"BILL AND TEDS BOGUS JOURNEY" (1991)

a INTE.llSCOt'I ~ p COMMUNICATIONS,INC.

"BILL AND TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY"

BILL AlfPTED GO TO BILL

Cbria xatb••0 Dand.B4 Solomon

carved neatly into a lush hillside reads: "Bill and Ted University, Established 2425 A.O."

CRANEUP. The sign rests in the midst of rolling tree-covered hills which hous~ a glass-domed, ecologically harmonious UNIVERSITY.

A GROUPOF STUDENTS (of all n"\.tionalities)suddenlyFLOATSPAST CAMERA on their "AIR-bIKES"-- cherry-picker-like "hoverpods" with black panelled bottoms. They come to a stop on the ground near the· base.of one of the domes.

As each student dismounts, he overturns his "bike" and its panelled bottom fits neatly among other similarly overturned crafts to form a solar generator of sorts. (We get the feeling that everything here is very ecologically agreeable.)

As the Students, back-packs over their shoulders, gather onto a hidden platform and begin to DESCEND,we CUT TO:

Glassy, suffused with light, and with much surrounding foliage.

Prevalent are two ·STATUES: Very old men whom we easily recognize as 90-year-old Bill and Ted. Beneath one are the words: "Be Excellent to Each Other.II ·under the other: "Party on, Dudes.11

The just-arrived students separate, heading toward various "learning centers." and we CUT TO:

Pockets of colorfully-dressed STUDENTS flow throughout this space, picking up various lessons on history, geography, philosophy, etc.

IN ONE SBCTION

A dozen or so Students sit very casually, looking up at:

A THREE-DIMENSIONAL "BLACKBOARD"

Upon which is scrawled one of the most elaborate mathematical equations ever written. As we PULL BACK, we SEE that the person doing the writing is none other than RUFUS, as we know him.

A HOLOGRAM ot PYTHAGORUS nods, then speaks in his native tongue:

(The translation-- "SURE IS, RUFUS"-- is SUBTITLEDacross :tla hologram, so the students may see what he's saying.)

Next to Pythagorus, the ISOSCELES HOLOGRAM shakes his head. Rufus turns to a THIRD HOLOGRAM.

The third hologram, that of EDDIE VAN HALEN, nods.

Rufus suddenly stops as in the back of his classroom, TWO BLACK- CLAD, SEVERELY-DRESSED STUDENTS check their pocket watches, then rise and quietly slip out of the room.

Rufus hesitates a moment•.• then glances:

OUT A WINDOW

Where several MORESTUDENTS(also wearing conservative, stiff, black outfits) are stealing across the campus.

RUFUS

Glances at his watch. Nods to himself. Turns. •

A JOHANN SEBASTION BACHHOLOGRAPH nods, then turns toward the "blackboard." He speaks in German, with the subtitles projected holographically before him.

Rufus exits the classroom and starts down the hall after the rapidly-scurrying STUDE..tTSIN BLACKahead of him. CUT TO:

AN EMPTY CORRIDOR

Bootsteps echoing, the serious Students move bri~kly around a corner_,their heavy, formal clothing rustling as they go.

RUFUS lb0000412

Rounds the same corner and stops. Looks: The hallway is empty. Then turns••• notices a GRATEIN THE WALL. It's loose••~-

Moving closer, he HEARSNOISES... clanking, clattering, clamoring.

He re-fits the grate, looks around. Moves toward--

A WHITE-PANELLED WALL

And removes his SECURITYPASS. He presses a button and the wall parts, revealing a SECRET ELEVATOR.

Rufus steps inside, attaches his security pass to his jacket... and the white-panelled wall recloses.

WHIP PAN to: A BLACK-CLAD STUDENT,who steps forward. The Student speaks into a tiny device: ·

VOICE (from the device) Station.

CUT TO: THE DANK, WATERY BOWELS OF THE UNIVERSITY

where the campus' organically-fueled carbines and water-powe_red generators get their power from a flowing underground river.

A dozen or so of these rigid, unsmiling STUDENTShave gathered and are murmuring amongst themselves. Suddenly_they fall silent as--

·we HEAR a little "DING" and, across the room--

THE ELEVATOR lb0000412

Opens, and Rufus, more than curious, slips out and cuts behind a generator, eyes widening in recognition •..

BACKTO SHOT

The Leader, DE NOMOLOS, walks before his troup of assembled Rebels. ·

De Nomolos does a hate-filled AIR GUITAR.

Automatic weapons are pulled, and De Nomolos crosses to an old- fashioned WAGON which contains TWO COVERED FIGURES.

De Nomolos suddenly yanks off the cloak, revealing:

~ Alil2.~ .

standing, frozeu, staring ahead.

RUFUS

Is shocked.

BACK TO SHOT

De Nomolos pushes a button and suddenly THE TWO FIGURES COMETO LIFE.

Everyone gasps. Several of the Rebels, as if acting on a gut response, FIRE SHOTS AT THE TWO FIGURES-- who show no reaction to being pelted by bullets.

De Nomolos raises his hands to stop the Rebels, then snaps his finger. Suddenly--

BILL AND TED

Grab their lower lips and gyll their ".§.kin."Slli.theirfaces, revealing an elaborate patchwork of intricate WIRING and CIRCUITRY.

AROUND THB ROOM

The Rebel• stare, repulsed, at the two figures.

The Robots look around. (We'll call them EVIL BILL AND TED. They are iD eyery ox exact duplicates of our two guys.)

De Nomolos turns to them.

Fi ~) EVIL TED

So are~, dude!

AIR GUITAR.

The bobbing,_ robotic Bill and Teds are met with nothi~ b~+ disgusted glares.

RUFUS

Having seen enough, creeps back to the elevator and pa.v...be.t>.

Suddenly A bAns1clasps~ on his shoulder. Rufus tlA.('~~-

It's the Student from the hallway (who was following ~\M..J

•

Rufus hesitates. The Student cocks his gun. So Rufus opens it. And now•••

DE NOMOLOS AND.ALL THE REBELS

Are standing directly before him at the elevator door.

u Time .hA§told.

The Students train their guns on Rufus. De Nomolos nods to the security pass.

De Nomolos pushes in, and we CUT TO:

Remodeled since we last saw it, it is larger, airier.

The THREE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLDsit, as before, suspended in mid-air. Their meditation is suddenly broken as a BELL DINGS and--

THE SECRET ELEVATOR

Opens, and Bill, Ted and Rufus walk out with the Rebels in tov. The Important People gape •

••• Rufus?

De Nomolos signals,and the Rebels blast apart the two hanging HOLOGRAMS OF BILL ANDTED (to thegreat joy of Evil Bill andTed)--

--then turn to the Three Important People, guns drawn. De Nomolos walks forward.

·OE NOMOLOS The booth.

Beat. The ImportantPeople gape, stunned, at Evil Bill andTed.

AIR GUITAR. Interrupted by--

DE NOMOLOS

C)

Now! If you wish to sparethe life of your •••second greatest professor. (turns) No offense, Rufus.

And he slugs Rufus with the butt ofhis weapon. Rufus dropsto the floor, groggily opening his eyes as •••

The Most Important Person looks at the others, then slowly extends a GLOWING GOLDEN BALL••• which risestoward the ceiling.

Suddenly the PHONEBOOTH descends, coming to a rest in apool of white light in the center of the room.

Evil Bill and Ted stand, heads bobbing agreeably as the Rebels respond to De Nomolos' litany:

REBELS

Donning sunglasses, Evil Bill and Ted step into the booth and call:

Rufus, barely.conscious, shimmies toward a roped-off FLOORAMP and two leaning GUITARS, and just as-- 11iJOoO o 4 1 2

Evil Bill and Ted get a "connection" and there is a FLASH--

Rufus GRABSA GUITARand HURLS IT ACROSSTHE ROOM!

The booth begins to drop, but before il disappears, the v-shaped edge of the guitar gets tangled in the now-remodeled booth antenna, C) causing Rufus to be dragged across the room.

De Nomolos gasps. The Rebels FIRE, but--

EVIL BILL AND TED'S DISAPPEARING VOICES Whoaaaaaaaaaa!!

--the booth disappears, PULLING RUroS .QQfilillmll• And we SMASH

With a blinding flash of light and a burst of smoke, BILL AND TED (the actual ones) jump to the center of the stage and torture some final wailing chords out of their guitars.

The .PRIHCBSSES(JOANNA AND ELIZABETH) back them up. And.as the music grind• into a strange, plodding vamp, Bill steps forward.

Ted does a lame little riff on his guitar. They turn to The Women.

And, on drums and keyboards, celebrating their fifth year inthis century, are the beautiful Princesses from Medieval England •.. Joanna and Elizabeth!!

The Princesses nod.

BILL/TEO/JOANNA/ELIZABETH

Bill looks over at Ted, nods.

Pause. The music sort of stops. Silence. Beat.

Then, abruptly, the LIGHTS go OU1'. ONE PERSONapplauds slowly.

ELSEWHERB IN THE THEATER - MOMENTS LATER

Onstage, Joanna and Elizabeth are taking apart their instruments ·while,seated in the third row, Bill and Ted listen intently as:

A local promoter, tall, blonde RIANNE WARDROE,' speaks candidly.

to s_~y.

wardroe looks down at her notes, shakes her head.

But the guys look at each other, knowingthey probably will. Wardroe nods, smiles.

As the guys walk toward the van: 1'«10000412

They near Bill's 1969 black Chevy Van, intothe back of which the Princesses have finished loading the equipment.

Bil,L (toTed, sotto) Did you call Missy?

:3

The Princesses nod and we CUT TO:

The Van is parked in front of-a two-story, stucco apartment complex. We HEAR.the murmuring of a small crowd of people.

Hard -rockposters and history books abound. on the walls, framed signed photos of Historical Figures from the last adventure (Napoleon, Socrates, Genghis Khan, etc.). A booming sound system. And, in a place of honor, tvo 8-by-10 ·PHOTOSof ~oanna and Elizabeth. But some of this is obscured because:

A small party's in progress. A HANGING BANNER reads: "Happy 521st Birthday Joanna and Elizabeth." ~

Among the crowd, we see CAPTAIN LOGAN,_standing with Ted. Though there has been a thaw in their relationship, their manner is still a bit strained.

