"HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS" (1989)

THE CAMERAmoves alonga typical suburban street in an AERIAL SHOT, showingbright and well kept home after home. Finally, we focus ontwo homes, One house is orthadox suburban, litteredwith pink flamingos and lawn jockeys. The other could usea coat of paint and some gardening repairs. We dwell on thebetter of the two homes for a moment.

"BIG" RUSS JOHNSON slowlycracks his eyes open as a steady "clang-clang-clanging"shatters the silence of the bedroom he shares with his wife,MAE.

Russ is a gruff, self-mademan, the president of his own construction company (OlympianConstruction--We Build Them Bigger and Better), Russadmires hard work and doesn't trust people who readnewspapers that don't contain a comics page. Like manyAmericans, he's impressed by appearances. If it's big,it has to be great.

Mae is a quiet, but strongwoman. She winds up)doing most of the child-rearingin the home and, at times, treats Russ like her biggest, mostproblematic child.

Russ staggers to the bedroomwindow and gazes down into his backyard,

There, his ten-year-oldidentical twin sons, RON and DON, are busy pitching a tentto spend the weekend in. The twins are gung-ho Cub Scoutswith great imaginations. To them, the neatly-kept grassyyard, with its ceramic animals, is a jungle.

Although identical inappearance, Ron and Don are opposites. Ron has a mischievousstreak as deep as the Grand Canyon while Donis the more responsible of the two.

Big Russ gapes at the twins,checking his watch.

Don fr~ezes. Ron continuesbanging merrily away.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 2

Ron smiles innocently at hisfather. Big Russ slams the window down.

INT, BEDROOM, MORNING

Big Russ bites his lip and walks backtowards the bed~

MAE

/.,.·-_· Except you, dear.

~ BIG RUSS

Darn right.

The clanging continues. Big Russwinces.

He crawls back under the covers.

Big Russ stares at her, perplexed. Shesmiles brightly at him. He's beaten. He sighs and gets outof bed, grabbing his favorite, battered Olympian Constructioncap (it has a picture of Hercules on it, with a big #1)down over his head with a sharp tug.

( ,,..----"'-

~_) Big Russ stumbles into the hall, still sleepy.He

THE TEENY-WEENIES 3

encountershis oldest son, "LITTLE" RUSS, in the hall. Good looking andclean-cut, "Little" Russ is a strong but slightly diminutivefifteen year old. His dead is constantly pushinghim to overexcell. "Little" Russ doesn't mind. He's a jockbut not a typical one. He's quiet and, in fact, more thana tad self-conscious about his short stature.

Big Russ doesn'tgive his son a chance to speak. He heads downstairs towardsthe kitchen. Little Russ shrugs and trots down the stairsand outside the house,

In the yard, whilethe twins continue to pitch their tent, Little Russ, cladin a sweatsuit, begins to pump iron.

Ron soon grows boredwith the tent. He sits down on the ground with a thud,

This entire backyardtableau (Russ' prowess, in particular) ( is being watched fromthe house nextdoor by AMY SZALINSKI as she toils at thekitchen stove. CJ Fifteen-year-oldAmy is a pretty, no-nonsense type. She's tall, ~ears glassesand feels very out of things because of

THE TEENY-WEENIES 4

her height. To help "hide" her stature,she often walks stoop-shouldered and tends to be self-effacing.

At 9 A.M., the Szalinski place is alreadya madhouse. Amy is trying very hard to prepare breakfastfor herself, her dad and her kid brother, six-year-oldNICHOLAS. She is having a hard time of it. While scramblingthe eggs, whisps of her straw-colored hair keep fallingin her eyes.

Little brother NICK ignores her plight,reading a science- fiction novel at the kitchen table. Oneof the brightest tykes imaginable, Nick is far ahead ofhis peers in terms of schoolwork, which pleases his parentsbut annoys Amy, who winds up doing most of the drudgework. Nick is terrified of the real world. He is smalland thin and has asthma. When faced with a problem he,more often than not, plays "sick."

He glances into the frying pan at what issupposed to be scrambled eggs.

Nick stares at the eggs as Amy begins topour them out onto a platter. The eggs resemble something yellowthat has just been hit by a car traveling at a very highspeed. He sniffs at the goop.

Amy glances at the toast. Smoke is billowingfrom the toaster.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 5

In the attic, WAYNESZALINSKI is putting the finishing touches on an electromagneticpulse invention he has constructed. A good-natured,easy-going guy with a PhD in physics, Wayne holds a low-leveljob for an aerospace · company and spends hisweekends on his own work. A bit of a scatterbrain in terms to day-to-dayliving, for Wayne, physics is easy•••wearingmatched socks is not.

As Wayne putters, the family'sfeisty little Yorkshire terrier, QUARK, watches,mystified.

He flicks the switch. Themachine begins to hum. The dog backs towards the door.

The dog's ears flop up, formingthe canine version of a question mark.

Quark stares, dumbfounded, athis master. lJ

THE TEENY-WEENIES 6

0 WAYNE

Itwill actually shrink the object. A boon to thespace program. It will decrease the sizeand weight of payl~ads sent into space.

Quark yawns. Wayne walksover to a couch standing next to a wall and removes anapple from a paper bag. Quark barks and springs to life, wagginghis tail furiously, Could this be snacktime?

He walks over to a largesteel plate, the size of a wall, and places the apple ona pedestal.

Quark, finally seeing thatthe apple isn't his, walks back towards the door, dejected.

Wayne puts on protective gogglesand activates the double- beamed machine. THE TWOBEAMS SPARKLE AND COMETO LIFE, BUZZING HARMLESSLY INTHE AIR. WAYNE ADJUSTS THE CONTROLS. THE TWO BEAMS INTERSECT AND FORMONE, POWERFUL, SOLID SHAFT OF LIGHT. THE BEAMHITS THE APPLE, ENGULFING IT. A SHADOW OF SPARKLING LIGHT SHIMMERSALONGTHE OUTSIDE OF THE APPLE. THE APPLE VIBRATES. Quarkcowers. Wayne licks his li~s in anticipation, waiting for theapple to shrink.

THERt'S A SUDDENBLAST. THE WALLS, QUARKAND WAYNE ARE COVEREDWITH A SMALL SHOWEROF APPLE SAUCE. Quark happily licks the sauce off his paws.

Wayne sighs, turns off themachine, picks up his notes and a pencil and flops down onhis favorite couch. Wayne sits on it upside down, his sauce-spatteredhead dangling over the side. He stares into space.

He sees Quark's head looming beforehim, upside down. Quark begins to lick the applesauceoff his master's.face.

( 1·•"·•-, The dog licks. \____) WAYNE

On the plus side,we have discovered a very expensiveway to make apple sauce.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 7

The dog finisheshis facial snack and trots out of the room. Wayne beginsmaking notes.

Wayne gets up,tucks the pencil behind his right ear and walks out of theroom. A beat. He returns to the room and grabs the papershe's left there, placing the pencil down on the couch.He leaves the room again, A beat. He comes back in and picksup his pencil. He exits.

Wayne wanders intothe kitchen, making notes. He's diligently studyinga haphazardly piled sheaf of papers in his hands, not atall watching where he's going, Amy guides him so he doesn'tcollide with either Quark or Nick (this is something ofa tradition), Amy watches her dad.

Wayne instinctivelychanges the direction of his left foot so as not to squashQuark.

Waune pivots, stillreading his papers, so as not to Smack into Nick. He makesa move to sit down.

Wayne has almost sat downon a small table housing a sewing basket. He lifts hisrear at the last minute and slides into the adjoining seat. Nick sighs and beginshis morning routine. He pops a series of pi1ls from p~escriptionbottles and, then, inserts a bronchial ashtma inhalerinto his mouth. He takes several Darth Vader-sounding gulpsbefore facing the food.

Amy serves what lookslike nuked-out bacon and slimed eggs to her father asWayne, elbows on table, continues to pour through his notes.

/' Wayne lifts his elbows.She slides the breakfast beneath him. He puts down hisnotes and stares at the food. l_)

THE TEENY-WEENIES 8

Wayne puts a fork intothem. The eggs run through the prongs. He staresat the food. Amy walks quickly towards a cabinet drawer.

Her father reaches fora slice of toast. it's black. He makes a move to butterit. The toast crumbles on impact. He shrugs and goes backto his notes, scribbling furiously.

Wayne "mmmmm's"·,and.continuetoscribble.

No response.

Wayne continues toscribble. Nick looks at him, expecting a compliment. Amy givesNick a "nyah niah" glance.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 9

The phone rings.Wayne stops scribbling and jumps up to get it, taking his noteswith him. Nick stirs his eggs.

Amy snatches his plateaway.

She dumps the breakfastinto the dog's bowl~ Quark sniffs it and backs away.Nick flashes Amy a knowing, smug smile.

Wayne runs for the phonein the hallway, still juggling his papers. He picks upthe receiver, glancing at the notes. It's his wife, DIANE,

Wayne perks up.

Diane, a pretty woman inher mid-to-late thirties, stands in a studio apartment filledwith unpacke~ boxes and crates. It's clear shehasn't settled into her new lifestyle.

DIANE

, '\

And don'tforget the food shopping

LJ has to bedone today.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 10

(\ i_j WAYNE(v.o.)

Jeeez. Thanks for reminding me.

I·., Wayne stands, flustered,at the phone. ~\...___./

THE TEENY-WEENIES 11

As Diane talks;Wayne finds himself staring at his notes.

Silence, Wayne gapesat his notes.

/,,. INT. DIANE'S APARTMENT,DAY

\7,_____. DIANE

You haven'theard anything I've said, have you?

She slams the phone downhard. CLICK.

He puts down the phone.Amy is standing next to him.

Wayne walks through the house,collecting his hat and coat

THE TEENY-WEENIES 12

and stuffinghis papers into his briefcase. His kids trail behind him.He tosses on a very loud tie and heads for the front door.He stillholds a notepad in his hand. He's studying it ashe heads for the door. He reaches for the doorknob andmisses. Amy opens the door for him.

Wayne walks out thedoor. Amy closes it behind him. Amy and Nick sigh and glanceat each other. They mouth the words "one, two, three•••"There's a knock at the door. It's Wayne.

AMY/NICK Good luck,dad.

Wayne heads for the car.Amy eases the door closed, a wistful expression on herface.

Walking towards his car,Wayne encounters Russ and Mae Johnson. Mae is busily tendingto her pride and joy: her all-encompassing flowerbeds.Big Russ still wears his cap.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 13

(--------) ·.._____/ MAE (nudging Russ)

Russell.

Wayne sighs. He's been throughthis before.

Wayne shrugs and gets into hiscar.

Mae chuckles at Wayne drives off.

Mae leaves, turning her attention to theflowers on the side of the house. Big Russ looksaround, Reaching under his hat, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes.He produces a bent cigarette, sniffs it, straightensit, places it in his mouth and is about to light up when ••••

He removes the cigarette, stashes the packand calls back sweetly.

Meanwhile, in the Szalinski kitchen, Nick sitsin the window with Quark, where he's constructinga small town made out of Lego (tiny plastic bricks).He takes a whiff of hi'sasthma inhaler as Quark begins to growl.Quark spots the Johnson's cat, Cicero, in the Johnson yard.The cat is twice as big as the dog.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 14

In the Johnson backyard, Ron has disappearedmomentarily. Don sits in the tent,·gazing into the fierce"jungle" through binoculars. Their pet cat, Cicero,walks up and stares into them. Don blinks and looksup. Little Russ continues to work out. Ron reappears,walking over to Don. Cicero pays no mind.

