"NATIONAL LAMPOONS CHRISTMAS VACATION" (1989)

198 9 14, Api·il

j

forward in her seat. Audrey leans

4 CAR INT. 4

on the road. out truck pulls An old, battered pickup FRAME. THROUGH The Taurus drives

3 ROAD COUNTRY EXT.3

symbols. important of Christmas most that and select the winter landscape embrace the frosty majesty of to wheel drive sleigh the old front country in heading out into the by Christmas fashioned family old- We're kicking off our fun, CLARK

doing?we're Can you explain again whatDad? a pause) (after RUSTY

A-moment of reverent silence.

co-o-o-me ye to Be-e-ethlehem. Oh, d CLARK

majestic voice. deep, a finishes with

He and half-closes his eyes. Clark clears his throat

looking out their windows. and Audrey are Rusty window. looking out the Ellen's are in the backseat. RUSTY, son, and twelve-year-old AUDREY fourteen-year-old daughter,

His him. ELLEN, is next to His wife, Clark's driving.

2 CAR INT. 2

come ye ... Oh, and tri-uuuuuuuum-phant, Joyful (V.O.) CLARK

JR. GRISWOLD, W. CLARK The voice belongs to CONTINUES. SONG The sleek curves. hugging the TAURUS with simulated wood panels family Queen aerodynamically-styled Road new, a ROARS beauty timeless Into this and bridges. barns and hardwood, pine· firm stands of Rolling hills, Country. and Ives Currier

UP. FADES Ye Faithful" Come All "Oh, VOICE singing MALE A

_j

singing. He stops He glances in the rearview mirror.

a happy new year ... And

a merry Christmas We wish you CLARK

Clark continues singing.

8 TAURUS INT. 8

of the Taurus. few inches of the rear bumper up within a truck pulls bumper of the pickup and rust-pitted front The bent

a merry Christmas .•. We wish you

a merry Christmas, We wish you CLARK

song once again. Clark breaks into

no. Oh, AUDREY

and groans. Rusty looks at Audrey d

be there. and we'll songs Three maybe four more Nah. CLARK

Clark? much further, Is it ELLEN

6 CAR INT. 6

up behind the Taurus. The pickup truck pulls

5 ROAD EXT. 5

Clark smiles proudly.

Christmas tree. the Griswold family today is looking for What we're home. one of those at have I Nope. CLARK

it are we? on stupid ties with Santa Clauses one of those can get so you here way out We're not driving. all the AUDREY 0

(_) grits his teeth and nearly bends the wheel over. Clark Ellen is hurled forward. The kids jerk forward.

14 CAR INT. 14

close.

up Taurus rides The jammed on its brakes. The pickup has

13 POV HIS 13

on the brakes. stomps He back from Ellen and gasps. turns

He proud of himself. chuckles~ looks at Ellen and He

deer! A Look? kidsf Hey, CLARK

HORN. BEEPS his and Clark flashes his lights

them. Don't provoke Clark? ELLEN d him. HORN and sneers as the pickup pulls past BLASTS his Clark

12 CAR INT. 12

down and the pickup pulls around him. Clark slows

11 HIGHWAY EXT.11

him pass. Slow down and let ELLEN

blows.

HORN PICKUP The look around behind. Ellen and the kids

my tail. Some jackass is riding CLARK

the matter? What's ELLEN

up. Clark speeds

crowds the mirror. The pickup truck

9 POV HIS 9

quilted nylon hunting jackets. and dirty, They are dressed in flannel shirts passes. old man at the wheel watch as the Taurus a gnarled,l)

and sheep-bangers young, red-cheeked, A pair of in-bred,

21 PICKUP INT. 21

liver lips. my road grit, Eat CLARK

pidcup. He waves to the Clark smiles.

20 CAR INT. 20

and passes it. around the pickup The Taurus pulls

19 HIGHWAY EXT.19

hope they're hungry! And I Yup.

He floors it.

my rubber! Eat window) (out the some dust here. g.onna burn I'm (to Rusty)

safely behind us.

around him and leave him gonna get

I'm something like that? does who

somebody You want to ride behind CLARK

Slow down! ELLEN

Ellen barks at Clark.

18 CAR INT. 18

hot after the truck. SQUEALS out, TAURUS The

17 HIGHWAY EXT.17

hits the gas.

He and committed to escalating the conflict. angry He's

away. pull

They laughing. the rear window, look out boys farm The0

pulls out.

and eyes to the road, hits his signal Clark returns his

honey. Don't worry about it, CLARK

Taurus. up alongside the semi pulls looks at Ellen as the He

ANGLE CROSS - CLARK - CLOSEUP

dead! spend the holidays want to don't I Stop it! Clark! ELLEN

him again. Clark watches as the pickup passes

27 TAURUS INT. 27

out to pass the Taurus. semi pulls The behind the Taurus. semi is The of the Taurus. The pickup pulls in front

26 HIGHWAY EXT.26

window. out his Clark glances

They're back. Dad? RUSTY

Clark doesn't. notice. kids- Ellen and the The pickup has pulled alongside Clark.

at the White House? used displayed was first of tree me what kind can one of you tell Christmas trees, speaking of Kids, Anyway. enough of that. That's CLARK

Clark smiles with satisfaction.

25 TAURUS INT.25

pickup truck. load of timber has pulled behind the a semi hauling A

of the pickup. around in front pulls The Taurus

23 HIGHWAY EXT.23

Clark waves arrogantly. down in her seat. Ellen shrinks 0

22 POV THEIR 22

on purpose! do this I didn't sake, for Christ's Well, CLARK

don't fight! you guys, Come on, AUDREY

that? know don't you honestly think I Do CLARK

a truck. We're stuck under Clark? ELLEN

alright! . Thank God, we're We're alright! CLARK

to avoid being caught in the rear wheels. speed of the truck he struggles to maintain the exact as

sweat Clark's in a full The family's silent with shock.

33 TAURUS l;NT.33

the car. from the front trailer wheels is peppering road salt and

Mud of the high-clearance trailer running at high-speed.d

and back wheels Taurus is trapped between the front The

exchange bewildered looks. two boys The

no Taurus. There's semi returns to the proper lane. The

30 POV THEIR 30

the back window. around and look out boys whip two His around. He whips

a take. and does rearview mirror The old man looks in his

29 TRUCK PICKUP INT.29

and he shrieks!

pop eyes His He sees that he's pulling into the truck.

scream. and Audrey Rusty Ellen,

a truck!! crushed by get

about to we're Our Lady of Jesus, CLARK

we again? What religion are RUSTY

was before that. This AUDREY

cemetery? the

bugs in sacrificing June .up for

picked got the kid who Isn't .that Audrey) (to CLARK

Obviously not! ELLEN

Ellen? that, know about Did you CLARK

railroad bridge in town. with Sean Marley under thed was really when I Cassandra Reed's

was at me for saying I Forgive AUDREY

Yes! CLARK

know! have to I Is it? AUDREY

Just keep praying! ELLEN

a sin? late

so home why you got lying about Is AUDREY

our sins ... Forgive us ELLEN

Ellen and the kids are praying. on controlling the car. Clark is maniacally focused

35 TAURUS INT. 35

along with the Taurus beneath it. The truck barrels 0

34 ROAD EXT. 34

mind. no pays it Clark snow. a very hard go of the deep The family has

snow. and Rusty trudging through the Audrey Ellen, Clark,

FIND We grousing. cursing, shivering, of fir trees,

rows Families stumble across the frozen earth between the

48 FARM TREE CHRISTMAS EXT.48

good time. We made pretty Hey? CLARK

looks at his watch. HeENGINE. OFF the park and turns Taurus in Clark puts the frozen in horror. family is The

47 CAR INT. 47

space. a parking sliding sideways .into make-shift parking lot,

a The Taurus blasts past the sign and into RANCH. TREE

CHRISTMAS SAVE 'N' SAW JOLLY JERRY'S -- reads lights permanent wood sign festooned with colored A large,

46 FARM TREE CHRISTMAS EXT.46

and off the road. then the right crossing the left lane, The Taurus returns to the road,

45 ROAD EXT. 45

CAMERA. INTO snowbank out of and the Taurus bursts long beat a A virgin snowfield. and tranquility. Peace

44 COUNTRYSIDE EXT.44

silent. It's and disappears. The Taurus hurtles off the road

43 ROAD EXT. 43

on-coming Taurus. directly in line with the snow plough is pulled over on the shoulder, a ahead, Just

42 POV HIS 42

thru thru 38 OMITTED38

on his wipers. and turns a sigh of relief Clark breathes

37 TAURUS INT.37

opposing lane. onto the semi from beneath the out pops The Taurus

with their bare hands. dovm and cut it out that special tree picked woods, out in the They went CLARK

my legs. can't feel I AUDREY

our forefathers did. what This is kids. know, You special meaning. no have over-priced trees that dead, are satisfied with scrawny, and Christmas old-fashioned family fun, a how to have people forgot because Russ, They invented them, CLARK

a whole Saturday? and waste to drive all the way out to nowhere so people wouldn't have tree lots Ch~istmas Didn't they invent Dad? RUSTY

snow. They continue their march through the

deer probably lifted his leg on it. A hon. The bottom's all dead, CLARK

Clark considers the tree briefly and rejects it.

one over there. a nice There's ELLEN

a tree. Ellen points out

numb. My toes are AUDREY

awfully cold. It's we smell? while a tree can we pick out Clark, ELLEN

smell? Christmasy a And isn't that CLARK

smells like Pinesol. It RUSTY

smell? Notice that deep breath! a Take Is this air fresh or what? CLARK 0

It's ... just It's not that big. CLARK

a little big? Isn't it Clark? (tentatively) ELLEN

around him. The family gathers the tree. mires

ad- and Clark looks up, down. From the top of the tree

tree. Christmas The Griswold family (to the family) CLARK

feet tall. twenty We realize that the tree is FRAME. INTO strolls and Clark A long beat A perfectly shaped Norway pine.

49 POV FAMILY'S49

at. The family turns to see what he's pointing Clark points.

A49 FAMILY - FARM TREE CHRISTMAS EXT.A49

There it is! CLARK

IN. FADES ANGELS OF A CHORUS spotted the special tree. He's eye. Something catches his He scans the forest.

down. from the waist frozen Audrey's ELLEN

honey? Yeah, CLARK

landscape. survey the Clark stops to

Clark? ELLEN

my hips. can't feel I Mom? AUDREY 0

48 ( 2 ) CONTINUED:48

Thyit ... CLARK

it.

admit care to a mistake but doesn't made He realizes he's

Christmuth.

thymble of a Thith tree ith (pause) warmembrace of kith and kin. the season are best enjoyed in the The most·enduring traditions of pause) . after a satisfied (a deep breath, CLARK

eyes are frozen shut. honey, her She'll see it later, ELLEN

a beaut? Isn't it Audrey? d CLARK

Dad. Yeah, RUSTY

Russ? huh, something else, It's CLARK

Clark. It really is beautiful, ELLEN

look at it. Just CLARK

embrace. family Rusty into the Ellen pulls arm around Ellen and Audrey. Clark puts his

A51 FAMILY - FARM TREE CHRISTMAS EXT.A51

room. going in the living It's Russ. It's not going in the yard, CLARK

yard. That wouldn't fit in our Dad? RUSTY

(MORE) l) Honey, it's huge. CLARK

a tree? much for You paid that ELLEN

it out of the ground. some way to get need I the tree. paid seventy-five dollars for I CLARK

look. She gives Clark a glance at Ellen. a Clark sneaks

PAID HE THAN TREES MORE DOWN CUT BUYER DON'T BATHROOM -- AS A RANCH THE USE BUYER DON'T ADVANCE -- IN PAYS BUYER

It reads -- on white. painted sign -- black letters A

saw. damn own say buyer provides Rules 0 MAN \

nose. smoke out his and blows the on his butt The Man puffs

smile. a friendly He offers

a dirty Santa hat. cigarette and wearing

a smoking MAN middle-aged on a sour-looking, opens It

chainsaw. a and brandishing hockey mask a wearing Clark steps out of the dark The electric door goes up.

DOOR GARAGE - HOUSE EXT.

IN. FADES HORROR MUSIC DRONING OMINOUS STARTS UP. CHAINSAW a Inside the garage, at the tree. looking of neighbor kids are standing in the driveway couple a and Rusty on its rootball in the front yard. The giant tree is resting The Taurus's in the driveway.

on. The lights are A fine upper middle class dwelling.

53 OMITTED·53

huge root ball. and a heavy twine bound with branches length of the tree; see the full

We CAMERA. OVERTAKES ahead and The car pulls roof.

enormous tree tied to the we see the car and the until

WIDEN We continue to They're also blue. and the kids.

WIDENS to reveal Ellen SHOT The clutching the shovel.

blue, He's frozen, passenger seat. Clark's in the front

\ He stares with alarm.

the family. looks at He

mouth and yells. his hand to cups his He on his forehead. up pushes the mask CHAINSAW and OFF the He turns enough mood as it is.

bad a He's in Chesters. the on love lost Obviously no

Cl-ark) (to TODD

* d

cocky grin, yells: a wearing Todd,

A56 DRIVEWAY AND MARGO'S TODD EXT.A.56

half. and cuts it in chainsaw to it Clark takes the with twine. laying in the front yard, still bound The giant tree is

They compressed, stiff laugh. a chuckle -- a They have

ceiling. room the height of his living Looks like the toad overestimated TODD

Todd to stand at his side. around to Margo crosses CHAINSAW. ROAR of the wincing at the look to the Griswolds, They CHESTER. TODD and MARGO als. modern suburban profession- successful, They're handsome,

Griswolds. parked in the driveway of the house next to the

Saab a couple in their mid-thirties is getting out of A

55 DOOR NEXT HOUSE EXT. 55

14. 4/19/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

room. Branches extend deep into the enormous. the tree is Unwrapped, room. unfold into the The branches are released and on the twine. He yanks

Christmas tree! give you the Griswold family I CLARK

a length of twine. up and takes Clark steps to the tree

FAMILY - ROOM LIVING INT.

a problem. be do but it won't trimming to more a little have I honey. sure, Oh, CLARK

looking at top of the tree. He's

TREE OF TOP - CLOSEUP

the star? enough room for Is there Clark? (looking up) ELLEN before the tree. standing family is The It's still wrapped with twine. and bottom to get it to fit. top had to trim both the Clark's room. up in the rear corner of the The tree is

UP. REVS CHAINSAW The She gasps in horror.

offered in the presence of his wife. the rude suggestion angry at Clark, looks back at He

looks to Margo. He smile fades. His

j

(MORE) ) \ honey. fun, of the That's all part \ I CLARK

well. ornaments aren't working out too The old-fashioned Clark? ELLEN

Clark walks to the tree with the light strands.

pull the string through it! when I The popcorn falls apart

(frustrated) AUDREY

cranberries.

my needle through the can't get I RUSTY

a cardboard box. He's fishing lights out of

accommodate the star. denuded the top twelve inches to

and trimmed the Christmas tree branches Clark has laps.

their in of popcorn and cranberries bowl's sitting with and Ellen are Rusty Audrey, a strand of lights. tangling

un- He's cashmere V-neck. a Clark's wearing picture.

A nearly perfect holiday calm. and It's pleasant

NIGHT - ROOM LIVING INT.

room fireplace. living a fire in the of g1'ow can see the We on. The lights are

They say nothing. He says nothing. Rusty.

Audrey and Clark looks at Ellen, feet in diameter.

eight a pine cylinder, It's the top as at the bottom.

same diameter at The tree is the in pine boughs. stand waist-deep The Griswolds by the unfurled tree. dominated room square footage is A third of the living

59 ROOM LIVING INT. 59

WINDOW. a back CRASHES through BRANCH Another

C WINDOW. CRASHES through a side A BRANCH

j . f

the tree?

What are you doing behind Clark? ELLEN

and grown up be all

you kids'll know it, Before we (O.S.) CLARK

around behind the tree. Clark disappears

row of strung pieces of a a string and then He pulls

fun ••. Sounds like CLARK

moment. a Clark considers the question for

you? our presents are

on making you're not planning

mean, I extended to our gifts.

charm if it might lose its

think it I so far but pretty cool

This tradition stuff is Dad? RUSTY

* bowl of popcorn. a He reaches into

* RUSTY - CLOSEUP

* he goes. as stringing the lights * slowly around the tree, Clark moves at the bottom. * starting on the tree, Clark begins stringing the lights

hand. a you and then I'll give up the lights I'll get dog whiskers. prairie donkey tails, ox horns, string, wood shavings, bits of yarn and Colored balls of mud, homestead. around the old prairie from things them make had to They ornaments. buy their and go out couldn't people ago, years kids, know, You (CONT'D) CLARK

_j

them. looking forward to seeing so was I Christmas~ come for shame they can't a and it's Yeah, (false) CLARK

my mother? talked to I you that I tell Did ELLEN

down the cuff. them Clark's herding picking individual needles off.