At this moment a stern, military-clad MAN steps up to Captain Logan, slaps him on the shoulder.

Ted's eyes widen. He freezes.

CAPTAIN LOGAN

0 Oh, Ted, you reme1'1\berColonelOats?

From· theAlaskan mil~tary school?

Colonel Oats looks at Bilt who, upon beeing oats, immediately turns and starts in the .otherdirection. Oats puts his hand on Bill's s_houlder.

Bill swallows as Oats heads toward a just-arriving plate of fudge, passing Missy.

l'IL0\Jr,I'"'r-\...·•••1I2 MISSY Hi, Oatsie. (to Bill and Ted) Hi, guys.

He trails oft and, with Ted, stares as Missy and Captain Logan exchange a l.2ngki,u.

•

:5

Missy and Captain Logan pull apart for a second. Then immediately start kissing again. Ted shakes his head.

They glance at a nearby framed NEWSPAPER ARTICLE and PHOTOof MR. PRESTON. In it, Preston is bound, gagged, and blindfolded. The headline reads "San Dimas Man Inexplicably Held Captive in Beirut."

from a bag, showa·it to the guys.

.. MISSY Ob~ I got the girls this. Do you think they'll like it?

:.6

n u See, I was once Ty Cobb.

Bill and Ted nod, exchange glances. Missy and captain Logan start kissing again. Bill and Ted gape, then:

As they start away:

TED lb.0000412 ~ Yl?,Bill.

And they head into the KITCHEN, passing a GOLDFISHBOWL.

They disappear into the kitchen •••

••. andwe DISSOLVETO:

We SEE cards, paper cups, plates with cake-c~s and melted ice cream••• The party is over.and the place is cleared out.

IN THE COURTYARD BELOW

Bill, Ted, JoaMa and Elizabeth are at atable by the lit-up pool.

The Princesses look at each other. Bill and Ted hesitate.a moment.

The guys look at each other.

BILL/TED Excuse us, dude.

And the two couples separate.

Bill kneels at one end of the table with Joanna. Ted kneels at the other end with Elizabeth. Each removes a piece of paper.

INTERCUTbetween Bi11 and Ted, as each reveals his own deep, individual feelings:

BILL lbO O O O 4 1T£D

I wrote this myself. I wrote this last night. {reading) (reading) Joanna, as I wander Elizabeth, as I swim through

ly forest of life, sur- of existence, surrounded rounded by v~rious beasts: by various creatures: sharks, bears, vipers, squirrels, eels, yellowtail, not to not to mention small tree- mention tiny barnacles and growing lichen, woodpec- algae, man-o-wars, starfish, kers, tra4irats, toads,· blowfish, catfish-- oh, no, slugs, gila monsters-- oh, that's freshwater-- no, thU' ■ ..desert..;.. (beat) (beat) What I mean to say is: But the point is: Joanna,· Elizabeth, will you take. will you always wear this this promise ring and wear promise ring? it always?

JOANNA ELIZABETH

Bill, I would love to. Thank you, Ted. I'd be

honored•

Beat. Joanna and Bill kiss. Elizabeth and Ted do the same.

• The·guys look at each other and.-doa silent AIR GUITAR, as if to say "things couldn't be going much better."

() Then, in the DISTANCE,~ SEE (but they don't):

THE SKY HIGH kBOVE THEM

seemingly opening YR• There is a FLASHand we CUT TO:

A CAT sits chewing on a burrito wrapper, as above it:

THE PHONEBOOTH

Appears, plummetting out of the clouds.

As it whistles into view, heading towards the ground, we HEAR:

EVIi BILL (V.O.) I'm trying, Evil Ted!

The booth careens a bit to one side and lands with a CRASH, just missing the cat, who leaps away, YOWLING.

u The doors open. Evil Bill and Ted, still wearing shades, look around.

Evil Ted sticks his finger into his head and PULLS OUT HIS EYE. He speaks to it:

The eye ahi~ers, and then, with a flash, De Nomolos' IMAGEappears in it.

Evil Bill, listening over Ted's shoulder, looks around the booth. He sees that the cord (the one that Rufus had tied onto the top of the booth) has been severed••• and Rufus is nowhere to be seen.

De Nomolos looks at his two robots on a MONITOR.

And as Evil Ted re-ins.ertshis eye, thus shifting the POV on the monitor, De Nomolos stares grimly into it, seething, and we CUT TO:

Bill and Ted are walking up the steps toward their second floor apartment, alone.

They HEAR the PHONE in their apartment begin to RING.

Bill rushes in and picks the phone up. Ted enters behind him .

•

Ted presses his.ear to the phone.

TED

Click. The guys look at the phone, then at each other. CUT TO:

Evil Ted, phone in hand, looks at Evil Bill.

.. EVIL BILL ·_Yah. They're completely brilliant•••

EVIL TED/BILL Not!

AIR GUITAR. Then:

They dial some numbers, the booth glows and disappears. CUT TO:

Bill and Ted, beers in hand, sit totally dejected on opposite ends of the couch, staring blankly ahead. After a long beat•••

Silence.

Long pause. They sink even further into the couch.

The DOORBELL RINGS. Bill and Ted look at each other.

Bill gets up, drags himself to the door, and opens it.. Then, his jaw drops as heSEES:

EVIL BILL AMP TED

standing··1n thedoorway.

Ted joins Bill at the door, and they look at each other, eyes widening.

Serious and·sol~mn, Bill shakes hands with himself.

Evil Ted nods understandingly, walks Ted back to the sofa, arm around him.

Ted looks skeptically at his robot doppelganger. They sit down.

TED

Ted looks at Evil Ted •••

... then rises and crosses to Bill.

BlLL Why?·

They look over. The two evil ones, finishing off Bill and Ted's beers, smile sympathetically at them. Bill looks back at Ted.

Ted thinks, then looks over at Evil Ted, still a bit skeptical.

Beat. Ted holds up three fingers. Then brightens.

Bill nods at Ted.

Evil Bill and Ted look at each other, roll their eyes secretly, then:

Evil Bill and Ted hold the door open for Bill and Ted, who start out. As they pass:

Ted nods, and the two of them disappear out the door.

Behind them, Evil Bill and Ted start to exit, then stop when they see the two framed PHOTOGRAPHS of the Princesses. Evil Ted smiles.

They leave the photos and take off after Bill and Ted.

Bill, Ted, Evil Bill and Evil Ted walk toward the van.

They get into the van, and as it takes off, we CUT TO:

The van shoots out toward the desert, windows ,open.

INSIDE THE VAN

Bill and Ted sit in the back, ·shivering.

Evil Bill turns.

i._ __ (darkly) -... llR,B,1_11.

In the ct, Bill and Ted look at each other, mouths agape.

Evil Ted turns around.

I

EVIL TED

()

He said !ihJ.ltrn holes.

Ted leans forward in direct confrontation with Evil Ted~

Ted's eyes just plain bug out.

Bill tries to settle down this potentially volatile situation.

Bill and Ted, cowed, slink into the back seat, look at each other.

Bill .nods.

The van cruises past a sign which reads: "Death Valley, 10 miles."

As it ·br ..«alonganarrow,abandoned road.

-,;. ;.!~ BILL Ub••• excuse me-- where are we going?

No answer. Evil Bill and Ted stare ahead. Ted turns to Bill.

BILL

G - Ted, that is most implausible.

The van screeches to a stop.

Evil Bill and Ted throw open the side doors.

EVIL BILL

Bill and Ted climb out slowly, look around.

TED· So •••where are Joanna and Elizabeth?

EVII.,TED Yes way, Ted. We're fully programmed to do it.

He lunges and throws a punch at Evil Bill, quickly withdrawing his hand in pain~

He rips open his chest, revealing a bunch of wires and circuits.

Evil Bill andTed do an AIR GUITAR. Bill and Ted, though frightened, are impressed enough to join them for a moment. Then, (). Evil Bill andTed stop them.

They aregrabbed by the neck and yanked OUT OF FRAMEand we CUT TO:

CLOSEON BILL AND'TED'S FACES

absolutelyterrified~

WIDERSHOT

·Bill and Ted_are being carried toward a sheer, extremely high CLIFF· by their much more powerful counterparts.

Ted nods. As they reach the cliff, Ted looks at the robots.

,·I"'\.,,.....r-_,12 TEO (deliberately) Dudes, even though you're doing this, we ...we ...

Pause. Evil Bill and Ted exchange glances, smile cruelly, then look bJck at ·Billand Ted.

Bill aJ~~. mouths drop open.

And with a final push, Evil Bill and Ted release their grips and send Bill and Ted, screaming, plummetting helplessly off the side of the cliff.

The screams grow more terrified as they grow fainter, all heading toward a final, distant.• .THUMP. ·

HOLDon Evil Bill and Ted, wh.osmile, then carefully lean overthe cliff••• and hang slow, dripping loogies.

Evil Bill steps back, nods.

AIR GUITAR-- interrupted by EVIL TED'S EYES, which suddenly FLASH white. Then De Nomolos' FACE appears in them.

EVIL BILL ~~0 r_1'~'(;L.12 You got it, dude. (then, as Ted blinks and his eyes return to normal) Let's go, Evil Ted. We got a whole· evil agenda to fulfill.

They turn to the van.

Then looking off.screen,Evil Ted brightens.

•

and firesil YR like a lawn mower. Then, rocking back likea ·quarterback, he hurls it.

INSIDE THE SPEEDINGPORSCHE

The DRIVERreacts, amazed beyond words, as EVIL BILL'S FLYINGHEAD sails right up next to his window.

The Driver grips the wheel, speechless, unable to react. Then, suddenly, he hears:

He turns and is·doubly-shocked to see that:

FLOATING ALONGSIDE THE OTHERWINDOW

Is EVIL TED'S HEAD. .,..'--_, 2

EVIL TED'S FLYING HEAD· (beat) How's it goin'?

THE PORSCHE DRIVER

slams on the brakes.

EVIL BILL ANO TED'S FLYING HEADS

Land and roll off.into the desert.

WIDE .SHOT.-THE ;ROAD

As the Porsche skids to a halt and the Driver gets out and runs a_crossthe desert, we see EVIL BILL ANDTED'S HEADLESS BODIES in the backqround running toward the car, and we CUT TO:

THE BO'l"l'ONOPTHBCLIFF

where, behind a clump of shrubs in a DESOLATE RAVINE, are the two limp, lifeless forms of Bill and Ted.