The cat tenses.

Ron is hiding something behind his back.He takes Don to the fence seperating the two yards and producesa bottle of syrup.

Ron doesn't answer. He pours a healthy wadof syrup on the fence. Flies begin to land on it. They get trappedin it. Ron is delighted.

RON

/.•· Hey, they're only bugs. \ \_j Big Russ walks, disgruntled, into the yard. He spotsthe twins, frowns, and walks towards them.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 15

Ron, thinking fast, ditches the syrup. It landsin the Szalinski yard nextdoor, where the bottle emptiesonto a patch of grass.

Big Russ walks over towards Little Russ as Mae enters the yardto tend to some of the flowers back there. Don turns toRon and points to the syrup.

Big Russapproaches Little Russ as the boy works out.

The boy sitsup and faces his father,

L

THE TEENY-WEENIES 16

Little Russ sighs.

Big Russ leavesthe yard. Mae sidles over to Little Russ and smiles.

I ·, She fixesa stern look on her face and marches towards the \,,_) back door.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 17

n Little Russ staresdown at the weights. He sighs and gazes up at the sky,defeated. He glances into the next yard. Amy is tossing a frisbeewith Quark. He smiles at her. She looks away. Russ sighsand returns to pumping iron.

The twins are nowplaying ball. Don pitches a ball to Ron who proceeds to swatthe ball high into the air. His "home runs" wind up missingLittle Russ by inches. The ball whizzes by Cicero.The cat screeches. Little Russ doens't even have to lookup to realize who's doing the da~age.

Ron continues to swatthe ball. Nick, interested, calls to them from the kitchenwindow.

He points to a hive ina tree that straddles both yards, Ron isn't impressed.

Ron swings at the next pitchand connects. The ball misses the bee~hive by inches,rebounding off the tree and bouncing back down intothe yard. Don flashes his brother a smug smile. Ron gulps.He faces Nick.

For his next turn at bat,however, he changes the angle of his batting position.Nick, not wanting to take any chances, pulls the screendown on the wiridow,knocking a few legos off the windowsilland into the yard.

Ron takes a fast swing andsends the pitch sailing over the

THE TEENY-WEENIES 18

fence seperating the two yards.The ball seems to take

forever to reach its target•••itsmashes through the Szalinski's attic window.

There is a terrifyingly long secondof silence. All the kids exchange petrified glances.

DON/RON Uh-oh.

Little Russ leaps to his feet.

The twins point to each other simultaneously.

DON/RON He did it.

Nick trots out of the house, horrified.Amy runs over to the fence and yells at all three boys.

In the attic, we see the ball perched precariouslyon a ledge directly above the machine's innerworkings.It is slowly teetering on the edge. It rollsoff and smashes into the intricate, computer chip-laden gutsof the machine, nestling in front of the power sourceof one of the two particle beam "cannons."

The gizmo sputters to life. A comp~icatedcomputer, replete with screen, is hooked up to what looks liketwo laser

THE TEENY-WEENIES 19

"cannons," The computer,which analyzes anything placed before the particlebeams, goes haywire,

The two gun-like devicesbegin jerking back and forth and up and down, Onlyone of the barrels functions, however, FIRING WILDLY IN SHORT, CRAZY, STACATTOBURSTS, ZZZAP. THE BEAMHITS WAYNE'S COUCH. THERE'SA LOUD POP. IT'S SHRUNKEN TO MINIATURE SIZE. BZAP,POP. A CHAIR GOES NEXT. ZIP. POP. THERE GOES A TRUNK.

EXT, SZALINSKI YARD, DAY

In the backyard, Russcalms Amy down.

AMY

"\ I h~ardwhat Nick told you, You would ~ \,.,~H/ have gottenstung by those bees and

died if it wasn'tfor Nick,

Ron snorts derisively, Amy shootsNick a dirty look. She hates it when Nick acts smart,Which is almost all the time.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 20

n Nick leads the twins intothe house. AMy and Little Russ ··.../ are left standing awkwardlyin the yard. Amy is several inches taller. She triesto slouch.

Nick takes the twins into theattic to retrieve the ball. The machine, at present, seemsharmless enough. Only WE SEE THE COMPUTER SCREEN TRACKING THE CHILDREN'S MOVEMENTS.Don and Ron are amazed at the gizmo.

Ron walks offscreen. The kids look forthe ball. While they search, THE WORKINGLASER CANNON BEGINS TRACKINGRON'S MOVEMENTS,AIDED BY THE COMPUTER. No one notices. Don looks at Nick. Nick is standing, facing thewall, frowning.

\ NICK \....._~___)

I don't know. Something's different.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 21

n Don steps on something. It crunches.Curious, Don bends towards the floor.

He gets down on all fours and staresat the floor. The attic furniture is there, 1/4 inchtall.

WE HEAR A LOUD "POP," A FLASH OF LIGHT BURSTS FROM OFFSCREEN. Don turns around.

Nick turns around in time to seeTHE STACATTOBEAMSCONNECT ON DON. DON IS IMMEDIATELY SHRUNK,THE ENERGYOF THE PROCESS CAUSINGA RESOUNDING BANGAND A FLASH OF LIGHT,Nick is tossed onto the floor. He crawls towhere Don has stood. Nick stares at the floor. Both Ron andDon are there, as teeny- weeny as can be.

The machine begins to aim its laser cannonon Nick. Nick's elation fizzles.

He makes a move for the door. BZAAAP. THE BEAMSMASHESINTO ONE OF DIANE'S SEWINGDUMMIES.WHAM. NICK FREEZES. THE FORCE OF THE ENERGY"POP" CLOSES THE ATTIC DOOR.-NICK GULPS AND TRIES TO RUN FOR THE DOOR. BZAAAP. POP!NICK IS HIT AND SHRUNK BEFOtE HE CAN TAKE TWOSTEPS.

Both Amy and Russ grow restless.

She turns to go inside, putting her hand onthe railing. She

THE TEENY-WEENIES 22

() pulls her hand back,terrified. ',,____

Little Russ takeshis finger .and"pings" the unseen bug off the stoop. It lands onthe ground. He takes his foot and squashes it.

She storms inside. Russis left in the yard. Quark walks up to·him, wagging his tail.

Amy enters the attic.

BZZZAAAP. AMYIS SHRUNK. Shefinds herself on the vast floor of the attic, togetherwith the three other children•

vast wooden plain. Shrunkenfurniture is everywhere. The twins aren't at all pleased.

RON

,·''\ You were theone who liked it. I \ ) "-·---.,; thought itwas junk.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 23

(; AMY ,,/

Shut up! Both of you!Nick?

She walks over to her brother, who ismesmerized by the towering machine.

Little Russ sits next to Quark when a tall, ganglykid enters the yard. It's TOMMY PERVIS, munching onan ever- present bag of oreos.

Ee points to his jogging shoes. They're fallingapart.

Russ smiles at Tommy exits.

Yeah. Later, Pervis.

Russ sit~ in the yard a beat. He then gets up and stands under the attic window.

No answer. He walks up to the back door and slowly swings it open.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 24

He enters the house.Quark is left outside, whining.

Russ slowly enters theattic.

Nothing seems amiss.The shrunken kids, on the floor, spot Little Russ, now an Olympiangiant.

,,,,.... Russ doesn't hear the teeny-weenies,let alone see them. He glances suspiciously aroundthe attick, Hearing a strange buzzing sound, he turns aroundin time to see the LASER CANNON BOBBING UP AND DOWN, AIMING INHIS DIRECTION. THE STACATTOBEAMSBEGIN FIRING AT HIM. RUSS BEGINS JUMPING UP AND DOWN, BACK AND FORTH, DUCKINGAND DODGINGTHE BURSTS OFLIGHT THE BEST HE CAN, HE'SA MOVINGTARGET CAUGHTIN A PARTICLE BEAMSHOOTING GALLERY. THE MACHINE-GUN-LIKE BEAMS ZIP ALL AROUND HIM.

Every time his titanic feethit the attic floor, the teeny- weenie kids are toss_edupand down into the air, the victim of a boy-made earthquake.They try to struggle to their feet and stay upright butit's a losing battle. Every time they stand up, they're thrownto the ground again.

Little Russ moves towardsthem. One of his giant feet smashes the trunk to a pulp.The kids scurry about, trying to stay out of the way ofRuss' tennis shoes.

Don slips down into a crackbetween two floor boards as one of the shoes hurtles down towardsthe floor. Ron hits the deck as the shoe comes downatop him. He's so small, however, that he fits inbetweenone of the grooves on the shoes' sole. The shoe returnsskyward, leaving Ron unhurt. Russ continues his wild danceAS THE BEAMS SKITTER BY HIM. FINALLY, HE DUCKS WHENHE SHOULDHAVE DODGED. THE BEAMS CONNECT. BZZZAAAP. POW!

Russ is now insect-sized,too. He lies on the floor, moaning, totally in shock.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 25

I~ Meanwhile, the baseball,still balanced on the machinery, '.,.....• tumbles off the inventionand onto the floor. It rolls, boulder-sized, towardsthe kids. They scatter. Amy stands, frozen in her tracks, asthe ball heads directly for her.

Russ sees what's going onand gets to his feet. In the best of football styles, he tacklesthe frightened girl. They both go tumbling out of theway of the titanic ball. The ball barrels into the restof the tiny pieces of furniture,

as the twins and Nick runup to them. Russ helps Amy to her feet.

Without the baseball puttingpressure on its inner- workings, the machine hissesto a halt and shuts down.

The kids stand, confused, onthe vast attic floor. The reality of the situationhits them at once. Amy turns d angrily towards Russ.

She stands, looking down at him.He raises himself on his toes.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 26

That remark visablyshakes Ron.

At the science convention,Wayne's theories are greeted by the seriousness usuallyreserved for Henny Youngman routines. He's in frontof an equation-laden blackboard, holding his papersin his hand. One young, arrogant scientist, FREDERICKSON, isparticular~y ha~d on Wayne,

WAYNE(annoyed)

d

Yes,I am, Professor Frederickson.

The crowd seems to agreewith Frederickson.

Wayne is stuck and heknows it.

The crowd laughs, Frederickson,sneering, gets up and walks out. The rest of the sc~entistsfollow, leaving Wayne alone at the podium. An older scientist,DR. BRAINARD, walks up

THE TEENY-WEENIES 27

to Wayne.

Wayne puts his notes inhis briefcase.

Brainard stares atWayne's loud tie.

Wayne's car pulls up in frontof his home. Wayne walks up ( towards the house, crestfallen.

h~--.,) INT. HALLWAY,DAY

Quark runs up to greet him,barking.

Wayne walks into the kitchenand gives Quark a milkbone. The dirty dishes are stillin the sink. Wayne makes a mental note of that and callsout into the back yard.

Upstairs, the kids perk up.

The kids begin yelling.

AMY

(. )

Up here!

THE TEENY-WEENIES 28

LITTLE RUSS

~\

We're up here!

Wayne walks through the house.

No reply. Wayne shrugs. He takesoff his loud tie, looks at it, frowns and places it in thegarbage can in the kitchen; one of the foot-pedal models witha plastic bag liner. It's filled with Amy's sorta-scrambledeggs.

Glumly, Wayne walks upstairs towardsthe attic.

He steps inside and sees the broken glassfrom the window.

The kids are screaming to get his attention.

