"ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY" (2004)

Revisions 2/26/2003

Adam McKay and Ferrell Will by

BURGUNDY ACTION NEWS! WITH RON

AN.CHORi'/\A~

•

(MORE) was. it what you told man the and TV the on turned you wasn't it if and ... clear was news the Portland like city a in and 1973 was It CONT' D) NARRATOR (

Diamond Neil

by Cherry" "Cherry, of lines bass pulsing initial the MUSIC:

1973. Portland

City Center over ourselves find to clouds the from emerge We

gliss sparkling a MUSIC:

channels. three right, me heard You happy. were viewers and was there all were channels Three ... cable before time a TV ... on heard they everything believed people when time A time. cynical less a was This NARRATOR (CONT'D)

SKY. BLUE a and CLOUDS WISPY to We dissolve

place. simpler much a was it know we as world the when past distant too not our in time a was there But NARRATOR (CONT'D)

anchors.

of cacophony a forming screen the across multiply shows The

afraid. very Be afraid. Be us? tell truth the of voices these do what And truth. the speak they, only and they, that you convince to trying anchors news of list endless an show each with And second. waking every us bombarding shows news network and local channels, hours 24 of hundreds are There news. Television assured) and (powerful NARRATOR (V.O.)

etc. etc. Chung Rather,

Brown, Aaron Brokaw, Jennings, anchors: of dozens by fronted All etc. etc. ESPN, Channel, Weather The CBS, MSNBC, FOX, • CNN, NBC, ABC, screen. the on flash shows news of Dozens

US SCREEN MOVING TOWARDS NEWS SHOWS ON A TV TV BLACK SCREEN WITH FLASHING OPEN ON:

Burgundy! Mr. Oh, • (playfully) WOMAN BLOND

fanny! that like I RON (CONT'D)

pinch. a butt her gives

He fountain. water a from sipping over bending BLONDE woman

ATTRACTIVE an passes Ron Next waitress. passing a of tray

the on empty the puts and sip one in scotch the downs He

booze! hello, Well RON

ya!! love We up! Bottoms Ron! Hey MAN BUSINESS

rocks. scotch a him hands jacket sans 38, MAN, BUSINESS a and bar air open an past moves then He thought. a without ground the on it drops then and dog hot the of bite one takes Ron

Louie! riot a are You (chuckling) RON

me! on story a Do Burgundy! Ron Hey VENDER

truck. lunch a VENDER from

a by him to offered dog hot a takes he walk, his Continuing

Portland! good Looking RON

best! the You're Burgundy! Ron Hey CONSTRUCTION WORKER

Ron. to wave girder a on CONSTRUCTION WORKERS sitting

NEWS! WITH RON BURGUNDY ACTION TITLE:

him. embrace to seems Portland of all street

the down strolls he As Woolery. Sean brother Chuck's and

Woolery Chuck between cross a He's hair. parted perfectly

and smile affable an with presence commanding a has He overhead. sky blue clear a with Portland of heart the through walking RON BURGUNDY, 38, to cut Smash HARD. IN KICKS MUSIC

suit. friggin' a wear to how knew he you: tell me let brother And Burgundy. Ron balls: • the was anchorman one Portland in and .... anchormen were men real and men were men time, strange this in Yes, NARRATOR (CONT'D)

•

camera. towards

walk faces their on looks focused with team News Action The

Team. the with up catches

and sunglasses the removes He on. sunglasses with can ash an around teens some with doo-wop singing FANTANA is BRIAN

! Fantana! Brian field, the in reporter your And (CONT'D) ANNOUNCERVO

Ron. joins then and wink

a camera the gives haircut, a getting finishes TAMI.AND BRICK

weather! Tamland, Brick ANNOUNCERVO

Ron. to next march

the joins then and run home a hits He kids. some with ball • stick playing is hat cowboy signature his wearing Kind Champ

sports!! Kind, Champ (CONT'D) ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Ron.

join to start team News Action the of members one, by One

Burgundy! Ron anchor winning Emmy award- local five-time with News Action four Channel newscast! rated one number area's Metropolitan Portland the watching You're excitement) building (with ) ANNOUNCER (V. 0.

NEWS ACTION CHANNEL 4 GRAPHIC: 70'S SIMPLE

powerful! friend, ma powerful is it And news.

action o'clock six the of opening the into turned has street the down march Ron's theme. news action driven casio dynamic a into blends song Diamond Neil the of line bass the Slowly,

devil?! handsome that Who's RON •

" THE TRUTH! S IT' IT, SAYS RON BURGUNDY IF NEWS! "CHANNEL 4 slogan the with himself

of picture smiling a showing billboard giant a passes He

• •

•

count. five silent his starts manager stage The

! ! ! HA! HA, HA, HA, laugh) (hearty NEWS TEAM

tonic. the Hold tonic. and Beefeater a have I'll Karen. you Thank RON

up? gentlemen you of any freshen I Can ASSISTANT

cart. drink a wheeling by walks 24 ASSISTANT, attractive An

"Because.

bathroom. supermarket a in • up woke car, my in pissed drunk, Got night. Tuesday standard pretty Nah, CHAMP KIND

night? last lucky get you did Champ, So smoke) (exhaling FANTANA BRIAN

guys. ten, in on We're MANAGER STAGE

in. walks hurriedly STAGE MANAGER, 42,

drinking. and smoking all are They set. news ?O's minimalist the behind seated are team news Action whole the and Ron

5:59PM --- NEWS STUDIO INT.

o'clock!!!! six at News Action It's yelling) almost (now ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

stare. journalist" •

"serious a with simultaneously turn all and camera to backs their with room control the in sitting are team News Action

CONTINUED OPENING -- NEWS SET INT.

cut. camera the of out drink a down putting Ron catch

We broadcast. the of end the to dissolves teleprompter 5)The

... feeding breast of evils the on series part five my conclude I Tonight .... FANTANA BRIAN

fist.

his pumps TV, little a on watching surgery in A Doctor 4)

deep! Knowles Darrell takes McCovey Willie Whammy! annnd .... CHAMP KIND

transfixed. watches bar biker gay A 3)

... authorities frustrated evade to continues Clock Alarm the as known group radical the ... (CONT'D) RON

loud. incredibly is volume The Ron. by transfixed sit

home nursing a of room T.V. the in people elderly 2)Forty

... group the out round Uganda and Brazil, China, France, ... (CONT'D) RON

quiets. baby the voice Burgundy"s of

sound the At crying. baby a with Mother American African 1)An

pool. abandoned an in dogs wild of pack a by attacked viciously being after Hospital University at life to clings man State A Washington RON

voice. assuring yet powerful Ron's hear we as streets city empty the of Shots

confidence. baritone •

a with up lights Ron on. is light camera red The barn! And ...

time! go It's fellas. sharp Stay RON

network. to you losing be to going we're and Ron up this Keep BRIAN FANTANA

o! Neat- stuff! neat is that everyone it mean I Super-duper! gang! a-way That fist) his (pumping RON

damn-lations. Congratu-god demographic. key every grabbed We just one. number We're paper) of piece a out (pulls month. last for in came just ratings The up! Listen ED HARKEN

producer. associate the 52, HOLIDAY,

GARTH by flanked enters producer managing the ED HARKEN,50

... limes the pass ... hard I'm ... good felt that ... work Nice ALL

smoke. and cocktails drink all They up. make pancake their off clean assistants while chairs their in sits each team The

MIRROR ROOM MAKE UP INT.

TURNED OFF A BLACK BACKGROUNDBEING AGAINST SET TV A

Portland. classy stay you ... (CONT'D} RON

him. with unison

in line off sign Ron's saying people of kinds all of 8}Shots

... Burgundy m Ron• I evening. pleasant a have Center, News Action the at here us of all For chuckle} (light center. new a themselves have • might Trailblazers the like Looks "Freedom." named be will giraffe baby the say zoo the at . .. officials RON

•

foot. man's a by head the in swatted be

to only around turns sound, a hears He whistling. through strolls A guard everywhere. art of works with museum Dark

CONTINUOUS - - - MUSEUM INT.

