"BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE" (1989)

ADVENTURE. EXCELLENT TED'S & BILL

loudly. echoing footsteps ·his walking, He begins him. behind solidly shutting doors huge two the hall, the inside He steps

sunglasses. ultra-hip wears and stylishly very dressed is he·

cocky, and cavalier, Cool, roll. and rock be will or been, has that·1s, everything of personification the is And he

importance. and solemnity grandeur,

implies place this about Everything cathedral. futuristic

vast, a like -- structure crystalline A magnificent,

we begin domes, the of largest the approaches Figure the As

behind'him. up kicking INTO FRAME, dust strides silently black, Jn all dressed SOLITARY FIGURE, distant a Soon

distance. the in shimmer which

OF FUTURISTIC DOMES CLOSTER A

finally PANNING, and Continue FADES. also TITLE that Then

by: replaced is FADES, and TITLE

DIMAS, CALIFORNIA" "SAN

screen: the SUPERED onto is following

the desert, the PAN of slow long, a we begin As wasteland.

orangeish vast a on down beats sun yellow A brilliant

EXCELLENTADVENTURE AND TED'S BILL

works. the telephone, a doors, Glass BOOTH. PHONE

transformation. magical and rapid a begins

a MUSIC reaches L.IGHT and of.. .explosion spectacular This

floor. the toward descend

to begins brightness, the through visible barely which,

A LARGE, BLACKOBELISK

is light the Soon chasm. widening the through _pouring

·- BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT open, iris to begins ceiling the where

OF THE ROOM CENTER THE

toward: Leader,motions The nods. Rufus

the through resonating voice his speak, to begins and nod his returns regally LEADER the as patiently, stands, Rufus

music. metallic echoing, the to

rhythm in feet their tap slowly and sunglasses, dark sport white, wear ZZ Top), of members the like of (sort beards and hair long have All invisibly. suspended if as mid-air, in seated FIGURES, we SEE three time, first the for where,

END OF THE ROOM THE OTHER

toward: respectfully nods and room the of middle the in stops He 0

we: and concerned, solemn, portraits, the at Gaze

PEOPLE THREE IMPORTANT THE

t-shirts. black and hair long

with MEN MIDDLE AGED two of are They room. the dominating dome, the of side far the on doors the above hang Which

we become time, first the for Now, normal. to returns dome

disappears. booth the ••.

FLASH brilliant a in and,WHOOSH a with up opens suddenly

booth the beneath floor the ground, the with connects

OF HEAVYMETALMUSIC.CHORD corresponding a by accompanied booth, the of side the down move antenna the from BLUE LIGHT SEE the we dials, Rufus number each with Then,

a with GLOW to begin and booth the of out rise ANTENNA

·two-pronged small, SEE a we receiver, the lifts Rufus As

locates BOOKand PHONE attached the through flips he where

dude. on, Party FIGURES

Rufus. at back gravely nod Figures The

other. each to excellent Be Gentlemen. RUFUS

Figures. the to turns and shades his down

flips Rufus moment, a After booth. the at reverently stare

looks strange garnering ground, the against air-instruments their smash violently conclusion, resounding a in finally,

and "solos"; trade ears; and feet, teeth, their with air-guitars their play backs; their on around spin They

concert: GUITAR mini- AIR MTV-type brief, a do Ted and Bill which In

A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS

begin: CAMERA,weTOWARD bench the off leap they

as Then, GUITAR riffs. AIR spasmodic of series a do and bench, stop bus the on INTO FRAME, land TED jump and BILL

with along in MUSIC kicksSOUNDTRACK the beats, few a After

- nyow - nyow - "nyow like something (sounding licks guitar rock hard imi tati·ng voices of squeal falsetto high-pi.tched the ... GUITAR".,. "AIR upbeat of riff a into plunge they And

-- four three two One

BILL heroes, sixteen-year-old two our VOICES of We HEAR the

instruments. have even we before T-shirts triumphant have to pointless it's Ted, BILL

T-shirts. triumphant we have until Halen Van Eddie get we will believe not do I but Bill, Yes, TED

guitar. on Halen Van Eddie we have until band super a be nevel;' will Stallyns Wyld that is truth the triumphant, most be will T-shirts your that agree I while Ted, BILL

drawing. the peruse back,

the in Ted, and Bill joints, food fast and. malls passing

Dimas, San suburban through drives bus school the As

the of name the is it on Also women. young bowing and guitars phallic manes, flaming faces, devilish stallions,

rearing with insignia hard-rock An amateurishly-drawn

girls. especially, or, fun, food, be it whether immediate, the into more is Ted look, romantic wide-eyed,

a with and blondish, and Taller "dreamer". the is Ted

o.f "thinker" the is He demeanor. serious more a and jaw angular more a with darker, and shorter is Bill two, the Of

back. the out pulled boxers with jeans and t-shirts roll and rock wear Both good-natured. and benign remarkably

fact; in are, They guys. hard not are they see, soon As we will seats. back the of one into crash Ted and Bill

SCHOOL the as pleased, quite other, each at look guys They

miscreants? goin', it How's superior) (nods: RANDOLF

Randolf? goin', it How's BILL

disdain. with them who eyes "leader", group's the Randolf, pass guys The No response.

J'odie? and Buffy goin', it How's TED

preppy cute two eyes Ted class. to way their on approach Ted and Bill Trans-Am.a around and on who sit students

nice-looking dozen ahalf a GROUP" -- "POPULAR the is

LOT IN THE PARKINGELSEWHERE

school. toward start

and out who bound Ted, and Bill are Among them off. get students and open doors The stops. and lot the into rolls

to walk and chat Students activity. before-~ehool Typical :~j_-

we: them, around those of attention the attracting AIR GUITAR, again of reprise a into go they as and --

Excellent! TED AND BILL

-- grin other, each at look two The Beat.

T-shirts. triumphant why we need is that And TED

Halen. Van Eddie ·need why we 1s That BILL

play? to how know even we don't when

instruments we have How can TED

No. you. Thank kidding") you ("are BUFFY

weekend. this Prom High Dimas San the for my date be would if.you know to like would I me. Excuse Suffy. TED

girls. .the to turns then swallows, Ted

Ted's. and Bill's below and between are which

lockers, their to down kneel They chatting. now approach, who met, just we types cheerleader two the JODIE, an.d BUFFY

his focused has he rather, attention; paying not is Ted But

moustache. excellent most a have totally I Ted. BILL

moustache. peach-fuzz little scrawny

his of progress the study to door locker his to attached is which mirror the uses Bill away, lockers of A couple

junk. other the all with in rucksack his

stuffs Ted stickers. Metal Heavy and wrappers food junk only books; no are There mess. total a is locker Ted's

Excellent. (beat) TED AND BILL

miscreants. we're Bill, TED

school. toward continue and group the leave Ted and Bill

watch. Ted's at looks Bill

a.m. five only It's already? startin' be school How can TED

Ted away, amble guys the As hallway. the in left ones only the are They around. look guys The BELL RINGS. The

session. review history a We have BILL

trouble. big in We are Dude. BILL

Ted. toward turns He locker. his in found

missed? have may I combinations possible other any there Are Bill. TED

away, walk and lockers their shut girls pretty two the And

date? Bill's be to like you of either would ... Well (beat) TED

No. (giggling) JODIE

Correct? dude." dead "short, a essentially, was, Napoleon that me telling You're Bill. then, So RYAN

"NAPOLEON BONAPARTE." name

the to pointing chalkboard, the of front in is forties, his in man serious and sincere a RYAN, MR. teacher, The

dead? He's (beat) BILL

else? Anything (O.S.) VOICE TEACHER'S

confused. totally room, the of front the facing standing,

etc.) Egypt, Greece, Rome, listed are "Ancient" under instance, (For period. time that within MOVEMENTSfrom

and FIGURES important several listed are heading each Under

"AMERICAN" "MODERN" "~EDIEVAL" "ANCIENT"

history: of categories four are board the on Listed

ANGLE ON CHALKBOARD - CLASSROOM INT.