Don punches Ron on the arm.

Wayne sees that glass fragments are scatteredon the top of his machine. That doesn't exactlymake his day. (

·-----------····---··-·-··----·····-·---···---

THE TEENY-WEENIES 29

(~ WAYNE

What else can go wrong?

He backs overto where his old, reliable couch once stood and sits down.There's no couch. He goes crashing down onto the floor.The force of the impact sends the teeny-weenies tumbling onto theground. Wayne scramblesto his feet.

He storms outof the room. T~e kids squeak in protest.

Meanwhile, Wayne dialsthe phone.

I \I of thehouse when I'm not home, But our \,--................,I couch?,lli:couch?My thinkingcouch?

(cont.)

THE TEENY-WEENIES 30

He slams the phone down. Quark is sitting at thefoot of the stairs leading up to the attic, whining.

The dog continues to whine. Wayne sighs, bendsdown and pets the dog.

The ground beneath the kids begin to shimmy. Footsteps rumble ominously in the background. Nick jumpsexcitedly.

Am~ stares at something high above her as a shadowfalls over them all.

Wayne has returned with the kitchen trashcan, a broomand a dustpan. The kids cling to each other as Wayne begins sweeping up the shards of broken glass.

Dust swirls everywhere around the kidsss Wayne sweeps around the machine. Finished, he then turns to wherethe kids are huddled.

The children attempt to run. It's no use. They are caught by the broom. The kids attempt to cling to the frayed strands at the edge of the broom. No luck. They are swept into the dustpan.

Wayne carries the dustpan over to the open garbage can.

In the dustpan, the kids are screaming.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 31

(~ NICK

Don't!

The CAMERA follows the kids as THEY GO TUMBLINGTHROUGH SPACE TOWARDS THE TRASH.

They hit wads of junk and go sliding about. Suddenly. DARKNESS.

Wayne has closed the lid on the trashcan. He carriesit downstairs.

( INT. KITCHEN, DAY

b Quark whines madly at Wayne's fee~. Wayne triesto ignore the dog. He lifts the bag out of the trashcan, tiesthe top with a small green wire and makes a move to go intothe backyard to place the .trashat the rear of the property. Quark barks and tries to follow.

He slams the door in the dog's face.

Wayne walks to the back of the yard. He places the bag down near the rear fence, next to several other garbage bags.He then returns to the house.

Quark whines and barks. Wayne sits down, dejected,at the kitchen table.

'-\ \ ) The dog, seeing that Wayne is in no mood for audio ·--........--·· delights, slinks off into his corner and lies, pensively,

THE TEENY-WEENIES 32

in his dog bed, glancing at the door leadingoutside.

In the yard, the garbage bag leans againstthe rear fence.

INT, TRASHBAG, DAY

Inside, in almost total darkness, the kidspull themselves through fast mounds of garbage and standon an amazingly straight surface. They huddle together, scaredand silent. Ron and Don scrape some of the slimedeggs off their shoulders.

RON

/' Peeee-yoooo.

d Silence. The kids gaze glumly into the darkness.Nick speaks. Slowly. Quietly.

Amy and Russ exchange somber glances. Don reachesinto his pocket. He nudges his brother. Ron suddenly grinsand reaches into his pocket. Both boys produce penknives.

Both boys tear into the thick side of the bag.The kids gather behind them.

The children, perched on garbage tilted on anangle, are leaning on the twins. As the twins cut further,the garbage shifts more. The twins finally rip a hole in the bag.The angle of the garbage causes the children to tumble outof the sack. A fistful of garbage slides out along withthem.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 33

DON/RON Oh-oh.

The kids and the garbage landin the yard below with a SPLAT. The kids stumble totheir feet, making disgusted faces while scraping the bitsof egg and bacon off them.

He ceremoniously slides hisknife back into his pocket. All -~h~ kids stop what they'redoing and gape at what lies ahead. They are confronted bya world unlike anything they've ever seen. From theirquarter-inch height, the backyard is a totally alien landscape:large, green, never-ending••• dangerous.

Before them likes a redwood forest-sizedsea of grass, shadow-leaden and forbodingwith only a stray ray of sunlight or two illuminating theground, The children stare somberly into the dark forestland.The Johnson kids stand together. Nick stands at Amy'sside. Amy begins thinking outloud,

Nick gapes at the never-ending terrainstretching out before him. He is stunned.

Nick stares at the yard. He begins to cough.He pulls out his inhaler and takes several gulps.

Nick continues to wheeze.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 34

r\ LITTLE RUSS \ ) That doesn't soundvery ••••

Ron turns to Don.

Amy turns to Russ.

Nick overhears and turns on Amy angrily.

' outs~de too long. Youcan't breathe. \...)

The kids gaze deep into the Bobdingnagian forest.

They stand there a moment longer, lookingat each other.

LITTLE RUSS

;

Straight ahead, I guess.

The kids wander deeper into the underbrush.There is very little light. They cart'tsee the sky.They can hear noises all around them. Buzzing. Crackling.Chomping. Suddenly, Ron gives out with a Tarzan yell. The kidsalmost drop dead from heart attacks.

---- --------------·--------------

THE TEENY-WEENIES 35

(; LITTLERUSS ',,../

Knock it off.

He shinnies up a blade of grass. At thetop, he stares into the distance.

There, looming like a monolithic presence,surrounded by the swirling fog of debris, is the Szalinski house•••seemingly a hundred miles away.From Russ' vantage ~oint, it looks like Mt. Hood viewedfrom a great distance.

The kids cluster around the base of the grassblade.

Nick breathes a sigh of relief and beginsto cough. He takes his asthma inhaler out and giveshimself a Darth Vader shot as Russ shinnies down the grass.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 36

Nick clears his throat.

Amy and Russ eye each other cautiously.

Amy and Russ walk off. The three other boys fall in behind.

Amy and Russ are in the lead. Amy gazes in awe at the \ titanic landscape. - e .

Amy decides to let that one pass.

Look. I know we're not friends or anything, but we have to act like we know what we're doing. If the little kids get discouraged, they'll punk out on us.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 37

(~ AMY(sullenly) ' /I

I know.

Don glances over his shoulder.He sees something and cocks his head. He nudges Nick.Nick turns as well. In the distance, the grass is blowingwildly. First, in one direction. Then, in another.A few pieces of twigs FALL UP INTO THE AIR.

A mammoth dandelion suddenly LAUNCHESITSELF INTO SPACE. Nick and Don exchange fishy looks.They turn back to the others. Before they can speak, theSOUNDOF PROLONGED THUNDERRIPS THROUGH THE FOREST. Thereappears to be a real storm brewing. Blasts of windhowl through the oversized blades of grass. Russ is gettinguneasy.

LITTLERUSS

( We'd better getmoving.

~ ~~ THE EARTH BEGINS TO SHAKE VIOLENTLYBENEATHTHE KIDS. They are tossed this way and that. Theymanage to get back onto their feet by clinging to the tree-sizedroots of the grass and weeds. The whole world seems-tobe in turmoil. Squalls of wind and dust fly everywhere.

Nick squints into the grit, wheezing.

The kids gape at the approaching causeof the maelstrom. THE OREO-MUNCHING PERVIS BOY, NOWTHE SIZE OF THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT, IS PUSHING A KING KONG-SIZED POWERMOWER.THE GAS-POWERED MACHINEIS SHREDDINGGRASS AND TOSSING THE DEBRIS INTO A BAG ATTACHED TO ITS REAR. SOMEOF THE DEBRIS, HOWEVER,MISSES THE BAG AND COMESCRASHING DOWN ONTO THE FOREST FLOOR LIKE AN.AVALANCHE OF UPROOTEDTREES.

The kids scramble to their feetand try to outrun the machine. It's no use. Large, boulder-sizedpieces of grass are smashing onto the ground all aroundthem. / ) \_____. LITTLE RUSS

Get down! Get down!

THE TEENY-WEENIES 38

Standing,Russ tries to get all the children flat onto the ground. A blastof wind sends him flying through space some ten feet,

The terrifiedchildren cling to the ground~ Russ slowly crawls backtowards them. The children huddle together as THE TITANIC MOWERPASSES OVERTHE SECTION OF THE YARDWHERE RUSS HAS JUST MADEIT BACKFROM.

GRASS IS OBLITERATED,SUCKED INTO THE AIR. THE DIRT IS ~LTERNATELY BEING BLASTED HELTER-SKELTER ACROSSTHE FLOOR OF THE YARDANDBEING SUCKED STRAIGHTUP INTO THE AIR.

THE MASSIVEMACHINE HEADSFOR THE TEENY-WEENIES.

Above them,THE CIRCULARBOTTOM OF THE MOWER HOVERS, LIKE AN OMINOUSMOTHERSHIP FROMSOMEHELLISH PLANET. THE BLADES WHIRLMADLY.THE SUCTIONCAUSESTHE GRASSAROUND THE CHILDREN TO UPROOTANDBLAST OFF TOWARDS THE BLADES. The kids cling toeach other. Their feet begin lifting from the ground, being d~awnto the mower by its tremendous suction, Russ tries to pullthe small children down to the ground. They are slowlybeing lifted.

The kids form ahuman wheel, like earthbound skydivers in formation. Theyanchor each other as-THE MOWER PASSES DIRECTLYOVERTHEM.

Don holds onto oneof Amy's hands and one of Russ's. He lets out a brief,terrified shriek as A HUGEBLAST OF SUCTION LitTS HIS LEGS INTO THEAIR. HE LOSES HIS GRIP. HE IS TORNFROMTHE GRASPOF HIS COMPANIONS.

Ron stares, horrified,at the sight of HIS BROTHER, SWIRLINGHIGH ABOVE HIM, BEING SUCKED INTO THE CLOUDS OF DUST ANDDEBRIS HOVERING BENEATH THE CHURNING BLADES.

IN THE MIDDLEOF A DUST-FILLED LIMBO, WE SEE DONCLING FRANTICALLY TO A TREE-TRUNKSIZED STEM, HIS FEET STILL BEING YANKED UPWARD.

THE MOWER WHIRLSABOVE THE REST OF THE KIDS FOR ANOTHER, LONGSECOND. THE NOISE OF THE MOTORIS DEAFENING,SOUNDING

THE TEENY-WEENIES 39

~' LIKE A MADDENED DINOSAUR. A LARGE, BRANDNEW SNEAKER I I. SMASHES DOWN ONTO THE GROUND WITH A CRASH NEAR THEM.

The kids are buffeted about. Gradually, thenoise subsides. THE MOWER MOVESON. The THUNDERof the footstepsfades· away.

The kids climb out from beneath a blanket of shredded grass, slabs of green about the size of surfboards.Ron is the first one to run off.

The other children follow him.

The children begin searching beneath the shards of grass for the missing boy. They can't find him.

( AMY

Donald!

C:__)

The kids continue to search beneath the grass. Nick begins panting. He's tearing into the grass with all his might, After a tense minute or so, the children stop their search,

Ron gapes at the shredded grass.

The kids turn as one and see that, a city block away, Don is appearing and disappearing over a small forest of grass. He is literally bouncing up and down out of view. The kids run forward.

The children run forward and enter••••

The children run into what appears to be a giant forest

THE TEENY-WEENIES 40

filledwith flowers; actually, it's just a few feet of an overgrownwild flowerbed sitting in the yard, Don is bouncing up and down on a flower, using it like a trampoline, Unfortunately, he has no control of his bounces.

