The Customer/Driver eats his nachos near the two young men
without either looking or even glancing in their direction.
Omar in pussy pointers mode.
OMAR
Look, you can't look like you're trying to get her out of here before Christian Simpson shows up. But you gotta get her outta here before Christian Simpson shows up.
PETE
Yeah, but they're going to Shanna's daddys house on Lake L.B.J. and it's no guys, absolutely no guys.
OMAR
So after we bring the girls the drinks, in fairly rapid order, but not obvious, we order two more round of shots.
PETE
She ain't gonna fall for that.
OMAR
We'll be very convincing. And now's the time to turn up the volume. No more fuckin' around. We go to Jäger shots.
PETE
Oh man, they're not gonna drink that shit.
OMAR
Dude, as long as a guy's buyin' the booze, a bitch'll drink anything. Look, we can at least get one Jäger shot down these bitches throat. After that shot, we'll see if they have another Jäger shot in 'em. You never know. That could be the shot that puts them past the point of fuck-it. But I know, I can, at least, get Shanna to do a buttery nipple shot. What's Julia's sweet shot?
PETE
Key lime pie.
OMAR
C'mon, you can get her to do one more for dessert.
Arlene and Nate walk back in the bar.
The Customer/Driver looks over his shoulder, at Pete and
Omar handing the Long Island ice tea and the gin and tonic
to the ladies.
PETE
Oh great, I'm just getting more drinks, what can I get ya'?
NATE
Another Shiner.
Arlene notices Pam at the bar, drinking a drink out of a
glass cowboy boot.
ARLENE
(to Pam)
What's that?
PAM
It's a Cadillac margarita on the rocks made with Cabo Wabo tequila. Have a sip.
Arlene takes it.
ARLENE
Uuuumm, that's good.
(to Pete)
I'll have this.
(to Pam)
Would you like to join our party?
Pam takes a look over at their table, sees Jungle Julia,
and says;
PAM
No that's okay, I'll just sit at the bar and play the barfly vixen.
Arlene and Nate sit back down at their table.
JUNGLE JULIA
And where did you two disappear to?
ARLENE
I had to get something out of the car, and Nate was gentlemanly enough to escort me with his umbrella.
JUNGLE JULIA
Good for you, Nate.
ARLENE
See that pretty girl by herself at the bar?
Julia meows.
JUNGLE JULIA
Who, the dirty hippy?
ARLENE
(laughs)
Meow. She's not a hippy.
JUNGLE JULIA
She might as well be a hippy.
ARLENE
Do you know what just happened to her?
JUNGLE JULIA
No, but I know she's a skinny fake blonde bitch.
Everybody at the table laughs.
JUNGLE JULIA
Oh, I'm sorry, you were telling a story. What about her?
The old pop and crackly 45 continues it's revolutions on
the vintage jukebox.
The bass heavy speaker at the bottom,
booms.
Referring to the record on the jukebox, the bartender
Warren, yells out;
WARREN
Stax records, best goddamn label ever.
(he yells to the girls table)
Julia, you play this?
JUNGLE JULIA
You know I did, Warren. I know how to take care of my man.
Julia holds up her gin and tonic, and says;
JUNGLE JULIA
Here's to Warren's jukebox.
Everybody at the table raises their glass.
OMAR
You know what, we should do a shot of Jäger in honor of Warren's jukebox.
Julia and the girls are responding negatively to Omar's
idea.
JUNGLE JULIA
Uh-huh, I ain't drinkin' no goddamn Jäger shot.
OMAR
Why not?
JUNGLE JULIA
Because I don't wanna fuck any of y'all, that's why.
The girls laugh.
She puts her hand on Pete's shoulder.
JUNGLE JULIA
Not tonight anyway.
Arlene glass cowboy boot in hand, turns and catches eyes
with Pam glass cowboy boot in hand.
They smile and silently cheers each other across the room.
Pam turns away, to Warren the bartender.
PAM
So Warren, is there anyone here at the bar you'd vouch for to give me a ride home?
The key to the muscle car with the sparkplug attached is
tossed onto the bar in front of her with a loud thud.
She looks up and sees the Driver seated one seat away.
We see him clearly now, no more obscure bullshit.
He has a
big scar on his face from what looks like a previous
accident. But the scar doesn't make him look grotesque.
It makes him look kinda cool.
DRIVER
Fair lady, your chariot awaits.
PAM
You've been eavesdropping on me?
DRIVER
Well there's eavesdropping and can't help but hear. I think I belong in the later category.
PAM
You offering me a ride home, Icy Hot?
ICY HOT
I'm offering you a lift, if when I'm ready to leave, you are too.
PAM
When are you thinking about leaving?
ICY HOT
Truthfully, I'm not thinking about it. But when I do, you'll be the first to know.
PAM
Will you be able to drive later?
ICY HOT
I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night. I'm building up to my big drink.
PAM
What's that?
ICY HOT
Virgin Pina Colada.
PAM
Why would a person who doesn't drink, spend hours in a bar drinking water?
ICY HOT
You know a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol?
PAM
Like what?
