKE
That's right -- I'm at last goingThat's right -- I'm at last going out on a date with great Janine andout on a date with great Janine and I just want to be sure I've pickedI just want to be sure I've picked the right t-shirt.the right t-shirt.
WILLIAM
What are the choices?
SPIKE
Well... wait for it...
(He pulls on a t-(He pulls on a t- shirt)shirt)
First there's this one...

TheThe t-shirt is white with a horrible looking plastic alient-shirt is white with a horrible looking plastic alien coming out of it, jaws open, blood everywhere.coming out of it, jaws open, blood everywhere. It says 'IIt says 'I Love Blood.'Love Blood.'

WILLIAM
Yes -- might make it hard to strikeYes -- might make it hard to strike a really romantic note.a really romantic note.
SPIKE
Point taken.

HeHe heads back up the stairs... talks as he changes...heads back up the stairs... talks as he changes...

SPIKE
I suspect you'll prefer the next one.

AndAnd he re-enters in a white t-shirt, with a large arrow,he re-enters in a white t-shirt, with a large arrow, pointing down to his flies, saying, "Get It Here.'pointing down to his flies, saying, "Get It Here.'

WILLIAM
Yes -- she might think you don'tYes -- she might think you don't have true love on your mind.have true love on your mind.
SPIKE
Wouldn't want that...
(and back up he goes)
-- just one more.

HeHe comes down wearing it.comes down wearing it. Lots of hearts, saying, 'You'reLots of hearts, saying, 'You're thethe most beautiful woman in the world.'most beautiful woman in the world.'

WILLIAM
Well, yes, that's perfect. Well done.

4.4.

SPIKE
Thanks.Thanks. Great.Great. Wish me luck.Wish me luck.
WILLIAM
Good luck.

Spike turns and walks upstairs.Spike turns and walks upstairs. Revealing that on the backRevealing that on the back ofof the t-shirt, also printed in big letters, is writtenthe t-shirt, also printed in big letters, is written 'Fancy a fuck?''Fancy a fuck?'

9

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 10
WILLIAM (V.O.)
And so it was just another hopelessAnd so it was just another hopeless Wednesday, as I set off through theWednesday, as I set off through the market to work, little suspectingmarket to work, little suspecting that this was the day which wouldthat this was the day which would change my life forever.change my life forever. This isThis is work, by the way, my little travelwork, by the way, my little travel book shop...book shop...

AA small unpretentious store... named 'The Travel Book Co.'small unpretentious store... named 'The Travel Book Co.'

WILLIAM (V.O.)
... which, well, sells travel... which, well, sells travel books -- and, to be frank with you,books -- and, to be frank with you, doesn't always sell many of those.doesn't always sell many of those.

William enters.

10

INT. THE BOOKSHOP - DAY

source 11

ItIt is a small shop, slightly chaotic, bookshelvesis a small shop, slightly chaotic, bookshelves everywhere, with little secret bits round corners with eveneverywhere, with little secret bits round corners with even more books. Martin, William's sole employee, is waitingmore books. Martin, William's sole employee, is waiting enthusiastically. He is keen, an uncrushable optimist.enthusiastically. He is keen, an uncrushable optimist. Perhaps without cause. A few seconds later, William standsPerhaps without cause. A few seconds later, William stands gloomily behind the desk.gloomily behind the desk.

WILLIAM
Classic.Classic. Absolutely classic. ProfitAbsolutely classic. Profit from major sales push -- minus 347from major sales push -- minus 347 pound.pound.
MARTIN
Shall I go get a cappuccino?Shall I go get a cappuccino? EaseEase the pain.the pain.
WILLIAM
Yes, better get me a half.Yes, better get me a half. All IAll I can afford.can afford.
MARIN
I get you logic.I get you logic. Demi-capu comingDemi-capu coming up.up.

5.5.

HeHe salutes and bolts out of the door -- as he does, a womansalutes and bolts out of the door -- as he does, a woman walks in. We only just glimpse her.walks in. We only just glimpse her.

CutCut to William working.to William working. He looks up casually.He looks up casually. And seesAnd sees something.something. His reaction is hard to read.His reaction is hard to read. After a pause...After a pause...

WILLIAM
Can I help you?

ItIt is Anna Scott, the biggest movie star in the world --is Anna Scott, the biggest movie star in the world -- here --in his shop.here --in his shop. The most divine, subtle, beautifulThe most divine, subtle, beautiful woman on earth. When she speaks she is very self-assuredwoman on earth. When she speaks she is very self-assured andand self-contained.self-contained.

ANNA
No, thanks.No, thanks. I'll just look around.I'll just look around.
WILLIAM
Fine.

SheShe wanders over to a shelf as he watches her -- and pickswanders over to a shelf as he watches her -- and picks outout a quite smart coffee table book.a quite smart coffee table book.

WILLIAM
That book's really not good -- justThat book's really not good -- just in case, you know, browsing turnedin case, you know, browsing turned to buying.to buying. You'd be wasting yourYou'd be wasting your money.money.
ANNA
Really?
WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. This one though is... veryThis one though is... very good.good.

HeHe picks up a book on the counter.picks up a book on the counter.

WILLIAM
I think the man who wrote it hasI think the man who wrote it has actually been to Turkey, whichactually been to Turkey, which helps. There's also a very amusinghelps. There's also a very amusing incident with a kebab.incident with a kebab.
ANNA
Thanks.Thanks. I'll think about it.I'll think about it.

William suddenly spies something odd on the small TVWilliam suddenly spies something odd on the small TV monitor behind him.monitor behind him.

WILLIAM
If you could just give me a second.

HerHer eyes follow him as he moves toward the back of the shopeyes follow him as he moves toward the back of the shop andand approaches a man in slightly ill-fitting clothes.approaches a man in slightly ill-fitting clothes.

6.6.

WILLIAM
Excuse me.
THIEF
Yes.
WILLIAM
Bad news.
THIEF
What?
WILLIAM
We've got a security camera in thisWe've got a security camera in this bit of the shop.bit of the shop.
THIEF
So?So?
WILLIAM
So, I saw you put that book downSo, I saw you put that book down your trousers.your trousers.
THIEF
What book?
WILLIAM
The one down your trousers.
THIEF
I haven't got a book down myI haven't got a book down my trousers.trousers.
WILLIAM
Right -- well, then we haveRight -- well, then we have something of an impasse.something of an impasse. I tell youI tell you what --I'll call the police -- and,what --I'll call the police -- and, what can I say?what can I say? If I'm wrong aboutIf I'm wrong about the whole book-down-the-trousersthe whole book-down-the-trousers scenario, I really apologize.scenario, I really apologize.
THIEF
Okay -- what if I did have a bookOkay -- what if I did have a book down my trousers?down my trousers?
WILLIAM
Well, ideally, when I went back toWell, ideally, when I went back to the desk, you'd remove the Cadoganthe desk, you'd remove the Cadogan guide to Bali from your trousers,guide to Bali from your trousers, and either wipe it and put it back,and either wipe it and put it back, or buy it.or buy it. See you in a sec.See you in a sec.

HeHe returns to his desk.returns to his desk. In the monitor we just glimpse, asIn the monitor we just glimpse, as does William, the book coming out of the trousers and putdoes William, the book coming out of the trousers and put back on the shelves.back on the shelves. The thief drifts out toward the door.The thief drifts out toward the door.

7.7.

Anna, who has observed all this, is looking at a blue bookAnna, who has observed all this, is looking at a blue book onon the counter.the counter.

WILLIAM
Sorry about that...
ANNA
No, that's fine.No, that's fine. I was going toI was going to steal one myself but now I'vesteal one myself but now I've changed my mind.changed my mind. Signed by theSigned by the author, I see.author, I see.
WILLIAM
Yes, we couldn't stop him.Yes, we couldn't stop him. If youIf you can find an unsigned copy.can find an unsigned copy. It'sIt's worth an absolute fortune.worth an absolute fortune.

SheShe smiles.smiles. Suddenly the thief is there.Suddenly the thief is there.

THIEF
Excuse me.
ANNA
Yes.
THIEF
Can I have your autograph?
ANNA
What's your name?
THIEF
Rufus.

SheShe signs his scruffy piece of paper.signs his scruffy piece of paper. He tries to read it.He tries to read it.

THIEF
What does it say?
ANNA
Well, that's the signature -- andWell, that's the signature -- and above, it says 'Dear Rufus -- youabove, it says 'Dear Rufus -- you belong in jail.'belong in jail.'
THIEF
Nice one.Nice one. Would you like my phoneWould you like my phone number?number?
ANNA
Tempting but... no, thank you.

Thief leaves.

ANNA
I think I will try this one.

8.8.

SheShe hands William a note and the book he said was rubbish.hands William a note and the book he said was rubbish. HeHe talks as he handles the transaction.talks as he handles the transaction.

WILLIAM
Oh -- right -- on second thoughtsOh -- right -- on second thoughts maybe it wasn't that bad.maybe it wasn't that bad. Actually -- it's a sort ofActually -- it's a sort of masterpiece really. None of thosemasterpiece really. None of those childish kebab stories you get in sochildish kebab stories you get in so many travel books these days.many travel books these days. AndAnd I'll throw in one of these for free.I'll throw in one of these for free.

HeHe drops in one of the signed books.drops in one of the signed books.

WILLIAM
Very useful for fighting fires,Very useful for fighting fires, wrapping fish, that sort of things.wrapping fish, that sort of things.

SheShe looks at him with a slight smile.looks at him with a slight smile.

ANNA
Thanks.

AndAnd leaves.leaves. She's out of his life forever.She's out of his life forever. William is aWilliam is a little dazed.little dazed. Seconds later Martin comes back in.Seconds later Martin comes back in.

MARTIN
Cappuccino as ordered.
WILLIAM
Thanks.Thanks. I don't think you'llI don't think you'll believe who was just in here.believe who was just in here.
MARTIN
Who?Who? Someone famous?Someone famous?

ButBut William's innate natural English discretion takes over.William's innate natural English discretion takes over.

WILLIAM
No. No-one -- no-one.

They set about drinking their coffee.

MARTIN
Would be exciting if someone famousWould be exciting if someone famous did come into the shop though,did come into the shop though, wouldn't it?wouldn't it? Do you know -- this isDo you know -- this is pretty incredible actually -- I oncepretty incredible actually -- I once saw Ringo Starr.saw Ringo Starr. Or at least IOr at least I think it was Ringo.think it was Ringo. It might haveIt might have been that broke from 'Fiddler On Thebeen that broke from 'Fiddler On The Roof,' Toppy.Roof,' Toppy.
WILLIAM
Topol.

9.9.

MARTIN
That's right -- Topol.
WILLIAM
But Ringo Starr doesn't lookBut Ringo Starr doesn't look anything like Topol.anything like Topol.
MARTIN
No, well... he was quite a long wayNo, well... he was quite a long way away.away.
WILLIAM
So it would have been neither ofSo it would have been neither of them?them?
MARTIN
I suppose so.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. It's not a classicIt's not a classic anecdotes, is it?anecdotes, is it?
MARTIN
Not classic, no.

Martin shakes his head.Martin shakes his head. William drinks his cappuccino.William drinks his cappuccino.

WILLIAM
Right -- want another one?
MARTIN
Yes.Yes. No, wait -- let's go crazy --No, wait -- let's go crazy -- I'll have an orange juice.I'll have an orange juice.
11

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 12

William sets off.

12

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

source 13

William collects his juice in a coffee shop on WesbourneWilliam collects his juice in a coffee shop on Wesbourne Park Road.Park Road.

13

EXT. PORTOBELLO ROAD - DAY

source 14

William swings out of the little shop -- he turns theWilliam swings out of the little shop -- he turns the corner of Portobello Road and bumps straight into Anna.corner of Portobello Road and bumps straight into Anna. TheThe orange juice, in its foam cup, flies.orange juice, in its foam cup, flies. It soaks Anna.It soaks Anna.

ANNA
Oh Jesus.
WILLIAM
Here, let me help.

10.10.

HeHe grabs some paper napkins and starts to clean it off --grabs some paper napkins and starts to clean it off -- getting far too near her breasts in the panic of it...getting far too near her breasts in the panic of it...

ANNA
What are you doing?

HeHe jumps back.jumps back.

WILLIAM
Nothing, nothing... Look, I liveNothing, nothing... Look, I live just over the street -- you couldjust over the street -- you could get cleaned up.get cleaned up.
ANNA
No thank you.No thank you. I need to get my carI need to get my car back.back.
WILLIAM
I also have a phone.I also have a phone. I'm confidentI'm confident that in five minutes we can have youthat in five minutes we can have you spick and span and back on thespick and span and back on the street again... in the non-street again... in the non- prostitute sense obviously.prostitute sense obviously.

InIn his diffident ways, he is confident, despite her beinghis diffident ways, he is confident, despite her being genuinely annoyed.genuinely annoyed. She turns and looks at him.She turns and looks at him.

ANNA
Okay.Okay. So what does 'just over theSo what does 'just over the street' mean -- give it to me instreet' mean -- give it to me in yards.yards.
WILLIAM
Eighteen yards.Eighteen yards. That's my houseThat's my house there.there.

HeHe doesn't lie -- it is eighteen yards away.doesn't lie -- it is eighteen yards away. She looksShe looks down. She looks up at him.down. She looks up at him.

14

INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CORRIDOR - DAY

source 15

They enter.They enter. She carries a few stylish bags.She carries a few stylish bags.

WILLIAM
Come on in.Come on in. I'll just...I'll just...

William runs in further -- it's a mess.William runs in further -- it's a mess. He kicks some oldHe kicks some old shoes under the stairs, bins an unfinished pizza and hidesshoes under the stairs, bins an unfinished pizza and hides aa plate of breakfast in a cupboard.plate of breakfast in a cupboard. She enters the kitchen.She enters the kitchen.

WILLIAM
It's not that tidy, I fear.

AndAnd he guides her up the stairs, after taking the bag ofhe guides her up the stairs, after taking the bag of books from her...books from her...

11.11.

WILLIAM
The bathroom is right at the top ofThe bathroom is right at the top of the stairs and there's a phone onthe stairs and there's a phone on the desk up there.the desk up there.

SheShe heads upstairs.heads upstairs.

15

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

source 16

William is tidying up frantically.William is tidying up frantically. Then he hears Anna'sThen he hears Anna's feet on the stairs.feet on the stairs. She walks down, wearing a short,She walks down, wearing a short, sparkling black top beneath her leather jacket.sparkling black top beneath her leather jacket. With herWith her trainers still on.trainers still on. He is dazzled by the sight of her.He is dazzled by the sight of her.

WILLIAM
Would you like a cup of tea beforeWould you like a cup of tea before you go?you go?
ANNA
No thanks.
WILLIAM
Coffee?
ANNA
No.No.
WILLIAM
Orange juice -- probably not.

HeHe moves to his very empty fridge -- and offers its onlymoves to his very empty fridge -- and offers its only contents.contents.

WILLIAM
Something else cold -- coke, water,Something else cold -- coke, water, some disgusting sugary drinksome disgusting sugary drink pretending to have something to dopretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest?with fruits of the forest?
ANNA
Really, no.
WILLIAM
Would you like something toWould you like something to nibble --apricots, soaked innibble --apricots, soaked in honey -- quite why, no one knows --honey -- quite why, no one knows -- because it stops them tasting ofbecause it stops them tasting of apricots, and makes them taste likeapricots, and makes them taste like honey, and if you wanted honey,honey, and if you wanted honey, you'd just buy honey, instead ofyou'd just buy honey, instead of apricots, but nevertheless -- thereapricots, but nevertheless -- there we go -- yours if you want them.we go -- yours if you want them.
ANNA
No.No.

12.12.

WILLIAM
Do you always say 'no' to everything?

Pause.Pause. She looks at him deep.She looks at him deep.

ANNA
No.No.
(pause)
I better be going.I better be going. Thanks for yourThanks for your help.help.
WILLIAM
You're welcome and, may I alsoYou're welcome and, may I also say... heavenly.say... heavenly.

ItIt has taken a lot to get this out loud.has taken a lot to get this out loud. He is not aHe is not a smooth-talking man.smooth-talking man.

WILLIAM
Take my one chance to say it.Take my one chance to say it. AfterAfter you've read that terrible book,you've read that terrible book, you're certainly not going to beyou're certainly not going to be coming back to the shop.coming back to the shop.

SheShe smiles.smiles. She's cool.She's cool.

ANNA
Thank you.
WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. Well.Well. My pleasure.My pleasure.

HeHe guides her toward the door.guides her toward the door.

WILLIAM
Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you. Surreal but nice.Surreal but nice.

InIn a slightly awkward moment, he shows her out the door.a slightly awkward moment, he shows her out the door. HeHe closes the door and shakes his head in wonder.closes the door and shakes his head in wonder. Then...Then...

WILLIAM
'Surreal but nice.''Surreal but nice.' What was IWhat was I thinking?thinking?

...... He shakes his head again in horror and wanders backHe shakes his head again in horror and wanders back along the corridor in silence.along the corridor in silence. There's a knock on theThere's a knock on the door.door. He moves back, casually...He moves back, casually...

WILLIAM
Coming.

HeHe opens the door.opens the door. It's her.It's her.

WILLIAM
Oh hi.Oh hi. Forgot something?Forgot something?

13.13.

ANNA
I forgot my bag.
WILLIAM
Oh right.

HeHe shoots into the kitchen and picks up the forgottenshoots into the kitchen and picks up the forgotten shopping bag.shopping bag. Then returns and hands it to her.Then returns and hands it to her.

WILLIAM
Here we go.
ANNA
Thanks.Thanks. Well...Well...

They stand in that corridor -- in that small space.They stand in that corridor -- in that small space. SecondSecond time saying goodbye.time saying goodbye. A strange feeling of intimacy.A strange feeling of intimacy. SheShe leans forward and she kisses him.leans forward and she kisses him. Total silence.Total silence. A realA real sense of the strangers of those lips, those famous lips onsense of the strangers of those lips, those famous lips on his.his. They part.They part.

WILLIAM
I apologize for the 'surreal butI apologize for the 'surreal but nice' comment.nice' comment. Disaster...Disaster...
ANNA
Don't worry about it.Don't worry about it. I thought theI thought the apricot and honey business was theapricot and honey business was the real lowpoint.real lowpoint.

Suddenly there is a clicking of a key in the lock.

WILLIAM
Oh my God.Oh my God. My flatmate.My flatmate. I'mI'm sorry --there's no excuse for him.sorry --there's no excuse for him.

Spike walks in.

SPIKE
Hi.Hi.
ANNA
Hi.Hi.
WILLIAM
Hi.Hi.

Spike walks past unsuspiciously and heads into the kitchen.

SPIKE
I'm just going to go into theI'm just going to go into the kitchen to get some food -- and thenkitchen to get some food -- and then I'm going to tell you a story thatI'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to thewill make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.size of raisins.

14.14.

AndAnd leaves them in the corridor.leaves them in the corridor.

