"A CHRISTMAS STORY" (1983)

MED SHOT - RALPHIE ~. KITCHEN - Day LONG SHOT - THE YARD - Day

THE FAMILY KITCHEN - Day

"Ralphie is lost in his reverie”

RALPHIE'S BEDROOM —- Dusk

a RS

"in reality, Ralphie hears a voluminous racket..."

"The house is ‘surrounded..."

RALPHIE ‘& REALITY - INT. CLASSROOM - Day Miss Shields - "Did you want something Ralphie"

“Ralph gets out of the car" ‘RANDY RACES PAST RALPH INTO THE BATHROOM THE BATHROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN |

CLOSE-UP - RANDY UNDER THE SINK - BATHROOM ~ Day

BEDROOM

HOUSE "Ralphie dashes into the house..."

Please make a notation.in your script re the above breakdown.

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Graphic says Northern Indiana, ‘sometime in the 1940! Ss.

FADE UP TO FIND Hohman, a steel town ‘squatting beside Lake Michigan; CAMERA PANS the city, then begins a. SERIES OF CUTS to show ever more microcosmic views of

-Hohman. The NARRATOR'S VOICE (JEAN SHEPHERD) fades

up. We hear a MEDLEY OF CLASSIC CHRISTMAS CAROLS which form a striking contrast to the images.

RALPHIE, FLICK and SCHWARTZ run across a slag heap in foreground. RANDY trails behind.

. NARRATOR (V.O.) Hohman, Indiana. [It clings precariously to the underbody of Chicago like a barnacle clings to the rotting hulk of a tramp steamer. On the far horizon, beyond the railroad yards and the great refinery tanks, lay our own mysterious, . private mountain range. Dark and mysterious, cold and uninhabited, the steel mills stacked like malignant dominoes against the steel gray skies.

Kids run past delapidated fence.

Kids race by, Randy trails.

2 EE

Mec aeaet!

Filled with cars and shoppers.

CAMERA CUTS TO A WIDE SHOT of Higbee‘s Department Store window. Citizens stand “cohing" and "“aahing" in front of the Yule splendor. CAMERA MOVES IN TOWARD the window.

(CONTINUED) —

Ba BE : 4

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mee NARRATOR (V.O. Cont'd) | “ -° Qld codgers would recall vintage

years when the window had flowered more. fulsomely than in ordinary times. This was one of those years. The magnificent display had been officially unveiled on a crowded Saturday night. It was an instant | smash hit.

CAMERA PANS the rapt faces peering in. One little boy RALPHIE comes bobbing up between the legs of a startled grownup. We see FLICK, SCHWARTZ and RANDY also.

CAMERA PANS the window. Over this SHOT we see the OPENING TITLES. -

Coe This is the heyday of the Seven Dwarfs and their virginal

en den mother Snow White. Walt Disney's seven cutie-pies hammer and chisel and paint while Santa, bouncing Snow White on his. mechanical knee, ho~he-ho's through eight strategically placeé loudspeakers -= interspersed by choruses of "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off te work we go". Grumpy sits at the controls of a miniature eight-wheel Rock Island Road steam engine and Sleepy plays a marimba, while in the background, inexplicably, Mrs. Claus. oy ceaselessly irons a red shirt. Sparkling artificial snow drifts down on Shirley Temple dolls, Flexible Flyers, and Tinker Toy sets glowing in the golden spot- light. in the foreground a frontier stockade built of Lincoln Logs is manned by a company of kilted lead | Highlanders who are doughtily fending off an attack by six U.S. Army medium tanks. (History has always been vague in Indiana.) A few feet away stands an Arthurian cardboard castle with Raggedy Andy sitting on the draw~ bridge, his feet in. the moat, through which a Lionel freight train burping real smoke goes round and round. Dopey sits in Amos and Andy's pedal-cperated Fresh Air Taxicab beside a stuffed panda holding a lollipop in his paw, bearing the heart-tugging legend, "Hug Me”.

CONTINUED :

From fluffy cotton clouds above, Dionne quintuplet

dolls wearing plaid golf knickers hang from billowing parachutes, having just bailed out of a high- flying balsawood Fokker triplane. All in all, Santa's workshop makes Salvador Dali look like Norman Rockwell.

NARRATOR _ It was a good year. Maybe even a great one. Like a swelling Christmas balloon, the excitement mounted until the whole town tossed restlessly in bed -- and made. plans for the big day. Already my own scheme was well under way, a scheme whose Machiavellian brilliance and Olympian perserverance made that Christmas stand out among Christmases past.

CAMERA PANS FROM Ralphie' Ss rapt fact TO the beaming face of Red Ryder, who is hustling the Daisy BB rifle

to aching kids everywhere. We DISSOLVE. TO the entranced face of Ralphie. .

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal that Ralphie is reading "Boy's Life." Downstairs we hear the hectic routine of. a school morning. The omnipresent RADIO CRACKLES in the background. Ralphie's FATHER, hereafter known as The

Old Man, roars dimly in the distance as he fights the good fight against the indefatigable Indiana winter. Ralphie's MOTHER calls intermittently the waning minutes before. school deadline. .

NARRATOR © I remember. clearly, itchingly, nervously, maddeningly the first ‘time I laid eyes on it, pictured - in a three-color smeared illustration in a full-page back cover ad in 'Boy's Life.'

CAMERA CUTS to Ralphie's POV and STARTS A SLOW ZOOM

INTO the smiling face of Red Ryder. We see the follow- ing copy on the page:

OC)

BOYS! AT LAST. YOU CAN OWN AN OFFICIAL RED RYDER CARBINE ACTION TWO HUNDRED SHOT RANGE MODEL AIR RIFLE.

, NARRATOR (Cont'd) Red Ryder, his jaw squared, staring out at me manfully, and speaking directly to: me eye to eye. In his hand was the knurled stock of as beautiful, as coolly deadly looking a piece of weaponry as I'd ever laid eyes on.

CAMERA PANS OVER its page, seeing the following copy as we hear Ralphie begin reading it out loud to himself.

The SOUND of

Ralph's VOICE REVERBERATES AND ECHOES.

CAMERA CUTS TO Ralphie and begins a SLOW Z00M INTO his

eyes.

{CONTINUED )

CAMERA HAS ARRIVED AT AN EXTREMELY CLOSE SHOT of Ralphie's eye. We DISSOLVE to the following, which is Ralphie's daydream fantasy.

‘

CAMERA PULLS BACK to see Ralphie on one knee, his trusty Red Ryder air rifle at the ready. As CAMERA CONTINUES

TO PULL BACK we see Ralphie's Father huddle in the corner, his arms about Ralphie‘s Mother, whose eyes roll with cosmic fear. At her feet, RANDY, Ralphie's brother, is clasped in his mother's desperate arms, his fingernails poised before his chattering teeth. His eyes stare as

if they beheld the coming of the mitlenium. Ralphie's Father speaks:

CLOSEUP ~ RALPHIE

RALPHIS

Don't worry, Dad. As long as I got Ol' Blue.

He holds up his BB air rifle.

“Then CAMERA CUTS BEHIND what is obviously the kitchen

sink of Ralphie's house. Slowly Ralphie's face appears over the edge. The steely eyes survey the scene before him.

Looking past the kitchen faucet and out the kitchen window we see what Ralphie sees! At various points across the backyard, desperate men are creeping on

their bellies across the snow toward the house. There are about eight. of them, and each wears a thin Bandit- Burglar type black mask, the kind that looks like goggles. They all wear striped shirts and carry blackjacks. One nears the house; two are slinking over the fence. One crawls through the garage door.

MED. SHOT ~ RALPHIE

He surveys the situation coolly, then fast as a whip- snake he leaps up and snaps off THREE SHOTS.

LONG SHOT - THE YARD

Three bad guys leap acrobatically into the air, mortally

wounded, The others stand up, stricken into dumbness

by the sting of "Ol' Blue." They race unceremoniously and plunge headlong over the fence and disappear down the alley. We...

“THE FAMILY

They cheer wildly, embracing Ralphie. Ralphie stands tolerating this stoically but kindly.

e@ 9. CONTINUED | | 9.

CLOSEUP ~ THE FAMILY

CLOSEUP - RALPHIE

CO : family. -

' Suddenly Ralphie is startled and we hear a voice.

BACK TO REALITY

ALERIE = PAL

We realize Ralohie has been jarred out cf his fantasy by his mother's voice. He leaps up and scurries to get ‘ready. Randy plunges into the drawer and starts to do his Little Brother thing. Two minutes means two minutes.

eet

CAMERA FOLLOWS Ralphie into his parents' room where we

see him pick up a copy.of "Screen Romances" and slip

"Boy's Life" between the covers.

MED. SHOT -. THE HALLWAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS Randy and Ralphie down the hallway, | LOSING Randy and FOLLOWING Ralphie to the bathroom door. He barges in and we find The Old Man in the final strokes of shaving. de looks down at Ralphie. Ralphie cleverly puts the "Boy's Life” behind his back.

' PATHER Whatcha got there?

Nothin’.

(CONTINUED }

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The Old Man looks back to the mirror to wipe the lather off. He walks from the bathroom.

The door closés. CAMERA FOLLOWS The Old Man as he walks to the dining room table, sits down and unfolds his morning paper, immediately going to the sports page.

CAMERA PANS UP TO FIND Ralphie's Mother coming to the table with breakfast.

MED. SHOT ~ RALPHIE

We see Ralphie placing a ‘Boy's Life’ inside one of his father's 'Field & Stream' magazines.

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-11-

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CAMERA PANS with Ralphie from the bathroom to the kitchen. He and Randy climb up to the table for breakfast. Randy stares at his food. Randy never eats.

. NARRATOR My fevered brain seethed with the effort of trying to come up with the infinitely subtle devices necessary to implant the Red Ryder range model air rifle indelibly into my parents’ consciousness without their being aware that I had planted it there.

There is a sudden silence.

. RALPHIE I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas,

Dad.

_ NARRATOR

My father was one of the most feared Furnace Fighters in Northern Indiana. People in Northern Indiana fought winter footh and claw, bodily, and there was never a let-up. That's why my little brother knocked over his miik. Indiana wit is pungent and to the point.

(CONTINUED }

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CAMERA HOLDS on Ralphie and his mother as she clears the table and he begins to pull on his galoshes.

- oatmeal pot, suddenly asked out

of the blue.

NARRATOR _ Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.

| RALPHIE

An official Red Ryder carbine

action two~hundred shot range

mogel air rifle!

It was the classic Mother BB Gun Bleck. That deadly phrase, many times before by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable

‘by any means known. to Kid-dom.

I had really hooted it.

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CONTINUED | | 11.

_ NARRATOR (CONT) ‘But such was my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.

' RALPHIE Heh heh... I was just kidding. Even though Flick is getting one. I guess... I guess, uh, I'd like a... some Lincoln Logs.

MOTHER | They're dangerous. I don't want anybody shooting his eye out.

NARRATOR | The boom had been lowered and I was under it.

We hear the SOUNDS of The Old Man being chased by a. PACK OF HOUNDS. The Old Man curses as he fights them off.

We hear a LOUD YELP. He has obviously gotten in at least one gocd kick.

CAMERA FOLLOWS him as he marches to the sink, grabs a large pan and fills it with water and deposits it on the stove, flicking on the gas.

NARRATOR

Some men are Baptists; some are Methodists...

—————-

SS

HEED E—IERRDREOI EEL

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-14-

. NARRATOR (CONT) ...-Others Catholics or Jews. My father was an Oldsmobile man.

Just at that moment we hear a SOFT LITTLE PUFF OF AN

EXPLOSION.

The Old Man's ears perks up.

He cocks his head to one side like a manic roadrunner.

“The SOUND COMES AGAIN. A soft puff of blue smoke billows

from the furnace grate.

Sonofabitch clinker!!

FATHER

The son of a bitch has gone out again! The goddamn clanky son of a bitch!

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-15-

11. CONTINUED il.

C) We hear the horrendous SOUND of The Old Man tumbling down the stairs and hitting bottom.

NARRATOR

My mother planned these -tactical retreats whenever my father was about to go into combat with the iron dragon in the basement. In the heat ) of battle, my father wove a

; tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in the space over Lake Michigan.

Te — Nee TN LE

————E———

The SOUNDS that come hurtling out of that basement would cause such loss of face to the producer of a Japanese monster movie that he would be forced to impale himself post-haste on the nearest ceremonial cc sword. ROARS, CLANKS, SNORTS, RATTLES, MUMBLES, Ne GROANS, SCREAMS! Meanwhile Randy and Ralphie start to put on their overclothes. |

Mother flies to the kitchen and pulls the chain marked

"draft." CAMERA PANS BACK TO the cellar door and. HOLDS. All is silent for a few seconds; then suddenly ‘a great ROAR and the SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS pounding up

the steps. The door flies open and The Old Man emerges from a cloud of blue smcke like Mephistopheles appear- ing before Faust.