She's on the other. she's working one sleeve, on working

He's Clark and Ellen are cleaning Clark's sweater.

* A62 LATER - KITCHEN INT.A62

honey? you say, What'd CLARK (O.S.)

head-to-toe in sap and pine needles.

covered He's from around behind the tree. Clark emerges

so salty. cashews but not like

a little It's cocoon? tasted

you ever Have All better. Okay.

(gags)

* ~

a swallowed I just Hold on, (D.S.) CLARK

COUGHS. and GAGS CLARK

over your sweater.

hope you're not getting sap all I ELLEN

around behind it.

way and shakes as Clark works his The tree shivers

Daddy. Watch your eyes, AUDREY

Ouch! a difference. you'd notice back here, if I didn't put lights Believe me, tree isn't balanced. the do the front, If you just (O.S.) CLARK

Dad.

behind the tree, looks Nobody RUSTY

Putting up the lights. (D.S.) CLARK

61 2) ( CONTINUED:61

hand. his now stuck to It's the bag goes with it. arm back, his When he pulls of the grocery bag lining the wastebasket.

edge on the wad of pine needles wipe the Clark tries to

They get along. CLARK

along. and they don't get They're family ELLEN

strangers off the street. not Ellen, They're family, CLARK

house. our with all these people at be how difficult it's going to think you're forgetting I but No, ELLEN

and the needles. acknowledging the sap not They continue talking, other. one hand to the from she does is transfer the needles c:;J

All hands; Ellen is trying to get the needles off her

\

complaining? I Am CLARK

family Christmas here. old-fashioned have the fun, was to whose idea it Let's not forget ELLEN

wastebasket. sweater and tries to flick it into the cuff of his wad of sticky pine needles off the large a Clark pulls

Great! (again) Darn. (corrects himself) Damn. CLARK

coming. they're condo in Florida so on the enough deal good a couldn't get dad My changed their mind. They talked to her today. I ELLEN

~•: A62 CONTINUED:A62

operation. back my dad had his since Especially and light. sweetness going to be all that it's not aware But just be coming. all They're done. damage is The ELLEN

good with the bad. You take the Ellen. That's all part of it, ·cLARK

most during the war? go at it over who suffered the and your father my father to you really want to listen Do ELLEN

The sweater goes nowhere. throw it again. tries to He hand. It's stuck to his on the table. and tosses it Clark peels his sweater off

show. sure doesn't It CLARK "----'' ,---..i She has for years. ELLEN

Your mother waxes her upper lip? CLARK

for three years. and they stop speaking upper lip my mother of waxing her accusing and your mother cheap hot.dogs accusing your mother of buying my mother about And it's Yeah. ELLEN

It sticks to her hands. the bag off. pμlls Ellen it. to bag stuck hand and the out his He holds

family life. the petty problems of and seeing through differences resolving about Christmas is CLARK

Clark, it's endless. love more? do the children who room, in what sleeps Who argue. do is All they ELLEN

* A62 ( 2) CONTINUED:A62

Audrey peeks in. and opens It

go through yours can I Okay, if ELLEN

him. Clark pulls her to as Ellen laughs

catalogue?

through your thumb Can I just CLARK

so late. Clark, it's ELLEN

home shopping? a little How about CLARK

Clark and Ellen are in bed.

62 BEDROOM INT.62

The lights are out.

-!: B62 LATER - HOUSE GRISWOLD EXT.B62

Not even your dad. (softer) CLARK

What? ELLEN

even your dad. Not (muffled) CLARK

face. The sweater's stuck to his head. He shakes his hands. off his it mouth and pulls his the sweater in Clark puts

Christmas. spoil this going to Nothing's No problem. CLARK

touchy about it. extremely He's ELLEN

The bag stays stuck to her knees. free. and pulls her hand Ellen puts the bag·between her knees

-!: A62 ( 3 ) CONTINUED:A62

Decorated for the holidays. The Loop.

and he tears it off. sticks to his finger

the paper door away, hand Clark draws his As tree.

a partridge in a pear a tiny illustration of and 15 DEC.

expose door to open the first Clark's fingers season. symbol of the a and opened to reveal the date doors is one of the little Every day in the month of December, a paper door. conceals each date behind Of the sort that

* A63 OMITTEDA63

* he crashes to the floor. * as He screams by his undershorts. Clark to the floor * from bed drags leap The power of Ellen's It's too late.

Your hand! Ellen! CLARK

* from the bed. Ellen leaps alarm. * up in Clark looks from under the covers. up Ellen pops

d BED BEDROOM - INT.

doing?!

guys What are yousick! Oh, AUDREY

no idea what they're talking about. She has

You're in the sporting goods CLARK

What's this? ELLEN

covers. ~he Clark and Ellen are under

year.

a big catalogue this What Ooo. (O.S.) ELLEN

j.

a pool? You're putting in BILL

sufficiently impressed. He peruses the brochure,

An ecstatic all-American family frolicking in a deluxe

* from his inside jacket color brochure a worn, removes He

this. a .look at Take no. Heck, Me? CLARK

hope? I on yourself, Blow it check?

bonus fat gonna do with that big,

you The big question is, what're BILL

from penetrating it. cereal to prevent the milk It seals the crunch enhancer. Non-nutritive cereal varnish CLARK

Drug?

Food and thing you have over at new What's the I'm not kidding. BILL

Nah. CLARK

Year. Food Additive Designer of the excellent shot at being named you have an hear, I From what

huh? bonus this year, Christmas a nice fat be looking at You'll BILL

and chatting. sipping coffee coffee station,

the are standing at BILL BURKE, co-worker, a Clark and

city . ,/.. . \ of the A new high-rise in the heart Clark's building. (',

65 BUILDING OFFICE EXT.65

economic high colonic. an anyway but Christmas What's BILL

huh? guy, a sentimental You're CLARK

lawn. on the and threw the gifts blew the horn, sister's house, my by drove the kids in the car, Piled perfect holiday last year. had the I hate. I days at people from smiling for five sore face a get I a big pain in the ass. Christmas is Me? family man. guess you're the last true I BILL

by May. thing can be in that we heater, With the ground thaws. the soon as work as so they'll start down hundred dollar deposit five seventy- a ahead and put went I covered. coming, it's check bonus But with the Plenty. Bill. on happiness, a price Can't put CLARK

back? you gonna set Boy, what's it BILL

summer resort. own private turn the old homestead into our I'm gonna Ellen and the kids. my Christmas present for It's CLARK

Clark admires the brochure over Bill's shoulder.

STATION COFFEE - CORRIDOR - OFFICE INT.B67

march down the hall. wedge of black wingtips flying A

·:k A proud smile.

-;•: CLARK - CLOSEUP

i r-------------------------------------.

My pleasure. CLARK

day. end of the me by the have it to summary and a brief me up Write group and I'd like to mention it. a trade speech to a I'm giving FRANK

Yes, sir. CLARK

varnish? on the non-nutritive cereal

was working one who Are you the FRANK

Pardon me. CLARK

Who asked? FRANK C7

* \ .

Clark. My name's That's Bill, sir. CLARK

Bill exits.

to work.

Get back Nice to see you. Clark.

(to Bill) FRANK

Clark. BILL

Shirley. Mr. and corrects He clears his throat

* suddenly. men stop The serious purpose. * military precision and with They march MBAs. clean-cut * His minions are young, stone-faced man in middle age. * a stern, Shirley is back. few steps a shoulders his * MEN off YOUNG two and the point SHIRLEY at W. FRANK see * CAMERA RISES to a corner. round The marching wingtips

on Santa's laps. Screaming kids D)

Cash registers ringing. C)

downtown department store. Crowded B)

Salvation Army band playing. A)

68 MONTAGE HOLIDAY68

UP ••. MUSIC

checks. and he signs the

but at least he's fair the world,

guy in He may not be the warmest

won't, sir. I

(to Frank) MAN YOUNG

Young Men. one of the to

confused beat then looks a Clark for Shirley stares at

remembered us. you flattered that are I and My family other day. card the We got your Christmas CLARK

back to Clark. and turns Shirley stops

Shirley? Mr.

Yes, sir. CLARK

understands. nobody inside bullshit jargon that None of that Layman's terms. FRANK

in here, isn't it? \ warm It's hotter than they are. any less hooter ... stores were shopping season if the Christmas be the guess it wouldn't I CLARK

He's very uncomfortable and warm. He straightens up.

Uh. CLARK

delicates. the at looking Clark's bent over a display case,

something? show you Can I WOMAN

WOMAN. young a beautiful TO UP MOVE Cleavage,

NIGHT - CLARK

rubbing sore feet. Hands M)

changing hands. cards Cash and credit L)

crying child. Lost, K)

Gift wrapping. J)

on store counters. Heaps of purchases I)

counter. a Santas having lunch at H)

Businessmen testing toys. G)

Shoppers in and out of revolving doors. F)

Garish displays. E)

(MORE) log. a have don't I log. a mean didn't I log. a Not .in yulelog. As Yule. Yuletide. Christmas. Which is to say Adulthood. corrects himself) and (winces shopping days left until adultery. there's plenty of and underwear obviously she doesn't wear And Her wife. my mother. for ... something was just looking for I CLARK

on. He ignores the question and carries see if anyone's listening to the conversation. shoulder to He looks over his He wheezes. Clark's jaw drops.

out for you? me to take anything you want Do WOMAN

Gesundheit. CLARK

me? Excuse (puzzled) WOMAN

couldn't help it. I know, You CLARK

something? looking at You were So. WOMAN

an uncomfortable silence. There's

Could be! CLARK

cold out? Because it's WOMAN

happen? How did that do. I Sure staring) (catches himself Do I? CLARK

on. have your coat You WOMAN

She realizes he's nervous. Woman smiles. The

--- -------

These are cut high on the hip. (to Clark)

Clark with suspicious curiosity. He watches

C70 RUSTY - CLOSEUP - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.C70

him a miniscule pair of panties.

* showing Mary's and enjoying himself. laughing Clark's

counter. crowd he sees Clark at the lingerie THROUGH the

B70 DEPT. LINGERIE - POV RUSTY'S - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.B70

Clark. looking for arms, package in his crowds, moving through the He's

A70 RUSTY - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.A70

New Year. happy a And WOMAN

Christmas. d CLARK

Mary. WOMAN

on her chest. to the name plate She points

Huh? CLARK

name. my That's WOMAN

merry. Uh, be huge. season to and boy, 'tis this ever the log my and I've _enjoyed talking about and busty been very helpful you've I'm late and In other words, CLARK

brow with the back of his hand. Clark mops his

said it. I said when I meaning what said but not Which I said. I think I you think that do but not in the sense I mean, I (CONT'D) CLARK

69 2) ( CONTINUED:69

••

(MORE)

top heavy. ...

and skinny and So tall looking.

Unusual That wasn't fair of me. CLARK

Funny-looking? RUSTY

so helpful. back there was funny-looking gal And that done. a lot of shopping get I did Boy, CLARK

to explain himself to Rusty. he tries as sweat Clark's in a nervous lingerie boxes. Clark and Rusty walk through the store loaded with

A71 STORE DEPARTMENT INT.A71

Hyew! CLARK

Complete terror. Looking at Rusty.

eyes His It registers that he's just addressed Rusty.

Russ? Can you see the line, CLARK

Clark turns to Rusty.

yeah. Oh, CLARK

Can you see the line? similar. I'm wearing something very MARY

and displays her bottom. around She turns

30. 4/20/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

• •

A clear, bright Saturday morning.

A72 MORNING - HOUSE GRISWOLD EXT.A72

71 OMITTED71

They both rub their stinging cheeks. up. Their hair is messed- and Clark walk out. and Rusty beat

A SLAPS. SHARP and a pair of SHRIEK a collective there's

O.S. LADIES. a brass sign -- we read As it closes through the door. and walks He turns A nervous smile.

C71 CLARK - CLOSEUP ROOM - LADIES' - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.C71

him. She waves to

B71 POV CLARK'S - DEPARTMENT LINGERIE INT.B71

Mary. look back at a and takes He pushes Rusty through a door

... Dad But, RUSTY

Russ. Keep moving, CLARK

Dad! RUSTY

on ahead. Clark shoos Rusty

Truckster. parked the ole dickster ... I remember where hope I I Gee, (pause)

Sure. a medical journal. For like Yeah. CLARK

cover girl material. She was Dad? RUSTY

important.

and that's all that's underpants and she knew her she was nice

But mouth to put in her contacts. open her she'd have to gee whiz,

any higher, her cheekbones were

and if and lips the real big eyes

the narrow waist, The wide hips, (CONT'D) CLARK

A71 CONTINUED:A71

31. 4/20/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

• •

from the gift she's wrapping.

up looks She same uneasy feeling. She's struck by the

C72 ROOM AUDREY'S INT.C72

UP. COMES MUSIC OMINOUS dreadful feeling grips her. Some a troubled look. from her work with up She looks

Christmas cards. out the kitchen table filling Ellen's at

B72 KITCHEN INT.B72

31A. 4/20/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

sweetheart! Clarkie, NORA

an invasion. It's machine-gun chatter.

and and Audrey in hugs Rusty Ellen, They engulf Clark,

back as the grandparents rush the house. Clark steps

* J72 FOYER INT. J72

Merry Christmas! folks! Folks, CLARK

Clark greets the grandparents with open anns.

* H72 PORCH FRONT - HOUSE EXT. H72

•1 G72 DOOR - FOYER INT. G72

it. and slowly turns Clark's trembling hand grips the knob

DOOR FRONT - FOYER INT.

door. looking at the front He's Frightened.

DOOR The Clark. Audrey follows down the stairs. comes Clark room. comes in from the dining Rusty tentative.

and She's nervous Ellen walks in from the kitchen.

-1r F72 FOYER INT. F72

face. on his terror A look of removes the beard. He slowly awful feeling.

same He's taken by the on a Santa beard. Clark's trying

he over him, comes As the feeling TV. Rusty's watching

·k D72 ROOM FAMILY INT. D72

_J

\ ..

seconds. 30 and questions in comments hundred individual overlapping A squeezed and kissed. hugged, verbally attacked, member is Each family move between them. grandparents as the Ellen and Clark hold their positions Audrey, Rusty, to Ellen. crosses Clark Sr. Clark. to returns

Art from Clark and pushes past Francis to Rusty. breaks Nora and Francis descend upon Ellen and the kids. Art

Dad. complain, Can't CLARK

hand. Clark Sr. 's embrace with Nora and shakes Clark breaks his

boy? 'ya doin', How CLARK SR.

J72 CONTINUED:J72

(MORE) bone. \ on my heel a very painful spur have I I (to Rusty) look so tired. you Dear, (to Ellen) spend all your time with Art. Don't Christmas. may be Dad's last This (to Clark) you? You're working too hard, aren't (to Clark) smells stale in here. It (to Ellen) have to stay out in the elements? Why should our automobile he was here? Didn't he have the garage the last time Art wants to put his car in the garage. (to Clark) you still like puzzles? Do (to Rusty) are you? seeing girls yet, You're not (to Rusty) to your tap water? you still have the rusty taste Do (to Clark) up for Ellen. can fix it get the time maybe you If you sewing machine. my old brought I (to Clark) d the radio. pr~fer We morning. in the T.V. care for We don't (to Ellen) rolled oats. get Clark Sr. remember to shopping go When you (to Ellen) two of everything. You have no idea what to get you for Christmas. have I (to Ellen) think it has. I hasn't but Dad says it changed color? has on my neck mole you think this Do (to Clark) look too old. Audrey The curly hair makes (to Clark) Since when are you wearing eye makeup? (To Audrey) some height. on better you'd put you Maybe if your Mom'd feed (to Rusty) it? see Did you show on skinny women. a Oprah did (to Ellen) you? how are sweetheart, Clarkie, NORA

arrival. DIALOGUE for grandparents' OVERLAPPING

* J72 ( 2 ) CONTINUED : J72

33A.