ANNA
Probably best not tell anyone aboutProbably best not tell anyone about this.this.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. No one.No one. I mean, I'll tellI mean, I'll tell myself sometimes but... don'tmyself sometimes but... don't worry -- I won't believe it.worry -- I won't believe it.
ANNA
Bye.

AndAnd she leaves, with just a touch of William's hand.she leaves, with just a touch of William's hand. SpikeSpike comes out of the kitchen, eating something white out of acomes out of the kitchen, eating something white out of a styrofoam container with a spoon.styrofoam container with a spoon.

SPIKE
There's something wrong with thisThere's something wrong with this yogurt.yogurt.
WILLIAM
It's not yogurt -- it's mayonnaise.
SPIKE
Well, there you go.
(takes another big(takes another big spoonful)spoonful)
On for a video fest tonight?On for a video fest tonight? I'veI've got some absolute classic.got some absolute classic.
16

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 17

TheThe lights are off.lights are off. William and Spike on the couch, justWilliam and Spike on the couch, just thethe light from the TV playing on their faces.light from the TV playing on their faces. Cut to theCut to the TVTV full screen.full screen. There is Anna.There is Anna. She is in a stylish WoodyShe is in a stylish Woody Allen type modern romantic comedy, "Gramercy Park," inAllen type modern romantic comedy, "Gramercy Park," in black and white.black and white.

17

INT. MANHATTAN ART GALLERY - DAY

source 18

Anna's character -- Woody Anna -- is walking around theAnna's character -- Woody Anna -- is walking around the gallery with her famous co-star, Michael.gallery with her famous co-star, Michael. They should beThey should be thethe perfect couple, but there is tension.perfect couple, but there is tension. Anna is notAnna is not happy.happy.

MICHAEL
Smile.
ANNA
No.No.
MICHAEL
Smile.

15.15.

ANNA
I've got nothing to smile about.
MICHAEL
Okay in about 7 seconds, I'm goingOkay in about 7 seconds, I'm going to ask you to marry me.to ask you to marry me.

AndAnd after a couple of seconds -- wow -- she smiles.after a couple of seconds -- wow -- she smiles.

18

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 19
SPIKE
Imagine -- somewhere in the worldImagine -- somewhere in the world there's a man who's allowed to kissthere's a man who's allowed to kiss her.her.
WILLIAM
Yes, she is fairly fabulous.
19

INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY

source 20

TheThe next day.next day. William and Martin quietly co-existing.William and Martin quietly co-existing. AnAn annoying customer enters.annoying customer enters. Mr. Smith.Mr. Smith.

MR. SMITH
Do you have any books by Dickens?
WILLIAM
No, we're a travel bookshop.No, we're a travel bookshop. WeWe only sell travel books.only sell travel books.
MR. SMITH
On right.On right. How about that new JohnHow about that new John Grisham thriller?Grisham thriller?
WILLIAM
No, that's a novel too.
MR. SMITH
Oh right.Oh right. Have you got a copy ofHave you got a copy of 'Winnie the Pooh'?'Winnie the Pooh'?

Pause.

WILLIAM
Martin -- your customer.
MARTIN
Can I help you?

William looks up.William looks up. At that moment the entire window isAt that moment the entire window is suddenly taken up by the huge side of a bus, obscuring thesuddenly taken up by the huge side of a bus, obscuring the light -- and entirely covered with a portrait of Anna --light -- and entirely covered with a portrait of Anna -- from her new film, "Helix."from her new film, "Helix."

16.16.

20

INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - CONDOR/LIVING ROOM - DAY

source 21

William heads upstairs and pauses.William heads upstairs and pauses. Spike coming down,Spike coming down, wearing full body scuba diving gear.wearing full body scuba diving gear.

SPIKE
Hey.
WILLIAM
Hi...
21

INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY

source 22

TheThe two of them fixing a cup of tea in the kitchen.two of them fixing a cup of tea in the kitchen.

WILLIAM
Just incidentally -- why are youJust incidentally -- why are you wearing that?wearing that?
SPIKE
Ahm -- combination of factorsAhm -- combination of factors really. No clean clothes...really. No clean clothes...
WILLIAM
There never will be, you know,There never will be, you know, unless you actually clean yourunless you actually clean your clothes.clothes.
SPIKE
Right.Right. Vicious circle.Vicious circle. And then IAnd then I was like rooting around in yourwas like rooting around in your things, and found this, and Ithings, and found this, and I thought -- cool. Kind of spacey.thought -- cool. Kind of spacey.
22

EXT. WILLIAM'S TERRACE - DAY

source 23

TheThe two of them on the rooftop terrace, passing the day.two of them on the rooftop terrace, passing the day. William is reading 'The bookseller.'William is reading 'The bookseller.' The terrace is smallThe terrace is small andand the plants aren't great -- but it overlooks London inthe plants aren't great -- but it overlooks London in aa rather wonderful way.rather wonderful way. Spike still in scuba gear, gogglesSpike still in scuba gear, goggles on.on.

SPIKE
There's something wrong with theThere's something wrong with the goggles though...goggles though...
WILLIAM
No, they were prescription, so INo, they were prescription, so I could see all the fishes properly.could see all the fishes properly.
SPIKE
Groovy.Groovy. You should do more of thisYou should do more of this stuff.stuff.

17.17.

WILLIAM
So -- any messages?
SPIKE
Yeh, I wrote a couple down.
WILLIAM
Two?Two? That's it?That's it?
SPIKE
You want me to write down all yourYou want me to write down all your messages?messages?

William closes his eyes in exasperation.

WILLIAM
Who were the ones you didn't writeWho were the ones you didn't write down from?down from?
SPIKE
Ahm let's see -- ahm.Ahm let's see -- ahm. No.No. GoneGone completely.completely. Oh no, wait.Oh no, wait. ThereThere was --one from your mum: she saidwas --one from your mum: she said don't forget lunch and her leg'sdon't forget lunch and her leg's hurting again.hurting again.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. No one else?No one else?
SPIKE
Absolutely not.

Spike looks back and relaxes.

SPIKE
Though if we're going for thisThough if we're going for this obsessive writing-down-all-messagesobsessive writing-down-all-messages thing -- some American girl calledthing -- some American girl called Anna called a few days ago.Anna called a few days ago.

William freezes -- then looks at Spike.

WILLIAM
What did she say?
SPIKE
Well, it was genuinely bizarre...Well, it was genuinely bizarre... she said, hi -- it's Anna -- andshe said, hi -- it's Anna -- and then she said, call me at thethen she said, call me at the Ritz -- and then gave herself aRitz -- and then gave herself a completely different name.completely different name.
WILLIAM
Which one?

18.18.

SPIKE
Absolutely no idea.Absolutely no idea. Remembering oneRemembering one name's bad enough...name's bad enough...
23

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

source 24

William on the phone.William on the phone. We hear the formal man at the otherWe hear the formal man at the other endend of the phone.of the phone. And then intercut with him.And then intercut with him.

WILLIAM
Hello.
RITZ MAN (V.O.)
May I help you, sir?
WILLIAM
Ahm, look this is a very oddAhm, look this is a very odd situation.situation. I'm a friend of AnnaI'm a friend of Anna Scott's -- and she rang me at homeScott's -- and she rang me at home the day before yesterday -- and leftthe day before yesterday -- and left a message saying she's staying witha message saying she's staying with you...you...
24

INT. RITZ RECEPTION - DAY

source 25
RITZ MAN
I'm sorry, we don't have anyone ofI'm sorry, we don't have anyone of that name here, sir.that name here, sir.
WILLIAM
No, that's right -- I know that.No, that's right -- I know that. She said she's using another name --She said she's using another name -- but the problem is she left thebut the problem is she left the message with my flatmate, which wasmessage with my flatmate, which was a serious mistake.a serious mistake.
25

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM

source 26
WILLIAM
Imagine if you will the stupidestImagine if you will the stupidest person you've ever met -- are youperson you've ever met -- are you doing that...?doing that...?

Spike happens to be in the foreground of this shot.Spike happens to be in the foreground of this shot. He'sHe's reading a newspaper.reading a newspaper.

RITZ MAN
Yes, sir.Yes, sir. I have him in my mind.I have him in my mind.
WILLIAM
And then double it -- and that isAnd then double it -- and that is the -- what can I say -- git I'mthe -- what can I say -- git I'm living with and he cannot remember...living with and he cannot remember...

19.19.

SPIKE
Try 'Flinstone.'
WILLIAM
(to Spike)
What?
SPIKE
I think she said her name wasI think she said her name was 'Flinstone.''Flinstone.'
WILLIAM
Does 'Flinstone' mean anything toDoes 'Flinstone' mean anything to you?you?
RITZ MAN
I'll put you right through, sir.

Flinstone is indeed the magic word.

WILLIAM
Oh my God.

HeHe practices how to sound.practices how to sound.

WILLIAM
Hello.Hello. Hi.Hi. Hi.Hi.
ANNA (V.O.)
Hi.Hi.

WeWe hear her voice -- don't see her.hear her voice -- don't see her.

WILLIAM
(caught out)
Oh hi.Oh hi. It's William Thacker.It's William Thacker. We,We, ahm I work in a bookshop.ahm I work in a bookshop.
ANNA (V.O.)
You played it pretty cool here,You played it pretty cool here, waiting for three days to call.waiting for three days to call.
WILLIAM
No, I've never played anything coolNo, I've never played anything cool in my entire life.in my entire life. Spike, who I'llSpike, who I'll stab to death later, never gave mestab to death later, never gave me the message.the message.
ANNA (V.O.)
Oh -- Okay.
WILLIAM
Perhaps I could drop round for teaPerhaps I could drop round for tea or something?or something?

20.20.

ANNA (V.O.)
Yeh -- unfortunately, things areYeh -- unfortunately, things are going to be pretty busy, but...going to be pretty busy, but... okay, let's give it a try.okay, let's give it a try. FourFour o'clock could be good.o'clock could be good.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. Great.Great.
(he hangs up)
Classic.Classic. Classic.Classic.
26

EXT. RITZ - DAY

source 27

William jumps off a bus and walks toward the Ritz.William jumps off a bus and walks toward the Ritz. HeHe carries a small bunch of roses.carries a small bunch of roses.

27

INT. RITZ HOTEL - DAY

source 28

HeHe approaches the lifts.approaches the lifts. At the lift, he pushes the buttonAt the lift, he pushes the button andand the doors open.the doors open. As he is getting in, William isAs he is getting in, William is jointed by a young man.jointed by a young man. His name is Tarquin.His name is Tarquin.

WILLIAM
Which floor?
TARQUIN
Three.

William pushes the button.William pushes the button. They wait for the doors toThey wait for the doors to close.close.

28

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAY

source 29

TheThe lift lands.lift lands. William gets out.William gets out. So does Tarquin.So does Tarquin. RoomsRooms 30-35 are to the left.30-35 are to the left. 35-39 to the right.35-39 to the right. William headsWilliam heads right. So does Tarquin.right. So does Tarquin.

William is puzzled.William is puzzled. He slows down as he approaches roomHe slows down as he approaches room 38.38. So does Tarquin.So does Tarquin. William spots, so does Tarquin.William spots, so does Tarquin. William points at the number.William points at the number.

WILLIAM
Are you sure you...?
TARQUIN
Yes.
WILLIAM
Oh.Oh. Right.Right.

HeHe knocks.knocks. A bright, well-tailored American girl opens theA bright, well-tailored American girl opens the door.door.

21.21.

KAREN
Hello, I'm Karen.Hello, I'm Karen. Sorry -- thingsSorry -- things are running a bit late.are running a bit late. Here's theHere's the thing...thing...

SheShe hands them a very slick, expensively produced presshands them a very slick, expensively produced press kits, with the poster picture of Anna, for the film 'Helix.'kits, with the poster picture of Anna, for the film 'Helix.'

29

INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE ANTE-ROOM - DAY

source 30

AA few seconds later -- they enter the main waiting room.few seconds later -- they enter the main waiting room. There are a number of journalists waiting for theirThere are a number of journalists waiting for their audience.audience.

KAREN
What did you think of the film?
TARQUIN
Marvellous.Marvellous. 'Close Encounters''Close Encounters' meets 'Jean De Forette.'meets 'Jean De Forette.' Oscar-Oscar- winning stuff.winning stuff.

They both turn to William for his opinion.

WILLIAM
I agree.
KAREN
I'm sorry I didn't get down whatI'm sorry I didn't get down what magazines you're from.magazines you're from.
TARQUIN
'Time Out.'
KAREN
Great.Great. And you...And you...
WILLIAM
(seeing it on a(seeing it on a coffee table)coffee table)
'Horse and Hound.''Horse and Hound.' The name'sThe name's William Whacker.William Whacker. I think she mightI think she might be expecting me.be expecting me.
KAREN
Okay -- take a seat.Okay -- take a seat. I'll check.I'll check.

They sit down as Karen goes off.

TARQUIN
You've brought her flowers?

William goes for the cover-up.

22.22.

WILLIAM
No -- they're... for my grandmother.No -- they're... for my grandmother. She's in a hospital nearby.She's in a hospital nearby. ThoughtThought I'd kill two birds with one stone.I'd kill two birds with one stone.
TARQUIN
I'm sorry.I'm sorry. Which hospital?Which hospital?

Pause.Pause. He's in trouble.He's in trouble.

WILLIAM
Do you mind me not saying -- it's aDo you mind me not saying -- it's a rather distressing disease and therather distressing disease and the name of the hospital rather gives itname of the hospital rather gives it away.away.
TARQUIN
Oh sure.Oh sure. Of course.Of course.
KAREN
Mr. Thacker.

Saved by the bell.

30

INT. TRAFALGAR SUIT CORRIDOR - DAY

source 31
KAREN
You've got five minutes.

HeHe is shown in through big golden doors.is shown in through big golden doors. Karen staysKaren stays outside.outside.

31

INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY

source 32

There Anna is, framed in the window.There Anna is, framed in the window. Glorious.Glorious.

WILLIAM
Hi.Hi.
ANNA
Hello.
WILLIAM
I brought these, but clearly...

There are lots of other flowers in the room.

ANNA
Oh no, ho -- these are great.

AA fair amount of tension.fair amount of tension. These two people hardly knowThese two people hardly know each other -- and the first and last time they met, theyeach other -- and the first and last time they met, they kissed.kissed.

23.23.

WILLIAM
Sorry about not ringing back.Sorry about not ringing back. TheThe whole two-names concept was totallywhole two-names concept was totally too much for my flatman's pea-sizedtoo much for my flatman's pea-sized intellect.intellect.
ANNA
No, it's a stupid privacy thing.No, it's a stupid privacy thing. II always choose a cartoon character --always choose a cartoon character -- last time out, I was Mrs. Bambi.last time out, I was Mrs. Bambi.

AtAt which moment Jeremy, Karen's boss, comes in.which moment Jeremy, Karen's boss, comes in. A fairlyA fairly grave, authoritative fifty-year-old PR man consulting agrave, authoritative fifty-year-old PR man consulting a list.list.

JEREMY
Everything okay?
ANNA
Yes, thanks.
JEREMY
And you are from 'Horse and Hound'And you are from 'Horse and Hound' magazine?magazine?

William nods.

ANNA
Is that so?

William shrugs his shoulders.William shrugs his shoulders. Jeremy settles at a littleJeremy settles at a little desk in the corner and makes notes.desk in the corner and makes notes. A pause.A pause. WilliamWilliam feels he has to act the part.feels he has to act the part. They sit in chairs oppositeThey sit in chairs opposite each other.each other.

WILLIAM
So I'll just fire away, shall I?

Anna nods.

WILLIAM
Right.Right. Ahm... the film's great...Ahm... the film's great... and I just wondered -- whether youand I just wondered -- whether you ever thought of having more...ever thought of having more... horses in it?horses in it?
ANNA
Ahm -- well -- we would have likedAhm -- well -- we would have liked to -- but it was difficult,to -- but it was difficult, obviously, being set in space.obviously, being set in space.
WILLIAM
Obviously.Obviously. Very difficult.Very difficult.

Jeremy leaves.

24.24.

William puts his head in his hands.William puts his head in his hands. He was panic.He was panic.

WILLIAM
I'm sorry -- I arrived outside --I'm sorry -- I arrived outside -- they thrust this thing into mythey thrust this thing into my hand -- I don't know what to do.hand -- I don't know what to do.
ANNA
No, it's my fault, I thought thisNo, it's my fault, I thought this would all be over by now.would all be over by now. I justI just wanted to sort of apologize for thewanted to sort of apologize for the kissing thing.kissing thing. I seriously don'tI seriously don't know what got in to me.know what got in to me. I justI just wanted to make sure you were finewanted to make sure you were fine about it.about it.
WILLIAM
Absolutely fine about it.

Re-enter Jeremy.

JEREMY
Do remember that Miss Scott is alsoDo remember that Miss Scott is also keen to talk about her next project,keen to talk about her next project, which is shooting later in thewhich is shooting later in the summer.summer.
WILLIAM
Oh yes -- excellent.Oh yes -- excellent. Ahm -- anyAhm -- any horses in that one?horses in that one? Or hounds, ofOr hounds, of course.course. Our readers are equallyOur readers are equally intrigued by both species.intrigued by both species.
ANNA
It takes place on a submarine.
WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. Right... But if there wereRight... But if there were horses, would you be riding themhorses, would you be riding them yourself or would you be getting ayourself or would you be getting a stunt horse person double sort ofstunt horse person double sort of thing?thing?

Jeremy exits.

WILLIAM
I'm just a complete moron.I'm just a complete moron. Sorry.Sorry. This is the sort of thing thatThis is the sort of thing that happens in dreams -- not in realhappens in dreams -- not in real life.life. Good dreams, obviously --Good dreams, obviously -- it's a dream to see you.it's a dream to see you.
ANNA
And what happens next in the dream?

25.25.

It's a challenge.

WILLIAM
Well, I suppose in the dreamWell, I suppose in the dream scenario. I just... ahm, change myscenario. I just... ahm, change my personality, because you can do thatpersonality, because you can do that in dreams, and walk across and kissin dreams, and walk across and kiss the girl but you know it'll neverthe girl but you know it'll never happen.happen.

Pause.Pause. Then they move towards each other when... JeremyThen they move towards each other when... Jeremy enters.enters.

JEREMY
Time's up, I'm afraid.Time's up, I'm afraid. Sorry it wasSorry it was so short.so short. Did you get what youDid you get what you wanted?wanted?
WILLIAM
Very neatly.
JEREMY
Maybe time for one last question?
WILLIAM
Right.

Jeremy goes out -- it's their last seconds.

WILLIAM
Are you busy tonight?
ANNA
Yes.

They look at each other.They look at each other. Jeremy enters, with anotherJeremy enters, with another journalists in row.journalists in row. Anna and William stand and shake handsAnna and William stand and shake hands formally.formally.