PIANO JAZZ INTRIGUE MUSIC:

museum. closed and

dark the by parked Emporium" Pet "The marked van a see We

SAME TIME PORTLAND ART MUSEUM EXT.

Grass" the in "Grazing OF DISTINCTION FRIENDS MUSIC:

SKYLINE A CITY AGAINST WITH HUGE SMILES THE AIR IN JUMPING

OF THE NEWS TEAM SHOTS SLOW MOTION AND REAL TIME OF MONTAGE

Team!! News ALL

other.

each with sync perfect in knots tie their tighten all They

like. looks team news rated one number a what city this of gals fine the all show to time it's think I what? know You RON

party-hearty! Let's Ron! on Come HELEN

lap.

Champ's on sitting is earlier from girl drink the 32, HELEN, nose. crooked a with heavy of kind is who head red cute A

there! be to going town's in anchor Every party! pool a having is two, channel at man weather the Charley, Deacon Ron! CHAMP KIND

• eee. . . .mmmrn. ... ooohhh ... ahhhh ... Network so?! think really you Do so? think you Do RON

---

• in: As nWhammy". phrase catch signature my for famous become of kind I've Anyway, kitchen. someone's in fire a start maybe me, in drinks few a get know, you fun, havin' about all I'm here. Champ (V. 0. ) KIND CHAMP

station.

rival a from newscaster a and players baseball some with tequila of shots doing is Champ FREEZE: AND PUSH IN FAST SUPER

stuff. my dig Ladies colognes. different thousand three over own and morning every genitals my on powder talcum of full hand a use I Kwane. Say Jenny call French the what have and stylish very I'm Man. Bri the me call People FANTANA {V.O.) BRIAN

Frame Freeze dress. silk green a in lady attractive an to talking while .38 a with around playing and

drinking laughing, is who Fantana Brian TO: PUSH IN FAST SUPER

equation. the to something special own their brought member each But NARRATOR {CONT'D)

perfect. and dry completely miraculously is hair their see we motion slow in pool the

from rising team the As plays. Withers Bill by Up" Me "Use

rock. the foundation, the was course, of Burgundy, team. news real a were fellas these Yes, NARRATOR {V.O.)

well. as

in jump Team News the including people other dozen A pool. the into ball cannon a does underwear his in Ron, women. and anchors of party pool drunken a is it see to back Pull

Cannonball!!! ... story news breaking important very a have I everyone, Hey RON

Ron CU of

NIGHT --- SUBURBAN HOME EXT. •

sprayed. then and up shaken being can paint spray a hear

We portrait. self Gogh Van a towards move figures Shadowy

•

panties. any wearing not I'm in: just This Burgundy. Ron Hello HOT BLONDE

suit. pant corduroy a in 24, HOT BLONDE, a SHERRI, a steps In

Burgundy. Ron Meet Sherri? town. in salon tanning a runs who ex-cheerleader an She's meet. to you want I girl this got I Ron, Hey butt) Ron's (slaps BRIAN FANTANA

hello. flirty a him gives

passes he woman Every hand. his in drink big a with party the through sashaying while music the to singing is 4)Ron lawn. the in hole a digging is and shovel a has Brick reason some 3)For moves. karate with dancing is 2)Champ office. the from Helen with out making is l)Brian rage. to continues Party

GREEN EYED LADY UP: MUSIC

retarded." "mentally call people some am what and 48 of IQ an have I that • me tell will doctor a later Years slacks. of pair nice a enjoy really I and cream ice eat to like I late. rarely and polite I'm because me like to seem People Tamland. Brick I'm (V.O.) TAMI.AND BRICK

fork. a with toaster the of out

something get to trying is Tamland Brick IN: PUSH FAST SUPER

Whammy. way, the by And man. good a was Father Your PRIEST

him. approaches A priest cheeks. his down streaming tears with funeral a at Champ 2) cake!" the cut to ready They're you? are where "Honey, voice man's a and door the on knock a We hear orgasm. they when "Whammy!" yell They closet. a in gown bridal a in woman a with sex having l)Champ to: Cut

my Whammies. love they much how know me let people go I Everywhere CHAMP KIND

Whammy! ! ! ... annnd plate the at Garvey Steve CHAMP

highlights. some announcing Champ to cut Quick

•

.. right just this approach to Got himself) {to RON {CONT'D)

demeanor. business" about "all an has

and way confident a in sexy is She table. a at alone sitting 28 WOMAN, STRIKING the find to only defeated around turns He

... her lost I"ve RON {CONT'D)

everywhere. looks them past pushes Ron

me! of thinking for thanks But can't. I fellas, Sorry RON

tank! fish the • in dump a take to going We're us! Join should You Burgundy! Ron Hey DRUNK ANCHOR

him. corner anchormen drunk other Two wall. a at

knives throwing anchormen of bunch a with room a in himself find to only her loses then her, of glance a sees He woman. striking the for looking crowd the through way his pushes Ron

things. ... other do go to have I me ... Excuse RON

... Burgundy Mr. HOT BLONDE

Zeus! of beard the By himself) {to {CONT'D) RON

ETHEREAL MUSIC:

eyes.

lock they as second a for away fades Everything background. the in by walkingWOMAN STRIKING a by distracted is Ron

" revolution. "sexuality this love I boy, oh Boy RON

party. entire the of front in shirtless stands

and shed garden a of top on climbed has Kind Champ Meanwhile •

Magnificent. RON (CONT'D)

gone. she's and up looks Ron

right! out come didn't That ahhh! ... you towards urges man have I breath) deep a (takes it. with deal to have to going just both we're and there out be to going just it's and now right something say to going I'm Wait! RON

going- be really should I Well WOMAN STRIKING

stupid! sounds That Ah! van. a have I guy. fascinating a I'm RON

you. for happy very I'm really? Oh (laughs) WOMAN STRIKING • deal. big a I'm impressive, I'm but this, put to how know don't I RON

do. I that say can't I WOMAN STRIKING

am? I who know you Do RON

me-- excuse you'll If woman. a compliment to how know certainly you Well WOMAN STRIKING

11 rear! a of heck a is that "boy, thought I hiney, your saw I second The you. on hiney little nice a got You've RON

leaving. actually I'm But you. thank Well WOMAN STRIKING

electric. are • you but before woman a to this said never have I lady. pretty Why hello (CONT'D) RON

Shakespeare! too is That RON

Woof! BAXTER

yonder." unto bird yonder like fly doth "Love said, who Shakespeare Billy was it believe I fleeting? nature very its by love is Baxter, question Good RON

Woof! BAXTER

gone. was she it knew I before And lady. special very a lady, a met I someone. meet did I fact of matter a As you. tell I'll on hold you if Well RON

Woof! BAXTER

home! papa's Baxter, Whoa RON ) •

dog . old very a is who

BAXTER terrier beloved his by greeted is Ron machine. pachinko a and couch sectional a table, coffee driftwood a ships, of

paintings features which apartment his entered just has Ron

CONTINUOUS -- APARTMENT RON'S INT.