we: FRAME, OUT OF corner the turn guys the as And

learned? you have And what Uh huh. papers) at (looking RYAN

class. your in learned we have things the all for thanks our you to express to wish I and Ted, colleague, distinguished my anything, say you before sir, Ryan, Mr. BILL

desk. Ryan's Mr. at stand T.ed and Bill

BELL RINGS. The sighs. Ryan .. laughs class The

wife? Noah's (beat) TED

Arc? of Joan was Who RYAN

board. the to points Ryan stands. and gulps, Ted

up? stand you don't Why Ted. Alright, RYAN

Ted. at looks and this, hears

buddy. his at laughs and up looks desktop, his onto logo Stallyns" "Wyld the drawing been Who's

Ox,. Randolf, especially class, the from snickering More 0

Understand? pass. to want you if subjects those least at cover you that suggest would I and -- chalkboard) the to points (he -- topics your know you Now, you. fail to but choice no have I'll tomorrow, report oral final your A+ on an get don't you if means That RYAN

silently, stand Ted and Bill

History. American and History, Modern History, Medieval History, Ancient class: this of section every flunked You've simple. this It's Ted. Bill. RYAN

papers. the up rips Ryan

dude." dressing salad "a is Caesar •.. papers) at (glancing •.• that is learned you've me all to seems It RYAN

history. of full is ... world the Method, Socratic and Caesar, .Julius Khan, Genghis as such leaders, great to thanks that and Yes, TED

adds who Ted, at looks Ryan

well. as are y6u hope we sincerely which and of, part a be to hope we which of years, hundred one next the in history great a have to continue will and history, great a has world the that learned have We (improvising) () BILL

Mom. mean ! ... Missy Sure BILL

guys Tne gorgeous. and 19 MISSY is seat driver's the In them. front.of in lot the into pulled hasWAGON STATION A

HEAR: we Then gulp. and other each at look guys The

Ted. tomorrow, heinously most flunking of danger in We are paper) from up (looks 1987?" SAN DIMAS, OF WORLD VIEW THE PERIODS YOUR TIME OF EACH FROM FIGURE HISTORICAL "HOW WOULDAN IMPORTANT (reads) this: to Listen trouble. serious in are we know do I But Ted. dunno, I BILL

them. gave Ryan Mr. that paper the at looks Bill campus. across walk books, with up loaded Ted, and Bill

I.ATER LIBRARY - SCHOOL EXT.

we: and gulp guys The

special. very something be better had report your ... boys And RYAN·

and up looks Ryan leave, to turn Ted and Bill as Then,

papers. his at down back looks Ryan nod. Ted and Bill

in standing unsmiling, crew-cutted, Williams, Chet Captain . (

about is He hall. the across slips and door the closes Ted

house. the of front in parked

is POLICE CAR which a behind stops wagon station Missy's

neighborhood. not-so-great a in home class lower-middle small~ A

MINUTESLATER - HOUSE TED'S EXT.

back. the in climb Ted

and Bill front. 1n groceries of bags couple a has Missy

freshmen? we were and senior a was she when Remember TED

cute. step-mom's Your

Bill) to {sotto: TED

pass. gotta We Dude. TED

Bill. to turns and inside gets Ted

MOMENTSLATER HOUSE - TED'S EXT.

Ted. you, meet to anxious He's morning. this Oats Colonel with spoke I (nods) WILLIAMS CAPTAIN

Ted? you, don't mean, would that what know You school. of out flunk you history, fail you if that said also He WILLIAMS

off. him cuts Williams but speak, to attempts Ted

history. failing you're said He Ted. today, principal your to spoke I WILLIAMS

father. his by stopped quickly is but upstairs, starts Ted

you? have them, with anything done haven't You my keys. for looking I'm CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

upstairs. head Ted and Bill

do. you sure make ... Well Missy) on {eyes MR. SMITH

your done you have Bill, MR. SMITH

kitchen: the of out head guys the As

gulps. Bill ass. the on Missy pats Smith Mr.

good. Good, MR. SMITH

with enamored quite new wife, his behind stands newspaper, and .pipe a holding forty-five, MR. SMITH, groceries. the unload Missy watching books, the.ir with. stand Ted and Bill

SAME KITCHEN - BILL'S INT.

boys? today, school How was MR. SMITH (V.O.)

nicer bit a quite neighborhood a in home suburban A large,

LATER MOMENTS - HOUSE BILL'S EXT.

away. pulls car the and gas the

o~ steps Missy as horrified, other, each at look guys The

school. military me to sendin' my dad's we don't, if Cuz TED

Heston. Charlton Moses. TED

Egypt. Okay ... BILL

hard. studying been have guys The everywhere. strewn are Books room. well-furnished large, A

NIGHT THAT - BEDROOM BILL'S

OF OUT up, continue they as and "Melvin", a Ted we: gives l31llFRAME,

dude! you, Fooled TED

base! Second Whoa! back) (turning step-mom! your with it for goin' busy too He's TED

sandwiches. cheese grilled of plate a carrying

room, the enters Missy and door the on KNOCK a is There

heads, their shake and other each at look guys The Beat.

say? he What'd good. Yeah, BILL

Presidents?. of Hall the -- World Disney Remember wait! Oh •.. TED

dude. Ahab, Captain That's BILL

Dick. Moby Chased teeth. Wooden (thinks) Okay .•. TED

head? his of out mushroom a make ever you Did TED

guy. bill dollar the Three, BILL

day. President's on born Two, TED

country. our of Father the One, Washington. George Okay. BILL

Then: GUITAR. AIR

'em! know gotta Don't BILL

too. sandwiches, the notices

Smith Mr. raw. is side other the blackened, completely is side one sandwiches: cheese grilled the at look guys The

hi. him Tell MISSY

anyway? studying, guys you are What MISSY

good. Good, (enamored) SMITH MR.

Missy. at stares just Smith Mr. sigh. guys The Pause. - band. our start never will we then And (sadly) BILL

Academy. Military Oats at up end to am destined I And (nods) TED

tomorrow. ~gregiously most flunk to destined are We Bad. BILL

boys? going, it How's (uninterested) SMITH MR.

Missy. behind stands and enters Smith Mr.

him·. hi ts Ted shirt. her

down gapes Bill down. plate the setting over, bends She

here. work I Sorry, WOMAN

beer? a us buy you Would ma'am. me, Excuse TED

store. the approachesWOMAN a as up look guys The

cream. ice chip mint of pint

a eats book, history his through flipping Bill, burrito.

microwave a down munches Ted everywhere. food Junk

OUT OF move and stairs the of bottom the reach they And as

prom? the to her asked I when Remember TED

though. cute, is step-mom Your TED

own room! your in it for goin' dad's Now your • TED

descend: Ted and Bill As

money. some Bill He hands

report. history your with you help to here I'm Gentlemen. RUFUS

nods. and gulps Ted

Williams? "Theodore" Ted RUFUS

nods. and blinks Bill

Esquire? Smith, S. Bill RUFUS

beer? a us buy you Will BILL

•Finally: moment. a for Rufus at stare Ted and Bill

gentlemen. Greetings, RUFUS

steps 2ea7, in wearing was he outfit ultra-cool same the in dressed Rufus, and open slide booth the of doors the Then,

astounded. other, each at look Ted and Bill Beat.

up. back closes sky the as settling debris and dust ~. from away feet few s lands and opening the through barrels

BOOTH TEL!PHONE A

metal heavy of chord pounding a is There out. pouring WIND of gust a LIGHT and white brilliant parts, suddenly air The

Thrifti-Mart? the try wanna you ... Well TED

inside.· gone has sne But

beer? a us give you Will Oh. -·o TED

dudet you, We're NEWTED

shocked. absolutely are Ted and Bill

adventure excellent most a have to going You are Yah! NEWTED

time! in 'back go gonna are guys You Dudes! BILLNEW

Ted. and Bill toward excitedly dash and booth the of out explode -- way every in guys two our of replicas Exact

bursts booth phone new the to door T.hen thenods. Bill

7/11. the at afoot are things Strange TED

other. each at look guys The

people.) with jam-packed be to appears and

wear the for worse much is only booth, Rufus' like exactly

looks new booth (This them. from away feet 20 about

lot, parking the onto crashing and sky the of out dropping

the LIGHT, .and MUSIC and of burst sudden another is There

Princesses. the to love my give -- Ted And Right. NEW TED

about. talking he's what knows He Rufus. dude this to listen Ted and Bill Ohl NEWBILL

away. feet few a from nonplussed,

utterly this, all watching been has who Rufus, notice they when booth the to back head to about are Ted and New Bill

report. history the to back get gotta We Yah. TED NEW

go. to have we dudes, Listen BILLNEW

Then: GUITAR. AIR up. thumbs and

fives high other each giving number, this of implications the at up crack four all and Ted, and New Bill to turn they Then amazed. other, each at gape Ted and Bill Beat.