ANNA
Well, it was nice to meet you.Well, it was nice to meet you. Surreal but nice.Surreal but nice.
WILLIAM
Thank you.Thank you. You are 'Horse andYou are 'Horse and Hound's' favorite actress.Hound's' favorite actress. You andYou and Black Beauty.Black Beauty. Tied.Tied.
32

INT. TRAFALGAR SUITE CORRIDOR - DAY

source 33

William exits fairly despondent and heads for the door.William exits fairly despondent and heads for the door. Tarquin is in the corridor calling on his mobile phone.Tarquin is in the corridor calling on his mobile phone.

TARQUIN
How was she?

26.26.

WILLIAM
Fabulous.
TARQUIN
Wait a minute -- she took yourWait a minute -- she took your grandmother's flowers?grandmother's flowers?

William can't think his way out of this.

WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. That's right.That's right. Bitch.Bitch.

HeHe turns to go, but is accosted by Karen.turns to go, but is accosted by Karen.

KAREN
If you'd like to come with me we canIf you'd like to come with me we can rush you through the others.rush you through the others.
WILLIAM
The others?
33

INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

source 34
KAREN
Mr. Thacker's from 'Horse and Hound.'

AA forty-year-old actor with great presence warmly shakesforty-year-old actor with great presence warmly shakes William's hand.William's hand.

MALE LEAD
Please to meet you.Please to meet you. Did you likeDid you like the film?the film?
WILLIAM
Ah... yes, enormously.
MALE LEAD
Well, fire away.
WILLIAM
Right, right.Right, right. Ahm -- did you enjoyAhm -- did you enjoy making the film?making the film?
MALE LEAD
I did.
WILLIAM
Any bit in particular?
MALE LEAD
Well, you tell me which bit youWell, you tell me which bit you liked most -- and I'll tell you ifliked most -- and I'll tell you if I enjoyed making it.I enjoyed making it.

27.27.

WILLIAM
Ahm right, right, I liked the bit inAhm right, right, I liked the bit in space very much.space very much. Did you enjoyDid you enjoy making that bit?making that bit?
34

INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

source 35

Same room same seat, minutes later, with a monolingualSame room same seat, minutes later, with a monolingual foreign actor and an interpreter.foreign actor and an interpreter.

WILLIAM
Did you identify with the characterDid you identify with the character you were playing?you were playing?
INTERPRETER
Te identicaste con el personaje queTe identicaste con el personaje que interpretabas?interpretabas?
FOREIGN ACTOR
No.No.
INTERPRETER
No.No.
WILLIAM
Ah.Ah. Why not?Why not?
INTERPRETER
Por que no?
FOREIGN ACTOR
Porque es un robot carnivorePorque es un robot carnivore psicopata.psicopata.
INTERPRETER
Because he is playing a psychopathicBecause he is playing a psychopathic flesh-eating robot.flesh-eating robot.
WILLIAM
Classic.
35

INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

source 36

AndAnd now William is sitting opposite an eleven-year-oldnow William is sitting opposite an eleven-year-old American girl.American girl.

WILLIAM
Is this your first film?
GIRL
No -- it's my 22nd.
WILLIAM
Of course it is.Of course it is. Any favorite amongAny favorite among the 22?the 22?

28.28.

GIRL
Working with Leonardo.
WILLIAM
Da Vinci?
GIRL
Di Caprio.
WILLIAM
Of course.Of course. And is he your favoriteAnd is he your favorite Italian film director?Italian film director?
36

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAY

source 37

William emerges traumatized into the corridor.William emerges traumatized into the corridor. It is fullIt is full ofof camera crews.camera crews. And there is Karen.And there is Karen.

KAREN
Mr. Thacker?
WILLIAM
(so weary)
Yes?
KAREN
Have you got a moment?
37

INT. ANNA'S SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY

source 38

They knock on her door.

ANNA (V.O.)
Come in.

William enters.William enters. A certain nervousness.A certain nervousness. They are aloneThey are alone again.again.

ANNA
Ahm.Ahm. That thing I was doingThat thing I was doing tonight -- I'm not doing it anytonight -- I'm not doing it any more.more. I told them I had to spendI told them I had to spend the evening with Britain's premierthe evening with Britain's premier equestrian journalist.equestrian journalist.
WILLIAM
Oh well, great.Oh well, great. Perfect.Perfect. Oh no --Oh no -- shittity brickitty -- it's myshittity brickitty -- it's my sister's birthday -- shit -- we'resister's birthday -- shit -- we're meant to be having dinner.meant to be having dinner.
ANNA
Okay -- fine.

29.29.

WILLIAM
But no, I'm sure I can get out of it.
ANNA
No, I mean, if it's fine with you,No, I mean, if it's fine with you, I'll, you know, be your date.I'll, you know, be your date.
WILLIAM
You'll be my date at my littleYou'll be my date at my little sister's birthday party.sister's birthday party.
ANNA
If that's all right.
WILLIAM
I'm sure it's all right.I'm sure it's all right. My friendMy friend Max is cooking and he's acknowledgedMax is cooking and he's acknowledged to be the worst cook in the world,to be the worst cook in the world, but you know, you could hide thebut you know, you could hide the food in your handbag or something.food in your handbag or something.
ANNA
Okay.
WILLIAM
Okay.
38

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 39

Bella and Max are in the kitchen.

MAXMAX
He's bringing a girl?
BELLA
Miracles do happen.
MAXMAX
Does the girl have a name?
BELLA
He wouldn't say.
MAXMAX
Christ, what is going on in there?

TheThe oven seems to be smoking a little.oven seems to be smoking a little. Then the bell rings.Then the bell rings.

MAXMAX
Oh God.

It's hard timing.It's hard timing. Max shoots out of the kitchen.Max shoots out of the kitchen.

30.30.

39

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 40

MaxMax heads for the door impatiently.heads for the door impatiently. He opens it and turnsHe opens it and turns back without looking at William and Anna standing there.back without looking at William and Anna standing there.

MAXMAX
Come on in.Come on in. Vague food crisis.Vague food crisis.

William and Anna move along the corridor to the kitchen.

40

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 41

Bella is there.

BELLA
Hiya -- sorry -- the guinea fowl isHiya -- sorry -- the guinea fowl is proving more complicated thanproving more complicated than expected.expected.
WILLIAM
He's cooking guinea fowl?
BELLA
Don't even ask.
ANNA
Hi.Hi.
BELLA
Hi.Hi. Good Lord -- you're theGood Lord -- you're the spitting image of...spitting image of...
WILLIAM
Bella -- this is Anna.
BELLA
Right.
(pause)
MAXMAX
Okay.Okay. Crisis over.Crisis over.

HeHe rises from his stove position.rises from his stove position.

WILLIAM
Max.Max. This is Anna.This is Anna.
MAXMAX
Hello, Anna ahm...
(He recognizes her --(He recognizes her -- the word just fallsthe word just falls out)out)
Scott -- have some wine.

31.31.

ANNA
Thank you.

Door bell goes.

41

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 42

MaxMax opens the door -- it is Honey.opens the door -- it is Honey.

MAXMAX
Hi.Hi.

SheShe does a little pose, having worn a real party dress.does a little pose, having worn a real party dress.

MAXMAX
Yes, Happy Birthday.

They head back along the corridor.

MAXMAX
Look, your brother has brought thisLook, your brother has brought this girl, and ahm...girl, and ahm...
42

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 43

They enter the kitchen.

HONEY
Hi guys.
(sees(sees Anna)Anna)
Oh holy fuck.
WILLIAM
Hun -- this is Anna.Hun -- this is Anna. Anna -- thisAnna -- this is Honey -- she's my baby sitter.is Honey -- she's my baby sitter.
ANNA
Hiya.
HONEY
Oh God this is one of those keyOh God this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possiblemoments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool --you can be really, genuinely cool -- and totally and utterly adore youand totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the mostand I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world andbeautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believemore importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time nowand have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What dothat we can be best friends. What do you think?you think?
ANNA
Ahm... I think that sounds -- youAhm... I think that sounds -- you know -- lucky me.know -- lucky me. Happy Birthday.Happy Birthday.

32.32.

SheShe hands her a present.hands her a present.

HONEY
Oh my God.Oh my God. You gave me a present.You gave me a present. We're best friends already.We're best friends already. MarryMarry Will -- he's a really nice guy andWill -- he's a really nice guy and then we can be sisters.then we can be sisters.
ANNA
I'll think about it.

TheThe front door bell goes.front door bell goes.

MAXMAX
That'll be Bernie.

HeHe heads out into the corridor to the front door.heads out into the corridor to the front door.

43

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 44

MaxMax opens the door.opens the door.

MAXMAX
Hello, Bernie.
BERNIE
I'm sorry I'm so late.I'm sorry I'm so late. BollocksedBollocksed up at work again, I fear.up at work again, I fear. MillionsMillions down the drain.down the drain.
44

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 45

They enter the room.

MAXMAX
Bernie -- this is Anna.
BERNIE
Hello, Anna.Hello, Anna. Delighted to meet you.Delighted to meet you.

Doesn't recognize her -- turns to Honey.

BERNIE
Honey Bunny -- happy birthday to you.
(hands her a present)
It's a hat.It's a hat. You don't have to wearYou don't have to wear it or anything.it or anything.
45

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 46

AA minute or two later -- they are standing, drinking wineminute or two later -- they are standing, drinking wine before dinner.before dinner. Bernie with Anna on their own -- WilliamBernie with Anna on their own -- William helping Max in the kitchen.helping Max in the kitchen.

33.33.

MAXMAX
You haven't slept with her, have you?
WILLIAM
That is a cheap question and theThat is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment.answer is, of course, no comment.
MAXMAX
'No comment' means 'yes.'
WILLIAM
No, it doesn't.
MAXMAX
Do you ever masturbate?
WILLIAM
Definitely no comment.
MAXMAX
You see -- it means 'yes.'

Then on to Bernie's conversation.

BERNIE
So tell me Anna -- what do you do?
ANNA
I'm an actress.
BERNIE
Splendid.Splendid. I'm actually in theI'm actually in the stockmarket, so not really similarstockmarket, so not really similar fields, though I have done somefields, though I have done some amateur stuff -- P.G. Wodehouse, youamateur stuff -- P.G. Wodehouse, you know -- farce, all that.know -- farce, all that. 'Ooh --'Ooh -- careful there, vicar.'careful there, vicar.' AlwaysAlways imagined it's a pretty tough job,imagined it's a pretty tough job, though, acting. I mean the wages arethough, acting. I mean the wages are a scandal, aren't they?a scandal, aren't they?
ANNA
Well, they can be.
BERNIE
I see friends from university --I see friends from university -- clever chaps -- been in the businessclever chaps -- been in the business longer than you -- they're scrapinglonger than you -- they're scraping by on seven, eight thousand a year.by on seven, eight thousand a year. It's no life.It's no life. What sort of actingWhat sort of acting do you do?do you do?
ANNA
Films mainly.

34.34.

BERNIE
Oh splendid.Oh splendid. Well done.Well done. How's theHow's the pay in movies?pay in movies? I mean, last filmI mean, last film you did, what did you get paid?you did, what did you get paid?
ANNA
Fifteen million dollars.
BERNIE
Right.Right. Right.Right. So that's... fairlySo that's... fairly good.good. On the high side... have youOn the high side... have you tried the nuts?tried the nuts?
MAXMAX
Right -- I think we're ready.

They all move towards the kitchen.

ANNA
(to Bella)
I wonder if you could tell me whereI wonder if you could tell me where the...?the...?
BELLA
Oh, it's just down the corridor onOh, it's just down the corridor on the right.the right.
HONEY
I'll show you.

AA moment's silence as they leave -- then in a split secondmoment's silence as they leave -- then in a split second thethe others all turn to William.others all turn to William.

BELLA
Quickly, quickly -- talk veryQuickly, quickly -- talk very quickly what are you doing here withquickly what are you doing here with Anna Scott?Anna Scott?
BERNIE
Anna Scott?
BELLA
Yes.
BERNIE
The movie star?
BELLA
Yup.
BERNIE
Oh God.Oh God. Oh God.Oh God. Oh Goddy God.Oh Goddy God.

TheThe horror of his remembered conversation slowly unfolds.horror of his remembered conversation slowly unfolds. Honey re-enters.Honey re-enters.

35.35.

HONEY
I don't believe it.I don't believe it. I walked intoI walked into the loo with her.the loo with her. I was stillI was still talking when she started unbuttoningtalking when she started unbuttoning her jeans... She had to ask me toher jeans... She had to ask me to leave.leave.
46

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

source 47

AA little later.little later. They are sat at dinner.They are sat at dinner. Bella next toBella next to Anna.Anna.

BELLA
What do you think of the guinea fowl?
ANNA
(whispering)
I'm a vegetarian.
BELLA
Oh God.
47

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

source 48

Moving through the evening -- they are very relaxed, asMoving through the evening -- they are very relaxed, as they eat dinner.they eat dinner. A few seconds watching the evening goingA few seconds watching the evening going well -- Anna is taking this in -- real friends --well -- Anna is taking this in -- real friends -- relaxed -- easy, teasing. And there's a cake.relaxed -- easy, teasing. And there's a cake. Honey wearsHoney wears Bernie's unsuitable hat.Bernie's unsuitable hat. Anna watches William laughing atAnna watches William laughing at something and then putting his head in his hands with mocksomething and then putting his head in his hands with mock shame.shame.

48

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

source 49

Coffee time.

MAXMAX
Having you here, Anna, firmlyHaving you here, Anna, firmly establishes what I've longestablishes what I've long suspected, that we really are thesuspected, that we really are the most desperate hot of under-most desperate hot of under- achievers.achievers.
BERNIE
Shame!
MAXMAX
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, inI'm not saying it's a bad thing, in fact, I think it's something wefact, I think it's something we should take pride in.should take pride in. I'm going toI'm going to give the last brownie as a prize togive the last brownie as a prize to the saddest act here.the saddest act here.

AA little pause.little pause. Then William turns to Bernie.Then William turns to Bernie.

36.36.

WILLIAM
Bernie.
BERNIE
Well, obviously it's me, isn't it --Well, obviously it's me, isn't it -- I work in the City in a job I don'tI work in the City in a job I don't understand and everyone keepsunderstand and everyone keeps getting promoted above me.getting promoted above me. II haven't had a girlfriends since...haven't had a girlfriends since... puberty and, well, the long andpuberty and, well, the long and short of it is, nobody fancies me,short of it is, nobody fancies me, and if these cheeks get anyand if these cheeks get any chubbier, they never will.chubbier, they never will.
HONEY
Nonsense.Nonsense. I fancy you.I fancy you. Or I didOr I did before you got so far.before you got so far.
MAXMAX
You see -- and unless I'm muchYou see -- and unless I'm much mistaken, your job still pays youmistaken, your job still pays you rather a lot of money, while Honeyrather a lot of money, while Honey here, she earns nothing flogging herhere, she earns nothing flogging her guts out at London's seediest recordguts out at London's seediest record store.store.
HONEY
Yes.Yes. And I don't have hair -- I'veAnd I don't have hair -- I've got feathers, and I've got funnygot feathers, and I've got funny goggly eyes, and I'm attracted togoggly eyes, and I'm attracted to cruel men and ... no one'll evercruel men and ... no one'll ever marry me because my boosies havemarry me because my boosies have actually started shrinking.actually started shrinking.
MAXMAX
You see -- incredibly sad.
BELLA
On the other hand, her best friendOn the other hand, her best friend is Anna Scott.is Anna Scott.
HONEY
That's true, I can't deny it.That's true, I can't deny it. SheShe needs me, what can I say?needs me, what can I say?
BELLA
And most of her limbs work.And most of her limbs work. WhereasWhereas I'm stuck in its thing day andI'm stuck in its thing day and night, in a house full of ramps.night, in a house full of ramps. And to add insult to seriousAnd to add insult to serious injury -- I've totally given upinjury -- I've totally given up smoking, my favorite thing, and thesmoking, my favorite thing, and the truth is... we can't have a baby.truth is... we can't have a baby.

Dead silence.

37.37.

WILLIAM
Bella.

Bella shrugs her shoulders.Bella shrugs her shoulders. Bernie is totally grief-struck.Bernie is totally grief-struck.

BERNIE
No.No. Not true...Not true...
BELLA
C'est la vie... We're lucky in lotsC'est la vie... We're lucky in lots of ways, but... Surely it's worth aof ways, but... Surely it's worth a brownie.brownie.

William reaches for her hand.William reaches for her hand. Max breaks the sombre mood.Max breaks the sombre mood.

MAXMAX
Well, I don't know.Well, I don't know. Look atLook at William.William. Very unsuccessfulVery unsuccessful professionally.professionally. Divorced.Divorced. Used toUsed to be handsome, now kind of squidgybe handsome, now kind of squidgy around the edges -- and absolutelyaround the edges -- and absolutely certain never to hear from Annacertain never to hear from Anna again after she's heard that hisagain after she's heard that his nickname at school was Floppy.nickname at school was Floppy.

They all laugh.They all laugh. Anna smiles across at William.Anna smiles across at William.

WILLIAM
So I get the brownie?
MAXMAX
I think you do, yes.
ANNA
Wait a minute.Wait a minute. What about me?What about me?
MAXMAX
I'm sorry?I'm sorry? You think you deserveYou think you deserve the brownie?the brownie?
ANNA
Well... a shot at it.
WILLIAM
You'll have to prove it.You'll have to prove it. This is aThis is a great brownie and I'm going to fightgreat brownie and I'm going to fight for it.for it. State your claim.State your claim.
ANNA
Well, I've been on a diet since IWell, I've been on a diet since I was nineteen, which means basicallywas nineteen, which means basically I've been hungry for a decade.I've been hungry for a decade.
(more)

38.38.

ANNA (cont'd)
I've had a sequence of not niceI've had a sequence of not nice boyfriends -- one of whom hit me: anboyfriends -- one of whom hit me: an every time my heart gets broken itevery time my heart gets broken it gets splashed across the newspapersgets splashed across the newspapers as entertainment. Meantime, it costas entertainment. Meantime, it cost millions to get me looking likemillions to get me looking like this...this...
HONEY
Really?
ANNA
Really -- and one day, not long fromReally -- and one day, not long from now...now...

While she says this, quiet settles around the table.While she says this, quiet settles around the table. TheThe thing is -- she sort of means it and is opening up to them.thing is -- she sort of means it and is opening up to them.

ANNA
... my looks will go, they'll find... my looks will go, they'll find out I can't act and I'll become aout I can't act and I'll become a sad middle-aged woman who looks asad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous forbit like someone who was famous for a while.a while.

Silence... they all look at her... then.

MAXMAX
Nah!!!Nah!!! Nice try, gorgeous -- butNice try, gorgeous -- but you don't fool anyone.you don't fool anyone.

TheThe mood is instantly broken.mood is instantly broken. They all laugh.They all laugh.

WILLIAM
Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.
49

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 50

Anna and William are leaving.

ANNA
That was such a great evening.
MAXMAX
I'm delighted.