(MORE) know the pain I'm enduring. and you'll on your back and land Jump off your roof (to Clark) Pete? condo in St. one-bedroom a You know how much they wanted for (to Ellen) cornball jokes. another of our holidays with his You might mention to your dad not to ruin (to Clark) a light year for gifts. going to be bought the Lincoln, it's Since I (to Ellen) lawsuit? a You looking for and feathered. Whoever shovels your walk oughta be tarred (to Clark) on the ride over here. in height inches two I lost My back's killing me. (to Clark) a fairy? Your dad still trying to turn you into (to Rusty) kiddo. me an Eskimo kiss, Give (to Audrey) gramps? a kiss for you got Hey, pal, (to Rusty) damn bunk beds. I'm not sleeping in any (to Clark) bushes? d on your rose cones come you didn't put How (to Clark) so I'm taking the garage space. good half second a dad by beat your I (to Clark) on your porch. a little paint You could use (to Clark) somebody breaks their skull. You better salt your walk before (to Clark) never with your back. Lift with your knees, (to Rusty) lower back. my from a pint of fluid They drained (to Audrey) What's your hot water situation? (To Ellen) I'm parking the Lincoln in the garage. so you tell Clark Griswold here beat I (to Ellen) a big kiss! me give Dearest sweetheart, (to Ellen) ART

bunk beds. making us sleep in the into you talked Clark a nightmare that had I (to Ellen) (CONT'D) NORA

-1: J72 ( 3 ) CONTINUED :J72

33B.

(MORE)

you? You're not listening to that devil music are

(to Audrey) cookies this year. making of; your mother out two of us can't talk see if the Let's (to Clark) south for the holidays. go conco to on the Florida enough deal good a odds Art couldn't get I'll lay you (to Clark) back. sympathy for his any want he doesn't and he said talked to your grandpa Art I (to Rusty) hills! Looks like those mosquito bites turned into mole (to Audrey) · anymore. top

mom up don't have the strength to boost your I Clark. Don't stick us in.those bunk beds again,

(to Clark) complaining. immune to oughta be in the hospital where folks are

he much pain, If he's in so us to believe.

much pain as he likes be in as Your dad can't (to Ellen) Get it? 'Don't back up!' he said? know what

you Don Mattingly the other day and ran into I

(to Rusty) C7

improving? my eyesight you getting prettier or is Are

\ (to Ellen) so lovely. look just You sweetheart. there, Hi, (to Ellen) see you. good to It's son. Merry Christmas, (to Clark) CLARK SR.

a sinus condition. have I a lot of moisture in the air. need I (to Ellen) seventy-two. like it at I on heat. a nickel and save Don't try (to Clark) a lot of fish. mother's eating and your low-sodium diet a I'm on (to Ellen) You look weary. (to Ellen) a talk. gonna have to have We're Grandma said you're dating fellas. (to Audrey) a senior discount? Does your pharmacy offer (to Ellen) huh? some weight, on Your mom's put Clark) (to (CONT'D) ART

-.•: J72 (4) CONTINUED:J72

33C.

on Christmas. up nice hope you'll dress I (to Audrey) no color in her cheeks. Ellen has (to Clark) You have no color in your cheeks. (to Ellen) down ... rub a If Dad needs (to Clark) my scalp. scalded gal that polish Not after going to your place again. I'm not my hair done but I'm going to need to get (to Ellen) They say pizza is very high in sodium. (to Audrey) school jobs. All the boys in our neighborhood have after (to Rusty) she gone deaf? to ask but has I didn't want Nora aged?· Poor thing. Hasn't (to Ellen) a lunatic. Your dad drives like Clark) (to Are you getting enough fresh air and sunshine? (to Rusty) and open-mouth kissing. about disease clipped an article for you in our paper I (to Audrey) He's unbearable! thing. back nearly left your father over this I (to Ellen) work? heavy do Are you making her (to Clark) look so haggard. You sweet girl. my Oh, (to Ellen) FRANCIS

an indoor walk? can go take Mom and I good mall where a you have Do (to Clark) up with cheese like last time. us Don't fill (to Ellen) Made ten bucks. humorous story to the Reader's Digest.

a He sold remember Fred Lorraine? you Do

(to Clark) dinner. and an early a late breakfast We like (to Clark) on towels this year. Don't short us (to Ellen) you this year? old Santa to bring want you do What (to Rusty) n (CONT'D) SR. CLARK

* J72 ( 5 ) CONTINUED:J72

33D.

■ ■

Dad. a lot of lights, That's RUSTY

lights. a strand of out Clark reaches into the carton and pulls

Russ. house in town, gonna have the best-looking We're CLARK

down. Rusty sets the carton house. Clark leans the ladder against the their winter gear. Clark and Rusty are wearing and decorations. lights huge carton of a with follows Rusty extension ladder. out carrying an comes and Clark opens The garage door

A73 A73 & & 72 OMITTED72

family alone. stunned door leaving his out the front Clark exits

few hours. a For be outside. d I'll gonna be great. It's about. Christmas is all what This is CLARK

He smiles. senses. comes to his He

Her catatonic expression. She's wearing an identical,

J7 2 ( 6 ) CONTINUED:J72

34. 4/19/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

• •

sending Clark crashing to the ground. collapses, he gets to the top of the ladder, it As behind him. a strand of lights dragging climbing the ladder, Clark's

neck. his enough to have him break lucky for sure but we're not He'll fall

A75 DRIVEWAY - HOUSE MARGO'S AND TODD EXT.A75

d

74 OMITTED74

from the carton. ball of tangled lights a three-foot on the strand pulling tug a Clark gives

something? ever overdone I When have CLARK

Dad? you, gonna overdo it are You're not RUSTY

do. Sure you CLARK

guess ... I- Yeah, RUSTY

you? don't can be proud of, something you You want I'm gonna do it big. and do it right I'm gonna house, committed to decorating the and I'm If I'm out in the cold CLARK

35. 4/19/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

louder. The snoring gets VOLUME again. UP the Francis turns

' know. don't I FRANCIS

The snoring gets louder. VOLUME more. UP the Nora turns

from 'Jeopardy'? Is that the fella NORA

louder. becomes The snoring TV-. on the LOUDER VOLUME ·the .controls · Francis reinote ..· ·i. · -: ~... '· . . _. a~yway.~ stale They're ·n.ANc'is.

_,,. :.• '. ~<' es incr.eas snoring The •.. TV .the u1ton VOLUME the- controls Nora remote • ~-';,.\~ '; . . ::-'\ .--·-:::\-~'.~ /!,' _,. ., ·> -.::; ,. ·. -~. 1 ·.-·~· roof~ for the left .. any have· :won't we If you keep eating the shingles - NORA

They have gingerbread house. pre_fab· they construct a as

TV Nora and Francis are watching a Christmas parade on

They' re snoring. chairs. Art asleep in wing ·and Clark Sr.

76 DUSK ROOM· FAMILY INT. 76

E76 E76 thru thru C76 OMITTEDC76

::.·,·I'.·:·•' C '"-,

to the roof. light·st:rands· :stapling begins and up climbs back ladder against. the house, :,the resets Clark ·:. .. ·.. •.·· -~-, ~_·_.·.... --_.: . ··,. ', ..· :, __,~: .. ·_ ·~---:- ....· ._·· _. _ ,, :-·•·;~:-,:' ',• .. · .·_, ·. . -~~ .

B76 _-: HC>USE. GR.ISWOLD EXT.B76

-.prevent Christmas lights. :to going - ._ not we' re the neighborhood., of. and dogs out If ·we can't keep kids MARGO

·•. lights ordinance prohibiting ourdoors some sort of There should be TODD

They're irritated and fussy,

A76 AND.MARGO TODD - CLOSEUP CHESTER HOUSE - EXT.A76

36. 4/18/89 R.ev. VACATION· CHRISTMAS

·•·•- ......... ···•-···- .....-- .. .~ ···- ____ ......· .•·-·-·;,,.,.J....1,.:,.,.. ................... · ........ .i. .. /4¼., 'i..o."-•w.c.l- ...... ··.,_ ...~..,.....,. ............ _ .... ·· ••..•..,,._................ ··, ... · ____ ,..... «••·-•-'••"··~..;.. - ..·······~·-·~·- ·--··· ' ....... '•J.; ~. ......... · __ ..,_ ..•.

lawn. him on the Just put CLARK / lights. \ on the spine of the roof where he's stapling Clark is

plastic Santa. a six-foot-tall out of the garage carrying comes Rusty

ABO 'NIGHT.~:>:. - ,GARAGE •. EXTABO

79 ... · . 79

·..... OMITTED: .

* · "· ,· .. · .•, · .. · .:t'-"···· · : .. -1ir-;;,...,,;,•).;'•:·.:~ '- .llindow·.,,,./·•,,.,. the: into

:slamming Clark ·house the l>a'ck\into crashes·. ladder in, the

pulls himself slowly As he .lights~-- o.f .st.rand a .to life

holding on for. dear ladder, .,the -with struggling see Clark

we street·, the· faces that window· bedroom the THROUGH

* .., ·,r . ~. , ....,

· ·.-i , · house. ·

the ladder) ·back up to the {and line to pull himself

safety a and uses it as lights ally stapled strand of

the parti- grabs he tree, into.the he crashes backwards

Right before from the house. back.away ladder the and

upsets his balance, tilting Clark This staple loose.

free himself he pulls the sleeve and the To lizes him.

temporarily stabi- Thi·s ·· staples his sleeve to the .roof.

into the house he (accidentally) l~ans he ·As the ground •.

on '.back ladder the .of feet· the' a··f.. <bot.h •get to· struggles

Clark -the''.·stapler, ,;lighta,.and '1:he 'by Eneumberec:l · ground.

the o·ff · leg lifts ·one- and. weight his f.rom -tilts.· ladder

The strand.' a secure ovei:-·to• ,reaches _,He eaves~. the

under .. lights .ground_stringing the above feet twenty is

Clark decorated.· partially is house Jide·of.the left The

,,..,,: . What?.· MOU.·· .. · ., ·· · snoring increases. the VOLUME again and again; 'the UP Francis turns

problem.• news gal with the drinking to the married who's guy It's the ·sports ...,.. .. ·.,

·:;())·'

76 ·.. CONTINUED:·

76. . '.'·.. .. ?.:.·. . ,·:·:· ..'• . ....... ··r .. ··..:··r;..":-,Y--;,:

37 • 4/18/89 ltev. VACATION CHRISTMAS :··· .·1' .',

• .. ~.. ... _..... i·.•r¥·~·:--"'!"··• ,,....,. ................. ,..'[ ...... /.,,....... ,···1"•,.,... ..... ··: '.,.. ··'l ,:,-,··· •....., .. ~- ........ ~..

dramatic~ Don't be so ELLEN

•is?; sick' and twisted that

sleeping with you Are Everybody? AUDREY

!l:ll,rii;a,11i:~:J'J•·f'.'J{i>t.. '.

:the-·:ph'one·.b'ec·ause:'tfwas;,,going'·(to'f.i~11 ·•:-;:~ · .r,\'·~:.~. .,.•· ii:~r!ii~ ,-,~~~!~!if ..',;\:

t~?t:;s1:ttl';~~ktt:?~I~?>f ;~i~;; Ellen. s

a'hotel:fh: at. ·granclp'arentij'··to'.·s'.tay .. ,thei:'./> ·ask be indecent to ;i,t Would ',')~.i>'.-~·f_:·:Y::::·}•,,ii;,;;•.·;,'.', . (-:.:_. :>,~•. .Ali»REYf: . •' ... ·: ._: ', .

:· .. ·=-~t TELEVJ:SION. BLASTING the and the.· snoring above - shout to· .have They ·dinner.~· making are Audrey' Ellen arid · .,·:::····<-.;.-.~~1~r:-:.:,r'.:/:'/····'- · :·:,-·,:., \•"-'•).•..z..;.-</t ..,.~·-:•" >-;:f/;/-=.{t(~}r.~~t~!}.,r'.-'·,• ,. .• ·, , ,,·- · · 81 .. J:.· · ··: <'1/ ?l·;e '1CIT HOUSE:'• •. I-NT 81

0 80

•- ;in,the;basement-,t,.:·.,;fi..,.:o_,,··/.- re .they· I.·thirik · ·· ·..... " tlti~fijl~~t}if~!£ji}0ff ~-;:,~iii~~if ,..

,,1 ~:, -.:·c'. -~/;ft>;>:;::.i)J aJs:r~<''~:::t~~ .··•'· ·>t,..-,.;·.-::~t:f;;,:::) , · ·. .

_,:._, ,.. ,:, .. to the roof.. up looks turns· and Rusty large wooden .shutter .falls to the sidewalk and shatters. Behind him a lawn~·• the on. down Santa sets· the R.usty .,,,__

< ?ARD/.. noNT EXT. (} •• •

A80 . - ,.. <' _·';•·\t;,:.,i',; .(,{·;)}-:i(// .CONTINU~O,:: _ .... ?···

' ' : :,1,}_i;_f_!_:;_,'.·'._1,_::::_·: .. ;l ; 89 ;.,;,,~~!~~~:.r-~CATl~J\.; :_·.:,·_._1_:.·_~:1,;iIA;18;::,:o\:..r.•.:_•._·::f:_,,;::_:·!_,,._:_:_~.:_;~•.:.~_:_._··:_:_'.:_:.·::.·_..'i:l··_-.f,;_·._1.}.·_-_::···,•.~---:·~.:~-__i_,l.,_:

:, •..3a·

·, ·-· • ·:••-~~~;•, :r,,~- ..··1:·..,...-0:•.,. •· •:;••-.--- ,n.,r,. •~~'•'~,n,-•?<-.-'!"'-'f•~:~" ....~:~•4,;, ..,... ''\fl,'=V-;':'~"'m•.,.~·-~r.~~;Tt•of ~~,-•r,"t/~~~--- ...,.~--,,-.·,'-...~:_'::"!;r."'l"'"'') .,. ,,.. ~r:,~ · ......... ~!C :.,·•.,r:·;.:'~1:!'~.

•• ~, f.. ,:... , ,. ---~-'i.-11••'-'--' · -~;, >•-l-•4 , ·u• ~ .. _,_ ,.~ ....;,,~-w~-~---;,.~ .. .,.. __ ~~~~~~j.. ~i..~..~~,~.:~~~-~~~~~-~~7.i~~:~,:_~-l~~~~- -~~.:~~ :~-~~:..:~ _:,;_';;._4: .....:....:...:.L.L"-~~~~.-~ ~...._.•~.#.-..--~:•

,'.. i,:"' ..· . ;I ;_. · , '.. . .,; >'.· , .. ~• "':lj"f "-;.·. . ·.,1'' .

The ice shoots out of the It's filled solid with ice.

I

(CONTI~D) :·• :,·, :'-- • .! -::~ :.,,..~ ..- •-;~~•~'r~•,-_.~·-,·:~~(..(/~••,:·1••: ...::- •:l!,_':.;i•~,:';,.·() .-•.•_.·.'. .. ,.:( • ••l•·~ the machine. .into ··water -~pours .hand grandmother's A · .. \ ·;'.,,:, ,. ~:~~~·:O:>.; 9.~;-0~'.~' CLO.~~~:-:"\ - INSERT

ON. i:t . turns and door t.he clo:ses. grandmother' a hand A

-:•· : . . -~.--~·:·. ·. ..·?

ASS - KITCHEN INT.ABS * ···/:i. LAT,ER ~o-;iiii><._:::~ISHWAS~--s~ ,,/__ \.

,.....:-'.; /;. . :in. _rig~~ I' 11 be CLAJU((O.S.). · ·. .. ,· from the bushes. and Clark answers beat A • ' ." t·; : ~.: • _. • \. • •' • I • ; • . . • . • . • •

·- .··- -_- · -·\··~ ·; ..~{11rr;:~:v ;~~K', ,·:::}r:r:t{.iifit~:t~;1-r(:":i[£iti-' .\ ,t, :::-. -.· -·

c,ut•id.(~<i st~pl!L Ellen.

84 .. •.··.· w <t,, ,,c;,,,;:.,,~ j -~~~~Ji.::~t]~;J}{t"" ~':.84

• he lands :moment the door-opens £root The below. bushes

snow into .the ,of cloud in a •disappears and rocket,

a .off like shoots stomacht on his roof he ·hits the him,

from under · .out '.slide his feet :suddenly feeling secure..