Loggins Dave COME TO BOSTON by PLEASE MUSIC:

cabs. into straggle anchors drunk

other some as house party the from away pulling are cars Some

SUNRISE --- SUBURBAN HOME EXT.

doing. were you what to back go Just

vibe. the misread I Sorry. (CONT'D) CHAMP KIND

silent. goes instantly Party •

! ! ! Orgy .... everyone Hey CHAMP KIND

•

candle. red big, a ate I TAMLAND BRICK

Michelle. EDITOR

right? Charla, FANTANA (CONT'D) BRIAN

hand.- her raises 25, EDITOR, looking A pudgey

night? last here in anyone marry I Did ... point some at married got I think I FANTANA BRIAN

morning. this blue was piss MY party. crazy one was that Ooooh, CHAMP KIND • over. hung incredibly

are guys The begin. to briefing morning for wait they as table conference around sit editors and writers Team, News

DAY NEXT THE -- ROOM CONFERENCE NEWS OFFICE- INT.

on. gear head orthodontics have also Both on. pajamas News Action matching with bed in snoring both are Baxter and Ron

HOUR LATER AN -- BEDROOM RON'S INT.

bed. for ready and pj's your in you get let's Now you. forgive I Alright, two. twenty only you're believe can't I one! clever a are You ha!!! ha, ha, Ha, RON

Woof! BAXTER

refridgerator? the in poop you How did What?! RON •

Woof! BAXTER

•

mean? "diversity" hell's the What CHAMP KIND

Fire and Wind Earth STAR by SHINING MUSIC:

taxi. the of out steps

second the by followed leg stockinged sexy QUICK CUT AWAY: One

team. news the in diversity more about bitching been have affiliates the how hearing been have you of lot a sure I'm now And (CONT'D) HARKEN ED

station news the of front in up pulls taxi QUICK CUT AWAY: A

them. mentioned just I here, not they're Ron, Relax HARKEN ED

me! ! take Please here?! network's The ?! Whaa .. Huh!? sleep) • light a from up (waking RON

some for looking be might network the and steam gaining story's This ED HARKEN

museum. underrated really a It's GARTH HOLLIDAY

Picassos? and Goghs Van get Art of Museum Portland the did when Since HELEN

added. make-up "Kiss"

and breasts with portrait self Gogh A Van bullshit!" the "Stop with Suerat A it. across painted spray Up!" "Wake with lillies water Monet's paintings. of front in reporters and

detectives officers, police past Pan museum. The QUICK CUTS:

slogans. political with masterpieces of bunch a defaced and Art of Museum Portland the into got Clock Alarm The group that and Eugene, in derailment train • a there's day: the for chasing we're stories the Here's everyone. Morning HARKEN ED

•

shame! no with now right this doing are We CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

engorged! am I RON

table! conference this on now right me Take me! Take (CONT'D) CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Tears. and Sweat Blood, by "YOU MAKE ME SO VERY HAPPY" MUSIC:

him. on jumps and runs She

Ron!!! Oh CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

met. we since you wanting stopped haven't I RON

night. last foot wrong the on off got we sorry I'm Mr.Burgundy. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

daze. a in up stands He speachless. is Ron

lady! a That's KIND CHAMP

? ... frig the What FANTANA BRIAN

shocked. is room The party. the from woman striking

the She's door. the through walks 28, CORNINGSTONE, ALICIA

Corningstone. Alicia Ms. Carolina: North Asheville, WRJK in from straight team, news KYW to addition newest the you to introduce to like I'd mind in that with So changing. are times the means Diversity ED HARKEN

station. the into way her makes

"she" as hand in cigarette Slim Virginia a lips, red ruby hip, the of curve a hair, blonde of hint a see We CUT: QUICK •

mustard? of kind a "diversity" Isn't TAMLAND BRICK

• d

•

welcome! feel Corningstone Ms. make to best our do let's remember, And people. news some make Now go awhile. For HARKEN ED

being. time the For CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

thing. of kind that gossip, cooking, fashion, stories: women's on features doing be to going Alicia's ED HARKEN

knew. I Yes, CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

I- who knew you So RON

business. the in anchors regional finest the of one you're hear I Burgundy. Mr. have we Yes CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

met. already we've believe I Corningstone. Ms. Hello RON

reputation. sterling already station's news this to contributing to forward look I that know to all you want just I professional) (very CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

fantasy. Ron's from reality to Back

applauds. everyone

while table conference the through smash and back fall They

Jazz!! baby! jazz It's RON

law! the Break me! on nasty Get CORNINGSTONE ALICIA •

baby! a make Let's RON

-

lunch!!! get could we maybe Then loud) (too office! my use can You RON

carpet. the changing just They're afternoon. this ready be should It ED HARKEN

ready. be would office my when knew you if wondering was I Harken, Mr. me Excuse CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

silence. awkward an into

falls room The enters. Alicia Champ. at laughing is Everyone

! munch-munch-munch-munch! Munch- ! ! ! Awooo! just and butt that on sauce barbeque some put to like I'd bee-hind. ol' big nice a have does She her. for thing one say I'll CHAMP KIND

jeopardy. in station whole the • putting Now you're Bears. Ed? that See FANTANA BRIAN

periods their that somewhere read I TAMLAND BRICK

time. air anyone's take gonna not She's relax. Everyone ED HARKEN

too! yell can I TAMLAND BRICK

-- fact! scientific a that's And anchorlady! not anchorman, It's CHAMP KIND

! ! newsroom! the in belong not do Women screaming) (suddenly ... but ladies the love I wrong, me get Don't Ed! bullcrap is This FANTANA BRIAN • window. the out stares Ron

livid. is Brian smoking. chain office Ed's in is team The

OFFICE ED HARKEN'S INT.

Juel Bestro1

• hallway. the down walking continues She

crotch) his to (pointing thing. sweet on Come lap. my on sit and here over on come you don't why Hell, MANAGER STATIION

chair? a have Do you CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Buck. to come you then problem a got You here. round family a like We're drawl) {polite STATION MANAGER

guys. these than • worse lot a of hell a were they and Houston of outside station little a at was job air on My first better. little a ear the hit Corningstone Alicia but Ganken Rita is name My real situation. of kind this to used I'm me. for sorry .feel Don't (V.O.) CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

away.

walks she as everything hearing clearly outside Alicia We see

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door. the closes She

gentlemen. Goodbye Harken. Mr. you Thank CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Sorry. • RON

Ron . voice your Lower ED HARKEN

•• a

•

hands! hold and together concert Stevens' Cat a to go We will rub! back a her give her, caress down, her throw woman, that grab will I soft! gone not has Burgundy Ron Hey! RON

laugh. all They

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rest! a it give fellas, on Come RON

munch-munch-munch! just and gravy some and slaw of side a with frier deep a in ass that put wanna I KIND CHAMP

quick. her bed to is line in Corningstone • keep to way best the figure I So BRIAN FANTANA

Mr.Horse! Hi TAMLAND BRICK

blue! in men up Thumbs RON

Team! News Action The Hey! OFFICER POLICE

by.

rides horseback on A policeman dogs. corn eating sky blue a underneath town of center the through walking is Team News The

HALF HOUR LATER -- PORTLAND OF STREETS EXT.

excell. thing: one do to am here I And ambition. and Tab cigarettes, of diet a on • live I journalist. good damn a I'm secret, little a have I Well, it. with up put I how me ask always Women CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

center! • weather a have we've well Yeah, FRANK VITCHARD

station! our at helicopter a have we least At FANTANA BRIAN

mouth! a call you hole rot that up bust will I Vitchard! move a Make CHAMP KIND

down! beat serious a get to about You're turf!? station's our on doing you are What FRANK VITCHARD

Beat. Half

toilet? the At suits? your get guys you did Where Hey. TAMLAND BRICK

heh. he, heh, He, (snickering) TEAM EYEWITNESS • on. going sale a had Army Salvation the know didn't I gentlemen. clothes Nice FRANK VITCHARD

Team. News Eyewitness Hello Frank. Hello RON

Team. News Action the and Burgundy Ron isn't it if well, Well, FRANK VITCHARD

ten. channel station rival from Team News Eyewitness his and 47 FRANK VITCHARD, anchor lead is It smoking.

are suits in men five where building large a past walk They

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gay. a like sound You Burgundy! yourself to Listen CHAMP KIND

• times. special sharing are who buddies Good ... friends! good very are we and ... laughing We are RON

heartily. laughs Everyone

two! number of out hell the beats Sure BRIAN FANTANA

one. number be to good is certainly It RON

em ... handle to way Ron ... one Nice TEAM NEWS

on. moves Team News Action The

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guys! Focus RON

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bus. a for is That HOT WHITE CHICK

bus. a take let's So MARCOS

person. Per DEEDRA X

us? of all For PAUL DANOVER

hundred. three are tickets trip round Portland-Washington DEEDRA X

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ringing' a' start will clock alarm the then And MARCOS

heard. is message our til move to refuse and gates • House White the to ourselves chain We down. go gonna what's here's So PAUL DANOVER

Alarm!!! the Ring lies! the End corruption! the Stop ALL

25. MUSCULAR GUY, a and 26, DEEDRA X, woman,

American African sexy a 28, MARK, man, Mexican imposing tall a glasses, with genius wirey a 32, OLIVER, by surrounded is He lap. his on Mama sexy a SANDRA, 23, with chair large a in sits leader the 28, PAUL, table. large a around seated

radicals, faced serious of group a Clock, Alarm the We see

MC-5 MUSIC:

THAT NIGHT CLOCK COMPOUND--- ALARM INT.

fondness!! great with moment this on back look we'll Someday friendship! our enjoying and Laughing RON •

happen. it let Just Ron. it say to have don't You FANTANA BRIAN

•

talking is Harken activity. with buzzing are offices news The

---DAY OFFICES NEWS INT.