HeHe holds out his hand to shake.holds out his hand to shake. She kisses him on theShe kisses him on the cheek. He stumbles back with joy.cheek. He stumbles back with joy.

ANNA
And may I say that's a gorgeous tie.
MAXMAX
Now you're lying.

39.39.

ANNA
You're right.You're right. I told you I was badI told you I was bad at acting.at acting.

MaxMax loves this.loves this.

ANNA
(to Bella)
Lovely to meet you.
BELLA
And you.And you. I'll wait till you've goneI'll wait till you've gone before I tell him you're abefore I tell him you're a vegetarian.vegetarian.
MAXMAX
No!No!
ANNA
Night, night, Honey.
HONEY
I'm so sorry about the loo thing. II'm so sorry about the loo thing. I meant to leave but I just... look,meant to leave but I just... look, ring me if you need someone to goring me if you need someone to go shopping with.shopping with. I know lots of nice,I know lots of nice, cheap places... not that moneycheap places... not that money necessarily...necessarily...
(gives up)
Nice to meet you.

AndAnd Honey gives her a huge hug.Honey gives her a huge hug.

ANNA
You too -- from now on you are myYou too -- from now on you are my style guru.style guru.

Anna and William head out... Bernie tries to save someAnna and William head out... Bernie tries to save some dignity.dignity.

BERNIE
Love your work.

They move to the door and wave goodbye.

50

EXT. MAX AND BELLA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

source 51

William and Anna step outside.William and Anna step outside. From inside they hear aFrom inside they hear a massive and hysterical scream of the friends letting outmassive and hysterical scream of the friends letting out their true feelings.their true feelings. William is a little embarrassed.William is a little embarrassed.

WILLIAM
Sorry -- they always do that when ISorry -- they always do that when I leave the house.leave the house.

40.40.

TheThe house is in Lansdowne Road, on the edge of Nottinghouse is in Lansdowne Road, on the edge of Notting Hill. They walk for a moment.Hill. They walk for a moment. A bit of silence.A bit of silence.

ANNA
Floppy, huh?
WILLIAM
It's the hair!It's the hair! It's to do with theIt's to do with the hair.hair.
ANNA
Why is she in a wheelchair?
WILLIAM
It was an accident -- about eighteenIt was an accident -- about eighteen months ago.months ago.
ANNA
And the pregnancy thing -- is thatAnd the pregnancy thing -- is that to do with the accident?to do with the accident?
WILLIAM
You know, I'm not sure.You know, I'm not sure. I don'tI don't think they'd tried for kids before,think they'd tried for kids before, as fate would have it.as fate would have it.

They walk in silence for a moment.They walk in silence for a moment. Then...Then...

WILLIAM
Would you like to come... my houseWould you like to come... my house is just...?is just...?

SheShe smiles and shakes her head.smiles and shakes her head.

ANNA
Too complicated.
WILLIAM
That's fine.
ANNA
Busy tomorrow?
WILLIAM
I thought you were leaving.
ANNA
I was.
51

EXT. NOTTING HILL GARDEN - NIGHT

source 52

AA little later in the walk.little later in the walk.

ANNA
What's in there?

41.41.

They are now walking by a five foot railing, with foliageThey are now walking by a five foot railing, with foliage behind it.behind it.

WILLIAM
Gardens.Gardens. All these streets roundAll these streets round here have these mysterious communalhere have these mysterious communal gardens in the middle of them.gardens in the middle of them. They're like little village.They're like little village.
ANNA
Let's go in.
WILLIAM
Ah no -- that's the point -- they'reAh no -- that's the point -- they're private villages -- only the peopleprivate villages -- only the people who live round the edges are allowedwho live round the edges are allowed in.in.
ANNA
You abide by rules like that?
WILLIAM
Ahm...

HerHer look makes it clear that she is waiting with interestlook makes it clear that she is waiting with interest onon the answer to this.the answer to this.

WILLIAM
Heck no -- other people do -- butHeck no -- other people do -- but not me -- I just do what I want.not me -- I just do what I want.

HeHe rattles the gate, then starts his climb -- but doesn'trattles the gate, then starts his climb -- but doesn't quite make it, and falls back onto the pavement...quite make it, and falls back onto the pavement...

WILLIAM
(casually)
Whoopsidaisies.
ANNA
What did you say?
WILLIAM
Nothing.
ANNA
Yes, you did.
WILLIAM
No, I didn't.
ANNA
You said "whoopsidaisies."

Tiny pause.

42.42.

WILLIAM
I don't think so.I don't think so. No one has saidNo one has said "whoopsidaisies," do they -- I mean"whoopsidaisies," do they -- I mean unless they're...unless they're...
ANNA
There's no "unless."There's no "unless." No one hasNo one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fiftysaid "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was onlyyears and even then it was only little girls with blonde ringlets.little girls with blonde ringlets.
WILLIAM
Exactly.Exactly. Here we go again.Here we go again.

HeHe fails, and unfortunately spontaneously...fails, and unfortunately spontaneously...

WILLIAM
Whoopsidaisies.

They look at each other.

WILLIAM
It's a disease I've got -- it's aIt's a disease I've got -- it's a clinical thing, I'm taking pills andclinical thing, I'm taking pills and having injections -- it won't lasthaving injections -- it won't last long.long.
ANNA
Step aside.

SheShe starts to climb.starts to climb.

WILLIAM
Actually be careful Anna -- it'sActually be careful Anna -- it's harder than it looks...harder than it looks...

ButBut she's already almost over.she's already almost over.

WILLIAM
Oh no it's not -- it's easy.

AA few seconds later.few seconds later. Anna jumps down into the garden.Anna jumps down into the garden.

ANNA
Come on, Flops.

William clambers over with terrible difficulty, dustsWilliam clambers over with terrible difficulty, dusts himself off, and heads towards where she stands.himself off, and heads towards where she stands.

WILLIAM
Now seriously -- what in the worldNow seriously -- what in the world in this garden could make thatin this garden could make that ordeal worthwhile?ordeal worthwhile?

43.43.

SheShe leans forward -- and, for the first time since theleans forward -- and, for the first time since the first time -- she kisses him.first time -- she kisses him. This time a proper kiss.This time a proper kiss. AA tiny pause.tiny pause.

WILLIAM
Nice garden.
52

EXT. MAGIC GARDEN - NIGHT

source 53

They walk around the garden.They walk around the garden. It's a moonlit dream.It's a moonlit dream. We seeWe see thethe lights of the houses that surround the garden.lights of the houses that surround the garden. TheyThey come across a single, simple wooden bench.come across a single, simple wooden bench.

ANNA
"For June, who loved this garden --"For June, who loved this garden -- from Joseph who always sat besidefrom Joseph who always sat beside her."her."

WeWe cut in and see an inscription carved into the wood.cut in and see an inscription carved into the wood. SheShe doesn't read the dates, carved below -- "June Wetherby,doesn't read the dates, carved below -- "June Wetherby, 1917 - 1992."1917 - 1992." She is slightly chocked by it.She is slightly chocked by it.

ANNA
Some people do spend their wholeSome people do spend their whole lives together.lives together.

HeHe nods.nods. They are standing on either side of the bench,They are standing on either side of the bench, looking at each other.looking at each other. The camera glides away from them,The camera glides away from them, upup into the night sky, leaving them alone in the garden.into the night sky, leaving them alone in the garden. Music plays.Music plays.

53

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

source 54

William in a towel rushes downstairs, having just had aWilliam in a towel rushes downstairs, having just had a shower. He shoots past Spike.shower. He shoots past Spike.

WILLIAM
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. HaveHave you seen my glasses?you seen my glasses?
SPIKE
No, 'fraid not.
WILLIAM
Bollocks.
(still searching --(still searching -- withwith no help fromno help from Spike)Spike)
This happens every time I go to theThis happens every time I go to the cinema.cinema. Average day, my glasses areAverage day, my glasses are everywhere -- everywhere I look,everywhere -- everywhere I look, glasses.glasses. But the moment I need themBut the moment I need them they disappear.they disappear. It's one of life'sIt's one of life's real cruelties.real cruelties.

44.44.

SPIKE
That's compared to, like,That's compared to, like, earthquakes in the Far East orearthquakes in the Far East or testicular cancer?testicular cancer?
WILLIAM
Oh shit, is that the time?Oh shit, is that the time? I haveI have to go.to go.
54

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - EVENING

source 55

HeHe sprints downstairs, now fully dressed.sprints downstairs, now fully dressed.

WILLIAM
(not meaning it)
Thanks for your help on the glassesThanks for your help on the glasses thing.thing.
SPIKE
(sincerely)
You're welcome.You're welcome. Did you find them?Did you find them?
WILLIAM
Sort of.
55

INT. CINEMA - NIGHT

source 56

Mid-film.Mid-film. We move across the audience.We move across the audience. And there is inAnd there is in thethe middle of it, we see Anna, watching the screen, andmiddle of it, we see Anna, watching the screen, and next to her, William, watching the film keenly, through hisnext to her, William, watching the film keenly, through his scuba-diving goggles.scuba-diving goggles.

56

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

source 57

AA very smart Japanese restaurant.very smart Japanese restaurant. We see Anna and WilliamWe see Anna and William sitting, near the end of their meal.sitting, near the end of their meal.

ANNA
So who left who?
WILLIAM
She left me.
ANNA
Why?
WILLIAM
She saw through me.
ANNA
Uh-oh.Uh-oh. That's not good.That's not good.

We've been aware of the conversation at a nearby table --We've been aware of the conversation at a nearby table -- nownow we can hear it.we can hear it. Two slightly rowdy men.Two slightly rowdy men.

45.45.

LAWRENCE
No - No- No!No - No- No! Give me Anna Scott anyGive me Anna Scott any day.day.

William and Anna look at each other.

GERALD
I didn't like that last film ofI didn't like that last film of hers. Fast asleep from the momenthers. Fast asleep from the moment the lights went down.the lights went down.

Again -- Anna reacts.

LAWRENCE
Don't really care what the film areDon't really care what the film are like.like. Any film with her in it --Any film with her in it -- fine by me.fine by me.
GERALD
No -- not my type at all really.No -- not my type at all really. II prefer that other one -- blonde --prefer that other one -- blonde -- sweet looking -- has an orgasm everysweet looking -- has an orgasm every time you take her out for a cup oftime you take her out for a cup of coffee.coffee.

Anna mouths "Meg Ryan."

LAWRENCE
Meg Ryan.

William and Anna smile -- they're enjoying it.

GERALD
Drug-induced, I hear -- I believeDrug-induced, I hear -- I believe she's actually in rehab as we speak.she's actually in rehab as we speak.
LAWRENCE
Whatever, she's so clearly up for it.

Anna's twinkle fades.

LAWRENCE
You know -- some girls, they're allYou know -- some girls, they're all "stay away chum" but Anna, she's"stay away chum" but Anna, she's absolutely gagging for it.absolutely gagging for it. Do youDo you know that in over fifty percent ofknow that in over fifty percent of languages the word for "actress" islanguages the word for "actress" is the same as the word forthe same as the word for "prostitute.""prostitute."

This is horrible.

46.46.

LAWRENCE
And Anna is your definitiveAnd Anna is your definitive actress -- someone really filthy youactress -- someone really filthy you can just flip over...can just flip over...
WILLIAM
Right, that's it.

HeHe gets up and goes round the cover to the men.gets up and goes round the cover to the men. There areThere are inin fact four of them, the two meeker men, Gavin and Harry,fact four of them, the two meeker men, Gavin and Harry, hanging on the other guys' witty words.hanging on the other guys' witty words.

WILLIAM
I'm sorry to disturb you guys but --
LAWRENCE
Can I help you?
WILLIAM
Well, yes, I wish I hadn't overheardWell, yes, I wish I hadn't overheard your conversation -- but I did andyour conversation -- but I did and I just think, you know...I just think, you know...

He's not a very convincing or frightening figure.

WILLIAM
...the person you're talking about...the person you're talking about is a real person and I think sheis a real person and I think she probably deserves a little bit moreprobably deserves a little bit more consideration, rather than havingconsideration, rather than having jerks like you drooling over her...jerks like you drooling over her...
LAWRENCE
Oh sod off, mate.Oh sod off, mate. What are you, herWhat are you, her dad?dad?

Anna suddenly appears at his side and whips him awayAnna suddenly appears at his side and whips him away without being recognized.without being recognized.

WILLIAM
I'm sorry.
ANNA
No, that's fine.No, that's fine. I love that youI love that you tried... time was I'd have done thetried... time was I'd have done the same.same.

They walk on and then...

ANNA
In fact -- give me a second.

AndAnd she walks straight back to their table.she walks straight back to their table.

47.47.

ANNA
Hi.Hi.
LAWRENCE
Oh my God...
ANNA
I'm sorry about my friend -- he'sI'm sorry about my friend -- he's very sensitive.very sensitive.
LAWRENCE
No, look, I'm sorry...
ANNA
Please, please -- let's just leavePlease, please -- let's just leave it there.it there. I'm sure you meant noI'm sure you meant no harm, and I'm sure it was justharm, and I'm sure it was just friendly banter and I'm sure youfriendly banter and I'm sure you dicks are all the size of peanuts.dicks are all the size of peanuts. A perfect match for the size of yourA perfect match for the size of your brains. Enjoy your meal.brains. Enjoy your meal. The tuna'sThe tuna's really good.really good.

AndAnd she walks away.she walks away. Gerald turns to Lawrence.Gerald turns to Lawrence.

GERALD
You prick.
57

EXT. RITZ ARCADE - NIGHT

source 58

They are walking.

ANNA
I shouldn't have done that.I shouldn't have done that. II shouldn't have done that.shouldn't have done that.
WILLIAM
No, you were brilliant
ANNA
I'm rash and I'm stupid and what amI'm rash and I'm stupid and what am I doing with you?I doing with you?
WILLIAM
I don't know, I'm afraid.
ANNA
I don't know either.

They have arrived at the end of the arcade.

ANNA
Here we are.
(pause)
Do you want to come up?

48.48.

WILLIAM
(he hoes)
There seem to be lots of reasons whyThere seem to be lots of reasons why I shouldn't.I shouldn't.
ANNA
There are lots of reasons.There are lots of reasons. Do youDo you want to come up?want to come up?

HisHis look says yes.look says yes.

ANNA
Give me five minutes.

HeHe watches her go -- and stands in the street.watches her go -- and stands in the street. Music plays.Music plays.

58

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR/ANNA'S SUITE - NIGHT

source 59

William coming along the hotel corridor.William coming along the hotel corridor. He knocks on theHe knocks on the door.door.

ANNA
Hiya.

There's something slightly angry.There's something slightly angry. He doesn't notice.He doesn't notice.

WILLIAM
Hi.Hi.

HeHe kisses her gently on the cheek.kisses her gently on the cheek.

WILLIAM
To be able to do that is such aTo be able to do that is such a wonderful thing.wonderful thing.
ANNA
(pause)
You've got to go.
WILLIAM
Why?
ANNA
Because my boyfriend, who I thoughtBecause my boyfriend, who I thought was in America, is in fact in thewas in America, is in fact in the next room.next room.
WILLIAM
Your boyfriend?

HeHe is duly shocked.is duly shocked. She's trying to be calm.She's trying to be calm.

ANNA
Yes...

49.49.

JEFF (V.O.)
Who is this?

Jeff drifts into view behind.Jeff drifts into view behind. He is a very famous filmHe is a very famous film star and looks the part -- well built, very handsome.star and looks the part -- well built, very handsome. Unshaved, he has magic charm, whatever he says.Unshaved, he has magic charm, whatever he says. Over a t-Over a t- shirt, he wears a shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.shirt, he wears a shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.

WILLIAM
Ahm... room service.
JEFF
How you doing?How you doing? I thought you guysI thought you guys all wore those penguin coats.all wore those penguin coats.
WILLIAM
Well, yes -- usually -- I'd justWell, yes -- usually -- I'd just changed to go home -- but I thoughtchanged to go home -- but I thought I'd just deal with this final call.I'd just deal with this final call.
JEFF
Oh great.Oh great. Could you do me a favorCould you do me a favor and try to get us some really coldand try to get us some really cold water up here.water up here.
WILLIAM
I'll see what I can do.
JEFF
Still, not sparkling.
WILLIAM
Absolutely.Absolutely. Ice cold still water.Ice cold still water.
JEFF
Unless it's illegal in the UK toUnless it's illegal in the UK to serve liquids below roomserve liquids below room temperature: I don't want you goingtemperature: I don't want you going to jail just to satisfy my whims...to jail just to satisfy my whims...
WILLIAM
No, I'm sure it'll be fine.
JEFF
And maybe you could just adios theAnd maybe you could just adios the dishes and empty the trash.dishes and empty the trash.
WILLIAM
Right.

AndAnd he does just that.he does just that. Scoops up the two used plates andScoops up the two used plates and heads to the bin.heads to the bin.

50.50.

ANNA
Really -- don't do that -- I'm sureReally -- don't do that -- I'm sure this is not his job.this is not his job.
JEFF
I'm sorry.I'm sorry. Is this a problem?Is this a problem?
WILLIAM
Ah -- no.Ah -- no. It's fine.It's fine.
JEFF
What's your name?
WILLIAM
Ahm... Bernie.

Jeff slips him a fiver.

JEFF
Thank you, Bernie.
(to Anna)
Hey -- nice surprise, or nastyHey -- nice surprise, or nasty surprise?surprise?
ANNA
Nice surprise.

HeHe kisses her.kisses her.

JEFF
Liar.
(to William)
She hates surprises.She hates surprises. What are youWhat are you ordering?ordering?
ANNA
I haven't decided.
JEFF
Well, don't over-do it.Well, don't over-do it. I don'tI don't want people saying.want people saying. "There goes"There goes that famous actor with the big, fatthat famous actor with the big, fat girlfriend."girlfriend."

HeHe wanders off taking off his t-shirt.wanders off taking off his t-shirt.

WILLIAM
I better leave.

Anna just nods.

WILLIAM
-- this is a fairly strange reality-- this is a fairly strange reality to be faced with.to be faced with. To be honest, ITo be honest, I don't realize...don't realize...

51.51.

ANNA
I'm sorry... I don't know what toI'm sorry... I don't know what to say.say.
WILLIAM
I think good bye is traditional.
59

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 60

William walks away.

60

EXT. RITZ - NIGHT

source 61

William walks down the arcade outside the hotel.William walks down the arcade outside the hotel. He isHe is stunned.stunned.

61

EXT. LONDON BUS - NIGHT

source 62

William sits alone on a bus.William sits alone on a bus. We see him through the sideWe see him through the side window.window. As it drives away, we see that the whole back ofAs it drives away, we see that the whole back of thethe bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna.bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna.

62

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

source 63

HeHe gets into his room and sits on the bed.gets into his room and sits on the bed.

63

INT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT

source 64

Space Anna, in the very hi-tech environment and a seriousSpace Anna, in the very hi-tech environment and a serious moods, fastens the last claps on her uniform.moods, fastens the last claps on her uniform. She takes aShe takes a helmet type thing, and places it on her head.helmet type thing, and places it on her head.