A long moment passes. Then, a heavy grey MIST slowly drifts in and suddenly a dark, ghostly FIGURE wearing a black, hooded robe and carrying a scythe appears over Bill and Ted.

This is the GRIM REAPER.

He reaches his long, boney handdown toward the guys' supine bodies and, with a soft, hissing sound--

He pulls Bill ~nd Ted-- vague and transluscent-- out of their bodies.

The guys, now above their corpses, look at each other.

Bill looks at Ted, eyes widening.

TED

They both look down at their bodies. Ted gapes. Beat. Then--

The Grim Reaper lays a boney hand on each of their shoulders.

The guys slowly turn their heads •••and are face to boney face with Death himself.

BILL/TED

(a deep, low voice) 1..Qll!dllcomenth me.

The guys look at each other. Hesitate.

CJ

Bill looks at Ted, nods. Turns back to the Grim Reaper.

The Grim Reaper nods neavily.

Bill and Ted swallow, then--

TED ,.- ('•c,CIi1 2 What if we win?

The Grim Reaper smiles an icy smile.

Beat. The R~aper turns. Beckons them with a boney finger. The guys look at each other.

BILL/TED (eyes lighting up) Melvin!

And with a brief AIR GUITAR they point down to the Reaper's feet.

The Grim Reaper bends.over. Bill and Ted rush him. There isa flurry of yanks and tugs and flapping black material and weHEARa n pained "ooomph•~as we CUT TO: ·· u

Bill and Ted are hurrying toward a ridge.

They reach the ridge, look down at:

A BUSY TRUCK STOP

Where two truckers (MIICEand AL), toothpicks in mouth, are strolling to their truck.

MIKE AND AL'S POV U,{)Q00412

As they open their doors, the truck appears empty. However, from:

u ANOTHER ANGLE

~ see Bill and Ted, still transluscent, seated in the centerof the cab.

Mike, th• driver, shi:vers.

Al shakes his head.

BILL AND TEI>. Boooooooooooohhbhh •••

Mike andAl both shiver a little.

As thetruck pulls away, Bill and Ted continue to spook Mike and Al, andwe CUT TO:

The truck rolls to a stop and Bill and Ted float out of the cab, looking back at the truckers.

TEO I.C .·J C-4 1 2 Oh, yah .•. (shaking his head) Too bad we'll never get to thank 'em.

The guys turn and walk away, disappointed.. After a second, we HEAR a loud o.s. CRASH and an EXPLOSION. The guys turn and SEE that:

UP AHEAD

The truck has crashed into a wall and gone up in a huge fireball.

After a beat, we see Mike and Al, now transluscent, floating Yl2 into~ ill, away from the wreckage.

Bill and Ted are speechless for a moment, then look at each other and call:

The Ghost-Truckers, rising, shaken, look back at the guys and nod.

As Mike and Al continue to rise, Bill and Ted start away.

IN FRONTOF MIKE ANDAL

The Grim Reaper appears and beckons to them, still pulling at his underwear••• and we CUT TO:

The guys pass a beaten-up, overheating, obviously way over-driven Porsche, which is parked in.front of the building. As they head up the stairs, they HEAR LOUDMUSIC coming through the open door.

~ \:__,:) Bill and Ted enter, look around. The music is cro.n~~~h ~r\c..ce.. is a mess. And the bedroom door i~ half-closed.

Bill and Ted slowly approach.••

THE BEDROOM

and peer inside. And gasp.

Before them, on their respective beds, Evil Bill eu,,J,,eJe.ve,..l\11CA.bi~

BILL

Evil Bill and Ted start to roll on top of.the girls.

~ v TED

(rushing forward) No! Let her go!

'BILL (restraining him) Ted, they can't hear you. (then, turning towards Evil Bill) rill$2.U 2-'bu:!

Joanna pushes Evil Bill off her and rises.

Joanna turns to Elizabeth, who has also risen to her fee:r.

Elizabeth nods, and the Princesses hurry out, right through the horrified Bill artdTed.

Evil Bill and ·Tedturn, watch the Princesses leave, and call out:

We HEARthe front door slam.

Bill and Ted's jaws drop.

Station. For now, let's trash this lame little rathole.

Pleased with themselves, Evil Bill and Ted exit the bedroom. Bill and Ted look at each other, shocked beyond words.

EXT•.SAN DIMAS POLICE STATION - A LITTLE LATER

Bill and Ted move INTO FRAMEand look at the station.

The guys take-~ breath, move toward the station and we CUT TO:

Captain Logan sits before a group of ten or fifteen OFFICERS, leading the morning briefing.

Captain Logan's second in command, OFFICER JAMES, smiles--

Of'.FICERJAMES I hear your son's band's gonna be playing. ·

As Captain Logan looks down at his notes,~ SEE (butno one else does) Bill and Ted enter the room.

Ted shrugs. Spots a.desk. Climbs onto it. And, as if diving into a pool, leaps into the air and then jumps into his father's ear.

Beat. captain Logan goes blank.

Then, suddenly, he looks up from his notes, a goofy, Ted-like expression on his face, and stands up. He looks at the other officers, head bobbing.

Bill.,VISIBLE ONLYTO US, looks over at Captain Logan, grins.

Captain Logan nods and gives a thumbs-up to what appears to be an empty wall.

Captain Logan does an AIR GUITAR-~ suddenly stopping when he notices the other officers looking at him.

Beat. ·He looks around. The other cops star.aat him. He looks over at Bill·(the EMPTY WALL).

CAPTAIN LOGAN · {sotto) This is~'t working. Back me up, dude. lbO O O O 4 1 2

Bill nods, steps onto a chair behind Officer Ja~es, and, holding his nose, jumps into James' ear.

Officer Jamesgoes blank for a moment. Then, suddenly Bill-like, he looks over at Captain Logan, and beams.

Captain Logan andOfficer James high-five.

Then, Bill jumps out of Officer James and into the Officer next to him (OFFICER PRATT)•

Bill juapa trom Officer Pratt-to the Officer riextto him (OFFICER HINKLEY):..

And another (OFFICER GASS).

JS

captain Logan and Officer Gass stuff donuts into their mouths, oblivious to the entire roomful of cops, who stare, utterly dumbfounded.

CAr-.!'AINLOGAN Yah. I got really hungry being· dead.

CAPTAIN LOGAN 2 (suddenly earnest) Dude, this is.really weird.

Then, Officer Gass and Captain Logan stop and turn back to the silent, awestruck room.

captain Logan and Officer Gass go blank for a moment while~ SEE Bill and Ted emerge out of their bodies and stand, transluscent, behind their erstwhile hosts.

They-watch, expectant, as Logan and Gass, still holding half-eaten donuts, crumbs all over their faces, "come to."

Logan, completely dazed, shakes his head.

• Dad!

Captain Logan sits, stunned.

James, Hinkley, Pratt and Gass nod in agreement.

Bill and Ted look at each other, devastated.

'½0000 412

Dim light. wind .chimes. crystals. New age music· (JohnBoswell's "Kindred Spirits") plays as we MOVE ALONGa row of six or seven relatively attractive, well-dressed 25-30 year-olds who sit on cushions in a half-circle, eyes closed, hands joined.

She begins an INCANTATION. Meanwhile--

Bill and Ted are looking in the window at this.

Bill nods and we CUT TO:

CLOSE ON Missy, eyes·closed, headgently swaying, as she finishes her incantations and says:

·MISSY "Oh·great spirits fromthe nethennrld, leave your celestial abodeand speak upon uswith your life lessons ••• "

We HEARa slight HISSING, and suddenly everyone tightens as two SHIMMERY, BLUISH FORMS·appear nearthe top of the room ..

All eyes widen. This is the firsttime anything has ever happened.

eJ arrived. ·

An audible gasp. These people are totally unprepared for this.

One of the Shimmering Forms is floatingdirectly above Missy.

Someone shudders. Missy continues, trying to keep it all together.

0 spir;ts?

A scream in the room. The Shimmering Forms do an AIR GUITAR. Then:

MISS\' w-- what do you want?

BILL/TED'S VOICE (still hovering above Missy) Shift a little to the right/left.

Another second. Then--

More screams. Missy is barely holding this together.

Missy bagina frantically searching through the pile of books in front o·fher. She looks at the title of one of them: "The· •.Riddanceof Evil." She cracks· itopen~ begins reading.

Suddenly, the·incantation stops.

Missy s;LaL1sthebook shut, and then, in an instant--

WHOOSH!

The Shimmering Forms.whirl around the room before being SUCKED DOWN through the floor--

-- where.they disappear from view, leaving only a little "burn" mark in their place.

Someone flicks the light on. Missy collects herself.

Everyone nods and quickly begins to exit the room.

As they do, the Grim Reaper appears just in time to HEAR:

HOLDon tbe Grim Reaper, who looks down,then shakes his gaunt, pale haa&t;and we SMASH CUT TO:

A DARK, ENDLESS HOLE.

down which Bill and Ted are plummetting uncontrollably.

They continue to drop, screaming.

In fact, they drop for .§9l.Qngthat, finally, they stop screaming and, still dropping, look at each other.

Beat.

Pause. They keep falling.

They keep falling. More time passes. Ted yawns.

·BILL Yah. (then) ·lCnockknock.

AIR GUITAR, and then, suddenly--

-- WHOMP.

They land on the edge-- barely-- of a CRAGGY,REDDISHCOAL-LIKE ROCK.

BILL/TEO Whoaaaa ••••

But before they can get a grip-- lK2QH--heavy BIACK BOOTSbelonging to NAZI STORMTROOPERS stomp down on their hands.

The:.guysslip off and begin--

FALLING AGAIN

BILL/TEO Whoaaaa••••

This time onto--

ANOTHER ROCK

where they land on a diving-board-like PLANK, and instantlyare surrounded by a gang of PIRATES, who back the guys off the plank, sending them--

FALLING AGAIN

BILL/TEO ,Whoaaaaa••••

and landing -- l'.Hll.12--on

YET ANOTHER ROCK

-- this time surrounded by GANGSTERS:

BILL/TEO (aa they're shot at) Ro way!