dudes! Sixty-nine, AND TED BILL NEW

of? thinking we are number what us, really you're If Wait. Okay. (skeptical) TED

now. right saying are us we what said Y.! we and you were we when it believe didn't ~ -- feel you how We know BILLNEW

to turns He convinced. nods, then beat, a thinks Ted

Ted? ourselves, to lie we Why would BILL

lying. we were Maybe TED

dude. this to listen to ourselves 12l,g we Besides, happened. just what as bodacious as nothing but things, many witnessed have I and you Ted, BILL

this? doing be we should sure you Are Dude. (sotto) TED

on Bill taps Ted book, phone the through flips Rufus While "=)

~ LATER MOMENTS BOOTH- PHONE INT.

Rufus. at then other, each at look Ted and Bill

ground. the into disappears booth phone the

LIGHT, MUSIC and FLASH of a in and yp, opens below ground the side, the down BLUE LIGHT shoots then glows, booth phone second the on antenna the as: dumbfounded, stare,

watch! your wind to forget Don't Ted! TED NEW

booth~ the out head his sticks New Ted and away backs

Rufus Then moment. a for confer they and them, joins Rufus

booth. phone their into back pile New Ted and New Bill

CIRCUITS. tube-like opaque the

of one into INTO FRAME, diving shoots booth phone the And

we HEAR: beat, a After SCREEN.

the criss-crossing circuits and wires of system A complex

OF TIME" THE "CIRCUITS

WHOOSH. a with ground the into dis.appears

of ROAR a WHITE LIGHT, BRILLIAijT FLASH of sudden a is There

history. we're Gentlemen RUFUS

amigos. yourself, Brace RUFUS

light. bluish with glow to begins booth The

Ted and Bill CHORD. GUITAR HEAVYMETAL corresponding

we HEAR number, each With dialing. begins Rufus

gentlemen. than, than better lot a do gonna We're RUFUS

answers? the get and someone call gonna you Are BILL

glow .. to begins and roof

the of out rises T.he antenna receiver·. the lifts Rufus

dude? we, are where but -- Yah (nods) TED

Rufus. unprecedented,!!12.!.S was That BILL

Whoaaaa ! ! BILL/TED

excited. very around,

look and booth the of out step Ted and Bill beat, a After

up. back closes sky the as it behind down flutter 7/11 the from wrappers food junk Some plateau.

the onto drops and sky the in opening the from drops

sky the HEAVYMETALMUSIC, of chord pounding HEAR a We

valley. broad a overlooking plateau, grassy A large,

we: and FRAME OF OUT drop sharp sudden a makes booth The

William. technology, Modern (smiles). RUFUS

dude?! we, s,I.! Where Rufus! TED

time. through ride roller-coaster virtual a on wire circuit the down barrels booth the as

glass the through peer amazed, and wide eyes Ted, and Bill

plateau. the across gazes and face his to \ i

glasses field of pair a lifts General The GENERAL. FRENCH arrogant small, a is command, in group, the of head the At

amigos. depart, to Time RUFUS

bluff. nearby a SOLDIERS on of group a notices Rufus

at pointing laughs, Ted ear. Bill's past whizzes A BULLET

dudes! Up here, below) armies the at {waving BILL

war! a of middle the in right We're out! it check Bill, TED

thrilled. more be not could

into launched have SOLDIERS of brigades opposing two where

down look guys the HEARDand BLAST isCANNON a Suddenly

open. drop mouths Ted's and Bill

1804. France. RUFUS o· book. phone the at glances calmly Rufus

dangle helplessly FEET which two of aware occasionally are we following the (Throughout elated. yard, the around look

GENERAL THE LITTLE FRENCH -ABOVETHEM

that: noticing them of none out, pile Rufus and Ted, Bill,

tree. oak large a to next lawn front the onto drops suddenly Booth Phone the OF LIGHT and FLASH a is There

EVENING HOUSE - TED'S EXT.

OUT OF FRAME, we: PAST and hurtles General the As

the behind tube the down barrels he as wildly flailing

arms back, straight shooting hair Gen.eral, terrified the by followed soon is It within. from emanating AIR GUITAR excited PAST CAMERA,an bombs booth phone The

closes ground The hole! the into down sucked are General

the and booth the both and opens ground the Suddenly

booth. phone glowing

now- the to next right ground the onto and air the through

Generu the tossing him, behind off goes .EXPLOSION an

when: head his shaking is and glasses field down his pusts

say: they as lips their read can We wave. and direction

General's the in out peer Ted and Bill dials, Rufus As

lost. totally are Ted and Bill that noticing stops, Rufus

... continuum intralateral the of referencing cross- retroactive a Through William. simple, Quite RUFUS

phone. the on numbers the to points Rufus

go. to want you place whatever of number the you tell This'll book) phone (re: ... amigos then, ·Okay RUFUS

right? 2:45, at tomorrow report's The RUFUS

it? Got report. the to get to have you happens, what No matter this: remember you as long as gentlemen, want, you whatever do can You (nods) RUFUS

time? any At want? we anyplace go we can Rufus BILL

my house. It's Oh. (beat) we?! are Now where TED

other. each at look Ted and Bill

empty. reappears, it FLASH and another is there later, second A split

disappears. booth the --

LIGHT of FLASH a in then,

and chords, metal heavy great same HEAR the We dials. and door the closes Rufus as wide-eyed, watch, Ted and Bill

head. his shakes and booth phone the into backs Rufus

us? with coming you Aren't Yah. TED

Rufus? mean, you do What BILL

surprised. Rufus, at look Ted and Bill

now. you leave me to for time it's Gentlemen, RUFUS • back. step a takes and head his bows Rufus

phone the at looks Bill watch. his at looks and nods Ted

dude! famous, you're Hey, General) unconscious the (to Excellent! Whoa! TED

review! history our from dude dead short the -- You know BILL

Napoleon. it's .•. Ted BILL

book. the at looks and stops Bill

book. history his through .flipping frantically Bill General, unconscious the over standing are Ted and Bill

France. in guy that we saw ... Dude BILL

then French, in something mutters around, looks He them. of front in right feet his on lands and tree the from falls

day. unusual most a been has This

Deacon. brother Ted's is This Dimas.San of think you what us tell you after France to backyou take will We am Bill. Idude. Napoleon, BILL

him. notices Bill angry. bit

a and baffled around, looks He to. come to starts Napoleon

something. or movies the to him Take money. some is Here TED

money. some Deacon hands Ted

sight. your of out him let to not are you gone, are we While doing. are we report oral a for history from speakers other collect to decided have We BILL

bed. Ted's on unconscious lays Napoleon

paraphernalia. Metal Heavy of tons and wrappers

junk-food empty drawings, scrawled with covered mess; total a It's bedroom. Ted's of rest REVEALthe TOBACK PULL

dude. French famous very a is He Napoleon. is name His guy. this watch to have You Deacon. ( 0. S.) TED

plan. the explains Ted as listens bored, and old years DEACON, nine brother, little Ted's

we: excitement Bill's on And

idea! excellent most a have I ... Ted BILL

buddy. his to turns and book history the closed snaps Bill

up. it picks and crosses Williams RINGS. PHONE The

morning. tomorrow until again house this leave to not Now you're WILLIAMS

he.HEARS: as ashen goes face His it. to up

ear his presses and door the against leans he beat, a After

Lost. Silent. Alone.