·1eaving him go of the gutter, lets He· his feet. the lower roof is just below ··that -realizes .loose, tear

A84 NIGHT .HOUSE - CLARK'S EXT.A84

the stereo.

impales and w-indow side t·he through· The ice ·spear. crashes

,83 ROOM. LIVING MARGO'S AND TODD INT~·

40. ~4/18/89 ■- Rev - VACATION -CHRISTMAS

Drumroll? CLARK

one responds. No

Drumroll, please. (to the family) Griswold family Christmas. dedicate this house to the I CLARK

Dad! Fire it up, RUSTY

think anything of it. If they know your dad they won't ART

staring at the house. me standing in the yard and sees by know drives I hope nobody I AUDREY

thousand! Twenty-five twinkle lights. miniature imported Italian twenty-five thousand individual grand total of a strand for hundred individual bulbs per one of lights, ~trands fifty Two hundred and ready? Are you CLARK

fun. him spoil his He refuses to let a sidelong glance. Clark gives Art

off. my bagettes I'm freezing Clark? with this, up You want to hurry ART

ready to plug them in. extension cords,

two He's holding thusiasm and excitement is unabated.

en- His from his efforts. and tattered worn Clark's

lawn. on the front and Francis are standing Art Nora, Clark Sr., and Rusty, Audrey Ellen, Clark,

door closes. and the a shelf Freshly-wrapped leftovers are placed on

REFRIGERATOR - CLOSEUP - INSERT

AB5 CONTINUED:A85

-------------,-----------------··----··------

Seething anger. Clark stares at the house. go inside. and Nora Clark Sr.

doesn't work. If one goes out the whole thing son. bad bulb, a It's probably SR. CLARK

and Francis head back to the house. Art

good fathers. make very don't they do washing machines but So ART

Grandma. He worked really hard, AUDREY

this was. a silly waste of resources what see hope you kids I away. money Boy, talk about tinkling your FRANCIS

Clark! Beeeeee--u-t-tiiiiii-ful, ART

couple of times. d

a cords and unplugs the He plugs and in an angry tone.

volumelower a but at Clark continues his, peter out.

drums The Nothing. and again joins the extension cords. drums hisup revs them a twist, gives cords, unplugs the

Clark somewhat. Dampened Continuing their drumroll.

POV CLARK'S - HOUSE EXT.

* them. joins CYMBAL, CRASHING a sound of and the * drama and with great and the outlet up the plug holds He and more enthusiastic. louder He joins the drumroll,

Joy to the World! CLARK

reluctantly flutter their tongues. and Francis a beat Art After in. Join Clark and Nora

Mom? Dad? CLARK

a drumroll. cheap imitation of in a and Audrey flutter their tongues Rusty Reluctantly Ellen,

* a teen fashion magazine with a flashlight. * Clark Sr. 's reading Nora's snoring softly. cold steam. * spewing out A room humidifier is suitcases. clothing, * Medicines, trusses, room. debris is all over the * Their double bed. are in Audrey's and Clark Sr. Nora

A88 NIGHT - SHOTS OF SERIES - HOUSE INT. ABB

climb. and begins to He sets the ladder against the house

it. do with asshole had something to But I'll bet that know. don't I window) (looking out the TODD

And why is the carpet all wet? MARGO

Something had to hit the stereo. window. Something had to break the TODD

system. looking at the trashed stereo Margo's window.

looking at the broken Todd's home. They've returned

the house before he explodes. away into a nearly despondent Clark and slips She leaves

work in the morning.

You have Don't stay out too late. ELLEN

cover his neck. around his neck to She fixes his coat

honey. We'll be inside, ELLEN

Clark just stares at the house. No response.

Clark? ELLEN

Dad. Good try, RUSTY

Dad. Sorry, AUDREY

85 ( 2 ) CONTINUED:85

and stops. eye level to

down He brings the stairs SQUEAKS. STAIRCASE still the

slowly but so He does down the attic stairs. Clark pulls

STAIRS ATTIC - CEILING CLOSEUP

the ceiling.

up to He reaches shopping bag filled with wrapped gifts.

two-handled a room with out of his then sneaks hall, and down the up looks He bedroom. out of his Clark peeks

A89 OMITTEDA89

a gingerbread man. door is Behind the DECEMBER 19. Audrey opens the door marked,

A sky filled with twinkling stars. night.

on the ladder in the dark of the cold A lonely figure

E88 NIGHT - HOUSE EXT. E88

on the top bunk. Art's on the bottom bunk. Francis is

ROOM RUSTY'S INT.

* back staring up with mild curiosity. on his laying He's

ART - CLOSEUP

* taped to the ceiling. * The poster is A well-oiled babe in something indecent.

D88 POSTER - INSERT - ROOM RUSTY'S INT.D88

Alone. Ellen's asleep.

C88 BEDROOM MASTER INT.C88

you little fungus. Get off me, AUDREY

She groans. leg replaces it.

and hisaway arm She pushes his ear. face against her and his arm around her Rusty has hisawake. her back,

on She's a hide-a-bed. on are sleepingand Audrey Rusty

B88 ROOM FAMILY INT.B88

up the third gift. He picks

A97 DAY - CLARK - CLOSEUP - ATTIC INT.A97

coming down from there! Feel the cold air Gee whiz! FRANCIS

down. stairs She sees the attic room. comes out of the guest Francis

thru thru 91 'OMITTED 91

CLARK. LOVE, MY ALL HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, The tag reads --

and reads the tag. one of the packages blows the dust off

He looks at the gifts curiously. He wrapped package.

another gift- He finds chimney. again reaches behind the down and He sets it another wrapped gift. He pulls out chimney. he reaches far behind the grits his teeth as stretches, back around, He reaches gift-wrapped package. a dusty, out He brings something. he notices chimney, behind the he reaches As chimney. behind the hides it

and a gift out He takes down the bag of gifts. He sets

chimney. detritus of twenty years of married life to the He steps carefully over and around the unheated attic. unfinished, wood floor, cluttered, a standard, It's

aching forehead. his

rubbing creaky stairs into the attic, up the Clark climbs

A90 OMITTEDA90

FRAME. OF OUT the forehead taking him clear Clark square in down and hit slide collapsed on runners, which are The steps, up at the stairs. looks He to see if he's attracted anyone's attention. He listens

Was he in the house? ELLEN

know? How the hell would I ART

coming? Is Clark Dad? ELLEN

them. Ellen calls to come out of the house. and Francis Art

ClOO HOUSE EXT. ClOO

BlOO DAY - HALLWAY UPSTAIRS - HOUSE INT.BlOO

CRIES. FAINT can't hear Clark's

They door. and exit the front and Francis bundle up Art

AlOO DAY FOYER - INT.AlOO

Somebody?! Ellen?! Hello?! CLARK

Locked tight. It doesn't budge. stairs. on the attic and knees pushing hands on his Clark's

She's going to drive.

* Ellen's standing at the Taurus. in the back with Audrey. Nora's Clark Sr. is in the front, The Taurus is running.

98 HOUSE EXT. 98

He freezes.

and lets it crash closed. Francis lifts the staircase

B97 DAY - HALLWAY UPSTAIRS HOUSE~ INT.B97

CLARK. LOVE, DAY, HAPPY MOTHER'S The tag reads --

He sighs in utter defeat. street. down the the Taurus disappears as sadly He watches

Al03 DAY - CLARK, - CLOSEUP - WINDOW ATTIC EXT.Al03

street. down the and heads away the Taurus pulls Far below,

face. and resignation on his look of defeat

A He's pressed up against the small, dirty attic window.

and Francis get in the Taurus. Art

him in the face. and slugs up board which flips onto the first him forward throws impact The the head. him in the back of smacks and up he steps back onto flies The board back. quickly steps face with the loose board, going to get hit in the anticipating that he's Clark,

a down on the end of Clark's foot steps Loose planks.

small a heading for down the attic, way Clark works his

DlOO DAY - HOUSE ATTIC INT.DlOO

my back pill. take can I so to eat have I Me, drive. can He You've got another car. ART

and shopping with us. lunch go to I'm sure he wants to ELLEN

must be in the house. he around with his lights, fartin' ladder on the up If he's not / ' ART ) '\(

ClOO CONTINUED:ClOO

■ I

and back. front smacking him both on either side of Clark, up boards fly the Suddenly, moment. a balancing for both boards,

on He gingerly steps whacked him earlier. boards that the He reaches the failed bulbs to his pocket. ~eturning

from the window, comes back down the attic Clark

C103 DAY - ATTIC INT. Cl03

summer. Especially in the

a nice deal. a heck of That's SR. CLARK

toenail clipper.

a nifty includes The set also NORA

fingernails.

fella than well-groomed

young a nothing more important to

There's You're right. Yeah. SR. CLARK

thrilled with a manicure set. think he'll be just as I No. hand) manicure set in her (referring to the away. and you threw it garage the And he put out all the windows in NORA

boy. a was one when he Clarkie had Alright. SR. CLARK

You heard her. no. Ellen said,

he wants. That's what getting Rusty an air rifle. see anything wrong with I don't SR. CLARK

sets. and Nora are at the counter looking at manicure Clark Sr.

Bl03 * DAY - ACCESSORY DEPT. MEN'S - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.Bl03

bad bulbs. out to test for tiny window and reaches opens the new bulb, a reaches into his shirt pocket for

He inoperative imported twinkle lights. ringed with his

and notices the the window is He glances to the side

Al03 CONTINUED:Al03

48. 4/20/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

••

\

on the ceiling. More cracked footprints

Fl03 CEILING BATHROOM - INT.Fl03

stepping between the joists. He's

El03 FEET CLARK'S - CLOSEUP - ATTIC INT.El03

ceiling. human footprints in the approximate shape of leaving the The plaster cracks under the weight of Clark's feet, \.) I~

Dl03 DAY - CEILING BEDROOM - INT.Dl03

48A. 4/20/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

the pricetag. looks at Art

(O.S.) FRANCIS

and matching leather gloves. taupe leather purse A

GLOVES AND PURSE - INSERT

when she dresses up. This is for

a purse and Doesn't Audrey have

-1: Nl03 ACCESSORIES LADIES' - STORE DEPARTMENT INT.Nl03

A pair of legs standing on the top bunk. d

M103 WIDE - BEDROOM RUSTY'S INT.Ml03

sunk to his knees in the attic floor. Clark's

L103 ATTIC INT. Ll03

poster. suddenly break through the ceiling and tear through the Clark's feet above the top bunk. The girlie poster

K103 DAY - CEILING - BEDROOM RUSTY'S INT.Kl03

satisfaction. small degree of a looks at it with He an old wool scarf.

up with comes He rummaging through another box. Clark's

Jl03 ATTIC INT. Jl03

I-103 OMITTED I-103

the master bedroom ceiling. continue across The footsteps

Hl03 CEILING - BEDROOM MASTER INT.Hl03

and crosses to another stack of boxes. finds nothing

He coat. a looking for rummaging through boxes, Clark's

Gl03 ATTIC INT. Gl03

He smiles at the old images.

hung a shirt image is projected on The box beside him. a

Clark is sitting on a child's chair with the projector on

room sitting in the living -- low-cut dress woman in a

arm around a middle-aged a pencil moustache with his slicked hair and loud sport coat, middle-aged man with a

a smashed old priest, a young sailor, a dressed in black,

woman an ancient Nora, Little Clark (age 9), family, Griswold TO: CUT around the door. string of lights ranch house with a single a tract -- house Griswold TO: CUT A title card with the words in glitter.

SHIRT WHITE ON FILM PROJECTED 8MM

comes up. MUSIC moment. a box for He looks at the

The Clark lifts the lid to reveal yellow Kodak boxes.

loom. section and get her that

~': toy go back to the Let's it.

Forget A hundred and ten bucks?!

(MORE)

~: inch of your body.

every square and kiss of wine

and sit in the dark with a glass

want to take off these clothes I TODD

dressed in the best winter running fashions.

-:,': They're run. a from Todd and Margo have returned home

'";,': Bl09 Bl09 thru thru

108 OMITTED108

* to the floor. * CRASH MEMORIES CLARK and his D.S., FRAME. OF OUT fall

and the projector the box of memories the chair, Clark,

and turns the attic stair lock. up She reaches stopping at the attic stairs. down the hall, Ellen turns

d up the stairs with packages in her arms. Ellen sneaks

carefully up the slick pavement to the house. The grandparents are walking The Taurus is in the drive.

from the box. socks handful of wool

a He lifts camera with a grim expression. up to looks He large gift. a open ripping Clark Jr. TO: CUT AM.

down the stairs in the running Clark Jr. TO: CUT floor.

to the camera drops The him. German shepherd dog attacks A a pillowcase stuffed with gifts. door with front

coming in the cheap Santa suit a in Clark Sr. TO: CUT asleep in his bed, despite the floodlights. Clark Jr.

TO: CUT the wall is blackened. Behind them, eggnog.

and three firemen toasting the holidays with The family

TO: CUT again. camera drops The ignited the curtains.

has from the floodlights The heat to the curtains. camera pans The see flames. we frame, the left side of

On singing Christmas carols. standing kettle fireplace

a free- Family gathered around TO: CUT middle finger.

up his and holds man with the pencil moustache smiles The

cord. on the two inputs There are lights are plugged into. up the yellow extension cord that the house Clark picks

good. look pretty should That Merry X-Mas sign. the eight tiny :reindeer and the

and up the manger and Santa Claus

can light I the meantime, at least

In check. hundred more.bulbs to

few a I still have But No. CLARK

family? are you just avoiding the a reason or Are you out here for

down from the porch. and steps She closes the door door. out the front comes Ellen

-I: MERRY and the plastic reindeer and a sign announcing

of the Santa Claus a floodlight in front Clark plants

Of course. MARGO

-I: course. of shower, After you

Margo) (kisses (CONT.D) TODD

flooded with light. room is the touch, lips The moment their and kiss. They clink glasses robe. a satin Margo's wearing Todd's in his shorts. dark. bed in the on their king-size and Margo are sitting Todd

:1 She hits the light switch. Nora steps into the garage.

113 GARAGE INT. 113

cord was plugged in? wasn't sure the extension I if thousands of tiny little lights you honestly think I'd check Do CLARK

Is it plugged in? ELLEN

work. don't

floodlightsthe lights don't work,

The house don't understand it. I CLARK

staring at the house. Clark's holding the cords,

112 YARD FRONT EXT. 112

from the house opens. The door

111 GARAGE INT. 111

Winces.

nothin'. goes Here okay. No, it's CLARK

thing? do the drumroll me to you want Do ELLEN

Puzzled. slowly. up looks He

can't see what ... I sweetheart,

back on, Turn the lights CLARK

It's dark.

120 HOUSE GRISWOLD EXT.120

* a table. crash into blinded, * temporarily and Todd, Margo go off. The lights window.

climb off the bed and charge the front and Todd Margo

down. slows It

All9 METER ELECTRIC HOME - CLOSEUP A119

She turns off the light. back to the door. Nora crosses

118 GARAGE INT. 118

wrong ... know what's

think I I honey, second, a Just CLARK

Clark! C7 ELLEN

jaw drops.

* Ellen's on. unaware that the lights are extension cords, * continues to fiddle with the Clark, blasted with light,

* a carton of milk. out

and takes Nora crosses to the refrigerator in the garage

116 GARAGE INT.116

NUCLEAR ON." "AUXILIARY a button marked A male hand slaps

Cl16 * PANEL CONTROL PLANT POWER - CLOSEUPC116

a spinning blur. It's

~: Bl16 METER ELECTRIC HOME - CLOSEUPBll6

power. sucks dim as the house panorama The lights in the

-.': All6 NIGHT - TOWN CLARK'S EXT.A116

Disneyland Electric Parade. The home edition of the a spectacular sight. It's

reaching for the light switch. back to the door, She heads Ellen sees nothing wrong. j

Cl27 * GARAGE INT. Cl27

Margo takes off for the bathroom.

wine all over the carpet! There's Quick! towel! a Get TODD

room. and is carrying it out of the on the table vase and flowers wine bottle, Todd has the cheese, fruit,

Bl27 * BEDROOM - HOUSE NEIGHBOR'S INT.Bl27

the kitchen. from grandmothers The room. from the family in :run and Clark Sr. Art

* Al27 FOYER INT. A127

* 126 OMITTED126

the lights! Look at Quick! Everybody out! CLARK

He's still yelling. d

She's puzzled. in.

* It's plugged the extension cord to the plug. She follows

fixed it! I Ellen! CLARK

Clark yells. back on. The lights are

* room. light flooding into the * by the screaming, bright made all the worse rible mess, * a ter- It's and water. vase flowers, caviar and fruit, * and and crackers fallen to the floor along with cheese * The wine bottle's holding their banged shins. room, the * around and Margo are hopping Todd go back on. The lights

122 OMITTED122

and looks for the plug. She hits the light switch Ellen rushes into the garage.

121 GARAGE INT.121

The family is disturbed by Clark's behavior.

\

B128 PORCH EXT. Bl28-

back to the garage. and runs Ellen turns

Al28 KITCHEN INT.A128

Clark kicks the reindeer and the sign.

the Santa.

* down and in his rage socks throws the cords He cursing.

and cords whipping the shaking, Clark's twisting,

AA12a~-: POV THEIR AA128

haven't the foggiest ... I CLARK SR. d Clark? he doing, What's NORA

the porch looking at Clark.

on and Nora are gathered Francis Audrey, Clark Sr., Art,

moment. a She thinks for occurs to her. something as She stops back in the house. comes Ellen

* F127 KITCHEN INT.Fl27

cords furiously. He wiggles the Bewildered.

on the porch. come out and Clark Sr. Art

El27 * PORCH - HOUSE EXT. El27

down the stairs. a header Todd takes

0.S., rams into an armoire. Margo go out. The lights

-I: Dl27 BEDROOM - HOUSE NEIGHBOR'S INT.Dl27

him. much for The emotion is too has paid off. the anger the frustration, The struggle,He's in tears.