They tumble backward--

FALLING Ill AGAIN

And land, this time solidly in the center of:

A SMOKING,BLISTERINGLYHOT, LIVING ROOM-SIZEDROCK

Where they brush themselves off.and pick themselves up from the dusty, reddish surface•••

BILL

0 Whoa••• ~ ~-

The guys become aware of an indistinctCHORUS OF MOANS and a BATTERY OF TRUDGING FOOTSTEPS. They look around, for the first time getting a full perspective of wherethey are. They are:

IN A VAST, INFINITE, INFERNO

Perched upon a rock-- one of seeminglybillions which hover chain- linked to a ma_ssiveCENTERROCK.

ON THE:&:RROCK

The guys react.

BILL/TED· No way •••

Then, abruptly, an enormous PITCHFORK isdriven into the ground between Bill and Ted, and a tall,heavily built DEMON GUARD, dressed all in black, grabs them andwhips them OUT OF FRAME.

SECONDSLATER

Bill and Ted gulp as two TINY DEMONGUARDS (dressed like the large Guard) shackle their feet and thrustSLEDGE~RS at them.

The guys look at each other.

.. BILL AND TED Hsm .·nminon-triumphant.

A whip cracks and they have no choicebut tobegin breaking rocks.

Bill hits. Ted hits. Bill hits again. Ted hits again. Finally:

They continue breaking. Bill hits. Ted hits. Bill. Ted. Then:

Stopping, they turn to their Guard.

The Guard opens his mouth and pulls out a huge black RAT. He

The Guard looks at them for a moment, then pushes them back.

They hit more rocks.· And some more. And more. After a moment:

Ted, you can break rockswhen we get home.

A huge, suspended "boulder" is reeled past them toward the great center-rock, with a screaming TORTURED SOUL protesting vehemently on top of it. -~·When itpasses,Billand Ted can see that:

ON THE MAIN ROCK - HIGH ABOVETHEM

A towering, shadowy, distant FIGURE is standing, overseeing his dark domain.

BILL ANDTED

Look back at each other.

They lookat each other. Then--

BILL/TED Sign of the Devil, dude!

SECONDS I.ATER - HIGH ANGLE SHOT- FROMBEHIND THE DARK FIGURE

As the infinite scattering ofchained boulders spreads out below us, we SEE, upon one of them,TWO SMALLFIGURES thrusting their arms back and forth, index andlittle fingers raised in the heavy metal "Signof the Devil".·

We HEAR distant, tinyvoices.

The Figve stares.down for a moment,then reaches to his side, pulls a-:-·liiev•rand--

BILL ANO TED

Are suddenly jerked off their feetas--

MASSIVECHAINS

Churgle and--

·.

THEIR ROCK

Is drawn cioser to the main one.

FROMBEHIND- THE DARK FIGURE

Releases the lever, and--

BILL ANOTEO

Are suddenly flung off their rock where they land-- WHOMP-- at

THE BASEOF A STAIRWAY

And lookup at the smoky red light which emanates from the top.

Beat. Ted exhales.

We HEARa low, heavy CHUCKLING. Then, the red light intensifies.

VOICE Is:lll· ••m,u....9.2•

Bill and Ted's mouths drop open.

Suddenly everything begins to shake.

The guys' mouths drop open as A CREVICEopens beneath their feet and they suddenly~ through~ floor. and are deposited in:

A TUNNEL-LIKE LABYRINTH

Where they land with a tllllii•Slowly, they rise and look around.

Dozens of different PASSAGEWAYS-- like small cave doors-- shoot off. in all directions.-

BILL !,12 I don't know. (looking around) But I guess we should try one of these doors.

Ted nods. The guys carefully approach the first passageway on the right. They step inside, and suddenly are in--

AN ARMY BUNKER

Somewhere in the frozen North.

Suddenly a WHISTLE BLOWS and the guys. turnas a FIGURE IN GREEN COMBAT FATIGUES-.stalkstoward them.

.. BILL ,·.Who's thn?

Suddenly Ted's eyes widen with fear.

BILL/TED It's Colonel Oats!

The guys look at each other in terror.

BILL/TED

And, suddenly-·-

COLONEL OATS

is upon the guys, eyeballing them and bellowing in theirears. Oats looks worse-- JnYghworse-- than he did in the guys' apartment. He is now the meanest, toughest military commander ever.

TED· (gulp) . No way... sir?

OATS

OATS

The guys drop down and begin to do push-ups on the cold concrete ground. As they do, oats walks around them.

G

pitiful, ignor~nt, flabby little morons!

He continuesabove them as the guys look at each other.

Ted nods,and, inan.instant, they both jump to their feet, push past ColonelOats and rush--

OUT THE DOOR

Wherethey dash into the rock labyrinth.

And they dive through opposite passageways.

WITH TEO

As he tumbles into one and suddenly recoils in terror because--

HE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A HORRIFYING MEMORY:

j

AT THE BOTTOM OF A STAIRWAY

Sits a colorful EASTERBAS·KET. On it is a clear~y marked NAMETAG: "To Deacon." As he starts walking toward it he becomes:

YOUNG TED (KEANU AS A 10-YEAR-OLO)

And he tip-toes up to it. Looks around.

Then, suddenly, he grabs the basket and rushes up the stairs, stuffing chocolates into his mouth, then suddenly STOPS IN HIS TRACKS and SCREAMS,for before him:

Is a THREE FOOT·TALL PINK BUNNY,pointing an him accusing_finger.

The Bunny starts to hop toward him, and on Ted's wide, terrified eyes, we CUT TO:

BILL'S FACE

Also registering sheer terror.

REVERSESHOT - IN A RELIC-Flu.ED GRANOMOTHERY ROOM

Behind 80 Birthday candles a TINY OLD LADY, surrounded by RELATIVES of all sorts, looks up.

AT THE DOOR- BILL

reacts in hor.ror--

MORE REIATIVES move toward Bill and, grabbing him by the arms, pull hi.mtoward his grandmother.

As Bill passes an brocaded old mirror, he notices that he is now:

YOUNG BILL (ALEXAS A 6-YEAR-OLD)

YOUNG·BILL (Bill's voice) No••• noooo •••

Granny Preston points to her moustachioed upper lip, smiles.

Noise swells••. relatives smile•.. the little boy is pushed closer and closer..• and then, finally turning,he bolts~ the mirror (as young Bill) and dives back into--

THE ROCK LABYRITH

Where (now Bill again) he comes faceto face with Ted, who is desperately scrambling out of theother room.

Instantly, Ted iswhipped down the narrow tunnel and slammedinto the far rock wall.

Bill looks up and screams.:·

~- He's thrown into the same wall,even harder.

FLAMESsuddenly shoot toward them. The guys jump to their feet and try to run away,but, as if in abad dream, they move in slow motion.

·Theycontinue running in place for a moment, the Dark Figure's laughter growing louder and louder, the FLAMES licking nearer and nearer their feet.

Finally, Bill looks over at Ted.

Suddenly all SOUND STOPS and •••

BILL ANDTED

stand, speechless, directly in front of:

THE GRIM REAPER

who, scythe in hand, stares at them, his face pale and expressionless.

Bill and Ted swallow.and we CUT TO: t:...

CLOSESHOTS: The Grim Reaper faces Bill and Ted across a board.

They look down••• at each other••• down again. A clock ticks. Tension mounts. sweat beads on brows.

Finally •••

The guy■ look down.

WIDERSHOT

They are playing Battleship.

Bill and Ted confer silently for a moment, then:

The Grim Reaper looks down, smiles.

Bill and Ted's faces drop.

The Grim Reaper nods, smiles•••

The guys look at each other. Their eternal destiny hangs in the balance. Finally~

Silence. The Grim Reaper tightens, grits his teeth.

The guys, exuberant, leap out of their chairs and high-five.

The Reaper, scowling, reluctantly looks up at the guys.

And, as ha begins to pick up the pieces from the Battleship game, Bill and Ted,- stillthrilled, move aside and confer.

.. BILL Good thi-nkin.1,Ted. (then) But, dude-- when we m back, how're we gonna fight those other us's? They're way stronger than us, way smarter than us--

S5

()

(beat) Dude; we are most definitely in need of assistance.

They lookover at the Reaper who, fuming, ishunched over the Battleship board, picking the littlered and white pegs out and replacing them.

Q The guys cr.ossbaCk to the Reaper,who is now closing up theboard.

The Grim Reaper eyes Bill andTed, face tight.

The Reaper hesitates for a moment,then smiles coolly.

And we CUT TO:

Tension. Anticipation. Bill andTed wait anxiously as--

The Grim Reaper pauses meaningfully, then reaches down, pullsout a card, and announces: •

GRIMREAPER

0 Ibelieve: Colonel Mustard did it.

In the Study. With the candlestick.

Bill and Ted lookat each other, smile.

High-five. The Grim Reaper glowers.

The guys look at each other. Smile.

The Grim Reaper has already set another game on the table.

MOMENTS LATER

li0000412

We HEAR a BUZZINGSOUND and SEE the Reaper, fuming, as we PAN DOWN to see that they are playing

ELECTRIC FOOTBALL

And the Reaper's "Running Back" is spinning in helpless little circles. All his other "Players" are vibrating ineffectively in one end zone.

Furious, The Reaper swipes the playing surface.

On his .checklist,Ted make_sa note. We CATCH a glimpse of some NAMES: "Smart guys needed: Einstein••• Leonardo Da Vinci... " Plus a few others.

Bill nods, looks half-sympathetically at the Grim Reaper.

• Bill and Ted share a silent AIR GUITARand we CUT TO:

CLOSESHOT: A SPINNER

Whirls, slows; then stops. Ted looks at it.

ON A TWISTERMAT

Bill, intertwined with the Grim Reaper,barely manages to get his right hand on a blue spot.

Ted spinsagain. Then:

The Grim Reaper,his robe makingmovement difficult, lowers himself

backwardsonto his butt.

Slowly,he looks up at the guys, exhales. Bill nods sympathetically.

Ted nods,then reachesdown and helps the Grim Reaper to his feet.

The Reaper gathers himself, then turns.

And as Bill and Ted follow the Grim Reaper onto an ESCAIATOR:

• TED

What?

BILL

0 "Don't fear the Reaper."