64

INT. CONNECT CINEMA - NIGHT

source 65

CutCut round to the Coronet cinema where this film is showing.round to the Coronet cinema where this film is showing. It's not full.It's not full. The camera moves and finds, sitting on hisThe camera moves and finds, sitting on his own...William.own...William. Just watching.Just watching. We see a momentous flash ofWe see a momentous flash of light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye.light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye.

65

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

source 66

William is looking out the window, lost in thought.William is looking out the window, lost in thought. SpikeSpike enters.enters.

SPIKE
Come on -- open up -- this is me --Come on -- open up -- this is me -- Spikey -- I'm in contact with someSpikey -- I'm in contact with some quite important spiritual vibrators.quite important spiritual vibrators. What's wrong?What's wrong?

Spike settles on the arm of a chair.Spike settles on the arm of a chair. William decides toWilliam decides to open up a bit...open up a bit...

WILLIAM
Well, okay.Well, okay. There's this girl...There's this girl...

52.52.

SPIKE
Aha!Aha! I'd been getting a femaleI'd been getting a female vibe. Good.vibe. Good. Speak on, dear friend.Speak on, dear friend.
WILLIAM
She's someone I just can't -- andShe's someone I just can't -- and it's as if I've taken love-heroin --it's as if I've taken love-heroin -- and now I can't even have it again.and now I can't even have it again. I've opened Pandora's box.I've opened Pandora's box. AndAnd there's trouble inside.there's trouble inside.

Spike nods thoughtfully.

SPIKE
Yeh.Yeh. Yeh...tricky...tricky...I knewYeh...tricky...tricky...I knew a girl at school called Pandora ...a girl at school called Pandora ... never got to see her box though.never got to see her box though.

HeHe roars with laughter.roars with laughter. William smiles.William smiles.

WILLIAM
Thanks.Thanks. Yes -- very helpful.Yes -- very helpful.
66

INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

source 67

Only two tables are being used.Only two tables are being used. William and his friendsWilliam and his friends areare on their first course.on their first course. Bernie reads an "EveningBernie reads an "Evening Standard," with a picture of Anna and left at HeathrowStandard," with a picture of Anna and left at Heathrow Airport.Airport.

MAXMAX
You didn't know she had a boyfriend?
WILLIAM
No -- did you?

Their looks make it obvious that everyone did.

WILLIAM
Bloody hell, I can't believe it --myBloody hell, I can't believe it --my whole life ruined because I don'twhole life ruined because I don't read "Hello" magazine.read "Hello" magazine.
MAXMAX
Let's face facts.Let's face facts. This was alwaysThis was always a no-go situation.a no-go situation. Anna's a goddessAnna's a goddess and you know what happens to moralsand you know what happens to morals who get involved with the gods.who get involved with the gods.
WILLIAM
Buggered?

53.53.

MAXMAX
Every time.Every time. But don't despair -- IBut don't despair -- I think I have the solution to yourthink I have the solution to your problems.problems.
WILLIAM
Really?

They all look to him for wise words.

MAXMAX
Her name is Tessa and she works inHer name is Tessa and she works in the contracts department.the contracts department. The hair,The hair, I admit, is unfashionable frizzy --I admit, is unfashionable frizzy -- but she's as bright as a button andbut she's as bright as a button and kisses like a nymphomaniac on deathkisses like a nymphomaniac on death row.row. Apparently.Apparently.
67

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 68

TheThe kitchen.kitchen. William is looking uneasy.William is looking uneasy. A doorbell rings.A doorbell rings.

MAXMAX
Now -- try.

William nods.William nods. Max heads off to the door.Max heads off to the door. We stay withWe stay with William -- and just hear the door open and a voice comeWilliam -- and just hear the door open and a voice come down the corridor.down the corridor.

TESSA (V.O.)
I got completely lost -- it's realI got completely lost -- it's real difficult, isn't it?difficult, isn't it? Everything'sEverything's got the word 'Kensington' in it --got the word 'Kensington' in it -- Kensington Park Road, KensingtonKensington Park Road, Kensington Gardens, Kensington bloody ParkGardens, Kensington bloody Park Gardens...Gardens...

They reach the kitchen.They reach the kitchen. Tessa is a lush girl with a hugeTessa is a lush girl with a huge hair.hair.

MAXMAX
Tessa -- this is Bella my wife.
TESSA
Oh hello, you're in a wheelchair.
BELLA
That's right.
MAXMAX
And this is William.
TESSA
Hello William.Hello William. Max has told meMax has told me everything about you.everything about you.

54.54.

WILLIAM
(frightened)
Has he?
TESSA
Oh yes please.Oh yes please. Come on, Willie,Come on, Willie, let's get sloshed.let's get sloshed.

SheShe turns to take the wine and William has a split secondturns to take the wine and William has a split second toto send a message of panic to Bella.send a message of panic to Bella. She agrees -- it'sShe agrees -- it's bad.bad.

68

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

source 69

MaxMax walks over to the table.walks over to the table. Honey, Bella, William andHoney, Bella, William and another girl.another girl.

MAXMAX
Keziah -- some woodcock?
KEZIAH
No, thank youNo, thank you -- I'm a fruitarian.-- I'm a fruitarian.
MAXMAX
I don't realize that.

ItIt is left to William, who has been set up here, to fillis left to William, who has been set up here, to fill thethe pause.pause.

WILLIAM
And ahm -- what's a fruitarianAnd ahm -- what's a fruitarian exactly?exactly?
KEZIAH
We believe that fruits andWe believe that fruits and vegetables have feels so we thinkvegetables have feels so we think cooking is cruel.cooking is cruel. We only eatWe only eat things that have actually fallenthings that have actually fallen from the tree or bush -- that are,from the tree or bush -- that are, in fact, dead already.in fact, dead already.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. Right.Right. Interesting stuff.Interesting stuff.
(pause)
So these carrots...
KEZIAH
Have been murdered, yes.
WILLIAM
Murdered?Murdered? Poor carrots.Poor carrots. HowHow beastly.beastly.

55.55.

69

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

source 70

Time for coffee and chocolates.Time for coffee and chocolates. Beside William sits theBeside William sits the final, perfect girl.final, perfect girl. She is Rosie, quite young, smartlyShe is Rosie, quite young, smartly dressed, open-hearted.dressed, open-hearted. It is just Max and William andIt is just Max and William and Bella and her.Bella and her.

ROSIE
Delicious coffee.
MAXMAX
Thank you.Thank you. I'm sorry about the lamb.I'm sorry about the lamb.
ROSIE
No -- I thought it was really, youNo -- I thought it was really, you know, interesting.know, interesting.
WILLIAM
Interesting means inedible.
ROSIE
Really inedible -- yes that's right.

They all laugh.They all laugh. It's going very well.It's going very well.

70

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 71

William is with Rosie by the door -- just about to sayWilliam is with Rosie by the door -- just about to say goodbye.goodbye.

ROSIE
Maybe we'll meet again some time.
WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. That would be...great.That would be...great.

SheShe kisses him gently on the cheek.kisses him gently on the cheek. He opens the door --He opens the door -- sheshe walks out.walks out. He shuts the door quietly and heads backHe shuts the door quietly and heads back into the living room...into the living room...

71

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 72

MaxMax and Bella wait excitedly.and Bella wait excitedly.

MAXMAX
Well?
WILLIAM
She's perfect, perfect.
BELLA
And?

William makes a gentle, exasperated gesture, then...

56.56.

WILLIAM
I think you have forgotten...
(he looks at them)
...what an unusual situation you...what an unusual situation you have here -- to find someone youhave here -- to find someone you actually love, who'll love you --actually love, who'll love you -- the chances are... always minuscule.the chances are... always minuscule. Look at me -- not counting theLook at me -- not counting the American -- I've only loved twoAmerican -- I've only loved two girls in my whole life, both totalgirls in my whole life, both total disasters.disasters.
MAXMAX
That's not fair.
WILLIAM
No really, one of them marries meNo really, one of them marries me and then leaves me quicker than youand then leaves me quicker than you can say Indiana Jones -- and thecan say Indiana Jones -- and the other, who seriously ought to haveother, who seriously ought to have known better, casually marries myknown better, casually marries my best friend.best friend.
BELLA
(pause)
Still loves you though.
WILLIAM
In a depressingly asexual way.
BELLA
(pause)
I never fancied you much actually...

They all roar with laughter.

BELLA
I mean I loved you -- you wereI mean I loved you -- you were terribly funny.terribly funny. But all thatBut all that kissing my ears...kissing my ears...
WILLIAM
Oh no -- this is just getting worse.Oh no -- this is just getting worse. I am going to find myself, 30 yearsI am going to find myself, 30 years from now, still on this couch.from now, still on this couch.
BELLA
Do you want to stay?
WILLIAM
Why not -- all that awaits me atWhy not -- all that awaits me at home is a masturbating Welshman.home is a masturbating Welshman.

Music starts to play to take us through these silent scenes.

57.57.

72

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 73

MaxMax lifts Bella off her couch and carries her upstairs.lifts Bella off her couch and carries her upstairs.

MixMix through -- William sits on the couch downstairs -- eyesthrough -- William sits on the couch downstairs -- eyes wide open -- thinking.wide open -- thinking.

73

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - DAY

source 74

Morning.Morning. Max, all in his suit for the city... Bella kissesMax, all in his suit for the city... Bella kisses himhim goodbye.goodbye. William sees this from the kitchen.William sees this from the kitchen. She isShe is also dressed for work -- and moves back into the kitchen toalso dressed for work -- and moves back into the kitchen to pack her briefcase with law books from the kitchen table.pack her briefcase with law books from the kitchen table.

74

EXT. MAX AND BELLA'S HOUSE - DAY

source 75

William emerges from the house, a little ruffled from aWilliam emerges from the house, a little ruffled from a night away from home, a heads off.night away from home, a heads off.

75

EXT. NEWSAGENT - DAY

source 76

William walks past the newsagent, heading for home.William walks past the newsagent, heading for home. WeWe see, though he doesn't, a rack of tabloid papers, all ofsee, though he doesn't, a rack of tabloid papers, all of which seem to have very grainy, grabbed pictures of Anniewhich seem to have very grainy, grabbed pictures of Annie onon their front page.their front page. Headlines --'Annie Stunned'-- 'It'sHeadlines --'Annie Stunned'-- 'It's Definitely Her!' and 'Scott of Pantartica.'Definitely Her!' and 'Scott of Pantartica.'

76

INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY

source 77

William is shaving.William is shaving. The bell goes.The bell goes. He heads out to answerHe heads out to answer it.it.

77

EXT./INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE -DAY

source 78

William arrives at the door and opens it.William arrives at the door and opens it. There stands aThere stands a dark-glassed Anna.dark-glassed Anna.

ANNA
Hi.Hi. Can I come in?Can I come in?
WILLIAM
Come in.

SheShe moves inside.moves inside. Her hair is a mess -- her eyes areHer hair is a mess -- her eyes are tired. Nothing idealized.tired. Nothing idealized.

78

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

source 79

TheThe two of them.two of them.

ANNA
They were taken years ago -- I knowThey were taken years ago -- I know it was...it was...
(more)

58.58.

ANNA (cont'd)
...well, I was poor and it happens...well, I was poor and it happens a lot -- that's not an excuse -- buta lot -- that's not an excuse -- but to make things worse, it now appearsto make things worse, it now appears someone was filming me as well.someone was filming me as well. SoSo what was a stupid photo-shoot nowwhat was a stupid photo-shoot now looks like a porno film. And well...looks like a porno film. And well... the pictures have been solid andthe pictures have been solid and they're everywhere.they're everywhere.

William shakes his head.

ANNA
I don't know where to go.I don't know where to go. The hotelThe hotel is surrounded.is surrounded.
WILLIAM
This is the place.
ANNA
Thank you.Thank you. I'm just in London forI'm just in London for two days -- but, with your papers,two days -- but, with your papers, it's the worse place to be.it's the worse place to be.

She's very shaken.

ANNA
These are such horrible pictures.These are such horrible pictures. They're so grainy... they make meThey're so grainy... they make me look like...look like...
WILLIAM
Don't think about it.Don't think about it. We'll sort itWe'll sort it out.out. Now what would you like -- teaNow what would you like -- tea ... bath...?... bath...?
ANNA
A bath would be great.
79

INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY

source 80

Spike enters through the front door.Spike enters through the front door. William doesn't hearWilliam doesn't hear him. Spike is reading newspapers with the Anna pictures inhim. Spike is reading newspapers with the Anna pictures in it.it.

SPIKE
Christ alive... brilliant...Christ alive... brilliant... fantastic .... magnificent...fantastic .... magnificent...

HeHe heads up the stairs.heads up the stairs. Opens the bathroom door, walks in.Opens the bathroom door, walks in.

80

INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY

source 81

Spike heads for the toilet -- undoes his zip...

59.59.

ANNA
You must be Spike.

She's in the bath.She's in the bath. Spike turns in shock -- and sidles outSpike turns in shock -- and sidles out ofof the bathroom.the bathroom.

81

INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY

source 82

Spike calms himself down.Spike calms himself down. He then opens the bathroom doorHe then opens the bathroom door again -- and looks in.again -- and looks in.

82

INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY

source 83

Anna is still lying low in the bath.

ANNA
Hi.Hi.
SPIKE
Just checking.
83

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

source 84

Spike comes back out into the corridor.Spike comes back out into the corridor. Looks to heaven.Looks to heaven.

SPIKE
Thank you, God.
84

INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY

source 85

William and Anna at the kitchen table, eating toast.

ANNA
I'm really sorry about last time.I'm really sorry about last time. He just flew in -- I had no idea --He just flew in -- I had no idea -- in fact, I had no idea if he'd everin fact, I had no idea if he'd ever fly in again.fly in again.
WILLIAM
No, that's fine.No, that's fine. It's not often oneIt's not often one has the opportunity to adios thehas the opportunity to adios the plates of a major Hollywood star.plates of a major Hollywood star. It was a thrill for me.It was a thrill for me.
(she smiles.(she smiles. Pause)Pause)
How is he?
ANNA
I don't know.I don't know. It got to the pointIt got to the point where I couldn't remember any of thewhere I couldn't remember any of the reasons I loved him.reasons I loved him. And you... andAnd you... and love?love?
WILLIAM
Well, there's a question -- withoutWell, there's a question -- without an interesting answer.an interesting answer.

60.60.

ANNA
I have thought about you.
WILLIAM
Oh no no -- no.

HeHe doesn't think she has to talk about this.doesn't think she has to talk about this.

ANNA
Just anytime I've tried to keepJust anytime I've tried to keep things normal with anyone normal --things normal with anyone normal -- it's been a disaster.it's been a disaster.
WILLIAM
I appreciate that absolutely.
(changing subject(changing subject tactfully)tactfully)
Is that the film you're doing?
ANNA
Yes -- start in L.A. on Tuesday.
WILLIAM
Would you like me to take youWould you like me to take you through your lines?through your lines?
ANNA
Would you?Would you? It's all talk, talk,It's all talk, talk, talk.talk.
WILLIAM
Hand it over.Hand it over. Basic plot?Basic plot?
ANNA
I'm a difficult but brilliant juniorI'm a difficult but brilliant junior officer who in about twenty minutesofficer who in about twenty minutes will save the world from nuclearwill save the world from nuclear disaster.disaster.
WILLIAM
Well done you.
85

EXT. TERRACE - DAY

source 86

AA little later.little later. They're in the thick of the script.They're in the thick of the script.

WILLIAM
'Message from command.'Message from command. Would youWould you like them to send in the HKs?'like them to send in the HKs?'

61.61.

ANNA
'No, turn over 4 TRS's and tell them'No, turn over 4 TRS's and tell them we need radar feedback before thewe need radar feedback before the KFT's return at 19 hundred -- thenKFT's return at 19 hundred -- then inform the Pentagon that we'll beinform the Pentagon that we'll be needing black star cover from tenneeding black star cover from ten hundred through 12.15' -- and don'thundred through 12.15' -- and don't you dare say one word about how manyyou dare say one word about how many mistakes I made in that speech ormistakes I made in that speech or I'll pelt you with olives.I'll pelt you with olives.
WILLIAM
'Very well, captain -- I'll pass'Very well, captain -- I'll pass that on straightaway.'that on straightaway.'
ANNA
'Thank you.''Thank you.' How many mistake didHow many mistake did I make?I make?
WILLIAM
Eleven.
ANNA
Damn.Damn. 'And Wainwright...''And Wainwright...'
WILLIAM
Cartwright.
ANNA
'Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever'Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever your name is, I promised littleyour name is, I promised little Jimmy I'd be home for hisJimmy I'd be home for his birthday -- could you get a messagebirthday -- could you get a message through that I may be a little late.'through that I may be a little late.'
WILLIAM
'Certainly.'Certainly. And little Johnny?'And little Johnny?'
ANNA
My son's name is Johnny?
WILLIAM
Yup.
ANNA
Well, get a message through to himWell, get a message through to him too.too.
WILLIAM
Brilliant.
(the scene's over)
Word perfect I'd say.
ANNA
What do you think?

62.62.

WILLIAM
Gripping.Gripping. It's not Jane Austen,It's not Jane Austen, it's Not Henry James, but it'sit's Not Henry James, but it's gripping.gripping.
ANNA
You think I should do Henry JamesYou think I should do Henry James instead?instead?
WILLIAM
I'm sure you'd be great in HenryI'm sure you'd be great in Henry James. But, you know -- thisJames. But, you know -- this writer's pretty damn good too.writer's pretty damn good too.
ANNA
Yes -- I mean -- you never getYes -- I mean -- you never get anyone in 'Wings of a Dove' havinganyone in 'Wings of a Dove' having the nerve to say 'inform thethe nerve to say 'inform the Pentagon that we need black starPentagon that we need black star over.'over.'
WILLIAM
And I think the book is the poorerAnd I think the book is the poorer for it.for it.

Annie smiles her biggest smile of the day.Annie smiles her biggest smile of the day. He is helping.He is helping.

86

INT. WILLIAM'S DINING ROOM

source 87

Anna and William.Anna and William. Sat down at table.Sat down at table. There's a pictureThere's a picture hanging on the wall behind.hanging on the wall behind.

ANNA
I can't believe you have thatI can't believe you have that picture on your wall.picture on your wall.

ItIt is a picture of a Chagall painting of a floating weddingis a picture of a Chagall painting of a floating wedding couple, with a goat as company.couple, with a goat as company.

WILLIAM
You like Chagall?
ANNA
I do.I do. It feels like how being inIt feels like how being in love should be.love should be. Floating through aFloating through a dark blue sky.dark blue sky.
WILLIAM
With a goat playing a violin.
ANNA
Yes -- happiness wouldn't beYes -- happiness wouldn't be happiness without a violin-playinghappiness without a violin-playing goat.goat.