He turns and disappears into the blue cloud, yelling.

a, (CONTINUED)

~16-

CONTINUED -

We hear the inevitable CRASH as The Old Man hits bottom again. Mother pushes the basement door closed and turns to the kids. The Old Man toils on in the stygian darkness below the house. CAMERA FOLLOWS Mother as she moves to help Randy with his clothes.

.NARRATOR ‘Preparing to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep-sea diving; long johns, corduroy knickers, checkered flannel lumberjack shirt, four sweaters, fleece-lined leatherette sheepskin, helmet, goggles, mittens with leatherette gauntlets and a large red star with an Indian chief's face in the middle.

Mother has Randy practically on his head trying to

stuff him into his snowsuit. Finally she gets him in and stands him up. He stands with both hands extended from his sides like a tiny scarecrow. Mother begins

to wrap an enormous scarf around his neck. We hear a faint whimpering coming from inside Randy's suit. The sound is totally muffled. Randy stands forlornly with his arms sticking straight out like an abandoned semaphor.

He mumbles. fiercely.

He is quite desperate by now. RALPHIE Aw, Ma, we'll be Late.

a a ame emer en ce nt

iil.

Up they spring again.

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CONTINUED ll.

| _RANDY Ummmph. Ump um um!

‘She begins the long, painful task of unwinding the scarf.

Randy is quite frantic.. Finally she gets the scarf off, and parts the hood, exposing Randy's face. We Kear what he was saying.

I can't put my arms: down...

Mother stands back and appraises the situation. Sure

- enough, Randy can't put his. arms down. Mother steps

forward and forces Randy's asms down to his side. As soon as she steps away, however, they spring back. Randy whimpers. Mother steps forward.and tries again.

. MOTHER -You'll put your arms down when you get to school..

NARRATOR | In Indiana, sometimes solutions are very practical.

She proceeds to rewind Randy against his furious protests.

There was no question ef staying home. Cold was something that ‘was accepted, like air, clouds and parents, a fact of nature, and as such could not be used

in any fraudulent scheme to stay out of school. My mother would simply throw her shoulder against the front door, pushing back the advancing drifts and stone ice.

We see just what the Narrator is describing.

CONTINUED)

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-18-

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Outside the door. We see Randy. and Ralphie leaning into -the fierce wind . The door clangs | shut.

NARRATOR , ‘The decor clanged shut behind us. and that was it ~<- it was make school. or die.

_ CUT TO:

LONG SHOT OF RALPHIE'S BLOCK

We.see Ralphie's house, black smoke billowing from the

drafts. The Old Man's tilt with the windmill goes.on. . We see Ralphie and the hapless. ‘stiff-armed | Randy coming

up theixy walkway to the street. CAMERA TAKES IN the ‘whole block and we see the other kids on their way.

. NARRATOR Scattered out over the icy waste around us could be seen other _

‘tiny, befurred jots of wind-driven. humanity, all. painfully toiling toward the Warren G. Harding school miles away over the tundra.. All of us were bound for Geography lessons involving the exports of Peru; reading lessons dealing

with fat cats and dogs named *Spot.!

(CONTINUED) ..

C

-19=-

Just at this moment they pass Schwartz’ s house. SCHWARTZ © - | plows down the driveway toward them. The arm ritual is. repeated between . Ralphie and Schwartz. The pecking - | order is important in Kid rituals and apparentiy there. oO is order and reason behind it, indecipherable to adults, but apparently sufficient to kids. - |‘ SCHWARTZ (to Flick). OS

‘Hey listen, smart ass, I asked

my O1' Man about sticking your

tongue to metal iight poles in winter, and he says it will

freeze right to the Pole. Just . Like I told you.

FLICK.

Ah, baloney! - What would your o1' ‘Man know about anything?

Cy . 13. CONTINUED

mee | SCHWARTZ

; co He knows because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a ‘railroad track. On a.bet. And ‘the Fire Department had to come get the guy's tongue off the ~ track 'cause he couldn't get it’ off. Tt, froze right ‘there.

, ' RALPHIE' I think he' s right, Flick.

- SCHWARTZ. co Yeah, well, she's an Ol' Wife .— all right. She oughta know!

" Schwartz and Ralphie laugh. Crazy ‘kid laughter. —

- NARRATOR

. Any reference to one's mother was

. like throwing. down the gauntlet, “no matter how vague or remote the slight. Just the mere mention of. one's mother with any adjective in the dictionary, no matter how innocuous, was grounds for instant and ruinous vendetta.

_RALPHIE . Aw, he didn't mean nothin', Flick |

Flick bristles. The ceremony is played out. SCHWARTZ Yeah, you .know I wouldn't say nothin' against your mother, Flick. I was just kidding. _ FLICK Yeah, well, just watch it.

Coe - . Hey, watch it, Jerk-head. Don't

_

_—~. ‘, : Se

- =21-

__- ALLEYWAY - DAY | da

They continue turning the corner down an alleyway.

NARRATOR:

‘That : simple phrase, "Yeah, - well

just watch it.'. If only it had been understood and deployed by

‘statesmen through the ages untold - mayhem and carnage could have

been averted. Imagine | Chamberlain standing up at the end of the Munich Conference and glaring down at. Hitler with

- steely. eyes and muttering 'Yeah,

well, just watch it!!' Do you

think there would have been .

any invasion of Poland, or | Czechoslovakia or. Austria?:

‘Or any World War Two? Not on. your blue-striped garters.

- Somehow all this is resolved in more arm punching. They” start off toward school.

"FLICK Yeah, well, your old Man is

oo pulling your leg» and. you "re too ..dumb to know. it. ot

; SCHWARTZ ALL right, i dare you to try . ‘FLICK ~ SCHWARTZ Yeah . : FLICK Says whe? a ss SCHWARTZ . Says me. FLICK

Oh yeah?

-- — ee ee ee

‘grows during this. sequence. CAMERA PANS from one one face

-22-

CONTINUED _ | | : 14.

NARRATOR . = | The exact exchange and nuance of ‘phrase in this ritual is very important. One misplaced ‘Oh yeah' or ‘Says who' could immediately destroy one's a credibility, demolish one's , argument, and subject the luckless offender to immediate and prolonged ostracism.

SCHWARTZ > a - 7

I double dare ya. FLICK

Oh... RALPHIE ——~™S / | |

, ‘(jumping in)

Wait a.minute! CAMERA MOVES IN SLOWLY on the group as they acknowledge something 0.S. A slow, ominous CHORD OF MUSIC begins to creep up, not unlike the theme music from Jaws. It to another as they peer, fear-struck.

“THEIR POV - CLOSEUP - A WOODEN SLATTED. FENCE

We can just see enough through the boards to vaguely

sense a figure moving on its other side. The MUSIC oozes up ominously. CAMERA PANS the fence as the figure glides by. | ,

THE THREE HAPLESS ONES

THREE QUICK CUTS. - THEIR FACES

“as they watch like mesmerized mice.

_CUT BACK TQ:

-23-— 14. CONTINUED 14.

THE FENCE

The ominous presence glides on. CAMERA TILTS DOWN SLOW-

LY TO a break in the fence. We see a pair of broganned

feet stop. The ominous MUSIC SWELLS to a crescendo.

The feet stand there planted, menacingly. .

. CUT TO:

OUR TRREE LITTLE MICE.

as they tremble, wide-eyed. .

| CUT BACK TO: : THE FENCE. The feet in the. ‘brogans stand for. one more moment, then ,

_ move off arrogantly. . CAMERA TILTS UP. to see the figure disappear behind. the | fence. We hear a hasty, evil LAUGH tailing off in the “wind.

THE BOYS: Relief floods their faces. RALPHTE © Whew! That was close. SCHWARTZ Let's get cut of here! They bolt across the road toward school.

SCHOOL = DAY

Snow covers the ground. Ice sheets cover the. basket-- ball courts. We hear a BELL RING. Kids scurry.

Ta er

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-24-

She wiggles her palm with subtle meaning.

They huddle together conspiratorially, obviously pass-

' ing something around.

MISS SHIELDS

OA fourth, grade teacher in the classic mold. She moves

to her desk. The kids hurry to their desks.

We. hear. the class answer in. unison, but: they sound.

funny, like a comic take-off on a Japanese kamikaze pilot. Miss Shields looks puzzled for a brief moment, — then slowly she. holds her hand out, palm up, with — studied, professional patience. CAMERA PANS FROM ©

Miss Shields TO the class.

LONG SHOT - THE CLASS _

a Every kid in the class is wearing a set of. wax teeth. We. see them all grinning and giggling at her. They

look like 25 demented beavers.

MISS SHIELDS

CUT TC: -

THE KIDS:

One by one they file past, handing in their wax teeth.

(CONTINUED).

oN er,

CONTINUED | | | - 16.

CLOSEUP - MISS SHIELDS' HAND

The wax teeth are handed over one by one. Finally CAMERA FOLLOWS one. hand down as she deposits the teeth in a huge drawer, the Friday drawer, containing an in-

credible. collection of Kid Effluvia; yo-yo's, rubber

noses, pea shooters, slingshots, plastic lensless eye-

glasses with false noses attached, fake mustaches, ‘plastic water pistols shaped like Lugers, jaw-breakers

both used and unused, string, a Scout knife, a small hard black rubber. ball, cards with pictures of base~ —

ball players, three or four small wax bottles filled -

with a verminous green liquid, bottle caps, a top, five or six: lurid comic: books and other. treasures of

kid-hood.

CLOSEUP = MISS SHIELDS She is calm, impassive. ~ MISS SHIELDS All right, class, Open your:

. readers to page thirty-two. As you remember, Silas Marner was...

‘CAMERA PULLS BACK to’ reveal class, heads bent with

exaggerated studiousness,. opening their readers.

‘Recess. In the drifted dirty snow, kids stand in

little clots.

Skies are. darker than in. the earlier scenes. “We sense

a khlizzard. on the way... The steady BANGING of a lan- yard on the flagpole in the cold north wind provides a. sinister ringing ‘tempo to the Scene. - ,

CAMERA PANS DOWN the pole TO PICK UP the kids. The conversation from the morning continues. oo

ss SCHWARTZ Alright, I dare ya again.

_ (CONTINUED)

ee I nT nti mentee re th 5 ort mm cn

-26- O 17. CONTINUED . | 17. et SCHWARTZ I double dare ya. FLICK ‘Oh yeah? SCHWARTZ

I double dog dare ya. An audible gasp from the other kids.

| SCHWARTZ I triple dog dare ya!

Cc Flick flinches. | CUT TO: EACH OF THE KIDS IN TURN ‘They watch the great showdown. NARRATOR 0 ce Flick's spine stiffened. His

lips curled in a defiant sneer. There was no going back now. —

CLOSEUP - THE. POLE .

CLOSEUP - SCHWARTZ

triumphant. CLOSEDP - RALPHIE wonderment.

—_ : oC (CONTINUED)

-~27- CONTINUED - | 17.

CLOSEUP - FLICK

He stands a few inches from the pole, staring it down.

He turns and gives the guys one last bravado look.

CLOSEUP - SCHWARTZ —

He smirks, but a little less confidently.

| | CLOSEUP - FLICK. | : |

FLICK: Ah, this is dumb! ~ |

He laughs a bravado little laugh, turns, and with utter disdain thrusts his tongue to full. extension and plunges

it forward onto the flagpole.

qt sticks, freezes solid as a popsicle.

Flick mumbles in panic and tries to pull free. He doesn't try this for long. It smarts.

_CLOSEUP - SCHWARTZ

His smirk turns to astonishment.

Ralphie stands there open-mouthed.

CLOSEUP ~ THE OTHER KIDS

They stare, dumbfounded.

Flick grunts an inchoate cry for help.

Schwartz and Ralphie, now vaguely aware of impending official doom, back off. .

Suddenly the BELL RINGS. Ralphie and Schwartz look at the school and then back to Flick. The BELL RINGS > like a shriek out of hell. That's it. Ralphie and Schwartz are off like a shot.

TO A — sen loo — os oe ee a:

oe SS

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CONTINUED . 17.

NARRATOR , In Indiana, when the school bell. rang, you went. Neither sleet. nor snow nor frozen tongues stayed your headlong flight to your desk. Flick's predicament was no exception.

And as the wind rises and the lanyard BANGS with a > steady drumming beat, the playground is emptied except

for a tiny huddled figure frozen to the flagpole.

slide into their desks and play dumb. Over their shoulders, away across the schoolyard, we see the hapless Flick. Ralphie and Schwartz collectively wince. We now have an empty seat halfway in the back row. Miss Shields’ radar begins to warm up. She knows something is wrong.

; MISS SHIELDS Where is Flick?