Muted AIR GUITAR. The escalator starts up, and we CUT TO:

Evil Bill and Ted throw glasses and dishes through a mini- basketball hoop. Evil Bill reaches into the cupboard.

We're out of dishes.

-EvilTed starts toward the basket. As he gets close, he leaps... and, PULLINGOFF HIS OWN HEAD, he stuffs il into the basket.

On the other side of the room, Evil Bill is mo.stimpressed.

REMOVING W. HEAD, Evil Bill takes two steps and does a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar "sky hook" with it.

But Evil Bill's head gets waylaye_dby a hanging lamp, where it lodges and rests above the dining room table.

Evil Bill's body gives his head THE FINGER.

Evil Ted leaps andgrabs Evil Bill'shead, which makes Evil Bill's 0 body jump to attention.

Evil Bill's headless body charges~fter Evil Ted, who holds Evil Bill's head likea running backholds a football.

And Evil Ted spikes Evil Bill'shead into the wastebasket.

Evil Bill's body reaches down intothe garbage can to grab his head, then turnsto EvilTed, who's EYES suddenly FLASH WHITE.

De Nomolos, surrounded by a bevyof stiff-backed Rebels, leans forward into a monitor. In his eyes isa look of utter disgust.

ON THE MONITOR,Evil Bill steps INTOFRAME.

De Nomolos watches as, ON THE MONITOR,Evil Bill and Ted move OUT OF FRAME and over toward the phone. De Nomolos leans back and shakes his head,veins bulging. •

0 of them.

Suddenly,ON THE MONITOR, Evil Ted stickshis head back INTO FRAME.

De Nomolos spinsthe monitor away from hisview, andwe CUT TO:

Clean, glimmering, spacious ••• an etherealcounterpart to the dim, murky rednessthat was heJl.

Bill, Ted and the Grim Reaper, on the ESCALATOR, RISE INTO FRAME.

The Grim .Reaperbegrudgingly points towarda great gate.

They all start toward it, passing, as theydo, a MANhanding out small, gilded CARDS, on which are printedthe words:

And they duck OUT OF FRAME, pulling theGrim Reaper with them.

After a beat, three SERENE, ENLIGHTENED-LOOKING PEOPLE, two men and a woman, stroll INTO PICTURE toward the gate. They stop, HEARING:

• The Enlightened People stop, turn.

The three Enlightened Peoplecross OUT OF FRAME.

Suddenly we HEAR a dull THUD. And a VOICE ("Ooomph") Followed by ANOTHER THUD. And ANOTHER VOICE ("Ohhhhh ... ").

A MOMENT LATER - SAME

Bill and Ted ENTER FRAME, now wearing the Enlightened People's

And, slowly, with deep embarrassment, the Grim Reaper joins Bill and Ted. He is dressed inthe Enlightened Woman's clothing.

And ther:l,eginto walk toward the gate, Bill andTed assuming a "wise", strolling demeanor, the Reaper try.ingto hide his face.

AT THE GATE

The GATEKEEPER looks up as the three "Wise People" approachhim.

••

Wyld. ·

The Gatekeeper··looksat the Grim Reaper.

The Gatekeeper studies the Grim Reaper.

Beat. The Gatekeeper shrugs, looks down at some papers.

Pause. Bill and Ted look at one another, then look back.

Bill turns to Ted. Ted clears his throat, then:

B.illandTed look at the Grim Reaper, who clears his throat and half-sings, along with Bill and Ted:

Beat. 'l'haGatekeeper nods, and opens the gate.

-- andthe three of them enter onto:

A LARGEPLATEAU

Which overlooks what appears to be an infinite number of HEAVENLY PLATEAUS. The··guyslook around. · Thisplace is Q.ig.

SECONDSLATER - CLOSE ON PHONEBOOK

Reading, "Heaven and Vicinity," "'iththe practically infinite intermingling of these plateaus outlined on the cover.

BILL AND TED

Open it up. The Grim Reaper stands off to the side, still trying not'to be seen.

Bill starts off.

They look at each other, start to smile, and .weCUT TO:

SECONDS LATER - SAME

Ted is on~~ phone.

Ted hangs up the phone. The guys share an AIR GUITAR, then grab the Grim Reaper and exit as we CUT TO:

•

A WHITE, SPACIOUS PLATFORM

full of clean,-white light.

After a moment, Bill,Ted and the Grim Reaper step INTO FRAME at the bottom of a staircase,and look up, toward us.

We never see who they're speaking to.

0 BILL/TED

we're rti,l,gstallyns.

ANGLEON THE GRIM REAPER

Embarrassed, he half-waves, then looks at the ground.

BACK ·TOSHOT

Brief AIR GUITAR. The Grim Reaper rolls his eyes.

•

Silence. ,After a moment a transluscent MAP, bathed in white light, ·floats down. Bill grabs it.

BILL/TED catch ya later, God!

And all three EXIT FRAME. HOLD a beat. Then Ted sticks his head back INTO PICTURE.

BILL

• I can tell you that.

0 .. (nods,turnsback to God)

Well~ then that's it, I guess. See ya, dude.

And heand Bill leave. The Grim Reaper sticks his head INTO FRAME, shrugs.

And as he ducks out, we CUT TO:

ANOTHER, HIGH~R PLATEAU

People A.'romallperiods of time (ancieiltto futuristic) play, relax, laugh, walk, etc••• as Bill, Ted, and the Grim Rea~er walk INTO FRAME. Bill looks down at the map.

0 Bill. Check it out.

And Bill looks across the way, where .••

AT A TABLE

ALBERTEINSTEIN sits, playing chess. He looks up as Bill, Ted, and the Grim Reaper approach him.

BILL

Q Speaking of which, Albert Einstein,

we are prepared to offer you an opportunity to return to earth.

Einstein looks at the guys, shakes his head.

·And, as Einstein begins to contemplate his next chess move, Bill and Ted look at each other, shrug.

TED

0 (nods, spotting someone)

Who's that?

And they take off OUT OF FRAME and CUT TO:

IN ANOTHER SPOT - LEONARDO DA VINCI

shakes hi• head.

Bill and Ted look at each other, swallow, and we CUT TO:

IN YET ANOTHER SPOT - BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Shakes hi..§.head.

•

ELSEWHERE - ARISTOTLE

Shakes w heag, and Bill and Ted look at each other, stunned.

Long beat. Then:

The guys share an excited grin, and we CUT TO:

G EXT. AN ENTIRELYDIFFERENT PLATEAU

Similar to the previous one-- broad, airy, expansive-- except the people in it aren't people••• they're--

MARTIANS

-- round furry beings with round, lumpy, padded heads. strolling, laughing, chatting.

BILL, TEO AND THE GRIM REAPER

At. the lip of a-little rise, look over at the Martians.

BILL/TED

REVERSE ANGLE - THEIR POV

In a little knoll, a dozen or so MARTIANS are engaged in a bizarre GAME: In a circle, the Martians run around quickly and then jump up. One flies away. A second later, it lands on its head in the center. They all clap.

BILL, TED AND THE GRIM REAPER

Watch. Bill and Ted are impressed. •

G

SECONDSLATER

Bill, along with thirteen other Martians, runs in a bizarre little circle as Ted, standing in themiddle, jumps.

Ted flies OUT OF FRAME. A second later, he lands on his head in the center. Everybody claps.

Ted gives a thumbs-up.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER_

As the game ends and a new onebegins, Bill and Ted address the group of Martians.

BILL

()

Excuseme, Martians,but could you tell uswho is a famous scientist among you?

·General murmuring. The Martians look around, then point to TWO PARTICULAR MARTIANS, (who are sitting on a distant ledge, alone.)

A COUPLEMINUTESLATER- ON THAT LEDGE

As the guys are just finishingup their pitch. {In the background, the Reaper is nowin thecenter of the game~circle•.)

Beat. Tb• Scientist-Martians nod, and speak in what apparently is their own language:

(Note: Although they only speak one word, it has a different meaning--.and therefore a different intonation-- every time.) •

() Station?

In the background, the Grim Reaper flies OUT OF FRAME, then lands outside the little circle, therefore having lost. And as Bill, Ted and the Martians cross back to him, we CUT TO:

CLOSE ON a goldfish bowl, which Evil Ted is dumping into the sink.

And he turns on the garbage disposal, watching it closely, then grinning.

PAN TO Ev.il Bill,.:on the·phone,giving.Evil Ted a quick thumbs up.

He hangs up, makes a check in Bill's phone book, and dials the next number.

• He hangs up. We HEAR an extrem&ly loud, wailing ELECTRICGUITAR, and Evil Ted wanders past, thrashing about with his guitar.

After a moment, the DOORBELL RINGS.

Evil Ted continues playing as Evil Bill makes his way across the incredibly messy apartment to the door.

MRS. DAVIS, the guys' timid, elderly landlady, stands there.

Evil Bill stares coldly~

Deal with it.

Mrs. Davis' face tegi-stersconfusion and concern.

A \:J Evil Bill lowers his shoulder and shoves Mrs. Davis backwards, where she plunges over the balcony and hurdles into the pool.

• EVIL TED· ·

Genius, Evil Bill!

High-fives, and as they exit, we CUT TO:

-

CLOSE.ON BILL ANOTED'S EYES, slowly opening and looking around.

BILL/TEO Whoaaaa •..•.

WIDERANGLE- IN THE SHRUBSWHERE THEY "DIED"

They creakily sit up and look at each other.

Ted nods, tubbing his temple.·

Bill pulls a worm out of his hair.

Watch out, Ted!

The guys move to the side just as--

THE STATIONS

Fall out of the sky and land on their feet right near them with a pair of light "ooomphs."

We HEARa YELL and they all look up just as--

THE REAPER

Plummets out of the sky and lands on his belly with a resounding THUD. Beat. Bill, Ted and the .stationslook down·at him. •

They start up a winding path, the Grim Reaper, hobbling and picking leaves and branch-bits from his robe, at the rear, and we CUT TO:

The van squeals away, shooting back toward the main road. COT TO:

Evil Bill and Ted tear around a corner in their by-now even more battered Porsche.

Evil Ted points out the window.

Evil Bill swerves the.car madly. We HEAR a CAT YOWLING--

·-- and then Evil T•d motions to a house up ahead.