* 128 OMITTED128

magnificently-decorated house. ON the HOLD we MUSIC as A great swell of holiday

POV THEIR - HOUSE EXT.

The family gathers around. him and they look up at the house with great pride. hugs

Audrey Rusty under the other. arm. takes her under his

He comes out of the house and runs to Clark. Ellen

Dad, it's incredible! Wow! RUSTY admiring the lights. lawn, down off the porch and onto the comes The family

For good. on.- The lights are

Dl28 HOUSE EXT. D128

windows. and· foyer room dining room, through the living The harsh light is spilling littered down the staircase. and Todd are the table wine, flowers, Cheese, fruit,

BD128* FOYER - HOUSE NEIGHBOR'S INT. BD128

CDs. and audio cassettes and video cassettes, bed in a tangle of wires ponent stereo is spilled on the

com- A television and toppled. The armoire is light.

blown out with room is the The lights are back on,

AD128~-: BEDROOM - HOUSE NEIGHBOR'S INT. AD128

* She hits the lights. comes back into the garage. Ellen

Cl28 GARAGE INT.C128

together. them back rams dramatic gesture and with a great, wide arms spreads his from the junction, cords the He rips

Clark. looks real swell, The house EDDIE

Kansas City Chiefs stocking cap. a collar and cheap overcoat with a fake a He's dressed in EDDIE. COUSIN It's from Art to the next person. Clark moves

noticing. And thanks for Art. know, I CLARK

charming moment of truth and honesty. a as He regards it mind the insult. Clark doesn't

You got too many blue lights. ART

being here. Thanks for Dad. Arthur, Art, CLARK

Clark embraces Art.

Clark. It's wonderful, FRANCIS

holidays. adds to your enjoyment of the hope this I dear Francis. Dear, CLARK

embraces Francis. He

electrical illumination. know about exterior everything I me You taught Dad. Dad, Dad, CLARK

Clark. a beaut, It's CLARK SR.

spend Christmas in. a house like this to You deserve CLARK

Clark. lovely, It's NORA

then Clark Sr. embraces Nora, Clark warmth and love. moment of family a great It's

and boy a two little kids, and The door opens driveway.

backed in his RV is The biggest commercially-available

Eddie? (to himself) CLARK

He's baffled.

house! done to the what Uncle Clark has and see out here You kids get EDDIE

over his shoulder. and yells He turns

Clark. on our behalf, do all this sure hope you didn't I EDDIE

Eddie? CLARK

Clark. The house is gorgeous, CATHERINE

Eddie? CLARK

and her. Eddie back and looks at He steps Catherine.

of go Clark lets suddenly not right. Something's

... Dear Catherine! CLARK

her.·

hugs arms, Clark takes her in his quilted car coat. a She's wearing CATHERINE'S standing next to Clark.

your holiday spirit. enhances hope it I Eddie. Thanks, CLARK n

129 ( 2 ) CONTINUED :129

Ed. Pretty name, CLARK

Snots. and joy. This here is our pride EDDIE

on the flanks. Snots Eddie slaps

to normal. back go they a mule, by kicked Gets crossed. go eyes a well, Falls in ain't it? Somethin'~ EDDIE

crossed anymore! Her eyes aren't my gosh! Oh, FRANCIS

Sue. remember Ruby You CATHERINE

on the head. Rocky Art pats

ain't identified yet. they fungus a lip He's got Art. a raincheck on that, Better take EDDIE

me? a kiss for You got ART

Rocky. remember, this is If you don't EDDIE

walk up. and Catherine greet the grandparents as the kids Eddie

any have She doesn't She shrugs. She's equally stunned.

looks at Ellen. He He's stunned.

think. I (to herself) of everything. Plenty room. We have plenty of ELLEN

Ellen gives Clark an angry look.

now. am right I surprised than couldn't be more I carpet, sewed to the tomorrow with my head woke I Eddie, if Surprised? CLARK

You surprised? Clark? EDDIE

a surprise. make it . wanted to Eddie but We would have called, (to Ellen) CATHERINE

chapped. My hands are really shouldn't. I CLARK

die. d day you love you till the he'll and Clark, rub his belly, You EDDIE

Eddie. It's alright, CLARK

this one's got. dog like on a saw a set You never (to Clark) Uncle Clark scratch your belly. over and let you roll Snots, (to Snots) EDDIE

up with disgust. Clark looks SPITS. ...

129 ( 4) CONTINUED :129

from under the tree. dog out Clark shoos the

EDDIE AND CLARK - ROOM LIVING INT.

He's drinking the water out of the tree stand.

? a fact •.. Is that EDDIE

ground myself. out of the Dug it CLARK

one? .real a Is it Clark. Honey of a tree, EDDIE

back.

combed His hair's showered. He's and leather tie shoes.

sweat pants a flannel shirt tucked into Eddie's wearing eggnog. Clark and Eddie are standing at the tree sipping

\~j and the gerbils. rubber sheets the forget And don't things. run and get the kids' Honey, (to Catherine) time together. some could use We around Catherine) arm (puts his After that drive ... with you. shacking up mind the youngsters Maybe you folks wouldn't there. comfy in me are Catherine and EDDIE

Eddie reevaluates his position.

home? a motor nose in jammed toe-to- with four people spend the holidays You want to Ed. damn polite, Quit being so Eddie) (to room. Hell, there's plenty of ART

impose. come to didn't we but a little tight, It's R.V. We're pretty much set in the EDDIE

129 ( 5) CONTINUED:129

Carnival. EDDIE

College? CLARK

career. preparing for his older boy, bless his soul, is and the cured off the Wild Turkey daughter in the clinic to get got the I make it. couldn't shame the older kids cryin' a It's too. I'm excited about it, EDDIE

come. would day never thought the I room. my living actually standing here in I just can't believe you're (changes the subject) CLARK

him finish. you best let on you, does start If he though. A word of warning, mean. I know what pants, if you around if you're wearing short him You don't want town. go to d him right, he'll grab your leg and mood catches If the hound in him. a little Mississippi leg got he's Only problem is, he? Cute, isn't EDDIE

room. out of the living dog saunters The

eat! something to the kitchen and get Go to Get outta there? Snots? EDDIE

the tree'll dry out. there, If he drinks the water out of CLARK

morning ... next leg the when he lifted his Boy, a quart of Pennzoil. drank half he we left, Before him. hurt gonna little tree water ain't a Clark, Don't worry about it, EDDIE

Get outta there? CLARK

with us. month, it's gain' next leave When we in love with it. go fallin' but don't Sure does, EDDIE

backed in the driveway. so nice looks And it Beautiful. CLARK

vehicle, ain't it? a good-lookin' It's R.V. took the We my house. He took my buddy. borrowed it off I an R.V. That's EDDIE

on wheels? tenement when did you get the So, Yeah. CLARK ' a lull in the conversation. There's

to be here. Just glad Clark. I'm doing fine, EDDIE

Eddie doesn't catch the insult.

dead? you for d the middle of nowhere and leave you out to drive something to eat, you get Can I refill your eggnog, subject) (changing the CLARK

cook. good a and a hell of sweet gal a real Ugly as sin but ears. above her growing right Big horns EDDIE

I haven't. say Sorry to CLARK

You ever see her? Yak Woman. the people's weight or barking for be guessing season he'll next maybe and he thinks Tilt-0-Whirl spreader on the dust pixie a as season He worked last yeah. Oh, EDDIE

You gotta be proud. (facetiously) CLARK n

130 ( 2 ) CONTINUED :130

driveway. they are sleeping the Well, ELLEN

Christmas with Eddie here. a nice can have know how we I just don't complaining, I'm not CLARK

room is illuminated by the outdoor lights. The The lights are off. awake. Clark and Ellen are in bed,

~'r Cl34 NIGHT - BEDROOM MASTER INT.Cl34

She's struggling beneath his dead-weight. top of Audrey.

laying on Rusty's and Audrey. and Rusty TO the floor them OFF MOVE We WATER on rubber. SPLATTER of SOFT hear the we and smiles Rocky anxious gerbils rests between them.

A cage packed with They're sleeping in the hide-a-bed.

B134 * SUE RUBY AND ROCKY - CLOSEUP - ROOM FAMILY INT.B134

cloud of dust rises. a up around his shoulders,

covers he pulls the As head is white with plaster dust.

the back of his CAMERA revealing that FROM AWAY turns

He over and settles into the bed. He rolls poster.

what happened to the out He gives up trying to figure

POSTER - CEILING - CLOSEUP - POV HIS

He's bewildered. He's staring at the ceiling.

* Al34 NIGHT - ART - CLOSEUP - BEDROOM RUSTY'S - HOUSE INT.A134

glows in the distance. Clark's house

133 TOWN CLARK'S EXT.133

glow. house continues to the away, From several blocks

132 NEIGHBORHOOD CLARK'S EXT.132

lawns. on the adjacent and street have gathered in the Neighbors glowing. The house is

Huh? CLARK

130 ( 3 ) CONTINUED:130

_I

twice. knocks

* door, a He crosses to a poinsettia plant. holding in,

He tiptoes No secretary. head inside. Clark pokes his

137 OUTER OFFICE EXECUTIVE INT.137

~•: 136 OMITTED136

Mid-morning in the business district.

lawn. the

out Snots sniffs Snots out. and Eddie lets The door opens RV. and the TO the house crushed face FROM Santa's UP MOVE

Al35 MORNING - SANTA - CLOSEUP EXTREME - HOUSE EXT.Al35

mark on the calendar. smudge a big He leaves a sprig of mistletoe. to reveal

21, DEC. door marked, a greasy fingers tear off Eddie's

sweetheart. Good night, CLARK

He's be worse. CLARK/ELLEN

long pause. a There's

... was rich If Eddie never will. I and No, CLARK

Clark. much or how little they have, by how You've never judged anyone ELLEN

driveway? parked in the on wheels shack a junkyard with his anything but house look like How can the a kick in the nuts? And isn't that CLARK

* C134 CONTINUED:Cl34

,) (

jammed with about fifty other poinsettias. sees it's Clark turns to put the poinsettia on a sideboard and

up the receiver. He picks

an important call. I'm in the middle of excuse me, Now if you'll I'm sure it did. FRANK

show. helped out at the trade my report Hope way, sir. By the (can't resist) CLARK

Grisball. Put it over there with the others, FRANK

opposite wall. toward an waves ·He Frank Shirley is back to normal.

edging forward.

do you want? What FRANK

look up. He doesn't money. Scrooge counting his become He's

merry Christmas. Shirley, Mr. CLARK

Clark enters with the poinsettia.

look over these figures. him and have here up Ed Leftic Get FRANK

conversation over the speaker phone. a having behind it, Shirley is seated room with an enormous desk. A vast

138 OFFICE EXECUTIVE SHIRLEY'S FRANK INT.138

(MORE) so. was for half hour or I who forget and my pants microwave I'd piss whenever Catherine revved-up the had to have it replaced because I EDDIE

He sprays the bottom of the sled.

forget it? How could I CLARK

my head? in know that metal plate You Clark. on my sled, none of it Don't put EDDIE

know of. I Not that CLARK

a sled? on anybody ever put it Has RUSTY

with this stuff. down the hill gonna fly really We're than any cooking oil. times slipperier 500 a surface creates It company's working on. my based kitchen lubricant new non-caloric silicon- a This is CLARK

a spray can. shaking He's snow. upside-down on the saucer sled on one knee with his Clark's saucer sled.

a They each have suburban park sledding hill. a top of

and Rocky are at the Sue Ruby Rusty, Audrey, Eddie, Clark,

PA. on the CAROLS are playing CHRISTMAS light illuminates the hill. Outdoor A warming house. A parking lot at the bottom.

PARK. STATE OSHGONOGGIN reads -- A big wooden sign that

hills. snow-covered through heavily-wooded, The Taurus rolls

The sled flies off the peak of the hill. off. second and pushes a split holds Clark rocks himself back,

kind of wild ride! some gonna be This is yeah. Oh, CLARK

It's extremely slippery. forth. snow and rocks the sled back and on the palms He sets his

Jr. Griswold, W. Clark speed record, recreational saucer sled land new amateur a Going for CLARK

Clark mounts the sled.

Ed. There's nothing to worry about, CLARK

Clark. Be careful there, EDDIE

works. how it and see go first me Let CLARK

and flips his sled right-side up. Clark groans

gonna look right. ain't my hair If it gets dented, part. my under The plate runs right EDDIE

Ed? you really think it matters, Do CLARK

growing weary of the endless blabbering. Clark's

plastic. a piece of government brain but my and ground nothing between the down no hill with be sailing oughta I don't think I strong. as and it ain't one a plastic they replaced it with V.A. Over at (CONT'D) EDDIE

dry pavement. strikes he as Sparks fly comes Clark and his sled. of the parking lot, Out of the darkness. into the harsh mercury vapor light

SQUAWKING. roused and BIRDS are Branches are breaking, A heavily wooded area.

149 TREES OF STAND EXT. 149

lamp light. through the pools· of street as he passes few seconds every He reappears street. and onto the out of the parking lot Clark's sled flies

148 STREET EXT.148

and out. The sled shoots under the Jeep LOW.

JEEP - LOT PARKING EXT.

serious injury. eyes in anticipation of back and closes his He leans

POV CLARK'S LOT. PARKING EXT.

way. screaming all the on for dear life, He's holding

147 LOT PARKING EXT.147

down the hill. Clark flew They're stunned by how fast

~·. Al46 OMITTED.Al46

gone. the next, he's on top of the hill, One moment he's

dark beyond. the and into the flat across down the hill, Clark's sled streaks down the hill. Looking straight

get yours? Did you until the last minute. Nothing like waiting that's it. guess I envelope to the house.· company a a messenger brought He said my son. I just talked to BILL

Did you get your bonus yet? CLARK

Clark stops him. Bill starts to exit.

too. You, Thank you. CLARK

a really merry Christmas. Have BILL

me. day of the year for Last few things. a up Just finishing CLARK

Staying late? BILL

Clark turns in his chair. d Clark? BILL

Bill walks in. staring out the window. He's sitting behind his desk,

* A152 OFFICE CLARK'S INT.A152

Bingo! EDDIE

impact. BOOM of Clark's METAL we hear the In the distance,

He braces for the crash.

Clark and Ellen have joined the fantasy.

156 POV HIS 156

dreamy smile. happy, A big,

kids are in the water. The pool is in and the It's daytime. Out the window.

154 POV HIS 154

He's lost in troubled thought. out the window. standing at the sink looking Clark's in a red bathrobe,

It's late. a single light in the kitchen. except for The interior lights are off on. The exterior lights are cJ

gone wrong. something's concerned that He's

Same to you. CLARK

Merry Christmas. come. It'll sweat it. Don't BILL

up to here. ... (hand to his nose) it ... I'm in bonus my don't get I If CLAKR

about it. worry Don't way. on its be to it has If it's not already at your place, BILL

no. Clark shakes his head,

~1 Al52 CONTINUED:Al52

a better view. He's straining for

swims to the ladder. and Mary surfaces

167 POOL SWIMMING EXT.167

SPLASH. a We hear to the window. face pressed Clark is leaning against the sink with his

suit bottom hits the window. The bathing severely pressed to the window. face is His

She kicks off her bathing suit bottom.

face to the cold glass. He presses his

unfastens her top. FRAME) (BELOW around behind her back and She reaches

begs off again. He From the outside.

"Come on!" She mouths, sexy smile. Big,

embarrassed. He's "no." head, shakes his He robe. in his Clark's window glass. Mary's reflected in the outside. light It's dark inside, looking out. window, In the

come out. him to waving for in the kitchen,

Clark She plays to PLAYING. MUSIC'S the diving board. on bouncing from the department store, is the girl Mary,

158 POV HIS 158

,---,--------------------,---------------------------,

almost here.

nervous because Christmas is Him's SUE RUBY

Oh. CLARK

bites it. sometimes he bad dream, a has and he mine sometimes he sucks so so he don't suck it thumb his on bad tasting crap mom puts My SUE RUBY

Huh? CLARK

thumb. my Rocky bit SUE RUBY

sweetheart? come you're up, How CLARK

composes himself.

He and pats his heart. Clark sits at the kitchen table

was. wish I I Santa Claus. I'm not No. you scared me. Boy, CLARK

Santy Claus? you Are Uncle Clark! SUE RUBY

Clark. Sue approaches Ruby

He's startled. evaporated. The pool fantasy has It's dark again. From outside.

Santa Claus! Holy shit! SUE RUBY

slack. and her jaw is Her eyes are wide

and ... from the water She begins to rise

him. seen I've house every year. this

comes to He to prove it to you.

days I'm going couple the next

somehow in And Claus is real.

