Austin is tuning up his son’s dirt bike.
CRAIG
Buddy!
Austin looks up and is confused to find Craig leading ten men
toward him.
CRAIG (CONT’D)
What’s up, homie?
He hands him a beer.
CRAIG (CONT’D)
Wanted to introduce you to some of my friends. Great guys. Talented guys.
Austin nods hello then says goodbye to his son. As he drives
off Craig plugs his ears.
STAN
(to Austin)
Can I use your bathroom?
AUSTIN
What’s wrong with his? Pipes clogged with Italian Herbs & Cheese?
Huge laughs from the group. Craig laughs a little too.
CRAIG
I just wanted to introduce you to my friends. Come join us. Oh, show these guys the old stinky rock you have.
(to friends)
Guys, you’re gonna love this.
IAN
Oh shit, you’re the weather guy!
It clicks for the group now. They’re stoked. Austin couldn’t
be more charming.
CRAIG
I’ve been to the film set. It’s so nice.
AUSTIN
Yeah, this guy broke into the studio.
CRAIG
I was invited.
AUSTIN
Security told me you took a bag of whole coffee beans and left.
CRAIG
Isn’t that stuff free? According to a behind the scenes video from the set of The Fugitive most of the snacks on a film set are free. Somebody uploaded it to a pornography site as a joke, but I watched the whole thing.
IAN
Makes sense, we call him the Java Jester at work.
Everyone laughs.
CRAIG
What does that mean?
STAN
The Hunch Back of JavaLame. We love being random.
Everyone laughs.
CRAIG
You guys, I’m your future boss.
AUSTIN
You work with these guys?
CRAIG
They’re my friends too. We go out every Friday.
STAN
Your hair is amazing. What do you do?
AUSTIN
Products, genetics, you know, IPA’s.
They all laugh.
AUSTIN (CONT’D)
Ok, you can use my bathroom. Do you have to do a one or a two?
STAN
It’s more of a three. I have to wash my feet and apply a cream.
AUSTIN
Never mind.
The guys laugh.
CRAIG
Let’s hang inside. It’s so cool in there. Austin has an old ugly rock. It’s insane. Let’s go!
AUSTIN
Sorry, fellas, lovely meeting you all, but I have to be up in the morning.
CRAIG
He does the morning show now.
AUSTIN
Yeah, it’s a lot.
IAN
Do you officiate weddings?
AUSTIN
I have. I’m licensed.
CRAIG
A parrot married Tami and I. Anyone can do it.
AUSTIN
A priest?
CRAIG
No, a parrot. We eloped in San Diego and this ex-addict has a parrot that marries people. I wept. There’s video. We can watch it in his house.
(aside to Austin)
So, you have a phone?
No one wants to proceed down this convo. Austin looks up at
the night sky.
AUSTIN
Wow. Look at these stars tonight. The seeing is good. Look at that one there.
The guys all turn their heads to the heavens.
AUSTIN (CONT’D)
It’s a rare night. Our ancestors used to stare at that constellation, the one that looks like a door, and think it was a gateway to the afterlife. Pretty wild to think my mom’s mom had a mom who had a mom who had a...etc. You do that one hundred mom’s back and those women looked at the same stars we’re looking at now. They couldn’t even fathom us and here we are. - Imagine one hundred mothers in the future.
Everyone is in awe. Tears roll down Stan’s face.
CRAIG
That one looks like a shoe.
No one responds. Craig lights up a cig.
AUSTIN
Alright, fellas. I gotta be up so early it should be illegal. Lovely to meet you all.
They all say “nice to meet you.”
AUSTIN (CONT’D)
Oh! Check this out.
He dribbles a pretend basketball around some of the guys and
shoots toward the hoop. He throws his hands up like it was
the game winning shot. The guys cheer. They love it!
AUSTIN (CONT’D)
Stay curious, fellas.
EVERYONE EXCEPT CRAIG
Stay curious!
He leaves and closes the garage. The guys start to wander
back towards Craig’s. It’s quiet.
IAN
That guy was so cool.
STAN
Yeah, that guy’s awesome.
(tossing pretend ball)
Go long.
CRAIG
Fellas! That’s my speed bump. Well, not mine, but I got it put in. They did a nice job. You guys, look.
IAN
(to group)
Rick’s Bar?
The guys agree to go to Rick’s.
CRAIG
I love Rick’s.
STAN
You can’t come. You kicked us out.
CRAIG
That was a mess around. A simple yuck. C’mon.
STAN
We’ll see you at work.
It’s quiet again. The guys disperse to their cars until it’s
just STAN walking behind Craig.
CRAIG
Where you going?
STAN
Can I use your restroom? Or bathtub? Any sink will do. - I need to wash my feet once an hour and apply a powder.
CRAIG
You had your chance to use my bathroom and you blew it.
STAN
My feet are gonna be so fucked tomorrow if I don’t do it now.
Craig enters his garage and closes the screeching door on
him. Craig turns and flinches - Nathan’s wife is still there.