63.63.

Spike enters with three pizzas.

SPIKE
Voila.Voila. Carnival Calypso, for theCarnival Calypso, for the Queen of Notting Hill -- pepperoni,Queen of Notting Hill -- pepperoni, pineapple and a little morepineapple and a little more pepperoni.pepperoni.
ANNA
Fantastic.
WILLIAM
I don't mention that Anna's aI don't mention that Anna's a vegetarian, did I?vegetarian, did I?
SPIKE
(pause)
I have some parsnip stew from lastI have some parsnip stew from last week. If I just peel the skin off,week. If I just peel the skin off, it'll be perfect.it'll be perfect.
87

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 88

Later in the evening.Later in the evening. William and Anna on their own.William and Anna on their own. They're sipping coffee.They're sipping coffee. A few seconds of just co-existing.A few seconds of just co-existing. Anna looks up.Anna looks up.

ANNA
You've got big feet.
WILLIAM
Yes.Yes. Always have had.Always have had.
ANNA
You know what they say about menYou know what they say about men with big feet?with big feet?
WILLIAM
No.No. What's that?What's that?
ANNA
Big feet -- large shoes.

HeHe laughs.laughs.

88

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 89

AA few hours later -- eating ice-cream out of the tub.few hours later -- eating ice-cream out of the tub.

ANNA
The thing that's so irritating isThe thing that's so irritating is that now I'm so totally fierce whenthat now I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses.it comes to nudity clauses.

64.64.

WILLIAM
You actually have clauses in yourYou actually have clauses in your contact about nudity.contact about nudity.
ANNA
Definitely.Definitely. 'You may show the dent'You may show the dent at the top of the artist'sat the top of the artist's buttocks -- but neither cheek, inbuttocks -- but neither cheek, in the event of a stunt person beingthe event of a stunt person being used, the artist must have fullused, the artist must have full consultation.'consultation.'
WILLIAM
You have a stunt bottom?
ANNA
I could have a stunt bottom, yes.
WILLIAM
Would you be tempted to go for aWould you be tempted to go for a slightly better bottom than your own?slightly better bottom than your own?
ANNA
Definitely.Definitely. Ths is important stuff.Ths is important stuff.
WILLIAM
It's one hell of a job.It's one hell of a job. What do youWhat do you put on your passport?put on your passport? Profession --Profession -- Mel Gibson's bottom.Mel Gibson's bottom.
ANNA
Actually, Mel does his own ass work.Actually, Mel does his own ass work. Why wouldn't he?Why wouldn't he?
WILLIAM
The ice cream or Mel Gibson's bottom?
ANNA
Both.
89

INT. WILLIAM'S UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - NIGHT

source 90

They are walking up the stairs -- and stop at the top.

ANNA
Today has been a good day.Today has been a good day. WhichWhich under the circumstances is...under the circumstances is... unexpected.unexpected.
WILLIAM
Well, thank you.
(awkward pause)
Anytime -- time for bed.Anytime -- time for bed. Or... sofa-Or... sofa- bed.bed.

65.65.

ANNA
Right.

Pause.Pause. She leans forward, kisses him gently, then stepsShe leans forward, kisses him gently, then steps into the bedroom and closes the door.into the bedroom and closes the door.

90

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 91

William downstairs -- on a sofa -- under a duvet.William downstairs -- on a sofa -- under a duvet. EyesEyes open. Thinking.open. Thinking. Pause and pause.Pause and pause.

HeHe waits and waits -- the ultimate 'yearn.'waits and waits -- the ultimate 'yearn.' But nothingBut nothing happens.happens. William gets off the sofa decisively.William gets off the sofa decisively. Sits onSits on thethe side of it.side of it. Then gets back in again.Then gets back in again.

Pause, pause, then... in the darkness, a stair creaks.Pause, pause, then... in the darkness, a stair creaks. There's someone there.There's someone there.

WILLIAM
(to himself)
Oh my God...
(then...)
Hello.
SPIKE
Hello.Hello. I wonder if I could have aI wonder if I could have a little word.little word.

HeHe drifts round the corner, half-naked.drifts round the corner, half-naked.

WILLIAM
Spike.
SPIKE
I don't want to interfere, orI don't want to interfere, or anything ... but she's split up fromanything ... but she's split up from her boy-friend, that's right isn'ther boy-friend, that's right isn't it?it?
WILLIAM
Maybe.
SPIKE
And she's in your house.
WILLIAM
Yes.
SPIKE
And you get on very well.
WILLIAM
Yes.

66.66.

SPIKE
Well, isn't this perhaps a goodWell, isn't this perhaps a good opportunity to... slip her one?opportunity to... slip her one?
WILLIAM
Spike.Spike. For God's sake -- she's inFor God's sake -- she's in trouble -- get a grip.trouble -- get a grip.
SPIKE
Right.Right. Right.Right. You think it's theYou think it's the wrong moment.wrong moment. Fair enough.Fair enough.
(pause)
Do you mind if I have a go?
WILLIAM
Spike!
SPIKE
No -- you're right.
WILLIAM
I'll talk you in the morning.
SPIKE
Okay -- okay.Okay -- okay. Might be too late,Might be too late, but okay.but okay.

Back to William thinking again.Back to William thinking again. Dreamy atmosphere.Dreamy atmosphere. AndAnd then... more footsteps on the stairs.then... more footsteps on the stairs.

WILLIAM
Oh please sod off.
ANNA
Okay.
WILLIAM
No! No.No! No. Wait.Wait. I... thought youI... thought you were someone else.were someone else. I thought youI thought you were Spike. I'm delighted you're not.were Spike. I'm delighted you're not.

TheThe darkness of the living room.darkness of the living room. We see Anna in the shadow.We see Anna in the shadow.

91

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

source 92

AA few moments later.few moments later. William and Anna stand in the middleWilliam and Anna stand in the middle ofof the room.the room. He kisses her neck.He kisses her neck. Then her shoulder.Then her shoulder. WhatWhat aa miracle it is just to be able to touch this girl's skin.miracle it is just to be able to touch this girl's skin. Then he looks at her face.Then he looks at her face. That face.That face. He is suddenlyHe is suddenly struck by who it is.struck by who it is.

WILLIAM
Wow.

67.67.

ANNA
What?
WILLIAM
Nothing.

AndAnd kisses her.kisses her.

92

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

source 93

TheThe middle of the night.middle of the night. They are both sleep -- a yardThey are both sleep -- a yard apart. In sleep, her arm reaches out, touches his shoulderapart. In sleep, her arm reaches out, touches his shoulder andand then she wriggles across and re-settles herself,then she wriggles across and re-settles herself, tenderly, right next to him.tenderly, right next to him. He is not asleep and knowsHe is not asleep and knows howhow extraordinary this all is.extraordinary this all is.

93

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY

source 94

TheThe morning.morning.

WILLIAM
It still strikes me as, well,It still strikes me as, well, surreal, that I'm allowed to see yousurreal, that I'm allowed to see you naked.naked.
ANNA
You and every person in this country.
WILLIAM
Oh God yes -- I'm sorry.
ANNA
What is it about men and nudity?What is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts -- how can youParticularly breasts -- how can you be so interested in them?be so interested in them?
WILLIAM
Well...
ANNA
No seriously.No seriously. I mean, they're justI mean, they're just breasts.breasts. Every second person in theEvery second person in the world has got them...world has got them...
WILLIAM
More than that actually, when youMore than that actually, when you think about it.think about it. You know, MeatloafYou know, Meatloaf has a very nice pair...has a very nice pair...
ANNA
But... they're odd-looking.But... they're odd-looking. They'reThey're for milk.for milk. Your mum's got them.Your mum's got them. YouYou must have seen a thousand of them --must have seen a thousand of them -- what's the fuss about?what's the fuss about?

68.68.

WILLIAM
(pause)
Actually, I can't think really --Actually, I can't think really -- let me just have a quick look...let me just have a quick look...

HeHe looks under the sheet at her breasts.looks under the sheet at her breasts.

WILLIAM
No, beats me.

SheShe laughs...laughs...

ANNA
Rita Hayworth used to say -- 'theyRita Hayworth used to say -- 'they go to bed with Gilda -- they wake upgo to bed with Gilda -- they wake up with me.' Do you feel that?with me.' Do you feel that?
WILLIAM
Who was Gilda?
ANNA
Her most famous part -- men went toHer most famous part -- men went to bed with the dream -- and theybed with the dream -- and they didn't like it when they woke updidn't like it when they woke up with the reality --do you feel thatwith the reality --do you feel that way with me?way with me?
WILLIAM
(pause)
You're lovelier this morning thanYou're lovelier this morning than you have ever been.you have ever been.
ANNA
(very(very touched)touched)
Oh.Oh.

SheShe looks at him carefully.looks at him carefully. Then leaps out of bed.Then leaps out of bed.

ANNA
I'll be back.
94

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - MORNING

source 95

William on the bed.William on the bed. The door opens.The door opens. It is Anna with aIt is Anna with a tray of toast and tea.tray of toast and tea.

ANNA
Breakfast in bed.Breakfast in bed. Or lunch, orOr lunch, or brunch.brunch.

SheShe bends across.bends across. She smiles and sits on the bed.She smiles and sits on the bed.

ANNA
Can I stay a bit longer?

69.69.

WILLIAM
Stay forever.
ANNA
Damn, I forgot the jam.

TheThe doorbell goes.doorbell goes.

ANNA
You get the door, I'll get the jam.
95

INT./EXT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY

source 96

William heads down the corridor and opens the door.William heads down the corridor and opens the door. Outside are hundreds of paparazzi -- an explosion ofOutside are hundreds of paparazzi -- an explosion of cameras and questions, of noise and light.cameras and questions, of noise and light. The press seemThe press seem toto fill the entire street.fill the entire street.

WILLIAM
Jesus Christ.

HeHe comes back inside, snapping the door behind him.comes back inside, snapping the door behind him. AnnaAnna isis in the kitchen.in the kitchen.

ANNA
What?
WILLIAM
Don't ask.

SheShe heads back the corridor, with no suspicion.heads back the corridor, with no suspicion.

ANNA
You're up to something...

SheShe thinks he's fooling around.thinks he's fooling around. She opens the door, theShe opens the door, the same explosion.same explosion. In a split second she's inside.In a split second she's inside.

ANNA
Oh my God.Oh my God. And they got a photo ofAnd they got a photo of you dressed like that?you dressed like that?
WILLIAM
Undressed like this, yes.
ANNA
Jesus.
96

INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY

source 97

Anna is on the phone.Anna is on the phone. Spike is blithely heading downstairsSpike is blithely heading downstairs toto the kitchen in just his underpants.the kitchen in just his underpants.

SPIKE
Morning, daring ones.

70.70.

HeHe does a thumb up to William -- very excited about what hedoes a thumb up to William -- very excited about what he knows was a 'result.'knows was a 'result.'

ANNA
(on the phone)
It's Anna.It's Anna. The press are here.The press are here. No,No, there are hundreds of them.there are hundreds of them. MyMy brilliant plan was not so brilliantbrilliant plan was not so brilliant at all.at all. Yeh, I know, I know.Yeh, I know, I know. JustJust get me out then.get me out then.
(she hangs up)
Damnit.

SheShe heads upstairs.heads upstairs.

WILLIAM
I wouldn't go outside.
SPIKE
Why not?
WILLIAM
Just take my work for it.

TheThe moment William goes upstairs, Spike heads for the frontmoment William goes upstairs, Spike heads for the front door.door.

97

EXT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE - DAY

source 98

From outside -- we see this scrawny bloke in the frame ofFrom outside -- we see this scrawny bloke in the frame of thethe doorway, in his gay underpants.doorway, in his gay underpants. A thousand photos.A thousand photos. Spike poses athletically.Spike poses athletically.

98

INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY

source 99

Spike closes the door and wanders along to a mirror in theSpike closes the door and wanders along to a mirror in the hall-way, muttering.hall-way, muttering.

SPIKE
How did I look?

Inspects himself.

SPIKE
Not bad.Not bad. No bad at all.No bad at all. Well-Well- chosen briefs, I'd say.chosen briefs, I'd say. Chick loveChick love grey. Mmmmm.grey. Mmmmm. Nice firm buttocks.Nice firm buttocks.
99

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY

source 100

William enters.William enters. He's unhappy for her.He's unhappy for her. She's almostShe's almost dressed.dressed.

WILLIAM
How are you doing?

71.71.

ANNA
How do you think I'm doing?
WILLIAM
I don't know what happened.
ANNA
I do.I do. Your furry friend thoughtYour furry friend thought he'd make a buck or two telling thehe'd make a buck or two telling the papers where I was.papers where I was.

She's pacing.

WILLIAM
That's not true.
ANNA
Really?Really? The entire British pressThe entire British press just woke up this morning andjust woke up this morning and thought 'Hey --I know where Annathought 'Hey --I know where Anna Scott is.Scott is. She's in that house withShe's in that house with the blue door in Notting Hill.'the blue door in Notting Hill.' AndAnd then go out in your goddamnthen go out in your goddamn underwear.underwear.
SPIKE
(dropping in)
I went out in my goddamn underwearI went out in my goddamn underwear too.too.
WILLIAM
Get out, Spike.
(he does)
I'm so sorry.
ANNA
This is such a mess.This is such a mess. I come to youI come to you to protect myself against moreto protect myself against more crappy gossip and now I'm landed incrappy gossip and now I'm landed in it all over again.it all over again. For God's sake,For God's sake, I've got a boyfriend.I've got a boyfriend.
WILLIAM
You do?

It's a difficult moment -- defining where they stand.

ANNA
As far as they're concerned I do.As far as they're concerned I do. And now tomorrow there'll beAnd now tomorrow there'll be pictures of you in every newspaperspictures of you in every newspapers from here to Timbuktu.from here to Timbuktu.

72.72.

WILLIAM
I know, I know -- but... just --I know, I know -- but... just -- let's stay calm...let's stay calm...
ANNA
You can stay calm -- it's theYou can stay calm -- it's the perfect situation for you -- minimumperfect situation for you -- minimum input, maximum publicity.input, maximum publicity. Everyone,Everyone, you ever bump into will know.you ever bump into will know. 'Well'Well done you --you slept with thatdone you --you slept with that actress -- we've seen the pictures.'actress -- we've seen the pictures.'
WILLIAM
That's spectacularly unfair.
ANNA
Who knows, it may even helpWho knows, it may even help business. Buy a boring book aboutbusiness. Buy a boring book about Egypt from the guy who screwed AnnaEgypt from the guy who screwed Anna Scott.Scott.

SheShe heads out.heads out.

100

INT. STAIRS/LIVING ROOM - DAY

source 101
WILLIAM
Now stop.Now stop. Stop.Stop. I beg you -- calmI beg you -- calm down. Have a cup of tea.down. Have a cup of tea.
ANNA
I don't want a goddamn cup of tea.I don't want a goddamn cup of tea. I want to go home.I want to go home.

TheThe doorbell goes.doorbell goes.

WILLIAM
Spike, check who that is... and forSpike, check who that is... and for God's sake put some clothes on.God's sake put some clothes on.

Spike leans merrily out of the window.

SPIKE
Looks like a chauffeur to me.
101

INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN/CORRIDOR - DAY

source 102

They move from the kitchen into the corridor.

ANNA
And remember -- Spike owes you anAnd remember -- Spike owes you an expensive dinner.expensive dinner. Or holiday --Or holiday -- depending if he's got the brains todepending if he's got the brains to get the going rate on betrayal.get the going rate on betrayal.

73.73.

WILLIAM
That's not true.That's not true. And wait aAnd wait a minute... this is crazy behavior.minute... this is crazy behavior. Can't we just laugh about this?Can't we just laugh about this? Seriously -- in the huge sweep ofSeriously -- in the huge sweep of things, this stuff doesn't matter.things, this stuff doesn't matter.
SPIKE
What he's going to say next is --What he's going to say next is -- there are people starving in thethere are people starving in the Sudan.Sudan.
WILLIAM
Well, there are.Well, there are. And we don't needAnd we don't need to go anywhere near that far.to go anywhere near that far. My best friend slipped -- sheMy best friend slipped -- she slipped down-stairs, cracked herslipped down-stairs, cracked her back and she's in a wheelchair forback and she's in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. All I'm askingthe rest of her life. All I'm asking for is a normal amount offor is a normal amount of perspective.perspective.
ANNA
You're right: of course, you'reYou're right: of course, you're right. It's just that I've dealtright. It's just that I've dealt with this garbage for ten yearswith this garbage for ten years now -- you've had it for tennow -- you've had it for ten minutes.minutes. Our perspective areOur perspective are different.different.
WILLIAM
I mean -- today's newspapers will beI mean -- today's newspapers will be lining tomorrow's waste paper bins.lining tomorrow's waste paper bins.
ANNA
Excuse me?
WILLIAM
Well, you know -- it's just one day.Well, you know -- it's just one day. Today's papers will all have beenToday's papers will all have been thrown away tomorrow.thrown away tomorrow.
ANNA
You really don't get it.You really don't get it. This storyThis story gets filed.gets filed. Every time anyoneEvery time anyone writes anything about me -- they'llwrites anything about me -- they'll dig up these photos.dig up these photos. NewspapersNewspapers last forever. I'll regret thislast forever. I'll regret this forever.forever.

HeHe takes this in.takes this in. That's the end.That's the end.

74.74.

WILLIAM
Right.Right. Fine!Fine! I will do theI will do the opposite, if it's all right byopposite, if it's all right by you -- and always be glad you came.you -- and always be glad you came. But you're right -- you probablyBut you're right -- you probably better go.better go.

SheShe looks at him.looks at him. The doorbell goes again.The doorbell goes again. She opens theShe opens the door. Massive noise and photos.door. Massive noise and photos. Outside are her people,Outside are her people, including Karen, a chauffeur, two bodyguards.including Karen, a chauffeur, two bodyguards. And then theAnd then the door is shut and they're all gone.door is shut and they're all gone. Silence.Silence.

102

INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN/CORRIDOR - DAY

source 103

Spike and William sitting there.Spike and William sitting there. Pause.Pause.

WILLIAM
Was it you?
SPIKE
I suppose I might have told one orI suppose I might have told one or two people down the pub.two people down the pub.
WILLIAM
Right.

HeHe puts his head in his hands.puts his head in his hands. It's over now.It's over now.

103

EXT. LONDON - DAY

source 104

AsAs full, sad music plays -- William begins to walk throughfull, sad music plays -- William begins to walk through Notting Hill.Notting Hill.

This walk takes six months... as he walks, the seasonsThis walk takes six months... as he walks, the seasons actually and magically change, from summer, through autumnactually and magically change, from summer, through autumn andand winter, back into spring...winter, back into spring...

First it is summer -- summer fruits and flowers -- a six-First it is summer -- summer fruits and flowers -- a six- month pregnant woman -- Honey with another leather-jacketmonth pregnant woman -- Honey with another leather-jacket boyfriend.boyfriend.