Bill. please, Alone, WILLIAMS

house. the re-enter to attempts Bill

son. you, with speak to want I WILLIAMS

blocking FRAME, INTO steps suddenly Williams Captain when door front the out bounding are excited, very Ted, and Bill

room. the of out dash guys the AIR GUITAR, and A quick

history! into back go Let's BILL

Ted? Ready (then) yo~. of care take He will

booth. phone the toward outside, shifts their-gaze slowly, Then, other. each at look guys The A moment.

dude. fail, we if only that's But (beat) BILL

night. tomorrow leaves My plane up. me signed already My dad trouble. serious in are we Dude, TEO

Ted inside. head his sticks Bill and opens, door front the does, he As upstairs. heads and turns Williams_ Captain

sir. Yes, (quietly) TEO

it? Got go. to ready and packed you want I station, the from back get I When WILLIAMS

head. his shakes up, hangs Williams

his disguising heavily hand, in receiver stands, Bill

? ... Halen Van Officer WILLIAMS

station. the at down Halen Van Officer is this Williams, Captian Oh, ON PHONE VOICE

we: and car, his toward heading house, the exits Williams Captain later, A beat

disappears. booth the LIGHT, and

MUSIC of FLASH a in and hands, shake firmly Ted and Bill

adventure! excellent!!12.!S a May we have TED

my friend? Ted, Yes, BILL

my friend? Bill, TEI)

other. each at look guys

the and beat, drum HEAR a We connection. a gets Bill Then

booth. the through GUITAR CHORDSresonating the dials, Bill Then AIR GUITAR.

dude! someone, touch and out reach let's then, Well (excited) BILL

Yah. list) ( checking TED

century'? nineteenth the in America in Movement Western 'The for one there Is book) P.hone to (referring BILL

Beethoven. Freud. Sigmund So-crates. everything) (mispronouncing TED

book. phone the through flips Bill while checklist, history the from reads Ted

report? history a in be to like you How would smiling) Cowboy: (to BILL

Ted. and Bill ~t glares COWBOY An UGLY

dude. ugly Old-West total a He's guy? that How about TED

us? with back take we should who Ted, Well, BILL

around look Ted and Bill drinks. them hands bartender The

place. this remember to we have Yah, BILL

us. card even didn't he Whoa, Bill) to (Sotto: TED

please. Two beers, bartender) (to BILL

bar.· the to up saunter and enter Ted and Bill background.

the in plays A piano barroom. West-style Old A real

LATER A MOMENT SALOON- INT.

dudes? West Old goin', it How's TED

then: A beat, excited. very around, look and booth the of out step Ted and Bill as stare TOWNSPEOPLE confused A few

OUTHOUSES. of row a to next lands and sky the of out drops

Colorado the in somewhere town, prospecting tough, A rough,

Kid! the Billy you, with We're TED

him. nab Let's famous. He's Ted} (to BILL

Kid. the Billy (nervously} BARTENDER

me? with Who's men. two need I COWBOY YOUNG

saloon. the in everyone addresses Ted, and Bill from away moves Cowboy Young The -

Finally: Silence. Ted. and Bill of front in

stops He everyone. at staring saloon, the around walking

begins and COWBOYenters YOUNG tough-looking a where

slides. water excellent Waters, Raging of Home TED

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LATER MOMENTS GAME- THE CARD

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LATER WHILE A LITTLE THE TABLE -

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him. before set is

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date. double a is This

NapoleonA and ...DAPHNE friend, old

year eight KERRY, her girlfriend, old year nine his Deacon,

EVENING - CREAMPARLOR FARRELL'S ·ICE INT.

P.H. 7:15 reads wall outside the on clock A

ESTABLISHING SHOT - FARRELL'S RESTAURANT EXT.

we: FLASH and a is There

Deacon. brother, little Ted's with Dimas San in back He's tougher. it has Napoleon dude, me, Believe BILL

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bowl. to rises then score,

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We are Napoleon. Daphne, Kerry, Deacon, NAMES:DOWN PAN

CLOSE ON SCORESHEET BOWLINGALLEY - INT.

pins. bowling of set a into smashing

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POV TED'S - ANGLE REVERSE

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DAY - COURTYARDROMAN EXT,

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- TIME OF CIRCUITS THE

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LATER A MOMENT BOOTH- INT.

dudes! here, outta We're BILL

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ON TOP OF THE BOOTH - REVERSE ANGLE

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THE HISTORICAL FIGURES LATER -A MOMENT

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CIRCUITS OF TIME EXT.

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TIME OF THE CIRCUITS

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Rufus as amazed, who stare, Ted, and Bill First on HOLD

disappears. booth phone The

-- and open WHOOSHES ground The

Ted! and Bill later, ya Catch Ted) and Bill First (to Rufus! Thanks BILL/TED

glow. to begins booth the and dials, Bill

watch! your wind to forget Don't Ted! outside) (calling again. myself remind better I TED

... to not yourself reminded you And after head) his (shakes again!! watch your wind to forgot You Ted! BILL

eyes. his rolls and s·watch1 Ted at over looks Bill

minutes. sixty got You've head) his (shakes

lands and hoop basketball a through drops Kid the Billy

fireplace. the into plummets he as top the at staying

and ripping robe hi~ chimney, the into falls Socrates

pool. the

in shoulders Caesar's on lands then and double-flip, perfect a does board, diving the on lands Serf the .John

hammock . a in around spins and lands Arc of .roan --

legs. his crosses and chair deck a in perfectly lands Khan Genghis

water. the into slides

and slide pool the of top the at lands Caesar Julius

junipers. the in first, head lands, Lincoln Abraham

yard: the around landing and sky lli fi:2m dropping begin

Etc. top! her down see totally can I dude! house, your It's Whoaa!! above). from {approaching VOICES

doesn't): she HEAR (but when!::!!

walkman a to listening and flowers some watering is Missy

DAY - BACKYARD BILL'S EXT.

we: booth, phone the by followed

FRAME, OF OUT down shoot they as and, ride, thrill ultimate the in tube, the through slide lFigures Historical The

!!!! Whooooaaaaaaa!! VOICES

ci-rcuit! the into hurled~ be to

help. for Ted to looks Bill

... uh and, Arc, of Maxine and Beethoven, Dave and Caesar· Mike ... uh is, This . . . yah . Uh, BILL

them: before congregate Figures the As

ours. of friends some meet to you like we'd Smith, Mrs. Uh, (quickly) TED

etc. garbage, the

of out themselves hoisting bushes, the of out themselves

pulling pool, the of out climbing variously who are

Figures, Historical of assortment bizarre the notices Missy

guys. the to next right crash a with l.ands booth phone The

--~-

Mom. mean, I Missy, Hi BILL

guys. Hi MISSY

walkman. her removes Missy her.

of front in right feet their on landing FRAME, INTO drop

the on him dumps which wheelbarrow, a into drops finally and pole, telephone a onto flung is totter, teeter- a onto down tumbles roof, the onto up bounces

mattress, air an onto backwards flips board, diving

the hits wires, telephone the off bounces Freud Sigmund

finally: And there. dangles and TV antenna the on caught is Beethoven

couch. a around it pushing is who Freud, Sigmund PAN UP TO REVEAL carpet. room living the across moving

A VACUUMCLEANER

time? in done chores those all get gonna we are how -- Dude BILL

watch. Ted's at looks He flabbergasted. is Bill

chores. your do you until anywhere you take can't I Bill. Sorry, away) (turns MISSY

· report! history a do gotta I But BILL

you. with lenient too been we've decided we and talked, I and father Your MISSY

'BILL

Bill. chores, your do you until Not MISSY

her. for easy isn't do to about she's What sighs.

and hose the down sets She Bill. to back turns Missy

someplace? ride a use give please y~u Can Mom. Uh, BILL

watering. her to back turns she And

fridge. the in Cokes There's all. you meet to nice It's MISSY

Lincoln. Abraham

giving (shrugs; ... and Khan, Genghis Bob and Johnson, So-crates ... 0 TED

Bogus. GENGHIS KHAN

hand. his over iron the runs Khan Genghis

hot. iron's

That Khan. Genghis Careful, So-crates. boxers, Excellent TED

boxers. Bill's of pair a in nearby stands Socrates toga. cleaned freshly Socrates' ironing is who

Lincoln. Abraham go, you Here TED

corners. sheet

the of two grabs Ted sheet. full-sized a with struggling

currently laundry, folding is Lincoln Abraham where

excellent. most is detergent Modern proudly) (nods TEO

myself. see can I French) (in OF ARCJ'OAN

plate.