Conspicuous silence. MISS SHIELDS (continuing) Did anyone see Flick at. recess? Conspiratorial silence. MISS SHIELDS ' (continuing) Well? Finally one little girl beckons to Miss Shields. | MISS SHIELDS. (continuing) Yes, Esther Jane? The little girl points hurriedly to the playground. MISS SHIELDS |

. (continuing) What was that? .

. 1 8 e —_ ,

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CONTINUED, 18.

“The little girl points again. Miss Shields looks out .at the playground. She sees the figure. She- walks

to the window, looking closer.

Oh _ my God!

At this point, twenty-two children stampede toward the window, gawking out. Only two innocents remain unin- terested. Ralphie and Schwartz sit unconcernedly looking nonchalantly up at the ceiling. You. could

never tell they were involved.

Miss Shields flies from the room.

LOOKING PAST the kids out to the. playground. Ambu= lances and two fire engines are just removing Flick from the pole. We hear the steady keening of SIRENS.

Ralphie and Schwartz turn and look at one another with doom in their faces.

with bandaged tongue being led back into the classroom. He doesn't say a word, looking-straight ahead as he moves to his. seat and sits down. But Miss Shields looks directly at Ralphie and Schwartz. Has Flick) squealed?

MISS SHIELDS

I know some of you put Flick up ‘to this, but Flick refuses to Say who. But those who.did it know their blame, and I know the guilt. you feel at causing this pain will be worse than any punishment you might receive.

-30— 20. CONTINUED . 20. a PN Ralphie and Schwartz give ‘each other a look which says . everything. NARRATOR . ; Adults love to say things like that. But kids know better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get: caught.. CAMERA MOVES INTO A CLOSEUP of Flick and his wounded tongue. Schwartz and Ralphie stare stonily at Miss Shields, betraying absolutely no emotion. There is not a hint of their guilt. _ MISS SHIELDS Not only did you suggest this awful thing, but even worse, you left him-there all alone in the cold. Now don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? | She pauses dramatically and subjects the entire room to her X-ray eye. ion | | “MISS SHIELDS oa Oe : (continuing)

Now, that is all I am going to say about poor little Flick. Open your notebooks, boys and girls. I am going to give you an assignment.

A low, sullen mumble rolls through the classroom.

- — ea ee eee See - oe a a ee em neste em elle tke =e cue ee ee mtn en vem carmen

-31l-

oN 20. CONTINUED ; . - * 20.

| } NARRATOR

The clouds lifted. I. saw a faint gleam of light at the other end of the black cave of gloom. Here was a theme on a subject that needed talking about if ever

one did! Already, a masterpiece

| was unfolding in my mind.

MISS SHIELDS

) I want you to be particularly careful about margins. . You will

| hand in your themes tomorrow,

and I don't want to hear excuses.

| Now open your spelling books to

| ‘page twenty-one.

|

|

21.. EXT, ANOTHER ALLEY - DAY 21.

“Ralphie, Schwartz and the wounded warrior Flick huddle . together for warmth amid the gray craggy snowbanks. In the HOWLING GALE, the TELEPHONE WIRES WHISTLE like banshees.

RALPHIE ~ Did it hurt, Flick?

_— (ever alert)

ae a

~32- . , R~21/12/82

Ralphie senses something. He stops and looks in the direction of the fence.

But it is too late. A. face appears suddenly in the gap

between two boards. It is a malevolent face. It is the face of meanness personified. It is the dreaded GROVER DILL. The MUSIC SHUDDERS appropriately. : NARRATOR

Grover Dill! What a rotten

name. We were trapped.

There. he stood between us and

the alley, Grover Dill staring

out at us with his yellow eyes.

He had yellow eyes. So help me

God, yellow eyes! His cap slunk

low over his non~existent brow, ©

resting on his ears, which

flared out like toadstools. His ' lips curled over his green teeth

in a semblance of speech.

| DILL Hey! Fat mess!

(MORE) |

21*

— —s wee =<

ee ee age nee

-33- — R-21/12/82

For some reason, Dill looked past me to Schwartz.

DILL Hey you, come here. .

DILL

Nah, your Aunt Tilly! Ya, you. Get over here.

Obediently, hopelessly, much in the manner of a hypnotized bird approaching a snake, Schwartz goes to Dill. Dill methodically takes Schwartz's arm and

twists it.

| SCHWARTZ Aw, gee, Dill, cut it out! DILL Say ‘Uncle’. | SCHWARTZ

Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

DILL (sing-song) Cry baby, cry...

Ame eenen ani.

21.*

ee

_—_——> s—~—-_ s- = —

Ln ~ tit Liit RESES 288 ew ee ee es Mi Mi i 5 i

-33A- R-21/12/82

Dill finally has twisted Schwartz down to his knees. He gives a shove and Schwartz sprawls in the alley. DILL : Alright, who's next?

He laughs malevolently and then. makes a mock. Frankenstein lunge at then..

_ DILL (continuing) Ahhhhhaggghhhhhh!

The boys bolt like jack rabbits. Dill lets them go. Scut Farkas oozes down off the fence and joins Dill. They laugh after the fleeing victims.

DILL (continuing): You better run, you jerks.

MEDIUM SHOT Ralph running. Dill in b.g.

Fe a i i a te

-34- R-21/12/82

Ralphie heads up the stairs.

( ard

She moves up the stairs and places her hand on Ralph's - brow. No fever! She looks at him in puzzlement.

. _ RALPHIE Ma. I gotta do my homework.

He dashes up the stairs. CAMERA HOLDS on Mother. MOTHER No good*il come of this.

Ralph races to his desk, scattering books and papers.

He sits down, takes out pen and begins writing swiftly and frantically in his Indian Head notebook . We look

OVER HIS SHOULDER as he writes.

i

(CONTINUED) -

a*

23..

ee ee He ee

-35-

CONTINUED | 23.

Ralph completes his work, reads over his Magnum Opus. As he reads, we hear swelling in the background, the magnificent melodic lines of Mozart‘s Andante ("Elvira Madigan" MUSIC). Finally Ralph, with a sign of satis- faction, slaps his notebook closed. He leans back in his chair. His fantasy sweeps over him.

‘CAMERA MOVES IN TO his face. Again we.see Ralph's

thoughts projected.

Miss Shields is coming up the front walk, but this is a different Miss Shields than the rather nondescript and mousy teacher. She now strides up. the front walk with great presence, dignity and authority. She rings the bell. Door is opened by Mother, who draws back

in surprise. :

“tsi dnl ln a - an = “ = ein a aly mii a er ene ee ee ee ee,

$d al es

Rneeneeiamnee

areing nae mem mm ee By a Ry ES RS SS Ee eterna

-36- |

Mother ushers Miss Shields into the house, listens respectfully as Miss Shields, now seated on sofa,

speaks.

I understand you have expressed doubts about Ralph, your extraordinary son, as to whether or not he should be the owner of a Red Ryder BB gun. He has convinced me beyond a doubt through his magnificent and eloquent theme that it is absolutely necessary that Ralph be given a Red Ryder BB gun, for the protection of your family. Ordinarily, I would not make such a recommendation, but | in the case of Ralph, I feel certain that he will use his Red Ryder BB gun with his customary skill and responsibility. If you have any questions about what I have just said,

‘please write them in a theme

of one hundred words or less

for Ralph to deliver to me at school. I will grade it and

return it by next Friday.

‘MOTHER

‘Thank you, Miss Shields, we

will follow your instructions to the letter. We are so fortunate in having Ralph as cur son!

MISS SHIELDS

I'm certainly glad that you realize how lucky you are.

a I re ee em a = RY

~37-

25. CONTINUED

of ae . MISS SHIELDS (CONT) \ 4 Ralph is a magnificent boy, - and he needs a Red Ryder BB Lo ' gun, especially now that wild bears have been reported in . the vicinity of Pulaski's candy store.

Mother thanks Miss Shields fervently.

Father, in the background, nods in solemn approval and agreement that they are indeed fortunate to be the parents of the truly great human being -- Ralph.

_ DISSOLVE TO:

Ralphie is lost in his reverie. He smiles vacantly,

as he gets up and wanders aimlessly across the room and flops down on his bed amid a pile of comic books. He stares at.the ceiling.

: NARRATOR Captain Ahab and his crazy thing about that white whale had nothing on me. I wanted that BB gun so bad it was making my stomach hurt.

Ralph groans.

| RALPH Ohhh...

He flops. over en his stomach and flings one of his comic books. at the wall next to him. He stares at it blankly. Its lurid cover reads:

FURTHER ADVENTURES OF. FLASH GORDON ON THE PLANET MONGO. The cover shows a scene of Flash Gordon, his golden hair

gleaming, facing his evil arch<-enemy Ming The Merciless. Ralph stares at the cover blankly for a few moments.

The scene DISSOLVES and we are in what appears to be the futuristic, dank atmosphere of an alien planet. MING THE MERCILESS fills the screen. He appears to be’ eighteen feet tall, dressed in jade~green robes with sinister gold cabalistic symbols flashing in the un- natural light, his eyes glittering with evil, his

Fu Manchu mustache adding to tha horror, his yellow |

(rn yoo 26. yD } | . | — | i

wea a

-38~

MING -: . At last, Flash Gordon, I have you at my mercy.

He cackles with fiendish laughter.

' CAMERA PULLS. BACK and we see. Flash tied with.huge ropes

hand and foot to a strangely sinister tree trunk: that appears to have snakeskin instead of bark. MING snaps his golden bullwhip in the air viciously. Behind him we see the woven basket of a curiously futuristic balloon. The balloon has sulphurous lidded cat's

eyes painted on it.

Ming snaps his whip imperiously.

There is a QUICK CUT and we see, in the dank jungle undergrowth, Ralph's eyes peering out at this awful

pageant. His eyes are wide with wonder, yet there is an air of grim determination about him. FLASH If my faithful companion Ralph

were...

His voice is cut off by the HIGH, SCREAMING LAUGHTER of Ming.

ee

teens,

~39~

CONTINUED: 26.

He leaps into the balloon, which begins to rise, his ) LAUGHTER echoing maniacally and filling the SOUND track.

Ralph leaps to his feet and lurches out of the undergrowth. He is carrying his Red Ryder range-model BB gun. The

‘balloon has ascended high overhead..

' FLASH GORDON (his face registering astonished relief) Ralph! You're alive! You escaped the Space Crocodiles!

Ralph stands heroically and raises his BB gun. It glows magically. He sights along its barrel. In

the distance we seé Ming's evil balloon high in the yellow sky of the planet MONGO. The Maniacal cacklings of Ming are heard as he shrieks.

. MING . Death to Earth! Death to Earth!

Ralph pulls the trigger of his Red Ryder BB gun.

A projectile streaks upward. We hear Ming's SCREAMING shriek.

His baloon makes an obscene farting noise, careening off crazily, growing smaller and smaller by the instant.

{CONTINUED )

[0 — — me te at ee - tat a tl ll la a ai ig Aletha ln atin atin ate kk

a 26. CONTINUED 26. poe RALPH (smiling modestly) ; It was nothing, Flash. After all, I had my trusty Red Ryder range- wo model BB gun, and nothing can stand up to this baby. _ FLASH | : . . (tears of joy streaming i ' down his cheeks) Ralphie, all Earthlings will be

forever in your debt. | RALPH

(modestly)

I know. Here, I'll untie you.

y FLASH

You know, Ralph, sometimes I'd

like to meet that Red Ryder.

He and I are in the same

) business, fighting Evil everywhere and standing for

_ Truth and Justice.

f

ct RALPHIE

in reality. He smiles in triumph.

Suddenly, Ralphie hears a veluminous RACKET, He runs to the window and looks out. We see:

The Old Man is driving the Olds up the driveway. He is pursued by at least a dozen flop-eared hound dogs, BARKING, YAPPING, HOWLING and leaping.

NARRATOR

The Taylors, a quiet family

who have lived next door to us for years, had moved out and without warning the Bumpuses . had fleoded in. In an instant, the entire neighborhood changed. - There were thousands of Bumpuses, and they all moved in.

ay ~ {CONTINUED )

nen nn aan A me = _——. “- - Condimed meee es te mye | ym et om

. NARRATOR (CONT) Overnight what had been a nondescript bungalow, became

‘a battered hinge-sprung sagging hillbilly shack.

RALPHIE"S POV - LONG SHOT - THE BUMPUS HOUSE

The house is surrounded by a thick swamp of junk: old truck tires, rusty pitchforks, busted chicken crates, an old bathtub, at least 57 ancient bedsprings, eight or nine horse collars, chicken wire, baling wire, barbed wire, corncobs, an ironing board and a lot of big tall water boilers with pipes sticking out. The Old Man is trying to get out of the car.

NARRATOR

And then there were the dogs,

they had at least seven

hundred and forty-five dogs!

Now our neighborhood had

always had dogs walking around,

ordinary dogs with names like

Zero or Prince, The Bumpus

hounds, on the other hand,

were just a great churning

mass of tails. and tongues

and flea-bitten bodies. You:

could almost see the smell +-

and they loved my father.