AsAs he walks on the rain starts to fall -- he turns up hishe walks on the rain starts to fall -- he turns up his coat collar -- umbrellas appear.coat collar -- umbrellas appear. Followed by winterFollowed by winter coats --chestnuts roasting -- Christmas trees on side andcoats --chestnuts roasting -- Christmas trees on side and thethe first hint of snow.first hint of snow.

Then he comes to Blenheim Crescent, which is startlingThen he comes to Blenheim Crescent, which is startling snowscape, for the hundred yard, right across Ladbrokesnowscape, for the hundred yard, right across Ladbroke Grove.Grove.

ByBy the time he reaches the purple cafe, the snow is meltingthe time he reaches the purple cafe, the snow is melting andand in a few yards, it is spring again.in a few yards, it is spring again. He passes HoneyHe passes Honey again --arguing with her boyfriend, walking away tearful.again --arguing with her boyfriend, walking away tearful. Then turns past 'the pregnant woman' -- now holding herThen turns past 'the pregnant woman' -- now holding her three-month baby. The camera holds on her.three-month baby. The camera holds on her.

75.75.

104

INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY

source 105

AA grey day in the bookshop.grey day in the bookshop. Martin and William.Martin and William. As ever.As ever. AA feeling that things in there ever change.feeling that things in there ever change.

TenTen seconds pass.seconds pass. Honey rushes in.Honey rushes in. Spike, still feelingSpike, still feeling inin disgrace, comes with her but lingers in the doorway.disgrace, comes with her but lingers in the doorway.

HONEY
Have we got something for you.Have we got something for you. Something which will make you loveSomething which will make you love me so much you'll want to hug meme so much you'll want to hug me every single day for the rest of myevery single day for the rest of my life.life.
WILLIAM
Blimey.Blimey. What's that?What's that?
HONEY
The phone number of Anna Scott'sThe phone number of Anna Scott's agent in London and her agent in Newagent in London and her agent in New York. You can ring her.York. You can ring her. You thinkYou think about her all the time -- now youabout her all the time -- now you can ring her!can ring her!
WILLIAM
Well, thanks, that's great.
HONEY
It is great, isn't it.It is great, isn't it. See youSee you tonight. Hey, Marty-- sexy cardy.tonight. Hey, Marty-- sexy cardy.

AndAnd she rushes out.she rushes out. William looks at the piece of paper,William looks at the piece of paper, folds it and then places it gently in the garbage bin.folds it and then places it gently in the garbage bin.

105

INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

source 106

Bella bangs a spoon on a wine bottle.Bella bangs a spoon on a wine bottle. All the friends areAll the friends are gathered in the restaurant.gathered in the restaurant.

BELLA
I have a little speech to make -- II have a little speech to make -- I won't stand up because I can't... bewon't stand up because I can't... be bothered. Exactly a year ago today,bothered. Exactly a year ago today, this man here started the finestthis man here started the finest restaurant in London.restaurant in London.
TONY
Thank you very much.
BELLA
Unfortunately -- no one ever came toUnfortunately -- no one ever came to eat here.eat here.

76.76.

TONY
A tiny hiccough.
BELLA
And so much face the fact that fromAnd so much face the fact that from next week, we have to find somewherenext week, we have to find somewhere near to eat.near to eat.

Tony's brave face breaks.Tony's brave face breaks. The dream is over.The dream is over.

BELLA
I just want to say to Tony -- don'tI just want to say to Tony -- don't take it personally.take it personally. The more IThe more I think about things, the more I seethink about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life -- no oneno rhyme or reason in life -- no one knows why some things work out, andknows why some things work out, and some things don't -- why some of ussome things don't -- why some of us get lucky -- and some of us...get lucky -- and some of us...
BERNIE
... get fired.
BELLA
No!No!
BERNIE
Yes, they're shifting the wholeYes, they're shifting the whole outfit much more towards the tradingoutfit much more towards the trading side --and of course...side --and of course...
(he owns up)
I was total crap.

They're all rather stunned.

TONY
So we go down together!So we go down together! A toast toA toast to Bernie -- the worst stockbroker inBernie -- the worst stockbroker in the whole world!the whole world!

They toast him.

HONEY
Since it's an evening ofSince it's an evening of announcements ... I've also got one,announcements ... I've also got one, Ahm... I've got engaged.Ahm... I've got engaged.

Total bewilderment from the others.

HONEY
I've found myself a nice, slightlyI've found myself a nice, slightly odd looking bloke who I know isodd looking bloke who I know is going to make me happy for the restgoing to make me happy for the rest of my life.of my life.

77.77.

Special cut to Bernie -- the shot shows he had specialSpecial cut to Bernie -- the shot shows he had special feelings for Honey.feelings for Honey.

WILLIAM
Wait a minute -- I'm your brotherWait a minute -- I'm your brother and I don't know anything about this.and I don't know anything about this.
MAXMAX
Is it someone we know?
HONEY
Yes.Yes. I will keep you informed.I will keep you informed.

AsAs she sits down, Honey leans toward Spike and whispers.she sits down, Honey leans toward Spike and whispers.

HONEY
By the way -- it's you.
SPIKE
Me?Me?
HONEY
Yes.Yes. What do you think?What do you think?
SPIKE
Well, yes.Well, yes. Groovy.Groovy.
MAXMAX
Any more announcements?
WILLIAM
Yes -- I feel I must apologize toYes -- I feel I must apologize to everyone for my behavior for theeveryone for my behavior for the last six months.last six months. I have, as youI have, as you know, been slightly down in theknow, been slightly down in the mouth.mouth.
MAXMAX
There's an understatement.There's an understatement. ThereThere are dead people on better form.are dead people on better form.
WILLIAM
But I wish to make it clear I'veBut I wish to make it clear I've turned a corner and henceforwardturned a corner and henceforward intend to be impressively happy.intend to be impressively happy.
106

INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

source 107

TwoTwo hours later.hours later. They've had a very good time.They've had a very good time. There'sThere's been a chocolate cake.been a chocolate cake. Lots of alcohol.Lots of alcohol. Tony is playingTony is playing 'Blue Moon' on the piano, and Bernie joins him, singing.'Blue Moon' on the piano, and Bernie joins him, singing.

AtAt one table Bella and Honey sit -- beer and wine on theone table Bella and Honey sit -- beer and wine on the table.table.

78.78.

BELLA
I'm really horribly drunk.

Elsewhere, Max an William are relaxed together.

MAXMAX
So -- you've laid the ghost.
WILLIAM
I believe I have.
MAXMAX
Don't give a damn about the famousDon't give a damn about the famous girl.girl.
WILLIAM
No, don't think I do.
MAXMAX
Which means you won't be distractedWhich means you won't be distracted by the fact that she's back inby the fact that she's back in London, grasping her Oscar, and toLondon, grasping her Oscar, and to be found filming most days onbe found filming most days on Hampstead Heath.Hampstead Heath.

HeHe puts down a copy of the 'Evening Standard' with aputs down a copy of the 'Evening Standard' with a picture of Anna on its cover.picture of Anna on its cover.

WILLIAM
(immediate gloom)
Oh God no.
MAXMAX
So not over her, in fact.
107

EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAY

source 108

CutCut to the wide sweep of Hampstead Heath.to the wide sweep of Hampstead Heath. William entirelyWilliam entirely alone.alone. He marches up a hill... goes over the crest ofHe marches up a hill... goes over the crest of itit -- and sees a huge film crew and hundreds of extras in-- and sees a huge film crew and hundreds of extras in front of the radiant white of Kenwood House, with its lawnfront of the radiant white of Kenwood House, with its lawn andand its lake.its lake.

108

EXT. KENWOOD HOUSE - DAY

source 109

NowNow closer to the house, William approaches a barrier --closer to the house, William approaches a barrier -- where he is himself approached.where he is himself approached.

SECURITY
Can I help you?
WILLIAM
Yes -- I was looking for AnnaYes -- I was looking for Anna Scott...Scott...

79.79.

SECURITY
Does she know you're coming?
WILLIAM
No, no.No, no. She doesn't.She doesn't.
SECURITY
I'm afraid I can't really let youI'm afraid I can't really let you through then, sir.through then, sir.
WILLIAM
Oh right.Oh right. I mean, I am a friend --I mean, I am a friend -- I'm not a lunatic but -- no, youI'm not a lunatic but -- no, you basically...basically...
SECURITY
... can't let you through.

AtAt that moment -- thirty yards away, William sees trailerthat moment -- thirty yards away, William sees trailer door open.door open. Out of it comes Anna -- lookingOut of it comes Anna -- looking extraordinary -- in a velvet dress; full, beautiful make-extraordinary -- in a velvet dress; full, beautiful make- up;up; rich, extravagant hair. She has a necessary cluster ofrich, extravagant hair. She has a necessary cluster of people about her.people about her. Hair, make-up, costume and the thirdHair, make-up, costume and the third assistant who has collected her.assistant who has collected her.

SheShe walks a few yards, and then casually turns her head.walks a few yards, and then casually turns her head. AndAnd sees him.sees him. Her face registers not jut surprise,Her face registers not jut surprise, certainly not a simple smile.certainly not a simple smile. His being there is aHis being there is a complicated thing. Cut back to him.complicated thing. Cut back to him. He does a small wave.He does a small wave. SheShe pauses as the whole paraphernalia of the upcoming scenepauses as the whole paraphernalia of the upcoming scene passes between them.passes between them. The movie divides them.The movie divides them. But then sheBut then she begins to walk through it, and followed by her cluster, shebegins to walk through it, and followed by her cluster, she makes her way towards him.makes her way towards him. When she reaches him, theWhen she reaches him, the security guard stands back a pace, and her people holdsecurity guard stands back a pace, and her people hold back.back. She doesn't really know what to say...She doesn't really know what to say...

ANNA
This is certainly... ah...
WILLIAM
I only found out you were hereI only found out you were here yesterday.yesterday.
ANNA
I was going to ring... but... II was going to ring... but... I didn't think you'd want to...didn't think you'd want to...

TheThe third assistant is under pressure.third assistant is under pressure.

THIRD
Anna.

SheShe looks around.looks around. The poor third is nervous -- and theThe poor third is nervous -- and the first is approaching.first is approaching.

80.80.

ANNA
(to William)
It's not going very well -- and it'sIt's not going very well -- and it's our last day.our last day.
WILLIAM
Absolutely -- you're clearly veryAbsolutely -- you're clearly very busy.busy.
ANNA
But... wait... there are things toBut... wait... there are things to say.say.
WILLIAM
Okay.
ANNA
Drink tea -- there's lots of tea.

SheShe is swept away, four people touching her hair andis swept away, four people touching her hair and costume.costume.

KAREN
Come and have a look...
109

EXT. KENWOOD PARK - DAY

source 110

AsAs they make towards the set...they make towards the set...

KAREN
Are you a fan of Henry James?
WILLIAM
This is Henry James film?
110

EXT. KENWOOD HOUSE - DAY

source 111

AA complicated shot is about to happen -- with waves ofcomplicated shot is about to happen -- with waves of extras --and a huge moving crane.extras --and a huge moving crane. They end up next to theThey end up next to the sound desk.sound desk.

KAREN
This is Harry -- he'll give you aThis is Harry -- he'll give you a pair of headphones so you can hearpair of headphones so you can hear the dialogue.the dialogue.

Harry the sound man is a pleasant, fifty-year-old baldingHarry the sound man is a pleasant, fifty-year-old balding fellow.fellow. He hands him the headphones.He hands him the headphones.

HARRY
Here we go.Here we go. The volume control isThe volume control is on the side.on the side.
WILLIAM
That's great.

81.81.

William, the headphones on, surveys the scene -- theWilliam, the headphones on, surveys the scene -- the cluster is full 100 yards from the action, to allow acluster is full 100 yards from the action, to allow a gracious sweeping wide-shot.gracious sweeping wide-shot. He watches Anna.He watches Anna. She is withShe is with herher co-star in the Henry James film -- let's call him James.co-star in the Henry James film -- let's call him James.

JAMES
We are living in cloudcuckooland --We are living in cloudcuckooland -- we'll never get this done today.we'll never get this done today.
ANNA
We have to.We have to. I've got to be in NewI've got to be in New York on Thursday.York on Thursday.
JAMES
Oh, stop showing off.

HeHe studies an actress a few yards to the left.studies an actress a few yards to the left.

JAMES
God, that's an enormous arse.
ANNA
I'm not listening.
JAMES
No, but seriously -- it's notNo, but seriously -- it's not fair -- so many tragic youngfair -- so many tragic young teenagers with anorexia -- and thatteenagers with anorexia -- and that girl has an arse she could perfectlygirl has an arse she could perfectly well share round with at least tenwell share round with at least ten other women -- and still be beg-other women -- and still be beg- bottomed.bottomed.
ANNA
I said I'm not listening -- and II said I'm not listening -- and I think, looking at something thatthink, looking at something that firm, you and your droopy littlefirm, you and your droopy little excuse for an 'arse' would be well-excuse for an 'arse' would be well- advised to keep quiet.advised to keep quiet.

Back by the desk, William is listening and laughs.Back by the desk, William is listening and laughs. That'sThat's hishis girl.girl. Anna prepares.Anna prepares.

ANNA
So I ask you when you're going toSo I ask you when you're going to tell everyone, and you say...?tell everyone, and you say...?
JAMES
'Tomorrow will be soon enough.'
ANNA
And then I... right.

82.82.

JAMES
Who was that rather difficult chapWho was that rather difficult chap you were talking to on the way up?you were talking to on the way up?
ANNA
Oh... no one... no one.Oh... no one... no one. JustJust some... guy from the past.some... guy from the past. I don'tI don't know what he's doing here.know what he's doing here. But ofBut of an awkward situation.an awkward situation.
111

EXT. HAMPSTEAD HEATH - DAY

source 112

CutCut back to William -- he has heard.back to William -- he has heard.

WILLIAM
Of course.

HeHe takes off the headphones and puts them gently down.takes off the headphones and puts them gently down.

WILLIAM
Thank you.
HARRY
Anytime.

William walks away.William walks away. The moment of hope is gone.The moment of hope is gone. HeHe couldn't have had a clear reminder.couldn't have had a clear reminder.

112

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

source 113

William is emptying Anna Scott videos into a box.

SPIKE
What's going on?
WILLIAM
I'm going to throw out these oldI'm going to throw out these old videos.videos.
SPIKE
No.No. You can't bin these.You can't bin these. They'reThey're classics.classics. I'm not allowing this.I'm not allowing this.
WILLIAM
Right -- let's talk about rent...
SPIKE
Let me help.Let me help. We don't want all thisWe don't want all this shit cluttering up our lives.shit cluttering up our lives.
113

INT. BACKROOM OF THE BOOKSHOP - DAY

source 114

TheThe next day.next day. William is hard at work, doing the accountsWilliam is hard at work, doing the accounts inin a dark small room with files in it.a dark small room with files in it. Martin pops hisMartin pops his head in.head in.

83.83.

MARTIN
I have to disturb you when you'reI have to disturb you when you're cooking the books, but there's acooking the books, but there's a delivery.delivery.
WILLIAM
Martin, can't you just deal withMartin, can't you just deal with this yourself?this yourself?
MARTIN
But it's not for the shop.But it's not for the shop. It's forIt's for you.you.
WILLIAM
Okay.Okay. Tell me, would I have to payTell me, would I have to pay a wet rag as much as I pay you?a wet rag as much as I pay you?

They head out, Martin behind him, incomprehensively rubbingThey head out, Martin behind him, incomprehensively rubbing hishis hands -- he's in a very good mood.hands -- he's in a very good mood.

114

INT. BOOKSHOP - DAY

source 115

William enters -- and there stands Anna -- in a simple blueWilliam enters -- and there stands Anna -- in a simple blue skirt and top.skirt and top.

ANNA
Hi.Hi.
WILLIAM
Hello.
ANNA
You disappeared.
WILLIAM
Yes -- I'm sorry -- I had toYes -- I'm sorry -- I had to leave... I didn't want to disturbleave... I didn't want to disturb you.you.
ANNA
Well... how have you been?
WILLIAM
Fine.Fine. Everything much the same.Everything much the same. When they change the law Spike andWhen they change the law Spike and I will marry immediately.I will marry immediately. WhereasWhereas you... I've watched in wonder.you... I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory...Awards, glory...
ANNA
Oh no.Oh no. It's all nonsense, believeIt's all nonsense, believe me. I had no idea how much nonsenseme. I had no idea how much nonsense it all was -- but nonsense it allit all was -- but nonsense it all is...is...
(more)

84.84.

ANNA (cont'd)
(she's nervous)
Well, yesterday was our last dayWell, yesterday was our last day filming and so I'm just off -- butfilming and so I'm just off -- but I brought you this from home, and...I brought you this from home, and...

It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot,It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot, leaning against a bookshelf.leaning against a bookshelf.

ANNA
I thought I'd give it to you.
WILLIAM
Thank you.Thank you. Shall I...Shall I...
ANNA
No, don't open it yet -- I'll beNo, don't open it yet -- I'll be embarrassed.embarrassed.
WILLIAM
Okay -- well, thank you.Okay -- well, thank you. I don'tI don't know what it's for.know what it's for. But thank youBut thank you anyway.anyway.
ANNA
I actually had it in my apartment inI actually had it in my apartment in New York and just thought you'd...New York and just thought you'd... but, when it came to it, I didn'tbut, when it came to it, I didn't know how to call you... havingknow how to call you... having behaved so... badly, twice.behaved so... badly, twice. So it'sSo it's been just sitting in the hotel.been just sitting in the hotel. ButBut then... you came, so I figured...then... you came, so I figured... the thing is... the thing is...the thing is... the thing is...
WILLIAM
What's the thing?

Then the door pings.Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr.In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith.Smith.

WILLIAM
Don't even think about it.Don't even think about it. Go awayGo away immediately.immediately.

Mr.Mr. Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient.Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient.

MR. SMITH
Right.Right. Sorry.Sorry.

AndAnd he leaves.he leaves.

WILLIAM
You were saying...

85.85.

ANNA
Yes.Yes. The thing is... I have to goThe thing is... I have to go away today but I wondered, if Iaway today but I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me seedidn't, whether you might let me see you a bit... or, a lot maybe... seeyou a bit... or, a lot maybe... see if you could... like me again.if you could... like me again.

Pause as William takes this in.

WILLIAM
But yesterday... that actor askedBut yesterday... that actor asked you who I was... and you justyou who I was... and you just dismissed me out of hand... Idismissed me out of hand... I heard -- you had a microphone... Iheard -- you had a microphone... I had headphones.had headphones.
ANNA
You expect me to tell the truthYou expect me to tell the truth about my life to the most indiscreetabout my life to the most indiscreet man in England?man in England?

Martin edges up.