Ronmakes a move to grab his brother off the flower, He keepson missing him. On the fifth or sixth bounce, Don windsup tumbling onto the ground. He gets up to his feet. He's shakeyand there's a lopside grin on his face. Everyonehugs Don except Ron. When the other kids are done, Don stands,smiling at his brother. He hugs Ron. Ron brusheshim aside.

Amy andRuss, with the knowledge that Don is safe, take in the flowerbed.They stare, transfixed, at the Olympian swath of color.

Russ staresat Amy. She faces him, beaming. Slightly embarrassed,he l-0oksaway.

Ron checksout the flowers, unimpressed. He gets an idea. He nudgesDon. The twins grin at the flowers. Ron turns to Don. They smilein unison.

RON/DON Recess!

Theyrun by Nick towards the flowers. Nick, caught in their wake, goesspinning. He lands on the ground in sitting position.For one, brief moment, the kids act like total children.It's as if they've stumbled onto paradise. Amy

THE TEENY-WEENIES 41

and Russ standbehind Nick.

The twins discoverthat the shorter flowers make perfect trampolines.They begin bouncing up and down and from one flower toanother, Ron gives another Tarzan yell.

He catcheshimself.

He turns and seesthat Amy has fashioned a hula skirt around her belt fromlarge flower pedals.

(

thisdress.

\,___:)

Nick giggles. Thetwins leap by a "puff" flower. The flower disintegrates and rainsdown a shower of flowery "snow." The clearing reallybegins looking like a fairyland, now.

Nick gets up and startswheeling joyfully through the "snow." Soon, he beginsto sneeze. He pulls out his asthma inhaier and takes awhiff.

He smiles. Pockets hisinhaler. Puffs out his chest. He marches straight for theflowers, determined to have fun.

The twins are whoopingand rebounding wildly from flower to flower. Nick hesitantlytries a bounce on a nearby flower. :/ j' He lands awkwardly. He triesanother bound. An another. He '-,,___../ loses his balance andwinds up tumbling onto the ground. He looks around, embarrassed.Amy and Russ have seen him and

THE TEENY-WEENIES 42

(~ laugh. Nick grins, realizing that th~ laughterisn't \ ; malicious. He gets back onto the flowerand begins bouncing away, gradually getting the hang ofit.

Gathering courage, he lets out a full whoop.

We hear, very faintly, the sounds of the frolicking children, AS WE SOAR HIGH ABOVE THE YARD, A DEAFENING BUZZINGSOUND ECHOINGIN OUREARS.

Amy and Russ watch the younger children play.Russ glances at the sun. He calls to the kids on the flowers.

( '\ ~- Nick stops bounci-ngimmediately. Ron and Don continue \........, playing.

Ron notices Nick's hesitation. The little boy is obviously waiting for a cue from the twins.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 43

Nick nods.

Russ walks forward and snatchesDon off a flower. Don quietly stands by his side.Russ then pulls Ron off a flower, Ron is struggling.

Look. There's somethingyou'd both better understand.We're in a lot of trouble,okay? This isn't a game. We could die outhere and no one

/ would notice. Theonly way we're going

to get out of this isif we all help each other. Got that?

Little Russ, thinking it's all settled, turnshis back on the twins. Ron immediately runs back toa flower and launches himself, again, on a flower-trampoline.

The twins start bouncing again. Nick laughsand resumes as well. Amy and Russ exchange exasperated glances.

WITH THE BUZZING DRONINGIN OUR EARS, SOMETHINGSHADOWY SWOOPSDOWN TOWARDS THE CHILDREN, STILL ROMPINGFAR BELOW us.

Amy and Russ watch the younger children play.Amy ~tiffens. She hears a faint buzzing.

-------------·------·--·

THE TEENY-WEENIES 44

Amy stares at the skyaround her.

LITTLE Russ- Naaaah.It's just your ears playing trickson you.

Russ glowers but doesas he's told. The buzzing seems to be coming from all aroundthem.

Russ is getting nervous.The three younger children gradually slow down their bouncing.Ron, Don and Nick stand on their flowers, heads cocked.The noise around them grows louder and louder. The flowerbed sounds like the streets of London just before theNazi Blitz. The droning is overwhelming. Amy screamsand points as a dark cloud falls upon the children.

A TITANIC HONEYBEE HOVERSOVER THE FLOWERBED.

The twins dive off the flowersand run in one direction. Nick runs in another~ Amy andRuss retreat ~ogether. THE BEE BEGINS FLYING FROM FLOWERTO FLOWER, EXTRACTINGPOLLEN, STUFFING THE STICKY YELLOWSTUFF INTO "BASKETS" ON ITS REAR LEGS. From the children'sPOV, the bee is the size of a flying .VWvan.

Nick crouches beneath a flower,wheezing. The bee alight~ directly next to him. The pollen-gatheringBEE DESCENDS LOWERAND LOWER. Nick trembles,trying to hold his breath.

Amy makes a move to yell.Russ puts a hand around her mouth.

Nick watches, horrified, AS THE BEE GETS CLOSER AND CLOSER. He's almost hyperventillating.THE BEE SUDDENLY SCOOPS NICK UP AND PLASTERS HIM ONTOONE OF HIS HIND LEGS WITH THE STICKY SLABS OF POLLEN.

Amy breaks away from Russ andruns towards the bee.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 45

Ron and Don gape at each other.

Nick is half-smothered in pollen.

Russ springs forward and, sprinting infront of Amy, leaps onto a flower, using it as a trampoline.

THE BEE, SATIATED, BEGINS TO TAKE OFF. Russbounces from flower to flower, finally sailing throughthe air towards the bee. HE DIVES ONTOTHE BACKOF THE RETREATING BEE.

Amy and the twins watch, fearfully, as THE BEE, ALONGWITH NICK ANDRUSS, disappears in the sky. Thehumming noise fades into the distance. The twins stand, transfixed.

Meanwhile, on THE BACKOF THE BEE, RUSS GETS A BREATHTAKING (AND DIZZY) RIDE HIGH ABOVETHE YARD. THE BEE TWISTS AND TURNS, RUSS STRUGGLING TO GET CONTROL OF THE INSECT BY GRABBING ITS WINGS. THE PROBLEM IS, HALF OF THE TIME, HE'S ALMOST SLIDING OFF THE BEE'S BACK. NICK SQUIRMSIN THE POLLENON THE BEE'S BACKLEG.

THE BEE CONTINUES TO CAREENOVERTHE YARD, QUITE ANNOYED

THE TEENY-WEENIES 46

WITH ITS SURPRISE BAGGAGE.

t Near the house, we see the Pervis boysurveying the newly cut grass.

EXT, SKY, DAY

Russ still struggles for control of thebee, He looks up. THE BEE IS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR THE PERVIS BOY'S HEAD.

We hear the tiny voices of the teeny-weeniescall out. So does the Pervis boy, sort of. Confused, he startsswatting at the bee.

( .. ri,......./The bee dodges and ducks the boy's swings.

THE BEE SWINGSAWAY FROM THE PERVIS BOYJUST AS RUSS GRABS ITS WINGS, GIVING THEMA SOLID YANK.UNABLE TO CONTROLITS FLIGHT, THE BEE BEGINS A SPIRALING DIVE TOWARDSTHE GROUND.

RUSS/NICK Woaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!II !II!

THE BEE LANDSNOSEFIRST WITH A SICKENINGCRASH ••.•SENDING BOTHBOYSTUMBLING OFF. THE INSECT ANDTHE TWOBOYSLAY, INERT, ON THE FORESTFLOOR.

Amy and the twins linger by the flowerbed.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 47

Ron stalks off. Don sighs, givesAmy a "what can I do?" look and takes off after his brother,Amy hesitates, watching the two boys disappear. She gritsher teeth and follows them.

Wayne is on the phone. We hear thelast part of Diane's message before the beep. He slamesthe phone down. Quark is at his feet, whining.

The doorbell rings. Wayne walks towafdsthe front door.·

'INT. SZALINSKI HOUSE, DAY

Wayne opens the door. Diane is there.They stare at each other angrily. Diane thrusts a handfulof papers in his hand.

She marches inside. Wayne stands at thedoor. He pokes his head outside and looks to the left andthe right, expecting to see the kids. They aren't there.Puzzled, he returns inside and closes the door.

THE TEENY-WEENIEp 48 I ~ (\ WAYNE '·•..,.__) And the couch?Where's my thinking couch?

She glances around,

Diane walks into the kitchen.Wayne is trailing in the hall behind her. Quark continuesto whine.

Quiet, Quark.

Earth to Wayne. Earthto Wayne. I don't have the couch.Where are the children?

Wayne raises a finger to his lips, thoughtfully.Quark barks.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 49

/~. WAYNE ( ; \ ,/ You didnlt remindme •••

Quark barks again.

DIANE/WAYNE Quiet, Quark!!!

Quark stops barking and runs aroundin front of the back door. Wayne and Diane walk through the swingingdoor leading to the yard. Quark tries to run out after them.The door swings back on him. Thump. The dog retreats backinto the kitchen yelping.

Wayne stands on the back steps, Diane behindhim.

WAYNE/DIANE Amy? Nick?

Deep in the forest, th• twins and Amy heara thundering roar. It's the pitch of a tyrannosaurusrex. We can barely make out the words.

WAYNE/DIANEROAR Amy? Nick?

The kids run forward.

EXT, JOHNSON YARD, DAY

Meanwhile, while Wayne and Diane are calling fortheir kids. Big Russ, still wearing his cap, walks outinto his backyard where Mae is watering her garden.

The kids continue to run forward,·the twins take the lead, \__) leaving Amy far behind.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 50

EXT, JOHNSON YARD, DAY

Russ, spotting Wayne, walks over tothe fence. He leans his arm on the fence and comes upwith an elbow-ful of syrup. He frowns as Wayne walks over.

d BIG RUSS

Naah, I was just looking formine. They never miss lunch.

Wayne and Russ look at each other for amoment. They both turn away from each other and, trying their bestto ignore each other, begin calling their children's names.They stop, waiting for each other to continue, A beat.When neither one begins calling again, each feels it's okayto continue. They both begin c•ll again in tandem.

The children continue to run breathlessly forward,shouting to their parents.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 51

The parents stand on eitherside of the fence, Mae continues to water her garden.

Wayne and Diane walk back towards thehouse.

Mae finishes watering her lawn. Sheturns off the nozzle of 1" ~\ the house and glances at the Szalinski'sbackyard. It's almost ·~ all yellow, ·•......,.....'

She turns the nozzle back on and sendsa spray of water over the fence and into the yard.

Russ and Nick slowly sit up, dazed.As they do so, THEY NOTICE THE BEE SHAKE ITSELF AWAKEAS WELL. THE BEE IS VERY, VERY ANGRY. IT SPOTS THE TWO BOYS. WINGS BUZZING OMINOUSLY, IT BEGINS TO ADVANCE.

The boys start to run from the bee.THE BEE SPRINGS FORWARD IN AN INCREDIBLY FAST MOTION. IT LOOKSLIKE IT WILL BE ATOP THE BOYS IN A MATTEROF SECONDS.

The boys seemed doomed when, WITHOUTWARNING, THE BEE IS K.O. 'SBY A TITANIC DROPLET OF WATER. The twoboys stop, puzzled.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 52

() NICK •..___.-.,,, Are we safe?

Suddenly,TITANIC DROPLETS OF WATER BEGIN FALLING ALL AROUND THEM. WITHIN SECONDS, THE GROUND BENEATH THEIR FEET TURNSTO MUSH. THE YARDIS SLOWLY FILLING UP WITH WATER.