They ignored every other

human being on earth but my

Old Man. Every time he set

foot outside the whole tidal

wave of heaving flanks and

bloodshot eyes would descend

on him. The trouble was that

half of them were trying to

lick his face and the other

half were trying to take off

his leg. The Old Man is fighting for his life, and screaming at the top of his lungs. We can't quite make out what he's saying, but it sounds like: -

-42-

CONTINUED — 27.

' He's kicking at the dogs and backing up, holding some-

thing aloft.

Ralphie turns and dashes downstairs.

Ralphie arrives downstairs as The Olid Man lunges through the front door, closing it on the ears of

one of the most insistent of the SNARLING pack. The dog HOWLS in the background as The Old Man leaps ahout the living room waving a telegram over his head.

FATHER __ A major prize. A major prize. I won! Iwon!t Look! He hands Mother the telegram. The kids crowd around. We see the telecram. It reads:

-43-

INSERT - TELEGRAM

Congratulations. You have won

a major award in our fifty thousand dollar "Great Heroes From The World of Sports" contest. It will arrive by special messenger delivered to your address. You are a winner. Congratulations!

BACK TO SCENE

The Old Man is now dancing a jig around the room. The kids are whooping, the dog, whose ears are in the door, is) HOWLING.

. MOTHER What do you mean?

The old man continues his jig.

He dances over to the door and releases the poor dog's ear. He sticks his leg out the front door and holds. it there comically.

-~44-

CONTINUED | 28.

We hear a dog YELP. The Old Man pulls the leg in quickly. and slams the door. He claps his hands to- gether, suddenly serious.

_ FATHER

- (continuing) It'll probably be one of them Spanish adobe houses in Coral Gables, Florida. That's one of their, big items. Or it could be a bowling alley. Guy down in Terre Haute won a bowling alley.

The Old Man is stumped for a minute.

He laughs. Nothing is going to spoil his expansiveness.

_ FATHER (continuing) Well, it'll be a while! Let's eat! I'm starving. Gettin’ rich is hard work.

CAMERA DWELLS on Ralphie and Randy's awestruck faces.

Ralph and Randy sit at table, Mother scurries from stove to table, back te stove. Fathar reads the Chicago Tribune sports page. Randy sits with his feet twined around the legs of his chair, poking - listlessly at his food. He hedins to plow the sur- face of his mashed potatoes with a fork. The Old Man glances at his watch impatiently from time to time. MOTHER (automatically)

Randy, eat your food, don't Play with it.

(CONTINUED )

se itis,

~45-

) 29. CONTINUED | 29.

Randy begins to shape mashed potatoes into the configuration of a football.

meatloaf) a Do what your mother tells you. Pass the red cabbage, huh? RANDY AWWWW. 2. « FATHER

I'm gonna give you something to cry about in one minute if you don't quit playing

. with your food. Now you stop fooling around and eat that, or you're gonna be sorry!

Mother serves Father red cabbage and removes pan to stove, returning to take her seat.

GRPR ESTER EER EE oe

f \

ena eee > a

-46-

Patiently, Mother rises and goes to stove.

Randy fidgets, stirs milk with finger, pushes food from one side of plate to the other, now arranging red cabbage in an artistic circle around his cold, congealing slice of meatloaf.

Mother eats hurriedly, pausing to wipe up Randy's spilled milk with her paper napkin.

subtle.

Mother leoks. at Randy. Her face lights up with an idea.

seneienienienten |

oO So . 2 9 e

st kh a e

-47-

My brother was deep in his Three Little Pigs bag.. He had a little Golden Book, and it was his favorite heavy reading material.

Randy waits for more coaxing.

. MOTHER (continuing) Be a geod boy. Show us how the piggies eat. Suddenly, Randy hends forward, shoves face into plate, begins to gabble food frantically, “oinking" ali the while. Mother smiles as plate is emptied.

His tone is one of total disgust. MOTHER. .

(beaming) Nice piggy, goog little piggy.

Scene ends with. Randy smiling and oinking over his . clean plate, his face looking like a half-finished Mount Rushmore. ;

Suddenly, the DOORBELL RINGS. The family freezes. After a long pause The Old Man in a hushed whisper:

peaisddobd ase

paren!

LESEERTRSESEATARSESARRSESESERESER RE: =. ~ ee

30...

~43-

CONTINUED © . . 29.

They sit unable to move, ‘The BELL RINGS incessantly.

NARRATOR

What was here? Fifty thousand ‘dollars? Fame? A trip to the moon? The end of the rainbow?

As one, they all. dash to the front door.

The door is flung open, a MAN stands in the doorway, looking down at a bill of. lading.

, FREIGHT MAN Frank Parker?

The old Man grabs the. pad and scribbles frantically.

_ FREIGHT MAN (continuing). : Okay, haul it in!

The family stands open-mouthed as two burly movers carry in a waist high cardboard carton. Not a word is said as Mother directs them to the kitchen where the box is deposited gently on the kitchen floor. As

the men depart an air of foreboding surrounds the. ‘mysterious object. Then The old Man dives in.

NARRATOR | The Old Man, his face flushed > with excitement, fumbled in supercharged haste to lay -bare his hard won symbol of victory.

-49=

CONTINUED Se 30.

A billowing mushroom cloud of excelsior explodes into the air. The Old Man literally plunges into the. carton disappearing for a Long moment . He emerges holding aloft the prize. a a

. ‘NARRATOR (continuing) Before us, in the heavy, | fragrant, cabbage-scented _ kitchen stood a life-size — | lady's leg ~- in true blushing pink flesh tones { and wearing. a modish black , a - patent leather pump with spiked . heel. When I say life-size I am referring to a rather large lady who obviously had dined well and matured nicely. For an instant we thought that we had received in the mail the —— work of an artist of the , ee . type that was very active at : Ca that period -~ the trunk Joo See. — - murderer. We stood silent and - _ . in awe at the sheer shimmering fo unexpected beauty of the ‘Major } a Award.’

Mother is the first to recover.

. - MOTHER . What is it? FATHER (incisively) © A -~ leg! There is a long pause. MOTHER

But...what is it?

f™ -

a a a _ uaa aa acacia, all ~~

-50-

CONTINUED - | 30.

. MOTHER A statue? :

. NARRATOR Our family had never owned a statue. A statue was always. considered to be a lady wearing.a wreath and concrete robes, holding a torch in one hand. and a book. in the other.

RALPHIE . & RANDY Whoopee a statue! We won a

statue! | _ NARRATOR My mother was trying to

insinuate herself between us and ‘the statue’.

"MOTHER Isn? t it-time for bed?

suddenly ‘the Old Man stands up like he's received an

electric shock.

. FATHER Holy smokes!

They all fall silent.

Silence. FATHER (continuing) . Holy smokes would you look at that! I don't believe it.

' MOTHER What?

- (CONTINUED)

{oN 30.

| CONTINUED

-51-

' stroke of lighttoliers art.

It was without question, the

“most magnificent lamp that we ©

had ever seen.

FATHER

. Aha, here! s the shade! |

In an instant The Old Man has screwed it atop the fulsome thigh and ‘there it stands, a full four

feet high.

- My God ain't that great.

' He was almost overcome by art!

Oh I don't know.

MOTHER.

, ‘FATHER What a great lamp! Wow this is exactly what we need for the front window.

‘He ‘sweeps up the plastic ‘rophy 3 and rushes into the ‘Living room.

yo,

a a

a

-52-

CONTINUED . 30.,

We see The Old Man - plunge into a jungle ‘of. extension | cords and 4=way plugs, wires heading in every

‘direction. -Ralphie rushes’ in. with.the. extension

cord.. The Old. Man disappears behind the couch.

~ Much heavy breathing and cursing emerges. -

_ NARRATOR

The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone and the

lamp blazed forth in unparalleled. _glory. From ankle to thigh the. | ‘translucent flesh radiated a vibrant, sensual, luminous, orange/pinkish nimbus of pagan fire. All it needed was. tom-

toms and maybe a bone or two.

‘The Old Man backs away in admiration. The leg: lamp

is ridiculous. But The Old Man is in his glory. - FATHER .

“Hey wait! I want to see it from the outside.

The’ Old Man rushes out into the darkness, across the |

‘porch. . The. Bumpus. dogs are startled and caught oft.

guard. We look out the window over Ralphie's shoulder. A crowd has gathered around The Old Man.

Mother. reluctantly complies.

The Old Man moves. further across the road. He pretends

to be a casual observer walking down the street.

oo

fk ee

“ee

-53-

HOUSE - NIGHT |

Mother and

the kids stare out.

-see it, from out here!

| NARRATOR . The entire neighborhood was turned on. It could be seen

'. up and down Cleveland Street,

the symbol of The Old Man's victory! My mother was truly on the horns of a dilemma.

MOTHER

Well uh look at the time. .

Isn't it nearly time for somebody's favorite program. .

Ralph and RAndy race across to the radio and snap it ON. It HUMS TO LIFE. In the background we see The Old Man re-enter the house.

through the alleys, over fences,

under porches, tc get home to >

‘our Crosley Notre Dame Cathedral

model radio.

The one with curly auburn locks... ‘Who do I see....?

It's Little Orphan Annie.

——_—_

(| , 33.

-~54—

CONTINUED. 33.

, NARRATOR

Ah, they don't write tunes like that. any more. There was one particularly brilliant line that dealt with Sandy, Little Orphan Annie's airedale side- kick. Who can forget it?.

: a NARRATOR Little Orphan Annie lived in this great place called Tompkins Corners. There were people called Joe Corntassle and Uncle.

In the background we see Mother casually rise, walk over to the window and draw the blinds and snap off

the leg lamp. Father pretends not to notice.

CLOSEUP ~ RALPH as he sits, enraptured, befors the radio.

CLOSEUP. ~ ORNATE FRONT OF RADIO

Re a en PE, ee en le nil, i, wee et © heme «me sheeternemerremntterremnireermvnmemmnncrescemscemasceatie: airs, SH mehr te erm see write > ——— ok

“cerned.

CONTINUED 33.

In the background we see The Old Man, his casualness matching Mother's. He draws open the drapes and stands pretending to stare out at the street.

He snaps on the lamp. Mother pretends to be uncon

; RADIO (V.0O.) . Okay, kids. Time to get out your secret decoder pin.

Time for another secret message direct from Little Orphan Annie to members of the _ ‘Little Orphan Annie Secret | Circle.

Ralph slumps.

NARRATOR _ | I got no decoder pin. A member of an Out Group at the age of nine.

And the worst kind of an Out | Group. I lived in a non-Ovaltine~ drinking neighborhood.

_ . (CONTINUED)

|

~

a

-56-

CONTINUED | | 33.

We see Mother rise and amble toward the window. She stops to pick a new magazine.

She snaps the drapes closed. The Old Man feigns in- difference.

Ralph shows disinterest. The show is over. Ralph also locks vaguely troubled.

NARRATOR

Then -~ silence.

The show was over and you

had.a sinister feeling that

out there in the darkness all over the country there were Millions of kids --. decoding. Somewhere kids were getting

the real truth from Orphan Annie. The message. And I had no pin. Yetl Three weeks ago I had corralled the necessary Ovaltine tin and mailed away for my decoder pin. Day after day, eon.after eon, I waited. Waiting for three weeks for something _to come in the mail to a kid is.

(MORE) -

pe em nee a ae eae AS a a i a A es lg le lA Rie ll

—— — RE E_—EE— eee

-57-

We FADE OUT on the scene as The Old Man makes yet

' another move on the drapes.

FADE IN:

Ralph, Schwartz, Flick, Miss Shields, Extras.

Children file past Miss Shields' desk; each carefully. places their theme papér on it. Ralph adds his to » the pile with a Little flourish of implied victory.

NARRATOR

I had done it. There could

be no doubt that this theme

would absolutely overwhelm

Miss Shields. Not only was . the Red Ryder 200~shot

carbine air rifle irrevocably mine, but I began to envisage that Miss Shields, in her ecstasy, would excuse me from -theme writing for the rest of

my school days, or at least until high school... such was the Clarity and power of my prose that. it seemed ridiculous to ask

me to demonstrate it further.

CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY IN TO Ralphie's face as he begins to fantasize.

33..

po . 35. ] an ]

-58- R-21/12/82

We see Miss Shields grading papers grumpily. She throws one one down in disgust and scribbles a large "F" on it. She picks up another and gives it the same treatment, and another and yet another. She puts her hand to her forehead in despair for’a moment, then she plunges in again.

She begins reading Ralphie's theme. Her face brightens. Her mouth flies open. She reads on. She utters an exclamation of joy and clasps the theme to her bosom, silent movie style.

She begins reading again, barely able to contain herself.