JONATHON EDWARDS "SUNSHINE" MUSIC:

OVER PORTLAND SUNRISE

Paul. Sure ... Cool DEEDRA X/SANDRA

backrubs? some give revolution, the about talk me, join wanna ladies You hammock. a in lay go to going I'm Now traffic. low and exits easy with bank a pick Oliver, transportation, some and masks some get Marcos, anyway. money stolen all It's Yes. PAUL DANOVER

bank. a rob should we Maybe OLIVER

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manifesto? the Where's MARCOS

manifesto. the in stated clearly is It PAUL DANOVER

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• UP! everyone wake to time It's folks! time, the Now's else. something of think We'll Dammit! PAUL DANOVER

•

Baloney! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

missy! job your Do baloney! Not ED HARKEN

A Baloney! grade is It CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

baloney! not is It ED HARKEN

baloney! is this Mister CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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enters. Alicia

in. her Send ED HARKEN

her. assigned you story the do to refuses She Corningstone. Ms. It's Ed? free You GARTH HOLLIDAY

door. open the on knocks Garth

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Sorry. CORNINGSTONE (CONT'D) ALICIA

dick. the in him punches She

here. over this get me let Wait so. think don't I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

later? sole of filet a get go wanna You together. put you're way the like I say? I can What CHAMP KIND

chest? my touch to trying you are me Excuse CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Whammy! this. grab just me Let CHAMP KIND

phone. the on she's while pencil a grabs He

MINUTES LATER NEWS ROOM - IN CENTER DESKS INT.

clumsy. I'm boy Ooops, CHAMP KIND

cup. coffee a grab to her across reaches He

LATER OF THE OFFICE--MINUTES OTHER SIDE INT.

darling. lil' that about sorry Oh CHAMP

hallway. the in her into bumps He breasts. Alicia's

touch to ways finding Champ showing shots quick of series A

"HELLO OPERATOR" THE WHITE STRIPES MUSIC:

off. pissed clearly office, Harken's exits Alicia

begin! games the Let right! That's it) with cool not (clearly RON

begin! games the Let girl! new the at run • a take to about I'm Burgundy, Hey CHAMP KIND

CHAMP DOWNTHE HALLWAY. HE PASSES RON STROLLING

---

•

diaper! used a in wrapped ham old of piece a like smells It watering. are My eyes CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

M'lady. desire of smell the That's FANTANA BRIAN

smell? that is what God, my Oh CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

way- your invite an extend to wanted just I sweetheart, Hey FANTANA BRIAN

producer.

a and writer copy a with is who Alicia to up walks Brian

head. panther a with bottle black large a is grass some on sitting inside, and it opens He box. mahogany polished a see we middle the in bottles, cologne of full cabinet a opens He

cologne. special a gets she No, FANTANA BRIAN

Gentleman? Lodon or Dragon Night with: going you cologne Which RON

on. watches Ron while bottles cologne of hundreds literally with filled shelf a through looking is Brian

learn. and Now watch Homo. Doctor work Nice FANTANA BRIAN

him. by walks Brian

basket. waste a in up throws he as Champ at laughs Newsteam

•

FANTANA BRIAN

up! adds all It lesbo. a be must she so ... CHAMP KIND

soaked. still is Brian Team. News defeated the by surrounded Ron is it that see to back pull filled, being coffee of Cup

STATION COFFEE - NEWSROOM INT.

speed. full away runs and turns He

Okay. TAMLAND BRICK

No. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

area. suit bathing the in other each touch and later together get could we maybe thought I • TAMLAND BRICK

CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Alicia? me Excuse TAMLAND BRICK

approaches. Brick as MANCAMERA a to talking is Alicia

MINUTES LATER STUDIO---TWENTY INT.

suits. mat

haz- in janitors two by suit his in down hosed being is Brian

STUDIO KYW ALLEY BEHIND EXT.

scared! Mommy I'm (O.S.) VOICE SMALL CHILD'S

shrimp! rotte~ of full carcass animal an like smells It (O.S.) VOICE MAN'S

rank! is that Damn (O.S.) VOICE MAN'S BLACK •

cologne. present very his to responding annd air the

sniffing begin office the over all People off. runs Alicia

•

back. and arms is Tuesday workout. my doing Just by. coming were you know didn't I sorry I'm Alicia Oh RON

situation. posed obviously an It's handweights. curling shirtless,

chair, a on backwards seated is he office, Ron's enters Alicia

knocks. Helen cats.

of kinds different of tape research a watching is Alicia

in. back Kicks Music:

out." hang all it let gotta you "Sometimes say, to used who Moondragon Jess anchor lead great the mentor my quote I RON

do? gonna we what're Man, FANTANA BRIAN

tequila. some had just I afternoon. the in one It's you. thank No RON

thermos. a Ron offers He

rum? of sip a want You guys. classy We're KIND CHAMP

worst. the • be can they And lady. classy a she's think I wrong. all we're think I RON

I

Really? RON •

that. do could I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

that- wounded and hurt so am I that! past way we're But yes. idea, the was That RON

professional? a as Strictly CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

shocked! and hurt am I now, But Yes. RON

Really? CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

professional. another helping professional one as town the around you show I that suggest to going only was I RON

guns! arms your calling Stop CORNINGSTONE ALICIA ••

office. the at guns my sculpt to have I so gym the to get to time little very have I offended! am I attempt?!" up "Pick shirt) his on (putting RON

Burgundy. Mr. yourself of ashamed be should You encountered. ever have I attempt up pick feeblest the be to has This CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

guns. my Pardon water. of glass this getting Just (CONT'D) RON

flex.

to as way a such in water the for Alicia across reaches Ron

here. over water of glass a get just me Let pumped. stay guns the sure making just I'm Well, I? did Oh • RON

by. come to me asked You CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

-

tonight. together evening romantic a having We're yes. said She RON

happened? What CHAMP KIND

up. walks team news The

on! put to program news a got we"ve everyone, work to back get Let's gang! alarm false Okay, (CONT'D) RON

there.

bump red a barely there's head, his feels and up stands Ron

exposed. be to my brain of portion a expecting fully I'm record! on anything as serious as is it God my Ohhhhhhhh paramedic! • a for call bat, the off right say to going I'm serious! very is it Ohhhh bad! is it and down is Burgundy Ron D) ' CONT ( RON

WHAM! cabinet, file

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Hey-oo! go! we There date! a got I RON

hallway. the down dances walk on shirt with now Ron

Chandler Gene by Situation" "Groovey CUE: MUSIC

on. hard huge a has clearly and up stands Ron

professional. Strickly course. Of RON

• date. a not is this But covering. I'm city the know to get should I journalist a As Yes. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

-

• clear? we Are it. read will Burgundy prompter the into put you whatever time, last the For teleprompter? the on mark question a typed who Dammit ED HARKEN

line. off sign Ron's to dissolve lapse time we then And

salmon! rancid of full ass plumbers a like smells It stench? that is What PASSERBY

stops. background the in A passerby

Ron. you to Back case. strange this in leads some get they hope only can Police the now for And FANTANA BRIAN

store. the of

front in from reports wet still is hair who's Fantana Brian

shop. costume Portland prominant a from masks four only with with off made individuals unidentified four as today area downtown the in robbery A story: top Tonight's Burgundy. Ron I'm Portland. evening Good RON

THAT NIGHT --- STUDIO NEWS INT.

him. for feeling new a was it so relationships real with experience much have didn't Ron smitten. was Burgundy Yes, NARRATOR (V.O.)