They unlatch.their belts. And then, as Evil Bill deliberately steers the speeding car DIRECTLY INTO THE CURB-- •

EVIL BILLAND TED

0 Fly through thewindshield and SHOOT--

THROUGH THE AIR

-- playingan excited AIR GUITARas they sail OUT OF FRAME.

The Princesses are sitting in the living room with Missy.

Suddenly, we HEAR.yelling ("Whoooooaaa!")and, with a CRASH, Evil Bill and Ted fly through the Living Room window and slide across the floor, smashing head-first into the fireplace.

They brush themselves off and stand up.

EVIL BILL ;I How's it goin', lady humans?

Missy slaps him.

MISSY

Evil Ted nods. He and Evil Bill grab Joanna and Elizabeth.

He grabs Missy's keys off the table, and with Evil Bill, starts to drag the terrified Princesses out the door •

Just then, however, Captain Logan appears in the hallway, looking • half-dazed, obviously still recovering from his ".possession"· earlier this morning. He looks around the room, at Evil Ted.

And Evil Bill and Ted again start towardthe door with the struggling Princesses in tow.

Captain Logan steps toward Evil Ted.

LOGAN· Da~it, Ted--

But before Logan can do a thing, ·EvilTed grabs him, picks him up,• spins him, and, cheered on by Evil Bill, chucks him right into the ceiling, where he sticks, lags dangling helplessly.

q

Missy, shocked, passes out. The Princesses gasp and stare.

Evil Bill and Ted look at the girls, suddenly "earnest."

Then, with a look at each other, Evil Bill and Evil Ted unzip their ~ntire selves,.ravea.l.il'\gthat,undeneath,·Evil.Billhas. in fact, been wearing an "EVIL TEDSUIT." and Evil Ted has. in fact been wearing an "EVIL.BILLSUIT."

The.tranatormation·complete, the guys do an enthusiastic AIR GUITAR. The Pri~cesses pass out.

Evil Bill nods •

EVIL BILL

• ·(rethe Princesses)

Let's bag em.

And as Evil Bill and Ted bend down to grab the women, we CUT TO:

The van screeches to a halt .inthe parking lot and Bill and Ted jump out, followed by the Stations and the Grim Reaper.

Then, as they all hurry across the parking lot:

Then, as they reach the automatic opening doors, Ted looks at Bill, sniffs•••

And, entering the stor.e,they look at an arrow which indicates "TELEPHONES AND RESTROOMS." They head in that direction, and we

A big, burly TRUCKER enters,·sniffs the air, and frowns.

Ted, at the sink drying his face, looks over at the Trucker.

• .The Stations emerge from a stal~, past the Trucker.

() And they and T~d exit into--

THE STORE - BACKHALLWAY

Where ·Billis on the pay phone. The Stations cross to the Reaper, who is waiting for them with a shopping cart. Ted crosses to Bill, hands him a paper towel.

Bill shakes his head.

Ted nods, glances across the store, where:~ 0 0 n O 4 1 2

The Stations have leapt into the kiddie-seat of the shopping cart which the Grim Reaper, huffing and puffing, is pushing down an aisle. CUT TO:

Evil Bill and Ted, Princesses thrown over their shoulder, are about to leave the house when the PHONERINGS. Evil Bill picks it up.

Bill, standing with Ted, looks across the store at the Stations and the Grim Reaper, who are furiously ripping through the store, the Stations pointing at items, Death, feeling.put out, throwing them into the.cart. •

(J But~ time,we're ready for you.

He hangs up, looks atEvil Ted.

Evil Ted nods, pushing a button on the side of his neck. Suddenly his EYES SPIN like aslot machine.

Ina FLASH, DE NOMOLOS'ENRAGED IMAGEappears in EvilTed's eyes.

And he's gone. Evil Ted, his eyes spinning back, shakes his head vigorously •

•

0 (then)

Let,.sQ.Qll•

And he and Evil Ted each open their shirts, reach into their "guts", and pull out a couple of small, NASTY GLOWING TUBES.

They look down at the tubes, shake their heads.

They throw the fuse;..liketubesonto the floor and, as they re-lift the girls onto their shoulders and exit, we HOLD until. ••

THREE DISTINCT SHAPES

Begin to materialize on the floor. But before we get a chance to seewhat these things are, we CUT BACKTO:

Bill hangs up, stares at the telephone receiver, shakes his head.

Ted nods. The guys turn, start toward the door, and we CUT TO:

Ted throws the van door open and Bill and Death throw the just- purchased items into the van. ··'

Ted nods •••then taps Bill on the shoulder. They turn. Look at:

THE STATIONS

Who have backed away from each other and are now standingon opposite ends of the parking lot.

•

THE GUYS

shake their heads.

IN THE PARKINGLOT

The two separate Sta·tions,now standing about 30 feet from one another, look over ."\tBilland Ted, and with a confident nod--

station.

--they suddenly begin RUNNING TOWARD ONE ANOTHER~ At the last moment, when it looks like they are certain to crash into each other, they both LEAP HIGH INTO THE AIR and ...

In a shower of sparks, suddenly connect-- THUNK-- thus creating...

And with that, Stc1tion(and, remember, now there's only ONE of him) removes the diagram Bill gave him,.looks at it, whips out a pen and begins writing inhumanly fast on it. Beat.

BILt,AND-TED

Look at eac~ other, grin~

BILL/TED station!

AIR GUITAR. They dive into the van and we CUT TO:

The van shoots across town •

•

() Ted moves into theback of the van, unable to believe what he's witnessing: Station is furiously at work organizing the items they've purchased.

UP FRONT

Bill looksback and gives a thumbs-up just as The Grim Reaper shuffles back and sits in the passenger seat, insecure.

GRIMREAPER

A'-._.,-) Excuseme, Bill ...but what would

you likeu to do? ·

Bill looks at the Reaper.

Bill look over at the Reaper, shakes his head, very sincere.

The Grim Reaper, feeling sorry for himself, turns away, lower lip trembling.

• Bill looks at him a second, .the~ turns back, half-rolling his eyes.

Then, suddenly, he tightens. He slows the van down.

UP AHEAD

Standing in the middle of the street, silhouetted under streetlights, are the THREE FIGURES we saw beginning to take shape at the Logan house-- only now they're fully formed:

One is TALL and pear-shaped, with~ big ears..• Another isSMALL and withered, seated in a chair•.• The last is STOUT and powerfully built, hands on hips.

And behind them is the PORSCHE, parked at an angle in th'1road.

As Bill slows to a stop, Ted joins him up front.

()

He flicks on his brights, and suddenly both Bill and Ted scream:

BILL/TED

For--

IN THE STREET BEFORE THEM

Stand their three worst fears. now heightened and exaggerated-- COLONEL OATS, now larger than before and with his face all wild and frenzied, totes an arsenal of weapons~ GRANNY s. PRESTON'S stark white hair ~ow stands straight up, and her facial hair is now thick and briatly; and the now-seven-foot tall EASTER BUNNY's.huge steel teeth gnash~

Oats glowers at the guys and bellows:

And, along with the other Fears, he starts toward the van. •

INSIDE

Bill and Ted stare ahead, ghost-white, trembling·with stark terror. The Grim Reaper and station huddle next to them.

And suddenly, Bill throws the van into reverse and hits the gas, causing The Grim Reaper and Station to lurch forward, crushing into each other against the das.·board.

Then Bill cranks the wheel and they topple into the back as the van ·begins--

A WILD 360 DEGREETURN

Which sends the Grim Reaper and Station and all their building supplies flying from one side of the van to the other.

BILL

CJ Completes the turn, straightens out the van, hits the gas and drives straight il~-

THE THREE FEARS

Who hold their ground for a beat, then, at the last minute, leap (or, in the case of Granny s. Preston, roll) out of the way.

Station chatters excitedly.

~--Then calmly gets back to work on Bill and Ted's creation, sparking up a power drill_.

But the Reaper, peering out the back window, shakes his head.

• And sure enough-- __

as

IN THE WAKE OF THE VAN

0 The Three Fears have hurried to the side of the street and are jumping into Evil Bill and Ted's stolen Porsche. ·

The Easter Bunny rips off the r.oofof the Porsche and leaps into the driver's seat, Granny s. Preston is.chucked into the passenger seat (wheelchair and all), and Colonel Oats dives into the back, whipping out a gun.

Tbe Easter Bunny hits the gas and the Porsche sque.,lsdown the s~reet and after the van, Oats firing wildly.

THROUGH AN INDUSTRIALPART OF TOWN

The two vehicles scream, at very high speed.

INSIDE THE VAN

Ted-- crunched next to Death-- peers out the back window. Bullets whiz past.

() TEO

They' recatching up! ! 2

And, with a sudden jerk of the wheel, Bill whips the van around a sharp corner. The Grim Reaper lurches to the side.

THE PORSCHE

Follows, gaining speed.

INSIDE THE PORSCHE

As the Easter BuMy, ears flapping in the breeze, accelerates after the van, Colonel Oats empties his gun, then leans forward and jabs a finger at Granny s. Preston.

Granny s. Preston braces herself and Oats and the Easter Bunny push her--

•

OUT OF THE PORSCHE

0 Where her wheelchair hits the ground, smoke pouring out, ~parks flying as it b·ouncesonce or twice, and then continues along behind the speeding vehicle at 75 miles per hour, rocket-jets belching fire behind it.

INSIDE THE PORSCHE

Oats feeds a lead-rope back to Granny s •.Preston,who grabs onto it.

Ted, still looking back, shakes his head in horrified disbelief.

Bill grips the wheel, white-knuckled.

And now Bill's eyes widen as--

THE PORSCHE

Suddenly veers to one side, causing--

GRANNY S • ·PRESTON

To swing around like a waterskier and gain speed, ending up nearly ~ ~ .t.Mlin•

blowing straight back, her tiny, crazed features shaking up and down.

Territied,,Bill swerves to the right and--

THE VAN

Scrapes against a concrete wall.

GRANNY S. PRESTON

Swings closer to the van and points to her bristly cheek.

• GRANNY S. PRESTON

How about that lsll§?

BILL

Veers to the right again-- this time even more sharply. CRUNCH.

IN THE PORSCHE

Colonel oats, now loading a bazooka, yells at the Easter Bunny.