Russshinnies up a blade of grass, pulling Nick up behind him,AS THE YARDSLOWLY FILLS WITH WATER.

We see Mae, humming merrily, hosing down the lawn iriearnest•.

Amy andthe twins walk through the twisted terrain.

AMY

( Nick? ~ \,,,_j RON/DON

Russ?

A ROARINGNOISE sends the ground beneath them trembling.

They turnand see a CASCADING WALLOF WATER HEADINGFOR THEM.

The threechildren run for their lives AS THE WALLOF WATER APPROACHESTHEM. THERE'S NO ESCAPE. THEY RUN BREATHLESSLESSY AS THE SUDDENFLOODSMASHES THROUGH THE GRASSANDTWIGS.

Ahead ofthem lies a gigantic pop bottle cap. Amy vaults into the cap,turns, and yanks the two small boys inside by their beltsAS THE WATER CATCHES UP WITH THEM. BEFORETHEYKNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING,THEYARE SENT FOR A SPIRALING WHITEWATER RAPIDS RIDE.THE BOTTLECAP SPINS MADLY AS THE WATER RUSHESTHROUGH THE YARD. The three children cling to its side asit bumps and zig-zags through the raging river, like a waterbornetilt-a-whirl car.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 53

IN THE HURRICANE CAUSED BY THE FLOOD, RUSS ANDNICK CLING TO THE GRASSBLADE. THE WATER RAGESBELOW THEM. NICK BEGINS TO SLIP.

Russ bends down and grabs Nick by the back ofhis shirt just •s the little boy begins to £all into thewater~ Russ grimaces, Nick's struggling body causinghim to slide down the grass blade. The grass blade is being buffetedby the raging river. The two boys are getting closerto the water when •••

THE SODABOTTLECAP GOES CAREENING DOWN THE RIVER TOWARDS RUSS ANDNICK. The twins hold on for dear lifeas the cap barrels towards the grass blade.

THE BOTTLECAP PASSES BENEATH THE BLADEOF GRASS. RUSS DROPS NICK INTO THE CAP AND, THEN, JUMPS FEET-FIRST INTO THE CAP.

NICK LANDSWITH A THUD, ROLLINGINTO AMY'S ARMS. RUSS LANDS STANDING.IT LOOKSAS IF HE'S ABOUT TO LOSE HIS BALANCEWHEN A HANDAPPEARS. RUSS GRABSIT ANDIS TOSSED ONTOTHE FLOOROF THE CAP. HE FINDS HIMSELF HOLDING HANDSWITH AMY. HE QUICKLYDISENGAGES HIMSELF ANDCLINGS TO THE SIDE OF THE CAP AS IT CONTINUES TO SPIRAL IN THE RIVER.

Mae, quite pleased with his act of kindness, shuts offthe hose and leaves the yard.

The cap goes crashing into a riverbank as the flood waters recede. The children tumble, gasping from the cap.They collapse 6n the "riverbed," exhausted. Amy hugs Nick.The twins kneel next to Russ.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 54

Nick sits up, laughing. He puts his armaround Russ, facing the twins.

Russ staggers to his feet.

Amy smiles.

1··

DON

~

She's right. It's getting late.

The three young boys look at each other.

He turns to Nick.

The three boys sigh hungrily and look at each other sadly.

( The five kids begin their trek again. Don and Ron, forcing \.< themselves to act like scouts, begin singing "The Green i ' Grass Grew All Around" as they march. Nick joins inas \'·-~~--,.. well. Russ and Amy smil~ at the trio:

------ ······----·-·-·····---··-------

THE TEENY-WEENIES 55

The three younger boys suddenlycome to a stop. They gaze ahead, a look of wonderand pleasure on their faces.

There, before them, illuminatedby an almost religiously inspired stream of sunlightis a titanic oreo cookie. Soggy from the "rainstorm," thecookie glistens magically like a cream-filled rainbow.

Ron is profoundly moved.The sunlight caresses the oreo magically.

The kids run forward to thecookie. They reach it and begin tearing out handfuls of whitecream filling.

Don looks up, horrified.

OVER THE TOP OF THE COOKIE APPEARS AN ARMYOF ANTENNAE, TWITCHING OMINOUSLY.

The children dart behind the coverof grass as A HORDEOF TITANIC ANTS THUNDEROVER THE TOP. THE ANTS SWARM OVER THE MASSIVE OREO, DISMANTLINGIT WITH EASE.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 56

(~ RON (whispering) '·

What pigs!

THE ANTS BEGIN CARRYING LARGEWADS OF THE COOKIEOFF IN THEIR MANDIBLES.

/ RON

They're only bugs.I squash them all the time.

THE ARMY OF ANTS CONSUMES THE COOKIE.THEY MARCH OFF, CARRYING LARGECRUMBS OF IT. LEAVINGLAST, CARRYING A ' BIII!G PIECE, IS A BABYANT. IT STRUGGLESWITH THE BOULDER-

SIZED WAD OF CHOCOLATE. IT DROPS IT.PICKS IT UP. TRIES PUSHING IT. THE LITTLE ANT IS DETERMINEDTO MOVE THIS CRUMB. IT DOESN'T CAREHOWBIG THE CRUMB IS.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 57

Ron tears off a stiffpiece of grass and fashions it into a spear. He looks atDon. Don sighs, shakes his head and does the same,

THE TWINS CHARGE THE ANT, WHOOPINGLIKE INDIANS, SWINGING THEIR "STICKS" OVERTHEIR HEADS. THE LITTLE ANT, PANICKING, DROPS THE CRUMB. IT BEGINS TO RUN AFTER THE RETREATING COLONY. \ .......!--; \.....,_.../The rest of thek~ds run through the soggy terrain towards the twins.

RON RUNS UP TO THE ANT ANDDIVES ON ITS BACK, COWBOY STYLE, WHOOPING.

The rest of the kids run upto Don. At first, they all laugh at the sight of Ron,CLINGING TO THE ANT'S BACK. It's great sport.

Don JUMPS ONTOTHE BACKOF THE ANT AS WELL, THE TWINS WHOOP LOUDLY AS THE ANT CAREENSAROUND THE CLEARINGIN CIRCLES.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 58

(,,---,...\ \'"~-••~.--✓/ LITTLE RUSS

Okay, Enough fun. Pull him over.

ON THE ANT, RON AND DON EXCHANGE GLANCES.

Each one of the twins grab an antennae and try to yankthe ant in one direction or the other. It doesn'twork. They ·glancemeaningfully at each other before turning towards the rest of the kids.

DON/RON We can't pull him over.

The kids watch helplessly as the twins' ANT SKITTERS AROUND THE CLEARING.

/ \ RON

I'm not! I'm not!

\..,)

Russ and Nick charge the ant and try to grab ahold of it, brahmabull wrestler style. The ant easily out maneuvers them.They dive and miss, hitting the muddy dirt with a thud, Nick is slow to get up, Russ grabs the ant by the neck and is carried along, heels dragging on the ground. He is shaken of.£and falls at Amy's feet.

Russ glances around, looking for some way to help. He picks up one of the twin's spears. Amy looks at the spear, reaches over and bends it easily. She looks at THE RAMPAGING ANT. The spear isn't going to work. Amy spotsthe fallen crumb and runs towards it.

THE ANT CONTINUES TO REEL AROUND. Amy takes a wad of cookie inher hand and walks directly in front of the charging ant. Nick, still sitting dazed in the dirt, is horrified. He is coughing and wheezing.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 59

Amy swallows hardand holds her ground. The ant goes skidding to a stop.The twins go tumbling from its back. The ant slowly approachesAmy, antennae twitching. Amy gazes into the faceof the little ant, She crinkles her nose. It's repulsive.The ant calmly walks over and gently removes the small plieceof crumb from her hand. It munches on it merrily. ·

Little Russ walks up tothe ant and slips a grass lariet around its neck. Theant, munching merrily, allows it.

~he twins are both dizzy.They stagger up to Amy.

The kids WATCHTHE ANT MUNCH THE CRUMB.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 60

(; AMY

I have an idea.

AMY, DON, RUSS ANDNICK ARE BEING PULLEDON AN INDIAN-STYLE SLED ATTACHEDTO THE ANT. THE SLED HAS BEEN CONSTRUCTED FROMBITS OF GRASS ANDFLOWER STEMS. RON IS ON THE ANT'S BACK, WEARINGA FLOWER LEAF AROUND HIS HEADLIKE A TURBAN, HOLDINGA STICK WITH AN OREOCRUMB AFFIXED TO THE END. THE CRUMBIS DANGLING IN FRONTOF THE ANT'S HEAD. The kids are singing"And The Green Grass Grew All Around" while munchingsmaller crumbs.

RONTILTS THE STICK TO THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ANT'S HEAD. THE ANT GOES FOR THE FOOD. IT'STHE OLD CARROT ON THE STICK PLOY. THE ANT VEERSLEFT, RON SMILES HAPPILY.

He turns toAmy,

Ron gives animpromptu yell. He holds the stick directly in front ofthe ant. The ant plows forward.

A patrol car sitsoutside the two homes. There's an officer interviewingBig Russ and Mae at the front door.

At the Johnson's,a cop is furiously taking notes as he interviewsthe parents.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 61

Big Russ "shhhhh"s her.

/ COP

Did you have an argumentwith your son

c_~.J this morning, Mr.Johnson?

Russ kicks his foot forward. He hitsa lawn jockey, sending its head tumbling into space. THe cop looksat him impassively.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 62

Wayne andDiane show a second cop to the front door. They are hand inhand.

COP #2 Okay, folks. We'll tell all our patrol cars to be on the lookout for two kids and a couch.

COP #2 Right. We'll check in with you tomorrow.

The cop leavesthe parents. Wayne makes a move to go inside.Diane, glancing at the Johnson's home, where the first copis leaving, walks out of the front door.

Wayne goes inside.~iane walks over to the Johnson front porch whereMae watches the patrol car drive off.

Mae looks upat Diane and smiles sadly.

Diane cocks herhead inquisitively.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 63

/J..--....\ I , \,__J MAE

Well, for better or for worse, right?

Wayne is tetheringa barking Quark to a long leash in the kitchen as Dianeenters.

/ throughthe window and hit my machine and •••

Their eyes meet.

DIANE/WAYNE They'remissing, too.

They trot upstairs to theattic.

Wayne picks up the ball.He tosses it to Diane. She looks at it. It has a burnmark on it.

Wayne inspects the machine.

\_____.,,,.)

THE TEENY-WEENIES 64

Wayne is onto something.He gets down on his knees.

He crawls around thefloor in an exaggerated, careful manner••• asif his armsand legs were made of rubber,

He gingerly picks upa teen-weenypiece of debris. He holds it in the palm of his hand.He looks at the machine. At first, he is elated. Then, the realityof the situation hits him.

Then, soberly.

WAYNE

\ My god.It works.

He stands and, like anIndian rubber man trying to levitate off the ground, carefullywalks over to Diane on his tip-toes.

In his hand is a tiny, perfectlyintact, beige couch. It's smaller than a button.

Diane stares at him, dumbfounded.

They both get down on theirhands and knees.

They begin crawling, tryingas hard as possible not to

THE TEENY-WEENIES 65

I \ \ ; touchthe floor, across the room. They sort of look like ',.__.,.,.,/ Marcel Marceau impersonating a tarantula.