Woof! Woof! ... Whammy! .. Dog! • You ... Ron! Alright barking) and (panting TEAM NEWS

road. the

at look to attempt any making without time long a for look sly suggestive, a with Alicia at stares just and turns Ron

WITH YOU" BY BREAD MAKE ITWANNA "I MUSIC:

play. pushes Ron

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that? What's CORNINGSTONE (CONT'D J ALICIA

dash. the to in tape a pops Ron

Excellent. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Oregon. Portland earth: on city greatest the of view eye bird's a getting by start we'd thought I So RON • Portland. of lights bright the through drive Alicia and Ron

MINUTES LATER FIVE - VAN RON'S INT.

tonight. it of full I'm DYNAMITE LADY." MY MY ANGEL... ALEEECIA ... " .. ALEECIA ... (singing) RON

elevator. the of out dancing walk comes Ron

... professional strictly it's Remember Alicia. mistake a such is This herself) ( to CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

doors. front the by waiting is Alicia

NIGHT LOBBY~ NEWS BUILDING INT.

set. the off bolts Ron as roll Credits

Portland. classy stay You RON •

him. with it saying Portland

in people different of cuts Quick off. sign his finishes Ron

· Oregon. Portland is that lady grand The it. have you there And RON (CONT'D)

looking. without parks parrallel he as wheel the on hands his with motions Quick

park. parallel me let Just here. we're And RON

you. thank No ... CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

that? you told ever anyone Has Princess. a or unicorn a like eyes, captivating have You (CONT'D) RON

Alicia. at deeply stare to continuing while all traffic moving fast into merges signal,

turn his on puts ambulance, an for way makes He Alicia. at • directly look to continues Ron and play to continues song The

me . trust Shhh, RON

road. the at look please Ron CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

horn. the honks light,

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be. ... Just anything. say Don't RON

say. to what know don't I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Well? (CONT'D) RON

her. at staring keeps just Ron

hand. my of back the like streets city these know I worry Don't RON

road. the at looking not you're that nervous me makes It CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

fast. one first the drank Wow you RON

guest! Burgundy's Mr. for Anything WAITER

Manhattan? another have I May me! excuse Oh CORNINGSTONE (CONT'D) ALICIA

by. passes A waiter

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place. the is This Tino"s. to comes town in anchor news Every RON

drinking.

and smoking anchors news with packed is place The playing. is trio jazz A poured. being beer and mixed being Cocktails

essential place a to go we now And RON

you. of nice ... very That's CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

prettier. little a got just she yesterday, of as And lady. my beautiful Portland's RON

covers. he city the of fond so anchor an see to nice truly It's CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

smooth. down goes always She Portland. ••.Mtnmmrnmrn in. it Drink RON

Mr.Burgundy. view a quite is That Well. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA •

city. the of view night stunning a overlooking bluff steep a on perfectly parked has he that see We

Tran. Paula be must You speckles. white with tie red a wearing was I night. tuesday A eleventh. October story. that remember I RON

Christmas. for heat had we landlords delinquint about year last did you story a of Because Mr.Burgundy, KOREAN MOTHER

daughter. her and KOREAN MOTHER, 45 a

for autograph an signs Ron table. a at seated Alicia and Ron

prblems. ... I .. have .. heygglll mpfffmmm ... ... mphhh Hey .... nose) his of out running snot with (drunk

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ratings. more equals cleavage more honey, Remember weather. Mantooth, Chip

off. it show to afraid be Don't honey. shape nice a got You sports. 2 channel Nazareth, Mike Heyyyyy.

Alicia. to introduced being anchors news of series a We see

gang! the to you introduce Let's LA! LA, LA, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY (singing) you? with wrong what's know you Alicia wonderful. That's it. of heard never I"ve Oh RON

expression. old an It's do? Romans the as Do CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

on. go please Yes ... RON

Rome ... in when Well, CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

•

walk. a for line base that take and splashy cymbals the keep E-flat, in Rundown" Broadway "East gentlemen, Alright (CONT'D) RON

case. flute a is there where

jacket his of back the under reaches and stage on up walks Ron

diddy. quick a play can I guess I ... Well RON

classy! Stay Woo! Fantastic! Yeah! ANCHORS

flute? jazz some play Burgundy Ron hear to love everyone Would crowd) the ( to TINO

couldn't. I no. Oh RON

us. for flute jazz play would you if honored be would we Burgundy Mr. TINO

city. the in owner club greatest the is Tino you? How are Tino. RON

Burgundy? Mr. TINO

over. walks 40, TINO,

well. it handle you Well CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

children. million one have I like It's responsibility. big a It's RON

you. love to seems real·ly city this impressed, I'm say to have I Boy CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

exit. and autograph the take They • Mr.Burgundy. treasure national a are You KOREAN MOTHER

Burgundy? Mr. have you do "passions" other what So Absolutely. CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

playing. flute my about out find to Terui{ the want wouldn't I us of two the between this keep could we if please, And mine. of passion small a been always has flute Jazz RON

that? like play to how learn you did where amazing, were You CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

ha ... ha, ha, Ha, ALICIA/RON

up. clean staff wait as empty is place The

corner. lit candle cozy a in seated now are Alicia and Ron

MUCH LATER -- TINO'S INT.

cheers. with explodes crowd The finish. jazz the to back Then

AQUALUNG! Ah! (CONT'D) RON

Aqualung. Tull's Jethro into going beat a for breaks he Then flute.

the on scales of run amazing an with song the finishes He

DIN!! DIN IN··IN-DE··IN JUST THIS DEE ... BA DOP NEWS, BREAKING NEWS, NEWS, DA DEE ... DA BO SCEE (CONT'D) RON

scat. to break a takes He food. and drinks

people's on stepping plays, he as tables cocktail the of top on walks Ron nuts. goes anchors of crowd The awe. in watches

Alicia solos. incredible playing goat, jazz nimble a like

stage the about scampering amazing, is Ron him. behind in kicks band The song. the to lead-in elaborate an plays Ron

walk. a for line base that take and splashy cymbals the keep E-flat, in Rundown" Broadway "East gentlemen, Alright (CONT'D} RON

arm. the by her grabs Ron but leave, to starts Alicia

... co-worker a with involved get never would I swore I going, get probably should we Um, so. think don't I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

crying? you Are RON

face. Alicia's down streaming tear a is There

lonely. and ... difficult and ... lonely been it's yes, And anchor. news a be would I knew I hooked. was and school at announcements P.A. the read I day one Then me. at laughed they But jack. lumber a as job a get to tried I So boys. the with play me let wouldn't coach the but ABA range, from three the hit could and dunk to how learned I school high in Then "butcher." or sergeant" "drill play would I house playing of instead girl little a As men. by dominated usually pursuits for talent a with cursed been always I"ve CORNINGSTONE (CONT'D) ALICIA

images. photo lightening-quick

of series a in depicted is it story the tells Alicia As

girl. little a was I since anchor an be to wanted I"ve Burgundy. Mr. serious very I'm CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Seriously- Australia! of King be can you that after and ha, Ha, RON

anchor. network a become to want too, I dream. same the share we not or it believe Well CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

dreams? and hopes your • are What Alicia? you about what So (CONT'D) RON

HAZY DISSOLVE:

bed. the into back fall then and kiss They

there! going we're Oh RON

Ecstasyville! to me Take ! ! Ahhh! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

M' lady! steed my on castle your storming I'm ! ! yeahhh! Oh RON

lover! viking my me Take Yeah!! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

lady!! Spanish my You're ! Oooohhh!! RON

asleep.

than out passed more them to next is Baxter other. each

kissing and rubbing undress, of half-state a in are They

BEDROOM RON'S INT. .)