ICY HOT
Women.
Icy Hot flirting, but not putting the bite on Pam, he's
just being flirtatiously intriguing.
ICY HOT
Nacho Grande Platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.
She laughs.
ICY HOT
The alcohol is just a lubricant for the individual encounters that a barroom offers.
PAM
Is that cowboy wisdom?
ICY HOT
I'm not a cowboy, I'm a stuntman. Very easy mistake to make, Pam.
PAM
How do you know my name?
ICY HOT
When you were talking to Warren, I couldn't help but hear.
PAM
Fair enough. What's your name, Icy?
ICY HOT
Stuntman Mike.
PAM
Stuntman Mike's, your name?
STUNTMAN MIKE
Ask anybody.
Pam turns to Warren.
PAM
Hey, Warren, who is this guy?
WARREN
That's Stuntman Mike.
PAM
And who the hell's Stuntman Mike?
WARREN
He's a stuntman.
PAM
If he gives me a lift home later, would you vouch for him?
WARREN
All I can say is he's never raped me. And it's not like I haven't worn provocative clothing in front of him either.
Our girls table shouts for Warren;
JUNGLE JULIA
Warren, six shots of Wild Turkey.
(to the guys)
If we're doing shots, we're gonna do Junior Bonner style grown folk shots. No college kid Slurpee shots. And if you want to do a shot after this, we do Early Time. Got it?
PETE
Got it.
JUNGLE JULIA
(with a smile)
Now go fetch me my Turkey.
Six shots of Wild Turkey shots are poured by Warren on the
bar. Stuntman Mike notices it and Pete and Arlene coming
to the bar to pick up the shots.
Arlene comes up to Pam.
ARLENE
We're all doing Wild Turkey shots, do one with us?
Pam looks over at the table and sees Julia and Shanna.
PAM
What's your name, honey?
ARLENE
Arlene.
PAM
Hi Arlene, I'm Pam.
ARLENE
What's up, Pam.
PAM
Now look, you're very sweet, and you're totally cool...
As Pam tells her this, Arlene notices Stuntman Mike, on the
barstool next to Pam.
She instantly knows he's the Driver
of the muscle car from before and the one parked right
outside.
He smiles at Arlene.
A chill runs through her.
PAM
Arlene, party of one.
Arlene realizes she just spaced out.
ARLENE
Oh, I'm sorry, I just spaced. What did you say?
PAM
I said; I hate your fuckin' friend Julia. So no offence to you, I'm just gonna sit at the bar.
ARLENE
Oh that's okay, none taken. Maybe I'll see you around.
Arlene carries the shots back to her table. Everybody
takes them.
After Arlene does her Wild Turkey shot, her eyes come up on
Stuntman Mike by the bar.
He's looking right at her,
watching her do her whiskey shot. He turns casually and
continues talking to Pam.
This character makes Arlene feel more and more uneasy.
BACK TO PAM
PAM
Well Stuntman Mike, since I have a tab here, can I buy you that virgin Pina Colada?
STUNTMAN MIKE
Well thank you, Pam, that would be lovely.
PAM
Warren, a virgin Pina Colada for my Stuntman friend, and I'll have another Cadillac Cabo Wabo margarita.
WARREN
Cabo Wabo margarita.
INSERT
A finger punches a button with the symbol of a phone on it.
CELL PHONE SCREEN it says;
"dialing
Chris Simonson"
JUNGLE JULIA
(into phone)
Get your ass over here. We're fuckin' bored.
(pause)
C'mon, I'm missing you. You're making me wait and it's mean.
(pause)
Well then prove it.
(pause)
Dial me when you're on your way.
BACK TO PAM
STUNTMAN MIKE
So Pam, what do you do?
PAM
That's a very good question, Stuntman Mike. At this moment, unfortunately, not a fuckin' thing.
Their drinks arrive, Stuntman Mike takes a sip of the tall
foamy white cocktail.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Well let me put it this way, when last it was you did something, what did you do?
PAM
The last job I had, I was a personal assistant.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Really? Whose personal assistant?
PAM
Do you know who Jessie Leadbetter is?
STUNTMAN MIKE
The Austin director who did "Potheads"?
PAM
Yeah, well I worked over at his company Roadblock for a little while, then I became his personal assistant for a couple years, then we started making out, then we had a little thing, and then it was best to leave.
STUNTMAN MIKE
He couldn't afford to have your ass around, huh?
PAM
No it wasn't that, you just can't get coffee for a guy whose dick you're suckin'. It's one of those things that can't help but rub you the wrong way.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Is that the kind of job you want next?
PAM
What, suckin' dick?
STUNTMAN MIKE
No, personal assistant.
PAM
Well that's the million dollar question I've got less than five weeks to decide.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Well it's funny you should bring that up, because you know, I was thinking about hiring a personal assistant.
PAM
(laughing)
No kidding.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Yeah, I think it could really help relieve stress in my life, if I had an assistant helping me cope.
PAM
(with a smile on her face)
Well what kind of things would you need a personal assistant to do?