Aftera moment of creepy-crawling, Wayne focuses on the dustpanleaning against the wall. He leaps to his feet. Diane gasps.

He runs outof the room. Diane follows him, taking veeerrry long, bouyantsteps.

They run downstairs.

In the gatheringdarkness of early evening, Diane and Wayne carefully go throughthe trash, using a large flashlight, the magnifyingglass and tweezers.

Big Russ Johnsonsneaks out into his backyard and leans against the fence.He reaches uriderhis hat and produces a cigarette.He lightsup and takes a deep breath. He then notices Wayne andDiane, They don't spot Big Russ, however. He sees the neighborswhisp•ring into the large trashbags as they tweeze theirway through the gunk.

Big Russ gapes at them,straining his •ars to hear what they're saying.He can't hear a word.

Wayne spots a hole inthe side of the bag. He shines the flashlight on it.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 66

He trainsthe flashlight on the ground.

He stopsmid-sentence, a terrified look on his face.

Russ still strainshis ears to hear. No dice.

Wayne pointsto several Hefty bags in the corner of the yard.

Wayne andDiane undo the bags and begin sifting through the grass collectedin them.

Big Russ takesa deep puff.

The kids continueto slog onward through the soggy yard. The ant is growingweary. Ron removes the crumb from in front of theant.

The kids tumblefrom the sled. They tether the ant and the

THE TEENY-WEENIES 67

antmobile to a stalk of grass.

Ron seemsreally depressed. Amy puts an arm around him.

Thekids are now sitting, despairing. Amy refuses to be beaten.

We see thatthe kids are sitting near the fence. Big Russ, above, isstill smoking, watching Wayne and Diane in the back of theyard. He casually flicks the ashes off his cigarette.

Suddenly, theair is filled with a hissing sound.

FLAKESOF MOLTEN ASH THE SIZE OF AUTOTIRES BEGIN DRIFTING DOWN AROUNDTHEM, SIZZLING INTO THE SOGGY GROUND.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 68

(~ The kids run off. \. j

Big Russ continues to flick his ashes.

The kids huddle together. THE ASHES ARE RAINING DOWN HEAVIER, NOW.

Ron and Don are huddled under one leaf when aWADOF ASH LANDS ONTOP OF IT, BURNING A HOLE THROUGH IT. Don takesoff screen left. Ron runs to screen right, the CAMERAfollowing him.

He runs blindly into the forest. He skids into a smallpond of horrible goo. He sinks up to his waist. The puddle is covered with THE BODIES OF LARGE, DEAD FLIES.

Ron begins to struggle helplessly in the mire. The other kids dart out from behind their cover and run to the edge of the pond of goo. ASHES CONTINUE TO FALL.

Ron struggles, glancing around him. He lifts up a handand putsit to his mouth. He tastes the goop.

He squirmsaround, singing further into the mush.

Don tries to stick his arm towards his brother. It won't reach.He almost topples into the pond himself. Nick grabs his legs and pulls him back •. THE ASHES STILLFALL.

---- -----··-·..·--------····

THE TEENY-WEENIES 69

/~. Ron liesin the syrup, He is slowly sinking, His teeth are '\......) chattering,He is beginning to sob; breathless little boy- terrifiedgasps,

He slowlyturns his head to the left. The body of a half-dead I fly floats,half-submerged, in the goop. The fly is still ~· buzzinghalf-heartedly, Ron is really scared. He turns his ' head awayfrom the fly and looks at something else. Anything else.

The kidsare tearing at grass fibers, tying them together.

Big Russ inhaleson his cigarette, still watching the Szalinskis.He takes one, last puff before tossing the cigarette intothe Szalinski yard and moving closer to Wayne andDiane for a better look.

Down below,the kids are trying to toss their newly-made rope towardsRon, They keep on falling short of their mark,

Nick peels astrand of grass off a stalk, A ROARING, WHOOSHINGNOISE REVERBERATES ALL AROUND THEM.

The kids take offin every direction as THE GLOWING, SMOLDERING CIGARETTE BUTT SLICESTHROUGH THE AIR. IT LANDS IN THE SYRUP, STILLBURNING, A TOBACCOMETEORITE.

THE UNLIT SECTION OF THE CIGARETTE BUTT LANDS NEXT TO RON. THE CIGARETTE ISSLOWLYBURNING DOWN TOWARDS HIM. HE'LL BE BURNEDTO DEATH WITHIN MINUTES.

He begins to struggle.He sinks further. The kids run forward, tryingto shield themselves from the heat.

The kids pick upa stickand move to the edge of the syrup pool. They extendthe stick, trying to prod the butt away from the petrifiedRon. The stick doesn't reach.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 70

PART OF THE CIGARETTEASH FALLS OFF THE BUTT WITH A ROAR, LANDINGIN THE SYRUP NEARTHE KIDS. The kids back off, holding theirhands in front of their faces AS THE ASHES SIZZLE INTO THE SYRUP. RONWATCHES,HORRIFIED, AS A WADOF HOT ASH FALLS ON THE TRAPPEDFLY, SIZZLING IT AS THE INSECT SINKS BENEATHTHE SURFACEOF THE GOOP.

Nick .staresatRon. He slowly backs away from the scene, seemingly horrified.He turns and runs full-tilt back into the forest. Amy noticesbut is concentrating too much on Ron's safety toact.

Ron spots Nick runningoff.

The.children continue totry to get nearer to Ron. They hear a crunching sound behindthem. THEY TURN AND SEE THE LITTLE ANT CHARGING FORWARD,NICK ON ITS BACK. NICK IS HOLDINGA COOKIE CRUMB SUSPENDEDFROMA STICK BEFORETHE ANT'S FACE.

Nick leads the ant to theedge of the bog. He slides off the ant, takes the crumband tosses it to Ron.

Ron reaches for the soggyoreo fragment and ensnares it. A glimmer of hope plays acrosshis face.

He turns to the ant.

THE ANT EXTENDSITS ANTENNAE.IT HONESIN ON THE OREO CRUMB. THE CIGARETTECONTINUESTO SMOLDER.THE FIRE IS GETTING CLOSERTO RON.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 71

THE ANT CLIMBS UP A STALKOF GRASSTO THE EDGE. THE GRASS SLOWLY BOWSDOWNWARD UNDERITS WEIGHT. THE ANT EXTENDSITS ANTENNAE TOWARDS THE CRUMB IN RON'S HAND. THE CIGARETTE BURNSDOWN LOWER ANDLOWER,CLOSERANDCLOSER.

Ron drops the crumb in the syrup. The kids gaspas it disappears beneath the goop. Ron looks helplesslyup at the ant. THE ANT TWITCHESITS ANTENNAE. IT CAN'T SENSE THE CRUMB ANYMORE.

THE ANT WAITS A BEAT. IT DOESN'T RETREAT. IT CONTINUESTO STANDFIRM. RON REACHES UP ANDGRABSAHOLD OF ONE OF THE ANTENNAE. THE ANT SLOWLY BACKSDOWN THE GRASS BLADE, HOISTING RON UP ANDOUT OF THE SYRUPTO SAFETY. THE CIGARETTEBURNSDOWN TO THE SYRUPWITH A HISS.

The kids run up to Ron, Don stares at the ant.

He stares at the ant, The kids·take turns patting the ant.

Russ and Amy approach the ant. Amy extends a hesitant hand towardsthe "bug." She pets it. It twitches its antennae.·

THE ANT MARCHES OFF. IT TURNSONC, LAST TIME TOWARDS THE KIDS, ITSANTENNAE TWITCHING.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 72

THE ANT SHAMBLESOFF INTO THE FOREST,

Ron grins at Nick.Nick offers a shy smile.

Meanwhile, Wayne andDiane continue sifting through the bags of grass. They findnothing. They look at each other sadly. There's a noise behindthem. They turn and train the flashlight at the garbage.Cicero the cat sits there, a piece of discarded, egg-stainedtoast in its mouth. Diane gasps. The cat takes the toastand runs off. Wayne sighs.

Suddenly, the last bag isilluminated by a bright light from behind them. Big Russ standsat the fence with a Kong-sized flashlight.

Diane and Wayne exchangeguilty looks.

r--

THE TEENY-WEENIES 73

Ron, covered with syrup, walks over to a puddleof sprinkler water.

Don steps into the puddle and begins splashinghis brother. Amy and Russ begin doing the.same.

-' \:.=_::)

Nick wanders off. THE CAMERAfollows him. He comes toa halt, smiling.

The kids trot over to Nick.

Stretching before Nick are a few, Stonehenge-sized monolithic structures.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 74

The kids wander up to the titanic plastic blocks. They are squarewith station-wagon-sized round indentations on the back.

Nick s·itsinone of the round indentations.

The twinsclimb into two ajoining round spots.

Russ and Amy walkover to another Lego. They sit on the square endof one. They are both exhausted. They gaze up into a picture perfect,clear sky. A full moon shines down on them, illumi-natingthearea in a magical, blue glow.

He stifles a yawn.Amy continues to gaze at the sky.

Russ nods.He looks at Amy, smiling shyly.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 75

/ .·. He suddenly turns and gives her a peck on the cheek. She turns v towards him and gives him a brief, but tender, first kiss,

We see the tiny kids illuminated from above by the pale blue lightof a full moon, The CAMERAslowly moves up and away fromthem, taking the whole, titanic yard into view,

Big Russ stands next to Wayne and Diane at the machi~e.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 76

Wayne gulpsand sighs and blurts it out.

Big Russ beginsto laugh. He looks at Diane. She's not laughing. He looksat Wayne. Wayne slowly shakes his head "yes."

Diane places thetiny couch in Big Russ' hand.

Russ slowly liftsthe hat from his head, He is inundated by \ :....,__,__/)ashower of cigarettes.He gazes at ·hishat nervously.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 77

Wayne gets the machine humming. Big Russgingerly places the cap on the pedestal in front of themetal wall.

Wayne activates the machine. BOTH BEAMS SKITTER ACROSS THE ROOM. Big Russ is not impressed.

Diane and Big Russ watch AS THE TWO BEAMSHONE IN ON THE CAP. THE CAP SHIMMERS. QUIVERS. FINALLY, IT EXPLODES, SENDING BITS AND PIECES OF CHARREDMATERIAL EVERYWHERE. Diane gasps in horror. Wayne is perplexed. Big Russis stunned.

WAYNE

\ \_____) I don't understand it. It must have

worked before••••

He makes a move to strangle Wayne. Wayne, ignoring lunging Big Russ, walks over to the cap fragments.

Diane gasps.

He makes a move to stalk out of the room. He glances nervously at the floor and tip-toes carefully out, staring this way and that at the floor.

____

THE TEENY-WEENIES 78

Wayne stares at the machine sadly.

Diane gently walks up to him and puts his arm aroundhim. She gives him a gentle squeeze.

Wayne nods "yes," and the two leave the attic.

Wayne sits at the kitchen table, a half-filled glass ofmilk before him. Wayne fingers the magnifying glass absent-minded- ly. Diane toys with the flashlight. Wayne smiles sadly.

Wayne places the magnifying glass softly on the table top. Dianelays down the flashlight. They sit in silence for a longminute. Tears begin to roll down Diane's face. Wayne pullshis chair next to hers and puts a protective arm aroundher. He knocks over a salt shaker in the process.

Diane placesher head against his chest·and cries. Wayne swallowshard, wipes a single tear from one eye and hugs her closer.

Silence.Still tethered next to his dog bed, Quark sighs.