TO: DISSOLVE

platform.

spinning a on are they this do they As feverishly. kiss They

blast. full on comes Tears

and Sweat Blood, by happy", Very Me So Made "You've MUSIC:

kiss. passionate a into turns moment tentative A

... Mr. Burgundy me surprise to continue You CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

all. that's man ... a be I'll woman ... a be You Shhhh. RON

don't- I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA • co-people. ... just were we if What co-workers? weren't we tonight for just if What Wait. RON

sir. done Well CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

up. comes sun the as arms others each in laying are They

Panda! Love way that go not does Burgundy Ron Hey! (CONT'D) RON

him. kiss to

tries and thigh Ron's on hand his puts Panda the Then them. around all explode hearts while them hugging resumes panda The stop. and doing they're what realize panda the and Alicia

Panda! Love off Back RON • amused. not is Ron out,

make- to begin turn in They Alicia. notices then but them hug to starts who bear panda giant of arms the in land They

! ! ! Weeeeee RON AND ALICIA

DOWNA RAINBOW SLIDING RON AND ALICIA

ever!! rainbow glorious most The Look! RON

hearts. into burst lolipops Exploding

back!!!!! you love friggin I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

you!!!!! love friggin I RON

UNICORNS FLYING RON AND ALICIA-RIDING

magic. and

sunshine rainbows, of Full in. live Smurfs the one the unlike not land a is It "Ecstasyville". of gates the through way

•

their pushing hands, holding faces, their on smiles frame, into fly They world. animated an in live are Alicia and Ron

"ECSTASYVILLE" ANIMATED GATES GIANT ANIMATED SEQUENCE-

I $

door. the closes and up gets Brian • fantastic! just It's wonderful! is It it. help can't I RON

it. yelled much pretty You BRIAN FANTANA

loud? that say just I Did RON

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love!!! in are we now and night last sex nasty wild, had I and Corningstone Alicia (O.S.) RON

office.

Ron's to door open an room news bustling the across We see •

ROOM NEWS INT.

game. the of name the is discretion Tasteful wildflower. crazy my Absolutely RON

station. the around quiet relatively it keep should we other each seeing keep to going we're if thought just I about. talking I'm what to apply really doesn't expression That CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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though. Panda, Love the for care didn't I yourself. bad so not are You RON

etc. us ... tell Yes ... ALL

is? love what know wanna really guys You RON

glue. love I TAMLAND BRICK

No ... RON

boner? a got you"ve only ... flag the salute you when feel you how like it Is FANTANA BRIAN

Dammit! KIND CHAMP

love. not That's RON

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fist. his pumps Ron

man! my sight Outta sex? the What, • RON

like? it what's us, tell so Ron FANTANA BRIAN

• Alicia! stuff great some getting I'm EAGER CAMERMAN

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sunglasses. with jacket leather a in cat a 3) bikini woman's a in cat a 2) cardigan a in A cat 1) runway. a down lead being

outfits little in cats oblivious of shots various We see

Emporium. Pet store: the of

center the in constructed been has runway A little P.A. store the over in piped being is Butter" and Bread Like "I MUSIC:

STORE PET GIANT INT.

time. big the is This it. handle can she hope I speak. we as show fashion feline the at story first her doing She's RON

now? she is Where CHAMP KIND

done. got it me Believe insane! not love, in I'm RON

hair. your drying blow without door the out walk not did you me tell please Ron, FANTANA BRIAN

Wow. CHAMP KIND

moved. visibly is team the as Beat

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(MORE) great. • really She's Corningstone. Alicia reporter newest our course of That RON

broadcast. the during monitor a on playing been has story This

PULL OUT TO REVEAL:

News. Action for Corningstone Alicia I'm Harkston. in Emporium Pet the From purrr-fect. look him made it ... cat the kill not did curiosity fashion today for just And mall. the at here spectators the and owners their cats, for day fun was it all in all So camera) the for brightening (instantly CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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pumpkin. a into turn • carriage'll your and twelve strike clock'll the when know never you Cause present. the like time no say: always I what know You on. Right PAUL DANOVER

move. to you need to going we're Sir, CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

ready. I'm Okay CAMERMAN EAGER

seconds. twenty in live go to about we're me, Excuse CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Julius? Orange an get Wanna Paul. I'm Hey. PAUL DANOVER

nervously. her approaches He her. at staring section

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convention. • jackass a is This here. of out get and sign-off my do just Let's (pissed) CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

on? it get to about two you Are SKEEVY GUY •

in. leans guy skeevy The

(touched) CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

SWEET MUSIC:

Corningstone. Alicia with love in fell he that was ... world Burgundy's Ron in story news biggest the today well, and news the report I am. truly I Alicia. sorry I'm Alicia) to back then (and fantastic. really It's you. Thank RON

on. it gettin on Congrats two. you Hey SKEEVY GUY

up. thumbs the them gives

and them to next table the from in leans 55 SKEEVY GUY, A

... fast pretty it said • I it! heard even one no sure I'm RON

your your I'm thinks everyone if happen to going that's way no there's And Ron. anchor an be to want I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

it! like you'd thought I RON

air! the on dating were we said you believe can't I idiot!! You CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

restaurant. a in fondue eating are Alicia and Ron

LATER THAT NIGHT --- RESTAURANT INT.

Portland. classy stay You Burgundy. Ron I'm team, News Action entire the For o'clock. six at here us for it do That'll Okay. bedroom. • the in partner creative a quite is she And dating. currently are we that you with share also might I And (CONT'D) RON

drinking. and

smoking while shined shoes their getting all are team news The

THE NEXT DAY --- LOBBY INT.

MY TUMMY GOT LOVE IN I'VEYUMMYYUMMY MUSIC:

rises. sun

the as street the through push brooms with cleaners Street

PORTLAND ---MORNING EXT.

night. early an it call should we Maybe morning. the in thirty four It's (sadly) KIND CHAM!?

Ron. without same the isn't just It BRIAN FANTANA

experience. the by unmoved looks

team The building. news 10 channel the of front in lawn the on turf up kicking and tires it's spinning is Impala red The •

TWO MINUTES LATER NEWS BUILDING--- 10 CHANNEL FRONT OF EXT.

Whammy! lawn! Team's News Eyewitness the turf Let's idea. an got I've Hey, CHAMP KIND

Ron. without do to what know don't They silence. bored of Beat

yellow. It's you. Thank TAMLAND BRICK

Brick. tie new your like I BRIAN FANTANA

mouths. their in cigarettes have all They CHEROKEE NATION blaring. song the with

around cruising Impala red big a in is Ron minus Team News The

THAT NIGHT STREET--- PORTLAND CITY EXT.

him! answering Stop CORNINGSTONE ALICIA •

see. to have We'll though. later Maybe No. RON

(MORE) women. it's knows Burgundy Ron thing one there's If fine. be I'll me Believe RON

fall. big a for up you setting be could chick This you. about worried we're that say trying just Brian's Papa. Easy KIND CHAMP

son! own my like team this love I you! How dare RON

it! said I There! team! the hurting it's And Ron. lady this with time of lot a spending been you've is line bottom The FANTANA BRIAN

so ... think don't I RON

" do. Romans the as "Do of thinking you're think I FANTANA BRIAN

fast? drink her downs lady a when know ... You RON

mean? you do What FANTANA BRIAN

Rome. in when say, they what know you Well RON

month. every this We do Breakfast. Pancake our is this Ron, KIND CHAMP

"jogging." called fad new this trying are I and Alicia it. make can't I forgot. almost I Oh RON

gin. and syrup the bring I'll good. Sounds KIND CHAMP • eight. of instead nine at morning tomorrow breakfast pancake Team the having we're So FANTANA BRIAN