With every sentence, she exclaims in ecstasy. Finally, she can contain herself no more. She leaps to her feet, throwing the theme into the air, and races to the blackboard. She writes Ralphie'’s name on the board in huge letters and follows this with:

RALPHIE

A huge "A"; then sne begins writing plusses after the A. writes plusses until she runs out of board, then continues writing them. off the board and around the walls.

BEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEE EEE EEE A Hebe She

CAMERA PANS OFF Miss Shields TO Ralphie, where we see him

standing modestly, acknowledging the thunderous ovation of his adoring classmates. We HOLD on this for a long moment, then...

RALPHIE AND. REALITY

_ RALPHIE (coming to} What? Oh, no, not now. Uh esejust turning in my theme.

Ralphie backs out of the room grinning sheepishly at Miss . Shields. Miss Shields looks after him quizzically.

We are holding on the steel mill for a long moment then suddenly in the foreground we see some figures blur by. It) is Ralphie, Flick and Schwartz. The frame is empty for

a moment, until Grover Dill and Scut Farkas race past in hot pursuit, another empty moment, then Randy comes waddling by, arms still stuck out like a scarecrow.

OMIT ~ PAGES 59, 60, 61 & 62.***

‘.

_ *59-

CONTINUED 35.

oo, NARRATOR Such was the stuff of Red Ryder Mania. I took off to catch up with Schwartz and Flick. Now that my own Christmas booty was assured, I could turn my attention to -the family gifts, and that meant, of course, the ever~ beckoning treasures of Woolworth's.

Ralph, Schwartz, Flick, Randy, Grover Dill.

We see the boys heading down the street. Randy, whining, trails along about fifty yards behind, his galoshes open, wiping his nose on his sleeve. RANDY Wait up! Come on, you guys. Awwww... I'm gonna tell Ma. Wait up!

Ralph and the others ignore him, moving in a sort of

‘purposeless ramble, slowly working their way home, -kicking at cans; Schwartz hurls a rock languidly

at a telephone pole insulator, not even bothering to turn and see if it hits.. Obviously, they do this every day.

They are passing before a wooden fence. The old familiar MUSIC creeps up, very faintly. Ralph drags a stick across the pickets, making a rasping sound.

CAMERA PANS DOWN the fence. We see the familiar brogans matching Ralphie's stride~for-stride. The boys are oblivious to the menace. Such unwariness does not go unpunished in the jungles of boyhood.

. CAMERA CUTS BACK AND FORTH from the boys to the presence

stalking them on the other side of the fence.

-60—

CONTINUED , 36.

Their aimless wanderings take them into an alley,

at the end of which is a fence they must scale to continue on their way. As they near the cul-de-sac, the MUSIC RISES. At the last minute, Ralphie senses something. He stops. and looks in the direction of the fence. ,

But it is too late. A face appears suddenly in the gap between two boards. It is a malevolent face. It is the face of meanness personified. It is the dreaded GROVER DILL. The MUSIC SHUDDERS appropriately.

NARRATOR |

Grover Dill! What a rotten name. We were trapped.

There he stood between us and the alley, Grover Dill staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes. So help me God, yellow eyes! His cap slunk low over his non-existent brow, resting on his ears, which flared out like toadstools. His lips curled over his green teeth in a semblance of speech.

DILL Hey! fat mess!

NARRATOR

ZI turned in a blind primal panic and started for the fence at the end of the alley. No hope.. There, curling up like a venomous: Cheshire cat, was Dill's fierce Little toady Scut Farkas. We had had it. | The Lines were clearly drawn. You were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims who hid- behind hedges, continually ran up alleys and ducked under porches.

(MORE)

nei teree teal ie arenes alin ally le ems: aie lin - eine tee ae a: aS

-61-

' NARRATOR (continuing). For some reason, Dill looked past me to Schwartz.

DILL Hey you, come here. SCHWARTZ 2. -me? DILL

Nah, your Aunt Tilly! Ya, you. Get over here.

Obediently, hopelessly, much in the manner of a

hypnotized bird approaching a snake, Schwartz goes to

Dill. Dill methodically takes Schwartz's arm and twists it.

SCHWARTZ

Aw, gee, Dill, cut it out! DILL Say ‘Uncle’. SCHWARTZ Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! DILL (sing-song)

Cry baby, cry.

— ee ok

-62=

Dill finally has twisted Schwartz down to his knees. He gives a shove and Schwartz sprawls in the alley.

‘DILL Alright, who's next?

He laughs malevolently and then makes a mock Frankenstein lunge at. them.

DILL . (continuing) Ahhhhhaggghhhhhh!

The boys bolt like jack rabbits. Dill lets them go. Scut Farkas oozes down off the fence and joins bill.

_ They laugh after the fleeing victims.

DILL (continuing) You better run, you jerks.

MEDIUM SHOT Ralph running. “Dill in b.g.

-63- | R-21/12/82. OMIT - PAGES 59, 60, 61 & 62.

‘Ralph, Randy and The Old Man stand waiting impatiently

in the hallway. .

Mother comes racing down the stairs.

She moves to. the window and snaps out the leg lamp.

EAT. HOUSE - _NIGHT

i

The Old Man gives her a leok but lets it pass. They all bundle their way out the door and pile into the Olds.

Mother, Father, Ralph, and Randy walk around a frozen vacant lot, looking at Christmas trees.

37. .

38.-

-~6G4—

CONTINUED 39.

_ MOTHER

The Christmas tree is finally chosen. After a great deal of difficulty, it is securely lashed to the back of the car, sticking out cof the trunk and tied te the « bumpers with lengths of grimy, knotted rope.

We. see the family in the car, locking at the decorations. Christmas lights festoon houses, plastic Santas.

smile from the tops of garages, plastic wreaths of:

helly hang from the lamp posts surrounding smiling

Santa faces. A choir of Christmas carollers accompanies this tableau.

We see a Nativity group on a front lawn. Joseph and Mary kneel in the straw, adoring the Infant, watched by three plastic sheep, a plastic cow, and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, his nose a bright red bulb.

oN

on 40.

C 7

N. ‘ et

-65-

_ CONTINUED 40. Eight more plastic reindeer stand on the roof of the cardboard shed.

A sound like "G-DUNK, G-DUNK, G-DUNK" is heard. The car lurches.

FATHER

We got a damn flat!

Father pulls over, leaps from the car. The sound of BANGING-TOOLS AND STEADY CURSING can be heard from the back of the car.

Father passes side window, rolling Spare tire, jack

under his arm.

NARRATOR — It was-the first time it had been suggested I go help my father with anything.

Ralph gets out of the tar. CAMERA DOLLIES IN. The car is up on the shoulder, and every time a tractor- trailer booms past, a spray of icy slush slops over.

——— a Sa

~66-

The Old Man as he struggles with the jack. On.the other side of the car, away from the road, is a deep | weedy ravine, weed tops poking out of the drifted ) “snow. In the dark and slushy night, The Old Man |

struggles with his worn and patched spare tire.

a at

' they were in the dark bullpen of the car's trunk to be used as spares. There was so little tread on them that The Old Man used to say you could read the

Want Ads of the Tribune right through them.

The Old Man busily fits jack, jacks up car, begins to remove wheel bolts with wrench. Ralph watches.

Tw FATHER (noticing Ralph) } What the hell are you doing?

) FATHER

| Oh. Yeh. Listen, hold this hubcap. I'm gonna put the bolts in it. Fer Chrissake, don't move it!

‘The Old Man struggles with the tire. Ralph stands

next to him, holding the hubcap. Cars whiz by, throwing slush from under their tires. A giant semi roars

past, throwing up such a plume of slush and icy; filthy water that Ralph flinches.

C %. 41.

oc ee

~67=-

CONTINUED .

The-Old Man reaches up, and accidentally hits the hub-cap with his hand. The PICTURE slows down INTO

SLOW MOTION.

saw all the bolts silhouetted

against the lights of the

traffic. And then they were

gone, into the snowbank, under the car, down the ravine into the abyss.

CLOSEUP = RALPH ~ IN SLOW MOTION

CAMERA ZOOMS IN on Ralphie's face, just as he is about

to make an exclamation... CAMERA ZOOMS PAST his mouth just as he is forming The Word. Just at that moment, a TRUCK ROARS by and drowns out the sound. We.do not

hear the word or see it spoken, but it is evident that

Ralph has said The Word.

NARRATOR

It was The Word. I don't know why I said it. It just came

out.

CLOSEUP - FATHER

His face is frozen in astonishment. pause.

‘fhere is a long

A long. puase, both figures are caught in the glare of

the oncoming traffic.

r= te eee

-68-

CONTINUED . 42.

He crawls around in the snow, looking for the lost bolts, muttering constantly. After an enormous struggle, he manages to retrieve three of them, and replaces the bolts, puts on the hubcap, returns the jack to the trunk after a brief tussle with the lashed down Christmas tree. Ralph watches dumbly.

Okay. Get in the car.

Father, Mother, Ralph, Randy.

Mother looked puzzied. Randy,

in the back seat, perked up and leaned forward attentively.

He knew I.was suddenly in trouble, and he loved it. If . he had a tail, it would have

been wagging.

Whispers. Mother sits bolt upright in shock.

She turns to glare at Ralph. Randy snickers. They ride home silently, Ralph with the air of someone being taken to the gallows.

ee A EE BE ll. rin cee. canite - ceteemnemee, ee. eres ey RSL SY Spee etn G = cet, ES ome ates ay SY Sen mem SN oY ery mee

-69-

MOTHER AND RALPE.

be Ralph is sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. i Mother stands over him menacingly.

Mother sticks bar of soap in Ralph's mouth.

Ralph sits on the toilet, bar of soap in mouth. Mother stands over him impassively.

\ a 4 3 °

Na ete

-70-

CONTINUED . 43.

Ralph nods yes. Mother removes soap.

Oh. =I ses.

His Mother puts the bar of soap back in Ralph's mouth. With an air of grim determination, she turns on her heel and goes to the phone. She dials, pauses.

Pause. We hear GIBBLE~GIBBLE of Mrs. Schwartz's reply but cannot hear the words.

C) 43.

She puts hand over mouthpiece and whispers.

° . MOTHER Yes. That. And do you know where he heard it? (long dramatic

pause) ‘From your son!

Mother stands holding phone. We hear quick TAP-

TAP-TAP of Mrs. Schwartz's HEELS retreating. Suddenly,

very faintly, there is a SCREAM.

of mysterious, inexorable official Justice. Justice? Injustice? It is immaterial. We are all guilty, in one way or another, and Schwartz was no exception.

Mother hangs up phone, returns to bathroom, removes soap from Ralph's mouth.

Ne

Se ee re ee ee ee cain ae tiee wee cate ellie ofl alle eee EE a a a an leniaeinenaiomalis _ — ee a eee ee ee

fon

44,

-72-

‘CONTINUED |

Ralph goes slowly up the stairs.

Ralph lies forlornly on his bed. In the UPPER LEFT- HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN, above his head, we see a PROJECTION of what he is thinking.

SCENE WIDENS until walk FILLS WHOLE FRAME.

CLOSEUP OF WHITE CANE

tap-tapping up front steps. Cane taps on door. Huge tall door opens.

EXTZINT. HOUSE. - DAY

RALPHIE'S POV

Mother stands in doorway, looking down at the pathetic

little figure before her. Father stancs behind her.

| FATHER Come on in, Raiph. Where have you been?

44,

~73- CONTINUED 46.

Little Ralph, saying nothing, bravely taps his way into the house.

CLOSEUP - RANDY

looking horrified, peering out from under the dining room table.

Mother leads Ralph to the kitchen table. Ralph sits. bravely at table.

Ralph bravely smiles; shakes his head no. A tear runs down under his dark glasses.

Ralph is silent.

Ralph turns his head, fighting back the pain.

this on? RALPHIE , (against his will) it was... MOTHER Yes? RALPHIE Tt was...

Mother sinks down beside Father. They cling together.

- | MOTHER a Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'll “never forgive myself! How could. I have done it!

Ralph puts his hand on his. Father's sob-wracked shoul-

ders. | Randy clings lovingly to Ralph's ankle.

ne RALPHIE I' 11 get along...somehow, I deserved it.

_ MOTHER’ You" reso brave, ‘Ralph.

but insistently, that he would be stricken blind befere he reached twenty-one. And then they'd. be sorry!

Ralph's face, larger and larger, moves INTO FRAME. His

poor, blank, blind eyes stare INTO THE CAMERA. One

.- /large tear rolls down his cheek. FOCUS on large tear.

_ DISSOLVE TO: MONTAGE

CE SLATS = DAY _

We see Ralphie, Flick and the others fly past. The

SHOT remains empty for a moment then we see Dill and

Farkas fly past.

47,

49,

Snow and WIND HOWLS

It is Friday. The children are filing into class. Every third or fourth. child pauses to give Miss

Shields a little gift as is the custom. We see

the booty piling up, mostly apples a few cupcakes, some cookies, a solitary flower. .