EXT,YARD, NIGHT

We seethe light from the kitchen window. WE SLOWLYMOVE AWAYFROM THE WINDOW AND SEE IT LOOMINGOVER THE SILHOUETTES OF THE LEGO VILLAGE WHERETHE CHILDREN LAY SLEEPING.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 79

The scene gradually brightens. Morning has come.We now see that the children have made it all the way to theyard's edge. They are nestled in the Lego toys that Nickhad dropped there the day before. In the background,the Szalinski home stands, as tall as a glacier.

Russ wakes up first, He stretches, yawns, opens hiseyes and turn around.

Amy turns. They are only yards away from the house. She squeals with delight and gives Russ a big hug.

The three younger children wake up, lazily.

Nick spots the house and grins.

The kidsrun to the end of the yard. They run towards the first stepleading to the back door.

They slowtheir pace and gradually come to a halt. Their facesare glum.

BEFORE THEM STANDS THE BIGGEST STEP INHISTORY. A STRUCTURE AS BIGAS A CITY ·HALL.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 80

He frantically looks around for somethingto scale the step with. He finds a small twig. He places itagainst the step like a ladder. It's pathetically small, likeplacing a step- ladder against a skyscraper.

The rest of the children look on nervously.

Amy's lower lip begins to quiver. Russ triesto cheer her up.

Tears begin to dribble, silently, down Amy's face.

The twins and Nick exchange frightened glances.This is the first time Amy has really acted like a (gasp) girl.Nick approaches her. He kneels next to her.

,,,,.... the odds are against us, sowhat?

People beat the odds all the time,right?

Amy sniffs and nods, only half believing.

Nick stands up suddenly. He stares at the door and smiles. He has an idea. Placing two fingers in his mouth, he emits a shrill whistle. He's winded after one try. Wheeze.Wheeze.•

THE TEENY-WEENIES 81

He puffs out his littlechest again and lets out a second, shrill blast.

In the kitchen, Wayneand Diane are sound asleep at the table. Quark is stilltethered. He hears a very faint, very familiar whistle. His earsperk up. It's Nick. Quark begins to whine and pull at theleash. He can't get out. Another whistle. He gnaws at hisleash. It's too thick.

Nick's face is now beet red.He whistles again.

Russ and the twins exchange glances.They shrug. They begin / whistling and shouting.

IN.T.KITCHEN, DAY

Quark stops gnawing at his leash.He turns himself around and slowly pulls himself, backwards,out of his dog collar. He runs for the swinging door leadingoutside. He can't budge it. He pushes and pushesand pushes again. The kids outside are still whistling and yelling.Quark pushes. No dice. Finally, Quark backs upwaaaay across the kitchen and charges the door. He hurls himselfonto its surface. The door flies open, staying in thatposition.

( .'; The kids scatter as Quark goes tumblingdown the stairs. ·,-..,,,_~--_:;JQuarkgetstohisfeetand stands,puzzled. We watch the dog's startled expression as he registerstiny, invisible

THE TEENY-WEENIES 82

voices all around him.

Quark turns this way and that, trying tofind his masters. Finally, he zeroes in on the source ofthe sound. He cautiously approaches a spot on the ground.He stares at the teeny-weeny youngsters. He lets outa smallwhimper.

Quark does a "say what?" take.

\._:~) Quark begins to sniff at the kids. They arealmost sucked up his nostrils.

Quark does as he is told.

The dog whimpers slightly as the barely larger-than-flea sized kids climb up his ear and onto the backof his head.

The kids hold onto Quark's head.

LITTLE RUSS

) Everybody on?

THE TEENY-WEENIES 83

Quark gets to his feet.

Instinctively,Quark sits down and, with his rear leg, scratcheshis head as if he were in pursuit of fleas.

The kids hang on for dear life as the skin beneath them shimmiesand a large paw rakes the surface behind them.

The dogwhimpers and stops scratching. Quark stands up.

Quark takesthe ~ir•t step and stops. He turns to the right. The Johnson'scat is there, hissing. Quark growls.

Quark looksas if he's going to chase Cicero. The cat is bigger thanthe dog, however, and lunges after the tiny canine.Quark, panicked, takes off. He runs to the back of the

THE TEENY-WEENIES 84

yard, Cicero inpursuit.

Quark hits the trashbags and wriggles under the fence. The cat chasing him.

The kids yell asQuark takes them on a wild ride.

Quark darts into thestreet. He's a yard dog and totally panics when outsidehis turf. As soon as Quark darts into the street, Cicero skidsto a stop, curbside, and watches wide- eyed as the dog skittersaround in traffic. Quark zig-zags up and down the street,in and out of traffic, yelping.

The kids scream as titaniccars and people pass them by. Horns blare. Tires screech.People yell, It's like being caught on an out-of-control planezipping through the canyons of New York City.

We see a titanic carbearing down on the dog from one side. Little Russ spinsaround and points. There's a car approaching from the other side,too.

We see Quark, paralyzedwith fear, as the two cars come speeding towards himfrom both sides. The dog doesn't move. Quark lays down in the streetand closes his eyes.

The kids dive down onQuark's head as deafening screeches and horns shake the sky.They close their eyes. CRAASSSHHHHH!

Quark opens his eyesand gets up. The two cars have crashed and are suspended, pyramidstyle, above him. The two drivers are screaming at eachother from inside the car. Quark trots away. He passes by theamazed Cicero with a "snort."

THE TEENY-WEENIES 85

Quark squeezes under the fence into the backyard and leapsup the steps leading to the back door.

Quarkskids into the kitchen.

Quarktrots over to the sleeping Wayne's leg. He nuzzles theleg and whines. Wayne snores a bit and, still asleep, swatshis leg with his hand. The kids yelp as Quark backs up.

(,) ..........

Wayne andDiane continue to sleep. Quark stands before them, puzzled.

The little dogcocks its head and, obediently, stands on its hind legs,trying to get up on the table. He's too short.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 86

(~ : I EXT. DOG, DAY \·,....---~J

The kids are sliding off his head.

The dog'shead straightens as he slides off the table leg. Russ scansthe room.

He points tothe shorter, more accessable sewing stool, standing lessthan a foot from the kitchen table.

/ Qua~k trotsover to the table.

The kids leapoff the dog and stand on the table. The kitchen tablelooms before them, a mammoth chasm separating the two pi~cesof furniture.

Ron points toa thimble, four times his size.

Russ roamsaround the sewing table. Even the regular-sized needles aretitanic. He comes across a small, portable sewing ~,..,,_____,,.) kit: thekind you buy in a five and dime store or get for free in a hotel.It consists of a small envelope, a few tiny but-

THE TEENY-WEENIES 87

tons and needles 1/4 the size of your everyday, household needles.

Russ picks up one of the small needles by one end. It'sfar too big to throw.

He begins prowling around again, All the kids do. Nick trips over a small rubber band. Russ grins.

Ron grabs the rubber band.

Russ takesa small spool of thread and places a strand of threadthrough the needle. He hooks one end of the thread to a splinterin the table-top, anchoring it. He then makes sure thatthe spool holding the rest of the thread is jammed tightlydown on a large needle stuck into a pin cushionin the sewing kit.

Little Russ pointsto the way the needle is threaded.

Russ walks upto the rubber band, puzzling over it. He tries to stretch itbetween the points of a scissor. It pops off.

He takes asmall spool of thread and rolls it on its side in front of therubber band. The kids take the rubber band and

THE TEENY-WEENIES 88

\. / stretch it around the spool. Russ takes the needleand places it inside the round cylinder.

The kids hold the side of the spool. Russ grabsthe end of the needle, places it against the rubber band strungaround the spool and, slowly, pulls the needle back.Further. Further. Finally, it's 75% out of the cannonmuzzle.

He peeks through the "spool barrel" of the cannon.The other kids take their places on either side of the spool.

He peeks through the "spool barrel" of the cannon.The other kids take their places on either side of the spool.

The kids push the spool.

He lets the needle go.

The rubber band recoils with a spronnnng. The needle soars towards the table, the spool of thread it's affixedto whirling madly.

The needle goes sailing past Wayne and winds up embedding itself in an orange resting in a fruit dish in themiddle of the table. Sploosh.

The kids stare at the far off orange.

They tug on the thread, trying to dislodge the needle fromthe orange. It won't budget. As one, the children stop yankingon the thread.

r••,~~~///-'".'~~'lA

(~ \

They gazeat the kitchen table. It's only one or two normal sizedfeet away but a good mile or so from the kids' point of view.Spanning the chasm between the sewing stool and the kitchentable are two strands of thread, hooked into the needle.Nick "twangs" the thread. It quivers but seems very, very solid.

Russ trots overto the spool of thread still attached to the needle.He pulls the thread taut around another needle, causing thenewly formed rope bridge to tighten. He then walks over tothe edge of the sewing table.

Ron looks at the linoleumfloor miles below them.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 90

(~\I \ .,/ Ron and Don pat Nick on the back.

Russ looks at the double stranded ropebridge before them.

He gets on the rope bridge, grabbing thetop strand of the thread with his hands and sliding hisfeet onto the bottom strand.

The kids nod. They're scared stiff.

Amy gets on the rope bridge next. Her knees almostbuckle as the botiom strand wiggles under her weight.

The twins are next on. Ron gulps, looks downat the dizzy view, grits his teeth and climbs on. Don takesa deep breath and does the same.·

Nick stands on the edge of the table. He gapes atth~ floor far below and, then, at the kitchen table standing,tow- ering, at the other end of the bridge. He glancesat Quark.

Quark cocks his head, flattens his ears and whines.

Nick takes a deep breath and gets on the bridge.He shuts his eyes for a moment and exhales.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 91

'\ ( ) INT. KITCHEN,DAY ',,.........-

The threadwobbles constantly as the teeny-weenies slowly inch theirway across the rope bridge.

The kids beginto chant "slow and steady" as they rhythmicallywork their way across the bridge. The bridge begins totilt upwards towards the table top. THE CAMERA slowly pansacross the frightened faces of the children as they chantand begin the trek upwards for the last fifteen inches or so •••

We see a slighttug on the thread attached to the needle. The needle, stillembedded in the orange, begins to jiggle slightly.

Wayne and Dianesit, sleeping at the table.

Quark sits inthe corner, amazed at the goings on.

Still chanting "slowand steady," the kids continue their crossing. Suddenly,Amy loses her footing. She shrieks, her feet dangling inthe air.

She desperatelytries to get her feet back on the bottom strand of thread.Her lack of balance causes the other kids to sway dangerouslyon the thread. The kids shout as they try to steady themselves.Slowly, Amy regains her footing.

/ \ \ The thread suddenlybegins to quiver.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 92

On the table top,we see that the needle-anchor is beginning to work itself loosefrom the orange in a big way. Each twinge on the thread causedby the kids' feet and hands is making the needle wriggle more.

The kids are pullingthemselves upward for their lives. They are a mere inchor two from the table top. The thread is jiggling madlynow,

Nick can't speak. He'swheezing, now, pulling his own weight furiously, He begins togasp. The other kids turn and stare as Niek launches into a fulltilt asthma attack. He desperately reaches into his pocket forhis inhaler. He produces it but it tumbles out of his hand,tumbling towards the floor far below. He is gasping for breath,His face is red.

Russ turns towards him.

Nick begins breathing inand out, in and out, in and out. Gradually, he stops gasping.

Nick nods his head, He is scaredstiff.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 93

() '•,-~..~--.,-Thefloorseems to sway below the children.