• him. forgave never I Lee. Bruce Mr. TAMLAND BRICK

that like just It's head. Ron's into crawled really has lady This FANTANA BRIAN

Wham-mee. inflection) deal" his "what's a with (said CHAMP KIND

off. walks Ron

up! us break to trying quit So top! mountain a on married get and horses ride to going we're and ladY my She's RON

Ron ... know don't I CHAMP KIND

coat. Ron's over brush

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Yes! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

team! news the with drinking out going I'm then and whoopie make Let's RON

life! my love I dinner! preparing and Emmies your cleaning day all spent I honey! Hello CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Shore

Dinah TO HAVE A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE by SO NICE IT'S MUSIC:

all. that's and apron an and heels high in is

Alicia suits. in hair perfect with boys all kids, three his by greeted is He room. living oversized slightly his enters Ron

FANTASY RON'S --- GRAND HOME INT.

babies. have and me • of care take can she so job her quit to dying is Corningstone Alicia And (CONT'D) RON

• H

•

to? up us wake to want they is it what out find should we think you Don't up. all us wake to threatening and robbing radicals of group a is There CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

goes. it how see we'll and honey story loaf meat the at run a take Just HARKEN

museum. the vandalized that Clock, Alarm the group, that investigate to want I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

meatloaf. best world's the for recipe the have to claims who Nederville in out woman old year 103 a There's receive. shall you and Ask paper) of piece a her (hands HARKEN ED

stories. challenging more do to want I CORNINGSTONE ALICIA •

for? you do I can what Anyway are. kids how know You gun. spear a and acid of sheet a with riding joy caught was Chris, youngest, our Apparently stuff. parent it's no, No, ED HARKEN

Mr.Harken? later back come I Should CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

phone. the up hangs Harken

sir. day, good a have you enough, fair Well, don't. You that? What's around. everything turning to close very is Chris like feel really I well ... (CONT'D) HARKEN ED

down. sit to motion quiet the her gives he in, walks Alicia

animal. filthy a as him to refer wouldn't you if it prefer would I so son my is he ... Dawson Mr. understand I Well, HARKEN ED •

phone. the on office his in is Harken Ed

are pants motorcyclists The out. gets and van his stops Ron

Cleopatra! and Anthony RON (CONT'D)

horribly. out wipes who MOTORCYCLIST,28,

a hits It window. the out apple eaten half his whips Ron

GENTLEMAN!! MY LITTLE BAXTER!!!! NEW!!! BE GOOD AS HE'LL GET MONKEYLUNGS THEN GONNA BAXTER'S (singing) RON

Baxter. with van conversion his

in apple an on munching and street the down driving is Ron

DAY --- STREET CITY EXT.

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ANOTHER BROADCAST. 2)

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NEXT DAY OF NEWS OFFICES-THE HALLWAY INT.

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STORE SUIT MEN'S GIANT INT.

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THE NEXT DAY -- HALLWAYOF NEWS OFFICES INT.

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LATER MINUTES FIVE NEWS OFFICE INT.

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•

NEXT MORNING NEWS OFFICES INT.

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NEWS VAN INT.

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AN HOUR LATER --- ROOM LIVING INT.

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HALF HOUR LATER --- HOME CLASS MIDDLE UPPER EXT.

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Ron. story a quite was That scratch. from start must now and him arresting from away days were police Unfortunaately disapeared. has Danover Paul filed was report this since And CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

played. has piece

the after desk the at are Ron and furious looking Alicia,

fun! is this Hey, Clock. Alarm The of member a is He God. Oh my RON

van. the took just He CHAMP KIND

away. drives and inside gets

NEWSVAN, SATELLITE the to runs and room the of out bolts He

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caught. is and papers Alicia's at looks He

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forward. papers some pushes and again coughs Brian

friends. women many have don't I me. inviting for you thank Well CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

us. of all to inspiration an been You've Alicia. out came you nice so It's HELEN

pictures. take and drink and laugh women The

Foreigner. from drummer the with sex had I DONNA

company. temp own my start to going I'm SECRETARY

... degree law my for now school night to going I'm RECEPTIONIST

conversations. their of snippets up We pick margaritas. having are

work from women other of bunch a and Helen Donna, Alicia,

NIGHT - MEXICAN RESTAURANT INT..,

you? help I Can RON (CONT'D)

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sound! with Chet there, over camera on Hal Garth, Ed, Brick, Champ, Brian, you Thank side! my at team my without it done have couldn't I RON

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Ron. applauds Team News The off. goes light The

back. right be We'll Brick. yet Not CORNINGSTONE ALICIA • Tuesday- And north! the from in coming clouds storm some got We"ve (O.S.) TAMLAND BRICK

•

scrolling prompter the of cut quick a We see

RON

Corningstone. Alicia I'm CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

... team News Action entire the For (CONT'D) RON

lightly. chuckle They

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woods. the into back scampered bear the destroyed was booth Photomat the After CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

news. the up wrapping just are Alicia and Ron

NEXT NIGHT - NEWS SET INT.

you. to up It's don't. or it use said: I Like information. you giving just I'm Hey HELEN

Helen. that do couldn't I No CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

anything. mean I And teleprompter. that on put that's anything read will Burgundy Ron use. not or use to choose can you that information some here's Well in) (leaning HELEN

mean? you do What CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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you. fire gotta I Ron ED HARKEN

Edward. Hello doo. doo da, di, La, (CONT'D} RON

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• everybody. work Nice RON

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STUDIO INT.

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shocked. looking Harken Ed

CONTROL ROOM INT.

TV. the off turn to rushes Father the dinner, eating family A 3) gasping couple A 2) drink his out spitting A man 1)

HOMES THEIR VARIOUS SHOTS OF VIEWERS REACTING IN

SMASH CUT TO: •

Portland. yourself fuck Go (CONT'D} RON

him. at yells window a from

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NIGHT --- PORTLAND CENTER CITY EXT.

street. the into

out and crowd frenzied now the through Ron usher guards The

move! Let's on! Come GUARD SECURITY

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this! like happen to it wanted never I Ron! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

mob. furious the through pushing him after runs Alicia

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Corningstone! Alicia anchor lead- with team News Action your It's ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

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IAN SEVENTEEN BY JANICE MUSIC:

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... Portland too you Not RON

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me! not you, F Burgundy! Ron Hey!

MAN BUSINESS

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Hello? Hello? (CONT'D) RON

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garbage! eat not will I RON

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her. to love Make her. take could I that deeply wish I (CONT'D) MOONDRAGON JESS

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morning! this make-up on put to bother even didn't She MOONDRAGON JESS

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today. bed the of side right the on up woke sure Nature Mother MOONDRAGON JESS

.. Magnificent. RON I •

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Jess. yourself for well done You've RON

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retired haired silver MOONDRAGON,72, a JESS and Ron

van Ron's with hills the in nestled home country a We see

DAY THE POCONOS LAVISH HOUSE IN EXT.

Help. ..... Jess?! • RON

guy. great a such not I'm place. first the in me to up looked you why knew never I Look, MOONDRAGON JESS

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privates. her lick wanna I MOONDRAGON JESS

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conversation? this had we have times many how Chris HARKEN ED

tail. poney a

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OFFICE HARKEN'S INT.

news? real the read to ready you Are Ms.Corningstone. Hello PAUL DANOVER

shirt. Clock Alarm an in

out steps Danover Paul and her grab radicals two enters she As apartment. white all stylish her to door the opens Alicia

THAT NIGHT -- APARTMENT ALICIA'S INT.

j • distance. the in compound the at stares Ron

RON

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stink. to starting you're buddy, Hey BARTENDER

drink. another

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DAY - SEEDY BAR INT.

dollars. ten Mother you owe I like Looks HARKEN ED

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her. kidnapped maniacs Those God. Oh my ED HARKEN

clock. alarm an up holds He

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Beat

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woods dense the in be may it theorize but is compound hidden their where idea no have Police Danover. Paul ... FANTANA (CONT'D} BRIAN

frame. full

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crowds. and cars cops, of

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me? hear you gone, you're or stink that of care take You BARTENDER •

anchors? news any hiring you Are RON

-

off. boat the powers Brian

radio. always There's it. Screw FANTANA (CONT'D) BRIAN

Beat.