a in own reflection her by struck is J'oan Suddenly, them.

who dries Arc, of J'oan to them hands and dishes washes Ted

the onto Windex spraying is Beethoven van Ludwig Where

do to attachment an Freud hands ENTERS FRAMEand Bill 0

Done. unison} (in EVERYBODY

proudly. smiling outside, from enter

CAESAR, AND JOHN THE SERF JULIUS TED,

-- as turn all They toga. newly-pressed his

into Socrates helping are Khan Genghis and Lincoln Where

She TV. on opera soap a watches she while coffee sipping now is dishes, the off dried who has Arc, of Joan Where

it. Got then)·( spot. a Missed Beethoven) (to Freud. Sigmund Good work, BILL

off. cleaner vacuwn the

click~ ENTERS FRAMEand clock, the at looking Bill, beard. his off cleaner vaccuwn squealing the pull to struggling

back, his on around now rolling is Freud Sigmund Where

back we are level, chlorine the check to down bends .John As net. a with pool the of top the off leaves skimming is Who

phone battered the past He spins lawnmower. out-of-control the lawn·. by the around dragged being is Caesar· us .Juli Where

a out looks Ted and outside sounds sputtering HEAR a We

then: Figures, Historical

the on a.moment f~r we HOLD off, rush Ted and Bill As

time. much got don't We dude. go, Let's Ted) (to NApol~on. fina WP. ns soon as back, right be will I and Ted report. the at it about talk can you so around Look BILL

group. the addresses Bill

while them of front in Slurpees deposit$ Ted table. large a around Figures bewildered the seated have Ted and Bill

•, KITCHENS" INTE:RNATIONAL AT THE

amazement. in escalator the at back look who Figures, Historical the by followed FRAME, INTO rise Ted and Bill

out. hang 1987 of people where is this and Mall Dimas San the is This Okay. (V. O.) BILL

mall.

the of level top the on customers deposits An escalator

ESTABLISHING SHOT - SAN DIMAS MALL INT.

we: and off, takes car The

guys? to, Where MISSY

shut. slam all doors The

seat. front the in sit

to who gets over argue Lincoln Abraham and Freud Sigmund

wagon. station Missy's into pile Figures Historical The

A MINUTE LATER -THE DRIVEWAY 0

Daphne.

and Kerry, Deacon, over stand stupefied, Ted, and Bill

SAME SCHOOL- ELEMENTARY LEOPOLDLAMONT EXT.

2:10. reads which

"2:45." listed is name Ted's and Bill's to Next slots.

time- assigned their names, student's to next lists, which

confident. supremely -

look all They costumes. Arc" of "Joan and Antoinette·,"

"Marie "Socrates," "Lincoln," impressive relatively their in dressed are Jodie and Buffy Ox, Randolf,

-- etc. sheets, wrap-around hats, cardboard jackets,

ill-fitting in 16-year-olds of comprised one this --

OF "FIGURES" GROUPANOTHER - SCHOOLAUDJTORIUM INT.

we: and Slurpees their sip They

other. each at look They

mall. the around look Figures The

plays. Muzak too. Some parents by. walk kids A few

do. to what

to as unsure table, their clustered.at remain Figures The

..- ,, ,:,

please. children, Eleven MOTHER

Window. Ticket the to turns and shrugs She

Eleven? ~-- .... eleven

MOTHER

heads. A MOTHERcounts

park.

the outside up lined ten, and eight of ages the between all KIDS, of bunch a REVEALS sign main the fromDOWN A PAN

PARK AMUSEMENTWATERS RAGING EXT.

we: and GUITAR AIR

Waters! Raging BILL/TED

other. each at look guys The Beat.

go? would!!! where day, one for Dimas San in stranded were and!!! history European in generals greatest the of one were If!!! wait. Okay, loud) out (thinking BILL

him? find we gonna How are TED

perplexed. Bill, at looks Ted

dick. a He was DEACON

Dimas?! San in leaders greatest Europe's of one stranded have you that realize you do Deacon, TED

giggle. Daphne an~ Kerry shrugs. Deacon

Napoleon?? You ditched BILL 0

~,.,,,,n. kir.~s other the of some "races" even P.e

stomach. his on butt, his on back, his

on down goes ~e slides. the all rides Napoleon which in

OF SHOTS A QUICK SERIES

Attendez! Attendez! NAPOLEON

-- kids,

other the after running pool, the of out jumps he And as

bon! tres Tres, Bon. himself) (to NAPOLEON

this. likes He around. looks and head his shakes

He face. his on grin excited and amazed an He resurfaces,

-- until beat, a HOLD for We water.

the under disappears and splash a with lands Napoleon

OF THE SLIDE AT THE BOTTOM \:._; open. wide eyes first, head belly, his on (~ THE SLIDE

-- down flying him sending push, a Napoleon gives And he

line. the up holding You're buddy. C'mon, ATTENDANT

him. behind up steps ATTENDANT

the as terror with frozen He-stands down. looks and slide the to up steps suit, bathing ill-fitting an in Napoleon,

-- Then yelling.

and laughing one, by one down, scoot They slide. the down go to up lined are suits, bathing their .in children, The

LATER MOMENTS - PARK THE I.NSIDE

them. with park amusement the into funnelled now being is and children of

group the into wandered has disoriented, and dirty, Tired,

WE: HE CONTINUESTO PLAY, OVER THE FOLLOWING, And as

widen. eyes Beethoven's changes. tempo The

"ROCK AND ROLL." labeled

BUTTON a pushes and keyboard the over reaches Salesman The

this. Try Here. (beat) musician? You a SALESMAN

Beethoven. approaches SALESMAN A cheesy MUSIC STORE. a in we are REVEALS that

HANDS BEETHOVEN'S CLOSE SHOT:

we: SYMPHONY,and BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH of notes opening we HEAR the Then

napkins. crumpled and cups empty the BEAT on a HOLD for

empty. is table Figures' The

"INTERNATIONALKITCHENS" - MALL INT.

mall. the at us for waitin' everybody's Napoleon, C'mon, BILL

wagon.

station awaiting the and Missy toward him lead and Napoleon reluctant the off who dry Ted, and TO REVEALBill BACK PULL

out. him pull and FRAME INTO reach

third the for water the of out pops he as and, -- splash

splash, splash, -- slides the of bottoms the at pools

the in landing Napoleon SHOTS of of flurry a with finish We

Meanwhile

pants. his of back the onto "KICK ME" sign a taped has someone we SEE that away, walk

to turns he As beard. his on mustard spilling Dog, Hot his from bite a He takes theater. movie the of front in Alone

girls, the after off take Serf the John and Kid the Billy

egghead. go, to Way BILLY THE KID

Freud.

at glares Kid the Billy leave. and up get girls the And

geek~ You Freud) (to

hysteria. of form mild a from suffering be to seem You both goatee) his (stroking FREUD

more. some giggle girls The

Freud. Sigmund I'm Hi, girls) the (to FREUD

them. joins Stick, a on Dog Hot a SIGMONDFREUD, eating

-- when especially giggle, girls The

land. own I And bragging.) ( JOHN THE' SERF

outlaw. an I'm John. is this and Billy I'm girls) the (to BILLY THE KID

t-shirt.) Dimas" San 'heart'

"I an now wearing is Serf the (John girls. year-old 14- two on hitting are Serf the John and Kid the where'Billy

THE FRONT OF A MOVIE THEATER .0

phones. the of one into talking is who TEENAGEDGIRL a at transfixed, staring, SOCRATES is Where

A ROWOF PUBLIC PHONES

we: shoulders, Joan's pummel to begins Instructor the as And

serious. !b!,S be can't Life up. loosen Hey, INSTRUCTOR

Joan. dumbfounded the behind

up steps INSTRUCTOR The mid-session. in is class a Where

her. scares This .