The Easter Bunny swerves closer, causing--

GRANNY S. PRESTON

To do the same, wheelchair rocket-jets sputtering.

INSIDE THE SPEEDINGVAN t00C0412

Bill, attempting to avoid his hideous Granny, screeches againstthe wall, the van now barely under control.

Ted pushes his way pa,stthe Station, who continues to work, fixated, and hurries:

UP FRONT

Where he Joins Bill, looking out the window at Granny s. Preston, who is still pointing to her cheek.

'TED Bill, you SQt to!

Bill looks over at Ted and we SMASH CUT TO:

A SECOND IATER - CLOSE ON BILL'S FACE

Wind-blown and terrified•

A WIDERSHOT

• Reveals that Bill is being dangl~d out the side of the van toward Granny s. Preston.

Ted, now driving, looksat Death, who is fishing Bill outthe window.

The Reaper lowers him a bit further and now--

BILL AND GRAl''lYS. PRESTON

Are close enough for Bill to crane his neck, ~lose his eye~, swallow, and kill his Granny square onthe cheek.

She looks at him and smiles ...

... and then TRANSFORMS BACKinto a brightly glowing TUBE, which then lands and shatters to 12..illontheasphalt.

Bill, immensely relieved, isreeled back into--

THE VAN

Where everyone applauds him fora moment.

Suddenly-- THUMP-- there isthe sound of something large andheavy landing on the roof. Ted looksup.

Bill shakes his head. Death and Station look up at the roof. The large heavy object begins moving and we CUT TO:

THE ROOF OF THE VAN - ZOOMING PAST

As the Easter Bunny bellies along the top, pink eyes glowing, snout smoking. •

I

The two vehicles blow past a POLICE CAR.

Two COPS look at each other, take off after--

THE PORSCHE

From inside of which Oats, now driving, yells at the Easter Bunny:

the van.

INSIDE

Death cowers as those same teeth suddenly appear right next to his head.

In the back, Station, continuing to work, unperturbed, removes a piece of the wheel well and solders it to something.

Bill looks over at Ted, who grips the wheel, frozen in horror.

THE EASTER BUNNY

Suddenly lurches backwards and slides off the back of the van as:

INSIDE

Ted floors it.

• I think so.

But Bill is wrong, for--

Hanging onto the chassis, ridingonly inches abo~e the rushing asphalt, clambering forward like IndianaJones •.. is the Easter Bunny.

Ted, breathing a bit easier, looksover at Bill.

Suddenly Ted's eyes widen as--

THE·EASTER BUNNY

Pops up right in front of him, blocking the windshield with its horrible, glaring rabbity mug.

Ted screams. Bill, looking out the side window, gets an idea:

And suddenly--

THE EASTERBUNNY

THE VAN

screams around a corner and turns onto a busier street.

IN THE PORSCHE

Oats misses the corner, slams on the brakes.and screams:

INSIDE THE VAN

Ted leans forward, peers at the EasterBunny, who begins clawing his way upward again.

• TED

~what?··

But Bill isn't paying attention to Ted: rather, he's lookingout A'-._...- the side windo~.

Ted hits the brakes, the Easter Bunny is thrown forward onto the street and--

AT THE STOP LIGHT WHERE THEY SIT

Bill looks over at a BMW which has pulled to a stop next to them. The guy within is talking on his CAR PHONE.

Bill opens his window, c~lls:

MEANWHILE- ON THE STREET - THE EASTER BONNY

Turns and starts hopping toward--

THE VAN

Where Ted grabs the car phone and dials it rapidly.

As the Easter Bunny reaches the van and begins CRUSHINGits metal around the guys.

And just as the Easter Bunny has forced the van's creaking metal right up against the guys, Ted tosses the phone to the BMW Guy--

-- and b.ila~ ~, and, in the nick of time--

THE EASTER BUNNY

transforms into a great, glowing TUBE, which falls away fromthe • van and crashes onto the street just in front of--

THE·POLICE CAR

0 which has followed the van into the intersection~ As the tube shatters in a ·burstof glass and neon--

THE COPS

skid to a stop, look at each other.

MEA~WHILE - IN THE VAN

Bill, Ted and Death whoop it up. Station cuts a hand-shaped HOLE in.the side of the van, and then--

·-._.....·-

The van screams around a corner, turns down a narrow street, and suddenly SKIDS TO A HALT.

Bill,Ted, and Death peer out the front windshield at--

COLONEL~

who is now stalking towards them, scowling horribly, bazooka raised.

And he cocks the bazooka.

INT~ VAN

Bill and Ted look at each other.

Bill considers, then--

• kill him with kindnes9.

Ted nods and we CUT TO:

0 TRACKING SHOT~ FROMBEHIND COLONEL OATS

As oats reaches the side doors to the van and throws them open ...

HIS FACE

Registers sudden surprise. For--

INSIDE THE VAN

Bill and Ted have quickly organized Station and The Grim Reaper into a pleasant little "tea party," repleta with snacks, drinks, and light conversation. (Station's "creation" is mostly hidden behind boxes and now-removed van-panelling.)

The guys look over at Colonel Oats and smile warmly.

Death hands Oats a styrofoam cup. Station pours some coff~e into it. Oats stares at them, jaw quivering, and we do a quick DISSOLVE TO:

Colonel Oats, now sitting cross-legged between Station and The Grim Reaper, bazooka on his lap, Honey Bun cruml:>sonhis chin, shakes his head.

Beat. Station strokes oats' hair. The Grim Reaper pats him on the shoulder.

•

And sure enough, in a FLASH, Colonel oats transforms, grabbing another Honey Bun as he goes.

The guys looks back at each other.

Ted nods, then suddenly tightens, HEARING:

The guys turn and see:

CAPTAINLOGAN

rushing toward them, Missy trailing behind him.

THE GUYS'

Mouths drop open even further.

Bill and.Ted look at each other, thrilled.

BILL/TED Excellent!

Captain Logan tips the Colonel oats tube out of the van. It shatters on the street and we CUT TO:

A MARQUEE reads "TONIGHT••• RIANNEWARDROE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTSTHE SAN DIMAS GRAND JAM!" At·the bottom of the list of bands is Wyld Stallyns, "misspelled" as Wild Stallions. •

As people enter, pass_ingthe TV trailers parked outside,we HEAR MUSIC and we CUT TO: G INSIDE THE AMPHITHEATRE

Where the large CROWD applauds mildly as:

TWOPSEUDO-MARXIST TECHNO-WAVERS

One tall and blondish, the other shorter and with curlyhair, each wearing tiny spectacles and jet black clothing, who are at their microphones, proclaiming in a staccato rhythm:

WILLMAN/PATRICK "WEARE CITIZENS OF THIS, OUR LIFE, MANNING ,.,HEBARRICADESOF THIS, OUR FUTURE."

And they launch into a strange, syncopated instrumental.

IN THE WINGS

Evil Bill and Ted push past, carrying a trunk. Evil Ted glances at his watch, smiles.

0 history by now.

EVIL BILL Stellar.

As they grab their guitars, Ms. Wardroe approaches.

Evil Bill and Ted nod, smile.

Wardroe nods vaguely•

• As she walks away, Evil Bill and Ted look up toward--

0 THE RAFTERS.

where we SEE triePrincesses, dangling fro~ ~opes, gagged.

BACK ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted smile.

And we CUT TO:

The police car tears past, siren wailing, followed closely by the van.

Bill drives, wood and metal jutting into the front from--

THE BACK

Where Ted and Station continue to work on the now-halfway-completed creation.

The cars screech around a ~orner, shooting toward the amphitheatre.

Logan drives furiously, with Missy next to him in the passenger seat. With no room for him in the van, the Grim Reaper sits alone in the back seat of the police car. ·

After a beat, Missy turns to him.

The Grim Reaper yanks off his hood, revealing his gaunt, boney head.

The police car takes a dip and theGrim Reaper bounces up, hitting his head on the ceiling. He sinks down into the seat, utterly humiliated, as--

-- The police car shoots over a curb and into the parking lot.

Now looking like a ~etal swiss cheese, follows. As it screeches to a stop, Bill jumps out, runs over to the side door and peers in.

Things are definitely beginning to take shape.

() BILL

(toTed) Tell Station he cando the final assembly right here inthe parking lot. Me and you'll fight 'em as long as we can.

Ted speaks to Station as captain Loganand Missy rush up.

Bill and Ted turn and rush pastthe Grim Reaper, who, rubbing his head, looks at them, forlorn, utterlywhipped.

Bill and Ted stop, look at each other, nod.

They HEARtepid APPLAUSE from inside and begin running toward the • theatre, where:

INSIDE

The crowd is·b~ginningto disperse. The judges.squirm and yawn. Around the th~ater, various CAMERAMENrub their eyes.

ON STAGE

As the Willman-Patrick Axiom comes off, disappointed, Ms. Wardroe takes the mic.

IN BACKOF THE AMPHITHEATRE - SAME

Bill, Ted and the Reaper climb to the top of a CHAIN-LINKED FENCE and peer over just in time to HEAR:

ON STAGE ...

Evil Bill and Ted mince on, guitars slung over their shoulders, smirks smeared across their faces.

AT THE TOP OF THE FENCE

Bill and Ted look at each other.

BILL/TEO

And they jump down on the other side. Then, as they get up and prepare to run, they stop, HEARING:

Turning-back, they SEE The Reaper, tangled badly, his robecaught on the top of the fence and draped, inside out, over his head, exposing his pale, boney body, his boxer shorts, his black socks (with little.sock-suspenders) and his black wing-tip shoes.

Bill reaches up and frees the Reaper, who falls as we HEAR:

•

Bill and Ted look at each other. And start running as:·

ON STAGE

·Evil Bill and Ted lean into their mies and declare:

EVIL BILL/EVIL TED ~ stallyns!

Evil Bill and.Ted squirm, faces contorted as they loudly wail their OPENINGGUITAR RIFFS, the hideous bleat echoing through--

THE SIDES OF THE THEATRE

Where Bill and Ted rush toward the wings, the Grim Reaper trailing. behind. As they near the stage, Bill turns to the Reaper.

Stopping, the Reaper peers through t~e wings, looks at the crowd, and shakes his head.