Suddenly a pineapple, a very large and particularly

‘tropical looking pineapple is placed upon the desk.

A pineapple in Hohman during | the depression is a sight indeed. . /

Ralphie' s face eases up through the foliage on top

of the pineapple. He grins a grin about as subtle as "Oilcan Harry." Miss Shields looks at him.in. amazement. .

os RALPHIE I thought you might be getting tired of them same old stuff.

- MISS SHIELDS - Why -~ thank you, Ralph!

“Ralph slides away.

Silence, then we hear the POUNDING OF FEET. Ralphie and the others go thundering past. Silence, then Dill and Parkas come racing by. HOLD on the silence ‘a moment . _

48...

49,

-76-

‘EXT, - RALPH'S HOUSE - LONG SHOT - DAY . a ; 51.

Ralph comes dashing up to the mailbox and stops to catch his breath, looking behind hin.

NARRATOR

Grover Dill was just another of the hostile elements of nature like the wind and the snow and the Boogie Man and

as such could be tolerated.

- But the agony of waiting for -

the days to pass so I could receive my theme in triumph was unbearable. I was nearing madness. De

Ralph straightens up and looks into the mailbox.

, NARRATOR. .. (continuing) — But we are given that which ‘we need to survive. Everything» comes to. he whe waits.

Ralph takes a large erivelope out of the box.

There are few things more thrilling in life than Lumpy - letters that rattle. Even to this day I feel a wild surge of exultation when I tun my hands over an envelope that

is thick, fat and pregnant with mystery. I ripped it open and there it was -~ my simulatad-gold plastic decoder pin. With knob. And my membership card. ce

CAMERA CUTS TO the letter: -

BE IT KNOWN TO ALL AND SUNDRY THAT MR. RALPH WESLEY PARKER IS HEREBY APPOINTED A MEMBER OF THE LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE SECRET CIRCLE AND IS ENTITLED TO ALL - THE HONORS AND BENEFITS ACCRUING THERETO .

~77-

Ralph races ‘to the radio and whirls, the dial frantically.

. NARRATOR 7 My excitement mounted. Running... waves of goose pimples tippled

up and down my spine as I>

hunched next to the radio. A pause, a station break.

Ralph hunches closer to radic.

NARRATOR ~ Let' s get on with it! I don't. need all this jazz about smugglers and. pirates. I sat . through Sandy's arfing and Little Orphan Annie's perils hardly hearing a word. On comes, at long last, old. Pierre. He's one of my: friends now. I amiIn. My first secret meeting!

- RADIO (V.0.)_ OKAY, FELLAS AND GALS. GET OUT YOUR DECODER PINS. TIME FOR THE SECRET MESSAGE FOR ALL THE REGULAR PALS OF LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE, MEMBERS OF THE LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE SECRET CIRCLE. ALL SET? HERE WE GO. SET YOUR PINS AT B-12.

We see Ralph frantically setting his pin.

li RS a

52. CONTINUED

-78-

_ RADIO (V.0.) ALL READY? PENCILS SET?

- Ralph licks point of pencil.

NARRATOR

Old Pierre was in great voice

tonight. I could tell that tonight's message was really important.

“RADIO Vv. QO. > SEVEN... TWENTY - TWO.

. THIRTEEN... NINETEEN. . EIGHT!

We see Ralph writing. Hike mad, brow furrowed in manic concentration.

NARRATOR

I-struggled furiously to keep

up with his booming voice

dripping with tension and

excitement. Finally...

| RADIO (V.0.) OKAY, KIDS. THAT'S TONIGHT'S

| SECRET MESSAGE. LISTEN AGAIN | _ TOMORROW NIGHT, WHEN YOU HEAR...

Who's that. little chatterbox. Tae one with curly auburn Tocks . 22?

53. INE. BATHROOM = RALPH <-ENENING | | 53.

. the only room in the house

where a boy of nine‘could sit in privacy and decode. My pin is on one knee, my Indian . Chief tablet on the other. T! m starting to decode.

(MORE)

~79-

| 53... CONTINUED | Oo ae 53,

NARRATOR (CONT'D)

Towa So I. spun the dial, poring over ‘the plastic. scale of letters. . . _ - Ahal B. I carefully wrote o ne oo _ down my first decoded number. ms os I went. to the next.

Again I spun the dial. Ee . The first word is B- E.

13. Ss.

[t. was ote easier now.

From somewhere out in the house I could hear my kid brother whimpering, his wail gathering steam, then the faint shriek of my mother.

, MOTHER (0.S.) Hurry up! Randy's gotta go!

oe . RALPHIE | a 8 I'll be Eight out, Mal Gee - , watz t . oS NARRATOR S... U... 15. R... E.

x. Be sure! A message was coming - | through! Excitement gripped my gut. I was getting The .

Word. Be sure. 14... 8... Tt... 0... Be sure _,to what? What was Little | Orphan Annie trying to say? ‘Ralph scribbles more > Erantically, Tunning hand through. hair distractedly. MOTHER (0.S.) . (with annoyance) Ralphie! Come. ON! RALPHIE. (frantic) ° . All RIGHT, Ma! I'll be right out! CO 7 NARRATOR a 17... 9... DR... 16... 12... Ke (MORE).

-80-

53. CONTINUED | 83,

wy NARRATOR (CONT D) Bee . 7 Ll... 9... Nio. Ke... 32. a OVA... 19... LT... I sat for a long moment in that steamy room, staring. down at my Indian Chief notebook. A crummy commercial.

We hear another. THIN WAIL from: Randy, 0.S. RALPH

1 ll be right out, Ma! For crying out Loud. ,

| NARRATOR |

I pulled up my corduory pants

and went out to face the meat |

loaf and the red cabbage. . . 7

Punjab had decapitated . another co |

victim. oe

Randy races past Ralph into the bathroom. Ralph. con- tinues on down to the kitchen.

; | NARRATOR Cs . Ceontinuing) - ; | ' The agony crept over me. - | Again I hoped dinner would ‘bring relief. Maybe there was a surprise. |

Ralph peers inte the pot on the stove.

' NARRATOR

(continuing) — Ha, fat chance -- red cabbage.. I didn't even bother to- look ‘in the oven where the- perpetual meatloaf sizzled. My mother was hanging over her sink, swabbing eternally © with her Brillo pad. If © mothers had a coat of arms in the midwest, it would consist of crossed plumber ' ‘s helpers rampant on a field of Brillo pads...

ne a 7 (CONTINUED) |

te SS

pers,

See”

at A ay tee a ee nt me te

| Yeah!

-81-

RALPHIE

The bathroom door flies open and The Old Man stands . framed in the doorway, a wild look in his eyes.

. . FATHER What broke? What happened? What broke!

The Old Man rushes headlong down the. stairs and into the Living room.

FATHER

‘Where is it where is it?

co™N

~82- CONTINUED OO 53. The Old Man drops to his knees amid the debris. | MOTHER a I... don't know what

happened. I was watering the flowers and.

The Old Man Looks at her for a long moment then speaks

in measured voice.

That's ridiculous! Jealous! Jealous of what? That was the... ugliest lamp I ever saw!

| NARRATOR Now it was out, irretrievably.

The Old Man draws himself up to his full height and ‘glares at her with bristling dignity.

. cold war. FATHER (in .a commanding voica) Get the glue. | MOTHER We're out of glue. NARRATOR The Old Man stood quivering with fury . (MORE)

iid

54,

-83-_

CONTINUED 53.

a NARRATOR (CONT'D) -..Stammering as he tried.to come up with a crushing retort “- managing only --

He turns and races from the house nearly taking the door with him. There is silence for a moment, then the door is ripped open and The Old Man bellows:

.It is later. We are looking at the house in LONG SHOT.

We see The Old Man silhouetted in the window trying to repair the lamp.

NARRATOR .

To this day, I can still see

my father, wearing his straw

hat, swearing under his breath, walking around a shattered lady's leg,.a Freudian image to make Edward Albee's best effort pale ‘into insignificance.

We see The Old Man bending intently over the leg.

. NARRATOR

(continuing) Time and again, it locked almost successful. Then he would remove his hand slowly -~ Boing the kneecap would spring up and sail across the room and the whole thing would collapse!

ram Re Se a re rm te me + —_ SS

-e4—

We see and hear the lamp come CRASHING to the floor. The Old Man disappears out of the window for a long moment. Suddenly he appears out the front door, makes hs way to the side of the house and dumps the whole > mess in the garbage. He marches resolutely back into the house. After a moment we hear his voice faintly.

. FATHER | I won't forget this -- ever. |

fe The house sits there tranquilly in the brilliant winter. os air. We hear the FAINT STRAINS of "O Little Town of Bethlehem.”

po : | oo | DISSOLVE TO:

po 57. EXT, RALPH'S HOUSE - DAY | os 57.

It is a raw, wind-whipped day. Cheery smoke pours out of every chimney except one, which belches out. black | acrid puffs.

CAMERA ZOOMS INTO the smoke. We hear The Old Man ROAR- — . ING out his defiance of the villainous furnace. : CAMERA PANS DOWN the house TO the front door. We see | Ralphie and Raridy being hurried out by their anxious Mother. —

MED. SHOT ~ RALPHIE, FLICK - DAY

We seé Ralphie pursued by the bowling ball which is his brother, Randy. They run down the walk and join Flick. ‘They punch arms and then head out for school.

Ralph and the others move INTO VIEW. We see Grover Dill lounging about the ice-encrusted jungle gym.

DILL . Hey, Fat Mess. Come over here. I wanna talk to you.

Ne 7) ‘59. a ~ .

-85-

Ralphie runs for school.

DILL Hey you!

Dill is furious. He turns to the luckless Flick.

DILL . (continuing) You! Get over here.

Flick files by, his eye is blackened.

CLOSEUP ~ RALPHIE He virtually pants with anticipation, ignoring Flick.

|

~.

-86-

CONTINUED . 59,

CLOSEUP - THE HANDS OF THE KIDS

passing the themes back along the rows. CAMERA PANS with the hands. ~

CLOSEUP - RALPH

He is turning red from holding his breath.

CLOSEUP CAMERA PANS with the papers down the row.

CLOSEUP - RALPH

CLOSEUP - THE PAPERS

They atrive at Ralph's desk. He extricates his and passes the others. on. CAMERA PANS UP To his face as

_he unfolds his theme. His face drops. CAMERA PANS

BACK DOWN TO the paper and we see the grade C- pulsat- ing IN AND OUT OF FOCUS.

NARRATOR | My first impulse was that obviously a mistake had been made, But then I saw it -- it leaped off the page and around the room and fastened itself leechlike on the back of my neck.

CAMERA CUTS BACK UP TO Ralphie's face, then TILTS

BACK TO the paper and PANS DOWN and ZOOMS TO the fateful words. They pulsate in red:

Met Sey a Et tie te at aie - a a aes

59. CONTINUED 33.

oo. P.S. You'll shoot your eyes out.

My mother had gotten to Miss Shields. There could be no other explanation. Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peace-maker? I gloomily watched other happier kids who were all going to get what they wanted for Christmas. Despair settled over me like a three-hundred- pound lady sitting on my head.

MOTHER, EXTRA ~ DAY 4

, The CAMERA CATCHES the forlorn figure of Ralph walking ay dejectedly to his house. We MOVE IN on him as he kicks a slab of dirty ice down the sidewalk. Randy ‘tags along behind.

We are CLOSE on Ralph’s face when suddenly a brackish snowball about the size of a basketball whistles INTO FRAME and. smacks Ralph right in the kisser. It nearly knocks him off his feet. He clears the slush from his eyes and chokes back the tears that threaten to well

up. He looks 0.58.

LONG SHOT - GROVER DILL

Ne . is seen walking in his cocky manner down the street toward Ralph.

-88-

CONTINUED | 60.

DILL Hey, Fat Mess. How'd ya like your snowball sandwich!

Dill and Scut Farkas laugh their nasty little laugh as they approach Ralph.

| | NARRATOR Somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain a tiny red-hot little flame began to. grow.

Dill has strutted up and stands, legs spread, in front of Ralph.

DILL Listen, ‘Jerk, when I tell ya to come over, ya better come over.

NARRATOR — By this time my red demon. had grown to man size and came exploding out of my eyes and ears and mouth.

Ralphie explodes all over the startled Dill, knocking him flat on his back and begins pounding him.

' NARRATOR (continuing)

Bravery does not exist, just @ kind of latent nuttiness. Tf I had thought about attacking Dill for ten seconds before I had done it, I'd have been four blocks away in a minute flat. But something had happened. A fuse blew and I had gone out of my skull.

Ralph and Dill begin to fight in earnest.

-89-

60. CONTINUED . - 60.

I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing was pouring out of me as I screamed.

(The swearing will be indistinguishable, lost under narration.)