Santa a fact that know for I CLARK

nothing wrong and we got the shaft.

do We didn't squat last year?

us come he didn't give real how's

so If he was crap's just bull. Santa think all that I Sometimes SUE RUBY

something. Santa Claus will bring you year, and you've been good all dad .•. mom and your you believe in your If you,believe in him and it. knows Santa Claus good, if you're Because you shouldn't be either. And think he should be nervous. don't I Good school system. (to himself) CLARK

Firstus grade. d SUE RUBY

you in school? Are CLARK

nothing.

know if he's getting don't

Him's nervous because he Oh. SUE RUBY

word. 'S' Don't use the CLARK

He's shitting rocks. Sorry. SUE RUBY

word. You shouldn't use that CLARK

Shitting bricks. SUE RUBY

Excited or nervous? CLARK

Sue. Ruby knee to down and offers his He sits a problem. Clark senses

looks out. back to the kitchen window and Clark walks

an elf. even afford to be can't I (to himself) CLARK

Sue exits. Ruby his head. shakes and Clark smiles

Santy Claus? You sure you ain't SUE RUBY

Clark. back to and turns She stops kitchen. waddles across the and down off his lap She slips

Okay. SUE RUBY

okay? bed now, go back to You Just wondering. CLARK

come? How Nope. SUE RUBY

she recalls the day. Sue thinks hard as Ruby d letter? house today to deliver a the came to a man Did you notice if

something. looking for was just I CLARK

you ain't sleeping? come How's SUE RUBY

bed.

think you better get back in I CLARK

same place. parked in the

always bathroom and your house is

go to the on your coat to put You don't gotta love it here. I

(nods) SUE RUBY

it?

stay with us, isn't came to you

good idea a It's my heart. Cross CLARK

That's for true? SUE RUBY

172 ( 2 ) CONTINUED:172

them. Eddie yells to

181 POV THEIR 181

and waves. smiles forced Limp,

and waves. smiles He Clark and Ellen in the window. He notices window. and looks to the cigarette, spits

a drag of his Eddie takes curb. on the are piled up and assorted trash bags the busted reindeer The Santa, anchored to the manger. rope a on Snots is sewer. and.the

curb lawn to the the across RV, from the runs hose that

a four inch black plastic corrugated is watching over a cigarette and cap, with bare legs a baseball loafers,

brown black socks, unshaven, in his bathrobe, Eddie,

179 POV HER 179

She pulls the curtain aside and looks out.

my sewer. toilet into chemical a his bathrobe emptying And an asshole in holiday air. cool, chill of The clean, morn. The silent majesty of a winter's CLARK

looking at? What are you ELLEN

mood. I'm not really in the CLARK

you having breakfast? Aren't ELLEN

in.

* Ellen walks standing at the window looking out. Clark's

kitchen looks like an Army mess hall.

The and Rocky are at the kitchen table. Catherine Sue, Ruby Art, Clark Sr., Nora, Francis, Audrey, Rusty,

* Al78 MORNING - KITCHEN INT.Al78

* 177 177 thru thru * 174 OMITTED174

barren back yard. cold, dark, frozen ground in the on the laying Mary's bathing suit is

173 POV HIS 173

window in disgust. from the away Clark turns

Al88 * ROOM LIVING INT. Al88

* 187 OMITTED187

intending to keep it.

RV, toward the He hurls it worn clean through. bottom is The saucer sled. up Clark's down and picks Eddie leans

shocked. He's

Merry Christmas! EDDIE

* He waves. Todd. Eddie sees manger.

Snots is tied to the The RV's in the drive, flowing. kicking the hose to keep it smoking his cigarette, Eddie

184 POV HIS 184

Clark's house.

* looks to He a strange odor. He notices a run. for way on his He's door in sweats. out the front comes Todd

a match within ten yards of it.

with gas, pity the person who lights

up It fills storm sewer. a That's

He oughta know that's illegal. CLARK

any better.

know He doesn't please. Clark, ELLEN

honey? checked our shitters, you Have CLARK

Clark sighs. sheepishly. Ellen smiles

Shitter was full! EDDIE

(MORE) one. on that we missed out No,

long ago? too in India not them people company kill all Your EDDIE

actually. good, Not that CLARK

How're you doing? complain. Can't EDDIE

Ed? How's the live bait business, CLARK

down an aisle. strGlling Eddie and Clark are shoppers. jammed with last minute holiday chain toy store large, A

worm. a what Jeez, CLARK

management position. a out for Catherine says he's been holding d ELLEN

a job? he couldn't find In seven years CLARK

seven years. close to Eddie's been out of work for ELLEN

have anything for their kids? How could they not last night. Sue said something like that Ruby CLARK

coming this year. Santa wasn't telling him that Rocky said something about Eddie ELLEN

Sue. Clark recalls the conversation with Ruby

for their kids. any presents have Catherine don't and he terrible suspicion that have this I Clark, know, You ELLEN

Al88 CONTINUED:Al88

Clark. one for charity, I'm not EDDIE

we insist. No, CLARK

Clark. do that, couldn't I EDDIE

a nice Christmas. the kids want to help you give I Ellen and CLARK

money run out in Kankakee. Gas town on fumes. We coasted into know what to do. don't I Clark. well, that's the bitch of it, Oh, EDDIE

Ed. Your kids, CLARK

themselves.

can fend for himself, his kids

sent the money to the preacher I EDDIE

about the kids? What CLARK

hockey players ...

screwing the preacher that was T.V. and Catherine sent that

me money had back all the I If

(angry)

farm.

worm and the and the pigs plot 50 foot a was kept I All acres. and the barn and the ten house sold off the I We live in it. It's mine. my neighbor? from RV borrowed the I said I at all. good going things aren't truth is The Clark. you, Can't lie to a pause) (after EDDIE

Clark knows he's been lying. Eddie senses that

shopping goes? so far as You're pretty well set (continues) (CONT'D) CLARK

on the table. centerpiece is placed A floral

)°: B214 ROOM DINING - HOUSE INT. B214

Gifts are placed beneath the tree.

)': A214 TREE CHRISTMAS - ROOM LIVING - HOUSE INT.A214

* 213 213 thru thru 204 OMITTED204

looks great. the house the curb,

* on Santa and the broken reindeer and the to the manger * dog tied RV and the Except for the beautiful sunrise. A

FRAME and licks it.

INTO Sue leans Ruby candy cane. a the paper door is Behind 24. DEC. a door marked, opens Ruby Sue's hand

* 201 201 thru thru 189 OMITTED189

(_) Something real nice. \ Clark. something for you, much, I'd like to get be too And if it wouldn't Catherine. Alphabetical starting with· a little list. Here's EDDIE

brown paper grocery bag. a piece of out and pulls Eddie reaches into his pocket

a real nice surprise. Just Clark. a surprise, Boy, this is EDDIE

own. my on the stuff get want, I'll they me what If you don't tell CLARK

... know don' t I EDDIE

family. It's charity.

but it's not Eddie, know that I CLARK

188 ( 2 ) CONTINUED:188

We're here!

(calls)

Clark. down, throw me Don't BETHANY

clinging to Clark. She's taking two-inch steps, a hat. and pant suit a polyester a well-worn mink stole, wearing feet tall,

a half and four Aunt Bethany's also in her late eighties,

long cigar. a and sucking on tweed suit dressed in a stooped, cranky, Lewis is in his late eighties, Uncle following behind with their gifts. Rusty's the house. LEWIS into UNCLE and her husband, BETHANY, AUNT woman, to reveal Clark and Rusty helping an elderly opens It

ENDS. MUSIC ribbon around his neck. a Eddie puts

J214 SNOTS - CLOSEUPJ214

The outdoor lights are lit.

H214 DUSK - HOUSE EXT. H214

A place is set.

G214 TABLE - INSERT G214

them. Sue lights Ruby

F214 CANDLES CHRISTMAS - INSERTF214

Christmas tie. He ties his

E214 ART - CLOSEUPE214

combs his hair. Catherine

D214 ROCKY - CLOSEUPD214

Potatoes are being peeled.

C214 SINK - KITCHEN INT.C214

82. 4/19/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

'em? so great about What's SUE RUBY

and uncle. aunt

my mom's great mom and That's your

* down at her. looks * He on Rusty's coat to get his attention. Sue tugs Ruby

SUE RUBY AND RUSTY - FOYER INT.

you to burn down your wig. want don't I Watch the stinkeroo! LEWIS UNCLE

from setting Francis's hair on fire. mouth to keep it

Lewis shifts his cigar in his crowds into the foyer.

family The rest of the Uncle Lewis. embraces Francis d Lewis. Bethany. Hello, FRANCIS

princess. How do, LEWIS UNCLE

Uncle Lewis. Hello, wonderful. you look so Bethany, Aunt CATHERINE

Catherine greet her. and Ellen helps her off with her coat as Francis

in cars. love riding I fun! was Oh, that BETHANY AUNT

* kitchen. * from the foyer come into the and Francis Catherine Ellen,

* he guessed it! Bethany, Dammit,

LEWIS UNCLE

* me anything. to get ~•: have you didn't Uncle Lewis, Gee,

house. new a somebody moves into that day heavens, it isn't every Well, BETHANY AUNT

gesture. happened in He explains what him. Ellen sees forward.

moves He on Lewis's head. Clark tries to drop the toupee

brought presents. have You shouldn't presents. She means no! Hell, Bethany?

room clear out, Did the Jee-zuz! LEWIS UNCLE

break wind? I Did dear·. Oh, BETHANY AUNT

done that. you shouldn't have Aunt Bethany, (to Aunt Bethany) Thanks. room. In the living ELLEN

Mom? you want the presents, do Where RUSTY

waiting for his opportunity. He stands behind Lewis back on Lewis's head. place it and attempts to toupee out of the hat Clark takes the

He Something's not right. Lewis curiously. looks at He

armpits! my out of Get your fingers LEWIS UNCLE

help Lewis with his. Clark tries to Bethany off with her stole. Ellen helps

84. 4/19/89 Rev. - VACATION CHRISTMAS

What?! ELLEN

Mom? RUSTY

room. Catherine and Francis help her into the living

sure. Oh, BETH.ANY AUNT

everybody? hello to room and say into the living go with Catherine you Why don't Aunt Bethany) (to

your old one. much bigger than house is This BETH.ANY AUNT

Now! Rusty. tomorrow, Not ELLEN

... Mom But, RUSTY \_J \ . room . living Just put the presents in the ELLEN

Mom? RUSTY

* and her coats in the closet. * from Ellen and hangs Lewis's coat Clark take's Bethany's

FOYER INT.

* toupee. head and straightens his * He pats his up. He looks on his head. lands toupee The

* Frisbee-style at the toupee, Clark flips room. living * and heads for the arms in the air throws his Lewis Uncle

* dear. speak up, You'll have to

214 ( 3 ) CONTINUED:214

HOWLING. Clark's is leaking. Ellen's is packages. leaving Ellen and Clark with their The foyer clears,

room. into the living

go Everybody just I'll take it.

It's her Jell-0 mold. God. Oh,

cherry-flavored. It's Mmm. EDDIE

Eddie licks his finger.

This one's leaking.

got. I what

see can't wait to Igreat. Oh,

and wraps from around the house

She takes things have much money.

* d

She and Uncle Lewis don't old.

She's Rusty. confused, She gets

a cat in somebody wrap Why would

around. running a cat Then we'll have CLARK

up. Take it in the kitchen and open it ELLEN

up her damn cat! She wrapped CLARK

MEOW. CAT'S MUTED a we hear inside From shakes it. He box from Rusty. the Clark takes

meowing. box is This RUSTY

214 4) ( CONTINUED:214

sheepishly. Catherine smiles

a big treat. in for we're all looks, good as it half as turkey tastes your Catherine, if CLARK

from the turkey with delight. up looks He

* A216 TURKEY - CLOSEUP - ROOM DINING INT.A216

the turkey!

smelling He's Bethany! The turkey,

(sniffs)

EDDIE

* C7

a household. and kill fire catch

* ' .

a bitch can't wait to son of This

and touches it. out He reaches

do to it? What the hell did you

Christmas tree I've ever did see.

goddamn Clark, that's the ugliest

home. a cat just like this at have I

·k 215 ROOM LIVING INT. 215

with alarm. eyes are wide His can go. leaned back as far as he He's

away The wings pull The legs are standing straight up.

and looks at the turkey. forward Clark leans STOPS. SPUTTERING and the out The gas runs leaning back. He's

Clark. Save the neck for me, EDDIE

A216 CONTINUED:A216

Bethany. including Aunt - - Everyon_e breaks into applause

Christmas ...

Since this is Bethany's 80th CLARK

an announcement.

He makes served everyone their turkey threads. Clark has

217 ROOM DINING INT.217

needles. and sniffs the Bethany's cat approaches the Christmas tree

~•: D217 ROOM LIVING INT.D217

* C217 C217 thru thru * 216 OMITTED216

him to keep quiet. a stern, silent warning for She offers

He smiles.

prepared poultry stuffing.

can of a up with comes and through the debris He fishes

A beat exposing the breast meat. opening in time-lapse,

brown flower petals two hard, The skin separates like

... America of the United States of ~-. BETHANY AUNT

She continues.

Several times. She clears her throat. follow suit. The others She bows her head. on. Bethany catches d blessing! The LEWIS UNCLE

She doesn't get it. "no." Bethany shakes her head, Aunt

grace! say the you to They want (to Bethany) look old. makes her says it she a hearing aid because She won't wear love of God and country. for the Aw, LEWIS UNCLE

ago? years thirty goodness,oh, She passed on,Grace? (after a pause) BETHANY AUNT

Grace. NORA

dear? What, BETHANY AUNT

Bethany? saying of grace. should lead us in the think she I CLARK

cat eat Jello? does your chance, By any Bethany? CLARK

mouth. around his a sip of water and swishes it He takes

down looks He right. tas·te It doesn't chews. He mold.

a bite of Jello He takes a tired look. Eddie He gives

Rocky smile. Sue and Ruby look to the kids for their reaction. The adults

New York. way in from his on sled pilot spotted Santa Claus' an airline news that heard on the I CLARK

manners. silently apologizes for her family's\

Catherine food. of his keep Rocky out struggles to

Rusty cuts Audrey's meat for her. Clark Sr. terrible.

And tastes loudly. CRUNCHES It under the table.

dog the Eddie feeds a bite of Jello mold. Clark takes

fork, all of which she is oblivious to. conventional

a replacing it with from her, removes fork which Francis

se~ving huge Bethany is eating with a hand. into his an olive pit Lewis power-spits manners, horrible table

Nora scowls at Eddie's kids' food with disgust. cooked

over- through the Art picks Everyone's eating in silence.

pulling the lights off the tree. She backs up, a strand and pulls. She bites them. Batting lights. Aunt Bethany's cat is playing with the Christmas tree

it stands ... And to the Republic for which ALL

over their hearts. and put their hands slowly rise off their seats They all Everyone joins in.

217 ( 2) CONTINUED:217

-!: 221 221 thru thru * 220 OMITTED220

nosing around in the trash. He was probably just Clark. No, EDDIE

the table. him from feed Maybe if you didn't CLARK

He's alright now. up. got it on a bone but he He was yacking (sitting.up) EDDIE

Eddie peeks under the table.

too tight. his neck isaround Maybe the bow you putHoney? (to Eddie) CATHERINE

wrong with your dog? What's CLARK

Clark? Yeah, EDDIE

Ed? CLARK

glassware. the table leg and rattle the dog to hit causes the cough The force of the COUGH. DEEP and LONG tremely An ex- COUGHS again. DOG The crack. resonant A deep, COUGHS again. DOG The Everyone but Bethany stops eating. COUGH. DOG ugly loud, a comes From underneath the table

goo-ood! It is little more? up with a me load want to You Clark? it. am enjoying sure I but know about the cat, don't I EDDIE

Crunching away. chewing his Jello. He's

Lewis? can do for you, I Anything else CLARK

with the order from Lewis. annoyed Clark is The last of the mess is off the floor.

226 KITCHEN INT.226

my stogie? the living room and get you wanna run into constructive, You're not doing anything Griz! LEWIS UNCLE

* Lewis leans back and yells to the kitchen. swallows hard. * She chewing with considerable difficulty. Bethany is

* 225 BETHANY AND LEWIS - CLOSEUP - ROOM DINING INT.225

you find the other half? Did dough. was helping roll the She Sue. must have been Ruby That ELLEN

Band-aid. a found half I cutting the pie, was When I That's alright. CLARK

dessert, I'll finish. go in and have If you want to ELLEN

dog ... was his It up. cleaning this know why he isn't in here don't I CLARK

Clark and Ellen are cleaning up the mess.

continues to pull the lights off the tree. The cat

it across the kitchen floor. spread gotten into the trash under the sink and has Snots has Trash is strewn across the kitchen floor.

from the wall. away and carry it and Eddie lift the chair He Clark grumbles to himself.

one socket. in many plugs told you you had too I ART

from the wall. away Move it CLARK

Ellen. think it's your chair, I EDDIE

smell? What's that ELLEN

The room smells horrible. gathered around and behind. The others are Clark and Eddie are at the chair.