• And Bill and Ted PUSH the Reaper out onto:

THE STAGE- VIEW FROMTHE AUDIENCE

Where, opposite Evil Bill and Ted, who thrash about with their guitars, the Grim Reaper stumbles out from the wings, stops, stares for a beat at the audience, then faints. falling backwards and HITTING HIS HEADon the SYNTHESIZER-- which starts PLAYINGa MUSICALVAMP, causing--

Evil Bill and Ted to turn and SEE:

Bill and Ted, now entering from the wings. They look at Evil Bill and Ted, who stop their "music" and stare.

EVIL BILL/EVIL TED

BILL/TED Xil way, Bill and Ted.

THE CROWD·

seeing TWOSETS oF,BILLS AND TEOS (and a hooded figure lying between them) begins to quiet down, a few actually turning back and taking their seats. The judges look on curiously, as:

ON STAGE

0 Bill and Ted take a couple more steps forward.

Evil Ted cuts a rope, and above he and Evil Bill, the Princesses suddenly drop INTO FRAME with muted screams. And now--

AROUND THE THEATER

Attention is completely re-focused on the stage. If people weren't sitting, they are now. wardroe raises an eyebrow, as:

ON STAGE

Bill and Ted, pump~d with rage, look at each other, then, SCREAMING ("Aaaaaahhhh!!") charge.their Evil Selves. •

Bill throws a punch-- Evil Bill blocks it. Ted tries a kick--it's avoided effortlessly by Evil Ted.

They look at each other, swallow, and WHACK ...are knocked backwards. As they fly through the air, Ted calls to the Princesses--

BOOM. The guys smack against another wall. This isn't going well.

THE CROWD, HOWEVER

~-which is growing by the minute--is really enjoying this.

1N·STAGE

The Reaper, HEARINGthe applause, awakens, and, spurred on by it, musters .abit of confidence and steps up to the mic.

0 Behind the Reaper, Evil Bill and Ted have cornered Bill and Ted.

They grab them and, with a cruel surge of power, fling them across the stage. where they land, dazed, against another wall.

The crowd CHEERS again.

The Reaper sees the two sets of Bills and Teds on opposite sides of the stage, and.,gaining"confidence, continues:

The crowd cheers. The Reaper begins to sway and rock.

BOOM-- Evil Ted shoves him away from the mic--

i02

The Reaper stumbles, then spins, points his finger at the audience, 0 and begins to moonwalk (badly) back toward the m~c, passing:

Bill and Ted, who look toward the back of the amphitheatre.

Ted nods. Looks at the encroaching Evil ones, who grab mic stands and raise them above their heads.

OUTSIDETHE AMPHITHEATRE

station, working with captain Logan and Missy, darts madly around two large, rap.idlyforming OBJECTS. He lays FABRIC over a METAL TORSOof some kind. Screws in nuts and bolts••• inserts a speaker•••

Then gives Logan a signal. Logan fires the.police car up and a sizzling CURRENT OF POWER shoots up a connected jumper cable and into--

' - ,...

THE CREATIONS--

Two fifteen foot tall FIGURES-- which begin to QY.lland hum.

ON STAGE

The LIGHTS FLICKER as Evil Bill and Ted now stand directly above Bill and Ted, mic stands poised.

The Reaper grandly opens his rn. And--

THE ENTIRE AMPHITHEATRE

suddenly begins to shake.

Bill and Ted use this moment to roll away.

And theydash off toward the wings as-~

THE BACKWALL OF THE AUDITORIUM

Beginsto cruml:>leand--

TWOTOWERING,METALLIC rn AND TED ROBOTS

Burstthrough tJa ~ and do a jerky AIR GUITAR. Made from scraps of wood, metal, bits of spare tire, and fabric, they begin clanking down the center aisle.

ON STAGE

The Grim Reaper, at full form, addresses the crowd--

0 --as the "Good Robots" come to a thundering halt at the lip of the stage. Evil Bill and Ted drop their mic stands.

The Reaper begins to play the SYNTHESIZERas Evil Bill and Ted stand, bemused, gazing back at the Robots.

The Good Robots look at each other, grin.

And-- ~-BOOOM!! With two quick powerful punches, Evil Bill and Ted are knocked off their feet and up toward--

THE RAFTERS- WHERE BILL ANDTED

Having reached the Princesses, look down onto the stage as the Evil Robots rise up, look at Bill and Ted, then crash loudly below them.

0 Way ~o go, dudes!

The Good Robots look up at them,nod jerkily.

BILL/TED (callingdown) station!

Brief, shared 4-way AIR GUITAR, then Bill manages to get one of Joanna's ties undone. Joanna wriggles free. Ted unties Elizabeth.

BILL/TED Babes!

JOANNA/ELIZABETH Bill/Ted!

BELOW THEM - THE CROWD

Goes absolutely crazy as--

And Evil Bill and Ted are MAGNETICALLY pulled into the Good Robots' outstretched ·hands.

STATION

Controlling two joysticks, prepares to do them in as--

BILL, TEO, JOANNA ANO ELIZABETH

Rush from the wings to HUGE CHEERS, cross center stage, and look at Evil Bill and Ted .

TEO

• Got any last things ycu wanna say

for yourselves, Evil Os's?

Evil Bill and Ted look at each other, then turn back.

And suddenly THERE IS A FLASHOF LIGHT IN THE SKY, and--

THE PHONE BOOTH

crashes down onto the lip of the stage, landing in a shower of crackling, siziling electricity••• and •.•

DE NOMOLOS

emerges, takes a few steps toward Bill and Ted, and smiles.

Bill, Ted and the Princesses look at each other, shrug, nod.

() BILL

Who are :l.QY,dude?

And with that, he whips out his WEAPON. The guys' jaws drop open.

And, with that, he slowly pulls the trigger and fires•

Bill and Ted recoil but, just be-forethe blast hits them. it is • DEFLECTED by •••

....MS. WARDROE.who dives in frontof them, sending the laser blast bouncingb~ck off the walls, where ~t knocks the gun out of

Nomolos' hand&·and, finally, burns right into the pile of machinery that is-- ·

EVIL ANDGOOD ROBOTSBILL AND TEO

who, receivingthe BLAST, suddenly SPARK and SHUDDER ...

••.and ZZZZZAAAAPPPPP! They all blow up into a million tiny pieces, sending towering THUNDERBOLTS OF ENERGYin all directions-- toward the now-glowing TV CAMERAS,toward the TV TRUCKwhich is stationed·outside, and even UP TOWARD THE SKY, where--

AN ORBITING SATELLITE

is suddenly electrified. The result of all this is that:

EVERYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE

Where a television.set is turned on, THIS CONCERTis suddenly broadcast. In China. In Africa. On Mars. Everyone in the known universe is witnessing

BILL ANDTED ANDTHE GREAT ONE'S

reactions as--

MS. WARDROE

staggers around the stage, then stops and rips open her top and reveals that INSIDE Ms. Wardroe's body is--

RUFUS

That's right, Rufus! The guys are astounded.

BILL/TED Rufus!!

OE NOMOLOS

De Nomolos starts to reach forhis weapon but before he can, Rufus whips a gun out and aims it directly at him.

...v'

Mr~ Oe Nomolos, sit-up champ of the 27th century... a man whose ideas are so incongruous.with the tide of the day, he has taken great effort to bend the world's views to match his own••• but, fortunately, he has failed. (then) Captain Logan.

Rufus nods to Captain Logan, who walks up and cuffs De Nomolos.

Logan leads the ashen De Nomolos offstage and toward the awaiting Officers Pratt and Gass.

Bill, Ted and the Princesses cross to Rufus.

Rufus nodsproudly, then indicates the crowd.

(gulps), Thanks, Rufus.

And Bill and Ted cross to their mies as Rufus picks up a guitar. Joanna crosses to the keyboards, taps the Reaper on the shoulder, and points to a stand up bass. The Reaper goes to it. Station picks up a saxophone, wails on it for a second, as--

Trembling with nerves, the guys look at each other, then at their band. "Go on," Death nods. The Princesses smile encouragingly.

Bill steps forward, voice shaky •. •

0 where we're supposed to make a

speech•••

THE THEATER

All eyes-- and cameras-- a~e locked onto them.

ALL AROUND THE UNIVERSE

People watch, rapt, as--

ONSTAGE

The guys look at each other for a moment, brows furrowed, really struggling. Finally, glancing over at the Grim Reaper (who continues to vamp on the bass), Bill gets an idea. He steps forward, grabs his mic and blurts:

BILL/TED Let's~-

The CROWDROARS, and the band launches into a (bad) song. The guys look at each other.

Pause. The guys slowly shift their attention to th• PHONEBOOTH.

And the guys leap into the booth, quickly dial some numbers, and in a FLASH the.BOOTH DISAPPEARS.

A SPLIT SECOND LATER

It reappears, dropping CENTERSTAGE. 'l'hedoorsopen, and through the smoke.and sparks •..

BILL AND TED

Now literally SIX 1'JQNTHSOLDER. emerge,waving to the crowd.

(They'redressed completely differently. BILL'S HAIR is frizzed out in a PUFFY BLOND PERM. Ted has grown long SIDEBURNS, a FU- MANCHU MUSTACHE and a SOUL PATCH.)

•

1:.0

They step up to the mic.

The guys look at each other.

BILL/TED one, two-- Qrut-two-three-!Q!u:!

And they leap into the MOSTAMAZING,OVER-THE-TOP, INDESCRIBABLY MASTERFUL GUITARSOLOS ever heard.

The audience is blown away.

ALL OVER THE WORLD

People watch, fascinated. Bums in front of TV store windows .

IN THE WHITE HOUSE

George Bush enters his bedroom, glances over at the TV.

IN THE KREMLIN

Mikhail Gorbachev looks at the TV.

ON MARS

Martians cheer and yell.

:~TIAHS Station!! Station!! Station!! Stat.ton!! {beat) More pretzels, Mart5.-:ms.

AT '!'HECONCERT

The crow:!cheers wildly, and as--

ON STAGE

Bill and Ted continue their thundering, incredible guitar solos, and--

RtTFtrS

tur!'.san,:ilooksdirectly AT CAMERA. Beat.

And as he starts to play,·we FRE:E:ZEFlU.'MEandFADE OUT.

MUS:i"CCOHTil'l'"tTESovertitles.