They continue to-climb.

The needle continues to wriggle.

Russ is within a hair of the table topwhen., ••

The pin sprongs loose from the orange.The needle begins to slide across the table.

Russ holds desperately onto the edge of the tableas the thread go~s limp. The kids lose their footingand cling to the thread as it drops down like an elevator sansshaft.

The needle zips along the table top, c6ming toan abrupt halt as it hits the lip of the table and gets wedgedin the formica. Russ climbs ontop of the table and grabsthe thread.

Amy, Ron, Don and Nick cling to the thread. Russbegins to pull the thread taut, using every ounce ofhis strength.

Russ clings desperately to the thread, holdingit as tightly as he can. He puts all his weight behindit.

On·the thread, the remaining children have toclimb, hand over hand up the thread, wrapping their legs•round the lone, taut strand.

Amy gets to the top of the table and pulls herselfup and over. She leans down and grabs Ron. She pullsRon up. Russ holds the thread desperately. Ron pulls Don up.

Now, the only child remaining, danglin~ from theneedle is Nick.

Ron and Don grab the thread and, with their brother,hold it taut. Amy grabs on and pulls back, trying togive Nick every advantage. Amy, the closest to the edgeof the table,

THE TEENY-WEENIES 94

,'~, \',____,/! gazes downat Nick, terrified. In spite of the tautness of the thread,she doesn't think the little boy will make it.

Russ and thetwins nod "yes," straining. Amy, still holding the thread,calls down to Nick.

Nick staresat the table top above him.

Nick slowly, laboriously,begins to shinny up the taut thread. Hand overhand over hand. Knees wrapped tightly around the thread.Hand over hand. Knee up. Knee up.

Amy watches silentlyas Nick grimly cdntinues his ascent.

RON/DON Come on,Nick. Come on.

With the boys chantingfor him to "make it," Nick pushes upward. His face is redwith exhaustion. His forehead is a mass of sweat droplets.He climbs and climbs and, then, stops.

He is an inch away fromthe table top, the kids all cheering him on.

Nick gazes down at the floorbelow him.

The view is dizzying.

He sees Amy's worried face.abovehim. Taking a deep, wheezing breath, he begins to climbagain. Finally, he makes it to the table top. Amy extendsa hand and pulls him up and onto the top.

Don, Ron and Russ let thethread go and run towards little Nick. The needle becomesunstuck and zips by them and over the edge of the table. It tumbles,in seemingly slow motion, towards the floorbelow. The kids surround Nick.

THE TEENY~WEENIES 95

Russ winks atNick. Nick shrugs.

The kids run across thevast expanse of the table and stand in front of the slumberingparents. They walk up to Wayne, whose head is on the table,and yell into his ear.

AMY/NICK Dad!

No response. THe sleepingparents still sit, mountain-like, in their chairs.

Nick gazes glumly at thetable top. He sees the mound of salt Wayne has spilledthe night before. He ga~es at it.

Nick turns to Ron andDon.

•..··~ NICK \ <......____,,,,,) When explorersget lost in the snow,

they makesnow signs, right?

THE TEENY-WEENIES 96

He points to the salt.

The kids turn and focus on the mound of salt.Ron smiles, pointing to the abandoned magnifying glass.

Ron and Don and run to the salt mound and beginlaboriously fashioning a large arrow leading to the magnifyingglass,

Russ, Amy and Nick join in the construction of thearrow. The finished work is some three inches long, thearrow "head" pointing to the magnifying glass.

Once the arrow is finished, the kids all huddle beneaththe magnifying glass.

Quark, hearing the tiny but distinct voice, wags his tail, He runs to the food bowl. There's no food there, The dog turns, puzzled, towards the table.

The dog begins to bark. Wayne stirs slightly. Quark begins to whine and bark again, circling his empty bowl. Wayne's eyes flutter.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 97

The kids watchWayne slowly awaken.

The kids beginto dance and wave under the magnifying glass. Wayne wakesup and launches into his habitual morning sneezes. A sudden galeof wind blows across the table top.

The kids clingto each other as they are buffeted by the wind. Halfof the salt arrow is blown away.

Wayne stretches.

He gets up to leavethe table when Quark suddenly leaps onto his lapand, then, onto the table.

Wayne turns andis about to yell at the dog when he spots the remainderof the arrow and, then, the magnifying glass.

Wayne gapes atthe dancing kids.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 98

Th~ kids continue to wave and yell. Diane leansdown towards them.

She makes a move to grab the kids. They duck.Wayne restrains her.

She pulls her hand back.

He faces the kids, gently lifting up the magnifying glass.

The twins look at each other.

Amy hugs Russ.

Nick smiles, collapsing into a sitting position. Phew!

Wayne brings a spoon over to the table and sets it down nextto the children.

Nick is the first one to leap into the spoon.

Russand Amy share an amused grin and climb into the spoon.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 99

The twins follow with a whoop.

EXT, SPOON, DAY

Wayne carefully lifts the spoon.

He heads for the stairs leading up to theattic.

Quark leaps off the table and follows.

The dog wags its tail merrily.

In the attic, Wayne carefully places the spoonin the target area of the room while Diane holds Quark inher arms. A stricken Mae Johnson stands nervously next toher, linking her arm in Diane's. Big Russ is dumbfounded and,as usual,irate.

Wayne adjusts the computer, focusing it on thechildren.

/

THE TEENY-WEENIES 100

) He makes a move to turn on the machine. Big Russtenses,

Wayne withdraws his arm.

The kids stare at each other, confused.

He then notices the twins' baseball still resting on the floor.He smiles.

He picksup the baseball and tosses it to Wayne. Wayne studiesit. He gazes at the burn mark on the ball. He then makes someadjustments in the machinery.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 101

(; WAYNE ',.,._.,...

The machine uses two beams,a laser tracking beam and the actual shrinkingbeam. The tracking beam focuses thesecond beam on the target. The reasonthings have been blowing up instead of shrinkingis that, when the beams collide,they generate too much heat. Yesterday, thisball must have blocked the trackingbeam. The shrinking beam worked all on its own.Now, all I have to do is shut off theone beam •••

He throws the switch into "on" positionagain. THE MACHINE SPUTTERS TO LIFE. THE BEAMSGO SKITTERING THROUGH SPACE.

Wayne looks about. He realizes he still hasthe ball in his hand. He tosses the ball before the beams.THE BALL IS ZAPPED AND MINATURIZES. THE TINY BALL FALLS NEXT TO THE CHILDREN. Nick turns to Ron.

Big Russ is impressed. He turns to Mae.

THE MACHINEBEGINS TO HUM. THE ATTIC LIGHTS DIM AND FLICKERS.

THE PARTICLE BEAMSGO SKITTERING THROUGH SPACE, TOWARDSTHE FLOOR.

,,,.·-·-,".THE KIDS BEGIN TO RUN AND JUMP, TRYING TO POSITION f I THEMSELVES IN THE SPOTS WHERETHE CRAZYRAYS WILL LAND. \',........~..../'

THE TEENY-WEENIES 102

,.,,.........._,_ ' \ ) KIDS

This way! No, over here! There it goes! Get it!

The parents watch, amazed, as the littlekids hurl themselves into the beams. RUSS IS STRUCKBY ONE.

HE BEGINS TO GROW AND GROW AND GROW.

Big Russ' mouth drops open and Quark'sears flop straight back as RUSS GROWS FIVE FEET TALL. SIX FEET TALL. TEN FEET TALL. FIFTEEN FEET.

HIS HEAD CRACKSOUT OF THE ROOF OF THE ATTIC. HIS FEET, SUPPORTINGTHE TOO HEAVYWEIGHTOF HIS BODY, BREAKTHROUGH THE FLOOR.

Wayne begins tinkering happily with th~ machine.

RUSS REACHESDOWN AND PICKS UP HIS FATHER, HOLDINGHIM HIGH IN THE AIR.

LITTLE RUSS SMILES AND PLACES BIG RUSS GENTLYDOWN ON THE FLOOR.

Big Russ wipes his brow. He faces, Mae, sweating. ' I \,____,.)

THE TEENY-WEENIES 103

Wayneadjusts the machine. RUSS SHRINKS TO HIS NORMAL SIZE AS THE OTHERCHILDREN GROWUP INTO THEIR NORMAL HEIGHTS.

Amy andRuss hug. Wayne and Diane rush towards their kids. Big Russand Mae do the same. (The words come fast and furiouslyas emotional pandemonium reigns.)

Diane putsher arm around Wayne.

Wayne hugshis kids.

The twins stand,side by side, comparing heights. Ron is on his toes.

Big Russ andLittle Russ stand, facing each other.

' \ j -~ Little Russ givesa startled Big Russ a hug.

THE TEENY-WEENIES 104

Wayne straightens up.

The parents look as each other, confused.

Later, at another science conference, we see Amy,Russ and Nick speaking before ·alarge gathering of scientists.Nick is holding Quark. ·

Wayne smiles and steps up to the podium.

He is nearly laughed out of the hall. Dr. Frederickson leads the jeering.

(_) The crowd continues to laugh. In the audience, Dr. Brainard looks concerned. Wayne waits for the hooting to die down. He glances at Diane, in the audience. She's sitting nextto

THE TEENY-WEENIES 105

Mae and a very, very smug Big Russ (wearing a brandnew Olympian cap).

He smiles and exchanges knowing glances with the three children on the stage. ·

Puzzled, Frederickson moves towards the doors. He swaggers, actually, a know-it-all in control. The doors burst open and the twins gallop into the room on the back of their NOW-GIANTANT. RON HOLDS A FULL BAG OF OREOS'BEFORETHE EVER-HUNGRY INSECT. THE ANT CHASES FREDERICKSONAROUND THE ROOM.

The scientists gasp .andscatter. Big Russ stands, emitting a roaring laugh.

BIG _RUSS I love it. l love it!!!.

Dr. Frederickson is panting, horrified at the monster pursuing him.

In a corner, Dr. Brainard smiles whimsically. He casually li'ghtshis pipe.

THE ANT SKITTERS ROUNDAND ROUNDTHE ROOM, CHASING FREDERICKSONAND THE OREOS.

Quark yipes from the stage, then jumps out of Nick's arms and begins chasing the ant~ barking at it. Diane and the Johnsons walk up to Wayne. Russ slaps him on the back. The / two men share a hearty laugh. /.\ THE ANT GALLOPS UP ONE WALL, ACROSS THE CEILING AND DOWN \_/ THE OPPOSITE WALL, THE TWINS WHOOPING, QUARKBARKING.

r··

THE TEENY-WEENIES 106 ;·l ) ,_____] The scientists continue to scramble. Frederickson continues to run for his life. QUARKCHASES THE ANT. THE ANT TURNS AND CURIOUSLY CHECKS OUT THE LITTLE DOG. QUARKTURNS TAIL AND RUNS AWAY, WHINING.

On the stage, Little Russ, Amy and Nick watch the scientistsdodge and duck and Frederickson scream.

Amy andRuss nod, laughing.

Wayne and Diane stand, hand in hand, watching the scientistscower under their chairs.

THE TWINS,WHOOPINGLIKE WILD INDIANS, CONTINUE TO GALLOP AROUNDTHE ROOMON THEIR ANT. In the middle of the panedemonium,the Johnson family and the Szalinski family standside by side. Friends. Neighbors.

The kindof just-plain-£,olkswho live right down the street from you.

Well, almost.

/ '1 (~