· barbells.

lifting and "LifeCycles, riding machines, Nautilus into

strapped women and men scantily-clad sweaty, observes and

She intrigued. men, two the behind enters Arc of Joan

CLUB "BEAUTIFUL BODY" HEALTH INT,

club. health a enter her.and past walk MEN, who

BEEFY of couple a by diverted is attention Arc's of Joan

See? nose." "Roman a call I what got You Caesar) (to CARICATURIST

it.) across written broadly "Julius"

name the with surfboard, a on Caesar large-nosed a depicts

drawing (The CAESAR. JULIUS of "portrait" ridiculous

a CARICATURIST do cheesy a watching ARC is OF JOAN

BOOTH" AT A "CARICATURE FLOOR - MA.\N ':'HE ON

him. at growls and club his raises

Khan Genghis when terrified, retreats, but Lincoln, after out runs Photographer The GENGHIS KHAN. into runs he Where

A tussle beard. his at tugs boy the as YELPS Lincoln

mister. C'mon, ha. ha Ha right. Yeah, PHOTOGRAPHER

Lincoln. Abraham l'm LINCOLN

back. Beard Stupid the and Hat Lincoln the need I Um, Okay. PHOTOGRAPHER

KID. SCHOOL HIGH overweight skittish, a by photographed Is

ABE LINCOLN - PHOTO SHOP" AN "OLD TIME IN

as: off FLASH goes a

and Socrates at stares girl The A beat.

scorcheemee. grimsoto Isega Sannierees. phone) {into SOCRATES

girl. the imitating begins

and phone another up picks this, by confused Socrates,

me. scorching totally is mega-grim$ter This ser~ous. I'm Sandy, Socrates) re: phone; (into TEENAGED GIRL

Waters? Raging like did you But TED

vigorously. more even head his shakes Napoleon

either? bowling, like didn't you And TED

bowling. pantomimes Ted head. his shakes Napoleon

right? Farrells, like not did you so Okay, TED

button. Farrells" at Myself of Pig Made a "I Napoleon's to points Ted

"Nose-Kote". of layer white thick

a wears he and back, slicked is hair his sunburned, is face his relaxed: very looks Napoleon Bill. and he between

sits who Napoleon, questioning is notes, taking Ted,

back route en corner, a around screeches wagon station The

SAME SAN DIMAS STREET - EXT.

we: store, music the in him around now gathering crowd a Symphony, Fifth his on away Rocks

poised, bat his player, baseball a of MANNEQUIN a REVEALS

club. wooden his to it comparing· .favorably up, one picks He bats. baseball aluminum of row a to drawn is he Where

too. are you that expect I but are, know who you don't I LINCOLN

expectantly. Lincoln, at looks Freud Beat.

you. Thank LINCOLN .

man. great very a You're FREUD

Lincoln. at over looks Freud SECURITY GUARDS. teenaged two from hiding counter, the behind crouch

LINCOLN AND FREUD EAR PIERCING KIOSK - IN AN

class. th.e leading

now is and instructor aerobics the replaced has imaginable,

routine aerobics fiercest the doing Arc, of Joan where

ROOM THE AEROBICS

we: and louder even up volume the cranks

He man possessed. a like synthesizer the Now playing

BEETHOVEN - MALL INT,

ffil!.S?? (beat) Williams. Captain is This CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

telephone. ringing the up Picks

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS POLICE STATION - INT.

POLICE STATION. the past Shoots

THE STATION WAGON SAN DIMAS STREET - EXT.

Two twenty-one. BILL

dude? i~, is time What TED

Bill.

to turns and this notes Ted broadly. smiles nods, Napoleon 0

chaotic the studies who Socrates, revealing opens,

AIR ferocious a do other, each at look Figures three The

! ! Yeee-hawwwww air) in (bat KHAN GENGHIS

! ! Yeee-hawwwww air) in gun (squirt JOHN THE SERF

! ! Yeee-hawwwww air) in (gun BILLY THE KID

c::::::7 by. rush Serf the J'ohn and Kid the Billy as just (:".1:)

a onto jumps he Finally, rackets. tennis and gloves, boxing balls, bowling with Guards Security more off wards

GENGHIS KHAN - SPORTING GOODS 5 IN BIG

-- BEHIND THEM directly Meanwhile~

pile-up. massive a causing thus escalator, down the.Y.12

running by Guards Security the escape to attempt they where

men two the and SECURITY GUARDapproaching a spots Lincoln

-- when protest

to about is Freud him. kicks then shrugs, Lincoln rear. his on ME" sign "KICK the sees Lincoln and turns Freud

you. Thank 0 FREUD

9 1

J - - -~- ---------

here. of out crazies these get Let's CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

in. loaded is Lincoln, Abraham Figure, last the as hand, in walkie-talkie scene, the surveys

the of out led being are Figures Historical handcuffed The

LATER MOMENTS - MALL EXT.

we: and APPR.OACHING HEAR LOTS OF SIRENS we --

-- away yanked

is and symphony his of notes resounding final, the Hits

GUARD. ANOTHER of grip the

into right off stepping elevator, the INTO FRAMEin rises

more toward lamely sliding Rink, Skating Ice an onto rush

KHAN AND GENGHIS JOHN THE SERF, KID, BILLY THE

-- and court, racketball a in is·cornered

him pull to tries Guard A Security max. the to cranked now knob and button every keyboard, the on fiercely pound~

-- a in we are

soon and confusion the BEGINS PULLING BACK throughCAMERA

up. locked and printed, photographed, booked, being are Figures Historical Station. Police

buzzing hectic, the of room back the in we are REVEALS that

a with cell, holding a in Arc, of Joan is way the Across

photographed. be to in brought is Beethoven

as Serf the John with cell nearby a into shoved is he Then taken. is shot" Socrates'"mug as off goes"FLASH A

toga. his under sheet cheat a from He reads audience. the addressing is "Socrates" as Ox,

SCHOOLAUDITORIUM INT.

left! minutes few a got We only dude? !..2!:!, do gonna we are What TED

.. 112· Oh BILL

cars. police of caravan departing the spotting out, jump Ted and Bill stop. a to pulls and lot the into screeches

off. takes windows

the out peering Figures Historical dumbfounded the with ·

C) THE LINE OF POLICE CARS

Kid. the Billy

Figure, Historical last the with is Williams Captain where

-- we as

Khan to points 5 Big the from An Employee PUNKS. looking savage- other three to next up lined is Khan Genghis where

mother. your me about Tell FREUD

goatee. his strokes and smiles Freud

questions? me asking keep you do Why PSYCHIATRIST

Freud? Sigmund D.2,S I'm claim you Why do FREUD

Freud? Sigmund be to claim you do Why PSYCHIATRIST

PSYCHIATRIST. a by questioned being is Freud Sigmund where

1809. 12, February LINCOLN

Lincoln? Mr. Birthday, OFFICER JAMES

Lincoln. Abraham LINCOLN

Name?

Lincoln. Abraham and JAMES_) POLICEMAN (OFFICER a between conversation of snippet a catch we where

What? TED

Ted. bags, your Pack CAPTAINWILLIAMS

up. fed Ted, at looks Williams Captain

-- Dad TED

father. his to over dashes he where

Napoleon. watch Mom, please mean, I Missy, out. place the scope gonna I'm dad~ your to talk and inside You go BILL

out. jump Ted and Bill halt. a to screeches

and in whips wagon station the moment, a after where,

into out and door, main the CONTINUEPULLING BACK, through

-- we as Cup Pudding a out pulls and shrugs Kid the Billy

else? Anything (unimpressed) CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

it. unrolls proudly and "WANTED"poster a out pulls Billy

ID? any Got CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

pockets. his of out money century

19th and bullets, tobacco, chewing pulls Kid the Billy

pockets. your Empty CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

up. light ey.es Bill's

report. the after it do could We TED

time. got we don't Cause BILL

we? can't why Well, TED

Beat.