STUNTMAN MIKE
Oh I don't know, you know more about how this stuff works. What do you think you should do for me?
PAM
That's not the way it works.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Okay, what did you do for Jessie?
PAM
Well if he was shooting I would wake him up, and have a cup of coffee ready --
STUNTMAN MIKE
You did that?
PAM
Yeah.
STUNTMAN MIKE
(laughing)
Baby, you're hired.
Looking like she was caught out in the rain, white trash
pot dealer LANNA-FRANK, followed by two other BADASS
LOOKING GIRLS, (no college kids these) walk through the
door.
Julia, Shanna and the guys greet them with a big cheer.
Lanna-Frank walks over to the bar to give Warren some love.
She even knows Pam, and kisses her, then heads to Julia's
table.
STUNTMAN MIKE
This Lanna-Frank would seem to be quite a popular young lady.
PAM
(meow)
When your drug dealer finally arrives, you're usually very happy to see them.
Stuntman Mike looks over in the tables direction and sees
Lanna-Frank and her friends being introduced to Arlene and
joining the table.
She takes a bag of weed out of her pocket, and shows it to
the table.
Stuntman Mike clocks all of this.
Pam says to Stuntman Mike looking over at Julia's table;
PAM
Take a picture, it lasts longer.
STUNTMAN MIKE
What?
PAM
That table seems to keep getting your attention.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Is that jealousy I detect, little one?
PAM
Hardly. But if you want to hook up with Jungle Julia, there's a easy way to do that.
STUNTMAN MIKE
Really, and what would that be?
PAM
Get famous. Then you won't have to find her, she'll find you. You don't even want to know what she did for that billboard.
She raises her glass to toast J.J..
PAM
Enjoy it, bitch, you've earned it.
STUNTMAN MIKE
What did she ever to do you?
PAM
We went through school together, from kindergarten through high school, that's what she did. She was her height right now at twelve. She was a monster. Half the guys she still fucks from the old class, she use to beat up and terrorize them in the 5th grade.
STUNTMAN MIKE
I see. She use to beat you up and take your chocolate milk, huh?
PAM
That pituitary case, might of kicked my ass a couple of times - sorry, I'm built like a girl - not a black man - but I would die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk. I've kissed a lot of ass in my day, but I'll be damned I kiss that bitches ass.
JUNGLE JULIA and ARLENE
ARLENE
So Julia, have you booked all the bands for SXSW yet?
JUNGLE JULIA
Here it comes.
ARLENE
What?
JUNGLE JULIA
It's nothing personal, honey, it's just everybody knows a band.
JUNGLE JULIA
And every band wants to play SXSW. And everybody thinks it's as easy as pie for me -
ARLENE
Look I'm sorry -
JUNGLE JULIA
- I get crabby, but the truth is I've found some good bands that way. What's their names?
ARLENE
What?
JUNGLE JULIA
The band you like, what's their name?
ARLENE
I didn't say I like them.
JUNGLE JULIA
You don't like them?
ARLENE
I've never heard them. It's a friend from works band. I mean I have their CD, it's been sitting on my kitchen counter for months, but I haven't listened to it yet.
JUNGLE JULIA
But you want me to?
ARLENE
Would you?
JUNGLE JULIA
Sure. What's the name of the group?
ARLENE
"The Idols."
JUNGLE JULIA
"The Eyeballs?"
ARLENE
"The Idols."
LANNA-FRANK
Who's coming outside to smoke out?
All three of the guys stand up.
JUNGLE JULIA
Look, we can't all go out there in mass exodus. Pete, you stay and watch the table.
Pete is crestfallen.
ARLENE
No that's okay, I'll stay.
(to Shanna)
Can I speak with you for a minute?
SHANNA
Sure honey.
(to the others)
I'll see y'all out there.
Julia, Lanna-Frank, her friends, and the boys head for the
door.
INSERT: The lever of a cigarette machine is pulled out.
A pack of Red Apple cigarettes falls to the machines catch-
all.
Julia takes it and leads her little entourage to the porch
when a female BAR PATRON approaches her.
BAR PATRON
Excuse me, are you Jungle Julia Lucai?
JUNGLE JULIA
Yes I am.
BAR PATRON
You know I was listening to your show once and you were talking about -
JUNGLE JULIA
I'm sure I don't remember. What's your name?
BAR PATRON
Peg.
JUNGLE JULIA
Well Peg, my friends and I are going out for a smoke.
Peg holds up a silver digital camera.
PEG
I hate to ask you -
JUNGLE JULIA
- no you don't.
PEG
- I'm sorry?
JUNGLE JULIA
You want me to take a picture with you - fine - but don't tell me how you hate asking me.
PEG
Can I take a picture?
JUNGLE JULIA
Sure.
PEG
(to Lanna-Frank)
Would you take it?
Peg and Julia pose smiling, while Lanna-Frank fumbles
around with the digital camera.
JUNGLE JULIA
I hate these fuckin' digital pieces of shit cameras, nobody knows how to use. Those disposable film cameras were the bomb. Pitch the digital shit and get a real camera.
Lanna-Frank takes the photo.