_ Boys continue to fight insanely. Dill by this time is wailing hysterically. This has never happened to him before. They drag the two kids apart amid a great ring of surging grownups and exultant, scared kids who know more about what is happening: than the mothers and fathers ever could. Ralphie' s ‘Mother looks at him for a long moment .

MOTHER

What did you say? — oy .

eng

FN 60.

y | wo

CONTINUED -

NARRATOR .

That's all. There was a funny look on her face. At that instant all thought of Grover Dill disa- ppeared from what was left of my mind and all I. could think of was the incredible shame of that un- believable tornado of obscenity

I had sprayed over the neighbor- hood.

~_RALPHIE ~ DUSK . 6l.

She takes Ralph by the shoulder and pushes him down on

the daybed. he has done.

He lies there scared, really scared of what

CLOSEUP ~ RANDY under the sink.

(CONTINUED )

63,

y. 62.

-9l-

- kitchen now.

Ralph walks into the kitchen and sits down.

NARRATOR

The axe is poised over my naked neck! There is no way out!

(CONTINUED )

FREESE SER SESREERRPRREPE RETESET AO . ae ee eer

-92-

CONTINUED | : 63.

Mother resumes her endless table-to-stove+to- vefrigerator-to-table-to-stove treadmill.

‘Father shovels in more meatloaf.

Mother, leaning over to serve more red cabbage to

Father, casually leans her arm against Ralph's shoul-

der and gives him a friendly, understanding little

bump. Father does not notice.

Ralph. resumes eating, this time as though he were

actually tasting the food. Mother goes from table to stove. Father eats. Randy whines. Life is back to normal.

Ralph lies in bed.

(MORE)

. CONTINUED 64.

We.see an EXTREME CLOSEUP of a huge Santa's head.

It appears to be bobbing along in the air. CAMERA PULLS BACK and we realize that what we have been see- ing was a huge rubber Santa. We now realize we are seeing the Hohman Christmas Parade. CAMERA PANS AND ZOOMS TO Ralph and the family watching the parade flow by. Jingle Bells fills the air.

NARRATOR

I had awakened that morning with the glowing realization that all was not yet lost. There was one last hope, one appeal as yet unfiled, one glorious, maddening ray of Daisy sunshine that had as ‘yet not shone forth. The Big Man himself, Number One. The Head Honcho. The Connection -~ Santa Claus! Now it is well-known that foolish men stuff themselves with pillows and other such devices. and run around ringing bells in the street in order to siphon off some of the Christmas largess, but it is equally well-known that the real Santa Claus can be found at Higbee's Department Store in Hohman, Indiana, and this is the official Court Of Last Appeal.

~94- 6$. CONTINUED , 65.

CAMERA PANS OFF the parade as the last Shriners march past and TILTS UP to see the huge Santa and reindeer above the gold-plated Higbee's Department Store sign.

We PULL BACK from the real Santa's laughing face to TAKE IN the full scope of Higbee's Department Store. We see milling crowds of blue-jowled, agate- eyed, foundry workers, grey-faced refinery men, motley hordes of open hearth, slag heap, Bessemer converter, tin mill, coke plant and welding shop fugitives trudg- ing through the wildly pulsing store, through floor after floor of shiny, beautiful, unattainable treasures, trailed by millions of leatherette-jacketed, high- topped, mufflered kids. Worried-looking, flush-faced mothers wearing frayed cloth coats with ratty fox-fur collars, their hands chapped and raw from years of dishwater therapy, ride herd on the surging mob, ranging far. and wide into the aisles and under the ' counters; cuffing, slapping, dragging whiners of all sizes from department to department. Ralph, Rendy, Mother and Father are carried forward by the waves of maddened shoppers. They pause by 4 coun-. ter, confer briefly, heads together. We do not hear what is being said, but then Mother and Father go off in the direction of the Men's Department. _ CAMERA STAYS with Ralph and Randy as they get on the end of a long line of nervous, fidgeting, greedy urchins waiting to see Santa Claus.

LONG SHOT - THE LINE It sttetches like a human shake reaching to infinity.

( ~ | (CONTINUED)

- 66.

-95— CONTINUED. . 66.

The shoving, restless, sniffling, whining line slowly inches forward. Far ahead we see a gigantic snowy throne, framed with red-and-white candy canes, under a suspended squadron of plastic angels blowing silver trumpets. The line slowly moves forward.

We see (RALPH'S POV) a glowing golden grotto at the

top of ahigh ramp. Ramp, seen through Ralph's’ eyes,

is exaggeratedly high, like a soaring glass mountain stretching up to infinity before the kids.

The atheists among us grew moodier and less and less sure of themselves, until finally in each scoffing heart was the. floating, drifting, nagging suspicion: Well, you never can tell. It didnot pay to take Chances, and so we waited in Line for our turn.

_ i i i a re re ee ee

-96-

CONTINUED. 66.

Behind Ralph and Randy a skinny seven-year-old girl wearing a brown stocking cap and gold-rimmed glasses

‘hits her little brother steadily to keep him in line.

He is wearing an aviator's helmet with goggles pulled down over his eyes. His galoshes are open and his maroon corduroy knickers are damp. Behind them, a

fat boy in a huge sheepskin coat stands numbly, his eyes watering in vague fear, his nose red and running.

CAMERA TAKES IN long line, an uneven procession of

stocking caps, mufflers, mittens and earmuffs inch- ing painfully forward, while in the hazy distance,

in his magic glowing cave, SANTA CLAUS waits to sit each in turn on his broad red knee. Over the ser- pentine line roars a great sea of sound: TINKLING BELLS, RECORDED CAROLS, THE HUM AND CLATTER OF ELEC- TRIC TRAINS, WHISTLES TOOTING, MECHANICAL COWS MOOING, CASH REGISTERS DINGING, and from far off in the faint distance the "Ho-ho-ho-ing" of jolly old Saint Nick.

Ralph and Randy wind slowly through the Tricycle and

Bicycle Department, jostled and pushed by the hordes

of kids behind them. Suddenly they reach the head

of the line, the foot of Mount Olympus itself.

Santa's enarmous gleaming white snowdrift of a throne

’ soars ten or fifteen feet above their heads on a

mountain of red and green tinsel carpeted with flash- ing Christmas tree bulbs and gleaming ornaments.

Each kid in turn is prodded up a tiny staircase at ‘the side of the mountain on Santa's left as Santa

passes his last customer on to his right and dewn a winding red chute which gives the kid a little ride down to floor level and back into oblivion for another year. Pretty ladies dressed in Snow White costumes, gauzy gowns gan teering with sequins and tiaras clipped te their golden, artificial hair, preside at the head ef the line, directing traffic and keeping order.

‘Randy begins to hang back, whining and whimpering

steadily. Ralph herds him ahead of himself while, behind, the girl in the glasses does the same with her kid brother. SNOW WHITE grabs Randy's shoulder with am iron grip, Launching nim up the slope.

_ SNOW WHITE (a harsh bark) Get moving, kid. Quit dragging your feet.

(CONTINUED )

-97—

CONTINUED ; 66.

Deafening MUSIC blasts from the SPEAKERS above: . JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY sung by ten thousand echo~chambered reverberating chipmunks.

RALPH'S POV

We see his brother's tiny yellow and brown stocking cap as it bobs on Santa’s lap what seems miles above the floor. We hear a thin, high trailing wail. Suddenly the abyss opens before Ralph.

BACK TO SCENE

Snow White grabs his elbow with an iron claw and Ralph begins to struggle upward toward the mountaintop.

. NARRATOR .

I have always felt that later generations of tots, products of less romantic upbringing, cynical non-believers in Santa Claus from birth, can never know the nature of the true dream. I was well into my twenties before I finally gave up on the Easter Bunny, and I am not convinced that I am the richer for it. I had long before decided to levei with Santa. to really lay it on the line. No kid stuff. If I was going to ride the range with Red Ryder, Santa Claus was going to have to get the straight poop.

This Santa Claus is not the conventional department store Santa, but rather Santa as he is seen thwugh a child's eyes. He is ENORMOUS, seemingly eight feet tall; high shiny black patent-leather boots, a nimbus of snow white beard, and a real thrumming, belt-créaking stomach. His voice is amplified to a thundering pitch. He seems vast, immense, enormous, world=filling, God like to the eyes

of Ralph.

Boye

(CONTINUED }

pe ar — wna = so—o— a eo

-93-

mm. 66. CONTINUED. 66 |

Ralph quails as Santa reaches down and neatly hooks his. sheepskin collar, swooping him upward. Ralph sits on Santa's huge knee, looking down and out over the endless expanse of Toyland and down to the tiny figures that wind off into the distance.

Ralph stares straight ahead in mindless panic. His mouth opens, snaps shut convulsively, open again with a feeble croak.

NARRATOR

My mind groped. Football, ‘football. Without conscious will my voice squeaked out.

NARRATOR

My God, a football!

ue (CONTINUED }

a

ae

a a TE ae A alee eliln «he oe le allies a le ein i cere ei ome seme oe a ee ms ee T 7

.CONTINUED

Ralph is being slid off Santa's knee and deposited in the red chute for his slide to the ground floor.

Just as he begins to slide he comes to and, struggling frantically, claws his way back up to the lip of the chute and thrusts his face up over it desperately.

. RALPHIE (all in a rush semi-hysterically) No! No! I want an official Red Ryder. carbine-action _two=hundred- shot Range. qe. Model air. ri fle with a special sight and a Compass. in the stock | with a sundial’

Santa looks in surprise at the absurd figure of Ralph clinging to the chute.

Santa reaches out gently with his boot and gives Ralph a little shove. We hear this "NOOQOO0O00" ECHO as he disappears...

Ralph meets Randy, who stands snivelling under a counter piled high with Raggedy Ann dolls. From nowhere, Mother

and Facher reappear. | FATHER Did you tell Santa what you wanted?

Pa eal

-100-

CONTINUED | 66.

RALPHIE

eee - yeah. FATHER

Did he ask you if you had been

a good boy? RALPHIE

No. FATHER

Ha! Don't worry. He knows anyway. He knows.

Ralph looks hangdeg. All hope is gone. The family, like a salmon swimming upstream, begin to struggle through the crowd to the front doors of the store. From the distance we can still hear Santa Claus.

_ SANTA (0.S.) Merry Christmas. Ho-ho-ho!

The house is nestled in the snow. The night is crisp and brilliant.

ne Se a er eran a EO Ee

-101-

It is after dinner. The family is trimming the tree on this most important of all nights, Christmas Eve. The tree, complete with a bare spot which did not "fluff out" is standing in its little red tin holder, fragrantly, toweringly, teeteringly.

Father stands on a ladder, also teetering, stringing lights to the top of the tree.

Mother scrambled around, finds extension cord under sofa, plugs in Christmas tree. lights.

The green ones are lit. It's the blue ones..... ,

Father scrambles down the ladder, gets a new bulb, runs back up the ladder to the top of the tree, screws in the new bulb.

we

PE a Rae tn nae me meg nn mens me ne eee - i eet

-102-

‘CONTINUED

The Christmas Tree goes out, lights blink and dim, the kitchen light burns wildly for one moment, flickers, goes out.

Father runs down the ladder, grabs the extension, and unplugs the tree lights.

Ralph and Randy run to the kitchen.

. NARRATOR Occasionally in some houses a critical point was reached and one of these electrical bombs went off, sometimes burning down whole blocks cf homes, or more often blowing out the main fuse, plunging half the town into darkness.

Ralph and Randy return, carrying the extension from the toaster.

- FATHER Okay, come on, give it here, let's go.

Father plugs the extension into a rat's nest of electrical junk, rams the plug from the tree into the extension, and hurries up the ladder.

Mother plugs it in. The Christmas tree lights up. The house remains lit. — ,

“=r. mee .

* 68.

— ee ee ee eRe ee ee ee a cee tn en ne ne

-103-

‘CONTINUED. 68.

. . - MOTHER My, isn't that pretty.

The tree stands in all its splendid fragrant beauty. Father comes down the ladder. The family stands in awed silence around the tree, drinking in its magnificent beauty.

I know what

Father leans over from the ladder, and places the star

at the top of the tree. For a moment all hang suspended. The tree glows; Ralph and Randy admire; Mother nervously wrings her hands. Then, slowly, majestically, the tree begins to tilt. MOTHER Ch: Be careful? FATHER Dammit. Son of a bitch!

Father grabs the top of the tree, and shoves it back

upright. The star is now noticeably cockeyed.

FATHER

Ah.

FATHER

Perfect!

(CONTINUED }

EE

-104-

Na. 68. CONTINUED: 68.

"He runs down the ladder, rubs his hands, and admires the tree. Mother sighs and wipes her hands on her apron. Mother glances at the clock.

Randy dashes to the window.

: RANDY a . I was good all year Santa? Ralphie said bad. words twice and I never said any.

Randy looks at them a moment of indecision flickers on his face, He turns back to the window

a a a ee moe tee ee tm ee = aie nln are ee aR —

~105-

68. CONTINUED

_ FATHER On the double.