h!.!'.!· •em steal and 11!9 'em, he when to time in back go could we only If BILL

ago. days two 'em ~ he bu·t 'em, steal could We TED

keys. dad's your we had only If BILL

out. 'em let won't my dad and up locked all are Figures Historical Our Bad. TED

go? it How'd BILL

up. rushes Bill him. behind closes door the Where

a which (above door the toward Ted ushers Williams Captain

HQ?!. bags. your pack and Go home ~ed. WILLIAMS CAPTAIN

-- But TED

Ted. it, hear to want don't I WILLIAMS CAPTAIN

-- Dad But, 0 TED

yawn. a faking by her around arm his put to attempting casually Missy, at smiling still is Napoleon Where

rescue! to Figures Historical some got We dude! C'mon watch) the at (looking Ted. Exactly, BILL

keys! my dad's me who stole ~ It Hey! happen! gj_g it. But (beat) happen. won't this otherwise -- it do to forget we can't report, the after So Yah! Whoa! TED

is KEYS A SET OF enough, sure tree, the looks-behind He

us. for waiting be they'll D.2,!!, here we get when way, That BILL

continues: Bill as tree nearby a to run guys The

tree? that by how about ... (pointing) dunr..o ..• I BILL

Where? TED

... here them leave and keys dad's your steal ago, days two to back travel time we'll report, the we do After dude! thinkin', Good Ted! BILL

-- voice son's his toward moves and desk his leaves

room. adjacent an from emanating VOICE HEAR TED'S to We begin

it? on say I should What it. Got (concentrating) TED

it? Got 2:39. •.. BILL

1.i,~. reads It clock. a at up looks Bill

... for it on timer a set and recorder, tape the get to remember We gotta Okay. BILL

dude? dad, my past get gonna we How are TED

Willia~s. Captain of view of out

wall, the near crouch and room, front the enter they where

back? around car the bring please you will Mom, mean, I Missy, 0 BILL

my buddy. He's okay. he's Oh, TED

off. it

brushes Ted But OFFICER CHED. -- officer an to points Bill

dude. it, watch Whoa BILL

idea. ~ was it -- that got I course Of TED

that? got You (sotto) BILL

desk. his past sneak

of out photo unwanted the pry to tries James Officer as And

? ... how did Well, - OFFICER JAMES

Crue. Motley

of members devilish snarling, four the of photograph a is frame glass the and portrait family the· between enough, sure where, desk his on photo the at looks James Officer

portrait? family your with in Crue Motley of picture a there's come how hey, Oh, James. Officer okay, That's TED

here. bac!t you let t c_an' I but sorry, I'm Ted. hello, Oh --

Ted. recognizing desk, his from

up looks who OFFICER JAMES, of front in stop they Where

Duck." "P.S. (reading) look. -- Whoa BILL

addendum. an noticing note, the at closely looks Bill

us. of nice was That TED

Williams." "Theodore" Ted and Esquire, Smit~, Bills. Sincerely, report.· the on luck Good Ted. and Bill "Dear (reading) BILL

note. a is it Under drawn. been has insignia

Stallyns" "Wyld the where desk, a of side the to points Ted

out! it Check Dude! TED

room. back the toward crawling now Are

open. it cracks he as He smiles

cup. pudding a Hey ... surprised) (pleasantly OFFICER CHED

SPOON. a CUP and PUDDING a out pulls delight, his to much and, drawer desk a opens Ched Officer pass~ Ted and Bill As

him. for nice something do me to Remind Bill) to (sotto: TED

work. his to back goes Ched and him past walk guys The

Ched. Officer Hi, TED

Ted. Hi, friendly) them; (noticing OFFICER CHED

not~- I'm and selfish, not I'm ignorant. not I'm dad. failure, a not I'm (continuing) VOICE TED'S

away. feet of couple

a placed recorder, tape second a spots· Williams Captain

.. you tell to want I something there's -- VOICE TED'S

again. up comes lt sudden a

of All off. recorder the turns furiously Williams Captain

-- dad me, to listening finally you're that now .•. TED'S VOICE

recorder.

tape jabbering the spotted finally has Williams Captain

doors. cell the open to begins Bill while window back the to moves Ted keys. the with them toward crossing grandly

bums, with in mixed -- Figures Historical the Where

clear. all we're think I BILL

"coast". the check and relief of sigh a breath guys The

room. the of out

on, He continues suspiciously. narrowed eyes past, walking

1 0 1

ladder. no is There window) the out (looking TED

ready? ladder the Is Ted) (to BILL

window. the_ open by now crowded are Figures Historical The

Stallyns!! Wyld BOTH VOICES

Maiden .•. Iron for opening now, and ... airy) (deep, VOICE TED'S

then: A beat,

say? I do else What - VOICE TED'S

him. We stalled Ted. go, to W~y VOICE BILL'S

running: continues Which

band. our start gonna And we're test. the pass gonna I'm Listen: Dad. off. it turn to not you told I TED'S VOICE

recorder: tape third a from again, yet resumes voice Ted's

off. machine the turns Williams But

· ! done m not• I off! this turn Don't Dad! (continues) VOICE TED'S

recorder: the for reaches Williams Captain As 0

you--?? do Mil the in Just~ Ted. livid) (entering; CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

seeing: freezes, and around turns Ted when -- Freud Sigmund -- Figure Historical Final the to "boost" a giving is Bill where

CAPTAINWILLIAMS

we: window, the out climb to starts Kid the Billy As

Ladder. Human a make to how others the show please Kid, the Billy ear. the to down get can we so together work all you ask.that must I essence, the of is time as People, Great BILL

Figures. Historical the to turns Bill AIR GUITAR as does Ted

Excellent! remember? gotta don't I TED

remember. gotta don't you so it, do gonna not we're now, there not it's If matter. doesn't it -- Ted (interrupting) BILL

Remem -- ladder. the Remember ladder. the Remember head) his (pounding TED_

ladder! the forgot me we tell Don't BILL

podium. the to up steps

and Randolf gloating the to nod supportive a gives he where

THE FRONT OF THE AUDITORIUM

to crosses and head his shakes

He sheet. sign-in the off names Ted's and Bill scratches

here. live to want wouldn't I but visit, to place nice a is Oimas ... San that find I conclusion, in so, and ... RANDOLF

"2:44." reads him behind clock The speech.

his finishing just is Lin.coln," "Abe as Randolf, Where

THE SCHOOLAUDITORIUM

we: window, the toward turns and bucket

the of top on keys Williams' C~ptain places Ted And as

keys. your found I Oh -- TED

back. turns Ted leave, to About

report. History our to get we gotta but Dad, Sorry, TED

within. from ringing curses hollow head, his

from bucket the remove to trying around, staggers Williams

Rules".) Stallyns

"Wyld words: the are bucket the of front the (On clang. a with head Williams' onto down BUCKETdrops a then Just

?? -- are What Bucket?? WILLIAMS CAPTAIN

bucket. a Remember Bucket. himself) (-to TED

Ryan. Mr.

faces and himself collects he as him toward turn heads All

breath. of out inside, bursts --

-- Then around. look members faculty and parents, Students,

AUDITORIUM INT.

we: and teacher, grade first a like them, organizing begins and Figures Historical the joins Ted

auditorium. the toward darts Bill around, mingle

and out file to begin Figures Historical excited the As

Mom. ride, the for Thanks BILL

doors. the open flings and out

jumps Bill school. the of front in ha.l t a to s~ids car The

-- when about

mill to beginning are and stand students and audience The

podium the from down steps and papers his gathers Ryan Then

2:45. nears clock the Ryan, Behind

us. for was it as you of all for informative and valuable as was this hope I today. early little a finishing be we'll report, one short we're Since audience) the (to class. work, Good Randolf. report, Good RYAN 0

uneasy. bit

a feel to beginning ~s door, the to gesturing still Bill,

Ted. to something whispers Freud

beard. Freud's

of out dog hot of bit a picks coat, Lincoln's straightens hair, Khan's Genghis down smooths He look. final a each them giving Figures, Historical of line the down moves Ted

report. our in now bring will Esquire, Williams, "Theodore" Ted colleague, My distinguished BILL

door.

the toward grandly gestures and throat his clears Bill

it? is Where ... Bill Okay, (sighs) MR. RYAN

curious. and amused sit, to start slowly People

Ox. and ·Randolf from Snickers

report. our we have Ryan, Mr. (emphatic) BILL

Principal. the see go should you think I Bill, MR. RYAN

report. our with ready we are Ryan, Mr. BILL

whispering. and laughter nervous is There

forward. steps_ who Ted, to nods

Bill audience. the face and podium the to up step proudly

TED BILL ANO -STAGE ON

auditorium.