229 ROOM LIVING INT. 229

on. go resets the breaker and the lights

He box. a cigarette lighter to the circuit Rusty holds

228 GARAGE) (OR ROOM UTILITY INT.228

and the house falls dark. an EXPLOSION dim and then the lights SIZZLE, A tremendous electrical SCREECH from under the club chair. a horrendous There'sd

He plugs the lights in.

go The tree lights down and plugs in the lights. bends He He walks over to it. puzzled. the tree, looks at Clark go out. on the tree The lights the coffee table.

from cigar case Uncle Lewis' Clark walks in and takes

strand. a little more head for It yanks its chewing. It's still

He exits the kitchen.

Christmas. be his last Ellen, it will up, He keeps it CLARK

furniture. the stink in this piece of will not outlive I and you Honey, CLARK

Is it ruined? ELLEN

Throwing away the chair. look like I'm doing? What's it CLARK

Clark? are you doing, What ELLEN

Ellen walks in. door. opens the front Clark Sr.

Can you get the door? Dad? CLARK

* B231 LATER - FOYER INT. B231

* A231 A231 & & * 230 OMITTED230

'em all. just spent she If this one's got nine lives, EDDIE· 0 \ . . the chair and looks at the underside . Eddie tilts

dessert. go finish our Let's It's nothing. ELLEN

them away. Ellen shepherds

What is it? LEWIS UNCLE

They're trying to see past the others.

LEWIS UNCLE AND BETHANY AUNT - CLOSEUP

the carpet. scorched into a cat smoldering outline of The blackened,

a collective gasp. There's the chair. ~ehind see what's forward to Everyone leans

some kind of gas. No, it's CLARK

Deep-fried pussy cat. EDDIE

something? you smell Do CLARK

you back? ask how much it set I You mind if a good-quality item. It's chair. can fumigate that I see if like to Clark, I'd mind, If you wouldn't ,EDDIE

an odor. Clark notices Santa and the reindeer. dump the chair on the parkway next to the Clark and Eddie

* C231 CURB - HOUSE EXT. C231

but it's over. distressing, It's tragic and carry on. Let's just now. Everything's fine ELLEN

announcement. a general Ellen makes They cart the chair outside. ,d Eddie. Thanks for sharing that with me, CLARK

an eye out. coulda put got hit with that thing, it somebody hadda Clark, if know, You EDDIE

the wall. on piece of licorice Rocky spit a was thought it I sick! Oh, RUSTY

Watch your mouth! ELLEN

sake. God's for wall, found its asshole stuck to the Eddie It blew up. Ellen. with, do anything There's nothing to CLARK

do with the cat? What did you ELLEN

B231 CONTINUED:B231

storm behind. oblivious to the raging fire looks up, He

He's in horror.

in- The quick, a cigar. Uncle Lewis is happily puffing

He rushes in and recoils in alarm.

room. living d Clark dashes into the low-pitched poof! a and room the living from a flash of intense light There's closet. coat in the He's putting his come back inside. Clark has

E231 * CLARK - ROOM LIVING INT. E231

go out. It doesn't shakes the match.

He flame under his stoggie. and he waves the furiously

He puffs He's lighting his cigar. of the tree. in front He's standing room. liv1ng Uncle Lewis is alone in the

* D231 ROOM LIVING INT. D231

house.

to the up and heads back head in di·sgust Clark shakes his

oughta take care of it. That EDDIE

grate. sewer over the up the Santa and sets it Eddie picks

sewer. from the coming It's CLARK

Clark looks into the gutter.

C231 CONTINUED:C231

the curtain.

from Lewis Clark slowly unwraps burned out. The tree has

A233 ROOM LIVING INT. A233

* 232 OMITTED232

a cigar. Lewis probably lit ELLEN

Sounds like it. (listens) NORA

smoke alarm? Is that the ELLEN

DETECTOR. SMOKE the Ellen hears BLASTING for Aunt Bethany's benefit. TV's

the RADIO, CAROLS are playing on the Christmas ready,

The women are cleaning up the kitchen and getting desert

* A232 KITCHEN INT.A232

OFF. GOES It

He look at the tree. to and turns He catches the signal

LEWIS UNCLE - ROOM LIVING INT.

my tree! you did to Look what CLARK

He points.

,CLARK

What're you yelling about? (cranky) LEWIS UNCLE

cat blew up ... the down, The tree burned Mom? AUDREY

and upset. confused and Rusty are Audrey

& & 234 OMITTED234

from stem to stern. death-trap a It's clear of this joint. smart, he'll stay well If he's LEWIS UNCLE

Rocky. come, Of course he'll still CATHERINE

If the tree's ... Catherine? Rock. good question, a That's (thinks) EDDIE

come? Santy Claus still Will (to Eddie) ROCKY d and Audrey into the foyer. Ellen takes Rusty

out of its misery. At least it's LEWIS UNCLE

anyway. an ugly tree was It ART

at the burned tree. looking room, minus Clark, is in the living The family,

The carpet around the tree is melted. fried. and lights are ornaments The of the tree are charred. few gifts that were placed around the bottom The ened. The ceiling is black- a blackened skeleton. The tree is

\

list. my priority shit on you're Griz, LEWIS UNCLE

smoldering. crushed but still his cigar's His toupee's in his face,

Merry Christmas. BOY DELIVERY

envelope. The Delivery Boy hands Clark the

238 FOYER INT. 238

angry expression withers as he sees the envelope. His

I'm sorry. it.

I didn't see and between the seats

deliver it yesterday but it fell

supposed to was I Griswold.

W. a delivery for Clark have I BOY ' DELIVERY

He's horrified.

He barks at the Boy. C CLARK - CLOSEUP \ .

shocked . He's index finger pointed. over the doorbell, His other hand is poised arm. is dangling around his The door wreath with blinking lights hand. door in his been torn off the He's holding the door knocker that's

* BOY in a blue uniform is standing at the door. A DELIVERY

237' DOORWAY - HOUSE INT.237

open. and whips it door handle the front He grabs Clark stomps in from the kitchen. CHIMES. DOORBELL The

upset about. There's nothing to be patient. We just have to be Christmas. a wonderful going to have We're going to flip out. Nobody's ELLEN

right? gonna flip out, Dad's RUSTY

about it. can do we but there's nothing honey, know, I ELLEN

(CONTINUED) .

ful outburst. a glee- by followed moment of stunned silence a There's

swimming pool! a am putting in I ... up the envelope) (holds ... check bonus With this heck. to tell you all this but what the tomorrow going to wait until was I CLARK

open it? you going to gonna bawl all over it or are You ART

afraid ...

was I knew ..• never I thought ... I CLARK

jeezuzzz?

a sight, saw such never I LEWIS UNCLE

gushing emotion. sobbing, Smiling, to sob. Clark starts

a fortune. hope it's I Clark? EDDIE

Clarkie. Open it, d NORA

embrace. and Rusty into his

Audrey He brings and kisses her. He grabs Ellen and hugs

My bonus! CLARK

Your bonus! ELLEN

company. my from It's CLARK

your reservation at the nuthouse? A letter confirming What is it? ART

can't believe it. I CLARK

He closes the door and stares at the envelope.

Christmas ... Merry

envelope)

from the (looking up CLARK

paper. He just stares at the piece of answer. Clark doesn't

What's wrong? Clark? ELLEN

sudden change of spirit. understand his to unable The family stares at Clark,

serious. deadly Then he turns high-pitched giggle. strange,

out ·a He lets check. He stares at the face freezes. His

know. I CLARK

swim. can't I Clark? EDDIE

it! you all in to help us dedicate fly enough left over, I'll If there's CLARK

it in the air. He waves a green slip of paper. He withdraws contents. and snares its into the envelope two fingers he reaches With great flair, inflating it. and blows, to his lips He brings the envelope teasing himself and the others. slowly and deliberately, open the envelope He tears

Dad! Tear the sucker open,

I didn't little miracle arrived,

Until this money in advance. the

lay out had to I the ground thaws,

soon as sure the pool goes in as

To make check. waiting for this I've been short with everyone.

a little I'm sorry if I've been CLARK

honey. Open it, ELLEN

the big one. That's it, CLARK

238 ( 2) CONTINUED: 238

Tonight. Right here. my boss. I'd like Frank Shirley, one. have I last minute gift ideas for me, looking for any of you are if Listen, Goddamnit! ever got. I over-the-head punch in the face If this isn't the biggest bag- CLARK

temper rises. away as Clark's The family backs

I'm sorry. Clark? ELLEN

explosion.

fearing another calm Clark down, Ellen tries to

indeed.

That it is, Edward. That it is, CLARK

the whole year. on giving a gift that keeps That's (innocently) EDDIE d The family is knocked into silence by the news.

Clark. God, Oh, ELLEN

Jelly-Of-The-Month Club. A one-year membership in the CLARK

what is it? Well, ELLEN

Clark shakes his head again.

Smaller? ELLEN

no. Clark shakes his head,

expected? Is it bigger than you ELLEN

respond. He doesn't

Honey? ELLEN

238 ( 3) CONTINUED:238

door. Ellen and all the kids hurry out the front CHAINSAW ROARING. comes out of the garage with the Clark

239 HOUSE EXT. 239

CHAINSAW kicks in. a O.S.

eggnog? some How about ELLEN

her throat. clears She

the Tylenol?? Where's Holy shit! Hallelujah! (pause) he is! monkey shit worm-headed sack of spotty-lipped, stiff-legged, bug-eyed, fat-ass, hopeless, heartless~ dickless, dog-kissing, brainless, sucking, blood- pus-oozing, ignorant, overstuffed, in-bred, dirt-eatin', low-life, snake-lickin', four-flusing, rotten, no-good, lying, cheap, a him what tell and look him in the eye want to I a big ribbon on his head. With CLARK

eyes are wide with anger. Clark's

thoughts. an idea seeps into his Clark as looks at He

Eve? on Christmas hour at this

a tree going to get we Where are TODD

and cliched? messy and corny and dirty are Even if they tree? sorry.we didn't get aChristmas you just the tiniest bit Aren't MARGO

MUSIC. New Age Christmas listening to room having cocktails, They're sitting in the living

Tim-bar!! CLARK

voice. the chainsaw into the trunk and yells at the top of his

* He lays on the corner of his property. a blue spruce * lawn to from Rusty and marches across his Clark turns

Dad. Good talk, RUSTY

He steps back.

and eyes look in his an angry He has He turns to Rusty.

Rusty steps off the porch and approaches Clark.

Mom. I'll talk to him, RUSTY

Clark ignores her and heads for the corner of the house.

house! and get in the Turn that thing off ELLEN

gone to Hawaii. We should have RUSTY

he? doesn't look~ He's got that AUDREY

I'm fine. Honey, CLARK

okay? You're ELLEN

could. I simply replaced it as best I so my tree down burned uncle Your Eve. on Christmas open lots no tree There are coffin ... tree. a We needed a problem. solved simply I go berserk. I didn't CLARK

go berserk? time you Could you keep that in mind next ELLEN

aware of it. well am I No. my idea. was That this thought)

(finishes her CLARK

you ... remind I May ELLEN

a tree. We needed CLARK

scene like that? a Making ELLEN

What? CLARK

he feels slightly foolish for his outburst.

and cooled of the moment has The heat dumb. Clark plays

Was that really necessary? ELLEN

What? CLARK

him. scowling at Ellen is hands. Clark's washing his

WINDOW. through their CRASHES spruce end of Clark's biue the Behind them, j \

240· CONTINUED:240

S_QUEAL. HIGH-PITCHED FAINT but distinctive, a We hear

too. hear it, I Shh! CLARK

plant ... driving through a nitroglycerine dump truck a You couldn't hear LEWIS UNCLE

sound? squeaking A funny you hear it? Do BETHANY

All eyes turn to Bethany.

sound? What's that BETHANY AUNT

She perks up.

-·BETHANY CLOSEUP

* under the tree. Clark walks in and places presents * room. reassembled in the living family has The tinsel.d * and charred elongated bulbs, melted, strand of lights,

A single from the burned tree. salvaged ornaments

* and has been hastily decorated with up The new tree is

244 ROOM LIVING INT. 244

* A244 OMITTEDA244

RV backs out of the driveway.

The curb next to the chair. on the The burned tree is

243 STREET EXT. 243

Fixed the newelpost! (loud, to Ellen) CLARK

clean swipe. and levels the newelpost in one, CHAINSAW UP the STARTS puts it back, looks at it angrily,

He hand. loose in his comes ornamental piece atop it the * and He grabs the newelpost down the stairs. comes Clark

exits.

and chainsaw off the bathroom vanity up his Clark picks

legs under her skirt. one of her up runs and the squirrel A beat far apart. she's sitting with her legs relatively Befitting her age,

way out. on his decks Francis Art women are screaming.

The the top of their voices. at· screaming and Rocky are Sue Ruby Clark Sr. rams he spray as cigar ashes Lewis' room. away in the middle of the dead Nora faints other.

bumping into each People are running every which way,

Squirrel! RUSTY

Holy infant! CLARK

room. SQUIRREL bursts into the SHRIEKING a wild crazed, loose as All hell breaks

CAMERA. INTO LEAPS A squirrel

* hand separates the branches Clark's From inside the tree.

CLARK - CLOSEUP

* strand of lights. * a single and fresh branches with charred ornaments Thick,

* POV HIS

anymore. don't hear it I CLARK

a listen. and has down to the tree leans He

246 ROOM LIVING INT. 246

His ears perk up. looks at the door.

He chewing. He stops load of wash. a full chewed up

thoroughly laundry where he's locked in the Snots is

245 ROOM LAUNDRY INT.245

(MORE)

Catherine. Thank you, CLARK

cholesterol.

are high in s~uirrels that

He read Clark. Not recently, CATHERINE

goddamn things. He eats these Eddie? Where's coat! a me Give room! the living out of We don't want it to get CLARK

The screaming dribbles out.

Shut-uuuuup! Quiet! CLARK

in revulsion. Everyone's huddled in the foyer screaming and shivering

* A248 FOYER INT. A248

~: 247 OMITTED247

FRAME. INTO The squirrel flies scream.

and they A beat look back at Bethany. Clark and Lewis

about it. and lives to tell there up goes Nothin' bitch off. a son of can write that You LEWIS UNCLE

from Bethany to Clark. up looks He

CLARK AND LEWIS - CLOSEUP

* see the squirrel scrambling around her lap. * can We up her skirt. Bethany is still unaware of what's

binding something terrible.

This one's pinching and a girdle.

me somebody got hope I my! Oh, BETHANY AUNT

yank on her undies.

a and gives She grimaces look on her face. A puzzled

a point. That's SR. CLARK

could do to her? squirrel there's anything else the you honestly think do Dad, CLARK

here? You want to get Bethany out of Clark? Just lay still. Nope. SR. CLARK

gone? Is it (whispers) NORA

perfectly still. She lays Nora's playing dead. For whatever reason, d Nora? SR. CLARK

room. tiptoe into the Sr.

Clark and Clark couch. on the Bethany's still sitting

room. out cold in the middle of the Nora's It's silent.

A249 ROOM LIVING INT.A249 •;':

--1: 248 OMITTED248

Francis faints. Sue screams. Ruby

hammer. smack it with the

and I'll catch it in the coat CLARK

hammer for? a you need do What ELLEN

hammer.

go get the Rusty, Art's overcoat.

Grandpa me get Audrey, a coat.

i: and trap the thing under I'll try

(continues) (CONT'D) CLARK ) ~

A248 CONTINUED:A248

* 250 OMITTED250

through the door. Snots bursts

and onto the stairs. onto Clark Sr. leaps squirrel

the As .she pas.ses the stairs, clinging to her head.

out of the kitchen with the squirrel Audrey runs up. Everyone runs a wild scramble for the stairs. There's

-!: E249 FOYER INT. E249

Clark flies into the kitchen.

* D249 KITCHEN INT.D249

room table. Catherine crashes into the dining

-!: C24 9 ROOM DINING INT. C249

Ellen and Rusty burst into the kitchen.

-!: B249 KITCHEN INT.B249

everyone runs in opposite directions. mayhem in the foyer as It's ass over tea kettle again. and plows into Nora, spilling her turns Clark screams,

SCENE TO BACK

* on your back! It's * SR. CLARK

* He sees the squirrel and yells.