MARTIN
Excuse me -- it's your mother on theExcuse me -- it's your mother on the phone.phone.
WILLIAM
Can you tell me I'll ring her back.
MARTIN
I actually tried that tack -- butI actually tried that tack -- but she said you said that before andshe said you said that before and it's been twenty-four hours, and herit's been twenty-four hours, and her foot that was purple is now a sortfoot that was purple is now a sort of blackish color...of blackish color...
WILLIAM
Okay -- perfect timing as ever --Okay -- perfect timing as ever -- hold the fort for a second will you,hold the fort for a second will you, Martin?Martin?

Martin is left with Anna.

MARTIN
Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost'Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost' was a wonderful film.was a wonderful film.
ANNA
Is that right?
MARTIN
Yes... I've always wondered whatYes... I've always wondered what Patrick Swayze is like in real life.Patrick Swayze is like in real life.

86.86.

ANNA
I can't say I know Patrick all thatI can't say I know Patrick all that well.well.
MARTIN
Oh dear.Oh dear. He wasn't friendly duringHe wasn't friendly during the filming?the filming?
ANNA
Well, no -- I'm sure he wasWell, no -- I'm sure he was friendly -- to Demi Moore -- whofriendly -- to Demi Moore -- who acted with him in 'Ghost.'acted with him in 'Ghost.'

She's kind in here, not sarcastic.

MARTIN
Oh right.Oh right. Right.Right. Sorry.Sorry. AlwaysAlways been a bit of an ass.been a bit of an ass.

William returns a little uneasy.

MARTIN
Anyway... it's lovely to meet you.Anyway... it's lovely to meet you. I'm a great fan of yours.I'm a great fan of yours. AndAnd Demi's, of course.Demi's, of course.

Martin leaves them.

WILLIAM
Sorry about that.
ANNA
That's fine.That's fine. There's always a pauseThere's always a pause when the jury goes out to considerwhen the jury goes out to consider its verdict.its verdict.

She's awaiting an answer.

WILLIAM
Anna.Anna. Look -- I'm a fairly level-Look -- I'm a fairly level- headed bloke.headed bloke. Not often in and outNot often in and out of love.of love. But...But...

HeHe can't really express what he feels.can't really express what he feels.

WILLIAM
... can I just say 'no' to your kind... can I just say 'no' to your kind request and leave it at that?request and leave it at that?
ANNA
... Yes, that's fine.... Yes, that's fine. Of course.Of course. I... you know... of course...I... you know... of course... I'll just... be getting alongI'll just... be getting along then... nice to see you.then... nice to see you.

87.87.

WILLIAM
The truth is...

HeHe feels he must explain.feels he must explain.

WILLIAM
... with you, I'm in real danger.... with you, I'm in real danger. It took like a perfect situation,It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper ofapart from that foul temper of yours -- but my relativelyyours -- but my relatively inexperienced heart would, I fear,inexperienced heart would, I fear, not recover if I was once again ...not recover if I was once again ... cast aside, which I would absolutelycast aside, which I would absolutely expect to be.expect to be. There are too manyThere are too many pictures of you everywhere, too manypictures of you everywhere, too many films.films. You'd go and I'd be... well,You'd go and I'd be... well, buggered, basically.buggered, basically.
ANNA
I see.
(pause)
That reality is a real 'no,' isn'tThat reality is a real 'no,' isn't it?it?
WILLIAM
I live in Notting Hill.I live in Notting Hill. You live inYou live in Beverly Hills.Beverly Hills. Everyone in theEveryone in the world knows who you are.world knows who you are. My motherMy mother has trouble remembering my name.has trouble remembering my name.
ANNA
Okay.Okay. Fine.Fine. Fine.Fine. Good decision.Good decision.

Pause.

ANNA
The fame thing isn't really real,The fame thing isn't really real, you know.you know. Don't forget -- I'm alsoDon't forget -- I'm also just a girl.just a girl. Standing in front ofStanding in front of a boy. Asking him to love her.a boy. Asking him to love her.

Pause.Pause. She kisses him on the cheek.She kisses him on the cheek.

ANNA
Bye.

Then turns and leaves.Then turns and leaves. Leaving him.Leaving him.

115

INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - DAY

source 116

TheThe restaurant is in the middle of being deconstructed.restaurant is in the middle of being deconstructed. TheThe pictures are gone off the walls -- a kettle on a longpictures are gone off the walls -- a kettle on a long extension lead is on the bare table behind.extension lead is on the bare table behind. They're allThey're all sitting there.sitting there.

88.88.

WILLIAM
What do you think?What do you think? Good move?Good move?
HONEY
Good move: when all is sad and done,Good move: when all is sad and done, she's nothing special.she's nothing special. I saw herI saw her taking her pants off and Itaking her pants off and I definitely glimpsed some cellulitedefinitely glimpsed some cellulite down there.down there.
BELLA
Good decision.Good decision. All actresses areAll actresses are mad as snakes.mad as snakes.
WILLIAM
Tony -- what do you think?
TONY
Never met her, never want to.
WILLIAM
Brilliant.Brilliant. Max?Max?
MAXMAX
Absolutely.Absolutely. Never trust aNever trust a vegetarian.vegetarian.
WILLIAM
Great.Great. Excellent.Excellent. Thanks.Thanks.

Spike enters.

SPIKE
I was called and I came.I was called and I came. What's up?What's up?
HONEY
William has just turned down AnnaWilliam has just turned down Anna Scott.Scott.
SPIKE
You draft prick!

Bella is casually looking at the painting that sits besideBella is casually looking at the painting that sits beside William.William. It is the original of the Chagall, the poster ofIt is the original of the Chagall, the poster of which was on his wall.which was on his wall.

BELLA
This painting isn't the original, isThis painting isn't the original, is it?it?
WILLIAM
Yes, I think that one may be.

89.89.

BERNIE
But she said she wanted to go outBut she said she wanted to go out with you?with you?
WILLIAM
Yes -- sort of...
BERNIE
That's nice.
WILLIAM
What?
BERNIE
Well, you know, anybody saying theyWell, you know, anybody saying they want to go out with you is... prettywant to go out with you is... pretty great... isn't it...great... isn't it...
WILLIAM
It was sort of sweet actually -- IIt was sort of sweet actually -- I mean, I know she's an actress andmean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver aall that, so she can deliver a line -- but she said that she mightline -- but she said that she might be as famous as can be --but also...be as famous as can be --but also... that she was just a girl, standingthat she was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him toin front of a boy, asking him to love her.love her.

They take in the line.They take in the line. It totally reverses their attitudes.It totally reverses their attitudes.

WILLIAM
Oh sod a dog.Oh sod a dog. I've made the wrongI've made the wrong decision, haven't I?decision, haven't I?

They look at him.They look at him. Spike does a big nod.Spike does a big nod.

WILLIAM
Max, how fast is your car?
116

EXT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - DAY

source 117

Max's car arrives in the street outside.Max's car arrives in the street outside. They pile intoThey pile into thethe car.car.

MAXMAX
If anyone gets in our way -- we haveIf anyone gets in our way -- we have small nuclear devices.small nuclear devices.
BERNIE
And we intend to use them!
MAXMAX
Where's Bella?

90.90.

HONEY
She's not coming.
MAXMAX
Sod that.Sod that. Bernie -- in the back!Bernie -- in the back!

HeHe shoots out of his door, rushes round and grabs Bella outshoots out of his door, rushes round and grabs Bella out ofof the chair.the chair.

MAXMAX
Come on, babe.
117

EXT./INT. CAR. STANLEY CRESCENT/NOTTING HILL GATE - DAY

source 118

Max's car is shooting up Stanley Crescent.Max's car is shooting up Stanley Crescent. We are insideWe are inside andand outside the car.outside the car.

BELLA
Where are you going?
MAXMAX
Down Kensington Church Street, thenDown Kensington Church Street, then Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Center.Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Center.
BELLA
Crazy.Crazy. Go along Bayswater...Go along Bayswater...
HONEY
That's right -- then Park Lane.
BERNIE
Or you could go right down toOr you could go right down to Cromwell Road, and left.Cromwell Road, and left.
WILLIAM
No!No!

Suddenly the car slams to a halt.

MAXMAX
Stop right there!Stop right there! I will decide theI will decide the route.route. All right?All right?
ALLALL
All right.
MAXMAX
James Bond never has to put up withJames Bond never has to put up with this sort of shit.this sort of shit.
118

EXT. PICCADILLY - DAY

source 119

TheThe car turns illegally right across Piccadilly the wrongcar turns illegally right across Piccadilly the wrong wayway down a one-way street and ends up outside the Ritz.down a one-way street and ends up outside the Ritz. William sprints into the hotel.William sprints into the hotel. Bernie follows.Bernie follows.

91.91.

BERNIE
Bloody hell, this is fun.

IT.IT. RITZ LOBBY - DAYRITZ LOBBY - DAY

WILLIAM
Is Miss Scott staying here?

ItIt is the same man.is the same man.

RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
How about Miss Flintstone?
RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
Or Bambi... or, I don't know, BeavisOr Bambi... or, I don't know, Beavis or Butthead?or Butthead?

ManMan shakes his head.shakes his head.

RITZ MAN
No, sir.
WILLIAM
Right.Right. Right.Right. Fair enough.Fair enough. Thanks.Thanks.

HeHe turns despondent and takes two steps when the Ritz Manturns despondent and takes two steps when the Ritz Man stops him in his tracks.stops him in his tracks.

RITZ MAN
There was a Miss Pocahontas in roomThere was a Miss Pocahontas in room 126 -- but she checked out an hour126 -- but she checked out an hour ago.ago. I believe she's holding aI believe she's holding a press conference at The Savoy beforepress conference at The Savoy before flying to America.flying to America.
BERNIE
We have lift off!!

AA Japanese guest assumes this is the way to behave and theJapanese guest assumes this is the way to behave and the Ritz Man gets kissed a third time.Ritz Man gets kissed a third time.

119

EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY

source 120

TheThe car speeds through London.car speeds through London. It gets totally stuck at aIt gets totally stuck at a junction where no one will let them in.junction where no one will let them in.

SPIKE
Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.

92.92.

HeHe gets out of the car and boldly stops the traffic cominggets out of the car and boldly stops the traffic coming inin the opposite direction.the opposite direction. Our car shoots past him.Our car shoots past him.

SPIKE
Go!Go!

They leave him behind.They leave him behind. Honey leans out the window andHoney leans out the window and shouts...shouts...

HONEY
You're my hero.

Spike waves wildly -- he loses concentration and is verySpike waves wildly -- he loses concentration and is very nearly hit by a car.nearly hit by a car.

120

EXT. THE SAVOY - DAY

source 121

They pull to a stop.They pull to a stop. William leaps out.William leaps out.

MAXMAX
Go!Go!
121

INT. THE SAVOY - DAY

source 122

William rushes up to the main desk.

WILLIAM
Excuse me, where's the pressExcuse me, where's the press conference?conference?

MAN AT SAVOYMAN AT SAVOY Are you an accredited member of theAre you an accredited member of the press?press?

WILLIAM
Yes...

HeHe flashes a card.flashes a card.

MAN AT SAVOYMAN AT SAVOY That's a Blockbuster videoThat's a Blockbuster video membership card, sir.membership card, sir.

WILLIAM
That's right... I work for their in-That's right... I work for their in- house magazine.house magazine.
(mimes quotation(mimes quotation marks)marks)
'Movies are our business.'

MAN AT SAVOYMAN AT SAVOY I'm sorry, sir...I'm sorry, sir...

Honey shows into shot, pushing Bella's chair.

93.93.

BELLA
He's with me.

MAN AT SAVOYMAN AT SAVOY And you are?And you are?

BELLA
Writing an article about how LondonWriting an article about how London hotels treat people in wheelchairs.hotels treat people in wheelchairs.

MAN AT SAVOYMAN AT SAVOY Of course, madam.Of course, madam. It's in theIt's in the Lancaster Room.Lancaster Room. I'm afraid you'reI'm afraid you're very late.very late.

HONEY
(to William)
Run!
122

INT. SAVOR ROOM - DAY

source 123

William runs, searching.William runs, searching. At last finds the room, andAt last finds the room, and enters.enters.

123

INT. LANCASTER ROOM - DAY

source 124

Huge room -- full of press.Huge room -- full of press. Row after row of journalists,Row after row of journalists, cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back.cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back. Anna clearlyAnna clearly gives press conferences very rarely, because this one isgives press conferences very rarely, because this one is positively presidential.positively presidential. She sits at a table at the end ofShe sits at a table at the end of thethe room, beside Karen: on her other side os Jeremy, the PRroom, beside Karen: on her other side os Jeremy, the PR boss, firmly marshalling the questions.boss, firmly marshalling the questions.

JEREMY
Yes... You -- Dominic.
QUESTIONER 1
How much longer are you staying inHow much longer are you staying in the UK then?the UK then?
ANNA
No time at all.No time at all. I fly out tonight.I fly out tonight.

She's in a slightly melancholic and therefore honest mood.

JEREMY
Which is why we have to round it upWhich is why we have to round it up now. Final questions.now. Final questions.

HeHe points at a journalist he knows.points at a journalist he knows.

94.94.

QUESTIONERQUESTIONER 22
Is your decision to take a year offIs your decision to take a year off anything to do with the rumoursanything to do with the rumours about Jeff and his present leadingabout Jeff and his present leading lady?lady?
ANNA
Absolutely not.
QUESTIONER 2
Do you believe the rumours?
ANNA
It's really not my business anyIt's really not my business any more. Though I will say, from mymore. Though I will say, from my experience, that rumours aboutexperience, that rumours about Jeff... do tend to be true.Jeff... do tend to be true.

They love that answer, and all scribble in their noteThey love that answer, and all scribble in their note books. Next question comes from someone straight right nextbooks. Next question comes from someone straight right next toto William.William.

QUESTIONER 3
Last time you were here, there wereLast time you were here, there were some fairly graphic photographs ofsome fairly graphic photographs of you and a young English guy -- soyou and a young English guy -- so what happened there?what happened there?
ANNA
He was just a friend -- I thinkHe was just a friend -- I think we're still friends.we're still friends.
JEREMY
Yes, the gentleman in the pink shirt.

HeHe is pointing straight at William, who has his hand up.is pointing straight at William, who has his hand up.

WILLIAM
Yes -- Miss Scott -- are there anyYes -- Miss Scott -- are there any circumstances in which you two mightcircumstances in which you two might be more than just friends?be more than just friends?

Anna sees who it is asking.

ANNA
I hoped there might be -- but no,I hoped there might be -- but no, I'm assured there aren't.I'm assured there aren't.
WILLIAM
And what would you say...
JEREMY
No, it's just one question perNo, it's just one question per person.person.

95.95.

ANNA
No, let him... ask away.No, let him... ask away. You wereYou were saying?saying?
WILLIAM
Yes, I just wondered whether if itYes, I just wondered whether if it turned out that this... person...turned out that this... person...
OTHER JOURNALIST
(to William)
His name is Thacker.
WILLIAM
Thanks.Thanks. I just wondered if Mr.I just wondered if Mr. Thacker realized he'd been a draftThacker realized he'd been a draft prick and got down on his knees andprick and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider, whetherbegged you to reconsider, whether you would... reconsider.you would... reconsider.

WeWe cut to Max, Bella, Bernie and Honey, all watching.cut to Max, Bella, Bernie and Honey, all watching. ThenThen back to Anna.back to Anna.

ANNA
Yes, I'm pretty sure I would.
WILLIAM
That's very good news.That's very good news. The readersThe readers of 'Horse and Hound' will beof 'Horse and Hound' will be absolutely delighted.absolutely delighted.

Anna whispers something to Jeremy.

JEREMY
Dominic -- if you'd like to ask yourDominic -- if you'd like to ask your question again?question again?
QUESTIONER 1
Yes -- Anna -- how long are youYes -- Anna -- how long are you intending to stay here in Britain?intending to stay here in Britain?

Pause.Pause. Anna looks up at William.Anna looks up at William. He nods.He nods.

ANNA
Indefinitely.

They both smile -- suddenly the press gets what's goingThey both smile -- suddenly the press gets what's going onon --music -- noise -- they all turn and flash, flash,--music -- noise -- they all turn and flash, flash, flash photos of William.flash photos of William. Max and Bella kiss.Max and Bella kiss. BernieBernie kisses a total stranger. Spike finally makes it -- he'skisses a total stranger. Spike finally makes it -- he's bright red from running.bright red from running.

SPIKE
What happened?

96.96.

HONEY
It was good.

Honey hugs him.Honey hugs him. It's a new experience for Spike.It's a new experience for Spike.

CutCut to William's face -- flash after flash -- still lookingto William's face -- flash after flash -- still looking atat Anna.Anna. They are both smiling.They are both smiling.

124

INT./EXT. THE HEMPEL ZEN GARDEN WITH MARQUEEN - DAY

source 125

Anna and William at their wedding -- they kiss and walkAnna and William at their wedding -- they kiss and walk into the crowd.into the crowd.

Honey, a bridesmaid in peach satin -- she is surrounded byHoney, a bridesmaid in peach satin -- she is surrounded by atat least four other bridesmaids, all under five.least four other bridesmaids, all under five.

Nearby, Tony standing, glowing, beside his fabulous,Nearby, Tony standing, glowing, beside his fabulous, pyramidical wedding cake.pyramidical wedding cake.

William's mother is not quite happy with how he's looking.William's mother is not quite happy with how he's looking. SheShe tries to brush his hair.tries to brush his hair.

Max, dressed in the most devastating Bond-like white tuxedoMax, dressed in the most devastating Bond-like white tuxedo isis dancing with Anna -- thrilled.dancing with Anna -- thrilled. He does a rather flashyHe does a rather flashy little move.little move. Cut to Bella who is watching and laughing.Cut to Bella who is watching and laughing.

Martin, in an awkward tweed suit, is jiggling to the beatMartin, in an awkward tweed suit, is jiggling to the beat ofof a song, entirely happy in the corner.a song, entirely happy in the corner.

125

EXT. LEICESTER SQUARE - NIGHT

source 126

AA huge premier -- screaming crowds -- Anna and William gethuge premier -- screaming crowds -- Anna and William get outout of the car, she holding his hand --of the car, she holding his hand -- looking ultimatelylooking ultimately gorgeous -- he in a black suit that doesn't quite fit.gorgeous -- he in a black suit that doesn't quite fit. He's startled.He's startled.

126

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

source 127

AA pretty green communal garden.pretty green communal garden. Children are playing,Children are playing, watched by mothers, one of whom holds a new baby in awatched by mothers, one of whom holds a new baby in a papoose.papoose. A very old couple wander along slowly.A very old couple wander along slowly.

AA small tai chi group moves mysteriously.small tai chi group moves mysteriously. And as theAnd as the camera glides, it passes a couple sitting on a single,camera glides, it passes a couple sitting on a single, simple wooden bench overlooking the garden.simple wooden bench overlooking the garden. He is reading,He is reading, sheshe is just looking out, totally relaxed, holding his hand,is just looking out, totally relaxed, holding his hand, pregnant.pregnant. It is William and Anna.It is William and Anna.

THE END