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us. needs He Ron. That's TAMLAND BRICK

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NEWS TEAM ASSEMBLE!!! ACTION (CONT'D) RON

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street. the onto steps Ron

.. STREET---CONT CITY EXT.

ASS KICK MUSIC:

Burgundy. Ron I'm evening, Good • (CONT'D) RON

suit. immaculate an in and shaven clean away, right

back, Comes bathroom. men's the into disappears up gets Ron

you. for ready Everything's gentlemen! Hello MOONDRAGON JESS

them. for waits Moondragon Jess naked completely a where to van their in up pulls Team News The

HALF AN HOUR LATER FORREST--- NEAR DENSE EXT.

scared. looks Alicia

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want. we whenever broadcast network the into break can we Then ready. almost is link The PAUL DANOVER

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broadcasting microwave the with front out van News Action

old the with compound mountain group's radical the We see

TIME SAME -- MOUNTAIN COMPOUND EXT.

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Team!! News ALL

Papa. world the for it missed have Wouldn't CHAMP KIND

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TEN MINUTES LATER --- NEWS VAN INT.

•

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JOURNEY WE SEE A MONTAGEOF THEIR • ACTION ADVENTURE MUSIC:

Team! News Action you with be God May MOONDRAGON JESS

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MINUTES LATER MOUNTAIN SIDE--FIVE EXT.

Team. Action the of suits the match to color-coordinated are and plates license their on names their

have ATVs the Somehow road. dirt the near ATVs four We see

that. of care taken I've MOONDRAGON JESS

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•

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MINUTES LATER MOUNTAIN COMPOUND--TEN EXT.

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mumbling. up wakes Ron link. camera the up sets

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TEN MINUTES LATER --COMPOUND INT.

TO: DISSOLVE

•• out. him

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awful. are anchors weekend • These soon. em find better They HARKEN ED

whole the scouring They're Nothing. GARTH HOLLIDAY

police? the from word Any HARKEN ED

broadcast. o'clock six

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SAME TIME - CONTROL ROOM INT.

it! do I'll RON

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you. kill we Then PAUL DANOVER • will! I hell The CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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guns. X weilding

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bullshit. the stop We wanna PAUL DANOVER

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broadcast? we til soon How PAUL DANOVER

link. camera the up sets Oliver while Guy Muscular

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SAME TIME COMPOUND--- INT.

interns! some Grab care. don't I HARKEN ED

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CONT - CONTROL ROOM INT.

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CONTINUOUS -- NEWS SET INT.

turkey! time our wastin been You've with?! up came you all that's and woods the in living of months Ten DEEDRA X

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have! we what That's democracy. a That's CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

people. the by chosen officials or people the by run One know. you Uh, PAUL DANOVER

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•

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Muscular the around down drop above from legs two l)Suddenly

THEME NEWS OF THE ACTION VERSION ACTIONIFIED MUSIC:

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ANGLE ON HARKIN AND GARTH

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flute. jazz into tense from goes scoring The

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camera. addresses and chair the into slides Ron

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A BARTENDER CHANGES THE CHANNELS. THE TV.

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Ron! CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

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camera. on comes Alicia

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TV. the to riveted viewers different to flash Quick

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(MORE) News. Action six, channel for reporting Corningstone Alicia I'm CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

articulate. and commanding instantly is She it. seizes

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dream. your It's this. do should you Ron CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Alicia. to mic the hands Burgundy

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microphone. the Ron hands He

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face. Ron's in mic a puts 42, NETWORKREPORTER, Ron. on in press cameras and Reporters

Bur-gun-dy! Bur-gun-dy! (chanting) CROWD

TRIUMPHANT MUSIC:

cheering. in erupts crowd The shoulder. his on bandage a with out Ron helps who Alicia by

followed out gets team news the and opens back The everyone. Team News Eyewitness the Holiday, Harken, reporters, police, with crowded is which hospital the to up pulls ambulance The

HOUR LATER AN -- HOSPITAL EXT.

• bitch!!! bitchy a like hurts This it!! worth not was it but deeply you for care I again!! that do not would I RON

• as

"SUNDOWN" GORDON LIGHTFOOT MUSIC:

member. team news Action each to

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FOGGY DAY NEWS BUILDING- EXT.

it. live to wanted He life. on report to satisfied longer no was He news. the anchoring restless grew just Ron awhile after But airport. the by hotel the at making love of day one and work of days six relationship: distance long amazing an up kept Alicia and Ron And network. to straight went course of Alicia man. anchor- an truly was He voice. a and haircut a than more become finally had He good. pretty change of punches the with rolled had Burgundy Yeah, NARRATOR (V.O.)

it. have him Let Shhh. ED HARKEN

not- That's Ron! Hey GARTH HOLLIDAY

collie. a or doberman a It's Baxter. not clearly It's

alive! still were you knew I Baxter! (CONT'D) RON

arms.

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comment. No Frank. Sorry RON

Ron? interview an bout how So (CONT'D) FRANK VITCHARD

gladiators. like hands clasp They

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Ron.

approaches Vitchard Frank sky. dusky the in expode Fireworks

man .... brave one of thinking quick the for not if day dark very a been have could Today (CONT'D) CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Alicia. night Good SAWYER DIANE

Diane. night Good CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Sawyer. Diane to bye good says and cab a of out gets Alicia

DAY PRESENT --- NYC BROWNSTONE EXT.

Corningstone. Alicia I'm CORNINGSTONE ALICIA

Safer. Morley I'm MORLEY SAFER

Bradley. Ed I 'm ED BRADLEY

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BLUE IN TANGLED UP MUSIC:

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•

THINK ABOUT IT EVEN SO DON'T AWAYEVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR, TAKE THEY'LL FROM HELL ...HAWKS LIKE YOU... DESCEND ON OF LAWYERS THAT WILL TEAM HAVE A WE SONG WITHOUT CONSENT, YOU DO USE THIS FOR IF FEES OR LICENSING PERMISSION NOT TO BE USED WITHOUT WRITTEN SONG IS AND THIS OR CASSETTE COMPACT DISC RECORDS AVAILABLE ON CAPITAL SONG IS THIS THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY IS THIS

DOG GOT PUNTED INTO A RIVER. HIS AND ROSE AGAIN AND THEN HE ROSE AND FELL HOW AND MAN REAL LEARNED TO BE A WHO WAY FOUND HIS FINALLY WHO YOU BOUT AN ANCHORMAN TELL I'LL SAY TO WHAT I LISTEN AND AROUND MESSIN WAY. QUIT • MY EAR BEND IN GATHER ROUND YE CHILDREN, TO COME A TALE THAT WILL BE TOLD FOR CENTURIES THE STORY OF RON BURGUNDY IS THIS A HERO A COWARDAND A COWARDA HERO? WHEN IS

DEAF? WHAT CAN YOU REALLY SAY TO A LOVER THAT'S

UNTAMEBLE? THAT'S A LION TAME HOW DO YOU SONG

head. over lightning the in flashing

movie the from images with summit craggy a on babe rocker viking a as Alicia and Burgundy Ron D, Tenacious by Performed

BALLAD OF RON BURGUNDY" "THE MUSIC:

him!! like I'm Gordon! Michael name? player's basketball that What's baby!!! fire on I'm it!! nailed I Yes!! RON (CONT'D)

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, •

•

• END THE

RON BURGUNDY!!! OF LEGEND! THE LEGEND, THE THE LEGEND, THOSE GUYS GOT ME GOOD RECORDS, CAPITAL LEGAL TEAM AT THE MESS WITH I DID WHY THINKING YOUR ASS WITH YOUR THUMB UP BUMFUG INDIANA IN SHIT SHOVELING BE CAUSE YOU'LL (CONT'D) SONG