The boys dash up the stairs. Mother and the Old Man look at one another.

A light snow falls. CAMERA PEERS from across the street.

We see Mother and the @1d Man as they play Santa Claus. The Old Man opens the front door and goes to the trunk of the Olds. It is a calculated risk.

Several of the Bumpuses‘ hounds. stir. A howl sets up.

. The old man dashes for the door, slipping and sliding

CS . on the new snow. He makes the front door one step ahead of the furry mass.

Ralphie stares forelornly from his bed. We see the light snow falling outside his window.

CAMERA MOVES in on his face.

Neh

~106-

CONTINUED. 70.

CAMERA MOVES in on Ralphie as he fantasizes.

“We see Santa Claus and the reindeer on a very fairy

tale like snowcovered rooftop. He is being menaced by the same burglars from Ralphies first fantasy.

Ralphie appears racing over the rooftops. He chases off the bandits with his trusty air rifle and is rewarded by Santa who piles present after present on

‘top of Ralphie.

Ralphie stirs from sleep. The bright light from the window makes him shield his eyes. He leans over the bed and peers out.

CAMERA PANS to look out the window into the backyard. An overnight ice storm has touched the neighborhood with a crystal wand.

The morning sun sends sprays ef colored Light radiating from the gnarled silver icicles that cover everything; trees, wires, eaves, fences. It is a fairy kingdom Ralphie turns from the window.

pee

a“

Nd

a

x J, .

SES ~ = 7 meee ee

-107-

We. see Ralphie and Randy creeping down the stairs. They stop and stare into the living room.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to find great heaps of tissuey, crinkley, sparkly, enigmatic packages under the tree, half-hidden amid the folds of a white bedsheet that looks, in the

soft light, like some magic snowbank.

Ralph and Randy stare in awe at the tree and the packages beneath it. .

Mother and the Old Man enter behind them. They sit down and watch the kids’ reaction to the presents.

In the background, on the RADIO, Lionel Barrymore's wheezy, friendly old voice speaks kindly of Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Old Marley. Ralph grabs

a package. It is tagged To Randy From Santa.

Ralph feverishly passes it over to Randy and returns to work. He pulls out a largish, lumpy, red=wrapped gift. We. see the tag reads To Ralphie Srom Aunt Clara.

Frantically, Ralph tears the wrappings off. It is a pair of slippers. Bunny Slippers. Ralph's mouth drops open.

i Rl a ete ace ie Be BR ee ne ee lh at mi sme ea rm a ete eer ee me ~All lp an nla SE Cen ae

-108-

net _ 73. CONTINUED 13.

Oh no. A pair of fuzzy, pink, idiotic, cross~eyed, lop-eared bunny slippers. Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old, but. also a girl. ;

Ralph looks disgusted.

Ralph puts on slippers.

Next to Ralph, Randy silently, doggedly strips package after package until he hits the zeppelin.

RANDY

Wow! A zeppelin! Whee! Whoopee: Wow!

(CONTINUED )

mE

ae 73.

tC .

-109-

CONTINUED | 73.

Randy launches it upward into the middle branches of the tree. Two glass angels and a golden bugle crash to the floor and a string of lights winks out.

Ahhhh. What good is a zeppelin that don't fly?

' NARRATOR It was a sound that was to become sickeningly familiar.

Randy centinues to play with zeppélin. Ralph opens more packages: A Sandy Andy, a dump truck, a Monopoly game, etc.

Ralph immediately puts on Frankenstein face. MOTHER Oh, how terrible. Take it off and put it away.

Ralph stands up, does his famous Frankenstein walk,

clumping stiff legged around the living room and back to the tree.

(CONTINUED )

-110-

CONTINUED . 73.

Finally it is all over. There are no more mysterious packages under the tree, only a great pile of crumpled tissue paper, string, and empty boxes. Randy lies dozing amid the rubble, the zeppelin clasped in one hand and his new fire truck in the other.

Father leans forward in his easy chair, his eighth glass of wine in his hand. He gets up ceremoniously and moves over to the tree.

(he pauses dramatieally) Don't I see something over there stuck behind the drapes? Why, I think there is something over there behind the drapes.

Ralph looks up, afraid to believe. He runs to drapes and pulls them out. Sure enough there it is, a long, heavy, red=-wrapped package. It is marked To Ralphie, From Santa. Frantically, Ralph tears the wrappings —

oft.

. NARRATOR . A Red Ryder carbine~action range-model BB gun?

Ralph makes inarticulate gasps of surprise and eestasy.

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ie pe a — Sa ES GD: EN -n - : S ee ate ee a ee ee ee em a aa eal AR ier nae te ne tani ite, El lly mom,

“—~ Cd 73. CONTINUED 73.

Father grins broadly, expansively. Mother smiles a weak, doubtful smile. Over the RADIO thunders a thousand-voiced heavenly choir: JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD HAS COME.

Ralph digs back into the box, comes up with tubes of BB'S and black and white printed targets.

I could hardly wait to try it out, but the instruction book — said, in Red Ryder's own words: Kids, never fire a BB gun in the house. I never shoot

Co anybody but bad guys, and I

don't want any of my friends

Roe : ——

Ralphie gathers up his boecty and dashes out. The Old Man and Mother look after him. — ;

' MOTHER © And don't shoot. at bird's or any animals.

. OLD MAN Except Bumpus Hounds!

os | | (CONTINUED)

-112-

ae 73. CONTINUED | 73.

By this time Mother is in the kitchen and pulling a golden succulent turkey out of the oven. She places it on the table. The old man pulls some skin away.

~ Ralph brushes snow off front step, props up a gleaming Red Ryder target, the black rings and bull's eye standing out starkly against the snowy whiteness. He backs off into the snow a good twenty feet, slams the stock down onto his left kneecap, hooks his fingers into the icy carbine lever and cocks his blue~-steel beauty for the first time.

Ralph sights over the barrel. Slowly, slowly he squeezes the frosty trigger. Back...back....back.

CRAAAACK!

The gun jerks upward. Ralph's horn-rimmed glasses spin from his head into a snowbank. He stands paralyzed,

not knowing what has happened. Blood trails down his cheek and onto the walnut stock of the Red Ryder BB gun.

on a (CONTINUED)

oe smn

a ea oe a a a ee ee See eT ee ve

-113-

CONTINUED 74.

The BB has ricocheted off the tin target and struck Ralphie on the cheek.

Finally, snapping out of his daze, Ralph scrambles around in the snow for his glasses. He finds them at last. ; NARRATOR (continuing) I knew immediately that I had not shot my eye out, but the glasses were another story. They were pulverized! Few things in those time brought such swift and terrible retri- bution on a kid as the pair of busted glasses. The left liens was out as. clean as a whistle, and for .a moment I thought I'll fake it! Thev'll never. know the lens is. gone! But _then, gingerly fingering my rapidly swelling black eye, I realized that here was a shiner on the way that would top even the one I got from Grover Dill.

The back door opens just a crack. Ralph Gan. see the blur

“of his Mother's Chinese~red chenille bathrobe.

She hadn't seen, She didn't know. “Rapidly, my mind evolved a spectacular plot. It would work. It had to work!

Raliph dashes into the house, meets Mother right inside the door. Mother sees his broken glasses, sees the long bloody scrape on his cheek.

ee eae. ieee ee

ne ee see we en ee ee soe . - ee ee,

~114-

There was this icicle, and . it fell, and it hit the gun, and then this icicle.....the gun flew up....and it bounced up and....and it cut....and I tried to get out of the way but.....the icicle fell off the roof and hit the gun and it bounced up and hit me and...

Mother leads Ralph into the bathroom, wets washcloth in

cold water, puts it on Ralph's cheek. Ralph still.

clutches BB gun to his chest.

There now, see. It's just a little bump. You're Lucky © you didn't cut your eye. Those icicles sometimes even kill people. You're really lucky. Here, hold this rag on it.

. OLD MAN (OFF) What's goin' on?

ro * -~-s - ne tr ne me rm th ta Sn

~115-

| ee 75. CONTINUED : Oo | 75.

' NARRATOR - a Now it is well known through-. - : | out the midwest that the old 'man is a turkey junkie. . A. : , bonafide galli turkecanus freak. _ A few days before Christmas his eyes would begin to gleam co oe with a wild and ravenous light. | / a ce Every few hours he would check ) his carving set to make sure ‘the knife was honed, the fork tines sharp.

i 76. INT. _KITCHEN = DAY . ne _ So 76.

Ce , _- _ | a oO We see the Old Man leaning over the turkey drawing a long , deep draft of turkey essence into his nostrils. He glides ; | back to his chair and sits taking uP the sports page with

' great satisfaction.

SE

eo oe Mother is still cleaning Ralphie's wounds. os

_ NARRATOR . Life is. like that. Sometimes at the height of our reveries when our joy is at its zenith. When all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.

We hear a huge crash, followed closely by another, then a thundering bellow from the Old Man.

Ko

S.A Snl le al Sn ti - _ ame epee meme mee ne nate nee ome ee meme meee eee

~116-—

We see the old man peering in horror over his newspaper. After a beat we see what the tragedy is. A blur

streaks by the foreground of our shot. The old man stares. Then another blur whizzes by. Then another and we realize we are seeing the Bumpuses' hound. Now the whole pack roars past. The old man scrambles to his

. feet.

He races for the kitchen just in time to see the dogs leap upon the. table, grab the twelve pound turkey and in a-mass of snarling fury, disappear through the

kitchen door all but taking it off the hinges.

Ralphie, Randy and Mother arrive just in time to see the Qld Man staring out the door as the sound of the hounds recedes in the distance.

Finally the old Man turns and walks back into the kitchen.

‘dripping with warm turkey gravy and big clumps of oyster

stuffing.

. NARRATOR The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house. But it was gone -~- all gone =- no turkey -~- no turkey sandwiches no turkey salad,.no turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a la king, or gallons of _ turkey soup, gone, all gone. The 61d Man came as close to crying as I'd ever seen him come.

The Old Man stands there quivering with frustration. Finally,

(CONTINUED )

th a a ke a A 6 Ao a

ee ae Tt eee rane eee rere eer wer een as meso mg ays aoe . mee Fem me ee rr ne Se a a et a i at A od a

- 4117-

CONTINUED . OC a - 78. °°

2. Phe’ Old: Man exits with flourish. CAMERA HOLDS on Mother,

mo...

a ae

-We hear a faint Chinese tune emanating from the restaurant.

‘potted palm dotted. with a sad string of colored lights.

- They are followed by a’ waiter carrying a tray bearing a large ‘duck. The tray is. placed before the family... We

: family digs in.

_Ralphie, and Randy. They stare.-

We are across the street looking in at the family. They are the only customers. The happy Chinese family hover around them. Two waiters, come marching out with a wilted

hear an exchange , then the Old Man begins to beam, the

; NARRATOR That Christmas would live in ‘our’ memories as the Christmas when we were introduced to - Chinese turkey. All was right with the world.

It nestles sleepily in the snow.

Lies awake, a smile on his face.

(CONTINUED )

a). 81.

EF cl 83,

~The room is dark. ' . CAMERA DOLLIES TOWARD the sound. ‘figure under the covers.

‘THE BEEPING SOUND gets louder.

ee ae a Oe ee

dah I a de

-118-

- CONTINUED Bl. | | “NARRATOR , | Next to me in the blackness | lay my oiled blue-steel beauty, the greatest Christmas gift I had ever received. Gradually . | I drifted off to sleep, pranging ~ - ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots as I | dissolved into nothingness. ‘|

The lights are dim; only the: Christmas tree glows, its | icicles reflecting the multi’ colored bulbs. The gentle sounds of "Silent Night". swell softly : from the Crosley Cathedral RADIO. Mother has cleared away the last of the debris. She crosses the room to where the. Old Man sits luxuriating . in the glow of the wine and. the moment. Mother stops and looks down at the Old Man. For these brief moments all is right with the world.. a They look at one another with a oneness of satisfaction that comes rarely to any of us. It is a nice moment, simple, uncontrived and. affecting. Mother sits beside. the Old Man and their hands entwine and they: share?. no - _ words are needed.

We hear a faint sound like a BEEPING. We can make out a

As we near the bed, Randy suddenly pops out from under the covers and looks around furtively and comically for a moment. Then he lifts his zeppelin froth under the covers and whirls it through the air a couple ef time, then ducks quickly beneath the blanket and continues his joyous journey with his magical zeppelin.

(CONTINUED )

rE ZZEESCSES SEE SE FTE.

-119-—

CAMERA PANS SLOWLY OVER TO the sleeping Ralph. Ol! Blue lies across his chest. The strains of "Silent Night" float gently up to us.

CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY FROM Ralph's blissful face TO ‘TAKE

IN the crystal Starlit. night.

ROLL CREDITS.

‘THE END.