* SR. CLARK - CLOSEUP

* on his back. ING the squirrel * REVEAL- WITH him, GOES CAMERA As Clark passes, quickly.

afraid to move too She lifts her butt in the air,

up. she starts to slowly get over Nora, Clark steps As

* SCENE TO BACK

* TOWARD the tree. MOVING

* POV s CLARK I

back into the tree.

and ran sc·ared It probably got

heading for her midsection. Snots is right behind, leaps for her face. The squirrel)

the Clark grabs from the kitchen. charge in the squirrel * and Snots It's silent. back in. comes Clark cautiously

255 FOYER INT. 255

heading for the Griswolds. She marches off the porch,

am. I a stop to it, man enough to put If you're not

can't just attack someone. I TODD

face!_ slug that prick in the and You march right over there MARGO d

on the porch. and Margo stand Todd

-;': B255 PORCH - HOUSE AND TODD'S MARGO EXT.B255

A255 A255

thru thru

253 OMITTED253

and runs into the kitchen.

* down the stairs clambers by Snots, followed The squirrel,

* A253 FOYER - HOUSE INT. A253

* 252 OMITTED252

room. Everyone charges into the living

A252 * ROOM LIVING - HOUSE INTA252

* 251 OMITTED251

plow back down. upstairs and the people that ran A beat SNARLING. and BARKING up the stairs, DOG tears the and spit, foam spray of

In a decking Art. charges in from the kitchen, Snots

-1: A251 FOYER INT. A251

side of the nuthouse. jolliest bunch of assholes this the gonna find tonight, he's chimney down the white ass And when Santa squeezes his fat, Kaye. fuck.in' danced with Danny

Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-

gonna have the hap-hap-happiest

on and we're gonna press We're emergency here. alarm holiday four- a full-blown, We have no. No, fashioned family Christmas. old- fun, on this walking out

Nobody's Nobody's leaving. CLARK

look up at Clark with· alarm. and Francis Art

you think you're going? do Where CLARK

Francis are at the closet getting their coats.

and Art them. Catherine is behind the kids follow. Ellen and Santa suit. a down the stairs in comes Clark

the stairs. Margo steps over him and heads for Todd hits the deck.

a mighty punch. throws back and She draws She pushes the hair out of her face.

He's horrified.

* A257 FOYER - HOUSE TODD'S AND MARGO INT. A257

Gone! CLARK

slams the door.

the perfect Christmas. make how hard you tried to and us gave love you remember all the ·to want your children and your family you come, In years to like this. a father to act good You're too SR. CLARK

slightly foolish. fe~ling him, Clark looks at

lunatic only makes things worse. a you sitting out there singing like but a disaster, gone right, it's a terrible night, nothing's This is love you. we all love you, I Son, SR. CLARK

Clark Sr. is talking to Clark.

,~ B258 KITCHEN - HOUSE INT.B258

on two wheels. and hits the street long driveway a out of RV whips The

A258 * MANSION EXT.A258

We're at the threshold of hell. Ellen. look around, a Take worse? any could it get How the hell CLARK

any worse. home before things get goes just think it's best if everybody I ELLEN

Stay out of this. Dad? CLARK

Son? SR. CLARK

it's not. Not according to Santa's watch, CLARK

It's over. Clark! ELLEN

me off, Art. Don't piss CLARK

goofy! You're ART

there arose such a clatter. lawn on the When out CLARK

He continues his recitation.

·k E258 CLARK - CLOSEUP - ROOM LIVING INT.E258

a stop. driveway and slams to ROARS into the RV The

-J: D258 HOUSE EXT. D258

danced in their heads.

..,,~*

sugarplums While visions of

snug in their beds,

The children were nestled all CLARK

standing at the fireplace. Clark's room. family is seated in the living The

C258 ROOM LIVING INT. C258

I'm retiring. Christmas. It's your house, it's your No. SR. CLARK

Before Christmas'? 'The Night gonna recite Are you CLARK

son. Good talk, SR. CLARK

Dad. Good talk, CLARK

Daniels. from Jack a lot of help had I SR. CLARK

through it? How did you get mess. a All of our holidays were always CLARK

attitude. happy a and some fresh clothes on and put Go upstairs It happens. okay. It's up. cocked it You just SR. CLARK

I just ... CLARK

B258 CONTINUED: B258

doorway in stunned silence. gathered in the The family is

-J: J258 ROOM LIVING INT. J258

* and grumbles with rage. He mumbles ankle in dog chain. * and bound wrist and slippers, He's in his pajamas him.

mouth to silence bow is tied tightly over his Christmas

* a red with anger, face is his His hair's mussed,

SHIRLEY. FRANK and Eddie enters with door opens The front

-!: H258 FOYER INT. H258

All wrapped up in chain. jammies my boss in his And

A.man with no brain

my cousin, .Eddie, ... a miniature sleigh and But CLARK

a close look out the window. Clark takes

should appear ... my wondering eyes When what to below; Gave luster of midday to objects snow new-fallen The moon on the breast of the CLARK (j

room. of the at the front

bay on a open the curtains Clark throws With great flair,

up the sash. and threw Tore open the shutters flash, a flew like window I Away to the CLARK

poem. interprets the he physically from the fireplace as Clark steps

-I: G258 ROOM LIVING INT. G258

open. RV door flies The

* F258 RV - HOUSE EXT. F258

was the matter. what

my bed to see from sprang I (O.S.) CLARK

They listen intently.

SUE RUBY AND ROCKY - CLOSEUP

~•: E258 CONTINUED:E258

you're going to jail! and He's still fired Alright. FRANK

my idea. was This with it. do Clark didn't have nothing to there, fella. Hold your wad, EDDIE

I'm calling the police. Where's the phone? You're fired! (to Clark) FRANK

kidnapping. first This is our family's I'm sorry. ELLEN

in my life. I've never been treated like this FRANK

cramps out of his wrists. He shakes the from Frank Shirley. The ribbon and chain has been removed

been abducted. My husband's HELEN

She's frantic. on the phone. Helen Shirley is

The lights are on. house. Frank Shirley's

eyes bulge in horror. Frank's

some kissing? do You ready to EDDIE

looks at Frank. Eddie

* M258 FRANK AND EDDIE FOYER - INT.M258

speechless with shock. He's

* L258 CLARK - CLOSEUP - ROOM LIVING INT.L258

Clark. Merry Christmas, EDDIE

proud grin. Big,

:1 K258 EDDIE - CLOSEUP - FOYER INT.K258

Clark. appreciate that, I (sincere) EDDIE

... a lot bigger than his brain whose heart is My brother-in-law, (pause) Russ. Thanks, CLARK

Licks it. RUSTY

... did just plain what you as part of their salary, when people count on it but fine, want to give bonuses, that's don't If you one. every year but this a Christmas bonus and I've gotten company Seventeen years with the got enrolled in a jelly club. I check and instead a expecting was I And thanks for telling us. CLARK (_) arrogance. Clark is offended by Frank's

-1: B263 ROOM LIVING INT.B263

an assault rifle. slammed into A fresh clip is

A263 RIFLE - CLOSEUPA263

out bonuses this year.

cut I bonus? a How did you get FRANK

moment. a He thinks for confused. Frank's

shouldn't have.

I some things said I and bonus

my got I temper when my lost I

(to Frank)

Eddie. my fault, It's No. CLARK

snow. the run across Several pair of Jack boots

~•: A262 BOOTS - CLOSEUPA262

* 261 OMITTED261

Clark. hand to up his Rusty holds

,., D263 ROOM LIVING INT. D263

a halt. Three suburban squad cars grind to

* C263 CARS POLICE - STREET EXT. C263

Ellen. Merry Christmas, CLARK

He lifts her off her feet. Clark. Ellen runs to The family delights in the news.

family. the rest of the to the kids, looks to Ellen, He He's bursting with joy.

considered pause he offers his apologies. a After first-hand the people his bloodless policies affect. He sees, His heart melts. He can't sustain his anger.

POV FRANK•s

room. around the looks He He feels guilty.

B263 CONTINUED:B263

room. Lewis saunters into the living

* L263 ROOM LIVING INT. L263

( approach the house. A wave of officers

* K263 POV LEWIS'S - HOUSE GRISWOLD EXT.K263

Uncle Lewis standing at the front door.

·k J263 LEWIS UNCLE - CLOSEUP - FOYER - HOUSE INT.J263

a sharp order. He barks

* H263 COMMANDER POLICE - CLOSEUP - HOUSE GRISWOLD EXT.H263

and cops. police vehicles jammed with a street TO lawn. on the police officers dozen two lawn and TO the WINDOW OUT the from Clark.

BACK CAMERA PULLS COMES UP. MUSIC sentimental Florid,

G263 ANGLE G263

good night! and to all. a to all Merry Christmas everybody! Hey, CLARK d with a huge grin. family He turns to the

* F263 CLARK - CLOSEUP - ROOM LIVING INT.F263

stream into the house. Police officers

E263 PORCH - HOUSE MARGO'S AND TODD EXT.E263

Thanks, Art. CLARK

Clark takes Art's hand.

son. Christmas, Merry ART

hand. Clark and offers his Art walks over to

Daddy. Thanks, AUDREY

him. Audrey kisses hand. Clark slaps his

Christmas. To the old-fashioned fun family RUSTY

D263 CONTINUED:D263

Griswold house. facing the window room and clamor over the bed to the the charge into Armed officers The door blows off the hinges.

goddamn door? the gonna have to break down you're come in here, If you want to MARGO

KNOCK. There's another

you,worm! Go to hell, (yells) MARGO

KNOCK on the door. a There's Alone. Margo's in bed.

A266 * BEDROOM - HOUSE AND MARGO'S TODD INT.A266

* 265 265 thru thru * 263 OMITTED263

storm in the door. Copsa

·k M263 FOYER INT. M263

by rifle barrels. room windows are bashed-out The living

him that he's forgotten to call his wife. It occurs to

looks to Frank Shirley. He puzzled. He turns to Lewis,

* L263 CONTINUED:L263

Helen! FRANK

hand in his hair. He's frozen in semi-squat with his

room. living Shirley and the Officer walk in and cross to the Mrs.

-1: B277 FOYER INT. B277

we blink? May CLARK

teeth. clenched Clark holds his position and talks through his

told you to freeze! I COP

mistake. a terrible made think you've I CLARK

the family. they search gun point as The police hold the family at

* A277 ROOM LIVING INT.A277

\'-)

OFFICER greets her and escorts her to the house.

high-ranking A gets out. SHIRLEY, HELEN aged woman,

middle- A and stops at the curb. up police car pulls A

276 HOUSE EXT. 276

frozen in a half-seated position.

* Snots is in the corner continues to drink her eggnog. Bethany Eddie is adjusting his balls. Ruby Sue's nose,

a hankie to Catherine in holding a finger in his nose,

Rocky has forward in pain. Art is bent lighted match.

a frozen holding Uncle Lewis is sneeze. about to Rusty's

Audrey's adjusting her underpants, adjusting her bra. Nora freezes caught in a rising squat. are Shirley, and Frank Francis Clark Sr., Ellen, in mid-stride.

caught arms out, on one foot, Clark's The family freezes.

Freeze! OFFICER

room. charge the POLICE

~•r 274 274 thru thru * 266 OMITTED266

reinstating all the bonuses.

I'm changed my mind. I FRANK

You didn't ... HELEN

bonuses?

notion of suspending Christmas

was toying with the I how Remember FRANK

on here? going What is HELEN

completely baffled. Helen is

of it,

What's left Welcome to our home. ELLEN

family.

This is Clark Griswold and his

on it. me and these people called

have shouldn't I did something I FRANK

you were kidnapped. Frank, a HELEN

a mistake. was It FRANK

What? HELEN

pressing any charges.

I'm not no business. There's FRANK

we take care of business here? Shirley like to step outside while

and Mrs. you would Excuse me, OFFICER

tonight. a big misunderstanding been There's I'm just fine. I'm fine. FRANK

you're alright! Thank God, HELEN

him. Frank and embraces to Helen runs

me. means to know what it I now and everybody different to something means It trees. bonuses or gifts or turkey or Not And it's all that matters tonight. CLARK

snowflake falls. A

That's the Christmas star. CLARK I

a grin. up at the light with looks He

* E283 CLARK - CLOSEUP - YARD FRONT EXT.E283

low in the sky. red dot of light, A

D283 * SKY EXT. D283

* around him. comes outside and gathers one * Every- sky. the up at looking lawn, on the stands Rocky

* C283 YARD FRONT EXT. C283

Frank and Helen exit. the police, The family,

* B283 ROOM LIVING INT. B283

d

and dashes outside.. Rocky runs into the foyer

* A283 FOYER INT. A283

* 282 282 thru thru * 278 OMITTED278

Rocky. Everyone turns to

Look!

Frank.

I'm ashamed of you, buck. a save

ways to lousy cheap, Of all the HELEN

277 ( 2 ) CONTINUED :277

lighting the cigar and shakes the match. He finishes

A terrible thought crosses his mind.

on That's the light Griz. Star,

Christmas That ain't the friggin' LEWIS UNCLE

and lights his cigar. ass

He strikes the match on the Santa's mouth. cigar in his

a He has curb. He's standing next to the Santa on the

Christ the Lord.' Dominium adoremus Venite d adore him us come let 0 adore him come let us 0 'Now in flesh appearing BETHANY AUNT

Bethany begins to sing. Aunt

-;,': H283 OMITTEDH283

everyone is holding hands. on until And so Frank Shirley's hand. Francis takes takes Francis's hand.

Nora Rusty takes Nora's hand. hand. Audrey takes Rusty's

hand. takes Audrey's Ellen hand. Clark takes Ellen's

-;,': G283 HOUSE EXT. G283

Giv'n Word of the Father.' Thee all glory to Jesus, happy morning Born this we greet thee Lord, 'Yea, BETHANY AUNT

recite softly. She begins to doorway. standing in the Aunt Bethany's

·k F28 3 DOORWAY - HOUSE EXT.F283

sky. up into the She looks

home of the brave.' And the

For the land of the free wave. banner yet

say does that star-spangled 'Oh, ALL

and joins in. Everyone puts their hands to their hearts

our flag was still there ... ' That

Gave proof through the night

The bombs bursting in air

red glare 'And the rocket's

and She puts her hand to her heart looking to the sky.

-;': 285 BETHANY - CLOSEUP - HOUSE EXT.285

glowing and sparking. The Santa rockets into the air,d

* 284 POV BETHANY'S - SKY EXT.284

looks into the sky. She

Everybody hits the Merry Christmas sign into the sky.

Santa and the reindeer and the The explosion blows the

Lewis. move for a He makes

CLARK - CLOSEUP ~

did it! I CLARK

He grins triumphantly.

Clark back to the house. cheek and heads She kisses his

Clark. Merry Christmas, ELLEN

arm around his waist. Ellen puts her star. Christmas Clark's still in the yard looking up at the

* 289 YARD - HOUSE EXT. 289

SANTA CLAUS." MOMMY KISSING SAW in less than wonderful voices, "I ing, and the officers are sing- commander's playing the piano The police The grandmothers are serving coffee. .. room crowded into the living and Audrey are Rusty family, his

* and Eddie the grandparents, the police, Frank and Helen,

* 288 ROOM LIVING - HOUSE INT.288

a wink. and gives her Sue Ruby looks at He

He's Santy Claus ain't bullshit! SUE RUBY

sky. She points to the

smile. huge A

* 287 SUE RUBY - CLOSEUP - HOUSE EXT.287

moon. full

the The Santa and the reindeer and the sign arc arcossCJ

* 286 POV SUE'S RUBY - SKY EXT. 286

... UP and COMES "JINGLE BELLS" of

rendition DOGS' SINGING THE ON Clark's smiling face. FADE

Snots. Merry Christmas, CLARK

down at Snots. looks He

if 293 CLARK - CLOSEUP - YARD EXT.293

go off. house

the on lights The and closes the door. inside She goes

* 292 ELLEN PORCH - HOUSE EXT.292

honey. minutes, couple In a CLARK

and then to the door. Snots down at looks He

* 291 CLARK - CLOSEUP - YARD EXT.291

coming in? Are you Clark? ELLEN

doorway. Ellen stands in the

* 290- PORCH - HOUSE EXT. 290

paw between Clark's feet. Snots puts his

SNOTS - CLOSEUP - POV HIS

him. down at Clark looks Clark.

over to and saunters chase from the squirrel Snots returns

laughs to himself. He

LIGHTS REINDEER and the the -SANTA, and the long beat A

so cute. You're

go to if we don't Swee~heart,

visions go to sleep and let Let's

Of course.

-!: It's quiet, it's peaceful, happen.

can Nothing else Christmas. his

Griswold had honey. It's over,

IN: FADE

POST-CREDITS

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