the of front the at line a forming them, past march Grandly

a_is_l_e_,,___~~~~~~~~~~~~~__t_he__dQ_~~ parad~_

Ted, and Bill by led Figures, Historical Great other the all and Bonaparte, Napoleon Freud, Sigmund Lincoln, Abraham as drops, Ryan's, Mr. including class, the in jaw Every

IN. THE HISTORICAL FIGURES BEGIN TO FILE --

UTTER SILENCE as is There

order. chronological in file, single in, come Please History. of gentlemen and Ladies (grandly) TED

TED PROUDLYENTERS. and OPEN,

(yelling) BILL.

smirk. Ox

and Randolf head. his shakes Ryan giggle. to begin People 0

line. the into back him leads Ted and He finishes,

Waters. Raging at adventures his of

account animated an of end the to comes smiling, and tanned

etc. Dongs, Ding Cups, Pudding Some open themselves.

enjoying be to seem Most etc. respectfully, interject on, other each urge disagree, agree, Figures The "discussion." a of more and more becomes report the on, goes it As

rebuffed. is but Lincoln, of front in cut to tries Khan Genghis lin~, In

him. at laugh Figures other

the Some of say. to anything of t~'ffilnlc 1can n~rveus,

surprising-1Y~--~~---~---~-- Caesar, Julius envelope. Address Gettysburg his from reads Linc.oln Abe grandly. pontificating Hot-Dog-on-a-Stick, a holds Freud

along. her coaxing her, beside stands Bill French. in quietly speaks Are of Joan --

English. speak can, who Those about. thrash and wildly gesticulate others yet spoken, soft are others chalkboard, the Some use class. the addresses Figures Historical of A selection

fluidly: overlap and together flow should following The

A BRIEF MONTAGE THE REPORT -

slowly:

we astonishment, absolute audience's packed the on And

Lived. Ever Who Have Human Beings ·Greatest the of some ... life modern of elements other and Waters, Raging Mall, Dimas San the Dimas, San of think they what us tell to you, to introduce to pleasure a indeed is it ... classmates distinguished fellow teachers, Ryan, Mr. TED

j

j

then: AUDIENCE, andAWESTRUCK SILENT, the on moment a HOLD for

dudes. on, Party ... and other, each to Be excellent (beat} LINCOLN

proudly. grin who Ted, and Bill to looks Lincoln

heard. just have you that all to coda fitting a is feel I what with close to like would I And, LINCOLN

assent. nod all Figures Historical the as beam Ted and Bill

adventure. wonderful this· for Ted, and Bill to you thank say to like would I my colleagues, of On behalf LINCOLN

audience. the toward

turns he Ted, and Bill n.od from supportive a with where,

introduction. final

the for· out steps Ted crowd. rapt the of control total In

Ryan's Mr. silence. stunned total, in watch to continues

gym. the into way their on by COUPLES passing

several the of one at now staring is who Ted, at looks Bill

anyhow. work Good okay. That's BILL

... ladder the We forgot (beat) so. think I Yah, TED

station? police the at place right the in everything we put Did BILL

weary. and tired look They booth. the of out

step backs, the out coming ~oxe.r.s their tuxedos, wearing

fall to re.ady about looks Cup antenna Pudding makeshift Its legs. last its on be to appears blackened, and charred booth, The gym. the of front in right drops and appears

with along and, opens, sky the we HEAR MUSIC, beat, a After

blue. deep beautiful a is sky sunset the and p.m. seven about It's

dress formal in Couples lighting. romantic and banners, flowers, with out gym decked the swing, full in is Prom The

THAT EVENING SAN DIMAS HIGH GYM- INT.

1 1 0

emerges. Rufus and open booth the to doors the beat, a After

them. of front in RE-APPEARS, directly booth phone The

LIGHT: of blur a in as, widen eyes

guys' the MUSIC and we HEAR Then head. his shakes Bill

go? it where'd -- Dude

other. each at look and stop guys The

DISAPPEARS. booth phone .Ih!

-- when inside headed are and booth phone the from away move guys The

inside. go Let's dude. C'mon, BILL

-- Then passes. moment A

Ted. so, Maybe nods) (beat; BILL

play. to hQw learning started we time it's Maybe Bill. TED

other.

each at look and stop they when argue to about are guys The

Van Halen. Eddie up line and try probably should we t-shirts, we get before Ted, BILL

• t-shirts. get to trying start

Maybe we should guess. I Yah, TED

now. band the with going get can we least at Hey, BILL

up. him cheer to attempts Bill down. still Ted's But

there. weren't they but them, for England over all looked We dude. Sorry, BILL ()

1 1 1

elated. are guys The ', _- I Bill. Hello, ELIZABETH

Ted. Hello, J'OANNA

you? don't Elizabeth, and J'oanna remember You RUFUS

beautiful. timelessly looking booth, the of out step

-- who might ladies pretty of couple know a I ..• However RUFUS

booth. phone the to door the opens Rufus

gentlemen. can't, afraid! I'm RUFUS

Rufus? us, with prom the to go to here you are -- So TED

proudly. beam Ted and Bill

amigos. work, Excellent (smiles) RUFUS

passed! We what? And guess Yah! TED

dude! here, you're believe can't I BILL

Rufus! TED

away.· blown are Ted and Bill

gentlemen. Greetings, RUFUS '0

2 1 1

everywhere. you worship totally they Gentlemen, RUFUS

Rufus. there, us worshipped totally They on) catching (also TED

music. excellent totally the and domes ... the with ... place desert that ... together) it put to a.tarting ( BILL

Remember? there. were guys You RUFUS

astounded. are Ted and Bill

now. from years hundred Seven (beat) Dimas. San (nods) RUFUS

· Home?? BILL/TED

home. go me to for time It's gentlemen. Can't RUFUS

resplendent. most be It'll awhile. for in come gotta you Ru.fus, BILL

Then: date. prom respective her to girl each escorts Rufus AIR GUITAR as

Excellent! BILL/TED

babes! The BILL

Rufus! TED o

1 3 1

Rufus. at stare Ted and Bill

forever. famine and poverty, war, to end an put and together humanity bring to going is music Stallyn Wyld time, In (nods) RUFUS

amazed. and excited other, each at look

lutes. holding sides, their at Elizabeth

and Joanna with guitars, phallic holding horses, rearing on Ted and Bill -- STALLYNS" insignia"WYLD the Showing

Stallyns. Wyld It's RUFUS

it? is who -- So • BILL

Ted. and Bill to

it shows and pocket his of out tape cassette a pulls Rufus

triumphant. most It's Yah! TED

about? talking were you ~usic that You know RUFUS

What?! BILL/TED

1 14

smile. and other, each at look doorway,

the in stop Ted and Bill inside, head girls the While

couples. waving happy, two the on HOLD We

gone. is Rufus .•. music and color

light, of burst glorious a in and winks, smiles, he Then

dials. and door, the closes booth, phone the enters Rufus

Rufus. you, forget never We'll BILL

anyway. him hug

then other, each at look Rufus, hug to move Ted and Bill

Beat.

Rufus. thanks, Yah, TED

everything. for Thanks Rufus. long, so Well ... BILL

Rufus. at looks guys The

depart. me to for time it's Gentlemen, RUFUS

Then: AIR GUITAR.

Excellent!! BILL AND TED

Then: beat. Long

it. we know as life for disastrous been have might it separated, been you'd If report. the passed you sure make to sent was I why That's (continuing) RUFUS -o

END THE

MUSIC. SOUNDTRACK AIR GUITAR into

"PARTY ON, DUOES"

and

OTHER" EXCELLENTTO EACH "BE

portraits. the under quotes the see We also

T-shirts. Stallyns" "Wyld black

their wearing Ted, and Bill are these now that clear It's

we and smiles, and nods Rufus as MUSIC pounds Stallyns Wyld

neck.

Rufus' around placed is medallion gold glowing, beautiful,

a beat, a after APPLAUSE, and, We HEAR tumultuous

CLOSE ON RUFUS DOME- GREAT INT.

FREEZE FRAME, and:

we -- friendship, undying CLASP THEIR HANDSTOGETHERin they as and, aloft arms right their raise Ted and Bill

adventure. excellent most a been has lli,! TED

my friend? Ted, Yes, BILL.

my friend? Bill, TED